Twilight pokes a turtle with a stick.

by IvanTheTrader

First published June 21st, 2013 14:00

Twilight finds a turtle, and she pokes it with a stick, all in the name of science.

NOTE: yes, this fic does have a story to it, I promise. Just read the whole thing (Particularly the end) if you want to get it.

Chapters

The story

The story
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Twilight pokes a turtle with a stick.

The story

"La la la la la la la!" best pony Twilight said as she skipped through the park. It was her day off from doing sciencey shit and she fully intended to use it to do her favorite activity know to pony kind, more sciency shit.

Sure she had some chores to do, but fuck that shit she thought. I have a dragon child slave for that kind of thing. So she was frolicing down a nature trail in the park taking in the lovely sights.

"Oh hai lesbian ponies!" Twilight shouted and waved as she passed Lyra and Bon-Bon.

"Oh hai Sciency pony!" They waved back. They were a lovely couple. even though they secretly had a basement full of dead chinese orphans. Lyra then pulled out a Glock 17 and shot herself. Her head exploded into a shower of doughnut holes, which Bon-Bon started dancing in.

"What a lovely couple." Twilight said to herself as she continued skipping down the nature trail. Soon she came upon a turtle in the middle of the nature trail. "ZOMG!" Twilight shouted with glee as she threw her hoovzies up in the air "It's a fucking turtle!" She then magicked a stick over and poked it.

At that very moment, all hell broke loose. The turtle's eyes started to glow red, it fuckin' grew to the size of a building, and fuckin' spagettios started pouring out of its nose.

"FUCK THA POLICE!" The turtle let out a billowing, demonic rawr as it moved in the general direction of ponyville.

'Aw shit nigga!" Twilight yelled as she watched in horror.

The giant turtle fuckin' like, walked over to an orphanage and like, fuckin' lasers or some shit came out of it's eyes and the whole thing like, crashed into a firery burning abyss of dead children and spiders, and cheerios and fuckin' sharks and shit.

It was awful, all Twilight could do was like, sit there and watch as shit got real. Then like, a fuckin' owl took a giant shit on her head. It shit Sausage Gravey. AND SPRINKLES!

then like the turtle went over to Cheerlie's house and fuckin' like, took a masssive shit on her face and then like, totally fuckin' threw her into an Ice cream cart and it exploded into a explosion of fire, dead babies, and more shit. and Cheerlie died because she sucks.

Then like, the turtle went over and blew up a school for Zebras but no one cared because Zebras suck amnd are all theives and shit and they like, kill babies. So no one cared when they all died in a firey explosion of shit and cum.

Then like, fuckin' Pipsqueak came over and took a piss on the turtle and it fuckin' bit his fuckin' head off and shit. ANd like blood came out. Only it wasn't blood, it was maple syrup and shit.

Then like, the turtle went over and fuckin' like, killed a donkey by shooting it with lasers that like, turned it into spaggeti. and then like is exploded and shit got real shitty.

NOTE: In the time period this takes place, slavery was legal on earth.

Jimbob walked into the general store. After carefully looking at the wares he walked up to the clerk at the register and said

"You done got any niggers fo' sale?" He finished his sentance by spitting tabacco into a pot on the other side of the room.

The shopkeeper looked up and said

"Why indeed I do, my good man! Just got a new shipment in today!" he said with a smile on his face.

Jimbob snorted and said

"Gud, i'll be takin' 20."

NOTE: See? Told ya so.

Anyways...

The Wonderbolts came out of butt-fuck nowhere and like, shot the turtle with akimbo M-60s with explosive, acidic, incindeairy, armor peircing homing hollow tipped rounds.

But the turtle was all like, "Fuck dat shit nigga, I do what I want!" and like, opened it's mouth and like, fuckin' rockets came pouring out and the wonderbolts all died and shit. Then their children were all like, orphaned and shit and they all grew up to become crack whores and shit.

Then the turtle like, fuckin' farted and like, it farted Chorophrom and then like, all the mares in Ponytown-ville-place passed out and then like, theyt all got raped and shit.

Then they woke up and fuckin' started raping everyone else and each other until it grew into a massive rape-fest-orgy and then like, the turtle farted fuckin' PCP and all the ponies got violent and shit and started like, fuckin' rapin' and fighten' each other and shit.

Then like the massive crowd of ponies that were rapin' and killing each other like, grew so fuckin' big that it engulfed the turtle and fuckin' raped it and then killed it and shit.

Then like, the mass orgy of blood, rape, and murder fuckin' started moving and it engulfed an abortion clinic and shit, and then like, the crowd of fuckin' rape and murder engulfed all the pregnant mare and they fuckin' started tearing out their fetuses and shit and started throwing them as a weapon. And there was all like, bits of unborn foals, shit, blood, semen and piss all over the fuckin' place and then like the foals that wern't fully dead started raping ponies too and then like, fuckin', the fetuses started cawling back inside their mothers and raping the organs and shit and then like-

Rarity put down the paper with a look that was a never before seen mixture of 'What the fuck!?' and sheer disgust. She looked down at her younger sister, still holding a crayon and beaming with pride.

"So did you like it?" Sweetie Bell asked, pure joy in her voice, her tail wagging happily "I made it all by myself for you!"

Rarity just looked at her sister with a concerned look on her face and said in a worried, uncomfortable tone

"I uh.. Love it dahling...now uhhh.... go upstairs and find a nice frame for it!..."

"Ok sis! You got it!" Sweetie Bell said happily and bounced up the stairs.

As soon as her sister was out of earshot Rarity pulled her IPhone out of her mane and dialed her parents. As soon as she heard her mom pick up she said in a calm, yet concerned tone

"Yeah mom...I think Sweetie stopped taking her pills again...Yeah....She just gave a very concerning story she wrote......Yeah.....Uh huh....Yeah it involves dead babies......Yeah....Ok....I'll take her....Yeah...." Rarity said on the phone as she pulled a syringe out her purse and examined it with a slightly depressed look on her face "I have one left....Ok...I'll call the doctor....K..Love you too…. Bye." She finished her phone call and hung up the phone.

She then took the cap off the syringe and called out

"Sweetie.... You want to go for Ice Cream?"

FIN