The Other Milking Parlour

by Grimm

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sex, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, Applejack
Length: 3197

Routine. Easy. That's what Shining Armor anticipated when he chose to lead the inspection of Sweet Apple Acres. Things never turn out quite as we expect.

Shining Armor’s least favourite duties had always been the administrative ones. Checklists, endless signing of documents, all of those somehow fell under his jurisdiction as Captain of the Royal Guards. So, when given a choice of locations that required official review, Sweet Apple Acres seemed like the obvious decision. Applejack was well known for her honesty and hard work, and the inspection should have been a cakewalk.

Just how much could one farm be hiding anyway?

Published 2013-06-22 00:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-22 00:00:02 UTC

The Other Milking Parlour

Shining Armor cleared his throat. “I think that about covers everything,” he said, giving the checklist a final look over.

“Ah’m still not entirely sure why y’all needed to inspect us, or why they sent you of all ponies.” Applejack was still a little irritated about missing an entire day’s harvest. In her opinion, the ponies sitting in Canterlot making these laws had no idea which end of a cow was which, and they had no place telling anypony how to run a farm. But if she refused to capitulate they could shut her down without a second thought, and so here they were, burning daylight as she showed him around.

“As captain, I have to show that I’m not above grunt work,” said Shining. “It’s important for morale.”

“Ah’ll take yer word for it.”

Shining leafed quickly through the lists, until something at the very bottom of the last page caught his eye. A scrawled-on checkbox, looking like it had been added almost as an afterthought to the list of Sweet Apple Acres’ facilities.

The Other Milking Parlour

Shining scratched his head. He supposed it probably wouldn’t hurt to ask: if it was just an administration error then Applejack wouldn’t know what he was talking about, but if it was something more important and he missed it he'd look bad in front of his subordinates, completely ruining the whole point of today’s excursion.

“Um, Applejack, there is one more thing on the list.”

“And what might that be?”

“The other milking parlour?”

Applejack looked like she’d been struck by lightning. She froze, eyes wide in surprise. After a long pause, as if realising that Shining was still there and she was expected to give a response, Applejack tried to calm herself.

“Um… Ah don’t know what yer talkin’ about. We’ve already been to the milking parlour, and…”

Shining’s curiosity had been piqued. Her terrible attempts at a cover up had only confirmed this place existed, and that she was very insistent he didn’t see it.

“It’s clearly written here,” he said, interrupting her babbling excuses, “the other milking parlour. I’m afraid I’m going to have to see it to pass the farm.” He did feel a little guilty about that one. Sweet Apple Acres was exemplar in all other areas, and it was cruel to threaten her livelihood like that. On the other hand, if she was withholding a facility from inspection, that was grounds to shut down operations.

Applejack gave him a pained look. “You… uh… Ya do know what we do there, right?” she asked. Shining Armor said nothing, letting his authority answer for him rather than admitting he had no idea.

She sighed in defeat. “Ah guess ah don’t have much of a choice, huh?”

***

The barn doors creaked open.

“I don’t understand…” said Shining. “We’ve already been here.”

Applejack nodded. “Sure, but we ain’t been… here.” She lifted up a hatch that was secreted in the floor. The hinges didn’t squeak, well-oiled and maintained. Steps led down beneath the barn, descending into a tunnel.

“Ah really don’t know how ya found out about this, or why y’all are so interested.” She motioned for him to head down first. “Gotta close it behind us,” she explained.

Dubiously, Shining stepped down into the darkness as the hatch swung shut almost silently behind them.

***

Applejack grabbed a hanging lantern between her teeth, illuminating the tunnel. At least, Shining thought of it as a tunnel, but in truth it was a well-decorated corridor; wood flooring, wallpaper, plaster on the ceiling. He wondered where in Equestria they found the funds for all this, and again, just what exactly they were doing.

At the end of the corridor was a large wooden door with a grill at about head height. Applejack rapped smartly against it, and a set of eyes appeared at the grill, peering through. Recognising her, there was the sound of a bolt sliding back, and the door swung open.

Greeting them was a scrawny earth pony in overalls. Her purple mane was spiked into random tufts, and her cutie mark was a pair of interlocked gears. Applejack introduced her as Thistle, in charge of the “operations”.

“This here is Shining Armor, captain of the Royal Guard. He’s here for an inspection,” said Applejack.

“An inspection… here?” Thistle was caught off guard.

“Did ah stutter?”

“N-no, ma’am.”

Applejack grinned. “Ah’m just messin’ with ya. How’re we doin’ today?”

“Oh! Um…” Thistle scanned a clipboard not dissimilar to Shining’s. “Pretty well. We’re going to meet our targets without a problem, and the prototype for the new machine came in this morning. I haven’t tried it properly yet, but initial test runs have it functioning at 83% efficiency, which is a marked improvement over Generation Three. Not to mention the increased pipe speed and the tweaks to the choke influx valves.”

“Uh… well that’s just great!” Applejack obviously didn’t have the faintest idea what the little pony was talking about, but Thistle beamed at the praise nonetheless. “Alright, let’s not keep Shining waiting””

Thistle nodded, and beckoned for Shining to follow. Down some more steps (just how deep underground was this place anyway? he thought) and out into a large chamber.

***

“What d’ya think?” asked Applejack, a tinge of nervousness creeping in to her usually confident demeanour. Shining Armor wasn’t quite sure how to answer.

The room was full of machines, easily forty of them, if not more. Each one was comprised of a large, cylindrical tank, a glass window in the side to show how full they were. Large pipes extended to the ceiling, assumedly carrying the liquid off for bottling, and mounting each of the tanks was a stallion, thrusting into an opening on the front. As Shining watched, stunned, the pony nearest him began to snort, his hooves tensing against the specially designed straps. Through the window, Shining could see the tank filling. When it was full, a light on the side flashed green, a bell chimed with a spritely “Ding!” and the pipe attached began to drain it, pumping it to the ceiling. The stallion in question slumped against the tank, and Thistle quickly jumped in to unstrap him, leading him off to a side room.

“Impressive, ain’t it?” Applejack’s voice made Shining realise he’d been staring, mouth wide open, for the last minute or so. “It’s all automated; we ain’t got to do much ‘cept make sure it’s runnin’ smoothly.” She pointed to where the pipes ran through the ceiling. “Up there’s the bottling plant. You actually saw it earlier; it runs alongside the milk one. Don’tcha worry, there’s no chance of a mix up.” She grinned cheekily.

Shining Armor was still completely stunned. “I… Um… Er…”

“Guess ya didn’t know what this was for after all, huh? Ah can’t say ah didn’t warn ya.”

“What do you do with it?”

“Zebras love the stuff,” said Thistle, reappearing at his shoulder. “They use it in all kinds of potions and tonics, mostly to do with virility.”

“An’ they’re willing to pay out the ass for it too,” added Applejack.

“Is that… Is that Big Macintosh down there!?”

Applejack followed Shining’s line of sight. “Where? Oh, behind Caramel? Yep, ah reckon it is. He loves these things, ain’t never had much luck with the mares. He’s a bit shy, bless him.”

Thistle coughed. “We should show him the generation IV prototype, if we’re being thorough.”

“You just can’t wait to show that thing off, can ya?” Applejack chuckled. “Well Shining, you wanna see the new machine?”

In all honesty, he wasn’t sure that he did.

***

“The main thing you’ll notice is the tank size increase,” said Thistle. “The previous generations were intended for single use, whereas this one’s designed to minimise the refractory period for more… extended sessions.” She was clearly proud of her invention, and Shining wasn’t convinced that was the right emotion to have over the device.

“You know,” said Applejack, “if ya wanna be truly thorough, you should probably give this thing a whirl.” She winked; this was payback for Shining’s earlier threats against the farm.

“I couldn’t possibly… I mean…”

Thistle looked heartbroken. At the mere mention of the possibility of testing it, her eyes had lit up, but now she looked as though she might burst into tears.

“It’s safe!” she insisted desperately. “We’ve already run it a few times and it’s working perfectly. We just need a volunteer!”

“I’m really not the pony you’re after…” he protested, backing away.

“Don’t worry about it Thistle,” said Applejack. “We’ll find someone else. After all, Shining Armor’s gonna be real busy explaining to all his men what he was doin’ here.”

Shining’s eyes widened in panic. “You wouldn’t dare!”

Applejack shrugged. “Course, if ya were to try it out, ah’d be ever so grateful.” She was loving this, and Shining could tell.

Note to self: Never threaten the Apples’ farm again.

He knew when he was beaten. “Fine, fine. I’ll… I’ll try the machine.”

Thistle squeaked in excitement. “Fantastic! Okay, let me just power it up.”

What have I gotten myself into?

Thistle began to fiddle with a bank of switches in the wall, while Applejack led him over to the machine. On top was an inbuilt cushion to bear his weight, and leather straps on the side to tie him in.

“Alright, seat yerself up here. Treat it just like yer mounting a mare, ah’m sure you’ll manage.” Applejack directed him up on to the tank, before strapping his legs in tightly. “So ya don’t get carried away,” she explained.

Shining couldn’t believe he was actually going through with this. The irony of doing it to avoid being associated with it wasn’t lost on him, but Applejack hadn’t given him much choice. And, if he was brutally honest, hedid have a kind of morbid curiosity. Just how good was this thing, if so many stallions were excited to use them?

“Eat this,” said Thistle, proffering a small tablet.

“What is it?”

“It… gets you in the mood.” Thistle blushed, the first sign she’d given that she actually acknowledged what was involved with her invention. Cautiously, Shining accepted the pill; it was surprisingly sweet.

“How long does it usually take to work?”

“Around a minute or so,” called Applejack. She seated herself on a chair in the corner, slumping casually into it with an almost bored expression. “How ya doin’ there Thistle?”

“Nearly good to go. I’m having to estimate sizes because we don’t have actual measurements. It won’t be running at optimum values to start with because of that, but it should adapt as we go.”

Applejack nodded hesitantly, again a little lost by the technical side of things. Above the tank, Shining Armor felt a bead of sweat roll down his forehead. His curiosity had quickly dissipated after actually being strapped into the machine, and instead all he felt was a deep regret. That only worsened as he felt the pill beginning to take effect, his length stiffening beneath him.

“Okay, the machine’s ready when you are.”

Shining felt his member hardening further, releasing from its sheath, drawing closer to the opening in the tank. Trepidation and doubt filled his mind. Why was he doing this? Surely his word would have been accepted over Applejack’s? Surely there was another way? But he was strapped in, and there was no going back now.

Sorry Cadence.

And with that he pushed forwards in one swift movement, in the hopes of getting it over with quickly.

After building it up so much, the one thing he hadn’t expected was it to actually feel good. He knew there had to be a reason the other stallions did it, but he assumed it would be similar to the “adult toy” Cadence had once bought him. Apparently they were incredibly popular among the gentlecolts of Canterlot (though if rumours were to be believed, the gentry were anything but gentlecolts in the bedroom), and being the Princess of Love meant she had no qualms in getting him one. Shining hated it. He’d only tried it once, when Cadence was off on a diplomatic conference, failed miserably and then hidden it under the bed forevermore.

This, though? This was completely different. Warm and slick, some kind of artificial lubrication running through it, it felt… real. Small ridges and bumps on the inside pressed delightfully again him, and almost involuntarily, Shining Armor began to buck slowly into it, back and forth. As he did so the machine responded, tightening against his shaft when he thrust in, relaxing when he pulled out. Sometimes it switched rhythm, trying to pull him back in when he drew back.

Applejack leafed through the clipboard Shining had brought with him while Thistle stared at the screens, analysing results and adjusting the machine accordingly. The whole thing was designed to give as much pleasure as possible, and only get better as it continued. Though Shining had been very aware of the pair of them as it started, their presence seemed less and less important as the machine began to pick up its pace.

A tight ring formed on the inside, running up and down his cock far quicker than his thrusts. His hips banged against the tank as he pumped back and forth, and Thistle scribbled down a note: Probably needs pads on the front – bruises aren’t ideal.

The ring increased its speed, rubbing against him, drawing him in. Shining’s pace sped up to match, pounding away at the opening, lewd visions spinning through his mind: Cadence on their honeymoon night, spread-eagled on the bed, wetness glistening between her thighs. Past marefriends, hurried fucking under the covers, desperately hoping his parents or his sister wouldn’t find them. Memories gave way to fantasy, things he could never admit to thinking about. Chrysalis, the queen of the changelings, seducing him, dragging him in first with her eyes, and then with her mouth, forked tongue coiling around his cock. Applejack trussed against a beam, held down, quivering in anticipation. And worst of all but oh so deliciously taboo: Twilight, his sister, lying on top of him and whispering all the things she wanted him to do to her. And all the while the machine seemed to echo those fantasies, mirroring the experiences and responding to his reactions.

Shining was mindlessly thrusting now, and he felt his peak building. Too soon, it was too soon, but he didn’t think any length of time would be enough.

“Alright, hold it there Thistle,” called Applejack.

The machine retracted, the soft walls moving away, relinquishing their touch and leaving Shining to grind desperately against it, seeking that last bit of stimulation to drive him over the edge.

“Hold on there, Shining. We gotta clear somethin’ up first.” She moved to the side of the tank and pulled him against it, stopping him from moving.

“Please…” he whined.

“Seems like you changed yer mind pretty quick huh? Ya did good Thistle, this thing’s great.” Thistle blushed happily, and Applejack turned her attention back to Shining Armor, who was staring at her pitifully. “Don’t ya look at me like that, it’s just one little thing.” She reached to the floor and lifted Shining’s clipboard. “About that inspection, ah reckon we passed with flying colours, don’t you?”

“Flying… Colours…” he agreed.

Applejack smiled brightly. “That’s what ah like to hear!” She stuffed a pen in his mouth, and rested the clipboard beneath his head. “Ya see? Ain’t so bad after all.”

Shining blearily signed everything he needed to, and then started rutting pleadingly against the machine again.

“Okay, fine, since you’ve been so good. Thistle, start it up again, ah’ve got some business to attend to. Catch ya later, Shining.” She tipped her hat and sauntered out the room, tail swishing as she walked.

Thistle was quick to comply, and Shining felt the machine press back against him. And it was tight, so wonderfully tight, again a rhythmic squeezing running through it as he thrust, the bumps running pleasurably over his skin.

Shining’s musk was heavy in the air, and Thistle found it difficult to keep her hoof from straying between her legs. His muscles rippled beneath his skin, an embodiment of wild strength that every fibre of Thistle’s being wanted to be a part of. She imagined herself in place of the machine, him bearing down on her, rutting her in that bestial way, and oh that made her flush. She knew exactly what she’d be thinking of that evening, in the waning hours of the night, lying restless in bed.

Shining was blissfully ignorant of Thistle’s exercises in self-restraint. The brief respite Applejack had forced on him had bought some time, but Shining knew he was close. Sure enough, he could feel the rising pressure as he neared his peak. The machine seemed to sense this, tightening even more and rapidly squeezing him. Milking him. And this time there was nothing from stopping him going over the edge. He gave one last thrust deep into the tank, pulses of cum blasting into the container. His rear hoof pawed at the ground as he let out a satisfied groan, bucking his hips against the tight space hugging his cock.

Through the window in the side, Thistle could see his seed pouring into the machine. Seemingly endless amounts emptied into it, the machine methodically sucking against him, drawing out as much as possible. She made a quick note (Orgasm denial apparently increases yield – should test further) before the light on the machine flipped to green.
Ding!

***

Applejack tossed a small bag through the air. It jingled as Twilight’s magic surrounded it, and she quickly secreted it in her cloak.

“Ah appreciate the help Twilight, that’s gonna be worth a whole load of bits,” said Applejack, shielding her eyes against the afternoon sun. “A bona fide prince? Might finally be able to get Granny that hip replacement she’s always goin’ on about.”

Twilight smiled amicably. “You can thank Cadence just as much as me; she’s the one who edited that list.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who got him out here.” Applejack glanced back at the barn. “We really played him, huh?”

“Yeah. Poor Shining; he had no idea.”

“Poor Shining? Y’all didn’t see his face down there! Ah reckon even if we told him he wouldn’t care. Hell, he’ll probably be making a few return visits as it is.” Applejack sniffed. “Not that ah’m complaining.”

The unicorn laughed. “I’m sure. It’s really a pity those things only work for stallions. I’d love to see what they can do.”

“Y’know, it’s funny you should mention that. See, Thistle’s got this new project she’s workin’ on…”

***

Shining Armor lay against the cool metal of the tank, gasping after his powerful orgasm. The machine hummed as it pumped the fruit of its labour up and away, through the ceiling. Thistle stepped over to undo the straps around his fore hooves, but Shining shook his head.

“No… Wait…” he panted. She raised an eyebrow. “I think… I think I want to… try it… again…”

Ding!