The Heatathonby Iron McGalleyChaptersJeffPrologueEdSanJeffPrologue The Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX Prologue: Have you ever had the feeling that you think that you love somebody so much you are willing to do anything for them? That you would be willing to put your head on a silver platter for them? Well in this situation, I sure as hell don’t! I mean I like her but...but it’s scary. Have you ever seen a rapist...except you love each other? Yeah it’s weird, but love is weird sometimes...ok maybe a lot of the times, in my situation at least. Hold that thought... I ran for dear life from Cloudchaser, the one I love. Her, her sister, my mare friends, and the entire mare population are going through something even worse than Hell... Heat! “SHIT!” I yelled as I ran towards an alleyway on my left, hoping that there would be something there to help me hide. Yeah, for all stallions in Equestria it’s scary...pfft that’s an understatement, it’s more like every mare has become a freaking psychopath! But I’m human and I never experienced it before in my life. This would have been my first time ever in my life to experience it. Although, the fact that it would be with a technicolor pony is a bit...unsettling. But when you have no way of going back to your world, you might want to make your life a little enjoyable. I ran into the alley without looking ahead and failed to notice a brick wall blocking my path. “Damn it, dead end!” I spun around and bolted for the exit of the alleyway, but...I was too late. Cloudchaser was already blocking my path. You know I never did fully realized why I was running away from a pegasus since they are faster because of their damn wings! “Jeffy...I’m home.” The sultry in her voice was evident and...kind of frightening. “Umm...Cloudchaser...this is an alley...” I said backpedaling towards the wall. I started to sweat as soon as my back touched the wall. Cloudchaser saw that and walk slowly towards me licking her lips and swaying her hips back and forth. “You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re terrified.” She smiled. Her smile looked so cute and terrifying, but then again, that is what made me fall for her. As soon as she was close to me, she lunged right at me. She pulled me off of the wall and knocked me to the ground rather forcefully. Things were starting to heat up. Get it heat up? Cause she is in heat and...ah, fuck you. She lean in towards my ear and whispered, “You have no idea how much I want you right now.” I was completely terrified and somewhat turned on, even under the circumstances I was in. Too bad there was no light in the alleyway and the only thing allowing me to see her being the moonlight. God, the way her mane wasn’t in its usually spiky formation and rather dangling down in my face, made her all the more beautiful. The moon light goes beautifully with her light rose eyes. Her wings are fully extended making her look like an angel, except she is a pony, but that doesn’t matter. She nuzzled my cheek, making me blush furiously. Waitwaitwait, I’m getting way ahead of myself. Let’s start from the beginning.... PrologueJeff The Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX Day One Equestria.... Nonono, that is too far back...maybe we should tell you what we did before I tell you me and my friends tale. Ah yes, how this all began. How my two friends and me joined the most ridiculous and funny sport we ever known. What was the name of the sport again...heat something...Ah I remember now, it was....THE HEATATHONG! Ah yes the Heatathong...why the hell did we join that? I mean at first they said want to get an easy ten thousand bits. We agreed like greedy dumbasses, not even thinking about the consequences. I blame Ed...the crazy crab lord. Even San thinks that it’s crazy, he even said and I quote “Like they said in the song, ‘The Drug In Me Is You’, i’ve lost my fucking mind!” Its too late now though...damn it...but let’s start on the train ride towards Manehattan, shall we? Manehattan: Three Days Before the Heatathong The train ride to Manehattan was...odd. A majority of the ponies in the train were stallions. But, thankfully we didn’t get stuck in a car full of stallions. Nope, we got lucky on our cart. My two human friends and our six pony friends. San was just lying on a bottom bunk bed, listening to Falling In Reverse and Black Veil Brides on his Iphone. Ed, well, he...he and Red Emerald were arguing over which was a better water animal. I did not care for it because his favorite was a crab, and no matter what you said about them, he wouldn’t listen to you. Now on to our friends from Ponyville. Cloudchaser and Rainbow Dash were completely smashed. They had a drinking contest and neither of them was willing to back down. Lyra and Bon Bon were chatting amongst themselves about music. Flitter was just sitting next to me watching as her sister and Rainbow Dash walked around, sounding as if they forgot how to talk. “Bhey San!” Rainbow had fallen face first next to his bed and he tried to ignore her, but if he couldn’t ignore her when she was sober how could he when she was drunk? “...heby...whatz...my amiceclh romance?” She was referring to his My Chemical Romance shirt that he had gotten transported here with. Rainbow would always try to make things personal with people that were around her, but she never could with San. I guess it’s just his unique personality, and when I say unique I mean emo, that keeps him from caring about anything she says. Although, that ends with her constantly trying to annoy him and failing every time. He’s pretty quiet and it’s always tranquil around him. Ed on the other hand...lets just say that he’s a handful to deal with. Not only will he argue with you about the stupidest things, but he’ll also interrupt everyone in the middle of a sen- “Hey Jeff, what’s up!?”...See what I mean? “Nothing much, just watching these two goofballs. Why do you ask?” Shit did I ask him a question? Incoming random crab thing... “ Well me and Red Emerald here were arguing about which is a best water animal. She said shark and I said crab.” “Gee, we didn’t notice.” Thank you sarcasm. I ignored him again and kept on looking at San, Rainbow Dash, and the most beautiful mare that I ever laid eyes on...Cloudchaser. What? Don’t judge. It took me awhile to fully understand why I like her. Well the first time we met, was at the Evergreen. Me and my friends were desperately in need of help. We were lost, scared, and hungry. It got to the point where we started to hallucinate. San never did seem like he was going insane, but then again he never really changed his expression. Ed...he got a rock and named it Shelldon The Crab. It was creepy, he would feed it smashed rocks and chewed dirt. We tried calling people but we never got any reception. Me on the other hand, I was freaking out. One time I started to yell we’re going to die, until Ed slapped me with his rock. Telling me that Shelldon and him were going to save everyone. At that point San gave up, but out of pure luck, someone or somepony found us and helped us get out of there. She took us to a small town called Ponyville, and helped us get a house there. At first all of the townspeople were terrified at the sight of us...well I guess that it’s understandable since we were bipedal hairless apes that were at least twice the height of a pony, walking through their town. If she hadn’t convinced them that we were harmless then there would have been a chance of us getting locked up and experimented on. Damn it, Twilight..and Fluttershy...they wouldn’t leave us alone. Twilight wanted to experiment on us...on all of us and Fluttershy...bless her heart...she wanted to take care of us. It was pretty easy to reject Twilight, but Fluttershy was a completely different story. She would constantly ask us what we were doing to the point where it got annoying. One time she asked Ed if he was fine, through a window...the bathroom window. After a few months of trying to fit in, I started to talk with Cloudchaser. At first I was very grateful when she saved us...but after awhile, I started to feel something different. At first I thought it was crab eggs in my pants, because Ed started a FUCKING BULLSHIT RELIGION! He would bring home random crabs that he found and he would build them homes in our house...there goes three thousand bits worth of clay. Although, it did give me an excuse to hang out with Cloudchaser more often. She was funny and sweet, but she is a lot like Rainbow Dash. They both wanted to join the Wonderbolts and they just wouldn’t shut. The. Hell. Up. I feel sorry for San though, he would normally be asleep all day with his black hair hanging over his entire face, but now he would be getting harassed by Rainbow day in and day out. Cloudchaser...just saying her name makes me have butterflies in my stomach. But the problem is...it’s hard for me to confess my love to her. Like back on Earth, I do that to every girl I like. I was so close on Hearts and Hooves day, but I puddinged out. But this time...this time I’ll do it before she leaves to go to the Wonderbolt Academy. I just hope she feels the same way towards me. “Rhey jelff and uh flatiter.” Cloudchaser wobbly walked towards us with a little chunk of what I believed to be vomit on her chin. Why did I not seemed disgusted by that? Probably because I’m just looking at her eyes. I could look at them all day...well not all day, but you get the point. “Watcha starizn kat Jeff?” Cloudchaser smiled at me. My only response was a blush and I looked away from her. She chuckled a bit and said something I couldn’t quite hear, due to the fact that there was an an argument going on, some friends are talking amongst themselves, and laughter. She continued her drunken walk towards me and Flitter, until she tripped and fell in between my leg’s. At this point I was totally speechless, then again she was drunk. I pushed all of my dirty thoughts out of my head and helped Cloudchaser up. “Thanks dude,” she said. I helped her up and placed her on her bed. Flitter, her sister, couldn’t stop laughing, which made me blush. Then Lyra and Bon Bon started to laugh at me and Cloudchaser. Some friends they are, using my love for Cloudchaser against me. “I...um...goodnight Cloudchaser.” I could barely say that on the count of the embarrassment right now. “awwwww, he told his marefriend goodnight.” Lrya cooed to Bon Bon. “Shut up...we’re not even dating!” I rejected her statement. But they all continued to laugh at me...even the argument that Ed and Red Emerald were having had stopped. I looked down at the floor in defeat and blushing no less. I began to go to my bed until Cloudchaser stopped me. “Goodnight, Jeffy.” and then she kissed me on the cheek. I froze in place and put my hand on top of where she kissed. Then again she was hammered, maybe it was just the alcohol affecting her. I heard a wave of ‘awwwwww’ and when I turned around, I found that everyone was staring at me, all except for...San? Was he even been paying attention to what was going on!? I walked to my bed not even looking at anyone...but here comes Ed. “Hey Jeff so the reason why you are holding your cheek is because a cute crab pinched your face, right?” Did he just...he did, didn’t he? “Damn it Ed, just go to sleep.” EdThe Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX 'Sleep? Silly Jeff... does he not know that the lord of all crustaceans does not need any form of rest? Infidels...' I shrugged and walked back to where I had been sitting before. The shiny infidel known as Red Emerald was laying on the train couch, completely calm and unperturbed. Such heresy would not stand! "Red! Stop being idle! The lords are watching over us, and we need more converts before the great enlightenment-" "Ed, what are you talking about?" The shiny one said as she arched her heretical eyebrows. I could not believe her. The great crab lords and shrimp gods were but weeks away from arriving, and she dared question my word?! "Oh ye of little faith... Go to sleep you precious little heretic, for tomorrow is the day the big city realizes who the great ones truly are!" Red Emerald slowly stood and walked away, her face a mix of emotions, her crystal, shiny, heathen face blushing. No doubt from heresy and shame for having dishonored the gods. I sighed as she left. 'Heretics... At least the shiny one makes an effort to understand the words of the divines.' I sat on the couch and watched the scenery pass by. Trees and other boring things mostly, but every once in awhile I swear I could see a small pond or stream, and I'd imagine it to be full of the superior species. "Bon-Bon, is Ed drooling?" "Just go to sleep Lyra, he'll stop if you ignore him." "Ok, good night Bon-Bon. Good night Ed." "Good night Lyra-" "Night, heretic!" ////// Hours passed before the great gods of the one true faith reopened my eyes to witness one more of their glorious mornings. The heretical heathen equines could claim control of the sun and moon all they wanted, but the only one to hold true power over it was the one and only Krabaztiaa! Lord of all crabs! That Twilight Sparkle... thinking she could convert me to her hideous religion of pony... No matter. I stood up from my glorious sleep and stretched. It was important to be ready for another day of crustaceanist worship. "GOOD MORNING, HERETICS!" I shouted my happiness at all beings around me. It was mandatory to spread joy and loudness to all, especially at four am in the morning. For some reason though... "SHUT IT!" "IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING!" "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" ...the heretics disagreed... "Heretics, you all must learn to- umph!" A pillow attack?! The blasphemy was strong in Rainbow! That, or it was the effect of the alcohol in her head. "Fine! But when the gods boil you all in the fiery pot of pain and spread the butter of doom on your writhing carapaces, don't say I didn't warn you!" I quickly straightened up my outfit and fixed my hair as best as possible. Using a bottle of spray deodorant to mask the scent of unchanged clothes, I swiftly made my way to the shiny one's room. If you wonder about the clothes and why I didn't change them, lemme ask you a question. Do crabs change their shells? Well yeah, but they can grow a new one. Try finding human clothes in this place! The shiny one had kept her door closed through the night, but the gods had granted me the strength and intelligence of a thousand lobsters! A copy of the key I stole also helped. I gently opened the door and looked inside. Red was sleeping soundly under the covers, her luggage neatly stacked to the side of the room. "It looks like heresy..." I whispered softly and walked inside. I rummaged through the things inside her bags. There were personal items mostly, like a toothbrush. I took the aforementioned utensil and placed it in my mouth. "It tastes like heresy..." I said after spitting it out. I walked closer to the bed and looked around. The room was dark and the curtains were drawn. Most likely in an attempt to keep the gods out. Silly Red... I knelt down and gently grabbed a handful of her mane. I proceeded to press it against my nose. It reeked of heresy. I frowned and walked out of her room. There were far more pressing matters at hand. As I left, however, I felt like giving the infidel a chance. It's what the great one would want of me, after all. I turned to face her, drew in a long breath, and... "RISE AND SHINE, HERETIC!" She let out a scream of happiness and almost slammed her head against the roof out of joy. Her eyes were wide with appreciation, and her heart was beating so loud out of love for the gods that I could practically hear it. "ED, YOU SON OF A-" I slammed the door shut. It felt so nice being able to bring joy into infidels' lives. 'Time to greet the others.' I smiled and walked down the hall, a spring in my step. It felt good to love the gods! It felt sad to be the only one to love the gods... Rainbow slammed the door in my face. Cloudchaser and Flitter were asleep. Lyra and BonBon were being sinners, and Jeff just gave me a deadpan look. Not even the random train passengers whose rooms I entered would share my love for crustaceanism... That only left one person to talk to. The ultimate sinner. Just kidding, that hideous seafood chef wasn't here. I walked over to the silent one's room and waited. A minute passed without me moving a single muscle, and then that minute turned into three hours. It was imperative that the silence was unperturbed, for reasons I didn't quite remember nor understand. I slowly started to open the door, and finished by kicking it. It was holy time. "Infidel, wake up!" Silence. "Infidel?" I glanced around the room, but it was to no avail. He was not hanging from the roof upside down, he was not sleeping behind the door, and he had not ascended to the heavens on a glorious lobster. I would have known. I was about to surrender and return to the shiny one's chambers, when a sound emerged from the most unlikely of places. "Dude, why are you in bed? It's like, six in the morning..." The silent one, also known as San, let out an annoyed groan and covered his head with a pillow. I was utterly bewildered. In bed? At this hour? It could only be one thing... "HERESY-" "No!" My glorious words were swiftly interrupted by a mouthful of pillow. It seemed like the average attack for heretics nowadays. "Could you just shut up and go to sleep?" Sleep? "Heretic, please, you must realize before it is too late!" I looked from side to side, being careful not to be under heretical surveillance. "The line for the food cart is empty, dude. It's now or never..." San looked at me like I was both the most annoying thing in the world, and the oddest one. I just shrugged. Chow time. "As old Ronald would say, Have it your way!" I said and started for the door. "That's Burger King... Wait what?" "Dude, whatever, y'know? It's no biggie. Just saying there's no line right now." "What the hell are you doing?" "Like, now? Just standing." I motioned to the general area around me. Nothing special really. Not sure why San was making such a big deal about it. San facepalmed and fell back on his bed with an exasperated groan. "Forget it, just get out and let me sleep..." I arched an eyebrow and slowly closed the door. Weird... ...but then again, most of the guys were like that. I went over to the train's heretical magic bathroom and took a shower, then I reapplied the deodorant and put on my clothes again. I decided to meet everyone at the food cart. I was positively starving! The first heretic I saw walking towards the food cart was Cloudchaser the drunk. Such a foul heretic, I don’t see how Jeff could fall for such a creature. What, starting to eat before me?! How dare her! Utilizing the glorious strength given to me by the gods, I ran over to where she was sitting and took the muffin out of her disgusting hoof, claiming it for the one and only gods in the whole wide universe: The Crustacean Gods! “Hey!?” She blinked and gave a startled scream as my hand conquered the muffin in the name of all that is holy. No filthy heretic would lay claim to the God’s creation. Not if I, Ed, was there to stop them. “No one eats before we pray for the Crab lords, silly heretic. You should know that.” I stated matter of factly and took a sniff of the muffin. “Blegh... Raisins...” Out the train window it goes! Cloudchaser stared at me for a few seconds, not speaking, and not doing anything else but look creeped out. I started to feel uneasy. Her eyes were like bottomless pits of heresy and blasphemous confusion. I... I was not certain if the demon was attempting to cross bodies! Oh gods no! But then, I had a flashback. My mentor, back when I had first started to learn the ways of crustaceanism from one of the many great ones that I brought home from my religious pilgrimages, had always sought to teach me the ways of the Gods. He had said... well, nothing really, but he had taught through examples. I remembered the day I was taught the method of defense that the monks utilized when demons attempted to take hold of the righteous warriors of faith... “Ed? Ed! Are you still breathing?!” ‘Silly heretic... Of course she would know nothing of my sensei’s most powerful tactic. Stay still and do nothing. Crabs were surprisingly good at that. I never beat my master at it, but I guess he wasn’t very good... A hawk broke through his defense and ate him after all, and since no hawk had gotten me yet... Well, I guess I am the new master!’ Cloudchaser nudged me and pushed on my shoulder for a while, but she would never defeat- No! Eyes, don’t blink! I cannot be- No! I blinked. My heretical eyes betrayed me. Cloudchaser let out an exasperated sigh and sat back. I just rubbed my burning eyeballs. It burned pretty bad. “Ugh...what happen last night Ed?” She asked with an eyeroll as I finally decided to sit down and wait for the shiny one to return to us. We had important plans to discuss, after all. “Well heretic, you and Rainbow were falling all over the place in a blasphemous drunken haze. You fell on Jeff’s lap too, and then Jeff had to put you in bed. Lastly, when he said good night, you kissed him on the cheek. Which, by the way, is punishable in crustaceanism by having a boiling hot lobster shoved up your-” “I did!” She exclaimed with a bright smile and a light blush making its way into her face. She also seemed to have stopped paying attention to the words of the gods once again, but it was too early in the morning for anything anyway, so I just put away the boiling hot lobster I had prepared for the occasion. ‘Some other time, Chaser... Some other time...’ I smiled internally. The boiled lobster would not go to waste... ‘Now where’s that OJ?’ I had to remain strong and well fed if I was to convert the heathens of Manehattan to the one true faith, after all. It would be no easy task, considering that the simple minded equines of Ponyville had resisted my word and that of the gods as well, rather persistently. I would need the shiny one’s help. And she would help, I would see to that. The gods may have bestowed many gifts upon me, but if there was one which I still retained from my days as a heathen, then that would be my skill with romance. She stood no chance. SanThe Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX If Ed hadn’t woken me up at six in the morning, I probably wouldn’t have needed Rainbow Dash to punch me in the chest to get me up. Even though she was a petite mare she was pretty strong. “Come on! It’s time to get up!” she kept striking my chest even though she could clearly see that I was awake. I had to grab her hoof out of the air before I was able to sit up and look at her, all the sleep having been knocked out of me. “Do that again, and you’re going to need a cast around your fetlock. Got it?” She gave a slightly terrified nod and pulled her hoof out of my grip. “Whatever, I just came to tell you that it’s time for breakfast,” she headed to the door but stopped at the doorway, “and try not to scare everypony.” I looked over at her and saw that she had a smug grin,”...I’m pretty sure that you should be worrying about someone else, miss ‘I’m too drunk to even remember my own name’.” Her smug grin had turned into a scowl and her eye’s showed a hint of irritation. “Just get up you freak.” I grabbed an air horn that I had stolen from Jeff’s luggage bag and pointed it at the door before pressing down on the button. And just as I expected I hear Rainbow Dash scream as the sound of the air horn intensified her hangover. “I gotta admit you did a good job of hiding her hangover!” She poked her head through the door while rubbing it with a hoof and looked over to me. “I hate you.” “The feeling’s mutual.” She left the room and I just fell back on my bed. “How did I get sucked into this?” I remembered when I use to just sleep all day and not be disturbed by anyone or anything. It was all I could really do since there was no way to get home and since I really don’t like being around other peo- err...ponies. I sat up in bed and looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall, “Eight thirty, huh?” I threw the covers off and I stood off of the bed. I checked my pockets, and found my phone and ear buds. I looked through the songs that I had until I finally settled on one, putting only one earbud in. I grabbed my shirt from a corner of the room that I had thrown it into the night before. As soon as I picked it up my nose got hit with a stench that was worse than the inside of a Walrus’s mouth...don’t ask how I know that. I held my shirt out in front of me and a vomit stain covering most of the letters on it. “Rainbow Dash.” I grabbed my long sleeve shirt that I had worn the night before and slipped it on before walking out of the room. When I got to the breakfast car, I was surprised when the only people being there were Jeff, Ed, Cloudchaser, and Flitter. “Have any of you seen Rainbow Dash?” They all turned their attention to me before gagging and covering their noses. “Oh man, what is that!?” I held up my shirt and Cloudchaser pointed behind me towards the car that held our bedrooms. “Hmm, I thought San shit his pants?” Jeff started to laugh at his own comment and soon everyone else joined him. “Does he really think that annoys me?” I never really got offended by...anything really, if anything I was better at getting under people’s skin than Rainbow Dash. I just rolled my eye’s and went to the car that had our rooms. I looked around and found everyones...well Ed’s and Jeff’s clothes scattered around the car. “They’re even more messy than me.” I looked at each bunk seeing if I could find the little rainbow devil. “What’re you doing!?” I turned around and found Rainbow poking her head from one of the bunks and she was blushing. “What? I was trying to fi-” My words were cut of when a strange odor hit my nose. It was...familiar. I remember my dog making this sent when...oh God, no. “Uhh...Rainbow a-are you in h-h-hea-” “NO!” She hopped down and appeared angry, “I w-was just...um...” she muttered the last part under her breathe. “You were what?” “...I was...” “What?” “...I was play...” “What?” I leaned in closer and cupped my ear “I was playing with myself, okay!” I slightly flinched at her outburst and because it felt like my ear was bleeding. I was about to apologize for walking in on her...session before I noticed something. “Um...Rainbow Dash...why do you have both of my wrist bands?” She had my three row studded wristband around the center of her left leg and my black and red checkered wristband around her right hoof. Her blush intensified and she started stuttering, “Oh I-I w-was just uh...s-seeing how a-awesome they would look on m-me.” I raised an eyebrow and I was starting to feel weird and that’s saying something. “Okay...can I have them back?” “Oh, um sure.” She hastily took both of them off and gave them both to me with her wing, which was weird since she would rarely use her wing’s for anything beside flying. I put on my studded wristband and I was about to put on my checkered one before I felt a dampness on one side. “Oh God...you’ve got to be kidding me.” Instead of putting it on I just put it in my pocket. “So, what’d you want?” I returned my attention to Rainbow Dash who was looking down at the ground. “Umm...oh yeah...did you vomit on my shirt?” I held up my shirt and showed her the mark. “Oh...um...maybe.” She gave a sheepish smile. “Why were you in my room?” This question made her expression turn to one of nervousness. “Um...I uh...I was still drunk...and I uh...I must’ve stumbled into your room...hehe.” She was rubbing the back of her head and was playing with her multi-colored mane. “Um...okay...one more question,” she stopped rubbing her head and gained a nervous expression, “why is my wristband wet?” I pulled out the band and held it in front of her muzzle. “Oh...um...I...um...” She darted her eye’s between me and the wristband before she flew out of the room, her breeze closing the door behind her. I dropped my head and gave an exasperated sigh. I put my band back in my pocket and went back to the breakfast car only to see that Jeff and Ed were the only ones there. “Hey San.” Jeff waved his hand at me. “Hello sinner,” Ed looked at me with hate in his eyes. Pfft, I’m totally hurt. “Not really in the mood for your crab bullshit Ed.” “What!? Did you just insult the crustacea-” Ed was silenced by an apple being shoved into his mouth. “Sorry Ed you really need to shut up, anyway have you guys noticed that all the mares started acting weird when there’s this weird smell?” Jeff questioned and put his hand on his chin. “Actually, I just caught Rainbow with my wristbands and I have a good idea of what she did with one of them.” “What?” I pulled my wristband out of my pocket and tossed it onto a table that was next to them. They both looked at it, Ed still having the apple in his mouth. After a while I saw them cringe a bit at the smell. “What the hell is that smell!?” Jeff held his nose. Ed was...sniffing it? The fuck? “You don’t wanna know.” I grabbed it but not before Ed grabbed my arm and kept sniffing it. “How is he still alive?” He spit out the apple and proceed to state what he always does. “It reeks of heresy. Did the Gods curse you for not believing?” “No.” I pulled my arm away from him and put it back in my pocket. “Rainbow was using it for her session.” “What do you mean by session?” I shook my head and face palmed before looking back at them. “She used it while she was playing with herself.” And just like the immature little bastards that they were, they erupted into laughter. “Did you...enjoy...the view!?” Jeff asked in between outbursts. Seriously, they thought that I was giving a shit. “I didn't see her doing it, she was under the covers or something...maybe a little...but at least I've actually seen it.” Jeff stopped laughing and looked at me with a serious expression, “dude, that's fucked up.” “HERESY! Why do you even like these creatures?” Ed almost gagged. “What!? What made you think that I like her!?” “I don't know...but it sounded like she stopped herself, after she noticed you were looking at her.” “No shit Sherlock.” I saw Ed start to say something but stopped with an interjecting finger. “If you say anything, that involves a crab going into her I will rip your eyes out.” “Oh sounds like someone cares about their mare,” Jeff smirked. I shot him my usual death glare and he just shrugged. “Whatever, as if you've ever gotten any.” “Hey man that’s not funny. I don’t know if Cloudchaser likes me or not.” Are you freaking kidding me!? “You really think that she doesn't? God, you’re even more naive than Ed.” When I looked over at Ed, I began to have a second thought since he had a live crab...on his tongue. “Okay, maybe not as naive as him, but you get the point.” “What...you...mean...how?” “Hey, you wanna be scared of rejection be my guest, but at least I understand my emotions and know my place...unlike some of us.” I saw Ed with two more crabs in his hand and they were pinching his palm while he laughed like an idiot. “Where did he get those?” “Yeah sorry man...you know what, I’m going to tell her when we get to the hotel.” “Might as well, I mean the worst thing that could happen is that she rejects you.” I threw my hands into my pockets, something that I’ve found doing a lot lately. “So When will we get there?” Jeff checked his watch and looked back to me, “In about ten minutes. Should I get the girls?” “Nah, just go pack. We’ll find them when we get off of the train.” I walked back towards my room and began packing up everything that I had brought, it wasn't much really just my phone, a pair of earbuds, and two changes of clothes(not including the change that I was wearing). After I finished I just waited on my bed while I heard fumbling around in the other rooms. “Why do they always bring an ass load of stuff on vacations.” Well technically this wasn't a vacation, since we were going there for a going away party for Cloudchaser and Rainbow and...because of the stupid Heatathong. Who signed us up anyway!? All I remember was getting a notice for all three of us in the mail saying that we were in it. I don’t even know the goddamn rules! And I’m not even sure if Jeff knows that we’re in, I remember showing them to Ed, but he was too busy mumbling something about a boiling crab up someone’s ass. “Hey San we’re about to arrive to Manehattan. Look out the window.” Jeff had walked into my room and he was pointing at the window. I got up and look through it, and sure enough I could see Manehattan and I could just tell that I would have to deal with arrogant snobs. It was bad enough that I had to deal with a crustacean obsessed whack job, a confused loverboy, and an arrogant athlete. “I guess i’ll just have to deal with it.” I gave an exasperated sigh and walked out of the room, waiting for us to get to the train station. Although there was one thing that was odd...I couldn't find Rainbow Dash.
JeffPrologue The Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX Prologue: Have you ever had the feeling that you think that you love somebody so much you are willing to do anything for them? That you would be willing to put your head on a silver platter for them? Well in this situation, I sure as hell don’t! I mean I like her but...but it’s scary. Have you ever seen a rapist...except you love each other? Yeah it’s weird, but love is weird sometimes...ok maybe a lot of the times, in my situation at least. Hold that thought... I ran for dear life from Cloudchaser, the one I love. Her, her sister, my mare friends, and the entire mare population are going through something even worse than Hell... Heat! “SHIT!” I yelled as I ran towards an alleyway on my left, hoping that there would be something there to help me hide. Yeah, for all stallions in Equestria it’s scary...pfft that’s an understatement, it’s more like every mare has become a freaking psychopath! But I’m human and I never experienced it before in my life. This would have been my first time ever in my life to experience it. Although, the fact that it would be with a technicolor pony is a bit...unsettling. But when you have no way of going back to your world, you might want to make your life a little enjoyable. I ran into the alley without looking ahead and failed to notice a brick wall blocking my path. “Damn it, dead end!” I spun around and bolted for the exit of the alleyway, but...I was too late. Cloudchaser was already blocking my path. You know I never did fully realized why I was running away from a pegasus since they are faster because of their damn wings! “Jeffy...I’m home.” The sultry in her voice was evident and...kind of frightening. “Umm...Cloudchaser...this is an alley...” I said backpedaling towards the wall. I started to sweat as soon as my back touched the wall. Cloudchaser saw that and walk slowly towards me licking her lips and swaying her hips back and forth. “You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re terrified.” She smiled. Her smile looked so cute and terrifying, but then again, that is what made me fall for her. As soon as she was close to me, she lunged right at me. She pulled me off of the wall and knocked me to the ground rather forcefully. Things were starting to heat up. Get it heat up? Cause she is in heat and...ah, fuck you. She lean in towards my ear and whispered, “You have no idea how much I want you right now.” I was completely terrified and somewhat turned on, even under the circumstances I was in. Too bad there was no light in the alleyway and the only thing allowing me to see her being the moonlight. God, the way her mane wasn’t in its usually spiky formation and rather dangling down in my face, made her all the more beautiful. The moon light goes beautifully with her light rose eyes. Her wings are fully extended making her look like an angel, except she is a pony, but that doesn’t matter. She nuzzled my cheek, making me blush furiously. Waitwaitwait, I’m getting way ahead of myself. Let’s start from the beginning....
PrologueJeff The Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX Day One Equestria.... Nonono, that is too far back...maybe we should tell you what we did before I tell you me and my friends tale. Ah yes, how this all began. How my two friends and me joined the most ridiculous and funny sport we ever known. What was the name of the sport again...heat something...Ah I remember now, it was....THE HEATATHONG! Ah yes the Heatathong...why the hell did we join that? I mean at first they said want to get an easy ten thousand bits. We agreed like greedy dumbasses, not even thinking about the consequences. I blame Ed...the crazy crab lord. Even San thinks that it’s crazy, he even said and I quote “Like they said in the song, ‘The Drug In Me Is You’, i’ve lost my fucking mind!” Its too late now though...damn it...but let’s start on the train ride towards Manehattan, shall we? Manehattan: Three Days Before the Heatathong The train ride to Manehattan was...odd. A majority of the ponies in the train were stallions. But, thankfully we didn’t get stuck in a car full of stallions. Nope, we got lucky on our cart. My two human friends and our six pony friends. San was just lying on a bottom bunk bed, listening to Falling In Reverse and Black Veil Brides on his Iphone. Ed, well, he...he and Red Emerald were arguing over which was a better water animal. I did not care for it because his favorite was a crab, and no matter what you said about them, he wouldn’t listen to you. Now on to our friends from Ponyville. Cloudchaser and Rainbow Dash were completely smashed. They had a drinking contest and neither of them was willing to back down. Lyra and Bon Bon were chatting amongst themselves about music. Flitter was just sitting next to me watching as her sister and Rainbow Dash walked around, sounding as if they forgot how to talk. “Bhey San!” Rainbow had fallen face first next to his bed and he tried to ignore her, but if he couldn’t ignore her when she was sober how could he when she was drunk? “...heby...whatz...my amiceclh romance?” She was referring to his My Chemical Romance shirt that he had gotten transported here with. Rainbow would always try to make things personal with people that were around her, but she never could with San. I guess it’s just his unique personality, and when I say unique I mean emo, that keeps him from caring about anything she says. Although, that ends with her constantly trying to annoy him and failing every time. He’s pretty quiet and it’s always tranquil around him. Ed on the other hand...lets just say that he’s a handful to deal with. Not only will he argue with you about the stupidest things, but he’ll also interrupt everyone in the middle of a sen- “Hey Jeff, what’s up!?”...See what I mean? “Nothing much, just watching these two goofballs. Why do you ask?” Shit did I ask him a question? Incoming random crab thing... “ Well me and Red Emerald here were arguing about which is a best water animal. She said shark and I said crab.” “Gee, we didn’t notice.” Thank you sarcasm. I ignored him again and kept on looking at San, Rainbow Dash, and the most beautiful mare that I ever laid eyes on...Cloudchaser. What? Don’t judge. It took me awhile to fully understand why I like her. Well the first time we met, was at the Evergreen. Me and my friends were desperately in need of help. We were lost, scared, and hungry. It got to the point where we started to hallucinate. San never did seem like he was going insane, but then again he never really changed his expression. Ed...he got a rock and named it Shelldon The Crab. It was creepy, he would feed it smashed rocks and chewed dirt. We tried calling people but we never got any reception. Me on the other hand, I was freaking out. One time I started to yell we’re going to die, until Ed slapped me with his rock. Telling me that Shelldon and him were going to save everyone. At that point San gave up, but out of pure luck, someone or somepony found us and helped us get out of there. She took us to a small town called Ponyville, and helped us get a house there. At first all of the townspeople were terrified at the sight of us...well I guess that it’s understandable since we were bipedal hairless apes that were at least twice the height of a pony, walking through their town. If she hadn’t convinced them that we were harmless then there would have been a chance of us getting locked up and experimented on. Damn it, Twilight..and Fluttershy...they wouldn’t leave us alone. Twilight wanted to experiment on us...on all of us and Fluttershy...bless her heart...she wanted to take care of us. It was pretty easy to reject Twilight, but Fluttershy was a completely different story. She would constantly ask us what we were doing to the point where it got annoying. One time she asked Ed if he was fine, through a window...the bathroom window. After a few months of trying to fit in, I started to talk with Cloudchaser. At first I was very grateful when she saved us...but after awhile, I started to feel something different. At first I thought it was crab eggs in my pants, because Ed started a FUCKING BULLSHIT RELIGION! He would bring home random crabs that he found and he would build them homes in our house...there goes three thousand bits worth of clay. Although, it did give me an excuse to hang out with Cloudchaser more often. She was funny and sweet, but she is a lot like Rainbow Dash. They both wanted to join the Wonderbolts and they just wouldn’t shut. The. Hell. Up. I feel sorry for San though, he would normally be asleep all day with his black hair hanging over his entire face, but now he would be getting harassed by Rainbow day in and day out. Cloudchaser...just saying her name makes me have butterflies in my stomach. But the problem is...it’s hard for me to confess my love to her. Like back on Earth, I do that to every girl I like. I was so close on Hearts and Hooves day, but I puddinged out. But this time...this time I’ll do it before she leaves to go to the Wonderbolt Academy. I just hope she feels the same way towards me. “Rhey jelff and uh flatiter.” Cloudchaser wobbly walked towards us with a little chunk of what I believed to be vomit on her chin. Why did I not seemed disgusted by that? Probably because I’m just looking at her eyes. I could look at them all day...well not all day, but you get the point. “Watcha starizn kat Jeff?” Cloudchaser smiled at me. My only response was a blush and I looked away from her. She chuckled a bit and said something I couldn’t quite hear, due to the fact that there was an an argument going on, some friends are talking amongst themselves, and laughter. She continued her drunken walk towards me and Flitter, until she tripped and fell in between my leg’s. At this point I was totally speechless, then again she was drunk. I pushed all of my dirty thoughts out of my head and helped Cloudchaser up. “Thanks dude,” she said. I helped her up and placed her on her bed. Flitter, her sister, couldn’t stop laughing, which made me blush. Then Lyra and Bon Bon started to laugh at me and Cloudchaser. Some friends they are, using my love for Cloudchaser against me. “I...um...goodnight Cloudchaser.” I could barely say that on the count of the embarrassment right now. “awwwww, he told his marefriend goodnight.” Lrya cooed to Bon Bon. “Shut up...we’re not even dating!” I rejected her statement. But they all continued to laugh at me...even the argument that Ed and Red Emerald were having had stopped. I looked down at the floor in defeat and blushing no less. I began to go to my bed until Cloudchaser stopped me. “Goodnight, Jeffy.” and then she kissed me on the cheek. I froze in place and put my hand on top of where she kissed. Then again she was hammered, maybe it was just the alcohol affecting her. I heard a wave of ‘awwwwww’ and when I turned around, I found that everyone was staring at me, all except for...San? Was he even been paying attention to what was going on!? I walked to my bed not even looking at anyone...but here comes Ed. “Hey Jeff so the reason why you are holding your cheek is because a cute crab pinched your face, right?” Did he just...he did, didn’t he? “Damn it Ed, just go to sleep.”
EdThe Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX 'Sleep? Silly Jeff... does he not know that the lord of all crustaceans does not need any form of rest? Infidels...' I shrugged and walked back to where I had been sitting before. The shiny infidel known as Red Emerald was laying on the train couch, completely calm and unperturbed. Such heresy would not stand! "Red! Stop being idle! The lords are watching over us, and we need more converts before the great enlightenment-" "Ed, what are you talking about?" The shiny one said as she arched her heretical eyebrows. I could not believe her. The great crab lords and shrimp gods were but weeks away from arriving, and she dared question my word?! "Oh ye of little faith... Go to sleep you precious little heretic, for tomorrow is the day the big city realizes who the great ones truly are!" Red Emerald slowly stood and walked away, her face a mix of emotions, her crystal, shiny, heathen face blushing. No doubt from heresy and shame for having dishonored the gods. I sighed as she left. 'Heretics... At least the shiny one makes an effort to understand the words of the divines.' I sat on the couch and watched the scenery pass by. Trees and other boring things mostly, but every once in awhile I swear I could see a small pond or stream, and I'd imagine it to be full of the superior species. "Bon-Bon, is Ed drooling?" "Just go to sleep Lyra, he'll stop if you ignore him." "Ok, good night Bon-Bon. Good night Ed." "Good night Lyra-" "Night, heretic!" ////// Hours passed before the great gods of the one true faith reopened my eyes to witness one more of their glorious mornings. The heretical heathen equines could claim control of the sun and moon all they wanted, but the only one to hold true power over it was the one and only Krabaztiaa! Lord of all crabs! That Twilight Sparkle... thinking she could convert me to her hideous religion of pony... No matter. I stood up from my glorious sleep and stretched. It was important to be ready for another day of crustaceanist worship. "GOOD MORNING, HERETICS!" I shouted my happiness at all beings around me. It was mandatory to spread joy and loudness to all, especially at four am in the morning. For some reason though... "SHUT IT!" "IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING!" "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" ...the heretics disagreed... "Heretics, you all must learn to- umph!" A pillow attack?! The blasphemy was strong in Rainbow! That, or it was the effect of the alcohol in her head. "Fine! But when the gods boil you all in the fiery pot of pain and spread the butter of doom on your writhing carapaces, don't say I didn't warn you!" I quickly straightened up my outfit and fixed my hair as best as possible. Using a bottle of spray deodorant to mask the scent of unchanged clothes, I swiftly made my way to the shiny one's room. If you wonder about the clothes and why I didn't change them, lemme ask you a question. Do crabs change their shells? Well yeah, but they can grow a new one. Try finding human clothes in this place! The shiny one had kept her door closed through the night, but the gods had granted me the strength and intelligence of a thousand lobsters! A copy of the key I stole also helped. I gently opened the door and looked inside. Red was sleeping soundly under the covers, her luggage neatly stacked to the side of the room. "It looks like heresy..." I whispered softly and walked inside. I rummaged through the things inside her bags. There were personal items mostly, like a toothbrush. I took the aforementioned utensil and placed it in my mouth. "It tastes like heresy..." I said after spitting it out. I walked closer to the bed and looked around. The room was dark and the curtains were drawn. Most likely in an attempt to keep the gods out. Silly Red... I knelt down and gently grabbed a handful of her mane. I proceeded to press it against my nose. It reeked of heresy. I frowned and walked out of her room. There were far more pressing matters at hand. As I left, however, I felt like giving the infidel a chance. It's what the great one would want of me, after all. I turned to face her, drew in a long breath, and... "RISE AND SHINE, HERETIC!" She let out a scream of happiness and almost slammed her head against the roof out of joy. Her eyes were wide with appreciation, and her heart was beating so loud out of love for the gods that I could practically hear it. "ED, YOU SON OF A-" I slammed the door shut. It felt so nice being able to bring joy into infidels' lives. 'Time to greet the others.' I smiled and walked down the hall, a spring in my step. It felt good to love the gods! It felt sad to be the only one to love the gods... Rainbow slammed the door in my face. Cloudchaser and Flitter were asleep. Lyra and BonBon were being sinners, and Jeff just gave me a deadpan look. Not even the random train passengers whose rooms I entered would share my love for crustaceanism... That only left one person to talk to. The ultimate sinner. Just kidding, that hideous seafood chef wasn't here. I walked over to the silent one's room and waited. A minute passed without me moving a single muscle, and then that minute turned into three hours. It was imperative that the silence was unperturbed, for reasons I didn't quite remember nor understand. I slowly started to open the door, and finished by kicking it. It was holy time. "Infidel, wake up!" Silence. "Infidel?" I glanced around the room, but it was to no avail. He was not hanging from the roof upside down, he was not sleeping behind the door, and he had not ascended to the heavens on a glorious lobster. I would have known. I was about to surrender and return to the shiny one's chambers, when a sound emerged from the most unlikely of places. "Dude, why are you in bed? It's like, six in the morning..." The silent one, also known as San, let out an annoyed groan and covered his head with a pillow. I was utterly bewildered. In bed? At this hour? It could only be one thing... "HERESY-" "No!" My glorious words were swiftly interrupted by a mouthful of pillow. It seemed like the average attack for heretics nowadays. "Could you just shut up and go to sleep?" Sleep? "Heretic, please, you must realize before it is too late!" I looked from side to side, being careful not to be under heretical surveillance. "The line for the food cart is empty, dude. It's now or never..." San looked at me like I was both the most annoying thing in the world, and the oddest one. I just shrugged. Chow time. "As old Ronald would say, Have it your way!" I said and started for the door. "That's Burger King... Wait what?" "Dude, whatever, y'know? It's no biggie. Just saying there's no line right now." "What the hell are you doing?" "Like, now? Just standing." I motioned to the general area around me. Nothing special really. Not sure why San was making such a big deal about it. San facepalmed and fell back on his bed with an exasperated groan. "Forget it, just get out and let me sleep..." I arched an eyebrow and slowly closed the door. Weird... ...but then again, most of the guys were like that. I went over to the train's heretical magic bathroom and took a shower, then I reapplied the deodorant and put on my clothes again. I decided to meet everyone at the food cart. I was positively starving! The first heretic I saw walking towards the food cart was Cloudchaser the drunk. Such a foul heretic, I don’t see how Jeff could fall for such a creature. What, starting to eat before me?! How dare her! Utilizing the glorious strength given to me by the gods, I ran over to where she was sitting and took the muffin out of her disgusting hoof, claiming it for the one and only gods in the whole wide universe: The Crustacean Gods! “Hey!?” She blinked and gave a startled scream as my hand conquered the muffin in the name of all that is holy. No filthy heretic would lay claim to the God’s creation. Not if I, Ed, was there to stop them. “No one eats before we pray for the Crab lords, silly heretic. You should know that.” I stated matter of factly and took a sniff of the muffin. “Blegh... Raisins...” Out the train window it goes! Cloudchaser stared at me for a few seconds, not speaking, and not doing anything else but look creeped out. I started to feel uneasy. Her eyes were like bottomless pits of heresy and blasphemous confusion. I... I was not certain if the demon was attempting to cross bodies! Oh gods no! But then, I had a flashback. My mentor, back when I had first started to learn the ways of crustaceanism from one of the many great ones that I brought home from my religious pilgrimages, had always sought to teach me the ways of the Gods. He had said... well, nothing really, but he had taught through examples. I remembered the day I was taught the method of defense that the monks utilized when demons attempted to take hold of the righteous warriors of faith... “Ed? Ed! Are you still breathing?!” ‘Silly heretic... Of course she would know nothing of my sensei’s most powerful tactic. Stay still and do nothing. Crabs were surprisingly good at that. I never beat my master at it, but I guess he wasn’t very good... A hawk broke through his defense and ate him after all, and since no hawk had gotten me yet... Well, I guess I am the new master!’ Cloudchaser nudged me and pushed on my shoulder for a while, but she would never defeat- No! Eyes, don’t blink! I cannot be- No! I blinked. My heretical eyes betrayed me. Cloudchaser let out an exasperated sigh and sat back. I just rubbed my burning eyeballs. It burned pretty bad. “Ugh...what happen last night Ed?” She asked with an eyeroll as I finally decided to sit down and wait for the shiny one to return to us. We had important plans to discuss, after all. “Well heretic, you and Rainbow were falling all over the place in a blasphemous drunken haze. You fell on Jeff’s lap too, and then Jeff had to put you in bed. Lastly, when he said good night, you kissed him on the cheek. Which, by the way, is punishable in crustaceanism by having a boiling hot lobster shoved up your-” “I did!” She exclaimed with a bright smile and a light blush making its way into her face. She also seemed to have stopped paying attention to the words of the gods once again, but it was too early in the morning for anything anyway, so I just put away the boiling hot lobster I had prepared for the occasion. ‘Some other time, Chaser... Some other time...’ I smiled internally. The boiled lobster would not go to waste... ‘Now where’s that OJ?’ I had to remain strong and well fed if I was to convert the heathens of Manehattan to the one true faith, after all. It would be no easy task, considering that the simple minded equines of Ponyville had resisted my word and that of the gods as well, rather persistently. I would need the shiny one’s help. And she would help, I would see to that. The gods may have bestowed many gifts upon me, but if there was one which I still retained from my days as a heathen, then that would be my skill with romance. She stood no chance.
SanThe Heatathon A collaborative effort by: Irongalley. Angry Spez Brony Xx_-Sycro-_xX If Ed hadn’t woken me up at six in the morning, I probably wouldn’t have needed Rainbow Dash to punch me in the chest to get me up. Even though she was a petite mare she was pretty strong. “Come on! It’s time to get up!” she kept striking my chest even though she could clearly see that I was awake. I had to grab her hoof out of the air before I was able to sit up and look at her, all the sleep having been knocked out of me. “Do that again, and you’re going to need a cast around your fetlock. Got it?” She gave a slightly terrified nod and pulled her hoof out of my grip. “Whatever, I just came to tell you that it’s time for breakfast,” she headed to the door but stopped at the doorway, “and try not to scare everypony.” I looked over at her and saw that she had a smug grin,”...I’m pretty sure that you should be worrying about someone else, miss ‘I’m too drunk to even remember my own name’.” Her smug grin had turned into a scowl and her eye’s showed a hint of irritation. “Just get up you freak.” I grabbed an air horn that I had stolen from Jeff’s luggage bag and pointed it at the door before pressing down on the button. And just as I expected I hear Rainbow Dash scream as the sound of the air horn intensified her hangover. “I gotta admit you did a good job of hiding her hangover!” She poked her head through the door while rubbing it with a hoof and looked over to me. “I hate you.” “The feeling’s mutual.” She left the room and I just fell back on my bed. “How did I get sucked into this?” I remembered when I use to just sleep all day and not be disturbed by anyone or anything. It was all I could really do since there was no way to get home and since I really don’t like being around other peo- err...ponies. I sat up in bed and looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall, “Eight thirty, huh?” I threw the covers off and I stood off of the bed. I checked my pockets, and found my phone and ear buds. I looked through the songs that I had until I finally settled on one, putting only one earbud in. I grabbed my shirt from a corner of the room that I had thrown it into the night before. As soon as I picked it up my nose got hit with a stench that was worse than the inside of a Walrus’s mouth...don’t ask how I know that. I held my shirt out in front of me and a vomit stain covering most of the letters on it. “Rainbow Dash.” I grabbed my long sleeve shirt that I had worn the night before and slipped it on before walking out of the room. When I got to the breakfast car, I was surprised when the only people being there were Jeff, Ed, Cloudchaser, and Flitter. “Have any of you seen Rainbow Dash?” They all turned their attention to me before gagging and covering their noses. “Oh man, what is that!?” I held up my shirt and Cloudchaser pointed behind me towards the car that held our bedrooms. “Hmm, I thought San shit his pants?” Jeff started to laugh at his own comment and soon everyone else joined him. “Does he really think that annoys me?” I never really got offended by...anything really, if anything I was better at getting under people’s skin than Rainbow Dash. I just rolled my eye’s and went to the car that had our rooms. I looked around and found everyones...well Ed’s and Jeff’s clothes scattered around the car. “They’re even more messy than me.” I looked at each bunk seeing if I could find the little rainbow devil. “What’re you doing!?” I turned around and found Rainbow poking her head from one of the bunks and she was blushing. “What? I was trying to fi-” My words were cut of when a strange odor hit my nose. It was...familiar. I remember my dog making this sent when...oh God, no. “Uhh...Rainbow a-are you in h-h-hea-” “NO!” She hopped down and appeared angry, “I w-was just...um...” she muttered the last part under her breathe. “You were what?” “...I was...” “What?” “...I was play...” “What?” I leaned in closer and cupped my ear “I was playing with myself, okay!” I slightly flinched at her outburst and because it felt like my ear was bleeding. I was about to apologize for walking in on her...session before I noticed something. “Um...Rainbow Dash...why do you have both of my wrist bands?” She had my three row studded wristband around the center of her left leg and my black and red checkered wristband around her right hoof. Her blush intensified and she started stuttering, “Oh I-I w-was just uh...s-seeing how a-awesome they would look on m-me.” I raised an eyebrow and I was starting to feel weird and that’s saying something. “Okay...can I have them back?” “Oh, um sure.” She hastily took both of them off and gave them both to me with her wing, which was weird since she would rarely use her wing’s for anything beside flying. I put on my studded wristband and I was about to put on my checkered one before I felt a dampness on one side. “Oh God...you’ve got to be kidding me.” Instead of putting it on I just put it in my pocket. “So, what’d you want?” I returned my attention to Rainbow Dash who was looking down at the ground. “Umm...oh yeah...did you vomit on my shirt?” I held up my shirt and showed her the mark. “Oh...um...maybe.” She gave a sheepish smile. “Why were you in my room?” This question made her expression turn to one of nervousness. “Um...I uh...I was still drunk...and I uh...I must’ve stumbled into your room...hehe.” She was rubbing the back of her head and was playing with her multi-colored mane. “Um...okay...one more question,” she stopped rubbing her head and gained a nervous expression, “why is my wristband wet?” I pulled out the band and held it in front of her muzzle. “Oh...um...I...um...” She darted her eye’s between me and the wristband before she flew out of the room, her breeze closing the door behind her. I dropped my head and gave an exasperated sigh. I put my band back in my pocket and went back to the breakfast car only to see that Jeff and Ed were the only ones there. “Hey San.” Jeff waved his hand at me. “Hello sinner,” Ed looked at me with hate in his eyes. Pfft, I’m totally hurt. “Not really in the mood for your crab bullshit Ed.” “What!? Did you just insult the crustacea-” Ed was silenced by an apple being shoved into his mouth. “Sorry Ed you really need to shut up, anyway have you guys noticed that all the mares started acting weird when there’s this weird smell?” Jeff questioned and put his hand on his chin. “Actually, I just caught Rainbow with my wristbands and I have a good idea of what she did with one of them.” “What?” I pulled my wristband out of my pocket and tossed it onto a table that was next to them. They both looked at it, Ed still having the apple in his mouth. After a while I saw them cringe a bit at the smell. “What the hell is that smell!?” Jeff held his nose. Ed was...sniffing it? The fuck? “You don’t wanna know.” I grabbed it but not before Ed grabbed my arm and kept sniffing it. “How is he still alive?” He spit out the apple and proceed to state what he always does. “It reeks of heresy. Did the Gods curse you for not believing?” “No.” I pulled my arm away from him and put it back in my pocket. “Rainbow was using it for her session.” “What do you mean by session?” I shook my head and face palmed before looking back at them. “She used it while she was playing with herself.” And just like the immature little bastards that they were, they erupted into laughter. “Did you...enjoy...the view!?” Jeff asked in between outbursts. Seriously, they thought that I was giving a shit. “I didn't see her doing it, she was under the covers or something...maybe a little...but at least I've actually seen it.” Jeff stopped laughing and looked at me with a serious expression, “dude, that's fucked up.” “HERESY! Why do you even like these creatures?” Ed almost gagged. “What!? What made you think that I like her!?” “I don't know...but it sounded like she stopped herself, after she noticed you were looking at her.” “No shit Sherlock.” I saw Ed start to say something but stopped with an interjecting finger. “If you say anything, that involves a crab going into her I will rip your eyes out.” “Oh sounds like someone cares about their mare,” Jeff smirked. I shot him my usual death glare and he just shrugged. “Whatever, as if you've ever gotten any.” “Hey man that’s not funny. I don’t know if Cloudchaser likes me or not.” Are you freaking kidding me!? “You really think that she doesn't? God, you’re even more naive than Ed.” When I looked over at Ed, I began to have a second thought since he had a live crab...on his tongue. “Okay, maybe not as naive as him, but you get the point.” “What...you...mean...how?” “Hey, you wanna be scared of rejection be my guest, but at least I understand my emotions and know my place...unlike some of us.” I saw Ed with two more crabs in his hand and they were pinching his palm while he laughed like an idiot. “Where did he get those?” “Yeah sorry man...you know what, I’m going to tell her when we get to the hotel.” “Might as well, I mean the worst thing that could happen is that she rejects you.” I threw my hands into my pockets, something that I’ve found doing a lot lately. “So When will we get there?” Jeff checked his watch and looked back to me, “In about ten minutes. Should I get the girls?” “Nah, just go pack. We’ll find them when we get off of the train.” I walked back towards my room and began packing up everything that I had brought, it wasn't much really just my phone, a pair of earbuds, and two changes of clothes(not including the change that I was wearing). After I finished I just waited on my bed while I heard fumbling around in the other rooms. “Why do they always bring an ass load of stuff on vacations.” Well technically this wasn't a vacation, since we were going there for a going away party for Cloudchaser and Rainbow and...because of the stupid Heatathong. Who signed us up anyway!? All I remember was getting a notice for all three of us in the mail saying that we were in it. I don’t even know the goddamn rules! And I’m not even sure if Jeff knows that we’re in, I remember showing them to Ed, but he was too busy mumbling something about a boiling crab up someone’s ass. “Hey San we’re about to arrive to Manehattan. Look out the window.” Jeff had walked into my room and he was pointing at the window. I got up and look through it, and sure enough I could see Manehattan and I could just tell that I would have to deal with arrogant snobs. It was bad enough that I had to deal with a crustacean obsessed whack job, a confused loverboy, and an arrogant athlete. “I guess i’ll just have to deal with it.” I gave an exasperated sigh and walked out of the room, waiting for us to get to the train station. Although there was one thing that was odd...I couldn't find Rainbow Dash.
