Through Rose Colored Glass

by RiotBros

Rating: teen
Tags: Scootaloo, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Human, Sad, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7486

Most like to think of Equestria as heaven on earth, I wouldn't disagree completely, but Equestria has it's demons. I lived in all of them, every corrupt city and dead neighborhood. Homelessness was my middle name, and I wore it like a badge

A not-so-normal HiE story. Rather than just making the same old I-Just-Appeared-In-Equestria-and-Everpony-Accepts-Me-And-The-Mane-Six-Want-To-Date-Me, I wanted to write something out of left field. So, here it is, the real story of how ponies react when a human reveals itself.

:Authors Note:
Characters will be added as they appear, Tags will be added as they become relevant. Rated Teen for mild language.

Published 2013-06-23 03:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-12 01:39:33 UTC

I've Been Here A While, You Know.

No, I was not teleported to Equestria by Luna, Celestia, or Twilight. Or any other pony, or other creature, for that matter. I was here all along. I was born here. Actually, I was hatched, but that's a whole thing to get into. Anyway, I've lived in Equestria for twenty-six years, and for twenty-four of those years nopony knew I existed. You see, I knew I was different, I knew that the ponies I saw all around, talking, eating, and just going about their business, were not the same as I.

I didn't live in a forest or anything, I just kept to the poorer cities and towns, preferably in allies where I could hide from prying eyes. It worked quite well, nopony other than one or two less than lucid stallions noticed me. I lived off spare change and old food, not the greatest life, I know, but when you're the only being of your species left, you can't complain about much.

So, why on earth, or, why in Equestria, did I come out off 'hiding'? Cause I wanted adventure, I wanted to have friends and money and be able to settle down somewhere. I wanted other humans to come to Equestria, and ponies to move to earth. I wanted all that, until I learned the truth about these ponies. Not anything bad, mind you, just a little strange.

It all started one frosty winter morning, two and a half years ago...

I was young man, still am, but I was more naive then. I lived in Manhatten, it's lesser half, the downtown area, was a great place to stay, poor, but not too poor. Just enough to keep ponies from giving me a second glance from under my blanket, but wealthy enough for them to spare a few bits. Buying food was hard, but there were enough homeless ponies who were willing to help me out, for a small fee, of course.

The morning was cold, the early winds were picking up, although it wasn't late enough to snow, it was cold enough to. I sat, like any other morning, under the blanket and a few pieces of cardboard. The morning crowd was the best for sparing money, still chipper from a lack of interaction that day. Mondays were always the best for begging.

I never once felt like exposing myself to the public, my life was good enough, I had grown up like this, and I didn't want things to get worse. If I could take it all back, lose all the knowledge I have now, all the experiences, I would. Even my relationships weren't worth it. I just wish I could go back.

So I sat there, waiting for somepony to toss a bit or two into my cup. The morning tore into the afternoon, and that into evening, still, no donations. It was unusual to not get any bits, I guessed that there was foul news and everpony was bitter from it. Most news only came to me once it was old, if ever.

I laid down, defeated. I had no money for dinner, there were never any reserve bits. I knew that I could last at least seven days without food, as I had done it before, and today only marked the second. Five days, I thought, Five days until I can start to worry.

The sun rose slowly that third day. I didn't want to wake up, while asleep I never felt the pain that hunger brought, or the dryness that came with thirst. I had to get ready, though, if I missed the morning rush I'd be in for another day without food. That's the crappy thing about Manehatten; nopony gives to sleeping beggars. I learned that the hard way, believe me.

The day drug on, I got a bit here and there, and by four had enough for a sandwich and water. The shops used to give free water, but times were getting bad for everypony, especially for those who lived downtown. You see, Celestia had just been reunited with her long-lost sister, Luna. Celebrations erupted throughout every town, city, and bus stop, only to drain funds from all of them. The economy crumbled, jobs were lost, money grew tight, and so ponies were naturally less prone to throw bits to the poor.

The reason it was so bad down here? The crime boss Vito Father had just received a shipment of a new drug. This drug, named Toadstoole. It was a rare mushroom that gave the user hallucinations. He sold it primarily to the poor parts of bigger cities, the biggest buyer being downtown Manehatten. The drug really ruined the hole city, scandals of anypony from a foal to Celestia were printed everyday, although Celestia was never proven guilty.

I tried not to care, it only affected me by forcing me to ration my food a little better, and in the long run, actually helped keep me alive. There were three ponies that I talked to, all of them were on the verge of insanity, so I didn't worry about them running their lips about me. Or, I didn't worry about anypony believing them. Those stallions were, Grub, Smack, and Ol' Grumps. Grub was a "retired" chef, pretty successful in his hay-day. Smack was boxer, but his career ending with his Toadstoole addiction coming out. Ol' Grumps never told us his past, I don't think he even knew.

His, oh, what were those called? Cutie Marks? Yeah, that's it, Cutie Mark was a smiling face, but his own face was always adorned with a scowl. Thus, the name Ol' Grumps. They all called me New Fellow, as I was the newest of their group. They had known each other for quite some time before I came along, but accepted me quickly, if only to leach off my bits.

We became good friends, to the point where I never had to wear my blanket-cloak around them. I told them my story, they loved to hear about the other towns and cities I'd visited. I loved to tell them. It was a peaceful time, even with the economy crash and drug-war. We were unaffected by it all. I really do miss those times, I don't know if those three are still around, but I hope they got help. I can't stand the thought of any of them passing.

Back to the story. I was about to ask Grub if he wanted to split a sandwich with me when a mare stopped in front of me. She was beautiful, the most beautiful pony I had ever seen, although I had no real attraction to ponies. She had a white coat, cleaned of any dirt or blemish. Her main was... strange. It looked ghostly. It took me a minute to recognize it, Celestia.

"C-can I help you, miss?" I had never expected the princess to come to this crap-hole of a city, at least not the south side, and was pretty nervous of her finding out about me.

"Yes, I hope. I'm looking for a pony," I let out a huge breath at that, "Who goes by the name, "Ol' Grumps. Have you heard of him?" What do you want with him? I was worried she would do something bad to him, he was a huge Toadstoole addict. And supplier. But really, he was a good pony!

"What's it worth to you?" That, was my stomach talking. I wouldn't normally say something like that, not even to a normal pony, but I was hungry, and my friends were hungrier, so I did what I could.

She scoffed, and pulled a purse from a decorated saddlebag, "This is yours if you can locate him."

"What do you want with him?" I asked that in way to harsh a tone, I just had to act like I didn't recognize her, maybe then she wouldn't banish me.

"Just information, you can tag along if you wish, I want no harm to come to him, either." Her expression was genuine, you learn to read faces pretty well after living the streets for so long.

"O-okay, I'll take you to him." I realized only to late that I couldn't move without her seeing that I was not a pony. Buck! I winced and stood up, on two feet. She was taken aback, and looked utterly shocked. Maybe she really did want to talk with Grumps...

"Oh my!" I expected that. "Your, your, what are you?" I wasn't expecting that. I figured she knew I existed by now, all these years, somepony had to notice me.

"Human, been here twenty-four years, deal with it." Is what I wanted to say. "Nothing!" Is what I did say, right before running down the alley and around the corner. I heard hooves clopping on cobblestone behind me, but I still ran. I wasn't used to running, it hurt really bad, especially on an empty stomach.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted over my shoulder. I didn't expect her to comply, but the hooves stopped clopping, so I turned around. "Buck." She was gone, she had probably gone to get the Royal Guard after me. "Dammit, Grumps!"

"You really should watch your language around a princess." I jumped a full six feet backwards and upwards. Celestia had apparently flown over-head and landed behind me.

"Leave me alone! I don't know anything!" I tried to run back into the alley, I hoped to lose her in the crowds, but she grabbed me in her magic. She turned me so I was facing her, inches from her face.

"You'd never lose me, I can track you easily." Please, please, don't kill me! "But I don't want to, just take me to Grumps and I'll be on my way." I threw her a look like she was crazy before asking, "Uh, why don't you want to take me in?"

She smiled, it was a warm smile, the kind I didn't get to see very often. "I've known about you and your kind for years, I never did anything because you never did anything. No wars were fought, no gangs were formed, why should I interfere when nothing bad has happened." I should have accepted that as an answer, but again, empty stomach equals empty mind.

"Nothing bad? Nothing bad? What do you call starvation? What do you call malnourished humans dying in the streets? Is that okay with you? What, you don't give a rat's ass if we're not ponies?" I was hyped up now, years of anger and hate had built up for this princess. She knew? The whole time? Why not help?

"I-I didn't think... I'm sorry..." I didn't think she'd ever done anything wrong from that reply. Maybe she never thought she had, but a mistake like this made me think there were plenty of others.

"No. I shouldn't have yelled like that... I just had so much... anger towards you. For something you didn't really do, I'll just take you to Grumps and let you go back to Canterlot." Now I felt bad for yelling, I had never felt bad for yelling before. Ever. Even if the pony didn't deserve it, or I was trying to get extra bits out of them, I figured I needed them more. Something about the innocence in her eyes melting away made me feel like garbage, literal trash.

"It's fine, lead the way." Whatever kindness and warmth had been inside her was gone, for me, at least. I might have deserved that, but I really needed the payment, and my stomach was still empty..."You're still going to pay me, right?"

She glared at me, not in the same way normal ponies do, it was spiteful. I must have struck a nerve.

"Fine, be that way." The rest of the walk was spent in silence, although it wasn't long. Grumps was old and didn't move much, unless there were Toadstoole's in it for him. I led Celestia to the dumpster he slept behind and left, I didn't care what she did anymore, I also noticed that her saddlebag was empty, so her bit bag was around somewhere. As I looked around, I realized that I was walking around without my cloak, I had clothes on, but anypony would notice instantly that I was human.

I crept around the alley to make sure nopony was around, of course they weren't, so I grabbed my blanket and left, still searching for the bits.

It took a few minutes to find them, once I did I didn't drop out the bits and run, like I thought I would. I just looked at the bag, it was nice material, obviously an expensive purse. The bits inside were probably worth less than the purse itself. I just stared at it. This would be the first time I had ever stolen, except for clothes, which were far too expensive to afford, and going naked was not an option.

I felt a tug at my heart, I knew what this meant for me, a life of crime, self pity, and aggression to everypony else. I didn't want that life, but the one I was in was non too pretty, either. "Damn these life choices. Damn that princess! Damn everything!" I kept shouting for a while. It was nice to get my anger out of my system, I never lashed out like that before, and everything that had built up before that was weighing heavily. I felt better after that, but I still had to decide what to do about the bag I held.

Celestia was probably gone, she would assume I stole the purse, maybe even have me arrested. I decided to try and see if she was still around, but the alley was empty. Grumps was gone, too. That worried me, a lot. "I swear, if you did anything to him..." I looked around for any clues to his disappearance, but none were found. "Oh, Grumps, what did you get yourself into?"

In front of me was his tie, the only thing that he ever wore, aside from dirt and trash. It was partially burned, and the smell of magic was in the air. A tear fell from my eyes, I loved that pony like a father, and that sick, disgusting princess killed him. She was going to pay me, just so she could find him. She could have sent a guard to do it, no, she did it herself. The blood is on her hooves.

I broke down, the thought of Grumps dead made me sick. I clutched the bag of bits in my hand, and stepped out of the alley.

Author's Note

Chapter two is well on the way, I haven't had a lot of time to work on it this past week, but I should have it complete by Saturday. After that I hope to finish chapters every few days. Thank you to all of you who read, rated, and commented!

Answers, That Brought Only More Questions.

I looked around the city, the buildings seemed bigger now, the even seemed to glow more. But this new perspective was overshadowed by my guilt. I guess it was a mixture of anger against the princess, and a loss of care from the death of my friend that drove me to waltz out into plain sight. I would have never done it otherwise, I was pretty content with my life up until then. For someone who didn't belong in the universe they were in, I didn't suffer too much.

By now it was nearing evening, most ponies were already home from work. Those who weren't were too busy to notice me, probably mistaking me for a crazed homeless pony. I was pretty surprised, I always expected a huge reaction. I guess my mind blew it out of proportion after years of time alone, thinking. Maybe they just haven't noticed yet? I speculated. I was right.

"AUGH!" A scream echoed through the high-rise buildings. I winced from the implication and lowered my head, a sudden anxiety running through me. Twenty-four years of hiding, gone, in one minute. I had only my wild guesses to give foresight as to what would come of me. Considering how that had helped in the past, I opted to just play things by ear, and hope for the best.

I looked around at the ponies who were gathering across the street from me, they had mixed expressions of fear, confusion, and worry. I had the same. We both could only guess what the other could do, what sort of powers or abilities we possessed. I knew that Celestia could atomize ponies, but as for other unicorns, I was left with guesses. I knew that the pegasi could fly fast, one had even broken the sound barrier, but as for their agility, I assumed they were gifted. The 'earth ponies' were strong, but most of the ones here were weaker from working at desks all day.

I didn't want a fight, they didn't want a fight, so we just stood in equilibrium, neither wanting to disrupt the balance of the situation. So, I did what any other alien creature with little-to-no social interaction would do, I spoke.

"Hello, ponies! I am not here to fight you, or to wage war. I only wish to speak with your princess, then I will go back into hiding, and leave you to your daily worries and struggles." I knew how to sweet talk from reading political speeches in the papers, so I put my limited knowledge to good use. My statement seemed to relive most of the ponies, although some were still on edge, rightly so.

"W-what are you?" One asked, I couldn't tell which, so I just replied while looking at all of them. "I'm a human, and I've lived in your cities and towns for twenty-four years, and as far as I know, I am the only one of my kind." I had always figured I was alone, but somehow saying it out loud hurt more than thinking it, even more than believing it.

"How'd you get here?"
"Why are you here?"
"Can you go back?"
"What do you want with the princess?"

These questions and more were thrown at me, I couldn't separate them after long, so I just tuned them out. I knew that by doing this Celestia would have me taken to her castle, but I also needed to get revenge for Grumps. That old stallion had never hurt anypony, or human. He was a sweet old pony, just a little misguided. He was like a father to me, but also a brother. He filled most of the voids that had taken hold of me over years of loneliness.

It was a few minutes of unanswered questions being yelling with increasing volume before a guard came up to me. He told me that the princess had called for me, I replied with a, "Just take me to her."

The ride to Canterlot was long, boring, and uneventful. The guards pulling my wagon didn't say a word the whole ride, but then again, I was glad they didn't. I wanted to hold my nerve and my anger for Celestia. I was also racking my brain as to why Celestia would kill Grumps. He had never said anything about being on the lam, although I suppose he wouldn't have. It was a very confusing and just unreal situation.

I had never been to Canterlot before, although I had tried. Even the poorest parts of the capital city were richer than any other place in Equestria. The ponies here were the stuck-up, snobby type, so I wouldn't have fit in anyhow. Maybe doing this will be for the best, maybe it will pan out in the end. I tried to reassure myself that Celestia wouldn't kill me, and that I would be making it through the night, but nothing I did could dispel the thoughts.

It was nearly dark out when we landed, and I was immediately greeted by a dozen guards, all covered head-to-hoof in golden armor. What I assumed was the captain spoke first, "I am going to escort you to the princesses, just follow along and nopon- er, no one will get hurt." He paused after each word, I guess he thought I couldn't speak their language. I decided to play a little joke on him. I started babbling nonsense, making random noises that had no rhyme or reason to them.

"Iuosp Hureas, Ueyr! Utybs? Utybs? Dshue! Surtb!" I made all sorts of faces to go along with the psychotic noises, the guards had no idea what to make of it. I stopped shouting for a moment and just stared expectantly at the captain, he blinked twice before turning and whispering to his squad. I couldn't make much out, but I expected him to just drag me to Celestia and Luna. And that's exactly what happened.

Three metal chains, two locks, and four cords of rope later, we were on our way to the princesses. Canterlot Castle was amazing. It was so different from the skyscrapers of Manehatten, much more grand and better kept. Not a single wall had chipped paint, mildew on the corners, or cobwebs. I actually forgot why I was there to begin with for a while. Then the captain spoke up again.

"Hey! Prisoner, we're here." He turned to the guards, "Get those ropes of him, I don't want Celestia to think we were wasting her time." Two gruff stallions walked up and unchained and tied me. I was holding in a giggle from a few ways I had thought up to continue my prank. Ultimately, I decided to just cooperate, I didn't need any of these muscle-heads roughing me up.

I was pretty weak, fast, but weak. The only time I had ever exercised other than running, was one time back in Las Pegasus in a weight room. It didn't go very well. After that, I kept to running and begging, and had done only that until now.

The three stallions looked at me, they were obviously cautious, I guess there were rumors spreading of humans existing before today. Probably just legends, giving that I've never done anything scary or intimidating. I leaned in close to the captain, getting as close as possible. "I like your mane." I said, in a very seductive voice. He just stared in disbelief, and disgust.

"You can... talk?" He said, a bit of reluctance in his voice. I smiled widely and replied, "Oh, yes. I've spoken your language ever since I was young. I guess that means I'm the first human you've come across..." I actually felt dejected at that. I was alone.

"I'm not at liberty to say or not, but that's not important. Your presence has been requested by Princess Celestia of Equestria, do not keep her waiting." He said, with a very stern look and tone. His gruff attitude seemed... fake. Something about his whole demeanor was off-putting. Something I couldn't really make out for sure...

"Lead the way." He simply pointed to two, huge double doors. They were golden, with carvings and markings all up and down. The handles were gold, but had no marks, and the center of the left door had Celestia and her sun, while the right had Luna and the moon. They were pretty darn fancy, and that's not just me saying it, I'd heard many ponies of higher standards talk of the throne room.

I walked towards the doors, keeping an eye on the captain, I didn't trust him. As I pushed the doors open, I heard the clopping of hooves running away, I looked back to see the all but the captain gone, he shot me a "What are you waiting for?" look. I turned back and opened the doors the rest of the way. The room was big, no, huge. Granted, I had been in very few buildings over the course of my life, but this was breathtaking all the same. I looked all around as I walked further into it.

The windows were all stained glass, each depicting a different pony or place. They were beautiful, the amount of work that had to have been put into them... it was amazing. The entire room was incredible, the ceiling was at least thirty hooves high, and it too was decorated.

I didn't even see Celestia and Luna sitting at their thrones until I was right in front of them. I stepped back a little, although I was still reeling with anger. "What is it that you want from me?" I realized that she may have expected a little more respect, but I couldn't give a damn at that point.

"You made my job considerably harder with that stunt you pulled in Manehatten, I want to know why you did it." Considerably harder? She killed somepony, and I was the biggest problem?

"Revenge, of course!. You killed Ol' Grumps! I couldn't let that go unpunished, I don't care how, or how long it takes, but I will get that revenge." Celestia paused for a moment, thinking. She nodded her head and said something to herself before answering.

"Revenge is a complex thing, you want revenge for your friend, but you don't need it, you just want it. As for Grumps death, he is still very much alive, I just had to get him to the local guard station for questioning. You see, we believe Grumps is actually a pony named Scribe, he used to work for Vito Father. We think he knows were Vito is running his operation from, and we needed to get that information."

I couldn't believe it, if Grumps, or Scribe, was still alive, that meant that I'd just exposed myself to potentially all of equestria for no reason whatsoever. "He really is alive?" Celestia just nodded. "C-can I see him?" She frowned, "Not until our investigation is complete, we can't risk Vito finding him, or you saying anything to him to get him to stop talking."

"How long is this "investigation" going to take?" Celestia sighed, her eyes looking anywhere but at me. "I cannot tell you anything more about this, so stop asking." I was taken aback from her command, she had been almost nice before, but now she's like a totally different pony. "Now, give me one reason not to throw you in a dungeon for your little stunt."

I swallowed and thought for a moment, "Are there any more humans out there, hiding like I was?" Celestia scowled. "No. There were a few, not too long ago, but they made a few mistakes. Much like did." That shut me up.

"How did you expect me to react? Put yourself in my position for one damn second and think, how would you take it? What if somepony stole your sister and you thought she had died?" Please, please don't kill me.

"You're right..." Celestia mumbled, "Fine. Go, go back to your alley ways and crumbled cardboard home. But know this, if you ever, ever do something nearly as stupid as your last stunt... you won't have time to worry about punishment. Take him away!"

The same two gruff stallion guards came back and hauled me to the chariot. I kept thinking about what had just happened, Celestia threatened to kill me, she didn't kill Grumps, and she did kill, or at least banish or imprison the only other humans. Great, just great.

******

It took two weeks for me to get back into the groove of things, I ran out of food twice and water once. I tried to get Celestia out of my mind, but I found myself thinking about her a lot. How could she act so, so, tyrannical? I doubted she even had a warrant for Grumps' arrest. And what kind of torture were they using to get him to talk? These questions kept me awake at night for a long time.

When I had made it back to my alley, Grub and Smack were gone, I assumed they just left when they didn't find me or Grumps, and just thought they were in the wrong alley. Only problem there was now I had nopony to buy my food, and with Celestia's threats, I wasn't about to risk my life for a sandwich. I was in a tough situation for sure, but one that I knew I could get out of with a little ingenuity.

All I need now is a bucket, a snail, and a few cords of rope...

Not Really Sure Whats Happening

Why a snail, a bucket, and some rope? That'd all come into play later. I had to first wait until night so I could hide all the more easily. I knew that if I didn't get food soon, I'd starve and become too weak to find any, but I did have a large amount of bits, so theft wouldn't be something I'd have to look into. Although, trying to purchase food without having the basic shape of the race you're buying from without rising suspicion is difficult. I definitely had my work cut out for me, but there isn't anything more motivated than a starving creature.

Was that all I was though? Just some creature, running around and scavenging food while hiding from the more powerful creatures that ruled the land I lived in? I was nothing more than a rabbit. A weak, helpless whelp. But, I was a rich, weak, helpless whelp, and that made the difference to me.

So with a new found source of determination, I wrapped myself in an old blanket and crawled out of the alley on all fours. In hindsight, this wasn't a good plan, but sometimes you just have someone, or somepony, looking after you. And for me, that somepony was Celestia. I knew that she didn't want news of me to reach the other kingdoms outside of Equestria, so I didn't really worry that much about being caught. She probably has some memory erasing spell anyways. I thought.

Downtown Manehatten wasn't busy at night, not this part. The other districts, those that actually had bits, were booming with activity. But not down here, there were only about a hundred ponies living here, the others just came down for work. So after all the businesses closed, it got pretty quiet.

I was able to make it from my little alley to the nearest apple stand without being seen, but the hardest part was still to come; talking with the vendor. I slowly crawled up to the stand, making sure to look all around checking for others. When I say that there was really nopony else around, I crawled the rest of the way to the stand and spoke.

"Excuse me, but can I get some apples?" I asked, I spoke with a groggy and deep voice to mask my identity, although nopony would react to it, I sounded the same as they did.

"Ya got bits, sure. Youze' don't got bits, get outa here, I don't do charity work." He had the typical "tough guy" Manehatten accent. I just scooted a little closer and pulled out a few bits.

"How much for a dozen?" He smirked and chuckled.

"As if somepony as low as youze' could afford a dozen my apples! If youze want to make a real deal, than start talking sane."

"How much for one dozen?" I put emphasis on each word, trying to breach the thick skull of the dumb salespony. He puffed out his chest and stared at me menacingly.

"Get out. I don't make no habit of selling to ponies who don't have respect!" Dammit! This is harder than it should be. Why are all these ponies so stupid? I just want to buy some apples!

"Please, sir. I'm a day away from starving, I need these apples, and I have the bits to pay for them."

"Fine, but don't let me see youze' around here again, you here?" I nodded and he said, "Sixteen bits." I turned to grab the bits and my blanket fell off, revealing my human body.

"What 'da heck are youze'"? He backed away a little and mumbled something. His eyes were wide and his jaw hung low.

But then, a miracle happened. He was just about to turn away and run screaming when somepony small ran up and clocked him. Knocked him clear out. He fell to the ground, unconscious. I looked up to see an orange filly, that's a young mare. Don't even ask how long it took for me to learn that.

She looked up at me, then left and right, when she saw we were alone she leaned in close and spoke. "Hey, I'm Scootaloo, and a friend of my dads wants to meet you in Ponyville. I can get you there easy, and my dads friend will pay you. What do you say?"

I just stared at her like she was nuts. Who in their right mind would seek me out? Why? I didn't know how to respond, but figured that I better say something before somepony noticed us.

"Uh, sure. What does this friend want me for?" She just smiled and whispered, "You'll see." I felt anxiety rising in my stomach, not sure what "You'll see" meant. Did she mean dissection, like some sick doctor pony? Or was it sexual? Oh buck, I'm in for it this time...

"O-okay, I'll do it. Just get me there discretely, I don't want anymore ponies to get hurt." Some food wouldn't hurt, either.

"Fine, have it your way. Just follow me and we'll be fine."

She took me through the sewer systems, they were filthy. Well, that goes without saying, but I mean properly sick, like there was rotten food, digested and undigested, and animals, some dead, some alive, and even a pony or two, both alive. I was amazed at how filthy it was allowed to be.

The walk was long, and by the end I was started to get sick. The smell was so foul, I imagine if I was down there any longer I'd have passed out. The filly must have mapped out our path, that or she really loved the sewers. She didn't make one wrong turn, and trust me, there were a lot of turns. Whoever designed these tunnels had to have been pretty awful at their job.

After an hour or two of walking, we finally made it out. I was relived to be able to breath again, and she just looked accomplished. I wanted to ask her some more questions about what I'd be doing in Ponyville, but we had come out a block from the train station, so I opted to keep quiet. I was able to get a better look at the filly, she had a purple mane, not really brushed in any specific way, and her coat was orange. She looked really young to be running around big cities with an alien, but I guessed she was trained for this. But what training could one go through for this?

She had said that her father had sent her, so I assumed he had shown her a few tips on fighting and how to lose somepony during a chase, but I wondered why he hadn't come instead. Surly he would have been better suited for the job. I began to put together situations that would explain sending the filly my way. The only one that made sense was that the father was working and had no time to spare, but even that left a sour taste in my mouth. Which reminded me of my hunger, which started an ache in my stomach.

"Hey," I whispered, "Do you have anything to eat?" The filly looked at me for a second, then back at the station, and finally spoke. "Uh, yeah, hold on." She rummaged through her saddlebag for a moment before pulling out a small bag, much like the one Celestia had dropped the day we met, only much, much cheaper.

"Oh, no, I can pay if you're going to buy something, it's just that I haven't eaten in, well, almost two weeks." I don't know why I offered to pay, maybe it was just the hunger making me think strange, but she smiled and pulled me out of the alley. The train conductor yelled something about the train leaving, but I was too focused on hiding behind the filly to notice what exactly he said. The train was pretty empty, our car had nopony else in it but us, and after a minute of sitting quietly, the train started chugging off.

Finally, the filly spoke. "Alright, I'll go get some food, then we can talk about Ponyville." I handed her thirty bits and told her to get as much food as she could carry. She fluttered her wings in excitement, obviously hungry, and ran off. I sat back and sighed, it had been a long, strange day, but it seemed like I was finally drawn a good hand.

"Okay, so they really didn't have all that much there, but I got a good amount of food, I think." The filly walked slowly, carefully balancing four trays of food on her back and wings. I noticed that her wings were small, much smaller than any filly I had seen before. She sat down and licked her lips hungrily.

We ate in silence until the mountain of food was a small pile crumbs. I looked over to the train's schedule and saw that there was still an hour until we arrived in Ponyville, my time was running out.

"So, care to explain what I'm to expect when we arrive?" I would've been more angry, but with the amount of food I had just eaten, I was too content. Her ears fell back on her head and she frowned.

"I, uh, don't really k-know." She winced as soon as she finished the sentence. I guess she thought I was going to hit her, whatever, I'll never understand pony logic.

"Okay... do you know what your dads friend wants me for, or how they knew I existed?" She let out a sigh knowing I wasn't angry.

"Sure, she wants to have, oh what did he call it? Uh, oh right! She wants to have sex with you!" My eyes shot open to the size of dinner plates, and my mouth hung down several inches. I knew she had no clue what that meant, but it didn't make me feel any better. Sex?! I thought, With a human? What the hell kind of pony is this?

"I don't think I'll be able to do that..." I trailed off, I couldn't even think. This whole situation was so strange, I had no idea that ponies acted like this. My only interaction with them prior to Celestia was with homeless, crazy drunks. I had never thought of ponies like that, not anywhere close. But I did a home. No, no, no. I can't do this, I'll just try and sneak back to Manehatten.

"Why not? She'll pay you, and feed you, too!" I just groaned, which confused the filly even more. "Listen, uh, I don't really want to explain this, but I can't have... sex with this pony. Yeah, I want a home, and yeah I want food, but that is not an option, it is never an option." She gave me a confused look, but I held up a hand, telling her to drop it.

"So what are we gonna do now? I can't keep you at my house without my dad noticing." Keep me? I'm not a dog. Whatever, not like she even cares.

"Listen kid, this is a whole lot more complicated than you think. If Celestia finds out that I'm just waltzing down the streets of Equestria, she'll banish me, and then I'll starve. Heck, I almost starved with a bag of a hundred bits! I appreciate you trying to help a, um, creature, in need, but there's nothing a young pony like you can do." She scrunched up her face in disappointment.

"Ponies are always telling me I can't do stuff cause I'm too young, or too small. I can't give you much food, but my friends and I can let you sleep in our clubhouse! We can help you, just let us. The ponies in Ponyville are really nice, they can help, even if they don't get sex. Whatever that is." I put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her with a smile.

"Alright, I'll give you a chance, but you can't tell anypony who won't keep me a secret, wait a minute. How many ponies know about your dads friend and me. I mean, about her, uh, proposition." She thought for a moment, and put a hoof to her chin. After a minute she gasped happily.

"Well, my dad obviously, and Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rosebud, Carrot Top, the quill salespony, Mayor Mare, oh! And Big Mac and Granny Smith. Who else?" She kept listing names for a while, and I realized that the entire town must have known that I was coming. Great, I thought, Might as well throw me a welcoming party, too.

"Okay kid," I interrupted, "I ge-"

"I have a name, you know!" That's great, how was I supposed to know it if you never told me?

"Okay," I said, waiting. After a few moments of silence I rolled my eyes and sighed. "What's you name, kid?" She smiled widely and said, "Scootaloo, my friends call me Scoots, you can call me Scootaloo." I looked at her with a 'Are you kidding me?' face. She held a serious face for a while, but soon enough let it crumble into a fit of giggles.

"Well Scootaloo," I said, she nodded in approval, "If everpony in this town knows about me coming, why did you have to come and get me? Why not an adult?"

"That's simple, everpony else was too afraid. They said you had 'dark magic', and were dangerous, but I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything!" I wonder why nopony stopped her if they were so afraid? I thought, but dismissed it as I didn't really care about her, and I knew that I wasn't dangerous. Maybe I should have cared, but at the moment I had more important things on my mind.

Just then we pulled up to the Ponyville train station. The brakes of the train screeched and screamed loudly as we stopped. I looked out the window to see something very, very strange. "A party? Oh, no."

Outside of the train were streamers, ribbons, and balloons, and a huge banner that read, Welcome Hewmane!

"It's gonna be a long day." Scootaloo giggled beside me and ran out of the train. "Hey everypony, come and say hi to, uh, wait here a second." She ran back into the car and up to me.

"What's your name?" I never thought about that before. I had no name, mainly because I had no parents. I was never really addressed by any of the drunks I hung out with, but when I was they just said "Hey", or "You".

"I don't really... have one." Scootaloo gasped loudly and ran back out of the car. I really hope the rest of them are less energetic. I was never a fan of social gatherings, the one I had been to as a teen ended rather poorly. But more on that later.

"Pinkie, come here!" A pink mare jumped out of the crowd, which was pretty dang big. It looked as if the entire town was waiting outside the station. Scootaloo and Pinkie ran into the car and up to me, Pinkie with a huge smile on her face. I had never seen such a happy pony before, it was actually pretty unsettling. She was too happy.

"He doesn't have a name, Pinkie. I thought you could pick one out for him!" And what makes me incapable of choosing a name?

"Oh no! I've been waiting forever to meet you and now I can't even give you a proper welcome? Don't you worry hewmane, I'll have you a name in no time!" She began tapping her chin while mumbling to herself. I just watched from my seat and waited. After a few minutes she jumped up and gasped excitedly.

"I've got it! How about, John Doe?" For some reason I felt a little offended, but with no other real options, I accepted.

"Why not, my name is John Doe."

Author's Note

Don't you worry, the ponies aren't as welcoming as they seem. This isn't going to be all happy yet.