Glittering sunlight filtered through the windows of the Golden Oaks Library as Twilight’s five best friends trotted inside.
“Twilight, remind me what we’re doin’ again,” Applejack said as she sat down in front of a laptop.
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash added. “It’s 10:00 in the morning on Saturday! I should be napping right now!”
“What’re we doing, what’re we doing, what’re we doing?” Pinkie shouted, bouncing to her seat.
“I agree, Twilight,” Rarity said. “It was rather odd of you to request that we all come to the library so early in the morning.”
“Um, what they said,” Fluttershy murmured.
Twilight looked around, ensuring that each of the ponies was in her designated seat.
“What’re we doing, what’re we doing, what’re we-”
“What we’re doing,” Twilight interjected, fluffing her wings in agitation, “Is playing Defense of the Alicorns 2, or DoTA 2 for short.”
A thick silence hung in the air. The five unsuspecting ponies exchanged glances with each other, at the computers in front of each of them, and then back at each other.
“Bah hah hah hah!” Rainbow shrieked with laughter. “Are you serious?” Twilight narrowed her eyes as Rainbow Dash fell out of her chair.
“Defense of the what now?” Applejack asked.
“Defense of the Alicorns,” Twilight said. “Two,” she added under her breath.
“Sugarcube, I ain’t even heard of the first ‘Defense of the Alicorns,’” Applejack replied. “’N fact, I hardly know a thang about this fancy-shcmancy thang in front of me.”
“That’s the newest Dragonware model DX14 laptop,” Twilight said with a touch of pride. “Straight from Canterlot. Princess Celestia gave me five of them so that I could teach you all how to play DoTA.”
“Which brings us back to the bigger question,” Rarity said. “Why would you want to teach us such a thing?”
Twilight nodded, her eyes wandering around the room as she recounted something.
“Shortly after I became a Princess,” she started, “Luna approached me and told me about the first Defense of the Alicorns.” Twilight began to pace back and forth across the room, an acquired habit from years of extreme, high-stakes studying. “It was a video game that she and Celestia had created several years beforehand out of nothing more than boredom. After I played it for a little while, I thought that it was quite good, but that there was plenty of room for improvement. A new engine, more playable characters, things like that.”
At this point, all of Twilight’s friends were listening attentively--even Rainbow Dash.
“So I assembled Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and my brother to create a sequel. It was really just a fun little project at first, like the first one had been. After we finished it, though, Cadence and Shining brought it back to the Crystal Empire. There, somepony discovered it, and it became a phenomenon. Like, ‘nationally televised tournaments’ kind of popular!”
“Eventually, other cities like Manehattan caught wind of it; now, there’s even a national tournament simply called ‘The Defense.’ The five of us formed a team, and we’ve had quite a lot of fun recently! So, I decided that I should share this experience with my best friends in all of Equestria!” Twilight finished, turning to face the five ponies with an eager smile.
Another bout of silence followed for several moments.
"Gee Twilight,” Rainbow started. “I thought that you were an egghead before, but this takes the cake!”
“Cake?” Pinkie asked. “Don’t worry! I always keep some on me!” She said as she pulled a large piece of cake seemingly out of nowhere. “In case of cake emergencies.”
“Well, besides that,” Applejack said without skipping a beat. “What exactly happens in DoTA?”
“Basically,” Twilight started, “A bunch of fantasy ponies and other creatures battle in an arena-like setting.” Applejack raised an eyebrow.
“And why would Ah want to play that?” she asked. Twilight smiled.
“Applebuck Season ended last week. What else do you have to do?”
Applejack thought for several seconds. “Well-played, Twilight,” she admitted. “Ah guess Ah could try it.”
“I agree,” Rarity added. “I don’t usually partake in these types of activities, but this does seem interesting enough to try.”
“I think it sounds fun too,” Fluttershy said.
“Me four!” Pinkie shouted.
Everypony’s attention turned to Rainbow Dash.
“What do you say Rainbow?” Twilight said, ecstatic. “Will you complete the five-pony team?” Rainbow just yawned.
“Sorry, Twi,” she said. “But this sounds a bit too nerdy for me.” She got up from her chair and began to move toward the exit.
“What if I told you,” Twilight called after Rainbow Dash as she neared the front door, “That Princess Celestia had sent me a copy of the newest Daring Do book as an early birthday present?” Twilight floated a hard-cover novel from behind her librarian’s desk. On it flashed the bright red letters: Daring Do and the Stone of Starswirl.
Rainbow Dash stopped in her tracks. In only a moment, Rainbow was hovering in front of Twilight, her hooves on the confused purple pony’s shoulders.
“What?” Rainbow asked wildly. “That isn’t supposed to be out for two months!” Twilight grinned.
“It’s all yours if you can win a match of DoTA with everypony else,” she said. Instantly, Rainbow Dash returned to her seat.
“Sounds good to me!” she shouted.
Soon, all of the ponies had started their computers and had entered the game.
“Now, before you begin,” Twilight said, standing behind the row of chairs. “You should probably play a match against the computer. It will help you get a feel for how the game plays and what heroes you may like.”
Several clicks and several minutes of instructing later, Twilight had navigated all of her friends into a bot match.
“First, I’ll give you a brief explanation of the mechanics,” Twilight stated. She took a deep breath.
“The goal is to destroy the enemy’s Alicorn statue in their base--they have three layers of towers, which shoot projectiles at you. The bases also spawn creeps, who move through the three lanes; one person goes mid, two go in top and two go to bottom. You should attack creeps to get money, which you use to buy items. You can combine items to make better ones, and you should just follow the recommended item lists that I created for each hero. The heroes fall into Strength, Agility, and Intelligence. Each hero has 4 or more abilities, and most of them are active. You should try to kill heroes, but don’t risk it if you don’ think that you can. Also, make sure that when you’re mid, you watch for runes. Oh! Also, you have to buy wards if you’re a Support. WhichremindsmethereareDurableCarrySupportNukerInitiatorJunglerandEscapeheroesinthegameEachisgoodatdifferentthingsAlsothereareyourultimatesdon’tusethemunlessyouhavetobecausetheycanbreallygoodorreallyamazingdependingonthehero-.”
Twilight exhaled suddenly and took in another deep breath. “Any questions?”
Silence.
“Good,” Twilight said, smiling and still breathing heavily. “Well, I’ll let you girls play. There’s no reason to overload you with information right away. I have some errands to run anyway. I’ll see how you’re doing later.” Twilight turned around and trotted out of the front door, leaving her confused friends behind.
When Twilight returned with several bags of groceries, her friends had just finished their practice match.
“Ah, good timing!” Twilight said, walking up the stairs and setting her food inside of the kitchen. “How did it go?” she asked as she moved back downstairs.
“Not bad, Ah’d say,” Applejack said, leaning back in her chair. Twilight moved over the row of computers, eager to see how her friends had performed.
Twilight’s jaw dropped.
“Applejack, you got one kill and 20 deaths as Sven?” Twilight asked.
“Eeyup,” Applejack replied. “Didn’t do too badly with Rainbow at mid.”
“What?” Twilight asked, her right eyes beginning to twitch. “You were both at mid?”
“Yeah!” Rainbow exclaimed. “It was pretty fun!” Twilight checked her statistics.
“3-18 as Juggernaut,” Twilight read. “Oh my…”
“Twilight, I didn’t die at all,” Fluttershy said. Twilight walked over to her.
“That’s good, Fluttershy!” Twilight checked the statistics. “Fluttershy, you went 0-0 and stayed at Level 1 for the entire game as Enchantress.”
“Well, I didn’t want to hurt anything,” she said. “So I stayed in the forest area near our base.” Twilight began to breathe more quickly.
“Pinkie, what about you?” Twilight asked desperately. She looked at her friend’s monitor with apprehension. “18-0 as Puck?” Twilight tried to think of how to react. “Keep up the good work, I guess.”
“Can do, boss!” Pinkie said, giving a salute. Twilight walked over to Rarity’s computer.
“4-5 as Windrunner,” Twilight read. “Not bad, all things considered.”
“Thank you, darling,” Rarity responded with a half-smile. Twilight backed away from the computers and took several deep breaths.
“Well, that definitely doesn’t sound like it was the best game ever,” she started. “But I hope that you all learned a few things about the game.”
“Sure did, Twilight!” Pinkie chirped, a large smile spreading across her face. “Phase Boots don’t do much good; Puck’s already super speedy. Treads give the necessary tankability to survive for more than two seconds, and the Blink Dagger / Phase Shift combo is great for both initiation and escape!”
The entire room, Twilight included, didn’t say a word. Twilight glanced at the rest of her friends, who merely shrugged and gave her the “It’s Pinkie Pie” Look.
“Alright, well…” Twilight began. “It might be a good idea to play a few more practice rounds before you-”
“Who’s up for a real match?” Rainbow Dash shouted.
Everypony except Twilight agreed almost instantly.
“Awesome!” Rainbow continued, hitting the “Find Match” button.
“Oh, I can’t watch!” Twilight moaned from the kitchen as her friends picked their heroes once more. It was hardly a kitchen that Twilight sat in; it was more of kitchenette—a small section of the upper floor that looked out over the main space of the tree. Spike walked over to where Twilight had her head buried in her forearms at the kitchen table.
“Twilight, what’s the problem?” The young dragon asked. “So what if they’re bad at the game?” Twilight slowly lifted her head from the table, a conflicted look on her face.
“I know that I shouldn’t be this upset, Spike,” she said. “But, as one of the creators of the game, it physically hurts to see somepony do that badly—no matter who they are!” Spike merely shook his head and walked out of the kitchen.
“Who’s ready to kick some flank?” Rainbow shouted, eliciting cheers from her friends. “Then let’s do this!”
Twilight groaned and got up from her seat. Slowly, Twilight trotted down the stairs, sighing as she reached the row of laptops.
“Alright, let’s see what you’re up against,” she said, looking over Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Lion, Pudge, Spirit Breaker, Viper, and Tidehunter.” Twilight shrugged. “I’ve seen worse. You guys are the same heroes as before?”
“Eeyup,” Applejack said, along with the rest of the ponies.
“Right,” Twilight said. “Well, do your best. What’s the worst that could-?”
Suddenly, a text message flashed across the screen:
“GAP Trixie (Lion): Trixie will make you simple ponies wish that you had never clicked ‘Find Match!!!!’”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed.
“Trash-talking isn’t allowed,” She muttered to herself. Another message appeared, and Twilight began to read it.
“Will Ironer (Pudge): When somepony picks Puck, SHOW THEM WHO GETS FU-’”
“Whoa!” Twilight shouted. Twilight covered Spikes eyes.
“Oh my,” Fluttershy murmured while Rainbow Dash laughed.
“Well, isn’t that rude?” Rarity said, cringing.
“Flim (Tidehunter): I couldn’t have said it better myself. What about you Flam?”
“Flam (Spirit Breaker): Me neither, Flim. I just hope that they have the WILL to stay until the end of the match!”
“GildaGriphon (Viper): Hey, lame-o’s. Save the trash-talking for when we beat these losers.”
Everypony’s jaws collectively dropped.
“Gilda?!”
“Trixie?!”
“Them Flim Flam brothers?!”
“Iron Will?!”
Rarity and Pinkie sat there, feeling oddly excluded.
“Sweet Celestia!” Twilight shouted. “What are the odds that every mildly-annoying antagonist that we’ve met would not only play DoTA2, but also form a team and end up in the same game as us?”
“I dunno, let’s see,” Pinkie said, whipping out a comedically-oversized calculator. “Pi divided by the square root of plot convenience-”
“No time!” Rainbow Dash shouted, her voice crackling with energy.
The in-game time reached zero, and a loud war horn signaled the beginning of the game.
“Alright, who’s buying the courier?” Twilight asked hopefully.
“I already bought four,” Fluttershy said. “They’re just so cute!”
Twilight’s eye began to twitch.
“Fluttershy, you only need to buy one courier,” Twilight explained as calmly as equinely possible.
“I’m going mid!” Rainbow exclaimed.
“Um, Puck would probably make a better mid than Juggernaut,” Twilight suggested. “You’re on the Radiant side, so… Applejack can go with Rarity to the top lane and you can solo the bot lane.” Rainbow Dash snorted.
“Fine. Mid’s cooler, though.”
Once the heroes had moved to their appropriate lanes, the creeps clashed and began to battle. Twilight paced along the row of computers, watching each of her friend’s screens carefully.
Fluttershy, as Enchantress, was in the Radiant jungle. Rainbow Dash, as Juggernaut, was on the bottom lane. Rarity, as Windrunner, and Applejack, as Sven, were at the top lane. Pinkie, as Puck, was holding her own at mid.
“Alright, just follow the ‘Recommended Items’ for your heroes,” Twilight said. “Who are you up against?”
“Lion and Tidehunter!” Applejack called.
“Pudge!” Pinkie shouted.
“Viper and Spirit Breaker!” Rainbow Dash reported.
Twilight sighed.
“Those definitely aren’t the easiest lanes to win against, but I’m sure that you girls can-”
FIRST BLOOD!
Twilight stopped in her tracks. She ran over to each monitor in quick succession.
“What happened? Who died? Why weren’t you more careful?” Twilight shouted. Eventually, she found her answer.
“Pinkie Pie (Puck) has pwned Will Ironer’s (Pudge) head for first blood! (435 gold),” Twilight read on Pinkie’s screen.
"Will Ironer (Pudge): lolwut"
Twilight took a step back and saw that each of her friends, Spike included, was giving her an incredulous look. Twilight chuckled nervously and cleared her throat.
“Well, it looks like you girls have this under control. I’m going to go over there and take a moment to collect myself…”
After 15 minutes, the team kill counter was still 1-0. Both teams had become very defensive and had begun to focus on earning money and experience from the jungle and lanes.
“I’m actually pretty surprised,” Twilight said as she tried to straighten her rapidly-frazzling hair. “The enemy team isn’t as good as I was expecting. Anyway, what level is everypony?”
“Level 10!” Pinkie said. Twilight nodded approvingly.
“Level 3!” Applejack said. Twilight groaned.
“Applejack, you have to stand by the creeps to get experience,” Twilight coached in as calm of a tone as she could muster.
“Roger that, Sugarcube,” she replied.
“I’m Level 7,” Fluttershy said.
“I’m Level 10 as well,” Rarity said. “I’ve been getting plenty of solo experience due to Applejack’s cowardice,” She threw over her shoulder toward the farmer.
“Hey now,” Applejack growled. “No one told me nothin’ about creeps and how close ya gotta be!”
“Who put them in a lane together?” Pinkie whispered to Rainbow Dash.
“Not sure!” Rainbow Dash grunted as she cast her ultimate on Viper. Luckily, no other heroes or creeps were around to re-direct the attack, and the rapid slashes brought Viper to his non-existent knees.
“Yes!” Rainbow shouted, elated. “Well, I’m Level 11 now.”
“Excellent,” Twilight said with a smile. “You guys are well on your way to victory.”
“Um, guys?” Fluttershy said. “I think they’re going to the middle lane.” No sooner had she said that than four multi-colored X’s appeared next to the enemy’s Tier-1 middle tower.
“Yep, they’re lookin’ to take that-there tower!” Applejack affirmed. A bright light appeared as Rarity teleported to the tower using a Town Portal Scroll.
“Would anypony care to help me and Pinkie, darlings?” Rarity asked.
“On mah way,” Applejack responded.
“Same,” Rainbow Dash said.
“I’m almost there,” Fluttershy said, bringing a Centaur Khan neutral creep with her.
Silence filled the room as the heroes made their way to the middle lane; the enemy team had disappeared from sight.
“Rarity, your Powershot gives sight,” Twilight said. “You should scout with it.”
“If you insist, darling,” Rarity replied. A few clicks later, and Windrunner fired a green, luminescent arrow toward the enemy’s mid tower.
There were no enemies in sight.
“Well, ain’t that the strangest-” Applejack started.
Suddenly, a large, bloody meat hook separated itself from the fog and hit Pinkie’s hero, pulling it into the darkness above the pony’s team. The fog cleared, revealing the entire enemy team in the river above the ponies’ team.
“Holy crackers!” Pinkie shouted. “Help!” Puck was dead before Pinkie’s friends could react.
“Let’s go!” Rainbow cried. Juggernaut began to spin, heading directly for the enemy team.
“Right behind ya!” Applejack said, throwing Sven’s stun at Pudge.
When Juggernaut finished spinning, Lion stunned him, hit him with the Finger of Death, and turned Sven into a frog. The rest of the enemy team beat Sven into submission.
Spirit Breaker charged from the shadows of the river and collided with Windrunner, stunning her on her feet. Tidehunter followed, using his ultimate to destroy the surrounding land and kill Windrunner.
Enchantress merely stood there. Viper arrived from the enemy’s base and used his ultimate on her, poisoning her blood and slowing her. She didn’t last more than two seconds.
Twilight stood there, completely still and silent. Her friends had various looks of surprise and anger--except Fluttershy, who had been cowering in her chair since Pinkie had been hooked by Pudge.
Slowly, Twilight walked up the stairs to her kitchenette and opened the small fridge. Inside, she found a bottle of alcohol with a single yellow post-it note labeled: “Emergency Wine.”
“Twilight, come on,” Spike said, pulling at one of Twilight forelegs. “This is just sad. It’s only two in the afternoon!” Twilight began to lift her head from the kitchenette table, her eyes bloodshot. Her empty Emergency Wine bottle lay next to her.
“Spike, they’ve been in the same game for four hours… Four hours! How am I supposed to react to that?” Twilight said, cringing.
Once more, Spike merely shook his head and returned to the first floor of the library. Twilight groaned and pushed herself up from the table. She might as well see this through to the end.
“What’s the situation?” she murmured as she neared the computers.
“200 of our kills to 256 of theirs,” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes practically bulging out of her head as she focused on the screen.
“Ain’t no one’s taken any towers,” Applejack added as she massaged her temples.
“We’ve been at this for like six-evers!” Pinkie squeaked.
“You’re all level 25!” Twilight shouted, her head pounding. “All you have to do is push towers!”
“Could you not be so loud darling, I’m trying to concentrate!” Rarity snapped.
“Pssh, yah certainly need it,” Applejack said. “You haven’t hit none o’ your Powershots lately!”
“That’s simply because I’m worried that Pudge will hit me with that awful hook of his if I stand still for too long!” Rarity threw back.
“Oh, quit acting like foals!” Rainbow shouted.
“I wanna argue too!” Pinkie chirped.
“Girls!” Twilight shouted. Everypony fell silent. “Just destroy their middle towers and finish the game!”
“Fine, sheesh!” Rainbow called back. Soon, the five heroes had assembled at their middle tower. “Alright girls!” Rainbow called. “Let’s go!”
The sound of right-clicks filled the air as they began to run toward the enemy’s middle tower.
“For Daring Do!” Rainbow cried, causing a battle cheer from the rest of her team to fill the room.
At that moment, Spirit Breaker came into sight; he was soon followed by the rest of his team except Tidehunter.
Immediately, Puck sent its Illusory Orb into the four enemies. Puck teleported to its own orb when it reached the center of the opposing team, silencing the enemy team and using its ultimate—the enemy team suddenly found itself rooted to the ground. Instantly, Puck had blinked away, out of harm’s way.
Windrunner threw her Shackleshot next. It hit an enemy creep, but luckily Pudge was standing directly behind it. The two orbs of light wrapped around him and ensnared him, binding him and the creep together. Windrunner charged a Powershot next, aiming directly at Pudge. It flew 45 degrees to the left and hit Lion, killing him. As a final move, she used her Force Staff to send Sven into the midst of the enemy team.
“Hey!” Appleajack shouted. “I ain’t ready!” Sven turned a raging red as his ultimate began, and he unleashed a howl of rage. He began to hit random creeps, though his cleave damage was beginning to cause Viper to run.
Spirit Breaker charged toward Enchantress, plowing into her and knocking her off of her feet. The beast began to bring down his large club toward Enchantress—suddenly, Pudge threw his hook toward Enchantress, hitting Spirit Breaker and bringing the beast back to him. At that moment, Sven’s stun hit a nearby creep, stunning the two Dire team members with its splash effect.
Tidehunter blinked from the trees, casting his ultimate and destroying the landscape around him. Unfortunately, he was ten feet to the left of the battle, and his ultimate didn’t damage any of the Radiant heroes.
Juggernaut leaped through the air, aiming for Viper, who was at very low health. However, Juggernaut began to jump back and forth between the creeps that were fighting between the two teams, killing all of them. His final leap, however, slashed through Viper, killing him.
Within seconds, Pudge, Spirit Breaker, and Tidehunter had been defeated by Puck and Sven. Enchantress created healing Sprites, mending the wounds of her teammates after the battle had been won.
And just like that, it was over. The opposing team lay slain by its middle tower, each hero with a 99 second respawn time. The middle tower fell shortly after, followed by the next two towers, the barracks, and finally the enemy’s Alicorn Statue.
"GAP Trixie (Lion): n00bs."
"GildaGriphon (Viper): Dweebs."
"WillIroner (Pudge): Weaklings."
"Flim (Tidehunter): Utter."
"Flam (Spirit Breaker): Nonsense."
The entire room was silent—the only sound was the heavy breathing of Rainbow Dash as she processed what happened.
Twilight couldn’t believe it. That was, without a doubt, the most poorly-executed team fight that she had ever seen. Nothing aside from Pucks initiation had been done properly, and nothing but the enemy team’s incompetence had saved them. Even so, they had won…
“That… Was… Awesome!” Rainbow Dash shouted, throwing her hooves in the air. Assorted agreements and congratulations followed from the rest of the room.
“But…” Twilight said, “You really shouldn’t have-”
“Sweet sauce, boss!” Pinkie said, ecstatic.
“Nice shackle there, Rarity,” Applejack said.
“Good stun as well,” Rarity responded, smiling.
“Did you all forget about my ultimate?” Rainbow said, pounding her chest with her hoof.
“Um, I helped too, I guess,” Fluttershy said, nearly drowned out by the celebration.
Twilight sighed and smiled, resigning herself to the celebration.
“Fluttershy, you were great!” Twilight said.
“You know what this calls for?” Pinkie asked, shaking from withheld mirth. In an explosion of confetti, a banner appeared above their heads and balloons fell from the ceiling. “A party!” Everypony laughed, standing up and stretching their legs. Twilight went to her fridge and brought out refreshments and snacks for her friends, who were all famished after their extensive match.
After several minutes of discussion and merriment, Rainbow Dash approached Twilight and Spike by the punch bowl.
“So, about the book,” Rainbow forced out—she had a carrot between her teeth. Twilight giggled.
“Alright, here,” she said, floating the new Daring Doo book from its place on the shelf. “You’ve earned it.” They all shared a laugh, and Rainbow Dash took the book from Twilight’s magical field.
“So,” Rainbow Dash said after putting the precious book down. “Where do we sign up for that ‘The Defense’ tournament?”
“Yeah, Ah think we could go somewhere with this!” Applejack added.
“That’d be super fun!” Pinkie shouted. "And you could be our coach!"
Twilight froze, her drink falling through her magical nimbus grip and landing on the floor. After several seconds, Twilight spoke up.
“Hey Spike?”
“Yeah, Twilight?”
“Do we still have the Emergency Liquor that Celestia sent me?”
Author's Note
I'm not going to even pretend that I know what I just wrote. I'm a big fan of Defense of the Ancients, as well as Friendship is Magic... So, why not combine them?
Thanks for reading!
