My Little Walrus

by A Large Handsome Walrus

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Dark, Comedy, Romance, Tragedy, Random
Length: 1663

Join Wally MacTusk on his great adventure in Equestria!

Eduardo was a man who was loving his life! Until one day he wants to watch his favourite show, only to find out it has been replaced by something much more evil… My Little Pony has always been his pet hate, but his brother told hid to give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-23 17:26:12 UTC

HAHUM

Sharp beams of light had broken the lines of my blinds, striking me in the eyes awakening me from my deep sleep. Taking awhile for my eyes to focus but I could eventually make out my ceiling. It was covered in stains and wet patches, we have been meaning to get the roof fixed. But, as with everything, money was tight at the moment.

I stood up, my nipples instantly took the form of arrowheads as the vicious draft attacked me. The boiler had been broken ever since old Mr. McDougall died of alcohol poisoning and too much heroin at the old age of 37. Me and my brother had quickly broke in and converted the place in to our new drug den. We made a reasonable profit growing skunk to people how wanted it. But with the passing of our parents we where force out of our real home and forced to take up permanent residence here.

My name is Eduardo. I was in my early 20s, I had short brown hair and piercing sapphire  blue eyes and above average height.

My brother on the other hand was a scrawny little faggot with squint-y brown eyes around 5” 3' and had long pale ginger hair. He was the least favourite of the three of us. More like a plan B than anything else. My other brother had moved to New York to be a model for Durex. He was undoubtedly the favourite child out of us.

I quickly began to get ready, I jogged regularly, to help keep my perfect figure. I got my favourite T-shirt on, it was plain black with “#YOLO” written on the front in bold white. I got my running shorts and my “Swag” bracelet on. And a pair of neon laced shoes, not for getting my snap back or as I called it “Swag back”.  I went down the stairs to see my brother curled up on the middle of the living room floor surrounded by needles. I kicked him but I didn't really check to see if he was still breathing, wasn't really worth my time.

I opened my door to a brisk Autumn breeze nipping at my lips. The place we lived in was a right proper shit hole. All of the major employers had moved out causing the place to go into disrepair. Most of our neighbours had moved on to greener pastures. Not that we mind, they would most likely have called the cops on us.

I was beginning to get exhausted, I had been running for a good 5 minutes. And then I tripped over a box. Rubbing my head I looked at it. The box had “Give to a good home” written in black marker pen on the side. I cautiously opened the box to reveal... A dead rat. It had obviously been here awhile judging from the smell. Closing the box over, setting it on fire and pissing on it, giving the brave rat the Viking burial it deserved.

It was getting dark, I decided to go to McDonald's to relax after my jog. I ordered two Big Macs with extra cheese, a large quarter pounder meal and a Diet Coke.

I got a taxi back home I was only a two minute drive, but I was still too fatigued from the jog.

I opened my door to still see my brother lying on the floor.

“Waste of space” Eduardo grunted.

Sitting on the couch he grabbed the box set of his favourite show

“Jersey Shore: Season 1” He read happily. He slowly opened the case to reveal one of the most satanic things ever created.

“My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Complete Season 1” He choked.

His faggot ass brother loved this show. He even insisted that he should watch the show.

“Hmmm” I thought. If I where to watch the show it would only give me more reasons to insult my Brother after I found out how shit the show was. I proceeded to take the disk out, which was visibly covered in cum stains. I scraped them off and inserted it into the DVD player...

I had my pants off by episode 2, DAMN these ponies where hot, I especially liked how they jiggled when they walked. Maybe my brother wasn't such a gaydo after all.

I was nearing my climax when the television set started to go all funny, the voices of the ponies had become warped there colours losing there brilliance. The room started to get much colder as the ground started shaking the ponies where now speaking in tongue. Everything around him started to go white the rumble had intensified now, all our weed plants where smashing off the ground. And everything went to black.

I could hear a chorus of birds around me, how I hated the things, shat everywhere. I slowly opened my eyes to a blinding light.

“Damn, where am I?” He asked nobody.

This is only the beginning of the strangeness of course. He tried to move his hand up to his face only to reveal...

“A flopper?” He was in shock, for in fact he was no longer human. But something much greater.

“I'm a walrus!” He shouted. “I wonder if I've got a big dick too!” The breaking of a twig startled him for a moment. But he could not see anything so he returned to analysing his new form. He noticed he had a strange new mark on his arse. It was an image of his favourite artist. Lil' Wayne smoking a joint. He has been my inspiration for many years.

Another sound of a twig breaking caught my attention, but when I turned my head around this time I saw... A pony? Yes! It was one of the ones from the show! It was  butter yellow with a long pink mane. I think I recall her being called Fluffyshorts or something. Then suddenly he was embraced by a purple glow and quickly fell asleep.

A Big Sexy Chapter

Twilight was pacing around the main room of her library. It had been out for a few hours, she never felt like taking her eyes off of it. Fluttershy had insisted that the creature in question was in fact, a walrus. Which was ludicrous to begin with. The ancient Walri had not been seen in over eight millennium, simply disappearing overnight. It is still unknown how they came to be extinct. According to legend, the average walrus could create and destroy mountains with a single thought, this how, as the legends go, the Big Sexy Mountain was formed, this is where modern day Canterlott is placed.

Ancient Walri settlements have been fond all over the known world, with the oldest being estimated at around 50,000 years old. The great Walri had an extremely complex understanding of magical arts, so complex that not even the most talented archmages could even comprehend it. It also sent the princesses heads spinning. That is how the magical order tends to work, older much more magically developed species had a much broader understanding of the mechanics of magic. But as the times went on biological life slowly started to lose its connection with the world. Hence the growing population of earth ponies, who seem to have no practical use for magic at all. Top biologists are concerned that the wings of the pegisi and the magic manipulating horns of unicorns are becoming recessive genes. This is why much older species, such as dragons and alicorns have a much greater use of magic than almost all other creatures.

It was growing dark and the unicorns eyes were slowly becoming heavier and heavier until she finally gave up.

She cast a bubble around the thing and proceeded to go to bed.

Eduardo opened his eyes for the third time today, he began to take in his surroundings, he appeared to be in a large wooden tree which had been carved out to look more like a home than a hollowed out tree. There was also a large collection of books. He could not make out the strange markings on the covers or in the books. But for some reason it all seemed much clearer, as if he had just taken some kind of performance enhancing drug of something. He scratched his new moustache with his flopper and began deciphering the text in front of him.

It took awhile but he finally managed to make some sense of the text in front of him. It looked like he was reading a book on the biology of the ponies. He also came to the conclusion that these ponies must be the descendants of some kind of crustacean as they appeared to lay their fertilised eggs on beaches waiting for them to hatch and retrieving them at birth. Or that is what he deducted from the book.

He closed over the book, setting it aside.

It then dawned on him. He was in a new world and new body! He needed a new name!

     “Wally” He thought “Wally MacTusk” He concluded.

The creaking of a floor board caught his attention...

Twilight looked at the beast in shock not only was it awake but also reading her books. She has no idea what it could have learned about, it could have just unlocked all of our magical achievements at once. Obviously outmatched by the huge walrus

she decided to go for a more peaceful approach...

   “h-hello” She stammered it only turned its head as a response. “M-my name is Twilight S-Sparkle and it is a pleasure to meat you Mr. Walrus” she gave a small bow not wanting to offend the creature as it would most likely crush her and Ponyville in an instant.

“Goo oww grr glug glug ow g'goob HAHUM” It replied

She could tell this was going to be a long night.

She grabbed a quill and parchment and began scribbling down a letter.