An Important lesson in Spelling and Grammar

by Rotorix

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 1413

Everypony learns the most valuable lesson of all.

There was a time when proper language usage was impossible to find in Equestria -this is the story of how that changed.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-01 16:00:01 UTC

Chaptir...

The sun that was enslaved by Princess Celestia cast beautiful, radiation-filled warmth on all of Equestria. Not her neighbors, however, just Equestria. Only Equestria. Meanwhile Twilight and her friends sat at Sugar Cube Conner, eating some kind of new diabetes-inducing food Pinkie Pie had just made; a cake shaped like a cup, with useless paper wrapped around the sides that Rainbow Dash had just chocked on. Too bad she didn't die -I mean good thing she's okay! Twilight was constantly adjusting the frosting so it would be even on both sides. Rarity had just vanished, because the air was too filthy, or something along those lines.

"So guys, how R U engoying thoze cupcakes i just made" Pinkie asked. And here's were the problem shows itself. Many years ago, something happened.

Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria...

Princess Celestia put the final period at the end of her horrible book involving a certain purple unicorn. She knew it didn't matter if it was good, ponies would still buy it, simply because she was Princess Celestia. She hadn't even bothered proofreading it. But she didn't care, and with hope of only monetary gain, published her grammatically incorrect book, distributing it all across Equestria. Unfortunately, ponies thought that horrible grammar  was "in" now, so everypony started ignoring the laws of Equish. The only problem was that ponies forgot to stop using grammar that would make Shakespeare easier to understand in comparison. And so it spread like a disease -much like modern pop stars. The horrible grammar had gotten so bad, that even the speech now was somehow spelled and pronounced wrong.

Back in Ponyville, something (of course) was happening. Twilight was walking home. Well I didn't say it was something important, did I?  No, because this isn't a movie. This is real life. Anyway, Twilight took the usual route home, greeting everypony as she did. "Hay. whut's up, derpy." She called to the mare as she passed. "Hey Mr. Kake,." She...wait no she? Did she use a comma or a period...ughh. It's stressful being a narrator, I tell you. I don't even get medical! I mean really? Oh wait, need to stay in correct point of view. Twilight finally reached her home and stepped inside. Her slave/assistant spike came up to her.

"Hey, twilight, How was Pinkyes?" He asked. "Is their anything I can get U?" See? I said he was her slave.

"no spike ...I SAID NO. GO AWAY!" Twilight calmly added after spike lingered at her side longer than he was allowed. She used her magic to lightly shove him through the couch. "Good knight spike," she said to the unconscious -or dead- dragon.

Manehatten

Wow, those pony-city puns really are annoying.

In the morning, under Celestia's golden sun, manehattanites went about their usual routines. Did I mention grammar was worse in Manehattan? No? Well there, now I have. The tall buildings and rude population made this one heck of a place.

On the outskirts of the not-so-gleaming metropolis stood a group of about 30 ponies, all of them unicorns, all dressed ina red cloak, that -on the sides, had a strange "G" tilted sideways. I know who these guys are, because I'm the narrator, but I'm not telling. Oh right P.O.V. Well, anyway they were all lead by a tall white alicorn, the strange "G" symbol her cutie mark, and a red mane. Really, an alicon? You couldn't at least have been creative with your original character?  It's like people have stopped trying.

The large group surged forward, and galloped until they entered the city. Ponies, of course, turned to look at the group of frightening ponies. And somehow the corrupt, obese, crime-committing, mob-boss of a mayor stepped -or should I say jiggled- forward. "Who R U?" He said to the strange alicorn.

"We are the Gramares," the alicorn replied. "I am their leader, and we shall no longer tolerate the horrible grammar usage of Equestria."

"Hah, 'nd wat doo U want mi to do?" he asked the alicorn. Said alicorn's horn began to glow, and the mayor was set a-flame. His fur burning, his skin slowly meltin- wait, what? This isn't a mature story? Wimps. Fine, he began to run around (as fast as somepony with his size could) until he finally collapsed. Either he died because of the fire, or cardiovascular disease had finally caught up with him. The group of alicorn-lead unicorns began casting spells, which made everypony catch on fire. Man, these guys are sick. Eventually, Manehattan was nothing but a smoking pile of rubble.

Yaaay.

Twilight was having another run-of-the-mill day, or at least she was until she saw a group of unicorns running for Ponyville. Eventually, all of Ponyville was surrounded by red-wearing unicorns. The mayor of Ponyville stepped forward. At the same time, a tall, alicorn stepped forward. And it wasn't Celestia. Well no sh- "We are the Gramares," the alicorn said. "What is the level of grammar your citizens speak with?"

:"We speak...w-with normal grammar here," the mayor replied nervously. The alicorn began to walk towards the closest pony -Applejack. Oh no.

"Hello, there. Would you mind saying something?" the alicorn asked the farmer.

"Ah, don't know wut to say -I mean what, I said what!" We all know Applejack was a terrible liar. The alicorn noticed she had used an incorrect word, and Applejack was suddenly on fire. With that, and everypony in utter shock and horror, the alicorn went up to Twilight, but said unicorn was already running away, back to her own residence.

Twilight ran inside her tree-house. "Spike! Spike where are U..you? I need you to r-write a letter to the Princess." She called, but received no reply. Then she remembered that she had launched him into the couch, and was probably dead. She only had a short time to recall this before she smelled smoke. Her house had caught on fire! She attempted to open the door, but it was stuck. She used a teleportation spell, and ended up five miles away from Ponyville. Haha, because Twilight always screws up her spells in these stories. Twilight watched as Ponyville burned, and only noticed that the Gramares were heading to Canterlot, when it was too late. She instantly got up, and ran as fast as she could to the city.

After two days of running, and teleporting, Twilight finally reached Canterlot's gates. Bodies of ponies littered the ground. She ran straight for the castle.

Princess Celestia stood behind her private guard, waiting for the doors of the throne room to be opened. The guards would kill whatever came in instantly. The doors opened and a purple blur rushed in. The guard sprang to action, hacking and stabbing the intruder. It was only after it had become a mass of blood and withering flesh, did Celestia see who her guards just killed. They had killed Twili- "FUUUUUUUU-" SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH, ah-hem. They had just killed Twilight Sparkle. "-UUUUUUUUUUUU"

The Gramares killed any guard they ran into, until they finally reached the throne room, what they saw was...strange, the guards all had their backs turned, and only faced them when it was too late. While all this was happening, Princess Celestia stared on with a blank face. She had made her decision.

"If I want to live, I will have to call to the only power that can defeat these ponies." She thought to herself, as she pulled out a telephone and called the most powerful force she knew of. Kanye West. Oh God, no.

Kanye appeared and turned to face the leader of the Gramares. He raised his hand, and the power of modern rap came to him, he began to form a sphere of rap. He fired it straight at the alicorn leader. Unlike other princesses, who radiated power, the alicorn of grammar radiated grammar. The ball of rap, with its horrible spelling, slang, and mispronounced words, had no effect against the leader. Her horn began to glow, and Kanye said one last phrase, "Fuck da police!" and he was obliterated into a thousand tiny particles.

The alicorn leader turned to Celestia. "Any last words?"

"I actually have to side with Kanye on that one." The Princess Replied. Well, needless to say, she died. The Gramares continued to every city, destroying any one that had the disease of terrible grammar.

And whoever survived lived happily ever after.