Same Shit, Different Wasteland

All Aboard

Thomas sighed as he felt the pain fade. He tossed the empty Med-X syringe over his shoulder and picked up his rifle. “You gonna be okay, Moonbeam?”

The mare simply yawned in response. The pair had spent the night getting into the half-dozen ammunition stockpiles, stealing ammo and planting explosives. Every time they would have to fight their way past a dozen or more raiders. They had not escaped unscathed, each of them taking multiple bullet wounds. Through luck or providence, none of their injuries were severe, but they were inconveniences that made their task harder.

“Yeah,” the man agreed. “They better give us a fucking penthouse suite with free room service for all this.”

“We rigged all their ammo,” the mare said, deciding to focus on the task at hoof, “so now what?”

“Gonna want to hit their food supply too. Impossible to fight on an empty stomach,” Thomas said wisely.

“We’ll be here even longer,” Moonbeam pointed out. “And I don’t think they’ll believe us if we say we crippled them to the point where they can’t recover. We’re only getting paid for bringing proof that we killed the pony in charge.”

Thomas nodded. “Right. So where do you think we can find their leader?”

“You remember that building we saw before?” Moonbeam asked. “The one that wasn’t made of scrap?”

“Yeah, makes sense. Lets them see everything. Wouldn’t be surprised if they saw us running around before.”

“Which means he knows we’re coming…” Moonbeam muttered. “Well fuck.”

“We abandoned anything resembling stealth hours ago,” the man pointed out. “If anything, they’ll be scared. They know we’re coming.”

“I found’em!” Thomas and Moonbeam whipped around to see a lone raider staring at them.

“Saves us the trouble!” Thomas shouted back, reaching for his pistol. Before it could leave its holster Moonbeam’s battle-saddle went off three times, putting three holes in the raider’s barrel.

“I think I’m in love with this thing,” the mare muttered happily.

“Hey, as long as you don’t start grinding against it, fine,” Thomas muttered back. “Also, he was mine.”

Moonbeam tried to ignore the sexual comment. “Not my fault you’re too slow,” she retorted.

“You literally have to bite on something and the guns goes off. You’re walking in front of me, I don’t want you putting a bullet in my ass by accident because something spooked you.”

“You fixed this thing, you know it has a safety. You’re just jealous.”

“Are we really gonna have this argument now?” Thomas asked.

“There’s a difference between an argument and banter,” Moonbeam responded smartly.

The man’s eyes darted around. “Let’s save this for later, y’know, when we’re not in the middle of a raider base.”

“Right. So, what now? Are we just gonna march in and shoot him?”

Thomas smirked. “If only it was that easy. He’s gonna have the best guarding him, and he’s not gonna be a pushover himself.” He looked at the building, in particular the rickety stairs on the side. “I have an idea.”

Thomas drew his arm back and threw another rock as Moonbeam watched, mouth agape in confusion. “What the fuck?”

“Just watch,” the man replied calmly as the rock sailed through a window.

“You fucks!” The window opened and a pony poked their head out. The pony turned around. “Get the launcher!”

“That’s not good,” Thomas muttered.

Moonbeam began to back away as the barrel of something huge was pushed through the broken glass. “Oh shit.”

Thomas ran towards the building as the weapon went whoosh! He didn’t see what came out, but his vision turned green as the projectile detonated. “Okay, bad idea.”

“You don’t say!?” Moonbeam yelled, panting as she leaned against the wall. “Goddess my head hurts.”

“You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, sure, just give me a minute.”

“You idiots! You missed!” a voice shouted from above.

Moonbeam went to unholster her SMG, but let out a cry of pain as the glow of her horn died out. “Fuck!”

“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked, looking at his companion.

“Something’s screwing with my magic,” the mare muttered angrily.

Before the pair could talk further, a grenade fell through the air between them. Thomas grabbed the grenade before the second bounce and threw it back through the window. “Oh shit!” was all they heard before an explosion destroyed the room.

“You think they’d have used that thing from before,” Moonbeam commented.

“Maybe they only had one shot,” Thomas suggested. “Or it takes too long to reload. We should get up there, take a look.”

“You can go first, Not much good without my magic.”

Thomas crept up the stairs, the old wood creaking the entire time. He eased open the door and was greeted to a room covered in blood. Filing cabinets had been knocked over, desks broken and the corpses of five raiders who had been in there lay on the ground, some missing limbs. A quick scan told Thomas that they had all been unicorns.

“We should bring that launcher thing with us,” he said as Moonbeam stepped inside, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“Why?”

“Grim Star is gonna be interested in raiders having something like that,” he pointed out, inspecting the strange device. It vaguely resembled the missile launchers the Boomers loved, but it was a lot stockier, leading him to believe it used a different firing mechanism. It was also a lot sleeker, as though it had been designed to look pretty first. “And it’d be worth a fair bit, I bet.”

“Right,” Moonbeam muttered. “Maybe that can wait until - ”

“So,” a commanding voice said suddenly, interrupting her, “you walk into my camp, slaughter my soldiers, destroy my means of war and take out my best.” The pair turned to see a stallion, ash-grey with his mane hidden under a helmet made of scrap, the rest of his body similarly armoured. The entire thing was covered in an unnecessary number of spikes. The stallion smirked. “If I wasn’t so angry, I’d be impressed,” he said, levitating a strange brown thing with a pressure gauge attached to it.

“So you’re the one in charge?” Thomas asked.

“Yes, I hope you didn’t lose too many brain cells to come to that conclusion,” the stallion said snidely.

“May I get a name?” Thomas asked. “Sometimes it’s nice to put a name to a corpse.”

As the pair argued, Moonbeam backed away slowly, carefully readying her battle-saddle. She kept an eye on the strange device the raider boss had held in his magic. She had never seen anything like that before, and was wary about what it might do.

“My name is Steam Gauge, but you will call me ‘sir’. Now then, how would my underlings put it? Oh yes,” he said as the glow around the strange device intensified. “CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

The thing let out a toot! as Moonbeam felt something shoot past her face. She turned and saw a railway spike, easily seven inches long, embedded in the wall. She let out a whimper as she turned back, Steam Gauge slotting another spike into place.

Thomas didn’t give the stallion a chance to finish, tackling him and knocking him to the ground. The spike-launching device clattered to the ground harmlessly.

Steam Gauge didn’t seem to notice the loss of his weapon, or he didn’t care. He instead used his armour in an attempt to maim Thomas, trying to direct the blows the man rained onto him to the spikes. Thomas ignored the pain as he slammed fist after fist into the pony, denting the armour under the sheer force of the blows.

Steam managed to get his legs under Thomas and bucked up, sending the man flying across the room. Instead of staying down, the man jumped to his feet in an instant, just in time to see the stallion charge at him. Steam roared in pain as Moonbeam’s battle-saddle went off four times, each shot striking true. The bullets punched through the crude armour easily, but didn’t do much to slow him down.

“THERE ARE NO BRAKES ON THE PAIN TRAIN!” Steam Gauge yelled at the top of his lungs, lowering his head as he slammed into Thomas. Thomas staggered back, clutching his stomach. He looked up at the stallion, seeing the numerous spikes adorning his helmet covered in blood.

“Now you’re made me angry,” Thomas growled, ignoring the pain as best as he could. His hand shot to his hip, drawing his Sequioa. He pulled the trigger of the double-action revolver five times, each shot going through the raider’s armoured barrel.

“You think you can kill me!?” Steam screamed, staggering towards Thomas. As the man desperately reloaded, the stallion punched him in the gut. Thomas went down easily. “Because you can’t!”

Moonbeam’s battle-saddle went off again, with her not bothering to keep track of the number of shots she fired. Eventually, the weapon began to click, both magazines emptied. “What about me?” she asked the motionless body.

“T-thanks,” Thomas gasped, doing his best to keep himself steady. “Oh god this hurts.”

“Are you okay?” the mare asked, rushing to her injured friend.

“I got stabbed in the gut a few times. If the bleeding doesn’t kill me, infection will,” he explained. “No I’m not okay.”

“We need to get back to Tenpony,” Moonbeam said worriedly. “Can you make it?”

“Like this? Probably. Might need help. Firstly, though…” He walked shakily towards the unmoving body of Steam Gauge. “We need proof that we killed this guy.”

“Grab his helmet, that should be enough,” Moonbeam said, not really caring about that.

“It might not. Help me take off his armour.”

“Why are we doing this?” she asked. She tried to pull off a few of the spike-covered plates with her magic, wincing as she felt pain shoot through her horn.

“That mark on your ass is pretty much unique, right?”

“Yeah.” Moonbeam blinked as she realised what he was planning. “No. No no no.”

“What?” he asked.

“Because that’s wrong!” Moonbeam yelled, backing away. “You just don’t remove a pony’s cutie mark!”

“He’s dead, I don’t think he exactly cares,” Thomas pointed out.

“I’m not taking any part in this,” she replied defiantly.

“You fuck!” Steam Gauge suddenly yelled. Thomas stumbled back onto his ass. “You think you can just - ”

Toot!

Steam Gauge croaked as the tried to look at the spike that had suddenly found its way into his throat. He managed to stay standing for a few seconds before finally falling over.

“Is he dead now?” Moonbeam asked, dropping the spike-launcher.

“I hope so.” Thomas got his Sequoia and shot the stallion a few times in the head to make sure, the rifles round passing through his helmet unhindered. “Now he is.”

“Just… do whatever you’re going to do with the corpse so we can leave already,” Moonbeam sighed.

“Hey!” Thomas yelled, banging on Tenpony’s gate with his free hand. “We’re back!”

“We have an intercom,” a voice said unhappily.

Moonbeam rolled her eyes. “We killed the raider boss, wiped out a good number of their forces, and blew up most of their ammo. We’re tired, injured and owed caps. You gonna let us in?”

“Give me a moment.” The gate’s mechanism whirred into life, letting them in. “Welcome to Tenpony Tower.” the voice said as the gate stopped moving.

The pair walked inside slowly, Thomas’s injuries finally catching up to him. “I really need to see that doctor,” he muttered.

“Unfortunately, Chief Star is somewhere else at the moment. He left me here to pay you,” an earth pony said. Thomas couldn’t help but smile at the black cowboy hat the stallion was wearing.

“Nice to meet you. We killed the boss, and brought back proof.”

“I heard. It’ll have to be some solid proof though,” the pony said.

“I brought his hat.” Thomas threw the helmet he had been holding at the stallion’s hooves.

“I’m afraid that won’t be enough,” the pony pointed out.

“Then how about this?” Thomas reached into his duster and pulled out two scraps, throwing them in front of the stallion.

He recoiled in horror as he saw the matching steam whistle on each piece of skin. “Th-th-that’s…”

“Six thousand caps,” Moonbeam said, not looking at the scraps of skin or the horrified ponies around them. “That’s what we’re owed.”

“W-why didn’t you just bring back his head?” the stallion asked.

“A few rifle rounds don’t exactly leave much. Can I see that doctor now?” Thomas asked impatiently. “I’m pretty sure I’m bleeding internally and I don’t want to die.”

“F-fine. We just need you to leave all your ammunition with us,” the stallion said, trying to regain his composure.

A unicorn appeared carrying a footlocker. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep your stuff secure,” he said confidently.

“Can this wait?” Thomas asked angrily. “I need to see a doctor!”

“You don’t look that hurt.”

Thomas simply undid a few straps of his body armour, lifting it up to show the blood-stained shirt he wore underneath. “Get me a doctor,” he growled. “Now.”

“Vigil, escort him to Helping Hoof,” the earth pony said hastily, eyes going wide at the sight of his injuries. “We’ll worry about your ammunition later.”

“Thank you,” he said angrily. He followed another earth pony through the doors, leaving Moonbeam alone with the rest of Tenpony’s security force.

“How tough is your friend?”

“He got shot in the back and stabbed in the stomach. Probably has a few broken ribs as well.” The mare couldn’t help but smirk at the shocked expressions the security ponies wore. “So, my ammo?” she asked, unstrapping one of her ammo boxes.

Author's Note

This was fun.
Also, I have the entirety of the main villains figured out. Can anyone guess who/what they are?