Same Shit, Different Wasteland

End of Act I: Thank you for visiting Manehattan

“Did you hear that?” Thomas asked quietly.

“I think so…” Moonbeam muttered. She turned her head, scanning the buildings for possible vantage points. The city was a sniper’s dream, especially if they had wings like a griffon. Raiders had taken potshots at her before, and it was near impossible to fire back without a rifle of your own.

“Okay, we’re about half an hour from Tenpony,” the man said. “If we hurry, we can cut that to, what, twenty minutes? Fifteen?”

“Probably. We need to keep - hurrk!” Thomas had grabbed her by her barding and pulled her into the shadow of a building. “The fuck!?” she choked out, rubbing her throat.

“I saw a flash in one of the buildings,” he explained. “A scope. Sniper.”

“Oh.” There was a snap and a crack as a large chunk of the masonry not far from them exploded into a cloud of gravel and sand. “Shit!”

“Was that gauss?” Thomas asked, pulling out the scavenged sniper rifle from his duster.

“Gauss?”

“Fucking magnets,” he growled.

“What are we gonna do now?” Moonbeam asked. “Wait the sniper out?”

“No, the bastard’ll have a nest up there. We need to take him out.” Thomas quickly reassembled the rifle with ease. “Moonbeam, can you give me some of your ammo?”

“Huh? Oh, sure,” she muttered distractedly, opening one of her ammo boxes. “Just don’t take too many.”

“Shouldn’t need more than five rounds.” He quickly slotted the bullets into the magazine and loaded the rifle. “Moonbeam, can you levitate my helmet out there?” he asked, taking it off.

“Okay.” As she did that, Thomas walked slowly about twenty feet away. As his helmet left the cover the building was providing, the man stuck the rifle out and waited.

He didn’t have to wait long when his helmet fell to the ground with a new hole bored right through it. Half a second later, he fired a single shot and waited.

“Did you get him?” Moonbeam asked loudly, unable to see where he had fired at.

“Wait for it…” he said, seemingly following something with his eyes.

“Huh?” Moonbeam screamed when a body landed on the other side of the street, impaling itself right onto a piece of rebar that happened to be sticking up.

“Okay, that wasn’t planned,” Thomas said quietly. “Did that just happen?”

“Holy shit some warning would’ve been nice!” Moonbeam yelled, her heart trying to break her ribs as it pounded away.

Thomas ignored her as he stepped over to the body, scooping up his helmet. “Tch. Was hoping he’d miss,” he muttered as he inspected the hole. He put it back on and shrugged. “Oh well. Now then… Huh.”

“What is it?”

“Take a look at his armour,” he said quietly. “It looks… weird.”

As she got closer, Moonbeam had to admit that he was right. It looked like a bizarre hybrid of the Steel Ranger’s power armour and her own combat barding, with what appeared to be a small spark generator built into the back. From what she could tell, it was rigged to a small spell talisman, though what it was for she couldn’t tell. The unicorn was also wearing a helmet with a heavily-tinted visor and a strange antenna on one side.

“Hey? You okay?” a voice said suddenly. “If you don’t say anything we’ll have to investigate,” it said warningly.

“We’re about to have company,” Thomas muttered.

“Who was that? Shit, the shooter’s been compromised.” The voice from the helmet cut out in a blast of static.

“Great,” Moonbeam said as she looked around warily. “You were right about us being watched.”

“Stay quiet and hide,” Thomas muttered, looking around. “The sniper was in that building,” he said, pointing at the doors across the street, “we should be able to get in.”

“Good idea.” Moonbeam galloped over and pushed the door open, recoiling as a pair of guns opened fire from inside. “Shit!”

“He must have activated the security system.” Thomas stepped past and pointed his revolver in. Before he could fire, though, Moonbeam emptied her magazine into the room. “Really?”

“You said you need to conserve your ammo,” she pointed it reloading her SMG. “I don’t need to.”

“Fair enough. Did it work?” he added, poking his head around. “Nope,” he said as a barrage of bullets tried to ventilate him.

“Do you have any pulse grenades left?”

“Ceiling’s too high,” he pointed out. “Too much of a risk, trying to time it right.”

“Stupid pre-war architecture. Well what are we gonna do?”

“Surrender.” Man and mare turned around to see three unicorns looking at them. Their armour was the same as the dead sniper’s, and their weapons had a very familiar boxy shape to them.

“Oh fuck,” Thomas muttered.

“Surrender?” Moonbeam asked. “You’re all crazy.”

The unicorns looked at each other before pointing their weapons at Moonbeam. “I dunno, from where I’m standing I reckon you are.”

“Guys, guys, we’re all adults. Let’s talk this out like adults,” Thomas said, nudging Moonbeam back. “The way I see it, here are your options.” He cleared his throat. “Number one: Fuck you I’m the Courier.”

The head unicorn tensed. “Really? You too?”

“Look, a few hours ago I killed two Steel Rangers and put the rest out of action,” Thomas said, dropping the jovial tone. “You do not want to fight me.”

The unicorn scoffed. “Those relic-hoarding rustbuckets?”

“Look, how about you tell us who sent you and why? Huh?” Thomas asked, casually drawing his Sequoia. “That way, my friend and I can be done with this crap.”

“Your actions have set back our plans in the region by months. An entire war camp, destroyed!”

The man blinked. “Did I piss off Caesar again?” he muttered.

“If we can’t take you alive, then we’re to bring back your head.”

“And you plan on doing that with energy weapons?” Moonbeam pointed out. “Hope you brought a jar.”

“Enough of this!” one of the other unicorns said loudly. “We’re here for a reason, are we not?”

“Of course.” The lead unicorn cleared his throat. “Will you come quietly?” he asked Thomas. “Or will we have to - ”

“Fuck you, I’m the Courier,” he said calmly as the unicorn dropped, a fresh hole in his neck. He was forced to jump to the side when the other two opened fire, filling the space he had just vacated with pink beams

Moonbeam jumped in the other direction. “What now!?” she yelled, hiding behind a pillar.

“Kill them!” Thomas yelled back, behind a pillar of his own.

“No shit!” she yelled back, blind-firing with her SMG, the bullets bounced harmlessly off their armour.

Thomas stepped out from behind his cover and sent a blast of emerald fire and plasma in their direction. One of the unicorns screamed as the blast melted part of his armour. The second shot reduced him to a glowing green puddle.

As the remaining unicorn turned to reduce Thomas into ash, Moonbeam seized the opportunity. She crab-walked out and emptied both magazines of her battle-saddle at him.

The main difference between power armour and what he was wearing was that power armour sacrificed mobility to protect every part of the body, regardless of how non-vital it may be. Unfortunately, the unicorn’s legs had very little protection, allowing Moonbeam to cripple him.

“You will suffer!” he screamed as he pointed his laser rifle at her. Before he could fire, though, the underside of a boot met the side of his face.

“Yeah, no,” Thomas said, nudging the dazed pony with his boot. He watched as the unicorn tried to speak. “Damn, I broke his jaw,” he said angrily. “Now he’s useless.”

“Well, kill him so we can leave already,” Moonbeam said nervously. “Before more of them show up.”

“Hmmm…” Thomas rubbed his chin in thought. “Let’s see how bullet-proof you are, shall we?” he asked, picking up the unicorn by his armour.

“What are you doing?” Moonbeam asked. Thomas didn’t answer, instead bodily tossing the unicorn into the lobby they had tried to enter earlier. “Did you really need to do that?” she asked, cringing at the screams and gunfire.

“Saves us ammo,” he replied with a shrug.

“Why didn’t you just, I dunno, stomp his head in?”

“The blood would have taken ages to clean up,” he pointed out. “Now come on, before more of these idiots show up.”

“Hang on,” Moonbeam said, grabbing their laser rifles. “These should be worth a bit, right?”

“Probably. Now come on.”

Thankfully, the rest of their trip to Tenpony passed by peacefully. “Well…”

“So... is this where we go our separate ways?” Thomas asked Moonbeam.

“Looks like it,” Moonbeam replied as the pair towards one of the restaurants.

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” he said. “It was fun.”

“Not sure that’s the word I’d use to describe assaulting a raider base, nearly getting killed by robots and watching you torture a slaver to death,” the mare muttered in response.

“Interesting, then,” the man shrugged. “Are you really sure we should split up?” he asked.

“This is about those weird unicorns, isn’t it?” she asked back. “Honestly, I think they were more concerned with you. Sure, my colours aren’t common, but they’re definitely not unique. I can hide easier.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Thomas replied, taking a seat at one of the tables. “Still, this whole thing feels wrong. And it proves that those raiders were anything but,” he added. “You heard what they said.”

“What can we do, though?” Moonbeam asked, leaning back in her chair. “We don’t know where they’re based. And I’m happy not knowing. I’m a scavenger, not a hero.”

“What if they attack the Library?” he asked pointedly. “They were willing to attack Tenpony, who’s to say they would have stopped there?”

Moonbeam just stared at his masked face. “You’re a dick.”

“So you’re going towards Dodge Junction?”

“Why you askin’?”

“Need to head that way myself,” Thomas replied, nodding calmly at the pony. “Need another gun?”

Author's Note

Be sure and tune in next time for the exciting continuation of Thomas's adventures in the Equestrian Wasteland!