Same Shit, Different Wasteland

The Trouble with Transit

Thomas cast an eye at the cloudy sky. “Would it be too much to ask for some sunshine?”

“Yep,” Moonbeam replied, using the barrels of her battle-saddle to push past the man. “The pegasi think we don’t deserve it because they lost their capital about two hundred years ago.”

The man caught up with the mare, looking around at the ruined buildings. “How long since the nukes fell, anyway?”

The unicorn paused for a second. “What the fuck is a nuke?”

Thomas sighed. “Right. It’d be too easy, wouldn’t it?” he asked no-one. “No wonder our Rad-Aways are so different.”

“What do you mean?” Moonbeam asked, hopping over the rusted remains of a cart.

“My Rad-Away purges the body of gamma radiation.”

“The only radiation I know about is balefire radiation,” the mare explained.

Thomas took that in before rolling up his sleeve, taking a look at the Pip-Boy strapped to his left arm. “Well great,” he muttered, “this thing is practically useless.”

“How is a Pip-Buck useless?” Moonbeam asked, looking at the man like he was an idiot.

“Again, Pip-Boy,” he said. “No maps, a useless geiger counter, a medical function I hardly need and a radio that’ll attract every single raider to us if I turn it up too loud. The only thing stopping me from trying to get this thing off is the heads-up display,” he explained. “At least I can crack a skull with this thing,” he muttered, tapping at the screen

“What do you mean, no maps?” Moonbeam grabbed his arm and pulled it down, trying to get a better view of the screen. She tapped it a few times before giving up. “What the hell kind of touch interface is that!?” she asked angrily, glaring at the offending device.

“One not built with hooves in mind,” Thomas deadpanned. “I go to the map tab, and all it says is no connection.” He showed her the screen, where it definitely showed the words ‘NO CONNECTION’ blinking on the screen.

Moonbeam just stared at him. “And you just gave up? You didn’t try anything?”

“I don’t want to break this thing, don’t know the first thing about fixing it.” Thomas raised his arm up again. “So, what do you think I should do, Miss Pip-Boy Technician?” he asked flatly.

“I don’t know,” she replied angrily. “Tap the screen, see what that does.”

He did as she said and was rewarded when the flashing message changed to ‘TESTING CONNECTION...’ A few moments later, it became ‘CONNECTION ESTABLISHED’. “Huh,” he grunted. “Maybe this will - ”

He stopped and stared at the screen as, instead of a map, a jumbled mess of letters, numbers and symbols appeared. “What the fuck?” His alarm only grew when the mess kept getting bigger and bigger, filling up the whole screen. “No no no no no,” he muttered, tapping at it in an attempt to make whatever was happening stop.

When the entire screen was full of gibberish, another message flashed up. ‘DATA READ ERROR.’ “What’s wrong?”

“If you broke my Pip-Boy, Moonbeam...” he growled, quickly switching to the medical tab. To his relief it seemed completely unchanged. “Oh thank god.”

“What happened?” the mare asked, a little worried by the sudden threat.

“No idea.” Thomas opened the map tab again and was greeted by the same indecipherable mess. “I think my computer isn’t compatible with your computers, though.”

“I… think that makes sense?” Moonbeam asked. “So, no map?”

“Can you make sense of this?” Thomas asked, showing her the result of attempting to download a map.

“No map. Great.” The unicorn pushed his arm away. “Well, at least we know which way to go. Tenpony is a big tower linked to the old monorail. If we can find a monorail station, we can just walk there.”

“Monorail, huh?” Thomas asked. “You know where the nearest station is?”

“No point, the rail fell apart years ago,” Moonbeam explained.

“So we follow it to the next one,” the man replied.

“I haven’t got any better ideas…”

Their journey had started from the Library, heading east. As much as Thomas wanted to, he wasn’t allowed to take the tourist guide, and by extension its map, with him. When he had asked, Spectacle had smacked him in the shin, all the encouragement he needed to drop the subject. Thankfully a few signs had remained intact over the two or so centuries, and they followed those to the monorail station.

“So, back to my original point,” Thomas continued, “when did the world end?”

“If the magical calendar in the Library is right, about a hundred and ninety-five years ago,” Moonbeam answered after taking a moment to think about it. “I don’t trust it, though, the spell matrix on that thing is pre-War,” she added.

“Yeah, pre-War tech tends to be - wait. What the fuck’s a spell matrix?” He looked down at the mare, his eyebrows disappearing into his hair.

“You don’t know what a spell matrix is?” Moonbeam asked in disbelief.

“As much fun as it looks, I’d rather not walk around with a large phallic object attached to my head,” he shot back. He jumped over the hoof that lashed out. “No I don’t know what a spell matrix is.”

“You could have just said that instead of insulting me,” the mare groaned. “Basically they power all the pre-War tech. Those Rangers’ power armour is loaded with spell matrices.”

“Ah,” Thomas suddenly said. “Instead of circuits and vacuum tubes, that’s what you use. Well, at least I can rub that into the Rangers’ faces next time I see them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think the fundamentally differing natures of our technologies are what stopped my Pip-Boy from getting anything from the satellite a few minutes ago, not a different computing language,” he reasoned. “Because of that, there is absolutely no way my Pip-Boy will be any good to those Brotherhood wannabes. They wouldn’t know the first thing to do with it,” he chuckled.

“Do you really wanna go out of your way to antagonise one of the most dangerous groups in Manehattan?” Moonbeam asked, not even bothering anymore with trying to hide her emotions.

“They started it,” Thomas replied.

“They have the resources, numbers and training to finish it,” the mare shot back angrily. “What do you have?”

“My gun, my armour, and a good friend?” he asked tentatively.

The unicorn just gave him a flat stare. “Don’t count on it. Unlike you, I don’t have a death wish.”

“If I had a death wish, I wouldn’t be alive to have this conversation.”

Moonbeam just kept giving him that disbelieving stare. “Right. And I’m secretly Princess Luna in disguise, here to make Equestria the happy, love-filled country it was before the balefire and megaspells fucked everything up. Do you really think I’m fucking retarded or something?”

“Who the fuck are you talking about?”

Moonbeam rolled her eyes. “Well, it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do…” she muttered

Moonbeam was still in the middle of her explanation about how the Equestrian Government had been like in the past when they arrived at the second monorail station. True to her word, the rails at the first had indeed fallen down at some point in the past two centuries. The second was in much better condition.

Thomas looked up at it, noting the similarities the dead monorail carriage poking out of the station had to the one at Camp McCarran. The station itself looked to be suspended at least thirty feet in the air, with the rail sloping upwards the further it went. The building looked as though it had once been something amazing to see, but with its shattered windows, rusted metal and filthy exterior it was just another blight on the eye in the ruined city.

As he climbed the surprisingly-intact staircase, he heard something. “Did you hear that?” he asked, holding a hand up to stop Moonbeam.

“No, I… wait…” The mare cocked her head. “Voices.”

Thomas carefully made his way up the stairs, not making any noise as he ascended. Moonbeam tried her best to imitate him, but she couldn’t pull it off. Thomas turned to glare at her before continuing up.

They were greeted by a set of turnstiles that led to the interior of the station. They could make out a barrel fire set up in front of one of the monorail carriages, and a number of silhouettes around it.

“I’m telling ya we should have left hours ago!”

“What difference is one more day in Manehattan gonna have?”

“Yeah, shut up Pitcher,” a third voice said. We don’t have a thing to worry about.”

“Do you reckon we can risk it?” Moonbeam asked, turning to Thomas.

“They seem friendly enough,” he replied uneasily. “Still, be careful.” Thomas stepped into the station, over a rusted turnstile, as he slowly walked towards the three ponies. As he got closer, he saw that two of them didn’t have horns, while the one that did was a mare. “Howdy!” he called out.

The three turned suddenly, the unicorn pointing a sawn-off shotgun at him. “What the hell?”

“I’m not here to cause any trouble,” Thomas replied. “I’m just after some directions, maybe a conversation.”

The trio looked at each other, the unicorn putting the shotgun down. “All right then…”

The Courier turned around. “Hey, Moonbeam!” he called out. “It’s safe!”

The mare uneasily made her way to the man. “Something about this doesn’t feel right, Courier.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “They didn’t shoot at us, and they’re not trying to rob us. I’ll take that as a good sign.” He made his way over to the barrel and sat down. “So, what’re your names?”

The two earth ponies looked at each other. “I’m Batter, that’s Runner,” one of them said, pointing at the other. In the flickering light of the fire, it was nearly impossible to tell them apart. They both had brown coats and dull orange manes and tails. They were wearing some sort of cobbled together armour, pieces of scrap metal bent to fit their body over a set of pre-War clothes.

“And I’m Pitcher,” the unicorn added. She shared the same mane and tail as the two stallions, but her coat was closer to red. “So, Courier and Moonbeam? What are you, some sort of minotaur?”

“Sure,” Thomas replied as he eased himself down next to the unicorn. He didn’t know what a minotaur was, but decided to go along with it because it looked like it would make a brilliant cover story.

“What kind of minotaur doesn’t have horns?” Runner asked loudly.

Thomas just glared. He did not appreciate having holes poked in his cover story. Moonbeam, however, had other ideas. “Real sensitive, aren’t you?” she asked nastily.

The earth pony looked away, muttering an apology under his breath. “Ah, it’s like that, huh?” Pitcher asked. “Don’t worry, I’ve seen worse. Met a unicorn with his horn going sideways once.” She and Moonbeam shared a shudder. “Wasn’t pretty.”

“Met a guy who looked like half his face was melting off,” Thomas commented. “Perfectly nice guy, just ugly as fuck.”

“Hang on…” Batter (or it may have been Runner) looked the Courier up and down. “You’re that guy the DJ’s been going on about.”

Thomas unholstered his revolver and began to inspect it for damage. “So?”

“I think that guy’s blowing things outta proportion,” Runner (or perhaps Batter) said. “I mean, who the hell could take out a raider base by themselves? That’s the kind of shit alicorns do.”

“You know that’s not like DJ-PON3,” the other stallion retorted. “He gets stuff wrong sometimes, but he never lies.”

As the brothers began to argue, Pitcher rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how mum put up with those two…”

“They’re your brothers?” Moonbeam asked as she sat down, careful to not scuff her battle-saddle.

“Sometimes I wish they weren’t,” the other mare replied. “All they ever do is fight each other. So,” she said loudly, trying to steer the conversation in another direction, “why are you even here?”

“On our way to Tenpony,” Moonbeam answered. “Thought we’d take a shortcut and walk on the monorail.”

“You’re gonna want to watch out for the bloodwings,” Pitcher said. “That and you want the Celestia line. This station is part of the Luna line.”

“I saw a map before,” Thomas butted in. “I’m pretty sure the Luna line gets within a few blocks of the building. We could walk along ground level,” he added.

“You’re gonna wanna watch out for raiders, then. Pretty sure they have a base or something they use to pick off traders.” The red unicorn yawned.

Thomas chuckled. “Yeah, a few drugged-up assholes with rusty guns aren’t gonna be a problem,” he replied confidently.

“I dunno, heard reports that they’re actually pretty well organised,” Pitcher said cautiously. “Still, not my problem if you get killed.”

Moonbeam looked at the mare oddly, a little uneasy about how uncaring she was. “Why are you here?” she asked.

“On our way to New Appleloosa,” the mare replied.

“New Appleloosa?”

“Small trading town, not much there,” Pitcher elaborated. “Maybe a hundred ponies, if that. But they have a Dashite.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, a handsome buck called Calamity. Hmm, what I would do to him…” Pitcher smiled at the thought of the mysterious stallion. “And his accent…”

“Is she talking about that damn pegasus again?” Batter asked loudly, a little disgusted by how his sister was acting.

“Like you’re one to talk!” the mare shouted suddenly. “I’ve seen that copy of Wingboner Magazine you think we don’t know about.”

As the family devolved into bickering, Thomas and Moonbeam glanced at each other. “Well I didn’t expect this,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, me neither.” Neither of them made to interfere, not even when Batter pulled out an old baseball bat from somewhere and started threatening his sister with it.

Suddenly, the pair heard something that was out of place. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah…” Thomas looked around for a moment before deciding to pull up his heads-up display. In addition to the markers belonging to Moonbeam and the three siblings, there was a sixth. Looking around, he found that it was pointed in the same direction as a monorail carriage. “Stay here,” he whispered.

He made his way to the door and, taking a moment to get a good grip, wrenched it open. It was too gloomy to make out anything, but he could hear sobbing. He already suspected what he was going to find, but he had to be sure. Turning up his Pip-Boy’s screen he found a mare, covered in dirt, bound and gagged, crying her eyes out. When she looked up at him, it was with a mix of fear and hope.

“So,” he said loudly as he turned around, forcing himself to keep calm, “do you three mind explaining why the FUCK you have a pony tied up back here?”

“What?” Moonbeam asked loudly.

“Why the fuck do you care?” Pitcher asked, untangling herself from her fight with her brothers.

“Answer the question,” Thomas growled.

“Why the fuck should we do what you say?” one of the brothers asked.

“You said you heard the DJ talking about me. What did he say, exactly?”

“That you… took down an entire raider base alone.”

“But that’s bullshit!” the other brother yelled. “Nopony could do that without nearly getting killed!”

“But I ain’t a pony. Now tell me what the fuck is going on,” Thomas said, not even bothering to hide his anger.

“Why should we be scared of you?”

Thomas began to chuckle. “Oh, where do I begin?” he asked. “How about the fact that my head count is in the thousands? Or that an entire army couldn’t stop me from decapitating an empire?” He casually pointed his revolver at Pitcher, who raised her shotgun in response.

“Bullshit,” the mare responded calmly. “Why should you give a shit that we’re slavers, anyway?”

“I have a very good reason,” Thomas growled. There was a tense moment of silence. “Moonbeam, get that pony free.”

“Oh no, you are not getting in the way of our pay ticket!” Pitcher swung the shotgun around to face Moonbeam. “You even think of moving, and I’ll blow your fucking leg off!”

Moonbeam stared at the shotgun, paralysed with fear. She was shaken out of her shocked stillness when Thomas’ revolver roared, blowing the unicorn slaver’s brains out.

As the shotgun clattered on the floor, the two stallions charged. Runner tackled the man in the stomach, knocking him over, while Batter charged him with his bat. The moldy wood didn’t do much against his helmet, but the stallion didn’t care.

Moonbeam pulled out her SMG and pointed it at the brawl. She swore when she realised she couldn’t pull the trigger without maybe shooting Thomas by accident. She holstered her gun and looked around for another way to help.

“You sack of shit!” one of the stallions yelled. “We’ll fucking kill you!”

Thomas roared and sent Runner flying into the air with a powerful kick. “You’ll kill me!? I’d like to see you fucking try!” he shouted, grabbing Batter’s bat mid-swing. As the two fought over control of the weapon, Runner picked himself up and began pawing at the ground, smirking, preparing to take advantage of the opening.

The sudden gunshot got the attention of all three, especially Runner due to the fact that he was now missing a good chunk of his left foreleg. Thomas glanced at Moonbeam, the sawn-off that belonged to Pitcher floating in her magic, and smiled. Taking advantage of the other stallion’s distraction, he wrenched the baseball bat from Batter’s mouth, taking a few teeth with it.

Ignoring the screams of the downed stallion, Thomas got a good grip on the bat and snapped it in half. As he dropped the two pieces of wood, slowly advancing on the stallion, he called out to Moonbeam. “Get the mare free. She’s in the carriage. I’ll take care of him.”

“You fucker!” Batter roared, charging at Thomas. Thomas planted his legs wide and stuck his hands out, grunting when the stallion slammed into him. As the pair fought with each other for superiority, Moonbeam galloped over to the carriage.

“Are you okay?” she asked as she ripped the gag off of the bound mare.

“Oh thank the Goddesses! I thought you were with them!”

“Never,” Moonbeam replied as she went about undoing the rest of her bindings. “Now hold still, I need to untie you.”

Thomas and Batter continued to push against each other, each trying to push the other over. The stallion seemed to be winning, but to his frustration the man just kept smirking, as though he knew something that he didn’t. Suddenly, the man changed his stance, allowing the stallion to rush past him. Batter’s eyes went wide half a second before he slammed into the wall, nearly knocking himself out and almost knocking a hole through the wall.

Thomas grabbed the dazed stallion by the back of the neck and dragged him over to the fire barrel. “Tell me who you’re working for.”

“Fuck you,” the stallion spat.

Thomas just pulled the stallion up and held his face over the flames. “Who. Are. You. Working. For?” he asked, making sure each word was crystal clear.

“You don’t have the balls,” Batter taunted.

Without another word, Thomas calmly dunked the stallion head-first into the fire as though it was the most normal thing in the world. Chillingly, he managed to keep his expression clear as he held the stallion’s face inches from the burning wood, not even flinching when the screams reached volumes that would shatter glass. After fifteen seconds he pulled Batter’s head out. “Who are you working for?”

The brief exposure had been more than enough to burn away the stallion’s coat, taking most of his orange mane with it. The skin underneath was a very unpleasant red, and tears were flowing from his eyes like rivers. “Y-you - ” Thomas waited patiently as the pony nearly coughed up a lung. “You’re insane,” he wheezed out.

“Answer the question,” the Courier growled, not giving a shit about the slaver’s condition. If anything, he looked ready to punch him in the mouth.

“I - I ain’t telling you - hurk - shit,” he said defiantly.

Thomas just sneered at him before pushing him back into the flames. This time, he pushed his face right into the burning wood, ignoring both the screams and flames licking at his sleeve. Eventually, the screams stopped. Instead of giving him one last dignity, he pushed the unmoving body into the barrel, turning back to Moonbeam. “How is she?”

Both mares just stared him. “I’m sorry, what?” Moonbeam asked loudly. “You tortured that stallion to death, and you expect me to just ignore that!?”

“He was a slaver,” Thomas replied.

“I don’t care if he was a child-raping cannibal! You don’t do that kind of shit!” Moonbeam stomped to him. “Next time, you put a bullet in their brain, and that’s it! Okay!?”

Thomas glared at her. “I won’t make any promises.”

“Umm, mister?” the other mare said. “Were… were you a slave?” Moonbeam’s eyes went wide. She had never considered the possibility. Had he been using the slaver as a scapegoat to deal with his hate and rage?

“No,” Thomas replied softly.

“So why did you go completely insane just now?” Moonbeam asked.

“I have my reasons,” Thomas replied. “And that’s not important right - ”

“Bullshit it’s not important!” Moonbeam got onto her hind legs and planted her forehooves on his shoulders, letting her look him in the eye. “Are you gonna tell me?” she asked, her anger fading into worry.

“No, not… not yet, anyway.” Thomas pushed Moonbeam away. “Look, can we just get to Tenpony?”

“What about her?” Moonbeam asked, pointing at the mare they had just rescued. “We’re not gonna leave her here, right?”

“Of course not,” Thomas sighed. “So, what’s your name, miss?”

“H-Holly,” the mare replied anxiously. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Moonbeam said softly. “Are you hurt?”

“N-no, nothing I can’t walk off. Fuck, my brother’s probably scared outta his mind.” Holly turned and looked around.

“How’d you get caught?”

“Me and my brother, Berry, were scavving through a building a few blocks away. He managed to hide, but they found me.” Holly stood up uneasily. “I need to find him.”

“Well, feel free to take their stuff,” Thomas said, “not like we really need it.”

“Most of that shit’s mine, anyway,” the other unicorn muttered.

Thomas prodded Runner with a foot, the unconscious earth pony not responding. His mangled leg was still bleeding profusely, something he didn’t care about. One less slaver, the way he saw it. “Alright Moonbeam, I want to get close to the tower tonight. Will you be okay, miss?” he asked Holly.

“Yeah, yeah,” she mumbled dismissively. “Thanks for the help, but I’ll be fine. Just need to find Berry.”

“Well, be careful, ma’am,” Thomas replied.

“Don’t think you’ve gotten out of telling me why you did that,” Moonbeam muttered as the man forced open a utility door.

He sighed. “Look, Moonbeam, I’ll tell you when I’m ready. Just… drop it. Please?”

The unicorn stared at him for a few seconds. “Fine. But don’t think I’ve forgotten about this.”

Author's Note

Thomas doesn't dunk. He roasts.
I'm really enjoying the fact that this fic gives me more opening to show just how fucking dangerous Thomas is in an actual fight.
And it took me a little while to figure this out. I reckon these work without being overpowered.
Moonbeam traits:
Cityslicker: You were born and raised in a forest of concrete and steel. +1 to Perception and Agility when in heavily developed areas.
Chem Resistant: The good news? You can't get addicted! The bad news? Chems do nothing for you at all. +99% addiction resistance, -99% chem effectiveness. Does not include Rad-Away, Rad-X and healing potions.
Oh, and thanks to ed2481 for letting me bounce ideas off of him.