THE WORST CHEFS IN CANTERLOT
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction
By SaburoDaimando
It was a nice day in the city of Canterlot. The sun was shining brighter than diamonds. Not a single cloud was in the sky. The weather was not too hot. A perfect day for walking around. But for the city down below, the many earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi walked around the many streets. Business was as usual.
But just down the street, we find a couple of ponies walking down the street. These two were Carrot Cake and Dazzle “Cup” Cake. Cup Cake was pushing a stroller containing the twin cake foals: Pound and Pumpkin. In the back of the stroller was a bag full of items needed such as diapers, foal powder, foal formula and foal bottles.
Bouncing along next to them, Mr and Mrs Cake's own employee, tenant and residential party pony Pinkie Pie, who, instead of walking, was bouncing along like the happiest, carefree pony she could be. No one could top Pinkie Pie's positive attitude in all of Equestria. Her carefree bouncing, plus a song she hummed about 'Smiling' put a smile on Mr and Mrs Cake's faces.
“You know, it was a great idea to take a break from manning the Sugar Cube corner for one day Darling,” Mr Cake said to Mrs Cake.
“I do admit I am concerned about letting one of Pinkie Pie's friends Applejack run the bakery for the day,” Mrs Cake said with a slight bit of concern, still thinking about when Applejack once helped Pinkie Pie with the muffin bake sale long ago and how bad it turned out with many customers winding up with a bad tummy ache. But her low tone changed to a more high tone when she said “But you're right about spending the day off from baking. Even I need to get the twins out exploring Canterlot.”
Pinkie Pie was already in a hyperactive mood. She stopped for a moment and said to Mr and Mrs Cake “I just hope we can try out some of the scrumptious treats they got up here. I bet you two could figure out how to top what they got.”
Mrs Cake only responded with “Now now, Pinkie Pie. Don't go overboard on treats today. Last thing we need is you getting a stomach ache from all those treats you ate.” The group trotted along as Pinkie Pie continued to hum and bounce.
But her humming and bouncing would be interrupted by a growl in her stomach. She stopped right in her tracks as she heard yet another growl come from her tummy.
“Whoops. Looks like I'm about due for lunch,” Pinkie Pie said.
Mr and Mrs Cake couldn't agree more.
“I sure am hungry myself.” Mr Cake said. “We better find a good place to eat.
Mrs Cake looked around the block to see if there was something that would catch her eye. She took notice to one spot just across the street. The spot had some tables and chairs right outside for those who would dine in the sun. But yet, they were vacant. Above, they saw a sign that said 'Cattivo Odore Restaurant and Bakery.'
“There!” Mrs Cake yelled, pointing to the restaurant across the street. “That will be the place where we can eat.”
“Finally. Now we can get a bite to eat.” Mr Cake said as the two trotted along, pushing the stroller containing Pound and Pumpkin Cake across.
But Pinkie Pie looked at the sign for a moment. 'Cattivo Odore?' That doesn't sound very appetizing to her. Did the owner of the store pick that name out of a hat? Or did they make a mistake in naming the store? Would the food be that scrumptious, or will she be in a big disappointment? Though no part of her body shook, a part of her said that her Pinkie Pie sense was tingling.
“Pinkie Pie,” Mrs Cake yelled. “Are you coming?”
“COMING!” A reluctant Pinkie Pie yelled back as she bounced with unease towards the restaurant, catching up to Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and the Cake Twins.
When Pinkie Pie finally crossed the street and stopped next to the entrance to the restaurant, Mr Cake said “Well weren't you actually hungry, Pinkie Pie?”
Pinkie Pie, still feeling a bit uneasy, said to Mr and Mrs Cake “Well, yeah. But something very odd about this place. And yet, I can't seem to put my hoof to it.”
Mrs Cake laughed to herself and said to the bright “There's no need to judge a book by its cover, Pinkie Pie. I bet when this is over, you'll probably want to come again.”
And with that, Mrs Cake pushed open the door and entered, pushing the stroller with the Cake Twins inside. Mr Cake and Pinkie Pie followed, though Pinkie still felt uneasy.
Inside, the place looked very fancy. The walls were divided between the upper and lower area with a wooden divide in between. The upper walls were lined with a fancy wallpaper that displayed a heavenly field of clouds across the sky, while the lower walls where gleaming white like pearls. The floor's tiles were shiny and polished. Something even Princess Celestia would be jealous of.
On the ceiling were three rows of beautiful crystal chandeliers. The lights emitting within the chandeliers would cause small rainbows to gleam across the surface. The bright colors made the Cake Twins smile and giggle.
The tables were all neatly set, each with four chairs fitted with white cushions. Fancy white cloths covered each of the tables. Four cloth napkins lined each side of every table with a fork and a knife on each one.
To Mr and Mrs Cake, it looked like the best place ever. There were ponies already taking their place, but they don't seem to notice. However, Pinkie Pie looked at one table and saw a few ponies waiting with anticipation, as if they were completely impatient.
Just then, a waitress came up to them. This waitress was a magenta-coated earth pony with a pink and light blue striped mane. Her cutie mark was a peppermint candy wrapped in a fancy paper. But her face looked like she was tiring. As if she was about to fall asleep.
She walked up to Mr and Mrs Cake and said “How many for lunch?”
Mr Cake said “Three, plus two foals.”
The waitress then said “Right this way.” before leading Mr Cake, Mrs Cake,the Cake Twins and Pinkie Pie to a table. Mr and Mrs Cake took there seats with Pinkie Pie slowly sitting down as if she were nervous.
Waitress said to Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie “My name is Twirly Treats and I will be your waitress for today.” before setting down three menus for the three to see. She took her leave to the male, bright yellow unicorn with a white mane, wearing a black shirt and an apron. His cutie mark seems to represent a cash register.
“Mr Turpe, we have three at a table with two foals,” Twirly Treats said to the unicorn. Turpe, the occupant of the register, shook his head at Twirly Treats before continuing to operate the register.
Back at the table, Mr and Mrs Cake looked down at the menu to see what they were going to eat. But Pinkie Pie wasn't looking at her menu. Instead, she was looking at the display where all of the desserts were sitting. At first, she looked at the desserts and they look scrumptious. Yet, she still felt a little uneasy.
“Pinkie Pie,” Mr Cake said, getting the attention of the usually happy pony. “Aren't you going to order something”
Pinkie Pie looked back at Mr and Mrs Cake and said with an uneasy tone “Ya know what, I'll have what you're having.”
“Well, how about we all order a Pizza Margherita?” Mr Cake said. “I'll also request Macaroni and Soy Cheese for Pound and Pumpkin.”
“That sounds wonderful.” Mrs Cake.
Before long, Twirly Treats returns with three glasses of water. She then said to three “Okay. What will it be today?”
Mr Cake then said “We've all decided. One medium Pizza Margherita for me, my darling Mrs Cup Cake, and my faithful employee Pinkie Pie. And the twins would like a plate of Macaroni and Soy Cheese.”
“Excellent choice, signor,” Twirly Treats said as she wrote down everything that Mr Cake requested. She then took the menus and walked off towards Turpe.
With their orders finally placed, Mr and Mrs Cake stared at each other as if romance surrounded the two in a heavenly glow. They haven't felt like this since they dated many years ago. They continued to gaze at each other, not paying attention to their surroundings.
Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie was busy looking at Turpe as he just punched a few buttons into the register before throwing the slip of paper into the trash. As she saw what was going on, her mane shook a bit. But not even the sound of her mane shaking got the attention of the star-crossed Cake couple.
“Why do I have the feeling we're in for a rude awakening?” Pinkie Pie said to herself as she started to become a bit nervous.
Twenty Minutes have passed since Mr Cake ordered lunch. The Cakes and Pinkie Pie were waiting for their food, but it has not arrived at all. What could be taking them this long?
“Well this is odd,” Mr Cake said as he was patiently waiting for the food to arrive. “What could be taking this long for the food to be done?”
“Have Patience, dear,” Mrs Cake said as she calmed down her husband. “I bet they've got a woodfire pizza oven to slow cook that pizza.” The thought of that got her excited.
But not Pinkie Pie. She wasn't in her cheerful mood, but had more of a concerned look on her face. There was nothing Mrs Cake could do to cheer her up. It's usually not like Pinkie Pie to be this concerned.
“WAITER! WE'VE BEEN WAITING ONE HOUR FOR OUR FOOD!”
The yell came across the room. Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie looked to their left and they saw two familiar faces impatiently waiting for their food: Octavia and DJ Pon-3 AKA Vinyl Scratch. It's unsure what they ordered, but it's clear they're not exactly in a patient mood.
Twirly Treats trotted up to both Octavia and Vinyl Scratch and said “Is something wrong?”
“Something wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong,” Vinyl Scratch complained. “We made an order of two Black Bean and Cheese Calzones fifty minutes ago and they still haven't come.”
Octavia, who was the calmest of the two, added in “And three times in a row, I have gotten ice tea with bugs in it. As a matter of fact, this one has six dead flies.” She then showed Twirly Treats the cup which contained tea full of six dead flies as she stated.
“I'm terribly sorry,” Twirly Treats said “I will go fix up your cup and...”
But before she could speak, Turpe marched over to Octavia and Vinyl Scratch's table and yelled out “Look you two, the Calzones are almost ready.”
That wasn't enough to convince those two. Vinyl Scratch fired back with “We've been waiting fifty minutes and those Calzones aren't ready?”
Octavia calm mood turned sour as she added “And three times I had bugs in my iced tea. Three times. Do you realize how disgusting this is?”
But Turpe didn't want to hear any of it. As a matter of fact for Turpe, he basically had enough and said “Ya know what? You are both a bunch of fools who don't know how food is prepared. So the both of you, OUT of my restaurant.”
Both Vinyl Scratch and Octavia were shocked.
“Wait a minute,” Octavia protested. “You want to kick us out when we haven't gotten our order in yet?”
But Turpe stood by his words. “Out,” He said in a threatening tone. “If you're going to act like a pair of whiners, then you don't deserve to be here. Now get out, both of you.”
Both Vinyl Scratch and Octavia got out of their seats in disgust. Vinyl Scratch said to Turpe “Okay. We can take a hint. We know when we're not invited.” She then turned her head to Octavia “C'mon Octavia. We'll tell our friends how horrible this place is.”
The two began to walk out. But before Octavia did, she turned around and faced Turpe with a glaring look on her face. Then she grabbed the glass full of bug-infested tea with her hoof and splashed it in his face.
“You know this is the first time I acted like this in public,” Octavia said. “So consider yourself lucky.” She then followed Vinyl Scratch out the door, exiting the restaurant in complete disgust.
Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie watched in horror at what they say.
“I'm beginning to think they may have been a bad idea,” Mr Cake said to Mrs Cake.
“Have faith, dear,” Mrs Cake said. “I bet our food will come.
Fifteen Minutes have passed. Mr and Mrs Cake started to become hungrier and impatient. Pinkie Pie remained unchanged as she continued to keep her eye out on Turpe. The fact that she, along with Mr and Mrs Cake, witnessed what Turpe did to Vinyl Scratch and Octavia made the usually spunky pony scared nervous. Was she right all along? Is this Cattivo Odore the nightmare she envisioned? Was her twitchy tail telling her the truth?
To her, it seem, yes. She thought to herself “If Twilight and the others came up here, I would tell them not to come to this restaurant if they make customers wait a long time for food and yell at them like they don't know anything.”
But just thinking about what she saw only made her more tense than Mr and Mrs Cake. She thought to herself “Okay, deep breaths. Everything will be alright once we get our food.” She breathed in slowly and then breathed out. In slowly, and then out. She began to calm down, slowing herself down, hoping not to overreact.
“You can do this,” she thought to herself. “I bet the food will be worth the wait.”
“I THE GREAT AND NOT-SO-APOLOGETIC TRIXIE CAN'T STAND THIS SLOP!”
So much for calmness. Pinkie Pie, Mr and Mrs Cake turned their heads to see a light blue Unicorn with a white mane at a table on the far side. She also wore a wizard hat and cape with stars decorating the costumes.
“Hey. Isn't that Trixie?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Yeah. I remember her when she took over Ponyville using that Alicorn Amulet,” Mrs Cake said. “I still remember when you and I had to pull that throne.” The mere look at Trixie caused Mrs Cake to shake nervously.
“I know darling,” Mr Cake said. “My back gave out after having to pull that candy throne. But yet, even after all she's done for us, something tells me I'm about to feel sorry for her.”
Turpe marched over to Trixie like he previously did with Vinyl Scratch and Octavia. As he approached the blue unicorn, Turpe said “How are you enjoying your lunch today, madam Trixie?”
“How am I enjoying it?” Trixie complained. “This is disgusting. First off the rigatoni is harder than a tortoise shell. Second off, the tomato sauce is way too spicy. And finally, the Soy cheese looks like castor oil is coming out of it. And to make things worse, IT ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE CASTOR OIL!”
But Turpe wasn't buying it. He said to Trixie “What do you know about food? My wife can cook up the best food in all of Equestria and you have the nerve to call her out on that?”
“Best food?” Trixie said in a sharp and aggressive tone. “I, the Great and Hungry Trixie knows how food should taste, and to call this the best food in the world is a complete insult. Take this back and have her re-cook it.” She then pushes the plate towards Turpe in disgust.
“You don't insult my wife's cooking that way.” Turpe said in an angry tone. “YOU DON'T EVER INSULT MY WIFE'S COOKING! SHE CAN COOK BETTER FOOD THAN EVEN PRINCESS CELESTIA COULD!”
“I could cook better than your wife,” Trixie argued back. “I don't even know why you even operate this restaurant when you obviously act rude around customers.”
“That's it,” Turpe said, having enough of Trixie's complaints. “You are out of here. Get lost, we don't want you in this restaurant.”
“Fine then. Have it your way. The Great and Poweful Trixie doesn't need to be a dump like this,” Trixie said. As she got out of her seat, she grabs the horrible plate of Rigatoni, tomato sauce and soy cheese, and tossed it right in Turpe's face before turning around and walking towards the door.
Turpe was steaming mad from the food that Trixie tossed into his plate. As he saw the unicorn walk towards the door, his horn glowed with a dark radiance. Immediately, Trixie froze with that same glow covering her body.
“I...I can't move,” Trixie said as she was completely immobile with the exception of her mouth.”
Without warning, Turpe grabbed the plate that had the rigatoni on it and swung hard, hitting Trixie in the rear area. Mr and Mrs Cake saw what happened and began to cower behind the chairs. Pinkie Pie covered her own eyes as she said to herself “I feel sorry for Trixie now.”
After Turpe smacked Trixie in the rear area with that plate many times, he levitated Trixie off the ground and pushed his horn forward, sending Trixie flying through the glass window, breaking it and causing her to crash into the pavement.
When Trixie got up and saw Turpe from the street, her eyes started to water. She knew she had been humiliated, but she didn't have the nerve to stand up to that Turpe character.
“I THE GREAT AND SAD TRIXIE JUST WANTED A SIMPLE LUNCH!” Trixie cried as tears poured from her eyes like waterfalls. She ran off to her left continuing to cry.
Back inside, Mr and Mrs Cake were still shocked from what they saw as they pulled themselves out of their chairs. Pinkie Pie was already breathing heavily from what she just experienced as Turpe marched back to the counter. Many other customers still waiting for their food were also shocked. Some decided to wait further for their food or eat in disgust. Others got up and walked out.
“This is starting to become uncomfortable,” Mr Cake said to Mrs Cake.
“I know dear,” Mrs Cake said. “But have patience. We'll get our order soon, and as long as we don't yell or toss food in his face, we won't have any problems.”
As Mrs Cake finished speaking with Mr Cake, she heard the sound of crying foals from below. She looked into the stroller and saw Pound and Pumpkin crying as if they were hungry.
Thankfully, Mrs Cake was prepared for this. She went down and pulled up a small tote bag that was originally in the stroller and pulled out two foal bottles full of formula. She then gave each bottle to Pound and Pumpkin Cake. The two foals were sucking away at the bottles completely content with the food inside.
“Rule of thumb when taking foals out to Canterlot,” Mrs Cake said to Pinkie Pie. “Never come unprepared for what may happen.”
Pinkie Pie, smiling for the first time since entering the restaurant, said to Mrs Cake “You bet.” before giving her a wink.
Inside the kitchen, Turpe walked in to see a female unicorn finishing the pizza to prepare for the oven. This pony has a bright yellow mane, but only a purple coat. Her cutie mark appears to be an open trash can with bugs in it.
“Hey Poco Cotti,” Turpe said to the other unicorn. “That mare had the nerve to insult your cooking and said it tasted like Castor Oil.”
Poco Cotti couldn't agree more than Turpe.
“Of course she didn't, Turpe,” Poco Cotti said. “Our customers always say the food tastes the best, that it's better than anything Equestria offers them.
Then Turpe added “And the worse part about it, was that she had the nerve to toss her food into my face.”
“I hope you taught that witch a lession,” Poco Cotti said to Turpe as she added in chili peppers and anchovies to the pizza. “The nerve of that so-called Great and Powerful Trixie. And she claimed to have conquered Ponyville? My Granny could have conquered ten ponyvilles in one day.”
“I know,” Turpe said. “All these haters think they can go and discredit us? What do they think they are, the magic of friendship? Doesn't work in this business.”
“What can friendship do to us, Turpe? In any business, friendship takes a backseat to my cooking and your skills as a business pony,” Poco Cotti said as she levitated the pizza with her unicorn horn and placed it into the pizza oven.
Fifteen Minutes more passed. Mr and Mrs Cake were really hungry and tired. Pinkie Pie looked woozy as her belly was grumbling louder. But the Cake Twins were already asleep from the formula they had.
“Just have patience,” Mrs Cake said as her sanity reached a new low. “It will come.”
“Sorry to keep you waiting. Your pizza is ready.”
That tone, could it be? Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie turned their heads to see Twirly Treats with the pizza on a serving cart.
“Finally,” Mr Cake said. “Lunch is served.”
Twirly Treat pushed the serving cart to Mr and Mrs Cake. On the cart, was the Pizza they ordered. Only it wasn't a Pizza Margherita they ordered as it also got red chili peppers and anchovies on it. To top it off, no sign of the Macaroni and Soy Cheese dish for the Cake twins.
“I beg your pardon, but what happened to the Mac and Soy cheese?” Mrs Cake asked in a polite tone, despite her stomach grumbling.
“Oh I am terribly sorry,” Twirly Treats said in an apologetic tone “I will go tell Turpe about this.” She then walked back towards the kitchen where Turpe and Poco Cotti were.
Back at the table, Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie looked at the Pizza and were completely confused.
“This is a Pizza Margherita?” Mrs Cake said, seeing the peppers and anchovies covering the pizza. The cheese doesn't even look like it completely melted.
“Well, with my stomach rumbling, I guess this is better than nothing,” Mr Cake said, wanting to sink his teeth into the pizza.
Back inside the kitchen, Twirly Treats saw Turpe and Poco Cotti talking with each other that isn't work related. She approached the two and said “Just a heads up. Table 3A didn't get their macaroni dish.”
“They didn't order any Macaroni dish.” Turpe said to Twirly Treats. “All I got on the order was a Pepper and Anchovy Pizza.”
“Well they ordered a Pizza Margherita and a Macaroni and Soy cheese dish,” Twirly Treats said to Turpe. “I took that order down clearly.”
“Are you going to question what my husband put into the register?” Poco Cotti said in disgust.
“No,” Twirly Treats responded “It's just that the order came out different than what they requested.”
“You don't like it, you can go home for the day,” Poco Cotti said as she pointed to the front door. “If you want to keep your job, you do as your told, got it?”
“Yes, Poco Cotti,” Twirly Treats said in a low tone.
“I bet they're already enjoying the pizza as I speak,” Poco Cotti said to herself. “No one makes the best food in Equestria than me."
“BLEECH!”
Back outside, Mr Cake was completely disgusted by the pizza he just tasted. The anchovies were completely salty, the peppers tasted too oily, the cheese didn't have any taste of soy at all. Instead, it had the taste of what appears to be imitation soy oil. Even the crust felt too soft as if it were undercooked.
Mrs Cake was also disgusted by the same pizza she took a bite out of. She struggled to get the bad taste out of her system by wiping her tongue with the napkin next to her. Pinkie Pie, just knowing how bad the pizza looked, scooted away from the pizza as if it were a complete menace.
Twirly Treats and Turpe came back out to see Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie's complete disgust with the pizza. Turpe approached the three and said “How is your order today?”
Mrs Cake looked at Mr Cake and whispered “Remember when I said not to yell at his face?”
“Yeah, and to be patient,” Mr Cake said.
“Now's a good time to toss that out the window,” Mrs Cake said.
Mr Cake's disgust turned to anger as he got up from his seat and faced Turpe. The words that came out of Mr Cake's mouth would not be of any praise at all....
“Listen. I've been waiting one hour just for one Pizza Margherita and a plate of Macaroni and Soy cheese for me and my darling's foal children. One hour. Do you know that food doesn't take that long to cook? I've had experience baking goods with my wife Mrs Cake and my employee Pinkie Pie and I don't recall having to spend more than an hour to prepare the food.”
To Pinkie Pie, she never saw this side of Mr Cake before. Mrs Cake whispered to Pinkie Pie “This happened before on a flight to 'Lio Lani Island' because of the poor customer service.” as Mr Cake continued his rant-filled complaint.
“So we finally get our pizza and it's not a Pizza Margherita and what do we get? A Red Pepper and Anchovy Pizza, not a Margherita Pizza. And it didn't come with the Macaroni and Soy Cheese for my foals. You completely screwed our order up, and I don't even eat fish. What's worse, the pizza is completely disgusting. The peppers taste like they were dipped in White Truffle Oil. The anchovies tasted like you dumped a tank full of salt on them, and the soy cheese tasted completely funny. And to make matters worse, the crust tastes too soft. I don't know where your wife learned to cook, but she doesn't even know the basics of cooking.”
Turpe was angry. He fired back with “You don't even know about good taste if it smacked you in the face. You don't talk about my wife's cooking that way.” unaware that Mr Cake learned that his wife did the cooking due to a previous argument between Turpe and Trixie.
“Well my wife at least puts her heart and soul into every good she makes at the Sugar Cube Corner,” Mr Cake added. “Your wife couldn't even cook worth a garbage can.” Mrs Cake smiled towards what her husband said and was proud and Pinkie Pie was clapping her hooves for her boss and landlord.
But all that arguing got Poco Cotti's attention from the kitchen. She marched on out towards Mr and Mrs Cake, the former still arguing with Turpe.
As she approached the table, she said to Turpe, “What's going on? Did they say something about my cooking?”
Turpe said to Poco Cotti “Yeah. They told me that your cooking stinks and it doesn't even belong in a garbage can.”
Those words angered Poco Cotti. She was completely furious by what Turpe described her own cooking. She approached Mr Cake and said “You don't have any rights to insult my cooking. I am the best cook in all of Equestria. And I don't care if your wife knows how to make cakes and pies, I'm the better cook than she'll ever be, and I'm the better baker than she'll ever be.”
“How dare you,” Mrs Cake said as she got out of her seat. “In my experience as a baker, I know exactly how I make cakes and pie and I make them with tender loving care. You don't care for the dishes you make and this pizza was proof. As a matter of fact, that pasta dish you made for the one called Trixie also came out horrible. If I was Princess Celestia, I would have this shop shut down due to the incompetence of the owners.”
Poco Cotti was even more furious. She fired back “Princess Celestia has no right to shut down our restaurant. What she will do is disrupt the natural order of business that we've been running. We at least get more customers than this Sugar Cube Corner you two operate. I bet your baked goods don't taste as good as what we make because your taste buds can't adjust to Canterlot cusines.”
Those words got Pinkie Pie out of her seat and in on the action. “Ya know, even before I set hoof into this restaurant, I had a bad feeling about this and I was right. Rude to the customers, making them wait a long time, disgusting food. My shaking mane tells me that there are rude ponies out there who only care for themselves. My job is to make ponies smile, give them yummy yum yum desserts and throw parties, but you and that other unicorn don't care about smiling. All you care about is your little world you live in where you two think your both king and queen and that everyone bows down before you.”
And at the end of her speech, the sound of crying foals echoed through the restaurant. Mrs Cake looked down and saw Pound and Pumpkin cake crying. She picked them both up with her front legs and cuddled them to put them at peace.
Turpe looked at Mrs Cake with complete disgust at her foals and said “And you even bring dirty foals into this establishment? That's it. You three are no longer welcomed in my restaurant. Now pay up and get out of here.”
“Oh we will get out of here,” Mr Cake said. “But we will not give you any bits. Come on honey.”
Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, The Cake Twins and Pinkie Pie were making their way out the door when Turpe ran towards the door and blocked their path.
“You're not going anywhere till you pay us for the food, plus two hundred bits for letting in spoiled foals into our establishment,” Turpe said furiously at Mr Cake.
“We're not paying you a single bit and that's final,” Mr Cake argued back.
“Ether you pay up or I will call the royal guard and have you arrested for stealing and trespassing,” Turpe snapped.
“Go ahead and call them up,” Mr Cake yelled. “Tell them that three customers walked out because you took too long fixing our lunch and yelled at other customers over something I wouldn't associate with trash.”
“It's not worth it, Turpe,” Poco Cotti said to Turpe. “To us, he and his family are nothing more than a bunch of haters who will discredit us.”
But Turpe furiously yelled back at Poco Cotti “They still should pay up the bits they owe us or they will be charged for trespassing and stealing from our restaurant. They're nothing more than vultures and thieves looking to take advantage of us. They think they can get away with it like three others we had to kick out? Call up the royal guard. Tell them to come down here and arrest them for stealing and trespassing.”
But as he was arguing with Poco Cotti, Mr and Mrs Cake noticed the huge hole in the broken glass window that Turpe caused by tossing Trixie out of early ago. There was no gap on the ground. Perfect for sneaking out while two ponies argued with each other
“I suggest we go out that way and never turn back,” Mr Cake said to Mrs Cake, who was still holding the Cake twins, and Pinkie Pie. Both Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie nodded.
Without warning, Pinkie Pie grabbed both the stroller and the tote bag that was still next to the table and pushed it away from the arguing Turpe and Poco Cotti. Mrs Cake placed both Pound and Pumpkin back into the stroller and secured them tight. Then she quietly placed the tote bag in the stroller compartment below located behind Pound and Pumpkin before she carted them outside the broken window with Mr Cake and Pinkie Pie following behind.
By the time they were gone, both Turpe and Poco Cotti stopped arguing and noticed they were completely gone.
“Ehh, good riddance to those two,” Poco Cotti said.
Twirly Treats looked around and said “I guess my shift is over for the day.” as she started to walk out.
“Good. Because from here on out, you're fired.” Poco Cotti yelled.
“What?” Those words that came out of Poco Cotti's mouth shook Twirly Treats by surprise.
“You don't go questioning my husband on how he operates his business,” Poco Cotti snapped back. “ You're through here. Finished. You don't belong to this restaurant. Now get out and never come back here again. And I hope you never get another job in this country again.”
Twirly Treats' eyes were watering as she was on the verge of crying.
“I should have quit when I had the chance,” Twirly Treats said she ran out the door, crying her eyes out.
“I swear. This world is full of vultures and thieves,” Turpe complained. “How do we make an honest bit when both the haters and the slackers are doing nothing more than making our life miserable?”
“It's like a curse from Nightmare Moon coming to haunt us,” Poco Cotti said.
Later that day, Mr and Mrs Cake slowly trotted down the street, still hungry after that horrible experience. Mrs Cake was pushing the stroller with Pound and Pumpkin in it. Pinkie Pie looked even more gloomy than her two bosses.
“I can't believe we experienced the worse restaurant in all of Canterlot,” Mr Cake said, feeling depressed from what he went through. “Pinkie Pie was right.”
“You don't have to go blaming yourself, hon,” Mrs Cake assured.
“But now that I think about it, we're still hungry and I shouldn't have yelled at that guy,” Mr Cake said to Mrs Cake. “That was totally out of character for me. I sure hope we all don't get arrested.”
“Don't worry,” Mrs Cake said to Mr Cake. “Even if we all get arrested, as long as we have each other, we're still better than those two. Right Pinkie Pie?”
But Pinkie Pie wasn't in the mood to respond. Her eyes were watering up as she slowly trotted with every step. Mr and Mrs Cake stopped as they saw Pinkie Pie about ready to cry.
“Pinkie Pie, are you okay?” Mrs Cake said in concern.
“It's just that,” Pinkie Pie cried “I knew that restaurant was a complete fraud from the very start....AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET A SLICE OF CAKE FROM THERE!”
And with that, Pinkie Pie started crying. Tears formed from eyes like twin waterfalls, much like Trixie before.
“Poor Pinkie Pie,” Mr Cake said. “I feel bad for her.”
“I know,” Mrs Cake said. “I haven't seen her this sad since she learned her grandma passed away from her mother and father.”
Down the street, we see Princess Celestia and a couple of guards trotting down the street as if they were enjoying the day off, without a need to watch over the people of Canterlot all while her sister Princess Luna was taking over for the day. Though the guards were proud in walking beside their princess, they were already tired from the walking they did all day.
“You seem to be getting tired,” Princess Celestia said. “Do you boys need a place to reset your hooves?”
“No your majesty,” The captain of the guards said to Princess Celestia. “We dedicate ourselves to keeping you well protected.
Princess Celestia at what the captain said. “I know, but even you could use a break. How about we go down town and get a bite to eat at My Little Pita? I'm famished myself.”
“If you say so, your majestry,” The captain said to Princess Celestia.
As Princess Celestia and the guards continued to trot down the street, they heard a cry call out in front of them as if the pony was in complete despair. That apparently got Princess Celestia's attention, as she heard the voice of that cry.
“Something's not right,” Princess Celestia said to her guards. “If I recognize that cry, that sound like one of Princess Twilight Sparkle's friends.”
Without warning, Princess Celestia galloped forward past her own guards as if she were in a complete hurry. The guards, seeing Princess Celestia gallop forward to the location of the cry, also galloped towards the Princess, hoping to catch.”
“Wait up, your majesty,” The Captain of the guards yelled “Even though you are an alicorn, you're still our responsibility.”
“I know,” Celestia said to the Captain in concern. “But I would rather put the needs of others above the needs of my own.”
Back with Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, the Cake Twins and Pinkie Pie, the mood has turned sour for the group. Mr and Mrs Cake never felt so depressed their entire life. And Pinkie Pie was still crying out twin waterfalls. Even worse, the three were still hungry.
The Cake twins Pound and Pumpkin, sitting in their looked at their parents and at Pinkie Pie, still crying her eyes out. Though they could not understand what was wrong, they knew from the faces of the grown ups that something bad happened. The two just sighed at the depressing tone.
Overall, the day has been bad for Mr Cake, Mrs Cake and Pinkie Pie. And it was all over trying to get lunch from Cattivo Odore where the owners were completely rude, self-centered, and stuck-up. But the grumbling of their bellies and Pinkie Pie's crying did not quell the bad experience they had with Turpe and Poco Cotti. Poco Cotti's cooking would no doubt make her the worst chef in Canterlot, if not the world. And Turpe was extremely defensive around his wife while arguing like he was some kind of big shot.
And yet, they felt like they have gotten in trouble for just trying to argue about the quality of their lunch and the threatening tone that Turpe gave them for not paying for that slop they almost ate. Mr Cake's thoughts of going to the dungeon made his situation even dire.
What were they going to do about lunch? They were too depressed to even find even a small cafe. And they feared their Sugar Cube Corner would go out of business.
Suddenly, they heard a sound of hooves galloping on the street. Mr and Mrs Cake turned their heads to the right. They saw what appeared to be Princess Celestia galloping towards them as if she was distressed. Pinkie Pie also heard the sound of hooves galloping on the street as her waterfall tears disappeared. But even as she saw Princess Celestia, she still felt depressed as her eyes remained watery over the bad experience she had.
It didn't take long for Princess Celestia to finally reach Mr and Mrs Cake and come to a stop. Upon seeing her presence in front of them, Mr and Mrs Cake bowed before their princess as if they were humbled by her.
“Princess Celestia,” Mr Cake said. “It's an honor to see you here. But please don't take us to the dungeon.”
“To the dungeon?” Princess Celestia asked in confusion. “What exactly is going on here? I heard a mare crying came down to investigate.”
Mrs Cake looked up to Princess Celestia and said “Me, my husband, the foals Pound and Pumpkin, and Pinkie Pie all had a bad experience at the Cattivo Odore Restaurant and Bakery. We waited around an hour for our food and when we got served, it was completely incorrect and it tasted horrible. Not to mention the owner actually yelled at us, saying we don't even know how food should taste.”
“That's horrible,” Princess Celestia said in protest.
“What's worse,” Mr Cake added. “The owner actually demanded we pay him for the slop his made after we had to wait an hour for our food. Otherwise he would call up the royal guard to toss us in the dungeon. And he was even rude to two other groups of customers. And he even had the nerve to call our little darlings dirty and spoiled.”
“That's not how a pony should run their business,” Princess Celestia stated. Her bright tone has turned serious upon hearing Mr and Mrs Cake's dilemma. She then added “Any business who treats their customers this badly is not going to get any respect at all and they will run the risk into going out of business.”
Princess Celestia turned her head to Pinkie Pie, a close friend of Twilight Sparkle, who's eyes were still watery from the experience. Right away, Celestia said to Pinkie Pie “And it seems you had the same experience with this Cattivo Odore Restaurant and Bakery, Pinkie Pie?”
Pinkie Pie, once again about ready to cry, said to Princess Celestia “It's true. I had a feeling this place wasn't going to be good. And even though I was right, I ACTUALLY WANTED TO TRY SOME OF THEIR DESSERTS!” before erupting into waterfall tears again.
But it didn't take long for her tears to dry out again as she heard another pony cry. With a sniff, Pinkie Pie looked behind Princess Celestia and saw a familiar face crying on the corner of the street.
It was Twirly Treats. What was she doing on the corner of the street?
“Hey,” Pinkie Pie said in confusion as she pointed to the depressed Twirly Treats. “Isn't that the waitress that served us our food?”
“You're absolutely right,” Mrs Cake said to Pinkie Pie. “Why is she here?”
“Perhaps if I were to talk to her,” Princess Celestia stated. “I could figure out what's going on here.”
Princess Celestia trotted up to Twirly Treats wanting to know what happened today at the restaurant. Mrs Cake followed, pushing the stroller with Pound and Pumpkin still in it with Mr Cake and Pinkie Pie following her.
As she approached Twirly Treats, Princess Celestia asked “Excuse me. A couple of Ponyville Citizens wants to know why you're out here crying on this corner?”
Twirly Treats looked up and saw Princess Celestia. While the presence of the princess would be enough to cause a fellow pony to bow, she was too depressed to even bow before Celestia.
“I'm sorry, Princess Celestia. But I was fired recently for questioning my boss's order,” Twirly Treats cried.
“What did you just say?” Pinkie Pie said, completely shocked at hearing the words of Twirly Treats.
Twirly Treats picked herself up and faced Princess Celestia. Though still depressed, she had to tell her side of the story to the ruler of Equestria. Nothing more than the honest truth.
“I started working there two moons ago after graduating the Canterlot Culinary School,” Twirly Treats explained. “The reason is because baking has been one of my passions was baking, but one of my biggest idols was Gordon Reinsay, a well-known celebrity chef in Equestria. I always wanted to be like Gordon Reinsay, but I always liked to make treats that any pony can enjoy.”
The words that came out of Twirly Treats caused Pinkie Pie, Mr Cake and Mrs Cake to smile. They all knew who Gordon Reinsay is. One of the top chefs in Equestria. As a matter of fact, Mr Cake was once an apprentice to Gordon Reinsay in culinary baking, long before he met his wife.
But Twirly Treats' tone would turn depressing when she continued with her speech.
“I thought Turpe was one of the nicest unicorns ever. But the moment I got my job, all I was assigned to was taking orders for the customers for Turpe to put in, serve the food, and pour in water. Every once in awhile, Turpe would bring me outside for me to wash his wagon.”
“His wagon?” Mrs Cake said with a complete shock.
“And it gets worse,” Twirly Treats added. “Turpe's wife, Poco Cotti, has a huge amounts of orders from the customers, but she is only focused on one customer at a time, causing long wait times. All of the tips we make working there, Turpe takes for himself.”
“That's completely horrible,” Princess Celestia said. “No business should take away any tips the worker gets from the customers.”
“I was not aware that he would get away with this,” Mr Cake said. “Even I wouldn't take tips away from Pinkie Pie, even if she does eat the goods.”
Pinkie Pie only blushed in embarrassment.
“Before my firing today for questioning one of Turpe's orders,” Twirly Treats added. “The restaurant actually had fifty different employees working there. All of them, fired by ether Turpe or Poco Cotti. They never even considered the negative reviews they were getting. Every former customer and every employee they fire, they consider them nothing more than vultures and thieves.”
Those words were enough to convince Princess Celestia to investigate this Cattivo Odore. “I've heard enough,” Princess Celestia said. “Something needs to be done about this horrible restaurant.”
And as she finished her sentence, the Royal Guards trotted in.
“Your majesty,” the Captain said. “I apologize for our troops not being able to catch up to you.”
“That's okay, Thompson,” Princess Celestia said with a smile before her tone became serious. “I need you and the others to go over to the Cattivo Odore Restaurant and Bakery and investigate what's going on down here involving bad customer service, bad food, tips being taken and fifty employees being kicked out in two moons time.”
The guard captain, Thompson, said to Princess Celestia “At once my princess.” before he and the Royal Guard started to turn around and trotted in the opposite direction that Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, Pinkie Pie and the Cake Twins came from.
But as he was trotting towards the restaurant, Princess Celestia called out “And while you're there, could you pick up a couple slices of chocolate cake there? A good friend of mine wants to see what it taste like.” as she winked towards Pinkie Pie.
“Yes, my princess,” Guard Captain Thompson said as he and his troops trotted towards the location of the restaurant.
Princess Celestia turned to Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, Pinkie Pie, the Cake Twins and Twirly Treats. She then said to them “I can assure you we will have this matter taken care of and no one in this group will be going to the dungeon. You have my word.”
Mr and Mrs Cake bowed before Princess Celestia
Mr Cake said “Oh thank you Princess Celestia. For a moment, I thought the bad experience would get us both into trouble.”
“But of course, we still haven't had a bite to eat,” Mrs Cake said to Princess Celestia, with her tummy growling as loud as ever.
Princess Celestia smiled and said “I know a good place where they serve great pitas.”
Later that day, at the small cafe known as My Little Pita, we find Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, Pinkie Pie, Twirly Treats, the Cake Twins Pound and Pumpkin, and Princess Celestia all enjoying their freshly made Pita sandwiches.
The entire cafe was busy, even though the decorations were not as Cattivo Odore Restaurant and Bakery. But yet, many ponies were happily devouring their pita sandwiches with delight. Some had tofu in it. Some had black beans and avocados. Some even had hummus, tomatoes and crispy onions wrapped with a zesty sauce that can't be resisted.
Pinkie Pie was too busy eating her pita with the gang, when she noticed the table to her left. There was Vinyl Scratch and Octavia from early ago. They were busy enjoying their pitas and sipping on their iced teas. She still recalled how those two stood up against Turpe's gangster-like attitude.
“Man. This is the best pita I ever had,” Vinyl Scratch said as she took another bite out of her pita, chewed with delight and swallowed. “It's got plenty of wubs from me.”
“Indeed,” Octavia said with a smile on her face. “I should recommend my friends about this little pita shop. Even the iced tea is refreshing.”
From her table, Pinkie could only smile at Vinyl Scratch and Octavia as the two enjoyed their food. She turned to another table and saw what appears to be Trixie enjoying a mushroom and soy mozzarella pita filled with a finely made pasta sauce made from scratch.
Pinkie got out of her seat and trotted up to Trixie.
“Uhh, excuse me Trixie,” Pinkie asked.
Trixie turned her face towards Pinkie Pie, and felt a bit nervous.
“Uhh, hello there,” Trixie said with an embarrassing look. “What do you wish from the Great and Apologetic Trixie?”
“Nothing you silly,” Pinkie said with a smile. “Look, I know you were a big jerk back when you conquered Ponyville long ago with that Alicorn Amulet, but after seeing what happened to you back at that horrible restaurant, I actually felt sorry for you. Even Princess Celestia thought you were misguided”
Trixie only smiled at what Pinkie Pie said. Pinkie then pointed to Princess Celestia, who only waved back at the light blue magician unicorn.
“Thanks,” Trixie said to Pinkie Pie. “I guess there is hope for the Great and Powerful Trixie.”
“Only if you believe in the power of friendship, especially coming the Great and Happy Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie Pie said back to Trixie.
The two laughed at each other. Then Pinkie Pie waved her hoof back at Trixie before returning to her seat. Princess Celestia only smiled.
“I guess some ponies can learn from their mistakes.” Pinkie Pie said to Princess Celestia.
“Indeed,” Princess Celestia said to Pinkie. “We all make mistakes in our rush for perfection. But if we take the time to look back at what we did and learn to correct them, then I believe we can be much more prepared for what the world can throw at us. I'm glad Trixie saw the error of her ways. I only hope Turpe and Poco Collo can learn their lesson.”
“If only they learned their passion of cooking from Gordon Reinsay,” Twirly Treats said. “Then I think they would have had a much better restaurant with much better prepared food, lesser wait times, more staff members and an overall better business.”
But as she finished her speech, Guard Captain Thompson trotted on in carrying a container containing five slices of chocolate cake.
Princess Celestia, taking attention to Thompson's entrance and said “So what of the restaurant, Thompson?”
Thompson looked distressed. He said to Princess Celestia “Your Majesty, what you said about that restaurant Cattivo Odore, it was worse than you thought. Throughout their years in business, the two owners kicked out one hundred waitresses and busboys and they actually justify taking the tips for themselves, claiming the workers only get paid less than the minimum wage.”
Princess Celestia couldn't believe her ears when she heard Thompson say that. She then said “Go on.”
Thompson then said “They did bring out a bit of food in our respect. But it was completely disgusting. The Shi-Take mushroom burger tasted like they put White Truffle Oil on there, and the bun was completely soggy and inedible. When I went to complain about the order, the owner Turpe actually had the nerve to yell at my face and told me that 'I was not only unfit for guard duty, but I was also considered having a bad taste in food.' Then he had the nerve to threaten me, telling me he was some kind of gangster.”
That actually worried Princess Celestia. “I took it you arrested him for that.”
“Not just him, Your Majesty,” Guard Thompson said as he pointed his right front hoof out the window.
Outside appeared to be a blue wagon with cylinder bars gating the windows. Inside the windows, where both Turpe and Poco Cotti, both of them were completely disgruntled as they stared at the inside of the cafe.
“It's what I tell ya, nothing but vultures and thieves,” Turpe complained. “Even Princess Celestia is nothing more than this in a nutshell.”
“If I knew we were getting ourselves in this mess,” Poco Cotti complained. “I would've been in the Cribbeans by now.”
“What do YOU mean by this mess?” Turpe yelled.
“I know exactly what I mean and I need to drink water right now.” Poco Cotti yelled back.
“Oy. Father was right,” Turpe said to himself. “I knew I should have been a capitalist with a radio show to boot.”
Back inside the store, nearly everyone was laughing at the misfortune of Turpe and Poco Cotti as they were stuck inside the wagon. Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, Pinkie Pie, Twirly Treats, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia and Trixie all joined in the laughing. Even Princess Celestia, who tried to be formal in the events that transpired, couldn't hold back her laughter.
Inside the wagon, Turpe was disgusted by what he said with the people inside My Little Pita were doing by laughing at his face with Poco Cotti turned her face away from the crowd.
“Nothing more, than vultures and thieves,” Turpe said to himself.
Back inside, as everyone's laughter did calm down a bit, especially that of Princess Celestia, Guard Captain Thompson placed the container full of cakes on the table.
“As you requested,” Guard Captain Thompson said. “At least five slices of chocolate cake from the now closed establishment.”
Guard Captain Thompson opened up the container. Inside were five slices of what looks like a really scrumptious chocolate cake, all on a plate. How they managed to survive not sliding off the plate is a mystery. One by one, Guard Captain Thompson placed the slices of cake that were on the plates right onto the table. One for Mr Cake, one for Mrs Cake, one for Pinkie Pie, one for Twirly Treats, and one for Princess Celestia.
Pinkie Pie took a sniff of her cake piece, hoping to at least savior the aroma of chocolate.
“You know, something about this cake smells pretty familiar,” Pinkie Pie said before she opened her mouth really wide and took a huge bite, eating the cake in one gulp. As she got done eating her slice, she said “And it takes very familiar as well. Something I once had at the Sugar Cube Corner."
Twirly Treats then said to Pinkie Pie “That's because Poco Cotti didn't bake all those. They were bought from other parts of Equestria. That chocolate cake you just ate, came from an area of Ponyville that you referred to as the Sugar Cube Corner.”
Mr and Mrs Cake were in complete shock.
“You mean to tell me that guy actually bought cakes from my store and he had the nerve to want to throw me into the dungeon?” Mr Cake said in complete shock.
Twirly Treats looked at Mr Cake and said “Yesterday, one of our other associates had to go down to Ponyville to pick up that kind of cake from your store I believe. He had to spend his own money getting a ticket from Canterlot to Ponyville and back just to acquire said cake. Though he was successful in getting the cake, he was let go for questioning Turpe's demand for an out-of-city cake.”
“That is completely absurd.” Mrs Cake said in disappointment. “To think he was using our cakes for his own personal business. I'm glad we don't have to deal with that pathetic excuse for a stallion again.”
Mr Cake then said to Twirly Treats “You know, you seem like one who would want a job baking. How about you come down to Ponyville and we can set you up as Pinkie Pie's assistant?”
Twirly Treats smiled, but said “I appreciate the offer, Mr Cake. But I'm going to turn it down. I actually enjoy the atmosphere of Canterlot and I wanna try again to bring gourmet food here. But I will keep you in mind.”
“Aww man. I was hoping to have another party buddy with me,” Pinkie Pie said in disappointment. “Just think of all the parties we could throw in one day.”
Mr and Mrs Cake said nothing, but they both smiled at the words Pinkie Pie said to Twirly Treats. Pound and Pumpkin were also smiling at Twirly Treats and Pinkie Pie.
Princess Celestia said to Twirly Treats “Well I hope you find the key to happiness. And do remember, you will always have friends who will help boost you to success.”
Twirly Treats smiled as they all continued to eat their pita lunch.
THE END!
Author's Note
Okay, first off, you all are probably aware that this fan fiction references Amy's Baking Company in Scotsdale, Arizona, where Gordon Ramsay aired an episode of Kitchen Nightmare, focused on the couple Amy and Samy Bouzaglo who not only didn't know how to properly cook food, but didn't even know how to run a business. It was the first time in Kitchen Nightmare's history that Gordon Ramsay had to walk out on this restaurant because of how stubborn both Amy and Samy were not only to him, but also to the customers and to their own employees.
If you can, go look up Kitchen Nightmare, Amy's Baking Company and you'll see what I'm talking about. But be warned, these two are completely psycho.
But it's not just that episode that was referenced. There is also a report of of Hayley Ringle and her crew getting kicked out of that establishment because three times in a row, she ordered a vodka martini with a twist of lemon, and every time he came back, there would always be a fruit fly. She later went over to the nearby Jungle Pita for lunch, which is what My Little Pita was inspired by.
Oh and the names. Well these were what inspired the characters and the setting of the location of our fan fiction.
Cattivo Odore- Bad Smell
Turpe- Vile, foul, filthy, obscene(His original name was suppose to be Marcio, which meant Rotten, bad and festering. But I would have accidentally confused it with Mario and angered some Nintendo fans. So I changed it at the last moment, but I may have the name Marcio up there by missing one by accident.)
Pico Cotti- Undercooked
