'Cupcakes' and Muffins

Authors note here: I really didn't like where the story was going but I promised I'd finish it so here's what I have, a few inconsistencies, but I'll do better next time. That said enjoy the final chapter!

"It's Derpy time!" Shouted the cross eyed mare as she flung open the door. Looking around she tilted her head. "Awe, did you start without me?"

"No, mommy just playing with my friend, Applebloom."

Derpy blinked, "Wha? Is she into sade-"

The mail mail was cut off by Dinky's sudden cry of pain. Applebloom had forced herself up and now had her teeth clamped down tightly on her daughter's back. Derpy giggled it was nice to see her making some friends, the filly spent so much of her time by herself. "just remember, you don't have what mommy has, ok?"

**----------**

Pinkie Pie's blood lusted eyes concentrated on the grey furred mare approaching her. Something was amiss, however. "Y-you dont have a scratch on you! HOW!?" Even where she had been stabbed with the stake knife, no scare, nothing! The skin had grown back on both sides of her flanks and the fur had grown back all without so much as even the slightest sign of infection.

Derpy giggled, "Well only a few ponies know this, but my special talent is healing and super strong immune system!" She explained, nearly mispronouncing 'immune'. "I tell people my cutie mark is bubbles but its actually white blood cells."

"You lucky, cross eyed, retarded cunt! That's so unfair!" Roared the pink mare.

The mail mare's expression suddenly became one of anger. "Fair? FAIR!? I'll tell you whats not fair! I am almost completely immune to pain...Great? Right? NO!!" Her eyes started to tear up. "I feel...nothing. My body is so resistant that I CAN'T feel anything. A soft breeze, the warm sun light..." The next words were so drowned in crying that they were nearly in audible. "...My daughters hugs, NONE of it gets though. Pain is the only sensation capable of making it from my skin to my brain!"

Pinkie opened her mouth to talk but Derpy kept ranting.

"You think the princess is just gonna let that go?" She then continued in a mock imitation of sarcasm " 'OH whats that, Ditsy? You practically can't be killed? Well that's good' No it doesn't work like that! Its more like 'Hey Ditsy, you have to fight this war and see all these horrible things and do these missions because YOUR life is expendable! After all you can just regenerate, right?" She was now visibly frustrated, grinding her hoof at the ground. "I am 397 years old because my body WONT degrade! In that time I've been forced to fight every battle we've ever been in!"

Pinkie's anger subsided or a moment. "Gosh, I-I'm sorry."

"I could tell right away that you were trying to drug me. When you can't feel a thing your other senses, including taste, tend to get a lot better. Of course I also don't see so good." She sighed, "I decided to play along, but I kept a chunk of the sleepy muffin under my tongue. I slipped it down your throat when we kissed."

The chained pink pony lunged forward, again choking herself on the iron restraints. "Cheeky little sneak! UGH!" She jerked her neck back several time in an attempt to break free, the chains didn't even loosen. "Why am I here? Why didn't you just run? Or simply kill me? You already know I murdered Rainbow Dash."

"Well I could have killed you, but that seems like such a waste. No, I have a much better idea for you." She said slyly, alluding to her final intentions.

Pinkamina huffed in impatience. "So spit it out already! Why. Am. I. Here!?"

Derpy giggled to herself. "Gosh you really hate being on the other side of the restraints, don't you? Well get used to it because you, Pinkie, are now going to do exactly as I say... Unless you would prefer living in canterlot prison on death row."

The pink mare's eyes filled with hate as soon as it dawned on her what the crossed eyed mailpony was getting at. "Blackmail!"

The cross eyed mare put on a smug smile "Yep!" She turned her attention to Applebloom and Dinky, who were still fighting. Thanks to that broken bottle wound inflicted at the start of the fight, Applebloom was fading fast. Finally the little filly clasped from blood loss and sheer exhaustion, leaving 'victorious' Dinky Hooves bruised and panting with sweat.

"Dinky! Get the special collars."

The small grey filly took a few moments to catch her breath. "yes,mommy." She scampered off and returned with two grey bands, using her magic to snap them around the necks of Pinkie Pie and the unconscious Applebloom.

Pinkie tried her best to pull away but then chains held her firmly in place. "What is this!? What are you putting on me?"

'Well Like I said I've been in every major war for the last 397 years, and I've seen some really interesting feats of technology. We ponies rely more on magic than ingenuity so most don't even realize technology like this exists.'

"And what IS this thing!?" The pink pony asked again, reaching her boiling point. She was so mad she could hardly see strait. Out of the dozens of ponies shed killed....this is the one who got the better of her? THIS is the pony beat her at her own game!?

"Those collars have a small amount of what the rest of the world calls 'C-4' ...III think it stands for 'caBOOM four'! It kersplodes with even more power than TNT!"

Pinkie sighed, resistance was futile at this point. "So, what are you going to do to me?"

"I've thought about that my entire mail route. Oh Luna, the things that went though my mind; Should I just kill her? Make her my slave? I could even force her to wear a maid outfit!" Derpy took a deep breath. "But... I don't think you deserve that. No, what you're going to do is ell all your friends exactly what you've done and explain why you've done it!"

Just then the door cracks open and Twilight's voice calls out "Derpy? We're here and your front door is open so-" Her words were cut of by a shocked gasp, immediately echoed by Rarity, Flutershy and Applejack behind her.

"APPLEBLOOM!" AJ shouted and darted over to the limp filly who vaguely acknowledged her big sister with a weak nod.

"What is the meaning of this? Why have foal napped Pinkie?" Demanded Twilight.

The cross eye mares only response was sliding the purple mare a small, grey remote with a key hole and already open latch that uncovered a tiny red button. "I believe Pinkie can explain that, now see that red button? You can press it at any time and her collar will explode." She kicked a second remote at Applejack before nodding to the chained pink pony. "Start talking."