The Summer Sunbowl: Hoofball Showdown

by Doc Crowl

Rating: everyone
Tags: Shining Armor, Pinkie Pie, Random, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 10619

Bored out of his mind during the Summer Sun Celebration preparations, Discord decides to chase some interesting rumors about the Element of Laughter. What he gets is Hoofball, some interested compatriots, and a rivalry with Shining Armor.

Written for the Random Topics challenge by Shadow_Fire

In the days leading up to the annual Summer Sun Celebration, Discord finds himself without anypony to mess with- they're all simply too busy with preparations. Overhearing some gossip, Discord finds out about the Element of Laughter's rumored 'fourth wall' breaking abilities- whatever that means.

In pursuing those rumors, Discord will inadvertantly create: the sport of Hoofball, the 'Summer Sunbowl' game between the Canterlot Crusaders and the Crystal Empire Knights, and a rivalry that will last throughout the ages!

Published 2013-07-03 04:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-03 04:00:03 UTC

Let the Games Begin!

Discord giggled manically to himself, hanging from the ceiling of the royal Canterlot kitchens in a form reminiscent of a giant spider.

”Oh, this will be marvelous!” he chuckled internally. ”That chef won’t know what hit him!”

Just as he thought it to himself, in trotted the Royal Chef. Nothing special, the shallow pony took great delight in only two things: his immaculately kept chef’s hat, and his even more immaculately groomed moustache.

As the unknowing stallion passes through the doorway, Discord whipped out a single spindly appendage to snatch the prized hat right from his target’s head.

Stopping to pat the spot where his hat had once been, the Royal Chef glanced around hurriedly before slowly looking upward.

“Looking for this?” Discord asked casually, his eight legs holding him steady while he handled the hat casually. “I really do think you should keep better tabs on your personal attire, Linguine.”

“Signoreh Discord!” the Royal Chef, Linguine Chianti, squeaked. “What are you-a doing in de kitchens?!”

Discord carelessly tossed the hat into the air as a response. While Linguine tracked his headwear, Discord shot spider’s silk into the flowing mane coming from the Royal Chef’s upper lip.

Snatching the hat from the air and placing it back on his head hurriedly, Linguine sputtered, “I’m-a so sorry, Signoreh Discord, but-a I must go!”

With that, he shot off to the stove and began to fire up several burners.

Discord dropped from the ceiling, entirely dissatisfied with his practical joke’s response. “You’re the third pony today to ignore me, Linguine. Pray tell, what exactly has you Equestrians all a flutter?”

Already juggling several saucepans and quiche, Linguine didn’t turn as he spoke. “I truly am sorry, Signoreh Discord, but we cannot-a help it! De Summer Sun Celebration is only a few days away, and it is being held in the Crystal Empire for de first time! We must-a prepare!”

Discord shook his head angrily. How had he forgotten about one of the biggest events of the year?!

Turning with a snap of his paw back into his draconequus self, Discord wandered bitterly out of the kitchens. The fact that he wasn’t floating, teleporting or rolling down the hallways of the castle told everypony as much about his mood as they needed.

That is, it would have told them of his mood if any of them were paying any attention to him. Canterlot was a bustling hive of activity, and each pony knew their job was crucial to the success of another Summer Sun Celebration. They galloped this way and that, sometimes almost colliding with Discord while he sourly walked along.

Discord was fed up with it, and was about to unleash a bit of chaos in the form of sideways-flowing Apple Cider waterfalls through the walkways when a gossiping pair of maids trotted past.

“I think we need that Element of Laughter’s special power to figure out how things will end up!” the earth pony chuckled to her partner.

Discord perked up instantly, and executed a perfect swan dive into the carpet to snorkel underneath the pair while they chatted.

“Oh, you know bumpkis about her!” the unicorn maid laughed back. “I’ve met Ms. Pinkie Pie, and she never once broke any ‘fourth wall’ in my presence!”

The earth pony rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. “Why would she do it around anypony? They say she only does it when she thinks she’s alone. Then, she starts speaking with aliens who watch us for entertainment!”

“And you believe them?” the unicorn snorted back. “Honestly, you’re as silly as a squirrel sometimes Feather Duster! That’d make absolutely no sense. Besides, what alien in their right mind would watch ponies? Nothing interesting ever happens in Equestria!”

“I suppose you’re right,” Feather Duster sighed. “Canterlot is a fairly boring place. Even that Changeling invasion didn’t change anything around here.”

Discord had stopped listening at ‘entertainment’. He knew just the pony to give him that bit of chaos he was itching for, and knowing Pinkie Pie, she would be more than willing to help.

Just for good measure, Discord breached out of the carpet like a whale to scare the off-task ponies before making his way to Ponyville.

Sneaking a peek through the window of Sugarcube Corner before entering, Discord saw Pinkie Pie jumping around the kitchens excitedly.

Pulling open the door, he heard the last notes of a song Pinkie Pie had been singing.

“Make the ice cream blue, and the Crystal Cakes tooooooooooo!” she ended on a high note, leaping onto the counter to strike a pose.

Discord started to clap slowly. “My my, Ms. Pinkie Pie. You’re quite the little bit of chaos when you’re in the mood, aren’t you?”

“You betcha!” Pinkie Pie laughed, leaping off the counter to trot happily up to Discord. “I’m like Tim Tebow praying during a Sunday game- I can’t be stopped!” She paused slightly. “Well, I guess that’s not the best metaphor, what with him being backup now... Anyhoo, what can I do for ya Discord?!”

Discord’s mismatched eyebrows came together, and he started to stroke his goatee. “I have no idea who this ‘Tebow’ character is, but at the same time I simply don’t care. I’ve heard through the carpet you’ve come into an interesting talent?”

“Don’t care about Tebow? You sure you’re not an NFL coach?” Pinkie Pie laughed. “Oh well. I don’t really know what you mean by ‘interesting talent’ though. I mean, I gots lots!”

With that, she jumped backwards over the counter and into the kitchen. Pacing forward eagerly, Discord was met by the emerging barrel of a cannon.

“Firstly of all, I got a sweeeet party cannon!” Pinkie Pie yelled, shooting the confetti-loaded blast just over Discord’s antlers as he hurriedly ducked.

"I also make ponies and people laugh, but you know that from me being the Element of Laughter and whatnot! What else, what else, what else.... OH!”

Pinkie Pie turned around to show Discord what she had been working on in the kitchen. “Then, there’s a cake I’m making- I think this cake might be a special talent of mine, if that counts! It’s for the Summer Sun Celebration in the Crystal Empire, and Rarity’s helping me with the diamonds, and it’ll be all blue and sparkly like the Crystal ponies, and it’ll be sooooo gooood, and-”

Discord snapped his paw, and Pinkie suddenly found her mouth occupied by a large chunk of the same blue ice cream she’d been singing about earlier.

“Now Pinkie Pie, that’s all well and good. But I’ve heard about an ability to break a ‘fourth wall’ in our world...?” Discord guided, gesturing slowly for Pinkie Pie to continue where he left off.

Swallowing the ice cream in a herculean gulp, Pinkie opened her mouth to respond before pausing. “Oh no.... Brain Freeze!”

She clasped the tips of her ears firmly and started yanking. “C’mon, c’mon! They said it would work next time!” she cried, her eyes watering as the Brain Freeze ran its course.

Discord rolled his eyes, reclining in mid-air to await Pinkie Pie’s returned mental facilities.

After a few more moments of gagging and tearing up, Pinkie Pie smiled and looked around at her guest. “Alrighty Discord, whadya want to know again?”

Discord sighed, his patience being tested to the last. “I was simply asking about the breaking of a mythical fourth wall you may or may not know anything about, in order to create a little bit of chaos in time for the Summer Sun Celebration. But at this point, I believe it’s a fair assumption that you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

Pinkie Pie waved him off, turning to continue her work on the Crystal Cake. “Oh, that. That thingy’s been totally broken since ‘Bridle Gossip’! Me and the bronies are on pretty good terms, right guys and gals?”

Discord looked around to find who the insane pink pony was talking to, but saw they remained alone.

“Are these... ‘bronies’ here with us now, Pinkie Pie?” he asked uncertainly.

Pinkie Pie giggled, and winked in a random direction. “Nah, not too many. Pony fics aren’t as popular as the show itself.”

Discord was out of patience, and decided to go out on a limb. “Alright Pinkie Pie, how’s this: you give me something chaotic, and I’ll give you some extra big, extra bright diamonds just for that special cake. What do you think?”

Pinkie Pie turned with one eyebrow raised, skeptical. “How do I know you’ll really gimme awesome diamonds for the cake?”

Discord sighed, and with a another snap the biggest, clearest, most beautiful diamonds in Equestria popped into existence on Pinkie’s counter. Princess Luna would probably miss them from her jewelry drawers, but she wouldn’t notice for a good long while.

“Ooooooh!” Pinkie Pie gushed, staring at the diamonds from every angle imaginable. “You got yourself a deal, Discord! You want something chaotic, try the National Footba-er, Hoofball League. That thing’s a disaster!”

Discord rolled onto his stomach as he flew closer, a wicked grin gracing the discrepancy he called a face while he sweetly laid his head on his arms. “Oh, do tell Ms. Pinkie Pie!”

Pinkie Pie just giggled. “Hehe. ‘Discrepancy’ face.”

Shining Armor was nearly falling asleep standing in the Crystal Empire’s throne room due to lack of sleep. His wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza (or, as she simply liked to be known, ‘Cadence’) was running through a checklist for the umpteenth time that hour.

“Gallons of Crystal Punch?” she called out.

“Check,” Shining Armor yawned back.

“Crystal balloons?” she snapped off.

“Sure,” Shining Armor replied weakly.

“Get Crystal flanks beaten by Discord at the Hoofball competition?” she continued quickly.

“Sure, whatever. Why do the Crytal ponies feel the need to name or make everything around them crystal?” Shining Armor sighed sleepily.

”Wait a minute... what was that last one?!”

“Cadence, can you read that last one again?” Shining Armor asked, cutting off his wife just before she could call out the next item.

Princess Cadence rolled her eyes. “It says, and I quote, ‘Get Crystal flanks beaten by Discord at the Hoofball competition. Rules for the game, which shall hence be referred to as the Summer Sunbowl, will be written below. Gather your best guards and figure out a name, Shining Armor- you’ll need all the moral support you can get after this beat down! Muahahahahaha!’”

Pausing for a second, Princess Cadence glanced back over the note that was written in her flowing hoofwriting. “I don’t remember writing that...”

Shining Armor was wide awake now. “Discord, huh? I knew he’d come to mess with us eventually! That insane draconequus was bound to get tired of Canterlot! Oh, I have to prepare! Our guards should do fine for whatever game he has cooked up. But will it even be anything ponies can physically do?! What’s it say below?”

Princess Cadence shook her head. “There’s noth- HEY! Somepony wrote all over the rest of the checklist in red ink! And...” She looked closer, and her snout wrinkled in disgust. “Oh Celestia, this pony has some disgusting artistry skills!”

“What?!” Shining Armor shouted, galloping over to look for himself.

He immediately regretted it.

“Is... is that me?” he asked.

“I believe so.”

“And... is that you?”

“Again, I think the answer is yes.”

“And... is that what I think it is?”

“Ummm... I don’t want to answer.”

Rearing in righteous rage, Shining Armor cried to the empty throne room, “DISCORD! I’ll beat you so bad for this, you’ll be wishing for a thousand years on the moon!!!”

His bear paw cupped around his right ear, Discord smiled widely. “Oh, goody. They received my challenge, and are more than happy to accept!”

Chuckling to himself, Discord patted his hands together. “Well Ms. Pinkie Pie, it’s been an absolute blast! Alas, I must leave you to your cakes; I’ve much preparation before the Summer Sunbowl game in the Crystal Empire!”

Pinkie Pie was staring at her new cake’s diamonds, and only nodded slowly. “Gonna need to make it bigger... much bigger...” she muttered to herself.

“I see you’re checked out, so I’ll just see myself to the door. So long!” Discord waved, turning to leave. Istead of a door, though, he found himself face to face with three adorable fillies.

“We want in!” Scootaloo cried happily, her little wings buzzing.

“Yeah! If this Hoofball is new, that means nopony’s ever tried getting their cutie marks doing it!” Sweetie Bell joined in.

Discord considered the situation from two perspectives. On the one paw, they would get smashed to pulp against the burly stallions Shining Armor was sure to bring onto the field. On the other claw, three fillies playing on a team that beat those same burly stallions would be absolutely ridiculous.

Absolutely.... Chaotic.

“You know you’ll be up against fully grown stallions, correct?” Discord asked indifferently.

“Ah’ll beat the tar outta ‘em!” Applebloom confidently told him.

“Are you kidding me? Nopony’s coming between us and our cutie marks!” Scootaloo said at the same time.

Shrugging, Discord walked through the three of them and out the door. “Fine with me,” he told them as they followed. “Practice starts in two hours. Head to the town square when you hear gasps of wonder, and bring helmets.”

“Stallions! At attention!” Shining Armor called.

The forty or so Crystal Guardsponies immediately jumped into a single file line, standing at attention like they had been drilled to.

“Now, I know this will be difficult for all of us,” Shining Armor said as he strode up and down the line. “This ‘Hoofball’ is a sport of Discord’s invention, and there are a multitude of rules and positions that all make for a confusing game to be had. However, as this is the Crystal Empire’s first Summer Sun Celebration in many years, we’re going to come out looking strong! Any questions before we start?”

Not one of the guardsponies spoke up, all staring straight ahead. Shining Armor felt pride well up, and knew that Discord wouldn’t have a chance.

“Good! Now, we’re going to be split into two units- offense and defense. Each of these play against the other team’s opposing unit. The offense tries to get the hoofball to the endzone each play, and the defense tries to prevent that very thing from happening. On each unit, there are the large ponies on the line, and fast ponies behind them ready to gallop to their goal as needed. Large ponies get on my right, fast ponies on my left. Go!”

The guardsponies jumped to their task, and after only a few seconds the two sides were sorted.

“Good!” Shining Armor beamed. “Now, the biggest of you guardsponies will be on the offensive line. The more aggressive of the large guardsponies will be on defense. Your designation from now on is Offensive Lineponies and Defensive Lineponies, understand?”

They all nodded, and immediately grouped together. The rowdier crowd was on defense, while the large and stoic lineponies remained on offense.

“Alright, now for you fast ponies- same rules apply. Only difference is, we get to handle the hoofball itself.” With this, Shining Armor held up the bag of almost egg shaped brown balls that had appeared on the field a few hours before.

“You will all be known as hoofbacks, either offensive or defensive. You don’t need to worry about the hoofball, because I will be handling it personally.”

With everypony sorted, Shining Armor directed them to opposite sides of the Crystal Empire’s beautiful stadium field. Shining Armor’s friend Golden Helm stood on one end, ready to teach the defense just how aggressive to be.

Shining Armor felt a pang of regret sending his ponies to his brutal friend, but he figured the generally kindhearted Crystal Ponies were going to need a few lessons.

“Alright offense, gather around me! Offensive Lineponies, let me start off by showing you the correct stance!”

At the end of the third day of practice, Shining Armor called both teams to meet in the center of the field. With everypony on their kneeling, he gave his final speech before the big game.

“Now stallions, it’s been a tough time getting ready,” he started off simply. The defensive unit agreed audibly, groaning about their abuse.

“Ah shut yer traps, da commandin’ officer’s talkin’!” Golden Helm yelled, and the din immediately quieted.

“Thanks for that buddy, but it’s ‘Farrier’, remember?” Shining Armor laughed. “Alright, like I was saying, you’ve been worked hard over these past few days. Today was meant to be a lighter practice, so you wouldn’t be sore for tomorrow’s game. I know Gilded Chalice over there wasn’t the only one sore after the first day!”

Everypony laughed, remembering the extremely large and extremely gentle Offensive Linepony who had been given the job of bucking the hoofball to the Farrier each play. He’d had to take the entire Offensive Line on his back (metaphorically speaking) during the initial scrimmage on day one, and had been almost rendered crippled by his sore leg muscles.

“It’s not my fault I haven’t bucked since foalhood!” he whined good naturedly.

“Yes actually, it is!” Shining Armor laughed right back. “My little sister’s friend does it all day long to apple trees, and you don’t hear her complaining!”

“That may be true, but isn’t your little sister’s friend one of the Elements of Harmony?” Gilded Chalice shot back.

“Not the point. Anyway, you worked all worked hard and I can honestly say I’m proud of each and every one of you. With ponies like you, we’ll be able to beat whatever ragtag team Discord manages to scrape together! Before we break down practice for the last time, are there any questions?”

Everypony looked around and shook their heads.

“Alright. Then, I think tonight’s breakdown should go to-”

“Ooh! OOH! I have a question though!” a tiny pegasus in the back flew above the crowd waving his hoof.

“What did I say about pegasi using their wings on the field, Junebug?” Shining Armor sighed.

“Oh yeah, sorry!” the excitable little pegasus cringed. Folding his wings, Junebug darted to the ground to stand in front of his commanding officer.

“Ok, so here’s my question: what’ll be our name?! If we’re gonna be a team, we need a name!”

The crowd behind him grumbled, and he nodded quikly.

Shining Armor thought hard, scratching at his chin. “Okay, we’ll be the Crystal Empire... uh... the Crystal Empire...”

The players started shouting suggestions at him all together.

“Bats?”

“Vipers!”

“Helms! Helms is good!”

“Guardsponies maybe.”

Shining Armor just kept shaking his head. “I don’t think we should name ourselves after an animal, every single good one has been used by some sort of team at some point. Guardsponies might work, but it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.”

“Something like Guardsponies then?” Junebug smiled, his eyes wide. “How ‘bout Watchponies? Or Knights? Guardians? Ooh, ooh! Sentinels!”

Shining Armor held up his hooves. “Slow down there Junebug, before you burst an artery. What was that second one?”

“Knights!”

Shining Armor smiled, and looked around at his players. “How’s that sound, fellas? The ‘Crystal Empire Knights’ has a ring to it, don’t you think?”

The players cheered, and Shining Armor decided that was confirmation enough. “Alright then Knights, bring it in one last time! Junebug, since you came up with the name, it’s only fair you break us down!”

Junebug’s entire face lit up, and he crammed himself into the very center of the crowd. Everypony had their hooves in, and he was hidden beneath the massive bodies that made up the Offensive Line.

“Knights on three!” his voice cried from somewhere beneath the tangle of lims. “One! Two! Three!”

“KNIGHTS!” the ponies cried with all their might, ringing in the new name for the entire stadium to hear.

“Play time’s ovah!” Golden Helm yelled immediately. “Hit de lockas and shower up! Junebug, stay behind- ya doin’ laps fer dat lil’ flyin’ incident!”

Everypony laughed, trotting off to leave a sputtering Junebug at the mercy of Golden Helm.

Twilight sat at the top of the stadium, gazing around as ponies from all over Equestria funneled in to take their seats. The first ever Summer Sunbowl game had been massively promoted by Discord, with ridiculous drawings of Shining Armor and the details of the game mysteriously showing up in everypony’s bathrooms.

“I can’t believe Discord allowed the Cutie Mark Crusaders to play on his team!” Spike said happily, holding a small bucket of tiny rubies, emeralds and diamonds in his lap.

“He even let them name it after their club,” Twilight agreed. “Though the Canterlot Crusaders is a tad unrepresentative of the large portion of players who come from Ponyville. In fact, over thirty percen-”

“Yeah, Twilight? Nopony really cares- the name sounds cooler when it rhymes.” Spike sighed as he scooped out a pitiful clawful of the precious gems. “Y’know, for a place where everything including the citizens are crystal, these Crystal Empire ponies really skimp out on selling precious gems.”

Princess Luna trotted up, a large grin on her face. “Hello, fellow Princess Twilight!” she said coyly while she nudged Twilight. “Hello, Spike!”

Spike grumbled a reply, still too focused on his lack of impressive or savory precious gems.

“Did I overhear that Discord allowed ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’ onto his team?” Princess Luna continued, laying down on the stands next to Twilight. “That seems quite the juvenile name for a club, no?”

“That’s the thing, Luna- they’re fillies!” Twilight explained. “They haven’t even earned their cutie marks yet.”

“Not for lack of trying,” Spike sighed, putting his small bucket down next to him.

“Please continue!” Luna giggled. “I’ve heard many an interesting story of ponies earning their cutie marks, and each has failed to disappoint so far.”

Spike looked at Twilight, then shrugged. “Well, they’ve done it all. They tried building cannons to get military cutie marks, and thankfully didn’t blow themselves up. Then, there was the time they thought they could get animal cutie marks by acting like those animals- Scootaloo pecked herself silly against the ground trying to be a chicken, Sweetie Bell thought it would be a good idea to jump out of trees like a flying squirrel, and Applebloom... well, I’m still fixing holes in the library from her woodpecker stint.”

“They’ve also tried walking around at midnight when they overheard the terms ‘streetwalker’ and ‘mare of the night’ in the same sentence,” Twilight muttered into Luna’s ear quietly enough that Spike wouldn’t overhear.

Luna barely managed to stifle an outburst of laughter, having to cover her mouth with a hoof.

“My my, they’re quite... productive little fillies, aren’t they?” she managed to sputter.

“Yep,” Spike answered monotonously. “And now, they’re trying to play this ‘Hoofball’ game against gigantic stallions. They might actually get hurt on this one.”

Twilight scoffed. “If things get out of hoof, Discord’ll take care of it. I’m sure he wouldn’t let them harm themselves, and this is all a part of the scheme.”

Spike shook his head. “I dunno, Twilight. He did pop a gigantic stadium into the middle of town square for the past few nights. Besides about five stallions from the town and Rainbow Dash, those three are the only ones on the team.”

Twilight’s eyebrows came together. “But... doesn’t there need to be eleven players from each team on the field for each play?” she asked. “That would only be half of offense and defense, and that’s not even taking into account backups. What happened to all the other players?”

Spike giggled, and glanced over at Twilight with a superior look on his face. “You mean I know something the great book reader Twilight Sparkle doesn’t?” he asked smugly.

With a roll of her eyes, Twilight playfully hit Spike upside the head with one of her wings.

“OW! I hate those stupid wings of yours, Twilight,” Spike grumbled.

When the wing extended again, Spike held up his claws. “Alright, fine! Discord plays every other position, okay? Sometimes he’s in a ton of different places at once, other times he just pops around the field and covers everypony. He plays mostly defense, but he’s also the Farrier on offense. Rainbow Dash and the Cutie Mark Crusaders are the receivers, and the others who play are all lineponies.”

Luna shrugged. “I’ve no idea what Discord has planned popping around the field, but I read over the rules. As long as there is no more than eleven players per team on the field, there is no penalty!”

As Twilight was going to answer annoyedly, she spotted something that made her stop. “Hey, is that... Pinkie Pie on the field?”

Pinkie Pie was indeed on the field, in a skirt and matching top that had “Summer Sunbowl” written across it in flowing cursive. She also held two pom poms, and was standing on her rear legs yelling at the crowd.

“Give me a C!” she cheered.

“C!” some ponies in full Canterlot Crusaders merchandise answered.

“Give me an A!” Pinkie called out.

“A!” the ponies answered.

“Give me a hat!” Pinkie yelled.

“HAT!” the ponies replied.

“No, seriously. Give me one of your hats!” Pinkie Pie yelled at them. “It’s hot down here in the sun, and I’ve got a long game of cheering to do! Give it up!”

When the ponies started complaining, Pinkie Pie just shrugged them off. “Whatever, you ponies aren’t even being given names in this fic! Toss it!”

“Pinkie Pie, c’mon! I’m Lyra, this is Bon Bon, and those are Octavia and Vinyl Scratch! You know us! Now, we paid for these hats, so we should get keep them!”

Pinkie Pie sighed, muttering to herself, “That’s lazy writing and you know it. Stupid background ponies, always being used when writers are out of original name ideas... Fine! Keep your hats! I’ll just leave this narration!”

With that, Pinkie Pie stomped off the field and into a side tunnel.

“What... What just happened?” Twilight asked, utterly perplexed.

“Well, one has to agree with her,” Luna winked. “It is fairly lazy writing, even if six ponies already were OCs.”

“What are you even talking about?” Twilight groaned. “Nopony’s making sense today!”

She found herself being shushed by Spike. “It’s about to start!” he jumped up and down excitedly.

“One last hurrah, Knights!” Shining Armor shouted in the locker room under the stands. “Do you hear that? It’s the stomping of thousands of fans, all here to support our stomping of the Canterlot Crusaders! Will you disappoint them?!”

“NO!” the Knights screamed at the top of their lungs.

“Will you be beaten?!”

“NO!” the Knights cried.

“Will you let the honor of yourself and your wife be defiled by poorly drawn waste smears?!” Shining Armor yelled ecstatically.

“No?”

“What.”

“Is that why we’re here?”

Shining Armor’s eyes widened. “Er, I meant to say will you let your honor be defiled by these fillies?!”

“NO!” The Knights shouted, jumping in anticipation.

“Then get out there, and beat those Canterlot Crusaders like the fillies they are!” Shining Armor bellowed as he turned to gallop out of the locker room in his helmet.

“YEAH!” the Knights galloped after him, thundering down the hallway after their farrier.

As they emerged from the tunnel, the crowd on their side stood up to deafen them with cheers. The sudden sun gleaming off each others’ helmets hurt their eyes, and each and every Knight had butterflies in their stomach, but they charged onto their sidelines anyway.

“And here they are, your first ever Crystal Empire Knights!” the announcer alerted the stadium. “Helmed by Shining Armor at farrier, this team is looking tip top and exquisitely drilled! To beat them is to beat perfection! Now, here come the visitors- the Canterlot Crusaders!”

The crowd ate it up, with ponies in both merchandise cheering good naturedly. Twilight cheered both ways, as did Spike, but Luna reserved her cheers for the Canterlot Crusaders. As Spike looked questioningly at her, she simply shrugged. “It is in my nature to root for the underdog!” she told him happily.

The Knights smugly faced the opposition’s tunnel to send some trash talking their way, thinking themselves unbeatable due to the announcer’s commentary.

Unfortunately, there was nopony emerging from the tunnel opposite.

They sat watching the tunnel, even as the crowd once again grew to a cacophonous roar.

“Looking for somepony?” Discord giggled in Shining Armor’s ear.

Yelling and leaping forward a few feet, Shining Armor turned to find Discord standing behind him. The rest of the Knights turned as well, and were met by fourteen happy looking ponies.

“We’re the Canterlot Crusaders, and we’re here to kick your flanks!” Rainbow Dash called over the din of the crowds.

“Oh Rainbow Dash, there’s no need for trash talking!” Discord laughed cheerily. “I do hope you don’t mind, but we used the locker room just down the hall from yours. It fit the size of our team much better, you see.”

Shining Armor and the Knights were at a loss for words, and the Canterlot Crusaders simply excused themselves through the Knights linuep to trot over to their own sidelines.

“When ya called ‘em lil’ fillies, I tought ya was foolin’,” Golden Helm said aloud, watching as three fillies scurried to stay with the group. “How we gonna beat on tree fillies?”

The team muttered its agreement, but Shining Armor shook his head. “Trust me, those three fillies will only be distractions while Discord lines up the true plays,” he explained. As he said the draconequus’s name, Discord turned and blew a kiss across the field.

“Also Golden Helm, we need to work on that weird accent of yours. I love you to death, but you can’t even pronounce the number three correctly.”

“What, tree? Wha’s wrong wid my tree? It’s fine!” Golden Helm complained.

“Yeah... whatever you say pal,” Shining Armor patted his friend’s shoulder. “It’s a good thing you’re one of the toughest and burliest stallions I know, or I would’ve made fun of you endlessly in Magic Kindergarten.”

Golden Helm shivered. “I never wanna go back dere again, dude. Ugh.”

In the stands above, Twilight felt a shiver pass through her very soul. Sitting in the bare sun with thousands around her, to her dying day she would not be able to explain the goosebumps that rose at that exact instant.

“Oh, he doesn’t seem happy to see us!” Discord laughed to himself as the Canterlot Crusaders reached their sidelines. “I think he has issues socializing.”

“I’m so pumped!” Rainbow Dash jumped excitedly, starting her stretch routine. “They’ll never know what hit ‘em!”

“That’s the point, Rainbow Dash,” Sweetie Bell said. “Since we don’t have the size, strength, or speed to beat some of the best guardsponies in Equestria, tricks are how we’ll win. That’s what Discord told me!”

Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Size and strength I’ll give ya, these stallions are a bit lacking,” she gestured to the Ponyville Stallions.

“Hey! That’s not fair!”

“But as for speed,” Rainbow Dash continued, ignoring the reply, “We’ve totally got ‘em beat! Right, Scoots?”

Scootaloo choked, not expecting her idol to address her so point-blank. “Ahem, er, yeah! Yeah, Rainbow Dash! You can outrun any of those stupid stallions!”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, and gave Scootaloo’s mane a touseling. “I was talking about all of our receivers Scoots, but thanks!”

Discord was becoming bored, and made a gesture in the air. A microphone appeared in his eagle talons, and as he started to speak, his voice echoed across the stadium.

“Are you ponies ready for the game of a lifetime?” His sultry voice snaked across the field. “Here we have two teams- the Canterlot Crusaders, and the Crystal Empire Knights-”

There was a ‘Boo!’ from the top of the home seating, a certain Royal Canterlot Voice making it much more interrupting than it otherwise would have been.

“Ahem. Yes, well, heckling is actually encouraged in this game! So HA! Anyway, it’s fairly simple: the offense of a team tries to drive the hoofball down the field and into the endzone within four plays. If they pass ten yards, they get a new set of four downs. If they don’t, the ball is given to the other team. Each team will now send its captains to the middle of the field for a coin toss to see who gets the hofball first!”

With that, Discord tossed the microphone behind him. It exploded, and prompted Rainbow Dash and Applebloom onto the field much faster.

From the other side, Shining Armor, Golden Helm and Junebug trotted out.

When they reached the center of the field, everypony shook hooves. It was difficult for the three stallions to reach down to Applebloom’s level, but they made do.

“So, Discord. You’ve got us here. Where’s the coin?” Shining Armor asked skeptically. “Or did you cover that in offensive scribbling as well?”

Discord laughed, shaking his head. “Still bent out of shape about that are we, Shining Armor? Oh, it matters not. Ye of little faith shall be proven most embarrassingly wrong soon enough.”

“I’m not bent out of shape,” Shining Armor grumbled.

“Oh no?” Discord answered. His eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward menacingly. “Keep talking to me in that tone, and you soon will be.”

Golden Helm stepped forward. “Hey bud, he can talk whatevah he wants ta talk! Maybe ya just need to back de buck up, huh?”

Glancing the burly yellow stallion up and down, Discord chuckled. “Please, Golden Helm. If I wanted to mess with you, I would’ve learned everything about you and then left little presents everywhere you frequent. Hundreds of tiny beepers only you can hear maybe, like your home at 17 Crystal Way. Or maybe your office, on the third floor of the west wing at the Crystal Palace.”

Discord stopped for a second. “Oh, wait. I already did that!”

Golden Helm reddened, then started twitching. “Do... do ya hear dat beepin’?” he asked in a concerned tone. Ripping off his helmet, he removed a tiny black crystal. Crushing it underhoof, he sighed.

“Dat’s bettah. Now den, where’s dis coin?”

A flapping sound was heard, and Discord smiled. “Well, I do believe that’s the coin tosser now! Celestia, would you care to answer my dear chum Golden Helm here?”

As Celestia landed, she gave everypony a large smile. “Oh no, Discord. I believe you’ve given him enough grief already. Hasn’t he?”

Golden Helm dropped to his knees. “Princess Celestia, ma’am! It’s a real honor ta meet ya, ma’am!”

“Players don’t kneel to royalty on the field,” Shining Armor mumbled through gritted teeth.

“Oh! Right! Ah, sorry about dat,” Golden Helm apologized to Celestia, standing once again.

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” Celestia giggled. “Now then, Discord has asked me to be the coin flipper in order to ensure fairness on the coin toss. Does anypony believe this to be untrue, or unfair?”

Nopony spoke.

“Good! Because I’d send you to the moon if you did speak up!” Celestia kidded.

A gasp arose from the collected ponies, and Applebloom nearly fainted.

“No no, I was just joking! Nopony is going to the moon over a silly game!” Celestia immediately backtracked.

“LIES! TAKING OVER EQUESTRIA COUNTS AS A GAME!” a Royal voice rang out from the crowd.

“I’ve told you, no it doesn’t!” Celestia shouted back. “Now then, the coin flip! As the home team, the Crystal Empire Knights will have the choice. Which side do you pick, team captains?”

“Heads,” Shining Armor said confidently.

Tossing the coin up, everypony watch as it arced through the air- and landed heads up.

“The coin landed heads up, so the Crystal Empire Knights have the first choice,” Celestia announced to the crowd. “Do you prefer to have the ball first, or give the ball to the Crusaders first? Remember, those who start on defense first half are given the ball first during the second half,” Celestia warned.

“We want de ball first!” Golden Helm cut in.

“Bravo, Helmet!” Discord clapped. “A good, strategic choice!”

Sneering at Discord, Shining Armor told him, “Just don’t screw up too bad later on, and we might actually need the advantage!”

“Oh, don’t you worry your perfect little horn about it,” Discord shot back. “If we have our way, the second half will be nothing more than a formality!”

“Alright teams, back to your sidelines!” Celestia told them. “And remember: we’re here to have fun. No rules broken, no limbs broken, and we’ll have ourselves a nice time! Now, go get ready!”

Discord trotted back to his fellow Crusaders, chuckling the entire way. “They really have no idea what they’ve got themselves into! Defense, you’re in!”

Four stallions trotted out to take their place as defensive lineponies, squaring off against the much larger Knights offensive lineponies.

“You seem to be lacking a few stallions there,” Gilded Chalice warned the Crusaders good naturedly. “I don’t want you to be at a disadvantage because you didn’t understand the rules or something.”

The Crusaders stallions smiled. “Oh don’t worry there big fella,” one snickered. “We’ll have our eleven players no problem. Just focus on doing your job, and we’ll focus on ours!”

“Chalice! Get set!” Shining Armor chastised his center.

“Sorry, boss,” Gilded Chalice apologized, squatting down so his rear hooves were just in front of the ball. “I was just talking to these nice stallions from Ponyville.”

“Just get ready to buck!” Shining Armor told him exasperatedly. “Everypony set?”

Looking up and down the field, he saw all of his teammates nod.

“Alright. Down! Blue Twenty Two! Blue Twenty Two! Hut! Hut! Hike!”

Bucking backwards, Gilded Chalice sent the ball careening at Shining Armor, who caught it with his forehooves. Dropping back, he saw no defenders on the field whatsoever. So he looked for Junebug to line up in the correct route for a perfect pass.

Letting the ball loose, Shining Armor watched it arc beautifully through the air and right into Junebug’s- wait, what?!

Sprinting across the field from where he was standing on the sidelines, Discord managed to leap in front of the pass for an interception!

“What the- get him, Knights! Get Discord! Tackle him!” Shining Armor yelled, trying to get anypony in his way. Unfortunately, it was just what Discord and his Crusaders had practiced: he would intercept when the receivers were all too far downfield to catch up, and the lineponies had to occupy the offensive lineponies from interfering.

That just left Shining Armor.

Running down the field at full tilt, Discord watched through his helmet as Shining Armor tried to run a cutoff route. Instead of a draconequus, though, when Shining Armor reached Discord all he got was a bear claw swipe to the helmet that sent him flying.

Looking up from where he landed, Shining Armor watched as Discord trotted easily into the endzone.

“That’s one point for the Canterlot Crusaders, folks! Give it up for Discord!”

Shining Armor gritted his teeth and forced himself to stand, though his neck was killing him.

“Um... What just happened, boss?” Gilded Chalice asked.

“We were just intercepted,” Shining Armor replied bitterly. “Now it’s our ball again. Everypony, line up! We’re going to score!”

Nothing could be further from the truth. The rest of the first half was filled with similar occurrences. First, there was the opening interception. Then, there was the sack made by one of the quick little Crusaders defensive players.

Then came the three turnovers in a row, with nopony being able to catch Rainbow Dash as she sped through the supposedly fast guardsponies to score touchdowns again and again. When the Knights wisened up and triple teamed Rainbow Dash, Discord elected to let one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders run the ball between the legs of the lineponies for a short gain.

No matter what the Knights tried, Discord either had a play designed with their positions in mind or some trick up his sleeve to turn a good run into a disastrous fumble.

The only reason the Knights scored at all during the first half was because of a dropped ball by Sweetie Bell. Golden Helm managed to pick it up and barely outrun Discord for the touchdown, and there was a cheering from the crowd that almost deafened the Knights.

Just as disappointing as Golden Helm’s discovery of another beeping crystal in the endzone was the final play of the half.

Shining Armor managed to trick Discord into following a ~~hand~~hoofoff, when really he kept the ball himself. Galloping as fast as he could, Shining Armor went the opposite direction.

Finding himself unmolested in open space, Shining Armor galloped for all he was worth toward the endzone. Discord noticed a moment too late, and had to run to catch up.

Galloping as fast as he could with three hooves, just before he reached the endzone Shining Armor suddenly felt a large weight had been added to the hoofball.

As he sailed into the endzone in high spirits, he raised the hoofball to throw it into the ground- only to find himself holding his wife, Princess Cadence.

“Honey, what are you doing?” Shining Armor asked incredulously, not quite sure what question would be relevant in such a situation.

Hearing deep laughter, Shining Armor turned to watch Discord running backwards around all of the Knights players while waving back to him.

“Can you, um, put me down?” Cadence asked haltingly. “One second I was with Twilight and Luna, then the next... Poof! Your hooves!”

The whistle went off, signaling the end of the half. The final score was a dismal 7-1, with the Canterlot Crusaders laughing their way off the field to their correct locker room.

“That’s going to be a tough half to come back from,” the announcer spoke over the PA system. “It seems the sports experts were far from reality on those predictions, folks. To cheer everypony up, here’s Pinkie Pie with a very important announcement!”

While the Crystal Empire Knights sulked into their locker room, Pinkie Pie burst out of a side tunnel in her full cheerleader outfit.

“How’s everypony doin’?!” she yelled, doing backflips and somersaults like nopony’s business.

The crowd cheered her on, and Twilight gasped. “I never even knew she could do all that!”

Down on the field, Pinkie Pie just laughed. “Anything’s possible when you’ve got a sleep-ridden author!” With that, she pulled out a button and slammed her hoof into it.

The stadium followed her gaze upwards, and watched in awe as a hot air balloon descended from above the clouds to alight in the middle of the field. The most incredible thing was not the balloon itself, however.

It was the most beautiful cake ever created slung beneath.

Swinging gracefully in the breeze, everypony’s mouth started to water as they watched the delectable cake settle to the ground. It was massive, at least ten layers and hundreds of pounds of pure goodness.

What caught Spike’s and Luna’s eyes, though, were the diamonds that sat beautifully on top.

The bucket dropped from Spike’s grip, and he found himself standing. “That... is the most awe inspiring cake I’ve ever seen,” he mumbled to himself, licking his chops.

“I must agree with you there,” Luna admitted with a confused look on her face. “I can’t help but think of it as familiar, however. I have no idea why.”

Spike didn’t hear her; every fiber of his being was focused on the diamonds, and images of devouring them danced in his little purple brain.

“That’s right folks, this cake is for everypony to share!” Pinkie Pie announced happily. “But the winning team gets first dibs!”

Spike looked over at Twilight. “Twilight. I need to be one the winning team,” he said desperately. “Please. Please. I’ll do whatever I have to if you let me!”

Twilight thought about it for a moment, and then a smile broke through. “Tell ya what Spike,” she said casually. “I’ll let you only join one team: My brothers’, the Crystal Empire Knights. If you can help them win, then you’ll have earned yourself first choice on the cake.”

Spike didn’t care which team he was on, as long as there was the possibility of cake.

“Okay thanks gotta go bye!” he shouted as he ran down the stands toward the field.

“That young dragon loves his cake, doesn’t he?” Luna asked nonchalantly. “Don’t dragons eat precious stones?”

“That they do,” Twilight confirmed.

“Hmph. The young dragon is going to have to be disappointed then,” Luna nodded to herself.

“We have to do better!” Shining Armor cried while pacing furiously in the locker room.

“There’s got to be a way to beat that Discord! If we follow the rules verbatim, with him being their author, that’s not going to happen. We need something he wouldn’t expect to be used in a way nopony would think of. But what?!”

The other Knights were silent, unable to think of anything. They’d never seen their CO so frustrated before.

“Maybe we change positions?” he pondered aloud. “Or not have any positions at all? Just a free for all? How many times could we get away with something like that?”

The locker room door slammed against the wall, and the startled Knights looked over to see a determined Spike standing in a helmet about three sizes too large for his head.

“You’re gonna put me in, we’re gonna win, and I’m gonna get that cake’s diamonds!” he shouted. “Is that understood?!”

There was a pause from the Knights before they all shared a look. Then Spike was mobbed byb more ponies than he’d ever touched at one time before, all cheering him on and throwing him into the air.

“Where are they?” Discord asked, rolling up his bear flesh like a sleeve to reveal a wristwatch. “They’re going to be late for the second half of their flank kicking!”

“Probably went to find their mommies,” Scootaloo snickered. “We’re destroying them!”

“Buck yeah we are!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, giving everypony hoof bumps. “You’re all doing awesome! I don’t think this team could get any cooler!”

Sweetie Bell and Applebloom practically had to stop Scootaloo from falling over at the praise.

“Ah, there they are,” Discord said irritably. The Knights galloped out of their tunel just as before, with much gusto and posturing.

“Do they really think an attitude adjustment is going to save their game?” Discord asked nopony in particular.

“C’mon, Crusaders! We’re on defense first!”

Discord sighed. “Alright Crusaders, you know the drill. Numbers one through six on the line, Rainbow Dash and Cutie Mark Crusaders line up in the receiver spots. Get going.”

Taking his time to trot out, Discord got set lazily before the once intimidating Knights defensive line. It looked like they were missing somepony in the middle of their line, but he wasn’t about to tell them.

“Hut one! Shining! Hut two! Armor! Hut-hut! Sucks!”

The ball was bucked at ‘sucks’ and Discord was already starting to look downfield for Rainbow Dash. As he held his paw and talons in the air for the ball, he noticed a definite lack of ball.

Looking down and around, he didn’t see the ball anywhere.

“Where’d the ball go?” he asked his offensive line.

The one lone pony who was uncovered turned and pointed behind Discord.

Looking back, Discord saw Spike the baby dragon standing in the endzone with the ball.

“How the buck did he get the ball?!” Discord asked loudly. “Did he cheat? Was there a foul on the play? Y’know what, I’m calling a timeout!”

Waving his arms, a camera appeared before him. Stepping up to look through the viewfinder, Discord watched an instant replay. He saw the ball bucked, and watched himself starting to drop back. Then a purple and green blur darted between the legs of the center, grabbed the ball mid-air, and ran for a touchdown.

“Whadya know?” Discord scoffed in disbelief. “The baby dragon got them the first touchdown of the half! Must be luck.”

The rest of the second half was a much tougher game than before. Instead of focusing on passing, the Knights would go for short yardage runs and inch their way down the field, usually finishing either with a touchdown or getting a turnover deep in Crusaders territory.

Going the other way, Spike and Junebug became one nightmare of a headache. Junebug was just as fast as Rainbow Dash, and while he complained about not being able to catch passes anymore, he managed a few interceptions.

Spike, on the other hoof, was on the ball carrier like flies on a carcass. If it was a run, the ball was downed at or before the line of scrimmage. If it was a pass, he was in Discord’s face with sack after sack. When Discord finally managed to get past him, there was still the hulking stallion known as Golden Helm waiting to knock the lunch right out of a draconequus.

All the momentum was gone from the Crusaders, and the Knights started catching up. The score difference dropped bit by bit, until it was a measly 10-9. Discord had actually become worried he might not win the game.

With two minutes left, Discord had had enough. As the Knights offense lines up, he knew exactly what he had to do.

As soon as the ball was hiked, he split himself into seven different bodies. Each ran in a slightly different direction, and Shining Armor found his vision filled with a swarm of draconequus.

Sacked harder than he’d ever been hit before, the ball popped from his embrace. One of the six Discords who had managed to get through the line picked up the ball, and started to laugh on his jog into the endzone.

Little did he know, however, that he had come through the line in Gilded Chalice’s position.

Gilded Chalice did not give up.

The huge stallion lumbered down the field as fast as his thick legs could carry him, and Discord didn’t hear the hooves until it was too late. Slamming into Discord, Gilded Chalice managed to knock the ball loose once more.

Grabbing the ball while the Discord he had knocked silly lay in the endzone, Gilded Chalice ran the entire length of the field to the opposite endzone. Every one of the Knights had to cover a Discord, but being split into seven bodies had split his attentiveness and power in seven as well. It wasn’t a challenge.

The Crystal Empire fans went nuts as the score clicked up to a tied game, 10-10. Gilded Chalice was swarmed by teammates and Pinkie Pie alike.

Discord combined himself once again, angry now. “Rainbow Dash!” he called out. “Come here!”

The blue pegasus trotted over. “Yeah farrier, what’s up?” she asked coolly.

“I need you to take out Junebug this next play, alright?” he told her. “Hit him with everything you’ve got, I don’t care what it takes. I can use the little ones as receivers, but you’re the only one big or strong enough for this. Can you handle it?”

“Of course I can,” Rainbow Dash waved him off. ‘He’ll be knocked silly before he even knows what hit him!”

Discord nodded and sent her to her usual spot. Lining everypony else up, he glanced down the line at her and gave a nod. “Set, hike!”

He dropped back, making sure Junebug’s attention was on the ball by faking a toss his way.

While Junebug paused for a moment to watch a ball that would never come his way, Rainbow Dash’s helmet collided with his in a gut wrenching CRACK. Everypony on the field stopped, and saw that neither of the quick little pegasi were moving.

“Get a medical pony!” Discord shouted. “Anypony with medical knowledge!”

He was the first being over there, pulling off his helmet as he knelt next to the prone forms.

“Rainbow Dash?! Junebug?! Can either of you hear me?!” he shouted, afraid to touch them.

Rainbow Dash moaned a bit, and Junebug moved a leg.

Just then, a medical team arrived and moved Discord out of the way. He stood peering over their shoulders, as did most players on the teams. Gilded Chalice was the only one willingly not looking, instead electing to take the fillies and Spike away from the site to preoccupy them with games.

Ten minutes after they arrived, the medical team had Rainbow Dash and Junebug loaded onto gurneys.

“You alright with sharing a hospital room for a few nights there, hot shot?” Junebug called over to Rainbow Dash. “I’m not really the loner type, even if this is entirely your fault.

“Sounds good to me, it’ll let us get to know each other a bit better,” Rainbow Dash replied as well as the neck brace would allow. “I can apologize better over the next few days, too!”

They were carted out together, their wings high in the air to the cheers of the crowds.

Shining Armor approached Discord as he stood looking after them, wringing his paw and talons together.

“Well, we’re both down a player,” Shining Armor sighed. “Do you need a replacement? We’ve got a few stallions who volunteered to come over just to help with a few plays, not taking any credit if you do win.”

Discord shook his head. “I don’t think so. We’re only down one player, so as long as you’ll agree to leaving one player off the field, I think we’ll be just fine.”

“Sounds fair,” Shining Armor nodded. “Shame they collided like that, huh?”

“Yeah, real shame,” Discord gulped. He could feel the guilt gnawing at his insides, and knew he wouldn’t be able to enjoy winning as much as he would have.

“Listen, we’ve just got half a minute left, ok?” Shining Armor told him. “You’ve got about two plays worth of time to score so we don’t go into sudden death overtime. Make the most of it. Good Luck!”

As they shook, Discord reevaluated Shining Armor. Maybe he was a bit less shallow than initially imagined.

When Shining Armor got back to the Knights, he shook his head. “He wants to finish the game with his own players, so we’re just going to send in one less player on defense,” he told his team. “It’s only fair.”

The Knights grumbled their agreement, but Spike jumped up. “C’mon guys! We’re gonna keep them from winning for Junebug, and then we’re gonna kill ‘em in sudden death overtime for that cake! Let’s get pumped up!”

The Knights cheered, and sent out their defensive unit with Spike and Golden Helm leading the pack.

As they lined up, Discord felt a bit uncomfortable. He no longer had his go-to receiver, and everypony was afraid the same thing would happen to them if they hit each other.

“Set! Hut!” he called unconvincingly.

The ball was bucked toward him, and he missed it. The ball sailed right past his outstretched appendages and fell to the field behind him.

Scrambling for all he was worth, Discord chased the tumbling ball down the field. Finally picking it up, he looked back to see half the defense coming right for him and seventeen seconds left on the clock.

Discord tried his hardest, but only managed to gain a few yards and lose five seconds from the clock.

Calling the Cutie Mark Crusaders and offensive lineponies over, Discord told them flat out he had no idea what t do.

“I flat out have no idea what to do,” he said simply. “If any of you have a suggestion, let’s hear it. Otherwise we’re going to sudden death overtime, and they get the ball first. Any takers?”

Applebloom shrugged. “Ah think Spike’s goin’ after the ball anywhere he thinks it’s gone. Maybe we should try faking him out, and running it with Scootaloo?”

Scootaloo seemed up to the idea. “Yeah, then I can get a touchdown for Rainbow Dash and she’ll be my big sister!”

The group looked at her strangely, and she blanched.

“Uh, I mean, she’ll be real proud. Yeah, let’s do what Applebloom said!”

Discord glanced around. “Anypony opposed to that plan? No? Then let’s go! Filly Fake on two, break!”

The play went about as well as one would expect; Spike immediately saw through the ploy, and stopped Scootaloo three yards from the line of scrimmage.

“Alright folks, looks like the teams are going into sudden death overtime now! The Crystal Empire Knights are going to get the ball first, and will have four plays to score. If they can’t, it’s the Canterlot Crusaders’ turn with the same rules. We keep going until somepony scores!”

The crowd cheered, but Discord was completely stressed out. He called everypony onto the field in a vain attempt to cover everypony, but with Rainbow Dash missing, they were still one spot short.

“Alright everypony, we’ll have to make do!” he called out. “Fillies, stay on the line! Three of you stallions, back up and cover midfield! Everypony else, do what you usually do!”

The first play was a run, with Shining Armor knocking two of the three Cutie Mark Crusaders out of the way before being taken down.

The next play was a pass, and Discord managed to knock it out of the air without much exertion.

The third play into overtime was a doozy, with a stallion managing to get behind Discord and get within twenty yards of the endzone.

“One play to stop them!” Discord shouted. “We make a stand here! Don’t let anypony past you!”

“We’re going through ‘em like a dragon through lava!” Shining Armor yelled. “Keep your heads, and we’ll win this thing for the Crystal Empire!”

As the Knights and Crusaders squared off one more time, everypony was fidgeting. Frayed nerves or built up tension, sometimes both, made them twitch with anticipation.

“Set! Hut! Hike!” Shining Armor called casually, the ball being bucked at ‘set’. Discord was expecting some sort of trickery, and had drilled his team for that exact scenario; they were ready.

Shining Armor dropped back to pass, and Discord backed into the endzone to cover the two receivers who were there. What he hadn’t seen, though, was Spike catching the hoofball when it was bucked. Not Shining Armor.

So while he watched for a thrown ball on his side of the field, Spike was making a beeline for te endzone on the other side.

Giggling to himself, dreams of the tastiest crystals in Equestria dancing through his head, Spike didn’t see the dark alicorn until it was too late.

Luna slammed into his with the force of a cosmic body, and ripped the ball from his very claws.

“Hey!” Shining Armor called. “What’s with the cheating?! Get her!”

“She’s not on our team!” Discord yelled back. “Crusaders, tackle Luna!”

Everypony on the field turned toward Luna, but she was unfazed. Lowering herself as she galloped, Luna didn’t even try to juke or outrun anypony. She simply barreled through them, unstoppable.

Spike sat on his knees and watched as the God of Chaos and two full teams of the burliest stallions around failed utterly to keep a single mare from scoring.

Trotting the last few yards into the endzone, Luna dropped the ball and turned around.

“I APOLOGIZE SPIKE, BUT I COULD NOT ALLOW YOU TO EAT MY DIAMONDS FROM THE CAKE!” she shouted.

A single tear rolled down Spike’s cheek as his dreams were shattered and his stomach growled in defeat.

“I still think it’s cheating!” Shining Armor argued.

“I agree with Armor on that one!” Discord added loudly. “We didn’t ask for your help, we didn’t need your help!”

Luna just shrugged as she cut herself a slice of cake. “Check the Royal Rulebook; it allows a Prince or Princess to intervene in a sport in any way they see fit if they have something invested in it. Say, for example, some of the most precious diamonds in all of Equestria sitting atop the prize.”

“It’s true,” Celestia agreed. “You shouldn’t have taken those without her permission, Discord. This only seems fair.”

Discord grumbled, as did Shining Armor. Holding eye contact for a moment, Discord stuck out his bear paw.

“Other than the Royal Pain interfering, that was a good game,” he said truthfully. “You’ve earned my respect, Shining Armor.”

Shining Armor looked at the paw cautiously, but shook it firmly. “And you mine, Discord. Though I would appreciate it if, in the future, you avoided sending such juvenile and disgusting invitations to my wife and I.”

Discord laughed. “How else was I going to get you to play along? Besides, don’t think you’re out of the woods yet. There’s next year, and the year after that, and the year after that, all stretching away into endless, legitimate victory for the Canterlot Crusaders!”

“You wish!” Shining Armor laughed right back. “Next time, the Crystal Empire Knights are going to kick flank from start to finish!”

Spike walked between the two of them, cutting their conversation short. He walked morosely up to the cake, staring longingly at the bare top.

“Y’know, I feel bad for the little guy,” Shining Armor told Discord. “The only reason he worked so hard was to earn those diamonds.”

“Is that so?” Discord asked. With a snap, the cake was suddenly covered in gleaming gems- sapphires, rubies, emeralds, precious stones of every size and color appeared in the face of the cake.

“There’s more where that came from if you play for the Crusaders next year, young dragon!” Discord laughed.

Spike ran back, giving them both a quick hug, then ran to the cake and dove into the face. He quickly ate a tunnel, and disappeared into the secretly diamond-stuffed interior.

Shining Armor raised an eyebrow at Discord.

“What?” he asked, his paw and talons raised. “You don’t get to be a God without having a few stores of precious stones just laying around, you know!”

Shining Armor shook his head. “Recruiting already, are we? I think that should be put in the rules as cheating.”

As Luna walked past, a large slice of cake held in her magic, she laughed. “Doesn’t matter! I’d probably just screw things up for you again by intervening, Shining Armor! Go Crusaders!”

Both of the males shook their heads until another voice spoke up.

“Honey, are you forgetting about little old me?” Princess Cadence asked. “Whatever she gets to do, I get to do more of. I’m married to the captain; that’s more involvement than anything else!”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders ran past the laughing group of friends. “Alright girls, beating up on sweaty stallions didn’t earn us our cutie marks,” Sweetie Bell said loudly. “But maybe we can go help Junebug and Rainbow Dash in the hospital!”

“Docterin’ Cutie Mark Crusaders, away!” Applebloom cried.

The rivalry between the Canterlot Crusaders and the Crystal Empire Knights would last for millennia. It was a rivalry that spread across seven sports and four continents, involving millions of ponies packed in stadiums cheering their teams on.

The biggest tradition always remained the Summer Sunbowl Hoofball game, held in either Canterlot of the Crystal Empire every Summer Solstice Celebration.

Years later, another tradition would emerge: the annual Running of the Princesses, to be held in the stadium before every Summer Sunbowl game.

But that’s a story for another time.

Author's Note

Well, that was fun! A quick little challenge (10 hours to be exact:rainbowhuh:) can be just what ya need to keep the creativity flowing.

Thanks for reading, and put your thoughts down below!