Rift-Jumper

by Brimstone

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3761

Keeping calm while surrounded by bureaucrats and politicians all day can be hard. Celestia is about to find out that it's even harder when a dimension-hopping entity interrupts your breaktime. Patience can only stretch so far, even for Celestia.

Keeping calm while surrounded by bureaucrats and politicians all day can be hard. Celestia is about to find out that it's even harder when a dimension-hopping entity interrupts your break-time. Patience can only stretch so far, even for Celestia.

The house-fire doesn't help much, either.

Published 2013-06-24 06:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-25 20:12:48 UTC

Arrivals and Departures

It was a fairly generic day, in a fairly generic, tranquil town, on a fairly generic planet that had witnessed the rise of equines (primarily ponies) as the dominant species. Which is to say, it was a normal day for anyone who had lived on said planet for any significant length of time.

One such "anyone" was currently trying not to resort to acts of violence against her council as she tried to run a nation. Celestia, half of the Diarchy in charge of said nation, said nation being Equestria, had been sitting at the head of a large table in the council chambers, listening to one particular individual seated at said table take around three and a half hours to go from point A to point B in a long-winded speech about the adjustment of taxes on beets and other taproot vegetables. This particular winged individual is called "Fiery Zephyr", although behind his back, the much more apt nickname of "Hot Air" is used by anyone who has ever had to sit through a meeting with him.

"Councillor Zephyr," interrupted a golden-maned unicorn sitting near Celestia. This would be Prince Blueblood, the only pony in the room who felt self-important enough to interrupt without feeling rude or disrespectful. He continued on. "I find it rather dull to sit here and discuss a mere two percent tax adjustment to goods that have remained at the same tax rates since the Nightmare Incident." Celestia grimaced, and had to restrain herself from introducing her head to the table in front of her. For someone of royal blood, that stallion has absolutely no diplomatic skills, and is about as subtle and crafty as a boulder rolling down a hill.

However, he was great for spearheading things that nobody else would dare. Several other councillors voiced agreement, and (thankfully) the council adjourned for the day, having weighed in on the more immediate issues quite some time ago. After the last set of hoof-steps faded from hearing, Celestia conjured a cushion, floated it up to her face, and screamed into it in frustration. After a moment of collecting herself, she decided that perhaps a walk in the gardens would calm her. A quick glide later, Celestia stood in the center of the gardens, near a small lake, which was fed by a stream, and fed out to become one of Canterlot's many waterfalls. The sound of the gently lapping water quickly helped calm the vexed princess.

Considering what was about to occur, this is a very good thing.

As Celestia sat near the edge of the lake wishing that something more interesting, but less changeling-invasion-y would happen, the sound of birdsong was soured slightly by the faint sound of music coming from somewhere to her left. This was odd, considering that to her left, there was a wall, and then empty air that went down for a considerable distance. Stranger yet, it seemed to be moving closer. Momentarily, she considered the possibility of Discord being involved, but she knew for sure he was entirely too busy foiling any plans the changelings were coming up with. The polka-dotted emissary they sent last week was enough proof of that.

The music was no longer faint. It was a bit odd, to Celestia. It was certainly not pony fare. The lyrics, although she strained to hear them, seemed to consist of a conversation between a joker (a jester?) and a thief. By this point, the music was rather loud, and seemed to be coming from about three, maybe four feet from her left. The air rather suddenly began to crackle with the unmistakable force of static electricity, and a feeling not unlike the heavy air before a storm settled around Celestia.

With a crackling noise, the air rent open, and as Celestia squinted, trying to see what was inside the rift, she could make out a figure walking towards here from inside the blinding tear in reality. By this point, Celestia had assumed a ready pose, not knowing exactly what was going on, or the intent of the figure, who seemed to be singing along to the music, which was rather disarming.

"Two riders were approaching... And the wind began to howl! Hey!" sang the figure. "All along the w- oh. OH. Hello!"

With a click, the music stopped, and Celestia was left staring at a rather odd being. Standing at about the same height as Celestia, maybe a couple inches shorter if you squinted, a rather gangly, furless, ape-like thing wearing a bizarre outfit stood in front of Celestia, holding a large, metallic box in one hand, and roundish bag in the other. In addition to this, said naked-ape looking being had a large bag strapped to its back, filling out the look of what Celestia would come to refer to as "Cosmic Space-Hobo." Yes, with capitals.

That being said, at the moment, Celestia was at a loss for words or action at the extremely unexpected appearance of an extremely unusual looking being more-or-less appearing out of nowhere, in the middle of a heavily-warded city. As she did not recall adding anypon- Anyone? Anyone. Anyone like who (or what) stood in front of her to the wards, this in itself was troubling. Her thoughts were interrupted by a quiet splash. She turned back towards the... ape-thing, and nearly bugged her eyes out of her skull. It had somehow pulled a fishing rod out of a bag, and was now fishing out of the lake. The lake in the royal gardens. The lake full of exotic, and EXPENSIVE fish. The lake full of exotic, expensive, and occasionally very poisonous (when eaten, which it looked like this... traveler intended to do) fish.

"CEASE AT ONCE!" bellowed Celestia, a bit more loudly than she had intended. The ape-thing tumbled comically onto it's backside, as its fishing rod slipped out of its hands and spiraled away over the edge of Canterlot.

"Aww, I've had that one for fifteen hops..." spoke the ape, sounding rather sad.

"Explain at once why and how you have appeared in the royal garden, whatever it is that you are." Good wording on my part, though Celestia, all the weight of royal punishment, but no indicator that it's me.

"Well, I'm in your garden because it's where I showed up obviously." Wait, how did it know- Celestia face-hooved as she realized she was still wearing her crown. "Also, I'm a human. Alexander Navad, rift-jumper. At your service." At this, the human reached out with an arm, looking a bit unsure, before Celestia realized his intent and shook his hand.

"And I am Princess Celestia, one of the rulers of the realm. Now that we've been introduced, how did you get here, and what are your intentions?"

"Oh, right. I'm just passing through, really. I didn't know I was going to wind up here, Did you know your whole plane of reality has an intrinsic layer of defensive magic that makes it nearly impossible to enter?" A beat. "Neither did I until I ran into it mid-jump."

"When you say jump, what do you mean?" The terms that Alexander were throwing around were nagging at the back of Celestia's mind, but she couldn't quite place why. It would appear, however, that he had used some form of teleportation.

"Oh, that's when I generate a rift in space-time and toss myself to the winds of the multiverse." Wait, what?

Dimensional travel. Oh, how Twilight would love to hear this. "Oh, speaking of, did you see a big, sorta pyramid shaped container land anywhere? It would be about... four, maybe three and a half times as tall as you are and- well, basically big. It would..." With a poof, a letter appeared in a gout of emerald flame. Speak of the devil. Alexander was still describing the container in the background. Sighing, Celestia began to read the letter.

Dear Princess Celestia-

I THINK A METEOR HIT MY HOUSE.

IT'S BEEPING, AND SHAPED LIKE A PYRAMID!

SPIKE, ARE YOU GETTING THI-

The letter ended abruptly with a splash of ink and some light scorch marks.

"..and if it starts beeping that means the stabilizer rockets are about to kick in so it might be a good idea not to get too close unless you feel like getting a tan. And by tan I mean minor burns."

Celestia groaned. Why did these sort of things always happen whenever she just wanted some peace and quiet?

Midway through trying to decide if extinguishing her favorite student trumped preventing a dimension-hopping and possibly unbalanced human from causing some sort of diplomatic incident, Celestia's train of thought was derailed when she realized that Alexander had turned his boombox on again, and was now singing. Again. At this rate, someone was going to hear him and come investigating before she could get this under control.

"Pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name! But what's confusing you is just the nature of-"

An extremely frustrated glare and incomprehensible bout of angrish quickly prompted Alexander to sheepishly turn off his music.

"I uh... Shouldn't you do something about this person's house?" Alexander had somehow nabbed Twilight's letter unnoticed. "Oh hey, that sounds like my tag-along!"

Alexander had never been able to describe rift-jumping with an emotion. When Celestia teleported both of them unexpectedly to a burning tree-library? He was reminded of a spaceship he once had a chat with: The Ue "Mistake Not My Current State Of Joshing Gentle Peevishness For The Awesome And Terrible Majesty Of The Towering Seas Of Ire That Are Themselves The Milquetoast Shallows Fringing My Vast Oceans Of Wrath". Which is to say, barely contained anger and a heaping dollop of unresolved frustration restrained behind a facade of calmness. The latter of which Celestia was currently lacking. Which was likely his fault. Whoops.

A small, purple and green scaled reptile was the first thing to catch Alexander's eye. It was hiding under a pile of flaming wood that may have been a chair at one point. It wasn't doing a good job of it. From a short distance away, a rapid series of noises could be hear that sounded vaguely like a fire extinguisher being used. Celestia walked (trotted?) off to go talk to "Spike", and Alexander stuck his head around the corner to try to locate the source of the fwooshing noises. He was met with a blast of fire-retardant foam. A quick few seconds of spluttering and a wipe with a sleeve later, he found himself making eye contact with a slightly singed, and extremely agitated-looking horned pony. Midget unicorn? Whatever. Looking past her (at least, Alexander assumed the pony was female.), he quickly spotted a familiar shape. "Oh hey! That's where it went!"

The unicorn looked over her shoulder at the flaming crater near the tag-along, then back at Alexander. Then back at the tag-along. This continued for several seconds, before she developed a nasty eye-twitch and began to grind her teeth together. Alexander began to slowly back away, but bumped into something. Turning around slowly, he was met with a truly agitated glare from Celestia, and a confused (and a bit scared) look from Spike, who was standing behind her.

"Twilight, please have Spike send a note to the palace informing them I will be busy for an as-of-yet undetermined period of time."

That didn't sound good. Sensing great pain in his near future (or a prison sentence), Alexander quickly began to weave the complex patterns of the rift-jumping spell behind his back, while trying to distract Celestia.

"So uh, sorry about the whole nearly burning down someone's house... library? House-library. Sorry about that." The only answer he received was a continued glare. "Uh. Well, nobody died, right? So there's that."

Celestia maintained the glare and said, "You nearly burned down the home of one of our nation's heroes, which could have harmed her or worse. You trespassed in the royal gardens, from an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIMENSION. As if those weren't bad enough, you DID THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ONLY TIME I HAVE TO TAKE A NICE, CALM BREAK AWAY FROM THE IDIOCY OF THE NOBLES AND POLITICIANS THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH EVERY! SINGLE! DAY!" As Celestia continued her rant, Alexander looked back at Twilight, who seemed more concerned about Celestia than angry at Alexander at this point.

"Well, excuse me then, Princess. Didn't mean to intrude. I was just passing through, so I'll be on my way." Realization dawned in Celestia's eyes just as Alexander finished weaving the Rift-Jump spell. "Bye now!" he exclaimed, as he jumped through the rift.

Celestia finally lost the last shred of calm she had held onto so far. With a roar of pure anger that was completely unfitting for a princess, a pony, or any combination thereof, she launched herself through the portal after Alexander. Twilight was shocked at this, and quickly yelled to Spike.

"Spike! I'm going after the princess! Rift spell! No time to explain! I can get back, probably!"

And with that, the rift-jumper, the princess, and her personally-mentored prodigy disappeared from the face of reality with a thundering crack and flash of light.

Spike was left staring at the empty room as fires continued to crackle merrily around the metal box that had slammed into the library just a few minutes prior.

"WHY DO THINGS LIKE THIS ALWAYS GET LEFT TO MEEEEEEEE‽"

Author's Note

So, here we are again. it's been a while, hasn't it? Right, down to business. This is a new story I've started, and hopefully, I will get it updated as frequently as I used to update my other. I hope you guys like dimension-hopping, because you're in for a lot of it. Enjoy!
-Brimstone

Also anyone who figures out what the colours inside the portal in the story image are supposed to look like gets a cookie.

Journey through the Crossroads

Alexander looked back just in time to see a raging Princess her concerned-looking student come tumbling out of the rift in a jumbled pile of legs, wings, and hair. "Why would you FOLLOW me?" groaned Alexander. Celestia glared at him for a moment, before her eyes widened in surprise and a bit of awe at the surroundings. All three of them were on a gleaming white circular platform, which had intricate golden runes scribed on the pillars jutting out of it. Floating in the nauseating purple-blue void around them were countless other platforms, all connected by winding, twisting, and frequently non-euclidean walkways. Each of the platforms looked different, some vastly so, others seemingly identical but for a minute detail. Some were circular, some square, and in fact, nearly every possible (and some impossible) geometric shape was present, and every colour visible (and some not, judging by the seemingly dead-ended paths) adorned them. Most platforms which appeared similar were clustered in groups around a much larger central platform, much like the one Celestia laid on as she took in the grand spectacle around her. Her anger quickly drained, and she was left feeling giddy at seeing something truly new and awe-inspiring for the first time in a long, long number of years.

With a click, the chiming, otherworldly music came to a halt. Celestia looked over to Alexander, who was once again holding his boombox, his finger on the red 'on/off' button "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Celestia could only nod in agreement."

Twilight was the first to regain her composure. "Where exactly are we?" Alexander smiled.

"The place-between-places. The outside, the warp, the slip, the nexus. It's got a lot of names, as you might expect." Twilight nodded, having guessed as much. Alex sat down on his boombox. "You two really should get back, but..."

"But?" Asked Celestia.

"Well, no offense to you, but it's pretty obvious that you've been having a bad day. Or week. Or more," noted Alex. "So, considering how I attributed to that, I'm going to make an offer to you. I usually don't do this so, consider it carefully. How would you two like to take a little tr-"

"TAKE A LITTLE TRIP, TAKE A LITTLE TRIP WITH MEEEE!" blared the boombox. Alex kicked it.

"As I was SAYING," Alex continued, giving an exasperated look at the boombox, "You two could kick around the multiverse with me for a while, have some laughs, see the sights. Relaxing for the princess, and one heck of a learning experience for the student, yeah?" Celestia, having regained her composure, nudged her crown back into place.

"I do wish I could. But other than the fire-" Alex rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly at the mention of the library debacle. "-I have a country to run. I do thank you for your offer, and wish we had met and parted on better terms." Celestia sighed. "I wish you the best of luck on your travels." Alexander blinked.

"You do realize no time passes for you in a reality you aren't in, right? So, until you go back into your reality, no time will pass. You would come out the same second that you left, more or less. Like, three minutes of deviation." Celestia looked at Twilight. Twilight looked at Celestia. Both of them grinned like madmares. "That's a yes, then?"

A short time later, Alex was giving a rundown of what to and not to do in the place-between-places. "First rule- Don't wander off EVER, unless you know what you're doing, or don't care where you wind up. It's really easy to get lost when the path can be in four dimensions at once, going uphill both ways. Second rule- Never leave the paths. Ever. Paths or platforms, that's it. It's deliberately difficult to leave the path or platforms, but you can if you try. Don't. Even I don't know what happens. Nobody ever comes back."

Alex rummaged around in his backpack. After a few seconds, he pulled out two necklaces. "These will let me find you in the event anything separates us. Put them on, and they should stay on, barring any sort of cosmic shenanigans or sufficiently powerful force. Which leads me to rule three. Three- Respect local beliefs, because there's a decent chance they're grounded in fact. Dodging smitings is never fun. Trust me on that."

"Speaking from recent experience?" smirked Celestia, as she secured the necklace.

"Nah, you only tried to tackle me. Toss some thunderbolts around and then we're talkin'." Alex took a sip from his canteen before shuffling it back into one of myriad hiding places in his coat. "Anyways, that's the big three. Just remember those and use common sense and you're good. Now, when navigating the paths in here, always remember that the paths can't hurt you, but you can hurt you. Just keep that fact in mind, and don't get antsy. As long as you believe you can walk up an infinite, impossible staircase and get off at the right spot, you can." Alex sat up and grabbed the boombox. "So, what kind of place do you two want to visit first?"

Twilight and Celestia sat down and started to discus the topic at hand. After a short while, a consensus was obviously reached. Celestia and Twilight walked over to Alex. "You two ready to go?" Celestia nodded.

"We've decided that as long as it's more-or-less safe, exciting, and fun, we really don't care."

"Oh, that's really specific," grumbled Alex. Then his face lit up. "I know JUST the place!"

The trio arrived at the right platform about an hour and a half of walking, which would have been much shorter if the path hadn't wrapped around itself in somewhere around six dimensions at once, the sheer incomprehensibility of which prompted all of them to take a break. "That was one hell of a snag in the path," groaned Alexander as he walked up to the platform. The platform in question was made primarily of polished chrome and steel, with a mosaic in the center which greatly resembled a wheel. An automobile wheel, not a wagon wheel. Alex explained this to Twilight and Celestia as he fiddled with two oddly-shaped bracelets. In the center of the mosaic was a planet, which seemed somewhat out of place, given the racing theme of the rest of the platform. A large crimson band slid through the background of the mosaic, behind both the wheel and planet.

"So, any hints?" asked Celestia, grinning.

Alexander smirked. "Nope." The two bracelets both chimed softly. "Okay, you're gonna need to put these on to blend in with the locals. At least that shouldn't be TOO hard where we're going. Don't freak out, but it's gonna do some shape-shifting." Twilight eyed hers curiously, before slipping it on. Rather abruptly, there was an odd sort of schlooping noise, and Twilight now stood on two legs, looking more-or-less human. Her hair was still the same shape and colour, and instead of purple fur, she now had light skin. Thankfully, the bracelet also conjured clothes. Specifically, a white button-up shirt, purple argyle sweater-vest, and a pair of khakis. An over-sized cloth belt looped through the khakis,hanging out the back and emulating her now-missing tail. Oddly, she still had pony-shaped ears.

"This is... new," remarked Twilight. "And a lot of clothes, too."

Alex shrugged. "Cultural nudity taboo, plus exposure to the elements." Celestia eyed the bracelet warily before shrugging and slipping it on.

Nothing happened.

"Is there something wrong w-" The bracelet began to emit a series of short beeps. "Should I be taking this off?"

Schloop.

Celestia still had her ethereally-waving hair. Dark skinned, more a heavy tan than a natural shade, she wore a somewhat elaborate, yet unrestricting gold-trimmed and decorated dress, and still maintained her crown.

"That's not very subtle," noted Alex. "Let me reconfigure this thing for something that won't stand out." Twilight found herself wearing a pair of purple-dyed jeans and a jacket over her getup, and Celestia found herself in a white two-piece suit. "Close enough."

"You know, I find myself liking this suit," remarked Celestia, as she and Twilight took a few first wobbly, human steps around.

With that, all three of them walked through the rift to destinations unknown.

Author's Note

And so, with much Hand-Waving and Applied Phlebotinum, the board is set, and the pieces are moving. I wish the chapter had turned out longer, but it is what it is.

Feel free to try to guess where the rift is going.