TCB: The ponies did what?

by I Am That Guy

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Tragedy, Human
Length: 1517

Earth. Birthplace of mankind, now with residents of Equestria. We're tough bastards, but ponies apparently have no clue.

Ponies have declared man unfit creatures. They eagerly await people to go through conversion, a strangely simple process that can change the genetic structure of a human into that of a pony. They are basically thinking that they caught humanity with its pants down, expecting us to just go along with it.

The hell were they thinking?

Published 2013-06-24 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-24 20:40:02 UTC

(The Only) Chapter One

(The Only) Chapter One

Aw yeah, words and shit.

"Tapping into civilian broadcasts now," Terrance Piderett reported from his computer station. The Central Intelligence Agency of the United States of America was as alive as one would expect it to be under the circumstances. A new landmass had inexplicably appeared in the middle of the Atlantic, smack dab in between four continents. Along with it, a species of apparently sapient ponies.

"No reason to censor what they're saying yet," Director Wallace stated as he walked closer to the center screen of the Action Room. "Keep on alert, though. If these things already know our language, they could know more unsavory things."

Most of the agents were not, in fact, paying attention to the news broadcast on CNN. They kept their eyes trained on their monitors, literally waiting for an opportunity to cut the broadcast short with either a timely commercial break or a sudden loss of a signal.

The director and his lieutenants, however, listened intently to what the equine creature was spewing over the microphone.

"... unclean and unfit to further live on this planet," The white-colored leader of the ponies announced. Murmuring from the crowds almost instantly turned into an uproar of expletives and angry shouting.

"You have got to be shitting me!" A lone voice somehow rose above the wall of sound, earning immediate bouts of laughter and statements of agreement. A few humans had taken quite an offense at their race been denounced so casually and had walked away without another word. A single half-drunk bottle of water flew across the air and barely missed the equine monarch.

"Is this some kind of joke?" More and more voices could scarcely be picked out of the jumble.

"I bet this is some kind of prank on one of them TV shows..."

"I swear, this is going to be like that movie 'Independence Day',"

Aside from a few scoffs in the Action Room, the men and women still went about their normal duties of recording the broadcast and directing the field agents to their new objectives.

"'Humanity is unclean and unfit'. This could interpenetrated as an act of war in any context, gentlemen," the director turned to face his associates. "I trust the course of action is obvious?"

"Yes, sir," They all replied without hesitation.

"Seeing as these aren't human being we're dealing with, the law grants us a slight leeway with how we interpret it. Johnston, what's their mode of transportation?"

"Chariot. Pulled by the leader's guards themselves," the agent replied.

"Get tactical nuclear ordnance on that chariot before it leaves. A going away present of sorts," Wallace's lips curved into a slight smile. He then turned to Harland and Rogers "I want two teams of agents on an amphibious assault to this new continent. If we get men in there before they close borders, we'll have a backdoor later."

"Yes, sir." the two replied and left the room.

Tow weeks later

"This just in: A whopping two weeks after an unknown nuclear attack in the new continent of 'Equestria', the diarch princesses of this whimsical land has officially closed their borders. With a force field of 'magic', no less. Kaira?" The news anchorman prompted his co-anchor with a half-forced smile.

"That's right, Tom. This is the same attack that claimed over six hundred thousand ponies and left a more than obvious blot on their pristine grasslands," Kaira continued. "Governments all over the globe are denying adamantly that they had not part in it. It has then been concluded that the attack was the work of an unknown terrorist force."

"Indeed, Kaira. Relations between the UN and Equestria are now more strained than ever. If you remember, one of the princesses had spoke of the 'conversion' of the human species as well as denouncing them as inferior to ponies."

"Well, Tom, I don't see them with iPhones or Ford Mustangs." The two news people both chuckled at the joke.

"Right you are, Kaira," Tom said after they had finished their laugh. "These ponies don't quite get that we've been here longer and know more than they do about life. This is our planet, and we're here to stay. Now going live to Edward Freeman with the weather and weekly forecast..."

Three days later

"Tragedy in New Jersey! Earlier today, a massive force of twenty thousand ponies arrived on the shore of of this coastal state, taking many summer beach-goers by surprise. Armed with spears and other primitive weapons, the ponies set on a quest to bring conversion to the humans with force. We go live to our action reporter, Maria Rodriguez, with more on the story."

"Thanks, Tom. We are currently a mile away from the where the fighting initially broke out on the shore. The scene is so graphic that we can not show it on the broadcast, but I can tell you straight up that it is not pretty. We have an eye witness of the event beside me right now," Maria said and brought her microphone closer to the man. The caption below identified him as John Smith. "Can you tell us about what happened here?"

"Yeah, I was out on the beach with buds, having a good time. Nothing like a beer early in the morning and sand beneath your feet, right? My friend Will spotted a bunch of these pony guys coming towards the shore. Some of them were flying and shit, others were on boats," John's face smirk turned into more somber features. "At first we we're all like 'oh, they're just ponies looking for some sun', right? But then we saw five people get some kind of needle in them from the ponies, then in a flash, they were ponies too. They were ponies before they knew what was happening."

"How many in total got subjected to the conversion?"

"Just them. Everyone else turned tail and left or started beating the crap out the ponies. My buds and and I got folded up umbrellas and started beating ponies with 'em. You know, to not get injected or whatever," John answered. "We bloodied a few noses before the police got their and started tearing them apart."

"And what did you do when the police arrived."

"We were escorted out of there to make sure we didn't get hit. We stayed behind the cars while everything was going on." John replied.

"Thank you so much, John," Maria said before the camera was trained back on her. "As was described, police and SWAT teams were on the scene shortly after the attack began. No one was injured or killed, but we have reports of around six-thousand ponies were killed before retreating back to their homes. The men and women unwillingly placed under conversion have declined to be interviewed and their fates after today are unknown. Only time will tell if these people will regain what they once had. Back to you, Tom."

One day later

"Congress has declared war on Equestria. Earlier today, the Capital unanimously agreed to end the newcomers' sudden chain of threats and attacks. The UN has yet to come to an agreement as to what is to be done, but the U.S. is confident that they will suffice." Tom announced as the caption under his name scrolled by. "If the recent attack on New Jersey's soil is an indication, we will be looking at a very short war indeed. Now to Edward Freeman with the weather."

Director Wallace turned the television off and turned back to his lieutenants. "How's our back door coming along, Harland? Have the agents figured out how to break it?"

"Yes, sir. All they needed was a single hostage unicorn to break a small portion of the barrier. It should be large enough for Marines to land and get their mitts dirty."

"Good. I want these openings used later to coordinate missile strikes in key areas as well," Wallace nodded. "Remember to tell the Marines to snag some of that 'conversion' substance for reverse engineering. We want those from the New Jersey incident cured as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir." Harland replied.

"Then let's get at it." Wallace said as he pulled up the desk phone and brought it to his ear. "Clearance granted. Commence the attack."

Epilouge

Many ponies died that day. Military forces were successful in breaching the very loosely fortified areas of Equestria and systematically crippled the nation from within. Conversion serum was quickly reverse engineered and made available to those very few who were transformed into ponies. Princess Celestia was forced to leave the humans be, never to use conversion ever again. Humans thereafter went about their daily routines almost as if nothing ever happened. Equestria remains in seclusion until deemed fit to integrate into the world.

Author's Note

I regret nothing. Nothing at all. For any criticisms you may have, fill them into the blanks to my pre-made response:

"Don't you worry about (blank), let me worry about (blank)."

Or

"(blank)? (blank)?! You're not looking at the big picture!"