Defcon

by ThatBastard

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Alternate Universe
Length: 2473

Planet earth has gone into a mass riot and the people need to be calmed with something pretty and co

CANCELED. Aww, boo hoo.
But alas, I am a man of generosity and good will. You may have what of Chapter/Part/Defcon 3 is written.

Planet earth has gone into a mass riot and the people need to be calmed with something pretty and colorful.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-23 15:31:16 UTC

Defcon 1

US Secretary for Defence: "So far, we have Nyan Cat..."

US President: "WE NEED MORE RAINBOWS!" US President slams fist on table.

The Dude-like-the-guy-with-the-glasses-in-tron-who-gets-rid-of-the-dog-that-popped-up: "There has to be another internet meme out there that's got rainbows..."

US President: "Well FIND IT!!! BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE WON'T CALM DOWN UNTIL THEY HAVE MORE RAINBOWS!!!"

Defcon 3

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE MESSAGE IN THE DESCRIPTION THEN YOU'RE AN IDIOT. But don't fret, because I'm going to use this bit of red text and space to copy and paste the message: CANCELED. Aww, boo hoo.

But alas, I am a man of generosity and good will. You may have what of Chapter/Part/Defcon 3 is written.

A quick word from SuperFrodo:

After consideration I have decided to write(Lie) Defcon 3. I plan on it being sillier but with more detail on the characters and in the entire story.

The US President's name is now President President. The joke being his last name is President but his first name will remain unknown.

Dude-like-the-guy-with-the-glasses-in-tron-who-gets-rid-of-the-dog-that-popped-up is now Steven Dren. The joke with his name is that Dren spelled backwards is Nerd. Steven is the tech head of the story.

I also have no clue what the places in the US look like (as in layout) so don't whine when I make a guess at where something is located or whatever.

<2 hours prior to the 'gathering' of the US senate.>

"Ugh, this is so boring!"

"Then maybe next time you should practice your stunts somewhere else so I don't have to make you put all the books away."

After trying to do a complicated triple loop scoop and roll, Rainbow Dash had collided a branch in a tree which bent back, released, and sent her flying through Twilight's window, crashing into her bookcases and causing the books to fall out of place and onto the floor.

Twilight had rushed to the scene and caught Rainbow Dash before she could fly away, forcing her to put back all the books IN alphabetical order.

Rainbow reached down to grab another book and saw a piece of perfectly flat, white paper.

Would you like to get out of putting away books and help us with something? There will be plenty of flying involved! Just write 'Yes' or 'Ok' or 'да' or '是' or     Were not kidding either.

Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight and made up an excuse to use a pencil.

"Uhh, Twilight, can I borrow a pencil or something? I think I've found a book that uhh... Pinkie has been asking for and I need to write the name down so I don't forget."

Rainbow splashed a big fat grin on her face as Twilight looked at her.

"Sure, whatever..." she said as she sent a pencil flying towards Rainbow.

Rainbow picked up the pencil in her teeth and wrote Yes on the piece of paper. She dropped the pencil and waited expectantly.

Then she heard an incredibly load crackling sound and watched the room around her flicker, then replaced with a new room. Then the crackling sound vanished.

She stared around the strange alien looking place. Everything looked strange, sharper, like there was more detail, and the light that reflected off these surfaces and into Rainbow's eyes, registering as color looked completely different to what she was used to.

There was a humming above her head and she looked up into what looked like a massive set of mechanical arms with glowing yellow lights on the tips. Rainbow jumped out from under the 'thing' and then heard somepony speaking.

"Oh my gooooooooooood! Look how cute she is!".

Rainbow turned and looked at the wall where she heard the voice coming from and saw a box thing with a small glass window on the end that was pointing at her.

"Shut up! Why are you acting like this?".

This time it was another voice.

A door behind Rainbow Dash opened and she spun around flying up into the air to avoid a truly bizarre creature that had come lumbering at her. Then a second one appeared walking calmly to the first that was now trying to grab Rainbow's tail.

The second creature took hold of the first and pushed it to the floor, planting one of it's own feet on the first creature's chest to keep it from getting up, however it didn't seem to make an attempt.

Rainbow stared at the ridiculous face of the first creature who was smiling stupidly and fruitlessly trying to reach out to Rainbow.

Both the creatures had large bodies, oddly shaped, with long, thin arms and legs and very short necks with a small head on top. They wore plenty of clothes covering every part of their bodies except for their hands neck and head, and they had very short dark brown manes that covered the top sides and back of their heads. They also had small round ears on the sides of their heads.

As for their faces, they had tiny eyes with a ridge of fur above each one. They had no snout but instead a pointed triangular nose that was completely separate from their mouth.

These things were freaky looking, but at least they could talk.

"Hello, my name is Steven Dren." said the second creature to enter the room. It held out it's hand in greeting.

Rainbow refused, still flying close to the ceiling away from reach.

"What are you?".

Steven withdrew it's hand and replied. "I'm a human, male. I was the one who sent you that note but my colleague here was person who wrote it."

Rainbow had never heard of a human before.

"Can I pat her?" whined the other human.

"How about I pat you and we'll see how you like it." replied Steven coldly.

"Then can I pat her?".

Steven Rolled his eyes and pointed to the doorway. "Go through there and I'll meet you to take you to the President."

Rainbow obeyed and flew through the doorway arriving in a small room with a desk and a strange flat box with a glowing picture of... "Twilight!".

Rainbow Dash hovered in front of the monitor that displayed a picture of Twilight in the library who was staring at the spot Rainbow had been in.

"All Twilight will notice is you vanishing and then reappearing all within about five seconds.". Steven walked through the door, but then got pushed aside by his colleague who again rushed to Rainbow Dash, this time however there was no room to fly around him and he grabbed her, pulling her in tight against his body in a crushing hug.

"What the f... Chris let go of Rainbow Dash!".

Rainbow struggled. The man named Chris half doubled over when her hoof bumped a spot between his legs. Sensing a week spot, Rainbow kicked with all her strength. Chris released her in a single high pitch note and collapsed to the floor.

Rainbow turned in the air to see Steven clapping. Zero sign of an expression on his face.

"Bravo." he said, stopping his applause. "Now. Right this way.". Steven opened another door that was strait across the room from the door they had previously come through. Rainbow Dash flew through into a long plain hallway and waited while Steven closed the door. He pulled out a set of very small (for ponies) keys, and after finding the right one inserted it into a shiny silver protrusion on the door and turned the key. Rainbow heard a thunk and Steven pulled the key out of the door.

He began walking down the hallway and Rainbow followed.

They arrived in front of a silver metal rectangle that looked like a doorway but with no handles. Instead it had a groove running down the middle from top to bottom, and a small block sticking out of the wall next to it.

Steven produced a card and slid it through a groove on the side of the small block and they both heard a bell sound as the metal doorway parted at the groove, revealing a tiny room with large mirrors covering each of the rooms three walls.

Rainbow Dash finally realized that this room was an elevator. She had only heard about the contraptions from big cities such as Manehattan. But this one was much more modern.

She flapped inside and Steven followed pressing a button on a panel inside marked G and the elevator doors closed.

"So what do ya need me for anyway?" she asked the impassive Steven.

"You'll be briefed by the President of the United States of America." he said, not looking at her. "I don't have permission to tell you anything."

Rainbow huffed in annoyance at Steven, crossing her cyan forelegs and frowning at the metal door.

The elevator stopped and made the bell like Ping poong! as the doors opened.

Rainbow Dash followed Steven around rather fancy looking hallways and stairs. Not seeing anyone until they rounded a corner. At the end of this hallway was a man who wore patchy grey clothing that looked rather bulky with several pouches. He also wore a helmet and and was holding a jagged stick that was probably some kind of weapon.

The 'guard' stiffened and said "Sir." as Steven and Rainbow approached, and Steven pulled out a flat black object which flipped open. He showed it to the guard who leaned forward, looking at the object carefully. The guard nodded and opened the large dark wooden door, standing to the side to let Steven pass.

Rainbow stopped next to the guard who now wore on his once serious face, a huge and happy grin.

"What's this thing?" asked Rainbow poking the odd stick that the guard was holding.

"No don't touch that! If your not careful this could splatter your brains all over the wall.". He reached out and ruffled Rainbow's mane. "But I would never do that. Your too cute." he said, his grin breaking out again.

"Ramirez! Cut that shit out! You've got a door to guard!" came a voice from inside the room.

"Yes Sergeant!" said Ramirez loudly. He tilted his head toward the room and Rainbow flew in.

The door closed behind her.

The room was occupied by a large wooden table the same shade as the door Rainbow had just flown through. Just like the hallways they had passed this room did not have any windows. A man in a suit walked up and extended his hand. He did not smile.

"You might want to shake the president's hand." said Steven who was reclining in a chair at the large table.

Rainbow extended a hoof and the President took it, squeezing it very hard.

"Nice to meet you Miss..."

"Dash." said Rainbow, trying to hide her discomfort of having the area around her hoof crushed.

"Miss Dash."

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you too Mister President."

The President finally let go of Rainbow's hoof and she shook it to regain blood flow. He turned around and took the seat at the end of table.

He gestured to a seat across from where Steven was sitting and Rainbow flew over to it, landing briskly yet gently.

"Our, BEAUTIFUL country and the rest of the world are being tormented by rioters in most major cities. We need you to calm the people down with your pretty rainbows.". Mr. President looked at Steven and held his hands up in the air.

Rainbow Dash happened to notice the way Mr. President practically yelled the word 'beautiful'.

"That's pretty much it isn't it Mister Nerd?"

Steven scowled at the president. "My name is Dren not Nerd." he said whilst sounding quite calm.

"Bah!". Mr. President waved at Steven, who sighed and continued. "Yes that's pretty much why you're here."

Rainbow looked at the two men, not knowing what to think. How would her rainbows help calm rioters?

Then she remembered something Mr. President had just said.

"Wait wait wait wait. You want me to fly around the world?!" said Rainbow, sitting up with her hooves strait out on the table in front of her.

This was a crazy plan. Even being the fastest pegasus in Equestria, she wouldn't be able to fly that far or for that long.

"For now you'll just be flying around Washington."

A beeping sound broke the silence and Mr. President raised his arm to look at something shiny on his wrist. He pressed a button on his watch and stood up.

"Let's show those people people in there

Defcon 2

Random Aid (Kind of like an assistant) - "Sir! We have found another internet meme with rainbows!"

US President - "GOOD! Now we can CALM DOWN the people of our FUCKING AWESOME COUNTRY known as the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and maybe the rest of the world, if we have time..."

Random Aid - "I'll breif you so you can inform the senate about the uhh... meme."

*US President gives the Aid a questioning look*

US President - "Yes... let's do that."

An hour later after the US President has been breifed the US senate gathers in wherever they gather during a thing. I don't know because I'm Australian.

US President - "Just over three hours ago, a meme was discovered, a meme that can be communicated with, a meme that has RAINBOWS."

Members of the senate blabber about the news until order is quickly restored.

US President - "But first, there is something I ask you all to watch before we continue."

More chatter as the lights dim and the projector powers up.

After a minute a cartoon begins and the senate goes into an uproar as people scramble for the doors that have been locked to keep them in, to make them watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

But after the video has been rolling for mear minutes, the senate have returned to their seats to quietly watch episode after episode until all have been viewed.

US President - " You will by now have noticed our meme known as Rainbow Dash and experienced for yourselves the calming effects of this television show. We will bring back peace to the people of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA and the rest of the world. WITH PONIES BY OUR SIDE, THIS PLANET WILL BECOME A BETTER PLACE AND BECOME THE ENVY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!"

Cheers erupt from the whole senate, and as the once professional senate members jump up and down on their seats and tables, swinging their jackets around, a door opens behind the US President.

The President of the United States of America turns to face the doorway.

US President - "You know what to do, Rainbow Dash."

In a whirl of papers and color, Rainbow Dash dissapears to help cleanse the world of hate.