End of the Rainbow

by OnionPie

Rating: teen
Tags: Scootaloo, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Rainbow Dash
Length: 7266

After many hard years of living with weak and stunted wings, Scootaloo finally decides to end it all. The way to her grave takes her through a snowy Ponyville night, and she spends her last moments reflecting on the past that has haunted her.

After many hard years of living with weak and stunted wings, Scootaloo finally decides to end her life. On her way to her grave, she wanders through a snowy Ponyville night, reflecting on the past that has haunted her life. But despite her determination, some friends are too stubborn to see that there are things too broken to fix, too proud to lay down their belief that you can be more than is possible. Some friends are just too loyal to let you go.

Published 2013-07-19 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-19 20:10:02 UTC

I wish...

The fresh snow crunches softly beneath my hooves as flakes of white fall silently in the midnight air, too free to care if they are noticed or not. Along the hushed street, lamps tall and grey stand at their posts, watching me with their bright, orange eyes as I pass them by.

I keep my head low, turning my eyes to the frost covered windows. Together they reflect a blurry image of me, giving the illusion that my tiny, twisted wings are as strong as any pegasus’. But as the cold, uninviting mirrors pass me by and grow clearer, I am forced to remember what I am.

The glow from the celebration appears out of the snowy haze ahead of me, bringing with it the sound of music and laughter. It is that time of year again when friends and family gather in the town square to celebrate the season, exchanging gifts and smiles without a worry in the world.

A crossroad opens up before me and, from my right, a stallion steps out into the avenue. Atop his back sits a colt no older than five, his mouth open to catch the falling snowflakes.

“If you keep squirming like that, you’ll fall,” the stallion warns. “Your mother won’t be happy if you arrive wet and shivering.”

The colt snaps his mouth shut and frowns, but his dissatisfaction disappears when his eyes find me. He raises a small hoof and waves.

I stop and stare after him as he is carried towards the light at the end of the road. A faint smile flashes briefly across my lips before envy devours it. There was a time when I was small enough to sit atop a stallion’s back; the thought alone bleeds out memories I thought were buried for good.

I close my weary eyes, feeling the chill bite hard into my flesh. How long have I been shivering?

*****

From her cradle high atop the clouds, a newborn daughter engulfed in a warm blanket gazed out the nursery window. She stretched a tiny hoof towards the massive rainbow that beamed down at her. But for all her efforts, she could not reach the colorful arc, and with every passing moment, the rainbow grew dimmer. She wailed out in distress, reaching, reaching.

A pair of gentle hooves wrapped around her sobbing body, lifting her until she was face to face with the most enchanted pony in all the world.

“Why are you crying, little one?” he asked, smiling at her as red, green, and blue glimmered in his eyes.

The daughter opened her mouth to speak, but found that she knew no words.

“Do you wanna know what I do when I feel upset?” He cradled the daughter in one foreleg and brought his other hoof to his right eye. “I close my eyes and count the stars I see; because that’s how many happy moments you will have in your life.”

“She’ll end up believing your nonsense, you know,” said a female pegasus.

The stallion looked over at the mare and smiled. “What’s the harm in that? It’s true. In fact, I’ve been waiting for this big star my whole life.”

The mare looked to the window the daughter was reaching towards. “I think she wants to fly.”

“Oh?” uttered the male pegasus as he looked out the window. “I think she wants to touch the rainbow.” With the foal tucked into his foreleg, he stepped over to the glass that separated them from the outside world.

The daughter squinted at the bright sunlight and looked away to shield her fragile eyes.

“One day,” he said, “I’ll take you up there and we’ll follow the rainbow all the way to the end. You’ll be granted a wish if you find the end, you see.”

A light chuckle came from the mare. “Will she wish to become a Wonderbolt like you did?”

“Oh, she won’t need to. She’s a natural, I can tell.”

“Well, our little Wonderbolt needs a name.”

“We could name her after your grandmother.”

“Bluesput?” The mare cocked an eyebrow. “I was thinking something less... blue.”

The stallion studied the daughter for a moment. “Orangeflash Beamfeathers!” he suggested.

The mare looked at him for a moment, as if choosing her next words carefully. “How about we name her after your brother?”

Something flickered in the stallion’s eyes, killing his excitement. He turned to look at the mare. “Scooter?”

“I was thinking Scootaloo.”

Seemingly lost in thought, he did not answer.

“Don’t you like it?”

He shook his head. “No, I do, it’s just...” His gaze turned to the foal cradled in his foreleg. “It’s just soon, is all.”

“It’s been four years, dear. Don’t you think-”

“I know, I know,” the stallion sighed, sitting down on the floor and holding the daughter before him. “It just... feels like yesterday; it never really goes away.”

“Would you really want it to? To have nothing to remember him by?”

“Sometimes you want to forget.”

The female pegasus looked down at the daughter and put gentle a hoof on his shoulder. “We don’t have to-”

“Let’s do it,” he announced, stroking the daughter’s tiny cheek. “Little Scootaloo,” his voice came in a whisper, with a smile just for her. “A beautiful name for a beautiful filly.”

*****

The veil of snow falls from my back, revealing the hideous things I have carried on my back since fillyhood. Tiny, crooked, and scarred, my right wing quivers in the cold next to its equally small and useless sister. The many years and countless stitches did nothing to mend what was already broken; for whether I had chosen the life of a maimed pegasus or a deformed one, I knew I’d never fly.

Far down the street, the colt atop his father’s back disappears into the bright haze. The warm glow of the festivities seems far more inviting than the path leading out of town. I look at the road behind me; once overshadowed by a majestic rainbow, now the avenue looks like an ominous snake slithering towards a deceitful promise.

I pull my eyes away and feel my numb legs begin to move again, carrying me towards the bright light and warm sounds.

The town square grows clearer as I approach; a massive green-striped tent has been raised around the town hall’s spire, its entrance opening like the jaws of a giant; several low-burning bonfires are lit around the pavilion, struggling to keep the encroaching shadows at bay.

As I stop to listen to a roaring applause from inside the tent, I spy the colt from earlier standing by the entrance. The tent flap swings open and a mare steps out. The colt exclaims something, but as he jumps into his mother’s embrace, his voice is drowned out by the silent scream of an orphan, clawing at the back of my mind.

*****

“So your folks are dead too, huh?”

A chill seeped through the orphan. She wiped her glistening eyes and turned her head around from the window to find the speaker.

A grey coated unicorn, a few years her senior, leaned against the door of her room with a cruel smile across his lips.

“Wh-who are you?” asked the orphan, trying to mask just how broken her voice was.

“I should ask you the same thing,” said the colt as he stepped towards her. “This here is my room.”

“Yours?” The orphan’s eyes turned to the bunk bed. “Oh...” No one had told her she would have a roommate. She straightened herself in her chair and looked out the window again. “I just got here.”

He stopped beside her and looked over her shoulder. “Most ponies are here because their folks got killed. How’d yours die? Fire, accident at work, old debts come to haunt them?”

The orphan pressed her teeth together in silence.

“I’m sure it’s a boring story anyway. My pa’ died when I was little and my ma’ drinks a lot, so they put me here.” He leaned in closer to the window, squinting. “What are you looking at anyway? Oh. Her.”

The bright-blue pegasus dashed back and forth between clouds, diving and rising with grace the orphan had never seen the like of before, all the while painting streaks of vibrant colors against the sky. Warm red and gentle blue, summer green and yellow as sweet as honey. The orphan’s eyes traced her every move as admiration slowly drowned out her envy.

The colt laughed menacingly. “What, you want her to adopt you or something?”

The orphan shook herself out of her trance. “No I don’t!” she snapped, feeling her cheeks flush.

“You do, don’t you? That’s adorable.” He tapped a rough hoof on her head. “Don’t get your hopes up, though. That one there will be a Wonderbolt long before you’re old enough to get kicked out of here. Wonderbolts don’t care much for things like... well, you.”

The orphan felt her pulse pounding against her temples. She put her elbows on the windowsill and brought her hooves to her eyes. The world turned black behind her eyelids and out of the darkness emerged a jeweled sky with countless happy moments to come.

One, two, three, four...

“My pa’ always did say you should have dreams, just not stupid ones.” There was a silence, and for a moment, she dared believe he might finally leave her alone. But his voice returned cold as stone.

“Can you even fly with those things?”

The orphan’s body stiffened as his hoof touched her neck and slid down her back towards her tiny wings. Her breathing grew rapid and uncontrollable as she counted. Twelve-thirteen-fourteen-fifteen... Every star made her head feel closer to exploding.

“I swear I’ve seen foals with bigger wings than that. I bet you can’t even-”

“Shut up!” the orphan exclaimed, feeling agony pounding in her chest.

Her outburst gave him pause for a moment, but before long, he spoke again. “Was your pa’ a cripple or something? Nah, your ma’ was born lame, I bet.” He cackled. “I feel sorry for your pa’ if he had to live with a wife like that. I bet he-”

The orphan’s hoof slammed into the colt’s jaw hard enough to send several teeth flying in a mist of red. He staggered backwards and crashed down to the floor.

Salty rivers ran down her cheeks to mingle with the red pool at her hooves. She wanted to hurt him, to mangle his face so badly none would ever think to adopt him ever again. Her gaze turned to the open window and the cyan mare beyond, playing in the clouds without a care in the world.

Then she screamed.

*****

The colt and his parents disappear into the cloth pavilion as the bonfires spit their flickering death rattles, making me the only pony still out in the cold. As I listen to the sickening laughter from the happy families inside, a realization I have buried deep down forces its way to the surface once again.

My stomach twists in knots and I turn away before the urge to vomit overwhelms me. With a trembling breath, I look to the snow-filled horizon; the sky holds no colors, no curving bow to show the way. But I know where it hides. I remember the promise it has kept from me all these years.

With my head held high and my spirit low, I start down the white road away from the festivities, feeling myself being slowly buried under a relentless, cold blanket as the music grows ever more distant. I let out a hopeless sigh and watch as the pale mist rises from my mouth and disappears into the night.

In the dim glow through the snow-covered lamps, the shade of a pony blue as summer sky emerges out of the hazy road ahead, her mane bowing under the weight of winter.

My heart shoots up into my throat, choking my breath. I watch in nervous silence as her figure becomes clearer, but when she is near enough for me to hear the sound of her hooves on snow, I turn and flee, hastening my strides until the sound of hoofsteps fades behind me.

I dart left into another street and push myself against the cold brick wall. My lungs break the silence with gasps for air that sounds more like coughing than breathing. I let go of the wall and look around the corner. The road is empty, save for the snowflakes filling the town like a grave.

I let out a sigh of relief and begin walking again. But just as my heartbeat calms, the shuffle of wings sounds above me, followed by the last voice I want to hear.

“Scootaloo?”

My hooves slam into each other in panic, and my whole body tumbles forward, sending me crashing face-first into the soft ground.

“Woah, hey, are you okay?”

I groan into the snow, half in pain and half in embarrassment, as I raise my head to look up. The pegasus touches down in front of me to with her great blue wings extended.

“I’m fine,” I lie.

“You don’t look fine. Here.” She offers her hoof.

The gesture of help bites mercilessly at what little pride I have left. Ignoring her hoof, I rise on my own. It’s a strange feeling to stand as tall as her, looking into her suspicious, magenta eyes; yet for all my height, she always looks down at me.

I shake the thoughts out of my head along with the snow in my mane. “Shouldn’t you be at the-”

“Festival, yeah,” she finishes for me, carefree as ever. “I was...” She scratches the back of her colorful mane. “I was on my way there, but then I saw you down here, so... yeah.”

I look up at the pale sky, but the falling white obscures anything beyond the roofs of the buildings lining the road. “You saw me?”

“I have good eyes!” She points at them for emphasis.

“You followed me.”

She looks away from me, fake laughter bursting from her lips. “What? No. Followed you? What makes you think that?”

Why?

I suddenly feel torturously self-aware of my wings and shift my body in a futile attempt to hide them. “I thought you’d given up on me a long time ago.”

The mare gives me a discomforting look, but her wordless silence is deep enough for me to hear the snowflakes touch the ground.

*****

The novice ran, feeling the moist wind slash at her face as she approached the wooden plank. The sun’s glare struck her eyes, obscuring the hero where she stood in the grass, tall and proud at the opposite end of the long piece of wood.

“Faster!” the hero barked.

The novice put every drop of her strength into the final dash, twitching her wings when she felt her hooves touch wood. All at once, the ground erupted upwards, throwing her over the hero and into the sky.

“Come on!” came the hero’s voice from below. “Eyes on the prize! Up like an eagle, down like a hawk!”

“Eyes on the prize,” the novice repeated in a squeaky voice, locking her sight on the white, fluffy circle hovering in the distance. “Up like an eagle-” She spread her hooves for balance. “-down like a hawk.” In a blur of feathers, she brought her tiny wings up and thrust them down as hard as she could muster before spinning them back around in one fluid motion.

And for a moment, she flew.

But despite her wings’ exhausting effort, she could not maintain as much as a glide. Her excited smile died and slowly but surely, her trajectory curved down from her goal, bringing the ground rushing up to meet her. Panicked, she instinctively clenched her eyes shut and shielded her face in her hooves.

The muddy slope hit her belly first; the impact was soft, but still enough to knock the wind out of her. Half-rolling, half-sliding, she descended the inclined surface until she felt herself break through water. The world still spun in circles around her as she sunk, and only when her back touched the sandy bottom did she open her eyes.

The water was crystal clear, save for the rising clouds of mud from her freshly dirtied fur. Any other filly might have felt a sense of dread at the thought of returning to their mother with their whole body drenched in mud and sweat. She stared up at the water’s surface, feeling a familiar wave of shame wash over her once again.

Tiny bubbles flew upwards from her nostrils, climbing towards the radiant sunlight that sliced through the water in a thousand golden rays. She could easily swim to the surface, but somehow she felt more comfortable at the bottom of the pond; for even if she ascended, she knew she would reach no further than the earth itself.

The novice saw a beam of rainbow enter the pond, then closed her eyes.

She did not remember leaving the water, but when she opened her eyes again she was laying in the shade of a tree, seeing the blurry face of a mare above her – a mare she had come to know well in the last years.

“Hey!” the hero snapped as the leaves above her swayed in the gentle breeze. “Why the heck didn’t you swim back up?”

The novice coughed.

Concern and frustration washed away from the hero’s face. She let out a sigh and smiled down at her for a moment, then looked away. “I guess... maybe the plank wasn’t such a good idea. I thought for sure it would work, though.”

“It’s-” the novice began, but another wet cough killed her voice.

“Hey, take it easy.” The hero put a hoof on the filly’s cheek, rubbing the dirt away. “You took a pretty nasty fall.”

The novice shook her head as normal breath returned to her. There was something about the way the hero’s lips curved – a gesture of pride that she tried her very best again, but her eyes told a different story – something buried deep and hidden now making its way to the surface.

“You don’t think I can do it.”

The hero chuckled. “What, you really think I’m giving up on you just because you fell once?”

It’s hardly the first time, the novice thought to herself, looking at the old bruises covering her body.

“Don’t tell anyone, but I used to fall like that all the time when I was still learning.”

The hero always had a way with her like no one else – almost like she could make a pony understand what she meant without speaking a single word. “Learning has nothing to do with it,” the novice muttered, a bit colder than she had intended.

“Of course it does,” said the hero, ruffling the novice’s mane with her hoof. “If you wanna be good at anything you just gotta practice.”

The novice wanted to believe it, but the constant failures in the past weeks had done nothing to strengthen her faith. “Do you really think so?” she asked cautiously, holding her breath as she studied the colorful mane dancing in the wind.

“Are you kidding? I know so.” The hero took a step back and shook her entire body, spraying countless droplets of water into the sunlit air.

The novice’s eyes widened when the wet mist surrounding the cyan pegasus summoned a tiny rainbow that spread its majestic colors from one wing to the next. She sat up but when she attempted to rise further, a jolt of pain shot through her leg and forced her back on her rump.

The hero extended a hoof towards her.

The younger filly shook her head. “I can get up on my own,” she said, straining the muscles exhausted from yet another day of training.

“Even the strong need help sometimes,” said the hero, folding her wings back against her body, “even if it’s just a little push.”

The novice bit her lower lip. “I said I got it,” she muttered with just a hint of pride. Her leg screamed in protest when she put pressure on it, but with a final grunt, she rose to her hooves and smiled. “See?”

To the novice’s surprise, the hero did not give a nod of approval. She looked down on the filly who could barely stand on her own and sighed. “I know you have it in you, kiddo,” she said, giving a faint smile. “If I don’t have you flying laps around Cloudsdale within a year you can call me the biggest loser in all of Equestria.” She put a hoof on the novice’s head and ruffled her purple mane. “That’s a promise.”

*****

A cold gust of wind catches hold of my mane and stabs at my face like a thousand icy needles. I look into the eyes of the mare I once loved and feel her deceitful words coil around my heart like a snake.

Without giving her another word, I turn and walk away.

“W-wait!”

I hear her muffled hoofsteps behind me and out of the corner of my eye, I see her trot up beside me.

“Where are you going? The festival is-”

“Blackstone Gulch.” The words taste bitter on my tongue.

The rainbow-maned mare slows her pace and looks at me with concerned eyes. “Why?”

“It’s where the rainbow ends.”

*****

“This is stupid,” said the friend, her red mane flowing in the light grip of her ribbon as she looked to the clouds on the southern horizon. “It’s going to rain soon.”

“We’re too close to go back now,” said the adventurer. “Look. It’s just over there.” She pointed at the rainbow they had been following, its vibrancy stretching across the sky from one end of the earth to the next.

The friend cocked her head. “Are you sure about this rainbow thing, Scoot? It sounds like a bunch of hokey to me.”

Some faithful friend you are, thought the adventurer. “Of course I’m sure,” she said. “You’ll see when we reach the end.”

“But I’m hungry. I reckon Granny Smith is makin’ sweet apple pie right now.”

The adventurer heard her friend’s stomach growl. She felt bad for dragging her along on her quest, pushing through the thick pine forest, past large stones left by giants and across brooks rushing towards the ocean many leagues away. But at least she did had some sort of family to return to, someone who would happily spend a whole afternoon baking pie for the filly who always lived up to their expectations.

“Scoot?”

The adventurer sighed, knowing full well what was weighing on her friend’s mind.

“Maybe we should head back. It’s getting really late and AJ and Granny are gonna scold me if I don’t come home before dark.

The pegasus stopped and looked back at her friend. “The end is close now, I can feel it.” She smiled assuredly, but the weary expression on the earth pony’s face told her she did not understand. “Just a little longer now, I promise.”

The friend put her hoof on a pinecone, pushing it back and forth on the ground. “You promised that half an hour ago,” she muttered, eyes on the pinecone. “I told Sweetie I’d help her out with somethin’ today, and I don’t wanna make her all upset.” She looked up at her companion and hesitated for a moment, as if choosing her words carefully. “I want a cutie mark as much as you do, but-”

“A cutie mark?” the adventurer broke in. “I thought you’d have something more important in mind.”

The friend looked genuinely surprised. “What’s more important than a cutie mark?”

“How...” stupid are you? The adventurer bit her lip to suppress her urge to lash out at her in disgust. “I thought you of all ponies would understand.”

Her friend cocked her head. “Understand what?” When it became obvious that the adventurer would not answer, the friend sighed. “Scoot...” She lowered her gaze. “Maybe there ain’t no end to the rainbow; maybe it just goes on forever.”

“It’s real,” declared the adventurer, her voice stern.

“Yeah, but... how do you know that? How can you be so sure we’ll get a wish granted if we find the end?”

“Somepony told me.”

“Who?”

“Just... somepony I knew a long time ago.”

“But what if they was lyin’?”

“He wasn’t lying!”

The wind rose and fell around them, tossing tiny, brown needles across the forest floor as the two fillies eyed each other.

Eventually, the adventurer broke the silence with a contemptful sigh. “If you want to go, then go. More wishes for me.” She turned her tail to her friend, unwilling to let go of the hope that had kept her sane for the past decade.

“Scoot, wait!” the friend called from behind as the adventurer walked away. But before long, her voice became little more than a whisper on the wind, leaving only the mocking chirping of the birds to keep the lonely pegasus company.

She kept her eyes on the slivers of color through the forest canopy, trying not to pay attention to the little creatures flying between the branches. The rainbow lead to a magical place, she knew, a place where all your wishes come true; her father had told her that much and the fragments of his voice still echoed through her sleepless nights.

The dense forest opened up to a clearing. The adventurer took a moment to adjust to the light and when she saw what was beyond, her eyes widened in excitement.

Past the grassy clearing, a large boulder rose from the earth like a giant hoof, and behind it the rainbow fell like a rippleless waterfall just waiting to be touched. All that separated the adventurer from the end she had longed for her whole life was the widest chasm she had ever laid eyes on. She looked to the east, but saw no end to the cliff. She looked to the west, but the only break in the great pit was a river strong enough to pull rocks the size of stallions down its deadly waterfall.

Without giving it any further thought, she stepped towards the massive rock that concealed the rainbow, letting the warm summer wind set her sweat-stained mane to dance as she approached with a smile as wide as Equestria itself.

Gravel crunched beneath her hooves until she reached the sharp edge of the cliff, and there she stopped, almost close enough to smell the colors that waited for her.

The adventurer bit her lip as she scanned the gap that blocked her path. The hole beneath her was dark and bottomless. She could not tell how deep the gorge was, nor did she care very much. All she needed was to get across.

But it was too far to jump, not easily walked around, and it would be impossible for her to drag a log large enough to act as a bridge. There was however, an obvious possibility forcing its way out from the back of her mind – an idea that was as frightening as it was exciting.

She turned her head and looked at her wings. Three months of intense training had done little to change her condition, save for dozens of bruises and a broken spirit. Maybe it isn’t all lost, she told herself, if I just try hard enough...

She back from the cliff, feeling her feathers rustling in the breeze. Her wings still felt sore from her last practice session, but she stretched them as far as she could nonetheless.

“Up like an eagle,” she whispered, motioning her wings in the fashion she had been taught, “down like a hawk”. Even from this far back, the chasm looked awfully big – like a pair of massive jaws in the earth, ready to snap around an unsuspecting pony. Her whole body trembled as she lowered herself into a take-off position. “Eyes on the prize.” She held her breath and kept her eyes locked on the cascade of colors falling down behind the boulder on the other side.

She felt something wet hit her muzzle. The sky above was growing greyer and darker. Another drop hit her eye. She whimpered and rubbed her eyelid with her hoof, feeling the relentless raindrops all over her body. And with the clouds encroaching on the sun, the rainbow was growing dimmer with every passing moment.

It’s now or never.

She charged towards the cliff as fast as her legs could carry her, her wings fluttering into an orange blur on her back. “Come on!” she screamed, hammering the air harder than she’d ever done before. Her hooves pounded across the rocky surface and slowly but surely, she felt herself growing lighter.

An excited gasp left her when the sound of her rushing hoofsteps disappeared and she felt the ground vanish beneath her before she reached the edge. Her eyes widened and her heart beat so hard against her chest she feared it might burst.

“I’m-” was all she had time to say before her hooves fell down on the ground again, making her stagger and struggle for balance. Before her eyes, the chasm drew nearer, and terrorizing realization forced itself to the forefront of her mind.

It’s not enough.

She leaned backwards and beat her wings in the opposite direction to slow her sprint, but the gravel beneath her had turned wet and muddy, causing her hooves to slide towards the giant’s open mouth. In an act of desperation, she twisted herself sideways and tumbled sideways onto the ground, sending her entire body spinning end over end hard enough for the small stones to draw blood.

Her wing caught under the weight of her body, filling the air with a loud crack.

Blinding pain shot from her right wing as she slid to a halt by the edge of the cliff, her scream echoing throughout the dark chasm beside her. She pressed her teeth together and groaned, begging her mind would allow her to faint.

She found no such mercy.

With the rain beating down on her bruised and broken body, she was left staring blankly at the weakening rainbow.

“I...” she whispered, trying to ignore her broken wing, “I found you.”

The heavens spat at her in reply.

“Can you hear me?” she yelled, sliding a hoof through the muddy ground, reaching towards the rainbow. “I want my wish now! I wish-”

Thunder roared, drowning out her words.

Rivers ran down the shivering filly’s face as she called again. “I wish they were-”

Blue flashed and the sky cracked again.

“...with me, here.”

She shrunk together under the world’s mockery, her eyes lowering to watch rain and tears descend into the great, black hole below her. “Give them back... give them back...”

*****

A lamp flickers through its pale sheet and dies as I pass it, casting an eerie shadow over me and my last companion as we disturb the peaceful snow beneath our hooves.

In the dark distance ahead rises a massive forest that drinks all the light from town. Snow-tipped pine trees stand vigil as they always have, concealing the unclaimed, colorful world of broken promises that lie beyond.

“There is something I have to do,” I explain, more to myself than to her.

“Look,” she says, walking in front of me and extending her large wings to block my path. “I’m not good at this mushy-tushy talky stuff, but if something’s bothering you, just tell me already.”

I open my mouth to speak, but close it again before the words come flooding. My mouth opens again, but the only words that leave my lips are, “I can’t.”

“Why?” She looks hard into my eyes. “Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? You don’t talk to anyone, I hardly ever see you outside, your-”

“It’s none of your business,” I mutter as I walk into her wing, feeling her feathers grasp at my fur until she is behind me.

A hoof grabs hold of my shoulder and turns my body around until I am facing the stubborn mare again. “That’s not good enough!” she barks, shaking me like I’m still a little filly under her guidance. “You’re not wandering off into the forest in the middle of the night without any sort of explanation. What if you trip over some root and break your leg? It’s dark out there, especially in the gorge. What if you fall?”

“Exactly,” I whisper so quietly even the wind would has trouble hearing it. But the rainbow-maned pegasus’ expression of dread gives no doubt as to whether or not she heard it. I push her hoof off my shoulder, turn towards the tree line. “You wouldn’t understand.” The air seems to grow colder with every step I take from her.

“Then make me understand!”

I halt at the end of the dimly lit street and turn to look back one last time. The rainbow-maned mare looks after me, her wings twitching. I press my lips together in frustration, drawing a deep, trembling breath as I roll my shoulders to ease the tension in my back. Snow falls like rust from my feathers when I extend my wings. Short, crooked, and weak, they hover at both my sides awaiting a command they have not heard in years.

I glare into her eyes with all the spite I can muster.

The pegasus before me takes a step back and opens her mouth to speak, but her confidence has all but melted away.

With the fury of an eagle, my wings rise into the air, and thrust down with the ferocity of a hawk. The joints in my back scream in agonizing protest as I repeat the motion again and again until my bones threaten to break.

And for a heartbeat, my hooves lift off the ground.

The strain finally overwhelms me; my wings cling back against my body like foals screaming for their mother; my legs collapse from under me and my jaw slams into the cold ground, teeth biting hard into my cheek.

Above I hear a gasp and the rush of hooves, but I swipe my foreleg in front of my miserable body before she can get close enough to help me up. My hooves bury themselves hard into the ground, pushing my quivering legs upwards until I stand broken and defeated with my eyes locked hard into hers.

“You...” I curse, “are the biggest loser in all of Equestria.”

As a thin line of red slides down from the corner of my mouth, something in her eyes flickers and dies. And for what feels like an eternity, I wait for her eyes to spark back to life like they always do, for her lips to once again bring an answer that will put all my doubts and pains to rest, now and forever.

That answer never comes.

I throw my head around, facing forward. For a moment, I feel dizzy. The next second I feel like I’m about to throw up. But the sensation my mind settles on is one that clenches cold iron pincers around my heart. I spit blood into the fresh snow.

In silence fit for a graveyard, my numb legs begin carrying me forward as a short-lived warmth slides down my cheeks. On the wind, I hear a faint whisper that might be my name, but before long, it fades in the rustling of sleeping trees. An ocean of white stretches out before me; black trees rise out of the depths where few snowflakes can reach the ground. Even the wind is slowly suffocated as I alone traverse into the forest.

A stinging agony rises through my throat with every breath I take, but still I press on with my hooves swallowed by the hungry snow. None would hear it if I screamed here, none would judge me if I simply lay down and surrendered to the cold. But in spite of the weakness of my flesh, a task remains undone, a promise yet fulfilled, an end left unclaimed.

By the time the last of Ponyville’s lazy light dims to nothingness, the wet warmth on my cheeks has already frozen in place to sap away what little sensation I have left, leaving the frozen pine needles to slash freely at my numb face like knives. My lips tremble, but not from the cold.

The thick forest ends when a half-remembered clearing opens up before me. A snowflake lands on my muzzle, lingering there for a moment as if beckoning me closer. But as my eyes adjust to the blur between them, it melts and slides down to my lips, tasting of bitter spring.

High up in the unreachable sky, the full moon shines through the haze, lighting the path to the end. I gaze into the dark curtain ahead, knowing full well what colorless lie hides beyond the chasm shrouded in night’s ebony cloak.

Even the wind tries to push me away as I approach. Time seems to slow down as memories new and old swirl together in my mind until they are nothing more than a shapeless blur.

To my left I hear water moving through its icy prison and through the darkness ahead, I see silhouette of the stone hoof rise beyond the chasm. When I hear the echoes of my hoofsteps and see the ground before me turn blacker than night, I stop.

“I know you’re there,” I utter to the dead rainbow on the other side. “I know you can hear me.”

A powerful breeze blows against me, making small holes in the boulder sigh and whistle. I raise a hoof to shield my eyes against the wind and am forced to take a step back before it calms again.

“I’ve come back to take the wish you owe me.”

The rainbow makes no response from its hiding place.

“I wish to...” I close my eyes and step towards the edge, feeling my heart pounding against my chest. “Fly.”

I twitch my stiff and cold wings and step off the cliff.

Cold air rushes upwards to slash against my fur and through my closed eyelids the dim moonlight fades to black. My whole body feels weightless, almost like it doesn’t exist at all. I am alone in the dark with no stars left to light my way, falling, falling...

I spread my tiny wings as far as they go and open my eyes a sliver. All around me, the snowflakes are falling upwards, rushing towards a heaven I could never reach. “Look dad,” I whisper, “I’m flying.”

But it doesn’t feel any better now; the sensation of flying downwards feels sick and twisted, like something out of a nightmare. I clench my eyes shut, too frightened to see the cold embrace that awaits me below.

I could have fixed everything.

The last thing I see before my fall ends is a bright flash in all the colors of the rainbow. I gasp and throw my eyes wide open, but the snowflakes hit my face so hard they force themselves shut.

And in a moment of madness, it feels like I am falling upwards.

Something warm presses against my fur and on both sides I hear the beating of wings. Dim moonlight tickles my eyelids and the southern wind returns to tug at my feathers once more. My body breaks through something soft and fluffy and finally the relentless snowfall ends.

And suddenly the world is calm and still again. I open my eyes and see the full moon against a clear night sky covered with countless golden lights drifting in peaceful unison.

“You idiot!” a sharp voice yells from just beneath my face.

My heart skips a beat when I hear the familiar voice. “R-Rainbow?” I exclaim in disbelief. All at once, the curtain of confusion lifts from my mind, and I notice the colorful mane my face is pressed against and the cyan pegasus my legs are clinging to.

I blink rapidly, looking down over her shoulder to see an endless ocean of clouds stretching out beneath us. “Am I dead?”

“You will be when I get my hooves on you!” she barks, her voice nearly drowned out by the windcurrent. “How could you be so stupid?”

“A-are we flying?” I blurt out, still stunned by the sudden change of scenery.

She tilts her head to look at me as her wings slow into a glide and oncoming wind calms. “Yeah, numbskull,” she answers, a little warmer this time, “we’re flying.”

Excitement bubbling inside me as I scan the world. Massive cloud-pillars rise from the sea of grey, and in the far distance, small families of fluffy shapes fly together towards a brightening horizon.

I tighten my grip around the pegasus and push my muzzle into her mane. A thousand words come to mind, too many to say all at once. I bite my lip and let her fur drink my tears. “Why?”

A huge cloud passes us by in watchful silence before my uninvited savior answers.

“Because you were giving up what you want the most for what you want now.”

I lift my muzzle from her neck and blink down at her. “What I want?”

She nods.

“How do you know what I want?”

“I don’t.”

“But you just said-”

“I know that whatever you want the most, it isn’t at the bottom of a gorge, and you’re giving it up for what you want today.” She sighs, and against the wind she mutters, “Wanting something today is pointless; tomorrow you’ll just want something else.”

A black wave of guilt rises inside me, but before it has time to consume me, the mare brushes her head gently up against mine and says, “Just... from now on, talk to me before you decide to do something dumb, okay? I might be a huge loser, but even losers can listen.”

With my mane dancing in the wind, I look up at the sky. Among all the wonders of the heavens, the stars above outshine them all – glimmering gold and silver, too many for a pony to count in a lifetime.

“I’m taking you with me tonight.”

“With you?” I ask, looking down at her.

She nods. “There is some understanding I need help with, and you seem to be an expert on the stuff.” She breathes something that might be a chuckle. “And besides, I still haven’t given you your present.”

Seemingly sensing my surprise, she continues, “Oh, it’s only the best gift ever.” Her wings strike the air and begin to climb as she looks up with a smile just for me. “You might wanna hold on tight.”

Author's Note

Life goes on.

Thank you so much for reading my story! I hope you enjoyed it. Please feel free to leave a comment telling me what you think. I would love to hear from you! Constructive criticism is always welcome.

The narrative in this story is a bit experimental, as you might have noticed. I switched between present and past tense between flashbacks, which you normally shouldn't do, but in this case I think its benefits outweighs its downsides by really showing the contrast between 'then' and 'now'.

Some music that helped inspire this story:

The Seal Lullaby

Thanks to Idylia (among others!) for proofreading.