Warhammer's Birthday

by Flanagan

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 1861

It's a big day for a certain pony in Canterlot... but the pony he wants to see is nowhere to be found

It's Warhammer's birthday! And everypony's come to join in on the celebration, but the big stallion notices that somepony is missing all the festivities…

This event happens several years after 'Elements of Honor' read that first if you want a better understanding of what's going on.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-25 07:30:03 UTC

One Evening in Canterlot

Canterlot was quiet, not a single pony was in the streets. The only sign of life came from inside the castle, where a celebration was being held. It wasn’t the Gala or the garden party, but to somepony it was something far more special.

“Little bro, this is supposed to be a party…” Battleaxe said disappointedly, “I mean, seriously, classical? You think you’d want something more modern for your birthday.”

“I enjoy Octavia and her orcistra,” Warhammer said looking to the group of ponies playing serine music. “On Greatsword and your birthday’s you can hire Vinyl Scratch if you wish.”

“I’m just impressed you got Octavia to play at your party, Warhammer,” Greatsword said. “Last I checked she’s been booked all the way until next year.”

“Princess Luna has her ways of getting things done.” Warhammer said smiling.

“Yeah if my girlfriend was a princess, I could get anything I wanted too…” Battleaxe said rolling his eyes. “Twilight’s  great, don’t get me wrong, but she’s so OCD that she can barely schedule anything without making five different checklist,” he looked over to Twilight and waved. “I have to try to schedule ’snuggle time’ three months in advance.”

Warhammer and Greatsword laughed. “Well Fluttershy isn’t THAT bad…” Greatsword said looking to the pegasus outside, “but she can get so caught up when she’s taking care of the animals she forgets that I’m there sometimes.”

“Indeed,” Warhammer said. “Luna can get so carried away with making a beautiful night, that it’s actually time to rise the sun before she finishes.”

“Hey you three,” Twilight said walking over to them. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing really, Twilight,” Battleaxe said grabbing her up in his forelegs, “Just guy things.”

“Well I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything good.” Twilight said staring into Battleaxe’s eyes. “Because I was going to ask you if we could have this dance.”

Twilight pointed to the dance floor where several other ponies had already started dancing to the soft music. Battleaxe looked to his brothers and then back to Twilight. He gave her a small kiss, took her hoof and escorted her to the dance floor.

“I’ll see you guys in a few,” he called back to them. “Because what the lady wants, the lady gets.”

Greatsword and Warhammer waved the two off and returned to their conversation. “Where’s Luna anyway?” Greatsword asked. “I’d think that SHE of all ponies would be here.”

“I don’t know, Greatsword,” Warhammer said, “She must be tending to royal matters or something of high importance.”

“Then why is Princess Celestia here?” Greatsword said pointing to the alicorn. “If it was royal business, you’d think that she would be on it as well.”

Princess Celestia noticed the two standing alone and walked up to them. “Greatsword, Warhammer,” she said to the bowing stallions. “It’s good to see the three of you together once again.” she looked back to Battleaxe and Twilight, slowly dancing with one another.  “Well, it’s good to see the two of you at once.”

“The honor his ours, Princess,” Greatsword said rising, “and we wouldn’t miss or little brother’s birthday party for the world.” Greatsword placed his hoof on Warhammer’s shoulder.

“The bond you three have as brothers is as strong as my sister and I’s.”

Princess Celestia said to them.

“That’s something I want to ask you Princess,” Greatsword said. “Where IS your sister?”

“Truthfully, I don’t know…” Princess Celestia said looking around the room. “I thought you would know, but it seems that’s not the case.”

“The night is still young, Princess,” Warhammer said. “I believe she will arrive sometime soon.”

The party continued for an hour, but still no Princess Luna. Everypony thought little of it though, they were too busy enjoying the wonderful evening. Another hour passed and the time to eat cake and accept gifts had arrived. Warhammer sat at the front of the table, next to Princess Celestia and where the still absent Princess Luna would have sat.

“I-I hope you like what I got you Warhammer…” Fluttershy said, presenting him with a small wrapped up box. “It was awfully hard to get.”

“Thank you Fluttershy,” Warhammer said with a smile, opening the gift. He looked inside to see a small furry creature. “It’s amazing…” he said looking at the creature, then back to Fluttershy “but what is it?”

“It’s a chinchilla,” Greatsword said placing his hoof softly on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “She and I looked for weeks trying to find one. We were lucky to get it before your big day.”

“I will raise it well, Fluttershy,” Warhammer said picking up the small rodent with his hooves, “again thank you.”

“We got you something too.” Twilight said using her magic to place her gift in front of Warhammer. “I hope you like it.”

“I appreciate your kindness, Twilight,” Warhammer said grabbing the gift midair. He opened the present revealing exactly what he expected. “A book.” he said, “The Silent Warrior, I believe I have heard of this book.”

“It’s quite the fascinating read,” Twilight said with a smile, “I gave a copy to Battleaxe and he LOVED it.”

Warhammer looked past Twilight to his brother, who was shaking his head violently while he made gagging motions. Warhammer smiled, then set the book down.

“Thank you Twilight,” he said. “I’m sure I will love reading it, unlike some.” He sent a quick glare at Battleaxe. Twilight looked to Battleaxe in confusion as he was doing his best to refrain from smiling.

Warhammer continued to receive gifts, Rainbow Dash and Event Horizon gave him four tickets to the Colton 500. Shining Armor and Cadence gave him a card the Prince Gold Heart made himself, Applejack and Carmel gave him an aged bottle of the finest of Sweet Apple Acres Cider number seven. Warhammer was truly happy for all the gifts that he received, but the pony he wanted to see the most was still not present. Luna still hadn’t shown up to the party, it upset him slightly, but he did his best to hide it.

“Ah,” Princess Celestia said looking to the opening doors. “The cake has arrived.”

A chef pony and multiple waiters and waitresses filled the room as the massive cake was carted before Warhammer and the others. He looked up in awe at the massive backed tower before him. It stood well over even Princess Celestia’s size, covered in the richest of chocolate icing and assorted sprinkles. The chef began to cut the cake into slices but before he could place the knife into the cake a, pony exploded from its inside’s.

“HOWDY WARHAMMER!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, licking the icing and cake off herself. “Wow, YOU have really great taste in backed goods.”

“You’re too kind Pinkie,” Warhammer said whipping pieces of cake off his face. “But please allow the others to enjoy it as much as you are now.”

“Oki Doki Loki!” Pinkie Pie said gathering cake filled plates and passing them to the guest. “Let us eat cake!”

Another hour or so passed and still no Luna, it started to bother Warhammer a great deal, he wondered why she wasn’t there. As the party died down everypony started to leave, Warhammer and Princess Celestia stood at the front door sending them off and thanking them for them stopping by.

“Good party, Warhammer,” Greatsword said patting his brother on the back. “This is one of the few that I haven’t had to carry Battleaxe to a cab. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“You’re welcome, brother,” Warhammer said chuckling, “I just wish my birthday had one more guest…”

“Yeah that’s odd that Luna was a no show.” Greatsword said rubbing his chin. “Maybe she had to get something from the Lunar Guard station.”

“I’m sure her reason her being absent is legitimate.” Warhammer said looking to the moon. “it was good to see you again, brother.”

“You too Warhammer,” Greatsword said, placing his hoof on Warhammer’s shoulder, “I’ve got to get going,” he said looking back. “Or Shy’ll kill me.” the two laughed as Greatsword made his way to his cab.

Warhammer watched all the chariots fly out of sight, then let out a heavy sigh. “Where were you Luna?” he said looking to the moon. “This was my ‘first’ birthday…”

“Warhammer,” Princess Celestia said to gather his attention. “I almost forgot I to got you a present.”

“Really?” Warhammer asked. “You didn’t need to do that, my lady.”

“Please, Warhammer,” Princess Celestia said passively. “After what you did it’s the least I could do.” she walked back inside with Warhammer, “I left it in your room,” she said motioning to the stairs. “Go on, I’ll be up in a minute, you know how royal business goes.”

“Indeed I do…” Warhammer said making his way up the stairs. “Again thank you, my lady.”

Princess Celestia nodded and walked off into the castle. Warhammer made his way to his room, once he finally arrived he opened the door. He flipped the light switch. He looked around and took a deep breath. “This was the worst birthday in history…” he said making his way to his bed.

“And why is that, my love?” a familiar voice said from the shadows of the room.

“Luna,” Warhammer said, slightly disappointed, “where were you-”

Warhammer froze mid-sentence when he looked to Luna, she was wearing her mane in a ponytail. He loved when she did that, but that wasn’t all, she had also put on an outfit resembling one of a school filly and she was holding a ruler with her magic.

“Oh,” she cooed. “Did I forget your birthday?” she slowly made her way to him. “I’m such a NAUGHTY little filly aren’t I? Should I be punished?”

She stopped only inches away from Warhammer’s jaw dropped face. Luna giggled cutely then licked her love’s muzzle. She pushed him on to his bed and there she stood over his still baffled face. “Well headmaster?” she asked seductively batting her eyelashes at him. “Should I be punished?” She passed the ruler to Warhammer and lowered herself to him.

“I-I don’t know…” Warhammer stuttered. “It looks like you’re the one in control here.”

“Oh no…” Luna said giving him a kiss. “It’s YOUR birthday…”

“And the foals?” Warhammer said looking to the door opposite the bed. “Where are they?”

“Cadence and Shining Armor were kind enough to watch them for the evening.” Luna said drawing ever closer to him. “I would hate for us to keep them up all night.” she kissed him again. Then the door opened while the two were still kissing, Warhammer looked in shock to see Princess Celestia standing there, just watching them.

“Princess Celestia!” Warhammer exclaimed. “Wh-what are YOU doing here?”

“Did I forget to mention that I was only PART of your present?” Luna whispered into his ear.

Warhammer looked in confusion to the royal sisters, “I-I don’t understand…” he said his eyes darting back and forth between them. “What are you talking about?”

“I believe the term you’re looking for…” Princess Celestia said biting her lip while she closed the door behind her. “Is WINcest…”