Spartan the Movie

by BaconHazard

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 324

In the Halo, you can only assume that every single Spartan is completely sane and rational, right? Wrong. So, let's meet our team…

"The book was better."

(Rated Mature for Mild Gore and Extreme Language)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-25 15:09:08 UTC

Meet The Spartans

Spartan 100 - Designation 'Grunt Chowder' - A man of utmost gentlemanlyness. But most of the time he is just an arrogant prick who likes to ruin the moment by kissing some lovely lady's hand or helping an elderly woman cross the street. Less of the time, he absolutely loves the feeling of Covenant flesh on his tongue. The coolness and the wetness soothes his hatred. And his hunger.

Spartan 143 - Designation 'Wolf Pack' - Be careful around this one. He was originally kept in a high security prison for the criminally insane. Until, of course, somebody got the good idea to take him out and experiment with adult augmentation. When he was only ten years old, the little bastard fought off a pack of hungry wolves with multiple tranquilizer darts sticking out of his neck and an arm missing. Afterwards, he set up a fire in a nearby cave and ate them raw. The entire forest was burnt down over night.

Spartan 157 - Designation 'Clean-Up' - Commanding officer of this squadron, this Spartan has to clean up after their messes. Usually consisting of dried shit stains on the floor and raw grunt intestines strung about on the ceiling. She is often considered the most reasonable of the five, which really doesn't go too far considering the rest of them are a bunch of sadistic psychopaths. Except her. Honestly. She's also a girl and she loves grinding Covenant skulls. What else do you need to know?

Spartan 69 - Designation 'Asshunter' - That's right. This one was considered a serial rapist after 'unleashing the beast' on a Covenant raiding party. He is also a registered sex offender in almost every sector of human occupied space.

Spartan 131 - Designation 'Googly' - He likes to glue novelty googly eyes on his headpiece and eats eight day old bubble gum off the sidewalk. That is all you need to know.