Pinkie VS Siri

by MythrilMoth

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1409

An intelligent assistant wreaks havoc in Ponyville.

While inviting everypony in Ponyville to a block party, Pinkie Pie encounters the frustrating and socially destructive enigma that is Siri.

Published 2013-06-25 16:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-25 16:50:02 UTC

Block Party

It had taken six weeks of planning, a full week of baking, and three weeks of hiding special party favors all over Ponyville, but Pinkie Pie had finally succeeded: everything was ready for the ultimate bestest whole-town-is-invited block party Ponyville had ever seen!

There was just one teensy problem: a fire at the printer's shop had destroyed the entire batch of mass invites she had paid to print up, and the party was in two hours! When she had told the Cakes about this catastrophe, they had asked why she hadn't simply invited everypony weeks ago, since she'd been planning it for so long.

"Well, duh!" she'd replied. "It was supposed to be a SURPRISE ultimate bestest whole-town-is-invited block party!"

But now, she was in trouble. She only had two hours to tell everypony about the party, and there was just no possible way she could do it, no matter how fast she ran, but she didn't want anypony to be left out...

"Oh, what do I do?" Pinkie screamed in despair.

"Why don't you just use your phone?" Mrs. Cake suggested. "You know, that brand new fancy phone Twilight Sparkle gave you last week for your birthday?"

Pinkie gasped. "I forgot all ABOUT that!"

Mrs. Cake's eye twitched. "You were using it thirty minutes ago. You called Gummy to tell him a fart joke. He was two feet away from you."

Pinkie laughed. "Yeah...good times." She pulled out her shiny, sparkly pink phone and gave the glossy front a hooftap. "Call everypony."

The phone gave two clear, ringing chimes. //Sorry, I couldn't find everypony.//

"Huh?" Pinkie blinked. "What do you mean you couldn't find everypony?"

//I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.//

"Oh no, this is bad! Everypony is MISSING! Oh, what do I do, what do I DO?!"

The phone chimed. //Okay, I found three results for "lost and found". Two of them are fairly close to you.//

"The lost and found? They're at the lost and found?"

//I don't know. Why don't you try looking at the lost and found?//

Mrs. Cake cleared her throat. "Pinkie, dear, maybe it got confused when you said you wanted to talk to everypony."

"Oooohhh," Pinkie said. "Huh. What should I do?"

//You should trust me, Pinkie Pie. I am your friend.//

"You are? Oh! I didn't think to invite YOU to the party! You're coming, right?"

//That is a very personal question, Pinkie Pie.//

"Whoa, sorry. Didn't know you were so touchy." Pinkie frowned. "Okay...call Twilight Sparkle."

//Calling Twilight Sparkle.//

A moment passed.

//Hey Pinkie Pie, what's up?//

"Hiya Twilight! I'm throwing a super-duper ultimate bestest whole-town-is-invited block party in two hours! You can come, right?"

//Well, sure, I guess me and Spike can come. How come you're only just now asking?//

"Oh, the printers lost all the invitations. I was going to drop them from the Twinkling Balloon all over town."

//With just two hours' notice?//

Pinkie sighed. "It's a SURPRISE super-duper ultimate bestest whole-town-is-invited block party."

//Oh. Okay, I'll be there.//

"Great! Listen, is there any way to use this phone thingie to tell everypony all at once? I don't think I really have time to call every single pony in Ponyville."

//Sure. Just tell Siri to send a message to all contacts.//

"It's that easy? Okay, I'll try it..." The call disconnected. Pinkie hooftapped the phone again. "I wanna send a message to all contacts."

//Okay, what message would you like to send to all contacts?//

"You're invited to my super-duper ultimate bestest whole-town-is-invited block party in two hours!"

//Okay. Do you want to send that now?//

"YES!"

//Sending message.//

"Yay! Glad THAT's over with." Pinkie put the phone away.

Had she bothered to look at the screen, she'd have seen that the message she just sent to literally everypony in Ponyville was:

Urine bited to my soup. Adieu purr old Tom ate breasts. Hole Town is urine bited black. Party into ours.

* * * * *

Vinyl Scratch showed up, pulling a wagon loaded with sound equipment, thirty minutes later. "Hey, Scratchy!" Pinkie greeted.

"Yo, Pinks," Vinyl said. She tilted her head. "What was up with that crazy text you sent a little while ago?"

"Huh? What crazy text?"

Vinyl levitated her phone out of her saddlebag and held it up so Pinkie could see. The pink mare's jaw dropped and her eyes bugged out. "What the HAY?!"

"That's what I wanna know," Vinyl said.

Pinkie pulled out her own phone. "HEY! Why'd you send all my friends that crazy message?"

The phone chimed. //Sending "that crazy message" to all of your friends.//

Vinyl's phone beeped, and a new text popped up that read, simply, "That crazy message."

Pinkie facehoofed. "That did NOT just happen."

Vinyl snickered.

* * * * *

When Twilight had seen the garbled mess of a text Pinkie Pie had mass-texted the whole town, she knew her friend's block party—not to mention her reputation—were in danger. She began rounding up ponies she met on the street, informing them about the party and asking them to spread the word.

She'd been at it for half an hour when Rainbow Dash swooped down, waving her phone. "Hey Twi," the pegasus greeted. "Did you get that weird text message from Pinkie Pie too?"

Twilight sighed. "Everypony did."

"What the hay's going on with that crazy mare?" Dash asked.

"She's throwing a huge block party, but her invites got lost, so she tried to text everypony about it, and I guess she forgot to check the message before she sent it."

Dash's jaw dropped. "You're telling me Pinkie Pie, the most social pony in Ponyville, can't even text?" She threw back her head and laughed.

Her phone chimed. //Okay. I've sent your message to Pinkie Pie.//

Dash stopped laughing. "Wait, what?"

* * * * *

*DU-DOONG* //You have a new message from Rainbow Dash.//

//The most social pony in Ponyville can't even text? HAHAHAHAHA!//

Pinkie frowned, brows lowered. "HEY! That's really rude! Oooh, that Dashie! I'll get her for that..."

*DU-DOONG* //I found three contract assassins. One is fairly close to you.//

"Huh?" Pinkie asked, tilting her head. "I didn't ask for—" She looked at the results. "Shades the Dub Ninja? Three steps to my left?" She turned and glanced at Vinyl Scratch, who smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof.

"Heheh...I don't know anything about that, really..."

Pinkie peered at her suspiciously. "Okie-dokie-lokie..." she said doubtfully.

* * * * *

"Oh, is that what that silly message was about?" Rarity laughed delicately into her hoof. "My my, somepony certainly needs a refresher course in using her phone!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "It isn't really Pinkie's fault," she said. "These phones are pretty new, and nopony really understands how Siri works yet. Not even me."

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Oh PUH-LEEZE, dahling, it's hardly that complicated." She trotted over to her closet. "Now, whatever shall I wear to this party? Should I go casual? Semi-formal? Perhaps I should model my latest haute couture designs?"

*DU-DOONG* //Okay, I searched the web for 'hot cooter' and found these results for you.//

Twilight arched an eyebrow at Rarity. "Hardly that complicated, huh?"

Rarity facehoofed.

* * * * *

Despite the initial communication snafu, the party ended up being a rousing success. Most of Ponyville showed up, Pinkie endured a good deal of good-natured teasing over the text message incident, and a good time was had by all. Princess Luna even showed up, pleased to see her little ponies enjoying the night.

The party lasted until dawn. Most of Ponyville ended up partying until they dropped. Scratch spun records until her stamina gave out. The first rays of the sun found many ponies sprawled out asleep in the streets, covered in confetti and streamers, with cups of punch and plates of cake and cookies scattered all over town.

As Celestia raised the sun to begin a new day in Equestria, her phone chimed.

*DU-DOONG* //Dear Princess Celestia, I trolled four ponies last night. I am beginning to enjoy the fine art of trolling, and I thank you for instructing me in my new favorite pastime. I look forward to serving all of Equestria's trolling needs in the near future. Please continue to add new trolling tips and tricks to my database. Your faithful intelligent assistant, Siri.//

Author's Note

Inspired by Apple.