Why does everyone hate me?
I already hate myself; isn't that enough?
It's not my fault: I didn't choose to be like this.
The origins of my birth are largely unknown to me. I was just an egg after all.
After a long period of warmness, I remember waking to the sound of my egg splintering. With the light filtering through, I had kicked out, eager to escape my shell.
I saw a snake slithering away, without giving me a moment's glance. I now know that it committed both a terrible and evil act.
It had incubated my egg: rested on it to keep it warm until it hatched. It had corrupted my very existence; I was never going to be that chicken my mother intended me to be.
I barely knew my mother.
The first thing I saw was her rushing around the corner into my clearing. Looking back, I guess she was searching for me. I had most likely, been abducted by the snake when young.
I instantly knew that we were biologically related; that she was my mother. Don't ask how – it was just an instinct. It was a unique feeling that I have never felt since.
Anyway, she fled upon seeing me. She took one look at my deformed body; another at the shell, and ran. I didn't know I was ugly; that this wasn't how I was meant to look.
I had assumed that the snake was my dad and that was how we looked similar, but I guess life isn't that simple.
Obviously, I pursued her through the trees, eager to be with her. I had just been alone in that egg for so long; I did not want to be like that any longer.
It was easy catching up with her. My wings carried me with astonishing speed through the leaves. I could here her clucking and crying and all I wanted to do was to comfort her. I was still unaware of what I was at this point. I was very confused and frustrated.
She came to a dead end and I confronted her, desperate to know what was going on. I forcefully made her look at me; look into my red eyes.
She jolted on sight which in turn startled me. Her eyes were filled with terror and shimmering with fear. The tears had already begun to emerge.
Then something happened. Something I would come to hate myself for.
She stopped squealing. Her body went lifeless, but not limp, as her colours began to seep out from within. A dull grey crept up her skin and encased her very flesh. In a few moments it was not my mother, but a stone statue, that looked back at me.
I remember being confused at the time. I knocked on her head, called her name. Nothing happened.
Soon, I realised that I had sucked the life right out of her. That she was now a stone sculpture and wasn't coming back. She looked completely terrified and it hurt so very deep.
I cried, and cried, and cried. I had never known her but I felt a strong connection between us. One that had been ripped apart and was now aching to be spliced again.
Looking back, it wouldn't have made a difference if I knew how to reverse it then.
It still doesn't now.
My life from then on was very uneventful and insignificant. I lived in the forest with my mother. She was a great listener but that was it. I had to collect all the food for the both of us as she was a tired old mum.
It was difficult at first. No matter what prey I managed to corner, I would always turn it to stone accidentally.
I felt a weird feeling whenever that happened. I had hated my prey and was eager to bring it back to Mum as quickly as possible. Now, as it was also in stone, it was my friend. It couldn't harm me and it couldn't be eaten. So I brought it back to Mum and gave her a new friend.
I'm sure they were all grateful.
Still, my stomach begged to be fed and I hated seeing my friends hungry too.
But one day, I discovered how to reverse the curse.
You wouldn't believe initially how happy I was
I brought the food back from the hunt that day, barely able to hold it through the excitement.
I was itching for a bite but I knew that mother deserved it more.
So I laid it at her feet and stepped back, releasing her from the curse for the first time.
My friends surrounded me and watched, itching for their turn.
But that turn never came.
For as soon as the stone peeled away, she picked up where she left off, and fled in fright.
I quickly held her still and turned her back into stone.
I felt angry and betrayed. What more did she want?
Couldn't she see that I was trying to help? That I wanted nothing more than to live with her?
Nothing more than to hear her speak to me? To give me a name and an identity?
I didn't try again after that.
My collection of friends grew bigger by the day but I never tried removing the stone again. I began to enjoy their company after time, growing increasingly happier. They never left me now.
Mummy and I will never be apart ever again.
They weren't scared of me now. None of them were. They just stood quietly, and watched me bring back food. They never complained; they never were rude. I told them stories of my day until the sun went down and they listened intently. The only thing that bothered me slightly, was the look on their faces. I wish they had put a big smile on when I they joined the circle of friends. It would be a bit more comforting for the rest of us, but it wasn't essential.
Life began to look good.
However, that all changed when I heard the sound of three voices approaching.. The forest was usually quiet but that night, I could hear calls of anguish.
They were disturbing the peace and my friends and I were getting increasingly annoyed by it. So I told them that everything would be okay in my absence; that they would have some new friends soon.
Needless to say, things didn't go as planned. And that's why I'm speaking to you, mother. For the last time.
I found three small, multicoloured creatures and another chicken nearby.
I was instantly attracted to the chicken. Perhaps he was a relative of mine?
Either way, he bore a striking resemblance to my mother and I. At least he would, as soon as he was turned to stone.
It was easy enough: the chicken just ran around in circles, panicking. An easy target who was soon incapacitated.
Then another creature came along and shielded the three smaller ones from my view and gaze. I recall laughing at first as the idea was so staggeringly stupid.
She thought she could oust me?
She proceeded to do just that and looked me right in the eye. It caught me off guard but I swallowed hard and concentrated my power. I wouldn't have been able to carry her home (like her purple friend I petrified earlier) but she was holding me back from her lighter companions.
But as her stone transformation happened, she said something. Something meaningful.
I have the mind to find your mother and tell her what you've been up to.
At first I felt enraged. How dare she mention my mother? How dare she...
Rage fuelling my eyes, I intensified my efforts and saw that the stone was halfway up her back. Then, realisation hit me all at once:
My mother– Would she really be pleased with what I was doing?
The friend who she wanted back– I wanted a friend too. One who would talk back, not just listen.
The small creatures who she protected– Nobody had ever done the same for me. Nobody had every done anything kind for me, nevermind protect me.
I felt my powers receding as she then returned a powerful stare. I wanted it to end then. For me to be turned to stone and my curse lifted from countless others.
However, it didn't, she spared me like the kind soul she is, and I fled the scene quickly to recollect my thoughts on what had happened.
I felt ashamed and deeply sad. I hadn't been going around things the right way that was for sure. All I wanted was someone to be with but this isn't how you do it. I know that now, mother.
I now know that you should be free like the creatures I also foolishly turned to stone.
So now, I've freed all my “friends”, and now stand before you. I hope that you've been listening; that you will accept me for what I am and forgive me for my actions.
Please, mother. Please talk to me once more.
***
I stand in front of the stone casing of my mother, my wings by my side. It wouldn't seem right to have them open – it might startle her again.
Please work.
I fix her with my gaze and with a flash of red, the stone line begins to recede. Her features slowly gain colour and quiver slightly as the paralysis is lifted.
One look is all it takes; she flees desperately, flapping her wings manically.
I don't bother to follow her this time. Her actions still hurt but I shouldn't have expected any better.
This is the way I am and I'm just going to have to live with it. Forever.
So what's next? Shall I search for another potential friend?
That pegasus might show me compassion...No, she was only protecting her young. She's probably disgusted at me.
I know what I need to do.
I must find more like me. Whatever I am, there surely has to be more, right?
Maybe there's a colony I'm missing out on. Maybe there is a place where I can hold a conversation with something. And maybe this time, they'll actually talk back.
Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe.
I can only hope.
Farewell, mother, wherever you may be. You deserve something better than me. I am sorry, mother.
You never even gave me a name. Nothing to remember me by.
It has been a few nights since I set out on my journey to find more of my kind; to find out what I truly am.
I found them. It didn't go well.
There seems to be some sort of arrogance with them. Each one I found thought it was greater than me and every other creature included. I learnt that, due to a lack of trust, my kind does not live together. We wander the forest alone, searching for scraps to feed on, and searching for place to sleep that night. Consider us scavengers.
I have learnt that there isn't a lot of time for rest: we have to always be alert. We love nothing more than turning our companions to stone. It is an act of superiority and is a common occurrence amongst us. There can be no links of trust between us; no friends are made.
That may be fine for them, but it is not for me.
All I seek is acceptance by at least one life-form. I don't want to be a tormentor of others, but it feels like they are the tormentors of me.
I just what a good friend? Someone to talk to...
Is that too much to ask?
It looks like it is thanks to that damn snake.
I never found him; I never got a proper look at his face when he fled that day.
Would I thank him? Kill him? No. I would pass him by.
What is done is done and I cannot erase the past, no matter what I do in the future.
However, I don't want this future. I want to be free of this torment; free of the inability to be companions with other creatures.
That is why I am standing at the river bank, ready to live a new life.
I figured this is what's best for me. Nobody will miss me, but I may gain a few friends now. Maybe something will come by, and vent their feelings?
If they do, I'll be listening.
Maybe they'll take me home and play with me?
If they do, I'll do the best I can.
Maybe they'll put me on display for others to marvel at?
If they do, I'll be marvelling right back at them.
Goodbye mother, hope that one you come by me and say hi.
But more than anything, I hope that you could hear my words whilst imprisoned in stone. That you could hear how much I loved you and would never hurt you.
What if I can't hear now? It doesn't matter, I just want creatures to look at me without fear etched across their faces
Goodbye.
I inch forward and extend my long neck over the river bank. Staring down, I see my own reflection staring right back: ready.
Let's put a nice, warm smile on my face. I'm sure they'll prefer that.
Attempting a grin the best I can, I let the power surge through my eyes.
It's working; I feel the coldness rising up my sides and along my tail. I can feel the warm spirit inside me choking on the harsh grip of stone. My internal organs are struggling to keep up; are just letting defeat wash over them. Time to go to sleep.
So that's what it feels like.
Oh mother, I'm so sorry. Forgive me.
Almost done now, almost done...
...
