Luna Uses a Blender*
It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, there were no clouds in the sky, and there was a slight wind that made the flowers sway calmly. Ponies everywhere were laughing and playing, making this be a morning that would not soon forget.
Except for one pony.
A pony that wasn’t too fond of the day, but had to live through it.
Her name was Princess Luna. She lie in her bed, sleeping softly. The room was dark, as the curtains were closed.
A tall, slender figure slowly opened the door to the room, quietly walked inside, and silently walked through the room, making sure not to wake the sleeping pony. The white pony grabbed the turnny thingy that makes blinds open [what are those even called anyway] and turned it very quickly. This let a burst of powerful light explode into the room, brightening up everything in there.
“Wake up, Luna,” said Princess Celestia. “It’s Eleven A.M.”
The other princess turned in her bed to face away from the sunlight, making a sound in her throat that sounded like a mix between a cry and a moan.
“I said wake up, Luna,” Princess Celestia commanded.
“No...” quietly whined Luna as she rolled more in her bed. She was wrapped in her comforter like a burrito.
“I said,” Celestia stormed as she lifted up the Luna-Comforter-Burrito into the air with her magic. Luna got a scared look on her face as she was lifted into the air. “WAKE. UP!” She then used the might of her magic to slam the pony and all attached down onto the ground, causing a loud bang.
Luna started crying.
“Oh shut up, this happens every other day,” said Celestia as she walked out the door, slamming the door with magic behind her.
After about half-an-hour, Luna finally got the strength to get up onto her hooves and walk out her door. She stumbled a bit getting downstairs, but she managed to get to the kitchen without falling once, which is a record for her. She forced open the refrigerator with incredible power and looked inside. She searched through the fridge for at least five minutes, search back and forth to find her favorite drink. When her mind finally settled that this object was missing from the cold, white rectangular prism, she slammed the door with force so hard the refrigerator caved into itself. The alicorn got record-breaking anger shown on her face, as she was burning up with pure fury.
”TIA!” screeched the dark pony. ”WHERE THEFUCK IS OUR APPLE JUICE?!”
“It’s gone, you idiot!” yelled the other pony from upstairs. “Make it yourself!”
“How can we possibly perform this task?!” Luna yelled back upstairs.
“Use the blender!”
“What is this ‘blender’ thou speakest of?!”
“You don’t know what a blender-” There was a slight pause. “Dammit, you don’t know what a blender is! You know what? Figure it out yourself!”
“Hmm...” thought Luna aloud. She walked up to a small machine with a large, clear cup on top; the cup had a lid, and in the cup was a hunk of sharp metal. “Possibly this machine may perform the task that we desire?” The princess took a deep breath. Yelling in the ancient ritual Royal Canterlot Voice, “BLENDING MACHINE! WE DEMAND THAT THOU CREATE OUR APPLE JUICE!” Though it was quite loud, her words did nothing. “Hmm...” She noticed a red button on the machine. Using her hoof, she pressed the button.
Unexpectedly, the machine began rattling a making a very loud noise. The metal inside began spinning at an extremely rapid pace.
“AH!” screamed Luna as she jumped onto the floor, landing on her back. “WHAT IS THIS HERETICAL EVIL?!” She got onto her hooves and raced to the wall that was furthest from this machine in the kitchen. She sat there, shivering from fear. After a few more seconds, the machine stopped its noise and movement. Cautiously, Luna crawled back to the machine, afraid of it beginning again. When she reached the counter it was on, she raised herself up and decided that it was finished. “Hah! Foolish fiend! Thou hast lost thy energy, and therefore proves ourselves VICTORIOUS!”
“Now,” Luna said. “To discover this ‘blender’ contraption...”
“That was the blender, you idiot!” Celestia called from upstairs. “Put the apple in there and it’ll turn into a liquid, then put the liquid in some water, shake it, and you have apple juice! Now just do it!”
“Aha! We thankest thou, Tia, for we now understand the use of this machinery!” Luna called back upstairs. “Now, we must find these apples for us to put in this blender...”
She walked over to the concave fridge and opened it. A lot of the objects in there were crushed and/or destroyed, but the fruits were thankfully unharmed. She grabbed a plump, soft, red fruit with her magic and brought it over with her the the blender. She took off the lid and put the fruit in. Bracing herself, Luna pressed the button the turn on the blender.
What she wasn’t expecting was the insides of the fruit to fly everywhere around the room. It flew everywhere, on the ceiling, on the walls, and on the floor. The blender also was shaking very violently, of which didn’t happen before. Luna screeched as she ran around the room, trying to figure out what to do. Just then, the blender fell onto the ground, shattering its glass and causing the bottom part of it to malfunction and break. “AHHH” Luna yelled as she panicked. Right after she screeched, she slipped on some of the insides of the fruit and fell to the ground, head first, cleanly knocking out the mare.
“Uhhh,” moaned Celestia as she walked down the stairs. “What did you do wrong this time?” She saw the fruit covering many chunks of the room and the broken blender. “Really, Luna?” She put a hoof in a chunk of fruit and licked it. “This is a tomato, you idiot!” She walked forward to Luna. “Oh wow, you’re really knocked out.” She then accidentally stepped on a pile of glass. “AHHH! MY *insert dolphin noise here*ING HOOF!” While jumping around as she screamed, she slipped on another tomato chunk and fell onto the ground, head first, knocking her out instantly.
Hours later, a purple alicorn came into the castle kitchen. “Hey guys,” Princess Twilight said. “Guess wha-” She cut herself when she saw red goo everywhere and two unconscious princesses on the ground.
”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
Author's Note
Couldn't let the fad die <3
Also this is the fic I least regret writing ever
inb4 feature because fimfiction loves everything with Luna
