The Misfile

by Alexstrazsa

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia
Length: 3068

Rainbow Dash does something wrong.

Rainbow Dash never knew how effective the Equestrian postal service was until she did something wrong. Something you should never do wrong. Something anypony should get help with if they're unsure about it. Something like... taxes.

Spanish Translation by SPANIARD KIWI: https://www.deviantart.com/spaniard-kiwi/art/El-error-en-el-formulario-1000352470

Published 2013-06-27 04:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-27 04:40:03 UTC

You Goofed

In the second floor of her self-made cloud home, Rainbow Dash tossed and turned under her sheets. Moonlight trickled in through the closed shutters, casting a white glow upon the edge of the bed. With a few restless mumbles, she rolled onto her side, only to shift in place and roll to the other.

After several minutes of this, she finally ended on her back and cracked her eyes open. Sighing, Dash pulled the sheets off and flopped out of bed, landing on her hooves. She glanced to the small alarm clock on the endtable and yawned, then grumbled something akin to ‘stupid numbers’ before groggily making her way out of the room.

The pegasus stepped heavily throughout her house, eventually arriving in the kitchen. She grabbed a glass, and after briefly contemplating sticking her head under the faucet, merely filled it up. As fast as it was poured, she emptied it down her dry throat, then smacked her lips and gave a grunt of approval. Giving another yawn, she went back the way she came.

Dash slid back into her bed and sighed again, though this time more relieved. Pulling the covers back over her, she laid into her pillow and savored the soft material caressing her head, waiting for the sweet embrace of sleep to take her once again.

Not five seconds later, her eyes shot open and she bolted upright.

“I misfiled my taxes!”

Twilight Sparkle awoke to a fierce pounding on her window. She craned her neck to look at what was making the noise and was surprised to see a familiar face staring back at her. With a sigh, her horn lit up and the window swung open.

“Twi, you gotta help me!” Dash yelled, scrambling into the room. Her back hoof caught onto the windowsill and she toppled to the ground, landing face-first at the side of Twilight’s bed.

The alicorn could only sigh. Leaning over, she looked down at Rainbow Dash, who was rubbing the back of her head. ”What do you need help with, Dash?”

“Um, well, it’s kinda a funny story,” she started, putting on a grin that was fooling neither of them. With a gulp, she continued. “I, uh, kinda filed my taxes wrong.”

“So, are you asking me to help you fix them?” Twilight asked, with a yawn. “It shouldn’t be too hard to do... Just need to give me the forms...” Her voice trailed off as she began to fall back asleep.

Dashed pushed herself into a sitting position so she was eye level with Twilight, then grabbed the alicorn’s face. “No no, you don’t understand. I already mailed them!”

“Oh.”

“What am I gonna do, Twilight?!” she moaned, flopping on the windowsill in defeat. “What’s gonna happen to me?” Dash looked back to Twilight with widened eyes. “Do you know what they do to ponies who tax evade?!”

Rolling her eyes, the alicorn sat up and pulled the covers off. “What do they do?”

“They...!” Dash lifted a hoof as if to punctuate a point, but ended up retracting it and scratching her chin. “I, uh... don’t actually know.” Before the smile could fully expand on Twilight’s face, Dash quickly chimed in “But I know it’s something bad! Something terrible!”

“I’m sure it’s fine, Dash.” Twilight got out of bed and stretched out, completely ignoring the glaring look of disbelief she was receiving. She walked over to the pegasus and put a foreleg around her. “The worst that can happen is you owe the treasury money.”

“What?!” Dash yelled, jumping into the air and holding a wobbling hover. “B-but... I... I can’t owe them more money! I’m broke enough as it is!”

Twilight frowned, looking up to the pegasus. “Sorry, Dash, but I don’t know what else to say. If you filed them wrong, there’s going to be consequences. You should have been more careful about it.”

The pegasus tried several times to open her mouth and say something, but only ended up making a variety of faces that Twilight had to try her hardest not to giggle at. Finally, she shut her eyes tight and dropped to the ground, and for it moment it looked as if she might start crying at any moment.

“Look, it’s not that big of a—”

“No! I can’t let them get onto me!” Dash shouted. In a swift motion, she spun around and gave her wings a powerful flap, launching her out of the building. In the few short moments it took Twilight to rush to the window and find what direction the blue blur was headed, she already became a speck in the distance. Twilight extended her own wings, and for a moment thought about giving chase, but decided against it. Dash could handle it.

I totally cannot handle this! Dash thought, speeding over the Ponyville rooftops. Her eyes scanned the ground below, looking for the mailmare. There was only one for the whole town, so if she was lucky, Dash would find her still making the rounds.

Unfortunately, Dash was not a lucky pony. After circling the whole of Ponyville at least twice with not a spot of grey in sight, she she let out an irritated growl and landed in the middle of the market. Her presence got a few looks, but was otherwise ignored. She took a brief look around before jumping to the nearest pony and tapping them on the shoulder.

A mint green face with amber eyes greeted her. “Oh, hey Rainbow Dash. What’s up?”

“Not much, Lyra, but I’m kinda in a hurry. Have you seen the mailmare today?” Dash asked, glancing around as if she might turn up any moment.

Lyra glanced upwards in thought and tapped her hoof. A few moments later, her expression lit up and she said, “Yeah, I saw her!”

“Where?!”

The sudden outburst made Lyra take a step back in surprise, but the smile remained on her face. “She was picking up a snack around here, probably so she could eat something before her next stop.”

“How long ago?” The pegasus’s wings twitched with anticipation, and her hooves were just as restless as she shifted in place.

Lyra took another moment to think. “Hmm... probably half an hour? An hour? It wasn’t that long.”

“Shoot! You know where she might be headed?” Dash asked, digging her hoof into the ground. If she couldn’t track the mailmare now, she was done for.

“I’m pretty sure the next town in her route is Trottingham.” Lyra turned her head and squinted in the distance, then turned back and nodded. “Yeah, definitely Trottingham.”

Dash backed up and spread her wings. Just before she took off, she gave a nod of her own to the unicorn. “Thanks, Ly.”

Lyra waved at the quickly fading rainbow trail, then continued with her search to find a new ‘toy’ for Bon Bon.

The flight to Trottingham, while usually uneventful, was rushed and labored. It was very rare that Dash pushed herself so hard that her wings were sore, but today was a special case. As she neared the town, she descended and eventually landed in front of the main gate. The lettering at the top was faded, but it still clearly read “Welcome to Trottingham.” Dash had passed through it several times before, and every time it looked just a little more weathered.

She only gave it the briefest of thoughts before trotting through, her goal burning in her mind. “Alright, Dash. Grey mare. Blonde mane. Saddlebags. You can find her.”

Her search began in the most logical place; town square. As she walked through, the few odd glances she received made it evident that the denizens of Trottingham weren’t used to such a colorful pony. Some stared, others whispered in hushed tones, and the rest took one look and went on their way. None made Dash feel particularly welcome.

With a sigh, she stretched her tired wings and took to the air again, hoping to find her target from the sky. Squinting her eyes and putting a hoof up to block out the sunlight, she scanned the various streets, looking for any sign of the mailmare. Several minutes passed with no success, after which she let out and sigh and hung her head in defeat. “I guess that’s that...” she mumbled, starting a slow descent.

Just then, she saw a flash of grey. Widening her eyes, she looked down and saw a grey pegasus with a blonde mane. No saddlebags, but maybe she’s taking a break! With renewed vigor, she made a beeline to the pony walking along.

Her vigor was a bit too renewed, however, as she overshot her target and sped past the pegasus’s head and into the ground, landing on her face for the second time that day. Wasting no time, she stumbled to her hooves, wiped the dirt off of her, then spun around and pointed a hoof at the mailmare. “Don’t go anywhere, mail... mare...”

Dash trailed off as she realized that the pony she nearly tackled was not the mailmare, and in fact, was not a mare at all. A puzzled looking stallion stood there, his head cocked to the side. There was no doubting that his resemblance to the mailmare was uncanny, though, right down to the golden eyes. On the contrary, his were working just fine.

“Can I... help you?” he asked, in a justifiably skeptical tone.

Dash could feel her cheeks burning up as embarrassment washed over her, but she quickly shook it off and dealt with the fact she wasn’t in the clear yet. “Yeah, you can. Did you see the mailmare today?”

“See her? I’m related to her!” the stallion said, with a bright smile. “We’re cousins, you know?”

Rubbing the sweat off her brow, Dash let out a breath of relief. “Boy, am I glad to hear that. Do you know where she is?”

“Derps just finished up her work here a little while ago, and should be headed to Canterlot. I hope she didn’t get lost on the way... again.” The stallion gave a soft frown and looked off in the direction of Canterlot, which was visible just above the roofline of the town.

“C-Canterlot?!” Dash spat out, her fears instantly flooding back. “I can’t let her turn in those tax forms!”

“Tax for—” the stallion began, but was cut off by a rush of wind. As quickly as the mare had appeared, she was gone, leaving nothing behind but a rather amusing face print in the dirt road.

If her wings weren’t screaming at her for a break, they certainly were now. Rainbow Dash tore through the sky, wind whipping her mane about and putting tears in her eyes. On the quickly growing horizon, Canterlot stood, casting a large shadow over the rest of Equestria. If Dash couldn’t stop her here, she was finished. Can’t let that happen! Can’t let my misfiling go through! Dash repeatedly thought, trying to keep her mind off the pain in her joints.

Countless agonizing minutes later, Dash found herself flying past the main gates to the city and over its crowded residential area. Past that was the posh business district, and beyond that was the castle itself.

While flying over the business district, she all too easily found the postmare walking around, with not a care in the world. This time, Dash made absolutely sure that it was her, and this time, she didn’t miss.

As a blur coming out of nowhere, she tackled the postmare and the two toppled over, landing on the ground with a thud. “Oof!” the grey mare cried, landing on her back. Her eyes rolled around, but with a shake of her head they went back to their regular crossed state. As she pushed herself up, she found herself being pulled and was met face to face with Dash. It took a moment, but she suddenly lit up and took the opposing pegasus in a hug.

“Heya, Rainbow Dash!” she said, with much more enthusiasm than Dash expected. She had just been tackled, after all. “I didn’t think I’d bump into you here.”

Dash put her hooves on Derpy’s shoulders and gave her a hard, serious stare, but the goofy grin the postmare held was of legendary tenacity. “Derpy, I need you to give me my tax forms back. You know, the ones I had in my mailbox.”

Derpy stared at Dash for a few moments as if nothing had been said, but then a look of realization came over her. “Oh! Sorry, Dash, but I already turned those in at the Royal Treasury.”

“You what!?” Dash moved herself away and paced about in a small circle. “I spent all day... and you... to the treasury... and I...” Then, she slumped onto the ground and sat there, staring at the bricks beneath her. “It’s over. My life is over.”

“Aww, cheer up, Dash, you might still have a chance,” Derpy said, touching Dash’s shoulder. “I mean, I just came back. Maybe they haven’t looked at them yet!”

The phrase sparked a new fire in the athletes eyes. With lightning speed, she jumped up and spread her wings, completely ignoring the painful throbs still coursing through them. “If you’ll excuse me, I have some tax forms to steal.” She then jumped into the air and sped off towards the castle, leaving Derpy behind to cheer and wave at her.

“You go, Rainbow Dash!”

Dash barely caught the beginning of the sentence before she was whizzing past buildings and ponies, approaching the castle at breakneck speeds.

Two guards standing in front of the castle gates, stalwartly looking forward. Few things ever took their attention away from their watch gaze, but the impact of Dash’s hoof hitting that gate and blowing it open was more than enough.

The pegasus landed on her hooves and turned around just long enough to see the baffled looks on the two stallion’s faces. With a sly grin, she darted forward and down the hallway, heading towards the throne room.

From behind her came a myriad of shouts, and another glance revealed she now had a small contingent of guards on her trail. Jeeze, they’re fast, she thought. But not as fast as me. Turning back forward, she flapped her wings to give her an extra boost of speed and careened through the halls.

Having been to the castle plenty of times before for Element of Harmony business, Dash found the throne room easily enough. Jumping into the air, she slammed against the door with both of her hind legs, forcing it open with an ear splitting crack. The resistance of the door took her off guard and she fell forward, losing her momentum and hitting the ground. With a wobbly yell, she rolled across the floor, gradually slowing until she had come to a halt.

When she opened her eyes, not only was the whole world spinning, but a clearly visible ring of spear tips were pointed at her head. “Heh... how’s it going, guys?” She let out a brief chuckle as her vision cleared and the circle of angry guards standing around her became apparent.

“Just what is the meaning of this?” a regal voice sounded, prompting the guards to look away. Dash heard several hoofsteps approach, and a few of the guards moved out the way, only to be replaced with Princess Celestia herself, who looked none too happy.

“Hi, princess...” Dash mumbled, avoiding her gaze. She felt an invisible force grip her and found herself being pulled up and put onto her hooves, right in front of the monarch.

“Rainbow Dash,” Celestia said, the emotion unreadable in her voice. “What has possessed you to break into my throne room?” This time, she was clearly agitated.

The pegasus pawed her hoof at the ground and glanced upward, gulping. “I... well... it’s kinda a funny story, re—”

“Out with it.”

“Okay, okay.” Dash took a breath and collected herself, then looked up at Celestia. “I, uh, came to ask for my mail back...”

“Your... mail?” Celestia asked, her expression softening up and becoming more curious than angered. “What about your mail was so important that you needed to barge into the royal court?”

Dash felt the heat build up in her cheeks again. “They were... um... my taxes.”

“Is there a problem with your taxes that required such brash actions?” Celestia stepped back and nodded, prompting the guards to back away and return to their duties. She then turned around and walked up to her throne, then moved behind it and began rummaging through something.

Rainbow Dash walked forward hesitantly, watching the princess. “Well, yeah, kinda,” she admitted. “I sorta filed them wrong a little bit.”

“A little bit, hm?” Celestia hummed, still looking through whatever she was looking through. After a few moments, she stopped. “Aha!” she sang, moving out from behind the throne with a sheet of paper. Dash instantly recognized as her tax form.

“Oh, that’s it!” Dash exclaimed jumping into a hover and approaching the princess. She reached out a hoof to grab it, but as she got closer she noticed a worrying splash of red that certainly wasn’t there when she had put them in the envelope.

Celestia floated the paper over to Dash, and as the pegasus took it, her wings slowed their flapping and she practically fell to the ground. Her eyes were wide as she looked at the paper over and over, still reading the words “MISFILED” in disbelief.

“I... I...” The paper slipped out of her hooves and floated away, landing in one of the small fountains silently. “Word... sure travels fast... doesn’t it?”

“It certainly does.” The princess put a comforting hoof on the pegasus’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash, but next time you must remember to be more careful.”

“Yeah... I guess so,” Dash conceded, looking at the floor.

“Unfortunately, this has revealed something quite serious,” Celestia added, looking at the paper still floating on the edge of the water. “You happen to owe the Royal Treasury a sum of 3500 bits. Will you be paying with cash or check?”

Rainbow Dash fainted.

Author's Note

Another promptfic. This time the prompt was "Word travels fast," and you can clearly see how shoehorned it was.

Ugh.