Flashfire's Quest to the Lands of Laughter

by SerpentineMercy

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Adventure
Length: 1327

A writer, out of ideas, regrettably travels with some of Equestria's toughest warriors to destroy the Laughing Mare.

Synopsis is having a tough time writing his stories. He just can't think of any good plots for a book. Starving for ideas, the young earth pony joins a group of adventurous ponies led by one of the most evil villains in Equestrian history: a unicorn named Flashfire.
Flashfire has a plan to stop the Cult of Laughter. His plan is to travel to the Lands of Laughter and destroy the Laughing Mare. He recruits some of the toughest, meanest, and slyest ponies available to join him on his quest. The group includes a master thief, capable of picking any lock or infiltrating anywhere; a jailor, ready to defend his group with mace and magic; a Earthborn juggernaut stronger than twenty ponies; a preppy advisor; and… a writer.
Though Synopsis is terrified of war, or violence, or confrontation altogether, he's willing to puff up his chest and strut into battle, if that's what it will take to get motivation for a new bestseller.
Synopsis comes to regret his decision almost instantly. None of the adventurers have any respect for him. Synopsis's life quickly turns to hell (almost literally) as he and his "friends" must face off against all sorts of villains, horrors, and monstrosities!

And he thought he would have nothing to write about. . .

- Based off of PoorYorik's 'Equestria Divided' -

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-09 16:50:02 UTC

Prologue / Fair Trade

Twilight Sparkle, or, as Equestria knew her now, Archmagister Sparkle, sat alone in the dark throne room of Canterlot. Her seat of choice, the throne, was encrusted with a plethora of golden medallions, magical seals, and all sorts of wondrous items. A stack of books towered over the Archmagister. The throne was once the seat of Celestia, the true ruler of Equestria. But unfortunately for the last couple of years, Celestia and her younger sister Luna had been gone. They disappeared without a trace. Not a single pony in Equestria had a clue where the beloved princesses had gone.

Soon after the disappearances of the princesses, Twilight Sparkle rounded up her friends and tried to force a new Alicorn into Equestria. The result was catastrophic. It left some of them injured, and killed Pinkie Pie outright. Twilight assumed the throne for her own, while her "friends" went their separate ways, forming their own Houses.

Or so they thought.

When the war started, only five sides were present: House Earthborn, House Moon and Star, House Whitegold, House Everfree, and House Stormwing. The war seemed simple enough for Twilight. All the variables were calculated, and her plan to finish the war once and for all was about to come to fruition. Only, there was one variable she forgot to consider. The Cult of Laughter. The cult was so small to begin with that The Archmagister hadn't even given the group a second thought. But now, in what some would say was the climax of the war, the cult bore it's destructive teeth. In one week, the cult had done more damage than an Earthborn siege could do in months. What was worse, the cult's power was growing as more and more ponies rallied to it. As much as Twilight hated to admit it, she needed help.

About half an hour ago, the Archmagister sent out for a unicorn named Flashfire. Flashfire was an interesting individual. He was born many thousands of years ago, in the time when Celestia and Luna were young princesses. Flashfire was infamous for nearly bringing destruction down on Equestria... twice. He had also come against the Elements of Harmony numerous times. And to top that, he had found a way to stop himself from aging over the last three-thousand years. For the last few years, however, Flashfire had been kept in solitary confinement deep under Canterlot, in the same prison major problems like Discord were kept.

Twilight sighed, viewing what she had done with the throne room. It was significantly darker than when Celestia used the throne. Twilight had ordered the windows be covered with drapes. The only source of light were the torches, which shone every few meters along the walls. The air in the castle was stiff. Archmagister Sparkle didn't like the changing winds that sometimes came through the windows, so she had them sealed.

As much as she avoided admitting to it, Twilight wasn't the same pony anymore. She had become dark and unforgiving, much like the war-torn world she tried so hard to hold together. Numerous times Archmagister Sparkle would be seen blasting cowardly soldiers with death magic, having friend kill friend on the battlefield, or just ruthlessly slaughtering her enemies, if she ever decided to fight alongside her armies. To Twilight, the bottom-class ponies weren't seen as equals in life. You had to earn the world's respect. Like she had.

The doors to the throne room swung open. A guard entered the room, stood to the side of the doorway, and bowed to

Twilight. When the Archmagister nodded, the guard signalled for the others.

In moments, four dozen guards marched into the room. A single dark figure trotted solemnly in the center of the mass of guards. When they reached the stairs leading up to the throne, the guards in front parted, revealing a shackled unicorn with a grey coat. Messy hair trailed down his neck, colored very carefully in the pattern of red and black. His eyes shone a brilliant orange hue.

"Flashfire. you have arrived. I trust getting you up here wasn't a problem?" Twilight rolled her gaze to a guard, who nodded.

"Archmagister Sparkle." Flashfire bowed low, almost mocking Twilight. "To what do I owe the displeasure?"

"Believe it or not, Flashfire, I need your help." She almost choked on the words. "I have a problem I need you to take care of."

Flashfire's eye twitched. A sly smile stretched across his face as he stood from his bow. "What kind of problem? You are familiar with my work, are you not? Am I right for this quest?" Flashfire's assumption of the problem being a quest at all must have been correct, judging by the change in Sparkle's posture.

Twilight frowned from atop the throne. "Do you have any idea what I'm going to ask you to do?" Twilight stretched to her full height while sitting on the throne, affirming her power over his.

"Well, I would assume you want me to deal with the cult nearby Canterlot." Flashfire saw the look of amazement on Twilight's face, and continued. "Yes, I know about the recent cult actions. That sort of news travels even to those who receive no visitors. Blew up a barracks, did they?" The Archmagister nodded. "I would have you know, Archmagister, that this is no mere display of power from the cult. They are testing you."

"Testing me for what?" Twilight humored Flashfire.

"I've thought this over myself." Flashfire paced back and forth as much as his shackles would allow him to. "They're testing your temper, perhaps. Or your military strength. Only time will tell." Flashfire turned to leave. "Be sure to come and tell me what happens, Archmagister. A dozen guards blocked his path. He grit his teeth. "Excuse me. I would like to return to my 'quarters.'"

Behind Flashfire, Twilight smirked. "As social as always, Flashfire. But I can't let you just leave without hearing my proposition. The grey unicorn turned to face her again. "I want you to remove the local cultists. That much you were correct about. But That job is for soldiers, not someone like you."

"And what exactly would you have someone like me do?" Flashfire scowled at Twilight. The fun was over. He wanted to leave. Solitary confinement was comforting compared to being chaperoned around on errands, which was what Twilight apparently wanted him to do.

"I would ask you to destroy the Laughing Mare herself." Twilight said plainly. She ignored the dumbfounded face Flashfire made. "I realize how insane it sounds. Which is why I am offering something in return."

"There's nothing worth it." Flashfire panted. He was a mass murderer, he had attacked Celestia herself, but he wouldn't to this. This was suicide. The dangers of the cult were infamous, but the Laughing Mare was something else entirely.

"If you silence the Laughing Mare, then the cult actions would stop. You would be removing a faction from the war, and I would be back on track to reuniting Equestria. In return, I would be insulted if you didn't expect the best reward. I think your freedom would be satisfactory?" The question was rhetorical. Twilight knew Flashfire wouldn't be able to resist.

"My... freedom?" Flashfire spoke the words slowly, as if disbelieving they were real.

"And a clean slate." Twilight added, sweetening the deal. She had him now.

There was a long silence. Twilight smirked down at Flashfire, who still stared down at the floor. his legs felt weak. He needed to sit, but out of his legendary stubborn pride kept standing. His throat was dry. Such a reward was better than all the jewels in Equestria. Freedom for Flashfire was like the first day of spring after a long winter. He felt all eyes in the room staring down at him. He hadn't said anything in minutes. Finally, he lifted his head, staring Twilight Sparkle in the eye.

"I accept."