Or, Why One Shouldn't Write on a Dare
Twilight was a cactus. It was a strange thought to have when one wakes up in the morning, but she thought it.
What was even stranger was the fact she could think at all. It's not every day one finds a thinking cactus, certainly not one that was previously a student of a princess and savior of a world.
That is how Twilight found herself that fine morning. Well it would be fine, but she couldn't really see. Sure, the sun was probably shining, the birds chirping, but she couldn't see the sun, or hear the birds.
She tried to yell for Spike, but of course, no words were said. Besides, he was probably sleeping in again. He had a nasty habit of doing that during the most inopportune moments.
Twilight thought to herself for a moment, and then sighed.
Well, not really, cacti can't sigh, but if they could, she would certainly be sighing deeply.
She puzzled on that for a moment. Despite her predicament, she found the idea amusing, almost hilarious. A sighing cactus? The idea was, quite frankly, absurd.
Then again, she was a thinking cactus, which honestly wasn't too far off.
Putting her amusement aside, Twilight pondered on her situation. She had no idea how to fix this.
Actually, she knew the spell to transform ponies into plants, and vice-versa, but it wasn't like she could cast it, given the lack of a horn.
Then again, there could be some secret ancient cactus magic that she simply didn't know about. If that was the case, then she must learn how to harness it. She didn't want to remain a cactus for the rest of her life. Photosynthesis was boring, really, and the idea of not having eyes or ears frightened her, after all, she couldn't read books anymore, or listen to others read them to her.
It was then that the gravity of the situation finally took hold of her. Unless the princess or another mage turned her back, she could be trapped like that forever.
And really, why would they, it's not like they knew the cactus lying in her bed was her.
That was assuming that she was still in her bed, of course, she could be anywhere in the universe! She could be in a different universe, even, and she would never know!
After a quick breather to calm down, Twilight began to brainstorm ways that things could go better. Somepony could somehow figure out that she was a cactus, and tell the princess.
Even if she wasn't saved, she could take some contentment in the fact that she'd never have to work, she'd never have any social or personal responsibilities. It was just her and her thoughts in here, nopony else to interrupt them.
Her thoughts turned to other matters. What of her friends? What of Spike? What would Celestia think if her star pupil had gone missing?
Despair began to grip her as these unanswered questions turned in her mind, like the talons of a fierce beast. No wait, those were actual talons picking her up, turning her, and then setting her down.
She desperately hoped that she wouldn't become lizard food, if lizards ate cacti. She would never know, at least, not until it started eating her, if it would.
She had finally resigned herself to being lizard chow, when she felt a tingly feeling on her spines.
She waited.
Nope, she wasn't dead.
She felt it again, with greater intensity.
At last, the feeling passed, leaving her exhausted and panting on the ground.
Wait, cacti can't pant.
"Twilight, are you ok?" asked Spike.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, picking herself off the ground.
"I came as soon as I got the letter from Spike. He said that Pinkie told him you turned into a cactus," Celestia said.
"I was so worried, I got a doozy that said something strange had happened to you, and I just had to try and find you, because I would be a terrible friend if I let you-"
Twilight shoved her hoof in Pinkie's mouth.
Her stomach grumbled.
"Hey Spike, could you cook something?" Twilight asked.
"I'm on it!" He replied with gusto.
It was then that a massive bird tore off the entire top two-thirds of the treehouse and picked up Twilight.
He was intent on eating her juicy, watery, life-giving innards.
After all, cacti were a good source of water.
Fluttershy awoke from her strange dream. She looked at the clock next to her. It read 2:30 PM.
That was the last time she would go to one of Vinyl's raves. Ever.
Sighing, she trudged out of bed.
She had gone only a few meters when she tripped and fell on a cactus.
Vinyl woke up from her strange dream.
"Woah, that is the last time I eat cactus laced with LSD at a rave," she said.
Well, she would of said that, had she not been a cactus.
"Well, shi-"
"Nuh-uh-uh!" Pinkie exclaimed. "We need to keep this PG for the kids!"
"Pinkie," I said, "That went out the window when Fluttershy woke up in a state of general disarray after a rave."
"Oh, I suppose it did," she said, deflating a tad bit.
"Hey, don't be sad, at least you aren't a cactus! Yet," I added under my breath.
"Aww, that sounded like fun."
I mentally altered my agenda from "Pinkie Cactus" to "Never give her the pleasure."
We stood in silence for a few moments.
"You should probably leave the third dimension," I said.
"Okie Dokie Lokie!" she responded, hopping and vanishing before her hooves touched the ground.
"Now I can finally get back to writing!" I said.
Ironically enough, the story ended there.
Author's Note
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
