Trixie's Cracker Quest
By
Inky Shades
An army stood between her and the evil king, but she wasn't concerned. She had been training all her life for this moment, and the fate of the castle's peasants, nay, the fate of the world rested upon her shoulders. For she was the Great and Powerful Trixie, and the Great and Powerful Trixie never failed! The legions would fall, she'd be victorious. With her weapon to slay the king lying safely in her pocket she began her assault.
First the outer guard came. Ha, child's play! She didn't even have to use a weapon on them. With trained precision she deftly cut her way through the first few rows of defenders. Look at the fear in the poor fools' eyes! They posed no threat to her superior skill. She noticed them heading towards their metal armories to re-arm themselves, as if that would somehow save them from their incompetence. She could see them pulling out their weapons, large rectangular instruments of bludgeoning, but such crude weaponry didn't have a chance of stopping the Great and Powerful Trixie. She had far too much experience to let them hit her. With finesse she felled them all. Hah, Trixie hasn't even broken a sweat yet!
The doors on either side of her busted open allowing an onslaught of reinforcements to surround her. Good. The Great and Powerful Trixie likes a challenge. Come at me fools! The castle's hall became packed with the new batch of defenders. Her progress slowed to a crawl as she waded through them. Right away she knew that these ones had much more experience than the simpletons she faced earlier because of the way they fought together instead of apart. Not that it mattered of course. While the Great and Powerful Trixie may be delayed in her actions she'd never be stopped. They were only prolonging the inevitable, but she had to respect their dedication to their king.
Then she felt the first impact against her flesh. It came out of nowhere and nearly took the wind out of her. Tis but a flesh wound! Surely the fool just got lucky! She wouldn't allow herself to be felled so close to her target. A blow to her back sent her stumbling forward. Then she was hit from the right, then from the left, and again from the right. This can't be! I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, cannot be beaten by such crude tactics!
Yet such tactics were proving most successful in stopping her. She could feel her stamina draining rapidly. Under such a barrage of savagery, she knew she wouldn't last much longer. The seed of doubt planted itself inside her. The king lay just beyond the next corner, she knew. She was so close; she could almost taste the victory. Had her training failed her? Years spent learning the fine arts of war, wasted? Nonsense! Trixie has spent far too much time in preparation for this battle. She will not fall before her mission is completed! The fire of perseverance ignited within her and turned the seed into ashes.
With a surge of strength, she charged forward. Their blows were painful, but she pressed on. Using skills that would impress even the most seasoned of battle masters, she weaved between the masses. Why she even brought a few of them down to the floor. Those poor fools! Trixie is so... not sorry!
After a long and bloody conflict, she managed to turn the corner. At the end of the hall she could see him. The king towered over his subjects, wearing his nearly impenetrable armor. Nearly, because she had one of the only weapons designed to pierce it. However, the path ahead of her wouldn't be easy. One last group of defenders, the elite of the elite, stood between her and the king.
This was it. There would be no coming back unscathed. Years after today she'd tell people about how she conquered the evil king and freed all of his peasants. They'd write songs about her radiance and skill. Then there would be epics written about her that would tell of this glorious battle. Yes, she'd be remembered throughout the ages as one of the world's greatest saviors, but only if she won.
She locked eyes with the defenders. After taking a deep breath, she charged. The defenders stood firm. They didn't even appear concerned. You're fools if you think you can underestimate The Great and Powerful Trixie! She slammed into them, knocking a few out instantly. And Trixie thought that you were supposed to be the best of the best. Ha! Clearly the king needs better guards other than you simple-minded fools. The defenders that remained lost focus on her. Instead they went to aid their fallen comrades. This, of course, suited her just fine. Despite how anti-climatic the whole affair was.
Now only the king remained. She drew the round golden weapon from her pocket. The time has come to meet your maker, king! Her steps were filled with purpose as she closed the distance. The king didn't even try to defend himself or try to reason with her. It would've been futile for him to try anyway. They both knew that he had lost. What was the point of dragging it out? She plunged the round weapon into the chink in his armor. With his dying breath the king handed her a prize.
Victory! She had saved the world from the tyranny of the evil king's rule. Rubbing her hands together she said, "The Great and Powerful Trixie... needs some peanut butter crackers." She reached down and grabbed the plastic package from the vending machine.
After pulling the thin cover of the container off, she popped one of the delectable crackers into her mouth. Immediately her taste buds became coated with the sweet saltiness of peanut butter. "Same time tomorrow my liege?" she asked between bites.
