Chapter 1: Pinkie's Breakdown
It had been getting worse. At first, these episodes rarely happened to her, but now they were very frecuent. And Pinkie was desperate. She didn’t know what to do, or who to call for help, and she had to fight these attacks on her own.
She was lying on her bed on the top floor of Sugarcube Corner, only willing to sleep. It was her way of escaping. When she was awake, she was tormented by those voices in her head, so her brain forced her to sleep, in order to protect her. However, this time she was feeling more miserable than ever, and could not even calm down the seconds she needed to fall asleep.
“Why is this happening to me? I have a good life, a nice job in a place full of joy and fun. I have amazing friends…” Yet, she felt put aside by life itself. And Rainbow Dash only made it worse that day.
A couple of hours ago, she was with her friends having a picnic. Everything was good, everything was fine. She was happy. But suddenly, one of those anxiety attacks happened. Instictively, she crossed her front hooves in front of her chest, trying to protect herself from those voices. She closed her eyes, and started to whisper very softly “Please, go away. Please…”. When she finally calmed down, she opened her eyes only to find that her five friends were looking at her. Pinkie didn’t know what to do, or how to explain to them what had just happened, so she waited for somepony to break the silence. It was Twilight who did it:
—Pinkie Pie, are you ok?— asked the purple unicorn.
—Umm…yeah…why wouln’t I be ok?— replied the pink pony very softly.
—Well, because…—started Twilight, but she didn’t know how to explain herself, so Rainbow Dash finished her sentence:
—Because lately you’ve been acting even weirder than usual…
Just as she finished to say that, Pinkie Pie started running from there. She ran as fast as she could, because what Rainbow said only made those voices return. They were telling her: “See? Nopony really likes you. They all think you are a freak”. She didn’t stop ‘till she reached the Pastry Shop, and quickly made her way upstairs to her room.
Applejack and Twilight arrived 10 minutes later, with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity just behind them. They started talking to her, asking her to open the door, and trying to find out what was going on with her, but Pinkie stayed on her bed without saying a word, afraid that another episode could happen to her. Dash apologized like fifty times. Finally, after three hours, they started to leave. First Twilight, then Rarity. Applejack followed them, and for fifteen more minutes the only voice talking to her was Rainbow’s. Eventually, even she left. When Pinkie thought they had all left, a quiet, soft voice said:
—Pinkie, I don’t know what…um…bothers you, but you can count on me…
Fluttershy tried to sound firm and convincing, so she didn’t say her traditional “If it’s OK for you” or “If that helps” at the end. Then, she went downstairs to join the others.
There was something about what Fluttershy said that made Pinkie calm down for a little, but soon she was being tormented once again by her own fears.
“Dashie didn’t mean to say it like that. She is a nice pony. She was just joking, she is one of my best f…” Pinkie was telling herself, but the voices kept saying “She thinks you are weird. Nopony likes you. They just hang out with you because they like to make fun of your freakness…”
The pony that represented the Element of Harmony was lying there in her bed, with her mane and tail completely straight, crying. She cried until she fell asleep, just like many times before.
When she woke up, she was a lot better. However, when she started to think that when she was her friends she would need to give them an explanation, she started to worry.
“I can’t tell them the truth. They will think I’m crazy. They will think I’m a freak…”. The more she was thinking about this, the more worried she get, and was starting to have a new collapse.
“Calm down Pinkie. Just breathe. It will be ok”
When she managed to calm down, she quietly went out of her room and down the stairs of Sugarcube Corner. Just when she was about to go to the street, she noticed she was hungry.
“After all, it’s been almost 8 hours since I ate something” She thought. So, she walked to the kitchen, and grabbed a couple of muffins and some apple juice that was in the fridge.
When she finished eating, she walked through the back door and made her way to Ponyville’s main street. She looked at the sky, and estimated it would be around midnight. Since she knew she couldn’t sleep any more that night, she walked very slowly around the silent houses, with no direction in particular.
She had been walking for a couple of hours, when she noticed she was very close to the Everfree Forest. In fact, she was just in front of Fluttershy’s cottage. It was cold outside, but since she didn’t want to run or walk faster, she started making her way back to Sugarcube Corner. When she was arriving, the sun was about to rise.
She walked to the front door and into the Pastry Shop, when she saw two figures sleeping on the floor. She walked to them to take a better look, and realized that they were Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
“They must have been worried about me, and stayed here the night”. While thinking this, she knew that since her friends were worried about her enough to spend the night there, there would be no escape to her questions. She decided that she had to face it soon or late, so she went and woke up the yellow pegasus.
—What time is it?—Said Fluttershy while yawning. Then, she looked up and realized the one who woke her up was the pink earth pony —Pinkie! How do you feel? —asked the kind pony, and Pinkie noticed that she was really worried about her.
—I’m ok, Fluttershy, don’t worry —she said smiling to her friend, when she noticed the blue pony was waking up as well.
—Hey, Fluttershy, what…Pinkie?!—She stood up and ran to the pink pony—Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you feel bad and…
—It’s ok Dashie. I’m so much better, see?
—Yeah, but what happened to you? You suddenly started to act we… I mean, different, and suddenly you were crossing your arms and whispering things…
—…Don’t worry about that, it’s nothing.
Rainbow Dash was opening her mouth for insisting on the subject, when the door opened and a familiar voice filled the air.
—Pinkie! How are you feeling?
Pinkie Pie turned and looked at the purple unicorn. She was getting tired of having to answer the same question so many times.
—I’m ok Twilight. Really.
—Yeah, but what about yester…— Started to say the blue pegasus, when Twilight interrupted her.
—I think it’s better to not bother Pinkie, Rainbow Dash. If she wants to tell us, we’ll listen, but maybe she feels uncomfortable being interrogated right now.
—But…
—Hey, what about if we go to the Library and have breakfast there, how does that sound?
Rainbow Dash still wanted to make questions, but agreed and made her way to the door.
—I’m so sorry Pinkie, really. —And she started her way to the Library.
Fluttershy followed her, looking one last time at the pink pony and smiling a little.
—I’m glad you are, um, better Pinkie
When Twilight was about to leave, Pinkie stopped her.
—Thank you, Twi.
—No problem Pinkie.
And the two of them followed their friends.
Applejack and Rarity were already waiting for them at the Library, and the six of them started preparing the things for the breakfast. Even though Pinkie had her mind on other things, she realized that every one of her friends were turning their sight towards her from time to time, especially Rainbow Dash. Once the food was ready, they sat down at a round table Twilight had in the next room. They started eating in silence. Pinkie was sitting between Fluttershy and Applejack, and Rainbow was in front of her.
—Umm… have you been learning new magic stuff, Twi? —said Applejack, trying to break the ice.
—Wha… Oh yes! I’ve been working on a new spell that allows you to transform old paper in new one. It’s very useful when you are working at night and you run out of clean sheets, and all the stores are closed. Especially if you consider…
Pinkie was not hearing her. She was very distracted that morning, worried about what their friends could think, and worried about herself.
“What is happening to me?”
Suddenly, she looked at her right hoof, and noticed that it was touching Fluttershy’s one.
—Oh, sorry Fluttershy —said Pinkie, quickly moving her hoof away.
—Don’t worry Pinkie. —said the pegasus, slightly blushed.
When everypony finished, they helped Twilight cleaning the dishes, and then they went to their respective houses. Since the breakfast had been awkward due to the previous day’s events, nopony was in the mood for doing something else.
Pinkie was walking to Sugarcube Corner, when she heard a voice some meter behind her
—Pinkie Pie! Wait!
Rainbow Dash was trotting towards her.
—Look, Dashie, you don’t have to…
—No, Pinkie, listen to me. I am so sorry. Really. You know sometimes I say the wrong things, and I didn’t think that what I said could hurt you so bad.
—It’s ok. Really. I forgive you.
—No, it’s not ok. Even if you forgive me, I’m still worried about you. We all are.
—Dashie…
—No! We need to know, Pinkie! What’s happening to you? We are your friends!
Pinkie started closing her eyes and clenching her teeth. Her arms instinctively over her chest…
—Come on, Rainbow. I don’t think…Pinkie wants to talk right now.
Pinkie slightly opened her eyelids and saw Fluttershy.
—But…
—Please. Besides, I think Tank would have missed you.
A couple of seconds passed.
—All right. See you later girls!
Fluttershy waited untill Rainbow Dash was out of sight. Then, she turned to Pinkie.
—Are you ok, Pinkie?
Pinkie started to relax and nodded slowly.
—Do you…umm… want some company on your way home?
There was something very relaxing about being with Fluttershy, and Pinkie didn’t want to get away from her in that moment, having almost suffering an attack a couple of minutes ago.
—Yes…please.
Fluttershy didn’t leave Pinkie until they reached Sugarcube Corner and, even then, she stayed until she was sure Pinkie was fine. Then, she left.
Pinkie Pie was lying on her bed. She felt very relaxed, maybe even happy. She could think about the events of the past days without feeling anxiety.
Besides from her attack, the picninc was fine. Everypony was happy. They played a little. Fluttershy was in her team. It was fun.
Pinkie indeed had really good friends. Even if she had been suffering those attacks, her friends didn’t turn their back on her. Rainbow Dash was really sorry. She even stayed the night on Sugarcube Corner, so did Fluttershy…
Even though Rainbow Dash almost made her feel very bad again, she was trully worried about Pinkie. However, being tactful had never been one of Rainbow’s qualities. Good think Fluttershy arrived…
“Why do I keep thinking about her?” thaught Pinkie, putting a pillow over her face.
She was mad at herself. And feeling how she was blushing only made her feel even madder.
“Why am I thinking about her again? I shouldn’t be doing it. I know I shouldn’t… But she’s so kind, tender, cu… Argh!!!!”
—I don’t know, Fluttershy. It’s Pinkie we are talking about. She has always been so unexpec…
—No, Twilight. This is different. I’ve never seen Pinkie so sad before.
—Don’t you remember that time when it was her birthday? She was acting strange too.
—Yes, but…umm… even though her reaction was extreme, she had a reason. She thought we didn’t like her anymore. Now she hasn’t had any problem with any of us, so…
—I see what you mean. And the way she crosses her hooves in front of her chest… Fluttershy, are you crying?
—Wha…? Oh, no.—Said the yellow pegasus, but tears had slightly appeared in her eyes.
—I know you are worried about Pinkie. We all are. However, apparently Rainbow Dash and you are the most affected by it. I know Rainbow feels guilty because she feels this is all her fault for saying she was acting “weirder than usual”, although I’m not completely sure that’s the only reason she is very worried about Pinkie. But why are you so concerned about this?
—…Umm, I don’t know. Maybe because I know what is it to feel alone. I really don’t know.—Said Fluttershy, turning her head so Twilight couldn’t look at her expression.
—Alone? Why would Pinkie feel alone? You two stayed the whole night at Sugarcube Corner, and we all took breakfast together for supporting Pinkie.
—I don’t know. I just think she feels alone.
—Wait. You said you knew what it was to feel alone. Would you mind explaining that to me?
—Well…umm, before I met Rainbow Dash and she deffended me from those bullies the day we all got our cutie marks, I didn’t really have friends. And even after that, sometimes I felt like talking with somepony else was very difficult for me. —Fluttershy looked at Twilight’s expression, and quickly said —But I feel so much better now! Even if sometimes I can’t talk to most of the other ponies, I have the five of you and I feel fine about it. Really. What worries me now is Pinkie. Can you imagine her feeling alone? She? The most funny, happy, enthusiastic…
—Fluttershy, are you blushing?
Fluttershy quickly turned her head again and covered her face with her mane, getting even more blushed.
—No. No. Why would I blush?
—You are! Just look at yourself!
Twilight used her magic and transformed a part of the road into a mirror, but Fluttershy only looked away.
—See?
—…Umm..I don’t…know what you are talking about. —Fluttershy had the urge to run, but she was so embarrased that she couldn’t do it. Besides that, if she started to run or to fly, maybe her mane would reveal her face.
—Fluttershy, do you feel ok?
—I’m ok Twilight…really
Suddenly, a big smile on Twilight’s face appeared.
—I know what’s going on! You…
—No…
—Like…
—Please…
—Pink…
Twilight could not finish the sentence, because she suddenly had Fluttershy’s hoof in her mouth.
—Please, don’t say anything—whispered Fluttershy, her face as red as it had never been before.
—So is it…—Twilight noticed she was almost shouting, and lowered her voice volume —Is it true? Do you like Pinkie?—whispered to Fluttershy.
Fluttershy only looked at the ground, embarrased as never.
—It’s true!—Exclaimed Twilight.
—No, it isn’t!
—Fluttershy loves Pinkie! Fluttershy loves Pinkie! —Twilight was bouncing in circles, just like when Princess Celestia told her she would be her personal student.
—Please, stop! Somepony could hear you!
—Just say it and I’ll stop.
—…
—Pleaaaaaseeeeee?
—………ok…….
—What was that?
—…ok
—Ok what?
—….I…like…Pinkie…
—Excuse me?
—…I…like…Pinkie…
—Fluttershy, I can’t really hear…
—I like Pinkie!!!—Shouted Fluttershy, immediately covering her mouth with her hooves.
Twilight had a big, delighted smile on her face.
—Let’s go somewhere else to talk.