Cock-a-doodle-doo!
The barn doors of Sweet Apple Acres slammed open as Big Macintosh trotted inside. His body moved instinctively as he began to pick up his supplies for the day: the same old routine that he always did. Anypony that would was paying attention however, would notice the slight tension and firmness that was typically out of character for the gentle giant.
It was the first month of summer. Fillies and colts were wrapping up the remainder of their classes and getting excited for their plans for the next three and a half months. Mares and stallions were not usually so lucky, and working out on the farm was a year-long job one way or the other, but he didn't mind: there was nothing else he'd rather be doing.
And he was about to get started on doing it too, were it not for a certain orange pony blocking his way out the door.
"What do yah think yer doing?" Applejack asked, her face none too pleasant.
"Ah'm about to start mah day, if that'll be alright." Big Macintosh said, already knowing where this was going.
"No yer not. I know what you're thinking and yah ain't doing this." Applejack said with a determined look.
"And what is it that yah reckon ah'm up too?" Big Macintosh said, raising his eyebrow. He knew his little sister meant well, but couldn't she see he didn't need this right right now? and, for that matter, he didn't know when he would?
Applejack closed her eyes and spoke softly, knowing that she had to be smart about this.
Ya'll know what day it is, and we're gonna' do this proper. Whatever he was, we should try to at least honor his memory. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for him."
And there it was, out of the Whitetail Woods. The sun was barely up, and she was already getting in his face about this.
Big Macintosh breathed deeply, trying to keep a rein on his temper. It wouldn't do any good to start what still could end up being an easy-going day at the farm by yelling at this younger sibling.
"Applejack, ya know ah ain't doing this, and ah ain't taking part in whatever yah got planned for today. Ah just want to treat the day like any other, and get through it as fast as ah' can. Can’t yah just do that for me? can you give me that?" Big Macintosh said tiredly, trying to emphasize his point: while her intentions were nice, they really weren't doing anything for him.
Her response was just to close her eyes and shake her head softly.
"Ah'm sorry big brother, but I don't want ya'll working the fields all day by yerself today. Ah know you just want to work and forget this day like it don't exist, but it won't do you any good just putting it out of yer mind like that. Ah donot want Apple Bloom growing up thinking her daddy was something he wasn't." Applejack said earnestly, trying to convince her brother that her intentions honest and pure.
Big Macintosh wasn't impressed.
"Well, ya'll right about that: he sure wasn't a good father."
Her eyes narrowed at that. "He brought us into this world, and helped make us who we are. Ah told you already, we're doing
this and that's final.” Applejack said, stomping her hoof to make her point.
Big Macintosh knew Applejack wasn't going to drop this. All he wanted was to just go about his day, even if he was the only one out on the farm. He just wanted to move past this, get through the day, and on with his life.
“Well if that's the case, then ah guess there is only one thing I can do.” Big Macintosh thought to himself, sighing loudly. He tiredly looked at Applejack, plainly not liking what he was about to do.
“What do ya need?”
~~~
“Hurry up and outta the door boy, we ain't got all day!
Big Macintosh groaned as he moved slowly and sleepily outside the house and into the great expanse of Sweet Apple Acres; the sun wasn't even out yet and his father called them out to begin working on the farm. His little sister Applejack was already there, in front of a row of trees with baskets neatly lined up in front of them, determined and all raring to go. His father was just standing there waiting impatiently.
“Well you sure took yer time in getting here.” Crabapple remarked, a no-nonsense look on his face.
To say that Crabapple was easily one of the biggest stallions in Ponyville was a massive understatement. A rich crimson coat was matched with a cropped gamboge mane, wearing a brown stetson hat and work-collar around his neck.
He forgot who told him, but Big Macintosh had heard once that foals inevitably grew up to be just like their parents.
Whoever it was, he hoped they were making it up.
“Ah'm ready to get started papa!” grinned Applejack, the eagerness was etched all over her face.
Crabapple smiled at that: his little girl had always had the right sort of attitude.
“Alright ya'll, today is gonna be simple: I want both of ya'll working together to clear up these trees over here on this side of the farm until not one of them has a single apple left on them branches. I already got the baskets all set up, so ya'll just gotta do yer thing. Ah'll be back once I'm done at the barn preparing for yer next chore, so ya'll be quick about it!” Crabapple explained briskly, not about to explain it again.
He didn't need too, it was what they were preparing for. They'd never bucked for apples by themselves before, but surely it couldn't be that hard right?
He began to trot off, eyeing Big Macintosh slightly, as he made his way back to the barn. Big Macintosh looked over at Applejack who still had the same silly eagerness on her face. He laughed slightly, and went up to his first tree.
It was just like how they had practiced: he'd turn his back to the tree, dig his hooves nice and firm into the soil, and in one swift motion, would pull himself up and buck the tree with all his might.
It sounded simple enough, but it was very easy to slip and fall right on your face if you didn't hold yourself properly. The apples themselves wouldn't even budge if you didn't hit the tree with the right amount of force, or worse, too much could end up damaging the tree, losing apples and subsequently business.
Big Mac didn't have any fear of that though: Applejack and him were simply too young to cause that sort of damage. He just needed to hold himself right, lift himself up, and...
“What do yah think you're doing?”
Big Macintosh blinked, looking around to where it sounded like his father was calling him, but nothing. He shook his head from the confusion, put himself back in position, and prepared to try again.
“Ya call that apple-bucking?!”
He groaned as the same negativity came back into his mind. This time, without giving himself time to think, he swiftly pulled his back-legs up and smashed the tree with all the force he had, but not before almost losing his grip and falling head on his face. The apples promptly came right down into the basket.
He knew he didn't do it right, and his father would have scolded him if he was here, but it was his own words that distracted him, and it was something that continued to keep happening all morning. Every time he made it to another tree and began to collect, another sarcastic remark or disappointed lecture would fill his ears and distract him from what should be an easy assignment. With the mistakes he was beginning to pile on, the whole thing got a lot more exhausting this
an it had any right to be.
Applejack seemed to have no issue at all, and she hit the trees with the same fervor she had since she ffirstwoke up this morning. She didn't seem to have her father hanging over her, even when he wasn't around, but then again, he never seemed to be as hard on her as he was on him.
Just like he said he would, he soon came back to inspect the work they had done. He immediately eyed the row of trees Big Mac had chosen to do: it only took a single glance at some of the apples still hanging to know what sort of job his son had done.
Moving over to Applejack, her baskets told a different story, and seemed to be just as full as her demeanor.
“Papa! Papa! look at what ah did!” she said, beaming.
Crabapple smiled proudly as he saw each and every one of her baskets filled to the brim. He knew he shouldn't have expected any different from his daughter. She immediately started laughing as he lifted her up into the air and onto his withers, taking his hat and putting it on, covering half her head.
Big Macintosh just stood there watching the scene, not sure what to do next.
~~~
Big Macintosh un-enthusiastically walked into town, with all the disinterest of a pony that plainly didn'twant to be there. School was out for the day, and foals were eagerly walking with their mothers looking for something to buy for their stallion and his very special day.
It was Sire's Day - the national holiday throughout Equestria meant to celebrate father's and all the work and love they put forth every single day.
The town was abuzz with activity, with stalls set up with different selections ranging from the typically masculine to the unorthodox. Lines were slowly starting to creep up and ponies eagerly took their gift-wrapped purchases. It seemed like a pretty cheerful day for everypony in town.
Well, almost everypony.
It wasn't simply that his sister was, in those days anyway, better at apple-bucking than he was. He knew having a strict father wasn't good enough to feel anything terribly long-lasting: it would be too childish if anything simply came down to him working him and his sister hard. He certainly wished though that his father was half as supportive of him as he seemed to be for Applejack.
Crabapple later remarked that Applejack was going to end up being a better farmer than him, if this kept up: the thought now was silly, given that he was better than Applejack onany given day, and even if he wasn't, what difference would it make? was it because Applejack was a girl, and he thought his son would be empowered by the horrific possibility of being upstarted by his little sister?
Heseemed to have that idea. He had no issue at all with Applejack working on the farm, yet seemed to think the idea of a mare being better at, what he felt was, a stallion's job was something impossible to cope with.
Big Macintosh shook his head at the thought:
“No, it wasn't because of hard work alone, or because Applejack was just better back in those days.”
At any rate, he was here in town to pick up a cake at Sugercube Corner. Applejack, Granny Smith and Apple Bloom were all at back home setting things up for a little private party in “celebration” of his honor. He was sure that other distant members of his family were having similar get-togethers, and briefly wondered if any of them would be arriving to also reminisce about Crabapple, but all three at Sweet Apple Acres apparently collectively decided this would be a small event just between them.
He continued to make his way through the town, occasionally eyeing the different folk all around him, but kept himself firmly on track to his destination. Everypony around him seemed more than excited to be making their purchases, particularly the children who were trying to “surprise” their fathers with gifts, even if they were the ones actually buying them.
“Daddy! Daddy! can I have some money to buy something? pleeeeeese?”
Like the little foal at a nearby stall: a magenta coat, a light violet mane with white streaks, and a sparkling little tiara on her head, Big Macintosh frowned as he recognized her almost immediately.
The stallion beside her laughed at her enthusiasm. An amber coat, with a dark gray mane and blue eyes, he recognized him as the wealthy business pony Filthy Rich. He reached into a small handbag he was wearing and gave her a hoofful of bits. She gave a toothy grin and immediately scampered off to make her purchase.
Everything he had ever heard from his little sister Apple Bloom was that she was nothing but a spoiled brat and a bully who was coddled too much by her father and his money. Even so, he didn't know all that much about Filthy Rich, and wasn't about to ruin anypony's holiday, so he kept his eyes straight and continued to make his way.
“Hello Big Macintosh!” Filthy Rich said in a pleasant tone.
Well, hetried.
“Howdy Mr.Rich, how are we doing today?” Big Macintosh asked respectfully, nodding his head as he acknowledged and made his way to him.
“Couldn't be better! just doing a little “shopping” with my little girl.” Filthy Rich said, smiling as he glanced over to where his princess was buying something.
“She's getting ya something fer Sire's Day?” Big Macintosh asked knowingly.
“And acting like I don't know what she's up too.” Filthy Rich said with a laugh, shaking his head. It was obvious that, whatever she was getting, wasn't for herself.
Big Macintosh looked over appraisingly at Diamond Tiara who was gleefully pointing at something behind the patron that she wanted to buy; he had never heard anything pleasant about her from Apple Bloom, but it was nice to hear that she was doing these things for her father. A cynical part of him that was upset at the whole darn holiday altogether told him that she was just sucking him in order to keep getting his way, but he shook it off: he wouldn't hold back to protect his little sister, but he just didn't know all that much about Diamond Tiara. It wouldn't be right to pass off quick judgments about the wealthy little foal.
Both of them nodded softly as they kept an eye on her. Big Macintosh was about to wish him a good day when he spoke however:
“You're not buying anything?” Filthy Rich asked. It seemed the only ponies who weren't at home with their families were the ones still out buying gifts and decorations.
“Not here, I'm headin' to Sugercube Corner real quick for a cake. We're having a small little get-together at the house.” Big Macintosh said, trying to express that he couldn't be here talking all day with the wealthy business pony, not if he wanted to get his purchase and get this day over with as quickly as possible.
Then again, if that was what he wanted, what did he cost him to spend a couple minutes talking? It's not like Applejack was going anywhere, and if she got frustrated that he took so long, he'd just “gently” remind her that he didn't want any part in today in the first place.
“That's nice that you're doing that for your father, he always did spoke very highly of you.” Filthy Rich said gently, his words and demeanor softly shifting.
Big Macintosh blinked.
“Ah beg yer pardon?”
“I knew Crabapple pretty well; It's impossible for a stallion of my stature not to be acquainted with the one running the biggest farm in Ponyville. He'd regularly come to me and do business back in the old days.” Filthy Rich explained, somewhat confused that Big Macintosh would act like he would forgot these things.
Somewhere along the lines, he did. With everything that happened to his parents, it was if he shuffled everything he could connect with his father, and threw it into the farthest corners of his mind. The Rich's and the Apple's had a long history, right down to the very founding of Ponyville as his grandmother would attest too. Even so, as much as it made sense that his family would continue to do business with the wealthiest in town, it seemed impossible to believe that a stallion who thought wanting to trump Applejack would spur him on would do business with someone like Filthy Rich. Weren't home-grown farmers supposed to be against big business or something?
Big Macintosh shook his head at the ridiculous thought.
“That's something he would think, not me.”
Wasn't it?
“Are you alright, son?” Filthy Rich asked concerned at the red stallion beginning to stare into space.
“Ah just find it hard to believe that mah father would say things like that.” Big Macintosh answered, collecting himself and his thoughts.
Filthy Rich's face scrunched in deeper confusion, trying to understand what was going on.
“He always talked very highly of you; said he wasproud of how much work you kept putting out and that you'd make a great farmpony someday.” Filthy Rich explained, trying to make him understand.
“Ah heard what you said, and ah just don't believe it. Ya'll must be talking about somepony else: my father and ah weren't exactly best pals or anything.” Big Macintosh fired back, a little harsher than he intended.
Filthy Rich looked at him a little incredulously: although they didn't speak often, he never heard this kind of talk from the gentle giant before.
“Well, it's the truth son. I may not have been as close with Crabapple as you, but I've always known him to be as loyal and dependable as you can ask for in a pony.” Filthy Rich recounted, somewhat sternly.
Big Macintosh suddenly wanted to leave with what was left that he could still salvage from his relationship with this stallion. He didn't expect at all the kind of defense Mr.Rich was suddenly putting up in his father's name, and given his daughter's attitude, he honestly wondered just how much he really understood ponies he was in the first place.
And after everything she put Apple Bloom through, it was a point he couldn't help bring up.
“With all due respect sir, ah don't think you're a good judge of character.” Big Macintosh replied, nudging his head over toward Diamond Tiara who was still making her purchase.
The conversation between them suddenly halted; whatever was left of Filthy Rich's cordial mood ceased to be.
“Excuse me?”
“Ah meant ah don't think ya know ponies as well as ya think you do, not if ya think my father was a good pony, and if you let yer daughter get away with bullying mah little sister all the time.” Big Macintosh said quickly and strongly, the pent-up anger he had for the stuck-up little nuisance since he first heard about her suddenly racing up.
This may have been a conversation a long time coming.
Rather than fiercely defending his daughter's honor however, just as much as he seemingly tried to do the same for Crabapple, Filthy Rich instead seemed to deflate as if Big Macintosh merely reiterated a truth he already knew.
“I know about my daughter's attitude Big Macintosh, you don't have to remind me. I can't tell you how many times I've had to come down to the schoolhouse, or received a letter from Ms.Cheerilee about somethingelse she'd done this time.” Filthy Rich said somewhat worn, as he looked over to the source of his greatest joys and headaches.
“Then why do ya let her get away with it so much? Why do ya let her keep her bad habits?” Big Macintosh asked, genuinely wanting to know.
Filthy Rich looked to the ground in thought for a few minutes, trying to articulate his thoughts.
“I suppose I'm just trying to give her the sort of freedom thatI never when I was her age. I'm trying to do by her what I wish my parents did for me.” Filthy Rich finally expressed after a few minutes.
“The freedom to bully and insult other kids just for not having a cutie-mark?” Big Macintosh asked incredulously, not expecting this sort of answer. He would have imagined he was simply too busy being a big-shot or something, butthis?
“I meant the freedom to grow and learn through her own choices and her own mistakes. It's not about letting her get away with anything. ” Filthy Rich said passionately, narrowing his eyes at her determined.
Big Macintosh didn't say anything, trying to process what he was hearing: some of the confusion left his expression.
“Sir?”
“My parents didn't think the same. Her grandfather, Stinkin' Rich, raised me up from the start to take on the family name. The wealth and privilege of my family was something he believed had to beearned, and he made sure every day that I was doing everything I needed to go get it, even if I didn't give a hoot about money or status. I was a foal, why in the world would I? What was my family's money to me? Our legacy? I didn't understand these things, let alone care about them: I just wanted to go outside and play with my friends.” Filthy Rich began to express, suddenly looking very much like the stallion who had a lot on his mind and wasn't about to stop once he got started.
“My father made sure that would change though. Every single day, it was drilled into my head the importance of our business and our family's welfare which he treated like aristocracy. Everyday was another lesson, another lecture, about the importance andsuperiority that our family enjoyed over the common pony and how important it was that it never changed when I finally took the reins from him.”
“It wasn't that I hated what he was, but I can't deny that I began to feel less and less like his son, and more like his legacy: I was something to make sure our family continued just as it always had, and not so much a foal who just wanted...” Filthy Rich's voice trailed off, as he failed to put into words what he was feeling.
Big Macintosh stood there, his mouth slightly hanging open. He never expected to be hearing all this when he came into town this morning, and hecertainly didn't expect to be hearing something like this from somepony like Filthy Rich who seemed to have it made.
“I'm trying to be different Big Macintosh. I want to let my daughter go to a proper school, to make friends of her own accord. I donot want her locked away in the house all day, learning lessons on business and finance. I want to raise a child, not a trophy. Now, none of that justifies her behavior, and Iam trying to to encourage her to change that attitude of hers, but I'm not going to take her away from school orencourage her bad tendencies as a sign that it's right to look down on other ponies for things they don't have, whether it's money or cutie-marks.”
Big Mac almost stepped back a bit at how passionate Filthy Rich was speaking, and how right on the money he was. He suddenly wasn't entirely sure what preconceptions he had about the stallion, but whatever they were, he knew they flew in the face of his strong conviction.
More than that, he suddenly began re-thinking everything they had said since they started talking. Big Macintosh came into the conversation already filled with the idea that there was simply very little in common with himself and Filthy Rich – how could there be anything else? He was a wealthy business pony who undoubtedly encouraged his daughter's foul treatment of every living thing she encountered because, well, perhaps simply because his ego was as high as his earnings. He didn't need to set his daughter or himself straight because he was rich enough to get away with it.
Big Macintosh unconsciously took a step back, shaking his head softly. The same thing happened when he questioned the very relationship between his father and Filthy Rich in the first place.
“What am ah doing? Where are all these bad ideas coming from?”
He kept blaming his father for acting like a walking stereotype at times: so why was he acting like this?
Was it his father's influence again? Was it something else?
Filthy Rich cleared his throat, bringing Big Macintosh's attention back to the here and now.
“I can't pretend to know everything you've been through son, but I know a thing or two about what it's like to be raised in a cold family, and the amount of money in the bank doesn't change that. Maybe you're right and I never knew your father as much as I thought I did, but whatever he really was, I only knew him as a good stallion who wouldn't stop talking about his kid. Maybe that's not the whole story, but it's the part I want to remember.” Filthy Rich spoke softly, the conversation returning to the stallion at the source once again.
Neither of them said anything for a few moments, the clamor of the ponies making purchases around them filling the air once more. Both of them just stood there, digesting the cacaphonic conversation, and waiting to see what the other would say next.
“What would ya do if Ms.Diamond Tiara didn't want any of yer money? if she grew up and wanted something different for herself?” Big Macintosh eventually asked, with almost a plea in his face and voice. Filthy Rich blinked, surprised at the change once more.
“Then I would respect that and I would let her go and find her happiness her own way. She has an actual tiara for a cutie-mark, but I honestly don't understand what that means. I'dlike to think it came from me and that she's every bit the princess I make sure she feels she is, but I know that's not the right answer. Whatever it is, it's something she's got to figure out for herself; and if she'll let me, I want to help her. Wherever she goes or does with herself, she'llalways be my little girl.“ Filthy Rich finished his eulogy, once more looking at his daughter with nothing but adoration.
Big Macintosh breathed deeply out; the whole conversation had been going on for only a few minutes, but it ended up going places he never expected.
“Yer a good stallion Filthy Rich.” Big Macintosh said, meaning every word of it.
Filthy Rich smiled at that, the friendly air he had when he first greeted him returning.
“I certainly try to be Big Macintosh. I have to thank my father for that.” Filthy Rich said, nodding to himself. Big Macintosh looked at him confused.
“Why would yah say that? Yer better than your father ever was.” Big Macintosh said strongly.
“Because my father wanted to show me right from wrong, and that's exactly what happened. I learned from him exactly how I did anddidn't want to raise my children some day, and I have him to thank for that. I know it sounds sad, but that's exactly what ended up happening.” Filthy Rich spoke with the sort of tone of someone just stating a fact: he truly didn't hold anything against his father, he simply wanted to make sure he didn't end up like him.
Big Macintosh wanted to say something in response to that, but was interrupted by the high-pitched squeal of a foal who looked suddenly very different in his eyes.
“Daddy! I finally got what I wanted!” Diamond Tiara quickly trotted up to them, her words muffled slightly from the gift-wrapped package in her mouth.
Filthy Rich smiled brightly as he leaned down and hugged her tightly. He knew she would end up giving her the package later tonight, “surprising” him with the gift that was actually for him all along.
“Oh, good morning Big Macintosh.” Diamond Tiara said, tearing herself away from her father to finally notice him.
Big Macintosh merely nodded politely to her.
On any given day, he normally would have to fight to not whip her flank for regularly tormenting Apple Bloom, but he know suddenly felt almost envious of her. She was getting exactly the sort of treatment he'd wish his father would have shown him: her arrogance was nothing to be proud of, but he certainly wish he'd grown up with at least the ability to express himself, even if it was just foal-age stupidity.
In any case, Big Macintosh still had a job to do and had already spent enough time here. The rest of his family was still waiting for their delivery, after all.
“Ah'd best be going now Mr.Rich, this certainly was an interesting talk.” Big Macintosh said, nodding to him.
“It certainly was; will I be seeing you around again?” Filthy Rich asked.
“Eeyup” was the laconic response. However, before Big Macintosh could leave...
“Ah'm sorry if I went too far at times, ya know ah didn't mean-” Big Macintosh began to say. Filthy Rich interrupted with a shake of his hoof and a smile.
He didn't need to say anything.
Big Macintosh started to walk away from the little family, feeling a strange sense of catharsis. The whole talk was an emotional ride he didn't expect when he woke up this morning. He shook his head at the strangeness of it all and continued on his way to Sugercube Corner. It was unexpected, but he couldn't deny feeling a bit better than he had when he left the farm.
It slowly began to leave his mind as he continued to make his way through the farm and continue to walk past all the stalls that were set up for the day and shops on the main street. He still couldn't help but question his less-than-neighborly disposition toward Filthy Rich. He knew he had taken his anger with him everywhere he went this morning, and Filthy Rich's defense of his father only made it worse, but it was still no excuse to lash out like he did. He should have known better than that.
~~~
“That's enough Crabapple! Ya need to settle down!” Granny Smith hollered, not liking the way her son was acting.
It was night at Sweet Apple Acres, and what should have been a relaxing evening as family regaled over the events of the day instead was...
“Ah'm not shouting and Ah'm not gonna settle down!” Crabapple yelled to his mother, not wanting to listen to anyone or anything.
Well, this.
“That darn boy can't do anything right! again and again, Ah keep trying to set him straight, but he just don't listen! ya can't tell me this is my fault!” Crabapple yelled seemingly almost to himself, as he huffed and paced himself around the room. The colt in question sat fearfully in the center of the room, face downward to the floor as he was berated by his father for his sheer incompetence.
Applejack was tearfully hiding behind Granny Smith. She never liked it when her Papa acted like this.
She knew her big brother was trying his hardest, why couldn't that be enough?
“It's more than just not doing a good job, he don't even act like he cares! Applejack is up and ready to go every morning, but he's just...just...” Crabapple trailed off, failing to vent his frustration at his son's apparent inability to act like a farmpony should.
“Ah never said ah wanted to be a farmer!”
All sound in the room ceased as everyone looked at the tiny red colt who finally spoke up.
“What did ya say?”
The cat was out of the bag: he couldn't stop now.
“Ah said ah never wanted to be a farmer! ya'll been putting this on me for as long as ah can remember, maybe it's just not what I want to be!” Big Macintosh said in a rush, hoping it would be easier the faster he said it.
It was true. It wasn't like he had his cutie-mark yet and his father said he was a terrible farmer. Maybe he just wasn't cut out for apple-bucking, or plowing, or even working at Sweet Apple Acres at all.
Nopony said anything as everypony in the room looked toward Crabapple who looked at this son with a blank expression. Finally, he walked slowly to his son and latched onto his neck with his mouth. Big Macintosh immediately started to squeal and shout as his father picked him up and went straight up the stairs to his room, ignoring the angry shouts by those downstairs.
Inside his son's bedroom, Crabapple dropped him on the floor roughly and bucked the door shut. His father looked at him with scorn for the abominablewords he spoke just now.
“Ah'm going to ask you again: what did you say?”
Big Macintosh didn't say anything. His heartbeat was probably loud enough to be the only audible sound in the room.
Crabapple stood there for a few moments, before turning around and walking back out the door. Big Macintosh didn't dare move from his spot, knowing full well what was about to happen. His father returned only a few moments later with something in his mouth.
It was a small black rod, with a handle at one end, and something that looked like a little tongue at the other. He didn't know what it was called, just that it was something meant only for bad little foals.
“Turn around.”
“Pa, I - “
“Turn.Around.”
“Please, I just - “
“I'm not going to tell you again, boy.”
Fear welled up inside him. He'd run out of chances and he'd run out of time.
Big Macintosh slowly turned around, bending his front legs, leaving his rump hanging in mid-air. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth.
The first one was always a surprise, because he never really expected when his father would --
SMACK!
He squealed out loud, trying to bury his face from eyesight.
SMACK!
SMACK!
It wasn't the first time that Crabapple did this. While he didn't exactly like doing this, or at least seemed to act that way, he still insisted on doing this whenever he seemed to have enough with his son's attitude or all-around incompetence. Whether for failing to complete his chores properly, or that time when he caught Big Macintosh sleeping with that little doll which is only for sissies, he always went back to using this whenever he felt his son just wasn't pulling his own weight.
Crabapple eventually stopped, spitting the crop out of his mouth and appraising his whimpering son. Big Macintosh slowly turned around, his face still downcast, waiting to see what happens next.
“Yer a farmer Big Macintosh, and so long as you remain in this family, that's the way its going to be. Understand?”
“....”
“Do you understand?”
“Ee-Eeyup”
“You're not going to disobey my orders or disrespect me when ah ask you something?”
“Nn-nnope”
“Why are you speaking like that?”
Big Macintosh said nothing at that. His father just stared at him momentarily.
“That's all you’re going to say to me? 'Eeyup?' 'Nnope?'”
“Eeyup” with a fervent nod was his only response.
Crabapple said nothing, absorbing the scene in front of him. He sighed, walking over to his son and stroking his mane with his hoof. Big Macintosh couldn't help but whimper.
“Ah'm sorry son, but this is for yer own good. Ah'm just wanting to make sure yer gonnagrow up right. Ya understand that, right?” Crabapple said.
Big Macintosh could only nod once more, tears running down his face.
“Alright, that's enough for tonight. No more chores: just stay here and prepare for sleep, we have another day waiting for us in the mornin'.” Crabapple said, moving away from his son and toward the door, picking up the crop with him. The tone of his voice was far less aggressive than it was just a few moments ago, but it still didn't change the shivering form of his terrified son rooted to his spot on the floor.
“Just try and relax. Ah'll tell the others you'll be getting some shut-eye and not to bother you. Ah'll call you in the morning when it's time to get up.” Crabapple said, looking back. There was no response again. Crabapple eventually just opened the door with a sigh, and with one last look at his son, closed the door softly behind him.
With his father out of sight, Big Macintosh grabbed the bed sheets, practically blowing his nose on them as he wailed, hoping they would drown out the noise. He stayed there for a few minutes before eventually slinking up into bed and underneath the covers.
At some point later, the doorway softly opened and asilhouettedfigure came inside, gently closing the door. He already knew who it was.
He alway knew when it was her.
“Are you doing alright, sugercube?” Golden Apple asked, holding a hoof to her son's cheek. Big Macintosh didn't reply as he threw his forelegs around her.
With a yellow coat and red mane in a small pink bow, Golden Apple certainly didn't look like the most fabulous of ponies but that was exactly what contributed to her down-to-earth charm. She wasn't overly-obsessed with maintaining her appearance, especially since the farm life was going to quickly reduce whatever embellishments she did to herself. It didn't matter: whatever her appearance, the ponies she cared for the most were the ones who could see beyond whatever dirt, grime or mud she got on herself each and every day. They recognized her real beauty, just as she saw theirs.
She saw it in her husband, which is why she couldn't understand why he couldn't see it in her son.
“Hey, I got something for you.” Golden Apple said softly, showing the surprise she had managed to find for him.
It was a poorly-stitched up black doll, with little polka-dotted pants, and large button eyes. The whole thing was crudely put-together, but was easily one of Big Macintosh's most precious possessions.
“Ah thought Pa already threw it away when he caught me playing with it?” Big Macintosh softly asked, the tears already long since subsided.
Golden Apple simply sat down on top the bed with a knowing smile, as Big Macintosh pulled himself up.
“Your father told me about what happened today.” Golden Apple said after a few moments of silence. She wasn't happy that Crabapple decided to, once again, discipline Big Macintosh without her being there. She was still out working the fields when it all happened and was unhappy that Crabapple seemed to almost deliberately time his frustration to when she wasn't around to defend her son.
Big Macintosh only nodded saying nothing.
“He said you really surprised him when you obeyed him just like that.” Golden Apple explained to him.
“...”
“He said all you said was “Eeyup” and “Nnope”.”
“...”
“You haven't been talking a whole lot lately at all actually.”
“...”
“Is it because you're afraid of what you might say to your father? That you'll upset him without meaning too?”
“...”
Golden Apple leaned forward, rubbing her nose against his in a traditional equine “kiss”. This immediately brought up little giggles from her son.
“Oh, so now we're talking? How about now?” Golden Apple said, now rubbing her muzzle over his belly, blowing a loud raspberry. The giggles turned into a full-blown laughter as Big Macintosh sought to control himself.
The gentle reverie between mother and son went on for a few moments longer; the hurting from a couple hours ago, coupled with the small sleep he got, helping to fade it into memory.
Eventually, Golden Apple relinquished, letting her son catch his breath.
“I love you mommy.” Big Macintosh said, laying down on his back looking up to her beautiful face. She returned his doll, and made him laugh...
She was the only one he could really talk too.
“I'm concerned for you Big Mac, I don't want you to keep doing this.” Golden Apple said, sighing quietly. Big Macintosh pulled himself back up again, this time in confusion.
“Lately, you just never seem to talk all that much. Before, you were never afraid for expressing yourself, but now it just seems you just keeping hiding yourself more and more. I don't want my son to say nothing but “Eeyup” or “Nnope” because he's afraid of saying anything else to his daddy, someone who loves yousomuch.” Golden Apple said, trying to explain her fears.
Now Big Macintosh really had nothing to say to that. She hit the nail right on the head.
“Look at me Big Mac, this is very important.” Golden Apple said. Her wide-eyed son immediately looking at her, mouth slightly hanging open.
“I don't want you to do keep doing this, I don't want you to hide yourself until you can only say those two words. You're a beautiful colt who's going to grow into a handsome stallion; if you don't say much, it's because you won't need too because you know how tolistenand you know how to really care for people. Ponies will love that about you because they recognize your beauty just like this family does, like I do.” Golden Apple said.
Big Macintosh knew what she would say next.
“Like your father does.”
And just like that, he almost deflated once again, puckering his lips and groaning almost cutely.
“If he really cared about me, he wouldn't be treating me like this. He doesn't like the fact that I'm good with numbers, or that I like my doll, or that maybe I just don't like farming all that much.” Big Macintosh said, slowly coming out of his shell once more.
“You really don't like farming?” Golden Apple said patiently.
“It's – It's not that...”
“You just don't like the way he pushes you. You wish he treated you more like Applejack.”
“...”
Nothing was said for a few moments, as Big Macintosh tried to grapple with his fears and what he really wanted to say.
“Ah'm scared Mama...ah'm scared ah'm gonna get a cutie-mark in farming, and ah'm going to be stuck here, and daddy will keep treating me like this forever and ever and --” Big Macintosh said nothing more as Golden Apple hugged him fiercely.
“But that's not right Big Mac. It's not that you don't like farming, you just don't want to like farming because you're scared of your father. What if you ended up really liking it?” Golden Apple said.
“Why does it have to be farming? What if I get my cutie-mark in something else? like fancy mathematics?” Big Macintosh asked, not disliking the idea.
“That would be something wouldn't it? This family was never all that good with numbers.” Golden Apple laughed quietly.
“So what if it's true? Maybe I'll get my cutie-mark in something else, and then --”
“And then you wouldn't have to be here anymore with your father.” Golden Apple said, finishing his sentence for him.
Nothing was said between them for a few moments. Golden Apple put her hoof to her son's chin, lifting it up, making sure he was looking directly at her.
“A son shouldn't be afraid of his father. Whatever your cutie-mark ends up being, I don't want you growing up angry and scared of him. I don't want you running away from him, when there is nothing to run away from.” Golden Apple said.
“But ah am scared of him...”
“And I'm gonna talk with him, and make sure he knows that. He's doing this because he feels he's doing you a favor, making sure you're going up right: he doesn't realize what a smart little colt you are and you don't need this.”
“I don't want to hear anymore of this “Eeyup” or “Nnope” business either. If you don't say much, it'll be because you don't have much to say, not because you're holding it in because you're scared. Understand?”
This was the second promise Big Macintosh was asked to make today, but this one was much easier. He gave his answer with a hug. Golden Apple returned the favor.
“That's my boy.”
They stayed like this for a little while, before letting go. Big Macintosh let off a yawn; it was way past his bedtime.
“That's enough for tonight. I want you to rest easy now; I'll tell your father to let you off your morning chores so you can sleep in a little.” Golden Apple said, beginning to get up.
Big Macintosh went back underneath the bed sheets, looking once more upon his mother's beautiful face. He couldn't hold back the wide smile. She giggled as she nuzzled into his belly once more, sending off one last stream of laughter. When she stopped, he looked at her with the sort of open-mouthed smile that was sorely missed lately.
“I love you Mama.”
“I love you too.”
Golden Apple softly trotted to the door, casting one last look at her son holding his doll fondly, before gently opening and closing the door.
~~~
Big Macintosh sighed; it didn't seem like he could make it through a few minutes in the day without thinking back to the events of his youth. He was already past all the stalls already and nearing to Sugercube Corner. Although beginning to dwindle in number, there were still plenty of stallions, mares and foals all still going about.
Like the little orange filly racing past him on a small scooter. With her purple mane and premature wings buzzing with determination, Big Macintosh quickly recognized her as one of Apple Bloom's best friends.
“Oh, hey Big Macintosh! heading to Sugercube Corner?” Scootaloo asked, coming to a quick halt as she recognized her friend's big brother.
“Eeyup, getting a cake for Sire's Day: we're havin' a party at Sweet Apple Acres.” Big Macintosh said, smiling. Although he wasn't happy about the thought, he found himself more relaxed talking with one of AB's friends than he did with Filthy Rich.
“That sounds cool! there is no school today, so I'm just practicing my moves.” Scootaloo said excited, buzzing in the air briefly in excitement.
Big Macintosh smiled a little without saying a word. He knew that Scootaloo's father, Heavy Roller, had already passed on. He managed to get to know him for his part and never had anything bad to say about the stallion. Like him, it seemed to leave Scootaloo strangely out of his place in contrast to everypony else who was happily doing things for the holiday.
He certainly didn't want to bring any of it up though. He had no intention of going places where he wasn't wanted like Applejack did to him this morning.
“You alright? You look kind of distracted.” Scootaloo asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.
“ Ah'm alright. Ah just want to get the cake and get this day over with already.” Big Macintosh said tiredly.
“You don't seem too happy about it.” Scootaloo noted astutely.
“Ah was stronghoofed into this whole thing; believe me, ah'd rather be on the farm like yer spending the day playing.” Big Macintosh said.
“You don't want to celebrate Sire's Day? how come?” Scootaloo asked. He knew she didn't mean anything by it, it wasn't like she was trying to pull anything. It was just a honest question.
“No offense, but I'd rather not get into that.” Big Macintosh replied, not looking at her sternly but enough to at least express he didn't want to get into it.
Blinking, Scootaloo just seemed to nod before looking down onto the ground.
“Yeah, I'm not really happy about today either.” Scootaloo said, kicking the ground a little. She had completely different reasons to not be excited today, and Big Macintosh didn't want to burden her with any of it.
“But I'm still happy, ya know? I mean it's been tough, but I'm doing alright. I'm actually thinking of doing something tonight myself.” Scootaloo suddenly spoke up, smiling at whatever idea she came up with.
Big Macintosh blinked, he didn't expect that.
“Oh? what did ya have in mind?” Big Macintosh asked, genuinely curious.
“Well I haven't figured it all out, but even if my Dad isn't around anymore, there is no reason why me and my Mom can't do something for him, right?” Scootaloo said, smiling.
Big Macintosh tried to smile, but honestly found it hard.
“Yer handling it all pretty well for yerself.” Big Macintosh said. Scootaloo could only shrug at that.
“Well, yeah. I mean I still think about it a lot, but I feel a lot better than I used too.” Scootaloo said after a few moments.
Big Macintosh breathed deeply. He really didn't want to burden Scootaloo with his problems, and in any case, she was a little filly and the last pony he wanted to accidently lash out with his repressed anger. Sugercube Corner was just right around the corner now, he could just keep moving.
Besides, the situations were completely different. Scootaloo lost her father, but she had never had any problems with him. As far as he could tell, she grew up a spunky little filly who loved and missed her Dad. He, well, it wasn't quite the same thing for him.
Still, as bizarre and utterlywrong it may be to ask a child about this, he wondered...
“Has it really been easy that for you? moving on, I mean? Yer not feelin' bad anymore?” Big Macintosh asked, feeling like he was opening the Gates of Tartarus with such a disrespectful question. He wanted to keep this going however.
Scootaloo suddenly looked apprehensive at where this was going.
“Well...no. I mean, like I said, I still think about it, but not like I used to anymore. I'm not as bummed about what happened so much as I now just try to think of the good bits, the good times we shared.” Scootaloo spoke cautiously, not seeing where this was going.
“What if you didn't have that many good times? maybe it wouldn't be so easy.” Big Macintosh couldn't help but reply. It only served to make Scootaloo frown deeper, as she tried to think of an answer.
“What am ah doing?”
After a few moments however, she looked back up to him: her lips pulled inward as she fixed him with a determined look.
“Maybe, but I'd still have to move on. I'd still have to keep going one way or the other. I love him, and I really miss him, but even if the last thing I remembered about him was a fight, or him yelling at me, I'd still try and remember the good times. I wouldn't let the last thing we did ruin all that.” Scootaloo said after a few moments.
“What if it wasn't just the last moment? what if you guys were always fighting?” Big Macintosh asked.
Scootaloo just looked at him funny, wondering what was going on.
“Are you okay Big Macintosh?”
The stallion in question shook his head, burying his face with his hoof. He said he wouldn't do this to her...
“I'm sorry Scootaloo, ah didn't mean to pry. Ah just wanted to see how you were holding up is all.” Big Macintosh said apologetically, ashamed he was grilling this little girl about what she would feel like with a less-than-perfect parent.
Scootaloo still looked sort of confused, but not as bothered anymore.
“It's alright I guess, I know it's not easy for you guys too. Apple Bloom tells me she wishes she knew more about her Dad.” Scootaloo said politely. Big Macintosh however was happy she didn't get to know him well.
“But you know, however my Dad may have been or not, I don't think it's easy either way. I don't think these sorts of things couldever be easy. I'd still have to learn not to let it get me down: I'd have too if I wanted to, say, learn how to fly one day.” Scootaloo said, fluttering her wings for a moment.
“I guess what I mean to say is that these sorts of things are never easy. I try to move on, I really do, but I don't think you reallycould “move on” like people say. You just get used to these sorts of things until they don't bother you so much. However my father may or may not have been, I don't think that would be any different.” Scootaloo said with a small smile.
Big Macintosh looked at her confused, not expecting to hear this sort of talk from her.
Then again, why not? isn't this why he spoke with her in the first place? because she was a lot more mature than she looked? that she knew a thing or two more than ponies gave her credit for, even if she didn't have a cutie-mark or could fly yet?
“So, have ya 'gotten used to it'?” Big Macintosh asked. What started as a conversation between a grown stallion and a little filly had changed: she was the child yet she was telling him exactly what he needed to hear.
“Like I said, I'm feeling better than I used too, but I don't think ponies could ever 'get over' something like this. They just sort of get used to it until it doesn't bother them anymore.” Scootaloo said with another shrug.
Nopony said anything, but Scootaloo started looking at him weirdly.
“What?” Big Macintosh asked.
“Nothing, it's just...I mean, if you really didn't like your Dad, you wouldn't be thinking about him like this. You just wouldn't be thinking about him at all.” Scootaloo said with a concerned tone.
Big Macintoshhad to take a step back at that. Where did that come from?
“What are you talking about?”
“I just meant that, you know, if you really didn't want to think about him so much, you just wouldn't. But instead, you're still wearing his collar, you have a cutie-mark in farming, and you're on your way to get a cake for him at Sugercube Corner.” Scootaloo said, noting everything with her hoof as if she were going down a list.
Big Macintosh almost did a double-take. Suddenly he wondered if Scootaloo was as mature as he thought.
“That's not fair Scootaloo. You should know that it's not easy to just 'stop thinking about it'.” Big Macintosh said with a small frown.
“Then why are you going to Sugercube Corner?”
“Ah told you already, ah was stronghoofed into it by Applejack. Ah wouldn't be doing this if ah didn't have too.”
“Why didn't you just say no?”
“It would have been too much of a hassle, and ah'd rather just do it and get it over with.”
Scootaloo put her hoof to her chin as if she were in deep thought.
“Then what about your cutie-mark? You have it in farming too, just like he was right?” Scootaloo said.
“That don't matter at all. Ah could have gotten my cutie-mark inanything, it has nothing to do with him.”
“But you still have it in farming. You guys all ended up in farming after all, and you love it right?”
Big Macintosh could only shook his head incredulously.
“And what about that big brown collar? Apple Bloom told me that it belonged to him. Why are you still carrying it around if you don't like him so much?” Scootaloo said, going for the kill.
Big Macintosh could only sputter at how ridiculous her questioning was, suddenly wishing he never talked with her in the first place. He couldn't answer her last question, but still...
“Where are ya going with all this?” Big Macintosh said wanting to know.
“I'm just saying. You act like you're forced to do all of this, but you still have all of those things and you still wanted to talk with me.” Scootaloo offered as a rebuttal.
“I was just trying to be friendly.” Big Macintosh said.
“Are you sure it wasn't because you just really wanted to talk with me? talk with someone about all of this?” Scootaloo said, feeling like she was getting closer to the truth.
And she was, ohhow she was.
Big Macintosh just continued to shake his head. He didn't know what he had to say anymore, but he just knew this frustrating foal couldn't be right. He just wanted to talk with her and ask how she was doing, not haveher interrogatehim about how he was feeling.
“Is that the truth? The honest truth?” Big Macintosh had to ask himself.
Why did he come to Scootaloo in the first place?
“Look Scootaloo, ah think ah'd better be going, but it was nice talking with you.” Big Macintosh said in a clipped tone, starting to move past her.
“Wait!” Scootaloo said quickly, moving her scooter out in front of him. She looked at him with the sort of panic that this might be the last time they would talk.
“I didn't mean to make you mad, I just thought you wanted somepony to talk too. I mean, isn't that why you asked me all these questions?” Scootaloo asked.
“Ah – ah suddenly don't know why I asked you all that Scootaloo, and I'm sorry I did. I wasn't trying to grill you. Ah just...” Big Macintosh said, trailing off at the end.
Scootaloo smiled, nodding her head.
“It's alright, Iget it, I really do.” Scootaloo said, acting like she meant it.
And honestly, he really believed her.
They stood there for a few more moments, before it seemed Scootaloo caught eye of something.
“Well, I'd better be going. I mean, I still want to get some practice done, and I have to think about what I'm gonna go tonight.” Scootaloo said, rubbing the back of her neck.
“Ah need to get going myself. It was – it was nice talking with you Scootaloo.” Big Macintosh said awkwardly, but still tried to sound polite.
Scootaloo just nodded, looking at him for a few more moments, before smiling and taking off on her scooter again.
Big Macintosh sighed, looking upwards at the sky with his eyes closed momentarily, before gathering himself and moving onward to his destination. He couldn't believe what had just happened: what had happenedagain.
“Was she right? Did ah really just want to talk to somepony about all this? Is that why ah couldn't keep my big mouth shut?”
He had to admit, she had a point. He wanted to get away from his father and this whole darn holiday the entire day, and it seemed the more he tried, the more he ended up having to think about it.
And the one point he simply couldn't refute, was the big brown workpony collar hanging around his neck. Why was he still wearing it? why didn't he just throw it away if he wanted to throw away everything that had to do with his terrible, horrible, no-good very-bad father?
He shook his head trying to dispel the thought, but he couldn't think of an answer.
~~~
He never forgot what his mama told him. He knew that just saying “Eeyup” and “Nnope” was the best and easiest way to not get on his father's bad side, but he didn't try to hide behind those words. He didn't use them to mask his anger or hide his fright. He simply tried his very best to get through with everything his father asked him as best as he could.
And it was working: it had been a few years since that conversation took place, and he could feel the changes starting to happen. His lethargic and lanky body was finally starting to build up, and practice at apple-bucking was beginning to pay off.
He'd already long since passed Applejack, not that he cared much.
But the strangest part was that it no longer took him a long time to get up and get to work, or shake off his father's words in his mind. Maybe it was growing up, maybe all the hard-work was just starting to pay off, but he found himself actuallywantingto be here and wanting to get up in the morning.
And the more he thought on it, the better he actually got doing his chores. His father started to yell at him less and less, which only made him that much better.
Big Macintosh wondered what it all meant as he turned his neck as he bucked the last tree for the day, watching the apples fall into the basket below.
He blinked, looking a little closer at his flank, noticing something that wasn't there before.
He gasped, could it...?
He immediately raced back into the house, practically knocking the door down. His father was sitting at the kitchen table, looking absently at the newspaper.
“Look Pa! look what ah got!” Big Macintosh said in a most gleeful voice, immediately turning around to show his father what was there.
On his flank was the inside of a green apple, the seeds clearly visible.
Crabapple looked at him almost dazed, as if he couldn't believe what was in front of him. A smile quickly broke into his lips that only got wider. He immediately got down from his chair, wrapping his hooves around his son.
“Son, ah...ah can't believe it. You finally did it: you got yourself all figured out.” Crabapple said, hugging him tighter and tighter. His son, his only son...
He had finally become a stallion.
Big Macintosh just wanted to smile until it hurt, he wanted to sit down on the floor with his father for the rest of his life. He never wanted this moment to end.
He finally had his cutie-mark, he loved farming for the sake of it. He finally figured himself out.
And his father was proud of him for it.
He couldn't hold back the tears for very long.
“This is the best day ever...” Big Macintosh thought.
Crabapple however, suddenly broke the embrace, having a look of realization on his face. Big Macintosh looked at him confused, until his father reached behind his neck, unhooking his collar.
“Ah was hoping ah could give this to you someday.” Crabapple said, as he gently latched the collar around his son's neck. It was still a little big for him, but he'd grow into it soon enough.
“You deserve this son, you've earned it. You're a real stallion now.” Crabapple said shakily. He couldn't believe this was happening.
Big Macintosh just looked at his father incredulously before leaping into his embrace once again.
This reallywasthe best day ever!
~~~
Big Macintosh breathed heavily as sweat ran down his muzzle.
'Best Day Ever'? who was he kidding?
It should have been one of the happiest days of his life, and by all rights, it still was. His father didn't suddenly apologize for the whipping, excessive work, or overall attitude he had toward him for as long as he could remember. Granted maybe he shouldn't have expected that, but he 'did' at least expect him sort of congratulating himself in a sort of “If I didn't put you through all of that, you wouldn't have gotten your cutie-mark'.
He didn't say anything about it at all, he just praised him and gave him his work-collar. Big Macintosh would have been more than satisfied with that, except that, since then, it only seemed like his father worked him harder and harder. Now that he had his cutie-mark, Crabapple seemed to think he had all the confirmation he needed about his son's destiny and place in life, as if he hadn't already decided that beforehand, and piled on more and more duties than he knew his son could handle.
One of the results was that it meant he only got bigger and bigger. He was now roughly the same size of his father and easily one of the biggest ponies in the whole town. It made his name all the more ironic that he had gotten as large as he had.
But really, who was he kidding? there wasno wayhe could clear up every single tree in Sweet Apple Acres all by himself. He tried, he really really did, but his legs ultimately couldn't keep what his father's mouth promised in his stead.
He couldn't keep it up anymore. If he kept it up, he would end up passing out, and he didn't want to beg his father for help in his exhausted state. He knew that he wasn't allowed to leave his chores until he was done, unless it was an emergency, but he simply couldn't handle it anymore.
Returning to the barn, he found his father and quickly explained what had happened. He expected to hear disappointment, but his father didn't say anything. He actually seemed kind of distracted.
“Something wrong, Pa?” Big Macintosh said.
Crabapple seemed to be looking through the tools, looking for something.
“We're leaving.” Crabapple said.
Big Macintosh blinked, looking confused.
“Yer mother and ah are heading out of town for a couple of days. There is a farmer's market in Canterlot, and ah need to speak with Filthy Rich while I'm there: he's gonna be helping with preparing for next year's harvest.” Crabapple said.
Big Macintosh said nothing, comprehending what this meant.
“Then that means...”
Crabapple nodded, looking at his son straight in the eye.
“Yer the stallion in charge now. Maybe ya can't do the whole farm by yerrself, but you've sure proven that you can handle things around here: you've earned my trust.” Crabapple said slowly, nodding his head. A sense of understanding and acknowledgement coming from his voice.
Big Macintosh's mouth hung open in astonishment.
“Is this really happening? he's letting me handle things by myself?” he thought to himself.
“Pa, look ah --” Big Macintosh began, but his father raised his hoof and cut him out.
“You can do this son, you've proven yourself to me plenty of times. Ah want you to have this responsibility, ah wouldn't give it to you if ah didn't know you could handle it.” Crabapple said.
Big Macintosh wasn't sure what to say to that, considering he had been given so many chores he was positively sure he could 'not' handle. But this...this was...
“Yer mother and I will be gone for a few days. Not too long, but long enough for you to get a feel for things by yerself. Remember, yer the stallion in charge: everypony will be depending on you now.” Crabapple said, moving past him without a glance, allowing no brook on the subject.
Big Macintosh wanted to say something, 'anything', but found himself at a loss for words.
Crabapple turned around, looking at his son once more.
“You candothis. Ah'm proud of you son, ah know you can do this.” Crabapple said with a soft smile.
~~~
Big Macintosh silently stewed at the dinner table at Sweet Apple Acres, as his mind wandered to these old memories, just as they had all day. After leaving Scootaloo, he made it to Sugercube Corner without any delay, and picked up his purchase and returned back home without any more distractions.
Thank goodness for that: he didn't know if he could take Pinkie Pie suddenly lecturing him as well.
The Apple Family was having their tiny little celebration. The whole idea behind the holiday was to revere fathers, and the hardworking ponies who worked hard for their families every single day. They would take the father out to where he liked, they would shower him with gifts and affection, and it would be his special day where everypony would show just how much they appreciated him.
What the Apple Family had chosen to do, or more likely Applejack, wasn't anything too ostentatious: they simply put up a few streamers and party decorations with his favorite things all around them, lit a few candles on the cake murmuring a small prayer, and start reminiscing about the times they shared together.
He suddenly realized Applejack was looking at him: him and his unconscious scowl.
“Something wrong, Big Macintosh?” Applejack asked him
“Ah ain't doing this.” Big Macintosh said, pushing his plate away from of him. Applejack immediately glared at him.
“Yes, you are. Come on now, don't ruin the good thing we got going on here.” Applejack said, trying to placate him.
“Applejack, this is ridiculous. It looks like we're having a birthday party, a party for a dead stallion: does that make sense to you?” Big Macintosh said. Whether or not his words rang true, didn't change the greater question if they weredesired right now.
Applejack suddenly looked upset, looking around as if trying to find the words she was looking for.
“What do you want Big Mac? For goodness sake, we're trying to celebrate our daddy. The stallion who supported us, fed us, clothed us, and outrightgave us our lives. Whatever you really think of him, can't we just put it aside just this once? just for tonight? please?” Applejack said, coming close to tears.
Big Macintosh really had no intention to create this reaction, he didn't even want to be here! everypony who wanted to be here, was here, except for him. He was here, pouting like a foal, and just making things worse for the ponies who actually wanted this.
He was just a sorehoof: he had no business being there and ruining things, especially if he didn't want to be there in the first place.
“Ah'm sorry.” Big Macintosh spoke his only response, as he softly got out of his chair. Granny Smith looked at him with disappointment, but didn't say anything. He wondered if she understood, or was just acting like she didn't like Applejack.
Apple Bloom just stared down at her food, looking upset, but not saying a word. She never knew her father except what she had been told, and what she was seeing here tonight.
It didn't exactly send a good message.
“Would it be better for her to know the truth? or to lie and make him out like the better pony he really wasn't? Ah can understand wanting for her to only learn good things about him, but...” Big Macintosh thought, as he slowly made his way outside the house, closing the door gently behind him.
It was nightfall at Sweet Apple Acres. He really had no intention of going anywhere at all, he didn't even know what to do. He just wanted to go outside for a few minutes and get his head together about what he wanted to do with himself.
Big Macintosh closed his eyes and breathed deeply as he looked up toward Luna's moon; he had heard that the Princess of the Night visited ponies in their dreams while they were asleep. He wondered if she would give him nightmares for his behavior today, and if he actually deserved them.
He just didn't know what to do. Talking with Filthy Rich and Scootaloo seemed almost karmic: the whole entire day seemed almost set-up actually. It was Sire's Day, he had issues with his father, and he couldn't help but talk with ponies one after another who ended up confronting him on these issues. He couldn't help but feel a little better after each one...
Where was it all leading too? was he really supposed to get used to everything that had happened and accept it like Scootaloo said? acknowledge the good like Filthy Rich said, and try to just focus on that? like what Applejack seemed to want?
It just didn't seem to add up. It was all helpful: this whole day turned out to be more helpful than he expected when he woke up this morning, but he still felt unsatisfied. He wondered if he were to wander back into town, he'd end up coming across somepony who would bump into him and give him one more lesson about moving on or some such.
“Hey!” a tomboyish voice spoke out from the air, with a noticeable crack.
Then again, perhaps that somepony would end up coming to him.
And that somepony was just as unexpected as all the rest. Her cyan coat was just as prominent in the day, and her multicolored-mane no less noticable. The weatherpony, Wonderbolt afficiondo, Element of Harmony...
And his sister's best friend, which was the best moniker of all.
“What are you doing out here Rainbow Dash?” Big Macintosh said. The would-be racer swooping down right next to him.
She simply looked him up and down appraisingly for a few moments, her expression carrying a hint of annoyance. Big Macintosh didn't say anything.
“Scootaloo told me that you were talking with her today.” Rainbow Dash said, raising her eyebrow.
Big Macintosh pursed his lips, looking to the side. He justknew he shouldn't have said anything.
“Ah'm sorry if ah upset her, ah wasn't trying to harass her or anything.” Big Macintosh looking back at her. Rainbow Dash didn't look so much upset anymore as she did skeptical.
“Why were you going after her about her Dad?Today?” Rainbow Dash asked, trying to make sense of the stranger inhabiting her friend's body.
“Ah don't know, this whole day has been...” Big Macintosh trailed off. Rainbow Dash started to drop the passive-aggression, slowly looking at him with empathy. She trotted closer to him, placing her wing on his back in friendly expression.
“Come on you big lug, what's going on?”
Big Macintosh looked at her in contemplation. He knew very well that Rainbow Dash was smart where it counted: she may not be good with numbers, or with anything she referred to as “Eggheadness”, but she was just as sharp as Applejack and just as loyal as any member of his family.
But this day had been one rodeo after another. Without any preparation or initial desire, he ended up rethinking and questioning his relationship with his father all day, and he admitted that he didn't know if he wanted to do it all over again with Rainbow Dash.
Once he got started, there was no going back.
Big Macintosh fixed a determined glare. Maybe Scootaloowas right; he'd angry and scared the entire day about wanting to talk about his father, yet outright asked the little filly for her help. He planned to avoid thinking about it all by working the farm the entire day, and he ended up doing nothing but pondering the whole history between his father and him from the moment he woke up.
He had to question again if Princess Celestia or whoever was setting all this up or something, but whatever it was, he felt like he had come too far. He had all but ruined Applejack's little celebration of his father's life, andRainbow Dash was now here asking him how he felt: a mare who had just as much going on inside as he did. He hid it behind silence, she hid it behind bravado.
Big Macintosh breathed a heavy sigh, making up his mind.
“It's about my father.” Big Macintosh began tiredly. Rainbow Dash waved her hoof in a “go on” gesture.
“This entire day – Ah mean, ah've tried so hard not to think about it all, but it's like somepony is out to get me or something. One thing after another, whether it was Applejack making me go out to pick up a stupid cake, or running into ponies who ended up telling me their life stories and about how ah should move on --” Big Macintosh began to explain.
“Woah woah woah, slow down there.” Rainbow Dash interrupted him, almost stepping away and chuckling a little at everything he was saying. She clearly wasn't prepared for anything big: she tried to reorient herself on how big this conversation was about to get.
Big Macintosh wanted to keep the ball going, before he lost his nerve. He was starting to feel that big balloon of anxiety that seemed to collect in his belly deflate for the first time today. He wasnot about to stop now.
“Are ya ready?” Big Macintosh asked her with half-lidded eyes.
“Sorry, I'm good now.” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her foreleg.
Sighing again, Big Macintosh began once more.
“Like ah said, it's about mah father. Ah've been wanting all day to get away from him, and it just feels like ah'm being set up with one thing after another: like ah have to settle this whether ah like it or not.” Big Macintosh said, trying to explain.
“What do you mean 'set up'?” Rainbow Dash asked, tilting her head.
“Ah mean, for starters, ah was just planning on working the whole day and then Applejack gets in my muzzle and tells me I'm supposed to get a cake from Sugercube Corner for this little party she's got going on inside.” Big Macintosh said.
“Uhh, why didn't you just say 'No' if you didn't want too?” Rainbow Dash asked, confused. It didn't seem like a hard thing to do, especially if he didn't want too.
“Ah don't know, darn it. I guess because ah knew Applejack wasn't going to drop the issue: she was just gonna keep being stubborn about it, and ah figured it would be easier to just do this thing and get it over with.” Big Macintosh said, saying what he felt was the sensible answer.
Rainbow Dash only nodded her head, looking unconvinced.
“Ah ended up running into Filthy Rich in town today. I acted less-than-neighborly, having all sorts of ideas about his character, but then he started telling me abouthis father and how he's been trying to do for Diamond Tiara what his father didn't do for him.” Big Macintosh said, quickly recounting the conversation they had. Rainbow Dash raised her eyebrows, not expecting the two stallions to have a whole lot in common.
“What things did you think about him?” Rainbow Dash asked, wanting to know.
“Just – just nasty things, ah guess. That Diamond Tiara was getting away with her bullying because he just didn't notice, or he was too rich to care. It made me think of mah father and how he had all these ideas aboutme, even if they weren't who ah was or what ah wanted.” Big Macintosh said, looking ashamed of himself. Rainbow Dash pursed her lips, trying to think carefully on what she wanted to say.
“Y-you've been upset the whole day Big Mac, you've had this whole thing over your head. It's no big deal: we all make assumptions like that sometimes.” Rainbow Dash said, trying to cheer him up. She knew full well how many timesshe made that mistake, including with the ponies she now considered her closest friends.
“Well, you know what they say about assumptions, right?” Big Macintosh asked wryly.
Rainbow Dash laughed in disbelief, not expecting a mule joke from the farmpony. She knew she shouldn't though, given he was talking about himself.
“What else happened?” Rainbow Dash asked. Big Macintosh just shrugged.
“Well, you know what ended up happening next. Ah met up with Scootaloo, and ah knew she didn't have her father neither. She just seemed so –okay about it, like it didn't bother her no more. She said that it wasn't that it didn't bother her no more, but that she just got used to it: that you can never get used to these sorts of things.” Big Macintosh said, remembering his talk with the little orange filly.
Rainbow Dash smiled brightly. That kid always was a smart one.
“And then ah finally get back, and ah have all this rolling inside my head, and ah'm sitting down with Applejack in this dumb party I wanted nothing to do with, and ah just couldn'tstand it anymore.” Big Macintosh said, his voice becoming increasingly strained: clenching his teeth and closing his eyes. Rainbow Dash leaned in closer to the gentle giant.
He was one of the most nicest guys she'd ever met. It just wasn't right to see him acting like this.
“What did you say to Applejack?” Rainbow Dash asked, wanting to know what happened.
“Nothing, it wasn't that ah insulted her or anything. Ah just didn't want to be there: ah was behaving like a foal, acting like ah was forced to be somewhere ah didn't want to be, when I could just get up and leave. So, that's exactly what I did, and here I am.” Big Macintosh said, finishing his story. Rainbow Dash just shook her head, trying to digest everything she just heard. She scuffed her hoof in the ground, trying to think of something meaningful to say.
“Did I ever tell you aboutmy father?” Rainbow Dash asked. Big Macintosh couldn't help but laugh softly. He had a feeling it would go in this direction.
“No, but ah'd like to hear it if you didn't mind.” Big Macintosh replied, preparing for the third one this day.
“I haven't lost my father like Scootaloo or you did, so I can't even pretend to know what you guys are going through. I'd like to think though, that I still know a thing or two about being raised with less-than-perfect parents.” Rainbow Dash begin to express, getting into the groove of things. Saying all of this didn't seem to bother her all that much, if her face was anything to go by.
“It was in the middle of my Flight Camp, and I was just a complete mess. It felt like everypony was just egging me on to do something stupid, and I just went ahead and gave them exactly what they were looking for in my dumb attempts to prove them wrong. I wantedso hard to prove that I wasn't just this brash little filly who was all talk, like I wasn't just this stereotype, that that's exactly what I ended up turning into. I didn't get that my attempts at trying to show everypony how cool I was, was creating exactly the sort of image that I didn't want: that I was just this big dumb show-off who only cared about how I looked.”
“But it wasn't so bad; I mean, at least I had support from home, right? well, that's what I thought. It turned out however that things between my parents weren't anywhere near as good as I thought they were, and actually, It was like that for a very very long time. I just never realized it because I was just a kid: you can't expect akid to understand and recognize when things between their parents just aren't working out. You just expect that Mom and Dad will fix everything and keep living happily ever after because, well, that's just the way things are supposed to work out.”
Rainbow Dash started breathing a little faster, but kept her eyes focused squarely on the dark fields of Sweet Apple Acres.
“Well, that wasn't the case. In the middle of my first year of school, alongside everything else that could possibly happen, I found out my parents were getting a divorce.”
Nopony said anything. Big Macintosh kept his mouth shut waiting for her to continue.
“I honestly didn't expect it, I really didn't. It's only now that I can look back and see everything leading up to it and that, really, maybe thiswas for the best, if they really werethat unhappy with each other. At the time though, I just didn't know what to think. I knew what it meant when your parents weren't happy with each other anymore, but I never expected it would happen tome.” Rainbow Dash said, puckering her lips.
“It turned out that my Dad had been cheating on my Mom for a few years before it happened, and that just made everything worse. It's one thing if you weren't happy and wanted to call it off, but going behind their back with some other little....” Rainbow Dash bit her bottom lip, but steadied herself. This whole issue looked like it would get a reaction from her if somepony kept pushing hard enough, but it looked like she generally had a lot of time to cope with it.
“From bullies, to being called “Rainbow Crash”, and than this? Big Mac, it was one of the hardest points of mylife. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was about ready to cave in.”
Silence filled in the air as nothing was said between them. It was enough that Big Mac could hear what was going on inside the house.
Rainbow Dash just kept staring off into space. Big Macintosh briefly wondered if she really did cope with this or not.
“I had camp counselors because of everything that was going on, so of course I ended up telling them what happened. The advice the gave me was – well, it was well-meaning enough, but it's the same as advice ponies generally give you: it wasalright, but it sounds so easy for them simply because it's not happening to them, it's happening toyou. It wasn't that anypony wasn't taking it seriously, but they never really understood how I felt because they just weren't in my hooves.”
Rainbow Dash suddenly looked upward, frowning and looking contemplative.
“But you know what? the hardest part about it all was that, as bad as it got, I didn't hate my father. Maybe I had every reason for it, and maybe he deserved it, but I didn'thate him for what he did. I never wanted to glare at him, or get mad whenever he entered the room. I was upset, but it's like I didn't have anyone to be upset with. I definitely wasn't mad at the mare he saddled himself with, who was actually someone about my age now. She was friendly enough, or at leasttried to be with me, but it just wasn't going to work out and I don't think Iwanted it to be.” Rainbow Dash said, continuing.
Big Macintosh felt it wasn't a bad spot at this point to speak up.
“What happened? What did you do?” Big Macintosh asked.
Rainbow Dash just looked at him, her lips curled in a sideways smile.
“Honestly? I just stopped.”
Big Macintosh just blinked.
“You...what?” Big Macintosh asked.
“It's still a little weird thinking about it, and it honestly seemed impossible back then with how big I was inflating the whole thing in my head, but I just stopped. I sat down and made a conscious decision to try and stop thinking about it. I know it sounds really weird, but it got to the point where Ihad too because something had to give: if I had any intention of moving on with myself.” Rainbow Dash said, looking at him with an almost nonchalant expression.
Big Macintosh however was squinting the more she spoke: “Is this basically her advice? Get over it?”.
“I guess I finally ended up doing what everypony told me to do: I moved on, I 'got over it', even if that's not what really happened. Scootaloo was right: you can never really get over stuff like this, you just get used to it until it's not hanging over your head anymore. You can go out and actually, I don't know, have fun like a normal pony again without thinking about this stuff all the time.” Rainbow Dash finished her story. She looked over at Big Macintosh, wondering if this had any effect.
“Does that make sense?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Big Macintosh could only pucker his lips and softly shake his head.
“Thank you for telling me all this Rainbow Dash, but it didn't really help. Youare basically asking me to just get over it and stop thinking about it, but ahcan't. It's not as easy as yer making it out to be, because it's not easy at all.” Big Macintosh said, frowning at her.
“You're not getting me right: I never said it was easy, but itcould be easier if you just took a different approach. If you consciously sat down and tried to move away from this, because the alternative Big Mac? It's just to keep doing what you're doing now, and it's obviously not helping you.” Rainbow Dash said in a sharp tone, trying to make her point.
Big Macintosh just glared; not necessarily at her, but just glared. He couldn't help feeling unsatisfied. Rainbow Dash started to look at him skeptically as well.
“What's going on, Big Macintosh?” Rainbow Dash said tiredly. She had hoped thatsomething in her story struck a chord in him, something that could help him. She was the Element of Loyalty for crying out loud, she wasn't leaving him until she knew he was okay!
The glare on his face though only intensified: he looked like he was about ready to snap.
“You wanna know the truth Rainbow Dash? You want to know why ah hate my father?” Big Macintosh said aggressively, almost pushing his face into her. She instinctively flared her wings up, but held her ground. She was going to be here for him, no matter what he dished out to her.
“You got hurt when your father cheated on yer mother. Ah got hurt when hekilled my mother.”
Big Macintosh was heaving breaths in and out, trying to settle himself down but it was fruitless: he never should have dug all this out if he really didn't want to feel this way right now in the first place. Rainbow Dash looked at him with a disheartened expression, as if she didn't quite hear what he just said.
“He was on his way to Canterlot for this farmer's market, him and my mother. They left me behind with the rest of my family here as the stallion in charge, if you could believe: here was my dad, giving me responsibility over the whole farm,trusting me enough to not make a mess out of things. They were only supposed to be out for a couple of days...”
Halfway through, his voice started to increasingly crack; his neck coming down as if being pulled by the weight of gravity. Rainbow Dash began to tear up as well: he hadn't even finished the whole story, but he didn't need too to know it wasn't going to end well, and it any case, shehated to see her friend like this.
“They never showed up. A whole week went by and nothing; ah thought it was just some test by my father at first, to see how ah would do under the pressure of feeling like ah was in charge of the whole farm myself. Ah wasn't thinking about it too much, because ah wanted to show him that I could do this by myself. Ah would show him that he was wrong about me: all of his whippings, just all of it – ah would show him that ah never needed any of it, and ah could actually make something out of myself.”
“But ah knew it, we all knew it: something was up. Granny Smith wanted to go to Canterlot to find out what was going on, and that's when we figured it out: apparently, my parents never evenmade to Canterlot. There was some sort of train accident, and the whole darn thing ended up coming right off the tracks. Nopony was entirely surewhat happened, but whatever did happened, they never even made it.”
Rainbow Dash waited to see what he would say next, but strangely, he was mum. She didn't want to look at him weirdly in case he suddenly picked up again,
...
...
...
“That's it?”
Rainbow Dash didn't want to look at him weirdly in case he suddenly started speaking again, but she got the sense that it was over: that really was the end of the story.
“Is that really the end of the story?” Rainbow Dash said, trying not to sound as skeptical as she felt.
Big Macintosh merely looked at her and gave a firm “Eeyup”.
Rainbow Dash gave him a blank expression, saying nothing for a few moments before slowly trotting up to him.
“Well Big Mac, I gave my piece, and you gave me yours. You wanna know what I think?”
Big Macintosh raised his head straight, preparing himself for another lecture....
...Instead, Rainbow Dash punched him in the shoulder.
“That was the dumbest thing I ever heard!”
“What in tarnation?!” Big Macintosh steered right at her, surprised at this blatant diatribe. Rainbow Dash chuckled incredulously, rubbing the back of her mane and trying to piece together a fair and gentle rebuttal to the absolute idiocy she just heard from her friend's mouth.
“Listen, Big Mac, you can't seriously hold a freak accident like that against your father. I know you have a lot of pent-up against him, but now you're just railing him for things that you know just isn't his fault. I mean, really: your parents go with a dozen others in a train, something happens that puts everybody on board in danger, and you're blaminghim for you mother's death? Really?” Rainbow Dash didn't hold back: she needed her friend to understand.
“You're being petty, just like you were petty this morning in agreeing to pick up a cake when you could have easily just said 'No'. Why didn't you? I think it's because you honestly want to move past this as much as you say you do: you could have easily just avoided everything and everypony today and worked all day on the farm, but you willfully chose to take part in Applejack's celebration, you went into town and blatantly asked Scootaloo for help, and now you're standing out here outright looking formy help too.” Rainbow Dash said.
“And why? because you need it, and you want it, and the only reason you're not moving past this as much as you want too is because you're being petty and cowardly about itand you bucking know it.” Rainbow Dash said, beginning to seeth. She didn't want to curse, but she needed Big Macintosh to understand how ridiculous he was.
Big Macintosh bit his lips, trying to rein himself and his emotions in, but he was increasingly failing. His forelegs buckled as he brought himself down to the ground, his mane covering his eyes.
“Ah know that Rainbow, you think ah don't know that? ahknow that. Ah know Ah'm being petty and cowardly, and ah can move on from this, but ah just can't! he pushed and pushed a life that ah never really wanted! and he won and ah now have a farming Cutie-Mark to show for it! he kept hurting me again and again and he kept saying it was because ah needed it, but ah didn't! my mother said he wasn't just a walking stereotype, but ah ended up having these awful ideas about Filthy Rich today! he did that! my mother was the only one who understood me, but he wanted to take her to that darn farmer's market and now she's goneand it's all his fault!” Big Macintosh screamed into the dirt, not raising his head from the ground.
Rainbow Dash immediately came over, wrapping her wing around him again. He was not going through this alone.
That's how it stayed for several minutes while Big Macintosh openly wept. She briefly wondered if the other members of his family should be here to comfort him, but she didn't want to leave her spot. She was going to stay put and comfort him for as long as it took.
Eventually, the blubbering ceased and Big Macintosh slowly raised his head again to look at Rainbow Dash.
“I'm sorry Big Macintosh, I'm sorry that things went so hard for you. I'm sorry about your mom, and I'm sorry that your Dad seemed to just keep pushing and pushing...but if you really want to get past this, the first thing you need to do is accept that almost all of the stuff you mentioned really isn't his fault.” Rainbow Dash said.
“What happened with Filthy Rich today in town? that wasn't him, it was all you: and maybe it wasn't your father's influence finally rubbing off on you the wrong way so much as it was just anaccident. You had some preconceived notions about a pony you don't really know very well, and it's no big deal! it's not a sign that you've become a bad pony, or you've become just like your father in the end – it was just you being just like everypony else!”.
“As for having a Cutie-Mark, that's all you as well. He didn't put that mark on your flank Big Macintosh, you just found out, with or without his help, that farming reallywas what you loved to do and made you happy. It wasn't that he won in the end, you just found your life's calling and it took you awhile because your father was shoving the farm down your throat every chance he had.”
“And the accident...Big Mac, I'll say it again, I'll say it a million times if I have too: you cannot blame your father for what happened. It was completely out of his hooves, just like everything you went through was out of yours. If you really want to move past this, you have to accept that he's not responsible for what happened to your mom just as much as you're not responsible for all the bad things he did to you. That was all him, and what happened today, was allyou.” Rainbow Dash said, concluding her words.
Big Macintosh looked at her with a pitiful expression he would have only reserved for his mother. He needed help, he neededher, and he was just so so tired...
“Ah want this to be over Rainbow Dash: ah want to be happy, and ah'm just not. Ah hurt Applejack today, ah'm hurting myself – ah just can't stand it anymore.” Big Macintosh sobbed again, falling to pieces like he fell on the ground. Rainbow Dash hugged him tighter, looking at him with a warm smile.
“And you can be, you big lug. You can be happy, and you can get through this: Filthy Rich, Scootaloo, you and me...we all got through our fathers one way or the other. You just need to realize that you're your own stallion now, and you're only responsible for so much just the same way he is, like we all are. You're downright soulful, honest and just a great pal to have as a friend. He didn't do that Big Mac, that was all you.” Rainbow Dash said brightly.
She could see from the rising corners of his mouth, that he was cheering up. She wasn't about to stop there.
“Soulful?” Big Macintosh sniffled, rubbing his nose with a hoof. She laughed at his reply.
“Yeah buddy, that's you: soulful. If I could think of one word to describe Big Macintosh, that would be it.” Rainbow Dash said warmly.
Big Macintosh sniffled a little more, but shakily began to rise back up. His expression was still depressed and shaken, but he looked the happiest he'd been since she first showed up.
“Sorry if I got all sappy and preachy back there, I didn't mean it.” Rainbow Dash laughed half-heartedly, rubbing her mane again.
“It's okay. 'Sappy and preachy' is all ah've gotten all day, and ah honestly think ah've needed it. Better than just locking it all away and farming the whole day like nothin' bothers me.” Big Macintosh said with Rainbow nodding in return. Locking everything away was exactly what made the pent-up distress and snap at innocent ponies all day.
Rainbow Dash was happy that he seemed to be feeling better, but there was one more thing she needed to say.
“There's one last thing bud, and this is important.” Big Macintosh's ears perked up, preparing to listen. “I need you go back inside the house, apologize for everything you said, and most importantly, celebrate the holiday with them.” Rainbow Dash said.
Big Macintosh wasn't surprised except for the last one. He already intended to eventually go back inside and apologize to everypony for spoiling the party, but Rainbow actually wanted him to celebrate with them? Celebrate Sire's Day?
“You have too, you have to celebrate your father. Whoever he was, whatever he was, the fact is that you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him, and while he may not have been Equestria's Best Dad, he still ended up teaching you right from wrong if only from his own mistakes. He helped you discover your cutie-mark and your love for farming, even if he was misguided and overzealous about it. Maybe he wasn't the father he should have been, or you the personyou should have been, but you still grew into darn fine stallion and, one way or another, he had something to do with that.” Rainbow Dash said, trying to make him understand.
“So celebrate the idiot for who he. Do it for him, and do it for yourself. It may end up making you feel better and helping you move past this.” Rainbow Dash finished, breathing out heavily. She felt like she flew a marathon since she got here, and she didn't have much left.
Big Macintosh said nothing for awhile, taking it all in...before finally breaking out into the biggest smile he'd given to anypony all day.
“Wow, nowthat was sappy and preachy.”
The two ponies fell into giggling titters before breaking out into full-blown laughter. Rainbow Dash backed away, looking at him for a few moments. His tears had subsided by now, and he looked like a new stallion.
“Thank you Rainbow Dash, thank you for everything.” Big Macintosh said proudly. It wasn't that he suddenly got over years of emotion and anxiety about his father, but Rainbow Dash glued together all the optimism and wisdom that generous ponies like Filthy Rich and Scootaloo had offered him all day.
That's who she was: the Element of Loyalty.
Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash felt spent, and spent the next few minutes just breathing and trying to understand the emotional rollercoaster they just went through. For Big Mac, it was the pinnacle he'd gone through all day, but the peak was past and he'd felt like the worst was over. Hegot it now, he really did, and he was ready to move on with his life.
“You'd better be going inside now, you know. We've been out for a long time now, and your family is waiting for a certain somepony to apologize.” Rainbow Dash said teasingly, but Big Mac only grinned and nodded at this. He felt floaty and refreshed: he knew what he had to do and felt happy about doing it.
“Rainbow Dash?” Big Macintosh said, before going inside. She asked what it was.
He hugged her; she generously returned the favor.
They stayed like this for several moments before pulling away. She looked at him wryly, shaking her head.
“See you around, Big Mac.” Rainbow Dash said. Big Macintosh nodded in return, before she suddenly swooped up into the moonlit sky, the farmer watching joyfully. Zooming up into the sky, and already at an altitude that prevented him from seeing her clearly, Rainbow Dash just looked fondly back at the spot she had just left.
“Inever leave my friends hanging.” Rainbow Dash murmured to herself. With that, she took off into the distance.
~~~
Big Macintosh watched Rainbow Dash fly off, laughing softly to himself. He felt like he could take the world, and was flying as high as she was. There was still something he had to do first...
He slowly walked back up the steps of the house, leading to the front door. Breathing a sigh of relief, he gently placed his hoof on the door frame, pushed, and walked inside.
The Apple Family was still sitting at the kitchen table, all three of them looked like they hadn't moved from their spot since he'd left. The mood was decidedly more somber since he'd left:because he had left.
Had they heard everything outside? Didn't they want to go outside to check up on him and see if he was alright?
Big Macintosh shook his head at thought. It looked like they had chosen to remain right where they were and decided to finish things without him, and he honestly didn't mind: he didn't want them halting anymore of their festivities on his account, and in any case, his conversation with Rainbow Dash wouldn't have been the same if any one of his family decided to intervene.
Big Macintosh and his family simply looked at each other for a few moments, before Big Macintosh slowly went back into his chair and sat down as if nothing happened. Everypony stared at Big Macintosh, Big Macintosh just stared at the table.
“Ah'm mighty sorry everypony, ah'm sorry for the way I treated you ya'll, and ah'm sorry for ruining your big party. Ah've been acting like a big foal all day, and –“ Big Macintosh began, but was interrupted.
“No, Ah'm sorry big brother. Ah'm sorry for pushing all this on you, and making you do things you just didn't want too. You just wanted to be left alone all day, and ah just kept making things worse. That wasn't right of me.” Applejack said apologetically, ears pinned down. Nopony said anything for a few moments, but Big Macintosh wanted to know something: it was a question he'd been wanting to ask day.
“Then why did you? why'd you keep getting at me all day? you knew how I felt about Pa and this holiday, you knew how uncomfortable it was making me. Why'd you keep it doing?” Big Macintosh asked, looking up. If ever there was something that festered like a pack of Parasprites, this was it.
“Ah don't know...ah justwanted too I guess; ah wanted to do our daddy proud and remember the good times and what he did for us. Ah wanted us to put away whatever grief we had toward him and just try to be remember that he loved us, and we loved him. Ah know all this don't come easy for you because he justwasn't easy on you, but ah still...” Applejack said, biting her lip and trailing off. She was staring at the table just as he was, not daring to look at him.
Big Macintosh didn't want anymore of this. Applejack's heart and hooves were in the right places, as ever, even if she hadn't thought this through, as ever. On her head was her father's brown stetson hat, just the same way he still wore his brown work-collar.
“This is yer sister Applejack remember? The loyalest of friends and the most dependable of ponies?”
No, who was right or wrong didn't matter anymore: what mattered was that he didn't want to see his little sister like this.
He pulled himself right from his chair and circled around the table, getting next to her. Applejack determinedly kept her tearful gaze on the table, but quickly gave in before helplessly looking up toward Big Macintosh.
She managed to hold herself for a few moments before jumping out of her chair and leaping into his forelegs, bawling into his chest. Big Macintosh said nothing as he held onto Applejack, preparing to hold onto her for as long as it took just as Rainbow Dash did the same thing for him. He felt Granny Smith and Apple Bloom, silently watching the events unfold since he came back in, reach around and join in. Both of them seemed to be smiling, watching these two forgive each other.
They stayed this way for a while, before breaking away from each other. The Apple Family looked at one another with smiles and small laughter.
“If it's alright with ya'll, ah'd still like to join in on the celebration, if it's not too late.” Big Macintosh said. The others looked at one another as if he'd thought he was Winona and buried himself in the ground.
“Of course you can join in!” they seemed to chorus. Big Macintosh smiled widely, scuffing the floor, as they all slowly returned to their returned to their seats at the table. The cake was partially eaten, but still had plenty for him to eat as well.
The rest of the evening happily passed smoothly and without incident. The Apple Family took turns telling stories about their father, whether about him or simply involving him. The reverie only continued to get bigger through the night as they continued to swap tales, eat cake, and drink hearty apple cider saved especially for this occasion.
All the while, Big Macintosh felt himself feeling lighter and lighter. It had turned out to be one of the biggest days in his life, but he still felt there was one thing he had to do.
“If ah may everypony, ah'd like to propose a toast.” Big Macintosh said lifting his cup of apple cider, interrupting a funny story Applejack was telling Apple Bloom. Everypony at the table immediately smiled at the gesture, quickly refilled their cups if they were small, and lifted them up in the air. Big Macintosh stood up off his chair, feeling like it would better if he weren't sitting down.
“Ah'd like to dedicate this to my father Crabapple. He really – ah mean, he wanted so much to raise me right, to raise us all right, to what he felt were the good ponies that we could be. Ah don't know if it's right to ask if he was a perfect pony himself, especially since ah don't think he would have been proud of how ah acted today.” Big Macintosh said, looking up at the ceiling.
“Ah did a lot of bad things today, and ah hurt people ah care for with my attitude, and ah blamed it all on him. But it was never him, it was all me, and ah need to take responsibility for it just as he would have wanted me too.”
“So Dad, I don't know if you're watching, but ah'm sorry....I'm sorry if ah didn't turn out the stallion you wanted me to be, and ah'm sorry for everything I put you through. One way or another, ah know you did the best with what you had, and ah wanna do the same. Ah'm learning right from wrong just how you wanted me too, and ah wanna thank you for that.” Big Macintosh said, his beginning to tear up.
“I love you Dad - Happy Sire's Day.” Big Macintosh said. There was silence for a few moments, before the rest of his family started to softly clap their hooves. He sheepishly put his glass down, before settling back down into his chair.
“Ya'll alright, big guy?” Applejack said, looking at him a bit concerned.
“Yeah, ah'm gonna be fine.” Big Macintosh said, looking back at her assuringly. Everypony at the table smiled, as they resumed their festivities.
Big Macintosh only smiled, as he stared off into space a little, listening to everypony talking. Softly nodding his head to himself, he felt a sense of closure he never thought he would feel. As the Sire's Day party rolled on, he thought back to the last words his father ever said to him.
“You can do this. I'm proud of you son, I know you can do this.”
Big Macintosh smiled at the thought, chuckling lightly to himself. It was completely out of context, but he felt it didn't matter. No words felt more fitting to what he was feeling right now.
Crabapple was right, he was getting through this. He was his father's son, after all.
Pressing his hooves gently together, Big Macintosh quietly murmured to himself:
“Happy Sire's Day, Dad”.
The End
