Whose Throne Room is it Anyway?

by Psy Key

First published January 1st, 1970 00:00

Now that Twilight Sparkle is a princess, she has to live in the Royal Castle. All three princesses, save Cadence who now rules the Crystal Empire, have to share the throne room. This is what goes on in that throne room, and the insanity expands around Equestria.

Please note that this story is not to be taken seriously. All characters will do outrageously funny acts, and there will be TONS of references.

Chapters

What Happens In A Throne Room
Surrounded by Comrades

What Happens In A Throne Room
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Whose Throne Room is it Anyway?

What Happens In A Throne Room

It was just starting to become noon in the luxurious capital city of Canterlot. The market was bustling with various consumers, the street shops were lively, and E3 was being held at the Canterlot Community Facility. However, none of this mattered. No, what really mattered was what was going on in the Royal Castle. The citizens were of no concern for the ponies who worked or lived within the Royal Castle because the Royal Castle was the only place in Canterlot where peace and quiet could be found. It was the only place in Canterlot where somepony could study in the large library.

But of course, that's what the citizens of Canterlot believed.

The royal throne room had gotten quite the upgrades since Twilight Sparkle had been magically mutated into an alicorn. The throne room had to get expansions, so taking down a couple of walls and windows in order to make the room larger was a priority. That had been accomplished in a weeks time, and now each princess of Canterlot had her own throne. Princess Celestia's was her usual golden throne with red cushions. Princess Luna's was a dark silver, with night sky blue cushions. Princess Twilight's was a beautiful amethyst throne, carved in such a way to represent a complex stack of books that together looked like a throne. Her cushion was also a rather large book.

"More paperwork from the market, your Highness." A royal guard said as he brought Princess Celestia a stack of forms and legal contracts from stands in the market.

Princess Celestia told the guard thank you and took the papers to her desk. She then quickly looked all the forms over, examining each one like a lawyer. She quickly noticed all of the forms were for ponies who wanted to set up fruit stands in the market. "As if we didn't need more fruit stands." Celestia muttered to herself as she levitated her magical Nyan Cat.gif stamp and an ink bowl to her desk. This stamp was her indication that she didn't give a fuck about the document, and when it was returned to the applicant they would have to deal with the bitterness of this pastry kitten. "This is gonna be a real piece of piss, you bloody fruit shop owners!" Celestia shouted as she rapidly stamped and stacked the forms.

Meanwhile, Princess Luna was flipping through channels on her magically created portal that allowed her to open up a portal anywhere in Equestria and see what's going on. "Oooh! Blitzball!" Luna announced gleefully as she stared into the portal. It was a blitzball tournament in Zanarkand, and her beautiful night shined over the stadium with its shimmering darkness. The star player of the Zanarkand Abes, Tidus, was about to score a goal when the crowd started screaming. The next thing Luna saw was darkness. Complete darkness.

"Erectin' a Book Fort!" Twilight yelled as she wore her usual psycho princess look. She quickly ran to Canterlot's private library and levitated as many books as she could get. All of them were on all kinds of magic, and she wanted to create the most magical book fort ever. After getting roughly two thousand books, she took out a wrench and started building her book fort around her throne. "Build a book fort, LIKE A PRINCESS!" Twilight shouted. When she was finally done she took a moment to examine her work. "I built that."

Luna had gotten off her throne to speak with her sister. "Sister, thou should do something about Zanarkand! I want to watch my blitzball!" Luna asked her sister in a hurried voice.

"No worries, Mate!" Princess Celestia spat out as she turned around. "I have somepony covering all of that with this giant protective summoned beast. It'll be fine."

Celestia then saw her student's massive book fort. "Piss!" She said in a stallion-toned voice. She then took out a glass jar containing a yellow substance. "Jarate!" She said as she threw the jar of piss at Twilight's book fort.

"Now I've seen everything!" Twilight grunted. "Erectin' a Book-a-pult!" She screamed, quickly swinging her wrench at a few books, which magically turned into a catapult that launched books. When she was finished, she also started making a guard for her book fort. She felt that Celestia was going to strike again, or maybe Luna, or even that spy, Rarity!

Luna wanted to know what Twilight's book fort was all about, so she trotted right over to the entrance. As soon as she approached, a funny little robot made out of books came right to her.

"Hello, and welcome to Princess Twilight's book fort. I am CL4P-TP, but you can call me by my locally designated name 'Claptrap'." The robot said. Luna was not impressed. She was actually quite annoyed with the little robot.

"NOPE!" Luna said with a sure tone in her voice. Her neck also extended as she said it, which made the robot feel disturbed and he instantly exploded, books and burning papers flying everywhere.

"Come on in, you're missing the fun!" Twilight said in a fillyish voice. Luna thought this was creepy, but she proceeded in anyway. To her surprise, the inside of Twilight's book fort looked mostly like a workshop. She had her Smarty-Pants doll tied up in a book chair and strapped to a couple of fireworks.

"All around the Discord statue, the filly chased the butterfly. The filly thought all was fun till-" Twilight stopped momentarily to jump onto a trigger, which made the fireworks go off. Twilight's doll was completely destroyed in the explosion. "POP! Goes the butterfly!" She finished with a wicked smile towards Luna.

Meanwhile, outside all the commotion, two guards stood side by side. Suddenly, one started flying around the other, making engine sounds with his mouth. The one guard standing still was not amused, and just stared at the other. Suddenly, the flying one crashed and slid on the ground, making a landing sound with his mouth.

"Stop with the Space-Pony thing." The annoyed guard said.

"Are you saying you want to file a complain with Star Command?" The moronic one spat out toward his fellow guard.

"Oh oh, okay, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?"

"Don't even think about it, Cowpony."

"Oh yeah, tough guy?" He reached up toward the other guard's helmet and tore it off of him. To his surprise, the stupid one started making suffocating sounds like he ran out of air.

"How dare you open a space pony's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets!" The stupid one said as he grabbed his helmet and put it back on.

"You actually think you're the space pony? Hey guys, look! It's the real space pony!" The annoyed one started laughing hysterically as he pointed at the stupid guard.

"You're mocking me, aren't you?"

"Oh no, no no no no- Hey, look! An alien!"

"What?! Where?!" The stupid one turned around just to get back-stabbed by his buddy.

Back at Twilight's book fort, Luna and Twilight started catapulting books at Celestia. This continued for the whole day. All until the three Princesses had to go to sleep.

Surrounded by Comrades
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Whose Throne Room is it Anyway?

Surrounded by Comrades

Twilight Sparkle was walking up the stairs to her apartment in Victory High-rises. Her apartment was several flights up, and it didn't help that one of her hind legs had a rather large ulcer on it. It was painful to trot with such a handicap, but no medicine had been distributed by the Council of Plenty. She looked up, only to see the large picture of Princess Celestia. Under her picture a caption stated, "BIG SISTER IS WATCHING YOU." Her crazed eyes almost followed Twilight as she made it to her flat. She opened her door to her flat and stepped inside. Her flat was rather depressing. The walls were gray, her bed was dull and painful to sleep on, and her brush for her mane was broken. The only good thing about her flat was the alcove that protected her from the Crystal Projection Screen on her wall.

This projection heard everything, and saw everything she did. It was creepy, but it was the society of Equestriania. However, her alcove allowed her to stay away from it. If she kept quiet, it wouldn't hear anything either. This was good, because she was about to do something highly illegal. The Imagination Guards would surely catch her for it one day, but for right now it was her only means of defying them. She was about to write in a diary. However, instead of writing good things she was going to write what she believed was wrong with society. She wrote about her job in the Council of History, and how it was odd how she rewrote the past. She wrote about how she thought about other ponies, and how she believed keeping the past preserved would be good. All of this was extremely illegal to think about, let alone have the imagination for it. Suddenly she wrote, "DOWN WITH CELESTIA! DOWN WITH CELESTIA!" over and over in her diary. She then laughed maliciously at the thought, and reckoned one day she would join the Sisterhood to overthrow her!

Suddenly, she awoke. It was all a dream, and it was a good one too! It sprung an idea in her head, one to overthrow her teacher! She jumped out of bed and quietly snaked out of her room. She then stuck to the royal walls of the castle, careful not to slide her wings against the wall. "Do do do dah, dudaba, do do do," she sang her own theme song as she traveled through the halls. When she spotted a guard, she froze and stuck against the wall, continuing her theme song with, "Duhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh," like she was on a constant playback. Suddenly, an exclamation point appeared above the guard, followed by a loud and abrupt sound. He turned toward Twilight, who then flew off into the dark hall. She flew as fast as she could, and then landed in the Throne Room. she conjured Spike out of her room, who awoke after thudding to the ground.

"Ow! Why did you do that?" Spike asked angrily.

"Because, I need you to send a letter! I need you to send a call of duty to all of my other friends! I have a plan!" Twilight whispered hastily, a wide grin sprouting on her face, and her mane stood up. "I need you to send a letter to Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack. Tell them I need them here immediately!" Twilight spoke in a tone much like a horny school filly, and then conjured magical transportation crystals. Each letter received one, and Spike sent one to each friend.

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Rarity was sleeping in her bed, with various gems surrounding her. Sweetie Belle was wrapped in a blanket next to her, and was sound asleep. Rarity loved sleeping with her sister, because she could always make Sweetie Belle have horrible nightmares. One was about a place where everything was the opposite of this book she read, "Pinkie Pie in Crazyland." There was insanity everywhere, and it was creepy. Rarity loved giving her these dreams.

Suddenly, Rarity awoke to a green fire in her bedroom. It flashed and swirled around, then forming into a scroll. She read it over, studying if it was actually Spike's handwriting. When she was sure it was, she took out her disguise kit, a butterfly knife, a magic absorbing box, and her revolver. She then put on her nicest suit and a ski mask. "Ah... Merde..." She said very annoyed as she smashed the crystal into pieces and threw it in her face. She teleported in an instant.

Rainbow Dash awoke to the very same thing, except she used the scroll as a pleasure device first. She secretly had a fetish for paper scrolls with lots of writing, and when she received one of Twilight's letters she always used it as a pleasure device. After she had finished, she attempted to read the letter. The ink was now blurred, and it was hard to read. Knowing Twilight, it was probably something important. She looked at the crystal for a moment, but then thought it was one of Rarity's girly gems. She smashed it to pieces, and was sucked into a void straight to Twilight Sparkle.

Pinkie Pie had no trouble finding the scroll, as it appeared in her cupcakes during her late night baking. She ate the cupcake slowly, not remembering that she may or may not have put a scroll for a fiber enhancement. She then spat the scroll out, tasting Twilight's thoughts on it. Her thoughts were always a bitter taste, and the crystal broke on the ground. Pinkie Pie jumped into the portal.

Fluttershy awoke to the same scroll, but she smashed it to pieces. She jumped on it and smashed it, and then yelled at it. "How dare you! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU WAKE ME UP, YOU BITCH!" Fluttershy screamed. She was always so angry after she had a wet dream. The crystal shattered and wrapped Fluttershy in it's aura.

Applejack was actually awake in her barn, building all sorts of stuff. She crafted a sentry, and then erected a dispenser right next to it. It was her fine piece of work, and she loved it. "WOOOHEEE! GIDDY UP!" She screamed in her southern tone. When the scroll appeared, the sentry shot it to pieces, and the crystal with it. It evaporated into a set of plans for a teleporter, which somehow made a teleporter back at the Royal Castle. "We need a teleporter RIGHT here!" Applejack announced. "Teleporter, comin' right up!" She then picked up her golden wrench made out zap-apples, and smacked at the ground. Somehow, a level 3 teleporter erected out of nothing. She was also transported.

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As the ponies arrived, Twilight greeted each one. Once her friends stood in the room with her, she asked her question.

"Alright, do you all know why I summoned you here tonight?" She asked in a tone that was of a crime boss.

"I'm afraid not." Rarity spoke up.

"Because you wanted to feed me more paper?" Pinkie Pie asked, who then pulled out her fire-proof suit and a musical instrument she called the Rainblower.

"Because you don't like my wet dreams?" Fluttershy shyly spoke up.

"That there's just a sad display." Applejack said to Pinkie, who now wore a gas mask.

"Hey over-alls, you suck!" Rainbow Dash yelled to Applejack.

"You're all a bunch of 'No-Hopers'!" Twilight spat to all her friends.

As they were all conversing, the sun slowly came up over the horizon. Twilight ran over to the curtains and looked at Celestia's sun for a bit. Her neck cracked as she smiled widely, and she put on a hunting hat.

"NO!" She quickly shut the curtains, which strangely thudded together like metal. Twilight sat on her haunches on the floor, pointing at the curtains she had just closed. She trotted back over to her friends.

"Pinkie Pie, what's with the get-up?" Twilight asked.

Pinkie Pie said nothing.

"What's with the tuba-gun?" Twilight pointed to the oddity.

Pinkie Pie still didn't speak.

"Luna, I hope you're not one of those psychotic quiet types." Twilight said with a frown and in a southern, sheriff accent.

"Alright, we need to disarm Celestia's throne. I know for certain it's still armed from the invasion of the changelings. It hasn't blown up yet, but I'm afraid it will soon. And the guards have something called 'The Foals of Atomos' formed as a cult. I need all of you to disarm it. Preferably somepony with an explosives skill of 25." Twilight told her plan to all of her friends.

"Alright, let's have a go at it!" All of them simultaneously chanted, pulling out Buster Swords.