This Never Happened

by Commodore64

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Slice of Life, Romance, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1142

Rarity has had flirts in the past, but one thing she has never considered a romantic option is a mare - particularly a pink mare, who just so happens to be snuggling up to her under the blankets when she awakes from a hazily remembered night.

Rarity has had flirts in the past, but one thing she has never considered a romantic option is a mare - particularly a pink mare, who just so happens to be snuggling up to her under the blankets when she awakes from a hazily remembered night.

Published 2013-06-28 23:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-28 23:50:02 UTC

The Pony Hurricane Strikes Again

Cotton candy, detergent, baking flour, hormones, perfume, and something wet. All of these mixed together and slapped Rarity right in her face, skewing her makeup more than it currently was. Her eyes opened slowly, she saw the edge of her bed, and part of the floor, which was covered in an array of fabrics and garments, along with many different kinds of pillows and blankets. There were hoofprints on the walls, floor and even part of the ceiling, which seemed to have been made with spilled eyeliner. Bottles lay stiff and stagnant on the hardwood floors. The bottom corner of one of the windows was cracked. One of her mannequins was tipped on its side, wearing a top hat askew on the head. Makeup was scrawled all over the fake pony’s body: two racoon eyes with small, white pupils, a bright red smile creeping across it’s cheeks, and a number of “Ha”s written in various places.

A sudden sense of alarm came to the clothesmith as she saw this disaster. An even stronger sense of the same alarm, but in a higher extreme, came when she felt something warm and moist laid gently across her stomach. She pulled up the blanket and saw that it was a hoof; a pink hoof. Her eyes slowly crawled up the hoof to find the shoulder, and the shoulder to the neck, and the neck to an all too familiar head. The head of Pinkie Pie, sleeping softly, with a mischievous grin plastered on her face.

Rarity stifled a scream as she threw Pinkie’s hoof to the side and started crawling backwards on the bed, nearly reaching the edge before catching herself on a nearby nightstand. This awoke Pinkie, slowly but surely. Keeping her smirk, she opened her eyes, sat up a bit, yawned, and said, “Oh hey. What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Rarity repeated, breathing heavily, “What’s up is why are you in my bed? And, more importantly, why does my bedroom look like a hurricane went through it?”

Pinkie chuckled, “Well, you do know I am the pony hurricane.”

“Pinkie,” Rarity began to regulate her breathing a bit, “What happened last night?”

Pinkie crawled over to Rarity, swaying her hips back and forth, almost as a cat getting ready to pounce onto a wounded bird, cornering her against the night stand. “You really don’t remember?” She stopped as she was muzzle to muzzle with the white, disheveled mare. “Maybe this will jog your memory.” Pinkie planted a firm and lingering kiss on Rarity’s lips. Rarity’s eyes widened, but she slowly sank in and closed them, the feeling of Pinkie’s tongue swishing about wildly in her mouth being way too familiar for her own good. Pinkie pulled away, both mares’ eyes opening slowly as a single thread of saliva connected the two before breaking and slingling down their respective necks. Pinkie continued to sport her wicked grin as she got out of the bed, leaving a mesmerized Rarity on the bed.

“I’m gonna go freshen up a bit.” Pinkie announced as she strolled out of the room.

Rarity simply stared at the pink party pony as she swaggered out of her bedroom. After the door shut, she shook her head into consciousness and her eyes widened even more.

“Wait.” she said, gesturing her hooves back and forth as the cogs and gears of her mind turned, “so that means.”

“Pinkie... and me... and we...”

She lifted up the covers to her bed and looked at her crease. Now it was a throbbing, wet, red crease.

“Oh my sweet Celestia.”

Rarity made her way down the staircase of Carousel Boutique after she washed a majority of the mushed up makeup off of her face. Pinkie Pie was methodically putting things back in her saddlebag, her mane was only slightly less chaotic than it was previously. Maybe that’s what she meant by “freshen up”. The white mare took a few seconds to regain proper posture and then ventured forth into the hurricane.

“Pinkie?” she called.

“Yeah?” Pinkie answered with a book in her mouth.

“I’m assuming that I had a good time last night...”

“You assume correct.”

“...Right. And I’m also assuming that you had a good time as well.”

“You assume correct again! Congratulations! You win this cucumber!” With no other warning, Pinkie chucked the phallic vegetable at Rarity’s head. She caught it effortlessly with her magic and examined it for a few seconds. One question came to mind.

“Where did the cucumber come from?” Rarity asked under her breath. “Nevermind. I don’t want to know. Anyway, Pinkie, regardless of whatever pleasure you or I may have derived from our... activities last night, I want you to know that the second you step out that door, this never happened.”

A look of almost sheer panic came across Pinkie’s face, “But WHY?! It was so much fun!”

“Don’t you remember me saying ‘despite whatever pleasure you or I may have derived from our activities last night’?”

Pinkie’s eyes looked up and scratched her chin before a light bulb popped out of her mane and exploded, sending glass flying everywhere as she exclaimed, “Yeah! But you have to remember, I’m not as experienced with this as you are.”

“As experienced with what?”

“One night stands.”

Rarity blushed and giggled out of nervousness, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come on, level with me, Rares...”

“I told you not to call me ‘Rares’.”

“...you don’t think I see all those stallions you’ve invited over here for the night and then sent them packing. I bet you’re one of those mares who keeps a list of all the colts that she’s nailed and never called again.”

“It’s not a list.”

Pinkie Pie seemingly pennant stared straight through Rarity’s eyes.

“....It’s a spreadsheet,” she admitted.

Pinkie Pie laughed hysterically, “Oh, Rares, you so silly.”

“Stop calling me‘Rares’!”

“Never happened.”

Pinkie slammed the door, creating a resounding echo throughout the lobby of Carousel Boutique. Rarity was left alone to her own thoughts. Her face twitched rapidly as she slowly sat down on the floor. Her forehooves curled around the top of her knees like a python strangling its prey. With the rounded surface of her bottom being her main center of balance, she started walking back and forth. Her face continued to twitched as she repeatedly mumbled, “This never happened. This never happened. This never happened.”

Author's Note

Just a little comedic experiment, trying to deviate from the Doctor Whooves fics a bit.

There are two more chapters expected and the next chapter should be up soon.

Please leave a comment telling me what you think. I'm still pretty new to fanfic writing so the more feedback the better.

Special thanks to Norrie McFly for prereading/editing the story and writing up the synopsis.