If only you knew...

It was dark out... the moonlight shone dimly through the shades in the window, the dirty panes blocking it even more so. Big Macintosh Apple stood in the dim light, looking out... he'd been dreaming of it again. It... what was it exactly? It was neither a dream, nor a memory... nor a nightmare, no matter how garish it seemed.... it was a want. An idea. Something from deep within his sub-conscience, and he knew it. Mac had been having these dreams since he was just a foal, they had taken him to a psychiatrist, but he didn't know what to say... what to call it. Some form of deep mental psychosis was all he could come up with. And now, that psychiatrist may have been more right than he knew... already Mac had dreamed of slaying the pony he loved most.... brutally murdering Caramel in many ways, and in this mental picture he had enjoyed it. That small fact... that he could ENJOY such an act.... filled him with fear. What if he did end up doing it one day... no... no he would never hurt Caramel.... he held the stallion to dear.

The large stallion never spoke much of anything because of the deep depression he was constantly in... only was he happy when he was with Caramel, or at the very least he was at ease when he was doing work. He turned, shuffling slowly over to the bed and crawling under the covers, the floor boards creaked ever so slightly as he did so. He rest his head on the pillow, and put his forehooves gently around the cream colored stallion he, as of tonight, shared the bed with. He loved Caramel... and Caramel loved him... If only he knew.... if only Caramel knew what mental torment Big Mac went through every night.... Mac nuzzles the stallion gently before hesitantly closing his eyes, and going to sleep....

He was in a street. It was daylight out, the jingle of an ice-cream cart played, and yet there were no ponies to be seen other than Mac... just standing there, looking around, walking slowly along. Then he saw Applejack, over by Sugar Cube Corner. She turned, smiled to him, waved.... and he trotted up, and... Punched her muzzle. Hard. She stumbled back, knocking into the window pane and cracking it severely. Mac pulls back, and lands a hay maker between his sister's eyes,her back bends backwards over the short wall where the window used to be as her upper body goes through the glass. Guess that's why they call it window pain. Her back appears to be broken, and he picks her up in two hooves, her face already smashed, bleeding from her mouth and nose, fractured teeth, shards of glass stuck in her hair and skin, he reels back...

and is suddenly awake, in the bed with Caramel again, this time in a cold sweat. He is breathing heavily, and stumbles out of the bed, where early morning rays of sunshine show through the grit and blinds on his bedroom window. He looks out, seeing AJ safe, up early as usual... he lets out a sigh of relief... He hated the dreams... dreaded the night.... but sleep always found him. And the terror only rose. The thing that scared Mac so much... the thing that made him afraid to get too close to too many ponies.... was that he really DID enjoy the act of causing pain... it frightened him... sadism was not his favorite trait, to say the least. But he would do anything to keep the ones he loved safe... even if that means.... no.... it wouldn't have to come to that.

At least he hoped not.

                                                                                                     *******

It's been a few days since that dreadful night, the dreams had calmed down some, and Caramel had convinced Mac to go to Sugar Cube Corner with him. Someone had broken in recently, and the window had been smashed... apparently nothing was taken. Big Mac tried to dismiss this, but it stuck in his mind...