The Confusing Amnesiaic Tale of a (Ponified) Human

by Terrorizer231

Rating: teen
Tags: Human
Length: 2063

When a human wakes up, ponifed, in Equestria, with few memories or recollection of how he got there, what happens? Hilarity, that's what.

Kenneth is a human. Or, at least, he thinks he is. Only problem is that he can't remember anything about his life other then his name and birth date. So when he wakes up in Twilight's library, to find that he is now a pony, he has to learn how to cope with the shock of being lifted out of his old world, and being thrown in a new one where the word "friendship" has a much greater meaning. Who knows, maybe he'll find out the true meaning of friendship? All we know, is that there will be comedy. And action. (Rated teen for mild, infrequent language and suggestive themes.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-30 18:50:01 UTC

"What the Hell am I?"

Chapter 1:  “What the hell am I?”

Kenneth felt his mind slowly shift into consciousness.  Light hit his closed eyelids as he attempted to drift back into dreamland.  He felt as if someone had hit his head with a sledgehammer…several times.  But, no matter how many times he changed position, he couldn’t fall asleep again.  Stupid real life.  Why do I have to wake up?  He kept his eyes shut, and decided that the world could go fuck itself for all he cared.  It wouldn’t have him until he was good and ready.

The back of his mind felt funny.  He mentally reached out to where the odd feeling was coming from, and found that, where he kept his memories, it felt empty.  He searched for the memory of yesterday’s breakfast.  Nothing.  For the memory of his first kiss (yet to be had).  Nothing.  Friends, family, relations.  Nothing, nothing, and even more nothing.  It confused him.  He knew there was, or at least used to be, something there.  He focused on what he did remember:  his name was Kenneth Adams, he was 17, and he had no idea what happened.

His ears shot up as he heard a door open, and promptly close again, followed by the sound of a feminine voice.

“…just don’t know, girls.  I found him out in the Everfree as I was going to Zecora’s and there he was, lying on the forest floor.”  This voice sounded like it came from a middle class American, though how he knew wasn’t apparent at the time.

“Beg yer pardon, Twi, but are yah sure t’was a good idea to bring him to yer place, sugarcube?”  This second voice had a noticeably southern twang, and once again he had no idea where that came from.  He could hear several pairs of footsteps, twelve in all, walk at a steady pace and stop near the foot of the bed he was in, or at least it felt like one.

“So,” spoke a third voice: this sounded more footloose compared to the first, and didn’t have the accent the second had either.  “Does anypony know anything ‘bout this colt?  I’m no Pinkie, but I’d know if I’d seen him on weather patrol.”  This was getting confusing.  Twi?  Pinkie?  Weather patrol?  And surely the word ‘anypony’ was incorrect, right?  He no longer wondered how he knew any of this, as he decided he’d find out later, but it still confused him.

He heard a sharp gasp coming from a fourth voice, and his ears were bombarded with a string of words that caused him to wonder just how it was able to speak so fast and long without breathing.  “Oh boy if nopony’s seen him before that means he’s new, and if he’s new that means he doesn’t have any friends, and if he has no friends then that means he is sad, and if he’s sad that means I get to cheer him up with one of my super-duper-special-spectacular Pinkie Pie PARTIES!”  It hurt his ears.

It was then a fifth spoke up.  To him it sounded a bit snobby, one he would expect from an upper-class citizen.  “Oh, forget about parties, darling, I want to know where he got those clothes!  Stylish, yet casual, it is nothing like I have ever seen!  Maybe I could make some like it in my Boutique.”  It was enough to make him groan, letting the females know he was awake.

“Um, girls…I think he’s awake…”  Someone else spoke up quietly.  It was hard to tell much about the voice, except she was shy.

He slowly sat up, and was met with a fierce headache.  It made his world spin beneath his closed eyelids, and he raised his hand up to rub his head.  That’s funny…  Instead of feeling his fingers caressing his head, something akin to a fist touched it.  He tried unclenching his hand, but that didn’t work.  His eyelids shot open, and after his pupils dilated and got used to the new amount of light, he looked down at his hands and…they weren’t hands.  He looked at a white, furry appendage, hard at the end.  His gaze traveled along the arm to meet a furry torso, and traveled down to find two others where his legs used to be.  A brown tail poked out from between his legs.  All of this came from eyes that were staring down a snout or muzzle of some sort.  What the hell am I!  Two more things came to him: he was naked and very shy about it; and that, whatever he looked like right now, he definitely was not supposed to look like this.

If I’m like this, then what are the people around me like?  His eyes shot forward, and his jaw dropped.  In front of him stood, not 12 people as he wanted, but 6 equines, all female from how they looked compared to himself.  Their coats ranged from orange to yellow to purple, and their manes ranged from blonde to rainbow-colored.  That wasn’t the best part:  two had wings, one had a horn, one had both a horn and wings, and the other two had nothing.  All had different expressions, from joyous to pondering.  How could horses have such human expressions?  How did I know that these were “human expressions?”

He desperately tried to cover up, hiding his private parts.  All of this was capitalized by an awkward silence.  Or at least, until a pink one blew a party horn out of nowhere and put a party hat on top of his head.  “Welcome, welcome, welcome!”  So this one was the one who had talked his ears off.  “My name’s Pinkie and I know everpony and I mean everypony in Ponyville but I don’t know you so you must be new and if you’re new that means you don’t have any friends then I have to cheer you up with one of my PARTIES!”  This was capitalized by bringing out a blue cannon, seemingly out of nowhere, and firing it above Kenneth’s head, sending confetti raining on him.

He was saved from any further bombardment by the purple one interfering and pushing the pinkie one away.  “Alright Pinkie, I think this colt’s been through enough as it is.”  Her mane and tail were a dark purple, with a lighter streak running through it.  She was the one with both a horn and wings.  She cleared her throat and turned towards the amused Kenneth.  “Sorry about that.  It’s just Pinkie being Pinkie.  Allow us to introduce ourselves.  I am Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends:  Pinkie Pie…“

She pointed at the pink one, and she jumped up.  “Hiya!”

“…Applejack…”

She pointed at the orange-colored one.  Her most striking feature was the cowboy hat she had on top of her blonde-mane, not to mention the fact her mane and tail were in a ponytail.  “Howdy.”

“…Rarity…”

An off-white equine with a horn spoke up in that upper-class voice.  Her violet mane was curly as all get-out.  “How do you do, darling.”  Great.  That’s the snob.  Fun.

“…Fluttershy…”

The yellow winged one, upon being pointed out, let out a squeak and tried to hide behind her pink mane, but managed to stutter out a greeting.  “H-hi there.”  It was cute enough to kill, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

“…and, finally-“  She managed to get out before being cut off by the last one, cyan-colored with a windswept rainbow mane and tail, flying as high as the ceiling allowed and announcing herself in a proud voice.

“-Rainbow Dash:  the fastest flyer in Equestria and awesomest pony in town.”  Kenneth had to smirk a little on the inside.  So, pink one is Pinkie Pie, shy one is Fluttershy, and rainbow-maned blow-hard is Rainbow Dash.  How obvious can you get?

Twilight looked a bit distressed at being interrupted, but it also looked as if she got this a lot.  “Now, if I may ask, what is your name?”

“Kenneth.  Kenneth Adams.”  All six looked at him funny, as if he spoke in a different language.  Oh, come on!  They think MY name is weird?  Try “Rainbow Dash” sometime.  “What?”

“That’s…an unusual name.  More of a gryphon name then a pony name.  Where are you from?”

He searched for it but it wasn’t there.  “I…can’t remember.  I can’t remember much, exactly.  Amnesia, maybe.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”  Rainbow Dash was really starting to get on his nerves.

“I mean, I can’t remember much besides my name and my birthday.  That’s it.  Now, if I may ask something, what the hell am I?”

Besides a comment about “Language,” coming from Rarity, everyone else was silent and confused.

“Um…what do yah mean, Kenneth?  Yah just the same as us.”  Perhaps it isn’t a southern accent.  Seems more like Ozark, whatever that is.

“Well, I’m not even sure what I am right now, so an explanation would do wonders.”

Twilight spoke up.  “We’re ponies.  To be more precise, I’m an Alicorn, Pinkie Pie and Applejack are earth ponies, Rarity’s a unicorn, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are pegasi, same as you.”

“Say what now?”  He looked at his back, and saw a pair of white wings on him.  He gave them an experimental flap.  I can fly?  “Huh.  Alright now, where am I?”

“Ponyville, Equestria.  To get more specific, you’re inside Golden Oaks Library, which is my home.”

None of those places rang any bells.  “So…you live in a library?”

“Yes…?”  She looked like she was bracing for something.

“That is so awesome!”

“Wait, what?”  She looked taken aback, but pleasantly surprised.

“It’s awesome.  You get to live around a lot of books all the time!  I wish I could.”

“Well, uh, thanks!  I don’t meet many ponies who love books as well.”  Is that blushing I see?

He looked around the room he was in.  “How long was I out?”

She shrugged.  How that was possible was unknown to him.  “I don’t know.  I was heading to Zecora’s to get some advice on potions when I came across you in the Everfree.  I don’t know how long you were asleep up until that point.”  Her horn glowed in a purple light, and a notepad with a quill came floating towards her.  Kenneth jumped.  “What?”

“That paper!  It’s floating!”

She looked as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  “Well, duh, I’m using magic.”

“Magic?”

“You know, it’s what all unicorns and alicorns can do?  It’s what allows pegasi to work with clouds and is what gives earth ponies their strength?”

“Hey, I’m a pegasis, and I’m strong too!”

“Yes, Rainbow, but you’ve done a lot of workouts.  Applejack and Pinkie are naturally stronger than most.”

Applejack tipped her hat.  “Yah got that right there, Twi.  I ain’t prone to braggin’ an’ all, but nopony’s a better apple bucker then I am, ‘cept maybe for Big Mac.”

He rubbed his temples as Twilight continued.  It was a lot to take in at one time.  “Alright, Mr. Adams, I want to ask you a few questions, and I’m sure everypony here has some of their own.  So, I’ll start:  what were you doing before you were…unconscious?  Asleep?”

“Unconscious is the correct term.  As for what I was doing…”  He searched until he came up with a couple images of a backpack and a trail.  “Camping, or hiking, either one.  Before you even ask, though, I don’t know how I ended up here.”

Rarity came next as the quill hastily scribbled down something he couldn’t see.  “Where did you get your clothes, darling?  I must simply know!”

“Speaking of which, where are they?”

“They’re fine in my boutique.  Twilight put them in my care.  I just haven't seen anything like them.”

“I don’t know about where I got them, but I would like to see them.  Maybe they’ll jog my memories.”

Twilight looked up from the pad.  “You sure about that?  You looked pretty rough when I found you.”

“Nah, I’m sure I’ve had worse.”  He immediately regretted saying that as he attempted to move.  He found nothing was broken, but the pain was enough so that the only reason he didn’t hurl was the thought that there was girls around him.  Or was it mares?  It sounded better than girls.

Everyone’s eyes were on him as he dangled his hind legs over the bed and attempted to stand on them.  He promptly fell flat on his face.  Walking’s a bitch, huh?

“Shit!  I’m fine…just let me get up here.”  He got back up on two legs, but this time he saved himself from messing up his face any further by catching himself on his front legs, forcing him to go it on all fours.  Much more natural.  I’m a pony, an equine, but I wish I could stand on two legs.  Seems much better than this.  He let the group of six friends lead the way as he slowly followed.  He had a bit of trouble on the stairs, but it went off without a hitch after that.  Upon exiting the door that led out of the marvelous book-filled library, his eyes met a view filled with colorful, bright buildings, with colorful ponies to match.

Pinkie jumped up and called out to Kenneth.  “Welcome to Ponyville!”

“Fuck me.”