A Heart Full of Rainbow!

by Jioplip

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Other, Romance, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 10291

Rainbow Dash never thought about settling down with anypony, much less this gaudy stallion! And yet she's strangely attracted to the eccentric pony with a strange name.

Rainbow Dash never thought about settling down with anypony, much less this gaudy stallion!

And yet she's strangely attracted to the eccentric pony with a strange name.

(Reading A Secret Thrice Unconnected is highly reccomended.)

Published 2013-07-01 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-16 12:29:30 UTC

Because Why Not?

One month had passed since Equestria logically should have turned on it's head, of course since the entire populace is just a pack of nutjobs, they didn't seem to mind the revelations about their royalty, or Discord, or half of the citizenship.

But unbeknownst to Equestria's citizens, a danger was looming over them, a danger that did not go unnoticed by it's leaders.

Something had to be done, and so our story begins at a meeting between Queen Embryous, formerly Princess Celestia, Princess Twilight Sparkle the Draconequus, and Starswirl the Bearded Alicorn.

23:17

Two of the three most powerful beings in Equestria sat around the black stone table of the Secret Chamber, Twilight chose to float.

"I trust you know why I've asked you both here?" Starswirl the Alicorn intoned deeply in a speech-like pattern, while Embryous nodded, Twilight seemed unsure, so Starswirl continued, "It seems that the affects of my return, coupled with the revelations of Discord and you both revealing your secrets, and with half of all of Equestria's citizens being Changelings in disguise stacked on top, has begun to affect reality itself."

"But how is that even possible?" Twilight was both confused and concerned, "I mean, none of that has anything to do with reality on such a cosmic scale."

"If I may, Starswirl?" Embryous waited for the Alicorn's nod before explaining, "You see, Twilight, everypony in Equestria is crazy."

"Even I could have told you that," Twilight mumbled, "but what does that have to do with reality, and everything that's been going on recently?"

"What you must understand Twilight, is that any normal group of ponies would be out of their minds given recent revelations, but instead the people have decided to simply accept the new state of the world and move on."

"But isn't that a good thing?"

"Normally, it would be," Starswirl began gravely, his voice gravelly, clearing his throat, he continued, "however, their lack of a reaction when logic dictates that there should be one, is slowly but surely building up energy.

"If this, 'latent insanity energy' is allowed to keep building up, it can only result in destruction."

"The destruction of what?" despite herself, fear was creeping into Twilight's voice.

Suddenly, the walls and floors of the Secret Chamber seemed to disappear, replaced with a sea of stars.

"This universe." was Starswirl's simple reply.

"What?" Twilight's eyes were bugging out of her head at this new news.

"Well, maybe not," Starswirl quickly backpedaled, the floor and walls returning to normal, "but it'll at least blow away this region of space."

"Regardless," Embryous cut in, "that is how powerful this latent insanity energy really is."

"But isn't there anything we can do to stop it?" Twilight quickly put on her game face, it looked silly.

"There is one thing," Starswirl said gravely, not gravelly, "but you aren't gonna like it."

It's so... quiet.

In the blackness, a lone voice echoed through the void between death... and life.

It's more quiet than it's ever been, am I finally at peace?

This peace... it's not all it's cracked up to be. In the place of yesterday's noise, today's silence feels so empty.

And yet, this too is pleasant.

In the blackness, a single point of light appeared, it was also a point of hope for the lone being.

This sound, it's... Music?

This is it, the noise of the past, the sound of life!

In the blackness, only silence and emptiness filled the space.

Ponyville, supposedly a quiet village in or around the middle of Equestria, the reality of Ponyville however, was strange even by the standards of Equestria.

Calling it the Chaos Capitol of the World would be an understatement, being home to not only the royal Draconequus Twilight Sparkle and the other Elements of Harmony (Who include among their number Rainbow Dash, who can break the sound barrier while flying up, and Pinkie Pie.), it is also the nearest settlement to the Everfree Forest, home to automatic weather, living wooden wolves, and nestled within it's depths is the gate to Tartarus, the prison where the greatest of evils lie hidden.

Of course, the locals hardly noticed the insanity anymore (Except for a certain agricultural trio, but nopony paid them any mind.).

And so when a strange greenish-grey unicorn wearing a red cloak appeared in the center of town in a bright flash of light, he was only met with mild curiosity.

His black eyes wandered around the sights of the town, drinking in his environment.

Several thoughts entered the stallion's mind at once: 'I'm alive' was high on the list, followed quickly by 'Where am I?' 'What are those creatures over there?' and of course, 'I don't think I have enough time to dodge that'.

All things considered, you've probably heard of Rainbow 'Danger' Dash, so I won't bother describing her, and if you have so much as a genre-savvy cell in your body, I probably won't have to describe her crash into the pony who appeared just above here, so instead I'll just skip to the aftermath.

Rainbow Dash paced back and forth nervously in the hospital waiting room, her thoughts running wild as she had a mental freak out to rival Twilight Sparkle deciding on breakfast.

Oh no, this is bad, this is really bad, what if he's badly hurt? What if I crippled him? Oh Celestia, er, Embryous, I flew him here so so fast I never bothered to check him for wounds! Or a pulse! What if he's dead? Or even if he did survive, what if he's in a coma? Or brain-damaged or- Oh my gosh, just breath Rainy, it'll be all okay.

By this point, Rainbow Dash was curled up in a corner, her mind running in circles as she tried futilely to calm herself down by mimicing her mother. It really should have been more effective, but then again she may have just murdered a pony, so that's probably contributing to her panic.

Oh my gosh, he's probably dead, no he's dead. Dead or in a coma or brain-damaged or some other horrible-

"Rainbow Dash!"

"Gah!" the polychromatic pegasus pony was suddenly roused from her rapidly descending thoughts by a stern yet friendly voice, "Applejack? What are you doing here?"

Indeed, none other than Applejack, the sanest and most normal pony in Equestria, was the owner of the aforementioned friendly stern-voice.

"Ah came here t' see what you were doin'," despite her uncommon accent, Applejack was still quite normal by Equestria's standards, "th' last Ah heard you crashed into some mystery unicorn in the' center o' town."

"Oh right, that." Rainbow Dash's thoughts threatened to continue their downwards spiral, but they were inturrupted before they had the chance.

"Whah' don't you ex'plain t' me jus' what's goin' on?"

"Well," Rainbow Dash struggled to find her voice, a rare problem for her, "I was doing a few practice runs for a new trick I'm working on, when I... kind of lost control."

"Ah' could figur' that much on mah' own."

"Yeah, yeah." finally finding some strength in her voce, Rainbow recommenced hher tale, "Anyway, I was headed for the center of town, but it was mostly clear, so I was just gonna fly in real quick and get clear of town, but that's when he showed up."

"Our mystery unicorn, Ah'm guessin'?"

"Yeah, he just appeared out of nowhere in a big ball of light."

"Y'mean lah'k how Twilight used to do?"

"No, it was more like how she does it nowadays, only white."

Before Applejack could respond with even more butchered english, Nurse Redheart stuck her head through the door to the waiting room.

"Rainbow Dash?"

"Uh yeah?" Dash replied nervously.

"The patient has requested your presence."

Meanwhile, in the Secret Chamber of Canterlot Castle...

Starswirl the Bearded Alicorn, Queen Embryous, and Twilight Sparkle the Draconequus were surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke, of course, this was a minor obstacle in the face of their awesome power!

"What was that?" Twilight asked as soon as she was able to stop coughing, only to devolve into another fit of coughs immediately afterwords.

"I-I'm no-t sure," Embryous choked out.

"It seems our spell had unintended side-effects," somehow Starswirl seemed unaffected by the smoke, his voice was gravelly again however, "I experienced a reaction like this when I was researching magic as a tortoise, from what I gathered then, I'd say our spell managed to interact with a foreign magic source, and that made this smoke."

"But how?" Twilight had managed to clear the smoke, but her throat was still hoarse, "I thought the spell was just supposed to pull some madness from outside Equestria to balance out the latent insanity energy."

"It was, but it seems that the place we were drawing from wasn't as empty as it should have been," Embryous closed her eyes in thought for a moment, before coming to a realization, "Twilight, you have to get back to Ponyville, if this foreign magic source managed to enter Equestria, that is where it will be."

"You're right, but what about you two?"

"We need to make sure the spell worked," Starswirl's voice was grave, but no longer gravelly, "If the spell failed, then we're likely in even deeper trouble than before."

Author's Note

Cliffhanger!

And welcome, to the first chapter of 'oh god lord I'm writing a romance THIS WILL NOT END WELL!' Also known as 'A Heart Filled With Rainbow!'

The inspiration for this fic came from this song, which has nothing to do with this story, but one of the lyrics inspired me.

Also, it was written while listening to these songs, which have very little to do with this story.

Well, I guess that's it for now, maybe next chapter I'll get around to approaching the romance... At a glacial pace. Or not, who knows! But I assure you there will be romance!

Anyway, I like interacting with my readers, so the first person who correctly guesses what the 'latent insanity energy' scene is referencing gets a prize!

...What prize? Well, a cameo appearance in this story of course!

...A-and a shoutout!

...It's free...

This Is Why.

Rarity was not a simple mare, and she certainly didn't live by simple means, she didn't lead a simple life, and her friends were anything but simple, so from time to time, she liked to enjoy shall we say... simpler pleasures.

It was during one of these 'barbaric scuffles' as she called them, that a mysterious unicorn appeared in the middle of Ponyville.

None of this is particularly relevant, but it's kind of interesting if you're into that sort of thing.

Where am I?

The unicorn opened his eyes and focused on one of the strange creatures standing near the door, white with a red cross on it's leg.

"Good, you're awake," he felt only mild surprise that it, she rather, could talk, "I was starting to worry, your injuries seem minor, but you were fast asleep."

"Where," his throat was hoarse, clearing it, he, like many before him, continued, "where am I?"

"You're in the Ponyville General Hospital and Psychiatric Clinic."

"Po-ny-ville?" he tripped over the strange word, and hit his nose on the ground, grumbling as the nurse got him back into his bed, a thought occurred to him, "How did I get here?"

"Do you remember what happened before you woke up here?"

The stallion thought a moment, "Yes, I was standing in some kind of settlement, and then some thing flew right at me, I barely had time to register it, then nothing."

"That thing that hit you would be Rainbow Dash," she sighed, and likely would have pinched the bridge of her nose if she had fingers, "I swear, she's just so reckless sometimes."

So, it was a person who crashed into me, or at least one of these... whatever these creatures are called.

"Could I see her?"

The pale green unicorn was standing up and looking out the window when Rainbow dash walked in, he was no longer wearing his cloak, so she could finally take a good look at him.

His coat was mostly obscured by some kind of skintight cloth that almost seemed to flow into his coat, his hair was starkly white and covered the left half of his face like a curtain, obscuring it to Rainbow, and then there were his ears, the left one was slightly shorter and rounder than an average pony's, but the right one was a little longer and pointier than most.

"You must be Rainbow Dash." she jumped a little, his silken voice had thrown her off guard, "Or, am I mistaken?"

"Uh no, that's me, Rainbow Dash, at your service." she chuckled awkwardly, not quite sure what to say, "Well, you don't seem to be dead so..."

"Of course not!" he exclaimed dramatically, swiftly turning his head so that his ivory locks flowed outwards like water that was also hair, exposing his dark eyes and purple eyeshadow to Rainbow Dash, who also noticed the black diamond shape on his cheek and the blue diamond ring in his ear, "It would take more than that to fell the Demon Lord Ghirahim!"

Silence ruled the room, it was an awkward silence, one that had dreaded the day it would again fall, and yet here it was again, but a month later. Rainbow Dash took this moment of silence to notice Ghirahim's belt buckle, and the many diamond patterns cut into his clothing. Ghirahim used the moment to study Rainbow Dash.

The guy's a real gem freak. Was Rainbow's conclusion.

I really like her mane. Was Ghirahim's conclusion.

Did Ah' hear him rah'ght? Was Applejack's conclusion.

Should I prep the psych ward? Was Nurse Redheart's conclusion.

Bark! Bark! Was Screw Loose's conclusion.

. Was the awkward silence's conclusion.

High above ponyville, a lavender Draconequus focused her magic, trying to find the source of the foreign magic.

Got it! she looked to where her magic led, Ponyville General and Psych Ward, of course! Was Twilight Sparkle's conclusion.

Wasting no time, she raced towards PG&PW, hoping she was not too late.

The silence hung... awkwardly.

Ghirahim had proclaimed himself 'Demon Lord', a title that should have struck fear into the hearts of all present, but the only reaction it got was a chill running down Fluttershy's spine.

And so Ghirahim simply stood there, looking at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, anywhere but at anypony else, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Nurse Redheart followed suit.

But the silence could not last forever, and soon a mighty crash came from down the hall.

"What was that?"

"What'n tarnation?"

"Should I prep the Psych Ward?"

But before any of their questions could be answered, a lavender Draconequus came flying down the hall, hands glowing searchingly. Quickly did she round the corner, ignoring the questions that were left to hang in the air, she entered the room, and rhombused on the Demon Lord.

"There you are!" she shouted triumphantly, "You're the source of that foreign magic!"

"Foreign what now?"

"Twi'? What'n tarnation're ya talkin' 'bout?"

"Sh-should I prep the Psych Ward?"

"A foreign magical signature interfered with a spell Embryous, Starswirl, and I were using to try to save Equestria, and he's the cause of it all."

"Wait, you're saying he's a threat to Equestria?"

"Whah' din't ya tell us Equestria was'n danger Twi'?"

"Should I prep the Psych Ward."

"Well, I don't know if he's a threat himself, and Applejack, I didn't know about this until today, and Nurse Readheart?"

"Should I-" began Nurse Redheart.

"No and stop asking that!" said everybeing else in the vicinity.

The possibly crazy nurse skulked off to ask somepony else about the psych ward.

As soon as she left however, the awkward silence returned in full force.

"So," it was Rainbow Dash who chose to break the silence, "uh, Demonlord was it? Would you mind reintroducing yourself? since Twilight just got here and all."

Demonlord? Twilight narrowed her eyes at the strange stallion, His magic is strange, it's unlike anything I've felt before.

"Demon Lord isn't my name, it's my title." Ghirahim once more allowed his hair to flow like hairy water, "My name is Ghirahim!"

"So, you say you're a Demon Lord," Twilight Sparkle was unaffected by Ghirahim's theatrics, "but I don't see any proof of your claim."

"So you want proof do you?" Ghirahim chuckled darkly, raising a foreleg, "Then perhaps a demonstration is in order?"

By this point, the awkward silence was getting really tired of their shenanigans.

"Uh, Ghirahim?" Rainbow cut in, "Nothing's happening."

"Yes, it would seem that I am missing my usual Focus," Ghirahim muttered, lowering his foreleg, "My apologies, but it seems that magic is currently out of my reach."

"But your horn's right there," Twilight Sparkle was often perplexed, like right now, "What other focus have you been using?"

"Ordinarily, my powers are but a snap of my fingers away, but I seem to have misplaced my fingers."

"Uh, Twi'?" Applejack it seemed was ready to put in her two bits on the matter, "Whut's a 'finger'?"

"I think they're like claws." Twilight looked down at her own set of purple claws, "Which means that he's not a pony."

"Well, half of Equestria isn't made of ponies," Rainbow Dash pointed out, "not to mention half of Rarity."

"Good point," Rarity's half-Changeling parentry was unusual, but not unheard of, "but still, Ghirahim, you claim to be a demon?"

"Do you know where my cloak is?" Ghirahim was searching the room, "Normally I'd just summon it with magic, but I don't know how to work this horn."

"Uh, I'd assume the doctors took it off of you when you were brought in."

"I see, in that case, I'm just going to go get it then." Ghirahim walked to the door, only to have Twilight block the entryway, "If you don't mind, I'm simply famished, and I'd like to get something to eat."

"You're not going anywhere until I've made sure that your magic isn't a threat to Equestria."

"Twilight! Twilight!" as if he were summoned by magic, Spike the baby dragon came running, letter in hand, "It's from the Princess, er, Queen, I mean."

"What does it say?" Twilight unconsciously moved out of the doorway as she spoke, but Ghirahim didn't leave the room.

"Right!" Spike unfolded the letter and cleared his throat, "Dear Twilight, there's no need to fear, Starswirl and I have been able to confirm that the spell went off without any trouble, in fact, it worked even better than expected!

"Therefore, your presence back in Canterlot will not be required, however, I expect a full report on any effects the spell may have had in Ponyville."

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, "That's good, I was afraid that all of Equestria was doomed."

"In that case, I'll be going now." Ghirahim began to leave, only to be stopped by a blue hoof on his shoulder, "What is it now?"

"Well, if you're going to grab a bite to eat, how about I treat ya?" Rainbow asked uncertainly, "It's the least I can do for putting you in the hospital."

"That would be lovely." Ghirahim then looked into the distance, "Especially considering that I have no money."

Twilight frowned as she watched Ghirahim and Rainbow Dash leave.

"Ya ain't gonna stop'm?" Applejack asked her floaty friend.

"No, I think I'm going to observe him from a distance for now, if he knows he's being watched, then I won't be able to tell whether he's a threat or not." an idea then dawned on her, "Hey Applejack, do you know why Ghirahim was in the hospital?"

"Sure as sugar do," the apple farmer replied colloquially, "Ah' gotta get back t'the farm, so Ah'll tell ya on the way there.

"It all started when Ah heard a crash in the center o' town, when Ah got there Lyra told me that Rainbow Dash'd crashed inta some mystery unicorn who'd jus' 'ppeared outta nowhere..."

Author's Note

Writing by the seat of my pants!

This chapter, not so good in my eyes, next chapter, I will try to make better.

I find it hard to get to the end, so when I'm limited to 9999 characters, it can get tense towards the end, which in this case was 9599, only four hundred characters from having to find a computer to finish this on.

And as of writing this nopony has guessed what the latent insanity energy scene references, that or nopony wants the prize...

Which is still free by the way!

And then the rating went up.

WARNING: THIS STORY'S AGE RATING IS GOING UP, STARTING THIS CHAPTER, IT IS ALSO BEING TAGGED FOR GORE.

In a clearing in the Everfree Forest, five figures sat shrouded in darkness, with room for a sixth.

"We are all present," a deep male voice boomed out across the clearing, "And so I call this meeting to order!"

"Order?" a female voice bounded back from another hidden individual, she sounded privileged, "For the past month, it's been nothing but chaos since Starswirl's betrayal!"

"I agree," the third voice sounded sophisticated, male, and very judgemental, "and if you recall, I was against his joining from the beginning."

"We still didn't know if we could trust you," the first voice spoke again, "You were our most recent member at the time, after all."

"And yet," another female, this one sounding much more approachable, "without him, we would never have progressed as far as we have, or have you forgotten your own failure at acquiring the information we needed, Sombra?"

"I remember all too clearly," Sombra replied tersely, though I swear he blew up a while ago, "I also remember that you and Nightmare have yet to make any significant contributions towards our goal, Quatro."

"Oh forgive me for having been busy being imprisoned in the moon for a thousand years," the privileged voice, apparently Nightmare, said venomously, "if memory serves, you've had about as much time to further our goals, and even without power I'm sure I'd have managed more than you have in that time!"

Sombra was about to snap back at Nightmare when he was interrupted.

"What about," came the intellectual voice, "We hear from our dear Patriarch, he is the reason we are here after all."

Each of the voices in the clearing became utterly silent, the silence was incredibly dramatic.

The awkward silence could never stand being in the same room as the dramatic silence, the dramatic silence thinks it's all that.

Rainbow Dash and Ghirahim, the Demon Lord, were having lunch.

But this was no ordinary lunch.

It was THE MOST EXTREME LUNCHTIME IN PONYVILLE HISTORY!

Ghirahim had regained his cloak, and it whipped about in the wind as he stood on a rooftop, opposite him were twelve heavily armed and armored gryphons. Rainbow Dash had her own hooves full with another dozen, but she could only dodge their blades as they attacked ferociously.

"Stand down pony," their leader shouted gutturally, "today is the day we take Equestria for our own!"

"That's nice," Ghirahim radiated coolness, his grin smugger than coffee, "but first allow me to introduce myself, my name is Ghirahim, though to tell the truth, I much prefer to be addressed by my full title: Lord Ghirahim, but I'm not picky."

"If you won't stand down, I'll just have to cut you down!"

The gryphon charged at Ghirahim, whose coffee-grin never faded as his horn lit up with black energy, catching the gryphon's blade just inches away from his horn.

"What the hell?" the gryphon seemed far too amazed at such a simple feat of magic, "The countercharms, they aren't working?"

"You know," Ghirahim's voice took on a sadistic tone as he licked his lips, "this horn is a very effective Focus, I could get used to this!" He accentuated his last words with a magical shove that forced the gryphon commander back.

"Don't just float there like morons, we attack as one!" as the gryphon commander spoke, Ghirahim used magic to make his cloak disappear into gold diamond shapes, "CHAAARGE!"

Just as the gryphons began their charge, Ghirahim summoned his swords, made of some black metal, one was a saber, the other a longsword, and each had a red gem embedded in the pommel.

"I don't have time to play with you." gripping each sword in his magic, Ghirahim blocked the first three strikes, dodged two more by jumping, and then cut cleanly through two gryphons as he descended, spraying their blood onto the thatch underhoof, "So I guess I'll just rip you to pieces quickly."

The gryphons rounded on the Demon Lord, three thrust their blades trying to skewer him, but Ghirahim simply teleported, disappearing in a shower of gold diamond shapes. Before the three could react, Ghirahim reappeared behind them and swiftly decapitated them.

By this point the gryphon's were understandably freaked out. Two hesitated, so Ghirahim summoned knives like his swords, and sent them deep into the cowards' skulls.

"What are you?" oh, how cute, the gryphon commander is trying to be plot-relevant, "In the name of cla-"

His honestly predictable speach was cut short by the gurgling sounds his open throat were making, his remaining four troops were in similar states of death, only it was their skulls and chests that were sliced open.

"Well, that was rather boring." Ghirahim then looked up to where Rainbow Dash was fleeing a gryphon pursuit, "Maybe I'll find a better challenge up there."

With those words and a grin you could drink in the morning, Ghirahim teleported once more.

Of all the times they could've attacked, it had to be when I didn't have my armor on me. Rainbow Dash's thoughts were bitter as she put her all into evading the gryphons' swords, If it was just two or three I could outstrip 'em easily, but it's taking everything I got just to avoid being surrounded.

"C'mon Dash, why don't you keep still and play a while." the familiar gryphon commander crooned, "You know, for old times sake."

Rainbow growled and looked back at the gryphon, only to barely feel an incoming sword swipe.

Dash barely dodged it, and silently thanked Embryous as it only grazed her feathers, It just had to be Gilda, what I wouldn't give to rip out that bitch's throat myself.

Barely dodging another slash, she berated herself mentally, Eyes on the prize Dashy, I may be faster than them, but they've got a lot more stamina, I've gotta get to reinforcements!

As if on cue, reinforcements arrived just as Rainbow Dash thought the word, unfortunately they were gryphon reinforcements, three more soldiers approaching from the front, sandwiching her with her pursuers.

In that instant, the possibility of her death echoed hollowly in Rainbow Dash's mind, in the next instant, Ghirahim had landed on the back of the middle gryphon, while simultaneously decapitating the other two.

Yelling in triumph, Rainbow dashed past Ghirahim, who made sure to stick some steel into his new ride's spine before he departed, leaping towards the dozen gryphons that had been chasing Dash. Gilda 'wisely' chose to fly backwards and watch half of her troops get slaughtered in mere seconds.

"Lend me a sword, the leaders mine!" Rainbow Dash practically roared as she flew towards Gilda, Ghirahim smirked as he sent his saber flying through a gryphon's throat, after which the murderous pegasus caught it in her mouth, continuing on towards Gilda.

The opposing gryphon was much more sure of her ability to take on Rainbow Dash, the cocky bitch, and so she wasn't fully prepared for the force of Dash's charge attack. Her stance broken, Gilda cought do nothing as Rainbow twisted around in midair, struck her opponent's sword askance and then cut her fucking claw off!

*Ahem* Sorry about that, I got a little carried away there.

Now that she was nice and disarmed, Gilda couldn't stop the fastest flyer in Equestria as she hoof-tackled the cocky gryphon to the ground. And just before impact, Dash sliced Gilda into egg salad, which is better than she deserved honestly.

"A wonderful performance, Rainbow Dash," Ghirahim was behind her suddenly, "It seems like that was the last of them, and you even made lunch, my thanks."

With a single flash of black magic, Ghirahim's swords disappeared and his cape reformed, the magic left a funny aftertaste in Rainbow's mouth.

"Well, I said I'd treat you, didn't I?" Dash was playing it cool, but she was really impressed with the stallion's ability, "And besides, you weren't too shabby yourself."

Ghirahim and Dash both laughed, to soak up the after-battle euphoria more than anything else.

"Well, shall we begin?" Rainbow nodded and they both sat down at the table, Ghirahim distributed the egg salad that was Gilda evenly between their bowls, and they both dug in.

"Rainbow, you're okay!" the two lunching ponies looked up at the sudden intrusion, only to find it was a familiar Draconequus, "I was at Sweet Apple Acres when the gryphons attacked, Big Mac and Applejack were caught off guard and I had to stay and help them, but when I got back everypony was in bad shape, and Derpy said you were being chased by two-dozen gryphons!"

Neither Rainbow Dash nor Ghirahim could hold in their laughter at the lavender Draconequus' worried rambling, Twilight merely huffed out her cheeks and waited for them to finish.

"Chill out, Twi' Ghirahim had the whole situation under control, he took out Gilda's entire force in midair combat!"

"Really?" Twilight looked at Ghirahim with a new sense of appreciation, "I suppose that explains the egg salad, congratulations on getting your revenge on Gilda by the way."

"Thanks, Twi'," Rainbow then looked around nervously, "but, do you think you could maybe give us a little space?"

"Oh, right," Twilight may be a bit oblivious at times, but she wasn't dense, "I'll leave you two to enjoy your meal."

And so as Twilight left the two, she quickly re-evaluated her opinion of the Demon Lord.

His magic signature doesn't seem harmful to reality, and it was able to pierce the countercharms the gryphons put on their equipment. Twilight then smirked a sadistic smirk, And best of all, he isn't some pacifistic blowhard, he might just fit in to Equestria, 'Harmony Through Strength' is our national motto after all.

Author's Note

Welp, this entire world is looking a hell of a lot darker.

So yeah, basically the part about everypony in Equestria being nuts? It was THIS kind of nuts, not the almond kind.

And before anyone asks, yes, it was literal egg salad, not a euphemism for eating dead Gilda. It was Gilda, but she had just been cut into egg salad at the time.

Random Tag! It justifies everything!

Also, anypony who knows what the latent insanity energy is referencing, simply be the first to point it out in the comments, and the prize I mentioned back in Chapter One is yours!

And it's still free.

You wanted cheese, correct?

The dramatic silence that had held reign over the Everfree Forest clearing was quickly swept away by the indescribable voice of the Patriarch, and it serves that smug the dramatic silence right, always bragging to the awkward silence.

Anyway, if you were to describe the indescribable voice of the Patriarch, you would probably say it was like text floating up in front of your eyes. Of course, then your head would explode so I'm not sure it'd be worth it.

"What you all fail to realize is that Starswirl hasn't revealed our existence to the ruling body, as far as they're concerned, we don't even exist."

"Then why do you think he's holding back?" the intellectual voice asked half-earnestly, "Is it shame? Does he fear retribution? Or is he simply attempting to keep his options... open?"

"Considering who we are speaking of, Wilhelm, it is likely that he has considered all sides, and is merely waiting, after all, it is his favourite tactic."

"Is that so?" Wilhem sounded vaguely interested, "I must say that I find his actions to be quite... fascinating."

"Regardless," Sombra's voice boomed out, "we need to plan out our next moves carefully, we've been lucky to avoid suspicion thus far, but don't forget that we are vulnerable right now, and until we regain our power we have no choice but to remain in the shadows."

A murmer of agreement passed around the clearing, and the mysterious meeting soon came to a close.

Rainbow Dash and Ghirahim were strolling down Cheddar Boulevard, which is strange because Ponyville didn't have a street made of cheese during the gryphon attack.

"Why are we walking on a cheese road?" Ghirahim of course, still had enough marbles that he was asking unsensibly sensible questions.

"Because somepony asked for cheese!" hey Pinkie, "Hey mister writer-man!"

Ghirahim looked on in confusion as Pinkie Pie waved to me, Rainbow looked on in bemusement as Pinkie Pie.

"So Dashy, who's your new-" Pinkie suddenly jumped up and gasped, her uncommon sense having finally caught up to her other uncommon sense, "Oh my gosh, you must be new around here!"

"Yes, my name is Ghirahim," said the Demon Lord with a wicked smile and a wave of his flowing hair, "but I don't believe I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance."

"My name is Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash is gonna fill you in on the details!" uh, Pinkie that's not what we planned. You also didn't plan the gryphon attack, but that turned out okay! Well fine, but don't write me into a corner, that's why Chapter Two turned out the way it did. "Anyway, I gotta go plan the party, and say bye to Ann Marie, so see you Dashy see you Debbie!"

Ghirahim was about to object to nickname he had apparently recieved, but he was interrupted by the road boiling over, flipping about, being cut in half, twisted, and then taped back together, for some reason, this made it a road of grass with brown checkerboard patterns on the sides.

"What was that and where did the cheese go?" Ghirahim was not in a pleasant mood, it seems that the dissolution of Cheddar Boulevard to make room for Möbius Way did not sit well with him.

"Well, that was Pinkie Pie, and she's probably gonna throw you a party don't eat the cupcakes," Rainbow explained ominously- It's foreshadowing! Pinkie! Anyway, "as for the road, I'm not sure, but are you really that broken up about it?"

"I liked the cheese road, it was whimsical," Ghirahim was dead serious, it's kind of frightening, "but I suppose all good things must end, so..." Ghirahim trailed off, his eyes widening slowly.

"What's the matter, Ghirahim?"

"Well Rainbow Dash, it seems that this road is not a good thing."

"What are you..." Rainbow's question caught in her throat as she looked around, only to find nothing.

Well, there was the grassy road they were standing on, but nothing else.

"Oh damn it all to-"

"-the gates of Tartarus, where we will begin our attack." Twilight Sparkle was in full armor, two rapiers buckled to a waist-like part of her lithe Draconequus body, behind her was a detailed battle plan that was completely indecipherable to author, politicians, and especially military leaders, "Now are there any questions?"

The lavender Draconequus turned to her troops, consisting entirely of Spike, Derpy, and some pony who looked like he really wanted to tell you something.

"Uh yeah," Spike raised his hand while he spoke, "Twilight, explain to me again why we're going to literally invade hell?"

"BECAUSE TARTARUS STOLE MY ICE CREAM!" Twilight explained rationally.

"ICE CREAM KILLED MY PARENTS!" Derpy countered philosophically.

"I AM YOUR PARENTS!" Twilight revealed dramatically.

"I ONCE KNEW A PONY WHO LIKED YELLING THINGS!"

"What?" Derpy ignored the odd stallion, too confused to bother with him, "Is ir true?"

"Yes Derpy!" Twilight rushed over to embrace her daughter, "After you were born, I had to go into hiding, I never wanted to abondone you!"

"I understand, mother, and I forgive you!"

"Do you mean it Derpy?" the strange family stopped hugging to look into each others' tear-filled eyes, "I never dared hope that we could be reunited, it hurt to much to consider."

"Don't worry mother," Derpy smiled a sad and joyous smile, "We can be a family, you, and me, and I have somepony I want you to meet."

Derpy stepped aside to reveal that Dinky was now present. The tiny purple filly looked up at her grandmother curiously.

A small smile, a wordless embrace, and a strong, happy family was born.

As it turned out, getting out of Möbius Way was easy, as long as you had magic, there was no known way back, but since there was nothing there it shouldn't matter.

Meanwhile, Ghirahim and Rainbow Dash had arrived just outside Fluttershy's cottage, and Ghirahim's appreciation for the world around him was suddenly increased a hundred fold!

Most likely because there were bloody gryphon corpses littering the ground, most of them being ripped apart and eaten by Fluttershy's animals.

Ghirahim smiled a devilish smile as he breathed in the aroma of bloodshed, his new body seemed to have a keen sense of smell and he was going to enjoy it.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, was used to the smell of gryphon blood, and so she strode forward confidently.

"Hey Fluttershy!" she called out- Party's ready! HOLY! Pinkie, what the hell?

Let's skip ahead to the party segment!

No Pinkie, we need to introduce Fluttershy first.

Oh come on, it's not like we're going to miss anything good, you don't even have a gimmick planned for Fluttershy!

Be that as it may, Fluttershy is the pony the readers are likely to be the most curious about, considering that I've made Equestria into a big bag of violent nutcases.

Okay fine, but make it quick! I wanna get to the party!

Sheesh, anyway continuing from above -to her shy, fluttering friend, "I've got somepony I want you to meet!"

Fluttershy fluttered down, shyly expressing her surprise, and then asked Rainbow who it was she was meant to meet.

"My name is Ghirahim," the so-named unicorn walked up next to Rainbow Dash, "and may I inquire as to your own name?"

Fluttershy attempted to introduce herself, but her hair seemed to muffle her voice, so Rainbow Dash took over.

"This if Fluttershy, she takes care of the animals around here," Rainbow gestured to the savage beasts that continued to chow down on the gryphon corpses, "she's not exactly the most outgoing of ponies."

Ugh, boooring! PARTY TIME!

When Rainbow Dash and Ghirahim arrived, the party was in full swing, and anypony who was anypony was in attendance.

Except for the entire family's of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who had all been hospitalized during the gryphon attack.

"Dashie! Debbie!" Pinkie quickly bounced over to the duo, "You made it!"

"Are you not aware that my name is Ghirahim?" the Demon Lord was beginning to feel his gorge rise, he did NOT like his gorge rising.

"Oh I know that much silly!" Pinkie continued on, either oblivious or uncaring about Ghirahim's gorge, "But I think Debbie suits you a gajillion times better!"

"Tell me, Pinkie," Ghirahim's eyes narrowed venomously, "do you enjoy having your entrails removed?"

Pinkie gasped impressively, "How did you know?"

Ghirahim was too puzzled to respond before Pinkie could continue.

"Of course, we can't right now," Pinkie gestured to the appropriately rocking party, "the party's in full swing now, but you can gut me like a fish and make party favours with my organs some other time!"

Despite the noise of the party, an awkward silence managed to fall over Ghirahim, they were both confused.

"Is she completely serious?"

"Yeah, Pinkie's into that sort of thing," Rainbow seemed unaffected, "you get used to it, and ripping her guts out can be pretty fun."

"I'm not even sure I want to anymore," Ghirahim looked like he was having an existential crisis, "I mean, she's just so willing!"

"Tell me about it." Dash turned her head towards the crowd, noticing something, "Hey, I'm gonna go mingle, will you be okay?"

"Don't worry about me, Rainbow Dash, I'll be fine."

And so the two went their separate ways, as Ghirahim swaggered through the party he traded names and pleasantries with the other guests, and while being Lyra had it's good points, he made sure to get his original name back in the end.

"Heya Debbie!" Pinkie came out of nowhere bearing a tray of cupcakes, "Wanna cupcake?"

Ghirahim was curious so despite Rainbow Dash's warning, he picked up a cupcake in his magic and bit into it.

"Ah, poision," he noted, as he proceeded to eat his cupcake with renewed gusto.

"Wow, most ponies are upset when they figure out that I poisoned their food!"

Ghirahim was about to respond, but just as he finished his third cupcake, he became quite dizzy, and quickly decided it was high time for a nap. By which I mean he collapsed on the floor because he just ate three of Pinkie's poisoned pieces of sugary death she likes to call cupcakes.

To be continued everybrony!

Author's Note

This one actually went over 9999 characters, so I had to grab a computer to put on the finishing touches.

Also, the prize for guessing what Chapter One's latent insanity energy scene was referencing is still up for grabs! Just be the first person to comment what the reference was and you WIN! (As detailed in the Chapter One Author's Note)

And don't forget about me!

And because I'm now officially a metacharacter in this story, I'm gonna hold my own contest!

I don't think that's what metacharacter means, and we haven't even finished with my original contest yet!

Details, details, anyway, if you win my contest, then not only will you recieve a shout-out from me, Pinkie Pie, but you'll also get to star in a spin-off oneshot with me, where we go on crazy adventures or something!

Well that's all very exciting but I HAVEN'T AGREED TO IT YET!

Oh, just go with it, you're all bummed about nopony making any guesses for your contest anyway!

You know what, fine! We're doing your contest too! What are the rules?

That's the best part! The readers get to figure out the rules for themselves!

Of course they do.

Anyway folks, just remember that there are no limits on guesses for my contest, and you could apparently win Pinkie's contest without even trying, so good luck!

ADVENTURE ON THE HIGH SEAS!

To anyone who finds this message, know that my time is short as I write.

They are coming, their fleet is massive, and their weapons are frightening.

In Embryous' name please warn Equestria.

War is coming, and I fear for my country.

The ship's captain glared at the ominous message, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"And you're sure there are no more spies hiding onboard?" his voice was like gravel being ground against... more gravel.

"Positive, Captain," his first officer's voice sounded more like gravel against bananas, "we checked everywhere we could think of, and there was no sign."

"Idiot!" the Captain rounded on his squishy-voiced subordinate in anger, striking him heavily across the face, "The spy must have been aboard the ship from the time we left Crete three weeks ago, if he could avoid detection so long then there's no way of knowing if another is onboard!"

"O-of course, I'm sorry sir!"

"Go and search again, we can't allow word of this operation to reach the Equestrians, don't forget that the weather is their plaything!"

"Understood, sir!" the first officer turned and fled from his superior's cabin as though he were fleeing death.

It's not like he was wrong to do so however, as he'd seen five first officers before him 'lose their station' so far on the voyage.

As the door slammed shut, the captain grew pensive.

King Minos had intrusted the Helios, greatest of the Minotaur warships, to him and he had no intention of disappointing his King.

Meanwhile in Equestria, the citizens lived in ignorance of the aproaching theat, unaware that their relatively peaceful lives were going to be thrown into chaos.

For what, like the fifth time now? Sheesh, they'd better be used to it by now.

"Let's end this, Wilhelm!"

" You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that?"

"You were never meant to be in this world to begin with!"

"I got the Crystal Heart!"

"Quick, one at a time, cross!"

What is this? What are all these voices?

"Humans, mere humans are rejecting me? Impossible. It is unthinkable."

"You still don't have the sixth Element! The spark didn't work!"

"You think you can decide who lives and who dies?"

"That is mine!"

"Raaargh!"

I don't understand, what's going on?

"You must destroy Zarathustra!"

"It creates the sixth element: the Element of... Magic!"

"You should never have existed in the first place!"

"The Crystal Heart has returned, use the light and love within you to ensure that King Sombra does not."

"I'll never make it!"

That voice... It's familiar. But how?

"That does sound like you, Yeshua."

"No! NOOOOOOO!"

"Kill me if you like, I... WILL NEVER CEASE TO EXIST!"

"What? No... No! Stop!"

"Pbbbbth!"

Why does nothing make sense anymore?

Master...

Once again had Twilight Sparkle, Queen Embryous, and Starswirl the Bearded Royal Alicorn Legendary Mage Guy, gathered together in an emergency meeting, and were surprisingly joined by both Princess Luna and Queen Chrysalis.

"I apologize for calling you all here on such short notice," Starswirl intoned ominously, "but it seems as though the situation with the latent insanity energy was not resolved as completely as we had hoped."

"What latent insanity energy?" Luna asked angrily, rounding on Embryous, "Mother, why was I not informed of this?"

"Why were you not informed?" This time it was Chrysalis whose anger boiled over into words, "I'm the eldest, why was I not trusted with this information?"

"Did the invasion of Canterlot somehow slip your mind?" Twilight Sparkle snapped, "You haven't exactly shown much loyalty to your mother!"

Chrysalis was about to open her mouth when a voice of authority pealed out "Stop it, all of you!"

All eyes turned to Embryous as she continued gravely, "Luna, we did not summon you as to not distract you from your studies of the time since you were sealed, and Chrysalis, you have your own subjects to look after, there was no reason to call you knowing that."

An awkward silence filled the air for a moment, but it departed gleefully when Twilight Sparkle next spoke.

"Then what has changed since the last time we met?" the anxiety in her voice was mirrored in the others' expressions, save Embryous, "You said the latent insanity energy was gone."

"It is, but the problem of today lies in yesterday's solution," Starswirl's face was pained as he spoke, "I can only blame myself for this, I should have anticipated this outcome."

"No Starswirl," Embryous' voice was soothing as she sought to placate her son-in-law, "none of us could have predicted this, Chaos isn't something we can plan for."

"Chaos?" the three who were still in the dark spoke at once, but only Luna continued, "But I thought you had defeated Sunset Shimmer for good."

"Even though she was defeated, the power of Chaos is eternal," Starswirl responded gravely, "and without a master, that power was set free by our rashness."

"That still doesn't explain the problem," Chrysalis cut in pointedly, "Mother, how did Sunset Shimmer become Discord in the first place?"

Enbryous sighed, as pain flashed across her features, "I suppose you all deserve to know the truth.

"It was after Chrysalis left to found a new Changeling nation, I was proud of my daughter, but also very lonely once she left, so I decided to go and live in a pony settlement not far from the old Changeling capitol, and the site of modern-day Canterlot.

"I disguised myself as a unicorn, and slowly gained acceptance into their community, but even surrounded by those wonderful ponies, I was still lonely."

Embryous smiled as she continued, "It was then that I created Luna, in the form of a young pegasus, I claimed to have found her on the road and taken her in, which ended up drawing some more attention than I'd planned for."

At a nod from Embryous, Starswirl continued the story, "I was no longer a court mage at the time, and so I was wandering from place to place, not truly caring for where I ended up, it just so happened that I was passing through when Embryous had 'adopted' her daughter."

"To say they hit it off would be and understatement," Embryous continued, ignoring Luna's growing blush, "somehow or another, it ended up that Starswirl was living with us, and that's where Sunset Shimmer came into the picture."

Starswirl's expression hardened as he picked up the tale, "I had long since stopped taking apprentices, but every so often a burgeoning mage would take it upon themselves to try and convince me otherwise, Sunset Shimmer however, was particularly dogged in her pursuit of my expertise.

"Eventually, I found that I couldn't stand her propositioning any longer, and so I begged Embryous to take her on in apprenticeship."

Starswirl chuckled, his features finally softening, "Even though I had no idea of her true potential, I had seen enough to know she was exemplary."

"At the time I didn't think much of it, but all it took to convince Sunset Shimmer to be trained under me was a show of magical force, all power, no technique, I had thought it was because of her inexperience, but in truth she desired nothing but power."

"Eventually, I grew curious of Luna," Starswirl changed his expression to pensive at this statement, "Despite watching her for years, she never changed from the young mare I'd first met, and when I chose to investigate her, I found out the truth.

"Luna was not a pony, but a being of pure magic, created from the very essence of life, in short, she was immortal.

"I was already an old stallion then, and I knew that my time was limited, but with the prospect of an eternity with Luna in front of me, I knew I had to act to attain her status, so using Luna as a template, I crafted a temporary vessel to store my body and consciousness until I could ascend to become as she is."

"So you chose the form of a tortoise?" Twilight inquired incredulously, "It doesn't exactly sound like the best form for doing research."

Starswirl laughed openly at that, "You have a point there, Twilight Sparkle, but I must ask you to forgive me my sentimentality, I knew I was taking the slow path, so I chose my vessel to reflect my dedication to reaching my eventual goal."

"That doesn't answer my question," Chrysalis was fuming as she spoke, "you still haven't told us how Sunset Shimmer became Discord."

"Uh Chrysalis," Twilight interrupted sheepishly, "there seem to be fumes coming out of you."

"It's a Changeling thing!" the still-fuming Queen snapped.

Embryous spoke up once more, to avoid further conflict, "After Starswirl disappeared, Sunset Shimmed was gone not long afterwards, Starswirl had always been her goal in the end, and it was three months after she left that Discord rose."

"From what we were able to piece together after Sunset Shimmer's destruction," Starswirl explained, "It seems as though she found a sort of nexus point of Chaos energy, and absorbed it into herself."

"But then what happened to the Chaos energy when she was destroyed?" Twilight Sparkle seemed afraid as she spoke, "There's no way it was just sealed up again, right?"

Embryous breathed deeply and sighed before speaking, "Unfortunately, the Chaos Nexus was left unconnected and practically unnotice-able until the latent insanity energy event.

"And also, when we opened the portal to diffuse the energy, it was more than just a Demon Lord that entered our world."

Starswirl eyed the rest darkly, "A new Spirit of Chaos has been born and is running free in Equestria."

Author's Note

It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!

It's uh, it's been a while, I hope you haven't forgotten about me, but I'll forgive you if you have.

So, yeah.

I promise that there will be more Rainbow Dash and less exposition in the next chapter, I had actually planned for RD to appear in this chapter, but 9999 is my character limit on the Wii U.

Also, I noticed some spelling errors in chapter four that I CAN'T FIX 'TIL I GET TO A COMPUTER!

It's bugging me.

Rrrrromance On The High Seas!

Deep within the Everfree Forest there was a tree.

Onboard the Minotaur warship Helios were many minotaurs.

Within the there was plodding exposition.

Inside Blueblood's room there was a compass.

Hidden away on the Moon's dark side... there were more craters.

Deep within the Everfree Forest there was a tree.

Far to Equestria's south an army marched in secret, to destroy the ponies and their homeland.

Far to Equestria's East a fleet sent by King Minos was approaching in secret, to destroy the ponies and their homeland.

Far to Equestria's west the invading Gryphon Forces regrouped with their main force, in order to destroy the ponies and their homeland.

Far to Equestria's north, beyond the Crystal Empire, a dark presence stirred.

It's purpose?

To destroy the ponies and their homeland.

Deep within the Everfree Forest there was a tree.

All around this tree was a dark, ominous silence.

Until that silence was shattered by the approach of a dark and sadistic entity.

Angel Bunnie hopped to the base of the tree, looking about innocently.

"So you've finally arrived," the collected voice of Wilhelm prevented a silence from falling again, "to be honest, I was surprised you didn't come sooner."

"Cut the dramatics Wilhelm," the voice of King Sombra intoned darkly from the little bunny rabbit, "I don't know what you're plotting, but I won't allow you to stop my plans."

"I think you're operating under false assumptions," Wilhelm's voice took on a curiously dark edge, "you see, our goals are not so different as you may think."

"All I desire is the power that was taken from me!"

"And I aim to see you returned to full strength."

"Hah!" Sombra's laugh was mocking, mirthless, and... other m-word, "You actually want me to regain my lost power? Please, I'm not fool enough to believe any of you would hesitate to take my strength for your own."

"Perhaps that is true for the rest, but I have no interest in power or strength, all I seek is to return."

"Of course, the enigmatic Wilhelm certainly doesn't want to interfere with anyone else's plans," Sombra scoffed, "What's your angle Wilhelm? What do you gain from helping me?"

"All I need you to do is make your revival known, I will enact my own plans in the ensuing chaos."

"Do you really think I'll be enough to shake those ponies up?" Sombra laughed mirthlessly once more, "After everything that's happened I doubt even Discord making a triumphant return would surprise them."

"So you're telling us we've got another Discord on our hooves?" to say that Twilight Sparkle was surprised would be an understatement, "How did this even happen without us noticing it first?"

"To be fair Twilight Sparkle," Luna piped up, "Equestria is not all that different even without a so-called 'reformed' Spirit of Chaos."

She had to give Luna that one, Equestria tended to err on the side of lop when it came to logic and reason, Discord was just the frosting under the crazy cookie.

"Regardless, we need to spend the next six hours explaining how Chaos energy functions," Embryous turned to the three less informed immortals, "I trust you've brought notebooks?"

Unsurprisingly, Chrysalis hadn't.

Unsurprisingly again, Twilight had.

Unsurprisingly a third time, Luna hadn't.

Unsurprisingly for the last time, Twilight brought extra.

And then they discussed boring things.

Ghirahim suddenly awoke, apparently having remembered that he was a character in this story.

He then suddenly vomited blood, apparent having remembered the above lethal dose of poison he had ingested.

Following that he suddenly noticed a frightened Rainbow Dash covered in blood, apparently freaked out over her designated love interest covering her in his innards.

Thankfully Nurse Redheart was nearby, since we all know that only Nurse Redheart can handle plot-relevant illnesses.

And then medical stuff happened.

No, I'm not going into further detail.

Dammit Jim, I'm a writer, not a doctor!

Onboard the Minotaur warship Helios there were many minotaurs.

But among those minotaurs, two were wrapped in forbidden love.

Ajax The Strongarmed and Theseus The Headstrong, their families had been feuding for so long that no-one save Chrysalis knew why anymore.

It was Chrysalis.

But to Ajax and Theseus their families' feud did not matter in the slightest!

Gripping one another in a furious embrace of passion they tumbled upon one another in the rapture of love.

TheseusxAjax OTP!

Meanwhile, in the Ponyville General Hospital and Psychiatric Clinic:

Rainbow Dash sat by Ghirahim's side, worry etched into her face.

Things weren't looking good for the unicorn, or Demon Lord, or whatever he was.

Rainbow Dash was well aware of how bad things were going for her newfound...

Acquaintance? Is that the word? the polychromatic pegasus pony was thinking herself into a fugue again, I mean, it's not like he said one way or another if we're friends or not, I'm not sure what he really thinks of me, or anything about him really.

What is his deal anyway? Rainbow thought idly as she drifted off, What does he feel about...

Rainbow Dash couldn't complete her thought before sleep took her.

Anyway, this story is turning into a soap opera for some reason, so we're gonna skip to Ghirahim's recovery, we all know it's coming, so TIME SKIP!

Ghirahim blearily opened his eyes, and a distinctly not blood-covered Rainbow Dash met his sight.

"Hey, you're up," her voice was raspier than usual, and a quick glance revealed her bloodshot eyes and even messier-than-usual mane, "you had everypony worried, uh not me of course," she added after a pause, "but it wasn't looking too good for you for a while there."

"What happened?" Ghirahim rasped out, more than a week of hospitalization and coughing blood isn't exactly a treat for your vocal cords.

"What happened is you being an idiot," Rainbow replied tersely as she passed him a glass of water, "I mean, what kind of bonehead goes and scarfs down three poisoned Pinkie Pie pastries?"

Ghirahim downed the whole glass before responding in a marginally less raspy voice, "It shouldn't have affected me, I've eaten plenty of poisoned pastries in the past."

"Well then I guess that's what you get for underestimating Pinkie's personal poison mix," Rainbow seemed smug for some reason, "If you remember I told you not to eat her cupcakes."

"No, that's not it," Ghirahim struggled to get up, but gave up after the roaring pain hit him, "It seems that this body is even less sturdy than I'd imagined."

"What do you-" Ugh, this is so boooring!

I know, Pinkie, but I have to establish a platonic bond between Ghirahim and Rainbow Dash for their romance to be believable.

It doesn't make it any less boring.

I know, but it has to be done!

Oh come oooon, who's reading this far in and even expecting a believable romance?

Well... That's a fair point.

You bet your biscuits it is! And besides, we both know that no matter how much characterization you do, you're probably just going to wrap up the romance with some surrealist punchline anyway.

You know what, Pinkie? You're right!

You're difficult to read on a white background, but you're right!

That's the spirit!

Screw all this 'believable' bull, three chapters ago I turned a gryphon into egg salad for no more reason than I was eating potato salad!

Exactly, so really, there's no reason to get all serious now.

Thanks Pinkie, for reminding me that people don't read this story for it's characters or plot, but simply to see what weird thing I'll do next.

And with that, I end the chapter WITHOUT FINISHING THE HOSE PETAL SCENE!

Author's Note

And that, my dear readers, is how Pinkie Pie ruined all chance of this story taking itself seriously.

And thank goodness for that!

Right you are Pinkie, and now that that's out of the way: Rrrrromance!

Yeah, I bet after last time you were expecting NOT romance, right? Well BOOM!

I've been promising romance since chapter one and here it is!

Granted, it's not the romance you were expecting, nor the one you really wanted, but you can rest assured that Theseus and Ajax are NOT one-off gag characters.

They're gag characters that will return some time in the future.

Also, the contest from chapter one is STILL A THING!

Pinkie's contest too.