The Hoofington Post

by Prisoner 24601

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life
Length: 1038

Your #1 stop for recent Equestrian News!

You there!

Yes, you, have you ever wondered what may be going on outside your room, outside your house, outside your town? I know you have, and that is why I, Senior Editor of the Hoofington Post bring to you the most recent events in Equestria!
Want to know the weather forecast for Ponyville? We've got it!
Want to know what the Princesses have been up to? We've got it!
You want the best way to impress a mare? We've even got that!
Just you wait, and you'll be hit with everything that you think you need to know about your town and surrounding area.

THE HOOFINGTON POST!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-01 23:07:14 UTC

I Monday, July 1, 2013

THE HOOFINGTON POST

Issue I: Monday, July 1, 2013

Main Article

Equestria Day Coming up!

Written By: Indy Pendance

Ho hi, ho hi, the fourth of July! We all know that Equestria day has been the birthday of our country for generations, but with all this new feel about society and the hip things these days, some of us are stuck not knowing what to do! Well, take heed, Equestrians, as I am about to walk you through the do's and dont's of this years Equestria Day.

1: Don't be Afraid to Go Big:

What with everything getting bigger these days, it may not be a bad thing to kick it up a notch on your old traditions! If you usually light some sparklers, get some Romane Candles out of the shed, If you usually have dinner, don't be afraid to start having a nice family meal!

2: Be sure you know who's coming:

Having somepony who nopony knows coming around to your house on Equestria Day is something nopony wants! Make sure you know who all your guests are, so everypony feels safe and comfortable around everypony else. You know, July in Equestria has the highest domestic crime rate of any month! You don't want to be a victim, do you?

3: The Main Event:

Oh, yes, the face of Equestria Day, the most memorable event in the year: The Fourth of July Fireworks show! And who are you to be left out! With prices dropping on everything, why not stop by the Saddle-mart and get yourself some big booms! Romanes, smokers, Firecrackers, Rockets, anything you can legally buy! Don't be shy, and don't settle for less than a show stopper.

By following these three rules, if you're hosting an Equestria Day Party, it's sure to be a hit. And remember, Equestria day isn't all about the Fireworks, it's about Patriotism

Weather Forecast

Ponyville:

The Weather for Ponyville this week is starting to look a lot like Summer! With Monday's High being about 87* and low being a refreshing low 40's, it'll be partly cloudy until about noon, when the sun should come out and we can get those Eighties we've been dreaming about. Tuesday will be a bit drearier, with a 60% chance of rain in a  mostly cloudy sky, the high should be around mid 50's, and low, maybe even high 30's. Wednesday will continue this pattern with Overcast and cloudy skies, bringing with them an 80% chance of rain. High will be somewhere in the low 50's, and low will actually make it down to 35 or 34 degrees. But thankfully, Thursday will be quite a bit clearer, with only partly cloudy skies and 30% chance of isolated showers, the high will get back up into the 70's, and low somewhere, maybe in the 40's. And to open up the weekend, Friday should be marvelous, with sunny skies from dawn till dusk, highs in the 90's, lows in the cool low 50's.

National Events

Princess Celestia Hosting Royal Equestria Day Ball

Written By: Ink Blots

Princess Celestia has announces a royal ball for Equestria Day this 4th of July! all the upper-crust aristocrats will be there, including, but not limited to:

Ponyville's Mayor Mare

Hoofington's Aris Tocrat

Cloudsdale's Mayor Twisterwinds,

and Multi-Billionaire Donald Trot

Now, with a  guest list like this, the ball is certain to be a success, which Celestia has been hopeful of. In an executive interview with the Princess conducted by myself, she said,

"With all these high powers of society and governing members attending the Ball, I sure hope nothing goes wrong. We wouldn't want to upset the countries most influential ponies, now, would we?"

-Princess Celestia.

And we're all sure that the Canterlot Castle Equestria Day Royal Ball will be a success. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Wonderbolts Leave for Germaney

Written By: Kodak

Yes, folks, the Wonderbolts have left the country, and have started on their international Wonderbolts tour, advertising the Equestrian Wonderbolts Academy to all the up-and-coming skilled flyers in the World. In an interview with Hoofington Post reporters, head of the Wonderbolts Spitfire gave a few word on the International Tour:

"Statistics show that the graduates of the Wonderbolt academy who don't become Wonderbolts themselves, become famous and renowned flyers. Therefore, we are advertising the Wonderbolts Academy to many countries across the Globe, in the best interest of the world itself."

-Spitfire

Regardless the reason, their first stop is Germany's Pegadome in the city of Maneich, where there is expected to be a crowd of over 5,000 pegasi. They left yesterday morning at 8:00 A.M, and arrived in Maneich at 6:00 P.M that evening.

Classifieds

HELP WANTED:

Junior Editor for the Hoofington Post.

Needs mediocre experience writing,

must write national events.

See Prisoner 24601 for details.

HELP WANTED:

Sofa Duster.

Needs little to no experience.

Must be able to dust sofas.

Minimum wage

See Sofa Clerk

Quills and Sofas, Ponyville

HELP WANTED:

Baker.

Needs high baking experience

must bake cakes and sweet goods.

$25 an hour.

See Cup Cake

Sugar Cube Corner, Ponyville

Sports

Cloudsdale Cloudkickers trample the Phillydelphia Minotaurs

Written By: Type Writer

Going into the game at Cloudsdale's Cumulonimbus Stadium, the Cloudsdale Cloudkickers were nervous going up against last years National Wingball Champions, the Phillydelphia Minotaurs, but after the first quarter of the game, the Minotaurs were losing their edge. At the end of the first half, the Cloudkickers were up 14-6, and they continued their lead. Even with the Minotaurs getting a goal at the last seconds, the final score of the game was 29-20, boosting the Cloudkicker's morale. The former champions went back home that night, horribly embarrassed.

Advice Column

NOTICE:

There is no content here!

We need content!

Leave your advice questions in the comments section,

and our miracle worker will answer them to the best of his abilities.

Miscellaneous

Writers needed!

*If you are a Writer who does not have the publicity you deserve, we could always use a helping hand here at the Hoofington Post! Just write an article, and send it to me, Prisoner 24601, and I'll get it into the Hoofington Post.*