The D: A Dangerously delightful deduction detailing the denotation of the D.
By Regidar
There once was a magical place called Equestria. The creatures who lived there were of the equine nature, as one might derive from their name. There were many other types of fascinating and wonderful creatures inhabiting the existence of Equestria, but for the most part they are not important to this story.
There was a small town called Ponyville that lay in the shadow of the great Canterlot Mountain, which on its side held the pony capitol of Canterlot. The capitol housed many unicorns, and also was home to Canterlot Palace, where the two royal sisters, Celestia and Luna, ruled over the magical land of Equestria.
Celestia and Luna controlled the sun and the moon, respectively. Around a thousand years ago, Luna had gotten a bit overzealous and attempted to create eternal night, and was thusly banished to the moon by Celestia. After some good old fashioned meddling from Celestia’s own prized student, a unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle, Luna was brought back to the light side of the moon, which is a slightly more jazzy version of The Dark Side of the Moon.
Twilight had made some friends while in Ponyville, where the transformation of the night princess had taken place, and decided to stay. Her many friends made her feel more at home, and less of a stranger to the outside world.
Coming to Ponyville was not all sunshine and rainbows, though, as Twilight had taken it upon herself to take care of most of the problems Ponyville ended up encountering. Not to mention working out several infractions with her friends while she was at it.
Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia and Turner of Nightmare Moon, had a dragon for an assistant. His name was Spike, and e was still quite young. However, raised between both Celestia and Twilight, the dragon couldn’t hope for a better upbringing. He was quite bright for his age (which was fifteen; dragons age and mature at a very slow rate, however, but move through infancy fairly quickly, so in relation to the ponies he spent his time with, he was about eight or nine years old), and was rathere cultured. Still, he was of near-preteen age, so the dragon was still quite silly and moving into the dreaded age of cynicism, as bright youngsters tend to move into.
Twilight and Spike loved each other very much. Not in a romantic or sexual way, have you, but in a platonic, sibling-esque way. Spike meant much more to her than just an assistant, and Twilight meant much more to Spike than just some employer. The two were roommates, and at the current setting of this story, lived together at The Golden Oaks Library in Ponyville.
Twilight had just done a huge service to Ponieville; an annoying braggart, one Trixie Lulamoon, had shown up in the small town, flashing around and being a general showoff. Twilight, the humble spellcaster that she was, didn’t intervene for fear of making herself into a Trixie copy. However, this fear was soon remedied by the arrival of an Ursa Minor, who was lead into town by Snips and Snails, two possibly brain damaged colts. Trixie herself was partially t blame for this, as she bragged about being able to defeat such a beast.
However, once Twilight dealt with this, Trixie was outcast from Ponyville. The actual proprietors of the mess, Snips and Snails, were instead rewarded with mustaches. Trixie began a long and lonely journey, exiled and swearing revenge on Twilight.
Spike was also gifted a mustache, because mustaches are cool. This allowed him to transform from a dragon into a swagon.
The three males had also quired a side effect from having such fantastic facial hair. They were imbibed with massive amounts of class, a dash of swag (although Spike was hit harder with the swag than either of the colts were), and were feeling mighty british.
The three moved themselves inside of Twilight’s Library, mustaches a-waft, and began busying themselves with britishing up the place. They made tea, Spike whipped up a batch of crumpets, and Snips and Snails used their magic to put up a large poster of The Queen over Twilight’s banner of Celestia. Celestia was only a princess and daughter to The Queen, after all.
Once the cricket game had been set up, the three newly britished younglings began to discuss a matter most important. They used massive amounts of alliteration, as is british custom.
They chose a topic most pleasing: The D.
“The D is simply a delight,” Snips said, smoking his pipe in the most british was possible.
Snails harrumphed in agreement. “Quite divine, really.”
Snips took a rather large inhale of his pipe, blowing a smoke cloud in the shape of the British Isles. “It’s dastardly decadent.”
“And so very delightful!” Spike said with a twist of his mustache.
“Somewhat devilish,” Snips said with a bit of a curious look on his face.
“Not at all demeaning, though,” Snails reminded him, taking a tiny, petite bite of a crumpet.
“It’s quite delighting,” Spike said with a nod.
“Some might call it demonic,” Snips commented, with a hint of disgust dabbled in his tone.
Snails laughed haughtily. “Well, with those ponies I must disagree.”
Spike took a deep sip of tea. “To be able to own one, I am quite delighted.”
To that, all of them answered the same. “Definitely.”
There was a knock, and the sound of a door opening. Twilight Sparkle herself entered in from the doorway. “Hello, you guys! What’s going on in—” she paused, looking at all of the british paraphernalia scattered about her home. “Um, guys? What’s going on in here—”
Spike, whose back was facing Twilight, turned his head 360 degrees. He then turned it back 180 degrees so he could face Twilight, an irritated grimace on his face. Letting the splash of swag which had so potently poisoned his clever class, he roared at the unicorn.
“SHUT UP BITCH WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PENISES!”
Nopony moved. Every being in the library was was deadly silent, tears forming in Twilight’s eyes. After a moment, Snails popped on a monocle and said “Yes, quite."
