The Element of Troll

by Normal

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Babs Seed, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 4135

Follow the heart warming reimagining of the journey of a young brony and his adventures into the promised land: Equestria

Follow the heart warming reimagining of the journey of a young brony and his adventures into the promised land: Equestria

A new version of the ever loved tale, The Element of Time

Created given to TheaterCritic for the inspiration.

Published 2013-07-02 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-06 21:21:02 UTC

The warm welcum

Finally.

My very first porno was completed. All those hours of sticky socks and blue balls would finally pay off to the tune of a bunch of hawt teenage girls.

Well, probably not.

You see, my redtube channel isn’t exactly the most popular channel in the world of the interwebs. I have plenty of pretty good videos, but for some reason most of them barely get any views. Hell, I average between seven and negative forty-two views! My most popular video literally has two views. I lied when I claimed I got seven whole views. And don’t get me started on the ratings. I would actually like having dislikes if it meant people were watching my videos. I'd be killing some random dude's boner then too! But, oh well. Maybe someday one of my videos will increase the popularity of my channel.

I just hope said video doesn't involve castration.

Anyway, I was fatigued and desperately needed some rest. I moved my mysteriously sticky mouse over to the “Shut Down” button and brought my index finger down. It took a few forceful pushes. I quickly turned the grey monitor off as well, and got up from my chair. I tiptoed across the tan-colored floor; careful not to wake my brother or mom.

My mom is pretty sweet most of the time, but...well, how do I say this? She's been known to overreact to the little things. For a prime example, my dick. So, if she found out I was awake at this hour, she would probably have my head encased in the world's most inescapable chastity belt and that would be the end of Connor Fields.

As for my brother; he’s basically your average annoying older brother. Better hung, better looking, has hit puberty, ect. All he does everyday is sit around in his room doing who-knows-what. And with girls too! He also likes to make fun of me for liking a certain show.

You see, I’m really fond of this show that most people would probably say is not for anyone past of the age of nine months. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. You may have heard of it. I know it was meant for younger girls, but...it’s just so good! I mean, you have great writing, humor, great three-dimensional characters, and just a nice cute show. The ponies are adorable and are just so good! My personal favorite would be Babs Seed, one of the younger ponies in the show, but that’s just me. I want to be just like her when I grow up!

Anyway, I really like this show, but due to the supposed target audience, I often get made fun of for liking it; especially from my older dickwad of a brother. Luckily, I’m not the only one in the world that likes the show. There is actually a pretty big fanbase for the show that includes the toddlers! They're, like, two years at least outside of the target! We tend to call ourselves bronies and are pretty nice folk.

I needed to get back to my room. I tiptoed across through the hall, the one right in between the kitchen and living room. After that, all that kept me from getting to my room was a hallway, yes another one. Unfortunately, my room was at the very end of said hallway which meant I had to get past my mom’s room, and my brother’s. I wasn’t too worried about my brother, but my mom’s room made me nervous. It didn’t help that the door was open and my mom was prone to getting bored during her sexapedes.

I carefully tiptoed forward and past my brother’s closed door. Tonight there was no loud moaning,much to my surprise Next up; my mom’s room. I tried to take a big step across the floor to cover more ground, but it was just my crappy ass luck that my foot happened to land right where the floorboards were aged best. A loud creaking sound followed my fallen footstep almost immediately.

Shit nuggets.

I peeked into my mother’s room and checked to make sure she was unaware. Luckily, her eyes were closed tightly shut and the occasional pleased groan of pain still echoed throughout the room. I breathed a sigh of relief and continued towards my door.

Now that I have past the danger of my mother's room, I could easily make it to the safety of my own bedroom. I reached out and turned the brass doorknob; pushing forward as I did, like every other fucking human since the dawn of time. I walked through the now open door, duh, and made a couple of leaps to my bed. I always enjoy exercising before sleeping, it scares off the drunken hobos. Pulling back the blue comforter and with it plain white sheets, I hopped into the bed. I squirmed around a bit until I was comfortable and closed my eyes imagining ponies pleasuring themselves and hailing me as their god. Precum leaks out, finding its way past my stiff boxers.

~

I heard a boom outside when I wake. Or is it the boom that wakes me? Either way I am shaken awake, and in my mind a single image lingers. Ponies, all of them. The Elements of Harmony, the Princesses, even Derpy was there off in the distance. Hasbro can't censor my dreams.

"Fuckkkkkk-," erupts the scream of a hormone driven mother, "Who turned out the lights?!"

"I didn't do it!" I scream, always the guilty conscience on my shoulders. Ever since that one summer...

I stumble downstairs to see my mom and my brother staring at a pulsing blue portal that lit the whole room.

"Penisland." I whisper, looking within the portal, where the mud ponies, tricorns, and pegasi frolicked and fucked. I could spot some background ponies like Drunken Punch and Pissluck.

"It’s your motherfuckin pony shit." my brother said as he jerked himself off to some online Barbie porn.

"Oh, shit, cunt lover. The portal is sucking me off!" The portal drags me out of my mom’s sex dungeon into the portal, all without consent. It’s basically rape!. I looked behind me and the portal closes. I felt something hug me down there tightly. I looked down to see a caramel colored mud dyke with a pink mane cut just like one would expect from a dyke.

"Yah came. I knew yah would cum!" Babs Spit gurgles happily.

"I know, Babs. I know." I said, pissing on her back. I really needed to take a leak, ya know?

Author's Note

Feel free to make suggestion to make it even better, unlike somepony we know I am always willing to change and/or improve! After all I don't feel this is up to snuff, but I didn't have the best of material to work with.

Also the views within do not reflect upon my thoughts at all. Just to be clear.

The meating

Somehow I find myself entered a giant ass throne room, giant even by the American standards I know. Strangely I got this feeling that just moments prior I had been getting sucked off by this small foal with a thick accent, an Irish bitch maybe?

I notice these totally ripped stallions were everywhere. I got rather depressed at that sight, I was truly hoping to get I couldn't get private time with Celestia, but as soon as I entered Celestia told the guards to go. Oddly enough they simply left. Man, security is not a priority for ponies.

"Hm, a human. You must be the Element of Time, yes?" Celestia said, licking off her lips from the guards' sticky leftovers

"Eeyup." I reply, after all if the largest pony in the show says it, it has got to turn on the ruler of the land.

No such luck it seems.

"Has Babs Seed told you anything about Ponyville?"

"No. I know enough." I think back to the countless nights I spent imagining a massive, Ponyville-wide orgy.

"Let's find out," Celestia had an mischievous looking grin, for some reason the image of a vintage looking owl crosses through my mind, "Who are the Elements of Fuckery and what do they represent?"

"Rainbow dash with lesbo fucking. Fluttershy with cock sucking. Applejack with incest. Rarity with BDSM. Pinkie Pie with anal. Twilight Sparkle with tentacles. And me, WindWaker, with Time." I wonder why I couldn't get a cool element name like the others...

"You know well, young human," Luna said, "How did thou come by this knowledge, if not by the foal known as "Babs Seed"?"

I gasp, suddenly Luna is in the the room, with no word of her arrival!

I think over her question for a few moments.If I told them that this was just a show for babies made by a money grubbing company with no care for its fans, what would happen? I wasn't entirely sure but I didn't want to risk anything happening to mah smexy ponies. I had to lie, but I did have one excuse I could use..

"I have been here before in dreams, with Babs Seed." I finally said, leaving out the very nature of said dreams.

"Well, isn't that interesting," Celestia laughs, a brief smile flitting across her visage, "Is Babs Seed your wittle marefriend?"

I blush, how I wished that was truly the case.

"Would thou likest to see the Elements of Harmony," Luna enquires, "In particular, would thou like to see thy own Element?"

I shrug, getting bored just standing here, I'd be happy to lick a donkey's teat at this point or suck off a homeless nigger.

"They are within the home of one Twilight Sparkle, with your...unusual knowledge I shall only presume you know already your way." Luna scratches at her mare bits aimlessly.

"Very good. Now fuck off." With a blast of yellow magic from Celestia she hurls me through the doors leading out.

I land on my flank. Luckily beneath me there was that beautiful sack of shit Babs Seed. She sarcficed herself to save my tiny posterior.

"Ouccccchhhh"

I laugh, she's always saying stuff like that to me. So sweet and thoughtful.

"You know, I don't have a problem with Celestia or Luna," Babs quips, " But after meeting you...I'd kill them for letting you even leave your mother's womb alive."

Somedays I think I'll get diabetes hanging around her.

I look up. With the magic of scene changes it would seem we are already here. A giant tree stands before me. A giant tree that I might add is very familiar to me as a brony.

"Fuck you cunt. I'm leaving this banana stand. I need to go fuck Apple Bloom as it is"

Yet again I shrug. I got more ponies where she came from. Heh, came. In the process of shrugging I accidentally bump my should into the door.

A female's voice cries out, "The door's open!"

Since I was told to come here anyways I figure I might as well enter, who knows maybe I can fuck that dragon squirt, Spike.Then, I saw her. One of the most beautiful mares I've seen in Ppnyland. Which ya know, ain't saying much considering the length I've been here.

Twilight Sparkle.

Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle

Alright, let me tell something, something important as it is. When I first watched My Little Pony, I didn't care much for Twilight Sparkle. But the more episodes I watched, well, she grew on me. Like a foot fungi you just can't seem to get rid of. Soon, out of all the ponies, she was my second favorite. But when I saw her there in front of me, my knees went weak, my heart started, drool spilled forth from the empty crevice that is my mouth.

She was so beautiful I think I had a seizure.

"I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, Element of tentacles." Twilight introduced herself. I said nothing, my widened eyes just blankly twitching. I shook myself, dislodging the tumor in my cranium

"Wind Waker." I said. We shook, her glorious purple hooves and my very own cheeto stained hands meeting.

"You must be the Element of Time." Twilight said.

"Yeah, that's me, ya know," I replied, trying to figure out how I could snap my fingers to look cool, thenn simply decided to go straight to the real reason I was sent here,"Wanna fuck?"

Her muzzle crinkles in disdain, for what I do not know. Perhaps behind me is the largest spider in ponydom?

"Ew, no way. Just...follow me and don't touch anything with your greasy paws," Twilight said. She went to a bookcase and opened a secret panel. Within was this shoddy necklace covered in what looks like years of dust and rather recent dragon spittle, "When I received the Elements of Fuckery from the Princess, I noticed something unusual. I found this one, an extra at the time. I promptly sent off a letter to the Princesses inquiring about its origin... But, now I know! It is for you, you are meant to bear this element, alongside the six of us!"

She hands me the relic, a plume of dust rising up as it settles in my hands. Examining in I see that the pendent in the center is a cerulean blue pocket watch, would that be my fucking mark if I were a pony?

"Oh! I almost forgot, would you care for anything to drink? Spike just made some fresh lemonade and I'm sure we have some water too."

I drink in the sight of her flank as she turns away. Just like my prepubescent boy chest, it is as flat as anyone of her books. If there was one thing I'd like to drink most in this joint it is that sexy, sexy flank, "Lemonade's fine I suppose."

Twilight left, her hips sashaying as she went to fetch her beloved the life giving liquid. When she comes back, it with a tall frothy glass being held within her purple aura of magic. It rather looks like a cold glass of piss, but for Twilight I will drink anything. Once it is firmly in my hold, Twilight starts up with that speaking thing again, being all science-y and what not.

"You know, I actually never before believed in humans existing, I thought they were just cute myths for little foals actually."

Wait...human? Does that mean...I look down and sure enough I see the flesh covered digits of my hands,now that's a sure fire sign of being a fucking boring ass human if I ever saw one. I also see of course my clothes which slight disappoints me. If I had to remain human why couldn't the portal have at least disintegrated my clothing. Even my black fedora is still sitting upon my head, giving credit to my status as wanna be douche bag.

I start to cry, " I...I thought I'd get to be a pretty, pretty pegasus..."

Twilight blinks, "I actually had heard you were meant to be an alicorn, much like myself. Only male making you something the Princesses called a Gary Stu"

She flutters her wings to demonstrate and I lose it. Twilight is the true and pure definition of irresistible, she is synonymous with hot pony sex...whether she wanted it or not.

I tower over her backside and with my hands that could so easily grab I pluck her from the ground by the nape of her neck.Startled her purple eyes look up at me in shock.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?!"

I just grunt. Undoing one's belt buckle with one hand does not come easily to me. Not as easily as it appears to be from all the porn I have watched in my short years. Finally my Care Bear buckle falls to the ground, my matching boxers going with it. I shiver in anticipation as the cool breeze brushes against my inch and a half ding a ling, already stiff as a brick as it were.

I don't notice as a light begins to encompass my one hundred percent all beef thermometer as I attempt to insert it into that delightful fish taco of Twilight's. It takes me a few tries after all with her squirming as she was, screaming this one R word I didn't recognize. Maybe later I can ask to borrow her dictionary. Heh, that word sounds like the word dick.

Soon Mr.Winky found the hidden cavern and the tresures withing and in no timeI was pumping back and forth, almost in time with the screams of pain from Twilight Sparkle. Within another three seconds I was ready.

"I'm cumming!"

My man seed spewed out inside Twilight, with quite a lot of it oozing out around her labia folds due to my mighty size. Then another beam hit, this one having no clear point of origin and it definitely wasn't from my wang. The beam created a force field that surrounds me and me alone. My eyes glowed, and everything went to a blinding white. Then just as quickly it all changes to black...

"WIND WAKER," I open my eyes to this booming voice, eyes aglow, "YOU, THE ELEMENT OF TIME, WILL BECOME AN ALICORN!"

"W-why?"

"THE UNKNOWN PROPHET, WHOSE NAME IS CERTAINLY NOT THEATERCRITIC, DECIDED IT! YOU WILL RETURN TO YOUR NATURAL GIVEN BODY!"

When I next open my eyes it is to the sight, not of an omnipotent voice, but that of three sets of eyes. Three pony eyes that is.

"Ummm… meep.” Obviously that timid voice belonged to adorable little Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy, darling, you truly have nothing to worry about from such a, if you don’t mind me saying so, handsome stallion!" Those fluttering royal blues eyes could belong to none other then the local prostitute and dress maker, Rarity.

"S-stallion?" I muttered this weakly.

I prop myself up upon newfound hooves. Red hooves I noticed, a sort of rusty red. Doing so I also noticed muscle twang that I have never before observed, which ain’t saying much based off my sheer lack of muscle. Streching forth said muscles give sight to something I certainly did not have before.

Wings.

They’re red, the same shade as my spanking new hooves and sure enough as my eyes trail down them that are mine. Connected to me by flesh, blood and sinew, there is no other explanation. I look to the eyes of the other ponies. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy, all staring at me with various expressions plastered on their muzzles. With the glee of joining the leagues of the best species ever I leap up, lifting all three ponies into a large bear hug. I ignore both the pressure upon my junk and the satisfied moan from sex deprived Fluttershy.

"Well, he's ok!" Fluttershy said quickly. "Let's him rest." They left the room, Fluttershy pausing until she had to be shooed out as Spike comes in.

"Um, Twilight asked if you wanted to stay the night." Spike said.

"Sure, I guess. I have nowhere else to go." I said. I land on top of him using his heated body as an ass rest. I did in to his scales, trying to clean myself off from my earlier Twilight fucking.

Author's Note

I kind of want to rewrite the first episode now only with the elements of fuckery

Dash away!

Outside Golden Oaks Library rain was pouring down loudly. It was so loud, I could hear the rain from where I was sleeping. That same rain was what made me slowly wake up. I opened my eyes and got up stiffly, part of the stiffness being found just under my hoof. It didn't take long to take care of said stiffness though. Soon simmering noises rang in my ears, as the smell of fresh pancakes being cooked in a frying pan hit me straight in the nose.

I guess Twilight was awake I thought. Going to the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror to see the new red coated me. The pony me. How quickly I got used to being a four legged animal. I finished using the bathroom and went downstairs, following the smell of the pancakes. Mmmmmm. Pancakes. Just thinking about it makes my cock hard again. The scent lead me to the kitchen, where Spike was making a large batch of cherry red pancakes.

"G'morning Spike. Where's Twilight?" I said to Spike, the only living thing in the room I could possibly be talking to.

"She left for Canterlot, something about meeting up with the rest of the elements. Don't know why they had to go for Canterlot for that though. They all live here in Ponyville already." Spike said, mixing some more batter. "Oh, Twilight told me to tell you Rainbow Dash wants to race with you."

"In this weather? No thanks." I replied, wondering over the fact of why the self proclaimed fastest flier in Equestria would want to race somepony who has never before used their wings.

"The pegasi are stopping the rain any minute. Not because of Dash being weather captain or anything, but because it rained all night last night."

Conveniently, the rain stopped right at that very moment.I think they use plot devices to control the weather here or something.

"Well, fuck!" I ran out of the house. I got a good look at the town; the town hall, Rarity's boutique, Sugarcube Corner, ect. Then, I saw it. A trail of rainbow flew next to me. It flew off to Celestia knows where, so I decided I should head the other way, tail between my legs.

"You ready?" Rainbow Dash asked, dashing away my hopes of making a clean dash.

"You bet I am..." I replied, lying straight through my teeth.

"First one to Crystal empire wins!"

Rainbow soared past me. I flew right to where Rainbow Dash was. The sun was beating down on us, so it was hard flying because it was so hot, hotter even than Twilight's plot! Rainbow was going on further than me, already she was thirty lenghts ahead of me. . I caught up with her, so we were at the same speed now. Which seems virtually impossible for being such a new flier. Never mind I had never taught how to fly, but I shouldn't even have the muscles in these wings to fly so fast. The wind was blowing in our hair. We could see everywhere in Equestria. Then we saw the blue crystal castle with the crystal dildo in the center. We rushed to get to the top of the castle. Rainbow Dash and I were inching towards the top. Rainbow soared past me, cumming in my eyes as she did so, and thus beat me as I stumbled, flying blind.

"Ha ha! I told you I could beat you!" Rainbow dash said. "But you did a good job for your first flight with those wings!"

"Thanks." I said with my head down,peering at my flaccid penis. Maybe someday I could use it to blind competitors.

"Cheer up, Wind! I want to show you something totally awesome!" Rainbow Dash flew up, "Come on! What are you waiting for, Hearth's Warming Eve?"

I flew up with Rainbow Dash. She showed me around the Crystal Empire, from the town, to the crystal castle. She also showed me the Crystal Dildo up close and personal. I never knew it actually vibrated when fully powered! It felt amazing.

"I wanted you to meet some ponies that I know, but they are away at a private orgy. But I got an invitation while you weren't looking!"

"Who are they?" I asked.

"Twilight's brother, Shining Armor, and his wife, Princess Cadence!" Rainbow Dash said. We sent the rest of the day just flying around Empire, talking about what I did with Babs before in my dreams. "How do you even contact Babs in your dreams? Was it a spell?"

"Well, one night I had a dream that I was here, and Babs found me. We had this special sibling bond, even though we are not actual siblings."

"Just like me and my filly friend Scootaloo!"

"Eeyup. Like that, only with sex!" After we talked for a while, it started to get dark.

"So, where are you going to sleep tonight?" Rainbow Dash inquired.

"Twilight's fuck palace."

"Oh, that tree that has a library in it! You do know Twilight's kind of an egghead, right?"

I stare at her with a " no fucking way" look, "Here I thought she was running a cheese factory!"

"Well, good night, smart ass" Rainbow Dash slapped me as she ran off. I went inside Twilght's library tree, just in time for some after dinner fucking.