Color Schemes

by distortedtruth92

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Tank
Length: 11402

Rainbow Dash has always been complimented on her athleticism. What happens when she gets complemented for her looks, too, especially when said compliment comes from a certain purple dragon?

Rainbow Dash has always been complimented on her athleticism. What happens when she gets complemented for her looks, too, especially when said compliment comes from a certain purple dragon?

Published 2013-07-02 03:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-07 01:13:30 UTC

Confusion

Darkness.

Cold.

Heartbreak.

These are the things that surrounded a small, lost pegasus on the outskirts of town. There she wept by a small pond, shaded by a tree. Though it was summer, the breeze coming off the pond made Rainbow Dash's fur stand on end. She was freezing.

… But she didn't care.

All she cared about was the answer to one question:

“Where did it all go wrong?”

One week earlier…

Calm. The ideal word to describe the late spring/early summer morn that Ponyville happened to be enjoying. That is, it WAS the ideal word.

Exactly ten seconds ago, the calm had been decimated by a cyan missile headed for a predetermined destination: Golden Oaks Public Library.

The mood of said missile was debatable. It was quite possible she was excited, judging by the speed which she was traveling at. She could also have been nervous, that was evident in the erratic manner in which she flew. And if you could get close enough to her without being run down, you could hear grumbling, and you could also have said she was angry. Any of these guesses would have been correct.

"Geez, I'm late! Of all the stupid, stinking, little… GGRRRR!! I can't BELIEVE I got up so late!" she thought to herself. ‘I'm usually good with schedules, ESPECIALLY when it comes to sleep! But NOW, when I really need to be on time, not only do I get up late, I also hit my head getting up, break the cap on the shampoo bottle in the shower, wasting the shampoo AND GETTING IT IN MY EYES, and then, when I finally think it's over, I have to spend 15 minutes taking care of Tank before leaving! And that was before I nearly forgot my saddlebags! Can anything else go wrong?!’

Oh Dash, don't you know not to invoke Murphy like that?

Not a minute later, 6 ponies carrying an industrial-sized fan came walking across the street, the fan itself plugged in and running full blast. Why this was was not important to Dash at the moment, what WAS important was getting out of the way. Unfortunately, at the speed she was going, turning was not likely. Fortunately, however, the fan was running at such speeds that her own speed was offset by it, and she ended up flying in place, mane and tail billowing behind her.

“AAAHHH!! Tuuuurrrrnn iiiittt oooooffff!!!” she screamed. The ponies on the ground heard her, and within seconds, they had turned it off. With the fan now powerless, Rainbow Dash rocketed forth again, barely missing a blade as she went through the fan.

Disaster averted, she continued toward her destination, but Murphy wasn't done with her yet. When she turned the next corner, a mirror was being moved from one side of the street to the other.

Rainbow grimaced. “Why me?” she said.

Losing no time, she quickly shouted out to them so they would get out of the road. The two stallions moving it heard her, barely, and shoved the mirror to the side as fast as they could. They were just fast enough so that Rainbow could pass without breaking it, and as she did, she took a look at herself.

"Huh, not bad."

The ponies she passed thought the same. One of them gave a low whistle, while the other was even more impressed by the fact that the mirror was still in one piece, and made to say so, when, out of nowhere, a grey, cross-eyed pegasus came and crashed into the mirror, shattering it.

“Oops, my bad!” said Derpy.

“Again?” said one of the movers.

“Afraid so, buddy,” said his companion.

“TWILIGHT! Twilight, ya here?! I got a return! Can i make an exchange?! Tell me I'm not late!”

Rainbow dash had just entered the library and was frantically searching for her unicorn friend. As of yet, her search had been fruitless. “Where is she?”

“I think I can help,” spoke a voice from the back.

From the kitchen emerged a small purple creature, a dragon to be exact, named Spike. This dragon was the assistant of Twilight Sparkle, the resident librarian, who was still missing.

“Hey Spike,” she said. “Where's Twilight? She's supposed to be here!” Rainbow was in no mood for hide-and-seek.

“Uh, she's at the farmer's market getting groceries. Why? What's wrong? Heh, need an Ursa banished to the Everfree?” Spike certainly was in a good mood.

Rainbow wasn't. “Look, enough jokes, I need help! I'm not late, am I? Oh, PLEASE tell me I'm not late!!” She was begging at this point, which made Spike nervous.

“Late? Late for what?” he asked.

“The release!! I'm not late, am I?”

At this, Spike was utterly confused. “Release? What do you mean-.” And then realization hit. The release. She meant the release date for-

“Yea, Spike the release date for the new Daring Do book!”

Did she just read his mind?

“Please tell me you're not sold out! I even brought back the last one to, I don't know, exchange it or something!” The cyan mare may or may not have been hyperventilating at this point, but that didn't stop the drake in front of her to start deadpanning.

“The release date isn't till next Friday, and it's Sunday, Dash.”

“…I knew that…” A now-blushing rainbow-maned pegasus then started to creep her way, backwards, to the door, hoping to escape with at least a shred of dignity, when a scaled hand shot up to stop her progress.

“As long as you're here,” said Spike, “I don't guess it would hurt if you returned the book you brought, I mean, I'm completely capable of doing returns while Twilight's gone!”
Rainbow stopped in her tracks. “Oh,” she muttered, “I didn't think of that. Thanks.” As her blush receded, she reached into her saddlebags, pulling out the book she had brought. Amazingly enough, they hadn't fallen off during her wild ride, nor had she lost any of her cargo.

As she held the hardback out for Spike to take, the whelp took pause and looked at the mare in front of him. Something was… off. Something was different, but, for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what it was. But whatever it was, he liked it.
When his claws finally grabbed it he spoke in a curious tone, and asked, “Hey, Dash, did you do something different with your mane?”

Rainbow was stunned for a moment. She didn't know what to say. It wasn't as if ponies normally noticed her manedo, but now that someone had, she was unsure how to respond. She chose to tell the truth.

“Well, I didn't TRY to do anything different, but I did use more shampoo than normal, dumb bottle.” The last part was whispered, but the message still got across.

“Well, whatever you did, I like it. It's better than your normal sweaty, dirty, ragged style… NOT THAT I DON'T LIKE IT EITHER! It's just, well… I like this style better is all… please don't hurt me…” Spike then resorted to using the arm that wasn't attached to a book as a shield.

Dash, on the other hoof, was probably more scared than he was. Sure, his compliment probably turned into an insult, but it was still a compliment. Ponies had given her praise on several occasions, but never before had somepony given her a compliment like THAT. It was new, but it also felt…well, she couldn't quite place the feeling off the top of her head, but she knew she liked it. It was somehow made better by the fact that the compliment came from him…

Rainbow Dash, unaware of her actions, had spaced out and started staring at Spike. He took notice of this, and tried to snap her out of it. “Dash? Yo, Dash, you alright?”

After a few tries, Spike was able to wake Dash from her stupor, with Dash looking confused.

“Huh?”

With her attention back on the room, Spike found it appropriate to draw her attention to something more specific. To be precise, the fact that she hadn't given him the book yet.

“You gonna let go of the book sometime soon?”

That was enough to get her attention, but it also made her blush in embarrassment. “Heh, sorry,” she said as she slowly removed her hoof from the book. “That was awkward…”

They then stood there in silence. It, like the previous situation, was in fact, quite awkward. Neither party knew what to say. Rainbow found it hard to take her gaze off of Spike, and she was growing worried. What was the matter? She gave him the book, but she wasn't leaving. Was it the compliment? Did IT have something to do with this?

Fortunately for the both of them, Spike spoke up. “Hey, don't you have to be somewhere later?”

As a matter of fact, she did. It was one of her workdays, and being a day on the weekend, Rainbow Dash saved a special spot for it in what hatred resided in her. Still, work was work, and meant pay.

She sighed and nodded, turning to leave while she had the motivation to do so. She picked up her head at the door, though, and uttered a small, “See ya,” before leaving.

As the door shut behind her, the cyan pegasus took off and headed to work, but she couldn't take her mind off of Spike. She shook the thoughts out of her head, not paying much attention to them, and in a few minutes, she was at the headquarters for the Ponyville Weather Team.

“It's probably just because I was disappointed about not getting the new book and everything else that happened, right? It'll go away… Right?” she thought to herself.

She thought wrong.

All day. All stinkin’ day. THAT'S how long Rainbow thought about Spike. Not only was it weird, it was distracting, and it interfered with her work the whole day. This made sure she was bone tired when she got home that evening.
“RRrrraaawwarrr!”

Of course, there were some things that needed to be taken care of first. Namely, her pet tortoise, Tank. He sat in a corner of the living room waiting patiently for his master to return home. Rainbow saw this, and in the privacy of her home, she allowed a smile to form on her face. Can't let her friends know she's soft, right? “Hey, buddy. How's it goin’?”

“Rrrrraaaarr!” he said slowly.

“That good, huh?” Dash went over to him and checked on his food and water before hooking him up to his magic-powered propeller pack.

It should be noted that Rainbow Dash, being a pegasus, found comfort in the sky, and as such, built herself a cloud home several years ago when she moved to Ponyville.

And she had a pet tortoise. This caused problems because, obviously, they can't walk on clouds. Flight was required for this, and even with the propeller pack, Tank couldn't land on the cloud. This, however, was remedied by a small section of enchanted hardwood floor that was gifted to Rainbow Dash by her friend, Twilight. It was just big enough to be considered roomy for the reptile, and with a few foal-proof safety gates, he was able to live in the house with his owner.

And it was from this flooring that Tank took off to meet Rainbow in her room. She flew up the stairs, pet in tow, and landed on her cloud bed.

“Ugh!” she groaned elegantly. “Why, Tank? Why can't I do it?”

Tank, being a shelled creature with limited mental capabilities at best, did what any other of his kind would have done. He tilted his head forty-five degrees as if to say, ‘What?’

“Ugh, I MEAN,” Dash said as she sat up, “Why can't I stop thinking about the egghead's helper?”

“Rawawr?”

“Yeah, Spike, who else?” Rainbow laid back and got comfortable. “I haven't got that lizard out of my head all afternoon. It's driving me nuts! I couldn't even focus on work because of him! It took me twenty seconds to clear the skies! TWENTY!! Twice as long as normal!”

“Mrraaaawwr?”

“What happened? Well, nothing really, I mean he gave me a compliment about my mane, but, that's nothing to get worked up over, right? I mean, I get compliments all the time!”

She was suddenly struck with an unsure look as she said, “But, what was that feeling? The one I got when he said it… GAH!” Throwing the covers onto her body, she got comfy and shut her eyes tight.

Sighing, she said, “Look, Tank, I feel horrible. I'm exhausted. I'm gonna hit the hay, alright? Don't stay up too late, alright?”

Her pet looked outside and saw it was still pretty early, but didn't question his master's sleeping schedule, and with a nod, he hovered back to his play area where he stayed until he fell asleep, propeller still running, keeping him floating in place all night.

Rainbow had a harder time sleeping than her pet, and ended up tossing and turning several times before finally giving in to sleep. However, even sleep proved a fruitless pursuit as her dreams became filled with images of a certain purple dragon…

End Act I

Author's Note

So this is a collab between my buddy, The Brony Critic, and myself. He will be the driving force behind this, I'm just here for the writing and editing. Hope you enjoy.
Love,

Distorted

Clarity

“……ugh…”

Rainbow Dash had just woken up. Although one might argue that she was never asleep in the first place. You see, her dear friend Rest had betrayed her the night previous, causing her to toss and turn with visions of violet and blue.

Needless to say, she was not impressed.

“AAAHHH!!”

THUD!

Nor was she particularly impressed by the tortoise hovering two inches from her face. She was actually startled by this. Clouds are painful if you're not prepared to land on them.

“Ouch! Hey, what's the big idea, Tank?!” Rainbow said from her place on the ground.

“Mraw!” said the airborne reptilian companion. This was followed by a few nods in the direction of his shell.

It took her a few moments, but Rainbow finally got the message. “Oh! I forgot to take that thing off you! I'm sorry, big guy!” Without a second of hesitation, she scooped up her pet and make for the first floor. She took off the device, set him down, and fed and watered him while she was there. “There! Anything else you need?”

“Grraww rar!”

“Huh? Waddya mean, ‘acting funny?’” Dash said. “I'm not acting funny! …Am I?”

A slow nod was her response.

Rainbow sighed. “I don't know what's wrong with me, Tank. It's… kinda scaring me…” As she said that she started to taste something bitter, and realized she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. “Woah, that's nasty!”

With a new objective in mind, the cyan pegasus flew upstairs to freshen up for the day. While brushing her teeth, she started inspecting the rest of herself, and found that the cleansing effects of Sunday's shower had not carried over to Monday. She then made her way over to the area she used for showering.

She hit the raincloud filled with lukewarm water above her head, and allowed the water to pass through her coat at a steady pace. She lathered herself up, rinsed off, and reached for the shampoo bottle she bought yesterday to replace the one she used up. She ran her hooves through her mane and tail, rinsed the bubbles off, and repeated. When she was done, though, she found the bottle was half-empty.

“Huh, must not have filled it right, or something,” Rainbow said. She then finished her shower and commenced with brushing her mane. Afterwards, she flew back downstairs, had some breakfast, and made her way into town to try and make something out of what was left of her day.

~~~

Sweet Apple Acres was known for two things; its products, and its residents. One such resident was out in the fields, tending to her trees. The sunlight caught the sweat on her brow and glistened until her hat shaded it once more. She finished bucking a certain stubborn tree that refused to lend its bounty, and sat down in its shade.

“Wooo-wee! Half the East Field done, and it's only nine o'clock!” Applejack said. “Pretty good start! Wish it weren't so hot, though. What Ah wouldn't do for a couple o’ clouds ta shade me while Ah work…”

As if in answer to her request, a shadow crossed over the ground in front of her. Applejack got up from her spot on the ground and looked out to see what it was. When she saw a prismatic contrail, she decided to call out to it. “Hey, Dash, how's it going?!”

The blue blur in the sky heard her, and settled down in front of her friend. “Hey, A.J. What's up?” she asked.

“You were. What brings ya over here so early? You're usually sleepin' right about now,” the orange cowpony noted.

“Didn't feel like sleeping. Too much on my mind,” Dash said distractedly. Or just too much of one thing on my mind, she thought bitterly.

“That's a first,” her friend said with a snicker, “whatcha thinkin' 'bout?”

“Well, I, uh, I've been having, er, weird feelings, um, lately for a, uh, certain somepony…” she stuttered stupendously.

Applejack stopped snickering. Her eyes went wide, and her mouth opened a little. “Uh, come again, partner?”

“It's weird, like, I've never felt this way before. It's… weird.”

“…What kinda feelings?”

Rainbow wracked her brain for something to compare it to, and gave the best example she could think of. “It's like when I'm in a race. My heart is racing, my chest is pounding, my vision is blurry, but unlike in a race, I can't focus on anything! … You wouldn't happen to know what's going on, would you?”

On Applejack’s face was plastered an expression of extreme confusion. For the life of her, she just couldn't wrap her head around the situation presented to her. She would have asked, but if her parents taught her anything, it was when and where to bring up certain topics, and this was neither the time, nor the place.

So, having no answer for her increasingly-anxious friend, she did the first thing that came into her mind; re-direct the pegasus away from her. “Say, sugarcube, Ah ain't too grand at this business, why don't y'all talk ta someone with a bit more knowledge about the subject?”

“Knowledge?” That one word stuck out to her. It made her think of a certain egghead by the name of-“TWILIGHT!!” …I was about to say that…“If anypony can help me, it's her! After all, she is closer to, uh… someone, than anyone else! Thanks, A.J.!”

Without warning, Rainbow Dash latched onto her earth pony friend and started relentlessly hugging her. This was both uncomfortable for her and embarrassing. Had Rainbow been looking, she would have seen Applejack blushing profusely. “Uh, you're welcome?”

And with that, the farmer was dropped, and the speedster went off, back to where it all began, leaving the former quite flustered.

“What just happened?”
~~~

There is a certain mare in Ponyville that lives in a tree. She loves reading, books in general, and lately, has grown to love her friends more than anything. She would spend time with them whenever the schedules she made for herself would allow, and was glad to help whenever she could.

But now, it was time to reorganize the shelves. Again.

Now, you might be asking, ‘why would she need to organize her books again?’ Well, I'll tell you.

She loves organization.

While some ponies may say this was an obsession of hers, to Twilight Sparkle it was a way of life, a path that could not be chosen, rather, a path that chose whoever was foolhardy enough to dare to walk it. A path that, once you stumbled onto it, would change your life forever. A path that-

“Twilight! You're staring into space again! I'll help you, but I'm not doing this by myself this time,” shouted an irritated dragon.

Twilight sheepishly began shelving the books she was levitating two at a time, and kept her head down until she ran out. “Okay, I think we need a break. BOTH of us.”

“I'll say,” Spike said, and he went into the kitchen to prepare lunch, even though it was a bit early. Twilight took this time to settle down in her favorite chair and pull out a single book to read while she waited.

“Finally, a moment's peace! What I need right now is quiet and rest…”

Aaaaannd, cue the noise.

CRASH! BANG! With a blast from a blur, the doors to the library flew open, revealing the one who dared interrupt Twilight's peaceful morning.

“TWILIGHT! You home?!” Rainbow Dash called out into the open space of the library's main room. She whipped her head around until her eyes caught sight of the pony she sought for. “Hey, Twi, what's up?” she called out to her friend.

“Oh, you know, the clouds, the price of cherries, the volume levels in the room since you entered,” she said with a glare.

“Sorry,” Dash said, “but this is important! Something's happening to me and I don't know what to do!”

This got Twilight's interest. “What do you mean?”

Rainbow Dash looked around, then spoke. “Is Spike here? I don't want him to hear this.”

“He's making lunch, he probably can't hear us. Why? Is it something private?”

Rainbow Dash contemplated what to say, and came up with an answer. “Yeah, I don't really feel like telling too many ponies about it just yet.”

“What's the matter?” Twilight asked, “Are you sick?”

“No, it's just, I've been feeling weird lately. Like, I can't explain it. I thought maybe you could help?”

Twilight was fully enveloped by the conversation. Nothing else mattered. She was fascinated by the thought of helping her friend with a problem that neither of them knew about fully, it might make a good friendship report!

“Okay, I'll help. Now tell me your symptoms. That'll help me diagnose the ailment,” she said to her friend.

“Well, I don't feel sick, not really, it's just a weird feeling I've been having since yesterday,” Rainbow explained.

“Mm-hm. Go on,” Twilight said as she caused a clipboard and quill to appear out of thin air.

“Well, I can't focus, for one.”

“Mm-hm.”

“I can't breathe right.”

“Yes…”

“I get all hot, and sweaty, and nervous for no reason! It's like my body doesn't want to do what I tell it to! My chest gets tight, my heart beats faster, I can't think, I can't sleep, what's wrong with me?!”

Twilight looked up from her notes, a puzzled look on her face. “Well, Dash, I don't know. This doesn't sound like any illness I've ever seen. Although, if you were to take this information and look at it just right, one could say that you're…”

Now Rainbow was puzzled. Her friend had stopped dead in the middle of her sentence and was just staring at her. Then a knowing grin started to appear, which turned into a full-blown Pinkie-style smile as her friend got ever closer to her.

“Well? Do you know what's wrong? Twilight, what are you doing? What's with the smile? Tell me!”

Looking at her friend with a devious smirk, Twilight answered her friend.

“You're… in… LOVE!!”

The shouted answer was just shocking enough that Rainbow fell on her hindquarters, and gave Twilight the perfect opportunity to begin her barrage of rapidly-asked questions.

“Oh my gosh, this is so exciting, one of my friends has a CRUSH! I can't believe it! Of all my friends, I never expected YOU to fall in love first! This'll make the perfect friendship report, because I can TOTALLY help! You have to tell me EVERYTHING!! When did this happen? Who is it? What's her name?!”

Rainbow couldn't understand half of what her friend said, but she understood two things: that her friend was going at speeds that would rival another friend of theirs, and that she referred to her so-called crush a she.

Now, while many questions were going through her head, the blue pegasus had one that needed answering first. “Did you say HER name?”

Twilight blinked from her position above her friend. “Yeah, why?”

“Oh, no reason,” Dash explained to the oblivious unicorn, “except I'm STRAIGHT.”

Whatever smile Twilight Sparkle had previously possessed was a thing of the past. In its place could be found a look of absolute horror as Rainbow's words sunk in. “Uh, what I meant was-”

“Twilight, who told you I liked mares?”

Seeing no way out, Twilight let her friend get up so that they were both eye-to-eye, and told the truth. “Well, nopony told me, exactly, I mean, we all just assumed-”

“WE ALL?”

Twilight cringed at the tone used, and at the realization of what she just said, and tried to explain herself. “Well, none of us have ever seen you with a stallion, not in a romantic way, that is, and you don't exactly act like most mares, so-”

“So WHAT?! That automatically makes me a lesbian?!” Twilight had the feeling this wouldn't be the last time she was cut off as she shrunk into herself further to perhaps avoid her friend's wrath. It didn't work.

“I'm sorry, Rainbow, I'm really, REALLY sorry! But, you know, you could have said something, maybe this could have been avoided-”

“Who else?”

Twilight was taken aback. She hadn't been expecting that question. “What do you mean, ‘who else?’”

“I MEAN,” Dash started, “who among our friends think I'm a lesbian, besides YOU?” A hoof was pointed accusingly towards a certain unicorn for emphasis. “I kinda want to know who I need to have a talk with.”

The look on the pegasus mare's face was a deadly serious, and she expected an answer, one Twilight was hesitant to give. “Well… I think… Applejack…” Whatever else she said was mumbled.

Rainbow was not amused. “What about Applejack? What did you say! Tell me!”

It was a command, Twilight noticed, but she was still hesitant to respond. Nevertheless, she decided it was best to get it over with. “Well, I think Applejack, kinda, sorta, maybe…
…
…
… thinks you have a crush on her.”
As soon as the words were spoken, the lavender unicorn began erecting a magical shield to protect herself from any physical and/or verbal assault her companion might unleash on her.

It didn't come. Twilight opened her eyes, which had somehow become shut tight on their own, and saw a look of understanding on Dash's face.

Seeing she was no longer in danger, she put down the shield in time to hear Rainbow say, “Huh. Well, that explains why she was acting funny, anyway.”

Both mares stared at each other and, after a few moments, simultaneously busted out laughing. The sheer ridiculousness of their conversation had finally caught up to them, and they couldn't help themselves. After a minute or two, Rainbow settled herself enough to say, “Hey, I'm sorry for blowing up on you earlier. I may have been justified, but I still could have been civiler.”

“More civil,” Twilight corrected, “and I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't assume anything about my friends, and you're no exception. Forgive me?”

“Of course, but only if you forgive me,” Rainbow said.

“Of course I do, and thanks, Dash.” Both mares then embraced in a heartfelt hug, releasing all the tension that had built up.

Disaster averted, Twilight Sparkle allowed herself a few moments to calm herself down before Dash started asking questions again, and she did, starting with: “What makes you think I'm in love?”

Now it was Twilight's turn to be confused. “Huh? What do you mean by that?”

“Well, that whole thing we had back there was because you said I had a crush… Do you think that's really the problem I have?”

“Well, Dash,” Twilight started, “I've read enough books on pony psychology, and even a few romance novels when I'm bored, to know the signs. And YOU,” she said, pointing at her fellow pony with a smug look, “my little Dashie, have got it bad!”

Rainbow mulled this over in her mind, thinking about what she knew about love herself. In the end, it made sense, but if that were so, that meant she was in love with the one she couldn't get out of her head, which was…

‘SPIKE?!’

As a look of terror and confusion passed over the pegasus' face, Twilight herself became confused. She also noted that this trend of being confused was growing at an alarming rate. She sought to nip this trend in the bud, so to speak, and she knew the only way to do that was to ask questions. So she opened her mouth and that's when Spike came in, covered in dirt and dust, a bruise on his tail, carrying two sopping wet, slightly scorched sandwiches.

“Don't ask,” he said as the two others in the room gazed at him. He then noticed that someone was there that previously wasn't. “Oh hey R.D., back again, huh? Whatcha doin'?”

The feelings that Rainbow had managed to avoid while talking to Twilight came back in full-force, and she knew she had to get out of there.

“Uh, I'll talk with you later, Twi, see ya!” And with that, she hastily exited the library through the door she entered by, leaving behind a confused purple dragon and a slightly-less confused purple pony.

“What was that all about? What did she need, Twi?”

“Oh, just girl talk,” Twilight explained, oblivious to the situation. “You'll understand when you're older. Now about our lunch…” she said looking at the plates of ruined food.

“Heh, there's a funny story about that…”

~~~

As Rainbow made her way home, she found herself passing over Sweet Apple Acres like she had done earlier that day. On the dirt path that cut through the trees, she saw an orange blob. She decided to swoop down closer to it.

Said blob looked up to her comrade and tensed up a little. She, however, decided to be friendly and greet her. “Afternoon, Dash! How's it-”

“It's not you. It never was,” Rainbow said as she flew by.

Feeling every muscle in her body loosen at once, Applejack took in a deep breath, and-

“DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!”

-held her sigh of relief until her friend was out of earshot.

~~~

When she got back home, many thoughts were going through Dash's head. On one hoof, she may or may not have been in love with one of her closest friends. On the other hoof, that's all he was, a friend! Right?

“Reeaarraw!” came the slow, scratchy sound of her pet from his place in the living room. She trotted over to him and attached the flying apparatus so he could follow her to her room. She sat down on her bed and groaned with her face in her hooves. She chanced a glance upwards to see her pet hovering in from of her.

“Oh, Tank, what's happening?”

A blank stare was her reply.

“I just got back from Twilight's, and she told me I'm in love with Spike! That's impossible, right? I mean he's a nice guy, but love is a strong word!”

Tank continued staring at her, his expression unreadable.

“I mean, okay, sure, he's funny, and cool, and smart, I guess, he lives in a library, for crying out loud! And he can be helpful, and caring, and brave, and… strong, and… cute… so cute! …” Rainbow Dash soon came to the shocking realization that she had been saying things that she had not meant to say. She dwelled on these words and the more she dwelled, the more dumbfounded her expression became. Eventually, the more she thought about it, the more it made sense, and all of this dwelling and thinking led to one single thought that became spoken word, and there was no denying its authenticity.

“I'm… in love… with… Spike?” Rainbow looked to her pet, who simply looked at her, smiled, and nodded.

And with increasing confidence, Rainbow Dash began again. “I'm in love with Spike.” This led to shouting, and then proclaiming. “I'm in love with Spike!” And as she proclaimed, she shot up into the air and threw her hooves in every direction imaginable out of sheer joy. “I'M IN LOVE WITH SPIKE!!”

And then that nasty little thing called ‘awareness’ settled in, and her voice, as well as her demeanor, changed into something dark and foreboding, as if she had just done the unspeakable. As she plummeted back onto her bed, she whispered, “I'm in love with Spike.”

But, soon enough, the cheer was back. “Aww, who cares? I can love whoever I want! I'm Rainbow flippin' Dash! And if anypony has an issue, they can talk to me!” But then surety left her as quickly as it came, and was replaced by dread as new thoughts entered her mind.

“What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he rejects me? What if he doesn't? What'll he say? What'll I say?! What do I do?!” Unbeknownst to our fine feathered protagonist, throughout this bout of uncertainty, Tank was being shaken about quite mercilessly. When she came to her senses, she released him and apologized, but his eyes were still rolling in his head.

While Tank recovered, the cyan mare got an idea. A wonderful idea. An idea involving herself and her newfound love interest. “Hey, I know! I'll make sure he loves me!”

“M-mmerrra-aahh?” Tank shakily asked.

“How, you ask? Simple. If he doesn't love me, I'll make him feel the same way with an awesome plan I just came up with! It's foal-proof!”

Tank was confused, but decided to humor his master with a nod, but that motion made him sick to his stomach, so he opted to stay still.

With determination in her eye, Rainbow Dash leapt into the air, and with conviction and power in her voice, she stated, “Spike, guard your heart, cuz by the end of the week, it'll be mine!”

~~~

Somewhere in the deep, dank pits of Tartarus, an old, withered, grumpy stallion awoke from his slumber, and with a few waves of his hooves, he changed the fates based on a word, to where any outcome of the following chapters would end in mayhem and disaster, before settling down until next he was called upon. And as Murphy began dozing off once more, he uttered a single phrase.

“Oh, this'll be fun.”

And truer words were never spoken.

End Act II

Author's Note

Hey y'all thanks for all the wonderful feedback. I haven't actually written anything yet. Next chapter is all mine though. Here is a message from my coauthor

Hey everypony! Thanks for deciding to read this thing! I really appreciate the likes that we've gotten so far! It's really exciting to me because this is my first fanfiction ever! I hope you aren't disappointed in what you see, and if you are, PLEASE, tell me why! I'd be more than happy to change anything that seems off, but if your complaints have to do with the story and how I tell it, well, I'm afraid I can't help you there. Don't expect weekly updates, but expect them to be out as soon as we can type them, because this isn't over yet! And check out this guy's other work! He's not too shabby an individual, if I do say so myself! Well, I think that's all for now, see ya, and enjoy! -The Brony Critic

2.5 Spike's Kitchen Misadventures

Spike was a dragon. This should be clear to you by now, but just in case… anyway, yeah. A dragon. But not just an ordinary dragon.

He was the personal assistant of the princess' star pupil. This mostly meant stacking shelves, however, like on today. It was Monday morning, and Twilight wanted a clean library, which Spike personally found odd, since no one ever came in to check anything out, not while he was around to see it, anyway.

Regardless of his opinion on the matter, Twilight insisted on cleanliness, and Spike, being the obedient assistant that he was, complied with little grumbling on his part.

That is, until he saw Twilight daydreaming, again.

“TWILIGHT!” he called out. This caused the lavender librarian to jump, ending her spaced-out moment. “You're staring into space, again! I'll help you, but I'm not doing this by myself this time.”

At this the startled pony started to blush and nervously re-insert the books she had been holding in her magical grasp into their respective slots on the shelves. She then let out a sigh, and said, “Okay, I think we need a break. BOTH of us.”

The reptile in the room was quite eager to agree. “I'll say,” he said to his friend. He had been working all morning with the unicorn, and he had neglected to prepare breakfast for either of them because of this. ‘Oh well, brunch is still a good meal.’

He decided to go to the kitchen and see if anything looked good for the mid-morning meal he had in mind. He went to the icebox and peered inside, and found something he didn't expect to find: peach blossoms. This was unexpected because they weren't in season, and also because they were expensive. He lifted them up and when he did, a note that was stuck to the bottom of the plate the blossoms were on fell off.

“Huh?” Spike grunted inquisitively, “What's this?” He opened the note and read it aloud. That is to say, he was GOING to read it aloud, but then something made a rather loud sound in the main room of the library, startling him, and causing the plate to fall from his grasp.

Using his natural dragon reflexes, he quickly reached out and caught the plate before it shattered. Letting out a breath he had held, he set the flowers on a table and read the note.

“Dear Twilight, my most faithful student,
It has come to my attention during my last visit that you have never tried peach blossoms before, and if I might say, you most certainly should! They are a most delicious flower, very aromatic, and well worth what the vendors charge for them nowadays! I have sent you some so that you may finally try them for yourself, and perhaps your assistant as well. I hear they are a delicacy in the dragon kingdom.

I suggest sandwiches for your first time trying them. This may sound a bit plain, but I assure you, they'll be the best sandwiches you'll ever have!

Bon appetite!

Your loving mentor, Princess Celestia.”

This sounded like as good a plan for lunch as any, so without wasting a second, Spike set up the ingredients for the sandwiches. Thankfully, there was enough bread left in the breadbox for them to have a sandwich apiece. ‘How she forgot the bread, I'll never know.’

He then set about getting plates, and found a large one to set both sandwiches on. This plate happened to be on the bottom of a very large stack of plates. Unfortunately for our scaly stud, he forgot what gravity does to plates, especially when they tip over, and absentmindedly grabbed the bottom plate and tugged.

He regretted that act instantly.

As soon as the deed was done, heavy plates began crashing down on him, including one that landed on the tip of his tail. This caused him to burp up a small fireball that set ablaze a small portion of the counter, including the bread. He quickly dodged falling flatware, and eventually made his way to the sink to retrieve water from it.

He found a bowl in the sink and put it under the faucet, turning the water on full-blast at the same time. When the bowl was full of water, he threw its contents onto the counter, dousing the flames and everything else they hit. Including the bread and the blossoms.

“Oh, come on!” Spike yelled as he threw his head back in exasperation. He went over to check the damage, and he found it. What parts of the bread weren't scorched were soaked, and although the peach blossoms didn't receive the flame treatment, they were also very wet. He tried to scrape the ash off of the sandwich bread, but only managed to get soot on his arm.

He decided to think of a way to fix the situation, when his eyes caught the mess on the floor. Broken plates, and lots of them, were all over the floor. He figured he might as well clean it up before doing anything else, so he went to the pantry and got the broom and dustpan.

As he started sweeping, a spell was cast in another room. Now, there is something that should be noted about spells. Whenever a unicorn casts a spell, there is always residue that comes off of the horn that built up during the last spell. It is a self-cleaning mechanism that all unicorns are born with. The residue in question comes off in the form of particles that appear to sparkle in light or darkness, and they float through the air until they dissipate, which, for some ‘sparkles’, may take some time.

One such particle made its way into the kitchen area of Golden Oaks, and into the eye of a certain dragon named Spike.

“AHHH!!” Spike yelled in pain. He tried to rub the offending magical substance out of his eye, but ended up tripping over his own tail and fell into a pile of dust he had swept up, coating himself in it. The residue then dissolved in his tears, and the dragon's vision was restored, although his eye still stung a little.

“What WAS that?!” he said to no one in particular. In a few seconds, he heard laughter as a response. Was the universe itself mocking his inability to make the simplest meal know to pony-kind? Probably.

Now covered in soot and dust, with a bruised tail, sore eye, and damaged confidence, he set about slowly, delicately putting together the ruined food, so as not to ruin it further. This was not going to be a good day for him, and he knew it. With food finished (finally), he hurriedly hustled on the hardwood floor into the main room.

When he got there, he saw two mares instead of one, and they were both looking at him with concern. Well, one was, the other looked terrified. “Don't ask,” Spike told them, then he decided to greet the newcomer with, “Oh hey R.D., back again, huh? Whatcha doin'?”

“Uh, I'll talk with you later, Twi, see ya!” And with that, Rainbow Dash was gone.

Thoroughly confused, Spike sought to become enlightened, and asked a question. “What was that all about? What did she need, Twi?” The look he got was almost dreamy, like Twilight was in her own little world.

“Oh, just girl talk, you'll understand when you're older.” He was about to point out that he was mature for his age, and almost as old as Twilight and her friends, closest to Dash, in fact, when Twilight's face took on a serious expression. “Now about our lunch,” she said, looking at the platter he was holding.

“Heh, there's a funny story about that… also, is there an easy way to remove burn marks from a wooden counter-top?”

“What have you done?” Twilight deadpanned.

Author's Note

Hey y'all. Distorted here. I would like to thank all of you who like this fic and continue to read it. Everything up to this point has been the Brony Critic's writing with me editing. Next chapter is solely mine. Those after that will be a true collab effort.
Love,

Distorted

We hit 100 likes! Woo-hoo! Thanks to all you guys who DIDN'T dislike this! *looks disapprovingly at the dislikes* In any case, I hope you enjoy this not-so-little chapter as my way of saying, thank-you! -The Brony Critic

A Plot

Rainbow Dash was lying down on her back, the grass a bit rougher than the clouds she was used to, but it was worth it to be spending the time with her special somepony. Well, special somedragon in this case. Spike lay next to Rainbow, his eyes closed contentedly. Rainbow looked around the quiet field she lay in. Everything was so peaceful, so tranquil, so…

CRASH!!!

Rainbow Dash shot up.

CRASH!!!

Rainbow Dash rolled around underneath her comforter.

CRASH!!!

Rainbow sat up quickly and looked around for the source of the disturbance. Apparently she had forgotten to turn Tanks propeller off the night before (again) and now the tortoise (I so wanted to say turtle) was crashing through the house, out of control.
Rainbow jumped up and zoomed to her pet. His eyes were wide with terror as she grabbed him. She gently stroked his head. “There, there, Tank, it’s all right. Everything is fine now, see?” She flew the tortoise over to his platform and gently set him in his pen. She removed his harness and hung it up on the rack. “Maybe that’s enough flying for today. Now, I has to go outside for a bit. Be a good boy and stay there okay.” Only waiting for half of the excruciatingly long nod, Rainbow Dash flew out of the house.

After lazily flying about for a half hour, Rainbow Dash heard a painfully familiar boyish laugh. Looking down she saw a beautiful white unicorn walking next to a moving pile of supplies. Upon closer inspection, Rainbow noticed Spike underneath the mountain of fabric. She quickly hid her rising blush and darted away. She thought she heard somepony call out from behind her, but she didn't stop. She felt a wetness on her cheek and realized she was crying. She quickly took refuge in a cloud.

Calm down, Rainbow. They were just walking together. No harm done.

I know, but everypony in town knows about Spike's crush on Rarity. How am I supposed to win him over when he has somepony like Rarity to get his attention.

Hey, Don't think like that. You're attractive, too. Now come on, You gonna lie up here and sulk all day, or are you gonna face the day and kick its flank like you always do?

Rainbow Dash smiled to herself as she wiped the last of her tears away. “Buck yeah!” She took off into the sky and landed in the town square, where all the peddlers were selling their wares.

As she alighted on the ground she waved over at the pony selling roses, who was having a chat with a teal pony with a lyre for a cutie mark.

“Hey, Roseluck, Lyra. How's it hanging?”

The two looked at her and started sniggering quietly to themselves.

“Hey,” Rainbow Dash stated, her eyes narrowing. “What's so funny?”

Roseluck pointed behind the cyan pegasus. Rainbow turned around and her jaw hit the dirt. Right in front of her, at eye level, was a flier with her face on it.

Attention:
To all stallions who have a romantic attraction to Rainbow Dash
Please meet at the library at 10 A.M.
Thank you.

Rainbow Dash looked up at the clock that over looked the square and saw that it read 10:05. Rainbow's face turned a brilliant scarlet as she started pumping her wings.

“Twilight! I am going to kill you!”

Twilight was pacing in front of a group of around twenty stallions, the whole single population of Ponyville, all save one, Big Macintosh. She eyed the stallions warily. Wow! I had no idea this many ponies were into Rainbow.

She stopped pacing and faced the group. “Now, I'm sure you guys are wondering why I brought you here.” She got a chorus of nods. “It has come to my attention that Rainbow Dash has a-”

“Twiliiiiight!” Twilight was interrupted by a scream and then the window above her being shattered by a rainbow blur.

Rainbow Dash pulled up in front of Twilight and glared at the purple unicorn, not even giving the stallions gathered a glance. “What the hay are you thinking?”

Twilight shrank back from Rainbow. “I just thought-”

“You thought what, exactly? That you would bring a bunch of stallions in here and try to find out which one I like?” She then wheeled about and stared daggers at the ponies gathered. “Go on, get out of here.” The stallions all shrank back from the cyan pegasus before turning around and bolting out the door.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath before turning around to face her friend. “Sorry, Twi. I guess I lost my temper, there.”

Twilight's eyes widened in surprise at the apology, then she lowered her head. “I'm the one who should be sorry. I knew I shouldn't be prying into your personal business but my curiosity just got the better of me.”

Rainbow smiled and wrapped her forelegs around Twilight in a loving embrace. “It's cool, Twi. Just promise me you won't do it again. I want to try to do this on my own.”

Twilight raised her head with a smile. “Of course. I won't try to meddle anymore. Are we good?”

Rainbow turned to make her exit. “Yeah, we're cool,” she threw over her shoulder.

“Rainbow, before you go can you at least tell-”

“Twilight.”

“Oh, right, sorry.”

Rainbow let out a brief snort before taking off through the broken window.

Back at her house, Rainbow Dash plopped down on her bed and tried to take solace in the fourth Daring Do book. After reading the same line for the tenth time, she slammed the book shut. “It's no use, Tank,” she said to the tortoise in its pen. I can't stop thinking about him. All I can see every where I look is purple and green, and that's something coming from me.” Tank nods slowly. “There must be something I can do.” She sat silently for around five minutes before bolting upright, launching her book across the room. “I got it, Tank.”

Author's Note

Oh my God, it's finally here. It took ages (mostly do to a broken computer that my ex roommate broke. He got a broken nose and ribs that night) But thank you all for sticking with us through this whole time and I can promise you that the updates will happen more quickly now.
Love,

Distorted Truth

Hey guys, Critical Mass, aka The Critic, here! Firstly,

Dang. The heck did we go? Honestly, though? Life sucks. And trust me, to make up for this, we're gonna try and give you TWO chapters in ONE WEEK!!

I'd just like to take this moment and say, thanks to all you lovely people, and thanks to my co-author, who without, I would be nothing still. And with that, I leave and say, 'Until next time!'
-The Critic

A Plot Part II

A Plot, part II

Tank was a tortoise. This is pretty much an established fact, obvious and all that, right? Well, one thing he WASN'T was being good at dress-up. Are you aware that, for a time, they gave miniature replicas of old Equestrian military helmets as prizes in boxes of Crunchy Oats? Are you further aware that Rainbow Dash was a proud owner of the full set?

… And that Tank was being forced to wear the gold one? He hated it, to be sure. It was tight, it was gaudy, and it had absolutely no purpose whatsoever that he could see. But for some reason, it seemed, his owner felt it appropriate for her to tell him her plan. “Mreweh!”

“I know, it's uncomfortable,” said Rainbow as she stood in front of her pet and an easel that held several pieces of paper which were covered in crayon, “but this is an emergency meeting! We have to dress appropriately!”

Cue glare. Also, cue eye roll.

“Whatever. I think it's a good idea. Anyway, it's time to begin!” She then seated herself next to her presentation that she had prepared and put on her most authoritative look. “Alright, gentle… pets! I've called you here today to discuss a most important matter: Spike!” She pointed a hoof at the first set of pictures, which showed a picture of Spike's head inside a heart.

She flipped the page back and continued. “Now, I know what you're thinking, ‘Why is Spike important?’ Well, to answer your question, I… I'm in love.”

Rainbow tried her best to hold back a blush at this point. She coughed and continued. “But, I still don't know if he feels the same way, and since he probably doesn't anyway, I have designed a plan that will make sure he does!” She pulled back the next sheet of paper to reveal various lines, arrows, diagrams, illustrations, and other things that only Celestia MIGHT be able to decipher.

“Alright, ” she began to elaborate, “this is my plan! I call it my ‘Color Scheme’! Get it? 'Cause I'm… oh, never mind.” She pointed to the first picture, one of a talking blue pony speaking to what appeared to be a purple blob. “First, I start talking to him more, get to know him and see if he likes me, too! Then…” The next picture was pointed to, one of the former two creatures sitting on a checkered quilt. “… I'll take him on a picnic, set the atmosphere!”

Tank stared blankly ahead, occasionally shaking his head.

“Hmph!” Rainbow noticed. She also ignored. “Anyway,” she continued, pointing to what looked like a video camera, “then I'll invite him on a date! The movies sounded good, and I can show him we have the same interests! And lastly,” said she, pointing towards the final image, one of lips, “he'll kiss me and we'll be together forever!”

She accentuated this with several aerial spins. Tank considered this the most impressive part of her presentation. More snorting ensued.

As Rainbow Dash settled herself, she sighed and started to slump, the thought of all that romance being a little too much for her at-the-moment weak legs. She quickly realized that she was daydreaming again, and Dash shook her head to get her thoughts back together. “Okay,” she said to Tank, “Operation: Win Spike's Heart is in motion! Wish me luck!”

She closed her eyes and giggled giddily, and Tank had no choice but to do so. For you see, as irritating as she could be at times, he still loved her for who she was: his owner, his friend. And so, she left with a puff of her wings, out the door to find her true love…

“MRREEEEAAAGGHH!”

… Forgetting to remove the helmet from Tank's head.

~~~

Elsewhere in downtown Ponyville, a small, green-and-purple dragon was setting down a large pile of fabrics onto the floor of the Carousel Boutique. With a huff, he placed it all in the pre-defined area specific for fabrics, and sat down, quite glad that he was finished.

“Wow, Rarity!” said Spike, trying to crack his spine. “What do you need all this for?”

The white unicorn, who happened to be accompanying him, turned and looked at him confused. “What? You mean I never told you?”

He shook his head.

“Ah. Well,” Rarity continued, “this is for my upcoming Summer Line! I was inspired by the birds and fish around Fluttershy's home, all those swirling, gorgeous colors! I just HAD to use those ideas, it would be a crime NOT to!”

Spike was enthralled. Not in the dresses, of course. “Of course, Rarity! Whatever you say…” spake the drake. He was, at the time, staring at Rarity with half-lidded inner jubilance at merely being around the pristine mare. Surely this was to be the love of his life.

…Outside, however, there was a blue pony that would sorely disagree. As the conversation continued inside, Rainbow was listening in on them. It hadn't been long since she had seen them last, and it wasn't too difficult to find them. As she desperately held back tears and hopeless thoughts, Rainbow Dash also steeled herself for Phase 1 of her so-called Color Schemes. It was time for the single to mingle, and she was eternally grateful that Spike still was.

From inside, a knock was heard at the door. Spike was first to react, quickly turning to the sound with years of servant's instincts. He rushed over, and in a dash, he opened the door to reveal… Dash. (Wow, that was bad…) “Oh! Hey Rainbow!” he said nonchalantly.

“Hey, Spike!” she replied. (Cue barely contained blush.)

“Well, what a pleasant surprise!” came a silky voice from inside the room. Both parties at the door turned to look at the owner of the voice, Rarity, who had yet to actually SEE the visitor at her shop.

“Hey, Rarity! I'm not interrupting anything, am I?” Rainbow asked, stepping into the building.

“Oh no, of course not! I was merely receiving help from our mutual friend here!” Rarity said, peering towards the door and gesturing to the friend in question.

“Aww, I'm always glad to help…” Spike said, blushing and kicking his foot.

Rainbow cringed at that, but she came here for a reason, and the sooner she got the job through with, the better. “Uhh, sure… Say, uh, Rarity? Do you mind if I borrow Spike for, like, the rest of the day?”

Rarity seemed a bit confused by this question, but she didn't seem to be that put off by it. “Why, certainly! I was finished here anyway. Thank you Spike!”

“Oh, uh, no problem, Rarity,” he said in his most kindred voice, shuffling his foot and trying to hide his head behind his shoulder. He looked on Rarity and saw that she was giving him a warm smile in return, but warm smiles would have to wait.

Rainbow Dash stepped up. “Come on, Spike! I've got some things planned for us today,” she said. As soon as she had spoken, Spike barely had time to wish Rarity ‘Goodbye,’ before Rainbow had whisked them both out of the door.

Rarity was left alone, slightly confused, and, for reasons that escaped her, a bit annoyed. She shrugged off the feeling, however, and continued with her day, while our lovebird was flitting about outside…

~~~

“So, what's up?” Rainbow asked.

“Nothing much,” said Spike.

Gee, great conversation, huh? Anyhow, Rainbow Dash and Spike were walking and flying down the road running through the middle of Ponyville, and Rainbow's plan was officially initiated.

“Umm…” Struggling to think of witty banter, Rainbow was forced to start with the basics. “So…” she eloquently began, “whatcha been up to?”

Spike eased into the conversation, um, easily. “Well, I've been trying to survive, mainly. I mean, life here gets pretty hectic, know what I'm saying?”

Rainbow knew all too well. “Tell me about it. Can we please have a week where there ISN'T a monster or villain trying to invade the country?” This got a chuckle out of Spike. Unfortunately, the time for chuckling would have to wait. At this time, two mares by the names Flitter and Cloudchaser showed up and got in front of them.

Now, before we continue, some clarification is in order. Rainbow Dash and the two ponies, who were twins, were not friends. You see, Rainbow thought that the twins were decent enough fliers (they were also pegasi), and would recruit them for missions should their presence be required.

However, outside of work, Rainbow thought Cloudchaser was too frivolous, and she thought Flitter was more of a pushover than Fluttershy, and WAY more annoying. That being said, the twins also thought that Rainbow was egotistical and rude. Needless to say, them meeting while the rainbow-maned mare was on her quote-unquote ‘date’ wasn't exactly what she wanted.

“Oh, hey, Rainbow!” Cloudchaser spat.

“Yeah, hey, RAINBOW!” Flitter said, feeling emphasis was necessary.

Eyes rolled all through the street. Rainbow's were but a single pair. “What do you want?” the cyan mare inquired.

“Well, we just wanted to congratulate you on finally telling us all which side you play for,” replied Cloudchaser.

Rainbow was confused. “Huh?”

“Yeah, it got boring betting on whether or not you liked mares or not,” said Flitter rather bluntly, and more than a bit spitefully.

Now, Rainbow was mad. “WHAT?!”

“Ah! Hit Cloudchaser!” Flitter said as she ducked behind her sister.

“Hey!” shouted said sister, who was clearly annoyed. “Whatever. Anyway, we just want to thank you for winning all those bits for us. Really helpful.”

Although Rainbow was glad that the twins at least seemed less devious than normal, she wasn't quite convinced. “…Anything else?”

“Oh yeah, how many?”

More confusion. “Huh?”

Cloudchaser reiterated. “How many callers have you had? That ad was answered pretty well from what I heard.”

Rainbow's response was a violent, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”, followed by an internal, ‘I thought I got rid of all those posters in time! Were the guys talking about it after they left?’

And now, SPIKE, who never left, was confused. “What did she mean by that, Dash?”

“NOTHING!” Dash exclaimed. She continued in the direction of the twins. “AND IT WILL STAY AS NOTHING, got it?!”

Flitter flinched. “Just was curious… n…”

Rainbow's ears pricked at that last one. “What was that?”

“Nothing… b…l n…” Flitter mumbled.

“Okay, I HEARD you that time! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?” Rainbow Dash demanded.

Then, out of nowhere, Flitter let her bitter hatred out in a single burst, unable to contain herself. It went like this: “YOU STUPID BOBTAILED NAG! YOU THINK YOU'RE SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THE REST OF US, DON'T YOU?! JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN FLY FAST AND CAN GET A FEW STALLIONS TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND, THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU SPECIAL, GOT IT?! WE'RE BETTER PEGASI THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!!”

All around the four creatures, ponies stopped and stared, slack jawed. The ones out of them all who were most shocked, however, were Rainbow Dash and Cloudchaser, the latter of whom was surprised with her sister's random outburst. Rainbow wasn't shocked, though. She hardly reacted at all. But inside, where none could see, she was furious.

More exposition! A while back, it was considered a mark of royalty to have long, flowing hair, and many grew theirs out to seem more beautiful. But when ponies discovered that many mares used fake manes conjured by magic to seem more attractive, they were ridiculed. The term ‘bobtail nag’ came from the unattractive mares of old with short tails and consumed by vanity, and it was considered the worst insult imaginable by many.

Including Rainbow.

…In fact, she was so upset by the comment, she didn't even care what the rest of the insults were, and shortly after her initial shock, she started prepping the biggest haymaker she'd ever land. Unfortunately, her target, Flitter, coward that she was, dodged it. It hit Cloudchaser instead. This made her angry. She punched back.

In no time at all, a brawl broke out between the three mares, and Spike, who had just settled for watching this whole time, began rooting for Rainbow. He wasn't even sad about not getting to talk to her about… whatever it was. There were punches thrown, kicks landed, a tooth chipped here and there, and it. Was. AWESOME!

… Until a cop showed up to break up the fight…

~~~

“… But it was still really, REALLY COOL!” Spike finished. After the impromptu battle, Rainbow was claimed the victor, especially Spike. …And the officer, oddly enough… But Spike especially, and while Rainbow had started this whole thing to get to know him better, she ended up hearing nearly 30 minutes of recapping her 5-minute fight. He might have kept going forever if she hadn't noticed he was turning bluer than herself.

In any case, she was glad at least that she had a fan in him. It might be easier to talk to him now that he found this new interest in her. And she didn't want to waste any more time, since it was almost nighttime.

“So, Spike…” she said. (My, my, what eloquence. She should win a Ponlitzer.) “I wanted to ask something to you.”

“What is it?” he replied.

“Do you think…”

“…Yes?”

“Do you think…” She started to ask him what he thought of her, but thought better of it herself. One look into Spike's eyes told her it wasn't time. She sighed, and ended up asking, “…do you think I went too far today?”

“Well, not really,” he replied. “I mean, they were acting horrible. I'd've slugged ’em, too! Uh, if I was a girl. I guess what I'm saying is, I respect what you did for your honor.”

Rainbow smiled. Oh, and cue blush. “Well, I don't know about that.”

“Are you kidding?! You were incredible!” he said.

Rainbow started to get a bit more confidence, allowing herself to enjoy her victory for the first time. “Well, in any case, I can bet that those two won't be ‘flittering’ OR ‘cloudchasing’ for a while!”

That did it for Spike. On top of his already good mood, those perfectly horrid puns gave him such a case of the giggles that he couldn't help but fall over, holding his gut, writhing in laughter.

At this, Rainbow grew a massive grin. ‘GREAT!’ she thought, ‘He's laughing! And he said he respected me! And here I am thinking this was gonna be hard. This is gonna be easy!’

~~~

…Something sinister moved in Tartarus…

~~~

… And on the other side of Ponyville, in Twilight's house, something was happening in a poor, purple brain. It was a thought, a vast, and yet seemingly minuscule thought. It wasn't vast in terms of the type of question, but rather what it could mean. It was minuscule because she already knew she couldn't get the answer on her own. But that didn't bother Twilight, who shouldn't have bothered with it, but did anyway.

“So, you think you can evade me that easily? FEH! You couldn't evade me if you were the fastest mare in the world!”

“… Uh, isn't she already, th-”

“HUSH!” she interjected. And she continued. “Now then, as I was saying, I WILL find the answer. I've been searching high and low for clues ALL DAY. AND NOW, I HAVE AN ANSWER! …Of sorts. Oh sure, I don't have proof YET, but I have a strong hunch!”

“Oh, wow, I hate it when I get those, you know I know this chiropractor if you need-”

“SILENCE!”

*Sigh* “Never mind.”

*AHEM!* “Now, I'm certain I can prove this hunch-”

“A-”

“AS IN A FEELING OR GUESS BASED ON INTUITION RATHER THAN KNOWN FACTS!”

“…Oh.”

“…Heheh, and guess who's gonna help me?”

“…”

“… You can talk now.”

“Ok. Uh, who?”

“Why, Rainbow's crush of course!”

“Uh, who's that?”

“Why, it's YOU, THUNDERLANE!”

At this point, the dark-colored pegasus looked out at the audience and said, “Aw, man. I'm not gonna like this, am I?”

End Act III

Author's Note

Hey y'all. Sorry this took so long. Crit's been busy as have I. working a 50 hr/week schedule sucks but it does get me money. honestly this chapter has been sitting in my inbox for two weeks now and i just havent had the time to post it. I feel like a shitty person for keeping this from you, but i guess now you have it.

Distorted Truth

Hey, guys. Look, I know I should've had this out earlier, and I have no excuse. I guess I've just lost interest, but I hate giving up on projects, so I'll finish it. I make no promises on when the next one comes out, as I have at least half-a-dozen other projects I'm working on at the moment. But it will come sooner than this one did. I'll see you around.

~ Critical Mass