Humans Must Die!

by Bananaroni

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Random
Length: 1100

You're a pet pony to a horrid owner! He gives you only 3 meals a day, not your wanted 4, grooms you even though you're your own colt, and named you Rudy! Rudy! So from now on, you decide to change that. Once. And. For. All.

You're a pet pony to a horrid owner! He gives you only 3 meals a day, not your wanted 4, grooms you even though you're your own colt, and named you Rudy! Rudy! So from now on, you decide to change that. Once. And. For. All.

(This is just a silly little idea I came up with. Doubt anyone will read it, but hey. Sometimes you just gotta smell the flowers and say 'Screw Everything!)

Published 2013-07-02 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-02 04:50:01 UTC

Humans Must Die!

Humans Must Die!
He had the audacity to name you Rudy... RUDY!
With that name, no pony can know your gender.
You despise him with all you little heart. Well, little compared to him. You only being 2 feet tall while he's 6. But you'll grow! After all, you are just a little colt. Little colts grow. Little colts grow into big stallions! And you can become the pony equivalent of Hulk!
Yes, one day...
But one day can come soon enough! Heck, someday will come (according to you) in... 2785 hours! That's like... 2785 hours! You can't wait that long!
You can't stand being under your owners rule any longer! Ponies should not be owned! They should run free! Be free! Be able to fly at their will (as you are a Pegasus!)! Or, you know, use magic if your a unicorn. Or... Do whatever earth ponies do...
You were told ponies used to dominate the lands! But, know, you're just pets for these weak, feeble humans. Heck, they even made a show about you ponies! 'My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic!' Shmeh. Degrading. You heard the ponies on the show are mistreated! How in-huma- excuse me, in-pomane!
You know what you have to do. Kill all humans! Humans must die! And you shall start with the easiest target; your owner.
Giving you 3 hardy meals a day. Shmeh. You want 4! Not a measly 3!
Grooming your hair for you? You're a colt! Not a filly!
Giving you a room? A room? What, you can't decide where you want to sleep?
This human has given you enough. You had it up to {here} with him. Yea, that may just be 3 feet, but the point still lies.
So, as he sleeps, you devise a plan so devious, so menacing, so gruesome humans wouldn't dare tame another pony ever again. EVER, or your name ain't Rudy!
~Step 1) Change name...
New Name= Not yet decided. You're thinking Blue Thunder. Yea, blue thunder. Compliments your blue fur and yellow mane.
From know on, you shall me known as Blue Thunder! Rudy is gone!
~Step 2) Get All Needed Supplies.
This may just be the hardest step.
You're going to need to do all this within the night. What store that sell what you need will be open past 9? Home-depot? Yes, they're open, you think. Know you just need a means of payment. Your owners Credit Card should work. You know his pin, as he blurts is out when he's buying items off the interwebs.
Step 2) Check.
~Step 3) Building the device.
The device is so complicated no mere human can comprehend its sheer awesomeness and power! Body permit rating lasers, head exploding bombs! Gah, it's just too awesome! Only ponies can understand it! Only ponies can heed it raw power! Only you, Rud-*cough* BLUE THUNDER can use it! You will be the hero of pony kind! You shall be known as the king of the new era! You. Will. Rise.
Step 3) Check.
~Step 4) Actually doing all these things other then just writing them down...
In Progress...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luckily for you, Home Depot was open late today. You got all the supplies you needed as reassured the cashier he'd be the last one to die. For some reason, on your way out, you heard laughter...
That fool! He should know not to underestimate the great and powerful Ru- BLUE THUNDER! With an evil and menacing laugh, you begin to work away at your doomsday device.
The worrying goes first. It takes time. Patience. Lots and lots of patience. Twisting and turning and intertwining the wires to make them just perfect. One tick off and it done. Bam. Cablooy. Right in your face.
Next comes the metal working. Over the hot stove you melt the metal. You start to sweat. This is REALLY hard. The metal keeps cooling and you lost half of your for on you fore-legs. The final product is a very, very misshapen tube. But it will work.
Last comes the casing. You need to make it menacing. Scary. Enough to make your owner piss his pants upon seeing it. And you know just what to put on it.
Vegetables.
What's more menacing then vegetables! Yucky greens that have no place in this world! Much like humans!
You put a projectile into your weapon of mass destruction after a hard nights work. Come morning, you owner will regret ever... EVER taking you from your alleyway!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You stand over his sleeping frame in his bed. The weapon is pointed directly at him. Directly at his thick skull. Everything's set. Today is the day ponies take over again. This is the day ponies rule!
You violently nudge him awake.
He groggily wakes, only to stare face-to-face with the barrel of your hoof-made weapon. His eyes widen. He knows he's doomed! You pull the trigger.
Time slows. The projectile is speeding towards him. He tries to duck, but to no use. It's to
Fast! You feel happy! You're about to start the pony uprising!
Then the projectile hits. Directly on target.
And bounces away...
Your owner laughs them picks you up around the stomach. You squirm to get away, but he's too strong! He brings you to eye level, still laughing... Menacingly! 'He's gonna eat me!' Is all you can think.
Then he speaks. "You're so silly, Rudy! How'd you make that? Well, at least you got a new toy." He puts you down. "Now run along, Rudy-Boo. I got work to do."
With your head hung low and filled with shame, you slink out of the room.
How did it fail? You swear you did it right! You swear!
So, what know?
Oh, you know!
Hatch another plan to Kill. All. Humans.
Or, you know, be a normal pony pet...
Nah, that's to easy.
You need to KILL THE HUMANS.
EVERY SINGLE ONE.
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
Starting with you Owner. And, even though your original plan failed, you're not just gonna sulk about it. Your gonna do something about it. Be some pony.
And... Maybe just buy a gun.
Because, you know, it's easier then just making one...

THE END (QUESTION MARK?)

Author's Note

Well, there it is. Probably the worst story on FIMFICTION. Wouldn't be surprised, as it took me about 50 minutes to write.
But, if by some strange chance you DID like it, like and fav and leave a comment, too!
Or don't. Whatever. I mean, it's not like I wrote this for you or anything.... *Sob*