Joe

by JMDARE

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 322046

When the Cutie Mark Crusaders need a ‘responsible adult’ Applebloom thinks of the strange creature that has been doing chores on Sweet Apple Acres. And who seems to have finally got over his shock at ‘talking horsies'

When you wake up naked in a strange bed you can feel uncertain. When the person asking how you feel is a ‘talking horsie’ you can find it hard to focus on anything else. When they seem so unimpressed when they already have talking Cows, Sheep, Diamond Dogs, Zebras, Dragons, River Serpents, Buffalo, and Minotaurs then you might as well just keep your head down and do farm chores and try to gradually get used to this all.

But when three infamous fillies ask you to do something then perhaps would have been better to say ‘no’ and leave your life quiet and uneventful.

Set from sometime not very long after Discord’s puppy-eyes and reform to where I gamble and have the season 4 opening threat dealt with on the day of the coronation and Equestria Girls start only two days later.
(EDIT: Though from the spoilers/teasers it seems the vague references to the threat missed by so far as to obviously be referring to something else...)
(EDIT 2: Blog post on problems and thoughts. AU tag added since things were contradicted.)

Published 2013-07-02 17:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-24 03:34:12 UTC

Chapter 2

A couple of hours had passed and Joe was feeling the mixture of happiness and harassed that often came with inquisitive and lively children of whatever species. They’d seemed more interested in questioning him than in the Everfree, so the danger of the trip had begun to feel needless. Of course had it not been so dangerous then they’d not have had so much to question him about. After being mauled there was no way that Joe would have ventured into the Everfree without being equipped for it. But it seemed it would have been better to tell the Cutie Mark Crusaders ‘no’ and by avoiding the Everfree also avoid the need for the equipment and thus avoid the questions seeing it had provoked from them.

The first to pipe up had been Sweetie Belle when she recognised the quilted vest her sister had made for Joe. She’d commented that Rarity had been puzzled why Joe wanted that when the weather had not yet turned cold and Joe had explained it was for protection and to spread the weight of what was worn over it rather than for warmth. Then he realised that honesty might have been a mistake as, after they’d sympathised on seeing the scars continued all the way up his arm, the Cutie Mark Crusaders began asking him to explain everything else. He’d managed to gain a short respite by asking them to let him dress in peace but that was a respite only from questions rather than from being watched with interest as he dressed and left a note and sketch map under a stone on his porch. And they had not travelled far before the questions resumed, which gave Joe a problem.

The first thing he’d been given when he awoke naked in a bed in this world was a sincere apology for how the magic had gone wrong. To which Joe’s response had been to keep saying ‘talking horsie’ over and over again. Once he had moved past that stage, and they had checked him for the brain damage his lack of eloquence had suggested, they had given him a History of Equestria. His concern over whether he could read it had drawn reassurances that some ponies did have problems with their letters, and a kindly meant suggestion that he try and see if he could manage before they brought one meant for a colt or filly. Which had not been what Joe meant, he’d wondered if some sort of translating spell had been cast and if that would work on writing as well as speech.

Fortunately if there was such a spell it had worked with both and Joe had been able to read just as fast as he would have done back home. Though if he’d read slower then the contrast might have not been such a shock. There were conflicts in Equestria’s history but not many and they were dismissed quickly rather than being detailed as major events. This country had enjoyed a thousand years of peace and prosperity under the rule of a Sun Goddess while Joe’s country had been part of dozens of wars over the same period.

So Joe had been careful in what he said as he was alone and didn’t want to appear a barbarian. Gradually he’d realised this care had built on the impression his initial reaction and concern about reading had given and that the Ponies that came to talk to him were talking a little slower and with smaller words than they might have done. He’d also realised that they didn’t think of him as anything special and had needed to decide if he was insulted or relieved. Joe didn’t want to be studied as a curiosity and put through tests but he’d not thought he was that boring a specimen.

It seemed as far as the Ponies were concerned he was just another shape of person and could be dealt with as such and as an immigrant. The only difference was that he was an unwilling immigrant and so he’d been summoned to an audience with Princess Celestia for her to apologise and welcome him and gift him enough bits in compensation for him to get settled. After that he’d just attended the same classes as anyone else and had accepted, looking around at the variety sharing the rooms with him, that the Ponies were right and continuing to be boring would avoid a lot of trouble. He wasn’t sure why his immigration-adviser had suggested Ponyville but he’d not known enough to disagree and so far it had been pleasant and quiet enough.

Now though the Cutie Mark Crusaders had decided he was interesting. They’d asked about the smith in Ponyville and how he knew how to make human shaped armour, and Joe had needed to admit they’d worked it out together, which meant Joe then had to admit he had spent a few years helping with re-enactments at a castle. Then to them questioning why he was talking about re-enactments and how old the castle was and why he’d worked out old armour and how old that sort of armour was. This was the sort of history that Joe had enjoyed telling stories of, but also the sort he’d avoided recounting here.

Fortunately the dangers of the Everfree were enough that Joe had been able to ‘shush’ the Fillies, mostly when he genuinely thought he might have heard something, and break up the flow of their questions and give himself more thinking time. With that advantage he’d been able to divert his answers away from the historical context of bloody battles and conquests. Instead he’d self-depreciatingly said he was not strong enough to be carrying anything too heavy and then started to explain the differences between what he was wearing and the inspirations. The bands of the segmented plate were made from thinner metal as they were meant to prevent claws snagging in the chainmail beneath rather than being full protection in themselves. The chainmail coat, that Sweetie Belle had found shiny, was only a single layer of not very dense links rather than being doubled up anywhere and came only to mid-thigh rather than knee and mid-bicep rather than full-length sleeves.

To Joe’s relief that last provided a further, accidental, diversion as the Fillies first asked what a bicep was and then why he’d said mid-bicep rather than mid-tricep as they were both on the same part of his arm. He’d had to admit he wasn’t sure and had then regretted saying a bicep was easier to flex to impress a lady, so maybe that was why it was more mentionable. Questions about what ‘mare-humans’ looked like and if he missed them had been embarrassing. Then when they asked about loose and shorter sleeves he’d had needed to explain why a Human might prefer to have air around his skin. The idea humans oozed water to keep cool was met with a protest that this was gross.

Joe had not taken offence, he’d just been glad that they’d accepted the explanation and he’d not needed to explain the canvas armguards protecting his forearms. Or the metal strapped as an extra guard along the outside of his right arm. But there had been several minutes where the Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted to charge Joe to test what he’d said about that moving the round table-top thing strapped to his other arm around to deflect attacks. Three energetic Fillies running at him fast from different directions would have been challenge enough even without the extra problem that he didn’t want them to hit his shield too hard and hurt themselves. It would have been simpler had he a larger shield that he could use more passively in this situation but he’d chosen to have one small enough to leave his hand free rather than requiring him to hold a strap in it or the bulk of it extending far enough to be badly in the way.

As they reached the edge of some trees, and the top of a shallow slope, Joe brought his arm down to one side, and lowered the stabbing spear in his hand down as a barrier, the sun glinting off the edges of the long broad spearhead. “Wait,” he said.

“What’s the problem?” Scootaloo asked, her wings buzzing as she ‘hopped’ up to look over the spear.

“I don’t think we could get up that cliff,” replied Joe, looking at where their path was taking them. “So there’d be a stretch where we’d be trapped between the water and that.” He paused before admitting and asking. “The country I came from didn’t have many dangerous animals, but that wasn’t the case in others and isn’t the case here. Do you girls know of anything that could be lurking in that water?”

“Let’s find out!” Apple Bloom cried, darting forward beneath the spear.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Beach Checkers!” agreed Scootaloo, hopping again and going over the top.

“Wait!” Joe snapped, being ignored as two sets of hooves pounded away. He looked down at the small Unicorn looking up at him.

“We did promise,” said Sweetie Belle.

“I know,” Joe nodded, giving her a reassuring smile, “and I am glad you are being good, and your friends were good at least this long.” He returned his gaze to the path ahead. “Best get after them and hope I was being paranoid.”

Joe started to jog down to where Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were arguing and paying more attention to each other than anything else. Small clumps of mud were being thrown up as they raced in circles and enjoyed the extra room compared with the forest. A smile came unbidden to Joe’s face, whatever the species it was nice to see children playing and having fun. But then that smile vanished as he saw a rather large ripple appear on the surface of the water and begin to approach the pair.

“Run!” Joe bellowed.

The pair of Fillies looked at him, puzzled as they were running. Joe gestured with his spear as he started to sprint to join them, cursing and slowing as he remembered that over short distances a human athlete could outsprint a racehorse before it finished building speed. However his exercise and the magic aiding it had worked it seemed it had worked well enough that he could outsprint a small filly, at least if she was a Unicorn and her magic was in her horn rather than her legs.

“Run!”

“You didn’t stop when he said,” added Sweetie Belle, “so at least run when he says!”

That seemed to persuade Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, though by the time they got into their stride Joe and Sweetie Belle had almost caught up. So naturally rather than running as fast as they could they slowed to reunite the Cutie Mark Crusaders once more.

“What’s going on?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Ripple,” Joe growled.

“What’s so scary about a ripple?” Scootaloo protested. Then with a spray of water and mud a huge Crocodile lunged out of the water, its body and feet obliterating the hoofprints she and Apple Bloom had left in their playing. “…never mind.”

“Crap,” Joe commented with more feeling than eloquence as he glanced back.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Croc Chow!” squeaked Sweetie Belle.

The Crocodile twisted back and forth to look around and then its eyes fixed on the fleeing quartet and it lunged again into the flailing, paddling, wriggling, and surprisingly fast run its ilk could do. Joe glanced back again at the noise and realised that just as he could have outrun Sweetie Belle over a short distance so could this outrun all of them, and they’d be caught before they got up the slope and into the trees at the far end of this river-shore. But there was one tree by itself, though it looked dead from its lack of leaves, and they might reach that and it might still be sturdy enough.

“It’s too fast, head for that tree,” Joe told them.

“We ain’t monkeys!” complained Apple Bloom, a slight emphasis on the ‘we’.

“Neither am I.”

Scootaloo muttered something, that Joe ignored, about him being a lot closer to being one than they were, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders skidded to a stop at the base of the tree. Before any of them could ask ‘now what?’ Joe dropped his spear and grabbed Apple Bloom, one hand either side of her just behind her forelegs. He took a quick glance up at where the branches were as she started to turn her head towards him…

“Hup!” Joe grunted as he straightened and put his back and thighs and arms into sending the filly almost straight up.

“Whoa!” cried Apple Bloom, flailing her legs around and managing to snag the branch Joe had aimed her near.

Joe turned to Scootaloo. “Wait,” she said, buzzing her wings, “no need to throw me quite so hard.”

Whether Joe listened or not was unclear to Sweetie Belle as she watched him grab and throw her friend. Scootaloo’s wings were still going so that she didn’t go up even faster suggested Joe had not put as much strength into it. Or that he had and Scootaloo’s wings didn’t make much difference. Sweetie Belle glanced at the rapidly approaching Crocodile and then back at Joe.

“Your turn,” Joe said, also giving the Crocodile a look.

“Okay,” Sweetie Belle replied nervously as Joe got hold of her.

Joe took a deep breath and then released it as he sent Sweetie Belle to join her friends. Then he jumped and scrambled up the section of bare trunk to where he could grab a branch and heave himself up, his helmet clanking against his rear as it swung on the chinstrap he’d buckled through his belt. Joe climbed a little higher before looking down and grumbled to himself as he saw he might have had enough time to pick up his spear. It would have made climbing awkward but he’d learned the perils of being armed with just the knife at his left hip. It had been good enough as a tool but having three times the length and twice the width of metal attached to a sturdy wooden shaft for extra reach and leverage was better as a weapon.

The tree shook as the Crocodile arrived and butted it so Joe looked around to check if the Fillies were secure. To his lack of surprise, having seen pictures of goats climbing trees and knowing these Ponies were just as surefooted, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were above him. Thankfully they still seemed more interested than frightened, for now. The tree shook again as the Crocodile butted it again, and then reared up to try to reach them. Fortunately its size was working against it. If it had been smaller it might have agile enough to rear up a little higher and as its front legs scrabbled at the trunk the weight of it and the power of its muscles was shredding the bark away rather than it getting any purchase. The end of its snout was still too close for comfort though and the first branch Joe had grabbed cracked and fell to the ground as the Crocodile swung its head and the side of its snout struck this.

After a minute or so of this enthusiastic activity the Crocodile settled back down, but to Joe’s dismay it seemed happy enough to wait at the bottom of the tree for the morsels it could see above it to come within reach. There was silence for a few minutes as the Crocodile waited and Joe looked down at it, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders looked down at them both.

“Ah didn’t realise you were that strong,” said Apple Bloom suddenly.

“Neither did I,” Joe admitted, “Could be Twilight and Zecora did better work than I thought. But I was hoping I’d get you high enough, and if I didn’t that you’d land okay and be able to run with your friends.”

“I thought you said it was too fast?” protested Scootaloo.

“It was, is,” Joe sighed, “so I was being cowardly enough to risk Apple Bloom being hurt so I could avoid having to play the hero and trying to fight it.”

“Ahm tough,” snorted Apple Bloom, trying to be reassuring, “so not much chance I’d have hurt from a little throw and fall like that.”

“Good,” Joe replied, sounding distracted as he tried to get his helmet without dropping it or falling out of the tree. It was simple enough with your feet on the ground but this perch was a little precarious to twist around on.

“Are you going to play the hero now?” Sweetie Belle asked, sounding worried.

“Not so much,” Joe reassured her, managing to slide the chinstrap along his belt from almost behind him to against the belt loop at his right hip where he could use both hands on its buckle. Though this was awkward while sitting across a branch as that wood and the wood of the shield strapped onto his arm wanted to be in the same place.

“Aw!” said Scootaloo, sounding disappointed.

“Then why the helmet?” Apple Bloom asked as Joe realised his mistake. It would have been better to have both hands free to pull the soft cloth skullcap from tucked inside his belt and onto his head rather than having to do that one handed while the other held his helmet rather than the loop of his shield.

“I’m not sure,” said Joe, managing to get the skullcap on along with the helmet and the chinstrap refastened to hold it on his head and press the fairly narrow cheekguards against his face. “If that Crocodile manages to get hold of me than none of this armour will matter.”

“Not what ah was asking,” Apple Bloom said, her voice conveying the frown Joe could not see.

Joe nodded and reached back over his shoulder, his right hand closing on the end of a length of wood. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had not been sure why Joe had wanted to bring a bag full of sticks with him or why that larger stick was attached to that bag by a broad canvas strap. But compared with their other questions and the other things Joe was carrying or wearing that had seemed uninteresting. Joe finished pulling the length of wood free and then transferred it to his left hand so he could reach across himself into his belt pouch with his right. From that pouch he tugged a cord that he looped around one end of it.

“What’s that?” Scootaloo asked, nearly giving Joe a heart attack as she hop-buzz-fluttered down to a branch closer to him. Once he had regained control of his voice after the scare she’d given him that she might slip and fall in shifting position he answered.

“It’s called a bow.”

“A bow’s something you wear,” protested Apple Bloom, nodding her head and making her own bow wobble a little.

“It’s like if you went too far out on that branch, and it bowed under your weight.”

“Oh.”

With a slight grunt Joe pulled the cord and the wood bent enough that he could loop the other end of the cord around the other end of it.

“Well, that is bowing,” commented Scootaloo. “What does it do?”

“I take one of these,” Joe explained, reaching behind him again with his right hand and taking an arrow from the quiver, “and put it on the bowstring.” He nocked the arrow but did not pull it back as he continued. “Then when I pull it back the bow bends more, and when I let go the bow straightens, so all the strength put into bending the bow goes into making the arrow fly off fast.”

“You’re going to hurt the Crocodile?” said Sweetie Belle, noticing this arrow-stick-thing had a tip like one of her sisters needle-punches.

Joe sighed. “I’m going to have to kill it,” he admitted.

“Kill it?” protested Sweetie Belle, echoed with a shade less horror by her friends.

“Look, I don’t want to,” Joe said, turning and looking up so the Cutie Mark Crusaders could see the sincerity in his eyes. “But we can’t stay in this tree for too long, I don’t know how sturdy it is if the Crocodile starts bashing into it again.”

“Seems sturdy enough,” commented Apple Bloom, “and ah know how hard it can be to knock even a dead tree over. Even Big Macintosh has trouble.”

Joe decided to not suggest this Crocodile was likely even stronger than Apple Bloom’s large and beloved brother. “True enough,” he said instead, “but there would still be a problem with waiting for rescue.”

“Like what?” asked Apple Bloom, continuing to act as spokespony.

“Like how far I’d fly after your sister kicked me in the crotch as bloody hard as she would,” Joe winked, “and though I’m sure Rainbow Dash could overtake the flying-me I think she’d steer or speed my fall rather than catch me.”

“And what do you think my sister would do?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Oh, I am sure she would decry such brute violence as utterly uncivilised,” Joe said, taking care with his elocution and drawing a giggle from the Fillies, “and she’d assure me every day I was in hospital of how uncivilised it was. And that she forgave me, that it was not my fault we got in trouble, she was sure I could not help it and had done my best…”

“That don’t answer why you got to kill the Crocodile though,” said Apple Bloom.

“If it is like the Crocodiles I know of it would recover even from serious wounds,” Joe began to explain, “so I might be able to hurt it enough to drive it away without that killing it. But I couldn’t hurt it enough with arrows.” He paused and gestured at the Crocodile where it seemed comfortable and to be basking in the afternoon sun. “You can see how thick its scales and skin are. I might be able to wound it enough with my spear, but I don’t think I’d survive that attempt unless I had an advantage.”

“If you can’t wound it how are you going to kill it?” asked Scootaloo, sounding baffled.

“What I can do with arrows is blind it, maybe,” Joe said. “If I can hit its eyes, which could tricky even if doesn’t start thrashing around in pain…”

“Eww,” interjected Sweetie Belle.

“If it is blind then we can escape,” Joe concluded, “but if it can’t catch us it might not be able to catch anything. So though it would still be dangerous I think I’d have to try to fight and kill it, with that advantage, rather than risk it slowly starving.”

“But I don’t want you to kill it,” protested Sweetie Belle. “And neither would Fluttershy.”

“She can be scary as well,” Joe smiled, looking up at Sweetie Belle “but…” Then he stopped, turned away, and cut those words off in favour of vehement cursing. The Cutie Mark Crusaders listened with interest until Joe wound down and went back to his calmer tones. “Sorry, those are human words I shouldn’t have said in front of Fillies,” he admitted.

“Then why did you?” asked Scootaloo reasonably.

“Because I realised I’d been being stupid,” Joe grumbled. He looked to Sweetie Belle again. “If this is like the Crocodiles I know then the muscles that open its jaws are very weak compared with the ones that close them. And if it can’t open its mouth to gape and chomp down on me that might be enough advantage to let me just drive it off. So the question is whether you think you could wrap a rope around its snout with your magic Sweetie Belle.”

“Whoa! Epic fight,” Scootaloo commented, wings buzzing a little in excitement.

“That sounds like it would be more dangerous for you,” said Apple Bloom in concern.

Joe chuckled. “Be safer if I blinded it and its jaws were bound.”

“And even if you don’t blind it you’d still be hurting the Crocodile,” Sweetie Belle complained.

“True,” nodded Joe, “but do you think you can do it?”

Sweetie Belle thought for a moment and then gave Joe a determined look. “I can do that,” she said firmly, “and I can wrap the rope over its eyes as well so it can’t see us and we can escape, without you hurting it.”

“Are you sure? I’m willing to trust you, but this is all our lives at risk.”

“I am sure,” said Sweetie Belle.

Joe hesitated and looked at the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders. Seeing the faith in their friend in their eyes he nodded again and un-nocked the arrow to put it back in the quiver. Then another slight grunt to bend the bow and unloop the bowstring, the bowstring put away, and, after a few attempts, the lower end of the straightened bow found the upper edge of the canvas strap and he was able to slide it down into that. Leaving his helmet on his head he twisted to unfasten the strap at his left hip, which was tucked through a loop on the back of his belt and around a coil of rope. Joe paused as he finished unfastening the strap and took the rope into his hand. He’d not wanted to be carrying anything too bulky so although this was strong it was densely wound and quite narrow. Which wouldn’t have mattered too much for holding the Crocodile’s jaws shut but something broader would be a better blindfold.

Nonetheless Joe uncoiled the rope to be looser and, after looking to Sweetie Belle and getting a nod, cast one end of it down across the Crocodile’s snout. To his relief a blue glow surrounded it and it began to snake its way around, constricting with each turn and spiralling back along the Crocodile’s head. The Crocodile began to thrash about as Joe let go of the rope entirely and Sweetie Belle wrapped that end over its eyes. The rope did not look too secure as Sweetie Belle released her magic from it, which was good as it meant the Crocodile could free itself but could be bad if it freed itself too soon.

“Down and run,” Joe said, dropping from his branch. His knees bent to absorb the impact and while he was semi-crouched he rooted in the fallen bark for his partially buried spear. There were two nearby thuds and one a little further away as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle landed and Scootaloo managed to emulate a flying squirrel and at least not go straight down. The Fillies hesitated as Joe straightened. “Run,” he repeated.

Seeing the Crocodile was accidentally or deliberately scraping its snout against the tree and dislodging the rope quite fast the Cutie Mark Crusaders needed no further encouragement. Joe gave it a glance and then sprinted at top speed for the slope up and what he hoped was the safety of the trees. He was glad his helmet left his ears exposed so he could better hear what was going on behind him and it was easier to resist the temptation to keep on looking back. As he reached the top of the slope he could not resist any longer though and was relieved to see the Crocodile seemed to have lost interest in them in favour of chomping on the rope, despite the lack of taste to it.

“That was close,” Apple Bloom commented as Joe caught up and they slowed to a walk.

“Closer than I’ve had since I was mauled,” sighed Joe, “or since I started going better equipped after that.”

“We’re sorry,” Sweetie Belle said.

“What for?” asked Scootaloo.

“For running ahead when he told you to wait,” Sweetie Belle pointed out, “and getting yourself in danger.”

“Oh.”

“Question is what to tell your friends and family,” Joe mused. “As well as the promise that you’d listen I’d also the promise about what I am wearing and carrying.” He thought a moment before continuing. “It might avoid some pain for me if you don’t mention the Crocodile, but that would be hiding too much and Sweetie Belle deserves credit for her skill with the rope.”

“Yeah, ah don’t think ah could have lassoed anything any neater!” agreed Apple Bloom. “Fine work.”

“But we could miss out the part with the bow,” Joe continued, reaching up to tug at his chinstrap with his left hand. “Be the truth to say we had to run and get up a tree before Sweetie Belle let us run again and get to these trees.”

“Here, let me carry your spear,” said Scootaloo, looking for a way to apologise.

“Much obliged,” Joe replied, bringing it down. Rather than bite on the shaft like a dog with a stick the small Pegasus brought her back under it and as Joe released his weapon she raised her wings a little to cradle it and keep it balanced there.

“That still don’t seem too honest,” complained Apple Bloom. “And if we don’t mention the bow, and other things, then you don’t get credit for being willing to fight it to save us.”

“I’d rather avoid that credit,” Joe said, managing to unbuckle his chinstrap now he had his right hand free, “but you are right about the lack of honesty. Sometimes people, humans, have to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And this wouldn’t be the whole truth.”

“Let me,” said Sweetie Belle, her horn glowing and Joe’s helmet lifting from his head.

“Thank you,” Joe said, not sure if he meant it as he’d been more concerned with easing the pressure of the cheekguards on his face rather than having decided to take his helmet off completely. He’d decided to not make them as broad as or wrap around to protect the front of his cheeks like the inspiration for the design but they still felt a little sweaty and constrictive.

“How do I look?” asked Sweetie Belle as she floated the helmet over to sit awkwardly on her own head.

“Most dashing,” Joe replied politely, pulling his cap off and tucking it inside his belt. Then he looked back to Apple Bloom and nodded to her. “I admit I am not setting a good example here by suggesting lies of omission.” He sighed. “Maybe a difference between you and me, or between humans and ponies, so you three should tell people as much as you feel you should.” Joe nodded slightly to himself. “I release you from the promise about not mentioning my equipment.”

“Do you remember when Trixie came to town?” asked Scootaloo, still balancing the spear on her back. “The first time I mean.”

“When Snips and Snails lured an Ursa Minor to Ponyville?” Apple Bloom asked in reply. “Hard ta ferget.”

“Before that, when she was just doing the magic show.”

“Was it nice?” Joe enquired politely, recovering his spear.

“Not so bad,” said Sweetie Belle, releasing the hold of her magic and weaving her head about to try to keep Joe’s helmet perched on it.

“Your sister thought it was quite bad when she showed off her dressmaking magic and got zapped,” Scootaloo reminded her.

“And Rainbow Dash thought it was quite bad when she showed off some flying and she got zapped,” nodded Sweetie Belle, forcing herself to catch the helmet with her magic again.

“Mah sister showed off some rope tricks, and Trixie did the same thing with her rope to her as Sweetie Belle did to the Crocodile with yours,” Apple Bloom grumbled, sounding as if she was still holding a grudge.

“Trixie does sound unpleasant,” admitted Joe, “though I can understand if she was impatient with interruptions to her show.”

“She’d been asking if there any Pony who could match her feats,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Ah, so she invited the displays and then zapped rather than do a similar display?” nodded Joe, understanding why they sounded so annoyed. “What brought her to mind though?”

“You know how much magic Twilight Sparkle has?” Scootaloo asked.

“Hard for me to judge,” shrugged Joe, the motion looking very strange to the Fillies, “but being the personal student of Princess Celestia would suggest a lot of power and skill, even if she hadn’t also become the bearer of the Element of Magic.”

“Well, Twilight didn’t want to put on a show,” Scootaloo explained, “she’s far better at magic than Trixie, as well as smarter…”

“And prettier,” added Sweetie Belle.

“And nicer,” Apple Bloom agreed.

“…but she didn’t want to show off,” continued Scootaloo. “She was worried about how the other ponies would react.”

Joe nodded. “So,” he asked, “are you reassuring me that ponies also try to keep their talents hidden, despite them being emblazoned on their bums, so it’s not a difference between me and ponies? Or are you reassuring me that I shouldn’t be so concerned how people might react?”

“Both,” said Scootaloo. “We still like you.”

“Thank you,” Joe replied, giving them each a smile.

Chapter 3

The quartet of Cutie Mark Crusader and human had continued without further incident other than the usual bickering between the Fillies and this being increased mildly by them each wanting to try on Joe’s helmet. Their consensus was that Joe had a really strange shaped head and Scootaloo had undiplomatically agreed when Joe had commented ‘as well as everything else, eh?’ To his relief there had been nothing as embarrassing as explaining mare-humans and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had got used enough to his equipment to have run out of questions on those. It was turning into quite a pleasant day, at least until there was a roar and Joe regretted thinking this.

Joe whirled to face the threat and hissed under his breath as he saw the Manticore leap out of the bushes onto the trail they were following. The Cutie Mark Crusaders jumped and took a few steps to flee before they realised Joe was not running. The Manticore exposed its teeth in another roar to try to scare its prey into flight, either metaphorical or literal, and into scattering. Though as its eyes moved over this small herd it almost seemed to decide the effort had been wasted as the Fillies looked so unable to defend each other.

“Why ain’t we running?” muttered Apple Bloom.

“I heard a story of a deer,” Joe muttered back, “stood its ground against wolves and they were utterly baffled as their hunting technique was based on chasing prey down and snapping and tearing at its rear and belly.”

“Pfft,” scoffed Scootaloo, “you can’t believe everything they tell people.”

“Wait, deer can…” Joe began, before sighing, “of course deer can talk as well here.”

The Manticore started to circle, almost standing on its huge forelegs as its comparatively small rear moved, and Joe moved to match its movements and keep himself, and his armour and weapons, between it and the Fillies. He jumped slightly as he felt a weight settle on his head before he realised it was his helmet.

“Sorry, I can’t get the strap,” Sweetie Belle apologised, “and I couldn’t see your cap to put that on first.”

“That’s okay, sweetie,” replied Joe, calling her sweet rather than her name.

Then his breath caught in his throat as he noticed some scars along one side of the Manticore’s broad head and neck, and that those were in just the right place to have been inflicted by frantic flailing and stabbing with a knife. He’d thought this beast was dead but it seemed they had both survived. Joe and the Manticore locked eyes and this time when the Manticore roared Joe roared back and gave three quick beats of his spear against the flat of his shield. This surprised the Cutie Mark Crusaders almost as much as it did the Manticore, and especially when Joe repeated the non-verbal challenge.

“I’ll deal with him,” Joe growled, “you three run, but be careful in case it was trying to drive us into an ambush like the Lion it resembles. Not that Lions do much of the hunting compared with the Lionesses.”

“Do you want to hurt this as well?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“As well?” Joe replied, having to move a little as the Manticore shifted back the other way. “I didn’t want to hurt the Crocodile.”

“You’re gonna kill him, aintcha?” said Apple Bloom.

“Yes,” Joe nodded.

“Oh, please,” said Sweetie Belle, “just drive him away. Like you were going to with the Crocodile.”

“You remember my scars?” Joe asked rhetorically. “This is what mauled me to give me them, and man hunters get killed before they hunt again.”

“That would explain ‘no dangerous animals in his country’,” muttered Scootaloo to Apple Bloom, getting a nod back.

“I am sure he would learn its lesson if you just drove it off,” Sweetie Belle persisted.

“I am not,” growled Joe, moving again to match the determined Manticore.

Apple Bloom came to a decision and as she spoke a look of frustration and disbelief came to Joe’s face. He was not surprised Apple Bloom was supporting Sweetie Belle, and from her comment it sounded like Scootaloo would also agree, but it did make him feel as if he was too violent. Joe did not want to be a hero but fighting a predator this size to defend children seemed like it should draw praise rather than concern for the predator.

“Dammit,” Joe hissed, “fine.” Briefly steadying his spear with his left hand he flipped it around so the metal bands and knob of its butt were towards the Manticore rather than the spearhead. “I’ll try to drive him off with the blunt end.”

“Promise you won’t kill him,” demanded Sweetie Belle.

“No,” Joe replied. “I promise I’ll give him a fair chance, but if I have to kill him to save my life or yours then I will.”

“That’s fair,” conceded Scootaloo.

“Now run!” Joe snarled, more of his anger coming into his voice than he realised.

To his satisfaction the Fillies actually obeyed. The Manticore’s eyes shifted to follow that movement and Joe bashed his spear on his shield again to regain its attention. Then he began to advance, eyes alert for any tensing of muscles that could mean it was about to spring. The Manticore growled in its chest and padded forward a little, then dirt swirled around it and Joe had to dodge sideways as the Manticore propelled itself with wings rather than the legs he’d been trying to watch. Frustrated by the lack of human under its claws the Manticore began to turn and roar, only to have this roar interrupted by being clubbed in the side of the muzzle.

Joe retreated a little, turning to bring his shield in line and already regretting his promise as he saw how little effect the hurried blow had had. Regretting it even more as he remembered what happened when Lions had been forced to fight Bears and the latter had easily crushed the former’s skull. So as well as not being able to stab this beast he was going to also have to be careful with how he hit it with the blunt end. Which would be difficult enough even without his experience of this sort of fighting being limited to scripted demonstrations, and those years ago.

==

Eight hooves thundered and four wings beat as Applejack and Rarity galloped along the trail with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flying just above them, the latter finding it far easier than the other two to keep pace with the Earth Pony.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to check ahead?”

“However many times you ask Rainbow, ah’m sure,” Applejack replied.

“Oh my, do you hear growling?”

“Ah do, Fluttershy,” Applejack said, before squinting at a flash of colour partially concealed by a bush, “and ah see a familiar trio,”

Apple Bloom turned at the sound of hooves and waved to her sister. Rainbow Dash put on a small burst of speed to land neatly beside the Cutie Mark Crusaders and noticed Scootaloo seemed more interested in what was going on in the direction of the growling than in that display of flying excellence.

“What’s up squirt?” Rainbow Dash asked, ruffling Scootaloo’s mane with one hoof.

“Joe’s fighting a Manticore,” Scootaloo replied.

“Say what?” Applejack exclaimed as she joined them and pulled her sister into a hug.

“He told us to run,” said Apple Bloom, squirming in the hug to get free to continue watching, “but we couldn’t just leave him, could we?”

“Certainly not,” Rarity said, giving Sweetie Belle a quick kiss on the forehead, just muzzlewards of the horn. “One stands by one’s friends.”

“Oh my,” squeaked Fluttershy, her position still in the air allowing her to see what was happening better than her three friends.

The other mares looked out from the bush and saw a shiny metal figure moving from one hindleg to the other and waving a spear that it was holding upside down in one forepaw. As much as the Manticore was growling it seemed not all of what they had heard was coming from it, some was coming from the biped, though that was interrupted by some strange words and some vehement demands the Manticore get the hint and leave. At least from the context it seemed ‘leave’ was what those words and combinations of words meant.

“Not sure ah recognise some of that language,” Applejack admitted.

“Those are words he said he shouldn’t say in front of Fillies,” her sister informed her.

“And how do you know that?” Applejack asked.

“He apologised for saying them before,” replied Sweetie Belle.

“Well, I don’t want you repeating any of them,” Rarity instructed her, “and I shall have a good talk with him about his language.”

“He doesn’t know we only ran this far,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Maybe not,” Rarity nodded, “but even if he doesn’t know you can hear them now he knew you could hear them before.”

“Ah think we have more urgent troubles,” said Applejack, “though ah agree, no repeating those words.”

The Manticore had lunged slightly with its last paw swipe and its claws had raked across Joe’s shield rather than him drawing back quite far enough. This was not a solid blow, the marks were more scratches to be polished out than grooves to be sanded away, but with how unsteady balancing on only two legs looked the watching ponies were not surprised to see Joe topple. They were surprised though when he twisted and rolled and came back up onto one boot and knee as they’d not realised humans were that agile.

Joe’s instincts played him false as he pointed the butt end of his spear at the Manticore so, realising his mistake, he hurriedly stood, his helmet a little askew with the lack of padding and unbuckled chinstrap, and lurched to one side. The Manticore pulled back rather than continue the pounce it had been tensing for and that would have taken it onto the spearhead if Joe been holding his spear the ‘right’ way around. Joe regained his balance and he and the Manticore went back to circling each other, him managing to dodge another lunge and paw swipe from the latter.

Suddenly there was a blur of pale yellow and pink. “Don’t hurt him!” Fluttershy cried, placing herself between them. But then she twirled in the air to turn her back on the Manticore. That and her next words confirmed to Joe that she was talking to him. “He’s only a baby!”

For a moment Joe was surprised by this, not that Fluttershy had been telling him to not hurt the Manticore but that it was a cub. Then he realised that did make sense. If this beast was adult and had a full mane then the wounds to its neck would be hidden by that, if it was still growing then it would have been smaller when he’d managed to fend it off with a knife, and if it was ‘only a baby’ then its hunting skills might still be developing. So he’d been ‘heroically’ fighting a clumsy kitten.

“I could have killed him,” Joe said, declining to comment on the age of the Manticore and flipping his spear back to the right way up. “I would have killed him,” he added, edging Fluttershy’s frown towards becoming ‘the stare’, “but there was a touch of blackmail.”

After glowering at Joe a little more Fluttershy twirled again to start crooning to the Manticore. “Yes, I know,” she said, reaching out one hoof, “you’ve got some nasty bruises… did he hurt you did he?” Then she squeaked and turned as she landed so she was facing Joe again. “Oh! You scarred him!”

“And he scarred me, when he tried to eat me before,” Joe replied.

“It’s gross,” commented Scootaloo, coming out from behind the bush, “all up his arm, one of his upper legs.”

“And some on my chest and side,” Joe said, nodding to the other Ponies as they also emerged, “a lot of what this shield protects.” He smiled ruefully. “Which would explain why I’ve got a shield now.”

Applejack frowned down at her sister. “Apple Bloom,” she said, “what does Joe mean by blackmail? Ah recall you three being Gabby Gums.”

“We weren’t doing nothing like thaaaat,” protested Apple Bloom as Fluttershy turned back to consoling the Manticore.

“Then what were you doing?”

“They’d promised to not mention my equipment,” answered Joe, glancing at Fluttershy and deciding it was safe enough to take his helmet off rather than just straighten it. “But I had to agree with your sister that this could be considered dishonest, so I released them from that promise.”

“We reassured him about Twilight and also wanting to keep things hidden,” Scootaloo added. “When she didn’t want to show off with her magic.”

“But,” confessed Apple Bloom, as Joe managed to get his helmet off with his left hand despite the shield on that arm, “ah said I’d still keep it quiet, if he tried to just drive the Manticore off. If he killed it then we’d tell everypony how brave he’d been…”

“Brave, hmph,” Fluttershy echoed, her hooves working to stroke down the Manticore’s ruffled fur.

“And naturally if anypony asked how he’d managed to kill a Manticore,” continued Apple Bloom, “even a baby one, then we’d have needed to be honest and say about his stuff.”

“Ahm sorry Fluttershy,” Applejack said, nodding to herself in decision, “but iffen a Manticore, of whatever age, wants ta eat mah baby sister then ahm not inclined ta sympathise with it.”

“Indeed not,” agreed Rarity, making Sweetie Belle protest as she was given another hug.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, “no eating the squirts.”

Fluttershy looked back over her shoulder at them and nodded before turning back to the Manticore. “It’s okay,” she said soothingly, giving it a few more strokes, “I know. You only wanted to eat the human. You didn’t want to eat the ponies.”

Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash exchanged dubious looks about if the Fillies really had been safe and Joe’s expression suggested that he didn’t think ‘only’ wanting to eat the human was much defence. He leaned his spear against a bush and occupied himself with feeding one end of his helmet chinstrap under his belt and buckling it closed to hang his helmet there again.

“No,” Fluttershy said firmly, “for purposes of hunting human counts as Pony, even if he is not with ponies.” The Manticore seemed to understand this as it gave her an appealing look and made a little mrow noise. “No,” she repeated, “no hunting humans.”

After giving Joe a look the Manticore turned away and, with a flick of its tail in Joe’s direction, padded away. Joe watched it go for the few moments until the underbrush concealed it and then picked his spear up again. Fluttershy walked back to them, her expression giving the other mares concern that ‘New Fluttershy’, the over-aggressive side of their friend that Iron Will’s assertiveness training had brought out, was going to return. She didn’t make any more comments or complaints though and nobody else broke the silence for a while as they began walking back towards Sweet Apple Acres.

“Apple Bloom, ahm a bit upset with you,” Applejack finally said, “ah did say ah wanted you to find a responsible adult…”

“Ouch,” commented Joe mildly, “Element of brutal Honesty.”

“That wasn’t quite what ah meant…”

“Oh no, you’re right, I screwed up twice rather than being ‘responsible’,” said Joe, interrupting again. “nearly hurt something I didn’t have to and then took a stupid risk as much to compensate for that as because of what your sister threatened.” He looked at the scratches on his shield. “Maybe thrice, I could have taken them to part of the Everfree where I’ve been before and not been attacked.”

“Or maybe four times,” Rarity added, “since there is also the mistake of bringing them here at all.”

“I can’t deny that.”

“You were lucky we arrived when we did,” Rainbow Dash said, taking to the air to look Joe in the eye before she landed again, “looked like that small Manticore was getting to know your moves.”

“I can’t deny that either,” admitted Joe, “though was also lucky because Fluttershy is angry enough as it is. If you’d been a little later you’d have arrived to me having started to use the pointy end, it was getting too dangerous, though at least I’d already delayed it from chasing the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Hmph!” Fluttershy commented.

“You realise they were hiding behind that bush and watching?” Applejack asked, looking up at Joe past the rim of her hat.

“What?” said Joe, glancing back at her. Then he shook his head. “When I said run, I meant a lot further than that.”

“We’re sorry,” Apple Bloom replied, taking the chance as Joe looked down to give him the big-eyes. “We were worried about you.”

“And I appreciate that, but sometimes you have to worry about yourself or you’ll waste someone else’s efforts.”

“And sometimes you have to worry about yourself rather than about what was wanting to eat you,” Applejack added.

“The Manticore didn’t want to eat them,” protested Fluttershy.

“That Giant Crocodile did though,” Scootaloo commented.

“Giant… Crocodile?” repeated Rarity in disbelief, Sweetie Belle quickly dodging out of grabbing and hugging range before her sister could react.

“That was what I nearly hurt when I didn’t need to,” Joe said, “and was not that large.”

“It was immense!” contradicted Scootaloo, either not realising or not caring that Joe was trying to downplay things. “And he was willing to fight it to let us get away.”

“And because he was more scared of you four,” Apple Bloom added.

“He was scared of what Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and my sister would do if he didn’t get us out of danger,” said Sweetie Belle, correcting her friend, “and that outweighed how scared he was of the Crocodile and of Fluttershy’s reaction if he hurt it.”

“If you didn’t hurt it,” Fluttershy asked, sounding unamused and as assertive as she always was when animals were endangered, “then how did you get away?”

“Your sister deserves a lot of praise,” replied Joe, looking to Rarity rather than the still annoyed Pegasus, “she was able to use her magic to wrap a rope around its snout to keep its jaws shut and over its eyes to blindfold it. Then we ran and managed to reach better safety before it finished getting the rope off.”

“Thinking of run, that sounds good,” Applejack said, “you think you can move a little faster Joe?”

Joe nodded back to her and broke into a jog, gradually speeding up to what felt comfortable and the ponies easily keeping pace. After a few minutes silence Rainbow Dash took off again to bring herself back up to Joe’s eye level, her flying skill allowing her to hold position so her wing was flapping behind Joe’s back rather than her needing to be further clear of him.

“So…” Rainbow Dash said, “I’m scarier than a Giant Crocodile?”

“Oh definitely. I can’t hide up a tree from you and can’t out run you, even if you decided to run rather than fly.”

“That’s true,” Rainbow Dash agreed in satisfaction. Then another thought struck her. “How would you have hurt a Giant Crocodile anyway?”

Joe chuckled. “Are you trying to get me in even worse blood with Fluttershy?”

“If you were defending Fillies, then I suppose you’re allowed to be violent,” Fluttershy said unhappily, adding as she remembered what she knew about Joe’s teeth and digestion from helping figure out what he needed to eat, “and that is your nature as a predator.”

“You may be right,” replied Joe, after a slight pause.

“No, she isn’t,” disagreed Rainbow Dash. “Buffalo can be quite aggressive, and they are herbivores. We had to run, but Rarity threatened those Dragons when they threatened Spike. And…” Rainbow Dash dropped her voice for the next few words. “…after I kicked it in the face… Fluttershy was quite fierce defending us against that much larger Dragon.”

“She’s got you there honey-bun,” Applejack said, giving Fluttershy a smile and showing her teeth went all the way back. “And we weren’t exactly just talking over our differences with the Changelings rather than introducing our hooves to their softer spots.”

“I was trying to avoid the argument,” sighed Joe, considering picking up the pace to where he couldn’t jog and talk at the same time. Or pretending he was already jogging that fast.

“If Joe’s a predator,” Rainbow Dash said, continuing her theme, “then what’s he preyed on?” She gave Joe a shove in the shoulder with one hoof. “Eh?”

“I did eat meat, so animals were killed on my behalf,” admitted Joe, “I was part of the demand being supplied.”

“But what did you kill yourself?” Rainbow Dash pressed.

“I am still guilty by proxy, but… swatted a few insects, felt guilty when I’ve trodden on a snail or slug, and turns out I’ve not killed anything since I arrived here. Though I’d thought I had until I saw that Manticore was still alive.”

“Do you think you should be praised for that?” Fluttershy asked disdainfully. “For not killing?”

“No,” said Joe simply. “I think I could have gone hunting, but that would have been something to condemn rather than not doing it being something to praise. You are herbivores so, as a stranger here, it only seemed right I should go vegetarian.”

“So…” Rainbow Dash said, after a few minutes more silence, “you’ve not answered my question. How would you have hurt a Giant Crocodile? Your spear is not that big and you are not that fast, not compared with me at least.”

“True, you are very fast,” agreed Joe politely, trying to avoid the question a little.

“Those sticks in the bag on his back are called ‘arrows’!” Scootaloo piped up, glad of a chance to show off her knowledge for Rainbow Dash. “And the bigger stick is called a ‘bow’ and it makes them fly fast.”

“Not that fast,” said Joe, echoing Rainbow Dash a little, “not compared with Rainbow Dash at least, an eighth her speed at most, but that’s fast enough to make them stick in things.”

Rainbow Dash did a little swoop up and down and Joe felt a slight tug. Glancing to his side he saw that she’d somehow managed to pluck an arrow from his quiver and was cradling it in her hooves as she peered at it. “Doesn’t look like it would hurt a Crocodile.”

“I’d have used one with a more needle like tip.”

“And he’d have had to aim for the eyes!” Scootaloo piped up again.

“Ugh!” commented Rarity, echoed by a slight squeak of disgust from Fluttershy.

“And your other bit of wood makes it fly, slower than my awesomeness, how?” Rainbow Dash frowned to Joe.

“A string between the two ends of it,” said Joe, “then the arrow is placed on the string and as the string is pulled back the bow bends, it bows…”

“Like pulling back a whippy branch so it comes back to smack something?” Applejack asked, remembering doing that to Timber Wolves. And Rainbow Dash doing that to her.

“No way can that make this go even an eighth as fast as me,” scoffed Rainbow Dash, swooping up and sideways again to pop the arrow back in the quiver before she looked into Joe’s face. “Prove it!”

“I can loose a few when we get back.”

“Aha, so that’s what that target is for at your hut!” exclaimed Applejack, pleased at a puzzle being solved.

“When did you see that?”

“Ah was checking the netting around your vegetable patch, we’d had a mite of trouble with some varmints so ah stopped by one day.”

“Sorry to have missed you that day then, and thanks for checking.”

“No trouble.”

“We should get the Cutie Mark Crusaders home,” Fluttershy said quietly, her shyness returning as they got closer to leaving the Everfree and the threat to her animals from Joe also receded.

“That does seem more urgent than one of Rainbow’s dares,” agreed Rarity.

“As you wish,” Joe replied. “Though Fluttershy…”

“Yes?” Fluttershy almost squeaked.

Joe blinked at how her voice was fading, it took a moment for him to repress a protest that he was not that scary and say what he’d intended instead. “Please don’t doubt I am grateful that you arrived,” he said, making an effort to speak smoothly and calmly, “even with the scars it gave me I am glad to have not needed to kill that Manticore.”

“Ah thought you said you took a stupid risk in not stabbing at it?” Applejack said unhelpfully.

“It was a stupid risk to try to drive it away by clubbing at it,” nodded Joe, “but that doesn’t change that I am glad I didn’t need to stab at it.”

“I believe you,” Fluttershy said, peeking through her mane at Joe, “and…” She squeaked slightly before she could continue, Rarity noticing and frowning slightly at this. “And I am sorry about the predator comment.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joe reassured her. “Enough truth in it I can’t be offended, it’s not like I am a Jain.”

“As that’s a female name I certainly hope you aren’t,” commented Rarity.

“A different spelling,” Joe chuckled. “A group of people who try to avoid harming even the tiniest of creatures.”

The conversation and pauses had taken long enough that they were almost out of the Everfree. Joe was embarrassed and surprised, embarrassed as he was sure the ponies could have gone faster and surprised as it felt like he could have done so as well. His breath was still coming easily so he gradually picked up the pace to not delay them too much more. As expected even the Fillies seemed to have no trouble with this and they were soon approaching Joe’s hut.

“I’d better get changed into my normal clothes,” Joe said. “It was nice to have seen you all, even under these circumstances.”

“Arrows,” demanded Rainbow Dash, overtaking Joe and flying backwards for a little way as she made the demand.

“We should get the Cutie Mark Crusaders home,” Fluttershy repeated.

“How long will it take you to show me?” asked Rainbow Dash, from where she had returned to flying beside Joe.

“If I just string the bow and loose a couple, then a few minutes,” Joe replied.

“You can start getting the squirt home Fluttershy,” suggested Rainbow Dash, banking to one side and landing as they reached Joe’s hut and slowed to a stop. “I can catch up with you.”

“If Rainbow Dash is staying then so am I,” Scootaloo protested.

“An’ if Scootaloo’s staying then ah want to as well,” said Apple Bloom.

“Me too,” Sweetie Belle added.

“See what you started?” Applejack said, giving Rainbow Dash and Joe a mock glower.

“Pleeeeaaaasseeeeee!” the Cutie Mark Crusaders said in unison, taking advantage of the fact they were no longer running to cluster together and unite the force of their appealing eyes.

“You can see why I ended up in the Everfree when they asked,” chuckled Joe. He sighed and thought. “I do have some buns,” he suggested, “so I can offer you those and some tea for while you wait?”

Rarity looked at Fluttershy and seeing how reluctant her friend looked decided to take action. “That sounds lovely,” she said firmly, “it would be good to rest my hooves before returning to Ponyville, but let me deal with the refreshments while you deal with this loosing?”

“That would be kind of you,” Joe replied politely, “thank you.”

“I want to see the loosing,” said Sweetie Belle, protesting in case her sister expected her to stay with her.

“I am sure Applejack and Rainbow can provide enough escort,” Rarity smiled.

“Ah ain’t so sure,” said Applejack, looking over the Cutie Mark Crusaders and recalling their past deeds, “but we’ll give it a go.”

“Erm,” Fluttershy said, noticing what Rarity seemed to intend. Joe looked at her and tried to nod and smile reassuringly, but that just made her squeak and Rarity be firmer in her decision. “I’ll stay here, if that’s okay?”

“I’ll look forward to returning then,” smiled Joe, again.

“Before you can return you’ve got to leave,” Rainbow Dash called, doing a lazy loop between where Applejack was leading the Cutie Mark Crusaders towards the target and where Joe was still lingering on his porch. “So come along slowpoke.”

Joe shrugged to Rarity and Fluttershy, unlocked his door, and then turned and jogged after the four walking Ponies with Rainbow Dash not bothering to flap and overtaking them in a glide. Rarity watched the departing group for a few moments and then turned to Fluttershy with a look of relish in her eyes. “Let’s snoop!” she said.

“I… I am not sure…” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Nonsense,” said Rarity, leading the way through the disproportionately tall door. She looked around the hut and noticed the one set of weights on the bed and the others in the corner. Crossing to the latter as Fluttershy began finding wood for the stove and a kettle Rarity concentrated and lifted the short bar and weights with a matching blue glow around that and her horn. “Rather light,” she commented, “though I am sure he doesn’t just lift them once, or a few times.”

“Maybe,” Fluttershy said quietly, filling the kettle from a large barrel with a tap on the side.

“Hmm,” mused Rarity, beginning to happily poke around in wardrobes and drawers. “Look at this.”

“It’s a belt,” Fluttershy observed, glancing at what Rarity had floated out for consideration.

“Yes, but look here,” said Rarity, “an extra hole punched in it, he must have lost some of that wobble around the middle.”

“Please stop,” Fluttershy pleaded as Rarity returned the belt and returned to her snooping.

“You are frightened of Joe, aren’t you?” sighed Rarity, turning back towards Fluttershy, her concerns borne out by her friend’s reactions.

“I… yes.”

“Oh, my dear, I’d hoped I was wrong,” said Rarity, “but I thought I should take this chance to check. Why ever are you scared of him though?”

Fluttershy put the kettle on the stove and took the excuse of that and lighting the kindling to give herself some time to reply. “I knew from his teeth he was an omnivore,” she said finally, “and Twilight had mentioned potions and magic to help Joe adjust to not eating meat, but…”

“But you had been misjudging him like the rest of us?” Rarity smiled. “You thought he was a… a… oh bother, what are those bears with the dramatic markings? That are still bears but only eat plants?”

“You mean Pandas?”

“Those are the ones. By repute they sit around not doing much other than chewing their food.”

“Only because their teeth and tummies aren’t good at dealing with bamboo,” said Fluttershy, defending the Panda’s habits.

“Exactly,” Rarity nodded, “and you thought Joe was like them in ‘teeth and tummy’ not reflecting his diet. But now you’ve found he is a big roaring Grizzly.”

“A lot of a Grizzly’s diet isn’t meat,” murmured Fluttershy, “and I’m not scared of them.”

“And there is no need to be scared of Joe,” Rarity said firmly.

“I’m not so sure,” squeaked Fluttershy.

“Well I am,” Rarity replied with a smile. “How can you be frightened of any male who is quite so easy to wrap around your hoof?” Seeing that Fluttershy did not seem convinced she went on. “Look at it this way, darling, first he was persuaded by our three young Fillies to help them, despite what seems his reluctance to not continue to appear a Panda. Then they persuade him when faced with a Manticore, that apparently tried to eat him before, to try to only drive it away.”

“He still hurt him,” said Fluttershy, her voice strengthening now they were talking about harm to animals.

“And you know how much worse he’d have hurt it if, as Joe put it, he’d used the ‘pointy end’,” Rarity pointed out. “So he was risking his life to protect the Fillies and risking it worse by holding back because they’d asked him.”

“He still hurt him,” repeated Fluttershy stubbornly.

“Would you rather have a stallion that defended the herd, or one that failed to do so?” Rarity asked, matching her friend’s stubbornness.

“He’s not a stallion,” Fluttershy frowned.

“I agree he is not, and he is a little grotesque,” said Rarity, “but he seems enough of one to be susceptible to charm. He agreed to loose a few arrows for Rainbow Dash, melted, again, for them when the CMC said ‘please’ about watching this, and he’d taken the time to try to reassure you.”

Fluttershy reluctantly nodded, and then looked at the kettle rather than Rarity. The white Unicorn rolled her eyes, admitting to herself that despite the first part of her friend’s name she was less inclined to use the power of the eyelashes. But Rarity decided, finding the buns and some plates, it had still been a good and truthful argument. Enough charm worked on anything.

Chapter 5

Joe walked along the path through the orchards towards the farmhouse and barn of Sweet Apple Acres. His concerns had grown last night as he went through his nightly exercise. Despite the suspicion he’d mentioned to the Cutie Mark Crusaders that it had worked too well he’d normally be happy if he could do a few more chin-ups or push-ups or sit-ups or a few more repetitions with lifting the weights in different ways. He’d been embarrassed that the first impression these Ponies had of humans was that they were rather wobbly and soft as that had been true with the weight he’d gained, and he’d used that to drive himself to regain, or improve, his fitness. But his exercise time was also his thinking time and the time spent last night had let him wonder if Apple Bloom would have come to his door if he hadn’t worked so hard.

He had considered not turning up, as arranged, but one of the disadvantages of this world was the lack of telephones and it seemed better to get back to normal as soon as possible. He shifted his grip on the spade, axe, and mattock he’d wound a canvas strap around and wondered if those were what he needed for the digging and chopping. Approaching the barn he saw a very large and red furred mass of muscle and briefly wished he’d at least one of those tools free. Not that he thought it would do much good if Big Macintosh decided to trample him. This seemed unlikely but it would have been nice to be certain rather than the huge stallion’s expression being as uninformative as usual.

“Big Macintosh,” Joe said, stopping a little further away then he might have done normally.

“Joe,” replied Big Macintosh.

They looked at each other for a few moments before Joe spoke again. “We have a problem with each other?”

“Eee’Nope.”

“Good,” Joe nodded, but before he could feel too relieved another voice cut in.

“Joe! What did you think you were doing?” demanded Granny Smith, forging towards him with the combination of frailty and fearsomeness that seemed a universal constant of family matriarchs.

“Ah, Madame Smith…”

“Don’t you ‘Madame Smith’ me!” snapped Granny Smith, continuing to approach with the speed and inexorability of a glacier. “Answer the question!”

“Ah’ll go ahead,” Big Macintosh said, making his escape towards a wagon.

“Well?” demanded Granny Smith again.

And so began a rather unpleasant several minutes. There was little Joe could do to defend his actions and he was hampered by not knowing what Applejack and Apple Bloom had told their grandmother. It seemed from her anger that Big Macintosh had been forgiving rather than ignorant but there was still the question of the details. If they had not mentioned his armour and weapons then it would be ridiculous to suggest, in his defence, that he would have been able to protect Apple Bloom and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. But if they had not mentioned his armour and weapons then Joe did not want to mention those either.

To make matters worse although Joe was not sure how old Ponies like Granny Smith had to be to have grown-up grandchildren was it seemed she was old and experienced enough to have developed a lot of skill at detecting evasive answers. There was a lot of cross-examining and demands of what Joe meant by something when Granny Smith thought he’d been too vague. The balance between being apologetic enough to satisfy her and too apologetic and making her think he was being insincere was hard to strike as well. Eventually though she seemed to decide that enough was enough.

“Mah voice is getting tired,” Granny Smith said, giving Joe a glare to show she blamed him for making her have to scold him. “You’d better git, and catch up with mah grandson.”

“Of course,” nodded Joe, “and a pleasant day to you as well.”

Granny Smith watched Joe walk off in the direction Big Macintosh had gone and had to stifle a chuckle. That youngster might be a funny shape, and be on only two legs, but she recognised that sort of walking. Despite the differences it brought back memories of all sorts of Fillies and colts doing their best to make a dignified exit rather than cry. Or in this case more like a full grown stallion, or mare, who’d decided to be polite and respectful and was holding their other feelings in until they could swear where Granny couldn’t hear them. Then she creaked across to the barn and pushed the door a little further open.

“Well?” asked Granny Smith.

“See, Fluttershy,” Twilight Sparkle said, smiling down at her friend, “Joe didn’t start getting nasty.”

“He acted like any Pony does when I tell them off,” nodded Granny Smith.

Fluttershy gave a little whimper and stayed huddled down on the floor of the barn as she nodded. She didn’t like it when people quarrelled so Joe acting no worse than a Pony might had not made it much better. There had still been a lot of arguing and if he had ‘got nasty’ then at least that would have meant Twilight Sparkle would have stopped it sooner. She still didn’t think Joe was as nice as Winona, who’d have put her belly on the ground and given soulful puppy-eyes at being told off, but maybe he was nice enough.

“He seems… fine,” Fluttershy admitted.

==

“Cider?” asked Big Macintosh, seeing Joe approach.

“Eee’yup, thanks,” Joe replied.

Big Macintosh took a couple of wooden tankards from next to the barrel he’d had the foresight to stow on the wagon. He filled one for Joe and then one for himself and the pair toasted each other and drank. A minute or two of companionable silence later Joe decided to speak.

“Good Cider.”

“Eee’yup.”

“What was the digging and chopping?”

“Few trees with rot,” said Big Macintosh, nodding towards them.

“Chopping them down?”

“Maybe.”

“Take a look?”

“Sure.”

Joe nodded to this and drained the rest of his Cider before putting the tankard back by the barrel and picking his bundle of tools back up. Although he was no farmer as they approached he could see the apples were discoloured and there were patches where bark had flaked away to reveal unhealthy wood beneath. But as he was no farmer he needed to ask more questions.

“Be just the affected trees? Or the ones next to them as well?”

“Rot shows before it starts to spread. So just the ones where it’s visible.”

“So be this one?” Joe asked, drawing his knife.

“Eee’yup.”

Joe made a quick slanting cut in the bark and then twisted his knife to make a second at right angles and form an X.

“This one?”

“Eee’yup, and that one, that one…” replied Big Macintosh, Joe nodding in acknowledgment and making an X each time.

“So what are we doing?” Joe asked.

“Getting them out of the orchard. Maybe fit a couple on the wagon at once. Better take the cider off first.”

Joe looked at Big Macintosh. That was all true and good ideas but he’d hoped for something more specific. “What’s our first step?”

“How would you deal with it?”

“Well,” Joe mused, “I don’t think I’ll need the shovel, probably just the axe and mattock.”

“Better to have it than need to go back.”

“True. Though I might not even need the axe.”

“Eee’yup?”

Joe unwrapped the strap holding the handles together and picked up the mattock. “I’ll be able to loosen the soil with the pick on this and maybe dig enough away with the flat blade to let us uproot the tree.”

“Trees have lots of roots,” Big Macintosh pointed out, what looked like hidden amusement in his eyes.

“They go as wide as the crown,” nodded Joe, “so I’d have to chop through some. Question would be whether to chop into the root like this…” He demonstrated, swinging the mattock down in a vertical arc so the edge of its blade was horizontal. “And whittle off a sliver at a time from the top, or to use the axe and turn myself so I’d be bringing its blade into the side of the root.”

“Eee’yup,” Big Macintosh agreed, adding, “axe looks sharper.”

“Good thing it is,” sighed Joe, “I might need to chop the tree down and then dig out the roots. Or at least chop off some branches.”

“Why so?”

“To get a good swing I’d be bringing this up to here,” replied Joe, demonstrating, “and some branches are a bit low.”

“Don’t want that caught,” Big Macintosh nodded, “though even more trouble for you.”

Joe smiled to Big Macintosh. “How would you deal with it then?”

“Happen I’d just give it a few kicks to loosen it, and then push it over.”

“Which means you are even stronger than you look.”

“Eee’nope. Ahm as strong as I look, just stronger than you thought.”

“Which could say something about Earth Ponies here,” Joe chuckled, “or about my lack of experience with equines back where I came from.”

“Eee’yup.”

“So, back to my question. What are we doing?”

“Your idea sounds good. But ah might not need as much digging and root cutting as you were thinking.”

Joe nodded to Big Macintosh again and they set to work. Or rather Joe set to work as until he’d loosened the first one there was nothing for Big Macintosh to do. He did need to resort to lopping a couple of branches, but not enough to make it worth chopping through the trunk instead, and had soon exposed the sections of root closest to the tree. After he had worked a while longer weakening or cutting through those Big Macintosh approached to lay the flat of his head against the trunk. He pushed, hooves sinking into the soil fractionally, and the tree leaned slightly.

“Seems enough, or maybe that root there and then enough,”

“Sure,” Joe replied, chopping that root and then getting out of the way.

Big Macintosh pushed again, harder, and with some tearing of the soil and snapping of the roots Joe hadn’t severed the tree fell. A few apples bounced away as the tree landed and the branches on the upper side shook with the impact.

“Should we be worried about those?” Joe asked.

“Eee’nope,” replied Big Macintosh. Then, seeing Joe was not satisfied, he continued, “they go bad when the rot gets worse, but fine fer now.”

Joe nodded to this and, seeing Big Macintosh take a firm grip with his teeth on a bough and have no trouble dragging the tree, began to dig and chop the next one free. This went just as well but before Big Macintosh started to drag this second one he looked to Joe.

“More Cider?”

“I’d better pace myself.”

“Eee’yup. But we should talk.”

“Ah.”

With some concern Joe followed Big Macintosh and helped him get the second tree onto the wagon. Despite his comparative lack of size and strength Joe found he could actually be of considerable help since it was easier for him to use that lesser strength to lift vertically. The wagon loaded they returned to where Big Macintosh had put the tankards and barrel and, not particularly caring if they had the same tankard as before, got themselves their drinks.

“Maybe do that the other times as well?” Big Macintosh mused. “You help with the lift I mean.”

“Sure.”

“But, maybe you shouldn’t go into the Everfree again.”

“I do need to visit Zecora each week,” Joe replied, “and to spend a few hours gathering things for her to repay her for the potions that helped me adjust.”

“Eee’yup. Good to repay debts. Maybe limit it to that though?”

“That might be wiser,” Joe admitted, “though yesterday was unusual. Not been attacked since I’ve been carrying a spear and wearing armour, so I’d begun to wonder if I’d needed them.”

Big Macintosh nodded. “Instead you found you really did.” They drank some more cider before Big Macintosh looked at Joe. “You ain’t going to stay out as much as would be wiser are you?”

“As far as the Cutie Mark Crusaders are concerned I am. After yesterday I am sufficiently…”

“Scared?”

Joe paused and then nodded. “Scared works. But sufficiently whatever that I’m not going back in.”

“And as far as the truth is concerned?” Big Macintosh asked.

“As far as that, when I go in there and make my notes and sketches and measurements and see something new…”

“And get out alive?”

“It just feels like I have accomplished something,” Joe continued. “You’d have done fine with this without my help, but…”

Joe stopped and shook his head. There was another long and fairly comfortable pause, and some more Cider, until the quiet was broken.

“But you need to prove yourself to yourself,” Big Macintosh suggested. “You’ll back down and try to avoid any arguing with us in Ponyville ‘cause you want to get along peaceably. But you want to know inside you that it’s because you’re choosing to not argue, not because you’re too scared.”

“Maybe it is that,” admitted Joe with a sigh. “An ego boost from going where Ponies mostly don’t. I just know I feel better after a trip around there.”

“Eee’yup.”

They finished their cider and Big Macintosh began to tow the wagon to where he would dump the trees. Joe hesitated and considered a third tankard of Cider before deciding to just go back to work. When Big Macintosh returned Joe had managed to loosen the next two and start on a third. Once Big Macintosh had shoved those over and they had loaded them onto the wagon the Pony left without any more advice. Joe began to relax as more Cider and moderate exertion and peaceful teamwork combined, and by the time they’d finished and were heading back he’d almost convinced himself things were back to normal. Or normal by the standards of the last few months at least.

“Joe!” Granny Smith called, seeing them approaching. “You need to go visit Fluttershy.”

“Why?” asked Joe.

“Because I…” Granny Smith began.

“He’d want to know if he needs to take any tools,” said Big Macintosh, sufficiently full of Cider and fellow feeling to intervene and interrupt.

“No tools,” Granny Smith said, making Big Macintosh quail with the glance she gave him. “Just himself.”

“Eee’yup,” nodded Big Macintosh, again deciding to make his escape.

“Now,” Granny Smith warned, looking hard at Joe, “don’t you go scaring that girl. You hear?”

“Scaring her?” replied Joe, returning the look. He’d not been willing to defend his actions of the day before, but either the Cider or the nature of the warning made him less willing to tolerate this. They locked eyes for several seconds until Granny Smith nodded.

“Ah’m not going to apologise,” Granny Smith said grudgingly, “but I will admit that was unfair.”

“Thank you,” replied Joe. “I’ll go and see Fluttershy once I have dropped off my tools and freshened up.”

“That’s wise,” Granny Smith said, raising her chin a little, “Apple Bloom mentioned the whole dripping water thing.”

With that parting sally the old mare turned away and walked off. Joe considered protesting the dripping but as damp as his shirt had become it did not seem his argument would be as good as at other times. So he just started towards his hut to wash and change clothes, and let out a sign of annoyance as thought about what he could have for a snack and remembered his lack of buns.

Chapter 6

Joe crossed the small bridge over the stream and walked up the short slope to the cottage almost buried in lush green foliage. He hesitated and then knocked, trying to make it firm without being too loud. For several moments he wondered if he had knocked hard enough, but it was a nice day so there was no hardship in waiting.

“Yes?” a small voice asked from the other side of the door.

“It’s Joe, Granny Smith said I needed to come visit you Fluttershy.”

“Oh.”

“If it is an inconvenient time,” Joe offered, “I can come back another. Or not at all if she was mistaken.”

“No, please,” said Fluttershy, opening the door, “come in.”

“Thank you,” Joe said, leaning forward a little to not hit his head and giving Fluttershy a smile as she peered from behind the door.

“Please,” continued Fluttershy, shutting the door and turning to face Joe, “sit down. Would you like something to eat or drink?”

“I don’t want to put you to any trouble,” smiled Joe, crossing his legs as he sat on the rather low sofa.

“No trouble,” Fluttershy squeaked, letting her mane come down as a defensive barrier across her face. “You did the same for us yesterday.”

“Er, no,” chuckled Joe. “You and Rarity did all the work, so at most I’d consider it even.”

“Oh.”

Joe hesitated and then shook his head slightly to himself as Fluttershy continued to hide behind her mane. “I am sorry for upsetting you yesterday…” he began.

“Oh! No,” Fluttershy interrupted. “It’s… not that.” Joe waited patiently, trying to look encouraging and reassuring, until Fluttershy managed to raise her head a little and let her mane slide back more away from her face. “Rainbow Dash and Applejack were right, you were being scary but scary because you needed to.”

“Thank you,” said Joe, adding after a pause, “but you still seem upset about something, so I feel I should ask if it is something I can help with.”

“I…” Fluttershy said, biting her lower lip slightly and summoning the courage to look straight at Joe. “I feel guilty. About you.”

“Why ever so?” asked Joe, sounding very puzzled.

“I’ve ignored you.”

“No… you have been pleasant enough when we’ve met, and I consider you as a friend. Or at least closer to that than to just an acquaintance.”

“But… you’re a human.”

“And have been for quite a few years.”

“The only human in Equestria.”

“As far as I know.”

“And I haven’t asked you about yourself,” squeaked Fluttershy. “The moment I saw Spike I wanted to know everything he could tell me about being a Dragon but I haven’t asked you anything. I’ve ignored you.”

“Well, I’m not sure there is anything to tell,” Joe reassured her. “I am very average and rather boring…”

“Only because you work at it,” a different voice interrupted from behind him.

Joe stood and turned, his hand going to the hilt of his knife and nearly drawing it as he saw the beast. A serpentine body with mismatched limbs and tail and wings leading to a goat’s head with mismatched horns. Unpleasant yellow eyes looking down at him and a mocking look of amusement at the reaction. Before Joe could decide between flight or fight or talk there was a shriek.

“Discord!” Fluttershy cried, launching herself into a flying hug and striking with enough speed that the embodiment of Chaos rocked back at the impact.

At the name Joe released his grip on his knife and watched as Fluttershy hugged and Discord, careful of his claws and talons, returned it. Fluttershy eventually released her friend and settled back down onto the floor with a few delicate flaps of her wings. Discord and Joe looked at each other for a few more moments.

“Boring,” repeated Discord. “Were I not reformed I would be quite disappointed.”

“Then I am glad you are reformed,” Joe replied.

“Hrm,” said Discord, flipping a ‘finger’ of his hawk’s-foot hand and making Joe have to catch a teacup and saucer. “And so you should be… though…”

“What is the matter?” Fluttershy asked, putting a hoof on her friend sympathetically.

“As… unaccustomed… as I am to the idea,” grated Discord, “I do… feel, from your example of course, my dear… that I owe Joe an apology.”

“It was your doing wasn’t it?” Joe said, more stating that questioning, and taking a sip and finding that although it looked like tea in this cup it was actually chocolate milk.

“Let’s sit,” replied Discord, vanishing and reappearing sprawled along the length of the sofa. “Ah, pre-warmed for me.”

“Of course,” Joe nodded, “how could we fail to not anticipate your arrival. You are so regular in your habits.”

“My dear fellow, no need to be insulting.”

“Or perhaps every need. You are a trickster god, from what I’ve heard, so words are all I have.”

“You don’t want to stab me with your sharp and shiny blade?”

“I am sure the result would be comedic rather than bloody, and I have been warned by Granny Smith to ‘not go scaring’ Fluttershy,” said Joe, sitting on the chair. “Besides even if I could hurt you, and it would not make me a hypocrite after feeling insulted at the warning, I feel more interested in answers.”

“And he did say sorry,” Fluttershy pointed out, looking a bit subdued again at the tension and settling between them.

“That as well,” smiled Joe.

“I also owe you an explanation,” Discord continued. “You know I was turned to stone by Fluttershy here and the other Elements of Harmony?”

Fluttershy looked embarrassed as Joe nodded, and then even more so as he spoke. “There are a lot of tales of her, and their, bravery against various threats but dealing with you was one of the more notable triumphs. Despite your attempt to corrupt them.”

“Corrupt is…” Discord protested, before nodding. “Well, yes, that is a word that could be used.”

“I…” squeaked Fluttershy, letting her mane slip over her face and looking at the floorboards. “I was nasty. But Discord didn’t make me any nastier than Iron Will’s assertiveness training did. So I know he didn’t bring out more than was inside me already.”

“Or the training brought out what he’d placed in you and what you’d overcome before,” Joe said, glowering at Discord.

“I’ve… forgiven him,” said Fluttershy, looking up and forcing Joe to quickly return his expression to a more neutral set.

“Indeed she has,” Discord agreed, “so the image of grinding a statue to sand and scattering it across a dozen beaches is rather uncalled for.”

“Joe!”

“But… it would have been safer,” Discord admitted. “Even though I was stone I still had some awareness and some magic. Not a lot and far from enough to be able to affect anything strong, but the more complex something was the more chance there was I could influence it subtly and make a difference.”

Joe nodded. “Appropriately enough,” he commented, “that sounds a little like Chaos Theory…”

“What a delightful name!” Discord commented.

“Which is the idea that some things can’t be predicted,” continued Joe, “because the more complex something is the more effect even a tiny change can have as that affects one thing which affects another which… well, and so on.”

“And I sensed that if I gave a certain very complex spell a… nudge,” Discord said, “then that could shake things up. I might be trapped in stone but I could introduce a new element of chaos. But then Joe pretended to be an idiot.”

“Not deliberately,” protested Joe. “I think I did quite well to get over my shock as fast as I did.”

“Hmm,” said Discord. Then he nodded and waved his hawk-foot hand again.

There was a slight flash and a purple Unicorn appeared, a few feet off the floor. Twilight Sparkle dropped with a ‘yip’ and landed with her legs splaying out as her hooves slipped on the floorboards. She recovered and stood up, looking around and recognising Fluttershy’s cottage, and then glared. “Discord!”

“Wait!” Discord said hurriedly, seeing the look in Twilight Sparkle’s eyes and the magic beginning to glow around her horn. “I was just trying to save you and Fluttershy some trouble.”

“How?” growled Twilight Sparkle, feeling the slight twinges of the landing.

“I was explaining things to Joe,” Discord replied, “and I know Fluttershy would tell you and then you’d write to Celly…”

“Princess Celestia to you,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Of course, of course,” Discord agreed. “So it seemed better you be here to hear for yourself.”

“And you had to drop her?” asked Fluttershy, giving Discord a reproachful look.

“I am reformed,” Discord replied, placing his dragon-‘hand’ on his narrow chest, “not humourless, and that was funny.”

“It’s okay Fluttershy,” said Twilight Sparkle before her friend could further protest. Then she looked at Discord. “This time.”

“Oh, I am quailing in my…” Discord started, before remembering his manners. “Sorry.”

“What have I missed?” asked Twilight Sparkle, looking to Fluttershy and making it clear who she expected to answer.

“Well…” Fluttershy began, “I was talking to Joe and Discord appeared and…”

Twilight Sparkle nodded as her friend went through what had been said. Then as Fluttershy finished she looked at Discord. “So you can’t send him home?”

“My dear,” Discord protested, “there is little I cannot do.” Twilight Sparkle continued to look at him. “But that is one of those things,” he admitted.

“I don’t understand,” said Fluttershy. “If you brought him here then why not?”

“He gave the spell a nudge,” Joe sighed. “So he knows how he affected the part he nudged…”

“And the part that part nudged,” said Discord, “but even I lost track as the effects rippled and the Ponies tried to correct what was going wrong.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Why did you say you were disappointed and Joe was working at being boring?” she asked.

“Has he been talking about his world?” Discord replied. “Has he been doing anything to catch your interest, before yesterday at least?”

“I still dispute that I am working at being boring,” frowned Joe. “Fluttershy apologised for not asking me about myself, but if I was interesting then they’d have shown some curiosity back in Canterlot.”

“Did you give them any reason to?” Discord said, knowing the answer.

“I suppose not,” shrugged Joe. “I’d not come across as very bright, so they were not asking much, and I was not volunteering much either.”

“Why not?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Constantly saying ‘in my country we do this, in my country we do that, in my country we have this tradition’ can be obnoxious,” Joe replied. “But it was more from what I’d read of the history of Equestria.”

“Equestria has always been welcoming!” Twilight Sparkle protested. “So why you think you would have anything to fear from…”

She cut herself off at Discord’s mocking chuckle, which redoubled as he saw her baffled look towards him. “Oh, my dear,” he managed to say, “it was quite the opposite. Joe here knew how nice you Ponies are but his people, how did that ditty you sing before spring go?” With that question Discord slithered up from the sofa and swiftly assumed a singing pose.

Five thousand years of history,
Fifty thousand wars,
Five hundred thousand battles fought,
On sea and land and shores…

“Enough!” Joe growled, interrupting the song and putting down his cup and saucer.

Fluttershy rose and put a hoof on Joe’s knee. “It’s okay,” she reassured him, “there’s no need to be ashamed of things.”

“That’s the problem,” Joe said, patting the hoof with one hand and giving her a slightly sad smile, “I’m not ashamed.”

“I don’t understand,” said Twilight Sparkle, peering at Joe.

“Don’t get me wrong, there are things I’d rather not mention,” Joe admitted as Fluttershy withdrew her hoof, “as much as I’d be condemning them I’d also be saying humans had done those things. But my main problem was that, judging from the history, something I’d consider as a good tale of heroism and valour, something I would tell with enthusiasm and pride, would not be regarded as such a good story here.”

“So… you said nothing?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“And he disputes he works at being boring,” Discord commented, sliding back down onto the sofa.

Joe shrugged. “As Twilight said, they have been welcoming,” he replied, “so it would be ill to repay that by not respecting their beliefs and telling inappropriate stories. If the histories weren’t enough then the Royal Guard and other things were.” Twilight Sparkle looked at him so Joe continued. “Some of the things you Ponies have are things that humans turned into weapons, or invented using skills learned from making weapons, so it shows how peaceful you are that neither seemed the case here.”

“Hmm,” Twilight Sparkle said, sounding unconvinced, “and you decided that by looking at the Royal Guard?”

“Not at first,” said Joe. “I do come from a monarchy, one where the troops of the royal household alternate between active service and ceremonial so I did wonder if the same was true here and if the Guards I had seen were armed and armoured traditionally, for ceremonial duties. But when I saw pictures of just before the Changeling invasion that seemed less likely.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. To put more pressure on her brother, Shining Armour, as Captain of the Royal Guard and distract him from noticing any flaws in her masquerade Queen Chrysalis had let Canterlot know there was a threat to the city. So the Guards had been acting in more than a ceremonial role, but had still been wearing the same armour and carrying the same spears rather than having whatever it was Joe would expect.

“That’s why you got the armour you did,” Twilight said more than asked.

“I knew you had segmented plate,” nodded Joe, “so that was nothing new…” He stopped and looked at Discord who assumed an expression of surprise at the sudden interest. Thinking of cultural contamination had made Joe think of stories where that was forbidden, and had made him realise what it was Discord’s voice reminded him of. For a moment he wondered if a different story that suggested all fictional universes actually existed was true and if the trickster god lounging on the sofa was actually the same entity.

“What?” Discord asked.

“Just a memory,” said Joe, looking away and towards the much prettier Twilight Sparkle.

“So,” Twilight Sparkle mused, “even when you were doing something you wanted to keep quiet you were limiting yourself?”

“Boring, as I said,” commented Discord.

“More than once,” Joe commented back.

“More than true,” said Discord with a nod. “Though I suppose I should be grateful or Celly…”

“Princess Celestia,” Twilight Sparkle corrected again.

“Would be having me correct the problems,” continued Discord, not acknowledging the correction, “since I am reformed.”

“So you have said,” Joe pointed out.

“So I have,” nodded Discord, “and more than once, but like you being boring it does bear repetition.”

“Still,” Joe said, “I appreciate the apology you gave. I’ll not say I forgive you, but I appreciate that you were polite enough to confess and apologise, rather than keeping it quiet and avoiding trouble.” Then Joe sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “And yes, I see the contrast with me keeping quiet to avoid trouble.”

“I wasn’t going to say it,” smiled Discord.

“I might have done,” Twilight Sparkle admitted.

“Erm,” squeaked Fluttershy, “I’d have said Joe might be happier if he did talk about things.”

“Or if I did even more of a favour for him,” Discord said.

“More of a favour?”

“No need for that expression,” Discord protested, “you’ve appreciated how I gave Twilight’s magic and the potions of that dreary rhyming Zebra a boost.”

“Zecora is not dreary!” said Twilight, coming to the defence of her fellow mage.

“She is, erm, nice,” Fluttershy agreed.

“I quite like her,” agreed Joe. “But you are saying this…” He clenched a fist to feel his muscles tense as he looked at it before looking back at Discord. “Is your work rather than mine?”

“You still needed to spend your time on mindless exertion,” Discord replied, “but, let’s just say that without my efforts theirs would not have succeeded so well. You’d be strong by your world’s unmagical standards, but still weak by those here.”

“Hrm,” nodded Joe, remembering Big Macintosh and him saying he’d just pull the tree out of the ground. Joe wasn’t sure that would have even been possible back on his world, and certainly it would have taken a team of horses to even approach having enough strength.

“So, I helped.” Discord continued, “And as I am reformed…”

“Supposedly,” muttered Twilight Sparkle, getting a look of protest from Fluttershy.

“I restrained myself to making the spell work as they’d intended,” Discord concluded, “so you are as strong compared with them as your, tediously repetitive, exercise would have made you compared with creatures on your world. As I said though I am willing to do more.” He gave Joe a smile. “How would you like to be strong enough you could have wrestled that Crocodile? Or strong enough to wrestle a full grown Dragon?”

“That…” blinked Joe, visions of heroic deeds passing before his mental eye before he shook his head, “no.”

“No?” Discord repeated, drawing his head back in surprise and looking like a snake coiling to strike.

“I don’t think I have it in me,” said Joe, “not the sort of spirit that would use that power as it deserves or be able to set an example with it.” He paused to organise his thoughts. “There are tales of heroes,” he explained, “and the greatest power of one of them is not his vast strength, it is his ability to see and hear the worst of people but still believe the best of them. To unselfishly help them rather than not bother or use his abilities to help only himself.”

Discord frowned at this rejection. “I wasn’t offering you a… red cape?” he pointed out, picking up another image from Joe’s thoughts and sounding puzzled at what he saw.

“Even so, you are a trickster god,” Joe said. “You may be reformed and benign, now, but that only means your tricks lack malice and may be intended to teach a lesson or show a different path. Not that they’d lack amusement for you or not cause problems for others.”

“As you wish,” said Discord, adding in a more taunting tone, “but you’ll regret it.”

“I am sure I will,” Joe admitted. “Though thank you for the offer.”

“I suppose you’ll reject my other offer as well.”

“Which would be?” asked Joe, eyes narrowing in suspicion slightly.

“How would you like to be a Pony? If you are worried about standing out too much then I could help you blend in.”

“That… is more tempting,” Joe nodded, “but I think not.”

“Why?” asked Fluttershy. “Aren’t you lonely being the only human?”

“Maybe,” Joe admitted, “and I am used to being unobtrusive rather than not. But I’d rather be lonely than forget who I am.”

“I was only going to alter your body,” said Discord, sounding a touch insulted, “your mind I would leave alone.”

“And if my mind was in a Pony’s body then how long before the instincts of that body changed me? There has been a lot of philosophical debate about how much the body affects the mind and the mind affects the body. I think before too long I’d be a Pony with some strange memories. Perhaps that Pony would be happier, but he’d not be me.”

Discord frowned at Joe. “You are not easy to give a gift to,” he complained.

“But the offers were appreciated, and I do accept that they’d have benefitted me as well as amused you. If likely not as much as they’d have amused you.”

“Bah. And now I had better get back before Celly misses me,” nodded Discord.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight Sparkle snapped.

“Whatever,” replied Discord, vanishing.

Twilight Sparkle glared at the sofa for a moment before looking at Joe. “And I had better get back before Spike misses me,” she said. “Walk a Pony home?”

“Ah,” said Joe. He’d intended to avoid Ponyville for a few days for a few reasons so this was awkward.

“It’s… okay,” Fluttershy reassured him. “We’ve talked, and it was nice. So go if you want.”

“Thank you,” nodded Joe, managing to give a polite smile despite losing that excuse. “And thank you for the conversation.”

“It was… nice,” Fluttershy said, giving a small smile back.

“Come along then Joe,” said Twilight Sparkle, not giving him a chance to refuse, “we can talk on the way. I have a lot of questions.”

“I am sure you do,” Joe muttered, one of the reasons coming true.

==

Discord appeared and looked around himself in slight surprise. Chaos was his joy so arriving somewhere he’d not expected was a good thing as it meant his teleportation had not been boring and orderly. Like the white Alicorn Mare that was looking at him, her mane and tail flowing with the colours of an aurora and an unamused expression on her face. Discord straightened and gave her a smile.

“Hi Celly!” he greeted her.

“Thou shalt address my sister with respect,” a voice said from behind him, “or thee shall find thy sensitive spots injured by the strikes of hooves or horn or magic. Or all three.”

“Was not that funny a running gag anyway,” Discord muttered before raising his voice and giving a slight bow. “Princess Celestia.” Then he turned to where a shadow had hidden the grey Alicorn whose mane and tail reflected the sky of the night that was her domain. “Princess Luna.”

“You are not as smart you think you are,” Princess Celestia informed him.

“Of course not,” said Discord, turning back to her, “nobody is as smart as I think I am.”

“Though some come closer than thee,” commented Princess Luna, moving out into the light a little.

“Look,” Discord sighed, rolling his eyes and resisting the temptation to literally roll them across the floor, “as fun as this is, and it isn’t, I assume you have some lecture to give me. So let’s get it over with.”

“To my regret I did not detect your magic until you affected the spell and brought Joe here,” frowned Princess Celestia, looking down her muzzle at him, “but you note your efforts after that came to naught. Your magic neutralised each time you had made the effort to gather it.”

“Not as if the effort with Joe came to much,” Discord complained. Then he smiled. “What did you do?”

“Less than thee think,” said Princess Luna, “thy plan needed only meagre effort to disarray.”

“A few words here and there,” Princess Celestia added, “some cautions given to not press Joe too hard for information.”

“And though his form was unusual his dreams were still my domain,” smiled Princess Luna, “so from them I learned much and in them I was able to guide him towards reticence and calm.”

“So your efforts to repair your plan are not welcome,” said Princess Celestia.

“I…” Discord said, sounding surprised, “I… actually think I am honestly insulted. I am not the one that would ‘repair my plan’.”

“Explain thyself,” sniffed Princess Luna.

“I’d noticed your precious Element-Holders were all in a tizzy about something,” Discord replied, looking between them, “and until then I’d nearly forgotten about Joe. But with that reminder I felt I should follow the example Celly…”

“Hooves, Horn, Magic, sensitive parts,” Princess Luna warned. “And we agree thy ‘running gag’ is not amusing.”

“The example our beloved and wise Princess Celestia wanted me to follow,” said Discord, drawing a glare from them both with the sarcasm, “and apologise to Joe just as Fluttershy was apologising to him.”

“That was your sole goal there?” Princess Celestia asked, sounding dubious.

“Apologies, explanations, complaints that he had been boring… with your help apparently,” said Discord, deciding to not mention the offer to make Joe less boring with vast strength.

“And who dost thou accuse of intending to repair thy plan, if not thee?” Princess Luna said.

“Who do you think?” chuckled Discord. “I’d nothing to do with Joe’s adventures, or misadventures, yesterday but I did bring a certain prized student to join the conversation rather than her just hear it from Fluttershy.”

“Or rather than thee making thy apologies where none but Joe would hear it,” Princess Luna pointed out.

“Ooops?” said Discord insincerely.

“Oh Twilight,” Princess Celestia sighed, knowing how she was going to react now she knew there was something to investigate.

Chapter 7

Joe was feeling a little harassed and starting to wish good manners had not forbidden him from refusing Twilight Sparkle’s ‘suggestion’. She’d quizzed him intently about trickster gods and the differences between those of different pantheons. And then between those that had actually been worshipped and those that had been invented for games or novels. Then there had been some digression on things that were tricksters without being gods and Joe had needed to explain fairies and gnomes and how wishes could be fulfilled to the letter by them but not to the spirit.

Now though Twilight Sparkle had been silent for what seemed a worryingly long pause. “So,” she finally said, “meat.”

“Yes?” Joe replied cautiously.

“Would you have eaten the Manticore?”

“What? No.”

“Would any human?”

“Hrm, maybe. Or at least the heart.”

“The heart?” repeated Twilight Sparkle in disgust.

“There was the belief that would grant a measure of the beast’s power,” Joe explained, “and also that it would show respect.”

“Res…respect?” stuttered Twilight Sparkle.

“Think of it this way,” Joe sighed, “if you leave the corpse then it will be eaten by scavengers, and you are treating it like garbage. But if you take some significant portion, whether to eat it or burn it or do some ritual, and make a prayer for the spirit of the animal then you are treating it as something worthy of that trouble.”

“I see the logic, but that is still revolting,” said Twilight Sparkle, looking rather ill. They walked for a while in silence before she felt well enough to ask the next question. “Would you have done that? Cut something out of the Manticore and made a prayer?”

“No,” Joe replied, shaking his head. “I think I’d have taken a moment to be thankful I was alive and sorry I’d needed to kill it, but nothing more.”

“What about the Crocodile?”

“I’d have taken the moment.”

“Would you have eaten it?”

“Not when I was with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“If you hadn’t been?”

“I’m not sure,” Joe admitted. “I have read that Crocodile meat is lean and nutritious, and some of the hide might have been useful. If I knew what part the best meat was on and if I knew how to treat the hide. Which I only have a fairly vague idea of.”

“You’d wear a dead thing’s skin?”

“Humans had to wear something before we invented cloth, and even after that was invented there were some things ‘skins’ were better for. But those are being replaced by synthetic materials.”

“Synthetic materials?”

“Plastics. And I know you have plastics, I’ve seen all Pinkie Pie’s balloons and there’s insulation on electric wiring and… oh.” Joe clapped his hand over his eyes briefly. “And you don’t generally wear clothes, so you might have those without having also started to make fabrics from it.”

“No. No, we have those. I was just surprised you did.”

Joe nodded and began to wonder if he had misjudged the Royal Guards. As similar as they looked to older designs he knew the helmets modern soldiers wore were Kevlar rather than Steel, so if you could replace metal with synthetic there it might be possible the armour the ponies wore was more sophisticated than it looked. Then something else occurred to him from thinking of Pinkie Pie and her party poppers being plastic. Those were not the only things she exploded confetti and streamers from, so maybe the Ponies of Equestria had relinquished some weapons rather than having never invented them? That showed how peaceful they were and it made more sense than…

Twilight Sparkle protested as Joe suddenly shoved her sideways, letting himself be pushed in the opposite direction. The shadow he’d noticed passed between them along the path as he rolled and drew his knife. Then the owner of the shadow gave him a dubious look and Joe blushed and put his knife away.

“Hey, chill out,” Rainbow Dash chided him.

“Sorry,” nodded Joe, standing and giving a little bow to Twilight Sparkle, who’d kept her feet though she’d been staggered sideways, “and sorry to you as well. I was distracted by my thoughts so I overreacted.”

Rainbow Dash swooped down and across to ruffle Twilight Sparkle’s mane as she looked at Joe. “Too much thinking can be bad for you,” she grinned. “Right Twi?”

“What were you thinking Joe?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“I’d mentioned being puzzled you didn’t have some weapons as you had related technology,” sighed Joe, “but thinking of something else I wondered if you’d had those weapons but had decided to no longer use them.”

“Is it just me or is he being cryptic?” Rainbow Dash asked her friend.

“It’s not just you,” replied Twilight Sparkle.

“In my defence I’d rather Discord continue to think me boring,” Joe said with a shrug, “and not saying much was why he thought me that.”

“What’s Discord got to do with it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“That is why I am walking,” said Twilight Sparkle before Joe could decide whether and how to reply. “Fluttershy had asked Joe to visit her cottage so she could apologise, then Discord popped himself in, and then he popped me in…”

As Twilight Sparkle continued to explain Joe tried to ignore it. He’d not deny Twilight Sparkle had the right to tell Rainbow Dash anything she wanted but he’d have preferred his arrival to continue to be considered completely an accident and, as much as he had betrayed himself, to not have it made quite so plain that there had been a lot he’d been keeping to himself.

“If you are properly strong,” Rainbow Dash said, flapping around to look Joe in the face and regaining his attention, “then you can carry me.”

“What?”

“You heard.”

For a moment Joe just blinked, then he remembered a picture he’d seen of a soldier carrying a donkey and shrugged. “Sure, fly around to my back and pop your forelegs over my shoulders,” he replied.

“Done,” Rainbow Dash said, sounding a little dubious of how well she was supported by those as she settled. Then Joe reached back and brought his forearms behind the knees of her hindlegs and shrugged her up into a proper piggy-back position. “Yeek!”

“Comfy?”

“I suppose so,” Rainbow Dash admitted, wriggling a little to let herself rest her chin on the top of Joe’s head. Which meant pushing Joe’s head down to make the top of it low enough for her comfort.

“So,” said Twilight Sparkle, wondering why that hadn’t occurred to her and if she’d have suggested it if it had. “Why would we make ourselves less able to defend ourselves?”

“Maybe just no need,” Joe mused. “One of the older books humans have, except for religious texts, points out that true mastery is not to fight and win a thousand battles, it is to win without fighting any. With the wisdom and experience being an immortal Sun Goddess gives her I expect Princess Celestia can show true mastery.”

“Have you asked Twilight about the Royal Guards and their training yet?” asked Rainbow Dash, raising her head slightly.

“Their training?” Twilight Sparkle frowned.

“Joe was wondering how it compared with what he’d undergone as a soldier.”

“I was never a soldier,” said Joe, sounding puzzled. “Or indeed a member of any of the armed forces.”

“How did you learn to fight then?” Rainbow Dash asked, as Twilight Sparkle noted the clarification.

“Just trying to apply what I learned from taking part in re-enactments.”

“Wait,” said Twilight Sparkle, “you’ve been talking about weapons we’ve not invented or don’t use, and now you say you’ve learned from re-enactments? And Discord mentioned five thousand years of history. Just how old is what you were using?”

“Not as old as that. The designs are not exact, some more like a thousand, some more like two thousand or a few hundred years before that. Would have still been serviceable eight hundred years ago, but would have begun to look distinctly old fashioned.”

“Looked fine to me,” Rainbow Dash reassured him, bringing her chin back down.

“Thanks.”

They walked for a minute or so more as Twilight Sparkle tried to think of questions for Joe. She appreciated that he’d been answering her but also appreciated that some of what she wanted to ask Joe might not want to answer in front of other Ponies. Rainbow Dash relaxed and began to look comfortable as she decided Joe was not going to drop her and, despite the lack of legs, probably was not going to fall over.

“Been thinking about the arrows,” Rainbow Dash said, not bothering to move her head this time.

“What about them?” Joe asked, feeling her chin move against the top of his head.

“I’m faster than them, so what if I threw one while I was flying?”

“An arrow would be a bit light and flimsy,” Joe thought aloud, “be better with…” Then he stopped and sighed.

“Problem?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“More weapons you are not going to mention?” Twilight Sparkle added.

“As I said, and as you told Rainbow Dash I said, the more I say the more I might be drawn into tales you’d not appreciate as much as I did.”

“Hey!” protested Rainbow Dash. “Pegasi are warriors! I got to play the commander in the Hearth Warming Eve play.”

“I didn’t see that,” Joe admitted, “but I have read the story. Seems love is dangerous here.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Joe, trying to figure out how he drew that conclusion from the play. “Dangerous?”

“Too little love and Wendigos freeze you,” Joe explained, “too much and Changelings invade you.”

“And,” continued Rainbow Dash, “I put on a display of jousting for the crystal ponies with Fluttershy.”

“Wait,” Joe blinked, “jousting?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s cool. You get into armour and get a lance and charge at each other either side of a divider…”

“Yes, but…” Joe sighed. “We may be reversing things here Rainbow Dash, but on my world humans rode horses. So you had one the size of Big Macintosh and a man in full armour on top with a shield and heavy lance. Then as each pair of horse and rider charged the rider would aim for his opponent’s shield to knock him off and gain the victory. But if there is no rider then…”

“Since when did humans ride horses?” asked Rainbow Dash, changing the subject before she had to admit she’d been aiming for Fluttershy and had been winning by knocking her backwards rump over fetlocks.

“Not sure,” Joe admitted, successfully diverted by embarrassment over having admitted that, “since before we had enough writing that pre-history became history, but not that long before.”

“And dogs?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Dogs?” a familiar voice echoed, before an equally familiar gasp followed. “Is Dashie hurt? Why are you carrying her?”

“Hello Pinkie,” Joe said, stopping to greet her.

“And he’s carrying me so we can see how strong he is,” added Rainbow Dash.

“Oooh! Carry me too!” Pinkie demanded, bouncing straight up like a Klipspringer before anyone could object.

Joe’s ‘oomph’ at the impact was joined by a protest from Rainbow Dash as she had to quickly pull her forelegs off Joe’s shoulders to prevent Pinkie Pie landing on them there. A draft played along the back of Joe’s legs as Rainbow Dash stabilised herself with a few flaps of her wings. Then Pinkie Pie cooperated and shifted her weight mostly onto one of Joe’s shoulders as she almost sat on it and brought her forelegs up to rest her elbows on the top of Joe’s head. He wobbled slightly before Rainbow Dash brought herself back to regain her grip and, as she was leaning towards the opposite side to look past rather than over Joe’s head, helped to counterbalance her friend.

“Heavy?” asked Twilight Sparkle in amusement.

“Not really,” Joe said, getting moving again.

“I’m sure.”

“No, honestly. Even if I was inclined to make any comment about a lady’s weight I’d have said ‘not really’.”

“Should we be insulted that you sound surprised?” Rainbow Dash teased.

“Ah,” said Joe. The truth was that he was surprised. With Rainbow Dash he had been able to assume that Pegasi, like birds, were lighter than they looked but he had been expecting Pinkie Pie to be more burden. That he was managing made him wonder if though he had rejected the strength of one hero if he’d already been given the strength of another, though he was not going to start throwing his shield. And he was glad the strength had come from magic as that was more appropriate for his country.

“Why are we testing Joe’s strength?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Zecora and I gave him magic to help this, since he was lacking any,” explained Twilight Sparkle, “but Discord claimed it only worked properly because he’d added to it, and that making it work properly was an apology for bringing Joe here…”

“Discord brought Joe here?”

Joe did not feel pleased as Twilight Sparkle began to explain and relate the conversation at Fluttershy’s cottage again. Though it was inevitable this would all be shared amongst such a close-knit group he was not sure it was any business of anyone but him. He still felt that he had not been trying to be deliberately boring, but that was not the same as thinking he was interesting or wanting to become a subject of interest. Twilight Sparkle finished her recounting and Pinkie Pie hopped down to walk beside Joe, Rainbow Dash shifting position to keep him balanced and return her chin to atop his head where she preferred it.

“So, why did you say dogs?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Was it because Applejack said Joe was like a dog?”

“I’ll take that as a compliment as I like dogs,” Joe replied, “but they were asking how long humans and dogs had been together, and the answer was several times as long as humans and horses.”

“That still leaves you thousands of years to make up for!” Rainbow Dash told him, mostly joking, and donking him on the side of his head with a hoof.

“Ouch,” said Joe deadpan, adding, as Pinkie Pie giggled, “I’ll not say humans didn’t get more out of it than the horses, but at least they shaped our literature so they are symbols of speed and power…”

“I can understand that,” Rainbow Dash commented in satisfaction.

“And it meant most of the wolves they saw were on their side…”

“Wait, wolves on their side?” frowned Twilight Sparkle.

“One guess is that some wolves wanted to be friendly, humans liked the company and were friendly back, and eventually the wolves got friendly and different enough we started calling them dogs. Obedient and loyal and rather stuck in puppyhood, but able to channel their inner wolf when needed.” Then Joe saw Twilight Sparkle’s expression. “What?”

“Are you describing yourself?” she asked.

“I don’t think I am stuck in puppyhood,” Joe replied, wondering if that was true, “or have much inner wolf, but I was strangely pleased that in a story set in an optimistic view of the future humans did still have it when needed.”

“Humans aren’t the only ones to have ‘it’,” said Rainbow Dash, releasing the grip of her forelegs and starting to flap her wings. Joe relaxed his hold on her rear legs and she took off and circled around to face him.

“I was not intending to imply otherwise,” Joe assured her, giving a slight bow.

Rainbow Dash frowned, hovering at face height and flying backwards so she could glare into Joe’s eyes. “Good,” she eventually said.

Even knowing how strong and fast she was Joe found himself unable to be as intimidated as Rainbow Dash might have hoped. She was so cute it was like being fluffed up at by a kitten and being subjected to a tiny hiss. On the other hand a kitten could still draw blood and this ‘kitten’ was capable of supersonic speeds and seemed as fearless as a Honey Badger. And the thought of how Honey Badgers, reputedly, killed male Lions by tearing off their scrotums made it easier to be concerned by the idea of angering her.

The questions and Twilight Sparkle telling the same story twice had taken long enough they were approaching Ponyville and where Joe had considered bidding Twilight Sparkle farewell to take the other path back out to his hut. It was simpler to disengage from one person though than from three who were chatting back and forth and making it hard to find a lull to excuse yourself in. Then it became too late as they got far enough into Ponyville to attract the attention of a pair of white Unicorns, one far smaller than the other.

“Joe!” Sweetie Belle called, trotting away from her sister and towards him.

“Hello, Sweetie Belle,” replied Joe, rather puzzled at the enthusiasm.

“Joe, girls, what brings you into town together?” Rarity asked, moving to join her sister and them in a more dignified manner.

“I was walking Twilight Sparkle back from Fluttershy’s cottage,” Joe said, hoping to prevent the story of the conversation there being told a third time, “and we met Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash on the way.”

“Well,” smiled Rarity, “I am glad to see you Joe.”

“You are?”

“No need to sound so surprised.”

“My apologies. What can I do for you?”

“You can stand still while I measure you, and you can tell me all about human fashion.”

Joe forced a chuckle out. Having to answer Twilight Sparkle’s questions had been one reason he’d intended to avoid Ponyville, spoilt by Discord bringing her to him, and wanting to avoid this situation with Rarity was why he’d intended to turn back early. If she’d said she wanted some lifting or hammering or unclogging of drains done that would have been more welcome.

“I think you can tell I don’t know much about fashion…” Joe started to say, hoping to discourage this.

“I can tell those clothes are loose and rather shapeless,” Rarity interrupted him. “That they do not show off whatever assets you have.”

“I thought my sister had noticed, but I mentioned it as well,” Sweetie Belle piped up.

“But they are comfortable,” said Joe, defending them, “and as they are loose they are easy to move in.”

“Maybe so, but they don’t need to be that loose,” Rarity informed him, truthfully. “You can gain some style without losing any practicality.”

“Please Joe,” added Sweetie Belle, giving him the filly eyes, “even if you don’t know much you must know something, and it would be fun for my sister to figure out the gaps in what you know.”

“It would be interesting,” Rarity agreed, “and a different challenge to adapt my patterns and make clothes for you rather than a Pony.”

“Very well then,” said Joe, giving up as they shifted the argument around. If it was Rarity doing him a favour by making him new clothes then there was a chance he could graciously decline, but there seemed no way to avoid it now it was him doing Rarity a favour by giving her the challenge.

“Come along then!” Rarity commanded. Then she nodded to Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. “I’ll see you later girls.”

“Bye,” Joe added.

Then he and Rarity and Sweetie Belle left, Joe’s heart sinking as the filly chattered about school and that she and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had mentioned the misadventure of the day before. It was some consolation though that the story had not been well believed so he might still be safely boring. Rainbow Dash watched them go, wondering what was bothering her until she suddenly remembered.

“Nuts! He didn’t answer my question about arrows!”

“But he is talking more to people,” said Pinkie Pie happily, “this calls for a…”

“Pinkie!” Twilight Sparkle frowned.

“Yes, I remember,” Pinkie Pie sighed, “not everypony wants a fuss made or a party given, and Joe might be like Cranky Doodle Donkey.”

“Good,” Twilight Sparkle said, relieved her friend had listened to the rest of them the day before.

Chapter 8

“Strip.”

“Pardon?”

“Strip,” Rarity repeated. As Joe looked at her she decided to explain. “I can hardly tell what I am working with when you are wearing clothes that baggy and concealing. So strip.”

Joe still hesitated as he stood in the Carousel Boutique, surrounded by dress making mannequins, as that had been the point. They’d been baggy to conceal how out of shape he’d been and he’d kept the baggy clothes to conceal that watching his diet and getting more exercise had worked to correct that. He’d needed the armour to fit but as he was trusting the smith with making that, and the metal for the spear and arrowheads, the shape the smith was making it to was little secret by comparison.

“Strip!”

“Privacy screens?” Joe asked, giving up but hoping for at least that concession.

“Of course,” smiled Rarity, magnanimous in victory.

Once he had helped get those in place Joe began divesting himself, feeling glad that he had washed and changed between the chores at Sweet Apple Acres and visiting Fluttershy. Automatically he folded his shirt and trousers and put them neatly to one side beside his boots. He considered his socks and decided they were best left on just in case he’d created a fresh batch of toe-jam on the fairly short walk, his undershorts were certainly remaining on and…

“Hey!” Joe protested as he noticed the blue glow envelop his shirt and trousers.

“You are not wearing these,” said Rarity from where she had used her magic to whisk the clothes. “Not until they are altered, and… are these hoofprints on the shirt?”

“Pinkie decided to balance on my shoulders, and… I want my clothes back.”

“No,” Rarity said, slipping inside the confines of the screens and not intimidated by Joe’s frown. After having to try to dress Rainbow Dash no funny shaped ‘stallion’ was going to daunt her. “Hmm, quite the difference.”

“I want to see!” protested Sweetie Belle.

“No darling,” Rarity told her sister, seeing the expression on his face, “I think Joe would be embarrassed.”

“I am wearing as much as I would for swimming, more as I’d have taken the socks off,” admitted Joe, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “but I still want my clothes back.”

“No,” Rarity repeated. “So let’s get to measuring.”

“Can I help?” called Sweetie Belle.

“Noting the numbers would be kind,” Rarity replied.

“I meant with measuring.”

“That would require you to come in here.”

“Gaaaaahhh,” said Joe, pinching the brow of his nose.

“So, what do I measure?” Rarity asked, floating a tape measure up to Joe with the power of her horn.

Joe allowed himself a moment of relief that it looked like she was going to use magic rather than her hooves, the inner leg measurement especially would have felt rather gropey in this situation. Then he started making suggestions and to his further relief these made sense to Rarity and the tape measure stretched and wrapped and she examined and called out the numbers.

“Hmm,” Rarity said, looking at the notepad with her sister’s writing and a quite skilled stick figure on it.

“What?” asked Joe.

“Yes, what?” Sweetie Belle echoed, having won the argument about coming inside the screens.

“Are you sure we measured enough?”

“Those are all the ones I can think of for a man, though you might have needed a couple more for a woman.”

“Woman?”

“Mare-Human,” Sweetie Belle explained.

“Oh,” nodded Rarity. Then she looked at Joe. “Why?”

“Ah, well, seems more variety in… er,” Joe paused. “Women have proportionately broader hips for childbirth and different women have different hip to waist ratios, so the hips are measured as well as the waist and chest.”

Rarity nodded. “You said a couple more though?”

For a moment Joe’s mind froze on how he was going to explain boobs and their bizarre prominence both physically and in human society. Then he decided to keep it simple and as it related to dressmaking. “I’ve got… vestigial nipples, and er, female humans have their breasts in the same place, and these are quite… ample… even when they are not nursing or pregnant.”

“How strange,” Rarity commented, blinking a few times.

“So rather than one chest measurement,” said Joe, ploughing on, “it would be two. One around across the breasts and one around just below them so the dressmaker knows what the proportions are. If the woman has a broad back and, relatively, small breasts or is quite narrow chested but buxom...”

“Buxom?”

“Large breasts.”

“Hmm, sounds like something your people have many words for?” Rarity asked, giving Joe a teasingly quizzical look.

“Erm.”

“Sweetie Belle, why don’t you go find your friends? I think poor Joe is regretting that he mentioned ‘women’ needed the extra measurements. Though that is an interesting colour he has turned in embarrassment.”

“Okay sis, but work fast. We want to borrow Joe when you are done with him.”

“Do I get a say in that?” Joe asked.

“I’d feel better if they had some supervision.”

“And you might be able to suggest something for our Cutie Marks,” Sweetie Belle added.

“Some weird human suggestion, eh?” smiled Joe.

“That was how Scootaloo put it,” Sweetie Belle admitted, “but I wasn’t going to say it.”

“All right, seems I don’t get much say in it, so hurry back and save me.”

As Sweetie Belle left Rarity looked up at Joe through her eyelashes. “Am I that fearsome to need saving from?”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” Rarity said, managing to look as if she was hurt but trying to not let it show. Then she smiled. “Good. Now let’s talk styles.”

“Honestly,” said Joe, “I don’t know as much as you probably hope.”

“But humans wear clothes every day…”

“Exactly, so it is routine and mundane. Not something reserved for special occasions or needing special thought.”

“But you do have special occasions?”

“Yes, and I admit there are plenty of humans who do give their clothes more thought even when it is just everyday wear. I’m just not one of them.”

“So much I have been able to tell from you being happy with the baggy stuff,” Rarity reminded him, “but even with that being true you still know what you’d wear if it was a special occasion.”

“True.”

“And what you think you would look good in, or what a female human would look good in.”

“I suppose so.”

“Then let’s start from there. I try to emphasise the line of the neck and flank where appropriate. The heaviness of the skirts depends on how the Mare moves, an athlete like Rainbow would have a light skirt while someone else might have a heavier skirt that can have more layers or decoration without detracting from her movements.”

“Er, yes,” Joe replied. Then seeing Rarity was waiting for more he started floundering his way through another sentence. “That sounds right, if someone is light-footed then better to not hide that grace. And have to consider the curves and keeping them balanced.”

“Balanced?”

“The…erm,” Joe said, making a vague gesture in front of himself. “Make sure the lady does not look too top or bottom heavy, and decide how much to emphasise the narrowness of her waist compared with hips and bosom.”

“Hmm. Do humans have corsetry?”

“Yes, do Ponies?”

“Of course.”

It was Joe’s turn to blink in surprise. “Still, corsets have gone out of fashion in favour of less restrictive undergarments…”

An uncomfortable several minutes of questioning later Joe had managed to dredge up enough about how necklines and hemlines and waistlines had shifted and how the emphasis had changed over time and between cultures that Rarity was willing to let him stop talking. Her questions about why the fashions had taken their various forms had been difficult to answer as, though some explanations had been helped by similarities with what Rarity did, that had also edged the conversation towards a question Joe was trying to not ask himself. Rarity had fallen into a thoughtful silence but Joe’s hope that meant he might get his clothes back was dashed by her next words.

“Enough on female clothing, what about male?”

“Shirt and trousers, like the ones I want back.”

“Like the ones you’ll get back once they are altered, and laundered of the hoofprints.”

“I can do my own laundry.”

“I am sure you can, or you would need more clothes… which you do.”

“Look,” Joe sighed, “I’ll admit they can be closer tailored, as you said, without restricting my movements. But at least when it gets colder I can wear more layers under baggy clothes.”

“Like that quilted vest?”

“That was actually for spreading the weight of chainmail and cushioning impacts.”

“So Sweetie Belle told me.”

“But you were right it would be warm. Though I’d probably have more vests, or some long undershorts, made the same as these shorts. Which I wasn’t expecting to be most of what I was wearing even after the measurements were taken.”

“Patience,” Rarity chided him. “What clothes would you wear, other than shirt and trousers?”

“Not much other than trousers, never been one for shorts or kilts…”

Hoping to at last satisfy Rarity Joe went through the different sorts of shirts, either pulled over the head or buttoned up the front, long or short sleeved, with or without a collar and in what style. Then through jerseys and sweaters and cardigans, V-necks and U-necks and turtlenecks. And coats and jackets and how long coats had replaced cloaks. It was not a terribly coherent account, and he had to keep on giving the disclaimer that most of this had become unisex, but he managed to get her back to a thoughtful silence.

“Interesting,” Rarity mused finally. “Can you sketch a human male wearing a suit?” Joe looked baffled, but did his best, and Rarity nodded. “That does look very similar to what stallions wear on formal occasions, though the tie and collar is different than some.”

“Can make it a bow-tie,” said Joe, sketching again, “and formal shirts can have a collar like this.”

“Oh dear, so if I make you something based on your description and sketches then everypony will think I have just adapted stallion clothing for your shirt and jacket and added trousers. How disappointing.”

“Fortunately there is no need,” Joe said, trying to reassure her, “I don’t expect I am going to any weddings or funerals or suchlike.”

“There is every need, you don’t know what might happen.”

Joe felt a pang of suspicion but rather than voice it he started to talk of older styles of formal men’s clothing. He had to be careful as an important part of a lot of this was the fur trimming that showed the wealth of the wearer but after dismissing those with ruffs and stockings and tight knee breeches he was able to move onto something more useful. Rarity seemed amused when Joe mentioned the period was popular for romantic novels, though she might have been less amused had Joe also mentioned the amount of war fiction set in that period.

“And how were these heroes described in these… romances?” asked Rarity, laughter sparking in her eyes at the source of the information.

“With the historical hindsight they seemed mostly to be following the example of Beau Brummell,” Joe replied. “At the time there were men known as Dandies or Macaroons who dressed very colourfully in clothes festooned with lace and embroidery and layers. Their clothes almost overwhelmed any natural handsomeness and as they tried to outmatch each other their outfits became ever more impossible to do anything but parade in.”

“Interesting,” prompted Rarity when Joe paused.

“And the Dandies and Macaroons didn’t entirely vanish for a while, but you can tell the opinion of people at the time from the fact he became known as Beau Brummell. He pioneered a far simpler more practical style. Take the everyday garb of a gentleman and alter it so it is made in the best quality cloth and cut closer to provide a striking but simple silhouette, though that required the wearer to have the physique and style to carry it off.”

“I am not sure why you are telling me about these then…”

“Eh?”

“It doesn’t sound like you’d want to be dressed as a Macaroon with their concealing garb.”

“True, they were rather garish by my standards, but I thought they’d be interesting as a contrast…”

“And with how keen you have been to keep your baggy clothes it doesn’t sound like you want to have clothes cut closer.”

“I don’t want anything too bright or too tight, yes.”

“Then make up your mind,” Rarity winked. “Either something bright you can hide inside or something a little tighter.”

“I am not wearing the sort of tight trousers they did, but the rest of the style the Beau pioneered is more my preference.”

“Then get sketching.”

“Hopefully while you get sewing, since I am still only wearing my socks and shorts.”

“And I am completely naked,” Rarity said, batting her eyelashes, “care to swap outfits?”

Joe choked. “No. Not got enough socks for you in any case.”

“Then stop complaining.”

With that Rarity left, tossing her head in victory and flicking her tail at Joe as she slipped back out through the privacy screens. Joe sighed and sank down to the floor to sit cross-legged with the pad in his lap. The prodding and measuring had not been as bad as he’d feared but Rarity had more than made up for that with taking his clothes and asking so many questions. All this time he had been worried about being thought a barbarian by speaking with pride of military history and the embarrassment had come from talking fashion and romance while in his underwear.

“Mrow!” something demanded.

Joe looked up from the sketch he’d just finished and met opalescent eyes, which were also Opalescence’s. With the fine instincts of any cat she had realised, despite the concealing screens, that a lap had been created and was being wasted on a mere pad. Wasting no more time she moved across, pushed her head against the pencil to combine a little rub with shoving it out of the way, and climbed on to settle down on top of the pad.

“Careful of the claws,” Joe warned, “I don’t have fur to protect me and thanks to your Pony I’m not wearing trousers either.”

Opalescence gave him a slightly disdainful look at the idea that she needed any advice and that he had not put down the pencil and begun to utilise both hands for their destined purpose. Then she began to purr as the obligatory stroking began around the ears and along the spine and under the chin. Joe winced a few times as his success produced happy paw flexing and that produced the needle sharp claws onto his bare flesh, but so long as she didn’t start kneading his legs he was happy enough.

“Joe? Are you in there still?” a small voice asked as he pondered if he had made enough sketches.

“Still in here and still wearing less than I want Sweetie Belle,” Joe replied.

“What’s your sister been doing?” another voice, recognisable as Apple Bloom, asked.

“Her sister has been asking a lot of questions,” Joe answered for Sweetie Belle, “and I could ask what you three have been doing. I did ask Sweetie Belle to hurry back and save me.”

“Sorry.”

“Pinkie Pie offered us some cake if we told her about the trip into the Everfree,” Scootaloo added.

“Ah, betrayed for cake and Pinkie,” Joe commented with mock sadness. “Perhaps I should demand a penance?”

“A penance?” asked Apple Bloom, briefly peeking through a gap in the screens.

“If Rarity is not back soon how would you three feel about being Cutie Mark Crusader Cloth Cutters?”

“No need to set them on me,” interrupted Rarity, startling Scootaloo away from her turn to peek. A few seconds later a bundle of cloth floated up and over the privacy screens. “Here, see how these fit.”

“Sorry Opalescence,” Joe said, displacing her.

“Opalescence?” Rarity repeated, puzzled until her cat stalked out from inside the screen, annoyed at the loss of the lap and that Joe had moved fast enough to prevent her from settling down on the bundle of cloth instead. Why else would that have been provided if not as a new cat bed?

Joe dressed with great relief and even more as he’d found the folds had not concealed any surprises. Rarity was used to making dresses and using gems and decoration in this so he’d been a little concerned that even when she was restraining herself the outfit would still be too colourful. A few stretches confirmed he still had room to move so he began to put on his boots.

“Fit well, feels comfortable,” Joe called as he tied one bootlace. He’d not tied the second before a privacy screen glowed with Rarity’s Unicorn magic to be slid aside. Joe glanced towards this gap and the four sets of eyes looking at him, five if you counted the glance Opalescence gave him before she began studious paw washing, as he stood on one leg to tie the second bootlace.

“Come, take a look,” Rarity prompted him as he brought that foot down.

“Of course,” said Joe, following Rarity.

The full length mirrors in the Carousel Boutique were less full length for someone of Joe’s height, but that was solved by angling them right and standing a little further away from them. Joe looked at himself and realised he had underestimated Rarity. Working with a body shape that was so unfamiliar to her skills she had managed to produce something Beau Brummell would have admired. The shirt and trousers had seemed normal enough in their design and plain cloth, dark green for the long sleeved shirt and a lighter grey for the trousers, but they somehow gave an impression of balanced power.

“Hmm,” Joe finally nodded, “looks like Rarity deserves her fame and reputation.”

“You like?” Rarity asked, Joe’s several seconds of silence having preyed on her nerves.

“Of course,” smiled Joe reassuringly, “if anything you have done too good a job for work clothes.”

“No such thing as too good a job,” Rarity smiled back in relief.

“How much?”

“Pardon?”

“How much do I owe you? Though saying that reminds me that my pouch of bits was in my trouser pocket, and my keys, and my…”

“Oops,” Rarity admitted, hurrying into the back room. She soon returned with the things she had accidentally stolen floating alongside her.

“Thank you,” said Joe as Rarity stopped and the things continued to him, the blue glow vanishing as he took them. “Now, how much?”

“No charge for that outfit,” Rarity said, “you paid with the conversation. And can pay a little more for the nice suit when I make it…”

“And the alterations to the shirt and trousers you haven’t let me have back?” asked Joe, glad Rarity had remembered his belt. These trousers did not need it to hold them up as they fit him but he did need it to hang his knife on.

“And maybe for the alterations to the rest of your clothes,” nodded Rarity before adding with a frown, “and you are going to have them altered. If you think I deserve my reputation then that reputation deserves to not be dented by the way you’re dressing.”

Joe decided to not thread the belt through the loops on the trousers as that would be tricky without unfastening and dropping them slightly. Instead he just slid the scabbard onto the belt and buckled it around his waist over those loops. “I can wear the good stuff when I come into town and…”

“Or you can have all your clothes be ‘good stuff’ and return to not having to give it special thought.”

“Ah, fair point,” Joe admitted. It would be less trouble and if he was going to always wear the altered clothing into town it made no difference whether that was because Rarity would prefer that or because she’d left him with no clothes that had not been altered. Either way he’d be prevented from letting them assume he was still fat rather than the even falser impression that Rarity’s skills had created here.

“Now I have some work to do and you have some suggestions to make.”

“Come on Joe,” Scootaloo prompted, “before she tries to get us fancied up as well.”

“No need to make it sound that bad,” said Sweetie Bell, defending her sister.

“You mean it ain’t?” Apple Bloom asked.

Joe gave Rarity a sympathetic look over the heads of the bickering Fillies and she gave him a slight nod in reply. Then he started towards the door and, still chaffing at each other, the Cutie Mark Crusaders followed. Outside Joe looked around and tried to decide what to do to help them or at least keep them occupied and out of mischief.

“No ‘weird human suggestions’ are occurring to me,” Joe commented.

“You told him I said that?” Scootaloo protested to Sweetie Belle.

“He guessed that was what we wanted!”

“And then you said that was how Scootaloo had put it,” Joe smiled, “rather than only saying that you weren’t going to say that.”

“Howbout any suggestions that ain’t weird?” asked Apple Bloom, trying to get things back on course.

“Let’s walk,” Joe replied, “see if anything occurs to any of us.”

As they walked Joe tried to ignore the feeling of being looked at. As he’d said to Discord he was used to being unobtrusive, the sort of person who could slip in or out of a room without much fuss, so as friendly as Ponyville was he’d kept his visits rare. For want of a better idea he started to try to figure out what the Cutie Marks on passing Ponies might represent and if that would be something to suggest.

“Hmm,” Joe mused, “I was going to say Ponies have been fortunate in getting Cutie Marks that reflect their names, but thinking of Sweetie Belle’s sister and her friends that seems less true.”

“Rarity’s Cutie Mark suits her,” said Sweetie Belle, sounding puzzled.

“So does mah sister Applejack’s,” Apple Bloom added.

“Oh, agreed. What I meant was their names would still have been appropriate even if their Cutie Marks had been different. If Rainbow Dash had something else on her rear she’d still have her multicoloured mane and tail to be called rainbow, if Twilight Sparkle had something else on her she’d still have a purple coat like the colour of twilight…”

“What about her brother?” Scootaloo pointed out. “How would a name like ‘Shining Armour’ fit a different Cutie Mark?”

“Good point, he is the sort of Pony I was thinking about. Where what they are named and what they do and what their Cutie Mark is are all so linked.”

“Why were you thinking about those ponyfolk?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I do wonder if Shining Armour would have become a Guard if his parents hadn’t called him that, if that prompted his career.”

“Were you going to suggest we did something related to our names?” frowned Scootaloo.

“You are very good on your scooter,” Joe reminded her, “as well as having the name you do, so in a way it is a surprise you haven’t gained a related Cutie Mark. Something to symbolise speed and stunt riding. But that’s something you have been doing.”

“And ah expect mah Cutie Mark will end up being somehow Apple related,” nodded Apple Bloom, “but as you say those are things we have already tried. Even tried making sweets so that accounts for part of Sweetie Belle’s name.”

“What about Campanology?” Joe asked.

“Campo-what now?” said Apple Bloom.

“My name has an ‘e’ on it,” Sweetie Belle giggled, “so Bell ringing doesn’t fit.”

“Oh, that’s what it is,” nodded Apple Bloom.

“And you are sweet and pretty,” Joe smiled to Sweetie Belle. “La petite belle.”

“How come you can speak fancy?” frowned Apple Bloom, remembering when she’d the Cutie Pox and started doing that.

“I can’t, if you mean what I think,” Joe replied, “only know a few words despite…” He stopped, both talking and walking. “Wait, what the…”

“Despite what?” pressed Apple Bloom.

“Despite them being close enough to be in sight across the sea channel between my island nation and where they speak it,” Joe said, sounding distracted as they started walking again. “Did that Pony have a bowling ball on his bum?”

“Sure,” said Scootaloo. “You thinking of going bowling?”

“No, it’s just, I didn’t want to stare at his arse too much but I recognised it as a bowling ball because of the three holes.”

“And?”

“And,” Joe replied holding up his hand and bringing his thumb and first two fingers up, keeping the latter digits crooked rather than forming a V sign, “as far as I’m concerned they are fingerholes. But you don’t have fingers.”

“We manage well enough, even with bowling, without them.”

“That you do Scootaloo, though for a while I wondered if here was even more like a satire than it seemed.”

“A satire?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“There was a set of stories about a man travelling to various fictional places, each of which satirised one aspect of his society. One of those places had incredibly civilised talking horses, with the humans there being even more monkey like than Scootaloo thinks I am…” Joe paused and winked to her as she showed the grace to look embarrassed. “And those talking horses did have fingers, still had hooves but extend something like a hand from the soft part inside their fore hooves.”

“We ain’t got those,” Apple Bloom nodded.

“I know that now, that it is magic, but as you are all so pleasant…”

“Is this why you’ve not said much?” Sweetie Belle asked, giving Joe a concerned look. “Because the humans in that story were bad compared with the horses and you were worried you were bad compared with us?”

“I…” Joe stopped and thought. “I’m not sure. Might have been in the back of my mind somewhere, but I only remember seeing Ponies pick things up with fore hooves and wondering about if there were fingers like the story.”

“Which there ain’t,” Apple Bloom repeated. “And you ain’t that monkey like neither.”

“According to your sister I’m more like a dog.”

“That seems fair,” nodded Apple Bloom.

“Still,” Joe said, “you have tried the things related to your names and not been as lucky as Shining Armour, so what else have you tried?”

With how hard the Cutie Mark Crusaders had worked at this, and how imaginative they had been, the discussion of the list and the few suggestions Joe was able to make of related ideas went on for a long time as they walked. None of the shops or Ponies they saw sparked any ideas and the Fillies began to look a little discouraged as Joe proved more normal than they’d hoped. He wasn’t a Pony so they’d thought he’d think of something a Pony might not. Eventually it was time for the Fillies to return home.

“Sorry girls,” Joe said as they approached a junction. “not had much luck.”

“That’s okay Joe,” Scootaloo reassured him.

“At least we know we ain’t missing something too obvious,” added Apple Bloom.

“Is there a way you can stop a Cutie Mark appearing?” Joe asked suddenly, pulling at his beard in thought.

“Ah don’t think so, once it comes it comes.”

“Hmm,” Joe nodded, “just wondered.”

“Why?” asked Sweetie Belle, as they stopped walking.

“Well, you’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders and you’ve been meeting and doing all these things to try to get your Cutie Marks…”

“And not managed, yet,” muttered Scootaloo.

“But if you do manage, then what? Once you have your Cutie Mark you can’t crusade for it.”

“So… you think we are having so much fun in the trying we ain’t been getting the getting?” Apple Bloom asked.

Joe shrugged. “You said once it comes it comes, but it does seem strange it hasn’t come with as much as you have been trying.”

“I wouldn’t want to leave the Crusaders,” Sweetie Belle said, looking sad.

“Ah, you’d just be ah Cutie Mark-ed Crusader,” Apple Bloom reassured her.

“That works,” agreed Scootaloo.

“Still, you two had better get home and I had better see Apple Bloom back to Sweet Apple Acres,” Joe said, “and see about my evening chores before it gets dark.”

“Thanks for trying to help, Joe,” said Scootaloo, echoed a moment later by Sweetie Belle.

Joe nodded to them and he and Apple Bloom began their walk. Neither said much, though Joe made polite enquiries about how school had gone and what Sweetie Belle had mentioned about them telling their school friends of the trip into the Everfree. It was hard to sympathise about them being disbelieved when that had been a relief, but Joe managed to agree what horrid brats Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara were before he parted from Apple Bloom at the gates of her family farm. Then he turned back towards his hut and decided to eat first as he was rather hungry. It had been a good breakfast but he’d worked hard in the morning and had not eaten much at midday in case Fluttershy had decided to feed him.

The meal cooked and eaten Joe took the time to weed his vegetable patch before running through some drills with his spear and shield. This took most of the remaining light so he decided to sit against a tree to enjoy the sunset while he sanded and polished at the Manticore scratches on his shield. It had been a day full of questions so it was good it was almost over, after this it was just his exercises and then probably bed. As Joe polished and the sky shaded towards red he wondered whether a thin skin of metal on his shield would be too heavy with how strong it seemed he actually was, and then wondered why it was getting lighter again when the sun was still going down…

“Princess Celestia,” Joe said, usefully informing her of her own name as he scrambled to his feet and then went back to a knee as he bowed to her.

“Joe, sit,” replied the ruler of Equestria, acknowledging the bow with a gracious nod, and then adding, “please.”

Joe was not sure of this as etiquette but was sure it would be ruder to not obey. And had a suspicion that his relief had been misplaced and that there were going to be even more questions asked of him. It seemed strange that he would be any concern of a Sun Goddess but not as strange as it would have been before that afternoon and discovering Discord’s role in his presence here. Celestia settled and looked at Joe for a few moments in regal calmness.

“I have had a letter from Twilight Sparkle,” Princess Celestia informed him, “in which she mentions some frustration with you.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” Joe replied, “though in some ways the feeling was mutual.”

“Indeed,” nodded Princess Celestia, “you were frustrated by her questions and she was frustrated by your attempts to be enigmatic.”

“I might have said more,” Joe admitted, “but I did not want Discord to stop thinking me boring.” He sighed in thought. “Not sure if I want everyone else to start thinking me boring again or not. The last couple of days have been interesting, but hoping someone lives in ‘interesting times’ can be regarded as a curse.”

“And as a curse I do not wish to see inflicted on Equestria.”

“You have a lovely realm, full of generous and kind people.”

“Thank you,” Princess Celestia said, “now, you mentioned weapons and being baffled we do not have them?”

“It seems strange to me that Pinkie Pie has a Party Cannon but your soldiers do not have cannons or other firearms. I had been puzzled by the steam locomotive since some of the techniques honed in making cannon were applied to making engine cylinders…”

“But then you remembered the Party Cannon and decided it was relinquish rather than having invented the one without first inventing the other?”

“It looks like a cannon from a couple of hundred years ago, but that is still hundreds of years after guns began to be used. I could think of reasons why you might have not invented guns, but only inventing a party cannon and nothing else… and of course there are the fireworks.”

“Which can be created with Unicorn magic.”

“And it could be a lucky guess that you knew what I meant by ‘fireworks’.”

“Or, how did you put it, that I have the wisdom and experience being an immortal Sun Goddess gives me. But explain why fireworks are relevant.”

“Firing rockets straight up to make a pretty display was not the first application humans thought of, or if it was we didn’t take much time to start firing them at each other instead. Which is embarrassing compared with you ponyfolk, possibly more embarrassing if it had never occurred to you than if had and you’d given up the military use.”

“It sounds like you know a lot on this.”

“I am hardly an expert.”

“No?”

“No.”

“But you know enough that you are being cautious.”

“I don’t think I know enough to make any difference,” Joe said, “other than to diminish your Ponies’ opinion of me.”

“Perhaps not, but I appreciate your concern for them as well as for yourself. Continuing to be cautious would also be welcome.”

“As you wish, Your Majesty.”

“I do not wish to order you to leave Ponyville,” Princess Celestia continued, “but if you begin to live up to Discord’s expectations of chaos that is one option.”

“I didn’t think I was that bad,” said Joe, “though I’ll be willing to leave if you think that would be for the best for them.”

“Thank you,” Princess Celestia said, rising to her feet and taking off in one smooth motion.

She seemed to recede faster than her wings were taking her and soon Joe was left in the darkness that had fallen unnoticed, by him, during the conversation. This darkness felt more than physical as he’d been regretting the last couple of days but being warned of the chance of exile had underscored how much his moments of weakness in agreeing to help the Cutie Mark Crusaders might cost him. And Joe had noticed that Princess Celestia’s skill with words had let her avoid revealing how much she already knew of what he was saying so he’d not even learned much.

==

The palace balcony brightened as a pinprick of light swelled and Princess Celestia landed on it beside her sister Luna. They stood and enjoyed the night.

“Well?” asked Princess Luna.

“Joe may cause problems, not through his knowledge but because he does regard the world differently. He finds it hard to understand how something can be invented to bring joy without it being perverted to bring pain…” Princess Celestia paused and then nodded. “No, that is not fair. Say instead that he finds it hard to understand why both uses would not occur to us when something was invented.”

“So, what is thy judgement?”

“He was honest with me and that deserves some consideration. We shall allow him to remain where he has settled, for now.”

“Of course you let me remain in Canterlot before,” Discord pointed out, sliding his head out through the door, still attached to the rest of him, “was just you let me remain as a statue…”

“That may be more merciful than exile, even if the exile was not as absolute as mine,” commented Princess Luna, “so long as, unlike Discord, he felt no passage of time. That would remove Joe’s influence and grant us time to try to discover how to return him to his own world.”

“Luna, I want you to investigate his dreams over the next few nights,” Princess Celestia said.

“For what purpose?”

“He has been unsettled again, so see what you can learn. And build on what you did before to aid his taciturnity.”

“I do not think I did so much, but… as thee wish my sister.”

Chapter 9

KNOCK KNOCK.

“Whur?” said Joe, trying to cling to sleep.

KNOCK KNOCK!

Giving up Joe dragged himself out from under his bedding and lurched to the door. He’d woken up enough to do this and to very vaguely wonder why he had not woken up more. The simple latch on the door seemed more complex as he fiddled with it and managed, with an effort, to clear his mind a little. Taking a breath and trying to not slump as much Joe opened the door and peered out.

“Surprise!”

“Yaaa!” Joe said, feeling more awake from the shock of having something jump up at him. Then he looked at the giggling Pink Mare. “Pinkie…”

“Sorry Joe,” said Pinkie Pie, continuing to giggle. A look of slight concern came to her face as her giggles faded. “Sorry,” she repeated, “are you okay?”

“Rough night,” Joe said, glancing at the sky, “and judging from the sun part of the morning.” For a moment he was silent as he rubbed at his forehead. “Strange dreams,” he added before giving Pinkie Pie a weak but welcoming smile, “so, what brings you here?”

“I brought you more buns!” replied Pinkie Pie, twisting her head round to her pannier to flip a box out of it into a high arc. She turned her head back towards Joe as she looked up, and then neatly caught the box to balance it on top of her head.

“Thank you Pinkie,” Joe said, stepping forward to take the box and only as he took it remembering he was wearing just the shorts he’d slept in. “Ah, I can offer tea or juice or something, if you have time?”

“Tea would be nice,” agreed Pinkie Pie before putting on an appealing expression, “and those buns looked awful yummy when I was putting them in the box.”

“Well you can’t have any,” Joe said, pausing just long enough for Pinkie Pie to begin to pout, “but you can help finish off the older ones.”

“Deal!” grinned Pinkie Pie.

Joe retreated and freshened up as the kettle heated. He still felt unsettled by the dreams and the scattered images he could recall. Armies marching, with sword and spear and guns and tanks. Fleets sailing the seas, sail and steam and oars, ships being boarded or destroying each other with guns. In the air squadrons of warplanes, fighting each other or raining destruction on the ground below. Wars of fantasy or science fiction, starships and wizards crackling with energy, powered armour and giants with vast strength, alien monsters from the stars or from beneath the ground or sea.

It was a welcome distraction when he had put on socks and a clean pair of shorts and had to decide what else to wear. The shirt and trousers Rarity had made yesterday might be clean enough, if not completely clean. He’d only done a little walking, had barely broken a sweat in his weapon drills while wearing them, and had taken them off before he did his main and sweatier exercise. So he’d intended to wear them today and get one more day’s use. But that had been when he was not expecting company.

Joe shook his head at his own foolishness and the proof that Rarity had been right to suggest that if he didn’t have all his clothes altered then he’d start having to think about it. Baggy and completely clean seemed better than flattering and very slightly sweaty, it was not like Pinkie Pie cared what he looked like but she might care about the smell, so Joe donned some of his older clothes. Boots laced on and teapot, milk, sugar, and older buns arranged on a tray he returned outside to find his guest had taken off her panniers and was happily settled.

“You look a little better.”

“I am feeling a little better,” Joe replied, putting the tray down and sinking down to sit cross-legged beside her.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Thank you, but…” Joe began, starting to automatically decline before he realised he didn’t want to, “actually yes?”

“Really?” said Pinkie Pie in surprise.

Joe smiled to her. “I’m sure I’ll return to not saying much, but… all in confidence?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“I’ll not ask you to go that far, would make it hard to eat buns.”

“All right,” Pinkie Pie giggled.

“Still, things had been seeming normal, like I’d got used to them but, maybe it’s just the effect of the last couple of days, but I had dreams filled with images of human history.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Not so bad,” Joe admitted, “nothing too dreadful or filled with despair, but just so random. No sooner did I recognise what was going on then everything shifted, and not in a way that made sense. So I was feeling rather confused and then I felt like I was still dreaming as I opened the door to a talking pink Pony.”

“Because I woke you so suddenly.”

“You were not to know. Besides, even if waking more gradually had made me feel better I doubt it would have worked as well as your company.”

“Thanks,” Pinkie Pie said, resting her chin on Joe’s knee as he relaxed back to lean against the wall of his hut. “What are you going to do today?”

“I’m not sure,” Joe admitted, noticing the chin but not paying it much heed. “Gradually feeling like I am not still dreaming, even if this is surreal by the standards of more than a few months ago. With how I have overslept it’s fortunate I don’t need to visit Sweet Apple Acres today and I don’t need to go anywhere else but… still in confidence?”

“Of course, betraying a secret is the best way to lose a friend, forever.”

Joe nodded. “As pleasant as this is,” he smiled to her, “because you are letting me wake up before I get full Pinkie bounce, I think I’ll take myself off somewhere and try to avoid other company today.”

“I know when a friend needs some quiet, but why do you want to avoid everypony?”

Joe tipped his head back a little as he looked at the mountains in the distance and thought and sighed, his hand absent-mindedly beginning to scritch Pinkie Pie between the ears as he considered his answer. “It seems Twilight has decided I am her latest research project…”

“Has she tried hooking you up to the machines that go ‘ping’ yet?”

“Not yet, so thanks for the warning. Then there’s Fluttershy, she apologised for not asking me a lot of questions, and Rainbow Dash who, as you saw, seems to have taken it as a challenge whether humans or Pegasi have more warrior tradition. So not just Twilight that might be asking me questions.”

Joe paused as he remembered Princess Celestia’s warning to continue to be cautious and as some more of the images from his dream came back. Talking anthropology with Fluttershy would likely not annoy the Sun Goddess but it had been embarrassing enough yesterday with Rarity. Trading tales of military history with Rainbow Dash would be less embarrassing but seemed far more likely to annoy the ruler of Equestria.

“Applejack and Rarity?” Pinkie Pie prompted, sounding content.

For a moment the tone of Pinkie Pie’s voice didn’t register and then Joe realised what his hand had been doing. He whipped it away from Pinkie Pie’s head as if her mane had suddenly become red hot and made of razor sharp steel wool. “Crap! Sorry.”

“What for?” asked Pinkie Pie, fully opening her eyes and looking confused at the apology.

“I know up here,” Joe said, tapping his head with the errant hand, “that you are a person. So I shouldn’t let my habits lead me into stroking you as if you were a dog or a cat or something.”

“I didn’t mind,” smiled Pinkie Pie, a wicked gleam coming into her eyes. “Want to tickle my tummy?”

“Gah!” Joe exclaimed as she rolled and waved her hooves in the air.

For several seconds all Pinkie Pie could do was giggle and roll about. Then she regained enough control to gesture at Joe with a forehoof. “The expression on your face,” she managed to choke out before another fit of giggles took her at Joe’s reaction to her words. Finally she turned back onto her front and returned her chin to Joe’s knee. “So, Applejack and Rarity?”

“With Applejack,” Joe said, noticing the chin more now than he had before, “familiarity breeds contempt.”

“I’d think it would breed familiarity…”

“True,” Joe admitted, making the old and obvious joke, “when a daddy familiarity and a mummy familiarity love each other very much…” Pinkie Pie rewarded this meagre effort with another giggle. “And contempt is not the right word, but she is so used to seeing me around Sweet Apple Acres it would take a lot to make her decide she needs to quiz me.”

“Rarity?”

“I think I satisfied her questions yesterday, and she has my measurements now. Though she was insisting I needed at least one suit for special occasions so she might be planning something, and I’m not sure if I’d be disappointed or relieved if she isn’t.”

They sat for a few moments in silence before Pinkie Pie broke that. “So, where were you thinking of going?”

“I could reach the mountains, though been better to have left at daybreak rather than mid-morning and could just be dreams prompting the idea. Some of them were similar to games where you, the ‘brave adventurer’, would dare to explore them… unlike the townsfolk who remained huddled in their homes.”

Pinkie Pie giggled at the over-dramatic tone of the reply. “Might be better to not dare.”

“True, mountains are dangerous and my attitude to danger is a little different when it is not a game. Something to hope to avoid rather than consider it boring if there wasn’t some to investigate.”

“So where to then?”

“Maybe some hill walking, or see if I can find a lake I’ve noticed on a map…”

“Ooh, that is a nice lake, good for swimming. Can humans swim?”

Joe considered mentioning the ‘Aquatic Ape’ hypothesis that suggested humans were such good swimmers they might have had an ancestor that spent a lot of time in the water, and that might have been why they’d lost so much fur. But he’d never thought much of the suggestion and before he could say anything about humans and swimming a different voice interrupted those thoughts.

“Am I interrupting?”

“Not at all Spike!” said Pinkie Pie, bounding to her feet and across to greet the small Dragon. “And you wouldn’t have been even if Joe hadn’t refused to tickle my tummy.”

“That seemed too much a liberty,” Joe nodded as Pinkie Pie gave him a cheery pout and he looked at his hand. “Though my instincts played me false again and this did go back to ear and mane scritching. So apologies again, even if you don’t mind.”

“He gives good ear scritches,” Pinkie Pie stage whispered.

“So what brings you here Spike, other than your feet? Pinkie was delivering some buns, and lingered to eat some of the old ones.”

“And for the ear scritches.”

“That too.”

“I want to get Rarity some gems,” Spike answered.

“So wanting some help with mining and digging and carrying?”

“Er…”

“I can spare the time,” Joe reassured him.

“Thanks, and that help would be welcome, but…” said Spike before his next words dissolved into a murmur. Joe blinked and wondered if that inaudibility showed Spike’s embarrassment or that human hearing wasn’t as good as Spike assumed.

“Pardon?”

“I said,” Spike took a breath and forced himself to speak clearly, “the only place I know is near the Diamond Dogs.”

“Wait,” said Joe, regaining the feeling that he was still dreaming, “the Diamond Dogs. The… people… who tried to enslave Rarity to use her talents…”

“And the rest of us!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing about and starting to do cartwheels and her unique interpretation of martial arts moves. “They jumped us in their tunnels, but ‘wham’, ‘pow’…”

“I’m not sure what you have heard Spike, but why are you talking to me about those gems?”

“You fought a Manticore…”

“As Fluttershy pointed out it was not a full grown one, and being willing to defend the Cutie Mark Crusaders is not the same as wanting to kill.”

“I’m not asking you to kill,” Spike protested.

“Then what are you asking? You think if the Diamond Dogs attack us I could afford to hold back?”

“Are these like anything on your world?” Pinkie Pie asked, finishing her gymnastics.

“Only in mythology, some creatures with wolf or hyena heads or there are Werewolves…”

“Werewolves?” Spike asked.

“Men who can turn into Wolves, or a hybrid form that might look similar to the Diamond Dogs. But I think I am judging them by what I have heard of them rather than misjudging them by creatures of myth.”

“I know it is asking a lot, but I need to do this,” Spike said, trying to emulate the sort of expression he knew had worked on Joe when the Cutie Mark Crusaders had used it.

“And I need to get back to being boring and disappointing Discord,” replied Joe, not mentioning this would also be welcomed by Princess Celestia, “and going to near the Diamond Dogs would not be boring. I’d help you dig elsewhere, but…”

“I’ll help!” Pinkie Pie interrupted.

“You will?” said Spike.

“Sure,” Pinkie Pie grinned, “lead on Spikey!”

“Ooooohh-kay.”

“I wonder if Diamond Dogs like parties?”

“I can’t persuade you to not go, can I Pinkie?” Joe asked in a resigned tone.

“Nope.”

“Even though I listened to you when you said the mountains were too dangerous.”

“Yep.”

“So my choice is not whether to go or not, it’s whether to let you go without me or not.”

“Yep!”

Joe sighed and shook his head. “I’ll get my armour on.”

“Thanks!” Spike said.

“Normally when I say ‘don’t mention it’ I’d mean ‘it’s little trouble, so one thanks is enough’,” commented Joe as he stood. “This time though I do mean don’t mention it. To anyone. Please.”

“Okie-dokie-loki!” agreed Pinkie Pie.

Already regretting his decision Joe returned inside his hut and laid out his armour. A moment’s thought and he took off the baggy trousers as well as the baggy shirt. That had the disadvantage that he’d needed to remove his boots but meant he could keep those trousers as clean as having only worn them for a short conversation had left them. The tighter trousers from yesterday donned, his boots returned to his feet and laced again, and a vest put on to absorb sweat and protect the harder to launder quilted vest he considered what to take.

Spear and shield and knife were indispensible, as was a water flask. It seemed unlikely they’d need rope but that was fairly light. His helmet could be annoying to have bumping against him as it dangled on its chinstrap from his belt, but better to bring it and put it on once they got closer to danger. The main question was whether to take bow and quiver. Joe nodded to himself in decision, not likely to have time to string the bow and loose any arrows if they were ambushed and leaving those behind would let him take his backpack and strap his mattock and shovel to either side of it.

Segmented plates over chainmail over quilted shirt. Tools strapped to backpack and its carrying straps loosened to fit over his armour. Knife and water flask and helmet and rope dangling from belt. Metal armguard and shield strapped over canvas armguards. It seemed he had no more excuse to avoid returning outside so Joe picked up his spear and did. There he found Pinkie Pie and Spike had finished off the buns and tea and the former had her panniers back on. She grinned to Joe and Spike had the good grace to look a little embarrassed about the situation.

“Ready Joe?” Pinkie Pie bounced.

“Let’s get this done,” Joe sighed, locking his door and somehow managing to retain his bad mood despite her antics.

Chapter 10

They had been walking for several minutes with Pinkie Pie chattering and Spike trying to keep up with her rapid changes of subject and the strange links she made between them. It was pleasant weather and pleasant company but Joe found himself mired in gloom as each step, or bounce from Pinkie Pie, took them closer to the Diamond Dogs.

“You look as sad as Cranky,” commented Pinkie Pie, boinging ahead and then across Joe’s path to circle him. “What you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about you jumping on my shoulders yesterday,” Joe replied, adding hurriedly, “which was not an invitation.”

“Silly! Would be Spike’s turn to carry me today.”

“I could try,” Spike said dubiously.

Pinkie Pie giggled and then gave Joe what passed for a frown with her. “Why would that make you look sad though?”

“I’ve been cautious with this armour,” Joe sighed. “As I said to the Cutie Mark Crusaders the plates are not that thick, the chainmail sleeves not full length and it only comes to mid-thigh rather than knee, the chain is not as dense as it could be, and I’ve no armour on my legs. All of which to save weight.”

“What’s that got to do with Pinkie Pie jumping on you?” asked Spike, looking baffled at the apparent change of subject, even with the practice in baffling changes of subject Pinkie Pie had been giving him.

“With all respect to her svelte shapeliness,” Joe said, giving her a little nod-bow and getting a smile in return, “and the grace of her landing I’d have expected my knees to have buckled a little. Or the knees of almost any man, with what I’d consider normal strength.”

“That was why I jumped on him,” added Pinkie Pie. “Twilight said Discord had made Joe as strong for his size as a Pony, so I wanted to test how strong the magic had made him.”

“So yesterday proved I’d been too cautious,” Joe said, managing a smile. “I’d tried to make sure the armour was light enough I could easily wear it, but with how effective the magic has been I could have been working the other way. Aiming for something heavier than ‘normal’, rather than as light or lighter.”

“You’re worried about the Diamond Dogs?” Spike asked.

“I am hoping I won’t regret having skin that is bare or covered only with cloth, and that where I do have armour it is thick enough,” Joe replied before chuckling. “I’d reassure myself that someone dressed like this would still be regarded as well armoured, but ‘myself’ would argue that it depends how strong the Diamond Dogs are.”

“We managed to buck them off when they tried pouncing,” said Pinkie Pie, shifting from a bounce into some rodeo moves.

“Good you were able to get them to buck off,” Joe nodded, deadpan.

“Last time, with Rarity, we were able to mine a lot before they noticed,” said Spike, adding his own reassurances, “and I’m not asking you, either of you, to go further than the edges of where they might be.”

“Hopefully we’ll be able to get in and out without trouble,” Joe said, nodding again.

“And if they do attack us, then so much the worse for them!” Spike declared, waving around a stick he had found.

Joe blinked at this and then started to parry as Spike thrust and slashed at him with that fearsome weapon. How a Dragon, with teeth and claws, raised by Ponies, without hands, had picked up the concept of swordplay was a mystery to add to all the others. And a mystery that seemed less important to Joe than whether to offer to lend Spike his knife, it was not large but compared with the size of Spike it would be almost a dagger. Then one attack and parry let the stick meet the edge rather than the flat of Joe’s spearhead.

“Whoa,” said Spike, looking at the effects of that relatively light encounter between wood and metal.

“The smith did good work,” Joe agreed, glancing at how neatly the edge had cut through the stick.

Spike discarded the half of the stick that had been left in his handpaw and Joe made an effort to join the conversation as they made their way into danger. It became clear that Spike was underestimating the difficulty of finding the gems without Rarity and her talent there to locate them. Spike had to admit this and had to also admit how Twilight Sparkle would have reacted if he’d asked her to come here to find gems, which she could use her general talent for magic to do, though with more effort than Rarity. Joe was tempted to use these admissions to argue they should give up, but it was no surprise Twilight Sparkle would be angry and he was feeling stubborn. It might be the lingering feeling of unreality but he’d started the ‘quest’ so he was going to finish it.

Eventually they reached their rather unpromising looking destination. Joe glanced for pebbles that might dull the blade and then stabbed his spear into the ground to free that hand. Then he cursed under his breath as he went to shrug his backpack off.

“Problem?” Spike asked.

“Going to have to unfasten this strap, rather than just loosen it to slide it down the arm,” replied Joe, “either that or take my shield off and, even if it’s going to make digging more awkward, I’d rather keep that on.”

Pinkie Pie bounced around looking for anything sparkly as Joe unfastened the strap and lowered the backpack to the ground. Then slid the mattock with its straight shaft free before unfastening the strap holding the shovel, since the crosspiece at the top of its longer shaft meant he couldn’t just slide it out. Joe looked at Spike and Pinkie Pie as they looked around.

“Anything?”

“Nope!” Pinkie Pie replied, sounding just as cheerful as ever.

“I am sure there were some around here,” muttered Spike, making a quick hole and peering into it.

Despite the extra trouble it had caused by needing the strap to be unfastened Joe was pleased he had brought the shovel. It looked like he had been right to think they might have to dig quite an area up, though at least from the hole Spike had made it seemed they wouldn’t have to dig deep as well as broad. Pinkie Pie was still bouncing in an apparently random search and Spike wandering and pausing to make more small holes as Joe took a moment to think. Then he picked up his mattock and drove the pick-end into the reasonably soft soil to root it. He unfastened the strap holding the coil of rope, glad that he’d the spare after having had to leave one with that crocodile, and loosely wrapped one end around the adze-end of the mattock. Taking no chances and picking up his spear to take it with him he walked and uncoiled the rope, keeping it slightly taut as he did.

Joe dropped the rest of the coil of rope on top of the bush he’d aimed at and returned to his backpack and the shovel beside it in a series of long strides, pausing every other stride to kick a scuff mark with a boot heel. His roughly equidistant marks along a relatively straight line produced Joe picked up his shovel and began to work back towards the bush. Most of the test pits he dug along that rope, either on that first line or when he re-laid it along others, produced nothing and even when he did find something and widened and deepened the hole he was not finding a huge amount. Pinkie Pie and Spike seemed to be having just as much success with her jumping around and telling Spike to dig, sometimes several hops away from the last hole and sometimes right next to it.

It was good they were all having some luck with their different methods but the evidence of their success was giving Joe another concern. That they would be digging gems up rather than mining them out of rock had already seemed strange but mountains could shatter and crumble and their remains be buried by drifting soil. What they were finding though were not stones and boulders with veins of gems running through them or even just those gems stripped bare by erosion. The gems they were digging up, and which the other two seemed to find unremarkable, were already polished and cut so Joe had to wonder if they were looting buried caches.

He didn’t know enough about archaeology to be able to judge the acidity of the soil, or recognise the stains they might have left, but it did seem possible these had been in cloth bags that had since rotted away. And if these were gems that had been mined elsewhere and processed and then buried for safety that was not promising for how the Diamond Dogs might react.

“Wheee-eeeek!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, breaking into Joe’s gloomy thoughts.

Dismissing whether the attempt to enslave Rarity could be considered an attempt to force her to repay the same theft they were performing Joe stuck his shovel into the ground and pulled his spear out of it. He knew very little about the last time Spike and the others were here and should have his mind on the present rather than the past anyway. Trying to look casual Joe strolled across to where the small Dragon and Pink Mare were.

“My Pinkie-sense is twitching,” said Pinkie Pie as soon as Joe got close. “We’re being watched.”

“Pinkie-se…” Joe began before he gave a slight shake of his head. That Pinkie Pie had some sort of extra perception made no less sense than anything else about her, or about this world. He stabbed his spear back into the ground and, trying to not appear as if he was hurrying, pulled his cap on and began to unbuckle the chinstrap to free his helmet from his belt…

A trio of what Joe assumed were Diamond Dogs stepped out from behind a bush and were immediately glared at by Spike.

Attempting to not show any concern Joe finished putting his helmet on and plucked his spear back into his hand. Then he calmly looked at them and tried to let the silence build.

“You had better not try anything!” Spike warned them, breaking the silence.

“Hrah! You try to take our gems!” retorted the middle Diamond Dog. “You ones that are trying something!”

“We ones that willing to make deal,” Joe said, talking a short step forward. “Offer one gem in ten as payment.”

“Why we take such deal?” scowled the Diamond Dog, also taking a step forward. “We can take all you dug and make you dig more.”

“Would make this a bad day,” Joe replied, “be a bad day for me having to kill, but be a worse day for you being dead.”

“Huh, Ponies not kill,” snorted one of the other Diamond Dogs.

“I am not a Pony,” Joe said, raising his spear a little.

“Neither am I,” added Spike, letting out a little puff of fire and hoping they’d not realise that was about as much flame as he could produce.

“I am!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. “But… grrr!”

“You do not want me to describe what a human nation would have done to your people if you had kidnapped one of their own,” added Joe. “How we would deal with a lair of slavers and predators on our borders.”

“I not scared,” the lead Diamond Dog replied, jutting his chin out. Joe was not impressed by this, he’d met real Bulldogs and in some ways they were more his nation’s animal than the official Lions or Leopards. “But we take twice as much, take a quarter, and let you mine.”

“Twice a tenth is a fifth,” Joe frowned, the expression mostly wasted as his forehead was protected by his helmet.

“Okay, we accept a fifth,” replied the Diamond Dog at once, suspiciously quickly.

“A fifth does seem fair,” Joe nodded, “whether you genuinely thought a quarter was twice a tenth, or whether that ‘mistake’ was a negotiating tactic to draw me into saying that by correcting you.”

The Diamond Dog looked even more shifty. “You just make sure our gems put separate.”

Joe nodded to him again as the trio retreated, then he moved back the step to where he could speak softly with Pinkie Pie and Spike. “I am not sure where those words came from,” he admitted, “but as I am wearing armour, carrying a spear, and my companions are a Pink Pony and a small Dragon I suppose it makes sense I’d make the sort of threats a fantasy warrior might.”

“Seemed to work,” Spike said before giving Joe a worried look. “Do we want to know what humans would have done to them?”

“Probably not,” chuckled Joe, giving Spike a smile. “Actually we’d have been fairly gentle about it all these days, but… let’s just say that the humans who wore similar armour to this two millennia ago would not have been, and I’d have described some of their more… imaginative… ways of dealing with those outside their borders who posed a threat.”

“So we don’t want to know.”

“Would make it a bad day,” agreed Joe, before adding, “though not as bad as having to kill, and nowhere near as bad as becoming dead.”

“So it still might be bad,” Spike whispered, “they might be going to attack us despite the offer.”

“I am still getting warning itchie-twitchies,” agreed Pinkie Pie.

“Follow me please,” Joe said, starting towards his backpack. Then he raised his voice. “They would have to be very stupid to have confronted us before they were ready!”

“We not stupid!” a voice protested from a different bush than the one the trio had stepped out from behind.

“Sssshhh!” another voice chided from behind the same bush.

“And it seems they are that stupid,” Joe muttered, stabbing his spear into the ground and upending his backpack, “so let’s get the gems sorted and leave.”

“Okay,” agreed Spike, watching Joe count four and one, “though I was hoping for a few more, especially since we are losing a fifth.”

Joe sighed and looked to his other companion. “How accurate is your Pinkie-sense? Can you tell when they are going to ambush rather than watch?”

“I’m not sure,” Pinkie Pie admitted, looking and sounding more serious than normal. “It would be a different twitch, but I couldn’t be sure that was what the twitch meant.”

Joe nodded and finished sorting the gems from his backpack as he thought. “We’d need to leave at a moment’s notice,” he mused, “so I had better get my rope coiled and tools strapped to my backpack and that strapped on my back, whether we linger or not.”

“Okie-dokie-loki!” Pinkie Pie said, swinging her head left and right to unfasten the flaps of her panniers. Then she plopped onto her back so those, as well as her, were upside down and squirmed around a little to empty them.

While Spike sorted those gems onto the pile or into Joe’s backpack Joe hauled the free end of his rope in. He considered trying to drag the mattock to him but each time he’d done it he’d not wrapped the other end that tightly and had made sure the point was well rooted. So instead he walked back along the rope, careful of the holes he’d dug and of how awkward carrying his spear was while he was doing this, to coil the rope as he went and retrieve his other tool. Pinkie Pie began her random looking bouncing as Joe strapped his shovel to his backpack and slid the mattock back into its strap, her first demand for Spike to dig coming as Joe slid the backpack strap up his speararm and hauled at the other strap to refasten it, and the first new gem coming as Joe tightened both straps.

Joe stood guard for several minutes and tried to look intimidating and alert. And to not wish too fervently for grenades or a flamethrower as he saw bushes rustle with more than the slight breeze. Eventually Pinkie Pie paused and gave them both a look. Joe nodded to her as Spike added what seemed the final gem to Pinkie Pie’s panniers. Then as they joined him Joe looked at a bush close to where they’d pass to leave.

“I am quite impressed by your flames,” Joe said, louder than needed for the two to hear him, “how large can you make them?”

“I… don’t know,” replied Spike, giving Joe a strange look.

“Perhaps we should test it?” Joe winked as he pointed with his spear. “I bet you could not engulf that entire bush.”

“Oh!” said Spike, catching on. “I bet I can…”

There was a loud rustle and the three Diamond Dogs that had shown themselves before showed themselves again. The slightly smaller one that had been doing most of the talking glowered at Joe and Spike.

“Hello again!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully.

“Indeed,” nodded Joe, adding in a deadpan tone. “What a surprise. I had no idea you were hiding there.”

The three Diamond Dogs moved towards the trio of Dragon, human, and Pony. “Where the rest of our gems?” hissed the middle one.

“You watched us dig and watched us sort those we had dug before,” Joe replied, moving to meet him. “So you know that pile is the agreed share.”

“And if we want more?” said the Diamond Dog, coming within arm’s reach and leaning forward intimidating as he bared his teeth. Then his expression changed in a blink and he audibly gulped.

“Do you want me to move my spearhead?” Joe asked with a pleasant smile. “It’s sharp enough it could shave some fur off, but, alas, I don’t think I could move it subtly enough to only remove fur.”

“Bah,” choked the Diamond Dog. “Go.”

Joe pulled his spear back from where the head of it had been lightly resting, his grip on the shaft nearer the butt end than usual as he’d needed a little bit of extra reach. A small gesture with head and shield, and the spear levelled at his gut, persuaded the Diamond Dog to step aside, his two friends following suit and all three glowering as the trio passed. Spike hopped up onto Pinkie Pie’s back to sit facing backwards and cheerfully waved to the Diamond Dogs as he kept an eye on them. The watching for an attack being more welcome to Joe than the waving that could annoy them enough to provoke such an attack.

“Would you really have cut his…” Spike asked, twisting to face Joe a little.

“Clean off,” said Joe, “and hopefully been able to finish the fight before I puked my guts up.” He paused and looked to Pinkie Pie. “Metaphorically.”

“Oooh, wait until I tell…” Pinkie Pie began.

“Don’t. Mention. It,” interrupted Joe.

“Ooops,” Pinkie Pie smiled. “Lips are sealed.”

“Which is okay here as no buns,” said Joe, returning the smile. Then he glanced back. “I think we are out of sight, so it would not besmirch our dignity to pick up the pace.”

“Yeee-hah! Ride it Spike!” Pinkie Pie said, breaking into a surprisingly sudden gallop.

“Waaaaahhhhh!” cried Spike, almost falling off and saved only by a desperate grab at the panniers.

Joe took a moment to react and a moment longer to decide protesting he hadn’t meant by that much would be useless. He started to sprint in pursuit and was not surprised that Pinkie Pie was outdistancing him. Joe dug deep and tried to run faster, hoping he’d not be too out of breath and Pinkie Pie would not be too far ahead by the time she realised or remembered he was not as fast as her. But as he continued to sprint and wait for when he would need to slow to a more sustainable pace Joe began to become a little puzzled and impressed with himself. It seemed the jog out of the Everfree had been very much within his limits and there might be a small chance he’d catch up through his own efforts.

One of the oldest human hunting methods was ‘chase thing until it tired, then hit with rock until it dead’ and this had worked on horses, though Joe doubted it would work on Pinkie Pie with her almost boundless energy and didn’t think it was far enough back into Ponyville anyway. So it was more like a very very small chance and the question became moot anyway as Joe saw that Pinkie Pie had slowed and, as he caught up, that she was not looking tired enough for that to have been forced on her rather than her choice.

“What am I going to tell Twilight, or Rarity?” Spike asked, having managed to turn to face ahead and able to speak now Pinkie Pie was only cantering and he was not clinging on so desperately.

“Ooh! I know…” said Pinkie Pie, giving Spike a glance over her shoulder as Joe matched her pace. “There was a great big mean scary Dragon and you found his lair and his hoard, and confronted him… snuck past him… to gain your prize!”

“Risking all for fair lady,” Joe said, the rhythm of his words defined by how he had to control his breathing. “A heroic feat.”

“I like the sound of that!” grinned Spike, before he looked a little more unsure. “But that did happen when I found a cave to shelter in, and Twilight and Owlowiscious had to save me, so she’d be very upset with me if she thought I had done it on purpose rather than by accident.”

“Speaking selfishly I’d rather she was upset with you than with me,” Joe admitted, “but let’s try to avoid her being upset with any of us.”

“So what am I going to tell her?”

“You must have had some time to yourself,” Joe mused, “so maybe you took a walk and found a small vein of gems, in a cave or exposed by a landslide?”

“That might work,” agreed Spike, “but what if they wanted to see?”

“Hmm, true. Even if they didn’t want to check your story they’d be right to think they’d be able to find gems there that we’d missed.”

They continued for a few minutes in silence. To Joe’s relief, as he was beginning to feel the strain, Pinkie Pie slowed a little and perhaps the extra little bit of breath available for brain rather than legs helped. “A mountain stream?” he suggested. “Some gems washed down by the spring melt floods…”

“Dashie and the weather teams are careful when they wrap up winter,” commented Pinkie Pie. “Try to avoid floods.”

Joe blinked and looked at her, before returning his eyes to avoiding tripping over anything. What she meant by that he didn’t know, but it was probably irrelevant for now. “Still, if we were picking gems up from a streambed then the flow of water would soon remove any signs of digging.”

“They still might want to see,” Spike pointed out.

“True again, and be hard to find a stream which would fit the story. Maybe just say you found the vein and want to keep where it is a secret so you can surprise them again… though not be much surprise the second time… ah, I don’t know.”

“What were you going to tell them Spikey?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“What?”

“You must have had some idea how you were going to explain the gems,” Joe said, realising what Pinkie Pie meant.

“Er…”

“Is that an ‘er, I didn’t think of that’,” Joe asked, feeling suspicious, “or an ‘er, I was going to drop Joe in the crap with the truth’?”

“An ‘er, I didn’t think how much I’d be dropping you in the crap’?” replied Spike, looking nervous.

“More reason to avoid Ponyville for me, not that I was going to enter the town while armed and armoured… and I could do with a pause.”

“Okie-dokie-loki,” Pinkie Pie said cheerily, slowing to a stop, “getting tired?”

“Surprisingly not,” shrugged Joe, also stopping, “but easier to take my helmet off while standing still and if Spike holds my spear.”

“Sure,” Spike said.

Joe nodded and put the butt end of the spear onto the ground next to Pinkie Pie, Spike reaching out one dragon handpaw to steady it as Joe lent it towards him and her. With an effort Spike managed to lift the spear and get it couched between his arm and side as if it was a lance. Joe paused in unbuckling his helmet chinstrap and wondered if that was knowledge, since Rainbow Dash had mentioned jousting, or just seemed the obvious way to hold it. In either case it was unwise as without a saddle with prongs to wrap around his thighs or stirrups to brace his feet into he’d be knocked off by the impact of his own weapon.

Deciding to not advise Spike about this, or the alternate method of driving a thinner lance, more a spear, down from above your shoulder, as it would require more mention of human horse riding Joe finished removing his helmet. He rebuckled the chinstrap through his belt, tucked the cap back under his belt at the other side, and retrieved his spear before Spike could do anything silly.

“Still,” Joe said as they jogged back into motion, “Spike found gems somewhere and we helped him get them. Or if Pinkie Pie can carry all the gems you could say was only you two, that way you can go straight into Ponyville rather than having to divert back to my hut.”

“I don’t know,” replied Spike. “Pinkie’s panniers are quite full, and you deserve some of the credit.”

“Credit could lead to blame, and we could probably perch my backpack on top of the panniers. Though I’d take the shovel and mattock off so Pinkie doesn’t have to carry those.” Joe paused. “Which still leaves the problem of the gems already being cut and polished.”

“What do you mean?” asked Spike, sounding baffled.

“That they look like that rather than freshly dug,” Joe replied, sounding as baffled at why Spike was baffled, “the ones that are rounded rather than faceted could have been smoothed by the water but…” Joe stopped as he saw the expression the small Dragon and Pink Pony were giving him. For a moment he rejected the idea but then he said, more than asked, “Gems come out of the ground already cut and polished here?”

“How else were you expecting the gems to look?” asked Spike.

“Fairly dull,” Joe said, “still translucent but not transparent and sparkling until a Gemcutter shaped them.” He shook his head. “So much for that trade here.”

Spike gave Joe another eloquently puzzled look. If there was something Dragons were expert in it was gems and this was bizarre. “I’m not sure about not mentioning your help,” he said finally, “wouldn’t it be obvious from us having your backpack?”

“Probably,” Joe shrugged, “could just say I had lent you the bag, which I would have done, but that is only a half-truth.”

“And half truths are not proper full truths,” Pinkie Pie reminded them.

“I’d not expect either of you to lie, and this is getting a bit murky, but though I might have let my chivalrous instincts…” Joe stopped as Pinkie Pie began to giggle. “What?” he asked, turning the giggles into full blown laughter at his expression.

“Horse… instincts…” Pinkie Pie managed to choke out, nearly making Spike fall from her back with her happy shaking.

“Hor…” blinked Joe, then he remembered what the root word of Chivalry was and sighed. “I may have let good manners draw me into going but I don’t want trouble with or questions from Ponies a third day in a row.”

“I hear you,” Spike nodded.

Chapter 11

“Surprise!” Pinkie Pie called, bouncing into the Carousel Boutique.

“Darling, darlings, hello,” replied Rarity, catching sight of Spike as well.

“Spike’s got some presents for you,” Pinkie Pie grinned.

“Presents?”

“We went and got you some gems,” Spike said, deciding the less detail he went into the better. “I hope you like them.”

“You know I always love gems,” smiled Rarity.

“All Spike’s idea,” Pinkie Pie added.

“Oh you are marvellous,” said Rarity, giving Spike a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to Pinkie Pie, “isn’t he marvellous?”

“He’s the best Spikey-wikey ever!” Pinkie Pie nodded, rubbing Spike on the top of his head.

“Awww,” said Spike, the blush the kiss had given him getting even deeper.

“I’d better get back to Sugarcube Corner.”

“Let me help you with the buckles,” nodded Spike, hiding his embarrassment in dealing with that.

“I’ll bring your panniers to you later?” Rarity asked.

“Okie-dokie-loki, no rush though.”

“Thank you for helping Spike,” Rarity added.

“Anytime!” said Pinkie Pie, bounding off as soon as the backpack and panniers were removed.

“This way,” Rarity said to Spike, leading the way.

Spike hefted the panniers and backpack up and staggered after Rarity to where she wanted to sort the gems. As he began to unload them and she began to sort them a very slight frown came to her face. Some of these gems suggested a worrying possibility and with that in mind she looked again at the backpack. Its straps had held it securely on Pinkie Pie, looping down and just behind the lower edge of the pannier bags each side, but she noticed how those straps were set on it and that there was extra padding at the flap end. Which suggested something else.

==

Joe sat on his porch and gave his lunch some time to settle. It had been a morning of mixed feelings, bad with the dreams, good with talking to Pinkie Pie, and bad with visiting the Diamond Dogs. Perhaps he just needed more sweets in his diet, it seemed to work so well for Pinkie Pie as she’d still been so happy and bouncy even when carrying all the gems. Though as the backpack probably weighed less than Spike it was not surprising she could still bounce. Dismissing that idea Joe began to ponder what to do.

He’d taken his armour off as soon as he got back to his hut and had put on the shirt Rarity had given him yesterday. The undervest had been a bit sweaty so that had gone straight into his laundry pile and he’d given the padded vest a bit of a wash so that was damp, but even had it been dry or he’d a spare he didn’t feel like putting his armour on again today. Reading seemed like a peaceful idea but he didn’t want to finish the book until he felt it was safe to visit the library and return it for a fresh one and, as he’d said to Pinkie Pie, he’d good reasons to avoid company.

With a nod to himself Joe went back inside and began making some cheese sandwiches. Some hill walking seemed the best idea and there’d likely be somewhere nice to stop and enjoy the view and those. Joe clinched his belt with rope and knife tighter since it was over trousers rather than armour and, after putting the sandwiches and a couple of buns in a pouch and that pouch’s strap over his shoulder, he picked up his spear. He doubted he’d need to stab anything or he’d have put his armour on but it would be handy as a walking stick and better to have it than not if his doubts were wrong. With one last mental inventory Joe left his hut and began for the hills.

==

“Rarity?” Twilight Sparkle said, a little surprised. “What brings you here while the boutique is normally open?”

“Oh, Spike has been simply wonderful,” Rarity replied, nodding towards the small and freshly blushing Dragon at her side. “He’s been a real sweetheart and brought me enough gems for several dresses.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Spike. “He has?”

“Indeed he has.”

Spike mumbled something embarrassed sounding and wandered off to see about his chores. Rarity watched him go and then sidled up to Twilight Sparkle, letting her concern rather than her pleasure show. Twilight Sparkle looked at her friend and waited for her to speak.

“Some of the gems he brought me I normally buy,” Rarity said softly, “because although it worked out in the end I don’t feel like the risk of digging near the Diamond Dogs, and that is the only place they can be found near here.”

“You think Spike went there?” asked Twilight Sparkle, looking dubious.

“He did have Pinkie Pie’s company, and maybe someone else’s,” Rarity replied. “Some of the gems were in her panniers, but some were in a bag whose straps looked as if they were meant for something that walked like Spike, but larger and with no scales along the spine to damage the bag.”

“Joe!” hissed Twilight Sparkle.

The two Ponies left the Golden Oaks Library and went to the Carousel Boutique where Twilight Sparkle examined the backpack and agreed with Rarity about it. Then Twilight Sparkle floated Pinkie Pie’s panniers up onto her back and they went to Sugarcube Corner to return this and find some answers.

“Hi Twilight, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie greeted them as they entered the shop.

“Come to return your panniers, darling,” said Rarity, Twilight Sparkle taking the cue and floating them off her back and across to their friend.

“Thanks!”

“And come to ask if it was just you and Spike who got the gems,” Twilight Sparkle added.

“Oooh, Joe did help,” nodded Pinkie Pie, deciding that as Joe had said he’d not expect them to lie she’d not say just that he’d lent the bag. “But he didn’t want any fuss or bother about it.”

“I am sure he didn’t,” Twilight Sparkle grumbled.

“Well, we shall have to thank him,” said Rarity, sounding less grouchy.

“I’m not sure if he’ll be home,” Pinkie Pie warned them. “He was going to go for a walk or he might have gone back to bed, bad dreams last night so he didn’t sleep well.”

“And how do you know how well he slept?” asked Rarity, a little archly.

“I went and delivered some buns to him this morning,” Pinkie Pie replied cheerfully, missing the implication, “and he mentioned it had been a rough night when I asked if he was okay.”

“Oh,” said Rarity.

“Where did you go for the gems?” Twilight Sparkle asked, not interested in what Joe’s relationship with Pinkie Pie was.

“That’s a secret.”

“Knowing where the gems are from is important,” Twilight Sparkle replied.

“And so is keeping a secret. Ask Spike if you want to know.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Pinkie Pie and remembered how inflexible Pinkie Pie had been about this before. Rarity and Fluttershy had both been miserable during Fluttershy’s brief but successful modelling career and if they had known how miserable the other one was then some of that misery could have been avoided. Without Pinkie Pie’s constant reminders, and apparent stalking, Twilight Sparkle thought she might have been able to… without directly telling… drop enough hints her two friend would have talked and found this out.

“I’ll do that,” said Twilight Sparkle, rejecting the idea of further argument.

“Okie-dokie-loki.”

Twilight Sparkle and Rarity left, the latter waiting until they were outside to speak. “Are you sure we didn’t give up too soon?”

“Believe me,” Twilight Sparkle said, “Pinkie is very firm about keeping secrets, which is good if they are yours but…”

“Secrets?” another voice asked from just above them. “What’s up? Other than me.”

“Hello Rainbow,” said Rarity, looking at the hovering Pegasus. “I think we have to talk to Joe.”

“But he might not be at his hut,” Twilight Sparkle added.

“I’ll check,” nodded Rainbow Dash with a grin. A small cloud of dust rose as she arced away. The two Unicorns looked at each other and then moved away from the doorway of the shop to wait. The same multicoloured streak descended and another small cloud of dust rose as Rainbow Dash landed, looking disappointed. “It doesn’t look like he is home.”

“If he hasn’t gone for a walk he might have been napping, like a certain Pegasus has a habit of,” Rarity smiled, “so did you wait long enough for him to get to his door?”

“Ooops,” said Rainbow Dash, taking off and streaking away with undiminished speed. This round trip took a little longer but soon she was back. “I waited but still no reply, what did you want to talk to him about?”

“I want to know where he took Spike to get gems,” Twilight Sparkle said, frowning as she thought of the danger. She’d hatched and raised Spike so she resented him being put at risk.

==

Joe scrambled up the last part of the slope onto the flatter ridge, jabbing his spearhead into the turf for extra support and sighing as yet again it sank in deeper than he wanted. His spear had not been as good as an aid to walking as he’d hoped. The length of the spearhead meant it was rather short if he held it below that point up and if he held the butt end the sharpness of the spearhead meant it took little pressure to root it firmly enough to need quite a tug to free. Still, it had been more help than hindrance and not bad enough to warrant making and using a staff instead.

It was almost time to turn back as he wanted to aim to get back to his hut well before dark so if he did get lost or sprained an ankle he’d still have a chance of getting there by around nightfall. Moving along the ridge in what he thought was the right direction he saw a boulder that looked quite smooth and comfortable and about the right height to sit against the edge of. Joe made himself comfortable, putting his pouch and water flask beside him and admiring the view before he looked down the hill to consider his route.

One swig of water and a sandwich taken out of his pouch later Joe had decided he knew what direction he was aiming in and that there didn’t seem to be any obstacles that way. He took a bite of the sandwich and nodded to himself as he visualised the route. Gradually he’d lost the sense of unreality as going for a walk and eating cheese sandwiches, even if that cheese was made with milk from talking cows, was reassuringly normal. Even before they had arrived at the Diamond Dogs Joe had begun to wonder if Pinkie Pie had been bluffing but with the peace and quiet and the sense of calm he’d recovered he was able to move past that thought and onto what would have followed.

If she had been bluffing and he’d refused to help then the trip could have been avoided, if she’d not been bluffing and he’d refused to help then he’d have suffered the guilt of not helping. The problem was how far would Pinkie Pie have carried a bluff? If she had waited until they were out of sight and earshot to tell Spike she was bluffing then that would look the same to Joe as if she’d not been bluffing. This had not been a good day but better than spending it wondering if Pinkie Pie and Spike were safe and far better than if they had been harmed because he’d not helped.

Joe’s thoughts were interrupted as he saw a streak of colours crossing the sky, the speed of what left it letting one streak cross another before the first had faded. It was not a surprise when the streak arrowed down towards him and he saw what was at its head.

“There you are!”

“Hello Dash, cheese sandwich?” Joe asked, reaching into his pouch for a fresh one.

She took the sandwich and a couple of hefty bites, settling as she did to sit on the boulder beside him. After several seconds of companionable silence and mutual munching Rainbow Dash spoke. “Twilight and Rarity seem pretty annoyed with you.”

“For the same reason? Or have I annoyed them separately?”

“You took Spike to near the Diamond Dogs.”

“Oh yes, of course,” Joe sighed. “I’d have taken him there, naturally it would be my idea and my fault, I so want to impress Rarity with gems after all.”

“Ouch,” winced Rainbow Dash. “Are you saying Spike took you?”

Joe opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it and shook his head with another sigh. “Sorry,” he said, “I could be quite sarcastic, but no need to with you or with them. So thank you for the warning as that might help me avoid being rude.”

“No trouble.”

“Heh, wish the same had been true the rest of the day,” Joe chuckled. “At least Pinkie had fun, made her laugh, which is not unusual, and nearly spill her panniers and Spike onto the ground.”

“What was the joke?”

“You remember I said about humans and jousting?”

“Sure.”

“Well, if you are going to have someone trained since boyhood in fighting and wearing armour that’s almost impervious to anything but the best weapons, such as he has, then…” Joe stopped and shook his head. “Like the soldier training, does it speak poorly of us that it was needed or well of us that such a man was supposed to be bound by a code of conduct? One of honourable behaviour, to show courtesy and compassion, to help others, and to protect the weak.”

“Why is that funny?”

“The code was, is, called Chivalry,” Joe smiled. “Named after the Chevaliers, who were named that after the Chevals, the horses, they rode. So Pinkie thought I meant I said I was acting like a horse.”

“And what makes you think you weren’t,” frowned Rainbow Dash with a grin, prodding Joe with one hoof to punctuate her statement.

“Stallion being manipulated maybe,” Joe nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich. “Some protective instincts, which were likely misplaced with how formidable you Ponies are… so was only ‘help others’ rather than ‘protect the weak’.”

“Twilight and Rarity might be at your hut,” said Rainbow Dash after a few moments, adding to the warning that Joe had thanked her for, “and might be getting impatient.”

“The polite thing to do would be to stand up and go there now then,” nodded Joe. Then he took another bite of his sandwich. “But I have pleasant scenery, a sandwich to finish, and pleasant company.” He paused and considered. “A few minutes won’t matter, I wandered for a couple of hours so, even going downhill and directly, I’d not be back there before an hour from now.”

“I could fly ahead,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“I’d appreciate that.”

“Or I could carry you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Joe said, adding when Rainbow Dash frowned, “which is not an insult or a challenge, just comparing your wings with an Eagle.”

“Hah! What sort of Eagle has wings like mine?”

“I can name a few species, but the one I was thinking of was about my height and though its wings were broad and powerful for speed and agility, rather than long and slim for soaring, it still had about twice your wingspan.”

“Whoa, that sounds like a Griffon. Except all Eagle.”

“I’ll admit you’re stronger than they were, since you are so much faster, but I think those Eagles could ‘only’ carry off a human child rather than an adult. So I am not sure you are enough stronger.”

“I bet I am,” said Rainbow Dash, before a thought occurred to her. “Wait, you said ‘was’ and ‘were’… what happened to those Eagles?”

“I also said they could carry off a human child,” Joe replied, “so what do you think happened to them.”

“Oh…” nodded Rainbow Dash. After a pause and a bite of cheese sandwich she spoke again. “Did you hear about the rescue I performed at the Best Young Flyer competition?”

“I think you won it, and you did your Sonic Rainboom, but…”

“Twi had given Rarity some temporary wings, but those burned away as she was performing and, in screaming and flailing, she’d knocked out the three Wonderbolts that tried to catch her,” Rainbow Dash said, gesturing with her hooves as she spoke to show the movements. “I saw this and came down in a dive and, whoosh, caught them just above the ground and looped back up to the arena.”

“Impressive,” said Joe, with a gratifyingly large amount of admiration. Then he nodded. “I expect I do weigh less than three Pegasi and a Unicorn, but truth be told I’d want to use enough rope to secure myself that it would be kinky and you’d have to fly slowly enough that it would be boring for you.”

“I remember being tied up during an Iron Pony contest when I lassoed myself, wasn’t fun,” Rainbow Dash commented, taking the last bite to finish her sandwich before she asked, “But what do you know about flying?”

“One reason humans might come up a hill like this is something called a hang glider. Metal tubes with fabric stretched across them to form a fixed wing and as the name suggests you hang from straps beneath it.”

“So you think you’d be using me as a ‘hang glider’?”

“I think I’d have to be hanging beneath you, though I doubt you’d be gliding.” Joe snorted. “Let’s face it, even if you were the size of Princess Celestia my legs would still be getting in the way of your wings if I tried to ride you.”

“What about the way you carried me yesterday?”

“That was how I carried you, if you were carrying me your forelegs would be pulling up on my neck rather than supported on my shoulders and your rear legs would be trying to slide out rather than your hindquarters being supported, though…” Joe broke off and started chuckling.

“What?”

“One of the common ideas for humans is strapping something onto their back to let them fly,” Joe said, controlling his chuckle. “A rocket pack, or a pair of wings, or something.”

“So you were thinking of strapping me to your back?”

“And chuckling because, somehow, a blue Pegasus never occurred to anyone as the ‘something’.”

“Good,” Rainbow Dash said, taking to the air, “since that does sound kinky.”

“Not really,” protested Joe, finishing his sentence as Rainbow Dash arced away out of earshot, “there are… harnesses for tandem parachute jumps.”

Joe shrugged and finished his sandwich. There had been enough jokes about how closely the experienced jumper and the inexperienced one had to be pressed together that he’d not be able to argue too strongly about the lack of kinkiness. Sandwich eaten, water flask back on his belt, pouch back over his shoulder, and spear back in his hand he started down the slope at an angle to aim for what looked a promising break in the trees.

==

Rarity sat calmly on a cushion on Joe’s porch and tried to not be irritated by how unsettled Twilight Sparkle was. Her friend kept on standing up and pacing back and forth before sitting for a few minutes and then standing and pacing again. She wasn’t sure if Twilight Sparkle was overreacting or not, but working herself up like this would not help them get answers from Joe.

“I can’t believe he was that stupid,” Twilight Sparkle growled.

“Spike?”

“Joe!”

“I…” Rarity began, not sure how she was going to continue. Perhaps remind her friend that this had been Spike’s idea, since Pinkie Pie had not made that as clear when talking to them both. Perhaps argue that Joe looked formidable enough to give Diamond Dogs pause, since Twilight Sparkle had not seen him in armour or in just shorts and socks. Before Rarity could decide there was a swoosh.

“I found him,” said Rainbow Dash, looking a little proud of herself.

“Where?”

“Geez Twilight, take it down a notch. He was half way up that hill,” replied Rainbow Dash, pivoting in the air and pointing, “so even coming straight back he’ll be an hour or so.”

“Thank you for finding him,” Rarity said, “and, I assume, telling him we’d appreciate his return.”

“Not a problem,” nodded Rainbow Dash, “and now to ask him about arrows.”

“Arrows?” Rarity asked, not getting any reply from the rapidly receding Pegasus. She looked to Twilight Sparkle to see if she had an explanation but saw her other friend was already off the porch.

“Come on,” said Twilight Sparkle, adding when Rarity just looked puzzled rather than following, “you’re the one wanting to get back to the boutique. If we go and meet Joe we can get this dealt with sooner.”

Rarity was not so sure as this also gave the chance they’d miss meeting Joe and have that delay them. But Twilight Sparkle was trotting implacably away and in the mood she was in it seemed better to follow and at least try to smooth things over. Even Big Macintosh would return that much aggression and she didn’t think Joe was as calm.

==

The descent of the hill had gone well enough and the ground between it and the trees was firm rather than having any hidden boggy patches, or at least none that Joe had found. It was still a pleasant walk even knowing the probable argument that awaited him at the end of it. For a moment the sky over the trees ahead became more colourful and then the source was flying slowly beside him.

“Hi.”

“Hello again Dash,” Joe said, “I wasn’t expecting your return.”

“You said the company was pleasant.”

“And it is.”

“I told them you were on your way back and how long you’d be.”

“Thanks, hopefully they’ll give up.”

“I don’t know, Twilight looked pretty stubborn.”

“Was a faint hope anyway,” Joe sighed, “and better I talk to Twilight before she complains in a letter again.”

Rainbow Dash gave him a frown, but decided to stick to what she wanted to say. “You didn’t answer my question about arrows yesterday.”

“I probably did when I said they’d be too light and flimsy,” Joe admitted, “which suggests you’d need something sturdier.”

“Only suggests though.”

“Knowing that my not talking about things disappointed Discord does make me feel I should continue to be cautious, even if the questions are being asked by a good-looking girl… or, rather, mare…”

“You think I’m good-looking …” Rainbow Dash started to say, then her eyes narrowed. “are you trying to distract me?”

“Trying,” agreed Joe, having second thoughts about whether he’d rather discuss arrows or the other topic.

“I don’t care what Discord said,” Rainbow Dash argued, not letting herself be diverted, “it’s pretty big-headed of you to think you could change Equestria by sharing what you know.”

“I’d have agreed with you a few days ago Dash,” nodded Joe as they reached the treeline, “but I’d no reason then to stir things up and after the warning I’ve less reason now.”

“I know that expression,” Rainbow Dash said, a quick flurry of wing-strokes whirling her ahead of Joe so she could stare him in the face. Joe had to stop walking and leaned back a little in reaction to the stare. “That’s the way you looked when Fluttershy said you were violent as a predator and you decided to not argue with her. What are you not saying now?”

“Apparently I am not saying about arrows.”

“But you did say about Twilight complaining in a letter, and from what she said Discord didn’t warn you, so I wonder who did.”

“A mystery, since it would be egotistical of me to think I could change Equestria.”

Rainbow Dash hopped up and over Joe, turning as she reached the apex of that inverted U so she was facing the same way as him, a draft going down his back as she flew with her head over his shoulder and one wing behind him. “So you are going to tell me about arrows and the sturdier variety.”

“Because I’ve removed my excuse by agreeing with you it was big-headed,” Joe asked, ticking off the options by raising the thumb and first two fingers on his left hand, “because I should be putty in your hooves and taking the chance to show off, or because that would be a safer subject?”

“All three.”

“Fair enough. What I was thinking of was a Plumbata…”

“A what?”

“Sorry, old word for lead is Plumbum so lead weighted Darts were called Plumbata. About the same length as an arrow but a lot thicker.”

“And that would be better for me to throw?”

“Humans used to throw them… er… at each other. But might be better for you to just drop it, depends on your… I was going to say arm speed.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “My forelegs are strong enough, want to arm wrestle some time?”

“I might surprise you, and I did say speed rather than strength.”

“Difference being?”

“About the closest things to humans on my world are creatures called Chimpanzees, and they have much stronger arms than us. But the way our arms work and how our chest muscles and shoulders are arranged makes us much better throwers.”

“Why would it be better for me to just drop it anyway?”

“You are very fast through the air so even a hard throw would not add much,” Joe replied, swinging his arm, “but might throw off your flying rhythm and mean the dart would be meeting the air at an angle…”

“Gotcha!” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “Want it to be in line with the way I’m flying… wait, is this getting towards you having to admit something?”

“Admit something?”

“About how you are able to talk about flying things dropping things.”

“Oh no, I’d hardly admit that there was only eleven years between inventing aeroplanes and starting to drop things on each other from them. Or that they did actually drop scatters of darts in the early years of that particular war.”

“Naturally you’d not admit that,” Rainbow Dash nodded sagely, “you have to be cautious and not make us think you barbaric. What’s an ‘aeroplane’ anyway?”

“Think of an albatross gliding, except rather than the occasional flap to get speed and lift it has an engine to give forward thrust.”

“Sounds slow,” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Depends how much forward thrust…” started Joe, slipping into conversation as they reached a stream and turned to follow it. He knew this was not being cautious but he didn’t see the harm in talking about how thrust was produced by propellers since, although the power was piston engines rather than magic, those were like the rotor that let Rainbow Dash’s tortoise Tank fly. And there was a hydroelectric dam near Ponyville so turbines were no mystery to them even if they’d not needed to invent the jet engine.

==

Despite Rarity’s complaints, which were more for the sake of form than genuine, Twilight Sparkle was continuing determinedly along the stream bank. This was not a straight path towards the hills but was close enough to it that it seemed likely Joe would follow it. By her estimate they had been walking long enough they should see him within the next few minutes and that estimate seemed accurate as she heard the sound of voices coming from around a small bend in the stream. These seemed cheerful and unconcerned and Twilight Sparkle felt a twinge of irritation at this, sometimes the happiness of others lifted your mood and sometimes it made you wonder what they were so happy about.

“So,” Rainbow Dash said as they came around the bend, “for fun rather than practical you might strap a parachute on…”

“Less kinky than strapping a Pegasus on,” nodded Joe, pushing a branch aside with the flat of his spearhead, “though, as I said, there are tandem harnesses for parachutes.”

“Are you saying you’d strap both on?”

“The speed you fly you’d collapse or shred any parachute if you acted as motor. Either strapped on or towing like those flying chariots.”

“At least towing would be less kinky,” Rainbow Dash frowned, “but you still have all those centuries of horses towing humans to make up for.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Darlings,” Rarity said, interrupting the discussion, “we came to meet you.”

“Rarity, Twilight, hello,” nodded Joe as he stopped walking.

“Hey Rarity, if Joe helped with the design do you think you could make a funny shaped parachute?” Rainbow Dash asked, climbing to above Joe’s head with a couple of powerful wing beats and then losing that altitude in a glide down to her friend. “Something different than the ones for floating straight down?”

“I am not sure I know the design well enough,” Joe commented, glad he’d angled his spear down when they stopped.

“And we have something more important to discuss!” Twilight Sparkle said, floating the backpack into view.

“Not much to discuss,” replied Joe, “Pinkie came to my hut to deliver some buns, Spike arrived and asked for help getting gems, we helped.”

“We are a little concerned that…” Rarity began.

“You took him to near the Diamond Dogs!” interrupted Twilight Sparkle, saying much the same as Rarity had intended to put more politely.

“He said the only place he knew was there,” Joe replied, “I could have called Pinkie’s bluff that they were going to go there without me when I refused, but I did not care to take the risk she was not bluffing.”

“Pinkie Pie did say that it was Spike’s idea,” commented Rarity.

“Joe should still have stopped him,” Twilight Sparkle growled.

“We didn’t stop him when he wanted to follow the Dragon Migration,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, “we just followed to make sure he was safe.”

“It’s not the same,” hissed Twilight Sparkle, “Spike wanted to do that so he could learn more about being a Dragon, it was important to him.”

“I’ll admit I could have argued more,” Joe said, “could have tried to call the bluff, tried to carry Spike back to Ponyville if it had not been a bluff and I had been unable to convince him. But this also seemed important to him and was not my suggestion.”

“And going into the Everfree with the Cutie Mark Crusaders was not your suggestion either,” frowned Twilight Sparkle, “doesn’t mean that agreeing to that was not your mistake.”

“Walking back from Fluttershy’s cottage with you was also not my suggestion,” Joe smiled, his manners fraying, “and that could be considered a mistake with how difficult your questions have made things.”

“My questions? You compare taking foals into danger with having to answer a few questions?”

“More than a few. But you are right.” Joe sighed. “Though at least Spike judged the danger of the Diamond Dogs better than I did the Everfree. He said we’d only go to the edges of their territory, and as it turned out we got some gems and were not attacked.”

“Because you were lucky.”

“Yes.”

“If Spike tries to get you to do this again…”

“Then I’d tell him no, as we were lucky this time.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Joe, she had begun to notice how carefully he sometimes chose his words. She also noticed how much he agreed that they had been lucky and that he had said they had not been attacked rather than that they had not seen any Diamond Dogs. Whether to point this out was another matter as it did seem Twilight Sparkle was calming down a little.

“Darlings,” said Rarity, snagging the backpack with her own magic from Twilight Sparkle’s and floating it to Joe, “I think we can all agree that Joe made a mistake, but that Spike, and Pinkie Pie, put him in an awkward position.

“I suppose so,” Twilight Sparkle admitted reluctantly.

“It was awkward,” agreed Joe, with clear understatement, “but Spike’s heart was in the right place. I still should not have been so… helpful… though so you have my apologies for letting my judgement lapse.”

“Pinkie did mention you had not slept well,” Rarity smiled, more brilliantly than had she only cropping teeth, “so you were tired.”

“Worse than that,” said Joe, looking a little bleary eyed, “the dreams had included ‘heroic warriors’ who’d think nothing of ‘fighting foul beasts for treasure’ and half my brain seemed to be stuck in that mindset. Which is an explanation rather than much excuse.”

“Or any excuse,” Twilight Sparkle growled.

“More excuse with how surreal things can still feel here,” chuckled Joe, “Pegasi and Unicorns and Dragons and talking Pink Ponies, so of course I’m dreaming or playing a game, or so it felt for most of today.”

“Well!” Rarity said. “You can tell us all about these ‘heroic warriors’, or as much as you can on the way back to your hut.” She turned and glanced back along her flank. “Come come, walk and talk.”

“Or fly and… er… fly and…” muttered Rainbow Dash.

“Fly and ply, with questions?” Joe said, starting to walk after Rarity.

“I am not prying,” protested Rainbow Dash, flapping into motion.

“I said ply.”

“Oh.”

“Though fly and pry would be more succinct.”

“Hey!”

Twilight Sparkle shook her head. She was not satisfied with this and she had a lot to talk about with Spike, but Joe seemed repentant enough that she could forgive, if not forget, his stupidity. At least it was only stupidity rather than malice so she did not have to take any drastic action. Hopefully the Princess would be able to give her some advice when she received the letter Twilight Sparkle intended to send as soon as she got home.

Chapter 12

Darkness was falling across Equestria and soon it would be time for her to turn the stewardship of her Ponies over to her sister. Before then Princess Celestia wanted to talk to Luna about the previous night and the letter she had just received. Princess Luna turned from looking at where her moon was becoming more visible and smiled as she saw who was crossing the room towards the balcony on which she stood.

“Tia,” Princess Luna said.

“I’ve had another letter from Twilight Sparkle.”

“More complaints about Joe?” Princess Luna asked. “Thee have that expression on thy face again.”

“He has annoyed her,” nodded Princess Celestia, “but I think I shall not regard that too poorly.”

“Because thy student is easy to annoy when her questions are not answered?”

“Perhaps,” smiled Princess Celestia, floating the letter to her sister, “but was more the quickly added postscript from Spike.”

Princess Luna’s own darker coloured magic took and unrolled the letter and as she read she nodded. “Indeed,” she agreed, “his claiming of blame and that he will speak to Twilight Sparkle further does show some fault was not Joe’s. And thee will have noticed that in her attempt to be fair thy student has mentioned Joe’s claim of being unsettled by dreams.”

“And could he claim that?”

“Some of what I saw in his mind, some of what I steered him towards experiencing so I could understand it through him… if those feelings lingered then he could be influenced towards this sort of mistake.” Princess Luna looked at her sister. “He dreamt vividly of taking risk to fulfil an assigned task, so when he was asked to aid a task some part of him might have felt taking the risk was correct.”

“So you say some fault was ours?”

“Only the most meagre of portions,” snorted Princess Luna, “confusing dream with reality is not something worthy of anyone, but aye. Had I not been acting on him then his rest would have been more peaceful and his ability to resist blandishments, perhaps, stronger.”

“Then, as Spike requests, I shall let Twilight deal with this,” Princess Celestia nodded. “Though that still leaves my other reason to speak with you.”

“To learn what I have understood of Joe through his dreams? I can tell thee now that I doubt his deeds will be of any concern.”

“I agree there are greater matters, but best to dismiss this minor hiccup of Discord’s making so we are not distracted by it.”

“As thee wish Tia, and thy words do make sense,” said Princess Luna. “In Joe’s dreams there was a disturbing amount of pride in the pageant of destruction I saw. Though, in his defence, he approved more where that destruction was in the defence of others and his pride in the deeds of his countrymen is balanced by shame and relief that he is not that ‘strong’.”

“So, you think him no danger?”

“There is an especially unpleasant fiction of grim perpetual warfare which he likes for the simple solutions that offers. If a deed is required, however bloody, then ‘tis done and without debate or moral qualm. This realm of Equestria he likes for the same but opposite reason, that matters can be settled so much without violence and that we are so without warfare and so lacking in grimness. He is like a burrowing creature in a stream, preferring the solid mud of the fiction or the crystal clear waters of here to the murk of mixing one with other.”

Princess Celestia nodded. “Which only says he is no deliberate danger, he can still be disruptive even if… unlike Discord who brought him here… that is not on purpose and would be something he regrets rather than revels in.”

“I think thee overestimate him, even were he to try his utmost thy realm would remain as thee have shaped it.”

“I think you overestimate the stability of Equestria,” Princess Celestia replied sadly, “our realm is peaceful, but it has taken great efforts to guide and nurture our Ponies towards this and the balance is a delicate one.”

“Tia,” said Princess Luna, moving to her sister and placing a forehoof on her neck, “thy efforts would not be so easily put to vain. Thy mercy in allowing the millennia of my exile to pass quicker for me let me avoid the insanity of loneliness, but did not aid thee in thy long years of struggle alone. Trust me in this, my sister, thou hast done good work and thy fatigue should not lead thee into pessimism.”

“I am so glad you are here,” Princess Celestia replied, bringing one of her fore hooves up to press against Princess Luna’s, “and you are right. It has been a struggle, to not do too much or too little, to not coddle them and allow them to fight their own battles rather than depend solely on us.” Princess Celestia gave her sister a smile. “As embarrassing as it was to be ‘defeated’ by a mere Changeling Queen.”

“Near as embarrassing as to have to pretend to not notice an entire invasion,” Princess Luna smiled back, “and then arrive too late and ask witlessly if anything had happened.” She frowned. “Though the suggestions that I could not be that foolish in truth, and therefore it might be conspiracy rather than stupidity do illustrate what thee means about delicate balance.”

Princess Celestia nodded as her sister withdrew her hoof. “And though the Element-Holders, Cadance, and Shining Armour showed courage and determination in the chance given them by my ‘defeat’ and your absence the rest was… disappointing.”

“Indeed,” Princess Luna agreed. “It was difficult to remain ‘unaware’ rather than try to nudge thy plan back to the proper course…”

It had been a simple plan. Rather than focus the power of the sun into incinerating the Changeling Queen, and giving employment to those Ponies who would repair the portions of the wall and floor that had been rendered molten, Princess Celestia had used a simple beam from her horn and pretended surprise and distress and to be overwhelmed. As strong as Shining Armour was for a Unicorn and as much power as the Changeling Queen had drained from him they were limited by the fact that were not a Deity with all the power of the Sun at their command. As surprised as the Changeling Queen had been by her ‘victory’ she had not been surprised or suspicious enough of the impossibility of it.

Pretending weakness and having artfully blackened the tip of her own horn, as if anything hot enough to singe that would not have also incinerated the entire room, Princess Celestia had gasped out to get the Elements of Harmony. Fearful of those the Changeling Queen had sent a horde of her subjects to intercept the Element-Holders and prevent them from reaching them, and sent even more to almost fill the hall where the Elements were stored. And that was where things had gone wrong and Princess Luna had been tempted.

The Changeling army was numerous but not so numerous that diverting that many of them was insignificant. This was the chance for the Royal Guard to rally and counterattack, their Captain might be bedazzled but they had been on alert for an attack so they should have been ready. As the Element-Holders fought their way out of the first ambush, six Ponies defeating several times their number in Changelings, Princess Luna had itched to intervene. To fight at their side and show the Changelings the true power of an Alicorn Goddess or to at least try to rally those that were supposed to defend Canterlot. But she had abided by her sister’s instructions and there had been no counterattack and where the larger, stronger, armed and armoured, and supposedly well trained Royal Guards did encounter Changelings they failed to emulate what the Element-Holders had done.

“…and I did contrast with what I had known before my fall,” Princess Luna concluded.

“Huh?” said Princess Celestia, her expression doing more to ask the question than her voice.

“Thy mercy to let me avoid insanity has perhaps also left my memories fresher of how the Pegasi used to be.”

“They were martial, they needed to learn harmony with the Unicorns and the Earth Ponies.”

“And under your guidance they have formed a wonderful realm, together they are far stronger than had they remained separate.”

“But,” Princess Celestia said more than asked, “they would have fought before?”

“I think so, though I also think they have gained far more than they have lost and are a far happier people.”

“And I think you have more to say.”

“The Crystal Empire, like me lost for a thousand years, and like Canterlot defended ultimately by love.”

“But?”

“But without the millennia of change their martial traditions seem more intact, their love of jousting remains and, had the threat been other than Sombra who had terrorised their minds before, I do wonder if they would have fought valiantly. As our Royal Guards failed to do.”

Princess Celestia sighed. “You realise what you are arguing?”

“I am not arguing anything, Tia. Simply explaining the contrast I had seen.”

“And that contrast proves I was wrong.”

“Oh no,” Princess Luna said, returning her forehoof to her sister’s neck, “that was not what I meant. You have created joy and happiness…”

“Wrong about Joe.”

“I… do not follow thy logic my sister,” Princess Luna frowned.

“If the loss of some of their martial tradition means the Pegasi of our Royal Guard failed to fight,” explained Princess Celestia, “or the Crystal Ponies retaining more of that means they would have fought, then should I have regarded Joe and his knowledge as a threat, or an opportunity?”

“Human traditions would not apply to our Pegasi or other Ponies.”

“But you note how Rainbow Dash has reacted to Joe’s caution about what to say.”

“Perhaps,” Princess Luna said, sounding unconvinced. From the few times she had met the holder of the Element of Loyalty it seemed Rainbow Dash saw challenges in everything, a different Pegasus would likely have accepted humans had warrior traditions and been quietly confident those were not as fine as their own. “But my defence of him was that he liked the peace of this nation and did not wish to spoil it, not that I thought he should be allowed to spoil it. And do not mistake my saying how things differ for saying I prefer the difference.”

Princess Celestia nodded to her sister. “How do you think Joe’s people would have dealt with the Changelings?”

“With much blood and violence, and little love.”

“They are that aggressive?”

“They, like our Ponies, are as their bodies shaped them,” Princess Luna explained, her hoof dropping as she thought. “When a Pony is threatened and flees they can kick at their pursuers while continuing to run. A human cannot flee and fight, they have to turn to face the danger, so they place greater stock than we do in those that hold their ground. And by extension place value on the ground being held and resent any invasion.”

Princess Celestia closed her eyes for a moment. “I do not wish Equestria to change, but I must be certain…”

“Certain of what?”

“Certain of what Joe is,” Princess Celestia continued, opening her eyes and meeting her sister’s gaze, “certain of what he could do…”

“What ‘he is’ is seeking to live peacefully, what he could do is little even if he wanted,” replied Princess Luna. “Joe could tell his stories but they would disgust rather than educate our Ponies and he knows that.”

“I must be certain though,” Princess Celestia nodded. “So we must test this.”

“We?”

“Allow me to also see his dreams, and let us shape them so we can be sure of your answer to my question.”

Slowly Princess Luna nodded. She was already sure but if Tia needed this then she would do all she could to help her sister. “Very well.”

==

Joe lay in bed and looked at the inside of the roof of his hut. The walk back here had not been pleasant as he’d had to be doubly careful. As much as he enjoyed the various games of swords and magic and the like he had some qualms of the morality of killing things and taking their stuff unless that was provoked. So he felt it unlikely these Ponies would feel it moral at all. He’d also not known how much and what Spike had said so he’d needed to gloss over the dangers and try to speak more of the mining methods.

He was sure that in the morning he’d realise all the mistakes he’d made in what he’d said and all the ways in which he could have balanced honesty and caution better but for now it was time to sleep. He’d bid the three mares goodnight and had gone through his nightly routines and was weary after the combination of disturbed sleep and less restful day than expected. Joe relaxed and tried to slow his mind, succeeding and drifting off into sleep. He twitched in his bed as the blur inside his mind began to take shape into a dream.

A great cathedral stretched out around his mental eye, the edges and some details fuzzy as it had been years since he’d visited this place, years since the events unfolding had occurred, and as happy as he was for the couple he’d not paid much attention even at the time. He felt a sensation as if others were watching and were surprised by the jacket the bridegroom was wearing, as if it was some coincidence, but then his own feeling of being an outside observer vanished as he began to just experience rather than watch events.

The bridegroom was the oldest child of the oldest child of a pleasant looking human woman looking at him and his bride-to-be with pride, a tug of enquiry and information flashed that this made the bridegroom second in line to his Grandmother’s throne after his father. A priest was droning and dignitaries were trying to look attentive for watching cameras… pictures and sound were being sent to many outside the cathedral as this was a Royal Wedding… and a feeling of rising triumph began to be felt. Love, so much love, was being focussed on this couple by their families and by crowds waving flags outside and by those listening and watching the service through the transmissions and this was reaching its peak.

Interruption! Doors swing open and a burly red-haired human burst in, an expression as if he’d have driven his head through the doors if they were locked on his face, and men in uniform with him. Other men in uniform try to block their entrance and there is confusion as people and cameras turn to look. An old grim looking human stands and demands to know what is going on, the bridegroom protests that he had told his brother not to attend after all the trouble he had been causing with wild accusations. Then the brother gestures and a dirty but recognisable woman steps out from behind him to level her finger at the bride and accuse her of being an imposter. A dazed look came to the bridegroom’s face as he struggled to understand. His grandfather looked between the newcomer and the one at the altar, his expression becoming even grimmer. And the newcomer continued and said the obvious thing would be to say something that only her and her fiancé knew, but most of those would make him blush, like he did when…

The ‘woman’ at the altar interrupted and screeched ‘enough’, magic erupting around her and some of the Guards and Dignitaries, and this magic clearing to reveal Changelings. Another feeling of others watching rather than dream just flowing as those others note these look different, shaped more like humans than Ponies, but still recognisably the same. The unmasked Changeling Queen declares that if they cannot take by deceit they will take by force, and… and then her cackling is interrupted as the Grandfather takes a few quick strides, defying his age and then defying her by punching her in the face. This breaks the paralysis of shock and the Guards that had entered with the brother spring on those that had tried to stop them and whose true form could now be seen. One Guard growls to the brother to help his Grandfather, sir, and the red-haired human begins charging down the aisle.

With a swing of her arm the Changeling Queen knocked the Grandfather flying backwards. The Grandmother, the Queen, cried the name of her husband of several decades but then her expression changed to one as determined as her red-haired Grandson’s and she snapped to ‘get her’. A wobble passed through the images as where people were sitting could not be remembered, but then these firmed again as the front row sprang to obey their monarch, or their mother or grandmother. Information flashed of centuries of Royalty and Nobility leading the charge, repaying their status in life with service, fighting and dying alongside their soldiers rather than simply sending them to their deaths like politicians.

The Grandfather snarled to those hurrying to his side to never mind him, to protect the Queen. Humans flooding out of the cathedral and Guards that had entered with the brother manage to get the real bride to safety, despite her protests, as they were still near that door. A knot of people form around the Queen and her husband and begin to escort them out, a slight wobble as try to remember if dress swords worn, and the brother is fighting against the flow and getting closer while the groom just stands there in a daze still. Changelings flood into the cathedral to cut off the retreating knot and herd the fleeing people outside, several interpose themselves between the red-haired human and their Queen. The Changeling Queen made threats and demanded surrender and the human Queen told her they would personally surrender, as her prisoners, but would not surrender their country. More threats and more obstinacy…

Outside the crowds have thinned as they are evacuated and the last of those inside reach safety, the Guards outside have slotted different metal boxes into what they were carrying… flash, loaded their guns with live ammunition, image of expanding propellant driving bullets down barrels… Changelings start to fly and walk out of Cathedral, a call of command, a crackling, and those bullets begin to shoot the Changelings to pieces. An idle observation from a watcher about the strange hats, a flash of other humans, elite soldiers from a different country, fighting and dying in bloody mud, finally surrendering though they had never before. The humans from this country taking the hats of the fallen elite and those becoming part of their uniform in remembrance, and the uniform of that time becoming the ceremonial uniform though they carried the same guns as they had, or would, on active service.

Other Changelings reveal themselves further afield and try to panic the humans. Some do run, but others tell the Changelings to do anatomically impossible things to each other or themselves. Not impressed by these invaders when almost nine hundred and fifty years since the last time they were conquered. Police responding and a slight flash of pride that most police still did not carry guns. Changelings advancing and ignoring warnings, small plastic gun-like objects raised and darts fired trailing wires behind, electricity through wires into darts and Changelings fall. Other police taking canisters from belts and spraying into Changeling faces to irritate and temporarily blind. Still others relying on humanity’s simplest weapon, though in this case they preferred to call it a truncheon rather than a stick or club.

More humans joining the fight, civilians getting their own improvised weapons and Police being called in from surrounding areas. Activity at other buildings and soldiers in combat uniforms, rather than ceremonial, begin to deploy from their barracks to help their friends. The images wobbled again from uncertainty exactly where the barracks were and how many soldiers would be there rather than already deployed for the ceremonial, then wobbled more violently as seeing the body armour reminded of wondering if the Canterlot Royal Guard also had Kevlar rather than steel. The observers dampened this wobbling before it could divert the images and return the feeling of knowing it was a dream.

Changelings abandon open conflict and return to disguising themselves as humans. Police continuing to channel civilians to safety, crowd control barriers slewed around as checkpoints, people being funnelled down into underground railway stations for trains or simply to be out of the way. Barking and snarling at one checkpoint, handler puzzled what has upset his dog, other police approach man who dog is straining and growling towards. The Changeling panicked and reverted to its true appearance. It had had the look of a human but not the smell and so Man’s oldest and most faithful ally proved his worth again. To the police dog’s mind the solution to that contradiction between eyes and nose had been simple, bite strange thing until it smell like dead thing and not look like human, and it did not seem to have changed its mind when the Changeling changed its form. Fortunately for the Changeling it was instead stuck by two of the dart-and-electricity weapons and the humans began to debate over its fallen form how effective the restraints they carried would be as the handler praised and calmed his companion.

The Changeling Queen started a fresh tirade as things began to go so badly, another wobble of uncertainty in the images about if she was linked to the other Changelings and could feel the deaths and injuries. Or whether she just knew what was happening to any Changeling that tried to leave the Cathedral or reach her with news of what was happening. In either case she would be frustrated and angry and more than ready to resume issuing threats, so with that certainty the images firmed up again. The bridegroom still standing at the altar in a daze as his grandmother and his relatives were threatened, his brother glowering at the Changeling Queen as she ranted and their father and uncles and aunt and cousins formed a protective cluster around their matriarch and patriarch. Focussing on the brother the Changeling Queen blustered that it would have worked, that it would have been perfect and she would have become invincible, but she could not meet his eyes as the rage and anger in them were the opposite of the love she had wanted to absorb.

A flash of elite special forces and infiltration and hostage rescue missions, another of men creeping across rooftops and along ropes onto the cathedral roof and through doors there. Those men looking down on the scene and muffled conversations through the boxes they carried about how to make sure of their targets. Knowing which were captive and which were captors could be difficult enough if they were simply dressed alike or had been forced to switch clothes and the hostage takers had mixed their people and those they were holding. Here it was even worse as these enemies seemed able to assume any appearance and all of those standing guard looked like Guardsmen, so which were Changelings and which might be friendlies forced to stand there through threats to those they were sworn to protect.

Inspiration! Though the images wobble with uncertainty that would work or be thought of, then firm without intervention by the watchers as faith in the special forces asserts itself. A man looks through goggles and sees heat, the Changelings showing a different temperature and pattern, and especially compared with the genuine Guardsman in his long insulating coat. The targets are marked and, with what sounds a single retort, a volley of heavy high-velocity bullets blow huge holes in the Changeling guards. The real Guardsman takes cover and some of the hostages, most of the Royals, react and flatten themselves. A second volley kills some false hostages, finishes the Changeling guards, and strikes at the Changeling Queen. She’d the few moments of warning and with the power she’d already absorbed managed to protect herself enough she was only wounded and staggered.

With a roar the red-haired human sprang towards her and tackled her the rest of the way down while she was off balance. Then he wrapped his hands around her throat and brawny forearms flexed as he began to throttle her. This did not trouble the Changeling Queen as much as it would most foes and she grew and squirmed beneath him, her throat rippling to spoil his grip and a forearm shifting into what the observers recognised as similar to the horn Chrysalis had. She swept this jagged edged spike in and through the brother’s calf, heaving him up with her as she rose, his weight dragging him around the wound to dangle head first from her arm-horn.

The Changeling Queen was now at least half again as tall as him and she straightened and shifted her arm to bring the brother up so she could look into his face. She began to hiss about him daring to lay hands on her but he spat in her face and snarled God save the Queen, my Granny. Before the Changeling Queen could recover from her shock and sheer paralysing rage ropes dropped from the gallery above her and men slid down ropes. One called out here, sir, and threw something. The red-haired human twisted on the support of the Changeling Queen’s arm-horn, widening the wound and ignoring the pain, and caught the handgun. Then he sent a full clip of bullets from it into her upper chest and neck, from too close and with too much surprise for her to protect against, her attempt to fling him away coming too late but sending him flying to hit the man who’d thrown him the gun. The Changeling Queen fell and the human Queen quickly ordered ‘prisoners’ before her troops decided to make sure of kills with point-blank fire.

Panic! Either through a link to their Queen or hearing the announcements on the human news. Some try to take to the skies and are met by human machines that fly like Rainbow Dash’s tortoise, Police helicopters mounting cameras that can ‘see’ in heat as well as normal light. A slight wobble of images as not sure any were deployed or could have reached the skies in time but then the feeling that his dream so it will work, dammit, and chunkier helicopters painted in olive brown and bristling with weapons arrive. A flash of information that the red-haired human trained to fly those and flew them in combat, but then the images almost break apart. He saw combat after his brother’s wedding but could he recover well enough from that leg wound to…the observers clamp down on that chain of thought to see what bloodiness the humans would now unleash.

Humans riding inside the army helicopters look at the Changelings and the guns under the ‘chins’ of those swivel to follow where the humans look. Then the guns are triggered in short controlled bursts of no more than a second or two. Changelings began to fall from the sky, though only those with the reactions to dive for the streets were recognisable. With the power of the projectiles being fired and how many were fired in even that scant time those Changelings that were struck fell as shredded remains rather than corpses. The Changelings that had escaped instant death began to be tracked by both sets of helicopters.

On the ground below the army and police were also cooperating. There were not enough dogs and not enough thermal goggles to be sure so the humans began babbling what sounded like nonsense to the observers but, unlike the Changelings, they gained the flash of information that these were phrases from history or entertainment. Larger groups had to be kept under guard for checking but individuals could be challenged and given the chance to finish the phrase. Some Changelings were smart enough to take subtly different human forms and pretend to not speak the language, but that just meant they had to wait for the dog or thermal scan. And some of those ‘Changelings’ were genuine foreigners so the images shuddered with cynicism about how some humans would cry racism in an attempt to advance their own political aims.

Other Changelings don’t pretend to be human and choose to fight rather than hide, their forms shifting to blend with the walls and allow them to cling to those above the line of sight of the human searchers. Narrow alleyways which the helicopters cannot see into and men having to sweep, and then being pounced on from above. Arm-horns forming and slashing into soldiers and police, truncheons swinging back and knives… bayonets… flashing and stabbing and cutting as in such close quarters the solders decline to fire the guns these are fixed to. Then medics rushing in to treat the wounded, both human and Changeling, and stabilise them to be removed to hospitals. A flash of doctors getting annoyed with the questions from other humans when they are trying to treat their patients. But could the Changelings heal with their shapeshifting abilities, could they be sure all those assumed dead actually were, did Police anti-stab vests work better against the Changeling attacks than the Army anti-bullet/shrapnel vests?

The human search teams swiftly learn, the soldiers were trained in street to street fighting and some had recent combat experience of this. Even where there were no fire escapes or windows for enemies to jump from or drop or fire things from they knew now they needed to keep a watch skywards and how well these enemies could hide themselves from the naked eye. So they made their eyes not naked and made sure that where a helicopter could not see they were using thermal imaging, some requisitioned from fire fighters, to check. Gunfire crackled as ambush after ambush was spoiled and Changelings fell wounded rather than being able to pounce. Others of these began to flee before they were shot and being driven from the alleyways were able to be tracked by the helicopters. Or fired on where the streets were broad and the army helicopters could take advantage of there being no parked or abandoned cars since traffic had been cleared for the Royal Wedding procession.

Even more frantic the Changelings flee, down manholes into sewers and into tunnels that carried cables and pipes, through whatever entrances they could find into the far larger tunnels that carried the underground trains, and into the parks and the cover of the trees. The last of those had less luck as one reason the police helicopters had thermal imaging was that you could see better through trees with it and their crews well used to guiding people on the ground to the fugitives. Some Changelings made for lakes and ponds and forced those to be surrounded and the humans to weigh the lives of the fish against the simple solution of throwing some grenades in to explode and flush the Changelings out.

But as ably as the humans searched and closed off escape routes there was one path that was far more difficult to block. The very reason why their city had been built there and grown over two millennia, after the false start of being founded by invaders and burnt by a native rebellion, was the river that flowed through it and the trade this could carry. The docks had moved downstream and the river had been channelled and narrowed by embankments but it still wove its way east and west. It was still broad and deep where Changelings dove into it from banks and bridges, their forms shifting to become more dolphin like and causing a flash of very mild regret the river was now so clean. Had it still been as polluted or raw sewage still been being dumped into it then this would have been a less pleasant swim for the Changelings.

It was the turn of the observers to cause the images to wobble as they were the ones unsure if that was possible or if these Changelings were being confused or combined with others. Flying was fine as the Changelings had done that in Canterlot and the arm-horns had seemed plausible since Changelings had been able to gain or lose horns and wings in looking like Pegasi or Earth Ponies or Unicorns. But they dismissed their concerns and went back to watching as the Changelings swam, some upstream and some downstream towards the sea. Humans reported what they had seen and to the east men worked in a control room and vast machines slowly turned to raise a barrier, intended to protect against tidal surges and flooding but at least a hindrance to the escape.

Police boats began searching as humans debated whether devices intended to detect underwater ships would be any use and had the same debate, writ large, as had those beside the lakes and ponds about using explosives. There was a danger if any Changelings escaped, which it seemed they would. What would the sort of spot checks needed to find them do to civil liberties? What if they could learn to make their masquerade better, how would they be detected if they became able to fool thermal cameras and dogs and knew enough to respond to catchphrases? What could be learned from the corpses and prisoners and where would the prisoners be kept? Would this be more a prisoner-of-war camp or more a zoo? What rights should these prisoners have? They could talk so it seemed civilised to extend the same conventions to them as to humans, but it could be argued this was not a legal obligation.

As the debate continued and became messy the observers retreated, one highlighting Joe’s mixture of pleasure that morals were being considered and frustration that it was not simpler and the other agreeing that confirmed what had been said before. They let Joe withdraw from his own dream as well and soon the images had faded with the end of this.

==

The two Alicorns looked at each other as their perceptions returned to their bodies. Then the smaller spoke, quoting herself. “Blood and violence, and little love.”

“But some mercy,” replied Princess Celestia to her sister, in the tone of someone trying to be fair. “They did not hesitate to use the weapons they had, but if the Changelings survived or surrendered they were taken prisoner and given medical care.

“Which is only Joe’s dream and opinion, perhaps not the truth,” Princess Luna countered.

“Does that matter? It is Joe we are judging and knowing he thought his people should act that way says much of him. For good or ill.”

“A fair point, my sister,” nodded Princess Luna. “Do what thee must and then show what mercy thy can.”

There was a brief silence as they thought more about what they had seen. The power of the weapons was insignificant compared with the power of their magic but there had been no wobble in Joe’s dreams when he expected the humans would fight and be stubborn. He might be wrong but he had been confident and they had felt examples from history lurking on the edge of the dream.

“I wonder what he thinks of how we dealt with the Changelings,” Princess Celestia mused.

“I do not think he knows,” replied Princess Luna, “but I think as much thought as he hast given it he assumes Our Royal Guards fought and the magic of Cadance and Shining Armour tipped the balance rather than being the victory entire.”

“Which comes back to how he regards the world differently, if there are soldiers and they have been alerted he assumes they would be significant.”

“And tis not an assumption unfair, since is the same as what we both had thought.”

Princess Celestia nodded. “I think we have learned enough from dreams, my sister,” she decided. “Let Joe sleep and recover and we shall see what actions we need to judge him by instead, once there can be no excuse of tiredness or an unsettled mind.”

“Agreed,” said Princess Luna, nodding back, “though we may have learned more than you yet realise.”

“How so?”

“The start of the dream was as we shaped it, to be as things happened here where the Changeling Queen revealed herself and her subjects descended on Canterlot openly.”

“Which was more unfortunate for them in that dream, since here they were not slaughtered for it.”

“But you note, my sister, that when we let Joe’s mind build from that start that the Changelings began to also be more deadly,” Princess Luna continued. “To use their ability to change their appearance to confuse and ambush and hide.”

“He assumes victory,” nodded Princess Celestia thoughtfully, “which may be no more true than anything else in his dream, but he does not assume it would come without problems.”

“He assumes competence on both sides,” Princess Luna said, making a slight correction before continuing. “I do wonder how well our Royal Guards would have fared had they fought and had Chrysalis’ Changelings fought back with intelligence.”

“Unicorn magic would have unmasked them,” replied Princess Celestia, giving her sister a slight smile as she went on, “or Cadance sending a wave of love to overwhelm them so they lost control and reverted to their other appearance.” Then she winked as her smile broadened. “As would have been the plan if they had done that…” Then the smile vanished and Princess Celestia sighed. “And if she had not needed to combine her magic with Shining Armour’s to expel the Changelings rather than, as you put it, ‘tip the balance rather than being the victory entire’.”

There was another brief silence.

“Rest now, my sister,” Princess Luna finally said. “If Joe needs sleep after a mere two nights of unrest so he is not unsettled or tired then so do thee after this night.” She smiled to her sister. “And I doubt thee have yet caught up on a millennium of missed sleep in the scant years since I was returned so thy efforts could return to encompassing the day alone.”

Chapter 13

Joe staggered outside with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and slumped down onto the cushions against the wall. He didn’t know what he’d been dreaming about but he did not feel like trying to go back to sleep. The sky was very grey still with only the merest hint of a coming dawn and he was tired but he was also scared. Whatever the dream had been it had dredged up memories and feelings, like gas bubbling up from a swamp or lake to suffocate or poison everything around it, and he did not want to relax and let those ambush him.

Suddenly this morning he was more homesick than he had been in a long time. Something had reminded him of how far away he was.

When he was alone he could pretend to himself that he was just on holiday somewhere, he was just ‘roughing it’ in a hut in a National Park and when he felt he had stayed long enough he just had to walk to a pick-up point and return home. Walking in the Everfree was surreal enough to feel like a game, even if he lacked the magic those often allowed, and dangerous enough that he needed to concentrate rather than being able to brood. At Sweet Apple Acres the chores were quite normal feeling even if they’d been given him by talking Ponies and those were who owned the farm.

Joe wondered if this was Discord’s fault. Giving unhappy rather than bizarre dreams was perhaps not his style, though some trickster gods did speak and advice in dreams, but it was only the day before yesterday that he’d admitted his involvement. That Joe had learned what had gone wrong with the spell and how impossible it would be to reverse it, and that his hopes of the latter had been dashed. So maybe it was…maybe it was… Joe’s head slumped.

“Joe?”

“Hrh?” Joe replied, feeling from the crick in his neck he must have dozed. He glanced at the far lighter looking sky and then at the small Purple Dragon who had awoken him. “Spike, hello.”

“You okay?”

“More dreams,” shrugged Joe, “I don’t remember them, but I didn’t feel like going back to sleep. Seems I did though.” Seeing Spike was still standing and looking worried Joe waved a hand. “Ah, sit down. What brings you here this early?”

“I came to say sorry,” Spike said, sitting on a different set of cushions.

“Could be worse,” said Joe reassuringly, gradually waking up but still not as able to choose his words, “we could be dead or enslaved, or I could have got my balls fried off by Twilight… zap, sizzle, ow.”

“You weren’t very honest with her,” Spike pointed out, not disputing the ball frying. Joe blinked at him a few times in sleepy puzzlement. “You told her that we were lucky and we weren’t attacked by Diamond Dogs.”

“Because we were lucky,” nodded Joe, “and we weren’t attacked.” He closed his eyes. “Right now I am too kna…” Joe paused as even in his state he wondered about the implications of saying you were knackered in a country of talking horses. “I am too tired to care, so tell her what you want.” He opened his eyes and looked into Spike’s face. “If she gets angry with me then that’s better than denting your relationship with her.”

Spike nodded and they sat in silence for a short time, the Dragon beginning to wonder if the human had managed to fall asleep with his eyes open. Eventually though Joe stretched and shifted position to sit more upright. He rubbed at one eye with the heel of a hand and gave Spike a smile.

“Did Rarity at least like the gems?” Joe asked.

“She was delighted,” smiled Spike, “gave me a kiss on the cheek.”

“Good going,” Joe nodded. “A fine and pretty Pony-lass.”

“Do… do you like her?” asked Spike, sounding rather hesitant.

“I like her,” Joe said, “but I don’t like-like her, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good, I mean okay, I mean…”

“I know what you mean, but don’t worry. I’d not stick my spoon in your porridge even if I had like-liked her.” Joe gave Spike a wink. “Maybe if I like-like-liked her, or it might take like-like-like-like.”

“Are there any Ponies you like-like?”

“Difficult question,” Joe said, yawning and sleepy enough to be talkative. “You’re used to Ponies, but as attractive as I think they are, and as much as I like some of them as people, that is brain. Other parts of me aren’t responding, and I’m pretty sure it’s not just I am missing clues.” He paused and then chuckled. “Which in some conversations would have been your cue to elbow me and say ‘dude, she’s like… really into you, man’ and me to look gormless and say ‘no way’, or maybe dismiss it as being childish imagination.”

“Hey!”

“Hmm? Oh, sorry. No idea how old you actually are, or how old that would be for a Dragon, or Pony, but if I close my eyes or aren’t looking at you then you sound like a nice lad, about to have all your hormones go whacky and hair and other things sprout.”

“What?”

“Humans go through a surly phase,” smiled Joe, “born and grow for a while and get on fine, normally, with their parents. Then a lot of changes, including to the brain, as we have a growth spurt and sexually mature and think everyone older or younger than us are stupid. And then that finishes and we, normally, start getting on better with our parents again.”

“Not just humans,” Spike admitted, “I met some Dragons who were a bit older than me and larger, and they were… er…”

“Scornful of you? Inclined to stupid risks and dares?”

“You got it.”

“Sorry they were not nicer, though at least it shows I wasn’t being completely stupid. And I wasn’t meaning any insult.”

Spike nodded. “I know you weren’t, you just sounded like Shining Armour for a moment there.”

“Ah, the joy of a big brother and what he thinks is an annoying little squirt?”

“He and Twilight had always been very close and done things together, then she hatched me and became Princess Celestia’s student the same day…”

“Quite the upheaval,” Joe nodded, “tough for him, but good for you as you got a fine… big sister?”

“Big sister works,” agreed Spike.

“Got a fine one in Twilight,” Joe continued, “though if she loved you a little less then she’d not have been so pi… annoyed with me.”

“She was pretty angry.”

“At least it seems she might be the only one I have a problem with,” Joe said, adding with a chuckle, “only the student of a Sun Goddess and one of the most powerful Unicorns in Equestria, such a small thing to worry about.”

“You shouldn’t be that worried, she’s not a violent Pony.”

“Ah, but magic can have subtlety. Could do something less severe but more embarrassing,” smiled Joe, “though could just be I am not as used to magic as being worried about big brother Big Macintosh trampling me into a stain for endangering Apple Bloom. But he left it to Granny Smith to trample me with words and she seemed satisfied with the result. Not seen Applejack since the few days ago, but she seemed fine so hopefully no hoof in my squishy parts from her when I stop by Sweet Apple Acres today.”

“Rarity doesn’t seem upset with you either,” Spike reassured him.

“She was acting as peacemaker yesterday,” nodded Joe, “and seemed happy for Sweetie Belle and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders to spend time with me the day before. And I’ve never met Sweetie Belle’s parents or Scootaloo’s but if they are holding a grudge then at least they weren’t angry enough to come and say something or to have forbidden their daughters from seeing me. So it does seem only Twilight I have to appease.”

“She wrote a letter to the Princess last night.”

“Crap.”

“But I did speak to her before she wrote it, and I added a P.S. to it to say how much it was my fault.”

“Thanks for that,” Joe smiled, “though I still have to wonder if I should avoid your ‘big sister’ or not.”

“Avoid her?” asked Spike, sounding surprised.

“Pinkie warned me of machines that go ‘ping’ and the less I have to do with Twilight the less there is for her to put in a letter.”

“Her friends do also write to the Princess, you know.”

“Oh,” Joe said, then he shrugged. “But they might not be as inclined to… though… hmm.” Joe shook his head. “With how close they are with each other if I annoy any of them they’d mention it to Twilight and then she might mention it in a letter.”

“Why are you so worried about the letters?”

“Let’s just say that if I am told I have to leave Ponyville, which I have been warned of the chance of, then was a pleasure to have known you.”

“Oh.”

“But I do owe Twilight a lot,” Joe sighed, looking around. “She helped me with leasing this land and having this hut built, answered a lot of stupid questions I had, and she helped treat my wounds, so I should risk the machines that go ‘ping’ and answer her questions. Hope that if she does write to Princess Celestia about things then a happy letter would be better than no letter about me.”

“You don’t like attention much do you?”

“Not really, though was more cowardice. Things were quiet and I wasn’t having to think about things, which I’ll certainly have to do once your ‘big sister’ begins her questioning.” Joe chuckled again. “Or I can go back to saying ‘talking horsie, talking horsie’.”

“‘Talking horsie’?”

“Was a shock to wake up in a bed in Canterlot being spoken to by a Pony, and wasn’t the best first impression of my intellect I could have given.”

“I don’t think that will work on Twilight.”

“Actually I’d hope not, was accidental the first time and as inconvenient as it might be I’d hope she thinks I am at least a little smarter than that.”

“How smart are you?” Spike asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Smart enough to know your ‘big sister’ and Fluttershy have fed me doggy-kibble, and that I owe them both gratitude for that. So I should go and talk to Fluttershy sometime as well. Discord arriving changed the subject to what he had done and why rather than what Fluttershy had wanted to say to me. So I should make sure she’s not still upset with me or scared of me after the Manticore business.”

Spike nodded, embarrassed that Joe knew about the kibble and agreeing that Joe should speak to Fluttershy. Though he had noticed that Joe had not answered the question and had changed the subject. “Good thing she didn’t see you threatening the Diamond Dogs.”

“True, and visiting her was something I could have done rather than visit them,” Joe replied with a smile. “Or something I could have done rather than go for a walk in the hills.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “Better make it today, but better make it this evening after I’ve had a nap. Or two, one before I go to Sweet Apple Acres and one between that and her.”

“I’ll let you sleep then,” said Spike, adding, “rather than actually answer how smart you are.”

Joe grinned to him. “Probably just smart enough compared with Twilight to be able to say ‘talking horsie’.”

With that Joe rose and wandered back into his hut. Spike heard the click of the latch and also stood, hopping down off the porch and beginning to scurry back to Ponyville on his rather short legs. As he reached a bush he heard a rustle and for a moment fear this was a Diamond Dog gripped him, this swiftly replaced by relief and a little less fear as Twilight Sparkle stepped out into view.

“So,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Spike a slight frown as she looked down at him, “Joe had to threaten Diamond Dogs?”

“Oh, hi Twilight… I was just heading back for my morning chores.”

“And I’ll let you do them, as well as answer my question.”

“We, er, did see three.”

“Only three?”

“There were more in the bushes, heard a couple more…”

“Go on.”

“And, er, Joe threatened them. He told their leader would be a bad day for Joe if he had to kill him, but a worse day for the leader being dead.”

“I am surprised that worked, all the stories suggest they would take that as an invitation to fight.”

“Joe did agree they could have a fifth of the gems we mined…”

“Even so.”

“And, er, he… when we were leaving and they tried to demand more gems…”

“Go on.”

“Offered to move his spearhead,” Spike blushed, “when he’d already brought the edge of it to, er… almost rest against the leaders… er.”

Spike vaguely gestured and Twilight Sparkle blinked as she understood, and realised she’d not really noticed the spear Joe was carrying yesterday. She’d seen he was carrying it but had been so annoyed with him she’d not paid attention to it. “Well,” she said finally, “that does sound, ah, effective.”

“Joe did say that he’d have thrown up afterwards,” Spike added hurriedly, “and that he was trying to say what a soldier or hero in the sort of armour he had would be saying…”

“It’s alright Spike, I’m not going to get him in trouble with the Princess, not deliberately at least and not about this. Though sometime I will have to see what he looks like in armour and how he managed to impress a Diamond Dog.”

“He said he’d answer your questions.”

“I know, I heard. And if he says ‘talking horsie’ I shall have Pinkie Pie tickle him.” Twilight Sparkle paused, a sparkle matching her name and cutie mark coming to her eye. “Or I could threaten him with that and see if that makes him wear the armour.”

==

Joe groped about and then sighed to himself as he realised he’d woken so disorientated he was trying to reach for the clock he’d used to have on his bedroom table. That was something he had not done for a long time, and he wasn’t even sure he’d ever done it since arriving in Equestria. He wondered if that showed how bad the last few days had been and then wondered if he should just go back to sleep. With a groan he got out of bed and decided to just feel glad he’d not dreamed any during the nap.

He washed and dressed and took the short walk to Sweet Apple Acres. As many bits as Princess Celestia had granted him and as cheaply as he’d been living he didn’t need to work much. His only major expenses had been the hut and freehold and then the armour and weapons. Joe knew himself well enough though to know if he just sat at home he’d soon decline so even if the bits were not greatly needed the company and exercise were. Approaching the farm he saw a well muscled orange Mare waiting for him.

“Applejack, howdy,” Joe said, letting his greeting be influenced by the hat on top of the literal ponytail. Something he had mentioned and which Applejack had found funny.

“Joe, ah’m right glad to see you,” replied Applejack.

“I would have been pleased enough with just glad,” Joe smiled, “so ‘right glad’ is right good to hear.”

“Are you pulling one of mah four legs again? And ah mean the number not the front before you make that joke as well.”

“Sorry,” Joe said, leaning lightly against the fence, “as I’ve said…”

“Ah know, y’all heard mah accent in movies and suchlike and got used to putting it on among friends.”

“It does work both ways,” Joe winked, taking more trouble with his diction for a moment, “humans with your accent do think we all speak like this.”

“Ah’m sure they do.”

“So, what can I do for you today?” Joe asked.

“Not sure I should ask you to do anything today,” frowned Applejack, “as tired as you look.”

“And this is after a nap,” Joe smiled.

“Don’t get me wrong, you ain’t looking as bad as ah did when ah tried to buck an entire bumper crop…”

“But?”

“But though was mah own stubbornness not accepting help with that ah think ah was looking pretty bad when ah came to help people. Don’t want to let folks down and ah’d have said ah was fine if they’d asked…”

“But?” Joe asked again, smiling.

“But they didn’t ask, and ah made mistakes because ah was so tired. And being stubborn to help them and not accept help mahself.”

“Truth be told,” Joe admitted, “I’m feeling awake enough at the moment but I’m not sure how long it will last.”

“That’s settled then. And ah was going to ask you this anyway, but if you feel it will help make up fah no chores today then you can cut yourself that slack. Day after tomorrow ah have to go to the Crystal Empire, so could you look after Winona for me?”

“I could, we get on well, but why me? You’ve your sister and brother and granny.”

“Granny Smith and Big Macintosh have their own chores and Winona can get a little wild if she don’t get her exercise so ah’d rather not leave her to Apple Bloom. Ah’m not saying they’d not manage between them but as ah can ask you ah am.”

“And I’m certainly willing to look after Winona,” Joe smiled, “or do some chores so your family can spend more time on her.”

“Either would work, though ah’m not sure there’d be many chores you could do. Granny Smith would be doing some right tricky stuff while she was here and ah don’t think she’d need your company into and around Ponyville for her errands there. With Big Macintosh ah’m not sure you’re strong enough to do any of the things he was going to do.”

“Fair enough, though I might be able to help if not do instead. I was surprised how strong your brother was, if he wasn’t exaggerating about being able to just loosen a tree and pull it from the ground…”

“He weren’t exaggerating.”

Joe nodded. “But he had an easier time of it when I did some digging and cutting of roots, so I can be useful.”

“Ah’m not denying it, and though Granny won’t want you in her kitchen ah’m sure you and Big Macintosh will work out how to divide things up so you can do some work rather than just playing with mah Dog.”

“Why are you going to the Crystal Empire anyway? Opening up a new market for your fine apples?”

“Ever hear of the Equestria Games?”

“I’ve heard of Equestrian Events, but…”

“But not the same thing, if this is more of your people riding around on mah cousins. Ah’m taking about a big sporting occasion that rolls around every few years and which places compete to host.”

“I know what that sounds like,” Joe chuckled, “and there are Equestrian Events at our Olympic Games.”

“Olympic? Ah didn’t think that was the name of your country or world.”

“Though it’s only been going for a hundred and something years it was named after Games from more than a couple of thousand years ago, and those were named after the home of their Gods.”

“Sounds right complicated, ah think ah prefer our idea.”

Joe considered mentioning the Commonwealth Games as those had a similarly straightforward name. Then he imagined having to explain what the Commonwealth was and what it used to be called. He doubted the Crystal Empire had the second part of its name for the same reason as why the straightforward name used to be the Empire and Commonwealth Games.

“So, you’re going to supply the athletes with apples?” Joe guessed.

“Ah’m going there with the others to help their bid for hosting, though ah admit ah’m not right sure why. Willing to help out an’ all and ah like Twilight’s brother and her former babysitter, but ah’d think the games inspector would be a mite more impressed if the Crystal Ponies were doing the greeting and touring and welcoming of her themselves.”

“Sounds less corrupt than the Olympic hosting process, been rather a lot of bribery sometimes with how much prestige it brings.”

“Sometimes you sound right cynical, Joe.”

“Sometimes I feel it,” Joe admitted, then he added with a smile, “but even with the muckiness and people trying to use it there is still a lot to be proud of and the core of dreams and honest competition.”

“Your people ever hosted your version?”

“Three times, and it was only last year when we hosted it for the third time.”

“At least you didn’t miss that then. Being brought here I mean.”

“That’s some consolation,” Joe smiled, “had the Olympics last year as well as celebrations around our Queen having been Queen for sixty years. Then before that…”

Suddenly Joe wobbled and put a hand to his forehead. Applejack moved in quickly to brace him between her and the fence until Joe shook his head and gave her a look. Then he blinked a few times as he straightened up.

“Advantage of no fur,” Applejack said, “or not much,” she added, being fair and acknowledging Joe’s beard, “is I can see how pale you just went.”

“Not sure what happened,” replied Joe, giving another few blinks, “I was going to say there had been a Royal Wedding, and it was a big event as was the Queen’s grandson who is directly in line for the throne after his father, but then I felt so dizzy.” Joe paused and thought. “Feels like something almost came back to me, but it was just so confusing I…” He took a breath. “Thanks for keeping me upright.”

“Any time,” Applejack said, adding with a wink, “not like you look stable most of the time anyhow, but that was strange even for you.”

“It seems we found how long my feeling awake would last,” yawned Joe. “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow?”

“Nope. Y’all see me today, since y’all going to take a nap here. Ah want to see you looking better before ah let you walk back to your hut where you’ve none to keep an eye on you.”

“That is very kind of you, but…”

“No buts, lessen you want me ta start butting you along towards the barn.”

Joe looked at Applejack and the determined look she was giving him and realised that if he was feeling well enough to win the argument he’d also be feeling well enough that Applejack wouldn’t be telling him to rest. Joe gave her a smile and a nod and, with her keeping an attentive eye on him, they began the short walk. As they approached the barn another slight smile came to Joe’s face.

“Don’t say it,” Applejack warned him before he could speak.

“Say what?”

“Ah know you were going to say that on your world would be a human farmer bedding down his unwell Pony in the barn.”

“Sorry, that must get tedious.”

“A mite. Though ah appreciate that you don’t do it much, rather than it being a whole comedy routine like you mentioned some feller had.”

Joe nodded, though he thought he deserved some credit for having not said “In Equestria Horse rides You” when he was carrying Rainbow Dash or both her and Pinkie Pie. They entered the barn and Applejack gestured with one forehoof at a pile of straw.

“Get yerself comfy, ah’ll be back sometime to check.”

“Thanks Applejack,” Joe replied, moving across and crouching to give the straw a few quick prods with one hand. He trusted Applejack but if this was as comfortable for other things as it looked like it would be for him then he’d rather not find out by sitting on them. “Hmm, even got a sunbeam.”

“So don’t go saying ah don’t treat you right, even if ah might decide to not let you on the furniture in the house,” winked Applejack.

Joe smiled to her and settled down. There was another comment about role-reversal, that the Ponies might leave fur on the sofa so the concern was that it would stick to his clothes and be removed, but he was too tired to make it and too grateful to say what Applejack appreciated him not saying much. His eyes closed and he was asleep even before Applejack had retreated from the barn. The next Joe knew he had a comforting weight on his chest and the problem of gathering enough energy and willpower to open his eyes and see what that was.

When Joe managed this he had a surprise. If he was expecting anything he’d have been expecting Winona lying half on top of him. Instead it was a pale yellow Pegasus head and a worried look being given him through a pink mane.

“Oh,” said Fluttershy, raising her head, “I didn’t want to wake you, so I waited, and it was quite cosy, and…”

“That’s fine, that’s good,” Joe reassured her sleepily. “Was going to come and see you today, make sure if you thought I was a ravening beast…”

“I wouldn’t have thought that.”

“But you slept near me, on me a bit, so seems we good,” Joe continued. “You not scared, can sleep.”

“And you need to go back to sleep.”

“Is cosy, but let me know sometime how I can help you more. I do like animals, as in compassion not consumption…”

Fluttershy forced a smile as Joe’s voice tailed off and she realised that was a joke intended to reassure. She waited until his breathing returned to slow and regular and then rose and crept away even quieter than her normal habit. It had been a pretence, she’d barely settled her head down and she was not sure she could have actually slept, but it had felt better to reassure Joe by showing him trust than to try to use words. Fluttershy knew how some could confuse her quietness for a lack of conviction.

After talking to Applejack Fluttershy took gently to the air for her slow flight back to her cottage. Spike had been kind to come and mention that Joe was worried and was rather tired. Talking to Joe here had avoided having to talk to him at her home and avoided him having to walk there so she felt she owed Spike a little. There was something she could ask Spike to do, and even if Joe had offered to help she did trust Spike more and think he would appreciate the gem more than Joe would.

Chapter 14

Spike lay on the floor of the Golden Oaks Library gazing up at the ceiling. All he had wanted was to take advantage of Twilight Sparkle being away for a few hours to let him bake his Jewel Cake. His delicious scrumptious Jewel Cake that he had collected all those Gems for. The gems that he had snacked on as he made the cake mix until none were left.

“Do you think Joe would help?” Spike asked, turning his head to look at the Owl looking down at him.

“Hwhoo,” replied Owlowiscious.

“Joe, but… not be fair to ask him and get him in more trouble with Twilight.”

Owlowiscious blinked at Spike.

“Yeah, you’re right. The Diamond Dogs wouldn’t be intimidated this time. We’d have to fight.”

A very faint knock sounded on the door and Spike reluctantly stood to answer it, finding Fluttershy on the other side. Despite her efforts to withdraw and apologise for bothering him Spike managed to get her to come inside and to find out what she wanted. To his relief this might solve the problem for his cake and was, barely, a better solution than having to fight Diamond Dogs.

==

The Everfree forest was not as creepy on a sunny morning as sometimes and if you were used to nature taking its own course, rather than needing Ponies to steer it, that removed even more of the creepiness. Joe mused on the tendency to adapt ‘though I walk in the shadow of the valley of death’ with various reasons other than God to fear no evil. Probably the most sensible reason was the SR-71 crews as they were high in the air above it travelling at more than Mach 3, but more common was to boast about being the toughest thing in the valley.

“Yeah, though I walk in the shadow of some big trees I shall fear no Manticore, because Fluttershy told him off,” Joe muttered, shaking his head at his own stupidity and trying to concentrate. Even if Fluttershy had told one Manticore off that didn’t mean there weren’t other dangers, even if none had attacked him on this path since he’d begun wearing armour and carrying a shield and spear and bow and arrows. There were no tasty tender young Fillies to attract predators with their scent or chatter but he should still be careful.

At least he was feeling well rested. Yesterday he had slept through the afternoon and into the evening before he left the barn and found Fluttershy had left word with Applejack that he didn’t need to worry about visiting her, and she’d let him know if she needed help. Satisfied with how he looked Applejack had let Joe return home and the rest of the day had been quiet chores and exercise and a little reading before a peaceful night with no bad dreams. The start of the day had continued peaceful with no visitors, just breakfast and morning routine and preparing and setting out for his weekly visit to Zecora.

Joe reached the dome shaped hut with its distinctive tribal masks and politely knocked and waited while keeping a wary eye on the surroundings. He knew how much work it would be to clear and maintain, or just to maintain if she’d found a natural one, but every time he visited he wished Zecora’s hut was in a clearing and he could see further.

“Come in, come in,” a voice called, adding as Joe obeyed, “and welcome in.”

“Zecora,” Joe nodded to her, then he nodded again as he noticed the purple Unicorn, “and Twilight, hello.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Joe and the idea of him fighting a Manticore or managing to intimidate a Diamond Dog no longer seemed so utterly bizarre. The ease with which had carried Rainbow Dash and then her and Pinkie Pie had shown he was quite strong, even if that was partially Discord having allegedly boosted the magic. But the baggy clothes had concealed how much trimmer and better balanced he was and seeing him standing there with armour links and plates gleaming and a shield on his arm she could tell why the others had been mildly impressed. Especially since, this time, she was paying attention to the spear rather than her own annoyance and was noticing the razor sharp looking metal and the light ease with which he held something as tall as she was.

“I came to tell Zecora about what Discord claimed,” said Twilight Sparkle, “that he had made you as strong as a Pony should be.”

“Not exactly what he said,” Joe frowned, slipping his shield off and leaning it and his spear against the wall, “more like I was as strong compared with a Pony as I should be. Which probably amounts to the same thing but I don’t know how strong Ponies are for their size compared with humans.”

“So testing you would be the thing, with many graphs - machines that ping,” suggested Zecora.

“I can get some heavier weights and I suppose a treadmill can be set up,” Joe shrugged, “something to measure heart and respiration rates, mask to measure oxygen in and carbon dioxide out, see how much I can lift or how fast and how long I can run.”

“Or, we’re going to the Crystal Empire tomorrow…” began Twilight Sparkle.

“Applejack mentioned that yesterday when she asked me to pet-sit Winona,” Joe nodded.

“Oh, so you’d be busy then?”

“Plan is to help out with some chores around Sweet Apple Acres while also helping to keep an eye on the dog. Why?”

“I was going to suggest you came with us, they’d have some training facilities and some athletes on display for the games inspector.”

“Hah, with the magic I might do quite well against an Olympian, someone of the standard to take part in our Olympic Games, but I think I would be rather pitiful against an Equestrian. Though still be useful if embarrassing to see how pitiful I am.”

Joe paused and considered whether to mention that both those ‘ian’ words had an alternate meaning that reversed the assessment. He could have said he’d do quite well against an Equestrian if he’d meant a human horse rider and be rather pitiful against an Olympian if he’d meant one of the Gods of Mount Olympus.

“When experiment she wishes to, I hope cooperate will you,” said Zecora.

“It doesn’t sound the most interesting way to spend a few hours,” Joe replied, “but I’ve surprised myself a couple of times so, even if I didn’t owe you the chance to check your work, it could be useful to know my limits better.”

“Being able to carry Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash was one,” said Twilight Sparkle, hesitating until Joe nodded, “but what was the second?”

“When we were leaving the Diamond Dogs I suggested we hurried a little, and Pinkie Pie went into a gallop with Spike on her back. I sprinted after them and expected to get tired and have to slow down, but I managed to keep going until she decided to wait.”

“Ah, yes to the Diamond Dogs you went, a habit from which you should relent.”

“One visit does not make a habit and, as I’ve said to Twilight, we were lucky so ‘returning there I’ve no intent’.”

“But their gems to go and take, was a serious mistake, though not so bad as the lake, where luckier yet to see a wake.”

“If you mean the one made by the crocodile then that was fortunate, but I was suspicious of that beach and,” Joe sighed. “Look, bottom line is that I have made mistakes and am willing to take most of the blame. Especially since it would be unworthy to blame children.”

“I can hear a ‘but’ in that,” commented Twilight Sparkle.

“As I said to you,” Joe replied, “with the Diamond Dogs I was trusting Spike’s assurances about us not going further than the edges. Going was my mistake but he did mistake how dangerous it might be.”

“And what about the Everfree, who to blame there if not thee?”

“Again going was my mistake, and that time it was also my mistake how dangerous it was, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders did promise to obey instructions. I asked them if they knew of anything dangerous that might be in the lake and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo charged ahead to check, ignoring me when I told them to wait.”

“I thought you said it would be unworthy to blame children,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, softening the comment with a smile.

“True, and I don’t blame them,” shrugged Joe, “they were good most of the time and expecting them to be good all of the time is another mistake by me. I can still be irritated though that I might have avoided the crocodile if they’d let me check more cautiously, or turn back or take a different path to avoid the beach.”

“Perfection is quite often rare, when into danger you do dare, deeds of others anticipate, if not to have results you hate.”

“Result I’d hate would be if anyone had got hurt, or killed,” Joe corrected her. “Result I’m mildly annoyed with is what I got, though things are getting more peaceful again.”

“Then peaceful shall this visit be, as you do not need words from me,” nodded Zecora, “recognise you have your blunder, that you had a head that’s dunder.”

“Not been my best days,” Joe agreed, “though yesterday was nice.”

“May your luck today run true, as I do have a list for you.”

“Erm... And may the things on list be found, whether grow on trees or from the ground.”

“You normally gather list entire, whether ground is firm or squishy mire.”

“And... you make this seem so easy… Er…ah… Then return soon I shall, or at least before night casts its pall.”

“But thinking of that time of day, is not alone that you must stray, come back before twilight is best, so perhaps take Twilight in your quest.”

Joe nodded, giving up rhyming, and looked to Twilight Sparkle. “Company would be welcome, if you have nothing better to do.”

“I’m sure Spike can look after the library for a few hours,” Twilight Sparkle replied after a few moments hesitation to think.

“Excellent,” said Joe.

“On the table is the list, do not worry if some are missed, your weekly visits give plenty stock, so repayment I’d not dock.”

“We’ll see what we can do,” nodded Joe, looking at the list and pulling a pencil out of a pouch.

As Joe started to make a few notes Twilight Sparkle’s curiosity drove her to peek and speak. “What are you doing?”

“I know roughly where some of this can be found,” Joe replied absent-mindedly, “so thinking through a route.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded in approval of this organised approach but then a few of the items on the list caught her eye and she gave Zecora a puzzled glance. The Zebra returned that with a look of innocence as Joe continued to scribble and make the list messier looking but more useful for him. Then he looked at it and sighed and closed his eyes briefly.

“Problem?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“I can read my own writing, but I was wondering if I should have made an effort with my penmanship to make sure you could as well.”

“That is… hmm,” Twilight Sparkle agreed as Joe showed her the list.

“Ah well,” nodded Joe, folding and putting the list away in the pouch along with the pencil. “I’m the one with pockets and pouches, and whose job it is, so I should carry and read anyway.”

“Won’t those make that awkward?” Twilight Sparkle asked as Joe slid his shield back on his arm and picked his spear up.

“Can be, and I’d likely be fine without the shield, but you saw the maul wounds.”

“Fluttershy told that Manticore off.”

“She told me off, she just told the Manticore to extend the same courtesy, as it would to Ponies, of not eating me.” Joe paused. “And I don’t expect to be attacked but if we are and we can’t discourage something, or flee from it, and I have to kill it please don’t tell Fluttershy. I think I am on good terms with her again so I don’t want to spoil that.”

“You think you have to conceal a lot, don’t you?”

“I think Fluttershy is a very gentle soul and that, even though you have predators, she prefers to not be reminded of how violent nature can be.”

“Perhaps her judgement of violence, is the one with better sense, Ponies do not hunt for meat, instead they graze on grass and wheat.”

“Don’t give me that crap,” Joe said, surprising both Zecora and Twilight Sparkle. “Whatever ponies do doesn’t alter that there are things eating other things the whole time. Even if we ignore carnivores if plants hadn’t developed chemicals to try to protect themselves against being eaten then there’d be no medicinal properties to them. A leaf might be antiseptic but that chemical was supposed to kill caterpillars.”

“Besides I think you are underestimating Fluttershy,” frowned Twilight Sparkle at Joe. “She prefers things to be dealt with without violence, but she is not blind that sometimes it can be kill or be killed.”

“Then let us hope we don’t get in that situation,” Joe replied. Then he nodded to the Zebra. “See you in a while Zecora.”

“Good fortune in your gathering, may you find everything, and avoid deadly attack, lest by guiltiness you’re wracked.”

“Bye Zecora,” Twilight Sparkle added as Joe nodded again and bent his way out the door.

==

Spike made his way down the road towards Sweet Apple Acres. His measuring jug was reassuringly full after Fluttershy had offered him the gem to look after Angel Bunny and he’d managed to persuade Rarity and Rainbow Dash they needed the same service for Opalescence and Tank. Now he had the harder task of persuading Applejack that he could take better care of Winona than the combined efforts of her family would. After that would be convincing Pinkie Pie that Gummy wouldn’t just sleep and sit around and be unperturbed by her absence and be fine even if Mr and Mrs Cake paid her pet no heed.

Looking around the farmyard Spike saw Applejack and Big Macintosh discussing something. He got a friendly nod and smile from her and a friendly nod from her brother and waited patiently the minute or two it took them to finish.

“Spike,” Applejack said, walking across to him as Big Macintosh plodded off about his business. “Surprised to see you here without Twilight, everything fine and dandy?”

“Going well,” said Spike, getting a slight nod from Applejack as she was reassured, “but I hear you might have a problem.”

“Ah don’t think so,” Applejack frowned.

“Fluttershy asked me to look after Angel Bunny tomorrow, and as you are also going and I am sure your brother and sister and grandmother will be busy…”

“Ah already asked Joe yesterday to help out with chores and keeping an eye on Winona while ah’m gone.”

Spike blinked. “You did?”

“Ah did. And no need to look so surprised, ah am a farmer.” Seeing Spike looked puzzled Applejack continued. “Planting crops months in advance? Having to plan yearly rotations of which fields and orchards to leave fallow? Ah might not be one for fancy mathematics or checklists but ah am used to thinking a lot farther ahead than a mere two days.”

“So, Joe is going to look after Winona…”

“He is, but thank you kindly for the thought Spike. Ah do appreciate you thinking of me.”

Spike blushed slightly. He’d not been thinking of Applejack, or Winona, just the chance of another gem for his cake. But that moment of embarrassment passed and he decided there was only one way to get his plans back on course.

“I’ll let you get back to what you were doing then,” Spike said.

“Goodbye Spike. See you tomorrow when ah meet the others at the library, and good luck with Angel Bunny.”

“Thanks.”

Applejack watched for a moment as Spike trotted off, a jug of some sort in his handpaw, and she frowned lightly as she noticed Spike was not heading straight back into Ponyville. There was not much difference in the distance along that path but it was a mite further and not as broad and clear once it got off the land owned by the Apples. Or to put it another way, once it got much past Joe’s hut. Still, if Spike wanted to visit Joe then that was just neighbourly and if he wanted to persuade Joe to not look after Winona then that was between the two of them. Applejack nodded to herself and went back to work.

==

Joe looked around and then up at a tree. “There,” he said, “can you snag those berries down with some magic Twilight?”

“Of course,” Twilight Sparkle replied, briefly concentrating so matching glows surrounded her horn and the berries and the latter floated down.

“Thanks.”

“Do you have any idea what Zecora wants those for?”

“Not really,” Joe admitted as he put them away. “I think they’re toxic, so maybe an insecticide?”

“And that bark you peeled off that tree?”

“Willow bark contains an acid that helps with pain, perhaps that’s similar.”

“But you don’t know?”

Joe paused to look to Twilight Sparkle. “I’ve a vague idea of what medicines are derived from, but I’d go to a doctor and be prescribed pills rather than having to gather things to make medicine.”

“What’s next on the list then?” Twilight Sparkle asked, before Joe could ask why she was asking.

“Hmm,” Joe said, pulling the creased piece of paper out of his pouch, trusting Twilight Sparkle to keep watch while he angled it to catch some light. “Some roots from a bush, so might have been better off with backpack and mattock rather than quiver and arrows.” He gave her a smile. “I’d have still had a ranged ‘weapon’ if tales of your zappiness have not been exaggerated.”

“Zappiness? I study magic for years under Princess Celestia herself and I get it referred to as zappiness?”

“Immense and awe-inspiring arcane might?”

“Better,” Twilight Sparkle nodded.

==

Spike padded up to the door and knocked. Then he waited a short time and knocked again. And waited a slightly longer time and knocked again. He could return to Ponyville and talk to Pinkie Pie now but there didn’t seem any rush to that. Better to wait here and make sure he didn’t miss Joe if the human returned and then went away again. The cushions here were quite comfortable and there seemed some good sun to bask in, so a nap would pass the time.

His decision made Spike sat and settled and began to snooze.

==

Joe and Twilight Sparkle approached Zecora’s hut, some branches stuck through belts and straps on Joe and pouches and pockets on and in pouches filled. A few other clumps of plant matter floated along in a purple glow as Twilight Sparkle helped. It had been disappointing to her that Joe was not quite organised enough to be able to carry everything, volume was not the problem but keeping different things separate was. Joe had been politely grateful and not pointed out how small a diversion it would have been to drop the first half of the list of before starting on the second.

A knock on the door and a Zebra voice called out. “Return I ask into my hut, with your samples dug and cut.”

“She doesn’t seem to run out of rhymes does she,” Joe commented quietly before opening the door.

“Ah, quite the burden you do carry,” nodded Zecora as she looked at the entering pair, “so relinquish it and do not tarry.”

“On the table, please Twilight,” Joe said, leaning his spear against the wall and slipping his shield off to join it before he crossed to there himself.

The things with a purple glow floated over and settled and Joe pulled out his pencil and the very creased and a little torn list. Zecora joined him as he went through what Twilight Sparkle had just deposited and ticked those items off as she acknowledged them. Then he began pulling things out from wedged against various parts of himself and from pouches and pockets. Twilight Sparkle watched with a slight frown as it seemed the suspicion she’d had even before they’d left seemed to be confirmed.

“So that seems to be all,” Joe concluded, ticking the final item.

“You both were thorough in your sweep, to gather things for me to keep,” agreed Zecora.

“Thanks again for your help and company Twilight,” Joe said, turning to the purple Unicorn.

“Not a problem, but I should be getting back to the Golden Oaks Library. Walk me there?”

“To the outskirts of Ponyville at least,” Joe winced, “it’s becoming an open secret, but I’m still trying to keep all this,” he gestured at himself and his armour, “discreet.”

“Then we can walk that far together,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, “though I’ll need to speak to Zecora first, in private, for a minute or two.”

“Of course,” Joe nodded, “I’ll wait outside.”

Twilight Sparkle watched as Joe slipped his shield back on his arm, picked up his spear, and bent to get out the relatively low door. Then she gave Zecora an unamused look. “What is all this?”

“These things you see are what you brought, are they not the list you sought?”

“Joe doesn’t know enough to know those are useless, but I do.”

“Their usefulness is hidden true, but I shall tell the truth to you, by sending him to gather these, his obligation I appease.”

“He thinks he owes you?”

“Joe feels that debts must be repaid, like for like when given aid, though side-effects we have seen, of armour strong and spear so keen.”

Twilight Sparkle paused and then nodded. “He was attacked coming here so he thought he needed those.”

“Avoid he could the Everfree, but a greater debt then felt to me, so overcome he did his fear, continuing to visit here.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded again. Even if the Manticore had been ‘only’ a cub it had left Joe in quite a bloody mess. Zecora’s poultices had staunched the bleeding and disinfected the wounds while her potions had strengthened Joe and helped his body to heal and replace the blood he’d lost. Joe had been too badly injured for them to want to move him so Twilight Sparkle had done some research and brought some books for Zecora’s opinion. They’d been experimenting with how Unicorn magic could further enhance the effects of the potions and poultices and applying this had worked very well so it was only a few days until Joe could do more than sit up on the cot.

However what he had done was leave a very polite note and return to his hut rather than be taken to the Ponyville hospital by them. Then he’d worked to get himself fit and, though Twilight Sparkle hadn’t found out until a few days ago, to be able to kill rather than be killed. And then allowed himself to begin underestimating the dangers of the Everfree since he’d spent so long wandering around off the paths gathering things without any more attacks.

“I think that you should now join Joe, but shall I see you tomorrow?” said Zecora as Twilight Sparkle continued to think.

“Hmm? Oh, no I’ll be in the Crystal Empire most of the day,” Twilight Sparkle replied. “They are bidding for the Equestria Games and we’re helping.”

“Then shopping is all I shall do, rather than also visit you. Safe travels now wished to you pair, and good luck to you tomorrow there.”

“Thank you,” Twilight Sparkle smiled.

Outside Joe was giving the underbrush a suspicious look. His frown cleared as he saw Twilight Sparkle. “All done?”

“All done.”

“Good show, getting towards having had enough of the Everfree for one day.”

“Though you do seem well prepared for it,” Twilight Sparkle commented as she led the way towards the path to Ponyville.

“The saying might be ‘once burned, twice shy’ but I think ‘maul’ can be substituted for ‘burn’.” Joe chuckled before continuing. “Not that I am as well prepared as I might have been.”

“Is this another oblique reference to the weapons you don’t talk about?” asked Twilight Sparkle, giving Joe a glance.

“No, though…hmm,” Joe mused. “Are more powerful weapons, but I was thinking about what I’d said to Spike.”

“Which was?”

“That I might have been too cautious with the weight of this armour. Of course, you remember when Rainbow Dash startled me and I shoved you?”

“Vividly.”

“One of the things I was thinking about was a material called Kevlar, can be woven like cloth and if you bond enough layers of ‘cloth’ together can be made into helmets and plates. As you have similar materials I wondered if I’d been primitive in using steel rather than something that would give more protection for the same weight.”

“So, you aren’t well prepared because you could carry more weight or more protection for the same weight…”

“Or even more protection for more weight, though I don’t think I’d change the pattern of this armour much even if I felt the need to replace it.” They walked quietly for a little way, both keeping a watch for anything stalking them. Then Joe chuckled again. “And I have been pretty boring with this armour. Simple serviceable metal when I am in a realm of both magic and technology.”

“As Rainbow said, looks fine.”

“Maybe, and not sure how you’d have reacted if I’d overindulged in cider and begun entreating you for magical artificing.”

“Pardon?” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Joe a very dubious look.

“In stories and games of places with Unicorns and Dragons and Living-Gods and Pegasi and all the things that seem so normal to you, especially the Unicorn and Dragon parts, they often have magical armour. Mystic runes etched on the plates or crystals inset that pulse with stored arcane power…”

“That’s… not quite how it works Joe.”

“I did say I’d have needed to overindulge in cider,” Joe smiled.

They walked for several minutes more with Twilight Sparkle looking thoughtful and Joe wondering what she was hesitating over saying. Her questions on the way back from Fluttershy’s cottage had been difficult to answer but that had been preferable to her anger the following day. So it had been good that they had been able to chat during the gathering and the start of this walk. Joe was enjoying the company and the extra pair of eyes against the danger but he was beginning to worry that he’d said something wrong and if that was connected with whatever it was Twilight Sparkle and Zecora had discussed.

“Joe,” said Twilight Sparkle finally, “I’m concerned that you’ve had so much fun knowing Ponies were underestimating you that you are misjudging how dangerous things are. You are stronger and fitter than they think, and you do have your armour and weapons, but you are not invincible.”

“Invincible?” Joe said with a puzzled frown. “Even if I’d accepted Discord’s offer of extra strength I’d not think I was that.”

“But you have been confident you can win. You were confident you could just club the Manticore…”

“I thought I’d probably have to stab it.”

“But you were confident you could survive long enough while clubbing it to make that decision.”

“I…” Joe began, and then stopped and nodded. “True, I assumed the fight would be close enough that at worst I’d have the time to switch.”

“And the Diamond Dogs. If I ask you ‘what if they attacked’ I think I know what you’ll say.”

“Which is?”

“That, as you did with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and the Manticore, you’d have fought them to let Spike and Pinkie escape.”

“Of course.”

“Which shows you were confident there that you’d survive long enough for those two to get away.”

Joe slowly nodded. “I’d not think I could win, that I was invincible, but I’m egotistical enough to think I’d not be irrelevant.”

“I’d not say you’d be that bad,” Twilight Sparkle reassured him, adding a look to the tone of her words, “but you’ve not been attacked and you’ve avoided training or sparring with others, so you’ve only yourself to compare yourself to.”

“And, of course, I’m leaving you at the outskirts of Ponyville because I’m still trying to be ‘discreet’,” nodded Joe again. “Which could be egotistical again, that I think going into town like this would make a difference to anypony’s opinion…”

“No, that much you can allow,” Twilight Sparkle smiled.

“So the Cutie Mark Crusaders would be happy.”

“Why?”

“They told their fellow schoolponies about the trip into the Everfree and had that scorned as unlikely. But,” Joe tapped one band of the armour across his left side with his shield hand. “If I go stomping into and around Ponyville like this they can say ‘see… we told you!’.”

“Surprised they haven’t asked you to.”

“Either the thought hasn’t occurred or they know I’d say no. Or they haven’t had the chance yet, last time I saw them was just after Rarity made me some new clothes and I was wasting concern on how flattering they were compared with my old ones.”

“Wasting concern… oh, because you want to be underestimated.”

“As you said, it’s very arrogant of me to think that anypony cares and that my ‘true’ appearance is impressive enough to change opinions, at least if it’s enhanced by Rarity’s fine work rather than being concealed by bagginess.”

“I wasn’t saying you were being arrogant.”

“But you were saying I was so pleased about having a secret that I was not considering whether the secret was one that would make much difference or that anypony would care about.” Joe chuckled. “And of course the same is true about not answering some of your questions, if Rainbow Dash thinks I was being big-headed to think it would change anything then that is a pretty good indication it is.”

“Are you saying Rainbow is big-headed?” Twilight Sparkle teased.

“I am saying that she is self-confident, and has a good appreciation of her own abilities as she has demonstrated and tested them against others.”

“Very diplomatic.”

“Still,” said Joe, seeing clear skies ahead, “has been a nice walk and I’ll think about what you’ve said.”

“Please Joe,” Twilight Sparkle added, “don’t underestimate the Everfree. Even if you weren’t being overconfident with the Manticore and Diamond Dogs there are some very dangerous things in here, and some aren’t as large or obvious as a Manticore. Have you heard of a Cockatrice?”

“A demon chicken that turns people to stone… those are real here as well?”

“They are, and I was turned to stone by one. On the path we just walked as it was when I was visiting Zecora.”

“Not sure that warning makes any difference,” Joe said, shaking his head in disbelief as they reached the edge of the forest. “You are very skilled and powerful so if it could affect you fast enough you couldn’t escape or blast it then I’d not manage.”

Twilight Sparkle blushed slightly at both the praise and knowing that Fluttershy, fortified by her outrage and ‘The Stare’, had lasted the several seconds it took her to break the Cockatrice’s will. “I was surprised,” she admitted, “so the warning might make some difference.”

“And I thank you for it,” Joe smiled, “and am glad the effects could be reversed so you are flesh rather than stone.” He stopped and looked about. “I’ve been trying to stay alert, but I’ll try harder to not relax too much on that trip and to, as you were saying, not be overconfident.”

“Good luck Joe.”

“And to you Twilight,” Joe replied, giving her a slight bow and turning away.

Twilight Sparkle sighed and returned to walking towards Ponyville. She was glad that Joe had not taken offence but she was not sure he had truly listened rather than just making the right sort of replies. As long as he didn’t endanger the Cutie Mark Crusaders or Spike again though she’d be satisfied, sad if he got himself killed or badly injured but that would be his choice. It was not far across the area cleared between the town and the forest and soon Twilight Sparkle was back at the library that had become her home.

“Spike…” Twilight Sparkle called as she entered.

“Hwhoo?”

“Hello Owlowiscious,” Twilight Sparkle said, “where’s Spike?” Owlowiscious gave an owl-shrug and Twilight Sparkle nodded. Then she sniffed the air. “And I don’t smell cake.”

Owlowiscious looked at her and then flapped across into the kitchen. Following her number two assistant Twilight Sparkle and seeing he was perching on the fridge and looking expectant she opened that door and nodded as she saw the cake mix inside. It wouldn’t do it any harm, or not much, to be left a while before it was baked but it was still strange that Spike had stored it and seemed to have gone off somewhere.

==

Joe supposed it was quite decorative to have a small purple Dragon on his porch but it was also quite unexpected. As the saying was to let sleeping Dogs lie rather than Dragons and it was likely Spike was here to talk to him Joe supposed he should wake him. Though there was the temptation to have a cup of tea and a sandwich first.

“Spike,” Joe said, overcoming the temptation as he leant his spear against his front wall, “Spike.”

“Huh? Oh hello Joe.” Spike sat up and rubbed his eyes as he woke and realised where he was and remembered why he’d been sleeping here. He blinked at Joe’s armour. “Where have you been?”

“My weekly visit to Zecora to gather things for her. Your ‘big sister’ was there and she helped so I’m back a little earlier than I might have been.”

“Did Twilight stay at Zecora’s?”

“I walked her as far as the edge of the Everfree, she said she should be getting back to the library so she’s likely there now.”

Spike nodded. “I’d better get back soon then.”

“I’ll not offer you refreshments then, or ask you to wait for me to change,” Joe nodded back. He slipped his shield off his arm and began working at his buckles, starting with those holding his quiver on his back. “What brings you here the third day in a row?”

“I need some more gems…”

“Oh no, no f…” Joe growled, fingers hesitating on the strap before he stopped his words and started his unbuckling again. “No way Spike,” he continued more calmly, “Day before yesterday was pushing our luck and I’ve just had to admit, to Twilight, that we might have been even luckier than we thought. And that was after Zecora had given me her opinion and I’d not been able to deny my mistakes…”

“I wasn’t suggesting the Diamond Dogs,” Spike interrupted.

“Then what were you suggesting?” frowned Joe, releasing and lowering his quiver and bow. “You said that was the only place you knew.”

“It is,” Spike said, realising Joe suspected he had been lied to and was not pleased about it. To his relief Joe nodded and waited for an explanation. “But… let me start from the beginning. I’d kept a couple of the gems we mined as I’ve been saving those for a jewel cake.”

“So you need more for your cake?” asked Joe, returning to working at buckles and deciding the belt his knife and helmet and some pouches were strapped to would be a good thing to remove next along with its burden.

“I… need all the gems again, while I was making the cake mix I… er… snacked.”

“That was silly, but if you’re not thinking of the Diamond Dogs and that is the only place you know I’m not sure how I can help.”

“Well, just after I realised I’d eaten all my gems Fluttershy arrived and offered me a gem if I looked after Angel Bunny tomorrow.”

Joe blinked in surprise and it took a moment before he could reply. “Demon Bunny, I have met him.”

“Well, it gave me an idea. The others would need their pets looked after and maybe I could get more gems from them, I was okay with Rarity and Rainbow Dash but when I asked Applejack she said she’d already asked you about Winona.”

“And I’m doing it for free,” Joe pointed out, dropping the belt and working on the straps for his segmented plate. “She’s a nice dog so I’m glad to have her keep me company.”

“Could you, would you, tell Applejack that you can’t do it?”

“No,” Joe said. Then seeing Spike’s disappointment he tried to soften the refusal with an explanation. “Looking after Winona is not something separate from the other chores at Sweet Apple Acres and it would be hard to untangle one task from another.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“Besides, you’re already having to look after three pets.”

“If I need to I can unstrap Tank’s flying rig so he won’t move about as fast.”

“True,” Joe nodded, slipping off the segmented plate and deciding to sit rather than take off the short-sleeved mid-thigh length chainmail. It was actually less comfortable without the plates over it as without them pressing it against his body all the weight came onto his shoulders. “And I’ve got on well with Opalescence when I’ve visited the Carousel Boutique so, if she is in a good mood, she might not be much problem.”

“Not much, no,” agreed Spike, not disputing this but his mind going to the long list of instructions Rarity had given him.

“But that still leaves Demon Bunny.”

“I could handle it, and if you can say you would be too busy with the actual chores, so it would be simpler if I looked after Winona…”

“That might work, but far more likely that Big Macintosh would say he’d do more of the chores or some could wait. I’d have to not help at all there and… oh, of course.” Joe closed his eyes in exasperation at himself. “She’d have known that.”

“Who?”

“It was only yesterday I asked Fluttershy to let me know how I could help her more,” Joe replied, opening his eyes. “So, as she’d said she’d let me know, I was a bit surprised she’d asked you to help and wondering if I should take it as mistrust in me rather than simply trust in you.”

“I’m sure Fluttershy trusts you.”

“She’s not got that much reason to,” Joe admitted, “and far greater reason to trust you, with how much longer she’s known you, which was why, despite the timing, I was surprised rather than offended. But I shouldn’t have even been surprised, I spoke to Fluttershy at Sweet Apple Acres and I know she spoke to Applejack after I’d made the offer, so she’d know I was working there tomorrow.”

“Are you saying she’d have asked you instead if you were available?” Spike frowned.

“I’m saying ‘maybe’, since it was only the day before when I’d asked her to let me know if there was anything I could do to help.” Then Joe winked. “Or maybe I am just looking for an excuse to reject the idea she thought ‘Joe offered to help, so I’ll ask Spike’.”

“Hah!” Spike retorted, springing to his feet to strike a pose. “As if you can compete!”

“Mercy!” chuckled Joe, before adding in a more serious tone. “And good luck with the pet-sitting.”

==

Twilight Sparkle glanced between the three books she was holding up in the purple glow of her magic and then made another note. There seemed too much similarity between these spells for them to not be related magic, but she was not sure what the relationship was or even if there was one. If she could make a list of the similarities and how they fitted together in each spell then she could tell if this was significant. As she turned a page and considered she heard the library door open and turned to see Spike entering, one handpaw clasping his measuring jug.

“Hello Spike,” said Twilight Sparkle, greeting him before turning back to her work.

“Hello Twilight.”

As the silence lengthened, broken only by noises from outside and the scratch of Twilight Sparkle’s quill and the rustle of turning pages, Spike began to become more nervous. He started towards the kitchen but then paused, he felt like he should say where he had been, but if she was working then he didn’t want to interrupt, but he had been expecting questions so he had his answers ready to say. Twilight Sparkle allowed herself a small smile as she heard the shuffling and realised that tip from a book of conversational gambits was working.

“Where have you been?” Twilight Sparkle asked, turning away from her books again and letting them and her note settle to the desk. “I thought you were going to do some baking today.”

“I wanted to talk to Joe,” replied Spike, a little hurriedly from the pressure that had built up with the silence.

“The last place I saw him was at the edge of the Everfree, leaving it.”

“Yes, I’ve spoken to him. At his hut,” said Spike in a few short rushed sentences. “He mentioned you helped him. Gathering things for Zecora.”

“What did you want to talk to Joe about?” Twilight Sparkle asked, keeping her voice and expression calm.

“Nothing dangerous.”

“Which doesn’t really answer the question,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “but if it’s a secret between you two…”

“No,” Spike reassured her. Then he looked embarrassed. “But I was going to wait until the last moment to mention it to you.”

“Mention what?”

“You know you are going to the Crystal Empire tomorrow? I’m looking after Angel Bunny, Tank, and Opalescence in return for gems to replace those I ate.”

“That would explain the cake mix in the fridge, but not why you weren’t going to tell me.”

“I… I didn’t want you to tell me I couldn’t look after the pets here, but if they’d already been brought here…”

“And,” asked Twilight Sparkle, noticing how embarrassed Spike was looking.

“And I wanted a gem from you,” Spike almost squeaked. “I was going to say I’d look after Owlowiscious, but if I said that while the others were here I thought you’d be too embarrassed to not pay me, like they had done.”

“Rather than just telling you that if I want you to look after Owlowiscious then you will?”

“Yes.”

Twilight Sparkle gave Spike a long look, with enough frown in it to add to his nerves. With her love of organisation and planning she’d have been unamused if anyone had tried to spring last minute surprises on her but Spike knew how parents disliked attempts by their children to manipulate them. And although he’d agreed with Joe that she was more a big sister to him she had also been enough like a mother for those extra feelings to apply.

“What does this have to do with Joe?” Twilight Sparkle finally asked.

“Applejack had already asked Joe to look after Winona, so as I wanted to try to get a gem from her I wanted to ask him to not do that.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. If Spike looked after Winona as well then that might mean Joe could come with them to the Crystal Empire. She wasn’t sure how he could help with touring the games inspector around but, as she had suggested, it would at least let them use the training facilities there to test him. But then Twilight Sparkle felt a twinge of guilt, after the role Spike had played in saving the Crystal Empire it was strange that he had not been invited and it would be far fairer for her to be thinking that if Joe took all the pets then Spike could go.

“What did Joe say to that?”

“He said no, as looking after Winona was just part of what he’d be doing at Sweet Apple Acres.”

“So one less pet and one less gem?”

“Yeah.”

“Which doesn’t answer one question. Why you thought you’d need to pet-sit Owlowicious for me to give you a gem?”

“Pardon?”

“If you need gems I can just give you some.”

“Really?”

“Of course…” Twilight Sparkle began to say before she was interrupted by a small but firm Draconic hug around her forequarters. She brought one forehoof up to return it and continued. “I’m not going to give you too many mind, not much more than you’d have got for pet-sitting, but you are my Spike.”

“And you are the best!” replied Spike, squeezing the hug even firmer.

“We can bake the cake together if you like,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, bringing the hoof up to rub the top of Spike’s head. “That way I can stop you eating your pay before you manage to add the gems to the cake mix.”

Spike released her and gave Twilight Sparkle an embarrassed grin as he stepped back. “That sounds great, but let me visit Pinkie Pie first.”

“More cake ingredients?”

“I was going to ask if she wanted me to look after Gummy.”

“He’s quiet, so shouldn’t be too much more trouble for you,” Twilight Sparkle nodded.

“See you soon!” replied Spike, trotting off towards the door.

Chapter 15

Yesterday had been pleasant despite the skilled puncturing of his bubble of conceit and today was shaping fair if tiring. Joe shifted his grip on the handles either side of the metal cylinder surrounding the upper end of a post, lifted it, and then brought it down again so the closed end struck and drove the post further into the ground. Despite the success of this he was still feeling rather dissatisfied. Whatever methods the ponyfolk used were obviously effective so that he could be effective in his own way merely brought him to close to their standard.

Or perhaps it was just that after Spike had left things had been so quiet and peaceful. Nothing had happened to disturb a routine of housework and gardening and when he had done his nightly exercises and gone to bed there had been no unsettling dreams. Joe knew he should be grateful for this as it showed things were returning to normal, but he wasn’t sure he was. It may have been more that sticking to a routine had allowed him to not think about things, rather than an attempt to hide things from Ponyfolk, but Discord’s accusation that he’d been being acting boringly had been accurate. He could do with less excitement than Crocodiles and Manticores and Diamond Dogs and angry Twilight Sparkles but that didn’t mean no excitement at all would be welcomed again.

“Ah’m off into Ponyville now,” Applejack said, breaking Joe’s thoughts as he gave the post another blow. “Going to meet the others at the library for us to all go to the station.”

“Good luck with the games inspector and travel safe,” nodded Joe, “I hope the train is on time.”

“You’d better hold Winona’s leash until ah’m out of sight,” Applejack suggested.

Joe nodded and took the lead, and then had to brace himself as Winona strained to follow Applejack. There seemed little point to the dog of her-pony walking without that being with her but some stroking around the ears provided some consolation. Then Joe slipped the loop of the lead over one of the posts he’d driven in and Winona began sniffing around the area she could reach, her determination to find the edge of a interesting smell stronger than how securely the post was rooted. Seeing she had gained the attention of strange-but-somehow-right by pulling that askew Winona gave a wuff and dropped to tempt any onlookers with an expanse of tummy.

It took a while for Joe to finish with the belly scratching and then drive another post deeper into the soil. Winona helped him keep rhythm by giving a little ‘awooo’ each time the cylinder came down with a ‘dong’ and seemed happy enough to have her lead transferred to the firmer fixed post, once additional ear rubs and jowl wobbling had been provided along with admiration. Then Joe worked back through the posts he’d thought he’d finished before he continued to extend the line of posts and to respond to skilfully deployed puppy-eyes.

“Ah thought you’d be finished by now,” Big Macintosh commented, walking up.

“Wuff,” agreed Winona, truly Joe was lazy.

“I seem to have slowed down from paying attention to someone,” Joe replied, looking at Winona who gave a quizzically innocent head tilt, “but I have got all the posts in, despite having to go back and drive most of them in deeper.”

“Worph,” said Winona, proud of having helped by showing they were not strongly rooted enough.

“Ah can arrange the netting on the posts,” Big Macintosh suggested. “Apple Bloom and her friends should be out of school by now, and ah know the Cutie Mark Crusaders are meeting. So ah’d be a sight easier in mah mind if you went to see them with Winona and found out what they are up to.”

“Are you trying to get Winona out from underfoot or me?” joked Joe.

“Maybe both of you,” Big Macintosh said deadpan, “and let you keep Apple Bloom and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle out from underfoot as well.”

“Alas, delusions of usefulness are punctured,” said Joe, a slight twinge of concern at how deadpan the huge red stallion had been, and whether he was joking or not, “what do you have to say to our exile Winona?”

“Wuff,” Winona commented, confident she was not as useless as Joe but willing to go for a walk and be adored by Fillies.

“At least I know you trust me to not go along with things,” added Joe, “for which I am glad.”

“Ah trust you to help them, keep them safe, and not go too far,” Big Macintosh replied. “And that you don’t want a Granny Smith lecture again.”

“All true,” nodded Joe.

It was not far to the treehouse that had been Applejack’s as a filly and which now served as the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse. Winona tried to tow and speed the journey but Joe gave a few sharp jerks of the lead and a few sharp words to recall her to better behaviour. He didn’t mind her weaving about and snuffling and having to pause while she finished a snuffle but he was not going to let her set their course and speed. He was also not going to let her off the leash as he had doubts she would be as obedient to coming back to him as she would to Applejack.

“Hallloooo the hut,” Joe called, feeling expansive as the treehouse came into view.

Three filly heads popped out, Apple Bloom’s through the door and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle the windows either side.

“Wuff,” said Winona, seeing her smaller pony-for-giving-fuss and approving that all three Fillies were present.

“Joe, what you doing here with Winona?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Your big brother sent us so you three could keep us out of trouble.”

“Aruff?” Winona protested, querying if it was that way around.

“Well come on up then,” nodded Apple Bloom.

Joe clambered up with Winona, which was much less trouble for him than the filly-sized door was. “You know,” he commented as he wriggled through, “I’m glad there are Ponies the size of Big Macintosh so your normal doors are taller than they might have been, but I can see why he didn’t come here.”

“Wuff,” agreed Winona, already being admired and stroked.

“So, what were your plans?” Joe asked, deciding to sit as the door was not the only filly sized aspect of the treehouse.

“We were going to get our skydiving Cutie Marks!” said Scootaloo.

“Skydiving?”

“It’s when you jump from really high up while wearing a thing called a parachute…” Scootaloo began to explain.

“And when you get accused that using a tandem parachute harness sounds kinky,” smiled Joe, “as Rainbow Dash did to me.”

“How can humans have skydiving?” Scootaloo protested. “You haven’t got wings!”

“Neither do Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle,” replied Joe reasonably, “doesn’t stop them going up in an aeroplane, flying machine, or a balloon.”

“What’s this about kinky anyhow?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Rainbow Dash was talking about if she could carry me, rather than me carrying her,” said Joe, wishing he’d not mentioned the ‘kinky’ part, “and thought being strapped close and tight together sounded that. Though I think she was pulling my leg, despite me only having the two to pull, if you have skydiving.”

“How so?” Applejack frowned.

“Well, if you three were going to go skydiving…” Joe paused. “Which does sound like something Big Macintosh would want me to stop as if you’d got permission he’d have known about it.” The Fillies looked embarrassed. “But even if you had permission,” Joe continued, “for your first few jumps you’d probably be harnessed together with an experienced jumper even if you were taking it up as a hobby. And if you just want the thrill then a tandem harness is very useful, means you can have the fun of a skydive without needing to learn enough to be able to do it solo.”

“That don’t sound useful to us,” Scootaloo said, “second part I mean, if we’d just be a passenger and the other Pony be doing all the work then how would we get our Cutie Marks from that?”

“Good point.”

“And we don’t have tandem harnesses,” Scootaloo added.

“It also looks like you don’t have the same parachutes,” said Joe, nodding towards the poster he’d just noticed. “Classic dome shaped ones are very useful but I think human skydivers normally use ones that are more like the arch of a bridge, hmm…”

“Hmm?” Scootaloo asked as Joe looked at her.

“It might be worth troubling Sweetie Belle’s sister after all,” replied Joe before turning to the other filly. “After we’d established she thought tandem harnesses were kinky I continued to talk to Rainbow Dash about ways humans flew for fun, one of those was using the arch shaped parachutes, and she did ask Rarity if she thought she could make one.”

“My sister can make anything,” Sweetie Belle nodded stoutly.

“The main problem would be I’ve not much idea of the design,” agreed Joe.

“But what were you looking at me for?” Scootaloo asked.

“You can use the arch shaped parachutes to steer to the right field after skydiving, can use them for gliding after running down a hill, can be towed along and go up at the end of a line behind something as if you’re a kite. But one popular thing is to do the second thing but have a small motor strapped to your back so you can keep enough airspeed to keep aloft.”

“Ah don’t follow,” commented Apple Bloom, busily working a hoof over a happy Winona’s underbelly.

“Rainbow Dash would collapse or shred any parachute,” Joe explained, “whether she was towing someone with a line or, kinkily, strapped to someone’s back where the motor would be. But…”

“But I’ve already got ‘motors’ on my back!” exclaimed Scootaloo, buzzing up into the air.

“I’ve no doubt you’ll be able to fly better soon,” Joe reassured her, “but even one that could carry all three of you would have less drag than towing your friends in that wagon behind your scooter. Though it might be a little slow and boring, paragliding, or the oxymoron of powered paragliding, is for peace and quiet and good views rather than aerobatics.”

“And the other Pegasi might laugh at me,” said Scootaloo, her enthusiasm fading.

Joe sighed and nodded. “True, be like needing…” He shook his head, not sure if Ponies had armbands for swimming and confident they didn’t have bicycles and therefore didn’t have stabilisers. “I can think of things where some need to start off with that aid and those that don’t or don’t any more can be mocking.”

“Though if she was carrying us as well then that would be different,” Apple Bloom said, “as that’s something they cain’t do.”

“And should be possible,” nodded Joe again, “the three of you combined weigh less than I do so you could all be carried by a parachute that could carry me and I am sure Scootaloo is stronger than the sort of motor I’d have had strapped to my back.”

“But I’m not sure I want them strapped to me,” Scootaloo said, remembering all the times they had grabbed her for group hugs.

“Awwww,” protested the more tactile Sweetie Belle.

“I think you could attach the parachute to a cart,” Joe mused, “but if you were going that far I might go all the way to a Microlight.”

“My-grow-what now?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Microlight, which though it is not an oxymoron is rather a redundant name, small not-heavy,” Joe replied. “They are deliberately simple aeroplanes that can carry one or two humans fairly short distances fairly slowly. Scootaloo could still push one or… you know how Rainbow Dash’s tortoise flies?”

“Tank? Sure,” said Scootaloo.

“Turn his helicopter rotor on its side and you get a propeller, use whatever magic makes it go and you’ve got a motor.”

“Helly… you ain’t got machines that fly like that as well now?” Apple Bloom frowned.

“A few varieties…”

Before Joe could go into detail, or decide whether to mention autogiros, he was interrupted by a raspberry noise. Looking towards the source he saw Angel Bunny frowning that his arrival had not been noticed until he announced it.

“Awwww, you are so cute!” Sweetie Belle squeaked.

“Wuff!” said Winona.

“An’ you’re a really cute pup as well Winona,” Apple Bloom reassured her.

“Wrurp,” replied Winona, satisfied with that and the extra head stroking.

Angel Bunny hopped across to the happily receptive Sweetie Belle and Joe leaned forward a little. “I thought Spike was supposed to be looking after you.”

“Pppbbbtttttttt!” retorted Angel Bunny, folding his ears down and getting some strokes from Sweetie Belle.

“Hmm, I did warn him you’d be trouble,” Joe commented, either that or the stroking bringing a look of satisfaction to Angel Bunny’s face.

“Why do you say Spike should be looking after Angel?” asked Sweetie Belle, before distracting herself from the answer. “Aww, look at the little rollers in his tail.”

“He mentioned he was pet-sitting,” Joe replied, “he’d be looking after Winona as well but Applejack had already asked me.”

“Didn’t you want to stay with Spike?” crooned Sweetie Belle to the rabbit.

“Pbbpppbbbppppptttttttt!” Angel Bunny said scornfully.

“I’d better go find Spike and assure him Angel Bunny is safe,” nodded Joe, “and the walk into Ponyville will be some of the exercise Applejack warned me Winona needs.”

“Whurf?” Winona said, interested in the idea of a walk.

“I mean, look at her,” continued Joe, nodding at the contentedly sprawled dog, “can see why Apple Bloom’s sister warned me she could get wild.”

“Wuff,” Winona agreed, she was a mighty wolf unless walkies.

“Do you three want to look after Angel Bunny? He seems content.”

“If we’re not going to be going skydiving, then sure,” Scootaloo replied. “Are you going to come back?”

“Still got chores at Sweet Apple Acres, but I’ll have to come back to say if Spike is fine with this and being paid for nothing, or if he feels he needs to look after Angel Bunny since he’d agreed to do it.”

“Prprpprrpppppbbbtttttttt!” commented Angel Bunny, making his opinion plain.

“Good luck finding Spike,” Apple Bloom said as Joe reached for the end of Winona’s lead.

“You think you could track him, girl?” asked Joe as he slipped his hand through the lead-loop.

“Arurf,” Winona replied, giving Joe a confident gaze.

It took as much wriggling to get out of the treehouse as it had to get in but Joe and Winona managed to exit and get back onto the ground beneath. Joe stretched to get rid of the feeling of confinement the filly-scaled surroundings had given him and Winona helpfully tugged at her lead while he was distracted. Having kept his balance Joe was the recipient of a soulfully innocent doggy look. Winona behaved for the walk into Ponyville though and it was only then that Joe realised he’d left his sleeves rolled up.

A few days ago he’d have been worried about Ponies seeing the scars on his left forearm but after the conversation with Twilight Sparkle he’d realised that, and how much less spindly his forearms looked, was something of unconcern to anyone but him. There seemed little point in even the tiny amount of trouble required to roll the sleeves back down and then roll them back up when he got back to Sweet Apple Acres so he just continued to the Golden Oaks Library.

Joe knocked on the door. “Spike?” he called.

After waiting several seconds, and hearing nothing from inside, Joe peered in through a window. It was during the opening hours of the Golden Oaks Library but he didn’t want to just push the door open when someone opening the door at the wrong time could have been how Angel Bunny had escaped. However as he couldn’t see anyone or anything moving around and still couldn’t hear any activity he decided to risk it.

Cautiously opening the door, alert for anything trying to go the opposite way, Joe peered around it. The library was empty and looked rather a mess. Joe looked down at Winona who was also surveying the damage. “Seems Spike had trouble,” Joe commented to her.

“Wuff,” agreed Winona.

Joe closed the door and looked around. “Excuse me,” he asked a passing Pony, “have you seen Spike?”

“Spike? No,” the Pony said.

“Thank you,” smiled Joe, the smile fading as the Pony hurried off. She’d seemed nervous so maybe there had been gossip? Joe shrugged, far more likely that she’d just been surprised by the question while she was thinking about her errands and had hurried off towards those rather than away from him. “Your turn now Winona,” Joe said, looking down at her, “find Spike.”

“Arowl,” Winona said, looking as if she wondered why Joe had bothered asking the Pony first.

Some sniffing and snuffling and Winona began to tug and this time Joe allowed himself to pulled in the direction of her choosing. Ponyville was not a large town by the standards Joe had grown up with but was large enough he was glad of the guidance and that provided when they began to meet Ponies who had seen Spike. Winona seemed to feel those few brief conversations were needless but even with their delay they soon caught up. Ahead of them Spike was towing a reluctant Opalescence, who was protesting her resentment of being on a lead, while Owlowiscious carried Gummy and Tank swung around semi-randomly on his helicopter rig. As Joe watched the swinging bounced Tank off Spike’s head and explained why the small Dragon was wearing a helmet.

“You know,” Joe commented, Spike stopping and turning at those words, “there are humans who walk dogs for small fees, and they can be tempted to try to walk too many at once…”

“Joe!” Spike interrupted. “You’ve got to help me!”

“Relax, Angel Bunny is with the Cutie Mark Crusaders at their clubhouse and all four seem happy about it,” said Joe reassuringly, drawing a sigh of relief from Spike. “But when I was looking for you to tell you that I saw the library.”

“Rainbow Dash was right,” Spike nodded. “She said I should critter-proof things.”

“So Angel Bunny couldn’t escape?”

“So Angel couldn’t get out while I was trying to deal with the damage the others were causing.”

“Hwooo!” protested Owlowiscious, that was his home as well and he’d not been damaging it. Other than accidentally when he was flung from his perch by Tank landing on the other side of it.

“I can help you tidy,” Joe offered, “before I go back to the Cutie Mark Crusaders to tell them if you want Angel Bunny back or not.”

“If they want to look after Angel then I’m happy, but ask them to bring him to the library before Fluttershy and the others return.”

“Will do,” Joe nodded.

“And I’d appreciate the help with the tidying,” continued Spike, “I don’t want Twilight coming back and seeing the library like that.”

“Right then,” Joe said. “You take Winona…”

Spike gave Joe a puzzled look, but managed to grasp the lead.

“And I’ll…”

With that Joe grabbed Opalescence, who had spent the pause showing Spike a contemptuous shoulder and beginning to wash. Before she could react he’d stuffed her in the crook of his left arm, rear firmly held between arm and side and left hand grasping her front. She growled and gave a hiss, to which Joe returned a similar noise.

“Shush grumpy puss,” Joe chided her, “and if you claw and bite me you’ll get icky human gunk in your mouth and on your paws and fur.”

That argument seemed convincing to Opalescence so she contented herself with noises as Joe moved and reached out with his right arm to get a firm grip on Tank’s lead most of the way up it. Joe rotated his wrist a few times to wrap the lead around his hand. “I’ve got him now,” Joe assured Spike.

Looking dubious Spike let go of the end of Tank’s lead. “Are you sure you don’t want a helmet?”

“I should manage,” Joe replied, bringing his arm up and to the side so the tortoise on the shortened lead was well clear of his head.

“Pfft, long arms,” muttered Spike.

Despite Winona’s efforts to speed things it was only soon they got back to the Golden Oaks Library rather than very soon. They entered, Opalescence giving another growly noise as Joe bent, and Winona began sniffing the interesting smells all the Pony visitors had left. Spike shut the door behind them.

“All the other doors and windows shut?” Joe asked.

“Yes,” nodded Spike, letting go of Winona’s lead.

“Good,” Joe said, releasing Opalescence.

The white Persian hopped down from his arm and, after flirting her tail at them, bounced up the face of a bookcase, sending another book off the shelves, from the top of which she gave them a disdainful glare. Owlowiscious returned the glare and landed to deposit Gummy on the floor, then gave Spike a significant look. Recognising the ‘request’ by his fellow assistant-to-Twilight the Dragon released the lead from the Owl and Owlowiscious took off again to settle on his perch. Joe looked at Tank and then to Spike.

“How do you stop these blades?” Joe asked.

“They stopped when the thing came off Tank yesterday,” said Spike.

“Do you want to ground him or shall we just leave him tethered?”

“Ground I think.”

Joe nodded and carefully brought his left hand in to catch Tank between it and the hand holding the lead, his right pressing against the ventral-front of Tank and his left the dorsal-rear. Then, still being careful of the whizzing rotor, Joe crouched so Spike could unbuckle the strap. To their relief as this came loose the rotor blades did slow and stop and Joe managed to not drop Tank as the pressure changed from the upward pull of the blades to the downward pull of gravity.

“I tell you,” Spike commented, “Rainbow Dash was right, you don’t want to get hit in the head by a flying turtle.”

“Tortoise,” said Joe, putting Tank down.

“Tortoise, Turtle, what’s the difference.”

“Among other things he’d have flippers rather than legs,” Joe replied, “and as he’d be used to swimming underwater he might be better at flying.”

Tank gave Joe a slow blink as he tried to decide whether to be affronted. Then he plodded over to look at Gummy and exchange silent witticisms.

Joe picked up the book Opalescence had just knocked down and she turned her nose up at him. Unfortunately for her that exposed the front of her throat and chest and Joe was tall enough to reach up and wiggle his fingers in that fur. Her expression showing how much she felt she was being tolerant and allowing him a favour Opalescence condescended to bring her head down and butt it against the hand so Joe could have the privilege of ear stroking. Not that he seemed to appreciate it as much as she felt he should as it was only a brief fussing before he went back to tidying.

Winona carried on sniffing around as they tidied and Owlowiscious watched. That Twilight Sparkle was so organised and kept the library so neat with the help of Spike and Owlowiscious had made the mess look worse, but also meant they Joe and Spike knew exactly where to put things back. Tank and Gummy continued to exchange messages in ancient reptilian blink code and Opalescence turned herself into a mound of white fur as she tucked nose and tail and paws in and began to snooze, the blue ribbon on her head giving one of the only clues to which end was which.

“Right,” said Joe eventually, “that looks more normal, and I should be getting back to people.”

“Do you…” Spike began, hesitating as he didn’t really want to share, “do you want a slice of jewel cake before you go?”

“You managed to bake that okay without the gem for Winona?”

“Wuff?” Winona asked, agreeing she was worth a gem but not sure of the connection.

“Twilight gave me some more gems and helped me bake it yesterday,” Spike replied. “And she helped me to not snack on the gems this time.”

“Hwhooo,” commented Owlowiscious, who had seen the disappearance of the previous gems.

Joe nodded. “I said you’d got a fine ‘big sister’ in Twilight. As to a slice of jewel cake for me I am sure it would be nice, but if I got a piece with a gem that would hurt my teeth rather than being extra delicious. So I’ll decline as I think you’d enjoy the cake so much more than I would, owe me some buns or something... deal?”

“Deal,” Spike agreed.

“Right then, come here Winona.”

“Wuff?” said Winona, responding to her name and Joe patting his leg.

Joe reached down and took hold of the leash Winona had been trailing behind her around the library. She looked happy as the interest of the smells was beginning to fade and tall-thing holding leash meant more walks. Joe took another look around at the calmly perching Owlowiscious, the snoozing Opalescence, and the blinking duo of Tank and Gummy.

“Good luck with these four.”

“Thanks Joe.”

The walk back to the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse was just as pleasant as the one the other way into Ponyville. As they continued along the path Winona happily checked if anything had happened and left a smell, seeming satisfied with the results whether positive or negative. With a sense of déjà vu Joe drew in a deep breath as he looked up at the treehouse.

“Haaalllooooo the hut,” Joe called, adding, “again.”

“Hi Joe,” replied Apple Bloom, sticking her head out the window.

“Spike is happy for you to look after Angel Bunny,” Joe said, hearing a raspberry noise from inside the treehouse at the mention of Spike, “but he wants him brought to the library before it’s time for Fluttershy to collect him.”

“Okay!” nodded Apple Bloom, her bow wobbling. Then she frowned. “You ain’t coming up?”

“With the chatting and the trip into Ponyville I’m overdue to get back to your brother.”

“Wait!” Scootaloo said, appearing at the other window. “You hadn’t finished what you were saying.”

“Sorry Scootaloo, I need to be on my way.”

“Hang on,” Scootaloo requested. Joe paused as the faint sound of a discussion floated down to him, and then the door opened. “I’ll walk with you a little way.”

“Sure,” nodded Joe as the small Pegasus buzz-flapped down to join him and Winona.

They started to walk and went a short distance before Scootaloo spoke again. “So, flying machines with wings?”

“Rigid wings, the analogy I used with Rainbow Dash was an Albatross, but with a motor to give forward speed rather than any flapping.”

“Why not just make the wings flap?” Scootaloo asked, looking puzzled.

“Why not make a machine with legs rather than a steam locomotive with wheels?” asked Joe in return.

“Er.”

“Snarkiness aside,” continued Joe, “you shouldn’t underestimate how intricate wings like yours are. At least I am assuming the feathers aren’t deceptive and they are quite bird like?”

“I think so,” Scootaloo replied, though she’d have said bird wings were quite Pegasus like.

Joe nodded and raised the arm that did not have a leash with a dog on the end of it. “Bats can actually reshape their wings even better,” he said, spreading the fingers of that hand, “as their wing membranes are on their ‘fingers’ but…” Joe closed his hand into a point. “Even three joints can create a lot of variety in how the wings move and the shape of them. Plus the different feathers in different parts of the wing are different shapes and they are quite complex in the curves of their cross-section and their asymmetry to provide lift.”

“So you make ‘wheels’ rather than ‘legs’?” Scootaloo asked as Joe brought his arm down.

“Keeping the wings rigid does work well for gliding birds,” nodded Joe, “and we’d already made gliders, so keeping the ‘glide’ going was the next step. The problem was power and control. I mentioned something called a hang glider to Rainbow Dash and that’s light enough that a human hanging from one part pushing and pulling a control bar fixed to a different part can steer it.”

“Eh?”

Joe paused and looked at the path. Deciding it was fine grained enough he crouched and sketched in the dirt with a finger as Winona and Scootaloo watched. “If the bar is neutral then is like a rectangle from the side…”

“Right.”

“But if the human pulls back then the bottom part of the rectangle gets shorter and the angles have to shift, and the human is heavy enough that the wing shifts position rather than just them. So you can steer pushing and pulling forward and back and left and right.”

“Got it.”

“Wuff,” agreed Winona.

“But,” Joe said, straightening and smoothing the path over with a sweep of his boot, “if you are putting an engine on the ‘glider’ then its heavier by the weight of the engine and by the extra amount of wing to carry that weight. So that method wouldn’t work.” He started walking again. “That said I think some hang glider fliers do strap an engine to themselves, so it is on them rather than on the glider…”

“And I have my ‘engines’ on me,” said Scootaloo, buzzing up into the air and doing a circuit of Joe.

“And the magic here solves the problem with power,” Joe nodded. “Tank’s rig has a good power to weight ratio so if it was on the wing it wouldn’t make it that much heavier compared with what was hanging beneath and if it was on what was hanging beneath it wouldn’t make that too hard to shift, especially since the magic here also makes Ponies stronger.” He rubbed his head and small smudge onto his forehead from the dirt clinging to that finger. “I hope you are not as confused as I am.”

“I think I am following you.”

“Good,” Joe nodded again. “Thing is that engines and propellers and wings have improved, to say the least, so I say how the hang glider control method won’t work, meaning when aeroplanes were invented, and then say maybe it would work, meaning with modern technology or the magic here.”

Scootaloo nodded back. “And if I am pushing then I can steer by changing the direction I’m pushing.”

“That should work,” Joe smiled.

“Is that how humans ended up steering their ‘aeroplanes’?”

“It’s a way to get a bit more agility to them, change the direction of push, but… you have rudders on boats don’t you?”

“Yep!”

“Similar idea, parts of the wings or tail or fin folding up and down or side to side. Changes the shape of the wing very crudely compared with a bird, or Pegasus, but gives pitch and yaw and roll.”

“I think my wings are better,” Scootaloo said with pride.

“And I’d agree, from what I’ve seen of Pegasi you’ll have a lot more agility and control and flexibility.”

“So if we were going to make one of your crude flying machines…”

“Crude because I’m not an aeronautical engineer, I’ll admit humans can’t build flappy-wing machines but when you can get that much speed and range and carrying capacity out of fixed wing plus engines the need seems less.” Joe chuckled. “Of course I’m not sure how much Rainbow Dash can carry or how far she can fly, but she’s very fast and agile.”

“She is!” Scootaloo agreed, barely restraining herself from more gushing and squeeing.

“Not sure what we’d do though Scoots,” continued Joe, slipping towards more informality as his thoughts distracted him. “I can sketch what I remember and we could build models, but might be better to also work out the physics.”

“Wuff,” Winona said, agreeing that proper preparation prevents poor performance. Since she was a lady she did not use the extra p word that meant urine.

“Not sure you’d have needed aeronautics, since you have Pegasi who can fly rather than needing machines, but I’m sure there are Ponyfolk who have studied how Pegasi fly. There’s also that moving gas and moving liquid follow much the same rules so fluid dynamics would apply.” Joe stopped and gave Scootaloo a smile. “Twilight Sparkle would know more about this, so we’d need her help if we wanted to avoid trial and error.”

“Couldn’t you just make a model and, once it worked, scale it up?” Scootaloo asked.

“I could, or rather we could,” nodded Joe, “and we probably would. But even if the model worked perfectly we’d still need some maths. Not everything scales up the same and I’m not what scales up how. For instance I’m pretty sure a wing’s lift depends much more on its area than its volume, but the weight its supporting would be going up as the cube rather than the square.” Scootaloo looked blank. “By the size times the size times the size,” Joe explained, moving one finger left to right, forward to back, and then down to up, “not the size times the size,” moving the finger through only the first two motions.

“Ah.”

“But we could manage something Scootaloo, and making the models could be fun even if you three decide that making a Microlight, Pegasus powered or otherwise, would be too much.”

Scootaloo nodded. Then she looked at Joe as he dealt with a determined attempt by Winona to reach a scent that was significantly off the path. “Joe?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to do this?”

“Hmm,” Joe mused. “I don’t see the harm in doing it, and there’d be satisfaction in figuring it out and if we succeeded, or at least failed impressively. It’s not something I was going to do for myself, but I think I know enough to be helpful and I like you and Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle enough that if you were having fun I’d be happy to help.”

“Okay. Thanks Joe!”

With that Scootaloo turned and galloped back towards the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse, her leg speed increased by the occasional buzz of wings. Joe paused and wondered if he’d got himself into something better avoided. Even discounting if this was cautious enough to suit the warning from Princess Celestia, which still preyed on his mind, there was the problem that Twilight Sparkle had touched on. Joe knew there were many holes in his knowledge of flight so, just as she had suggested about his strength and fitness, this might be something that would have been more satisfying kept as a secret rather than being tested and the weakness exposed.

Brooding on this a little despite the antics of a happy dog Joe continued on to Sweet Apple Acres and was pleased to see a huge red stallion.

“Wuff,” said Winona, greeting Big Macintosh.

“Howdy Joe,” Big Macintosh said, turning and nodding to him.

“Arf?” asked Winona, puzzled as she’d been the one to speak.

“An’ to you Winona.”

“Hello Big Macintosh,” Joe replied, as Winona looked satisfied with her greeting being returned. “Sorry for being so long.”

“Ah was beginning to wonder.”

“The Cutie Mark Crusaders were thinking of skydiving.”

“Skydiving?”

“Fortunately I distracted them a little…”

“Wuff.”

“As did Winona,” added Joe at the reminder, “and then Angel Bunny arrived and your sister and Sweetie Belle decided rabbit sitting was a better plan.”

“Ah note you didn’t say Scootaloo,” Big Macintosh nodded, “and ah take it you had to go tell Spike where th’ bunny was?”

“Had to find him, which Winona was very helpful with, weren’t you girl?”

“Arf!” said Winona, she of the tracking nose.

“But back now rather than skiving with the Fillies.”

“Ah’d have not minded you ‘skiving’ as they do take a mite of looking after,” Big Macintosh reassured Joe. “But as you are back ah can think of some things you can help with here.”

“Lead on then.”

Big Macintosh did and between them, and Winona, they managed to get some useful work done in the few hours until Applejack returned, trailed by Apple Bloom.

“Look what ah found at the library,” said Applejack, “and ah hear Spike had some help with the critter sitting.”

“You do?” Joe asked.

“Ah do.”

“Apple Bloom,” Joe said, looking to the filly from the mare, “I’m not sure Spike wanted you to still be there when your sister and the others got back. Or to say you’d been looking after Angel Bunny rather than him.”

“He told Fluttershy before she asked,” replied Apple Bloom, with a little pout.

“Fair enough then.”

“And ah meant you,” Applejack added. “The spot of tidying and organising.”

“Was only a spot,” shrugged Joe.

“You want to join us for dinner?” Applejack asked. “And before you say it we don’t mind the sweatiness you’ve got from the hard work here.”

“Eee’nope,” agreed Big Macintosh.

“Whurf,” Winona added, hoping tall-thing would be susceptible to puppy eyes at the table.

“That is very kind of you,” nodded Joe, “and I would like to hear how you got on in the Crystal Empire. All go well?”

“Hoowhee, not at first, though it turned out well in the end,” Applejack replied. “But it’s a mouthful of a tale so let’s be getting our mouths full of other stuff while I tell it?”

“And Granny Smith will be interested as well,” added Apple Bloom.

“Eeee’yup,” agreed Big Macintosh again.

Once they had washed some of the dirt off and Granny Smith had successfully repelled Joe’s offers of help with cooking or serving they settled down for the meal. Joe was glad they’d let him have a knife and use that and fingers rather than having to eat from the plate, and he knew forks were a relatively recent invention so that was enough cutlery. Some of the vegetation looked as if it would escape without much changing appearance though.

“…so we got to th’ spa,” Applejack said, having dealt with the train journey and the rehearsals of the song, “and Princess Cadance was right welcoming. Ah thought to mahself that Rainbow had been getting too het up over the whole caboodle, but then a Pony arrived with two messages. The first was that th’ Princess’ hair stylist had th’ flu and didn’t want to risk the Princess catching it, so Rarity had to step up and deal with the ceremonial headdress.”

“I’m sure she did an excellent job,” nodded Joe, trying to chew something into submission despite his teeth.

“That she did, once she’d managed to finish,” Applejack smiled, “which didn’t take her that long really, but took longer than we had because th’ second message was that the games inspector was on the next train rather us still having hours. So off we went to meet the Pony with the flowery luggage… frowning there Joe.”

“I wasn’t meaning to,” Joe replied.

“Not enjoying the food?” asked Granny Smith, alert for any hint of ingratitude.

“I’ll admit some will pass straight through me,” Joe smiled, “but it tastes nice and the company makes it even nicer.”

“Pissht boy,” growled Granny Smith, instantly switching from one attitude to the opposite, “ah appreciate the politeness but ah ain’t a good host if ah don’t worry about mah guests digestion.”

Joe glanced at Winona and decided to not say it would be like if she or Opalescence had eaten some grass. Dogs and cats did sometimes do that and he recalled sometimes having to gently draw a blade or two out when it had looked like the pet had a second green tail below the first. Hopefully this would just come out through the muscles of that exit rather than needing the extra aid though.

“So what was the frown?” asked Applejack.

“You said things went badly wrong before they turned out well,” Joe replied, “and the way you said it made me wonder about how common flowery luggage might be.”

“Eeee’yup,” agreed Big Macintosh.

“Weren’t so obvious at th’ time, but yep,” Applejack smiled, “we met a Pony at the station and she was nice and she had flowery luggage, and took a while for us to realise she was not the games inspector.”

“Oh no!” piped Apple Bloom. “What did you do sis?”

“We did our welcoming song back at th’ castle, then we were hoping Princess Cadance would be there,” Applejack continued. “Th’ list for the headdress was as long as our barn but there’d been a little time before th’ train and we’d not rushed the walk from the station to the castle. But there was no sign of the Princess so Rainbow suggested we give a tour of the castle… did you just wince there Joe?”

“I spent some time volunteering at a castle, helping with re-enactments and tours, and I know it can be harder than it looks.”

“Twilight had the same feeling, and she was right,” nodded Applejack. “We weren’t doing so well while she went to see about her sister-in-law. We’d barely seen the inside of th’ castle so hard enough just not getting lost.”

“No local ponies to help?” Joe asked.

“They were all busy with the sprucing up.”

Joe slowly nodded. “Fair enough, I suppose. Though I’d have thought there’d be some guards or somepony sprucing inside the castle.”

“We were keeping an eye out for anypony who’d be able to help, and when Twilight returned to tell us Rarity was still working she went to get her brother.”

“Eee’yup,” said Big Macintosh, pleased at the idea that a big brother was turned to.

“He’d been living in th’ castle and all, so likely he’d know it better than us, but then more went wrong.”

“Oh no!” Apple Bloom piped up again.

“Wuff,” agreed Winona.

“Th’ Pony we’d met wanted to stretch her legs, seemed quite frantic about it, and she ended up finding the way to th’ sports field.”

“That doesn’t sound bad,” frowned Granny Smith.

“Twas when she started running round th’ track and getting in the way of the athletes, then worse when she managed to get a pot on her head and panicked and ran off.”

“That is… er,” Joe began, before deciding against the sentence.

“What?” said Granny Smith, her frown becoming fierce rather than puzzled.

Joe decided to not say this Pony sounded like a horse from his world, one that would try to kick a stable or horsebox to pieces or would panic and rush off if something startled it. “That is not sounding good,” he said instead, not fooling Granny Smith.

“Rainbow managed to catch up and get the pot off, but when the rest of us caught up that was when we realised we had the wrong Pony. She was just so surprised when Shining Armour said she’d been expected that Twilight finally asked straight-up if she was the games inspector.”

“Eeee’ouch,” commented Big Macintosh.

“So we went back to th’ station and of course the actual games inspector wasn’t there,” Applejack continued. “We were going to search all organised like but then Pinkie Pie said we didn’t need to look in the Spa as if she was there, where Princess Cadance still was, then we’d no hope. So of course we went there as with th’ way our luck had been going the worst place would be the place the games inspector would be. And she was.”

Applejack looked at Joe for a moment.

“I’m out of frowns and winces,” Joe smiled.

“Ah ain’t,” said Big Macintosh, breaking his usual expression of calm with an exaggerated… almost Pinkie Pie like… look of shock.

“We thought all was lost,” Applejack continued, as Apple Bloom giggled at their big brother. “When we arrived Rarity called to us that Princess Cadance was ready and that made th’ games inspector realise Princess Cadance was there. She began complaining about having not been welcomed and Rainbow admitted the mistake we’d made, and how much she regretted that we’d messed things up for the Crystal Ponies…”

“What then?” asked Apple Bloom as Applejack let her voice trail off.

“But then the Pony we’d been showing around spoke up, she’d also gone to the Spa and been telling the games inspector all about how well we’d welcomed her. Ah’m not sure ah’d think that made up for the mistake and how poorly things had gone, but th’ games inspector had been impressed. Something about an unbiased opinion.”

“Hmm, can get used to things,” Joe mused. “If everywhere she went she was welcomed and pampered then that would seem normal.”

“Ah think you might be right, th’ other Pony seemed right pleased with our efforts so that might have reminded th’ games inspector how unusual it was.”

“So?” Joe asked.

“Yeah, so?” added Apple Bloom, giving filly eyes.

“Wuff?” Winona said, though her question was more directed towards Joe and if he was going to eat that crunchy tasty thing.

“So she awarded th’ Games to th’ Crystal Empire!” said Applejack. “We’d done it!”

“Yay!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.

“Eee’yup,” nodded Big Macintosh.

“Fine work,” Granny Smith said.

“Whruf,” added Winona, having finished devouring what Joe had given her.

“Indeed, excellent news,” Joe agreed, then he chuckled. “Though as it was your efforts it almost seems she should have awarded it to Ponyville.”

“Ah don’t think we’re a big enough town, Joe,” winked Applejack.

“I did say almost.”

“Eeee’yup,” agreed Big Macintosh.

“And ah’d not want the houses intruding on our orchards anyhow,” Granny Smith added.

Joe nodded. Based on the agreement by which he had leased the land for his hut and the surroundings he suspected that had been Granny Smith’s decision. It was her family that had been given the first land grants here by Princess Celestia so whether the other settlers had been given their own grants or whether at least some of them were only leaseholders was a question that was none of his business. That they had been able to afford to rebuild their barn so often suggested the answer though.

“So, hail the… ack,” Joe said, distracted by his thoughts for a moment too long.

“Hail the ‘ack’?” teased Applejack. “Ah think you forgot the most part of mah name.”

“More of your trying ta not cause offence?” Granny Smith said, beetling one eye at Joe.

“‘Hail the conquering hero comes, sound the trumpet, sound the drums’,” sighed Joe. “Which has become metaphorical, someone returns with success and you say ‘hail the conquering hero’, but is still a rather violent saying for these parts.”

“Eeee’yup,” Big Macintosh agreed.

“Ah still like you,” said Apple Bloom reassuringly.

“Still, story’s over and you’ve finished eating,” Granny Smith said.

“True,” nodded Joe, not taking offence at the abrupt dismissal, “do you…”

“And ah don’t need any help with washing up. Not ready for the coffin yet you know.”

“I pity any spirit of death that tries it before you are ready,” agreed Joe.

“Hmph!”

“Goodbye Joe,” Applejack said as he rose.

“Bye Applejack, Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh,” replied Joe with a nod to each in turn and then a deeper nod as he finished, “and to you Madame Smith.”

“Ah said before to not ‘Madame Smith’ me,” Granny Smith glowered, then she winked, “but I’ll accept it this time.”

“Wuff,” agreed Winona.

“Bye Joe,” Apple Bloom said.

“Eee’yup, night to you,” nodded Big Macintosh.

With the round of farewells complete Joe left and Apple Bloom went to play with Winona in a different room while Granny Smith shooed Big Macintosh out of the way of her and Applejack collecting plates together. They took these into the kitchen and put them near the sink for when someone managed to volunteer or be volunteered for the washing up. Then Granny Smith looked at her elder granddaughter.

“You invited him to dinner and trusted him with your dog, do you like that boy?”

“He’s a friend,” Applejack replied.

“That ain’t what ah meant.”

“But it is what ah meant, and mean.”

Granny Smith nodded, feeling some relief as even if Joe had shaped up a little he was still a funny shape and still not that hard a worker. There wasn’t much more he could be doing around Sweet Apple Acres, only so many chores to go around, but she was sure that he could find more to occupy himself. Three days a week here and a morning each week for Zecora left him a lot of spare time to be lazy, even if she had to admit he didn’t slack off when he was working.

“Good,” nodded Granny Smith, “that means ah can show him your filly pictures.”

“Granny!”

Chapter 16

The sun was still quite low in the sky as Joe relaxed on his porch with a book and hoped today would go as well as the day before. He’d managed to help out at Sweet Apple Acres, with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and at the Golden Oaks Library and had the chance to talk about something he was interested in. Then had an enjoyable meal and conversation before his nightly routine and a good night’s sleep. So far, despite his concerns, he’d not even suffered from eating the tougher vegetation. So a good day and, after his talk with Twilight Sparkle the day before, he felt happy enough about ‘risking’ a visit to the library to return a book that he’d decided to finish it this morning.

“Are you an egghead?” a bemused voice asked.

“Actually… yes,” Joe replied, sitting up a little and smiling to Rainbow Dash, noting the panniers she was wearing. “I’m not a genius like Twilight Sparkle though, and I’m not studying at the moment.”

“Daring Do?” said Rainbow Dash as Joe showed her the cover of the book. “You like Daring Do books?”

“I find them comforting.”

“Comforting?” exclaimed Rainbow Dash, looking even more baffled.

“Oh, they are exciting books,” Joe reassured her, easing her bafflement, “but there are a lot of strange coincidences and parallels in this world to my own, so it’s nice to find one I can just enjoy. That we both have the idea of the explorer adventurer archaeologist, though I’d tend towards the carefully survey and excavate school of thought.” He gave Rainbow Dash a wink. “Though I admit several months of making notes and drawings of every carving and the mechanisms of the traps and the construction of the ancient temple would flow less excitingly on the page.”

“Oh yeah!” agreed Rainbow Dash. “That’s putting it mildly.”

Joe shut the book but left it in his lap. “Do you want to sit down Dash?”

“I’m not sure I should,” Rainbow Dash teased, “I’ve heard about you and scritching the ears of mares who visit you alone.”

“Alas, betrayed by gossip as well as my hand,” smiled Joe, “but in my defence I was not very awake and was habit to provide such service when a chin was placed on my thigh.”

“You look awake enough at the moment, but I think I’ll sit more out of reach.”

Rainbow Dash reached round with her head to release her panniers. As those slid off her onto the porch decking there was quite a thud and a clank from within them of metal against metal. Joe raised his eyebrows briefly in surprise at this as Rainbow Dash settled onto the other set of cushions, that were getting a lot more use this past week than they’d done before.

“Scootaloo almost pounced on Twi,” Rainbow Dash commented, “barely got back to the library before she was quizzing her about flying machines, you been talking to her about those?”

“Yesterday, when Big Macintosh asked me to see what they were up to, I found the Cutie Mark Crusaders discussing Cutie Marks for skydiving.”

“Skydiving?” Rainbow Dash repeated. “I got my Cutie Mark for diving out of the sky, but that was because I did a Sonic Rainboom, and that was awesome!”

“And if you jump from high enough you can go supersonic, even without being a talented Pegasus.”

“Psh’yeah, right.”

“Been done. Had to take a balloon up high enough that without a special suit the man would have died, but he did break the speed of sound in his dive.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. But just a sonic boom rather than a Rainboom, though if a human machine leaves a vapour trail at the right angle, from exhaust or wings, then there can be a rainbow there.”

“Not as awesome as the one I leave, and especially not as awesome as my Sonic Rainboom though?”

“A lot fainter and less spectacular than your trail, and as your Rainboom is even better that would further outclass those.”

“Of course,” nodded Rainbow Dash, her brief moment of concern that something might outshine her passing,

“In any case after Scootaloo protested that humans didn’t have wings, and I pointed out neither did Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle,” Joe continued, “we got onto parachutes, I mentioned being towed along under one or having a motor on your back…”

“Which Scootaloo wouldn’t need.”

“But which we agreed would be embarrassing as the parachute would show she needed the extra help.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash winced. “I remember at flight school these three colts and how they bullied and mocked Fluttershy.”

“That… seems both weak and stupid,” frowned Joe. “Weak because she is so shy and quiet, though she does have that inner core of steel, and stupid because I expect she was pretty then as well.” He paused and mused. “Though if Ponies are like humans then she might have been going through a stage.”

“She’s a little older than the rest of us, so she was rather leggy,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “but the same three colts decided to try the same nonsense when we went to the Best Young Flier competition.”

“Hrm,” growled Joe. “And right to call them colts rather than stallions if they hadn’t grown up.”

“We ignored them,” Rainbow Dash smiled, “and then I ignored them after I won.”

“Not diplomatic, but probably satisfying. And if they’d not the wit to change their attitude with the years that had passed and that you had both helped save Equestria and were holders of Elements of Harmony then I doubt words would have availed much.”

“Sonic Rainboom and saving Rarity and the three Wonderbolts worked.”

“If it hadn’t Dash then I’d wonder how they managed to form words with so little brain.”

“Seems an effort for them,” Rainbow Dash winked. “But after you agreed para-whatsitting would be embarrassing for Scoots, what then?”

“We talked about a parachute to carry all three of them, whether to attach that to a cart rather than a triple harness, and then Angel Bunny arrived as I suggested going one step further to a Microlight.”

“You mentioned those to me, keeping things simple for fun… wait, Angel Bunny arrived?”

“And blew a raspberry as a hello.”

“I told Spike he needed to critter-proof the library.”

“That he admitted,” Joe smiled, “though sounds like he didn’t admit that Angel had made his own way to the Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse.”

“Can you imagine how Fluttershy would have reacted?”

“Yes. So I’ll not say to her that when I found Spike he was searching. I was fortunate I had Winona with me to track Spike down.” Rainbow Dash nodded to this and they sat for a few moments before Joe spoke again and changed the subject. “I am glad that things turned out well, in the end, in the Crystal Empire.”

“How do you know that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I had dinner with Applejack last night…”

“Oh.”

“…as I was still at Sweet Apple Acres when she and Apple Bloom got back, so they set an extra place for their family meal and she told us the story.”

“Oh!”

Joe blinked at the two contrasting ‘oh’s and a very faint suspicion tried to wave feeble arms for attention at the back of his mind. His attention however was on how Rainbow Dash had slumped slightly and how the silence did not feel comfortable this time. The blue Pegasus seemed to be struggling with something as she looked down and to one side, but then she looked at Joe again.

“I nearly blew it,” sighed Rainbow Dash.

“It sounded more like bad luck with the hair stylist and the early arrival,” Joe disagreed. Thinking overnight it had seemed that if Princess Cadance had been there to meet her the other Pony would have been surprised enough sooner for them to realise the mistake, and if the games inspector hadn’t been taking the earlier train there’d not have been the coincidence of flowery luggage.

“No, I nearly blew it,” repeated Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t see how,” Joe said, shaking his head, “not from what Applejack said.”

Rainbow Dash was looking and sounding very unhappy so Joe put his book to one side and leaned across, almost lying down to reach, and patted her reassuringly on her left shoulder. She leant into the patting and turned her head a little, resting her chin briefly against the back of his hand. Then she gave Joe a weak smile.

“Actually,” Rainbow Dash said slowly, “I don’t want ear scritching, but if you can restrain yourself I could do with a bit of a hug.”

“I’ll be a gentleman,” nodded Joe reassuringly.

Joe scooted across, having to sit on the bare boards next to Rainbow Dash’s cushion nest, and she shifted position to settle against him, his right arm draped across her shoulders and her chin resting on his right knee. After a moment she unfurled her left wing to press it lightly against his back and return the hug that way. Joe gave her a slight squeeze and patted her right shoulder, and waited for her to gather her thoughts.

“Thanks,” Rainbow Dash said. She paused and then went on. “I don’t know how much you know about the Equestria Games…”

“I know they are a big sporting event,” said Joe as Rainbow Dash’s voice trailed off. “Cities take it in turn to host them, and it’s another thing where humans have something similar so I have to be careful to not assume it is too similar.”

Rainbow Dash nodded, as much as she could when her chin was on a human knee. “When I was a filly in Cloudsdale we had a chance to host them, and I still remember the disappointment of them going to Fillydelphia instead,” she said sadly, “so I was so determined the Crystal Ponies would not have that same disappointment. Not after they were lost for a thousand years.”

“You have a good heart.”

“I knew the inspector would be paying attention to every detail,” Rainbow Dash went on, ignoring Joe’s compliment, “and would want to check everything.”

“You were determined the Crystal Ponies would not be disappointed,” nodded Joe, “and the games inspector would be determined the games would not be a disappointment from a poor host.”

“Are you saying something about Cloudsdale?” Rainbow Dash asked, raising her head from his knee to turn it and give Joe a challenging look.

“I am sure your home city would have done a good job,” said Joe, not meeting the challenge. “Or even an excellent job. Would have been a hair’s breadth of difference between the bidding cities.”

“I don’t think you understand how much it meant to me that we didn’t get the games,” Rainbow Dash sighed, resting her head again.

“I don’t think I do,” admitted Joe, giving her another consoling squeeze across the shoulders. “But I’m sorry it still hurts.”

Rainbow Dash took another moment. “So I was determined that whatever the games inspector did we should not lose our cool,” she continued, “she might be acting strangely but that was just to test us, we had to roll with it and play along no matter what.”

“Is that why you said you nearly blew it?”

“The others seemed suspicious, this Pony was so surprised by us welcoming her, but I kept telling them it was all an act to catch us off guard.”

“I think you are being too harsh on yourself. Applejack mentioned it was not until you’d all met Shining Armour that Twilight Sparkle actually asked that Pony if she was the games inspector.”

“Did AJ mention ‘that Pony’ started making up to Shining?”

“That she didn’t mention,” Joe chuckled.

“And Twi might have realised and asked sooner but, after our welcome routine, she went to check on Rarity and Princess Cadance…”

“I’m glad you could still do your routine with Rarity busy at the spa.”

“And then Twi went to try to get Shining when she saw the tour that Pinkie Pie was giving of the castle…”

“It was Pinkie doing it?” Joe exclaimed. Then he closed his eyes and sighed. “Sorry, that sounded unfair to…”

“No, was quite fair,” replied Rainbow Dash. “I’d suggested a tour, but then we got to a big round room and Pinkie started saying how it was big and round and known for its roundness.”

“A rotunda?”

“Shame you weren’t there, you might have known what neo-gothic meant as well.”

“I’m not sure,” Joe admitted. “I know what a rotunda is, I used to be more rotund, and can recognise a few architectural styles but…”

“But at least you’d have not begun pulling faces at the Pony as if she was one of the baby Cake twins.”

“No… I don’t think I’d have done that. Or at least I never did when I gave castle tours.”

“While Twi went to find her brother I took over the tour. The Pony was still wanting to stretch her legs so I suggested we found the castle Gymnasium… why did you just chuckle?”

“Sorry, I’m still not sure if we speak the same language or if some sort of translation spell. But to me the original meaning of that word was ‘place of naked exercise’ and it struck me that you are all naked.”

“The athletes outside weren’t,” Dash said, managing to give Joe a smile, “as we found when the search for the Gymnasium took us to the covered walkway down to the sports arena instead.”

“Applejack mentioned the track invasion.”

“Shining Armour started asking what she was doing and saying to make her stop, and I told him she was the games inspector and to let her continue…”

“Wait,” Joe interrupted, “Shining Armour was there and he didn’t just act? He’s the former Captain of the Equestria Royal Guard and he saw a strange Pony getting in the way of his athletes and he didn’t deal with it?”

“What was he supposed to do?”

“Unicorn magic? He’s powerful enough to put a barrier around the whole of Canterlot,” Joe replied. “Or he could just shout, though I admit that’s normally the job of the Sergeants in the armies I am familiar with.” Rainbow Dash just looked at Joe so he drew in a deep breath and bellowed. “You there! What in the name of Discord’s testicles do you think you are up to? Get off the track now!”

Rainbow Dash winced at the volume. “That might have worked… ‘the name of Discord’s testicles’ though?”

“She was causing chaos,” Joe shrugged, “so it seemed an apt local curse.”

“Just glad he didn’t come to complain about you taking his testicles in vain.”

“Let’s talk about yesterday rather than those,” Joe smiled, waving his left hand dismissively.

“Well,” sighed Rainbow Dash, “they had pots decorating the jumps and she managed to get one on her head, which really panicked her and she ran off. I managed to catch up with her but when my hooves closed on the pot she stopped dead, which threw my balance off and put my flight out of control.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, I crashed,” Rainbow Dash admitted, deciding to not mention it was like a bird on a window pane. “By the time I got back the others had caught up and it might have been fortunate Shining Armour hadn’t shouted at that Pony.”

“It could have saved you the crash.”

“True, but it might have discouraged her from flirting with him…” Rainbow Dash lifted and tilted her head to look up at Joe through her eyelashes. “She said she ain’t never met a real Prince before.” Then Rainbow Dash fluttered her eyelashes. “Flutter flutter, oh my.”

“Subtle, and careful with those Dash or you might seduce me into ear scritches,” grinned Joe. “Besides unless Twilight has a secret that Pony still hadn’t met a real Prince, or not one of the Blood rather than only through Marriage.”

“He seemed real enough for her,” Rainbow Dash replied, dropping her chin back down, “but when he got embarrassed and said he was sure she met Princes all the time in her line of work she was so surprised at the idea that this was when Twi asked her if she was the games inspector.”

“And you rushed back to the train station, found her gone…”

“And Pinkie said the worse place for the games inspector to be would be at the spa, so of course that was where she was and where I had to admit the mistake I’d made…”

“Or as Applejack put it,” Joe said firmly, “the mistake ‘we’d made’. I’ll not say that telling the others it was all a test wouldn’t have made it harder for them to realise you had the wrong Pony, but plenty of blame to go around.”

“Maybe,” admitted Rainbow Dash, “but we were still lucky.”

“Very lucky,” Joe agreed, “if the other Pony had been less pleased with her welcome, or if she’d not gone to the Spa, or if she wasn’t friendly and chatty enough to tell the games inspector about it all. Thankfully whatever else you’d done you’d made it a special day for that Pony and your efforts had been appreciated and were rewarded.”

“And we made it a special day for a lot of other Ponies,” smiled Rainbow Dash, “when Princess Cadance made the announcement that the Games had been awarded to the Crystal Empire.”

“A fine day’s work,” Joe nodded, deciding to not comment that also made it a memorable day for even more ponies, the ones in the other competing cities.

Rainbow Dash snuggled a little closer, Joe wasn’t as large as a real stallion but he was reassuringly solid. “I’m sorry you weren’t there Joe,” she said, adding a moment later, “I mean you or Spike or both of you.”

“It was strange Spike wasn’t invited,” Joe nodded, “and we might have been able to arrange things so only one of us was pet sitting. I’d have had to make it only the morning at Sweet Apple Acres though whether I was letting Spike look after Winona or whether I’d attempted the pet sitting duties. But he wanted to earn the gems for the ones he’d agreed to look after and I’d already agreed to look after Winona and did have the chores I could be doing while I was.”

They sat for a few minutes in silence, enjoying the day and the company. As much as Rainbow Dash enjoyed displaying her speed and as frantic as she’d felt about being confined in the hospital for the few days she also enjoyed napping on clouds and in trees so taking a break from being awesome for a while was not unwelcome. Joe meanwhile was becoming concerned. He’d heard of Rainbow Dash’s tendency to nap and although he was not inclined towards cramp he did worry that she might fall asleep and him have to disturb her due to that or the hard planks under his rear becoming too uncomfortable.

“So,” said Rainbow Dash finally, “what was the similar thing? That you humans have to the Equestria Games.”

“Thousands of years ago,” Joe replied, “the people whose language, and culture, we get the word and idea Gymnasium from thought to honour their Gods by athletic events, their city-states competing against each other. As their Gods lived on Mount Olympus they called them the Olympic Games. Accounts of this survived and about a century and a quarter ago the idea was revived, with a lot of differences but the same name and even some of the same events.” Joe gave Rainbow Dash a smile. “Run fast, run long way, jump far, jump high, lift thing, and throw thing aren’t the sort of contests that go out of style.”

“Differences though?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t think the Ancient Olympics were held as often as every four years, they were closer focussed on athletics rather than having other sports, and like in their training in their Gymnasiums they competed naked,” Joe replied. “And were men only, both to compete and watch, rather than women being allowed.”

“Hah, they just knew they’d get shown up if they let the females compete!”

“I’ll not argue, though I would say men and women still compete separately in most human sports,” Joe paused and frowned. “Which does make me wonder about your Equestria Games and if I should be thinking of the Paralympics.”

“Honouring Gods of Mount Paralympus?”

Joe smiled. “Good thought, but is the Olympics for disabled people, such as those with spinal injuries who have been paralysed. Started out more as rehabilitation and then as a display to show what could still be accomplished, and is now a major sporting event in its own right. So these days they don’t like it being referred to as the Olympics for disabled people, though I didn’t mean anything derogatory by that.”

“What’s it got to do with the Equestria Games though?”

“Olympics have men’s events and women’s events, but you have Stallions and Mares of Earth Ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi. Having six separate events for each discipline or sport seems a bit unwieldy so I wondered if it was like the Paralympics where they compete together but there are different classifications for the competitors within the events, depending on how their problem would affect their performance at that.”

Rainbow Dash raised her head a little from Joe’s knee and slowly nodded. “I can understand why you’d be thinking that, I remember AJ accusing me of cheating because I was using my wings…”

“That seems a bit unfair,” Joe commented, getting a frown from Rainbow Dash, as she settled again, before he continued and she realised he meant the accusation rather than the use of wings. “As I understand it she gets extra strength and stamina from being an Earth Pony, and even if she didn’t you’re still having to carry around the weight of your wings and flight muscles. So unless she’d already been handicapped to reflect this…”

“She hadn’t.”

“Then I am not sure why she’d complain, you both have advantages and disadvantages and events that would suit you better. Not be much point in Earth Ponies or Unicorns competing against Pegasi in a jumping event… though I suppose if you were limited to one flap at the moment of take-off, rather than being allowed to take full flight, that would make it less pointless…”

Rainbow Dash decided to not mention the long jump in the Iron Pony contest and having flown about two pony lengths at the last moment to land just ahead of, rather than just behind, Applejack’s mark. “We’ve got everything pretty well organised,” she said instead, “deal with things like that by…”

Joe nodded and smiled and asked what he hoped were reasonable questions as Rainbow Dash began telling him about the history of the Equestria Games with all the detail and enthusiasm of a true aficionado. Naturally this meant he had to go into as much detail as he could on the Olympics and equally naturally that meant the wing gently pressing against him shifted and gave him a whack in the small of his back when he mentioned the Equestrian Events. Rainbow Dash was not too impressed by the distances and times, though she accepted Joe’s word for how much difference the lack of magic made. Though they weren’t part of the Olympics Joe also, defensively, mentioned Ultra-Marathons and she agreed, politely, that those distances would be impressive even with magic.

The conversation became quite complex as they mentioned events and then had to explain how that was possible or what they meant. Joe was surprised at the idea of Ponies on Ice Skates and Rainbow Dash thought bicycles sounded bizarre, though Pinkie Pie did have a similar foot crank system for the flying machine she’d brought out for Gilda's visit. Mention of the Winter Olympics allowed them to agree that if Pegasi were allowed to flap or extend their wings to glide position Ski Jumping would be pointless and wings could be an advantage for balance and steering in the Downhill events. But then in talking about the cross country skiing events, and if Pegasi could buzz along like Scootaloo, Joe made the mistake of mentioning the Biathlon.

“So, skiing and shooting?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yep,” agreed Joe, hoping this wasn’t where he had to explain what a gun was. He’d managed to avoid mentioning the shooting events in the Olympics and even the Modern Pentathlon with its one section, so this was an annoying slip.

“That reminds me of why I came here,” Rainbow Dash continued, “had something to show you at your archery target.”

“Oh?” asked Joe, relieved she seemed to think the shooting was arrows. “Would that be the things that clanked in your panniers?”

“Yep,” Rainbow Dash said, echoing Joe in her agreement.

“Well, I would investigate,” smiled Joe, “but I am feeling rather comfy. Do you want to go to the archery target now though Dash?”

“As you say, this is rather comfy,” Rainbow Dash smiled back.

There was another few minutes of companionable silence before once more that was broken by Rainbow Dash.

“So,” Rainbow Dash said, nodding towards the book, “you like Daring Do?”

“A fast brave intelligent Pegasus, reminds me of someone.”

“Just because I let you hug me doesn’t mean you have to ladle on the flattery…”

“I meant Fluttershy…” Joe managed to say before Rainbow Dash raised her head from his knee and butted it backwards into his gut.

“That was part for teasing me,” warned Rainbow Dash as Joe regained his breath, “and part for teasing Fluttershy.”

“Well, she is intelligent,” Joe smiled, “she knows a lot about the natural world, and she works to overcome her fears so she is brave.”

“You had better believe it,” said Rainbow Dash, giving him a mock glower before she settled her chin back down.

“Though with you I am reminded of a story,” Joe chuckled, “was a human with immense powers, well technically he wasn’t a human but he looked the same and had been raised and was living amongst them, and in the identity he took when not performing acts of heroism he was a journalist and novelist…”

“Why would I remind you of that?”

“In one of the stories of this hero they had parallels between what he was doing and what he’d written in his latest novel,” Joe continued. “The people in the story could have been excused for thinking the novel’s hero had a degree of wish fulfilment for the novelist, but what you knew was that the novelist was actually far stronger than the hero he’d written about.”

“Are you going to accuse me of writing the Daring Do books?” Rainbow Dash asked, giving Joe a puzzled look, though not moving her chin.

“No, but I would say there’s not much either way between you and her if you had.”

Rainbow Dash blushed slightly. She knew she was awesome but she also thought Daring Do was utterly awesome, so the casual compliment had managed to get under her fur.

“The only problem I have with the Daring Do books is remembering she’s a Pegasus,” Joe continued.

“She doesn’t get her wing hurt that often,” protested Rainbow Dash.

“Not what I meant,” Joe chuckled, “though I agree things could be simpler if she could always fly.”

“What did you mean then?” asked Rainbow Dash, then she had a sudden flash of insight. “Oh! Remembering she is a Pony rather than a mare-human?”

Joe sighed. “Even when someone is pictured on the front cover you can still visualise them differently when reading. Or get used to ignoring that, one series of books I enjoy the author consistently describes the heroine one way and the cover artist, or artists, consistently picture her another.”

“But I bet they don’t picture her as a Pony rather than a human,” Rainbow Dash smiled.

“Not that differently, no. Though I might know what she looks like as a fish.”

“A… fish?”

“There’s an actress who I think looks very like the character in the book,” Joe explained, “and there was an animated film she supplied her voice for where they made the characters look a lot like their voice-actors.”

“Weird,” said Rainbow Dash. She shook her head slightly, tickling Joe’s knee with her chin a little. “So, what do you think Daring Do looks like?”

“I think she looks like she does on the covers, they seem accurate,” Joe replied, “it’s just sometimes I am reading along and feel a bump when hooves or wings are mentioned.”

“Okay, what do you feel Daring Do looks like? Before you feel the bump?”

Joe took a breath and thought. “I’m not really sure,” he admitted. “Probably not like the actress I mentioned, though she played a similar role in some films and that might have been why she and the book character came to mind. But a human archaeologist would be wearing a shirt, could be wearing a Pith Helmet, and human skin can be the same sort of brown as Daring Do’s fur so slipping sometimes is not that strange.”

“What…” Rainbow Dash began, then hesitated, then started again. “What do you feel I look like?”

“Pardon? Have you been talking to Spike?”

“Spike? Why?”

“After we went to the Diamond Dogs I’d had a really bad night’s sleep, some very strange dreams I couldn’t remember, so I was very tired when he came to apologise for dropping me in it. I’d closed my eyes and I commented that while I had them closed and was just listening to his voice I could ignore he was a small Dragon rather than a young human.”

“And if you closed your eyes now?”

Joe smiled to her, trying to be reassuring. “There are some very pretty female athletes and even if we’d not been talking of athletics and games I’d have said I think you’d look like that. Long distance runners, either men or women, can be rather slight and Sprinters or Throwers rather bulky, but medium distance runners or Heptathletes…”

“Heptathletes?”

“Ladies that do a discipline with seven events, combination of jumping and running and throwing so they have to balance strength and endurance and that seems to describe you. So I think you’d have the same sort of slender but strong and agile build, especially since Rarity mentioned having to design dresses for you that did not detract from how well you move as an athlete.”

“Do I want to know how you’d describe the others?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking a little embarrassed.

“I’d only be describing them as they are,” replied Joe, “Pinkie Pie would be quite curvy and cuddly, Rarity would be elegant and either tall or with the sort of poise that can make someone appear taller, Applejack a little taller and more muscular than you…”

“I beat her at hoof wrestling!” Rainbow Dash protested.

“Hmm,” mused Joe, “it still feels like she is built more for strength and you for speed, though more as if you were two Heptathletes with different best events rather than two athletes with different specialties.”

Rainbow Dash gave Joe another look and then admitted, to herself if not to him, that did sound fair. Applejack had beaten her at the bale-toss, the ball kick, and kicking the target. Applejack had been winning the tug-of-war as well until she took to the sky and by lifting upwards first denied her friend’s hooves as much purchase on the ground and then managed to dangle her from the other end of the rope. Rather than argue or comment Rainbow Dash folded her left wing back to her side and stood.

“You want me to carry the panniers?” Joe asked, flexing his thigh now that knee was no longer being used as a cushion.

“You just want to peek inside them,” smiled Rainbow Dash.

“I can carry them without doing that,” Joe reassured her, standing as he spoke.

“Nah, go ahead.”

“Sure,” Joe nodded, “do you want me to bring my bow and arrows or anything?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Joe nodded again. He picked up the panniers and decided he would look inside, his curiosity could be controlled for the short walk but it seemed better to check if he did need to bring something else. “Ah.”

Joe reached into the pannier bag he’d opened and pulled out one of the three darts inside. As the panniers felt balanced he assumed there was another three in the other bag but he didn’t bother to check. Instead he weighed and felt the dart in his hand, it did look like his arrows but although it was only about two thirds the length it was at least twice as thick. The head was larger in proportion as well, like the difference between his stabbing spear and a thrusting one, and looking at the other end of the shaft it looked as if that had been drilled into and given extra weight, possibly lead as was done with walking sticks, to balance that larger head.

“I think this is about the right size and shape,” Joe commented to the watching Rainbow Dash, “though it’s too well balanced for a Plumbata.”

“Too well balanced?”

“Plumbata weren’t thrown directly at a target, more upwards,” Joe continued as he slung the strap of the panniers over his left shoulder. “Some debate whether overarm or underarm,” he added, demonstrating the motions as he started to walk, “and they were deliberately nose heavy as they were soldiers’ weapons.”

Rainbow Dash took off to assume what was becoming a normal position, flying with a wing behind Joe’s back so their eyes were level. “I don’t follow.”

“You are following.”

“Ha-hah.”

“Okay, imagine a line of humans, short swords, armour similar in some ways to mine, and all with large shields, forming a barrier… a shield wall. Against them are other humans, sometimes as disciplined but more often fighting as individuals.”

“Right,” said Rainbow Dash, surprised Joe was volunteering information.

“Behind the line forming the shield wall are other lines of humans and those in the second rank, on the word of command, all cast their Plumbata up and over the first rank to come down on the enemy the shield wall is holding back. Or rather on the men behind the men who are being held back, and stabbed, by the first rank.”

“Ouch.”

“Or they could be thrown at longer range, they were carried clipped to the inside of the shield so it was possible with enough training and experience for the soldiers to cast a volley and then draw their short stabbing swords and form the shield wall. In either case the individual accuracy was unimportant as they were…”

Joe suddenly stopped talking as he realised what he was doing. He’d said while carrying Rainbow Dash piggy-back that the more he said the more he might be drawn into tales they’d not appreciate and here he was proving that. They’d had the pleasant conversations about her visit to the Crystal Empire and about sports in general and that had relaxed him enough to chat about his mental images, and that had relaxed him enough to start yapping on about military tactics and killing.

Rainbow Dash soared up and twisted in midair to be flying backwards in front in Joe, and gave him a smile. “It’s okay,” she reassured him, “finish what you were going to say.”

“Erm,” Joe said, not sure at all that it was okay, but not wanting to be rude. “As… as they were thrown in a general direction rather than the soldier aiming for a target, so although it could affect their accuracy they were made nose heavy to ensure they’d come down point first.”

To Joe’s relief that seemed to satisfy Rainbow Dash and she resumed formation on his port aft quarter. Glancing to his left some of his relief vanished as he saw that she was looking thoughtful and he wondered what was going through her mind. She remained quiet though until they reached the target and Joe put her panniers down.

“How well would Ponies do against those humans?”

“They… er, what?” Joe blinked in surprise. That had not been a question he’d expected.

“If it came to it, how well would we do fighting against them?” repeated Rainbow Dash, circling again to look Joe in the face.

Joe blinked a few more times. “Well, they were not… er.”

He closed his eyes for a moment as he got some very unhappy images of how those people, and many other peoples, would have treated the Ponies even if they’d only treated them as badly as they had other humans. Then Joe’s eyes opened in surprise as he realised the answer to the actual question.

“You might be able to emulate one of their worst defeats.”

“Really?” asked Rainbow Dash, before she recovered. “I mean, of course we could, no need to sound so shocked.”

“I think they were still using Pilums,” Joe went on, thinking things through rather than thinking if he should be saying them, “light spears for throwing and stabbing, and there’d been a few other changes between that battle and when they started using Plumbata but close enough for the comparison. They’d not have much defence against Pegasi dropping things on them…”

“Talk!” commanded Rainbow Dash, prodding Joe with a hoof as he hesitated.

“Well, erm, even without that the Unicorns and Earth Ponies might win. One thing a human can do from horseback is use a bow and there was a deadly combination of those with armoured horses carrying armoured men with lances. The humans with the shields couldn’t drive off the bowmen without breaking formation and being charged and crushed by the lancers, and though the bows were relatively small they were powerful.”

“So they were being killed by arrows if they stayed put and killed by lances if they didn’t?”

“Ah, yes,” Joe agreed, unhappily torn between wanting to talk about the tactics and not wanting to talk about anything like that with anypony. “So if the Unicorns could blast them with magic…”

“Got ya,” interrupted Rainbow Dash. “Pegasi dropping things on them, Unicorns breaking their ranks with magic like the bow-humans would with arrows, and Earth Ponies charging and trampling or lancing them.”

Joe nodded. “Who’d win the second battle would depend on the range of Unicorn magic though,” he said, deciding that if he’d been stupid enough to have this conversation he should give his full opinion, “and if they’d been smart enough to bring more archers than normal to return arrows for magic against them and against whatever the Pegasi were dropping.”

“And if we were dumb enough to use the same tactics again.”

“There is that,” Joe nodded again. Seeking an escape he waved the dart he was still holding in his hand in the direction of his target. “May I?”

“Sure,” smiled Rainbow Dash, side-slipping away to land near her panniers.

Joe took a few steps to where he stood when he was practicing archery at close range. He took a deep breath and then wound up, twisting at his waist and leaning back as he brought his arm behind him. Then Joe took one step forward as he uncoiled. Rainbow Dash shook her head to herself as she saw this and why Joe had talked about arm speed rather than strength, and how much of his body he could put into the throw. He wasn’t the only one who could ‘translate’ and she smiled as she decided that was impressive enough that though he’d not be as imposing as Big Macintosh he’d probably be a quite well built stallion.

“I can see why you said humans were good at throwing,” Rainbow Dash commented, seeing how well embedded the dart was.

“Eh?” said Joe. He looked at the target and then back to her and then back at the target where the dart was well off to one side.

“Never mind,” Rainbow Dash said, suppressing a giggle at Joe’s puzzled expression. “How fast do you think that was compared with me?”

“Ah…” mused Joe, a small part of his mind chiding the rest for how often he’d said ‘um’ and ‘ah’ and ‘erm’. “There are some games where a human throws a ball to be hit with a bat… a stick I mean, not the animal… and fast deliveries might get to an eighth or ninth your speed…”

“I could make it hit eighth or ninth times harder than that?”

“Ah, no,” Joe chuckled, the small part of his mind wincing at yet another “ah”.

“No?” frowned Rainbow Dash.

“I’m not sure how fast I managed,” Joe admitted, “got the advantage of magic but they’d have the advantage of practice, and I don’t know how much difference it makes that I was throwing a dart. So for one thing, I’ll be generous to myself and say I got to two-thirds or three-quarters their speed, you dropping it would more like twelve times the speed, even if you were comfortably sub-sonic…”

“And for another thing?” asked Rainbow Dash, interrupting the meandering sentence.

“And for another thing Kinetic Energy equals one-half of mass times velocity squared. Double the size of the projectile and double the impact. Double the speed of it and quadruple that.”

“Twelve times twelve?” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes going a little wide. “A hundred and forty four? I have got to try this!”

“Let me get the dart out of the target,” smiled Joe, adding, “and step back a good long way.”

“Sure!” Rainbow Dash replied excitedly. She took two darts out of the pannier bag Joe hadn’t opened. Then she bit her lower lip as she took off again and a thought occurred. “Erm, Joe…”

“Yes?”

“What’s going to happen to your target?”

“I’m going to need a new one if you hit it, which I expect you will,” Joe replied calmly as he moved away from the target, the dart in his left hand. Rainbow Dash looked at him and, thinking she doubted his estimate of the damage, he continued. “Put it this way, humans have armoured vehicles and one way of piercing their armour which is this thick…” He held his thumb and forefinger up so their tips were almost as far apart as they could be. “And made of layers of very strong metals and composites is propelling a solid metal dart through it at supersonic speeds.”

“Whoa!”

“At a guess,” Joe continued, “you’ll get about two-thirds the speed and these darts are a lot lighter, so…” He paused and wished for a calculator. “A tenth the impact? Or a fifth if you are going to drop both of those and they both strike my target.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the darts she was holding, one in each forehoof as she hovered, and then at the target and at Joe. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Go for it Dash,” Joe smiled. “I’m almost as interested to see the effects as you are.”

Rainbow Dash gave Joe one last look to make sure he was sure and then spiralled upwards to gain distance and altitude. Seeing that she was not going to skimp on her run in Joe moved even further back from the target. Rainbow Dash was still visible as a shape rather than a dot but then became a rainbow streak as she dove at about forty-five degrees to gain speed. Lower than Joe expected she levelled out to more like ten or twenty degrees and then everything seemed to happen at once. Rainbow Dash released the darts and pulled up, there was a horrible crunching sound and a few fragments pelted Joe, and as he recovered from his flinch he saw the Pegasus continuing and tightening her loop as she slowed.

Joe brushed some debris off himself and walked across as Rainbow Dash rejoined him. His archery target had a hole bitten from either side of it that were taller than the darts were long, would have been broader had the target extended far enough out, and might have overlapped in the middle had the target not split and folded back from the simultaneous impacts. Rainbow Dash silently looked at this for a moment and then dipped into a landing just behind the target to look there. Joe joined her and for a few moments they shared the sight of what looked like a pair of giant molehills or twin entrances to a badger set.

“Good shots,” Joe commented. “Looks like I’ll need to get my shovel or mattock to get your darts back.”

“Whoa,” breathed Rainbow Dash, having managed to impress even herself. “What would that have done to a… or a…” She shook her head.

“Could have been very messy, against whatever you are thinking of,” Joe nodded. “I think it’s been mentioned that you kicked a Dragon in the face?”

“Yes,” replied Rainbow Dash, still staring at the holes and then turning to look at the remains of the target from the back.

“He should be grateful you didn’t give him those in the face.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the target for a moment longer and then turned back to Joe. “…I could have killed Spike.”

“What?” Joe asked, frowning in puzzlement. “It was Spike you kicked?”

“No,” said Rainbow Dash, shaking her head, “but he had a strange growth spurt once when he got greedy. If I’d not known it was him, and if I’d had these darts, and if I’d done this to him…”

“A few ‘ifs’ there,” Joe interrupted, giving her a reassuring smile. “I’m sure you’d have avoided the mistake.”

Rainbow Dash looked back and forth between the ruined target and Joe a few times and then sprang with one powerful beat of her wings. Her forelegs went around Joe’s neck and her lips fastened onto his. Joe reflexively caught her and cradled her rear as she folded her wings down over his arms. This was surprisingly pleasant but, although he was feeling something, nothing was building from it. Rainbow Dash held the kiss a few seconds longer and then leaned back away from Joe, supported by his hands and her forelegs, to look into his face. Seeing how embarrassed she looked Joe tried to look reassuring.

“You want to chalk that up to being excited by what you’d done to the target?” Joe smiled to her. “So your emotions were high from that rather than me?”

Rainbow Dash looked at Joe for a moment, glanced to one side as she thought, and then her blush deepened. “Not really.”

Joe blinked at the rejection of the excuse and wondered if he was misjudging something else for embarrassment. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and Joe released as she lifted back and away from him to settle and sit on the ground a few feet away. She looked heart-wrenchingly sad and he realised she’d taken the excuse she’d rejected and his silence as being rejection by him of her.

“I was very flattered,” Joe tried again, “and it was nice.”

“Nice,” sighed Rainbow Dash, looking down at the ground.

Taking a couple of steps Joe knelt to take her chin in one hand and gently raise it so he could look into her face. Belatedly he wondered if feelings for him would explain why Rainbow Dash had reacted the way she had when he mentioned having dinner with Applejack.

“Very nice,” Joe said, giving her another smile, “but I just… wasn’t reacting.” Rainbow Dash managed a smile in return but seeing how weak it was Joe decided on even more honesty. “Actually, make that not reacting much. There was some zing.”

Rainbow Dash looked into Joe’s eyes to measure his honesty and satisfied with what she saw she asked the obvious question. “Do you like Mares?”

“If you mean do I like females,” Joe replied carefully, “then yes. If you mean do I like Mares, then…” He sighed. “Then, as I said to Spike, not all my parts have got the message that you are people. I think you are attractive but, as I said, just not reacting as strongly in the other ways.”

Rainbow Dash nodded and then her eyes narrowed in determination. “Sit,” she ordered, raising one forehoof and prodding Joe in the chest.

“What?”

“Lap. Now.”

Mildly intimidated and remembering his thought the other day about what Honey Badgers did to Male Lions, and that this would be a more precise revenge here since those parts of him were some of what had not got the message, Joe sat. Rainbow Dash glared a moment longer and then slid herself down and across into his lap to lie across his right thigh and snuggle against him with her head resting against his chest under his chin. Without thinking Joe rested his right arm down her back to hold her with his hand at her waist and, in return, she extended her right wing to rest on his left knee over the hand there.

“Better,” Rainbow Dash nodded, shifting position to make herself even comfier.

“I’ll admit it feels right, but cosy rather than sexy.”

“What if I looked like the human athlete you pictured?”

“Then it would still be cosy, but with a little more passion.”

“And you’d have reacted to the kiss.”

“And that,” Joe admitted, “thoughts and parts would be agreeing and they’d have agreed before, so I’d have noticed your attractiveness on that level. Though I do think I’d have still been surprised and still been wondering if it was the moment rather than me that sparked it.”

“Hmm.”

They sat for a little while in silence, both with their own thoughts but content to let the other think them and comfortable with the closeness.

“You remember Twilight mentioning that Discord offered to turn me into a Pony?” Joe finally asked.

“Yes?”

“Well, this is the sort of thing where I think it would have changed me in more than my shape. If I was physically a Pony then I think my parts would be responding to a lovely Mare like you, and that is one reason why I thought a Pony-Me would be happier. But also that he would soon not be me with those feelings and other instincts having altered.”

“Do you,” Rainbow Dash began. Then she took a breath. “Do you think those feelings will alter if you remain human?”

“I don’t know,” said Joe, giving her a kiss on top of the head. “I was surprised by my response as well as your kiss, I’d thought it would be more neutral.”

Rainbow Dash came to a decision and looked up at Joe. “Would you kiss me again? Properly?”

Joe hesitated and considered a joke about if kissing her improperly would be more what she seemed to want. Then he lowered his head and their lips met again as he did his best to oblige and to enjoy it himself. But although he liked her and could understand why many would find her very desirable his problem remained and the kiss stopped at being pleasant in itself rather than making him want to do more. It was like firewood that some prankster had treated with flame retardant, smouldering a little but not catching fire properly. Joe pulled back and saw that Rainbow Dash was looking happy, but not as if she’d been swept away by passion.

“You are right, that is nice,” smiled Rainbow Dash before she blushed and looked away. “I don’t think I am having as much trouble as you enjoying it, but it does feel a little weird as well as nice though.”

“Still friends?” Joe asked.

“Still friends,” said Rainbow Dash, snuggling back against him.

This had turned into a confusing day and Joe wasn’t sure where things had gone wrong, or if they had gone wrong. The conversations had been pleasant, the attack-run with the darts had been impressive, and even if they’d not built from there the kisses had edged towards being very pleasant. A day that included a pretty girl in your lap could not be considered a bad one, even if she was a Pegasus. He was still concerned that he’d said too much or been too honest but it was too late to avoid the consequences of that now.

“Is there another Pony?” Rainbow Dash asked suddenly. “Or someone?”

“Pardon?”

“Another Pony or someone who isn’t a Pony,” Rainbow Dash amplified, “someone you’d react more to?”

“I didn’t leave a girlfriend or wife when I was brought here,” replied Joe, deciding to continue to be honest, though it did occur to him that inventing a lost love that he pined for could be a way to avoid this. “And since I’ve been here I’ve… well, I’ve tried to avoid thinking about relationships or loneliness.”

“If you’ve talked about it with Spike you must have given it some thought.”

“Not much. He asked if I liked Rarity when I congratulated him for getting a kiss on the cheek,” Joe said, then he chuckled. “Though as it wasn’t the cheek you kissed me on it seems I might have been missing clues, so he could have got the chance to elbow me in the side and point that out.”

“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash, thinking of Rarity and how beautiful she was, “and you didn’t answer my question if there was someone else here. Someone you’d react more to, especially if they looked human or you got past your ‘problem’?”

“It’s not a simple question, I hadn’t thought I’d react as much to you as I did and I’m not even sure who I am here. My life has been so different I can’t judge things by how they used to be and, as I said, I’ve been avoiding thinking about things how they are.”

Joe fell silent and Rainbow Dash let him think and decide how and whether to answer. She wasn’t too pleased that this was the best Joe could do but he deserved the chance to continue to try to do his best. Even if that needed some work to be good enough.

“I… did feel some spark with you,” Joe said slowly, finally, “and I don’t think I’d feel as much with the other eligible Mares I know.

“Not even if they looked human?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Human or human-enough…”

“‘Human-enough’?”

“When we were going to the Diamond Dogs I mentioned mythological creatures called Werewolves to Spike and Pinkie Pie,” Joe explained, “and those are men or women who could turn into wolves or a hybrid form that can resemble a Diamond Dog, depending on the artist or culture…”

Rainbow Dash nodded against Joe’s chest. “I can see how a Diamond Dog looks a bit like you and a bit like Winona.”

“There are other mythological hybrids,” Joe continued, “and I don’t know how far between looking like you, like a Pony, and looking like a human it would have to be before my parts were convinced. Not that you ponyfolk look completely like ponies from my world, something about your faces and the way you move…”

“Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, noting how Joe had exhaled and ‘corrected’ himself.

Joe sighed. “Put it this way, I know I’d respond to a human girl as attractive as you and I know I’d not be attracted to a horse on my world. And up until you kissed me it had felt like ponyfolk gave me enough of both feelings for them to balance. People but quite horse shaped ones.”

“Neutral, as you said.”

“Yeah, I’m repeating myself a bit. Or a lot.”

“And,” said Rainbow Dash firmly, “you were going to answer my question.”

“I will, but what I was going to say was I already find you attractive enough to have tipped things from neutral, but I’m not sure how much I can adjust. If you were human then no adjustment needed to me, if I was ponyfolk then I’d have been adjusted…”

“I get it,” interrupted Rainbow Dash, wanting the answer to her actual question, “and the more human I looked the less you’d have to adjust.”

“Which doesn’t seem fair on you the more I say it, but there’s just a…” Joe gestured vaguely, “mismatch between what upstairs and downstairs are thinking…”

Rainbow Dash felt baffled for a moment before she realised what humans, being vertical, might mean by that. Humans didn’t have tails so she doubted they’d refer to each other as keeping their brains under those, as with some stallions she had met, or ‘he thinks so much with those you’d think his tail was his mane’.

“But anyway, the only eligible Mares I know are your friends,” Joe pointed out, “so do you really want my opinions on them?”

Rainbow Dash hesitated and then nodded again. “I feel like I need to know.”

“Oh,” Joe replied. That was not the answer he’d hoped for so he needed a moment to be able to continue. “Well, Applejack feels like a sister, so even without my problem I doubt she’d kiss me or I’d react if she did. Or if I did react it would shade towards unease rather than pleasure…”

Rainbow Dash managed to avoid sighing in relief, with the amount of time Joe spent on chores at Sweet Apple Acres and how much more time he spent with Applejack that had been a concern. She hated losing and she especially hated losing to Applejack as she was the only Pony who could compete with her at the things she was good at. They were similar enough that finding Applejack had already won a competition before Rainbow Dash had realised there was one would have been more annoying somehow.

“Rarity did flirt a little while taking my measurements,” Joe continued, “and she is very pretty, but I think I’d be uncomfortable if I thought she was flirting with me more than her normal habit. I reassured Spike that I liked her but didn’t like-like her and that it would take a lot to overcome knowing that Spike feels so strongly about her. Fluttershy I don’t think likes me at all, but even if she did I preferred her when she was annoyed with me and was being more assertive…” He sighed. “I don’t know, I like to think I have a sensitive side, and peace and calm can be nice, but…”

“You’ve thought a lot about Fluttershy,” commented Rainbow Dash.

“I’ve thought about the fact she seemed scared of me,” Joe corrected, “and that it seemed more than her usual shyness. She’s gentle and kind so she’s not the sort of person I want scared of me. But I think I am on reasonable terms with her despite everything, though I still need to be sure and have a conversation not interrupted by Discord or my own tiredness.”

“Twilight? Pinkie?”

“Pinkie I can imagine kissing me through sheer exuberance, but not for any other reason. She’s fun, she makes me laugh and smile, but that’s what she does for everyone and although she does have a quiet side I think it would drive me nuts trying to keep up with her…”

“Hermit in the woods that you are,” teased Rainbow Dash.

“By comparison with her at least,” Joe replied, protesting mildly as he did visit Sweet Apple Acres three times a week and Ponyville at least twice.

“Finish what you were saying about Pinkie.”

“Nothing else to say… yeek!”

Rainbow Dash started twitching her right wing so a feather or two of it tickled the back of Joe’s left hand under it. Joe’s arm twitched but some competitive spirit awoke and rather than withdraw his bare hand, and force Rainbow Dash to work harder to tickle his knee through his trousers, he began instead to wriggle the fingers of his right hand.

“Yeek!” Rainbow Dash echoed as Joe began tickling her waist. After several seconds of this she looked up and gave Joe a grin. “Truce… if you keep talking?”

“Truce,” nodded Joe. The mutual tickling stopped and a moment before Rainbow Dash might have resumed Joe spoke again. “If Twilight Sparkle kissed me I’d be very surprised, she seems interested in my answers to questions rather than in my person, but it comes back to who I am here. I’d have found someone as pretty and as intelligent as her attractive back home, if a little intimidating as she is so brilliant, but… you remember what I looked like when I arrived?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d had a few bad years where I’d overeaten and not got enough exercise, but although I wasn’t taking care of myself I was still doing the ‘egghead’ stuff. Still reading and thinking and writing. Here though I’ve done the opposite, been not being much the ‘egghead’ but managed to regain and then surpass how fit I used to be.”

“So…” Rainbow Dash asked slowly, “Twi is a maybe rather than a no?”

“More of a ‘no’ than a ‘maybe’ I think. Which is the point, I’ve not been thinking but the more time I spend with Twilight and answering her questions the more I have to think and the more I risk things feeling strange as I discover more. She’d want to examine my assumptions…”

“Is that what you call those parts then?” Rainbow Dash said, turning her head and giving Joe a wink, and feeling satisfied with how he almost choked. “I might regret this, but what about me?”

“I like talking to you, I feel at ease in your company, I’ve enjoyed our conversations, and you are attractive,” replied Joe. Seeing she expected more he continued. “You’re determined and strong and quick-witted and confident and capable, do a fine job with the weather team, are brave, and well deserve your status as holder of the Element of Loyalty.”

“Thanks,” Rainbow Dash squeaked, almost sounding like Fluttershy after that barrage of praise.

Joe still wasn’t sure how Ponies managed to blush through their fur but, although she’d turned her head so he could only see the top of it again, he was sure Rainbow Dash was managing that now. “Though listing how many good points you have,” he concluded, “maybe that was part of why I was so surprised you kissed me.”

“Maybe,” Rainbow Dash nodded against his chest, sounding more normal as she overcame the embarrassment and just felt happy that Joe thought she was awesome. Which of course was the simple truth but she was glad he recognised it.

“Enough opinions?”

“Enough.”

Author's Note

And here is where ‘explaining reasons why Joe would not be able to have romance’ somehow shifted into ‘problems for Joe to overcome in the course of his romance’ and at least a romance novella’s worth of extra words got added with talking and flirting and half a dozen kisses of various degrees. Oops.

EDIT: Plus the extra kisses in the eleven extra chapters and whatever you want to interpret the end of chapter 50 as denoting. And it seems in some ways that I let the romance take over the rest of the story.
(When I uploaded final chapters I also modified part of the conversation here to expand what Joe was saying and clarify things)

Chapter 18

Walking across Ponyville the feeling that he should flee back to his hut, or for the hills, began to grow in Joe. There had been the surprise kiss in the morning and then the surprise invitation in the afternoon so if the pattern continued there might be another surprise in the evening or night. The conversation with Rarity as he’d changed out of his suit and into the altered shirt and trousers and his old boots had been inconsequential and light. Joe had soon got dressed and put things back in pockets and threaded his belt through the trouser beltloops and to hold his knife scabbard.

But Rarity had continued to give him speculative looks that he’d done his best to ignore so it had been good to get away from the Carousel Boutique and her obvious temptation to ask more questions. There were a few market stalls set up so Joe decided to buy a few sundries before visiting the Golden Oaks Library. As he finished his shopping and heard some familiar voices that seemed fortunate, or unfortunate, depending on if they tried to get him into more trouble. Coming around the corner of a stall he saw three small ponies arguing with another two.

“Hmm!” snorted a grey Filly with a tiara. “You expected us to think he could fight a Manticore and now you tell us he knows how to fly?”

“Indeed!” a Filly with a spoon decorating her rear sneered. “He doesn’t even have any wings.”

“I told you,” growled Scootaloo, “his people use machines.”

“A likely story,” sniffed the one with a tiara.

Realising this was the infamous pair of Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had complained about, and that they were discussing him, Joe cleared his throat. “Hello girls,” he said as they turned and noticed him.

For a moment Silver Spoon kept her sneer but then she realised her eye level was only as high as Joe’s knee. His height might come from the freakish way he walked about on just one pair of legs but he was towering over them. He did look strong enough to throw a Filly up a tree, even if she still doubted he’d survive against a Manticore. And something about his eyes reminded her of the gossip about humans and how bloodthirsty they must be if they ate meat.

“Joe,” Apple Bloom demanded, “push up your sleeve!”

“Which one?” smiled Joe. “The one over the kitten scratches or not?”

“Kitten… scratches?” Diamond Tiara repeated in bafflement.

“As Fluttershy pointed out, at length, the Manticore was only a cub,” nodded Joe, pushing up his left sleeve to show the scars, “and would have been even smaller when it mauled me. Which was fortunate for me.”

“I, erm,” Silver Spoon said, still doubting Joe would survive against a full size Manticore but at least partway convinced about a cub.

“And how would you have escaped a Manticore of any size?” sniffed Diamond Tiara.

“You really are a rude little girl… filly… aren’t you?” Joe said, pushing his sleeve back down and returning her hauteur. “But to answer your question, as discourteously as you put it, I stabbed it in the face and neck with this knife, in a rather panicked manner, until it decided to stop chewing on me.”

“See!” said Scootaloo.

Diamond Tiara stamped her hoof, her namesake jewellery wobbling on her head and Silver Spoon looking embarrassed as she realised her friend was close to throwing a tantrum. “You’re lying!” Diamond Tiara said. “And so are these three!”

“You can ask Fluttershy,” Joe calmly replied. “She saw the scars the knife had left on the Manticore and was rather upset, rather more upset than from seeing the scars it had left on me.” He glanced around and noticed some Pony passers-by had stopped passing and were showing an interest. “But myself I am going to continue to the library.”

“All right Joe,” nodded Apple Bloom.

“I’d advise you two,” Joe continued to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, “to be sure if someone is lying before you accuse them of that. And I’d advise you three,” he added, turning to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, “that if they think you are lying then let them. It’s not worth the time to argue with some people.”

“Well!” huffed Diamond Tiara, echoed with less conviction by Silver Spoon.

“Nice seeing you Joe,” Sweetie Belle said as he nodded to them and turned away.

It was not far to the Golden Oaks Library, but far enough to give Joe time to regret having not gone straight there. At least he’d finished his shopping so he didn’t have to go back to the marketplace. He just hoped the public confirmation of some part of the stories it seemed the Cutie Mark Crusaders had been continuing to tell would not cause any trouble for him. Though part of him wanted to go straight back to his hut, put on his armour, and go back to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon and ask them nastily if they wanted to argue about if he could fight a Manticore.

Humour came to his rescue as he remembered a story where three children told their own versions of a hero in front of that hero’s secret identity and instantly recognised him when he donned his costume. The real hero had not impressed those boys, even in costume, and Joe had to admit it was unlikely he would impress the Fillies here, even in armour. He reached the library and, bending slightly as always, opened the door and went inside to the reassuringly musty smell of books combined with all the smells of a home.

“Joe,” Twilight Sparkle greeted him, “thank you for helping Spike tidy up and with his pet-sitting. I did ask him if he was sure he could handle it.”

“I didn’t do much,” smiled Joe, “there was not much mess and once the pets were settled they seemed calm enough.”

“And once Angel Bunny was no longer his concern?” Twilight Sparkle winked.

“That probably helped more than anything I did,” commented Joe as he lowered his bag to the floor and found the book to offer it.

“Finished already?” Twilight Sparkle asked as her horn glowed and the book floated from Joe’s hand.

“Already?”

“Never mind. You want the next one?”

“Please.”

Joe felt a little puzzled as Twilight Sparkle returned the Daring Do to the shelf and found the next instalment of the archaeologist Mare’s adventures. He’d avoided reading it for a few days while he was wondering about how long it would be before he wanted to visit Ponyville and the library again. Still it had taken a few hours and she perhaps assumed he had as little free time for recreational reading as someone with all her responsibilities might. It seemed to take Twilight Sparkle a little longer than normal to find the book and when she turned around she was looking nervous.

“Here you are.”

“Thank you,” Joe said, taking the book as it floated to him.

“Joe…”

“Yes?”

“You know you spoke to Spike a few days ago, the day after you and he and Pinkie went to the Diamond Dogs?”

“Yes” Joe repeated, getting worried and suspicious. Or suspicious and worried, he wasn’t sure.

“I followed Spike, I was worried,” blushed Twilight Sparkle, “and I listened to your conversation.”

“I’d say it was pretty obvious I wasn’t going to go anywhere that day, so you might not have had to listen to all of it. But then again I have been making plenty of mistakes recently so I can’t take offence that you were that concerned.”

“Thanks Joe.”

“You probably remember the conversation better than I do, I was very tired, so I hope I did not say anything to add to your concern.”

“Hmm, sleepy but polite,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Joe a reassuring smile.

Joe nodded to this and gave a slight smile back in return. She wasn’t sure if he’d have smiled even that much if she’d mentioned him saying he thought she could fry his balls with magic, though she expected he’d claim that fear showed respect for her power and skill. Which would have been an embarrassing compliment even without having mentioned the other compliment of saying she was a fine ‘big sister’. Joe had put the book away and it looked as if he was going to pick up his bag and leave.

“Do you have to leave at once?”

“I suppose not,” Joe replied. None of his shopping would be harmed by remaining in the bag and he’d only read, or brood, at his hut until it was time for his evening chores and routine and exercise. “Well, erm…” he hesitated before thinking of a topic of conversation, “I’ve heard some versions but what’s your perspective on yesterday and the Crystal Empire?”

“What have you heard?” asked Twilight Sparkle, looking a little puzzled Joe had already managed to gossip.

“That your time was spent trying to get either your sister-in-law or your brother to take over the castle tour from Pinkie Pie.”

“One way of putting it,” smiled Twilight Sparkle before she looked more sombre again, “did you hear about my mistake with greeting the wrong Pony?”

“Ah,” Joe said, rubbing his beard and deciding it would not be too great an indiscretion to continue, “what I heard, and had to reassure her about, was Rainbow Dash also taking the blame.”

“Rainbow? Why?”

“You might have greeted the wrong Pony, which was a mistake, but she’d been compounding it by dismissing clues that was the wrong Pony as being part of a test. And she did say you might have realised sooner if you’d not been spending your time on going back and forth to check on Princess Cadance or try to get Shining Armour. Which I think you would.”

“Hmm.”

Joe gave Twilight Sparkle a serious look. “If you two were not such close friends I’d have not said anything…”

“No, thank you. I had wondered why, even as determined as she was to get the Games for the Crystal Empire, Rainbow had taken it so hard when it had seemed like it was my fault. I’d started to apologise and take the blame and she interrupted me with her own apologies.”

“To be honest I don’t think there was any blame or fault,” Joe smiled. “And if you found the real games inspector at the spa then she didn’t seem to be making much effort to inspect the games facilities. Greeting the wrong Pony is a mistake but the right Pony has almost the same obligation to alert you to the mistake or to get on with her job.”

“I think she went to the spa after a wagon splattered her,” argued Twilight Sparkle, but then she suddenly giggled. “Oh, imagine it though. If the games inspector had shown up at the track while the other Pony was barging all the athletes aside and running wild. What impression would that have given after she’d not been greeted and had needed to make her own way there.”

“See, things could have been worse.”

Before Twilight Sparkle could decide whether to thank Joe for the reassurance, argue that they had been bad enough, or ask what else he had heard about the events of the day before the door of the Golden Oaks Library opened again. Unwilling to show the patience needed to enter one after another the Cutie Mark Crusaders almost wedged themselves together in the doorframe. Fortunately they were still fairly small Fillies so they managed to fit all three at once.

“Hi Joe!” Apple Bloom greeted him.

“Hello again you three.”

“I understand I have you to blame for the questions from Scootaloo?” said Twilight Sparkle, changing the subject and giving Joe a look.

“Guilty.”

“You missed it!” Apple Bloom continued.

“Missed what?” frowned Joe.

“Just after you left Diamond Tiara’s father arrived,” Scootaloo continued for her friend, “and he was not pleased she was making such a scene…”

“And then she wailed at him,” said Apple Bloom, taking the explanation back into her hooves, “about how you had been so rude to her.”

“Ah.”

“Don’t worry Joe,” Sweetie Belle said reassuringly, “the stall holder told her father that you’d been quite polite considering how rude she had been to you and how she had accused you of lying about surviving a Manticore, even after you’d shown the scars on your foreleg.”

“Arm,” corrected Joe automatically before he sighed. “Which means he heard what we were saying…” Joe paused a moment and then shook his head. “But fortunately this is the town where Ponies confront full-grown Dragons and giant Timber Wolves or,” he gave a nod to Twilight Sparkle, “use their magic to soothe Ursa Minors and send them back to the Everfree to sleep. So surviving a kitten-Manticore is not impressive enough for much gossip, if any.” Joe paused again. “But how did her father react?”

“He told her off for being rude,” Scootaloo said, adding, “but it did seem more he was telling her she shouldn’t tell people they were liars to their face rather than thinking we weren’t lying.”

“That could actually be good news,” nodded Joe, trying to look on the bright side, “as gossip about me making stories up could be safer. If Spike hadn’t believed what he’d heard about us going into the Everfree then he’d have not suggested going to visit the Diamond Dogs…”

“You went to visit the Diamond Dogs?” Apple Bloom interrupted. “Weren’t that a bit stupid?”

“Yes,” admitted Joe.

“Yes,” Twilight Sparkle reinforced.

“Though if that is where those came from they did get some lovely gems,” commented Sweetie Belle.

“What happened?” Scootaloo asked, buzzing a little into the air.

“We dug up some gems and left without having to fight any Diamond Dogs,” replied Joe, “and as poor a story as that is I’d ask you to not tell it. Though if it makes me seem more the liar then…”

“My sister has told people that she got gems from Spike and what a little star he is,” Sweetie Belle said.

“It could still sound like I was trying to take credit where none was due.”

“Ain’t you worried about being thought of as a false tale-spinner?” Apple Bloom asked.

“I could tell a lot of stories, and there’d be no proof whether they were fact or fiction,” chuckled Joe. “I remember a story, that was fiction, where someone from a different world was trying to gather information while on mine and they thought a fictional character seemed far more likely to exist than some real history to have happened.”

“Joe…” Scootaloo said, suddenly looking worried, “were you only telling us stories when you talked about human flying machines?”

“That’s aerodynamics and aeronautics,” replied Joe, to Scootaloo’s relief, “not a story.”

==

The skies above Ponyville were quiet, the silence only broken by the sound of birds and wind and a few faint noises drifting up from below. Rainbow Dash took off from the cloud on which she had been resting and began another slow meandering flight. Flying helped her think and she had a fair bit to think about. She’d told Joe the truth when she said she was having less trouble enjoying the second kiss than him, but she hadn’t told him how much less trouble. Or just how little the ‘little weird’ it felt was. As surprised as he seemed to have been by the first kiss she’d surprised herself almost as much with that and with how little difference his strange shape made to her enjoyment.

So it was all the more annoying that her shape made such a difference to him and that left her with some decisions. Was he worth the patience and the hope that his attitude would change? She thought so and even if there was no more kissing, or anything else, she enjoyed his company and he’d been honest enough with her that she didn’t think he’d let her linger in false hope. But even if she was sure she could get him used to the idea, as different a challenge as it was from most of those she had faced, she did not enjoy waiting.

Joe enjoying and reading the Daring Do books had brought back memories of her hospital stay where she’d first read those. She’d been impatient to be released from hospital and then, once she had started it, impatient to find out what happened next in the book. And she was feeling even more impatient to find out what might happen with Joe. Rainbow Dash dipped a wing and banked around into a slow descent towards Ponyville, she knew who she was going to speak to about a quicker solution.

==

Paper covered the table, both loose and with sketches and notes across it and the neater more organised stacks called books. The library did have books on the study of flight, whether bird or bat or insect as nature would contain on Joe’s world or Pegasus or Griffon as was added here. That there was little on Dragons was a disappointment to Joe as it had been to Spike, but for a different reason. Spike had wanted to know more about the culture of his bloodkin and Joe just wanted to know how something that big flew. It was obviously magic but was it strengthening the bones and muscles and wing membranes or was it lifting them more directly?

The discussion of aerodynamics was going well though and with Twilight Sparkle to help with the mathematics and explain some of the equations, to Joe as well as to the Fillies, they were getting a good idea of how to calculate the forces to add to Joe’s memory of what proportions looked right. He’d mentioned different sorts of wing and different numbers and they seemed to be settling on a very high wing monoplane with a tail plane. Having the wing on a sturdy strut or pair of struts in a V above the fuselage kept it well clear of the ground for landing and takeoff and kept it out of the way of the view while in the air.

More important it had just seemed so weird to the Ponies the idea of having two or three levels of wings for a biplane or triplane or having a tail at the front for a canard configuration, and even stranger that that was called ‘duck’. Joe had been unable to explain why it was called that and had tried to divert the conversation by talking about landing gear and how although most planes had a tricycle configuration now that for a while a lot did land tail down. This puzzled the Ponies but they agreed that if could make more sense to have two large wheels and one small tailwheel rather than three large wheels dangling down or needing to be raised.

“I think a fixed tricycle configuration will be best,” Joe concluded, “though we’d probably still put a wheel or a skid under the tail. At the speed we are aiming for it shouldn’t add too much drag to have three wheels and that, and we don’t want the complexity of trying to make the gear retractable.”

“Not this time at least!” said Scootaloo.

“Are you going to make me regret making it clear how much larger and faster human planes can be?”

“Would I?” Scootaloo asked, giving him an innocent look.

“Still,” said Joe, “this does depend on where the engine… or magic device… is going to be mounted.” He pointed at a sketch. “I’d be inclined to mount it on the wing and make it a pusher propeller.”

“Wouldn’t that push the nose down?” Scootaloo frowned.

“Yes, but it would put the weight of the engine directly on the wing…” Joe paused and looked to Twilight Sparkle. “Though I don’t know how important that would be if the propeller is going to be driven through magic.”

“It’s probably going to weigh less than you think, Joe.”

Joe nodded. “And be less bulky, so we could have a nose propeller…” He pointed again at his sketch. “Which is more normal for light aircraft, but would mean the landing gear would have to be long enough to keep the prop clear of the ground.”

“Ah’m not sure ah want to be looking through a propeller,” Apple Bloom commented.

“What if we put it at the back?” asked Scootaloo, pointing at the sketch herself. “Then we don’t have to look through it and it won’t be pushing the nose down.”

“Landing gear?” Sweetie Belle asked tentatively.

“Right,” nodded Joe again, “would still need fairly long landing gear and gives the problem of how to link fuselage with tail.” He stopped, thought, and made another quick sketch. “Though if we made it a... ah, can’t remember the term… small lower wing and large upper wing then rather than struts coming straight back we could form a pyramid.”

“More drag,” Scootaloo said decisively.

“But it will work, I had a picture of a biplane on my wall back home with that configuration,” mused Joe. “still inclined towards a wing-mounted pusher though as even the weight of you Fillies and the thrust of the propeller combined should be easy enough to balance. Though if you had a nose propeller and an open back like a bobsleigh then Scootaloo might be able to push for more speed.”

“Cool!” Scootaloo proclaimed. “What’s a bobsleigh?”

“I mentioned some human winter sports to Rainbow Dash and this is one of them. You have a long track of polished ice winding its way down a mountain and groups of humans run along pushing a sleigh to get some initial speed before they all jump into it.” Joe paused. “Actually a bobsleigh and what we might build for this fuselage look quite similar.” He made a quick sketch of the streamlined shape with the open top. “And given how fast a bobsleigh can be going by the time it reaches the end of the track, just from gravity…”

“Can’t be that fast.”

“Fast enough Scoots that when they go around the curves,” Joe said making the motion with his hand, “they go right up on the side of the track despite the track being broader and deeper there.”

“Whoa!”

Twilight Sparkle frowned slightly. She had been mildly impressed by the knowledge Joe had and that he had asked reasonably intelligent questions where he did not understand something in the books. But the more he spoke and the more he worked with the Cutie Mark Crusaders on their project the more annoyed she felt that he’d not done this weeks ago. Or not necessarily this but something that would mean he was using his brains or what he knew to a greater extent than the chores at Sweet Apple Acres demanded. Partially as a test of his understanding Twilight Sparkle snagged a book on Physics from the shelf and started to bring it across to add to those near Joe, but then the door almost slammed open.

“Twi!” Rainbow Dash demanded, “You have…” She stopped as she saw her friend was not alone. “have company.”

“Dash,” smiled Joe, rising to his feet, “good to see you.”

Scootaloo streaked across to hug her heroine and Rainbow Dash returned that. “Hi squirt,” she said, before looking to Joe. “What are you doing here Joe?”

“I brought a book back,” Joe replied, not pointing out that he’d said he was going to, “and got snagged by the Fillies. And I did bring something for you.”

“You fixin’ to start givin’ Rainbow Dash presents?” asked Apple Bloom suspiciously.

“You think I should?” Joe asked in reply as he rootled in his bag.

“Of course,” said Scootaloo, releasing Rainbow Dash to look at Joe, “she is awesome!”

“And these are the result of that,” Joe nodded, pulling out the subtly misshapen dart heads and putting them on the table.

“I don’t understand,” said Sweetie Belle, peering at them.

Scootaloo hopped and buzzed back across as Rainbow Dash followed more calmly and Twilight Sparkle also looked at the dart heads.

“Those look a bit big to be your arrows,” Twilight Sparkle commented tentatively, she’d not seen those outside the quiver, “but I remember Rainbow asking you about throwing those and you saying they would be a bit light and flimsy for that.”

“So she had these heavier ones made,” smiled Joe, “and until she dove and released them they had some wooden shafts and some fletching… fins at the rear to stabilise them… and I had an archery target.”

“You said you wanted to see what would happen,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“And I did, want to see and did see,” agreed Joe, his hand describing the motions. “A beautiful streak of rainbow colours arcing down out of the sky, a perfectly timed release and pull up, and as expected my target was no more. Then when I dug along the holes these had made beyond the target I found the impact had also shattered the shafts of the darts.”

“As expected?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Joe mentioned humans have weapons that propel solid metal darts,” said Rainbow Dash, hoping she wasn’t blushing at Joe’s mild praise, “which are heavier and are propelled at supersonic speeds and would hit even harder.”

“I had to reassure her with that example,” Joe added, “that it wasn’t just the math of how much harder she’d hit than my throw…”

“Huh?” commented Apple Bloom.

“Kinetic energy goes up as the square of the velocity,” Joe explained, “so several times faster hits several times several times as hard.”

Twilight Sparkle blinked as although that was simple physics it was something else she’d not expected Joe to know, even if humans did seem inclined to throw or propel things to hurt at a distance so that sort of physics would be more important to them. Though what Rainbow had said did raise another question. She looked at Joe. “Why do humans have weapons that propel solid metal darts that hard?”

“Ah.”

“Because they have armoured vehicles that are tough enough to need that to pierce their armour,” Rainbow Dash answered for him. “Which apparently I wouldn’t have done, as good a job as I did on his target.”

“You might manage,” said Joe, caution being subsumed by a need to reassure, “you could have been flying faster and holding one heavier dart rather than two light ones… and you could aim for their topside, which is generally lighter armoured than their sides or front or rear. Hit an engine vent and you might cripple it enough to catch fire and have to be abandoned.”

“Thanks Joe,” Rainbow Dash grinned, “and I won’t ask you for all the reasons why it might not be that simple.”

“Eerm.”

“So, what are these called?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “You must have a better name than just armoured vehicle.”

“Actually… no.”

“No?” Twilight Sparkle repeated in bafflement.

“The general term for them all, the various sorts with their different roles is that, or even just ‘armour’ or ‘armoured’. One language is fond of compound words and the latter was how the one meaning armoured-wagon was shortened. Or they all get called by the cover-name we, my country invented the first successful ones, gave the earliest examples. They were large, they were metal, and the crates were about the right size so we pretended we were shipping water tanks. And calling them Tanks stuck.”

“Tanks?” Apple Bloom said. “Like Rainbow Dash’s Turtle?”

“Tortoise,” corrected Joe, “and he’s more like a helicopter, which can be the deadly enemy of Tanks as they pop up from…” He paused and trailed off. “From behind cover… and I’ve been trying to be careful with what I say.” Joe looked at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “So I have probably said too much and definitely said too much about such things in front of Fillies.”

“We didn’t mind,” Sweetie Belle reassured him. “I’m not that interested but you’ve been helping us with this so seems fair to let you talk about something else for a while.”

“I want to see Joe’s target and how awesome Rainbow Dash has been,” added Scootaloo.

“Ah don’t think Joe was worried about if we were bored Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said, looking at him before looking at her fellow Crusader. “Ah think he was concerned it was not a suitable subject for our ears. Talking about weapons and killing and vehicles for suchlike.”

“I’m sorry Joe,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, “I know why you feel you need to be careful, so I should have quizzed you in private.”

“And you know why I’d have had to be careful in private as well,” Joe replied.

“So,” said Rainbow Dash as Twilight Sparkle nodded to Joe’s statement, “why are you squirts here anyway, other than apparently to embarrass Joe? More of the questions about human flying machines?”

“Covered a lot of paper,” Joe agreed, “and getting towards them knowing as much as I do about this.”

“You’ve taught them all you know about human flight already?” squinted Rainbow Dash.

“As much as I know that is relevant to trying to build a Microlight,” Joe corrected.

“What if we don’t want to build a Microlight?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Then you don’t have to,” Joe smiled, “though with all the work we’ve done we may as well try to make a few models.”

“Not what ah meant,” said Apple Bloom, “ah mean what if we want to make something that ain’t simple.”

“Then there is an awful lot I am even more vague on,” Joe admitted, “so be very difficult.”

“Can we talk Twi?” asked Rainbow Dash quietly as the Cutie Mark Crusaders assured Joe they were not scared of hard work. “Privately I mean.”

“Okay,” Twilight Sparkle replied, “we can go downstairs…” She raised her voice. “Will you be fine looking after these three and the library Joe? Spike should be back soon.”

“Sure, I should be fine.”

Barely had Joe given that reassurance than his attention was demanded again and he had to turn back to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Rainbow Dash bit her lower lip as she saw this, he was good with Fillies as well as, apparently, with animals but did Joe regard that as being the same skill? There was some common ground in needing patience and kindness but inside him did Joe regard this as childsitting or petsitting? Twilight Sparkle noticed the strange look on her friend’s face but didn’t say anything as she led the way downstairs.

“Looking pensive Joe,” commented Apple Bloom as he glanced towards where the Mares had gone.

“As I have said,” Joe replied, taking an excuse, “I do keep wondering if I am saying too much.”

“Well, you’re not stopping talking about this now,” said Scootaloo.

“I suppose not,” Joe shrugged. “So, probably a pusher propeller mounted on the wing…”

Chapter 19

The Golden Oaks Library had a surprisingly spacious basement laboratory beneath it and Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie both remembered how many machines Twilight Sparkle had at her disposal there. And how determined she had been to analyse the results of the potion she’d brewed and to try to find the mechanism for Pinkie Pie’s Pinkie-sense. Rainbow Dash glanced around and wondered if one seemingly new machine would fit Joe better than it would any Pony.

“Why does Joe have to be careful?”

“Apparently,” Twilight Sparkle replied, “he was warned by Princess Celestia that if he wasn’t he might have to leave.”

“Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, remembering that Joe had hinted at such. But rather than admit that he’d admitted it would be egotistical to think he could change Equestia and had told her about Plumbata instead.

“I doubt it was as serious as he thought,” Twilight Sparkle continued, “but I overheard him telling Spike he was concerned about the letters to the Princess and that if he had to leave, as he had been warned of the chance of, it had been nice knowing him.”

“Oh,” repeated Rainbow Dash, glad that it wasn’t that Joe had told the others directly when he hadn’t her.

“So, what did you want to talk about Rainbow?”

“Can you make me look human, or more human? Temporarily.”

“What? Why?”

“I kissed Joe.”

“What?” Twilight Sparkle almost shrieked.

“No need to sound so shocked,” said Rainbow Dash, drawing her head back away from the shrillness and in slight offence, “it’s not that grotesque.”

“No, no… I mean,” Twilight Sparkle spluttered. “Hmm, perhaps you had better start from the beginning?”

“Well, after I saw what the darts had done to Joe’s target I got a little worried… I like being awesome but despite what he’d said I hadn’t realised it would be that awesome…”

==

Joe glanced away from the papers and books as he heard the distance attenuated shriek. He’d been a little concerned at the coincidence of Rainbow Dash coming to visit Twilight Sparkle today but had dismissed it. They were good friends so they likely spoke every day and assuming what they were going to talk about had to do with him was rather narcissistic. That sounded like a noise of surprise though.

“Don’t fret none,” Apple Bloom said, returning Joe’s attention to the table, “I expect there’s no trouble. Just sounds like Rainbow annoyed Twilight again.”

“One time Twilight had been working on a potion for years,” added Sweetie Belle, “and Rainbow Dash took and drank it.”

“Which was awesome!” Scootaloo said. “The extra speed Rainbow Dash got from the effects and the…”

“Scootaloo,” said Apple Bloom.

“Yeah,” Scootaloo conceded, “and then when she tried a Sonic Rainboom with that extra power things were still awesome, but not in a good way.”

“Normal Sonic Rainboom can make quite th’ rumble,” explained Apple Bloom. “That one smacked walls and roofs off buildings all over Ponyville.”

“Interesting,” Joe nodded, “though I can see why even Scootaloo has trouble being enthusiastic about that.”

“Hey!”

“Did it just enhance her strength and speed?” Joe continued.

“Ah think so, though would work differently fer different Ponies,” replied Apple Bloom.

“Worked very differently on Pinkie Pie when Twilight Sparkle made some more,” Sweetie Belle nodded, “depends on the Pony’s talent.”

Joe chuckled. “Sounds like the Super Soldier Serum…”

“Th’ what now?” Apple Bloom asked.

“One of the fictional heroes I have mentioned was given that treatment, and at first it seemed to be just to improve him physically. I’m not sure how much they changed it in the monthly stories they publish of him but certainly in the film they made they altered it so that it also amplified what he was inside. So an evil man who stole and took the serum became even worse and it was even more important that they chose a good brave man, rather than one who was merely physically strong. So much more important in fact that they chose someone who was physically weak since the serum and treatment would correct that.”

“Is that what you think they gave you?” Scootaloo asked.

“Hah, I doubt it. I don’t feel any better mentally…” said Joe, trailing off as he remembered what he had just said. The super soldier serum didn’t make you feel better, it amplified what you had inside and in his case that could include a tendency to shyness and being introverted. It seemed a pitiful excuse though to think he’d been given something similar and blame that for his months of relative isolation.

“Joe?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Hmm? Oh. Yes, I’m certainly improved in body and whatever Twilight and Zecora did when I arrived or when they were treating me for the kitten-scratches…”

“Please don’t call them that,” Sweetie Belle said, using a touch of filly-eyes, “they are nasty so calling them that makes it sound like you weren’t really hurt.”

“Alright, or when they were treating me for being mauled,” said Joe, getting a small white Unicorn nod, “seems to have worked well, especially with my exercise and practice, but if humans can have a special talent I don’t think that mine was enhanced.”

“We can still make you an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader,” Apple Bloom nodded with a wobble of her bow, “since you are a blank-flank…”

“And how do you know that?” asked Joe with the strange looking, to Ponies, facial contortion of a raised eyebrow.

“Your shorts weren’t very long,” Sweetie Belle pointed out, “and if you had one then at least the edge might have been visible.”

“Maybe, maybe not, they do seem to be right at the top of the leg,” said Joe, “but that would answer how you knew that Sweetie Belle, since you helped Rarity when she was making measurements, rather than how Apple Bloom would know.”

“I… er…” Apple Bloom started, not wanting to admit she’d peeked.

“Still even if I am a blank-flank, which I am,” smiled Joe, taking mercy on the filly, “there is the problem that would be permanent. Unless I got a tattoo which I won’t.”

“Tattoo?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“As human skin is, mostly, bare you can see designs made by injecting pigment into the skin…”

==

Twilight Sparkle nodded as Rainbow Dash finished her rather disorganised account of the morning’s events. She had not gone into great detail of the conversations or, to Twilight Sparkle’s relief, of the kisses but she had said enough that it sounded like the latter had flowed nicely from the former. That Joe had been pleasant and charming and worth kissing. It also sounded that he had been honest in those compliments and in his explanations and his concern that Rainbow Dash not be upset.

“Could Joe have been right?” Twilight Sparkle asked, deciding to raise her main concern.

“What about?”

“That it could just have been the moment, that you were excited and had to kiss someone?”

“Weren’t you listening?” frowned Rainbow Dash.

“I was, but you do seem to be rushing things.”

“Er, duh, I am me! When have you known me to not go straight for what I want?”

“But is this what you want? Would you really be happy with someone who can’t accept you as you are?”

“I… he likes me, he thinks I am… it’s not his fault he can’t… you know. With me as I am.”

“Or with any Pony, as they are.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash asked, wondering if Joe had been as honest as she’d thought about her friend having shown no interest in his person. “Have you…”

“No,” said Twilight Sparkle firmly, “I have not tried with him and, as far as I know, neither has any other Pony.”

“Then…”

“In the same conversation with Spike I overheard him, as part of reassuring Spike about his lack of interest in Rarity that way, say much the same thing as he said to you. That he knows we are people and can think we are lovely, but can’t feel it.”

“Oh! He mentioned he’d said that to Spike, but I’d not realised it was the same conversation you’d heard.” Rainbow Dash blushed. “Sorry.”

“So he wasn’t lying to you when he said it to you,” continued Twilight Sparkle, frowning thoughtfully and adding, “or if he was then he was sticking to the same lie as he’d already told Spike.”

“Twilight!”

“I don’t think he is lying, and I am trying to reassure you that it was not just you, but I felt I should mention the other in case it later occurred to you and you got worried again.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “So… magic?”

“That might be my Element and my special talent, but I’d rather figure out Joe’s problem and solve it another way. Tell me something Rainbow, did Joe ever suggest he would be willing to turn into a Pony? Or is it only you who needs to change?”

“I didn’t suggest I’d be willing to turn into a human, to him.”

“But he was talking about how he’d react differently if you looked human or more human? And did mention Discord’s offer and said he didn’t accept it because he’d not be him if he was a Pony?”

“If he stayed a Pony,” Rainbow Dash corrected, “and I agree with him, I don’t think I’d be me if I stayed human permanently. I’d like to be human, see what it’s like, but I like being a Pegasus and…”

“And?”

“And you are right, I like being a Pegasus and I would like him to like me as a Pegasus.”

“Which apparently he does,” Twilight Sparkle said, bringing a satisfied smile to Rainbow Dash’s face. “But it is strange that he doesn’t do more than like you… unless… and he was shocked…”

“Unless? Shocked?”

“I wonder… has he ever mentioned anything other than humans on his world? Anything that can talk I mean?”

“I…” Rainbow Dash began, but Twilight Sparkle was already heading back up the stairs. With a sense of foreboding she flew after her friend.

==

To his relief Joe had managed to get away from the subject of tattoos and back onto the subject of flight. They had agreed that ‘proper’ control surfaces would be better than half-assing it and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had agreed that was an amusing way of putting it. Once they had finished giggling and enjoying Joe’s embarrassment they had managed to talk about how to control the Microlight. Joe had argued for the same style as humans and had needed to squirm slightly to demonstrate how intuitive they were.

Push forward and push the nose down, pull back and pull it up, push left or right and push the left or right wing down, push the left or right rudder pedal and the plane twists left or right in the same way as, if there was too much travel on the pedals, you’d be twisting in your chair. This seemed fair to Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle but Scootaloo wanted to use her wings as well.

“Hmm,” Joe mused, “I can sympathise with that, humans have tried to build machines to mirror the operator’s movements as that is more intuitive, but any controls that are wing operated would be useless to your friends. Besides if we build a Microlight I was hoping it would last long enough you’d be able to fly by yourself.”

“That could be a while,” Apple Bloom said, a little unkindly.

“Hey!”

“I was thinking of arranging things so you three could fit in, so one long cockpit…”

“Why’s it called that?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Ah think it might be because human pilots are male?” suggested Apple Bloom.

“Could be, I’m not sure,” Joe said, not admitting the possible link with the shape of the pits in which fighting cockerels were pitted against each other. “But one long one, like a bobsleigh, rather than separate, so it could be three small chairs now and then two and maybe only one as you grow.”

“So how would this stick and pedals make the flappy things flap?” asked Scootaloo.

“Or the engine go faster and slower, would also have a throttle,” Joe pointed out. “And the answer is probably pulleys and cables.” He made yet another quick sketch and looked at it. “Have to work this out properly but basically you move that, it pulls the cable, and the cable pulls the ‘flappy thing’. Has the advantage that you can feel how hard the ‘flappy thing’ is becoming to move, if you are going too fast.”

“Problems?” said Scootaloo, noticing Joe had only said ‘probably’.

“Cables can jam, get caught on their guides. So the alternative would be hydraulics, move the controls, that presses the cylinder there and the pressure pushes the cylinder at the ‘flappy thing’, as long as the hose hasn’t leaked. Though can double or triple up, make it two or three small cylinders and narrow hoses rather than just one bigger one…”

“Or you could use magic.”

Joe turned in his chair and smiled to Twilight Sparkle. “Or that, and especially since the ‘engine’ would be magical.”

“Sorry for the interruption girls and Joe,” Twilight Sparkle continued.

“Not at all,” said Joe reassuringly. “We’d appreciate your and Dash’s ideas. I’ve talked about control surfaces and how to use them, but magic might alter the airflow better and be more intuitive to use.” Joe quickly ran through the position of the ‘flappy things’ and how they made the plane roll, pitch, and yaw and then how those motions were reflected in the control stick and rudder pedals combination. “But if you could, I don’t know, make it so they put their hoof on a glowy thing and glows on the wings respond to their thoughts…”

“What makes you think that would be possible?” Twilight Sparkle asked, looking baffled at the way his mind worked.

“Because humans can almost do that,” winked Joe, “getting towards being able to read brainwaves and translate them well enough that things could be controlled without doing more than twitch at most. Fun thing is that had some science fiction set two hundred and fifty years from now and we can already build far better aids for paralysed people than was shown in that series fifty years ago.”

Twilight Sparkle exchanged a glance with the uncharacteristically quiet Rainbow Dash as Joe once more mentioned that humans could do something rather than that people could do it or that anything else on his world could. “Joe,” she said, “are humans the only intelligent things on your world?”

“Depends how you define intelligence,” replied Joe, sounding a little puzzled at the change of subject. “Nothing else that we can talk to properly, we have taught some Chimpanzees and Gorillas sign language…”

“Sign Language?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Sometimes humans can’t talk or can’t hear, so there are a few languages based on gesture,” said Joe, making a few before admitting, “not that I know any proper signs, but that sort of combination of hand shape and movement and position.”

“And these Chimpanzees and Gorillas are able to learn it?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“To an extent, well enough to make them seem even more like people but hundreds rather than thousands of signs and their conversation is simple.”

“Even more?” Twilight Sparkle asked again, continuing her questioning.

“There is enough of a gap between humans and everything else, even the other Great Apes… the Gorilla, Chimpanzee, Bonobo, and Orang-utan who are our closest living relatives… that some religions divided the world into Man and Beast. But we have found many of our supposedly defining traits are also present in other animals, and on a spiritual level it is hard to think your species unique and separate when you look into something’s eyes and see a person looking back at you. So it’s more of a sliding scale now, or at least that’s how I feel.”

“What do you see when you look into our eyes?” Rainbow Dash suddenly demanded.

“I told you that I see people, and to the full extent,” replied Joe, looking puzzled. “You have towns and books and culture and technology and history…”

“And nothing but humans have that on your world?” Twilight Sparkle interrupted.

“Dolphins seem to have a language and pass every intelligence test we can think of, so there is some debate if they don’t have things because they aren’t smart enough or if it’s just they don’t need anything more than their bodies. As to the other Great Apes…” Joe paused and thought. “The Chimpanzees and Gorillas are smart enough to have learned some sign language, and I think one Chimpanzee taught it to her children and the rest of her group, but not smart enough to have invented it. Some Orang-utans are smart enough to paddle a boat along with their hands, but humans are the only ones smart enough to not only make that simple boat but vast and complex ships…”

“As you said, there’s a gap. No wonder your response when you woke up here was ‘talking horsie’.”

Joe gave Twilight Sparkle a mild glare as the Cutie Mark Crusaders dissolved into fresh giggles. He’d forgotten he’d mentioned that to Spike in the conversation that she had confessed to listening to. But then he saw the funny side again and grinned. “And no wonder after that response they checked me for brain damage and reassured me they could bring a simpler book if the History of Equestria they had given me was too difficult for me to read.”

The giggling of the Cutie Mark Crusaders redoubled and even the worrying dour looking Rainbow Dash managed a smile at that. Eventually the Fillies wound down and Apple Bloom looked to Joe. “Why do y’all need ‘vast and complex ships’ anyhow?”

“You know I said was only a narrow sea channel between my country’s island and the country where they talk fancy?”

“Uh-huh?”

“Well about three quarters of my world’s surface is covered in oceans and seas and though the ocean between my country and the country Equestria seems to have the most parallels to is only the second largest, by a long way, that is more like a hundred times as far.”

Joe paused and wondered if he had got that wrong. But it seemed pernickety to correct himself and he was sure there was some route you could take to some part of that landmass that would be about that distance.

“Parallels?” Scootaloo frowned. “Like what?”

“Well, here has Manehattan and there has Manhattan,” said Joe, making Scootaloo’s frown deepen. “and Rainbow Dash mentioned Fillydelphia…”

“Only because they got the Equestria Games rather than Cloudsdale,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“With Clydesdale being a sort of large horse on my world,” smiled Joe, “but to get back to country parallels… I told Rainbow Dash about the people who first had our version of the Equestria Games, the Olympics, and they had words for three sorts of love. There was Eros, romantic love, Agape, love for people in general… which seems to be what Pinkie Pie has, and Philos, familial or brotherly love.”

“Why brotherly?” Apple Bloom objected.

“Yeah, why not sisterly?” added Sweetie Belle.

“Because they were a male dominated society,” Joe replied, “and the parallel is that you have Fillydelphia, as in you three fine Fillies, and the country on my world has Philadelphia, also known as the City of Brotherly Love…” He looked around. “Where did Twilight and Dash go?”

“Ah think they went downstairs again,” said Apple Bloom.

“I didn’t think I was being that boring,” Joe shrugged. “Back to aeronautics?”

“Sure,” agreed Scootaloo, before the others could make Joe digress any more.

==

They had slipped away and the door had been securely shut and there had been several seconds of mutual silence. It did seem Joe was proud of humans and of being a human, and perhaps still believed more in the distinction between Man and Beast than he was claiming or admitting to himself. At the same time though he did seem to accept much of it was a matter of degree there and that intelligence of that degree was far from unique here.

“Well,” Twilight Sparkle finally said, “that would explain why he is so used to thinking only of humans as… er… partners.”

“Which doesn’t solve the problem,” frowned Rainbow Dash.

“At least he looked puzzled when you asked him what he saw looking in our eyes,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, “as if he couldn’t understand why you’d doubt what he’d see.”

“No, I believe him,” sighed Rainbow Dash, “that he thinks we are people and so is everything else that can talk. It just seems that it will be harder to ease him into dating outside his species.”

“You did only kiss him today for the first time, so presenting yourself as a human would hardly be easing him.”

Rainbow Dash thought and then nodded. “I still want that magic, in case I need it, but not today.”

“It would take some research anyway,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, “and we’d have to be sure if Joe would be able to ‘forget’ what you really look like.”

“I think he would,” mused Rainbow Dash before her eyes widened in horror and her wings beat to put her between her friend and the door. “But please don’t go and ask him!”

“I wasn’t going to!”

“So what would you need for the magic anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I’d need Joe, I know what he looks like but I’d need to understand his body better.”

“No way to do it as a surprise?”

“No… though… maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“The way I am thinking to turn you into a human, or him into a Pony, I’d need both of you so I could use the other as a guide…”

“Following you so far.”

“If it was turning him into a Pony I feel he’d have to know what was going on, but if it was turning you into a human…”

“Get him there and then… wham! Suddenly he has me looking like he’d imagined?”

“And,” Twilight Sparkle said, having second thoughts, “suddenly he is having to deal with that with me there.”

Rainbow Dash reluctantly nodded. “I can see how that might go wrong.”

==

“Mah head hurts,” complained Apple Bloom.

“I think our next step would be building some models,” Joe said, trying to console her.

“Apple Bloom is good with tools,” smiled Sweetie Belle.

“Why did we have to do all this mathematics anyway?” Scootaloo asked.

“Maybe we didn’t have to,” winked Joe.

“Whaaaat?” Apple Bloom protested.

“Sketches to look right and making and scaling up models might have worked,” continued Joe, chuckling slightly, “but now we have the rules of thumb…”

“Joe,” Apple Bloom pointed out, “we ain’t got thumbs.”

“Just means rough measurements or guides,” smiled Joe, demonstrating along the edge of the table how he could use thumb lengths, “but now we have these ratios and rules worked out as a guide we have a better idea of what will work. Especially how a working model will need to be modified as well as enlarged for a full scale Microlight.”

“So, if it is that important,” Sweetie Belle asked, a pretty little frown appearing near her horn, “why did you say maybe we didn’t need to do it?”

“Because when humans started we hadn’t worked out the mathematics, it was a case of ‘Works as a model? Build it and try!’ But as fearless a reputation as that gave test pilots, and that they still have, I thought a little paperwork was better.”

“Ah’m not so sure,” Apple Bloom muttered.

“These days,” continued Joe, “everything is thoroughly calculated before anything flies so less has to be worked out in the air. But for most of the history of human flight the way to see how fast something could go before its wings fell off was to put it in a dive and hope the airframe gave a warning creak before that happened.” Joe winked and switched to a drawl. “Continuing dive, controls still good, confidence is high… speed increasing, controls beginning to lock…”

“Why…” Scootaloo said, “are you talking like that?”

“Oh… First human to fly faster than sound did it with broken ribs,” explained Joe, “little plane dropped from a bigger one before it started its engines. And that human’s reward was that he became famous enough that, despite how many accents and languages humans have, a lot of pilots started trying to talk like him.”

“Ah like that!” Apple Bloom said.

“Been even more popular to talk calm and slow if a famous actor had publicised that the break in his filmmaking was because he was busy flying planes in wartime and being very good at it…”

Joe winced and stopped as he realised what he was saying. Talking about breaking the sound barrier was fine, risking talking about strategic bomber offensives was not. As much as he thought the troops and guns, especially the heavy flak that could also be used for anti-tank, and resources used to counter those bombers were almost drain enough even without the actual damage caused by the bombs he still had a great deal of trouble with the damage being so indiscriminate. So he certainly didn’t want to think how the Ponies would react to cities being turned into firestorms.

“I think it is time for the Fillies to be getting home,” Twilight Sparkle said, startling Joe from his thoughts and making him wonder how much she had heard and how long he’d been silent and lost in them. She looked around. “Though I am surprised to not see Spike.”

“He arrived a while ago, but he was looking tired so I agreed he could have a nap,” replied Joe, standing and starting to shuffle papers together. “Once of course I had assured him that this didn’t affect him being your number one assistant.”

“Would you see the Fillies home please Rainbow?” Twilight Sparkle asked, turning to her friend.

“What?”

“No need,” Joe assured them, “I can see them home, two in town and then I can circle back to my hut after I’ve seen Apple Bloom to Sweet Apple Acres.”

“There is a need,” said Twilight Sparkle, firmly contradicting him, “as you and I need to talk Joe.”

“Er, okay,” Joe replied, looking as nervous as a baby bunny being herded by a sleep deprived Applejack.

Rainbow Dash also gave Twilight Sparkle an anxious look but the Fillies, especially Scootaloo, were too busy chattering at her about what Joe had said about human flight to notice. As the quartet left and Twilight Sparkle fixed her attention on Joe his concern increased. Whatever they had been talking about seemed to have worried Rainbow Dash, and that combined with the earlier noise of surprise did worry him.

“So…” Twilight Sparkle said, letting the word linger, “how do you propel those darts?”

“What?” blinked Joe. “Oh…er… that is related to one of the weapons I thought you had relinquished,” he continued, the words tumbling out of him with his relief that he wasn’t going to have to talk about his feelings. “Pinkie Pie’s Party Cannon looks a lot like human cannon from about two hundred years ago, though that was when that design was reaching the end of its use. The basic shape had been established by a hundred… two hundred?… years before…”

Twilight Sparkle had to suppress a grin as Joe began talking about muzzle loaders and gunpowder, then different propellants he wasn’t sure how to make and interrupted breeches for breach loaders, touching on hydraulic recoil absorbers and how they meant the gun didn’t jump backwards and have to be relaid. It was a dirty trick to play on him but Rainbow Dash had asked her to not talk about the other subject and it was not her fault that Joe seemed eager to keep the air filled with different words instead.

==

As they approached Sweet Apple Acres Rainbow Dash had to admit to herself that she was nervous what Twilight Sparkle might be talking to Joe about. She dearly loved her friend but sometimes she was rather more book smart than life smart. There had been all that trouble during one Hearts and Hooves day and Rainbow Dash did fear more of the same innocent misunderstandings. Apple Bloom galloped a little ahead and greeted her sister as she saw her.

“Rainbow?” Applejack said, sounding a little surprised. “What brings you here escorting mah sister?”

“She and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders were at the library and Twi asked me to see them home.”

“Twilight wanted to talk to Joe,” Apple Bloom added.

“Oh, ah wonder what about,” mused Applejack. “Maybe th’ Olympic Games?”

“Where did you hear that term?” Rainbow Dash asked, eyes fixing on the orange Earth Pony.

“Ah heard it from Joe, he mentioned it was similar to th’ Equestria Games when ah said why ah needed him to look after Winona,” said Applejack calmly, “but he didn’t go into detail.” Rainbow Dash nodded to this. “As you are here would you like to come in for some apple pie? Freshly made today.”

“I…” Rainbow Dash began, then she considered if she wanted to get back to the Golden Oaks Library too soon and risk interrupting. She managed a more normal tone. “Hah, have you ever known me turn down that pie?”

“Nope, but always a first time.

==

Although Joe had collected together the notes on flight and flying machines the table was once more covered in paper. Joe had worked his way through what he knew of cannon and artillery until he linked those that looked like Pinkie Pie’s to those that would fire the darts. He’d digressed onto the word sabotage coming from workers throwing wooden shoes, sabots, into machinery as he spoke of how sabot was also the term for what the darts were fitted inside. The idea that you had that ‘shoe’ fall away once the projectile left the gun muzzle so the dart had less drag and would apply its impact to a smaller area made a strange amount of sense to Twilight Sparkle. She could also see why Joe thought cylinders and cannon were similar as her knowledge of steam engines was helping her follow what he was saying. He had said something strange before though.

“You mentioned helicopters being tank killers,” Twilight Sparkle said, “but you’ve been talking about the recoil on these ‘guns’.”

“Right,” nodded Joe, “different method. They carry missiles… that is to say guided rockets…”

“Guided?”

“Can be steered at a distance or can steer themselves rather than being simply ballistic.”

Twilight Sparkle gave Joe a look. She was not going to dispute this, and risk breaking his flow of words, but she was not going to fully accept it either as this seemed so unlikely. Then again so did a lot of what he was saying. “Go on.”

“I am not exactly sure how shaped charge warheads work,” Joe continued, ignoring the look he’d been given, “but I think it was accidental they were discovered, some explosives were being used for demolition work and they found the letters on the embossed metal backing were being blasted into what they were trying to cut.”

“Right,” said Twilight Sparkle sceptically.

“So what you do is have a explosives with a concave section at the front,” Joe said, sketching, “I think it’s a copper liner, and when the explosive goes off the force of it melts the liner and is concentrated on a single point, like light being reflected by the… er… reflector of a lamp. But that doesn’t work well if the projectile is spinning, that makes the molten metal swirl rather than all hit the same point, so rifling is not good for that either.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. Joe had mentioned the idea of a Spiral groove along the gun bore so the projectile was stabilised by the spin that caused and had also mentioned the darts were fin stabilised instead. He’d admitted he wasn’t sure why the fins couldn’t be offset to let the dart spin as he knew at least some ‘iron bombs’ had offset fins to let them be spin stabilised as they fell, and then had needed to be asked a question quickly as he almost realised just how much he was saying.

“So as two sorts of anti-armour round that a rifled barrel is not good for,” Joe continued, “Tanks are reverting to smoothbore cannon…”

==

Apple Bloom had gone upstairs to put her notes away and start on her homework, Big Macintosh was somewhere doing chores, and Granny Smith was making a nose similar to the creaking of her rocking chair as she snored in a nap. So that left time for pie and uninterrupted conversation. Especially pie.

“Hwhoo-whee!” Applejack said. “Sounds like an awful lot of sports at those Olympics, and that Joe said an awful lot to you.”

“He didn’t say that his country had only hosted them last year,” grumbled Rainbow Dash.

“But that was about all that he said to me,” Applejack pointed out.

“True.”

“So tell me more about what he said about how to stop you cheating…”

“I was not cheating when I used my wings!”

“Oh, ah suppose not. But ah do think they were too big an advantage in some events.”

“Puh,” Rainbow Dash snorted, “and an event with lassoing wasn’t tailored for you? Or kicking a target when, as you said, years of applebucking?”

“Ah’ll concede that, but what about the push-ups? Th’ first event you ‘cheated’ in?”

“Where I’d been having to lift my wings and flight muscles each time I pushed up?”

“Fine, ah’ll concede that as well. But th’ long jump?”

“I’ll concede that,” Rainbow Dash said, blushing slightly, “and that was an event Joe mentioned…”

==

To Twilight Sparkle’s relief it seemed Joe had gone straight from talking desperately about anything but what he might have been intuitive enough to suspect had been discussed downstairs to having got enthusiastic about what he was saying. Seeing him talk freely was interesting and although he was edging towards lecturing he did seem to be trying to talk to rather than at her. So she could understand why Rainbow Dash, if he’d been as pleasant with her, had enjoyed the conversation. Though still perhaps not why she’d enjoyed it enough to kiss him.

“Tanks sound rather cumbersome.”

“That can be their image,” Joe smiled.

“Image?”

“The idea people can have of them is rather like Dash’s tortoise Tank, armoured but slow.”

“Are you going to tell me,” said Twilight Sparkle in disbelief, “that something like you have described is fast?”

“Oh, when they were invented they were barely able to go faster than a slow human walking pace,” Joe admitted, “and they did stay slow for a while, or some of them did…”

“Some?”

“In my country there was a split between ones designed to be fairly slow but better armoured and those with less armour but more speed, depending on whether they were intended to operate alongside men on foot, infantry tanks, or independently, cruiser tanks,” Joe explained. “But as engines got more powerful and the suspension able to withstand harder bumps, from more speed or more weight of armour, the two types converged.”

“So they are faster then humans can walk now?”

“Not only that,” Joe chuckled, “they are faster than humans can run and… you know how a runaway wagon acts when it goes over a bump? Front wheels come up or even off the ground?”

“Yes?” asked Twilight Sparkle, her eyes narrowing as she suspected what Joe was about to claim.

“I’ve seen footage of modern tanks at full speed, and when they go over a ridge they go up onto the rear of their tracks. Not only are they about the weight of the steam locomotives on the local line they are about as fast, and when going cross-country rather than on rails.”

“What?” said Twilight Sparkle, her determination to just let Joe talk fraying at this claim.

“I could be wrong,” Joe shrugged, not taking offence at the disbelief. If a lot of humans wouldn’t believe it then why should a Pony who’d never seen one. “I’ve not ridden that train so I’m only guessing how fast it is and how heavy the locomotive is.”

“But you think your guess is a good one.”

“Weight wise certainly,” Joe said, not mentioning this was partially because you seemed to need a similar lorry to take a preserved steam locomotive of about that size from one heritage line to another or to act as a tank transporter to take those longer distances. “And they are definitely fast enough that if they had room to manoeuvre, and until she got her eye in, Dash would have problems trying to drop darts on them.”

“Ah, so that’s one of those you didn’t mention,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, trying to not argue.

“Put it this way, ocean going ships are absolutely immense by comparison and the ones I am thinking of were also not quite as fast,” Joe nodded, “but they still managed to weave enough to throw off the aim of aeroplanes trying to drop things on them in a dive.”

Twilight Sparkle doubted that anything Joe described as being ‘absolutely immense’ was of a believable size. Even if water creatures and, she supposed, water going craft could be bigger as the water supported them there were limits to her credulity. Therefore it seemed better to avoid the subject for now and try to continue discussing the barely more plausible ‘Tanks’.

“You shall have to tell me about those another time, but how do Tanks move cross country? I remember a pair of brothers called Flim and Flam and how the wheels of their steam powered cider maker dug into the road surface.”

“Tanks have a lot of wheels and, more importantly, wrapped around them are what we call caterpillar tracks, a band of connected links…”

“Oh! You said tracks, and we have those!” Twilight Sparkle interrupted, happy to find a similarity. “On our cranes and demolition equipment.”

“So do we, and I think they are called caterpillar tracks because caterpillar was the name of the bulldozer or tractor company that invented them.”

“You mean,” Twilight Sparkle said, unable to resist teasing Joe, “humans invented something and then only later turned it to warfare?”

“We’re not that bad,” grumbled Joe, worried that Twilight Sparkle could justifiably say ‘yes you are’.

“Sorry… Tanks?”

“Our Tanks have kettles built into them…” Joe began, trying to argue that things made of incredibly hard metal had a softer side.

==

Bidding Applejack and the freshly awake Granny Smith goodnight Rainbow Dash streaked up into the sky and away from Sweet Apple Acres. She’d not wanted to get back too soon but too late was almost as bad. Hopefully Twilight and Joe had finished talking but in case they hadn’t she decided to aim for the balcony of the Golden Oaks Library and the doors leading from that rather than the door at ground level. She hesitated and hovered for a moment as she approached but with some misgivings she landed and entered. There were still voices so she crept across to peer down and saw Twilight and Joe were still talking.

“And so,” Joe said, sounding weary, “every Tank built for our army for the last sixty or seventy years has included the means to make Tea. Which some think just as important an addition as gyroscopic stabilisation to keep the gun barrel level over the bumps.”

“Or as much as that can keep it level if you aren’t exaggerating about them rearing up with their speed,” replied Twilight Sparkle, “though it does sound as if Tea is important to your country.”

“Er, yes,” Joe admitted, “as embarrassing as it is to say we did have a couple of wars a hundred and fifty, hundred and thirty, years ago whose motive was they wouldn’t sell us tea.”

“What? I know I keep saying that but, what?”

“I am talking about vast quantities,” Joe said a little defensively, “dozens or hundreds of ship loads a year, and we did want to trade for it, and some of the people there did want our goods…” He closed his eyes and decided to not admit the ‘goods’ that were most wanted was Opium. “But their Emperor decreed they didn’t want to trade for anything we had…” Which Joe admitted to himself was fair as so much was Opium. “So, er, yes.”

“Not one of the stories you’d tell with ‘enthusiasm and pride’?”

“Definitely not, and even if it was I think I have said more than enough.”

“I do have some questions still.”

“Of course you do,” Joe sighed, “and while I was talking I enjoyed the conversation. Now I just hope that answering as much as I have, in private, does not cause your mentor to think I am being as chaotic as Discord expected of me.”

“I’ll be careful in my letter.”

“Thank you.”

With that Joe got his bag and left with somewhat undiplomatic speed. Twilight Sparkle pondered for a moment and then began gathering the papers from the table. She’d got a lot from him and she doubted that there was much else he could say or that he would say much of it if there was. But, as Fluttershy had said, he might be happier for having said all this rather than keeping secrets and holding it in to try to avoid trouble.

“So… you didn’t…”

“Yeek!” Twilight Sparkle said, whirling, the papers scattering as her magic released them and her horn glowed brighter with defensive magic instead.

“Oops,” said Rainbow Dash. “Sorry Twi.”

“Rainbow,” Twilight Sparkle hissed. “I suppose you think that was funny.”

“No… well maybe…” admitted Rainbow Dash. “But I hadn’t meant to startle you.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at her and then nodded as her horn faded and she returned to gathering the papers. “If you have been listening then you heard me say I would be careful in my letter to the Princess,” she said, “and I also have to be careful with these.”

“What are they?” Rainbow Dash asked, flapping over and hovering. Then landing and looking apologetic as Twilight Sparkle glared at how this caused the papers to start blowing off the table.

“Diagrams and notes on how darts like the one you mentioned are fired at supersonic speed, amongst other things.”

“So, as I was going to say, you didn’t talk about people changing shape?”

“You asked me to not ask him if he’d like you in human form,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “and I’d not ignore that.”

“Well… no…” blushed Rainbow Dash.

“But I do think Joe thought he was going to be asked about you, that he’d wondered if that what we were talking about privately was what you and he had done,” Twilight Sparkle went on with a wink. “And he was so relieved to be asked about something different he talked.”

“And talked, and talked…” commented Rainbow Dash, looking at the amount of paper Twilight Sparkle was putting away. “I can see why he said he used to be more of an egghead back home.”

“Did he say that, or did he just say he was well read?”

“He admitted it, though he said he wasn’t a genius like you.”

“I…” Twilight Sparkle blushed.

“Just the truth,” shrugged Rainbow Dash. “We all know it.”

Twilight Sparkle’s blush redoubled and it took most of the time she and Rainbow Dash spent on putting away the notes and sketches for this to fade. Once she had exchanged a few more words with her friend and the Pegasus had streaked away into what was becoming more moonlight than sun Twilight Sparkle checked on Spike. He was still sleeping peacefully and it was close to when Owlowiscious’ would take over anyway so she let him be and went to her desk to write the letter herself.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that people can have hidden depths and that although they might be reluctant to show them that they can overcome that reluctance to help others. For a long time Joe has been living quietly but yesterday and today he was asked about human flying machines by the Cutie Mark Crusaders…

==

The Alicorn and Goddess of the Sun shook her head. “…Admitted ignorance where not sure of things. Patient. Helped them,” she summarised aloud, “Going to help them with models. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Thee sound most displeased,” Princess Luna commented.

“I am hardly pleased, no,” admitted Princess Celestia, floating the letter to her sister. “I had told him to be careful what he said, as you know.”

“I grant thee that,” Princess Luna said, starting to read the letter for herself. After several seconds she looked up from it. “Though will thee grant Joe that he spoke of such because thy subjects have Skydiving and the pet of the Element of Loyalty what he refers to as a ‘helicopter rig’?”

“I will grant him that, though why do you defend him?”

“Not for his sake, but thou art precious to me and thy conscience bleeds with each decision thee consider wrong. So if my words can avoid thee making a mistake, or by countering what I say help thee realise thy decision is sound, then is my duty and my love to offer them.”

“I missed you so much little sister,” Princess Celestia admitted, for perhaps the thousandth or ten-thousandth time, “and in this case I shall agree that Joe has his reasons to think he can say things. That he is showing some care.”

“Then what signifies thy disgusted tone?”

“It is easy to say something and accidentally imply more. Or say something and mention something else as an aside.”

“Thee worry that Joe will take care in his chosen words, but that not all his words will be chosen?”

“Things are connected, one subject to another, and you recall Joe was puzzled we had things without also having the related weapons.”

“And that this was part of thy concern, that he saw or knew of how means of destruction were linked to those of peace.”

“I am glad that Joe is making friends,” Princess Celestia said, extending the love she had for all her little ponies to this strange immigrant, “but the less isolated he becomes and the more relaxed he is in their company the more he might let slip.”

Chapter 20

It was still quite early in the morning but late enough that Joe was confident that he’d not wake Fluttershy. He was determined to do something for her but as he did not know what help she’d accept he’d burdened himself with most of his tools. With fortune today would be less confusing than yesterday with its kissing and invitation and confrontation and massive amounts of talking. The walk back to his hut had been an uncomfortable one as he belated realised just how much he had said and how much he was at the mercy of Twilight Sparkle taking more care with her letter than he had with his words.

Joe crossed the bridge over the stream and knocked on the front door of Fluttershy’s cottage. As on his last visit there was a brief pause before a small voice called out.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Joe, I thought I’d visit you.”

“Oh, Joe, hello,” said Fluttershy, accidentally rhyming as she opened the door and peered around it at him. “What do you want?”

“To see if I can offer any help,” Joe replied.

“Oh, erm, come in.”

Joe accepted the invitation and automatically ducking his head he entered the cottage. True to her name Fluttershy fluttered around shyly as she decided how to deal with her unexpected visitor but then a good first step occurred to her.

“Tea?” Fluttershy offered.

“If it is not too much trouble.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Please, sit down.”

Feeling more like an intruder by the moment, and that perhaps he should have written a letter with an offer of help rather than making it in person, Joe sat. He felt guilty that he was upsetting her but also some annoyance as it didn’t feel he’d been unpleasant. Then a raspberry sounded from near his boot and looking down he saw Angel Bunny had decided to greet him that way. More comfortable with this response to his presence Joe blew a raspberry back and while Fluttershy made the tea human and rabbit duelled with ever more flatulent sounding noises

“Erm, tea?” Fluttershy said as Angel Bunny turned slightly purple with how long and loud he was trying to sustain his latest effort.

“Thank you Fluttershy,” smiled Joe, rising to greet her and take his teacup and saucer from her.

“So… what sort of help?”

Joe sat again and sipped his tea and then shook his head slightly. “Fluttershy, I promise I am not here as a crooked handyman.”

“Handy…man?” Fluttershy asked, baffled by the word as Ponies neither had hands and nor were they men.

“I’m not going to wander around your cottage pointing at things and saying…” Joe began speaking with a rougher accent. “Well, yer in luk love, I jus’ ‘appen ta havva loada the right stuff ter solve that problem. But I can’t hang onto it fer long, so you’ll ‘ave ter give me an answer now or could cost more…”

To Joe’s relief Fluttershy giggled rather than looking horrified that humans would act like that to each other. It was another of those things where although he could say the crooks were considered despicable that it was also something that needed laws and morals against. She had a nice giggle and Angel Bunny stopped glaring as he saw his Pony was happier.

“You apologised for ignoring me, last time I was here,” Joe continued, speaking normally again, for him, “and I owe you the same sort of apology. As you reassured me I didn’t need to visit I didn’t that day or the next and the day after that was when you went to the Crystal Empire…”

“And when you had to help with Angel Bunny.”

“He had the good sense to enjoy being pampered by the Cutie Mark Crusaders,” Joe said as Angel Bunny looked smug at his Filly appeal, “my help was at Sweet Apple Acres and with Winona. Still, that was that day and yesterday I meant to visit once I had finished reading, done my laundry, and gone into Ponyville to take the book back and do a little shopping. But it got a little late.”

“Why do you want to help me?” asked Fluttershy. She’d not seen Joe much for the months she’d ignored him and he’d ignored her so she was a little baffled by the change.

“The last week or so I seem to be seeing more of people and to have become more friendly with your friends,” Joe replied, not mentioning how friendly Rainbow Dash had been. “So it seems fair to offer you the same sort of help and friendship, especially with how you helped me and because you are worth having as a friend and worth helping for your own sake. Even if there was no obligation and I knew none of your friends.”

“Oh, erm, thank you.”

“I might have to see Pinkie Pie as well,” Joe mused before asking Fluttershy. “Did you hear about the visit she and I and Spike paid the Diamond Dogs?”

“Yes.”

“That was the last time I saw her and was the day before I saw you at Sweet Apple Acres… sorry for falling asleep on you, by the way… though technically you fell asleep on me…”

“What?” Fluttershy asked, then she remembered what she’d pretended. “Oh, yes, was comfy.”

“Maybe I’ll go to Sugarcube Corner this afternoon…”

“She won’t be there, or might not be, we are going to the Spa then.”

“Ah, thanks Fluttershy,” smiled Joe.

“We normally chat at the Pony Pet Play date,” Fluttershy explained, a little unnecessarily, “but as most of them had seen each other this week while Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders were looking after them…” Angel Bunny snorted, he’d left to not associate with Spike and the other rabble. “We decided instead to have a nice pamper at the Spa.”

“I hope you enjoy it.”

“Thank you.”

“So, assuming you have a use for me this morning, it seems talking to Pinkie Pie might have to wait until tomorrow or the day after.”

“Do you have to speak to her?” asked Fluttershy.

“Probably not,” Joe admitted. “She came to my hut with the buns before so I can be fairly confident she’d visit if she wanted to chat with me, but it does seem it shouldn’t be all on her.”

“Oh, erm,” blushed Fluttershy, wondering if Joe was hinting about the fact this was his second visit here and that she’d not come to visit him.

Joe gave her a baffled look as he tried to figure out what it was that he’d said now. “So, did you have a nice time in the Crystal Empire?” he asked. “I heard about things from Applejack when she invited me to share the Apple family dinner that night and saw Dash and Rarity and Twilight yesterday, but I don’t think I actually asked if they had enjoyed the trip.”

“It was… nice.”

“And you gave a fine welcome and greeting, even if it was to the wrong Pony.”

“She was nice as well,” Fluttershy said, before allowing herself the vast tantrum of adding, “nicer than the real games inspector.”

“I hear she thought Shining Armour was very nice,” smiled Joe.

“Oh, ah… yes.” Fluttershy said, her blush returning.

“So,” nodded Joe, getting down to business, “what can I do to help?”

“I don’t know, what can you do to help?”

“There are probably a few odd jobs around here, or outside if your vegetable patch needs weeding or a fence straightening. I could help feed the animals here or help clear up the result, I did some voluntary work at animal shelters so I know there is a lot of feeding and cleaning as well as enjoying the cuteness.”

“I’m, erm,” Fluttershy stuttered. She was not sure if she wanted Joe’s help but she didn’t want to be unkind and rude and reject it. “Well, I have the next meal for my little friends ready so I suppose you can help me give it out.”

“I’d be glad to,” said Joe, intuitive enough to realise this offer was being made for his benefit. Like a child helping mummy in the kitchen by stirring when their mother, or father, was more than capable of doing it all themselves. And like what it felt like they did go to the kitchen.

“Mew,” said a small Cat, noticing the presence of servants to provide food.

“Hello,” Joe replied. The Cat looked at him for a moment and then sprang to land on his leg, just above his boots, and begin to climb his trousers. “I’m not a set of curtains,” Joe commented mildly before smiling to Fluttershy, “though this is an advantage of wearing clothes, even if there are still a few pin pricks.”

The Cat had got high enough to be within easy reach, and that if it flailed a tiny paw around to get a grip on the front of him that would endanger the parts of Joe that had been unresponsive to Rainbow Dash. Rather than risk damage to that portion of anatomy Joe plucked the Cat from his trouser legs, wincing as one claw snagged and he imagined the tut Rarity would give at the minor damage to the cloth, and looked it in the face for a moment.

“Mew,” repeated the small Cat.

“Indeed,” Joe nodded, bringing the Cat in closer to his body to hold it with one arm against his chest while his other hand provided a chin and ear rub. There was some contented purring until it noticed Fluttershy was putting down a bowl, then it began to wriggle for release. Joe let it hop down and it showed no further interest in him now there was food to be dealt with.

“Eat up little kitty,” smiled Fluttershy, enjoying the Cat’s enjoyment for a moment before looking to Joe. “Er, that bucket there with the grain first, please.”

“As you wish,” Joe nodded. He picked it up and followed Fluttershy outside and to an open grassy area that he wasn’t sure whether to call a large lawn or a small field. The size suggested the former and the number of animals the latter.

“If you can scatter the grain,” prompted Fluttershy, “then the ducks and other birds will be happy.”

“The ones that eat seeds at least,” Joe commented, taking a handful and trying to spray it out evenly with a flick of his wrist, then his eyes narrowed, “and maybe the ones that eat the ones that eat seeds, what a pretty Falcon.”

“Oh, er, yes, he nearly got to be Rainbow Dash’s pet.”

“He did?” Joe looked again at the Falcon. “Handsome then, and fast and agile does seem more like her than a Tortoise…”

“Tortoise,” said Fluttershy automatically, then she squeaked in embarrassment. “Oh! Sorry, I am so used to correcting people when they say Turtle…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joe chuckled, trying again and managing a better distribution rather than throwing one clump of grain. “So why did she get Tank?”

“He helped her when she was stuck, rather than just flying ahead to the end of the race.”

The Falcon keekeed slightly, the rules had been to win the race and he’d have gone back. Maybe. Eventually. But now it was time to look regal and give his breast plumage a bit of a preen.

Cautioned by Fluttershy to leave a third of the bucket Joe continued to follow her and scatter grain until they reached her chickens. She greeted them all by name even though they seemed more interested in the grain Joe was scattering or pouring into their trough. This done she led Joe into a dark nearby building where a Bat swooped down from the roof and rather than make him continue flying or have to land and walk on legs and wings Fluttershy extended one of her own wings so he could hang from it.

“I’m surprised he is awake,” Joe said, craning his head for a slightly better look.

“Why?”

“Well, this fine fellow has fine large ears so he looks like he’d hunt insects at night with echolocation rather than being a fruit bat.”

Fluttershy blinked, her expressive large eyes showing her surprise. That was the sort of comment she’d expect from Twilight Sparkle and not from someone like Joe who was willing to hurt animals and, although he had reformed, had been willing to eat them. Maybe he did have more interest in Nature aside from if something was a threat or if it would taste nice. She gave a slight shake of her wing and the Bat unfurled his own to return to the rafters.

Back in the kitchen there was a covered bucket and Fluttershy saw there was an advantage of having Joe here as although she knew it had to be done she never liked having to do it. She told him to take that bucket and when he did she led the way to where there was a honking noise of welcome. Joe stopped and stared for a few moments before he could speak.

“A Seal?” Joe said more than asked. Then he looked more closely. “No, a Sea Lion.”

“You know the difference?”

“Sea Lion has little external ears and can bring its rear flippers to point sideways, Seal has no external ears and just drags its rear and flips along,I think…” Joe frowned. “I didn’t know the Sea or a large lake or major river was so close.”

The Sea Lion honked at this irrelevance, wherever he came from he was here now and he recognised the bucket. Recognising the honk Fluttershy gave Joe a faint smile. “Would you like to feed him?”

“Of course,” Joe nodded, taking the cover off the bucket and shoving up his sleeve before he got hold of one of the contents. He chuckled. “Heh, fish.”

“That is what they eat,” said Fluttershy, puzzled that Joe thought he knew the differences but seemed surprised by something so basic.

“I know, deadly carnivores in the water,” Joe replied, getting a grip and lobbing the fish to disappear with a snap and some chewing. “Even if the big eyes for seeing in dim underwater light and the flopping around on land makes them look cutesy there.” The Sea Lion honked and Joe lobbed a second fish. “I was just amused that he gets real Fish and I get Kibble.”

“Humans eat fish?” blushed Fluttershy, not sure if she was embarrassed that she’d not known this or that Joe knew what they’d given him.

Joe lobbed a third fish to vanish with a snap and a chew and a honk for another. “With some that’s the only meat they do eat.” He smiled to Fluttershy. “I know, that’s a shade of grey you don’t see.”

“What do you mean?”

“Fish seem more primitive or more alien,” Joe explained, lobbing a fourth one to the Sea Lion, “so they feel less moral objection to eating them.”

“I thought humans ate… er…”

“We don’t eat everything,” Joe said, “I did mention Vegetarians and Vegans, and even if a human is not on one of those paths there are animals that are considered as being too much like us to be acceptable to eat.” He sighed and threw a fifth fish to the Sea Lion. “Or at least these days and in my culture. I will admit that some things used to be acceptable…” The sixth fish was lobbed and vanished down the Sea Lion's gullet. “And still are in other parts of my world rather than it being as universal as I’d be tempted to claim.”

“Thank you, er, for being honest,” smiled Fluttershy as the Sea Lion honked in disappointment that the lid was going back on the bucket.

Joe followed as Fluttershy began leading the way back to the kitchen again but he was distracted by his thoughts. A pigeon being eaten alive by something like that Falcon seemed more brutal and cruel than almost any way humans ate, it certainly appeared more brutal as it struggled and was torn apart into bloody chunks. But the difference was that a human could have the compassion to imagine that feeling or what it would feel like to be swallowed whole. To start to be digested as you drowned or suffocated from trying to breathe the stomach acid surrounding you. So Joe had rather appreciated an instalment of a crime drama where someone had died from eating an octopus whole and alive.

The next bucket contained nuts and some larger grains and these were welcomed by various sizes of rodent. Joe watched and regained some good humour and then suddenly chuckled as a Squirrel glided down to join the others who lacked that ability and the mice and rats.

“What?” Fluttershy asked.

“The Cutie Mark Crusaders were talking about Skydiving…”

“Skydiving? Oh my.”

“And I talked about human methods, but one thing I didn’t mention were wingsuits,” Joe continued, “which are rather like a Flying Squirrel or similar creatures with fabric joining arms to legs and leg to leg. You can’t glide very far, and need to be going quite fast for enough lift, but gives two or three times as much horizontal distance as you have fallen.”

“I suppose that is better than straight down, though not as good as this little one,” said Fluttershy, getting a chirrup of agreement from the Flying Squirrel, “and I don’t think Pony limbs would be comfortable in that position.”

“One reason to not mention it, true,” Joe nodded, “and in your case you have wings anyway.”

The rodents fed they went back yet again and Fluttershy directed Joe to another covered bucket. She confirmed this was more fish and to his surprise led him out of her cottage front door and down to paddle in the stream. He’d not noticed the hole under the bridge in the shelter of its arch and as the narrow pointy nosed creatures came out of their hole to greet Fluttershy he squinted slightly at them.

“Are those Mink?” Joe asked.

“How do you know about Mink?”

“We have Otters where I come from, so Mink being here instead is another parallel between another country and Equestria, but some Mink did escape…” Joe paused and considered his next words. It was obvious to not mention this escape had been from fur farms but he realised that mentioning Otters had returned when rivers were cleaned up would imply they had been dirty, so that needed care as well. “Escape into the wild,” he concluded, throwing a fish to the Mustelid that Fluttershy had not actually identified. “There was concern they were displacing the Otters, but seems Mink are just not as fussy about rivers so when the Otters decided to move back in they did.”

“Otters are, erm, bigger,” Fluttershy said, giving the apparent Mink an apologetic look at suggesting their relatives would be chased off. They chittered a little until Joe threw them another fish as his apology for mentioning the defeat.

“Do you have Kingfishers here? Lovely iridescent blue birds…”

==

“He isn’t a freak,” growled Scootaloo.

“At least not where he come from,” Apple Bloom added, a little unhelpfully and wondering how many humans there actually were. From what Joe had said they were all over their world so there must be millions of them, maybe even tens of millions.

“Well, he is here!” sniffed Diamond Tiara.

“Indeed,” Silver Spoon agreed sycophantically.

“Girls!” snapped Cheerilee, almost trotting across the playing field outside the schoolhouse, the five pairs of Filly eyes turning from each other, and the other Colts and Fillies pretending to have not been watching. Cheerilee took a deep breath, it would be nice to get through one school day without this at morning break or lunchtime, but she had hoped for it to at least be lunchtime. Careful to not add ‘this time’ she asked the inevitable question. “What’s this about?”

“She’s calling Joe a freak!” Scootaloo complained.

“Joe?”

“That… ‘human’… who was so rude to me and that they keep telling tales of,” sneered Diamond Tiara.

“And y’all were so rude to him that even the pony running the stall nearby noticed,” Apple Bloom pointed out, “calling us liars and all.”

“Because you are! And he should show better manners.”

“Why?” Scootaloo asked with mock puzzlement. “You didn’t.”

Silver Spoon did not feel keen about making this argument, especially not in front of Miss Cheerilee, but she felt she should support her friend. “Diamond Tiara has a certain position in society so…”

“So the rules still apply to her,” Cheerilee interrupted.

“Yes miss,” agreed Silver Spoon, not echoed by Diamond Tiara.

“And Joe’s the one going to a social event in Canterlot,” Sweetie Belle said, breaking her silence, and not mentioning that Rarity had only said Joe’s suit ‘might’ be getting some use if he decided to go, “one hosted by Fancy Pants.”

“What? That freak?” Diamond Tiara almost screeched.

“Joe isn’t a freak,” retorted Scootaloo instantly, adding after a noticeable pause for thought, “and neither is Fancy Pants.”

“And how would that… that…” Diamond Tiara stuttered.

“Person,” supplied Apple Bloom.

“How would he get an invitation to something hosted by the most influential Pony in Canterlot society?” Diamond Tiara glared at Sweetie Belle in sudden suspicion. “Your sister did it!”

“Maybe,” admitted Sweetie Belle, “which shows her position in society.”

“An’ that shows Sweetie Belle’s,” Apple Bloom added, “though she don’t go round throwin’ tantrums and suchlike.”

“Girls!” snapped Cheerilee again. “If you can’t keep this discussion civil then it is over.”

There was a chorus of ‘Yes Miss’ before Diamond Tiara sniffed and turned her nose up at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Come Silver Spoon, over here is nicer.”

“Indeed,” agreed Silver Spoon.

The pair of them flounced off as Scootaloo frowned at them. She turned back to her friends and her teacher. “They’re just going to get away with that?”

“It seemed to me you were being just as rude to them,” Cheerilee chided her.

“You didn’t hear what they said about Joe,” protested Scootaloo.

“I know you like him and telling your wild stories about him…”

“With respect Miss Cheerilee they ain’t so wild,” Apple Bloom said, annoyed enough to slightly interrupt, “you can ask him or mah sister”

“Or mine,” added Sweetie Belle.

“Or Rainbow Dash, or Fluttershy,” Apple Bloom continued, “and they’ll attest ta th’ Everfree business.”

“Maybe so,” said Cheerilee, sounding unconvinced, “but I think you have said quite enough about it.”

“Yes Miss,” Apple Bloom said, echoed a moment later by the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Cheerilee nodded and left, keeping an eye on the pair and the trio to make sure they didn’t move back together to resume their arguing in the few minutes left of the morning break. After giving Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon another glare Scootaloo sighed.

“Why does nobody believe us?”

“Because Joe’s at least that lucky?” suggested Sweetie Belle.

“Come again?” Apple Bloom frowned.

“You know,” replied Sweetie Belle, adding as she looked at Scootaloo, “you both know, that he’s trying to avoid too much bother. And us telling stories is causing him some.”

The trio looked at each other and nodded. “Cutie Mark Crusader Mouth Shutters?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yes,” said Sweetie Belle.

“That seems fair with as nice as he’s been being with his time,” Apple Bloom agreed.

==

The conversation with Fluttershy about animals and where they could be found had been pleasant, more pleasant at least than the feeling of worms and grubs on his hand as he scattered those from a bucket for the insectivorous birds and some other creatures. Fluttershy had been surprised enough that Joe knew about Wallabies, and other marsupials, even before he mentioned that his country had some from the opposite side of his world, living in parks or having escaped those to breed in the wild. Joe meanwhile had been surprised by the contents of that final bucket and had needed to be careful to not comment it resembled fishing bait.

While they had been feeding her chickens Joe had noticed a couple of the posts holding the chicken wire were askew and that something seemed to have been trying to dig its way underneath it. He’d pointed that out to Fluttershy, she’d been willing to accept his offer to correct this, and fortunately Joe had brought his hammer and his shovel. The posts he’d straightened and hammered a little deeper and he’d dug and stamped the earth back into place where it had been removed. He was still looking at it and considering when Fluttershy returned.

“I’m not sure how long that will last,” Joe admitted, “it looks like Foxes or something trying to dig in.”

“They are a bother,” agreed Fluttershy, “I keep explaining they shouldn’t eat my friends but they keep pretending they have forgotten.”

“I hope the Manticore has a better memory,” Joe smiled, “but Foxes, and Manticores, have to eat something and a lot of what we’ve fed is the sort of things Foxes eat. Not like badgers who are bigger and burlier and eat earthworms.”

Fluttershy smiled back at the comment on Badgers. “You seemed thoughtful?”

“Wondering about stakes into the ground, like tent pegs,” nodded Joe, “or buckets of earth, or even cement, around the outside. Something to make it harder to dig or to bury the lower part of the wire deeper.”

“I am sure the Foxes will listen next time,” Fluttershy reassured him, looking through her mane as she got a sudden flush of embarrassment that Joe was either criticising her chicken run or offering to make it better or both. She still felt guilty about her chicken escaping, the Cutie Mark Crusaders searching into the nearby Everfree for it, and them nearly being turned to stone by that Cockatrice.

“I am sure they will,” said Joe, not actually feeling that sure.

“It has been… nice… talking to you,” Fluttershy said, managing to regain more confidence.

“And to you,” nodded Joe, trying to smile reassuringly, “even with the problem that so much more can talk around here that sometimes I am not sure what is wildlife and what are fellow residents.”

“I could make some more tea and I have some buns if you want to keep talking,” Fluttershy offered, summoning up some bravery and then blushing and looking through her mane again, “but only if you want to, I don’t want to make you think you have to if…”

“Thank you Fluttershy,” said Joe, not managing to avoid a tinge of impatience in his voice, “that sounds lovely, the sort of invitation I or anyone would accept or only very politely decline with regrets.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No, I am sorry,” sighed Joe. He considered and crouched down almost onto one knee to bring his eye level down to hers. “You remind me of a very nervous little kitten and I should show the same patience with you as I did with her. But please, tea and buns is a lovely offer and, even if it wasn’t, you are beautiful in spirit and deserve to be treated with the kindness you show others.”

“Oh,” Fluttershy squeaked, blushing even more.

Joe rose and they started back towards Fluttershy’s cottage. On the way there Joe tried to think of something to say that would avoid more blushing and hiding behind manes. “Erm, you have Sea Lions here,” he tried, “and Twilight Sparkle didn’t seem puzzled when I mentioned Dolphins.”

“You know about Dolphins?” Fluttershy said, managing to show an interest.

“My country is an island with some in the seas around it, and I grew up close to the sea.”

“You did?” Fluttershy blinked, actually looking at Joe for whole moments. “I know about my little friends here on the ground, and the ones I meet in the sky when I fly, but I don’t know as much about the things in the Sea.”

“Most of what I know is second-hand,” admitted Joe, “you don’t see much of what is in the Sea when you are just looking at the surface from the shore or a ship or boat.”

“Oh,” Fluttershy said, again, sounding disappointed.

“But I do see seabirds and there are some important colonies of those on the small islands around my country…”

“Why only on the small islands?”

“Not only on the small islands, there are some on the cliffs of the main island,” Joe replied, wondering if Fluttershy was blaming humans. “But the same reason as why your chickens need protection, on the main island there are foxes and other predators so smaller islands make better nesting sites.”

Fluttershy nodded. “So there are important colonies?” she prompted.

“And as there are important colonies they write books and make films about them,” Joe continued. “It can be quite interesting how they balance the demands of swimming and walking and flying, or rather of flying in the air and flying underwater and of walking… do Pegasi use their wings to swim or do you use your legs or do you use both?”

Fluttershy stuttered her way through her answer to that sudden unexpected question and then became happier as she managed to steer Joe back onto regurgitating his knowledge like a Gull regurgitated fish for its chicks. As they finished the short walk and as he helped her make the tea and get some buns out he continued to chat away. He mentioned the Penguins of the other hemisphere who could only fly underwater but could waddle vast distances and mentioned there were other birds who were right on the edge and had to flap very hard to stay in the air. There were Manx Shearwaters who could fly great distances but barely walk with how far back on their bodies their legs were set, and who hadn’t been able to adopt the Penguin’s upright posture. And then there were the Gannets who were balanced, powerful fliers rather than gliders, excellent divers to catch their fish and able to swim strongly with wings and webbed feet, and who could strut around well on land.

==

“Girls!” Cheerilee snapped, for the third time that day, and leaving it unsaid that she did expect it at one time or the other, “I do not expect to have to warn you at lunchtime as well as at morning break.”

“We were just minding our own business,” protested Apple Bloom.

“And drawing ridiculous things you expect us to think will fly,” Diamond Tiara scoffed.

“We don’t expect anything from you,” sneered Scootaloo at her, “you were the one who came over here and stuck your muzzle in.”

Cheerilee looked at the table and the paper and pads on it did make it look as if the Cutie Mark Crusaders had been just sitting here. The things drawn on them were strange enough she could see why Diamond Tiara was able to make scornful comments, and with how poorly the pair and the trio got on she could understand why she’d unable to resist that temptation, but that did not make it right. She looked to the jewellery decorated Filly.

“Diamond Tiara, if they are sitting quietly then you do not seek out an argument with them.”

“They are not the only ones who want to use these tables,” Diamond Tiara whined in reply.

“Indeed not,” agreed Silver Spoon loyally.

“Where are your packed lunches then?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Or your pens and paper if you were going to use it for that?” added Scootaloo.

“We…we…” Diamond Tiara spluttered. “Silver Spoon was going to go and get them once we had secured the table!”

“I was?” asked Silver Spoon, before catching on. “I mean, I was.”

The pair covered their verbal lapses with a simultaneous ‘hmph’ and nose lift at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. This did not amuse them and amused Cheerilee even less. “The other tables are free now,” she pointed out.

“I prefer these ones,” Diamond Tiara replied.

“I said, the other tables are free now,” frowned Cheerilee. “Do I have to repeat myself again?”

“No miss,” Silver Spoon said a little hurriedly, “come on Diamond Tiara, let’s leave them to their scribbling.”

“I am surprised they don’t have even more ink on their hooves,” sneered Diamond Tiara before the pair gave a disdainful sniff and flounced off.

Apple Bloom frowned and looked to the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Ah’m getting right tired of them today.”

“Only today?” Scootaloo asked in disbelief.

“Girls,” said Cheerilee, trying to calm things, “I know how poorly you get on with them and I accept that you were just sitting here, but try to ignore them or tell me if they are bothering you rather than arguing.

“Joe did say some people were not worth arguing with,” Sweetie Belle nodded.

“I am sure he did,” agreed Cheerilee, after all the more you debated the more the contradictions and exaggerations of your tale would be exposed. “And I am sure he has said a lot of things.”

“In the library yesterday he said a lot to us about aero… aero…” Apple Bloom started.

“Aeronautics?” asked Scootaloo.

“Aerodynamics?” Sweetie Bell asked instead.

“Both,” nodded Apple Bloom.

Cheerilee looked again at the sketches and smiled. “What you have to remember girls is that he is a long way from home and telling you these stories probably helps him to not be so lonely. So it is kind of you to listen to them but that doesn’t mean you should believe them.”

“What…” exclaimed Apple Bloom, before quickly adding, “miss?”

“These are nice pictures,” Cheerilee reassured them, not completely truthfully, “but you don’t honestly think such things would fly?”

“Maybe not exactly these,” said Scootaloo, trying to not frown at her teacher, “but we worked out the mathematics with him…”

“And ah got a headache,” Apple Bloom added.

“Of course,” nodded Cheerilee. “Well gather up your things now girls, almost time for afternoon lessons to start.”

Cheerilee left and the Cutie Mark Crusaders sat for a few moments in stunned silence. They trusted and adored their teacher, or they’d have not been so concerned to get her a special somepony for Hearts and Hooves day and Apple Bloom would not have thought her good enough for her big brother. And although things had gone wrong then there seemed hints that Big Macintosh shared their good opinion of her.

“Ah don’t think she believes us,” Apple Bloom finally commented.

“Do we believe Joe?” asked Sweetie Belle, a faint hint of doubt creeping into her voice.

“I do,” Scootaloo said, “and I would even if Twilight Sparkle hadn’t checked his work.”

Sweetie Belle nodded, that argument seem unassailable. “So what do we do then?”

Author's Note

GRR! I remembered the song said Seal but I decided to rewatch "May the Best Pet Win" and went "Wait... external ears and the rear flippers are folded round... It IS a Sea Lion!"... so I have been kind to Joe.

Chapter 21

Joe was feeling relaxed and happily full of buns and tea. To his relief the same did seem to be true of Fluttershy and that, like the nervous kitten, she had become accustomed to his presence as he sat quietly with her and avoided any sudden moves or sounds. She had looked strangely puzzled when the conversation turned to seasons and migration and how birds needed to time their migration and breeding to the availability of food. But the conversation had then turned to what else humans knew about that lived in the Oceans so Joe had not asked why she was so puzzled by that.

Talk of Giant and Colossal Squid took some care on his part as not only did he want to avoid mentioning humans catching them he wanted even more to avoid saying their existence, or at least how huge they got, had been suspected from scars seen on Sperm Whales when those great creatures were killed. Coral also took some care as Joe wanted to say how magnificent the reefs were without talking too much about the damage humans had caused to those. But with some regrets Joe had decided to be honest enough to mention not all the Squid seen had been washed up or filmed alive, some had been caught, and that boat anchors, diving and souvenir taking, and other human activities had needed rules and restrictions to avoid damaging what the people were there to see.

They were touching on some of the ‘oddities’ of the Oceans like Sea Cucumbers expelling their own guts to appease predators, or Sunfish with their vertical disk bodies and tiny tail fins, or the creatures of the deep like Angler Fish with their lures when Fluttershy suddenly squeaked.

“Problem?” Joe asked, saying that instead of mentioning how male Angler Fish hooked their teeth into females and were then absorbed by her until they were nothing but a lump on her side with some testicles.

“Oh, it’s just, the time,” replied Fluttershy. “I should be going, but the conversation was so nice, and I…”

“And it doesn’t have to stop,” Joe smiled, “I do have some things I could get in Ponyville so if you like I can walk you there?”

“Oh, erm, okay,” said Fluttershy, managing to smile back, even with seeing Joe’s teeth. They were not that large and the effect was similar to when a Pony smiled, though Joe had mentioned that them having as many teeth was one of the subtler differences between here and his world, but it was a reminder that some of them were shaped for meat.

“I should be fine just taking my bag and leaving my tools outside your front door,” Joe mused. “Simpler to come back for them later than carry them.”

“Okay.”

They cleared away the plates and cups and saucers and once Joe had unstrapped and unloaded his tools they set out. The weather was pleasant and Joe was happy to walk in silence, enjoy the peace and quiet, and let the buns settle better with the walking. Fluttershy seemed to also be enjoying it but then began to look nervous again and eventually spoke.

“Joe, er, do you remember your previous visit to my cottage?”

“Nice tea and buns that time as well, so be my turn next time.”

“No, what I said before Discord arrived.”

“I…” Joe said, trying to remember, “I remember you were very apologetic…”

“Sorry,” said Fluttershy. Joe gave her a look and raised an eyebrow. This was amusing enough to cheer her and similar enough to Pony expressions for her to understand. “Oh, yes, apologising for apologising.”

“As long as you don’t start apologising for apologising for apologising.”

Fluttershy managed another shy smile as well as to only blush very faintly. “I said that as soon as I saw Spike I wanted to know all about him…”

“Oh yes,” Joe nodded. “Then I said there was not much to say about me, and Discord arrived to tell me I was deliberately boring.”

“Are you?”

“I think we established then that I’d been being less… chatty… than I’ve been recently, but I have been warned that it is egotistical to think myself too interesting, that Ponies would care enough about my words and deeds that I need to worry so much about taking care with them.”

“Oh,” said Fluttershy.

“I was being deliberately boring, to an extent,” Joe clarified, “but I do think I am actually boring, to a greater extent.”

“I, erm, was interested in what you were saying. And I would be interested in knowing what it’s like to be a human. Not by being turned into one…” Fluttershy blushed deeply as she saw the strange look Joe gave her at this. “Though I am sure it is perfectly nice,” she hurriedly added, “and that it suits you well, it’s just not what I meant and…”

“And you meant what it’s like for me to be a human and what humans think it is like,” Joe interrupted, sounding distracted.

“Yes!”

For more than a few moments Joe considered things, though he was more considering the disclaimer than the question. That Fluttershy had felt the need to make that disclaimer suggested it might be possible to change shapes to that extent, even if you did not have the power of a Demi-God like Discord. Which raised some interesting ideas that might help something else be raised. Though that Fluttershy had been so firm in making the disclaimer suggested another Pony would also be equally reluctant to not be Pony shaped.

“So far, despite the physical differences, it seems similar to being a Pony,” Joe shrugged, trying to not visualise Fluttershy as a human or whether she’d retain her wings and look like an almost ethereal angel of mercy. “Or a Pony here at least. Similar intellect, similar emotions, some bizarrely close parallels in the culture and technology and names of things.”

“That, erm…”

“That is why I think I am boring,” Joe continued, looking a touch rueful. “I am glad that I managed to fit in but that I did shows how much the immigration officials were right to treat me as just another shape of talking person.”

“There must be some differences,” said Fluttershy, actually frowning with her determination to know more. “Spike fits in well, but there are still things unique about him.”

“About the only differences I’ve noticed are in what’s around me, like the fact I am talking to a Pony.”

“You don’t talk to Ponies on your world?” asked Fluttershy.

“I don’t often, and they never talk back to anyone. As I said to Spike, and Twilight overheard and was then ‘kind’ enough to mention in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, it was enough of a shock that Ponies talk here that it took me a while to say more than ‘talking horsie’.”

“Ponies don’t talk on your world? I think you, erm, mentioned that but…”

“For some reason Twilight asked me about humans and intelligence and other creatures yesterday,” Joe said, “was rather sudden and seemed a real change of subject, but what I said to her was…”

Fluttershy alternated nodding and asking intelligent questions as Joe went through the previous conversation. She quizzed Joe more intensively on the other creatures and Joe mentioned things like Corvids learning to pull strings or Squirrels reach bird feeders. Talking about sheep learning to roll to get past cattle grids was a mistake on his part though as he had to explain what a cattle grid was and then remind her that Cows didn’t talk on his world so keeping them in a field and off a road was for their safety rather than cruel imprisonment. If he let her assume those were Dairy rather than Beef Cattle then he felt that was an acceptable lapse.

“So,” Fluttershy said, “if there are relatives of humans who are almost as smart, how do they act?”

“Is this another way of asking how humans act?”

“Erm… maybe? Though I am interested in the other ‘Great Apes’ as well.”

“Well, Gorillas are the largest and most powerful and because of that humans got the wrong impression of them. We thought they were quite savage and fierce but their size is more because they are vegetarian and their fierceness is almost all threat displays to avoid fighting…” Joe continued to run through what he knew about Gorillas and their nests and their dignified quiet lives, and then about Orang-utan and their solitary treetop lives. Then he started to speak about Chimpanzees and how humans had made the opposite mistake with them as with Gorilla. “I don’t know how they became regarded as cute, they are no taller than you but stronger than me.” Joe paused and corrected himself. “Well, stronger than I’d be without the magic I’ve been given and it might still be close.”

“And they are fierce?” Fluttershy asked.

“Very,” nodded Joe. He sighed. “Humans don’t have large teeth or sharp claws so there is a suggestion that we compensated through ferocity. Which had the advantage of allowing people to claim that only their particular brand of religion or philosophy would allow people to contain the ‘beast within them’. But also meant that ferocity in other creatures had to be… not ignored exactly, but… their lives regarded as more harmonious than they were.” Joe chuckled and shook his head. “Though not as harmonious as their lives are under your influence.”

“So humans thought Gorilla were scary and Chimpanzees were not?”

“‘Aww, look at the little Chimp, he’s like a little person and he’s smiling’… no, he could pull your arm off and he’s baring his teeth because he wants to tear your throat out.”

“Oh.”

“There was a saying that Humans were the only creatures to kill their own kind, which was hugely untrue anyway, but the more we studied Chimps the more we realised it wasn’t even true in something so closely related to us. Humans have wars, but so do Chimps where one tribe tries to kill or drive away another. And even young male intoxicated humans are generally less keen to resort to casual violence to settle disputes.”

“Oh.”

Joe looked at her at that repeated response. “I know,” he smiled, “saying humans are no worse or slightly better than things is not the same as saying they are good. And comparing us with other creatures on our world doesn’t necessarily say the same as about here.”

“It’s not that… but you mentioned another sort of Great Ape? Bonobos?”

“Oh, they are fun,” Joe grinned. “They do eat some meat and do some hunting but if any creature has found a better solution than violence they have. The saying is that if you put something near a pair of Chimps they will fight over it and smash it. Near Gorillas and they will take it apart carefully. Near Orang-utan and they will take it apart and put it back together. But put the item near a pair of Bonobo and they will look at it and decide that is an unusual enough occurrence that they had better have sex.”

“What?” blushed Fluttershy.

“Got a dispute? Sex. Not sure of what to do about something? Sex. Feeling bored? Sex. Not seen someone for a while and want to get reacquainted? Sex…”

“I, er, get the idea, er…”

“True, is rather excessive.”

They continued walking for a while as Fluttershy’s blush faded and were actually passing along the streets of Ponyville before she made the effort to speak again and ask what seemed to be preying on her mind. After a few little throat clearing noises she managed to form words.

“Er, Joe?”

“Yes?”

“Are humans that bad?”

“Well, we aren’t as violent as Chimps, do have the religion and philosophy to help, so we’ve got a nasty side to us but we can be nice.”

“Yes, you can,” Fluttershy reassured him, though that wasn’t what she was asking.

“Been nice walking and talking with you,” continued Joe, looking around, “but I think the spa is down there and I want to go up here.”

“Oh, okay, er, goodbye, been nice.”

Joe gave Fluttershy a nod and another smile and strode off towards the shops. For a moment she hesitated and then continued on her way. Fluttershy doubted humans were as much like Ponies as he was claiming or trying to believe. It had not been terribly reassuring that Joe had only been able to say that everything was violent and humans were not an exception in this, or that she’d noticed there was so much he’d decided not to say, but he was right in saying that he could be nice and he did seem to have his instincts under control by his intellect.

Fluttershy entered the spa. “Has Rarity arrived?” she asked the Pony at the desk.

“Of course, hardly expect her to not be early,” came the reply.

“Oh, er, true,” Fluttershy smiled.

“This way to join her then.”

==

This was perhaps premature but Joe felt he had done enough drawings. Back home he’d have fired up some 3D modelling software to play around with shapes but here he was going to have to use a literal wireframe. He smiled to himself as he examined the different gauges from very flexible up to what was almost a thin rod and remembered a webcomic where a ten year old thought someone had made a physical version of a computer pinball game. It seemed unlikely but possible that the same might be true here and some didn’t realise that wireframes were also physical first.

Having made and paid for his selections Joe decided to also get some wood. This was more expensive than using the software… though for the price of some packages you could buy a vast amount of wood and wire… and also more of a problem as it had the complications of scale. It didn’t matter what size things were in the computer but it did if they were in your hands. Too big would be too complex to easily build and too small would be too unrepresentative. Small would do though for now and for just noodling about with shapes and rough relationships.

==

The Ponyville Spa was quite extensive for such a small town and without the guide it could have taken Fluttershy a lot longer to find her friend with the side rooms and with how different Rarity sometimes looked under facial masks and with her mane or tail or both concealed beneath towels. Despite the comment about Rarity having arrived early Fluttershy had still apologised for being late and needed to be reassured she was the first to join her. They had enjoyed some pampering and that it was just the two of them for a while, a Spa date was far more their thing than it was the others.

“I might have treat myself to another Ponicure this week,” Rarity said, sounding happy at the excuse. “Make sure I’m at my best for the event in Canterlot.”

“It does sound… nice…” commented and apologised Fluttershy, “but I prefer gardens when there aren’t so many Ponies in them.”

“I understand, you certainly prefer the Canterlot Castle Gardens when you can be alone or with that nice old Pony,” Rarity winked, “now you are sensible enough to get his help.”

Fluttershy blushed in memory. Rarity had been so annoyed with her after the Grand Galloping Gala, she’d sympathised about the frustration of the animals not wanting to meet her but that had turned to irritation when Fluttershy mentioned the gardener. It seemed to Rarity that all the time Fluttershy had been having problems there had been a nice old stallion who’d been friendly and who Rarity was sure would have been willing to help a pretty young Mare and show off ‘his’ gardens and the inhabitants.

Then Fluttershy’s embarrassment at not thinking of what was so obvious to her friend, and which her friend had demonstrated that day by recruiting two stallions to pull their coach so easily, had been joined by Twilight Sparkle’s embarrassment at Princess Celestia’s comment. She’d gently told them that if she’d known Fluttershy wanted a tour of the gardens she’d not needed to wait for the night of the Gala, when all the animals were on edge, as if Twilight Sparkle had mentioned it in one of her letters that could have been arranged any time. That and Applejack’s problem, where Princess Celestia could have instructed her seneschal to buy the treats rather than Applejack having to hawk them, were the only problems with such a simple solution though.

Pinkie Pie was too bouncy and irrepressible for the formal occasion or to take a warning. Rainbow Dash had managed to get into the V.I.P. area on the strength of her heroism at the Best Young Flier contest rather than Princess Celestia needing to leave instructions to admit her, though Rainbow Dash might have taken a warning and it might have gone better. Twilight Sparkle had not really had a problem as the greeting of Ponies had gone smoothly and she and her mentor had got to the part of the night where they could chat and circulate. And the problem of Prince Blueblood being an ass had not been solved in as many years as he’d been alive so Rarity had simply been out of luck in her choice.

==

Sheets of wood under his arm and dowelling in his bag with the wire and slender rods Joe was trying to remember if he needed or wanted anything else. It was maybe early enough still to accomplish one thing so he turned down that street towards…

“Hi Joe!”

“Gah!” Joe recoiled as his face was suddenly filled with Pink Jumping Mare.

Pinkie Pie giggled as she landed and then hopped a quick circuit around Joe to examine him and the way he was carrying things. She frowned as much as she ever could and returned to where he could see her.

“Rarity is not going to be happy.”

“Are you that late to go to the spa then?”

“No, silly…” Pinkie Pie started to reply, before stopping and looking suspiciously at Joe. “How do you know about that?”

“Fluttershy mentioned it when I helped her feed her animals this morning.”

“Oh, okay,” Pinkie Pie nodded, her expression clearing back to a smile, “but Rarity isn’t going to be happy you are wearing that.”

For a moment Joe didn’t understand and then he remembered he’d put on some of his baggy clothes today. That had been fortunate with having to shove his sleeves up to deal with fish or grubs and worms but unfortunate as he’d said to Rarity that he’d wear his altered clothes if he was coming into Ponyville. As the visit had been on a whim he’d not thought about that. How and why Pinkie Pie knew or thought he shouldn’t be wearing these baggy clothes was a mystery though to join the others about her.

“Then I shall have to retreat and hope she is already in the Spa.”

“I’m sure she is, she likes sitting in mud and lying about every week,” Pinkie Pie assured him, pulling a face at how boring that could be.

“I’ll not delay you, but was good to see you, was why I was heading towards Sugarcube Corner.”

“What did you want?”

“Just to say hello while I was in Ponyville, since I’d not seen you the previous couple of times.”

“Okay. Hello Joe!”

“Hello Pinkie Pie,” Joe returned, playing along.

“Goodbye Joe!”

“Goodbye Pinkie Pie,” Joe said, an instant before she vanished as suddenly as she’d appeared.

Joe glanced back down the street but aside from a few dents in the dirt of the road that looked as if they had been made by four hooves stotting together rather than a more normal pony gait there was no sign of her. With a shrug he turned to go and order another archery target from the craftspony who had supplied the other one before he returned to his hut. Or rather, he realised, before he returned to his hut to unload things before going and fetching his tools from Fluttershy’s cottage.

==

Despite the arrival of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash the Spa was almost as peaceful as it had been with just Rarity and Fluttershy. Applejack didn’t much hold with all the fussing about but was willing to take a break from the farm for the company of her friends and would admit she sometimes felt a mite better for being treated fancy-like. Twilight Sparkle just seemed disappointed sometimes that mud and water and steam did not mix well with books. The six of them were happily reclined and relaxed, even if Rarity was the only one who’d gone to the extent of cucumber slices on the eyes.

“As I said to Fluttershy,” Rarity commented, rather sleepily, “before the rest of you arrived I might be going to the event in Canterlot after all.”

“Ah’m right sorry I had to decline,” said Applejack, nodding even though her friend had such a strange reason to not be able to see this, “ah can appreciate a nice picture or tune, but that just don’t sound like mah sort of thing.”

“Oh no, it’s quite alright girls,” Rarity reassured her and the rest of them.

“Especially since if we aren’t there we can’t embarrass you,” agreed Rainbow Dash.

“I’ll admit… again,” Rarity chuckled, “that as much as I love you all your idea of a party and the snooty Ponies’ did not agree.”

“They were so boring!” protested Pinkie Pie. “And snooty! And boring!”

“Are you fine going by yourself though?” Twilight Sparkle asked in concern. “I could tolerate the partygoers and…”

“Thank you Twilight,” said Rarity, adding more reassurances, “but I remember you saying how much it annoyed you when Ponies ignore the artwork.”

“It just seems so…” Twilight Sparkle huffed, “here are masterpieces and the partygoers spend their time instead on admiring each other and gossiping.”

“Besides I might not be going by myself,” added Rarity. “I’m sure Spike would accompany me…”

“It’s a bit late for him,” Twilight Sparkle commented, “but if he wants to.”

“And I invited Joe…” continued Rarity.

“What?” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “I mean… oh, that’s nice.”

“But it’s possible he has a marefriend,” Rarity continued mischievously, a smile coming to her face at that reaction and as she wondered if the mystery of the day before was about to be solved, “some Pony he felt he should invite, but was rather sweetly concerned about how she’d react to that.”

Twilight Sparkle glanced at Rainbow Dash, Applejack frowning as she noticed the glance and that Rainbow Dash was starting to faintly blush, and as Rainbow Dash remained silent Twilight Sparkle decided to speak. “Why concerned?”

“He refused to go into detail,” Rarity replied, removing the cucumber slices so she could look at the others, especially Rainbow Dash, “and I didn’t press, but it seemed he’d been surprised somehow and that things were still confused.” To Rarity’s satisfaction Rainbow Dash’s blush deepened slightly as she paused. “So he didn’t know if the mare in question wanted to return to friendship or try romance, and until she, and he I think, were less confused he didn’t want to make an invitation that could be taken as romantic and pressure her that way.”

“I… see,” said Rainbow Dash, trying to look unconcerned and uninterested.

“Ah think ah see as well,” Applejack commented, looking at Rainbow Dash before looking back to Rarity. “Though did he consider it romantic coming from you Rarity?”

“He was relieved when I said it wasn’t, then quite apologetic in case that seemed rude.”

“He can be… quite nice,” agreed Fluttershy, trying to be generous.

“So who do you think it is?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “And should we have a Joe-has-a-marefriend party?”

“I think a celebration might be premature,” said Twilight Sparkle, even though she knew little could divert Pinkie Pie from the idea of a party.

“It’s you…” Pinkie Pie accused, then she thought. “No, wait…” Her gaze fixed on Rainbow Dash. “Nooooo!”

Rainbow Dash made various non-verbal noises as the four of her friends who hadn’t known looked at her with varying expressions of surprise or shock or satisfaction at the news. “Okay!” she admitted under the scrutiny. “I kissed him!”

“Way to go Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie Pie crowed.

“Details darling, details,” added Rarity. “Though hopefully this means you will be there, whether to embarrass me or not.”

“Ah don’t think Rainbow wants ta kiss’n’tell,” Applejack frowned, shifting position on her couch.

“Phooey!” sniffed Rarity. “And Joe didn’t mention that was how he got confused.”

“Confused would be one word fer it,” Applejack commented.

Rainbow Dash slumped. “Confused is about all it was, for him.”

“Awwww…” Pinkie Pie said sympathetically, bouncing up from where she was lying and across to hug Rainbow Dash.

“I find that… I mean… I…” said Fluttershy before she blushed and continued. “I’d think he’d be very happy as well.”

“Not that happy,” Rainbow Dash sighed from within the pink hug, “he just wasn’t feeling much.”

“Well, that can happen,” said Applejack, trying to reassure her friend. “Ah know that sometimes there just ain’t the spark, he feels more like a weird shaped extra brother ta me.”

Rainbow Dash lifted her gaze from the floor and gave Applejack a weak smile. “And the feeling is mutual for him.”

“You been gossiping with him about me?”

“To repeat myself,” Rarity said, really happy with how interesting a Spa date this was becoming, “details darling, details.”

“What Rainbow is trying to say,” said Twilight Sparkle, “is that Joe has a problem with Ponies. I… ah.” She blinked before she could continue. “Eavesdropped on him and Spike, three days before Rainbow kissed him, and he said then that…er… parts of him hadn’t got convinced... to, er… react to us. So it wasn’t just an excuse he was giving Rainbow.”

“He thinks I’m pretty, he knows I’m pretty, he doesn’t feel that I am pretty,” Rainbow Dash agreed, adding, “but he does feel like AJ is more a sister.”

“There isn’t anything other than humans that can talk on his world…” continued Twilight Sparkle.

“That sounds awful lonely,” Pinkie Pie said, giving another squeeze to the hug on Rainbow Dash.

“So he isn’t used to kissing anything but humans,” concluded Rainbow Dash before muttering, “not properly at least.”

“Or improperly,” Rarity smiled, fluttering her eyelashes, “so that is a problem.” She paused and looked thoughtful. “Though if he mentioned this to Spike three days before you kissed him then I have to wonder when that was.”

“Yesterday,” replied Rainbow Dash.

“Oh my!” Rarity exclaimed. “No wonder the poor dear was still confused yesterday afternoon and wanted a day or two to sort things out.”

“Eee’yup,” agreed Applejack. “Gets a kiss from one fine Mare and then gets invited to a fancy party by another.”

“And tells the ‘another’ she should invite Spike instead.”

Twilight Sparkle blushed. “Before he said about his problem with Ponies in general he did reassure Spike that he’d not ‘stick my spoon in your porridge’ even if he did like-like you.”

“What a gallant way of putting it,” said Rarity in mock admiration.

“Ah think that was the day he turned up at Sweet Apple Acres looking so tired ah made him nap in th’ barn,” Applejack pointed out, “so he’d not have been at his best.”

“I wasn’t being entirely facetious,” smiled Rarity.

“So!” Pinkie Pie commented, releasing Rainbow Dash to begin bouncing around the room. “How are we going to help Dashie?”

“And if he told her what he thought of Applejack,” mused Rarity, “did he tell her what he thought of the rest of us?”

“I… did need the reassurance,” Rainbow Dash said, looking to each in turn. “That there wasn’t somepony else who’d get more…er… response.”

“Right! Quite understandable and forgivable,” nodded Rarity. “So Applejack is like a sister and I am Spike’s porridge…” She paused to enjoy the double entendre. “…‘spoon’ not to be stuck into…”

“What about me? What about me?” Pinkie Pie demanded.

“You’d be more a strawberry mousse,” teased Rarity. Pinkie Pie stuck her tongue out at this and made a rude noise. Rarity nodded. “Raspberry mousse rather.”

“He likes you Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash said, “but as a friend and thinks it would drive him nuts trying to keep up with you.”

“Fair enough!”

“Did he talk to you yet Fluttershy?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“He helped me with the animals this morning, but what was he supposed to talk to me about?” twittered Fluttershy. “I was being a real babble mouth about them,” she added, looking through her mane at her friends and making a statement that have surprised Joe as he’d thought that, if anything, he’d done more of the talking, “and about the differences between them and those on Joe’s world and…”

“And that’s fine,” Rainbow Dash said cutting off the flow of words. “If you were happy enough to be a ‘babble mouth’ then that shows you like him.”

“He thought I didn’t?” asked Fluttershy, wondering if that was why Joe had been taking such pains to reassure her that humans weren’t that bad.

“You did act rather scared of him after we saw him fighting the Manticore.”

Fluttershy nodded. “I did talk to him after that though.”

“And he’d said he thought he was on good terms with you,” added Twilight Sparkle, looking a little puzzled.

“Something about a conversation not interrupted by Discord or his own tiredness,” Rainbow Dash supplied.

“I woke him up while he was napping in the barn,” nodded Fluttershy again, “and he wasn’t very… awake… during the very short chat.”

“So!” Rarity said. “Of us that only leaves Twilight.”

“I…er… what?” stuttered Twilight Sparkle “Why would Joe…”

“He thinks she is pretty and intelligent…” Rainbow Dash said, giving Twilight Sparkle an apologetic look as she began to answer.

“Cain’t argue with that,” nodded Applejack. “Other than to say it’s understating it a mite.”

“He did say a girl like her back on his world would have been attractive, though intimidating as she is so smart…”

“Oh,” said Twilight Sparkle, looking a little embarrassed.

“But here he’d not been being as much of an egghead,” Rainbow Dash finished, “as the more he learned the more strange things he discovered.”

“Poor Joe,” agreed Pinkie Pie, “I remember him being surprised that gems looked like they do.”

“However else would they look?” Rarity asked, seeming more surprised by that than anything else.

“He made them sound like boiled sweets that looked dull,” said Pinkie Pie, “but if you cut them then you got a clean and shiny surface.”

“How bizarre…” Rarity blinked before nodding, “though I see how he’d think the same about not needing to cut them.”

“Ah hate ter say this, but better ta get things out in th’ open,” said Applejack, returning the topic to their friend rather than inanimate sparklies. “If Joe’s been talking ta Fluttershy about th’ differences between his world and this and been telling th’ Cutie Mark Crusaders about how humans fly then seems ta me that he’s been being plenty eggheaded. So there ain’t that extra reason no more fer him ta not think a Mare like Twilight is attractive here.”

“He’d also said he thought Twi was more interested in his answers to questions than interested in his person…” Rainbow Dash admitted, but then she looked at her friend. “Though, how about it Twi?”

Twilight Sparkle looked even more embarrassed at this direct question and the way the other five, not just Rainbow Dash, were looking at her for her reaction and waiting for her reply. “I like Joe, as a person, not just as a source of information, but I don’t like him in the way that Rainbow does… and that it does seem he likes her, despite his problem.”

“Details!” Rarity demanded, again.

“A couple of kisses and some talking,” replied Rainbow Dash, frowning at her friend as the demands began to annoy her.

“Oh you are impossible!” Rarity replied melodramatically.

There was a brief pause while Rarity wound down from muttering how the juicy details would have been the cherry on the cake, and Pinkie Pie agreed that cherries on cake were yummy before adding that cakes on cherries were even yummier. Then, under some gentle prompting by Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash had confirmed what Joe had said to her about his reasons. Applejack had started to frown as she thought through what had been said and she turned that frown on Rainbow Dash.

“Are you in season, Rainbow?” Applejack asked.

“What? No,” blinked Rainbow Dash, “so you can’t blame me kissing Joe on that!”

“Oh sure,” Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes dramatically, “answer her questions.”

“Ah weren’t thinking that, just puzzled by th’ mention of ‘parts’ and all,” replied Applejack, “ah’m sure they should respond to you even without th’ extra kick, though kick ain’t th’ best way of putting it…”

“I think a kick would worsen matters,” Pinkie Pie nodded sagely.

“But he did seem to be making such a big deal about it all,” continued Applejack, “about needing to be right worked up, ah’m baffled.”

Fluttershy suddenly squeaked. “Joe mentioned a creature called a Bonobo…”

“He mentioned them when I asked about humans and talking,” Twilight Sparkle nodded. “One of humans closest relatives.”

“Did he mention their… er… special ‘habit’?” asked Fluttershy, starting to tinge with red.

“Habit?” Twilight Sparkle frowned.

“He, er, said a Chimpanzee would smash an unusual object, or fight over it” continued Fluttershy, her redness increasing, “but Bonobo would use finding an unusual object as an excuse for a round of mating. And that they would use any excuse, or none, to do that.”

“And?” Twilight Sparkle asked, not seeing the point though Rainbow Dash was starting to blush in suspicion.

“I asked him if humans were that bad,” said Fluttershy, having reached a deep blush, “but he thought I meant as violent as Chimps.”

“Oh my!” Rarity exclaimed, catching on. “Are you saying, darling, that he didn’t deny humans were as bad as Bonobo?”

“All he said was their habits seemed excessive,” squeaked Fluttershy, surpassing her deep blush to achieve a room filling glow, “but that was after he’d said he thought they’d found a better solution than violence.”

“Oh my!” Rarity exclaimed again.

“And he had a problem rather than a solution with me,” added Rainbow Dash, almost managing to equal Fluttershy’s blush as she looked at the floor again.

“Well, that does account fer that,” Applejack nodded. “Iffen humans mate when they feel like it then makes sense they mate when they feel like it, if that makes sense? They don’t have a season where their ‘parts’ are demanding it, and they feel th’ extra need, and other times where it’s less their ‘parts’, might be their ‘parts’ demanding it all th’ time.”

“Or their ‘parts’ are involved all the time at least,” mused Twilight Sparkle.

“He did say he thought Bonobo mating so much was excessive,” Fluttershy agreed, her blush fading as this became an interesting discussion of comparative biology.

“And he was thinking about romance,” added Rarity.

“So might be that he needs th’ mental stuff we get worked up by out of season,” Applejack nodded, “but he’s also used to listening to his ‘parts’ saying whether they are demanding something or not?”

“Guys!”

The four Ponies stopped and looked at Rainbow Dash as she almost shrieked. To their surprise her eyes were glistening enough it almost looked as if she was going to cry. Seeing this Pinkie Pie bounced over for another dose of hugging.

“Guys,” Rainbow Dash repeated, more calmly, “this is… me. This is my problem and my feelings you are discussing.”

“That ain’t quite right, sugar cube,” said Applejack, “though ah’ll admit that as Joe’s problem is your problem we’re talking only one step off.”

“So,” Pinkie Pie repeated, “how do we help Dashie?”

“As much as I am tempted to march down to Joe’s hut and tell him he is going to take Rainbow Dash to Canterlot, he is going to show her a good time, and he is going to kiss her and do whatever else she wants… and no arguing about it…” said Rarity, “I think we need to just do what you are doing.”

With that instruction Rarity, with grace and dignity rather than bounce, stood and crossed to join the hugging.

“Sound’s right ta’ me,” Applejack agreed.

“Er, yes,” nodded Fluttershy.

“And to me,” Twilight Sparkle said.

Once all five were firmly attached to their friend Rarity continued. “Remember, darling, Joe is unsure about all this. If he doesn’t ask you to Canterlot today then he will tomorrow, as he said he’d let me know by then so I could tell Fancy Pants.”

“An iffen he don’t ask you then ah’ll give his parts a literal kick, even tho’ Pinkie is right that would worsen things,” Applejack growled.

“AJ!”

“They ain’t doing him no good Rainbow, so why not?” Applejack winked, showing she was mostly joking.

==

So far today had been quite peaceful, Joe decided. The visit to Fluttershy had started poorly but he’d kept his temper, almost entirely, despite the frustration of being regarded with such fear and eventually she’d relaxed. He’d just had to keep reminding himself of the nervous kitten and hopefully he was not deluding himself in thinking he’d left her with a good impression of him, even if he’d had to admit humans were almost as violent as Chimps. His luck had held with seeing Pinkie Pie for a hello and not seeing Rarity for a scolding about his attire. And now it seemed his luck was continuing to hold with the model making.

Joe had not been trying to do anything too polished or perfect and he wasn’t sure he could reach the higher level of precision. It had been a pleasant surprise though just how well things had gone as although he’d always been able to visualise 3d objects and had been moderately successful in making those virtual he’d always been more cack handed when it came to making them physical. Of course with enough money that problem could be eased with expensive machinery connected to your computer or by hiring someone less cack handed to work from your design.

The second of those options might be possible here, even if it would be someone who wasn’t cack hoofed or cack horned, but that did require them to have the design to work from as well as being willing to work cheaply enough. Which brought Joe back to fiddling with these little models and dangling things by threads and seeing what the options looked like. And as much as he knew the metal was heavier he still needed to feel the weight, compared with wood or fabric, to subdue the temptation to keep adding places where that was used instead.

==

“Come on, shoo y’all,” Applejack ordered.

“I hope everything works out,” said Fluttershy over her shoulder, being shooed easily and leaving.

“But I want to hear,” Rarity pouted, not being easily shooed and not leaving.

“Let them talk in private,” repeated Applejack, bracing the top of her head and squashing her hat between that and Rarity’s rear. “Seems Twilight knows more and has some extra advice.”

“But I want to hear!” Rarity whined, hooves sliding on the floor as Applejack pushed. “Eeek, and now I will definitely need another Ponycure.”

“Awwww,” said Pinkie Pie sympathetically, keeping pace with Applejack.

“Beside, you’ve someplace else to be,” Applejack argued, “got Spike to invite to Canterlot as seems sure Rainbow will say yes when Joe asks.”

“Don’t count on it,” called Rainbow Dash from where she was still standing with Twilight Sparkle.

“What?” Rarity asked, her voice fading with distance. “But that is the most prestigious….”

Twilight Sparkle looked at her friend for a moment and waited a few moments more to make sure Applejack had time to push Rarity to a safe distance. With a slightly sad smile Rainbow Dash shrugged.

“I love you guys,” Rainbow Dash said, “but I’m not sure I’d have come here today if I’d known that was going to happen.”

“I’m sorry if I said too much when I mentioned Joe’s problem…” began Twilight Sparkle.

“No, no Twi,” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “I know you were trying to help by saying it was his problem and not me or an excuse. But I’m not sure I was going to mention it.”

“Oh.”

“To be honest, and if you tell AJ this I’ll deny it,” Rainbow Dash continued, “when she said sometimes there wasn’t any spark I was thinking ‘well, there was some with me’ and that was why I told her Joe thinks of her like a sister.”

“Doesn’t he?”

“He does.”

“Oh, erm, what about me? You seemed rather… vehement… in making sure what my feelings towards him were.”

“I don’t think I’d mind as much Twi,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “I’d still want to stick one of my hooves in your face, but I’d know you’d appealed to a different side of him. Whereas AJ and me, we are kind of alike and kind of competitive…”

“Hrm,” nodded Twilight Sparkle. She could imagine how she’d feel if she’d a special somepony and they’d decided they preferred Trixie. “Well.”

“Well,” Rainbow Dash nodded back.

“Maybe turning you into a human would work…”

“Maybe it would work too well,” Rainbow Dash replied, “I wanted him to like me but I wasn’t thinking of, you know, not for a while… though if I was a mare-human…”

“Woman I think.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Then maybe I would have been thinking of that, right away, if they are like these Bonobos and if I’d been as affected as he seems to think he’d be if he was turned into a Pony.”

“Though you do like him that way already…”

“And he does like me that way,” Rainbow Dash retorted, holding Twilight Sparkle’s eyes for a moment before she nodded. “But fair enough, wouldn’t need as much to make me act on it sooner as it would him to be able to act on it at all.”

“It’s just fortunate I didn’t ask him about shape changing,” commented Twilight Sparkle.

“Why?”

“Neither of us knew Rarity had invited him to Canterlot, so he’d been kissed and confused…”

Rainbow Dash nodded again. “And rather than ‘just’ being confused by that he also had to decide whether to invite me and how I’d take it. So if he was also having to figure out how he’d react to me if I looked human…” She sighed and then smiled with a wink. “Though even if I wasn’t thinking of going that far at least it would show his ‘parts’ had begin to work if enough pressure made him fix on the Bonobo solution.”

“Believe me,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Rainbow Dash a flat look, “as much as I love Shining Armour I’ve seen from him it does not take a Bonobo, or a human, to decide things can be solved by trying to mate. Or wait to be solved until after that attempt was made.”

“Or solved by making them want to, but saying it has to be solved first,” grinned Rainbow Dash before sobering. “But I don’t think I want to seduce Joe into anything, even if it would be fun and I’d like to be able to.”

“I’ll work on the spell. In case.”

“Thanks.”

==

If ‘sulk’ had physical form then it would be dripping through the floorboards and perhaps even overflowing out through the windows of the Clubhouse of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The afternoon lessons had not gone well and neither had their attempts to find an answer to Sweetie Belle’s question of what to do about Ponies not believing them about what Joe had done or that he had been telling the truth in what he’d said. They cared more about if Miss Cheerilee believed them but agreed that it would be more satisfying to make Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon eat their words.

“His armour is quite interesting,” Sweetie Belle suggested hesitantly, “maybe we could bring it in for show-and-tell?”

“You were the one who pointed out he don’t want no fuss,” replied Apple Bloom. “So ain’t likely he’d lend it to us.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t lend it to us…” Scootaloo mused.

“An’ we ain’t stealing it from him,” frowned Apple Bloom.

“I was only thinking of borrowing it,” Scootaloo protested.

“An’ what do you call borrowing without permission?”

“Oh, alright. Besides it looks heavy.”

“Fer us maybe,” Apple Bloom said, “he don’t seem to have no problems carrying or wearing it.”

“He did say he’d made sure it was light enough,” agreed Sweetie Belle, “but you did say that I said that he didn’t want any fuss.”

“Eee’yup,” Apple Bloom admitted, “and even if Granny Smith invited him to dinner that one time ah don’t think he’d count for family appreciation day.”

They nodded to each other and Apple Bloom remembered just how much she’d dreaded bringing Granny Smith in for that and the lengths she and the other two had gone to trying to prevent it. That had worked out well though when the story Granny Smith told was of the founding of Ponyville and they learned her family were the original settlers and had been granted the land directly and in person by Princess Celestia herself. Diamond Tiara had not been pleased as it was harder to sneer about your wealth and being a member of one of the founding families of a town when you discovered the Old Mare you’d sneered at was one of the founding family. Worse still, from her perspective, the Zap Apple jam Granny Smith had invented was not only the basis of her family’s wealth it was the reason why they and enough other Ponies had settled here for there to be a Ponyville rather than just Sweet Apple Acres.

“Apple Bloom? You up there?” a voice called from outside.

“Applejack?” replied Apple Bloom, trotting to the window to stick her head out.

“Gettin’ on for time for you to be heading back to th’ house, and for your friends to be heading home,” Applejack called out.

“Awwww,” protested Scootaloo, sticking her head out the other window. “It’s not that late.”

“It’s late enough, so say your goodbyes and get moving,” Applejack said firmly. “Ah’ll wait a little, but ah don’t want ta have to wait too long.”

“Yes sis,” said Apple Bloom, withdrawing back into the clubhouse.

“But we haven’t figured out what to do,” Scootaloo said quietly, having also withdrawn.

“It’ll just have to wait, ah ain’t arguing with mah sister,” said Apple Bloom, starting to gather her things.

“And we didn’t seem to have any more ideas anyway,” Sweetie Belle pointed out, following suit.

“Hrn,” grumbled Scootaloo, putting their aircraft sketches away. “I just wanted to have some way to deal with them tomorrow.”

“Maybe someone else will have a suggestion?” Sweetie Belle said hopefully.

“Maybe.”

“Apple Bloom, girls, come on now,” Applejack called from outside.

“Just coming sis,” shouted Apple Bloom before lowering her voice again. “Ah’m not sure we should spread our argument.”

“Do you remember the problems we had with your cousin?” Scootaloo asked, getting her things together.

“Ah do, but we ain’t being bullied… well, no more than normal. And we know Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon ain’t got no special excuses.”

“I’m not sure we’d be spreading our argument if you asked one person,” mused Sweetie Belle, “seems he’s already had it spread over him.”

Apple Bloom nodded and led the way outside, hearing a slight sigh from Applejack and realising that was her sister exhaling the deep breath she’d drawn in for a louder call to come along. The two Cutie Mark Crusaders who needed to use that method climbed down while Scootaloo just jumped and settled with a buzz of slowing wings. Watched by Applejack they made their goodbyes and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle started towards Ponyville.

“Can we go see Joe?” Apple Bloom asked, turning appealing eyes on her big sister.

“Well… ain’t that far, but only a short visit as we need to get washed up for dinner in plenty of time.”

“Yes sis.”

==

Leaning back against the wall of his hut Joe pondered the setting sun and if this world with a living Goddess of the Sun had the same sort of solar cycles as his own. But even with people trying to argue that those affected the weather more than anything else it seemed better to stop belching crap into the air. And there’d long been the argument that the mass extinctions and ecological change caused by humanity were significant enough to regard their time on the planet as a new biological period like the Triassic or Cretaceous or something. It made it hard to talk to Fluttershy as you couldn’t mention conservationists and nature reserves without the implication of what would happen without them.

Brooding a little on if he’d ever find a good thing to say that he didn’t fear implied something bad as well Joe went back to sanding and shaping a thin shape of wood. The sheet beside him had been cut apart and rough aerofoil shapes cut from the sections, now he was bringing the wood down to the carefully drawn lines so these could be used as wing ribs. Then he ‘just’ had the problem of making sure this was symmetrical and fitting them all together. To Joe’s relief he saw Apple Bloom and Applejack approaching and he smiled in welcome at the distraction from thoughts and work.

“How’s it going?” Applejack asked, a little annoyed that Joe seemed to have been calmly getting on with things while Rainbow Dash had been quite so upset during the day. Seemed he should have been more than a mite unable to concentrate on whatever it was he was doing rather than being surrounded by small crude models of something.

“Quite well,” replied Joe, further annoying Applejack, “getting an idea of how things can fit together and…” He demonstrated by picking up and shaking one of the small models. “How wobbly fitting them together different ways is.”

“Diamond Tiara was nasty!” Apple Bloom said. “She didn’t believe us about you and human flying machines! She laughed at the sketches we’d made.”

“Oh, well it’s not a change her being nasty,” shrugged Joe, “and other than sympathise I’m not sure what I can do.”

Applejack nodded. Her sister’s interruption had allowed her to resist the temptation to tell Joe he should have been getting an idea of how different things could fit together, though of course she’d have meant his and Rainbow Dash’s needs rather than their ‘parts’. But Apple Bloom had mentioned all the work in the library on figuring things out with Joe and Twilight Sparkle so, if these were models of flying things, at least he’d been working on something she and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders would find interesting.

“If one of those models will fly,” Applejack said carefully, “then would that be proof?”

“The little ones wouldn’t be much proof, and I’d only made them roughly,” mused Joe, confirming to Applejack she was right about what they were. “And this wing I am working on is just a test, seeing how it goes and what mistakes to avoid when and if I tried one for an actual model.”

“It looks like you haven’t made any mistakes,” Apple Bloom reassured him, looking at the cut and shaped ribs.

“Thanks. ”

“And you’ve got a lot planned out,” Apple Bloom continued, nodding at the plans and all the alterations and additions. “So maybe you could make a larger model tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure, I do have chores at Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow morning,” said Joe, with a slight thoughtful frown, “and if you three have been making your own designs I’d not want to ignore those or your ideas.”

“Our sketches are at our clubhouse,” Apple Bloom argued, “and ah, and ah’m sure the others, would trust you to look at our sketches and see what is good and start making a model.”

“Why the rush?”

“Ah, Joe, you ain’t never been a filly,” Applejack smiled, “fer two obvious reasons, but ah think you might be able to remember being a young ‘un? And not wanting ta wait to show up some other young ‘un?”

“Alas, humans are so terrible and violent,” nodded Joe, “that as a young ‘un my solutions would be more direct.” He sighed. “Actually, seriously, even with humans school is the last time a lot of people get into a fight, and girls tend to be more… subtle… anyway rather than just hit each other. So I’m not unaware.”

“Will you do it?” Apple Bloom asked, attempting to emulate a Tarsier with the apparent size of her eyes.

“I can see what I can do and, when you get out of school,” said Joe, conceding, “we can see how far we can get during the rest of the day. Whether we can make a model tomorrow or only start making a model tomorrow I don’t know.”

“Thanks! That sounds a lot better idea than the ones we’d had.”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing,” Apple Bloom blushed.

Chapter 22

“Joe, what in tarnation are you doing here?”

“I…” Joe began, turning to face Granny Smith, “I come here to do chores every second or third day, and this is the third day of that routine.”

As the Old Mare continued to glare at him Joe continued to wonder what the problem was. He didn’t think he’d looked that surprised when he noticed the pigs and he’d accepted Big Macintosh’s explanation they cleared up the windfall apples. It had been a puzzle though as he didn’t think there was much you could get from a pig that didn’t require killing it. Fortunately Big Macintosh either hadn’t noticed his expression or had decided to not ask about it and the rest of the chores had been going quite smoothly, until now.

“So it is,” replied Granny Smith, “but it’s also at least a couple of minutes past noon.”

“Yes?” Joe said, feeling and looking baffled.

“So… you’ve done a morning of chores, now git!” Seeing Joe was just blinking at her Granny Smith unbent enough, with a creak, to explain. “Ah’m not going to let mah youngest Grandchild be upset, so shoo and get on with helping her. Mah Eldest can finish up.”

“Eee’yup,” Big Macintosh wisely agreed.

Joe smiled and shrugged to the large red stallion. “Then I shall be away, to do thy bidding,” he said, giving Granny Smith a slight bow of obedience.

“No fancy talk, just git!”

==

Rainbow Dash circled a few times and settled on a cloud to look down. She hated feeling nervous but she also knew she could overcome those nerves with action so, disdaining further hesitation, she rolled and dove off the side of the cloud to streak down. Her wings flexed and she redirected the speed of her dive into a tight arc towards her target, streaking towards it a Ponylength or less above the ground, and then she flapped hard and slowed almost to a stop. Extending a forehoof she tapped on the front door of Joe’s hut, that meagre impact being enough to stop her completely. She landed and waited at least two seconds and then tapped again, harder. Then she considered taking off again and this time not braking at the last moment, or fetching her other darts to ‘tap’ really hard.

“Great,” Rainbow Dash sighed. “I get here and he isn’t. Probably in the hills or the Everfree or…”

With that thought the Blue Pegasus streaked back upwards, the speed of her passage dislodging a tile from the roof of Joe’s porch that he’d been intending to fix for a while. It was only a short flight, for her, so soon she was curving down and towards her next target. It was not the one she’d hoped to surprise but it might be a source of information. Her hooves thumped into the ground next to that Mare as she landed.

“Oh, hi Rainbow,” Applejack said calmly as her friend arrived with the speed of a stooping Eagle.

“Applejack, have you seen Joe today?”

“Ah have, was one of his mornings for chores here.”

“But it’s the afternoon, and he wasn’t at his hut.”

“Hmm,” Applejack mused, unable to resist teasing her friend a little by drawing that out. “Well, he left here a little earlier than he might…”

“Why?”

“Ah was getting to that Rainbow,” Applejack said, pausing a little and enjoying the impatience. “Granny Smith made Big Macintosh do the rest of Joe’s chores so he could go work on a model, so if he’s not at his hut he might be at the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse.”

“Thanks!” replied Rainbow Dash, taking off. Then she stopped and frowned and hovered. “Model?”

“Apple Bloom asked if he could get a model of one of those human flying thingamajigs made,” Applejack nodded, “help with some of the fillies at school who’d been laughing at the idea.” She looked around and then gestured Rainbow Dash closer.

“What?” asked Rainbow Dash, dipping her head but not landing again.

“Ah you sure you want to do this?” Applejack asked quietly. “Sounds like you made th’ first move last time ‘n’ all, so…”

“So nothing,” hissed Rainbow Dash. “I’m not going to sit and wait, I’m going to give him the chance to ‘make a move’ and if he doesn’t then I’ll decide whether to give him much choice.”

“Hwhooo-wheeee!” Applejack exclaimed as Rainbow Dash streaked skywards again. She wasn’t sure whether to feel sorry for Joe or not, she just hoped that he really did like Rainbow Dash rather than this being as one-sided as it was seeming. That it was just that she was only seeing Rainbow Dash’s side.

==

The classroom was quiet but Cheerilee was worried. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had tried to begin their usual nonsense at morning break but the Cutie Mark Crusaders had taken that far too calmly. Somehow she could not believe her warnings had taken effect today when they had never before. More worrying still the Cutie Mark Crusaders had begun their drawing at lunchtime just as they had yesterday, but this time they had treated Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon with such disdain the pair had retreated.

Cheerilee did not think she was being unfair to be concerned. They seemed to be plotting something and drawing enough satisfaction from that plot to ignore the mockery, and those three fillies, especially when provoked by the other two, had a record of coming up with schemes that affected everyone else as well as themselves. Not to the extent that Snips and Snails had when they were idiotic enough to bring an Ursa Minor to town, which had caused problems then and when Trixie returned for revenge after being humiliated in her failure to deal with it, but enough for worry as it could be something big.

==

Surrounded by bits of cloth with tools and model parts laid out on them Joe carefully scraped at a curve of wood. Then there was a flapping and a swirl of air that made him glad that he’d put stones on top of the various pieces of paper around him. He looked up from his work and smiled and put it to one side as he stood.

“Hi Joe…” Rainbow Dash began to say, but that dissolved into an ‘erk’ as he took a couple of steps forward and hugged her as she hovered. She managed to, barely, resist the temptation to nuzzle his neck but did fold her wings to settle against him and let him support her instead. To her disappointment he released her without kissing her before he gently lowered her to the ground onto her rear hooves.

“It is very good to see you Dash,” nodded Joe as he stepped back away and sat again.

Stalling for time while she decided if that had been ‘just’ a friendly hug Rainbow Dash started to look at the drawings. They all seemed to be of the same thing but with some showing more detail of different parts and some being more artistic and others more technical. There was also quite a variation in the skill and style of the drawings and, finding something to say, Rainbow Dash looked to Joe.

“Bit of a difference in these,” Rainbow Dash commented, gesturing with a forehoof.

“Hmm? Oh yes,” agreed Joe. “Some by me, some by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Aren’t they still in school?”

“Apple Bloom said they’d left their sketches here, and they wouldn’t mind me looking at them.”

“Which explains why you are here,” Rainbow Dash nodded, moving closer to Joe, “but not why you are out here.”

“I’m not claustrophobic,” smiled Joe, clearing a space in case Rainbow Dash wanted to sit, “and inside I’d not need the cloths and paperweights, but inside is filly sized. Which I’m not.”

“No, you aren’t,” Rainbow Dash agreed, happily taking advantage of the space.

Joe leaned slightly to pick up his piece of wood and small knife again, but paused as a thought occurred. “As glad as I am that you are here, I could ask why you are here?”

“I… I saw you while I was flying along and was curious what you were doing.”

“Fair enough,” Joe admitted, leaving the wood and knife where they were so he could point easier. “You know the Cutie Mark Crusaders have problems with a pair of… well, I won’t say what… with two fillies called Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?”

“Not exactly discreet problems.”

Joe nodded. “Well Apple Bloom asked me if I could make a model to help with their latest problems,” he continued, “so what I have done is look at their sketches and reconsider my own and make some new ones, and what I am doing at the moment is working on the main wing.”

“Doesn’t look much like a wing,” Rainbow Dash commented.

“Has the same cross-section as yours and some of your feathers, and when these ribs are connected and covered…”

“Covered by what? Feathers?”

“Maybe by skin!” Joe teased, trying to look psychotic and running a finger across Rainbow Dash’s own ribs. “Aha! Raw materials have arrived!”

“Eek,” said Rainbow Dash as that tickled. “Funny.”

“Sorry.”

“I didn’t say I minded.”

“No, but anyway. If we had the right sort then I’d say metal, and be making more of the model out of that. As it is I’m using wood for the frame and only metal-skinning the fuselage pod. Wing and tail would be covered with fabric.”

“Like a balloon?”

“More like a drum,” Joe replied, trying to remember if he’d seen any here and succeeding in remembering drum skins were or used to be actual skins where he came from. “And like a drum the fabric is stretched on and attached and then contracts to become even tauter. The method I recall is making the cloth damp with some fairly volatile ‘dope’ and then letting it dry and shrink again.”

“Sounds smelly.”

“Could be flammable as well.”

“Sheesh, I am glad I have feathers.”

“They do suit you better than they would me.”

“Er… yeah. I don’t think you’d look good with feathers at all.”

“Wings like yours are what divine but otherwise human looking creatures are pictured with…” Joe stopped and chuckled.

“That does sound funny looking, but what now?”

“I’ve mentioned humans with powers who act as heroes…” Joe began to explain, then he blinked as he wondered if the wings were the only similarity with Rainbow Dash. Like the heroine he was thinking of she wasn’t that tall but she was fast and feisty and brave and deadly.

“Right,” prompted Rainbow Dash.

“Well, there was one who had wings and she and another heroine were invading an infernal realm,” Joe said, “but when one of the denizens there grabbed her it suddenly released her and shrank back away along with others of its kind. The heroine realised what they were thinking, so she bluffed they were right, she was one of the divine beings, and that they might want to mess with her but they didn’t want to mess with her boss. They fled.”

Rainbow Dash giggled. “Her boss?”

“The God above all Gods, or she might merely have meant the General of that God’s Armies who is powerful enough that in most other human religions he’d be considered a God in his own right.”

“Yeah,” laughed Rainbow Dash, sagging down with her laughter to rest her chin on Joe’s knee, “that would do it.”

“And feathers work out better for you or for human like things in fantasy or mythology than they do in reality.”

“Humans did try using feathers?”

“They took a mythological story too seriously… though does it get colder the higher you get here?”

“Of course it does,” frowned Rainbow Dash.

“Well either the writer of the myth or the people taking it literally…” Joe stopped and pinched the brow of his nose. “Gah, I was about to say they had been stupid as they could have just looked at a snow peaked mountain to know it got colder with altitude, but then so could I rather than asking you.”

“They thought it got hotter instead?”

“They seemed to have a very poor idea of the distance to the sun and thought you could fly high enough to get closer enough to make a difference.”

“Idiots,” Rainbow Dash scoffed, noticing with pleasure and displeasure that Joe hadn’t done anything about where her chin was, either to object or to start the ear scritches. She had warned him she didn’t want ear scritching but that was before she’d kissed him.

“I think it was metaphorical, and the writer might have made the deliberate mistake to show that. The story was of an inventor and his son escaping captivity, a king wanted to keep the inventor and his inventions, and the son ignoring his father’s instructions to not fly too high. So the wax holding the feathers together melted and he fell into the sea.”

“Weird,” Rainbow Dash said, wondering if she should flutter her eyelashes and hope Joe remembered, jocularly, warning her to be careful in case those seduced him into ear scritching. And hope he realised the message. “What was the metaphor?”

“Pay attention to instructions from the person who invented what you are using?” shrugged Joe. “Pay attention to your father? Story might be the origin of the saying that ‘The higher you fly the faster you fall’, though that isn’t true as eventually drag balances gravity and you reach terminal velocity.”

“And not true if you are an awesome Pegasus, though when flew my fastest I did need a lot of height for my dive.”

“You are awesome,” Joe agreed, too aware of that to forget what his hand was doing and managing to control it. “Was that when you blew all the roofs off?”

“How do you know about that?”

“Whatever you were talking about with Twilight the day before yesterday she shrieked at you loud enough for us to hear upstairs,” Joe explained, “and the Cutie Mark Crusaders mentioned the time you took a potion to further enhance your already remarkable abilities.”

“Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, realising that was probably the shriek Twilight Sparkle had given when she’d said she’d kissed Joe.

“They wondered if a version was one of the potions I’ve been given…”

“I doubt it, unless something has worn off like it did with me?”

“I don’t think so,” Joe admitted, “but I do wonder if that potion would help the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“How?” asked Rainbow Dash, shifting position a little closer to Joe.

“If it enhances a Pony’s special talent then it would enhance theirs,” Joe explained, moving to make Rainbow Dash more comfortable, “and they’d know what it is from what’s been enhanced.”

“Hmm… I don’t know, it might need them to already know.”

“True,” Joe nodded. “If there’s enough magic involved you get a Cutie Mark either side of your rear then there might be some less visible changes.”

==

Applejack made her way through the streets of Ponyville and to a part of town she rarely had cause to visit. She wasn’t sure if she had real cause to visit it today either but it seemed fair to some people to pass on some news and she owed someone else a bit of teasing after yesterday. Keeping her smile no more than usual, and no less as looking dour would be just as betraying as grinning, Applejack entered the building with models of Ponies decorating it.

“Applejack!” Rarity exclaimed, Opalescence looking up for at least half a second in greeting before returning to sleeping. “Darling, have you finally decided to let me dress you in style?”

“Ah like my style as it is,” replied Applejack, “hat to keep the sun off is all ah need.”

“And I must admit that hat suits you,” Rarity said diplomatically, “though perhaps a few others in different colours or with more decoration?”

“Ah came to say that ah had a visit at Sweet Apple Acres earlier, from Rainbow and she was looking for Joe.”

“Oh, well I haven’t seen him yet today, though I am sure I will…”

Applejack nodded. “He said he’d let you know about th’ event. But ah had seen him and ah directed Rainbow his way.”

“Oh dear,” Rarity said, looking concerned. “Rainbow can be very determined, what if she asks him to the event.”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with it if she does!” replied Applejack, making herself frown.

“I… well, isn’t usual,” Rarity admitted, “but I agree it would be better for her to ask than for him not to.”

“And ah was telling you this so you can ask Spike.”

“There is that as well,” Rarity smiled. “Poor Spike.”

“Why? Seems he’ll be right happy to be asked.”

“So I should have asked him before, but I was thinking how it does feel like I should be asking him. And you’d ask a child if they’d like to go somewhere, but expect a stallion, or adult male, to ask you.”

“Eee’yup. They do like ta think things are their idea,” Applejack nodded, “even if th’ whole situation has been set up ta guide them towards asking.”

“So you do understand why I’m worried about Rainbow asking Joe and not letting him think that?”

“Ah didn’t say ah didn’t understand, just that would be nothing wrong with it.” Applejack paused and then grinned. “And ah was teasing you, she said she was going ta find him ta give him th’ chance to ask.”

Rarity closed her eyes and nodded. “Ah, ‘the whole situation set up to guide him’…”

“Though she also did say she might decide to not give him much choice.”

“Oh my.”

==

Beneath the Cutie Mark Crusaders Clubhouse all was calm and contented and Joe had gladly summarised for Rainbow Dash what he had said to the Cutie Mark Crusaders about aerodynamics and explained how the different things on the sketches were supposed to work. Talking about how much simpler the model would be than a full size Microlight and how much simpler that would be than other aeroplanes had led onto talk about the ways in which those would be more complex. On a whim Joe met Rainbow Dash’s eyes.

“Wing please,” Joe said.

“Pardon,” blinked Rainbow Dash.

“I don’t know that much about bird wings, and less about Pegasi, but can I have one of your wings please.”

“I don’t think you are that divine,” winked Rainbow Dash, “but you can have a look.”

Reluctantly she pulled away from him to give herself room to extend a wing into his lap. To her pleasure Joe didn’t just look, he took it in his hands and began stroking and examining it. She enjoyed that for a while and enjoyed that he seemed to be enjoying it for a while before he spoke.

“One thing that has gone out of fashion,” Joe started to say, tracing a fingertip back and forth between the joints of her wing, “is what was known as variable-geometry, or swing-wing, designs. There was only the one pivot point…” He added, gently manipulating her wing to bend it. “And that was only back and forth, but it did allow the wing to be straight out for slow speeds and swept back for faster ones.”

“Mmm-hmmm,” agreed Rainbow Dash.

“Far more primitive than your wing,” Joe agreed, “with how many shapes it can assume…”

“Mmmmm-hmmm,” agreed Rainbow Dash again as Joe continued to move her wing about and she enjoyed the massage.

“I think it went out of fashion because of a different lesson that can be learned from your wing,” Joe continued, stroking a hand along the leading edge of it, “I don’t remember what they are called but… ah, here we are.”

“What?” asked Rainbow Dash, trying to show an interest in what he was saying as well as what he was doing.

“You have some feathers along here that you can raise and lower,” Joe replied, “and that affects how the air flows over your entire wing.” He stroked his hand along and across these again, getting a twitch from Rainbow Dash. “As well as having the ailerons at the rear of the wing you can have sections of wing extending forward…” He laid his hand on her wing and demonstrated each motion. “Or forward and down to extend the curve at the front, or just pivoting up, or coming up on fins to form a narrow gap between them and the wing.”

That last motion was disappointing to Rainbow Dash as it meant Joe lifted his hand rather than moving it about on her wing. “So,” she managed to ask, “why did those make the other go out of fashion?”

“One of the problems with a wing designed for high speeds was that it didn’t work well at low speeds, so the plane needed to be going faster to get into the air or conversely before it would come down again.”

“So they swung the wing between being fast and slow,” Rainbow Dash almost purred as she felt Joe’s hands moving to manipulate her wing that way.

“Right,” said Joe, surprised that Rainbow Dash had anticipated what he was going to say. He was glad she seemed so happy though as he’d begun to feel like a dirty coach taking the chance to put hands on a nubile student. “But you can use the other method to keep lift at lower speeds and use it to keep air flowing over the wing even if they are meeting at a strange angle.”

“Mmmmm-hmmm, makes sense then.”

With that Rainbow Dash retracted her wing and shifted position again. Rather than return to where she had been she moved in a lot closer and then extended her wing again behind his back, as she had when they were hugging side by side. Joe waved his arm indecisively as he tried to figure out where to put it and Rainbow Dash looked up from where she’d put her chin on his thigh.

“You’ve got some work to do, so get working.”

Joe nodded and, rather belatedly, reached again for the rib and knife. He wasn’t sure he wanted to have both hands free but it was kind of Rainbow Dash to allow him that freedom.

==

“Spiiiikeee! Twiiiilight!” Rarity called as she entered the Golden Oaks Library.

“Hello Rarity,” replied Twilight Sparkle, as expected looking up from a book.

There was a faint sound of claws on floorboards and Spike trotted in from where he’d been dusting. “Rarity,” he smiled.

“Hwhooo,” Owlowiscious commented from his perch, rolling his eyes at this enthusiasm.

“Rarity, that’s who,” said Spike, never tiring of that joke.

Owlowiscious blinked at Spike and decided to not dignify that with a response. He rotated his head slightly away from the small Dragon and closed his eyes to ignore him and return to rest and dreams of mice squirming beneath his talons and the shrill cries of terror that made them so tasty. Not knowing his thoughts the Ponies thought he looked quite sweet as he went back to sleep.

“I am sorry Spike,” continued Rarity, moving across the library to join him with a slight apologetic smile and lowering her voice in deference to Owlowiscious’ efforts. “I should have thought to ask you before, especially after you were not asked to help with the greeting in the Crystal Empire, but would you like to go to the event in Canterlot?”

“Anywhere with you,” Spike reassured her, knowing who he blamed for the lack of an invitation to the Crystal Empire and just glad that things had worked out even if Shining Armour had again, as with the wedding, prevented him from helping Twilight Sparkle.

“No,” said Rarity, giving Spike a serious look, “that is the point. I know that you are willing to do much for me, even be silly and go to visit the Diamond Dogs, but I’d like what you do to be something you’d enjoy even if I wasn’t asking or I wasn’t there. So do you want to go?

“I’m not sure,” Spike admitted, frowning a little as he took a moment to consider it. “I mean, I do like art and I do like music…” He gave his ‘big sister’ a smile. “Twilight has taught me a lot about them, but I am not sure about an entire evening of them.”

“I didn’t think you would be,” nodded Rarity before apologising again, “but I should have asked you rather than simply assuming, I asked rather than assume with our other friends…” She sighed. “I certainly should have asked you before Joe.”

“You asked Joe?” Spike blinked.

“And he told me I should be asking you,” smiled Rarity, fluttering her eyelashes as she added, “though he didn’t say to me that I am your porridge.”

“What? Oh… er.”

“Rarity!” Twilight Sparkle protested. “I am embarrassed enough about eavesdropping and that I mentioned that when we were talking about the… er… problem yesterday.”

“Sorry, darling. It is just so delicious a metaphor.”

“Like gemstone porridge,” Spike added.

“Now,” continued Rarity, “another reason for Joe delaying his answer was that there was a Mare he should ask instead.”

Spike had to look at Rarity for a moment to be sure she wasn’t joking. “Who?”

“I’ll let that be a surprise,” winked Rarity, “but I have heard that she was looking for him today so he’d have the chance to ask her. Which I think he will…”

“Maybe. Almost definitely,” Twilight Sparkle conceded. “But Rai… ra… Rarity, you know that mare wasn’t keen on the event.”

“And you both know who it is,” mused Spike, not sure if the stutter was significant, “and it must be one of our friends…”

“Joe is a friend now,” Rarity pointed out, “so I might just be extending Fancy Pants’ invitation from ‘friends of mine’ to ‘friends of mine plus their date’.”

“Right,” nodded Spike, unconvinced.

“But I am telling you, and sorry again as I should have asked for your sake rather than this,” Rarity continued, “because although she seems determined Joe seems unsure about things.”

“Unsure?”

“He’s not sure if she wants friendship or romance, and he has the problem Twilight also heard him mention.”

“Which doesn’t mean she needed to mention it to everypony else,” Spike replied, looking at his ‘big sister’, “some things are said in confidence and should be kept as such, even if you accidentally hear them.”

“I know,” admitted Twilight Sparkle, wondering if this was one of the universal male-things, to keep more to themselves, “but she, the Mare, seemed so downhearted I wanted to reassure her and the others it wasn’t her in particular.”

“Aha!” Spike declared. “It is one of our friends.”

“Er.”

“You can guess if you like, Spike,” smiled Rarity, “but the important thing is that if Joe went with just me and her he’d feel uncomfortable. Having you there would make things easier, I think.”

“So you are asking me for his sake?” Spike asked, looking back to Rarity.

“And for hers, I don’t want things spoilt by Joe being too nervous,” said Rarity. “To make it clear though, I should have asked you before but I am asking you now and saying that if you want to go then we shall, whether Joe and his friend do or not. If you don’t want to go then Joe will just have to feel awkward as I’d rather he suffer that than you do something you won’t enjoy.”

Spike nodded. “I’ll go,” he said. “I do like music and art, I would like to share those with you, and I do like Joe so this sounds like fun.”

“Thank you Spike.”

==

Joe had continued to work and despite the growing ache in his hip had continued to remain still as Rainbow Dash had continued to snore. When Joe realised she’d fallen asleep he’d been quite touched and it had been cute when she started snoring, until she really got into her rhythm and it went from little contented noises to something reminiscent of the contented noises the pigs he’d been puzzled by would make. It was nice to find something that wasn’t awesome about her though, even if Joe realised that he was sufficiently stupid about her to think the snores harmonised nicely with the sound of sawing as he roughly cut out each rib from its rectangle of thumbnail thickness sheet.

As he finished one and put it aside Joe noticed that despite his care there were a few shavings of wood and a little sawdust decorating the top of Rainbow Dash’s head so he put his tool down and, as lightly as he could, began attempting to brush those away with his hand. Rainbow Dash made a sleepy noise though and lifted her head a little to push it into what Joe tried, but didn’t manage very well, to keep more as brushing than stroking. After a little of this and another sleepy noise she settled her chin back down on his thigh and opened one eye.

“Have I been napping?”

“Yes,” Joe replied, “and sorry Dash, I didn’t mean to wake you.” He gave her a smile of apology. “You have such a lovely sheen on your mane and coat and feathers from your Spa treatment…”

“You couldn’t resist?” winked Rainbow Dash, the wink threatening to turn back into her just closing that eye again.

“I was going to say that it seemed wrong for it to be marred by some wood dust and shavings, so I was dusting you off.”

“Awww,” yawned Rainbow Dash, managing to get both eyes open, “and you have a nice shiny mane as well, and shiny skin… especially when you get sweaty.”

Joe briefly pondered the old adage ‘Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies simply glow’ and how little that applied when the lady was a horse. Those thoughts were interrupted as Rainbow Dash gave a huge stretch, fully straightening her left wing that had been pressing against Joe’s back, her right wing extending, and her hind quarters coming up as she bent her back and neck and her forelegs stretched out in front of her and across Joe’s lap. As she did this Joe took the chance to quickly shift position a little and relieve his hip.

“Were you uncomfortable?” Rainbow Dash asked, folding her wings and bringing her rear down and bringing her weight back onto it to sit upright and look him in the face.

“Not bad.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. Then she blinked at him. “Well,” she smiled, “I seem to have a crick in my neck, so if you could?”

“Could…” Joe started to say, but then Rainbow Dash settled again, and far enough across onto his lap that her chin was almost resting on his opposite thigh.

Taking the hint of this bringing her neck under his hands Joe set to work on solving the crick rather than carving wood. The colours of her mane blurred slightly along the edges as he buried his fingers in that longer hair and began kneading and working his way along her neck, but Joe was surprised at how naturally and quickly they separated out into their distinct portions again. How much the Spa treatment had helped Joe didn’t know but it was very soft and silky so it felt as nice against his fingers as it seemed she thought his fingers were feeling against her neck. He didn’t neglect the sides either, though with how she was lying he nearly twisted his wrist trying to bring his left hand to mirror his right. It seemed better to have right hand fingers down and left hand thumb down instead. For a few minutes the only ‘conversation’ were some happy noises from Rainbow Dash as Joe found a good spot.

“I am glad to see you,” Joe said, starting to move his hands along her neck again and this time to always make the same motion with left thumb and right fingers rather than wriggling both hands’ fingers or thumbs in the same way.

“Mmm-hrmm?” asked Rainbow Dash, not minding the occasional bout of synchronisation.

“I intended to come and visit you today,” Joe continued, weighing how much simpler this would be if Rainbow Dash was more facing away or towards him and a little further away against how much less cosy that extra distance would make it.

“Oh?” asked Rainbow Dash again, keeping any hint of suspicion out of her voice.

“Rarity has mentioned an event in Canterlot…”

“Hmm,” said Rainbow Dash, rolling slightly onto her right side to reluctantly end the neck rub and so she could turn her head to look at Joe. “She’s mentioned it to me and the other girls as well, sounds stuffy.”

To her satisfaction this brought a flicker of disappointment to Joe’s face as he realised this was something she might not want to do. She didn’t want him to be disappointed enough that he didn’t continue and ask though so she gave him an encouraging look and smile. If she hadn’t been watching so closely she’d have missed the tiny nod of decision Joe gave.

“It could be,” Joe admitted, “and I have some qualms about my manners at a formal occasion…” His voice subtly changed as he moved onto the part it sounded as if he had rehearsed. “But whether for the sake of friendship or romance I would be happy if we went together.”

“I don’t know Joe, your manners?” asked Rainbow Dash more seriously, and a little surprised at the qualms. “Have you heard what happened the last time some of us went to a formal party there?”

“Would that be why Rarity warned me some Ponies like petty victories in social warfare, and reassured me that Fancy Pants frowns on that?”

“Did she go into any detail?”

“No,” Joe said simply, adding a short head shake.

“It was Twi’s birthday and, as Rarity was in Canterlot and couldn’t travel back to Ponyville, we were having the party in the Castle Ballroom. After a while Twi realised Rarity had been going in and out and to the Garden Party as well, and said she didn’t mind as if Rarity could make some contacts in the Canterlot elite then that could do a lot of good for her dress shop.”

“Twilight has a good heart.”

“She does, and Rarity thanked her a lot, but then the rest of us caused problems when we decided to join the garden party as well.”

“I don’t see the problem,” Joe frowned, “you are delightful company.”

“Thanks Joe,” replied Rainbow Dash, blushing a little from the combination of the compliment and the memories. “But the Ponies at the other party didn’t think so and we embarrassed Rarity enough she seemed tempted to not admit knowing us when some of the Canterlot Ponies asked her.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, but she rallied and said we were her best friends, then when one snooty pair called us ruffians Fancy Pants defended us and said he found us charmingly rustic.”

“That doesn’t sound much better,” Joe commented, “actually it sounds worse.”

“Worse?”

“Ruffians have a certain rough energy, but ‘charmingly rustic’ sounds incredibly patronising. Especially since if Rarity’s dress was suitable for both parties you must have all been dressed quite well.”

“No, Twi was the only o… wait… Rarity was wearing a formal dress.” Rainbow Dash frowned in suspicion. “One that was a lot better for the Garden Party than what we were doing for Twi’s birthday. And she was wearing that dress when we arrived and told her we’d moved the birthday party to the Castle Ballroom.”

“Ah,” said Joe, wondering if he had just caused trouble for his tailor.

“Anyway, whether Rarity was lying about why she had to stay in Canterlot or not, she claimed it was because Opal was ill, you were right that we had a ‘certain rough energy’. So Fancy Pants was being nice to say he thought us charmingly rustic instead.”

Joe shifted position as he thought, not realising he’d taken Rainbow Dash’s left forehoof, that was extended towards him rather than folded beneath her, and was cradling it in his right hand while stroking just above it with his left. “It still sounds like ‘oh look at the quaint country cousins’. And stupid since I thought you and Fluttershy were originally from Cloudsdale and that was quite a large town…”

“We are, and it is.”

Joe nodded. “And even if they, as capital city Ponies, looked down on Ponies from any other town…”

“Even if the Ponies in that town could look down on them,” winked Rainbow Dash.

“I’ll not ask where the outlets for Cloudsdale’s toilets release, or suggest you could do more than look down on them.”

“Joe!” said Rainbow Dash, twitching enough in her shock for him to realise what he was doing to her lower leg.

“Erm,” Joe said, releasing the hoof and clasping his hands together instead. Trying to get back to what he was saying he continued. “But there was still that the one whose birthday party it was had been born and bred in Canterlot.”

“True, and I think Fancy Pants did, like you suggested the author of that humans-with-feather’s myth did, know the ‘mistake’ he was making and was testing the other Ponies there. Certainly about Twi.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, his approval had changed the attitude of the snooty Ponies. But then he started gently chiding them for not recognising Twi after she’d spent so much of the last Grand Galloping Gala greeting people alongside Princess Celestia,” Rainbow Dash replied. Then she stopped and blushed vigorously. “Unfortunately that reminded them of the chaos at that Gala and some of them remembered us from there… we’d… er…”

“Been ruffians?”

“No! Well… no. Things had gone wrong though and one even asked what made us think we were welcome in Canterlot after that.”

“Arsehole,” Joe growled.

“Was a Mare.”

“Still an arsehole.”

“And she got her comeuppance,” Rainbow Dash grinned. “Twilight just looked so puzzled as she replied that Princess Celestia had seemed happy for them to use the ballroom for her birthday party.”

Joe grinned back. “That does seem like a good answer.”

“Then Fancy Pants wished her happy birthday and, in case somepony was stupid enough to have not got the message, commented that if Princess Celestia thought we were welcome in Canterlot then could her subjects think less? Then I pointed out we’d saved them all from Discord since then as well.”

“And the Changelings?”

“The Garden Party was longer ago than that…” Rainbow Dash began before she stopped and chuckled.

“Hmm?”

“Twi said the Ponies looked posh when she looked out the window at the Garden Party, which was funny enough since we’d been given the Castle Ballroom for our party, but then we found out when the Royal Wedding was announced that Twi’s posh enough her brother was Captain of the Royal Guard.”

“That could be hard work?” Joe asked and suggested. “Maybe fairly well to do, but he had to work his way up to that position? Like his sister did when her talent and willingness to study caught the attention of Princess Celestia?”

“Oh, I’m not saying he wouldn’t have worked hard for it,” said Rainbow Dash, eyes sparkling with amusement as she prepared to unleash her punchline, “but they were still posh enough Princess Cadance was Twi’s foalsitter…”

“What?”

“Yep, wasn’t the handsome Captain of the Guard, who’d come up from nothing or little, catching the eye of a Princess. It was an older brother marrying his baby sister’s foalsitter.”

Joe chuckled back. “Yeah, I’d say that was pretty posh and that he probably wasn’t a must… crap.”

“Must… crap? Maybe that was his feeling when he realised he’d been making up to the Changeling Queen,” Rainbow Dash winked. “But tell me.”

“Erm.”

“Tell me or I tickle, has to be my turn after what you’ve been doing.”

“Mustang is a term for a wild horse, where I come from…” Joe began.

“And Shining Armour isn’t really wild, quite civilised really,” mused Rainbow Dash naughtily. “Though Princess Cadance seems happy with him…”

“And in the country where they call wild horses that,” Joe ploughed on, “they also use that word for officers who have come up through the ranks. Started at the bottom rather than going to their Military Academy and entering the service as a junior officer.”

Rainbow Dash laughed and prodded Joe with her left forehoof. “You said horses were symbols of speed and power,” she managed to force out, “why didn’t you mention that as well?”

“Maybe the same reason as I didn’t mention the phrase ‘peeing like a racehorse’.”

That destroyed Rainbow Dash’s last vestige of control and Joe began to wonder if he was going to get bruises with how hard she was prodding him with her hoof between laughs. Hopefully she wouldn’t ask what else was sometimes compared with a racehorse, Joe remembered walking by a field and seeing what looked like a length of rope suddenly extrude and dangle down almost to the ground. And he wondered if that memory was one reason why his own ‘parts’ were still unresponsive, if laughter like this was an aphrodisiac then fear was the opposite.

Chapter 24

Once they had finally shut up about Rainbow Dash and Canterlot and what his feelings and intentions were the Cutie Mark Crusaders had shown why they were able to build a float in a barn. Joe wondered if his disbelief had been unfair and had then needed to explain the tune he’d started humming. Discussion of that elite military team had led to mention of a man whose name had become a byword for making useful things out of strange components, and then one of the fictional heroes of his world who’d used a box of scraps in a cave. The last had been tricky as Joe hadn’t wanted to talk about terrorists being burned by flamethrowers in that man’s escape.

Apple Bloom had done a lot of tidying up of Joe’s work, subtly shaping the ribs to have the same taper as the wing and shaving their sides down to save a fraction of weight on each one without weakening them. They had settled into a routine of Joe and the others making things, to their different standards, and then Apple Bloom finishing them off. Being worse at this than a Filly slightly dented Joe’s ego but he was satisfied that at least his work needed less done to it and that he was better enough than the other two that sometimes he acted as an extra stage between them and Apple Bloom.

“Ah think we could shape wood to th’ curves of this fuselage,” Apple Bloom commented, a tiny fraction of wood wisping away from her tool, “if that’d be better for things.”

“I think you could as well,” nodded Joe, scraping with less subtlety. “But then again we are rushing things, we’re working with what I know exists here and if you do have aluminium…”

“Is that like Aluminum?” Scootaloo asked, pronouncing it A-loo-min-um rather than A-la-min-yum.

“Very much like it,” admitted Joe. “Once upon a time there was a snooty scientist who thought that if other metals ended eye-you-emm then one shouldn’t just end you-emm. So he put an eye in the spelling and that and the difference in national accents caused a difference in pronunciation.”

“So… same thing?”

“Yep. And not the only thing I might say weird,” nodded Joe, picking up another piece of wood and examining it to see if it could be passed straight to Apple Bloom. Deciding it could he did. “You could say we are doing this model in lieu of anything better, you could say that I am one of the Apple family’s tenants,” he continued, getting another section of model and this time deciding to sand it down some, “so combining those to say loo-tenant makes sense.”

“How’d you combine them?” Applejack frowned.

“Leff-tenant.”

“Ah don’t follow how that works.”

“Neither do I,” Sweetie Belle added.

“And neither do I,” shrugged Joe. “Still, what I was saying was that we are using what is available. Talking to Twilight or doing more research into things where similar sorts of materials are needed might show we could have used something better.”

“All seems good to me,” Scootaloo reassured him, “and metal skin sounds like a good plan, for the model and the fuselage at least.”

Work continued and fairly soon they had done all they could do separately on this stage of the project. Some wing ribs had been modified by Apple Bloom to allow ailerons and to have pivots for those, she’d agreed with Joe that straight and level would be good enough for the model and that could be done using weights to trim the model but she’d also seen no need to not give this control surfaces. And Joe had seen no need now he had seen this extra complexity was well within the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ skills.

This had meant of course that the plans for the tail were also modified to allow a rudder and pair of elevators. In that regard it had been fortunate that Joe had started with the main wing and had stuck with that rather than taking a break to do something different as the control surfaces there were larger in proportion so it would have been tricky to add them rather than build them in from the start. Some sketching and debate later though they’d known what they were doing.

All the components for wing and tail complete they started piecing them together and with Joe holding things and Apple Bloom screwing and dowelling and jointing while Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle made helpful comments and passed her tools this went quite smoothly. Even with the care to detail they had shown there were a few places where a quick rub with sandpaper or scrape was needed to get things to fit, but that was better than joints being loose and relying too much on a screw or dowel or glue rather than friction as well.

“Hrm,” Joe mused as he looked at the assembled bits, and especially at the control surfaces lying next to the main wing and tail. “I have a vague memory of mostly fabric covered aeroplanes having metal skinned ailerons…”

“You want a metal skin on everything,” commented Apple Bloom, “even yourself, with that armour.”

“That does seem more modern,” Joe chuckled, “with the plane at least, though there are some very strong fabrics.”

“Are you saying human armour is fabric now?” asked Scootaloo, giving Joe a dubious look.

“I am saying that the same material can be woven into fabric or formed into shapes.”

“Strange,” Sweetie Belle said, sounding even more dubious as fabric was something she knew. Trying to be fair she added. “Though there can be some very stiff fabrics.”

“As I said to Twilight if you bond enough layers of ‘cloth’ together it gets even stiffer,” nodded Joe, “so we’ll have to see what your sister has or could acquire before, if, we built a full size Microlight.”

“Which we will,” Scootaloo said, not allowing any suggestion that they wouldn’t.

“I have less doubts about that now I know how skilled you are,” admitted Joe, “though more doubts about how much help you three need.”

“Your company is nice,” Sweetie Belle reassured him.

“Eee’yup, and you’ve still got some ideas in you as well as being able to do th’ heavy lifting if we need such,” agreed Apple Bloom.

Joe chuckled again. “I’ll take these parts to Rarity and order the fabric, now we’ve got them done so they can be measured and checked against. I should be back within the hour.”

“An’ we’ll get on with th’ rest while you are gone,” Apple Bloom nodded.

As Joe stood and gathered the rudder, ailerons, and elevators together, tying a cord around them to keep them together for carrying, he paused. The reason they were rushing by building this model at once, rather than after more planning and research, was because these three Fillies had gossiped. Actually to be fair the reason was more that two other fillies were arrogant and rude and needed to be proved wrong, but that reason would not have existed without the gossip. Joe checked the knot and that the frameworks were not snagged on each other and then he looked at the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Girls,” Joe said, making them blink at his tone and expression. “I appreciate that you have meant no harm by gossiping about me,” sounding as if he didn’t appreciate that at all, “but whatever happens with Rainbow Dash I like her enough, as a friend, that I would not have her hurt by rumours and tattle-tale.”

“Er,” said Apple Bloom, wondering if Joe had heard about the problems they’d caused while writing for their school newspaper as Gabby Gums. This did feel like a similar, and similarly surprising, lecture to the one Big Macintosh had given them.

“More selfishly,” Joe continued, “I would prefer to not have my chance to see if there is something other than friendship there spoilt. So I would prefer you to not mention that I am going to Canterlot the day after tomorrow…”

“Er,” said Sweetie Belle, her turn to exclaim, as they had already mentioned that to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

“And especially not mention that I am going with Rainbow Dash,” Joe finished, “if she wants to tell her friends then fine, but that is her decision rather than yours to spread.”

“We can keep that quiet,” nodded Scootaloo.

Joe frowned at the emphasis Scootaloo had put on the ‘that’ and wondered how much else they hadn’t been able to keep quiet. He’d admit he’d been less bored since the trip into the Everfree with them but he’d also argue the saying ‘may you live in interesting times’, that he’d mentioned to Princess Celestia, could be a curse if those times were too ‘interesting’. Having friends and a project and some good conversation was enough for him, he didn’t want too much attention and the peacefulness of his life to change too much.

Then he noticed the expressions on the Fillies’ faces and realised just how much he was glowering at them. His brow cleared and he quickly knelt. “Crap, sorry girls, I wasn’t meaning to bully you.”

“Ah’d not say ah was scared…” Apple Bloom began.

“I was,” whispered Sweetie Belle to Scootaloo, “a little.”

“But ah was a mite surprised,” Apple Bloom finished, glancing at her friends.

“The warnings stand, and you have caused me trouble,” sighed Joe, “but you deserve better than the way I spoke. Just… be careful, okay?”

==

“Hi Guys!” Rainbow Dash greeted as she entered the Golden Oaks Library.

“Rainbow,” replied Twilight Sparkle, hoping this wasn’t going to be another embarrassing chat. “Are you here for a new Daring Do book then?”

“I do read other things… now.”

“Egghead,” Spike grinned.

“Hey, watch it,” warned Rainbow Dash, taking to the air to swoop over and noggle him on the top of the head with a forehoof. “I’ve kicked bigger Dragons than you Spikey-boy.”

“But not more dashing and debonair,” Spike replied, with a bow. “I have a date with Rarity.”

“Nice going Spike,” smiled Rainbow Dash, trying to not seem too unsurprised at the news.

“Yeah,” Spike shrugged, “though it’s mostly so I can chaperone Joe and some mystery Mare.”

“Mystery Mare?” asked Rainbow Dash, glancing to Twilight Sparkle.

“Rarity…” Twilight Sparkle began, before stopping and nodding to Spike as she remembered his comment during that conversation about things being kept in confidence.

“Thanks Twilight,” smiled Spike to her, “but this isn’t a secret.” Twilight Sparkle coloured faintly. “Apparently there is somepony that Joe likes and Rarity thinks having me along would make things less awkward.”

“Be fair Spike,” Twilight Sparkle said.

Spike nodded. “Alright, she does think having me along would be nice and she apologised, a lot, for not asking me before,” he admitted, “and made it clear that even if Joe and this mystery Mare decided to not go then she and I could. So it might not be mostly so I can chaperone, but I think it is a lot.”

“So, Spike,” Rainbow Dash said, unable to leave well alone, “who do you think the mare of mystery is?”

“I think she’s everyone of you guys but you,” replied Spike, making Rainbow Dash look shocked. He thought that Joe would like anypony but not her? Then Spike continued. “Since the mare of mystery was Mare-do-Well.”

“Rarity did only make the costume,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, trying to draw the attention of her ‘little brother’ and give her friend a chance to recover her composure.

“True,” nodded Spike. “Though who the mystery Mare with Joe is I don’t know, other than it can’t be Rarity. She and Twilight both know who it is though as Twilight commented the mystery Mare had not been keen on the event…”

“And you talked to me about keeping conversations in confidence,” Twilight Sparkle said, once more trying to draw Spike’s attention.

“Yeah, don’t want to gossip too much about the ponyfolk,” agreed Rainbow Dash weakly.

“A conversation you overheard,” Spike pointed out to Twilight Sparkle. Then he looked at Rainbow Dash as he remembered the stutter Twilight Sparkle had made on Rarity’s name and considered which of their friends had the same two initial letters to their name, and who hadn’t been keen on an evening of fine art and classical music.

Seeing the look Twilight Sparkle tried again. “What does bring you here, Rainbow?”

“My wings mostly,” Rainbow Dash replied, managing a joke. “But I stopped by the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse earlier,” she continued, trying to make it sound like a brief visit, “and you know the stuff about human flying machines?”

“I helped them a lot with the mathematics and physics,” nodded Twilight Sparkle.

“Oh yeah,” Spike commented, “they were working on that when I got home and Joe said he’d continue to keep an eye on things.”

“Any hint of jealousy there Spikey?” teased Rainbow Dash.

“Hah!” Spike replied. “Like Joe could replace me as a number one assistant.”

“So, what about their work on recreating human style aviation?” asked Twilight Sparkle, glad that Spike felt secure about that. She’d raised him from an egg so it had been a surprise when he’d been insecure enough to think Owlowiscious was going to replace rather than help him.

“The Cutie Mark Crusaders had had some… more… trouble with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,” Rainbow Dash explained, “so they and Joe are working on a model aeroplane, or rather on a glider…”

“And?” asked Twilight Sparkle again as Rainbow Dash’s voice trailed off.

“And I wondered if you could give them a surprise,” Rainbow Dash smiled.

==

Joe wandered into Ponyville and towards the Carousel Boutique. He’d decided it would be simpler to carry and deal with everything at once so he’d taken the diversion to his hut for the clothes to be altered. Although he’d felt no inclination to travel and see this new world he’d decided to at least deny himself the excuse of not having a large enough bag. It had remained unused for those months, and wasn’t very full even now, but Joe was glad to have it. Making his way through the streets Joe thought he heard something about a ‘spindly frame’ and hoped that Pony meant the model parts rather than him.

Still amused by that thought Joe pushed the door of the Carousel Boutique open with the shoulder he’d slung the loose soft bag over. “Rarity?”

“Joe, what can I do for you today?” Rarity asked, twinkling with amusement as she knew and with enjoyment at the sight of him. She’d seen him in just his shorts and socks when measuring him and she’d seen him in his formal suit, but seeing his ‘arm’ flexed upwards and around the bag did nicely emphasise the breadth of his shoulders and the muscles beneath the shirt.

“A trio of things,” nodded Joe, lowering the bag from his shoulder and down onto its handles. “Here are the clothes for alteration, where shall I leave them?”

“Oh, just against that wall for now.”

“Right,” nodded Joe again, putting the bag out of the way.

“Would the second thing to be to tell me you are going to Canterlot?” Rarity asked.

“Rumour travels fast.”

“Not as fast as Rainbow Dash.”

“Ah,” Joe nodded, yet again, “she told you.”

“It was an absolute miracle,” smiled Rarity, with her usual brilliance, “she came here, rather than being dragged, and was actually interested in a new dress.”

“I’m trying to keep it quiet, though your sister did squeal about how my suit was going to get some use.”

“So Rainbow said.”

“Hopefully there won’t be too much gossip,” Joe said, almost repeating himself, “did you get a chance to ask Spike?”

“I decided to not wait for you or Rainbow to confirm,” nodded Rarity, not mentioning she had waited until Applejack had told her that Rainbow Dash was on her way to find Joe. She didn’t think Joe would regard Applejack knowing as ‘keeping it quiet’. Let alone what he’d think of the conversation they’d all had in the Spa. “So I spoke to him earlier, and he accepted.”

“Wasn’t much doubt he would,” Joe commented. Then he gave a rueful smile. “Or not as much doubt as I had if Dash would after she told me about the Canterlot Garden Party.”

“Did you have to mention how well I was dressed for that?”

“Ah… oops?”

“Forgiven,” Rarity smiled. “Please don’t mention it to Twilight though. And please believe my judgement of Fancy Pants.”

“I trust you, but ‘charmingly rustic’? Though Dash did suggest it was a ploy to draw other Ponies into exposing their snobbery.”

“If it was then it worked very well.”

“Yeah,” Joe nodded, then putting on a higher more petulant voice, “Who are these ruffians? Who’ve saved Equestria twice…” He dropped his voice back to normal to comment it was three times now and then went on. “Oh! It’s Princess Celestia’s personal student, whose brother is Captain of the Royal Guard and who is well on the way towards marrying a Princess… they must be rustic!”

Rarity giggled. “That was about the way it went.”

“Anyway, as you heard from her, she accepted my invitation so I am accepting yours…” Joe paused. “Which sounds a little ungracious…”

“Just a little,” Rarity said, taking the sting from her comment with a smile.

Joe tried again. “It was a fine invitation, kindly given, and although I am still concerned about embarrassing myself, or you, or Spike, it does sound like an event that would be enjoyable and interesting.”

“But you are glad to be going with Rainbow?”

“I am. As I said to you when I was not mentioning her name I wanted to find out if she’d be willing to go or mind if I decided to go with you and Spike. That she was willing was very good news.”

“Right,” Rarity nodded. “Now that’s settled let’s get on with covering those frames with fabric.”

“What?” asked Joe in surprise.

“Fortunately for you your marefriend has more foresight than you do and warned me.”

“That was kind, but she might be going to the event as a friend rather than marefriend.”

“Oh, might she?” Rarity asked archly.

“Or might I?” replied Joe in the same tone. “But I am looking forward to finding out what her feelings are as well as my own.”

“Good,” Rarity said, unabashed. “Then be here three hours after noon the day after tomorrow and we can get ready here.”

Joe nodded. “Of course,” he replied unsuspectingly, missing Rarity’s twitch of anticipation.

==

As Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle held the ends steady Apple Bloom sanded the long piece of wood that would form the keel from curving up at the nose to slotting into the lower part of the tail. Joe admitted he might have been too influenced by boats but it had made sense to the Cutie Mark Crusaders to have something to build everything else around. Which did mean that Apple Bloom had to get this right since a small mistake here could throw a lot of other things off, and she was not therefore pleased at Sweetie Belle’s timing.

“So, Joe and Rainbow Dash…” Sweetie Belle began.

“Hush,” hissed Apple Bloom.

“Aw,” Sweetie Belle pouted.

Apple Bloom gave a few more sweeps of the sandpaper, then crouched slightly to look along the length of the keel, and nodded in satisfaction. “Okay, now you can talk Sweetie Belle.”

“Does she have to?” Scootaloo asked.

“Ah think she does, look at her,” winked Apple Bloom. “Not careful she’ll start leaking…”

“I will not!” Sweetie Belle protested. “I’m not a foal…”

“Ah meant magic from your horn,” replied Apple Bloom, trying to look as if leaking from somewhere else had never occurred to her. “Some happy fireworks or some such thing.”

“Oh,” Sweetie Belle frowned, not mollified as to a Unicorn that was just as much suggesting incontinence. Deciding that her Earth Pony friend might not realise she’d still been insulting she went back to what she had wanted to say. “Joe and Rainbow Dash, how long do you think this has been going on?”

“Ah don’t right know,” said Apple Bloom, as Scootaloo sighed expressively at work on the model being stopped, “and ah’m not sure if it is going on yet. They seem ta like each other fine, but ah believe Joe when he says he wants to find out how much more than ‘like’ it is.”

“How could he not ‘like’ Rainbow Dash?” Scootaloo asked, defending her paragon. “He should be grateful she has shown any interest in him!”

“I think he is,” mused Sweetie Belle, “but he is… is…”

“Weird to not appreciate it more?” Scootaloo scoffed.

“Maybe,” nodded Apple Bloom. “You heard them askin’ him about iffen there were only humans that can talk on his world, and you heard him tell Rainbow Dash that he thought she was a person when she asked him that.”

“And he did say he’d told her that before,” Sweetie Belle mused.

“So sounded like a topic that they’d spoken on,” continued Apple Bloom, “so might be that, though he ain’t a freak, he cain’t appreciate it more because he is weird when it comes to that sort of thing.”

“Of course!” Scootaloo declared. “Why else would he not be sure of his feelings when someone like Rainbow Dash notices him!”

The other two Cutie Mark Crusaders exchanged glances at their friend’s certainty that it couldn’t simply be that Joe wasn’t attracted to Rainbow Dash. That he wasn’t sure about her in particular rather than Mares in general. Though if it was a general problem then that would account for why he also didn’t seem attracted to their sisters who they both, with no offence to her, thought were more attractive than Rainbow Dash.

“Eee’yup,” said Apple Bloom diplomatically. “Just have to let them work things out themselves, ain’t going to make th’ same mistake as when we tried ta push mah brother and Miss Cheerilee along. And ah mean th’ pushing rather than th’ love poison we accidentally dosed them two with.”

==

There was some weather that Rainbow Dash needed to deal with, and she had looked strangely embarrassed when she muttered about how she should have done it a few hours ago but had been napping. With how much Rainbow Dash napped this was not the first time she’d needed to catch up on her duties, the first meeting Twilight Sparkle and Spike had had with her she’d been practicing a new stunt rather than clearing the sky. Of course when you had the speed to do things at the last second it was less risky to leave them until the last minute.

Twilight Sparkle had wondered if Rainbow Dash really had been napping, and if so where and in whose company. Before her friend had left though she had explained her idea for a surprise and given Twilight Sparkle enough information to begin working and researching and testing with Spike’s aid. Rainbow Dash had talked of how Joe thought this could be made over complex and Twilight Sparkle had agreed a simpler version would work even for a full size Microlight and certainly for the model.

“He should be able to make it in a hour or so,” Spike said, trotting back through the door, “offered to do it while I waited, but I said I had better get back here and then go back for it.”

“Thanks Spike,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “the diagram was clear enough?”

“Sure, though the smith didn’t think he needed it. Said we’d just had to ask for ‘one like that, but half the size and reversed’ and he’d have managed.”

“Seemed better to make sure.”

Spike nodded to this and looked at Twilight Sparkle, waiting for more instructions. She hesitated and then spoke again.

“Spike?”

“Yes Twilight?”

“I didn’t want to say this in front of Rarity,” continued Twilight Sparkle, “but are you sure you’ll be alright going to that event?”

“How do you mean?” Spike asked, looking baffled.

“Well, it is rather late and you remember with the meteor shower…”

“What?” Spike interrupted. “You mean when I was a couple of years younger and I had been working hard all day?”

“Well…”

“You mean like when I didn’t fall asleep at the Grand Galloping Gala not long after? And didn’t fall asleep at the party after your brother’s wedding?”

Twilight Sparkle noted the special emphasis on Shining Armour being her brother and felt another pang that two of the most important males in her life didn’t get on better. “All right,” she apologised, “I’m sorry Spike.”

“You don’t have to say sorry for being concerned,” Spike reassured her, “and one thing we know about Dragons is that we sleep a lot, sometimes a century of snoring, but trust me when I say I know how long I can stay awake for how hard I’ve been working. I might take a nap earlier in the day to be sure, but so might some Ponies.”

“I do trust you Spike,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “and I do hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks Twilight.”

Author's Note

Yes, I know they played a tune similar to that over the float building sequence. But Joe doesn’t.

Chapter 25

Joe hurried back towards the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse, the almost complete main wing in held against his chest by one hand and feeling the strain on a finger on his other hand. The scale of the model meant that with how the keel necked down where it entered the lower part of the tail the hole it slotted into was about finger sized, so it had seemed to make sense to use that hole to carry it. Unfortunately although it was not heavy the slight breeze and how it caught the air as he walked did tweak a little. Things were made even more awkward by the thin sheets of metal that were all Joe had thought he’d be carrying and the wheels he had belatedly realised they might need. And slightly embarrassing by the floral design on the bag Rarity had lent him.

“Hello girls,” Joe greeted, noticing how close to complete the rest of the model looked. “Sorry I was longer than I said.”

“Here, let me get that,” said Scootaloo, trotting and buzzing across as she saw things start to slide.

“Thanks,” Joe said, letting go of things, Apple Bloom taking the tail section from him and Scootaloo the main wing.

“Bit overburdened there Joe?” Apple Bloom asked.

“Awkward rather than heavy, but that is the price we pay for Sweetie Belle’s sister being so skilled.”

“Of course,” Sweetie Belle nodded as Joe released the wheels with three plops. Then she asked. “How?”

“What I was expecting was to pick up the fabric tomorrow, or maybe later today, along with something to dope and stretch it. Then take a hour or two to attach the wet fabric to the frames and take a few hours more, or overnight if I’d picked it up today, for this all to dry and contract and be ready.”

“Look ready ta me,” commented Apple Bloom.

“Because Rainbow Dash had warned Rarity…”

“She is awesome!” Scootaloo nodded.

“So, after she’d finished telling me how I should have warned her myself, she was ready with the fabrics, willing to cut them at once,” continued Joe, “and she knows all about stretching and shrinking fabric. And had some glues very suitable for fixing fabric to wood and could sew seams that are almost invisible.”

“Because she is awesome,” Sweetie Belle said, looking at Scootaloo as if to dare her to disagree.

“So you got it all done today? Rather than overnight or tomorrow?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Which meant I was in Ponyville longer and meant I had those to carry back today,” Joe nodded, taking the rudder, ailerons, and elevators out of the floral bag along with the bags of small screws, “and that we’d need the wheels today.”

“Ah was wondering about those,” agreed Apple Bloom.

“Fortunately the same sort as I think you have on your wagon were the right size, and seemed light enough,” Joe smiled, “and from the speed Scootaloo propels you we know their bearings can support a lot of weight and turn fast.”

“Are you saying something about our weight?” asked Apple Bloom.

“My apologies miss, I should have said support enough weight, since the wagon is sturdy.”

“And they weigh more than this model,” Scootaloo added.

Rather than comment or answer Joe decided to look at the skeleton of the rest of the model. He then did more than look as he tried flexing it and seeing how stiff it was, allowing for the few missing pieces. The fuselage seemed stiff enough, even without the rim around the miniature cockpit that it had been tempting to not bother with. Continuing the lateral ribs all the way around rather than having the section out of the pod would have been simpler. At the rear of the pod the Y struts were braced together and against the ribs and this seemed solid. But when Joe tried the tail booms he felt a slight hint of flex.

“Right,” Joe sighed, “this is all good work, though the real thing would have more and proportionately slimmer ribs.”

“Eee’yup,” agreed Apple Bloom, waiting for Joe to get to the point as she started to examine the fabric skinned parts.

“But feels like tail flutter, if that is the term, might be a problem,” Joe continued, getting to the point. “Not for the model as it’s proportionately stronger…”

“You’ve explained, several times, that strength is the area of the cross section and weight is the cube,” agreed Scootaloo, heading off another explanation.

“Ah think he jus’ likes saying pro-pooor-tin-ate,” Apple Bloom nodded.

Joe wasn’t much pleased by that interruption, though he was pleased they still felt enough at ease with him to interrupt and joke at his expense despite the earlier glowering. “With the full sized one, if we follow this design, we might risk the rudder bending the booms rather than turning the plane,” he continued, “and eventually that flexing would snap the tail off.”

“You thinking of putting the propeller at the back of the fuselage after all?” Scootaloo asked. “So we can have something coming down from the wing to make a triangle and brace the tail?”

“Cables might work,” mused Apple Bloom, “though a boom would resist being squashed as well as stretched they’d be more drag.”

“Longer landing gear though?” Scootaloo asked, turning back to Joe.

“Would be that problem,” nodded Joe.

“Why?” Sweetie Belle asked. “The propeller would still be well clear of the ground.”

“I’m not so worried about that as that at the speed those go around even a small pebble or bit of dirt being thrown up into them can be bad. Could damage the propeller and if you are really unlucky a pebble could be pinged back off it and hit you or something else important.”

“Ah suppose that makes sense,” Apple Bloom agreed, slotting an aileron into the main wing to check it still fitted and would move freely.

Joe considered warning her about a story he’d heard of a heavy bomber where the ailerons had been fitted upside down in the factory and even with the elite pilots of that squadron managing to compensate it gained a reputation as an evil plane to fly before the mistake was discovered. “Before we decide on any major changes,” he said instead, “we might need to do some more calculations…”

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!” Apple Bloom interrupted and almost screamed. “Mah head still twinges at that idea.”

“But we might be moving the propeller?” asked Scootaloo.

“Possibly not,” Joe replied, pointing at parts of the model fuselage. “Here at the rear of the ‘pod’ is where everything comes together. Got the keel coming through, extending to the nose and tail. Thin upper boom from top of ‘pod’ to partway up tail, which would get in the way of moving the propeller down. Bent Y-shapes of the V struts to the wings and the single strut to the landing wheel…”

“Ah follow th’ practical stuff,” interrupted Apple Bloom again, “and we worked that all out together anyhow.”

“What’s your idea Joe?” Scootaloo asked, seeing a twitch that showed one more interruption might resurrect the glower.

“I was thinking of a short broad wing at the rear of the pod after all,” replied Joe, taking a calming breath and pointing again. “No wider than how far the V section of the Y’s bend out to the sides, but would allow some vertical struts between it and the main wing.”

“Which would brace those together,” Scootaloo nodded.

“That was one advantage of biplanes,” agreed Joe, “the upper and lower wings could brace each other.”

“You were talking about the tail though?” Sweetie Belle asked, frowning a little as she tried to follow this. She knew she was smarter than her friends in some ways but Scootaloo as a Pegasus seemed to be getting the hang of these ideas faster and Apple Bloom seemed able to build anything.

“Cables or booms from that wing to the tail?” asked Scootaloo.

“That was my idea rather than moving the propeller since it would brace the wing as well as the tail.”

“What about the landing gear though?” asked Scootaloo again.

“Pardon?” Joe frowned, not understanding the question.

“Th’ lower wing would maybe get hit by stuff from th’ wheel if we left th’ wheel struts the same length,” suggested Apple Bloom, breaking her brief silence as she finished fitting an aileron. “Though that would be protecting th’ propeller if we moved that as well as added th’ lil wing.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo agreed, “but I was going to say that as we have these struts…” She pointed at one of the model’s wheel struts. “Then we could run a cable from them. Not be as wide an angle, but be something.”

Joe slowly nodded as he realised his thoughts were being outdistanced. “I hadn’t thought about the lower wing and the stuff from the wheels,” he admitted, “though if we metal skin its underside then it could be doing duty as a mudguard. Using the wheel struts also hadn’t occurred to me.”

“Ah told you he wanted to metal skin everything,” commented Apple Bloom. “Though whether th’ lil wing is needed depends, ah think, on how bendy the main wing will be.”

“If it would be good to run a cable back from those struts,” Sweetie Belle suggested hesitantly, “then what about forward to the nose?”

“That would help brace the wheel strut,” nodded Joe, “and I think even if we did add a small lower wing it would not add much weight or drag to have cables fore and aft from there. Though Apple Bloom talking about how bendy the main wing might be reminds me of the original problem.”

“Everything bending?” Scootaloo asked.

“How hard everything will be being bent,” said Joe. “Bigger control surfaces would put more stress on the airframe and would be harder for you to move.”

“Ah’m strong,” Apple Bloom commented, starting to fit the second aileron.

“True,” agreed Joe, “ but how strong?”

Apple Bloom nodded. “Ah get what you’re saying,” she admitted, “and ah remember you talking like a test pilot and saying how controls get harder to move iffen you’re going too fast.”

“So,” Scootaloo said slowly, thinking things through as she spoke. “The stronger we are the more push we can give the controls, and the more push we can give the controls the bigger the surfaces we can move, and the bigger the surfaces we can move the harder we can change direction?”

“And the more things want to fall apart,” said Sweetie Belle, pointing out the downside.

“That too,” Scootaloo admitted.

“We are not designing an acrobatic stunt plane…” began Joe.

“This time!”

“Hush Scoots,” Joe chided her mildly. “Even if we could figure out something that fast and agile you’d already be flying by then…” He chuckled. “Though perhaps that would be a good competition. You getting faster and more agile as you mature and Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom trying to build a plane to outmatch you.”

“Ah do like a challenge,” agreed Apple Bloom.

“Still, if we do manage to build a Microlight”, Joe continued, “we can build it strong. That way it might last longer as less stress on it and rather than changing the size of the control surfaces we can have them moving more or less.”

“So when we get stronger we can move them more?” asked Scootaloo.

“Be simpler to change how much they move for how much you move the controls than to rebuild the Microlight.”

“Though we are getting ahead of ahselves here,” Apple Bloom commented, easing a pivot into position to secure the second aileron. “We need to see if we can even make a model fly.”

“Which humans managed long before they managed full sized ones,” nodded Joe.

“Sounds frustrating,” Scootaloo frowned.

“I can only imagine, but yep.”

==

Papers swirled around the Golden Oaks Library, with Spike ‘swirling’ around it as well and trying to catch them, as the air inside was churned up. Although the magic was silent the sound of motion and dragon footpaws was enough to make Owlowiscious very unappreciative of them reaching this stage of their work. He turned his head to try to ignore their antics. Twilight Sparkle gave the back of her number two assistant’s head an apologetic look and then concentrated.

The device secured to the table was already glowing but as Twilight Sparkle’s horn matched that its glow intensified for a moment, and then the glow around her horn and the one around the device both faded in unison. As the device became inert and the air was no longer being stirred the last of the papers settled to the ground for Spike to pounce on it.

“Hmm,” Rainbow Dash commented from where she’d been standing out of the way, “think you made that strong enough Twi?”

“I hope so,” replied Twilight Sparkle, “you could only say it would have to be about half to two-thirds the size of…” Twilight Sparkle slowed to a stop as she saw how much the inside of the library had been blown about and realised her friend had been teasing her. “Oh,” she added with a blush.

==

Apple Bloom had finished fitting the control surfaces to the wing and tail and then they’d soon added the last few ribs to the fuselage. With the booms coming out the rear and the struts diagonally out the sides the rear of the fuselage pod would need some complex shapes so Apple Bloom used some paper as that was easier to trim down and get the right fit. Once she had her templates Joe began to measure along the ribs to get how large the simpler plates of the metal skin would need to be and then shook his head and smiled. “You know,” he commented, “Twilight Sparkle would not approve of this method, though I think it’s more Apple Bloom’s style.”

“How do you mean?” Apple Bloom asked, a little suspicious as she deftly shaped a section of metal sheet.

“As far as she’d be concerned this would be incredibly easy to calculate,” winked Joe, “got the circular lateral ribs and the curve of the longitudinal ribs so the changes in size as things taper towards the nose is obvious. On the other hand I have a tape measure and a Sweetie Belle to take notes.”

“Check!” Sweetie Belle said.

“And a sense of déjà vu thanks to you three,” continued Joe, “this is all so symmetrical I keep getting the same numbers, so I’d be fine just measuring one for each band.”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “Ah don’t know what else you expected, not like ah’d fix things together all skew-whiffy.”

“True,” Joe smiled.

Despite his growing sense this was unnecessary Joe continued to measure and Sweetie Belle to note these as Scootaloo began marking out the simpler shapes on the thin metal sheets, drilling fixing holes before cutting them free, and Apple Bloom finished the more complex ones and began to help her friend. Joe remembered doing this sort of thing before but didn’t comment about that as it seemed computer modelling and linking vertices with faces would take too much explanation. Though those faces were only triangles rather than quadrangles and were flat rather than curved so the analogy was a weak one.

“If we do a full size one…” Joe began.

“When,” muttered Scootaloo, loud enough to be heard without being loud enough Joe had to take notice or offence.

“…then we might have to pre-form the curves, even if the metal is not much thicker,” Joe continued. “Rather than just bend it to the ribs as we screw it in place. Certainly will have to use clamps.”

“How we holding it in place here then?” asked Apple Bloom.

“I hold, you drill and screw,” shrugged Joe.

The filly gave him a slightly cockeyed look as he finished his measurements and shifted the fuselage where it was settled in his lap. He’d worked from rear to nose so rear was where they started. The tip of the nose and tip of the rear of the pod were solid wood but to her surprise Joe simply pinched the small first metal plate of the rear band of those in place with his fingers. Apple Bloom quickly made a thin guide hole into the wooden ribs inside the hole and sunk the first screw.

As they continued Apple Bloom began to get a little puzzled. Even the largest plates were still a little smaller than one of Joe’s hands, but that was the same as saying his hand was not much larger than them. Finally she had to ask, as she finished the last screw of the latest plate. “Joe, your hands are awful strong for such small things…”

“What? Oh,” Joe smiled. He pushed up his sleeve. “No muscles in the hand,” he said, flexing a fist and showing the response, “they’re worked by tendons from the muscles of the forearm.”

“Oh,” nodded Apple Bloom, remembering other creatures with paws and similar arrangements, “that makes sense.”

Things got a little tricky as Apple Bloom and Joe got towards the nose and the curve of the lateral ribs got sharper while he also had less room to fit his hands into. He did wonder if doing these first would have avoided the second problem, though at least this was one of the rare things that would be easier if they were working full sized. It did also show an advantage of having included the cockpit as that gave him a relatively large hole to put his arm inside the fuselage pod and approach things that way. Somehow they managed and Joe set to rubbing down the plates with the rounded end of a smooth lump of wood to make sure they were flush and to tightening any screws that had loosened as the other plates were added.

Meanwhile the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders had been bored. There wasn’t any room for them to help with what Apple Bloom and Joe were doing and while Joe was concentrating he wasn’t available to tell them another implausible story. It seemed rude to leave or go up into the clubhouse but there was nothing for them to do. Aside from a homework assignment, and they weren’t that bored by the time the fuselage had been skinned and their fellow Crusader was able to return to them.

“Ah think once Joe finishes that we’re about ready ta put th’ other stuff on,” Apple Bloom declared.

“I think so,” agreed Joe peaceably. “Wheels first?”

“Ah think so,” Apple Bloom nodded, repeating herself and Joe. “They won’t mind a little knocking, then th’ tail ah suppose.”

Joe nodded and shifted the fuselage to hold it at the right angle for the wheels. As she was so familiar with these from her scooter and having to fix and maintain that and the wagon it was Scootaloo who dealt with attaching those to the struts while Apple Bloom gave the mounting holes on the tail and main wing assemblies a final check. Then Joe shifted the fuselage again to hold the pod in his lap, left arm wrapped around the nose while his right hand held the lower boom / keel firmly as it stuck out to that side.

With how accurately Apple Bloom had shaped the ends of the two booms and the sockets for them in the tail this took a little pushing and felt like a tight enough join to almost not need the dowels to be tapped in and through. But only almost and once those had been seated and Apple Bloom had polished them flush with more sandpaper Joe decided to experiment again. He’d a good grip on the boom and had the fuselage well braced against him so while he had it there it seemed to make sense to feel the bendiness of the finished thing.

“Hmm,” Joe commented as he tried pulling his right arm back and then pushing it forwards, “feels like the two booms being linked by the tail has made a difference, locked them together better at the ends, so might not need more bracing.”

“Or rather than using your muscles,” a voice commented, “you could try using your brain. We did work out how you could calculate the stresses in a less primitive way than trying to bend it.”

“Twilight! Dash!” Joe said, looking at the pair of arrivals. “It is good to see you both.”

“Especially Rainbow Dash,” whispered Apple Bloom to Sweetie Belle.

“Well of course it is especially good to see her,” Joe commented, giving Rainbow Dash the slightest wink as he turned his head to look at the Fillies, “I was wondering how to test how well this would fly, and now we have a ‘drop plane’.”

“Oh, of course,” nodded Apple Bloom. “That was what ah meant, right Sweetie Belle.”

Sweetie Belle just nodded as Scootaloo buzzed in for a hug on her heroine. Rainbow Dash provided this, though she couldn’t help but wish the Cutie Mark Crusaders had not been here, and she’d not walked here with Twilight Sparkle, as that model looked very comfortable in Joe’s lap and she envied it. Twilight Sparkle was wishing a little the opposite and that Spike had come along instead of remaining at the library to tend it as his absence had given Rainbow Dash the walk to talk to her about private matters. She liked Joe, and wished him and Rainbow Dash well, but she wasn’t sure why Rainbow Dash was continuing to tell her things now they’d established magic wouldn’t help much and so it wasn’t a problem with which she could help much.

“Going to play us a tune there Joe?” Rainbow Dash asked, managing to think of something other than herself that could be in Joe’s lap.

“Huh? Oh,” nodded Joe. “If we add some bracing wires then maybe, strum away with one hand and slide the other up and down…”

For a moment Joe paused as he tried to figure out how that would work with hooves and if he’d ever seen a Guitar here. Still if these Ponies could hold a violin bow and play it, or a fiddle as Applejack had put it when talking about the Apple family reunion and the sing along, then they must be able to apply different pressure to different strings. No stranger than a lot of the other things they managed to do with their hooves.

“…and of course if I actually knew how to play an instrument,” concluded Joe.

“That would be useful,” Sweetie Belle nodded.

“So ladies,” smiled Joe, “are you here to rescue me from these three?”

“Rescue you?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah you saying you need such?”

“Oh, indeed,” winked Joe. “Soon I shall have to go home and cry in my pillow that you are better with your hooves than I am with my hands…” Rainbow Dash managed to avoid a comment about doubting that. “And that as well as outworking me you three are outthinking me.”

Sweetie Belle giggled and trotted over to just behind Joe’s left shoulder. She reared up onto her hind legs to wrap her forelegs around his neck in a hug. “Aw… poor Joe,” she said, the attempt at sounding sympathetic spoiled by the continued giggling.

“Ack!” said Joe. “Something is trying to snap my neck, and sounds happy about it.”

Once Sweetie Belle had finished her extra giggles and released him Twilight Sparkle answered Joe’s question. Her horn glowed and magic unfastened the straps and opened the flaps on the top of the panniers she was wearing. Something floated out from either bag and towards Joe. “I take it you recognise what these are?”

“Well, I talked about this sort of thing with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, while Dash was still here,” Joe commented, shifting the fuselage / tail off his lap to sit on its wheels in front of him. “So I recognise this as a propeller,” he added, taking that from the glow, “and I’ve seen what Tank has and this looks like what drives his rotor.”

“Surprise!” grinned Rainbow Dash.

“You gave me one of those already,” Joe replied, Rainbow Dash wondering if he mean the kiss for an instant before he continued, “when I went to see Rarity to buy the fabric I found you’d warned her of that need, and then she surprised me with how fast and well she was able to give things a fabric skin.”

“Because she is awesome” said Sweetie Belle, before Scootaloo could say that of Rainbow Dash.

“So is Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo nodded, not discouraged by being beaten to the comment.

“And so is Twilight Sparkle, since she has managed to produce a magical ‘engine’ for your model,” added Joe firmly, “as well as for a host of other reasons.”

“Spike helped, and the propeller was more the smith’s work, he’s used to fixing Tank’s rotor,” Twilight Sparkle blushed, “and I only knew to try to make this because Rainbow told me what you were doing and suggested it.”

“Which means Rarity can tell me some more about how lucky I am that Dash has more foresight than me,” smiled Joe, “and doesn’t alter that I have to say thank you Dash for telling Rarity and Twilight and thank you Twilight for helping, I hope the smith did not charge too much?”

“He did it for free,” Twilight Sparkle reassured him, though it had actually been a few bits, “said was just a little bit of metal twisting and forming.”

“Good,” said Joe, not entirely believing Twilight Sparkle but at least feeling it had probably been cheap enough to not worry about between friends. Then he looked to the three fillies and when they just looked back at him he coughed significantly and nodded towards the two Mares. “Ahem?”

“Oh!” Sweetie Belle squeaked, the first to realise. “Thank you very much Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, we appreciate your help.”

“Eee’yup,” echoed Apple Bloom, a moment ahead of Scootaloo. “All much appreciated, so mah thanks to both of you and ah hope it was not too much trouble.”

“Thank you Rainbow Dash. Thank you Twilight Sparkle,” Scootaloo added. “Having the wings and tail today was good but having a propeller and something to power it makes it even better.”

“Though ah will have to modify the wing now,” commented Apple Bloom, adding a little hurriedly, “not that ah mind.”

“A chance for you to tease me again about wanting to metal skin everything?” Joe asked.

“Maybe a chance for you,” said Apple Bloom, “Ah recall you saying that making th’ section between th’ struts metal skinned would make it stronger, so if we cut away th’ fabric there…”

“If we make some small plates, the width of the ribs, and screw them onto the ribs first to clamp the fabric rather than rely on the glue,” Joe corrected.

“Ah, good point,” nodded Apple Bloom. “Can remove those in sections ta replace with proper ones…”

After a little more discussion of how to brace the ‘engine’ into position and how much clearance it needed around it Apple Bloom set to work. The first thing she actually did was to make the ‘proper’ plates for that section of wing so she knew where she’d be wanting the screw holes. With Twilight Sparkle’s help she tested how the ‘engine’ would react to being touched by wood or metal while it was glowing so she knew if it made a difference. As Apple Bloom clamped the fabric and began cutting it away from the central section of wing Twilight Sparkle moved on to Sweetie Belle.

It took a few attempts and some patience by the older Unicorn, with her experience and knowledge and her special talent being magic itself, but after a while Sweetie Belle began to get the hang of starting and stopping the ‘engine’. This left Joe, Scootaloo, and Rainbow Dash unoccupied so the first two began trying to make conversation with the latter about what they had done since the last time she had seen the model.

“This bit looks a bit bare,” commented Rainbow Dash, pointing at the tail booms and the X-braces between them.

“Be quite a large area to cover with metal…” Joe started to say.

“See, ah’m right about him and metal skinning everything,” called Apple Bloom, working on the extra bracing inside the central section of wing.

“Especially with how Apple Bloom is metal skinning that part of the wing,” Joe continued, raising his voice for the first part of his sentence, “and though that would make it stronger some bracing wires would be lighter and probably help more…”

“Calculations,” muttered Twilight Sparkle.

“Agh,” Apple Bloom winced.

“But it was tempting to put fabric over it,” said Joe, trying to hold his train of thought on track, “might reduce drag a little from eddies around the struts and allow a smaller tail, since it would be flat sided and have some of the same effect…”

“But how much drag would it reduce?” Twilight Sparkle asked, satisfied with Sweetie Belle’s progress and leaving her to unsupervised practice. “How much reduction in the tail size?”

“I don’t know,” admitted Joe, looking at the purple Unicorn looking at him.

“Joe, we went to the trouble of working out the formulas you need…” Twilight Sparkle began.

“For giving me a headache,” commented Apple Bloom absent mindedly as she considered which ‘proper’ plate to add first. Then she blinked. “Though I ah’m right grateful for your time Miss Twilight and ah’m sure that those will be mighty useful.”

“Thank you Apple Bloom, I am glad you appreciate the beauty of mathematics,” Twilight Sparkle smiled.

“Ah,” said Apple Bloom, not sure if Twilight Sparkle was serious or teasing for a moment until she saw the sparkle, like her name, in her eyes.

“Will be something to calculate,” Joe agreed, “I’m not discounting the importance of the math. But it is also something we can test on a model, far easier to add or remove skin to this one or another one than to experiment with a full sized one…”

Joe stopped and chuckled and recognising the signs of him having remembered another story Rainbow Dash obliged “What?” she asked.

“I read a book by a test pilot…”

“Egghead,” Rainbow Dash teased.

“And one thing he mentioned was a problem moving from the prototype version of an aeroplane to the production version,” continued Joe, acknowledging the comment with a nod. “They’d used flush rivets to secure the metal skin to the metal frame on the prototype, but those were more complex and expensive than rivets with slightly protruding domed heads.”

“Right,” Apple Bloom nodded, screwing on a plate and satisfied with how flush her screws were. “So they wanted to use the cheaper simpler ones?”

“But those would cause more drag, not individually maybe but with them all over the airframe,” nodded Joe. “Calculating the effects of hundreds of rivets would have been very difficult, so what they did was get hundreds of dried peas and cut them in half. Then they started gluing them on top of the flush rivets in chosen places to see how many they could add and where before it made a measurable difference to the performance.”

“That is…” Twilight Sparkle blinked, “so bizarre I believe it.”

“Was quite a fun book,” smiled Joe, “had anecdotes as well as the technical stuff.”

Apple Bloom finished attaching another plate and then looked at Sweetie Belle. “You got th’ knack of that now?”

“I… think so,” Sweetie Belle replied.

“Then let’s get that and this together,” Apple Bloom nodded.

The ‘engine’ was soon slotted into place and the rest of the plates screwed on over it before the propeller was attached. Joe got duty as a weight for this to push against and had to take the nose of the model in his gut and brace his hands against the leading edges of the wing, just in front of the V struts. Then Rainbow Dash obliged as a ‘drop plane’ for a few glide tests and they trimmed the model into balance before Twilight Sparkle told them how unbalanced it actually needed to be.

She disliked how rough her calculations were as she wasn’t sure of the exact position of the centre of gravity of the model, Joe had not been able to give her a precise figure for how hard the propeller had been pushing, and the two margins of error combined. But it did let them get close to compensating for the effects of being under power and after Rainbow Dash had denied its attempts to reach for the sky, them having deliberately trimmed it tail heavy at first so it would climb rather than dive into the ground, they got it to fly straight and level. First when released in mid-air by Rainbow Dash and then when they set it off along the ground and it managed to take off.

Which had its own set of problems as it was rather fast and so Rainbow Dash had to switch from ‘drop plane’ to ‘chase plane’ and take Sweetie Belle along for the ride so she could see well enough to cut the ‘engine’. But the model performed well when she did, the nose came up without the off-balance thrust but not far enough to make it stall rather than lose speed and settle down. Apple Bloom did have to quickly make and add a tail-skid as it was not making perfect landings but as it lost speed on the ground the nose soon dropped.

Then to Scootaloo’s disgust, as she felt it should be a Pegasus flying something, Sweetie Belle began to get the knack of moving the control surfaces with her horn magic. She had to overcome how stiff Apple Bloom had made them, the idea had been they would remain in the position they were set to, but with encouragement from Twilight Sparkle she was able to move them while the model was on the ground. Trying it while the model was in the air proved a lot harder though as she not only had to move them while being able to see them less well but she had to move them in the right way.

“I…” Joe said as it began to get late, feeling reluctant to end the day, “think that is good enough. As long as Sweetie Belle can adjust the elevators, rudder, and maybe the ailerons once it should be fine.” He gestured the motions as he explained. “Change the elevators from climb, so it will take off sooner, to flying level and change rudder and ailerons from straight ahead to a gentle turn, so it won’t get away.”

“Ah’d feel better though if you were there, Joe,” nodded Apple Bloom.

Joe chuckled. “Nothing I could do about it,” he commented, “so you should feel better if Twilight or Dash were there.”

“Yeah!” agreed Scootaloo, more with the second suggestion.

“I can manage the magic,” Sweetie Belle said quietly.

“Ah know you can, honey bun,” said Apple Bloom. “Weren’t no lack of faith in you.”

Joe hoped Sweetie Belle was used to her friend’s way of speaking rather than wonder whether ‘weren’t no’ could mean ‘was some’. He doubted Apple Bloom had meant the latter, though he wasn’t sure if he would’ve. “As I said,” he repeated, “you should be fine and you three have done excellent work and should be proud of it…”

“Ah hear a ‘but’ coming,” commented Apple Bloom.

“If there was a ‘but’ it’s just that having a backup when things go fine can be less embarrassing than not having one when things don’t,” Joe said, adding after a moment. “Though I expect Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon would try to mock you either way.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders nodded and Joe wondered if they were agreeing with his ‘but’ or about their fellow schoolfillies. Either way it would be their choice whether to ask for more help or not. And their problem of where they were going to put the model and how to get it to school, this had been a long day. He bid the fillies and mares goodbye and, mildly disappointed at the lack of a rainbow streak from the sky, made his way back to his hut for nightly chores and routine and to finally get something to eat. He’d begun to regret hours ago that he’d not had at least a sandwich when he stopped by to pick up the clothes.

Chapter 26

“I… have no idea what is normal for you.”

“Truth be told,” Joe admitted to Twilight Sparkle as he ran on the treadmill, “neither do I.”

The morning had been a peaceful one and Joe had decided to take Twilight Sparkle’s advice about not casually entering the Everfree. He had felt like going back to that lake to get a better look at the giant Crocodile without the problem of worrying about the Cutie Mark Crusaders but he’d missed one chance, a couple of days after he’d seen it, because of going to the Diamond Dogs instead. The next three days had been busy with Sweet Apple Acres and petsitting and Zecora and then he’d the ‘minor’ distraction of getting kissed to throw off the fourth day’s plans. Helping Fluttershy and experimenting with crude models had taken another day and then yesterday had been more chores at Sweet Apple Acres and the work on the flying model.

Today had seemed his last chance for a while as tomorrow and two days after that would be Sweet Apple Acre days and the day between them was his next visit to Zecora. So if he was going to do it then it was tempting to not wait until four days time. But Twilight Sparkle’s words had been well taken and tomorrow was also the day that would end with the visit to Canterlot. It seemed better to make a visit to the Golden Oaks Library instead of a giant Crocodile and see what books on art and music he could find to prepare for the event, now he was sure he was going and was not distracted by the aeronautics.

However when he’d arrived, after dropping Rarity’s floral bag off with her at the Carousel Boutique, he’d been snagged by Twilight Sparkle and asked to come downstairs. With some foreboding Joe had followed and had realised that now was when the infamous machines that went ‘ping’ were going to threaten to ‘ping’ about and around him. He’d argued that he wanted to read and study without having got sweaty by lifting and running to have his power and endurance measured but Twilight Sparkle had pointed out that she did have plenty of soap and water.

Joe’s counter argument that humans wore clothes and so even if he washed himself those would still be sweaty had foundered when some cloth draped over one machine had lifted in the glow of Twilight Sparkle’s horn and this had revealed it as a loose short sleeved shirt and a pair of sporting shorts. Admitting defeat and seeking privacy Joe had changed and now, a couple of hours later, he was still being studied.

“I find that hard to believe,” frowned Twilight Sparkle.

“Oh, I’ve an idea of human sporting records,” Joe replied, the rhythm of his words set by that of deep breaths he needed to take, “and it does seem I’d beat some of those. But that’s comparing me and humans without the aid of the magic here, or comparing the aid of that magic with the immense talent and determination the athletes have.”

“Useful,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, making a note of that before turning to look at Joe, “and it does show the magic has made a lot of difference. But we knew that already.”

Joe nodded. “As you explained you wanted to figure out how much difference it has made to me in particular,” he replied, “and by being able to compensate for that be able to compare humans and Ponies. Unfortunately I’ve not much idea how ponies and humans compare on my world either.”

“As you explained,” Twilight Sparkle nodded back, “you’ve no real experience as you use motors instead.”

“There’s that and… you remember what I said a couple of days ago about a distinction between Man and Beast? And if Dolphins were intelligent but simply didn’t need use that intelligence much for survival as they were so physically superb?”

“Yes?”

“Part of what some schools of thought did was downplay human physical ability…”

“That sounds bizarre,” commented Twilight Sparkle.

“The idea was that if you focus on humans not having large teeth or claws like some things,” Joe explained, continuing to run and sweat, “and not being as strong as others or as fast as others still then you could ascribe our success to our minds, emphasise the distinction between us and other things by saying that everything else depended on its body instead.”

“That still sounds bizarre. What does it have to do with this?”

“There’s still a tendency to say how much faster or stronger something is than a man, but not to say the reverse. When human physical advantages are talked about the tone I’ve seen is more to say ‘look, we aren’t crap after all’ rather than be more dispassionate. Pointing out that with some of the scarier creatures it is not only a more even fight but if anything they would be stupid to attack a human.”

“And that still sounds bizarre,” protested Twilight Sparkle. As Joe jogged and she saw his muscles bunching and releasing she wondered just how scary a creature he was thinking of. “What sort of things would be stupid?”

“Hmm? Oh, something like a Leopard. Their teeth and claws can easily do a fatal amount of damage so they are scary, but a human is bigger, can be a lot bigger, and if they get a good grip to keep the teeth and claws at bay then they are strong enough, even without magic, to…”

“You don’t need to go into detail,” said Twilight Sparkle.

Joe nodded. He’d thought the man in one story was brave and determined to be able to defeat the Leopard that had pounced on him but the picture of that man with his arm in a sling and the Leopard he’d killed next to him had given mixed feelings. Things could look smaller and more pitiful when they were dead and that effect and Joe’s liking for cats had made him feel sorrier for the Leopard than it deserved. And he still felt quite sorry for it even after having been almost eaten by a similar, larger, creature in the form of that Manticore.

“So I could talk about how humans got on well with wolves when they allied because both have unusual endurance…” Joe paused and grinned as he continued to run and tried to ignore the ache in his legs. “Though as that is something they share with horses that would not be unusual here.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded and returned the grin with a small smile. “But that is useful,” she pointed out, explaining, “to know it should not be unusual that you are managing to get close to that sort of endurance.”

“Hrm,” Joe winced, deciding to not explain that the problem was his examples would be bloody. Mentioning the endurance-hunting that he’d thought about when chasing after Pinkie Pie or that Infantry could often march Cavalry into the ground, the latter having more speed on the battlefield but the former more able to get between battles. “I could talk about how well humans can throw things…”

Joe hesitated as saying that reminded him of how pitiful his throw had been compared with Rainbow Dash releasing her pair of darts in flight, and that reminded him of what had happened afterwards when she saw the effects of her darts. She seemed happy with the effect of that ‘afterwards’ and with what had happened yesterday, but he liked her enough to owe her as much happiness as possible. Even if it would be embarrassing to discuss.

Noting the hesitation Twilight Sparkle turned back to look at her readings. “So there is a lot you could talk about,” she commented, “but it’s anecdotal rather than actual figures?”

“Right,” Joe nodded, sounding distracted. “Not sure how much better we can throw, other than much…”

“Do you want to take a break now?” asked Twilight Sparkle, hoping Joe wasn’t thinking what she thought he was. “I think I have enough data.”

“Thanks,” Joe nodded again, slowing to a stop on the treadmill.

Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed and the sensor patches lifted away from Joe’s skin. It had been interesting to see just how much better contact they made with his relatively bare flesh than they did with pony fur. Those out of the way she floated a towel to him so he could mop some of the sweat from himself before he sat and began replacing that water by drinking more. Trying to ignore how Joe had begun to look nervous and as if he might be collecting himself to speak about something embarrassing Twilight Sparkle busied herself collecting rolls of graphs and checking her notes.

“Twilight, I’ve…” Joe began and then sighed. “There is a Mare who likes me, and I like her, but as you overheard the conversation with Spike you know I’ve a problem.”

“And you and she have my sympathies,” replied Twilight Sparkle, glancing over her shoulder and hoping Joe was not going to go into too much detail.

“Thanks,” Joe nodded, to Twilight Sparkle’s rear, as he drank some more water. “I like her enough that I’m wondering if magic can help.”

Fearing she knew the answer and wondering how long this would take Twilight Sparkle turned. “Help how?”

“That’s another problem,” Joe said, sighing again. “I had some ideas, but then I thought I was being unfair, but then I wondered if I was. I think you heard me say to Spike that I could picture him as a human?”

“Yes…”

“Well I can picture this Mare as a human and how lovely she’d be…” Joe paused and corrected himself. “Actually that is not the right word, she is lovely as she is, let’s say how desirable she’d be if she was ‘translated’ into terms my parts can understand. So thoughts crossed my mind of her looking like that.”

Twilight Sparkle decided to repeat what she had said to Rainbow Dash. “That doesn’t seem fair to expect her to change.”

“So I realised,” Joe admitted, “and my thoughts turned instead to what Discord had offered and if I would be able to desire her if I was turned into a Pony.”

“That could help,” said Twilight Sparkle, sounding dubious. “But you said you wondered if you were being unfair?”

Joe nodded and took another swig of water as he gathered his thoughts. “She seems to like me as I am, to have less problem” he replied, “so if she temporarily took a human form, or one that was more human like, then that would be merely physical…”

“Are you sure of that?” asked Twilight Sparkle, interrupting.

“Pardon?”

“I’ll accept she might not need as much change of attitude as you,” said Twilight Sparkle, remembering Rainbow Dash wondering if humans were enough like Bonobo that she’d be filled with immediate lust, “but do you think she’d be unaffected?”

“Maybe not, but…” Once more Joe sighed. “I’m not sure that even with the effects of a Pony body I’d be able to desire her very soon, I might have to stay in that form for a considerable time or have a spell that, unlike the one Discord offered, would deliberately affect my mind.”

“Whereas you think she already desires you,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, “so if it was possible to switch back and forth she could before she was too affected?”

“And if she does desire me in this form it matters less if I was turned into a Pony or ‘just’ had my mind altered.”

Twilight Sparkle took in and released a deep breath. “Oh my, that is getting into the sort of magic that is closely supervised,” she admitted. “Giving Rarity temporary wings is one thing, or making other physical changes, but altering the mind is… I am not sure you are right but I can see why you are wondering.”

“It does feel like it’s unfair to expect her to be the one changing,” Joe nodded, “but it also feels like altering her body temporarily is less drastic than altering my mind permanently…” He chuckled and shook his head. “Though come to think of it both options might have that effect.”

“How do you mean?” frowned Twilight Sparkle.

“There would be the ‘closely supervised’ magic to make a sudden change or at least accelerate the change.”

“Right.”

“But the second kiss went slightly better with her, when I was not so surprised and had had at least a few minutes to get used to the idea…”

“So you wonder what would happen if she kissed you while she looked human?”

Joe gave a slight smile and wink. “Wondered about more than kissing.”

“Oh,” Twilight Sparkle replied, with a slight blush.

“I’d think a shape-change like that would not be done lightly, so we’d have had to get to where it felt right emotionally to… ah,” said Joe, also blushing a little, “but physically I was still ‘unresponsive’…”

Twilight Sparkle nodded as Joe paused and despite her growing embarrassment she noted there was no mention of a season or a heat, just emotional and physical feelings. That seemed to confirm Rainbow Dash’s annoyed opinion that Applejack guessed well.

“So, without details,” Joe continued, “we’d tried her looking more human, and that had removed the problem, and we’d shared some passion and fallen asleep together.” For a moment he considered adding ‘if the change in shape also reduced how vigorously she snored’ but that seemed impolite and a clue to the identity of who he was speaking of. “Then in the morning I wake with her still in my arms, but she’s a Pony again…”

“Would that be a problem?”

“I don’t think so,” Joe replied, admitting he was not completely certain. “I know that is what she is and have known the previous night while we were doing whatever we were doing.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded and blushed more. “Go on.”

“So there I’d be, knowing what we have shared and that much more used to the idea, so I wonder…” Joe stopped as he realised he wondered something else as well. “Though on reflection, and talking it through, it might be a bad idea.”

“Maybe,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, “why do you think?”

“Because I was wondering much more I’d desire her after that night,” Joe sighed, “but now I wonder if rather than desiring her more, in any form, I’d just be wishing she’d change back to looking more human. And I do like her too much to not think she deserves whoever she chooses as a partner to find her desirable in her true form. It could be enjoyable to try but it might be better to stick to kissing, and to be honest…” Joe shook his head. “I might have been wasting your time and your, our, blushes.”

“If it has helped you then the time was not wasted.”

“Thanks Twilight.”

“Why did you think it was?”

“My questions to you do presume a lot about both my feelings and hers. She’s accepted an invitation to go to an event in Canterlot with myself, Spike, and Rarity and seems happy in my company…”

“And you in hers?”

“Very much so, though I still have doubts and qualms I hope to resolve, and I’d not be surprised if she decided I was better left as a friend. Enjoy the company and the conversation, which we can share, rather than add and worry about things we can’t.”

Twilight Sparkle wanted to reassure Joe, but that would be betraying Rainbow Dash’s confidence and that she did know who he was talking about. “Because of your problem?” she asked instead.

“Because of that, because of the time it would take to overcome, the moral questions about how and if magic could help…” Joe managed a smile. “Because she is such a fine and lovely lady that if we’d met as both the same species then I’d still wonder what she saw in me.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself,” Twilight Sparkle said, deciding she could reassure Joe at least that much.

Joe chuckled. “I live in a hut, do farm chores three mornings a week, and collect alchemy ingredients once a week. She’s the…” He paused and sighed. Yet again. “She has a position of leadership, has achieved great things, and has been granted a great honour and responsibility. So I’m not saying I’m bad, just saying she’s better.”

“Give it time Joe.”

“Aye, see how things go in Canterlot and see how she feels,” Joe agreed, giving Twilight Sparkle a smile. “Of course since she’s going to Canterlot with your ‘little brother’ and one of your best friends I am not sure why I am being ‘discreet’ when you either know already who she is or could so easily find out.”

Twilight Sparkle managed to smile back. “I’m not sure either.”

“Thanks for the talk.”

“I’d say ‘anytime’ but…”

“I know.”

==

Cheerilee watched as the Cutie Mark Crusaders wheeled their wagon with its sheet covered contents out from where it had been safely stored during the morning classes. It had been a surprise when all three of them had arrived at the same time from the same direction and that this didn’t mean Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were riding in the wagon while Scootaloo towed it at high speed behind her scooter. Instead they were pulling the wagon carefully with something in it, parts sticking out to the rear and sides, and had added to her surprise by asking her to keep this safe and to have the class gather at lunchtime.

As she’d seen no harm in this request and trusted the three fillies to not want to waste their classmates time Cheerilee had agreed to this. Now it appeared that she was going to find out what she had agreed to and what the plot she’d been worried about had been.

“What do you think this is about?” Diamond Tiara asked, looking down her nose at the Cutie Mark Crusaders as they approached.

“Probably more nonsense,” replied Silver Spoon, bestowing her own look of disdain.

“Indeed!” Diamond Tiara sniffed.

Though the pair had waited until the trio were within hearing range to make their comments the Cutie Mark Crusaders ignored them, just parking the wagon and its contents at a diagonal to the path the rest were standing the other side of. They stepped to one side and Apple Bloom, standing a little forward of the other two gave her classmates and teachers a sweeping glance.

“Ah would like ta thank y’all for yer presence,” Apple Bloom said, sounding rehearsed, “and thank Miss Cheerilee fer allowing us ta surprise y’all this way.”

On cue Sweetie Belle’s horn glowed and the diaphanously thin sheet floated up and to one side, the small Unicorn automatically folding it neatly before she settled it to one side on the grass. There were a few ‘ooh’s from the assembled colts and fillies at the strange thing and Cheerilee felt surprised. She’d seen the drawings but she hadn’t realised the Cutie Mark Crusaders would go so far as to make a sculpture. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon exchanged a look before returning to their sneering.

“See,” commented Diamond Tiara, “nonsense.”

“Indeed,” Silver Spoon said, echoing her friends earlier agreement.

Undeterred by this low grade heckling Apple Bloom continued her prepared speech. “We would also like ta thank Joe for helping with the design and making of this here model…”

“My sister Rarity for putting the fabric skin on parts of it,” said Sweetie Belle, adding loyally, “a lot faster than Joe could.”

“Twilight Sparkle an’ Spike for th’ propeller and th’ magic thing ta drive it,” Apple Bloom continued.

“And Rainbow Dash for telling Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike what we were doing and what we’d need,” nodded Scootaloo, “so they were able to decide to volunteer to help.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders got the model out of the wagon, Apple Bloom taking the nose wheel strut from the front while Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle went around to either side of the rear of the main wing to hold the other two wheel struts. With slightly imperfect coordination they lifted and carried it, having to shuffle sideways and backwards as they took it to the middle of the path and turned it to face straight down this. This done Scootaloo joined Apple Bloom in standing just in front of it and forward of the nose while Sweetie Belle stood just behind the tail-booms to peer over them.

“Now Sweetie Belle will adjust th’ elevators, th’ things on th’ tail that give up an’ down steering…” At Apple Bloom’s words Sweetie Belle concentrated and a glow appeared around her horn and those, while Scootaloo demonstrated the concept of up and down steering by rearing up on her hind legs and then bringing her forelegs down to kick her haunches up a few times. “…afore she then starts th’ propeller going…”

“Oh, this has gone far enough,” Diamond Tiara interrupted,

“Far enough indeed,” echoed Silver Spoon.

“What are you expecting that ridiculous thing to do?” Diamond Tiara continued, with a snort.

“Ridiculous,” echoed Silver Spoon again.

“If you two would shut up we might find out,” a colt standing near them grumbled.

“Hmph!” Diamond Tiara replied.

“Ah’m expecting it to do what it did when we tested it yesterday,” said Apple Bloom calmly, “you ready Sweetie Belle?”

“Ready!” Sweetie Belle said, using her sister’s example to give Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon an impressively disdainful sniff of her own.

“Remember to change the control surfaces once it’s in the air,” prompted Scootaloo.

“In the air,” Diamond Tiara repeated scornfully.

Sweetie Belle gave the pair of snooty fillies a look. “I remember that Scootaloo, and I said I was ready.”

“Oh, right,” Apple Bloom said, realising she’d forgotten and nearly skipped part of her speech. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had thrown her off more than she’d thought. “Thanks for the reminder Scootaloo. Once it’s flying we don’t want it continuing to climb so much or get too far away so th’ elevators will be set neutral and th’ rudder…” Scootaloo swung from side to side in demonstration. “On th’ tail and the ailerons on th’ main wing…” Scootaloo extended her own wings to her sides and rotated her body to dip one and then the other. “Set so it will turn in a circle.”

Cheerilee was not sure whether to feel embarrassed for the Cutie Mark Crusaders or not. They seemed to believe Joe and that this thing would fly so they risked being very disappointed in front of their classmates when it didn’t. But though she didn’t know him she doubted Joe would carry a lie this far, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had mentioned testing, and that Twilight Sparkle had been involved. So although it still seemed very unlikely it might be barely possible this thing would work.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo retreated to the opposite side of the path and back clear of where the main wing would pass. Seeing this Sweetie Belle also stepped back and concentrated again. There was a slight hint of a glow inside the wing, though Sweetie Belle was the only one that could see it as it was around where the ‘engine’ protruded rather than there being any tiny gaps between the plates Apple Bloom had screwed on. The propeller blurred into motion and the model accelerated down the path, soon gaining enough speed that the wheels left the ground.

Sweetie Belle watched this and decided to modify the plan a little. The glow that appeared at the tail was around the rudder rather than the elevators and she almost simultaneously adjusted the ailerons to bank the model and set it in a climbing turn. Only once it was higher than most of the trees did she level the model off and stop watching it so intently, letting out a faint sigh. She’d been confident she could handle this magic but would have been more relieved than insulted if Rainbow Dash or Twilight Sparkle had insisted on helping as the ‘backup’ Joe had suggested.

“See,” Sweetie Belle said, glancing towards Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, “Joe does know what he was talking about with flight.”

“I… I… this proves nothing!” stammered Diamond Tiara before rallying. “You’ve been talking about something that could carry you, not this… this… toy!”

“Scale model,” Apple Bloom corrected with mock sweetness.

“Toy!” said Silver Spoon, supporting her friend.

“Pretty cool one,” a filly muttered, watching the model continue to circle.

“Ah admit will be harder at full scale,” continued Apple Bloom, “might need more bracing, control links from th’ surfaces to where we sit rather than it all being on Sweetie Belle’s magic to move those…”

“Wheel brakes for landing,” Sweetie Belle added, “more complex magic than ‘go’ and ‘stop’ for speed of the propeller…”

“More complex propeller,” nodded Scootaloo, “so works as well whatever speed it’s being spun at, or even works if put in reverse…”

“Joe said that turning th’ blades enough ta reverse them would likely be a mite too complex,” Apple Bloom reminded her.

“It sounds like it would all be a ‘mite too complex’,” mocked Diamond Tiara, “so you have proved nothing!”

“They’ve proved they can make this fly,” a classmate pointed out, “and that that they know what the extra problems are.”

“Knowing is one thing,” sneered Silver Spoon, “solving is another.”

“And ah’d not argue with that,” Apple Bloom smiled, “but thank you kindly for admitting we do know.”

“I… I… didn’t mean it that way,” spluttered Silver Spoon.

“Thank you anyhow,” Apple Bloom said, pressing her advantage with more mock gratitude.

“You talked about those airy-things and other controlling bits,” said a colt, interrupting the sparring, “and that its them moving rather than the magic that makes this turn?”

“That’s right,” Sweetie Belle said, “I adjust them and they adjust how it flies, you can see I’ve just been letting it fly by itself…”

“It’s like the way we reshape our wings,” interrupted Scootaloo, extending her own, ignoring that with how small they were it was hard for a group to see the different parts of them. “But a lot cruder.”

“Like Joe,” Diamond Tiara muttered to Silver Spoon.

Cheerilee noticed this, but also how the pair were being shushed by the rest of the class and how eager they were to question the Cutie Mark Crusaders and how interested they were in this all. Hopefully the three fillies had not mentioned her own disbelief as she might have a favour to ask Joe and that would be more difficult if he knew she’d as much as told the Cutie Mark Crusaders he was lying to them.

==

“Joe?”

“Oh, hello Spike.”

Joe looked up from the book he was studying, before she left Twilight Sparkle had made it clear it wasn’t ‘library use only’ but as he thought he might need to look at other books as well it had made more sense to settle down for the delayed reading here. He’d apologised again for the embarrassment, thanked her for helping talk through moral implications, and had then washed and changed back into his own clothes. Joe just hoped that discussing the tests and him wasn’t the reason Twilight Sparkle had gone to visit Zecora.

“Thanks for the help with the propeller,” Joe continued, “if Twilight didn’t mention it the model did manage to fly thanks to that.”

“No problem, wasn’t expensive and Twilight did most of the work on the magic.”

“And told me the smith had made it for free,” Joe smiled, “so owe you both a favour.”

Spike shrugged. “What are you looking at?” When Joe showed him the book Spike looked a little puzzled. “That seems a bit basic, I’d have thought you’d know more about… oh, human.”

“Exactly,” Joe agreed. “I could tell you the names of human artists who do similar work, or human art movements, at least the very famous ones.”

“But not Ponies,” nodded Spike, “and you want to impress this mysterious Mare.”

“Oh?” Joe said, a corner of his mouth twitching in a smile. “So you don’t know who is going to Canterlot with me, and you and Rarity?”

“Rarity and Twilight do, but they wouldn’t tell me.”

“Twilight knows?”

“She commented that the mysterious Mare had not been keen on going to that event.”

“Ah,” Joe nodded, finding that his attempt at discretion downstairs had been wasted. “Then I am glad she decided to go.”

“So who is it?”

“They didn’t tell you,” Joe winked, “and I didn’t tell them. Only told Rarity I had somepony I thought I should ask.”

“And she didn’t ask who?”

Joe turned the page to look at the next pair of illustrations. “Bit of a risk for her,” he admitted, “she doesn’t know how good my taste in ladies might be.

“So how did she find out?” Spike asked.

“Lady in question needed a new dress.”

“That would do it,” nodded Spike. “So are you going to tell me?”

“I don’t know,” Joe sighed. “I can’t think why not, I’d been keeping the possibility quiet until I’d the chance to find out if she wanted to go back to being friends and if she wanted to go to Canterlot. But I at least know the answer to the second question…”

“So who?”

“Let me finish. I can’t think of a reason why not, but if Rarity and Twilight didn’t say,” Joe said, not adding that neither had Rainbow Dash who he knew had also seen Spike yesterday, “then maybe there is a reason.”

“The reason is to tease me,” groused Spike good naturedly.

“A fine reason then,” Joe chuckled. Then he sobered. “But let me think about it, I’ve the feeling that more Ponies know more than I know they do so… I trust you, but…”

“But still uncomfortable with this?” asked Spike. “Rarity said that was a reason for me to go with you guys, so you’d feel more comfortable.”

“Hardly the main reason though, or even an important one,” Joe reassured him. “I’d feel uncomfortable going with Rarity alone as I’d feel you should be there in my place…”

“Thanks for saying that to her.”

“It’s the truth, though to be honest I don’t think you have that much chance with her…”

“What?”

“I don’t know how old you or she are, or how that translates in Pony or Dragon terms,” Joe explained, “but in terms of what stage of your lives you are at there seems a gap. She’s a noted designer with her own Boutique and…”

“And what?” asked Spike when Joe paused and ‘hrmmm’ed.

“And actually you’d be able to run this library, you are organised and responsible,” Joe replied, “and given how much you have been part of the Holders of the Elements of Harmony saving Equestria and solving so many problems I think the gap is not as wide as I was saying. You’ve done impressive things so you probably have more chance with Rarity than I do with… with my ‘mystery mare’.”

“Hopefully you mean I have a very good chance and you only a good chance,” smiled Spike, teasing Joe in return.

“Hopefully that is what it will prove,” Joe winked, “though to get back to what I was saying I’d be uncomfortable going to Canterlot with Rarity and uncomfortable going there with someone other than my ‘mystery mare’…”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to say her name instead?”

“For all you know she might have an incredibly polysyllablic name.”

“Which you’d have shortened.”

“True. But I think going to Canterlot with both her and Rarity would have been fine,” Joe continued, turning to the next page of the book so he had something new to stare at while he thought, “not be going somewhere without ‘her’ and not be there as just a pair with Rarity. So less guilt and pressure.”

“Still some though.”

“Hmm, I’ll admit that I’d still feel guilty you weren’t there to enjoy it. But if you’d not enjoy it then I’d feel more uncomfortable you’d been dragged along.”

“So Rarity also assured me.”

“You should listen to her,” Joe smiled.

==

Much of the lunch break had been taken up by the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Sweetie Belle’s attempts to make the model do ever more complex manoeuvres, and to ignore Scootaloo as she tried to tell her friend exactly what to do and try. It had seemed to Cheerilee that the small Pegasus was getting close to bursting from frustration that she couldn’t control the model directly. Apple Bloom had stayed out of and had just continued to answer questions as best she could despite the constant comments and sniping from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Eventually it had been Cheerilee’s patience rather than Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo’s that had first given out. She’d ‘suggested’ to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon that as they weren’t interested in what was being said and she was sure they were hungry that ‘perhaps’ they should go and eat their lunches. Whatever the two fillies had seen in their teacher’s face or heard in her voice had been convincing and the rest of the demonstration had gone more pleasantly. It had taken a while for the class to settle down for the afternoon lessons but rather than further annoy her that had confirmed Cheerilee’s decision.

What did annoy her was that now she had managed to find Joe’s hut, knowing only that it was on the less well travelled road between Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres, it seemed her trip and search had been wasted. She’d knocked and waited and knocked again and there had been no response. Leaving a note would work as she did, obviously as a well organised teacher, have paper and pen with her but there did not seem to be a box or slot for mail here. Cheerilee thought for a moment and then decided to take the excuse and turned towards Sweet Apple Acres and possible assistance.

Chapter 27

“So endurance he does have quite fine, but of his problems he did whine, though little concern of yours or mine, if for a love life he does pine?”

“He didn’t whine,” Twilight Sparkle corrected Zecora. “He asked me straightforwardly about what magic could do and whether it should do it.”

“A change he thinks would be the thing, so that his ‘parts’… they would sing, but concerns he has with all the ethics, rather than just if it would mean sex.”

“He likes Rainbow enough he wants a relationship, if that is what she wants,” Twilight Sparkle nodded, wishing she hadn’t mentioned the second part of her conversation with Joe.

She’d come here to talk about the test results and discuss whether it was worth trying to reconstruct what they had done to Joe. He’d been given the magic and potions in a controlled manner but then he’d been mauled and they’d needed to add the others. Joe had not been in much danger of dying but there had been some and they’d rushed things a little in trying to ensure he recovered without lingering effects. The question was whether he’d recovered with lingering effects, but of a more positive nature.

“Apologise to you he did, although her name from you he hid,” replied Zecora, “so for her feelings showed concern, as she for him when was her turn.”

“I just hope I have said enough to both of them,” Twilight Sparkle said with an embarrassed smile, “and not too much to you.”

“Friends help friends when need they do, and both of them… turned to you, so turn to me you can as well, I’ll give advice… not cry and yell. I think this matter more for me, rather than Princess to see, I might live out here in my hut, but happy I have been to rut.”

Twilight Sparkle swallowed a few times and blushed at the sudden honesty. She did have to agree that Zecora was a friend and that talking to Princess Celestia about such… earthy… matters would seem wrong. But had Zecora needed to make it quite so plain that she was a lusty and experienced older Mare and needed to give such a look of satisfaction as she said how happy she had been or purr so much on that last word?

“Please Zecora don’t…”

“Worry not your gentle head, I’ll not advise then in your stead, to them advice be awkward lend, but talk to me you can my friend. And talk to you soon I do hope, as I think you silly dope, somepony’s needed for your fun, rather than having stallions none.”

“Gah… gah… gak…”

“But I’ll say no more until that day, on this topic anyway,” Zecora concluded, taking pity on her blushing friend. “Your advice to Joe and Rainbow Dash, with your words my thoughts don’t clash, advise them well you have I think, on how to overcome his kink, patience is what they do need, so I hope they pay you heed.”

“I hope so as well, though Joe seems more patient than Rainbow is feeling,” said Twilight Sparkle, fighting down the blush. “Which from what I know of males is unusual…”

==

Cheerilee looked around cautiously. She liked Apple Bloom but with the trouble they’d caused she did not want to give the Cutie Mark Crusaders false hope or make them think there was something they needed to interfere in, and so she did not want to admit who she was here to find to help her find Joe. Fortunately there was no small yellow female member of the Apple family in sight but coming around the barn, collar securely on his neck, and mighty muscles flexing beneath his red fur was the more welcome sight.

“Big Macintosh,” Cheerilee greeted.

“Howdy,” nodded Big Macintosh, with a slight smile to the pretty schoolmare.

“I was looking for Joe, but he was not at his hut.”

“Not one of his days here, an’ most times he just works th’ mornings anyhow. Though he’s willing enough to do th’ afternoon if needed.”

Cheerilee nodded. “Did you hear about the model your sister and her friends made?”

“Eee’yup. All about it. Over dinner an’ breakfast both.”

“That’s why I want to talk to Joe, your sister explained things well but I’d like to ask Joe to give a full talk on his people’s flying things.”

“He should be glad to,” Big Macintosh reassured her.

“Which means I need to find him,” hinted Cheerilee, “and perhaps someone to make introductions as I’ve never met him…”

“Eee’yup,” Big Macintosh nodded. “Ahm finished here so ah’d be right pleased to accompany an’ help you look an’ introduce you an’ him.”

“Thanks Big Macintosh, where should we look first?”

“Thisaway first ah think.”

==

Spike had subdued his curiosity and for a while they had talked about art. It had been a relief to Joe that Spike was not prying about the identity of his date and that he’d found a topic to discuss where the parallels felt interesting rather than strange. Joe had commented that Fluttershy would be disappointed and then explained that he meant humans and Ponies were so similar in their minds that even their art was alike. A slight speculative gleam had come to Spike’s eye at the mention of a name but Joe had ignored that in favour of mentioning how much war and religion had influenced human art and music. So although this still felt interesting rather than strange it was a little strange in that regard that the art of Equestria had not been influenced differently.

Now though Joe was helping Spike with some of the chores around the Golden Oaks Library. He’d tried to sit and study but when Spike began going up and down a ladder to fetch down books and dust the shelves and then replace the books and make sure they were in the right order he’d felt twitchy. Most of the books Spike was needing the ladder to reach Joe, being roughly twice as tall, could reach without such aid. So he’d offered and that offer had been accepted, though not before Spike had teased him that he’d only be number three assistant at best.

“Those ones?” Spike asked, pen poised to make a note.

“Looks like a ten volume set, A Survey of the Minerals of…” Joe paused and blinked. “Saddle Arabia.”

“Check… can you start handing them down?”

“Sure,” Joe nodded.

As he began passing the books to Spike and the small Dragon dusted them and checked for any creased pages Joe recovered from his surprise. There were all those similar names but that had been a shock, the second part being identical to a region noted for its fine horses and from where the ancestors of all modern thoroughbred racehorses came. But the first part, that made it not identical to an actual country, was almost more shocking. Saddles were designed to help with riding a horse so it felt like there were unfortunate implications when those horses were thinking talking beings. Still that same intelligence that would make it slavery without consent would allow them to give consent so it might be no worse than countries or peoples named after their tools or implements.

“Joe?” Spike asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes?”

“If you are taking somepony on a date, and I am not asking who…”

“But making your restraint in not asking clear,” Joe smiled.

“Then what about your problem?” continued Spike. “Was it just that you were missing clues?”

“More the opposite,” Joe replied, “it seems I was missing clues, but even when she made it clear she might like to be more than friends I found I wasn’t responding much on a… physical… level.” He gave Spike a smile as he chuckled. “Or it could be that I wasn’t missing clues and it really was as spontaneous as it seemed, so my concern she’d have second thoughts and our next meeting would be awkward was not unjustified.”

“But she didn’t? Have second thoughts?”

“Seems not, though she didn’t confirm whether she was thinking of Canterlot as a friendly or romantic date. We’ll have to see how things go, it’s been surprising with finding how right it feels emotionally and that I responded as much as I did. I’ve been honest with her that I have the problem and so far she seems happy with what I can give her.”

“Good luck with it all.”

“Thanks Spike,” Joe nodded, checking and dusting a book himself. “And even if things don’t work out romantically between me and her in Canterlot we should all four of us have a good time, can be better to have a lot of friendship and not much passion rather than too much passion and not enough friendship.” He chuckled. “Or both, can get little snots who feel the latter and complain and whine that the girl they ‘like’ feels the former.”

“I… can sympathise,” mused Spike.

“No you can’t, because you value Rarity and her company for their own sake. You really are friends as well as any other feelings you or she have.”

Spike blinked at how firmly Joe had corrected him and this seemed to kill the conversation for a while, other than business as they worked through checking and dusting a few more shelves of books. Finally though it was Joe’s turn to break the silence.

“I have a suit…” Joe said, then he winced. “Which makes me feel a bit guilty as was the day before we visited the Diamond Dogs that Rarity quizzed me about human fashions and told me I should have one, so she might have been plotting to ask me to the event that long ago.”

“She asked me yesterday.”

“Ouch, she said she hadn’t waited for me or… my lady… to confirm so when she said she’d spoken to you earlier I had hoped it would be closer to the three days ago when she’d mentioned the event to me and…”

“And you said she should invite me instead. Don’t worry about it,” Spike reassured him. “Rarity has already apologised enough for not inviting me sooner and assuming I’d not want to go.”

“Fair enough, and if you didn’t have a suit then Rarity would be dealing with it…”

“I have, and she is.”

Joe nodded. “So I’d not needed to ask to check. Did she say to you to meet at the Carousel Boutique at three hours past noon tomorrow?”

“I don’t think so, but easier for her to fetch me from here than go all the way out to your hut.”

“And makes sense for me to put my suit on that much closer to the train station rather than walking from there in it,” Joe agreed, “which only leaves me with one remaining problem.”

“Which is?”

“Are you getting Rarity a present?”

“Pardon?” blinked Spike.

“If I was back on my world and picking up a lady from her home to go somewhere I’d bring flowers or chocolates or something,” Joe explained. “But I don’t know what the custom is in this country, and we are meeting at the Carousel Boutique and being a party of four so the circumstances are different anyway.”

“Oh, right,” nodded Spike. “I wasn’t going to bring anything, so if you don’t then at least we’d both be wrong.”

“Maybe a corsage?”

“Hmm… no,” said Spike, shaking his head. “Rarity likes her dresses to be perfect, so she’d be grateful for the thought but… but…”

Joe nodded. “Be like bringing a bottle of sauce to a fine restaurant, the chef would be insulted that you thought their work needed anything added to it.”

“Right,” Spike nodded back.

“Hmm,” mused Joe, “maybe there is a book on etiquette around here somewhere.”

“Third set of shelves clockwise from the door, second shelf from the bottom,” Spike said automatically.

“Hah!” barked Joe. “I said you were a fine librarian, sounds like you know where most of the books are…”

“Only most?”

“Though of course Twilight knows most of the contents of most of the books…”

“Only most?” Spike repeated.

“All right,” smiled Joe. “Almost all for you and almost all and almost all for her? Fairer?”

“Sounds about right.”

==

When Cheerilee had realised where Big Macintosh was leading the way to she had reminded him of that dreadful Hearts and Hooves day, though she doubted either of them would forget it if they lived to be as old as Granny Smith, or even as old as Princess Celestia. He’d agreed she had a fair point but had also said that if anyone knew where Joe was it might be these three with all the time he’d spent helping them and at their clubhouse yesterday. Unable to argue with that but still fearing the consequences Cheerilee had followed.

“Apple Bloom,” Big Macintosh called, “are you in there?”

It seemed likely to Cheerilee that she was and so were the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders as their empty wagon was parked beneath the tree. There was a little noise and then Apple Bloom bounded out to greet her older brother. “Big Macintosh… oh, and Miss Cheerilee.”

“What?” asked a voice from inside the hut, that exclamation followed closely by the appearance of Scootaloo on the treehouse balcony.

“Hello Miss, Big Macintosh,” said Sweetie Belle, following her friends in a more dignified manner.

“Your brother is being kind enough to help me find Joe,” Cheerilee said, ignoring the way the fillies were looking at the pair of them for clues.

“He ain’t here,” said Applejack, glad to see her brother and her teacher together but not happy they weren’t standing closer together.

“Why do you want to find Joe?” Scootaloo asked, less interested in if there was any romance going on.

“After your demonstration at lunchtime with your model I was thinking of having him address your class.”

“That would be awesome!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Not as awesome as if Rainbow Dash did it, but…”

“But maybe they’d both do it,” whispered Sweetie Belle in her friends’ ears.

Cheerilee wondered why the fillies had suddenly giggled and hoped this was not about her and Big Macintosh. “Do you know where he might be?”

“He’s going ta Canterlot tomorrow,” Apple Bloom suggested, “so maybe he’s at Sweetie Belle’s sister’s?”

“His suit has been ready for a few days, and my sister’s working hard on a dress for…” Sweetie Belle stopped herself before she said ‘for Rainbow Dash’ as she remembered Joe’s warning. “So she’s a bit busy for company.”

“He might be at Rainbow Dash’s cottage,” said Scootaloo.

“Scootaloo!” Sweetie Belle hissed in her friend’s ear. “We agreed to keep that quiet!”

“But this is so Miss Cheerilee can find Joe,” whispered Scootaloo back, “so he can give a talk…”

“Yes. Joe might be at Rainbow Dash’s cottage,” Apple Bloom declared, trying to talk loud enough to drown out the others, and ignoring the glare from Sweetie Belle. “She still had some questions about the model.”

“Oh…” breathed Sweetie Belle as she realised Apple Bloom was trying to cover for what Scootaloo had said.

“What… oh, yes, she did,” Scootaloo added, realising a little slower. “Though I don’t think Joe can walk on clouds…”

“So they’d be below or nearby,” nodded Apple Bloom.

The three fillies gave Apple Bloom’s brother and their teacher their best innocent looks and smiles, unaware that this attempt only made Big Macintosh and Cheerilee even more suspicious of them. “Alright girls,” Cheerilee said, “thank you for your help.”

“No problem,” said Scootaloo.

“Glad ta help,” Apple Bloom added.

“I hope you find him,” smiled Sweetie Belle.

With those assurances and good wishes given them Cheerilee and Big Macintosh left. They walked in silence for a short distance until Cheerilee was sure they were far enough away from the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse and that the fillies had gone back inside. “They seemed a bit argumentative about the suggestion,” she commented, “do you think Joe might have a particular reason to visit Rainbow Dash?”

“Ah doubt it, though ah don’t know,” replied Big Macintosh. “Ah don’t ask mah sister, mah oldest one ah mean, about her friends and she don’t ask me about suchlike.”

“Though it did seem to you that they were suggesting ‘suchlike’?”

“Maybe.”

Cheerilee nodded, that was strange the way they’d acted and she was very dubious they could have meant that, as fat and strange looking as Joe was. Though he did have a suit and Rarity was working on a dress for someone for something, so maybe he did have a special somepony? If almost certainly not Rainbow Dash, even if Big Macintosh didn’t seem to be rejecting the idea.

==

“Spike?”

“Oh! Twilight.”

Spike hopped up from the table at which he had been sitting with Joe and trotted across to hug Twilight Sparkle home, Joe simply rose politely at the arrival of the lady of the house. Or library rather. As her ‘little brother’ welcomed her Twilight Sparkle glanced around and frowned slightly. It was good to be back and good that Zecora had dropped the embarrassing subjects of Joe’s potential love life or her lack of same in favour of more testing of how potions and Unicorn magic could combine. There had been some experimentation before elsewhere but Zecora had, unblushingly, pointed out that she was more skilled than the Zebra who’d been involved and Twilight Sparkle had, blushing almost as much as she had today, agreed that she was a more powerful and skilled Unicorn.

“Shouldn’t you be sorting and tidying books?” Twilight Sparkle asked, noticing the lack of signs of work. “I don’t mind if you were taking a break but…”

“But I’ve finished.”

“Already?”

“I helped,” Joe commented, sitting back down.

“Oh,” blushed Twilight Sparkle. “Sorry Spike, I was expecting to see some piles and some empty shelves still.”

“It did go fast. Thanks to temporary number three assistant.”

“Reach, pass, reach, pass,” smiled Joe, lifting and lowering an arm in that motion, “rather than up and down a ladder.”

“At least I’m still growing,” Spike pointed out, “someday we’ll see who the ‘short arse’ is.”

“I’m glad you two get on,” smiled Twilight Sparkle.

“Been a pleasant few hours,” Joe nodded, not mentioning the book of etiquette as well as the ones on art, “he helped with my swotting up, I helped with the bookshelves…” He winked to Spike. “Short arse…”

“Grr.”

“And he’s been restrained in not making it too clear how much he is restraining himself from asking who my date is,” Joe finished, “though I did discover that my discretion in the conversation downstairs had been wasted as you did know who I was talking about.”

“Er, yes,” blushed Twilight Sparkle. “She asked about the same sort of magic.”

Joe nodded and wondered what Rainbow Dash thought he’d look like as a Pony, and if that had been the conversation three days ago on the same day as the kiss. If it had then giving her the couple of days to think through her feelings might have been wasted as it seemed she’d been that sure, or might have been even more needed if she’d been unsettled further by questions the talk had raised. Either way although, as he’d said to Spike, she had been happy with what he had done it seemed she was thinking about how they could do more.

“Must be one of our friends,” Spike mused, “if she and Twilight had a conversation that would make Twilight blush…”

“Spike!” protested Twilight Sparkle.

“But, the same sort of magic?” Spike asked, unabashed.

“Ways to solve my problem, other than hoping it resolves itself with time,” replied Joe.

“Maybe that love potion?” Spike suggested, not too disappointed that Joe had not gone into detail.

“It was a love poison,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Poison? Ah, never mind,” Joe shrugged, thinking for a few moments.

If it was permanent then it seemed as morally dubious as any other mental alteration magic but if it was temporary then it seemed better in some ways than shapechanging. They would at least be lusting after each other’s true forms rather than risk him desiring Rainbow Dash only when she was humanlike. On the other hand it would still be no morally better than getting drunk or high and it had the same risk as those of the memories of the night before having become bad ones now the effects had worn off.

It seemed shapechanging and love potions, or poisons, whatever that meant, were the flipside of each other. One risked the memories being so happy he’d want to repeat them too exactly and the other the memories being unhappy enough he’d find it hard to repeat anything. But both might have the success of it being just so damn great that the risks had not been suffered and his ‘parts’ would behave without further help.

Then Joe gave Twilight Sparkle a smile as the silence lengthened. “Don’t worry, not going to inflict more discussions of morality and magic on you.”

“You did look worryingly thoughtful,” Twilight Sparkle admitted.

“So, who is it?” asked Spike, getting back to the point.

“I think you have a strong suspicion,” Joe said, giving the small Dragon a look, “and are trustworthy with a name as well as that we’d both embarrassed your ‘big sister’ the same way.”

“Not embarrassed,” said Twilight Sparkle, with more politeness than accuracy. “It’s just, I know you were… both… asking me because your thoughts involved magic but it still didn’t feel like something I was at ease advising on.”

“So I’ll give you one guess, and if you are right then I’ll say,” Joe continued to Spike. “If you are not then, assuming you don’t find out elsewhere, you get a surprise when we meet at the Carousel Boutique tomorrow. Deal?”

“Joe!” protested Twilight Sparkle. “That’s hers to tell.”

“Mine to tell as well if she has been telling her friends.”

“Er…”

“Hmm…” Joe said, looking at the sudden blush and then to Spike. “You remember I said I wondered if they all knew everything?”

“That wasn’t what you said,” grinned Spike, “but I think that was what you meant.”

“And seems I might have been right,” Joe nodded. “Or right at least to wonder if there’s been more talk than embarrassing your ‘big sister’ and needing a dress from your paramour.”

“Is it Rainbow Dash?”

“Yes.”

“Joe!” protested Twilight Sparkle again.

“I trust Spike’s discretion more than I do that of the Cutie Mark Crusaders,” Joe smiled to her before explaining. “Yesterday Dash threatened I’d have to go to Canterlot without her, but she made the threat in front of the fillies. If I’d thought there any chance they’d think this was just for shopping or something that passed when Sweetie Belle squealed about this being why I hadn’t been able to confirm to Rarity if I was going to the event.”

“Ouch,” commented Spike.

“I did ask them to not gossip, warned them more glowery than I intended, but that was after Dash flew off and left me to their questions.”

“Ouch, again,” commented Spike, again.

“Won’t matter soon, as egotistical as it would be for us to think wearing suits would draw any notice I think we can both agree that Dash and Rarity in their dresses, as we walk from the Carousel Boutique to the train station, would turn heads. So gossip might start then anyway.”

“Spike, how did you know it was Rainbow?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“You did stutter Rai Rai Rai before saying Rarity,” grinned Spike, teasing his ‘big sister’ with that exaggeration.

“Alas,” Joe proclaimed, trying to look woebegone, “I hoped you’d say something about soulmates.”

==

The weather was almost perfect for a pleasant walk with a pretty Mare or a handsome Stallion and after dealing with colts and fillies all day Cheerilee appreciated Big Macintosh’s undemanding company. He was big, he was quiet, he was reliable, he was strong, and though his Cutie Mark was not the most spectacular that was less true of the place where he kept them. Trying to distract herself from such thoughts Cheerilee focussed back on the weather and as she glanced up she saw a rainbow streak across the sky, clouds vanishing in quick succession to let the sun through or being shoved together to give patches of shade.

“Looks like Rainbow Dash is busy,” Cheerilee commented.

“Eee’yup,” nodded Big Macintosh.

“She seems to be in a rush, but she always is…” Cheerilee mused.

“That she is,” agreed Big Macintosh.

“So I don’t think she is rushing to get back to Joe at her cottage…”

“Not moving that fast, no. Or not that fast fer her.”

“So if he was there he’s likely left.”

“Likely enough. Though we can check?”

Cheerilee nodded as they entered Ponyville and the quiet of their walk returned. She considered what the Cutie Mark Crusaders had said and whether it would be worth diverting, maybe twice, now they knew Rainbow Dash, at least, was not at home.

“Maybe it’s just because I’m a schoolteacher…” Cheerilee began.

“An’ a darn fine one,” nodded Big Macintosh.

“But if I was going to an art show,” Cheerilee continued, noticing but not reacting to the compliment, “or was taking my pupils to one, I’d want to prepare for it.”

“Eee’yup. And ah’m not right sure how much Joe knows about art. Here at least. So th’ library?”

“Your sister and her friends did say they’d worked on things there with Joe,” Cheerilee agreed, “so he’s not a stranger to it.”

“Eee’nope.”

That settled they turned rather than continue straight on and the book filled tree soon came into view. If they’d no luck checking here, Cheerilee decided, they might as well visit the Carousel Boutique in search of Joe or at least clues. This was taking long enough that it was possible however that he’d already returned to his own hut and she was wasting the, thankfully almost infinite, patience of Big Macintosh in this search. Entering the Golden Oaks Library though Cheerilee noticed two things. The first was just how little room Big Macintosh had around him in the doorway and the second was the bizarre figure looking at books on a table.

Joe glanced up from some text describing an artist’s motivation, dismissing whether they had actually been that psychologically complex as he vaguely recognised the Mare as the schoolteacher that had the Cutie Mark Crusaders in her class. Since she was that fractionally well known to him he felt manners demanded he stand as he had for Twilight Sparkle. This let Cheerilee notice a third thing, rather than a fat creature hauling itself to its feet she saw something quite well muscled stand with surprising grace for only using two legs. Though she’d still doubt it was Rainbow Dash perhaps a special somepony was not so ridiculous, even if that would be an even more unusual pairing than Spike and Rarity.

“Howdy Joe,” Big Macintosh said.

“Hello Big Macintosh,” nodded Joe, repeating the nod as more of a slight bow, “and hello to you Miss… Cherry Leah?”

“Cheerilee.”

Joe nodded again to acknowledge the correction. He still didn’t see the connection with the daisies on her rear but then again he wasn’t sure what sort of Cutie Mark someone called ‘Cherry Leah’ would have either. The two of them continued to look at him rather than seek out Twilight Sparkle or Spike or ask where either of them were. So with a tiny shrug he decided to volunteer that information.

“Twilight Sparkle is in her basement laboratory,” Joe informed them, sitting again now he’d stood for the lady, “and Spike had to pop out for a few minutes.”

“Actually Joe, was you we come to see,” replied Big Macintosh.

“I hope not to ask me to do more chores at Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow,” Joe said, looking worried, “I have about a three hour gap, but…”

“Oh, no, no,” said Big Macintosh reassuringly, “Apple Bloom mentioned you were going to Canterlot tomorrow, an’ ah’d not want you to have to go there tired and without a chance ta sit down an’ have some lunch and let that settle.”

Big Macintosh gave Cheerilee a look and she nodded to him. “Joe, the Cutie Mark Crusaders brought an intriguing model into school today…”

“I hope it went well?”

“Yes, the rest of their class were very interested, which is why I wanted to talk to you, and why I want you to talk to them.”

It seemed unlikely to Joe that the ‘rest of their class’ rather than that minus Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had been interested. But that was irrelevant as although he had let himself be drawn into a lack of caution in conversation that was not the same as preparing and giving a lecture to an entire class of colts and fillies. Pre-meditation made many things less forgivable and although he enjoyed learning and teaching he’d never wanted to be a teacher.

“I think I shall have to decline,” Joe said, “all I know is what I can remember…”

“And you remember enough to help build a working model,” interrupted Cheerilee, teacher’s instincts to cut off excuses kicking in, “the fillies and colts would be so interested in what you have to say and so disappointed if you can’t do this.”

“You can’t be disappointed by the lack of something you didn’t know you were going to have,” Joe pointed out, wondering if Cheerilee had presumed on his acceptance and already discussed this with her class or promised it to them.

“That’s true,” admitted Cheerilee, “but I’d be disappointed as I know how much they’d enjoy it.”

“And this would be a good thing to do Joe,” Twilight Sparkle added, having returned from the basement at the faint sound of talking. “Share some of what you know and make fillies and colts happy.”

“Eee’yup,” agreed Big Macintosh. “And when we were looking for you we had to ask the Cutie Mark Crusaders so they know and ah doubt they’d not mention it to their classmates.”

Joe looked for a moment at Twilight Sparkle and wondered if she reassuring him that she didn’t think Princess Celestia would mind, or had simply forgotten the warning he’d been given. With her memory the latter would be reassuring anyway as it would show she’d not thought it relevant. In some ways though Big Macintosh’s argument was the more convincing as if Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and, to a lesser extent, Sweetie Belle had a chance to taunt Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon it seemed they would take it. And visa versa. So the question was if the three would taunt the two that Joe had been invited and the two would taunt the three if he declined.

“I don’t know when I’d be able to do this anyway,” Joe said slowly. “Tomorrow is too short notice to prepare by, and I have Sweet Apple Acres in the morning and Canterlot in the evening and into the night anyway. The day after is when I visit Zecora and the day after that is another day where I have chores at Sweet Apple Acres in the morning.”

Cheerilee scented victory as Joe retreated from a flat refusal, and a claim of being unable to do it, to simply claiming he was too busy. Twilight Sparkle nodded to herself as she saw a gap in Joe’s schedule that he didn’t. She knew the things he gathered were useless, or had been last week, and this was make-work to let him think he was paying off his debt. So she doubted Zecora would be unhappy were Joe to miss a day.

“If you’ll be having a late night with the Canterlot event,” argued Twilight Sparkle, “then it would not be safe to go into the Everfree for your gathering the next morning when you might still be tired. So you could delay your errand for Zecora.”

“Delay does sound safer,” Cheerilee agreed, noting that Joe really did routinely go into the Everfree. “And if we made your talk after the morning break that day then you’d have been able to sleep later.”

“I don’t want to let Zecora down,” frowned Joe, “and I could delay my errand by a few hours and work more into the evening if I felt I needed sleep.”

“If you were further delayed then it could be starting to get dark,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, continuing her argument, “and that, again, would not be safe.”

“It’s still short notice,” said Joe, starting to get fed up with the persistence.

“You’d have the rest of today and perhaps some time tomorrow while you are resting after your chores?” Cheerilee smiled, really scenting victory. “You’ve been helping and talking to the Cutie Mark Crusaders so this is all fresh in your mind.”

“And you did well enough talking to them spontaneously,” added Twilight Sparkle, “without any preparation.”

Joe looked to Big Macintosh. “I’m not going to get out of this am I, Big Macintosh?”

“Eee’nope.”

“Fine, day after tomorrow it is,” Joe sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Graciously put,” nodded Cheerilee, “but thank you.”

Their task complete Cheerilee and Big Macintosh left, exchanging greetings with Spike as he entered and came face to foreleg with the latter. Seeing that Joe was looking a little grumpy and curious about what he had missed Spike hurried to drop off the few things he’d bought and return. Before Spike could ask him Joe gave Spike a rueful smile.

“You win,” Joe said.

“Pardon?”

“I didn’t think I’d be able to learn that much about art in one day,” Joe explained, “but, with the aid of your ‘big sister’, Cheerilee has persuaded me to go and give a talk at the school about human flight.”

“Right,” nodded Spike, “but why does that mean I win?”

“Twilight suggested it should be the day after tomorrow,” Joe said, making her look a touch embarrassed, “so I am going to have to start preparing now. So if anyone’s going to get to sound erudite it’s you, which you’d have done anyway…” Joe added with a smile. “But I might have got a little closer to it.”

“So I win!”

“Yep, you can talk about an artist’s influences and inspirations and I can say ‘pretty painting, is pretty, is made of paint’.”

“You should be fine Joe,” giggled Twilight Sparkle, “as long as you don’t wander around saying ‘look at all the talking horses’.”

“Fortunately there was so little interest in me when I was brought here I doubt ‘talking horsie talking horsie’ was memorable.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “I’m seeing Zecora tomorrow, some ingredients needed to steep overnight,” she said, “what do you want me to tell or ask her?”

“Say that I won’t be there the day after tomorrow,” Joe replied, “and that a pretty purple Unicorn advised me it would be better to not gather things during the afternoon and into the evening, so the day after that would probably be out. The usual time on the day after that, two days late, might be better if that would be convenient for her and it can wait that long.”

“Alright,” Twilight Sparkle said, tempted again to say the things Joe gathered were useless so it could wait forever.

“And now,” sighed Joe as he stood. “Time to go prepare for the joy of being heckled by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.”

“You could always take your spear,” Spike suggested, semi-seriously.

“That wouldn’t be safe, small as they are they are still the size of Wild Boar and just as bad tempered…” Joe winced. “Please tell me Wild Boar can’t speak here, I know the Pigs at Sweet Apple Acres didn’t say anything to me.”

“Wild Boar can’t talk,” Twilight Sparkle reassured him.

“Phew.”

“Why wouldn’t it be safe though?” Spike asked.

“Because when humans used spears to hunt Wild Boar there were enough cases of the Wild Boar continuing to charge, driving the spear head straight through themselves, pushing their bodies along the spearshaft, and getting within range to gore with tusks and hooves, that there were special Boar Spears. They had a crosspiece behind the spearhead to stop it going right through.”

“How gruesome,” shuddered Twilight Sparkle.

“Sorry,” Joe said. “In my defence I’d say since they were reintroduced the attitude has been much more to watch them from a safe distance and say ‘aww, look at the cute little stripy hoglets’.”

Joe decided to not mention that the Wild Boar were doing well enough that there’d been suggestions a cull was needed to prevent too much damage in that forest and risk to the surrounding farms. He’d had to help with some of the cleanup at Sweet Apple Acres after the flooding caused by the Discord influenced Beavers, which was a good reason to mistrust the demigod, so he knew the attitude here was for Fluttershy to talk to her little friends. Twilight Sparkle meanwhile decided to not ask about why Wild Boar needed to be ‘reintroduced’.

“Anyway,” Joe said, “I had better be on my way, thanks for the time and talks you two.”

“Good luck with Canterlot and the School,” nodded Twilight Sparkle.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Spike added.

Chapter 28

It had been quite a late night with making notes for the talk at the school, then doing chores and exercise, and then making notes of all the thoughts that had occurred to him while he was doing those. Exercise and routine could help ideas occur to you so Joe hoped not too many would occur while he was doing whatever work they had for him at Sweet Apple Acres today. It was frustrating when you had ideas, couldn’t note them down, and then had to sit down later and try to reconstruct those trains of thought. As he approached with his tool laden and festooned backpack Joe saw Applejack apparently waiting for him. This suspicion was confirmed as she waved a friendly hoof and began walking to meet him.

“Howdy, Joe.”

“Doing well, Applejack. Yourself?”

“Right fine. Ah hear you might be talking to mah sister and her classmates?”

“Your brother helped their teacher track me down to ask, and between Cheerilee and Twilight I was ground down. Millstones of persistence.”

“A flattering way ta put it, but ah can imagine.”

“So,” Joe asked, “what needs doing today?”

Rather than reply at once Applejack began walking and Joe followed as she led the way towards one of the barns. She glanced to him. “Ah hear a rumour you are going to Canterlot later?”

“Yep, so, as I said to Big Macintosh yesterday, I want to be leaving here fairly soon after noon.”

“Not a problem, and if you want to leave early to get ready for that or to get ready for th’ talking then ah’d understand.”

Joe nodded. “I should manage.”

“But ah don’t want you too tired,” Applejack replied, “so ah ain’t going to have you pounding fence posts or diggin’ ditches all morning.”

“Not only could I do that all morning now, rather than collapsing,” chuckled Joe, “I think I might be able to do it and not be tired to appreciate art.”

“Eee’yup, seems magic and exercise has been good for you, but no need to take silly chances.” Then Applejack winked. “Even if you seem inclined that way.”

“Ah, true, and I don’t know how good it has been for me. Spent a couple of hours attached to the machines that go ‘ping’ but I wasn’t sure how much better the magic has made me than the exercise should and Twilight didn’t say how good it has made me compared with a Pony.”

Applejack nodded and led the way into the barn and across to some tubs and some deeper barrels. As all bar one of the former were stacked high with apples and the latter were empty and had no lids on them the task seemed obvious to Joe.

“Ah’d like you to help sort these here apples,” Applejack said, not to Joe’s surprise, “ain’t too strenuous, but does need ta be done and ah do think you know enough about apples and your eyes are good enough to spot bad ones.”

“I think so,” nodded Joe. “Though I don’t recall ever having my eyes or ears tested to check my visual or hearing range compared with yours. Which could make some of the art interesting if I can tell a difference where there shouldn’t be or can’t where there should.”

“Can you tell the difference between these?” Applejack asked, balancing on her hindlegs with an apple in each forehoof.

“As one is red and the other is green, yes,” replied Joe. “I’m not red-green colour blind like a dog, though I think that is the most common form of colour blindness in humans.”

“Ah was just checking,” Applejack smiled, letting Joe see the human-like effect of all the teeth Ponies had on this world and putting the apples back and dropping down to a more comfortable all-fours.

“Can you tell the difference between these?” asked Joe, after spending several seconds searching.

“One is a mite redder and th’ other a bit more yellow.”

“Right,” nodded Joe. “We seem well able then.”

They began sorting the apples with the bad ones going into the empty tub and others into the barrels. Most of these were a simple split between large barrels of red and green but there were a few ones with unusual shades and those had to go into different and smaller barrels. Applejack explained there were gourmands who thought those tasted different, but she thought they were full of something other than apples. Joe confirmed that ponyfolk had wine snobs and mentioned how when some white wine was dyed red some of those experts thought it tasted like red wine.

“Joe?” Applejack said, as he tapped a barrel lid in place with his hammer and wished he had a wooden mallet. “Ah am glad Rainbow managed to find you th’ day before yesterday.”

“So am I,” replied Joe carefully. “She was very helpful with the model and telling Rarity an…”

“Not that!” Applejack interrupted. “So you could invite her to Canterlot.”

“And how do you know about that?” frowned Joe.

“Ahm”

“Tell.”

“Well, ah, Rarity mentioned you might be inviting someone,” Applejack explained, “and when Rainbow looked so embarrassed we guessed.”

“Fair enough, I’d said there was someone but hadn’t asked her to not discuss or speculate. Though when was this?”

“When we went to the Spa, day you helped Fluttershy.”

Joe gave the barrel lid a few more taps, more to mark time for his thoughts than because it needed it. “So I take it was not a coincidence that Dash found me?”

“Ah, if you mean she was looking for you then she was. Came here and ah suggested the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse.”

“I shall have to repay her then,” Joe nodded, putting the hammer aside and lifting the barrel. “She said she’d just seen me from the air and wondered what I was doing there.”

“Good luck.”

“Hmm,” Joe mused, carrying the barrel to join the other sealed ones. “I’d known Rarity knew, but thought she’d learned when Dash asked her about a dress. I’d known Twilight knew as she’d commented in front of Spike and hadn’t asked him to not say anything to me.” He put the barrel down and turned to look at Applejack. “But if you talked at the Spa then all six of you knew?”

“Ah, yes?”

“I think I will leave myself some illusions though,” Joe smiled, “and won’t ask if everything as well as everyone.”

“Ahm, maybe not everything,” said Applejack, not very reassuringly.

They sorted apples for a while longer and were getting close to finishing when Joe wondered about two things. Would they be able to fit all the remaining apples in the barrels they had started or would they have to start new barrels that would be quite close to empty. And why was it that Applejack had that expression on her face. The first seemed entirely Applejack’s decision but the second he could perhaps discover.

“Okay, what?”

“Ah don’t know what you mean,” Applejack said unconvincingly.

“You are looking as nervous as I felt when I mentioned the event and Dash, pretending to not know why I’d mentioned it, said it sounded stuffy.”

“Well, it does and ah doubt ah look that nervous, but fine… are humans Bonobo?”

“What?” Joe asked, too surprised to continue for a second or two. “No humans are humans and Bonobo are Bonobo, two different sorts of Great Ape…”

“Ah know that, Fluttershy mentioned her chat about what humans are related to.”

“That I don’t mind being shared.”

“An’ she mentioned th’ special habits of Bonobo, that they settle disputes a certain way rather than fight like Chimpanzees…”

Joe closed his eyes with a wince. “Or maybe I do mind that being shared,” he sighed. “I’d told her that humans also weren’t as inclined to casual violence as Chimpanzees… are you asking me if humans shag as much as Bonobo?”

“If by ‘shag’ you mean what ah think then yes.”

“I have already discussed this aspect of things with Dash,” Joe said, opening his eyes to meet Applejack’s, “the day before yesterday rather than the day before that…”

“Ah didn’t mean ta offend you.”

“I’ll say truthfully the answer is no, humans are more restrained than Bonobo in that way as well as more restrained than Chimpanzees in the other.”

“Ah thought so, but er… let me say this,” Applejack said, hesitating a little before continuing. “Ponies come into season and want ta do things more, other times we still like to but are more content with not as often or not as… complete.”

Joe felt relief and then fear and then considered mentioning Rainbow Dash had already embarrassed Twilight Sparkle with talk of magic to help him make it more ‘complete’. Instead though he just commented, “I won’t ask why you are reassuring me of that…”

“And ah won’t say,” Applejack winked.

==

Rainbow Dash looked at herself in the mirror in the Carousel Boutique, eyes a little wide at the Mare staring back at her. She liked bright colours so it had only been her trust in Rarity’s taste, hard earned by the time she had interfered too much, that had allowed her to take the chance of not objecting to this dress while it was still a design on paper. But her coat was a light enough blue to contrast with the darker shades of the dress and it made her rainbow mane and tail appear even more vibrant by comparison. She tried turning and moving a little and blinked at how this caused the upper layers to shift and flashes of colour from the decoration.

“Whoa,” Rainbow Dash breathed.

“Whoa!” echoed Applejack.

“Applejack, darling,” Rarity said, turning and greeting, “it’s a… bit… late, but do you want to come after all? I’m sure I could tidy up one of your dresses from the other formal occasions…”

“Ah thank you kindly Rarity, but ah’m just here because ah owe Rainbow an apology.”

“Oh, what now?” Rainbow Dash said, getting close to what Rarity would describe as complaining and everyone else as whining.

“Ah’m right sorry Rainbow,” blinked Applejack, deciding this reaction called for her to take her hat off and hold it across her chest with one forehoof. “But ah let slip to Joe that you were looking for him, ah didn’t know you said was accidental, and that you’d known he intended ta invite you, he commented that seemed you’d pretended ta not know why he’d mentioned it.”

“What else?”

“Well, ah… ah might have had to admit that we’d talked a spell at th’ Spa, so he knows all six of us know, though he said he’d not ask how much…”

“And?”

“And ah did ask Joe about humans and Bonobo, he winced when he realised why, but he did say humans were more restrained.” Applejack stopped and looked Rainbow Dash up and down again. “But ah’m not sure how much more, especially with that dress.”

“Thank you, darling,” Rarity said as Rainbow Dash blushed, “I was hoping for that effect.”

“And ah did tell Joe pony habits, season and all,” concluded Applejack. “Seemed fair after he answered my question, and made him look a mite relaxed as well as embarrassed and then more scared for a moment.”

Rainbow Dash seemed to be struggling with her words so after a few seconds of this Rarity decided to slightly change the subject. “Right,” Rarity nodded, “I need to replace some stitches with permanent ones, so that gives a question Rainbow, dear.”

“What?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Watch this Applejack,” Rarity replied as her horn glowed and the upper layers and decoration detached so that within a minute they were floating to one side.

“Hwhoo-whee, that’s right pretty as well,” nodded Applejack, “though maybe not enough fancy?”

“It will need the extra for the event,” Rarity agreed, “but for travel and for seeing a few sights in Canterlot this will be more convenient and more than enough… ‘fancy’.”

“Looking real good there, sugar cube,” smiled Applejack.

“Thanks,” Rainbow Dash said, her blush returning a little, “but what was the question?”

“I’d suggest you let Joe see you like this and then with the full ‘fancy’, be less changing, but would you rather give Joe the full ‘fancy’ and then change to this and then back again for the event?”

“Ah think that if he’s going to make Rainbow wait one way then that’s what she should do with th’ dress and that being full and complete!”

“AJ!” Rainbow Dash protested, adding after a moment. “And it’s not like he’s making me wait…”

“Ah know honey, not waiting as not time yet.”

“So?” Rarity asked.

Rainbow Dash nodded with a smile. “Applejack is right, about the dress at least.”

“Ah’m always right…” Applejack winked, “except when ah’m wrong.”

==

Joe looked at the earth bank and was looked back at by some rabbits, a couple of which seemed to make rude gestures and show that Angel Bunny was not unique for his kind here. Attempting to not dwell on the lack of his bow and arrows, or suitable stones to throw, Joe continued to inspect for signs this bank had been undermined too much and might slip down towards the path. He moved a little off this to examine the bank more closely and a rabbit moved a little further up the bank and showed its opinion of having to move.

“Never eaten rabbit…” Joe grumbled, “don’t tempt me.” The rabbits looked at him and made more rude gestures and eloquent showing of fluffy tails and what was beneath those. “Bah.”

“Eaten rabbit?”

“Omnivore, remember,” nodded Joe, turning to look at Big Macintosh, “if vegetarian now.”

“Eee’yup.”

“Rabbits were kept as food animals,” admitted Joe, “still are a lot of places, but in my country attitude has become more ‘look at the cute bunny’.”

There was another flurry of rude gestures. “Eee’yup,” Big Macintosh agreed. “That looks cute.”

“At least the bank doesn’t look too undermined.”

“Nope.”

Joe started walking along to examine the next section, Big Macintosh’s hooves thudding beside him as he followed. “I take it you’d have asked Fluttershy to talk to them if it had?”

“Eee’yup, mahself or Applejack,” nodded Big Macintosh. “Ask her to ask them to fill in some and be more careful.”

“Which shows these rabbits are smart enough to understand such a request,” Joe nodded back.

“Eee’yup. Take it rabbits on your world aren’t?”

“Nope. Seems everything here is smarter,” Joe replied before giving Big Macintosh a rueful expression. “Which makes me glad you lot are vegetarian so I made the change immediately rather than discovering that later.”

“Ah suppose ah can understand that,” said Big Macintosh. “Some things ah’d feel less guilty if ah accidentally stepped on them, cain’t understand wanting ta eat critters but ah can understand why if you did th’ same might apply ta killing them for that.”

Joe nodded. “Fluttershy would be upset if I killed a rabbit, but she’s happy, or willing at least, to kill fish to feed things at her cottage.”

“Eee’yup.”

They stopped and looked at the bank, thankfully without the joy of rabbit gesturing. From the exposed roots they could see there seemed to have been some slippage, but those roots also seemed to have limited that and be binding the face of the bank together. Joe gave one a bit of a tug and prodded at the soil around and behind it with his fingers while Big Macintosh watched.

“Handy things hands,” commented Big Macintosh, “though expect that’s why they’re called that.”

“Or with humans why the word means what it does,” Joe nodded, rejoining him.

“Eee’yup.”

Joe brushed some lingering soil from his fingers and then wiped them on the cloth stuck in his belt. “So, I take it Applejack has vanished?”

“Ah don’t know where she is,” Big Macintosh replied, thinking again how useful Joe made it look having belts to stick things in and hang things from and pockets to put them in, “if that is what you mean?”

“I think I know where she is.”

“Eee’yup?”

“I’m going to Canterlot with Rainbow Dash…” Joe smiled.

“Seemed a mite of a coincidence that right after Sweetie Belle mentioned her sister was busy with a dress that th’ very next comment was ta suggest you might be at Rainbow’s cottage. Almost as if th’ two things were connected.”

Joe nodded and started walking towards the final section of bank. “After they learned I’d asked the Cutie Mark Crusaders to keep it quiet, but as we’d all four be leaving from Ponyville in formal clothes today that ‘secret’ has not long left in it.”

“Eee’yup,” agreed Big Macintosh, “could be a little notice taken, but what’s that to do with Applejack?”

“By strange coincidence after your sister accidentally let a few things slip…”

“She is honest,” nodded Big Macintosh.

“About how much ‘girl talk’ had gone on,” Joe continued, “she asked me to come all the way out here to check these banks”

“Eee’yup. Where you’d not notice her going for more ‘girl talk’ ta warn she’d let slip. And ah admit ah didn’t think this needed checking until after th’ next lot of heavy weather.”

“It looks fine,” Joe agreed, “this part is well grassed with no signs of any instability and even where there were all those rabbit holes…”

“Do you mean th’ warren or what they were waving at us?”

“Both,” Joe smiled, “but even there there was still plenty of grass and no signs of slipping or crumbling.”

“Eee’nope.”

“So, why are you here? Seems I’m here as a distraction…”

“Applejack did tell Granny Smith where she’d sent you,” Big Macintosh replied. “Ah figured you’d be about done so ah came to get you so we can straighten a few fence posts.”

Joe chuckled and then explained at Big Macintosh’s puzzled expression. “When your sister had me help sort apples she said one reason for that was she didn’t want me to be too tired, wasn’t going to have me pounding fence posts all morning.”

“Well…” Big Macintosh said, starting to walk and lead the way. “Ain’t going ta be all morning, and ah won’t tell her if you don’t.”

“Fair enough.”

==

Behind Rarity a blue Pegasus passed from left to right with the sound of beating wings, then from right to left, and back, and back again, and this time with the sound of hooves on floorboards, and a few more times before Rainbow Dash took to the air again. Each stitch Rarity put into the dress was placed with perfection but as her annoyance increased this took more and more effort. Then Rainbow Dash flew to where she was just at the edge of Rarity’s sight and began flitting around there, the movement drawing Rarity’s eye as she continued to try to stitch and Rainbow Dash began to stick her nose in things.

“Darling!” Rarity said, forcing a smile. “You seem… energetic.”

“What?” asked Rainbow Dash, letting the lid of a hamper down. “Oh, sorry”

The Pegasus flew over to one of the cushioned benches and as she settled Rarity hoped for a moment she was going to nap. But then Rainbow Dash began to fidget and look around and within a minute or so she’d begun to whistle a medley of various unrecognisable tunes. Rarity took a deep breath, counted slowly to quite a high number, which didn’t help as much as sometimes as that gave the extra annoyance when the whistling nearly made her lose track of what number she’d got to, and then smiled to her friend again.

“Why don’t you… go to the Gym and work off some of that energy?”

Rainbow Dash blinked. “I remember how you reacted when Pinkie Pie was working off some energy on a trampoline before the Grand Galloping Gala…”

“Then you also remember what we did after I’d reacted that way.”

“Yeah we… wait…” Rainbow Dash said before stopping in suspicion. “Are you going to take Joe…”

“I had intended it as a surprise for all of you,” admitted Rarity, “but I might need your help to persuade him. Rather than trying to persuade you both at the same time.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash smiled. “Joe might be harder to persuade for you than Spike”

“Or for me to persuade than you?”

“I’m in,” Rainbow Dash nodded, the smile turning into a grin. “This could be fun.”

==

Joe walked through Ponyville, nodding to any Ponies who seemed to be being friendly and needed acknowledging and not realising the contrast with his older habit of keeping his eyes more on the ground and trying to not catch anyone’s eye. If he’d been asked about it he’d have made some analogy with knowing you had spilt something on yourself and knowing people would notice but not wanting to see them noticing. Applejack had appeared again while he and Big Macintosh were still working on the fence posts. It had taken a while to decide whether to try to just shove them straight or to partially dig up and replant them and whether, once they were straight, if they would need some diagonal braces added.

It had been on the last of this that Joe had been working, Big Macintosh holding the post steady as Joe hammered the brace into the roughly chiselled hole at one end and the ground at the other. She’d opened her mouth to comment but Joe had told her that he wouldn’t ask where she’d been if she didn’t beat up her brother and that had seemed a fair deal. They’d finished the chores at Sweet Apple Acres and Joe had gone back to his hut for lunch and to relax and jot down a few ideas and make a few notes for the talk at the school.

Joe looked around the Carousel Boutique as he entered and got a look in return from Opalescence. She seemed to want it so Joe wandered across to her and offered a hand, whose attentions were accepted. After a few moments of kitty stroking Joe looked around again. “Hello?”

“Joe? …hold on.” There was a short delay and Rarity bustled out of the back room with a smile. “Hello.”

“Am I early?” Joe asked, as Opalescence withdrew and pretended she hadn’t been accepting love and Joe standing next to her was sheer coincidence. “This was the time I mentioned to Spike.”

“Rainbow was here,” replied Rarity, “but she was anxious about her dress so I sent her to work off some energy.”

“I hope that is going well,” Joe nodded, adding after a pause, “the dress I mean, though I suppose I also hope the energy working off.”

“It’s almost finished, so why don’t you go fetch Rainbow from the Gym?”

That, Joe thought, would give him the chance to chat to her privately. Which of course was probably Rarity’s intent in suggesting this.

“Sure,” Joe nodded.

He wasn’t that sure where the Gym was as he’d not been there more than once or twice. Leaving aside the fact the others were Ponies it would have been embarrassing with how of shape he’d been and solving the latter problem had put him in the habit, and given the preference, of using his own weight and chin-up and sit-up bars. Besides there was the fun of being underestimated and that he did like to also exercise in armour and with his shield and spear. Inside all appeared rather normal by human standards with the only usual aspect being that rather than a sweaty man it was a Pegasus with a rainbow mane who was beating up the punchbag.

“You look nice with your hair up,” Joe commented after watching a few hoof strikes, “shows what a pretty neck you have.”

Rainbow Dash whirled. “Joe!”

She was glad she was already a little flushed with exertion as though that compliment was not worth blushing about in itself it did remind her of all the advice Rarity had given her about what Joe might find attractive, based on what he’d said about human fashion. Rarity had warned her that Joe had been talking about the subject theoretically rather than thinking there any real practical application or consequences to him, but had suggested that meant he was being all the more honest as well as charmingly embarrassed.

“What are you doing here?”

“Rarity asked me to come fetch you,” Joe smiled.

“Okay.”

“And, probably as Rarity expected,” Joe continued, “I shall take the chance to talk to you.” He winked. “I hope you and Applejack had a nice chat.”

Rainbow Dash felt a definite extra flush join the one the exercise had given. “Er…”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Joe said with another smile. “I thought she’d come to warn you of what she’d said. Then that seemed confirmed when she sent me to the far side of Sweet Apple Acres to have rude gestures made at me by rabbits and that Big Macintosh, when he came to fetch me, didn’t know where she was.”

“Rabbits?” asked Rainbow Dash before shaking her head. “Never mind.” She looked to Joe. “I’m sorry if you are embarrassed that the others know… things.”

Joe had been moving across to join her and he gave the punchbag a few punches while he thought. “I’m not embarrassed,” he said, giving it another punch, “I trust them and I have mentioned to Spike and Big Macintosh us going…” A couple more punches and he continued. “But I only told Spike when he guessed right yesterday and Big Macintosh a few hours ago to explain why I thought I knew where Applejack had gone.”

“That seems fair,” Rainbow Dash nodded, watching Joe move and his muscles flex under his shirt. She considered asking if he should take that shirt off to avoid it getting sweaty but then Joe continued speaking.

“A lot of Ponies will notice you and Rarity in your finery, so if it is a secret it wouldn’t be soon.”

“True.”

“I didn’t mention your name to Rarity though, just that there was someone I should ask,” Joe continued, looking at his hands and flexing them after the latest pair of punches. He started walking towards some cloth strips. “And even though I thought she’d likely know, I didn’t mention your name to Twilight.”

“Twilight?”

“I think we are going to have to spare her blushes,” Joe nodded as he began wrapping cloth around over his knuckles. “When Spike confirmed she knew who I was going to Canterlot with, before I gave him his guess, she confessed we’d asked her questions about the same sort of magic.”

“Oh…”

Joe had no grudge against the punchbag and no idea of wanting to flex for what was becoming ‘his’ lady, but hitting it was a good excuse to not always be meeting Rainbow Dash’s eyes. He finished wrapping his knuckles and went back to it and gave it a few more punches. An image from a film came to mind but as everyone here had strength enhanced to that sort of degree he doubted that even if he was that on edge he’d manage to punch it free.

“I thought she probably knew who the somepony I was talking about earlier that day was,” Joe admitted between punches, “but I’ll not ask when you talked to her or what you think I’d look like as a Pony.”

“A Pony… oh,” said Rainbow Dash, cutting off her question as she realised Joe thought she’d asked about him changing rather than her. “I think you’d look good.”

“Thanks,” Joe nodded, giving the punchbag another short flurry.

“Erm… Joe.”

“Yes?”

“AJ mentioned she’d mentioned Pony seasons to you…”

“Ah,” Joe replied, trying to sound calm but betrayed by the blush and that the next few punches were a little more violent.

“And that you looked scared…”

Joe sighed, stopped punching and turned to look at her. “Trying to not presume on things, even knowing we embarrassed Twilight the same way…”

“Right.”

“But my first thought was the reassurance I think Applejack meant, that you might be happier than I’d fear with as much as I can give and with having to take our time seeing if I can give any more…”

“Don’t humans have seasons?” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Human women have a monthly cycle, so at some times of the month they don’t feel like it,” smiled Joe, “and human men have to provide chocolate ice cream and foot rubs. But that’s as far as it goes.”

“And don’t think you’d avoid providing the chocolate ice cream and rubs here… more often than monthly.”

“No Ma’am.”

“But why did you look scared?”

Joe blushed a little more. “Because if I felt like some of the pressure had been taken off for right now,” he admitted, “I then wondered if I had a deadline.”

“Deadline? Oh… when I next come on…”

“Yeah,” Joe nodded, turning back to the Punchbag and really putting some gusto into the next several punches.

Rainbow Dash watched and thought. Joe did seem to be assuming their relationship was heading that way, despite his previous claims that tonight was to explore their feelings. Which was good as, although she didn’t want to do anything too far too fast, that was the direction she wanted to explore. It might be that he’d not manage to overcome his problem, it might be that they’d only dip briefly into romance from friendship, but finding out could be fun. And though he’d not know when his ‘deadline’ was, Mares tended to disguise that and keep their timing secret to avoid opportunistic stallions… or having to kick those stallions in the face… it was promising that he was assuming they’d still be together whenever that occurred.

“You’re quite good at that,” Rainbow Dash commented, finding a more neutral topic. “Same reason as throwing?”

“I…” said Joe, his rhythm thrown off. Regaining it he mused, “I’m not sure, though you can jab from the arm.” He demonstrated. “You do get more power from the shoulder.” Another demonstration. “And some similarities in the motions… which might explain our hands as well.”

“Your hands?”

“There’s been a suggestion that human hands are shaped the way they are so we can punch things with them. As long as they are clenched into a fist.”

“Still looks squishier than a hoof,” scoffed Rainbow Dash as Joe paused and showed her this ‘fist’.

“Able to do more without magic though, but the point of the scientists,” Joe explained, going back to punching, “was that human hands could be even more similar in shape to things like Chimpanzees and still do everything they can. Except Chimpanzees don’t punch, they grab and wrestle and bite, and they can’t form a fist. Or at least not one where all the bones of the hand brace against each other.” He gave her a smile between flurries. “So maybe you are right, we can’t match their arm strength, they can’t match our arm speed, and their hands can grab and ours can grab or punch.”

“Seriously?” asked Rainbow Dash. “You are suggesting those squishy looking things are weapons?”

“Alas,” Joe declared to an imaginary audience, putting more effort into a few more punches, “the lady is not impressed.”

“No offence…” said Rainbow Dash, not admitting she was at least mildly impressed by the impacts.

“None taken,” Joe reassured her, feeling a slight twinge in his left wrist from that last punch. “And was a little embarrassing to admit the suggestion that the human hand was not made to pen sonnets,” he added with pair of lighter punches, “nor paint masterpieces, or even to give lovely Pegasi neck rubs but to be able to do all that…” Joe smiled and looked at her. “If I’d the talent for the first two, and be able to punch things as well.”

“You seem to be assuming you had the talent for the third thing though,” winked Rainbow Dash.

“Oh?” Joe asked, for the moment not going back to punching. “Did I misinterpret the sounds you were making?”

“No!” grinned Rainbow Dash.

Chapter 29

It was quiet in the Carousel Boutique where Spike and Rarity were sitting and sharing a thick rug, her forehooves tucked beneath her and her horn glowing as they both looked at the glowing sketchpad hovering in front of them. The pencil, enveloped in a similar glow, darted in and made a few quick lines to illustrate Rarity’s latest idea. She glanced to Spike to check he was paying attention to what they were doing rather than just to her, as flattering as the latter was.

“You can see the problem Spike, darling,” Rarity said. “Your name is apt for your back, if not your un-spiky nature, and the larger and sharper the spines along your back get the more problem we have with not damaging a jacket.”

“Hmm,” nodded Spike. “Can already be split at the bottom into tails, but my spines go all the way up so…”

“So not easy to just have a split back. If they only began a little lower then still have enough across the shoulders.”

“Maybe some belts?” Spike asked hesitantly, thinking as he spoke. “Though if those rubbed against the upper edge of the spine, when they get sharper, then they’d have to be tough to not be cut… and might wear at the spine if they are too tough… hmm, maybe not.”

“Idea!” sing-songed Rarity, brightening. “Talking of belts reminded me of Joe…”

“And?”

“And have you noticed the top of his knife scabbard? I made it for him not long after he arrived here, before he was so… so…”

“Muscular?”

“I was going to say willing to chat, but that as well,” nodded Rarity. “And although he didn’t say much, and admitted it might be fine without, he did ask for a metal part at the ‘mouth’ of that scabbard.”

“So… oh!” Spike nodded back. “So if we fit metal guards over my spines then that would blunt them? Sounds heavy.”

“Would only need to be around the bottom and could be thin metal, part of the actual jacket.”

Spike nodded again. The talk of scabbards had made him think she was meaning to cover the spines entirely. “Sort of flat hoops to protect spines from jacket and jacket from spines?”

“Questions though,” frowned Rarity, sketching that idea and suggestion. “Should we make those spine-guards blend with the jacket or should we make them contrast? We don’t want to distract from the shine and colour of your scales, but would more decoration draw attention to them? Maybe make the guards more elaborate looking with, perhaps, some metal thread embroidery around them? Oh bother, hard to plan.”

“We do know what I looked like when I grew,” Spike pointed out, “and we saw the older Dragons.”

“Oh, that’s no help.”

“It isn’t?”

“Of course not,” Rarity chided him. “I am sure you will be more handsome than that, and far more handsome than those ruffians who bullied you, as your sudden growth was fuelled by greed and your appearance reflected that. As long as you remain your brave, loyal, sweet self you will grow into a truly magnificent Dragon.”

Spike blushed and remembered his daydream of being Sir Spike and saving his fair lady Rarity from the Diamond Dogs. That was far more what he wanted to look like than the Dragons of the same height that had bullied him when he followed the migration. Thinking of that and the Diamond Dogs made him wonder whether Joe could help, he was a lot heavier in the legs and lighter in the arms and shoulders than Sir Spike had been, but he was closer in shape than anypony and might be willing to share his daily weapons drill.

“Hi guys!” Rainbow Dash called as she walked in through the door Joe was holding open for her.

“Ah,” replied Rarity, floating the pad and pencil down as she looked around. “you were a little longer than I thought you would be…”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash asked sceptically.

“Not really,” admitted Rarity.

“As you’d expect with Dash’s talent,” Joe smiled, “we cleared the air.”

“And don’t worry, darling,” twinkled Rarity. “Nothing has been said to your detriment, even if things have been said.”

“Er,” Joe said, looking for a distraction and seeing the pad. He stooped and looked at that and then Spike. “New suit Spike?”

“Talking about ways to accommodate my spines as they grow.”

“Hmm,” Joe mused, one hand going to his belt as he thought. Then he looked at where his hand was resting. “I have some metal around the mouth of…”

“Rarity already thought of the guard on your knife scabbard.”

“Fair enough,” Joe nodded, “she made it.”

Rarity examined Joe and then Rainbow Dash as Joe slipped a hand behind the knife sheath and angled it so Spike could see the guard better. “Joe,” Rarity said, “you and Rainbow both look quite sweaty…”

“I took a turn at the punchbag.”

“And then he realised what he’d done,” added Rainbow Dash, “and said he hoped there was somewhere he could freshen up again.”

“I’d think there would be at a Gym,” Joe nodded before admitting, “but I hadn’t got a towel with me and, as fast as she is, Dash could have just intended to zoom back to her cottage to deal with her glow of exertion.”

“Genteelly put,” smiled Rarity, “I hope Rainbow reassured you?”

“She said you’d anticipated that need,” Joe said, making Rainbow Dash grin as she remembered flying up to donk Joe on the head and ask if his brain was working. As Rarity had sent her here she’d know that freshening up would be needed for her, at least.

“Quite so,” nodded Rarity, “come along.”

The sketch pad, pencil, and Rarity’s horn glowed again and the former two floated across to settle on a table as the white unicorn rose to her hooves. Joe straightened up and wondered what way the bathroom was but to his surprise as Rarity released the sketch pad and pencil and began walking she turned towards the door outside. Before he could do more than begin to ask where she was going she had left, and when the others followed Joe shrugged and also did. He had a suspicion as they kept going and he had to stride out a little to catch up but then he stopped dead as it seemed their destination was confirmed.

“Oh no, no,” Joe said shaking his head.

“Whatever is the matter Joe?” asked Rarity, enjoying the reaction.

“The spa?”

“Yes. Why did you think I said to meet so early?”

“More time in Canterlot before the event,” Joe suggested, “to allow for delays or problems with the train…”

“To make sure we are all looking our best?” asked Rarity in return.

“To let Rarity have another Ponycure,” suggested Rainbow Dash, adding with a wink, “like she said she’d need after AJ had to shove her along with her hooves sliding on the spa floor?”

“What?” Joe said, wondering why either of them would do that.

“I only wanted to get a few more details,” Rarity pouted.

“Oh,” Joe blinked, wonderment answered. “Well I hope you two, or three, have a good time…”

Rainbow Dash zoomed across to bring her face level with his. “You think you are going anywhere but ahead?”

“There’s nothing to be scared of,” added Rarity, “we’ll all be together…”

“That is rather the point,” Joe replied, “in case you haven’t noticed I do have a nudity taboo…”

“What about Gymnasium meaning place of naked exercise?” asked Rainbow Dash, going muzzle to nose with Joe.

Joe leant back a little from the face being shoved into his. “That was more than two millennia ago,” he argued, “and a culture shaped by the fact it’s warmer in that part of the world…”

“I remember you saying that even if you went swimming you’d want to keep your shorts on,” Rarity said reassuringly, “but I’m sure you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Errrr,” blushed Joe.

“Look,” Rainbow Dash whispered, circling around to speak straight in his ear, “you said humans were more restrained than Bonobo and that those parts aren’t responding anyway, so you don’t have to worry about getting a…” She paused and blushed slightly, then blushed more as she continued. “Anyway I’d be pleased as well as embarrassed if you did… er… respond.”

“What an interesting shade Joe has become,” commented Rarity in delight, looking from the pair to the Dragon, “don’t you agree Spike?”

“Maybe a new colour of fabric?” Spike asked. “Blushing human?”

Joe gave them a speaking look and then leaned across to whisper back in Rainbow Dash’s ear. “That would be embarrassing,” he admitted, deciding on some dramatic honesty, “but so might if that didn’t happen. I mentioned ‘peeing like a racehorse’, I didn’t mention humans can also say ‘hung like a horse’ if a man is remarkably well endowed in that region.”

“My mistake,” nodded Rarity as Rainbow Dash choked, “that is an interesting shade.”

“Ah, er… well,” Rainbow Dash said before she regained more power of speech and the presence of mind to bring her mouth back to Joe’s ear and lower her voice to a whisper again. “Spike’s confident despite being a baby dragon rather than a stallion.”

“He doesn’t wear anything,” Joe whispered back, almost head butting Rainbow Dash as he shifted his mouth back to her ear again, “so he’s confident letting it all hang out all the time, or he would be if his wasn’t retractable! Anyway he’s still growing so eventually he’ll have the opposite problem…”

Rainbow Dash choked again and flapped back out of whispering range. She couldn’t argue but she didn’t want to think about it. Or at least not about Spike and Rarity, she was curious now about what Joe had to offer. Even if he wasn’t ‘hung like a horse’, and little else about him was similar, perhaps he was still ‘hung like a Pony’? And were his doubts about that part of the problem?

“Now you have finished whispering, and driving each other to new shades of colour, shall we get inside?” asked Rarity.

“Look,” Joe sighed, “I’d rather just go back to my hut and rinse myself off. Then meet you at the Carousel Boutique to get dressed properly…”

“Well you can’t,” said Rarity firmly, “if nothing else then because your suit, and Spike’s and our dresses, are here.”

“Even so I think it better I go back to my hut…”

==

The strange semi-transparent mud felt warm and supportive as Joe sat in it three-quarters of an hour later, and he could feel himself relaxing. Somehow Rarity had managed to persuade him that it would be impolite to not tell the Spa staff in person, to not assure them his reluctance was no reflection on their establishment, and to be there when she assured them that he should be allowed to come back and be shown to the changing room where the outfits were. That last part was a poor reason as Joe was rather recognisable but he’d been flustered enough by the talk with Rainbow Dash to not think of that meagre advantage of being the only human around.

As Rarity had expected when the Spa staff pounced and were so welcoming Joe didn’t manage to get enough excuses out in time and almost before he knew it he was being taken to a room to change. He’d managed to blurt about nudity taboos again, but the staff had just asked how humans dealt with this. He’d stammered about unisex facilities, and that humans might still wear a towel even amongst those of the same gender, and they had calmly told him the facilities here were not segregated but they did have plenty of towels and they did have individual rooms for washing. This had let Joe mistakenly relax as he’d been flustered enough to think ‘wash before dressing’ rather than ‘wash before the rest of the Spa treatment’. Being led to some massage tables after he’d showered, rather than a dressing room, had let him realise his mistake, but too late as a desperately gripped towel was not enough to wear to flee.

Despite everything Joe had managed to enjoy the massage. The Pony had been sympathetic about his scars, accepted that he wanted the towel kept over certain parts of him, and although her hooves made it quite a firm massage it had been no firmer than some could do with stiff fingers. She’d even managed to work out the twinge in his left wrist, though Rainbow Dash had scoffed from her own table that she thought Joe had been taking it easy on the punchbag after he’d tried to be too macho. The sauna had also been enjoyable, for Spike especially as he almost sat on the hot stones, and Joe had managed to still retain his towel at his midriff. After another quick shower in the same room as before, and wrapping on a fresh towel, had come a real problem however as he followed the directions he’d been given.

When he arrived the other three were already sitting happily in this goo, Rarity and Rainbow Dash having gathered their manes up in towels, and Rarity had praised how wonderful and accommodating the Spa staff were to let them have this small private room. It seemed obvious they expected him to join them and equally obvious that a towel and sitting in a bath of something were not compatible. The question therefore became if it would be more embarrassing to ask them to close their eyes or not.

With a blush almost as good as the sauna had brought Joe had padded across and, careful to not give a view up his ‘kilt’ to Spike on the opposite side, sat down at the edge of the bath and lowered his feet into it. Before Rarity could tease him to get all the way in he’d flipped his towel back, shielding himself with his other hand, and then quickly bumped and slid himself forward and in. This had given Rarity the chance to tease him instead about the undignified manner of his entrance, and the waves that caused, but that seemed a fair price for minimising his exposure.

“Yeeeeek!” squealed Joe suddenly, his eyes opening wide as he sat bolt upright.

“Rainbow,” Rarity asked, looking across the bath at her friend grinning at Joe at that reaction, “where is your wing?”

“Relaxed by my side,” replied Rainbow Dash, giving her friend an innocent look as she raised her left wing out of the ‘mud’. “Why?”

“Just wondering,” Rarity smiled.

Joe was looking and feeling slightly betrayed and was confident that Rarity had meant Rainbow Dash’s right wing, the one on the side towards him rather than Spike. He was equally confident that he knew where at least one feather of that right wing had been a few seconds ago. He’d been glad this goo was semi-opaque and concealing, but he hadn’t thought about how it would conceal other things, such as the whims, or wings, of Pegasi.

He’d also not realised how much what she had just brushed with a feather would relax. Aside from the presence of a Draconic chaperone and that the ladies were Ponies this was pretty close to a fantasy. A cosy bathtub, two pretty and naked girls sharing it, a private room… Joe would not say he was that worked up, since there was the Dragon and they were Ponies and it was nothing that a towel would not easily conceal. But there had been some effects of the last ten minutes or so of comfort and female voices.

“So…” Rainbow Dash mused, giving Joe an eyelash flutter that would have done Rarity proud, “you seem happy Joe?”

Joe blushed and almost muttered. “Not as happy as I might be.”

“Oh?” Rarity asked with faux innocence. “Is there a problem?”

“All three of you know there is,” replied Joe, giving her a flat look as he slowly sank back into the goo, “and still is despite recent investigation.”

“Felt like you were getting happier though,” Rainbow Dash said, blushing and addressing her words to the ceiling

Rarity giggled at the comment and Joe’s expression while Spike glanced back and forth between the three others, seeming uncertain what to say. Seeing this Joe gave Spike a rueful smile of commiseration.

“Sorry my friend, perhaps I should have scooped you up and us both fled.”

“Hah!” said Rainbow Dash, lowering her gaze to fix Joe with it. “How far do you think you would have got?”

“Oh, I’d not have grabbed Spike to save him from these lewd innuendoes…” Joe began.

“Lewd innuendoes?” asked Spike, then suddenly realising what they had meant by ‘happy’ and ‘happier’. “Oh!”

“It would just be because I’d need a flamethrower to fend off pursuit.” Joe finished.

“Why do I get the feeling that is the name of a weapon that humans have,” teased Rainbow Dash, “rather than just a description of what Spike can do?”

“Gah… eh… no comment…” Joe spluttered, but then a thought occurred. “Wait a minute…”

“Hmm?” asked Rarity.

Joe scooped up a handful of the stuff they were sitting in and looked at it, then sniffed it, and finally flicked his tongue out for a taste before he looked relieved.

“Problem?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Looked scared for a moment there.”

“One thing I’ll also not comment on is the scurrilous rumour that a thick gel can be dropped that catches fire. Nor would I say that I had suddenly remembered that and wondered what we were sitting in and what would happen if Spike sneezed.”

“And you’d not say how you’d know what that smelt or tasted like?” Rarity asked.

“If such a gel existed then it would be similar, though much thicker, to a thin fluid that can be mixed with air and ignited inside a cylinder, this ignition pushing a piston to provide power…”

“In such an engine as you have mentioned are used for a lot of human things,” Rainbow Dash said supportively, “such as aeroplanes.”

Joe nodded slightly, there were still plenty of piston engined planes. “And which therefore I’d be familiar with the smell of, though not the taste.”

“Of course,” Rarity smiled.

“At least that innuendo wasn’t lewd,” commented Spike, “so I didn’t need to be saved from it, just as you don’t need to be saved from my sneezes.”

“But we do need to be saved from being late,” Rarity nodded with another smile, “so come along.”

Rarity gracefully slid up out of the bath, the goo not really adhering to her coat but lingering a little in the longer hairs of her tail. Spike followed at once, the goo just sliding straight off his scales, and then Rainbow Dash got out, grinned, and flicked the goo from her wings, where it had adhered, at Joe as he continued to sit.

“Gah!” Joe exclaimed, scraping some goo off his face and out of his beard and hair.

Rarity started to comb out her tail with a coarse toothed comb and then glanced at him. “Not joining us Joe?”

“Er.”

“I’m looking forward to how he manages to get out,” Rainbow Dash winked to Rarity.

“Which might be why he hasn’t,” commented Spike.

“Well, if he’s going to stay down there he can be useful,” Rainbow Dash nodded, turning and settling on the tiles with her rear towards Joe. Before he or his parts could decide if that close up view was embarrassing or erotic or both she slapped him across the face with her tail.

“Ack!” said Joe from the impact, the goo making that harder as it made the tail heavier, and more of it splattering across him.

“That’s one way to get this stuff out of her tail,” Rarity said, getting a nod from Spike.

“Go on, get to work,” ordered Rainbow Dash looking over her shoulder and back along herself at Joe.

“But I…” A comb and brush in the blue glow of Rarity’s magic floated across to settle next to Joe and he gave up. “Okay.”

“Don’t be too long, darlings,” Rarity said with a twinkle. “Come along Spike, time to rinse off again.”

“I could have done that for you…” commented Spike as he followed.

“Next time, maybe,” Rarity replied.

Deciding to start with what he had been so gently presented Joe picked up the comb and began running it through Rainbow Dash’s tail. He had to support and hold it with his other hand as he was sitting in a bath of the same stuff he was removing and it was awkward having to decide which hand to use for what. So he ended up alternating and having to twist and cross and uncross his arms. The brush had been a surprise but it was less surprise that the difference in tools was because of the difference in the ladies.

Satisfied with his work on her tail Rainbow Dash had turned and graciously granted him the privilege of being presented with one of her wings, something the soft bristles of the brush would be better suited to. Joe had brushed and fluffed the goo away from the feathers and was fairly sure that, as with the tail, he’d got out as much goo as would come out a while before Rainbow Dash had decided it was time to move on. Then her other wing very thoroughly taken care of as well she had given him a smile as she furled it back to her side.

“I’ll have mercy,” winked Rainbow Dash, standing and beginning to move away.

“By not kissing me and worsening any problems…” Joe asked, “or lack of problems… I might be having?”

Rainbow Dash turned back at that question and craned her neck out over the bath to look straight down, giggling as Joe hurriedly brought the hand not holding the brush across to block her view. “Spoilsport, but I meant I’d let you get out of there alone.” She fluttered her eyelashes again, making Joe wonder just how much advice she’d decided to take from Rarity. “Unless you’d rather I didn’t?”

“To quote Rarity… ‘next time maybe’,” Joe replied, not sure how much he, or Rarity, meant it.

“And next time I’ll have to help you,” nodded Rainbow Dash, “as flexible as your upper limbs are I don’t think you can do your own back.”

With that truthful statement Rainbow Dash left and, after a few seconds hesitation to be sure she had gone, Joe planted his hands on the edge of the bathtub and brought himself back to sitting on the edge. He didn’t see much point in standing, and not being able to make a hurried re-entry, until after he’d used the back of the comb to scrape the goo away from his skin. It was a relief to see this coming away clean and that, once he’d stood, he was able to do his legs and rear and recover his towel without surprises. Making his way back to the same room as the previous two times Joe rinsed off the rest of the goo and dried himself and was starting to wonder what to do next when there was a knock on the door.

“Joeeeee!” called Rarity, as he grabbed for another towel in case she decided a door was too much barrier to conversation. “Are you towelled again?”

“One moment,” Joe replied, making sure the towel was secure. “Sure.”

The door opened and Rarity walked in, a bundle floating above her back. “Time to get dressed.”

“I assume you mean in my suit?” Joe asked, wishing she’d just passed him the bundle rather than coming in.

“What else would…” began Rarity as she placed the bundle on the side table. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

Rarity gave him a look of faint embarrassment. “I forgot you’d be wearing clothes to here as well as away from here,” she admitted before she rallied. “Still! I am sure they can look after those slightly sweaty things and I did have the foresight to include fresh underwear.”

“Or underwear at least,” Joe commented, “since you just said you forgot I’d be wearing anything.”

“Hush! Don’t correct a lady.”

“My apologies Mademoiselle,” Joe replied, managing a creditable bow despite one hand remaining in a death grip on the towel.

Rarity withdrew and Joe dressed and transferred things from one outfit to the other. It was a little annoying that the suit trousers had no belt-loops so he couldn’t wear a belt and thus couldn’t wear his sheath knife on that. He knew that would be inappropriate for Canterlot but the knife had saved his life against the Manticore so he didn’t want to risk losing it and did feel happier with it on him. There were no pockets in the suit trousers either but there was a small one inside the jacket where he managed to put his purse of bits, fuller than normal in anticipation of Canterlot, and his keys.

On a whim Joe took something out of his old trousers and slipped it into the top of the new boots. Then he double checked and was both puzzled and relieved at the lack of a neckcloth, he wasn’t sure the outfit would look right without it but at the same time he didn’t know how to tie it anyway. He gathered his old clothes and boots together and after poking his head out the room to look up and down the corridor and waiting a little decided to head for reception. That seemed the right decision as Spike was sitting and waiting there.

“Ah, sir,” the receptionist said, seeing Joe and managing to recognise him despite the description having been of the suit rather than the bipedalism, “if I can take those? Miss Rarity explained.”

“Thank you,” Joe replied, handing his things over.

As the receptionist vanished to stow those somewhere Joe went to sit next to Spike. “The ladies will be along soon,” the small Dragon informed him, “they need to style their manes as well.”

“The lot of males on two worlds it seems,” Joe nodded, sitting and relaxing for a long wait, “waiting for their ladies at the hairdressers.”

“Scales are simpler,” agreed Spike.

“Cheer up,” Joe said, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, “maybe Rarity will turn into a Dragon and know that joy.”

“Er… what?”

“If you two stay together then eventually you’ll outgrow her, physically, and you’d outlive her. But she’d make a pretty Dragon with gleaming white scales, purple spines… probably of more complex shapes than yours, and maybe retaining her Unicorn Horn…”

“Hmmm,” Spike said happily, playing along. “And if she had wings then the membranes might look like the wings Twilight gave her, translucent and multicoloured…”

“But hopefully not as temporary,” commented Rarity.

“Oook!” Spike choked.

Joe opened his eyes and tilted his head back down to look at Spike. “Don’t blame me, I thought you were watching for them.”

“I think he was only seeing what you had suggested,” Rarity smiled, “but thank you for saying I’d be a pretty Dragon.”

“As you said to me,” declared Spike, hopping to his feet and bowing, “it would reflect the beauty within you.”

“Indeed,” Joe agreed, also standing and bowing.

“Oh, stop that you ridiculous pair…” ordered Rarity happily as they held the bows, “and stand up straight Joe.”

Joe straightened and a cloth whirled towards him and around his neck. This was more sudden than last time and more uncomfortable as it had to tuck itself inside his waistcoat rather than him getting to fasten that over it. Perhaps he should have left that unfastened, but he’d not been warned. Perhaps Rarity could have unfastened it first, but felt he squirming sensation of the neckcloth insinuating itself between waistcoat and shirt was at least a little revenge for the gossiping. Either way it was soon done along with a few tweaks to the jacket.

“I wondered about that,” Joe commented.

“You look… amazing,” said Spike, looking at Rarity and speaking with great sincerity as his embarrassment faded enough for him to notice properly.

Rarity inclined her head graciously at this compliment. Her dress was made up of slightly baroque rich fabrics and embroidery and layers, contrasting in their colours and patterns with the gleaming white of her coat and the purple of her mane. The shoes on her forehooves were simply cut but of equally rich fabric and embroidery. Around her neck a comparatively simple necklace hung with a single large gem flanked by two others and though her mane was hanging quite loose a couple of jewelled securing bars kept it swept back and up a little more than normal.

“I do, don’t I,” Joe agreed, striking a pose and putting on a deep conceited voice.

“What?” asked Spike, turning to face him. Joe winked. “Oh…”

“But,” Joe continued, dropping both pose and voice, “outshone here as the Sun does t…” He stopped as he decided that saying ‘does the Moon’ was not a good idea when then were actual living Goddesses of those. “…the merest candle by our fair companion.”

“Nice save,” said Rarity admiringly.

“And what about me?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Joe turned slightly and looked, wondering if he’d not notice the sound of footsteps… hoofsteps… or if Rainbow Dash had glided silently. Compared with Rarity her dress was simpler, dark fabric shading subtly towards the hemline from midnight blue to more, what Joe would think, a light navy blue. She was wearing slightly lighter blue sandals with straps wrapping up around her forelegs and the lower edges of her wings were just visible as the hemline curved up from a sleeveless ‘shirt’ over her forward torso and then down again and lower over her rear. Her rainbow mane was gathered up, making Joe wonder if that had been planned before he said she had a pretty neck, so she just had a few artfully arranged strands playing around her face. At first her necklace appeared even simpler than Rarity’s since it had no gems, but as she moved a little closer and it glittered it was apparent it was several interwoven strands of silver and obsidian. Her dress also appeared less plain as this movement caused rainbow highlights from the prismatic threads woven into it.

“Ah…” said Joe.

Rainbow Dash smiled, enjoying the slightly stunned look. “Better make this good.”

“Nothing can shine brighter than the Sun,” began Joe, making Rarity wonder briefly if Joe was so stupid he was going to say she looked better, “but there is great beauty in the night sky, where what appeared dark can reveal nebulae of many colours, a more subtle but equal beauty.”

“Good enough,” Rainbow Dash nodded.

“Indeed,” agreed Rarity agreed, glad Joe had salvaged his sentence from the unpromising beginning, “and finely sidestepped which he prefers. Or which dress at least.” She paused and then prompted. “Well go on Rainbow…”

“What?”

Rarity blinked at how obtuse her friend was being. She hadn’t let her see that suit on the dummy so she could get the full effect when she saw it on Joe and had hurried ahead to make sure Joe had his neckcloth in place. But now Rainbow Dash just looked puzzled and said ‘what’?

“Oh! Yeah, nice suit Joe. Looks good on you.”

“Thank you,” Joe replied.

Rarity rolled her eyes at this. There had been a faint hope that Rainbow Dash had been teasing Joe, but that sounded like genuine surprise and had not been effusive. Though she’d admit that she had not complimented Spike here she’d also argue that he was not wearing a new suit and since she was the tailor she already knew what he looked like in it and had praised it and him before.

Joe huffed and shook his head with a smile. “It feels like I should offer you my arm,” he said, smiling to Rainbow Dash, and forming a loop with his elbow sticking out and his hand on his side, “but I don’t think that would work.”

“Hmm,” nodded Rarity as she pictured it, “but I can see how it would work if she could do the same.”

“I could try,” Rainbow Dash suggested.

“No!” snapped Rarity.

Joe blinked at this vehemence. “Wouldn’t be fair to expect you to walk two hooved,” he agreed.

“I could hover…” Rainbow Dash began.

“No and No!” snapped Rarity again. “Darling, your dress is designed for the way you are standing, not for you to be rearing up… and I certainly don’t want you creasing the hem by using your wings to fly. I designed it so you could, if needed, but it was more for less… vigorous and sustained uses.”

“Like tickling Joe?” Spike suggested.

“Maybe I should have made that vigorous and sustained last time I tickled him,” winked Rainbow Dash.

“You did,” Joe replied, “because that was when you tickled the back of my hand, wasn’t it?”

“Oh yes, of course it was,” nodded Rainbow Dash with a feline smile.

“Darlings! Enough blushing and not enough walking,” Rarity said, “whether on four hooves or two feet.”

With that subtle prompting the quartet paid their farewells to the Spa staff, Joe feeling a touch embarrassed as he realised the receptionist had returned somewhere between the comment about Rarity becoming a Dragon and where Rainbow Dash had talked about tickling. He hoped he hadn’t looked too embarrassed though as that would have confirmed things had not been innocently meant. They started walking towards the train station and as expected were noticed by a few Ponies along the way. What was less expected was to see Twilight Sparkle ahead of them.

“Twilight, darling!” Rarity called.

Twilight Sparkle turned with a slight clinking from her panniers. It had been a good morning that had produced some interesting potions and comparisons of how their effects differed after the extra infusion of magic. She’d intended to get back before Spike would have to leave the Golden Oaks Library to meet at the Carousel Boutique but time had got away from her a little so she was surprised to see the quartet still making their way towards the station.

“I thought Spike said you were meeting at three?”

“Meeting at three,” Rarity replied, “to Joe’s horror catching a train only after we’d been to the Spa.”

“Surprise.”

“Horror,” Rarity repeated, not accepting the ‘correction’ from Joe.

“Embarrassment.”

“Horror,” Rarity repeated again.

Joe shrugged. “Horror.”

Twilight Sparkle gave them a proper looking over. Spike looked very smart and Rarity as beautiful as expected. Rainbow Dash was looking lovely, the colours of her mane and tail and the sunlight refractions vibrant compared with and against her dress. If Rainbow Dash in a dress was a surprise though then the bigger one was Joe looming over them like a dark cloud of maleness. Seeing him in armour had been mildly impressive but in that suit you could tell more of that was him and less the metal.

“You four look… wow.”

“I said that Rarity and Dash would draw heads,” Joe nodded.

“And I didn’t doubt you,” replied Twilight Sparkle, “though… Rainbow?”

“Yeah Twi?”

“I don’t want to second guess Rarity, but isn’t that dress a little plain?”

“Appropriately it has rainbow flashes as she moves,” Joe commented, as if those weren’t noticeable, “and that it is simpler and shorter cut shows her grace…”

“Er…” said Rainbow Dash, glancing at Rarity.

“And Rarity knows,” Joe added, with a nod to her, “that I am not criticising her or her more ornate style.”

“Of course not, dear,” smiled Rarity. “We can agree that what suits me would not Rainbow and vice versa. Though talking of moving…”

“I can walk with you,” Twilight Sparkle offered.

“Thank you, darling.”

As the quintet started walking Joe glanced at Rarity and Rainbow Dash. “And I’d say not suit to the same extent at least,” he commented, “I doubt either of you, or Twilight, could look bad.”

“Isn’t he a sweet talker when he tries?” Rarity said, nodding to Rainbow Dash. “Definitely worth keeping, for now at least.”

“It’s a lovely dress and Rainbow looks wonderful in it…” began Twilight Sparkle.

“Thanks Twi,” Rainbow Dash said, waiting for the ‘but’.

“But,” continued Twilight Sparkle, not surprising her friend, “you know how… fussy… the Canterlot style can be.” She stopped and looked embarrassed. “Not that I mean Rarity’s dress is fussy…”

“Careful darling,” Rarity teased, “the more you two reassure me about my dress the more fears I have.”

“You look amazing,” said Spike, repeating his words and sincerity of earlier.

“Thank you, fears allayed,” Rarity smiled. “And to allay Twilight’s we have a surprise for Joe.”

“You do?”

“Didn’t you wonder what was in the bag I asked you to carry?”

“Lady stuff,” Joe shrugged.

“Extra ornateness for Rainbow’s dress, for the event.”

“Oh.”

Seeing Joe’s expression Rarity felt some faint concern. She remembered the chat and his preference for Beau Brummel’s style over that of the Macaroons and he was very appreciative of Rainbow Dash’s dress as it was. So there was a chance he’d not like the extra layers and decoration as much as they’d hoped. But Rainbow Dash liked them and that was more important.

“Before I forget,” Twilight Sparkle said suddenly, “I spoke to Zecora and she says…” Twilight Sparkle closed her eyes a little and then nodded as she remembered the exact words. “‘To make his visit two days hence, would not leave me in much suspence, agree to talk to youngsters better, so his moves I shall not fetter.’”

“Zecora?” asked Rainbow Dash, realising this was a Mare that Joe had not mentioned his opinion of. And as she was a Zebra he could truthfully say that he had talked of all the eligible Ponies he knew. She frowned slightly as she tried to remember if he had said Mares or Ponies though.

“I pick ingredients for her once a week in the Everfree,” Joe replied, not suspecting any suspicions, “still owe her for Potions and medical care.”

“I don’t like the Everfree, I prefer clear skies,” mused Rainbow Dash, reassured by Joe’s calm reaction, “but I could keep you company next time?”

“I’d like that, though is quite uneventful.”

“Uneventful?” Rarity exclaimed. “The Everfree?”

“As I’ve said, if the trips had been eventful then I’d not have taken the Cutie Mark Crusaders anywhere near it.”

“Which was still silly,” Rarity chided him, “but long since forgiven.” Then she and the others heard the whistle of the train. “But onwards!”

“I’m on it,” nodded Rainbow Dash, her wings unfurling out from under the sides of her dress.

“No!” Rarity said desperately. “Hovering would be bad enough, but flying at speed? Think of your coiffure!”

Rainbow Dash paused and then furled her wings again. “Right.”

“Thanks for taking the message to Zecora,” Joe smiled, “and giving me the reply, Twilight.”

“No trouble,” Twilight Sparkle said, “Have fun in Canterlot.”

“Thank you, darling,” replied Rarity, bustling ahead with as much speed as dignity and dress would allow. “Goodbye for now though.”

That farewell echoed by the others Twilight Sparkle stopped and watched them hurrying as fast as Rarity would allow. This seemed a lot slower than any of the other three would prefer, but more than fast enough as the train was still approaching the station and spent some time there anyway. Turning away and starting back towards the library Twilight Sparkle wondered if she should have gone with them, but the ‘absent friends’ party that Pinkie Pie had planned for tonight sounded like a lot more fun.

Author's Note

To save you going back to Chapter 16… he said Mares. Which was a more useful note in the Word document as it was at the top of the chapter rather than down here where you might have already gone and checked.

Chapter 30

“I can’t believe you bought me this.”

“It goes with your dress, and your name.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Joe with a mixture of puzzlement, pleasure, and annoyance. So far their trip to Canterlot had been very pleasant. Rarity had warned them about the problems and advantages of an outside cafe table. The advantage was to see and be seen and perhaps have someone ask where they had got their clothes, the disadvantage was that you might be approached by snobs. They’d taken the risk and had enjoyed drinking their cups of coffee flavoured foam with a small amount of actual coffee in the bottom of them and eating pastries that were so flaky and light as to almost vanish into dust when touched.

While there and drawing eyes that Joe assumed were admiring the ladies, and the other three suspected were more wondering what that was sitting with them, they had talked about having a meal while they were here. There would be refreshments at the event but Rarity warned them that eating their way through the buffet would not be polite, before she winced and mentioned how everypony else at the infamous garden party had been taking discreet slivers of cake and then Pinkie Pie had stuck her face in it.

Spike solved the problem by suggesting they filled up with doughnuts, though he reluctantly agreed that would be better done between the event and the train home. Rarity would not have any trouble due to the complex patterns of her dress and her ladylike skill at eating without mess, but the other three were wearing darker clothes that sprinkles and sugar would show up more against and were, perhaps, a little more inclined to produce crumbs. Joe’s only real comment was that if the doughnut maker was called Pony Joe then he was glad they’d not decided to call him Not-Pony Joe.

They still had a short time before the event, or so Rarity said when she actually meant they still had a short time before enough Ponies would be there to make an adequate audience for them to make an entrance. Walking and promenading seemed a fine way to her to spend that time and the other three raised no objections. Joe did like exploring, Spike liked the chance to show off his knowledge of the layout of Canterlot, and Rainbow Dash just knew there was no arguing with Rarity.

As they passed along a street of shops and boutiques and did a little window shopping Joe had suddenly asked them to wait though. There was a slight eek of surprise from within as Joe quickly popped inside and the Pony shopkeeper had to deal with a human customer. Joe had returned with a relatively small but long velvet-looking box and, holding it out towards her, had opened the lid to Rainbow Dash’s surprise. The shop was a jewellers and inside the box, nestled on some white cloth, was a crystal sphere on a long silver chain.

“With her name?” Spike asked, making Rainbow Dash blink rather than stare.

Joe shut the box. “Let’s find a quieter spot,” he suggested, turning back the way they’d come and starting to walk. Rarity and Rainbow Dash exchanged looks as they followed and Spike trotted a little to catch up and give Joe an enquiring look. Glancing down Joe explained. “Unless things are different here raindrops are actually spherical from the surface tension of the water.”

“Right,” Spike nodded, “and?”

“And…” said Joe, not continuing for a few moments as he turned into the small public gardens they had passed before. “And this,” he said, opening the box again and taking the crystal sphere out. He fiddled for a few minutes trying to get the angles right but eventually a band of colours appeared on the white cloth inside the box. “Rainbows are formed when light bounces off the back of raindrops and gets refracted.”

Rainbow Dash and Rarity exchange looks again. The former had grown up in Cloudsdale and had shown the latter and the rest of their friends around the factory where Rainbows were made. They were not going to object and spoil the moment though, it did seem a lovely if mistaken gift.

“Yeah, if it was that simple then why would they be curved?” Spike objected. “And not over the whole sky?”

“Because it only happens at the right angle between the sun, the rain, and the eye. It’s like the rainbow is the round end of a cone and you’re at the point.”

Rarity caught Spikes eye and as their gazes locked she gave him an eloquent, though non verbal, message to shut up. Spike nodded very slightly in return and didn’t argue with her message or what Joe had said.

“Now…” Joe continued as he turned, “hold still Dash, let’s see how it looks.”

“Joe…”

“Glad you didn’t tailor these trousers too tight, Rarity,” Joe smiled with a brief smile to her as he crouched.

“You could have asked her to hover, despite my warnings.”

Joe fastened the chain around Rainbow Dash’s neck, trying to not linger over the task or her. “Hmm,” he mused as he leaned back a little, “dangling a little low… aha.”

“What?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Leaning forward again Joe unfastened the chain and then the necklace of interwoven strands. He held the crystal sphere against the bottom of the curve of this and began winding one end of the chain around and up it, looking satisfied as he judged it right so the two clasp-ends would be together. Then he did the other end of the chain up the other side of the necklace and managed to get it right, with minor adjustment, so he now had two pairs of clasp-ends. Leaning back in to the watching Rainbow Dash he fastened both clasps around her neck before he stood and stepped back. It seemed to him the silver chain blended well with the silver and obsidian strands, but he looked to the fashion guru who had also watched with interest.

“I think that looks okay…” nodded Joe. “But, Rarity?”

“Very nice,” agreed and slightly corrected Rarity, “I’d not join them permanently as that crystal on a chain would go better alone with some things and I think the necklace as it was went better with her dress. But the combination is nice and might work better than the necklace alone when we add the extra to the dress to meet the ‘fussy’ standards of the event.”

The bag Joe was carrying twitched and a mirror floated out and across so Rainbow Dash could see herself. Joe nodded to Spike at this revelation of part of the contents. “I said it was lady stuff.”

“And I said I can’t believe you bought me this,” Rainbow Dash reminded him, taking her eyes from the mirror to give him a serious look. “Rarity was talking about how exclusive those jewellers were, so it must have been expensive.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Joe, he’d hoped for more delight but she’d seemed happy enough before the surprise wore off.

“How can I not?”

“Because the compensation payment I got for being brought here was generous, and if that was expensive then the compensation must have been very generous.” Joe paused and nodded and added. “And I’ve been being overcharged for things in Ponyville.”

“My prices have been fair,” Rarity reassured him.

“There you go then,” nodded Joe. “Not cheap but not expensive.”

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash conceded, “but seriously, as much as I like this please don’t again. At least not for a while. Even if you can afford it this still feels… too much for now, for it not being a birthday or holiday or something.”

“I know…” said Joe with a rueful smile, “and the author of a book on etiquette would not be pleased with my whim. Especially since I looked at it for exactly the question of what, if any, presents would be appropriate.”

“And that would have not been,” Spike pointed out.

“So Spike has the better manners than me.”

“Of course I do.”

Rainbow Dash managed to smile at the byplay while Rarity looked around. “Hmm, I think here is private enough,” Rarity decided. “Leave the bag and depart, both of you… please.”

Joe nodded and left the bag and they departed and waited just outside the small public gardens for a minute or two. As Rarity had mentioned privacy Joe was ready to apologise and ask any Pony wanting to enter to wait a little, but although it looked like a few had that intent it seemed he was mistaken. Or perhaps it was the unspoken message of a human and a dragon standing right in front of the entrance, the former having unthinkingly crossed his arms over his chest and that body language seeming to work on Ponies, and those approaching deciding to change their minds.

The ladies emerged and unfolding his arms from his unintentionally intimidating stance Joe turned with a smile that broadened as he saw the results. A longer skirt and extra jewellery had been added to the ensemble, the skirt draping like a cape from just behind Rainbow Dash’s neck and made of sections of very sheer fabric connected by multicoloured lace bands. Her lower dress had shaded from dark to slightly lighter blue but these fabric panels faded from deep shades of red to orange, green to blue, and indigo to violet. Short strings of gems of different colours dangled from the lower edges of the lace bands, like her mane and tail forming rainbows and shifting as she moved to glitter against the fabric behind them. More lace bands with more short strings of gems looped around her front over the ‘shirt’ and others without gems wrapped down around her upper forelegs to cuffs and form loose multi-stranded ‘sleeves’ that mirrored the tighter and more solid single-coloured bands coming up from her sandals.

“Fabulous,” Joe murmured.

“Not too much?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“It suits you in a different way, it still allows your grace to come through but shows how smooth and flowing your movements are rather than how energetic and agile. Somepony who couldn’t move as smoothly would make things tangle or go askew or clatter together.”

That seemed a good enough argument to Rainbow Dash and the time it had taken to get her fully dressed and have a little girl-chat about her new jewellery seemed enough time to Rarity that they could proceed to the gallery. Floating the bag to Joe and ignoring his slight ‘hrm’ when he noticed it had been folded smaller and this had revealed that was another of her bags with a, different, floral design she had begun to lead the way. The Ponies of Canterlot were generally well dressed but as they neared their destination the elaborateness of the styles of clothing and of manes increased sharply. To Rarity’s pleasure they were still causing a stir and despite how strange… unique… Joe looked a great portion of that stir was admiration of her work.

At the gallery entrance a Pony that reminded Joe of the worst sort of maitre de gazed at them for a moment. He had a little podium he was leaning on so that he could remain on his hind legs and look down on the guests as well as the guest list on the top of this. Unfortunately for him it was only a ‘little’ podium and he’d not thought he’d need to be that upright so, by drawing himself up, Joe was tall enough to make the Pony have to look slightly up rather than down. The bag twitched again and the invitation floated across to intervene between the Pony’s attempt to continue to look snooty and Joe’s placid ignoring of this.

“Oh, er…” the Pony said as he saw the name on the invitation. “Fancy Pants, of course…”

The Pony gestured frantically and another fractionally shrugged before his horn glowed to unhook the silk rope across the entrance. Rarity smiled sweetly to them both as the invitation floated back into the bag and then led the way inside. As the quartet entered the Pony tried to regain his sneer as he peered down over the edge of his podium at the next party and hoped for no more surprises that night.

“He seemed a little shocked,” Joe commented as they looked around at the ornate and fairly empty hall.

“I can’t imagine why,” twinkled Rarity. “Not as if there is anything surprising about you.”

“He seemed a little shocked when you showed him your invitation,” Joe amplified.

“Oh, that…” said Rarity with a smile, stalling before she revealed her punchline. “Not like most of those attending were invited through the gallery rather than as personal guests of the head of the friends of the gallery association.”

“He thought we were riff-raff?”

“Hardly riff-raff, darling,” Rarity chided. “But shall we say only more middling?”

“Comparative riff-raff.”

“Oh, all right.”

As they got deeper into the gallery the number of artworks and of Ponies ignoring them in favour of each other increased. Fortunately for Joe even if the eye level of some of the stallions was about as high as his he could still see over their backs and admire the art. Unfortunately for Spike his eye level was a lot lower and he began to wish Joe’s wasn’t about the only pair of trousers around. He didn’t mind normally, or even notice, but with how crowded things were he was getting a close view of a lot of unclad stallion rears. Especially when one was actually bothering to look at a painting and in backing away from it almost gave Spike a very close view.

Thankfully a side room was more sparsely populated and Spike managed to regain some composure. “These artworks,” he explained, “are ones that are normally on display, so the Ponies that are interested in art will be back in the larger hall…”

“And the Ponies who are only interested in being seen at the event,” Rarity interjected, “will be there as that is where more people will pass through.” She sniffed and looked at the other three. “I must say that I do have a desire to maintain or improve my social standing, but seeing them I do understand why Twilight would be so frustrated with their lack of interest in anything else.”

“I’m not sure her social standing can improve anyway,” commented Joe. “When a Princess is your tutor and another is your sister-in-law and former foalsitter…”

“I mentioned how Shining Armour and Princess Cadance met,” Rainbow Dash nodded.

“It’s not something to worry about, not that I think she would anyway,” continued Joe, then he chuckled. “Though preserve us if she ever did focus her brilliance on this sort of thing, if she started to analyse social interactions with as much precision as she does other things.”

“Hmm,” Rarity mused, “I’ll agree, but only so far. I can imagine Twilight doing better and having absolutely perfect manners by the standards of the manuals of etiquette, but I can also imagine her when other Ponies don’t follow those same manuals.”

“Yeah, Twi isn’t so good at improvisation,” nodded Rainbow Dash.

“She dooooeesss like her checklists,” Spike agreed.

Joe nodded. “Fair point,” he conceded, “science and math you get the same result from the same situation, people are more random even when they aren’t Pinkie Pie random.” He looked around the room for something else to say and then blinked at a pedestal. “Is that a Grecian Urn?”

“No,” Spike replied, accidentally setting up an old joke with his next words, “what’s a Grecian Urn?”

“Depends on the Grecian’s job,” smiled Joe, utterly unable to resist, “but that aside do you remember Dash teasing me about Gymnasiums?”

“That you think it means place of naked exercise?” Rarity asked.

“Used to mean,” nodded Rainbow Dash, “in the language of the same people as the source of the human version of the Equestria Games.”

“Wait,” Spike frowned, “he said something about two-thousand years ago, theirs is still going after that long?”

“Myths and stories survived and the Olympics were revived much more recently,” replied Joe, peering at the Urn, “but one way to know about the ancient Olympics is to look at the vases with scenes depicting them. Grecian Urns, which look rather like this.” He leaned back from it a little. “This is weird, I so expect to see naked or nearly naked men on this,” he admitted, smiling to the others, “they made them naked even when they were doing things they’d have actually worn clothes for…”

Joe stepped back and looked to Spike, who took his cue. “Well, this isn’t Grecian,” Spike nodded, “and has Ponies who are at least dressed in their fur, but…”

Spike continued his explanation and spoke about the other items as they moved around the room while Joe tried to ask intelligent questions without harping on about parallels and human cultures. They moved back through the large hall and into another side room, the former as crowded as before and the latter as uncrowded as the other side room had been as this was more of the normally displayed artworks. Even if these could be seen during a normal gallery opening they were still worth seeing now and it was a disappointment when they reached a third side room and found this crowded. Fortunately the Ponies were all clustered on one side of the room so not all the art was being obscured by them.

“Funny,” Spike commented quietly, “these are also ones that are normally here, at least that one is, I remember Twilight blushing…”

Joe nodded, even if those involved were Ponies he could recognise the eroticism of the piece and imagine Twilight Sparkle having to explain it to an inquisitive small Dragon. “At least we can see the art in this half of the room.”

“Getting any ideas Joe?” Rainbow Dash teased, nodding towards the art in question.

“I wonder…” mused Rarity.

“You wonder if he is getting any ideas?” Rainbow Dash asked, in mock surprise.

“No. I wonder if…”

There was a stir and the clump of Ponies broke up as a tall Pony with a monocle and what looked like a moustache broke free. “Ah! I thought I recognised that voice,” he declared, smiling and approaching. “Rarity! A true pleasure to see you again. So glad you could make it.”

“Fancy Pants, hello.”

“Are you going to introduce me to your friends?” asked Fancy Pants, giving Rainbow Dash a smile. “Though of course I remember Rainbow Dash, fastest Pony in Equestria, even if she wasn’t actually the Wonderbolts’ trainer.” He twinkled at Rarity who blushed. “And I think I can guess who these fine fellows are.”

“We are a moderately distinctive pair, it seems,” Joe replied, his elocution improving at the challenge. Though part of him was wondering about reincarnation and if this was the next life of a very famous actor who had the same style, on screen and off, of effortless breezy gentlemanly charm.

“Indeed,” said Fancy Pants with another smile, while his hangers on whispered and chattered and pretended to be looking at art rather than shamelessly eavesdropping, “though proprieties must be observed.”

“Of course,” Joe nodded.

“Erm, well,” said Rarity, “Fancy Pants… this is Spike.”

“Caused quite the stir when Twilight Sparkle managed to hatch you,” Fancy Pants said, looking down, “I hope you and she continue well?”

“We do,” said Spike, feeling a little intimidated by just how tall and charming as well as well-connected Fancy Pants was.

“And,” Rarity continued, once she was sure Spike wasn’t going to say anything else, “this is Joe.”

“Not quite as much of a stir,” nodded Fancy Pants, looking up a little, “though I confess there was some gossip.”

“I am surprised there was any,” Joe replied politely, “given how blasé your immigration officials seemed about the problem they had been given.”

“It was more about how fortunate we were that the accident had not brought something dangerous to Canterlot.”

“I found it hard, then,” Joe said, giving Rainbow Dash a quick smile of reassurance, “to feel it quite as fortunate that something or someone else had not been brought, but the welcome was a pleasant one.”

“Glad to hear it,” nodded Fancy Pants to Joe before looking across to the source of a mutter, “though what was that Miss Dash?”

“I said Joe intimidated a Diamond Dog by threatening to geld him, so he’s at least that dangerous.”

“How the…” Joe began, wincing at the sudden flurry of gossipy noises from behind Fancy Pants. He looked down. “Spike!”

“I had to tell Twilight… and I guess she told the others.”

“And it does sound like a tale worth telling!” Fancy Pants said, then he made a eloquent expression as he twitched his head towards the other Ponies. “Though another time perhaps?”

“Perhaps,” replied Joe, getting the message of ‘when not so many ears’.

“I’ll look forward to it,” Fancy Pants nodded, moving off and drawing the rest of ‘his’ group with him like iron filings to a magnet.

Joe paused and waited for the room to empty of all but the four of them and then looked to the others. “I like him,” he said, sounding puzzled.

“I told you that you would,” Rarity smiled.

“Yes… he knew I might not want to talk about something in front of all those other Ponies,” said Joe, giving Rainbow Dash a mock glower.

“Oops?”

“Forgiven, not like they’d believe it,” smiled Joe, “though what was that about Dash and being the Wonderbolts trainer?”

“The first event Fancy Pants invited me to was the Wonderbolts Derby,” Rarity began to explain.

Joe wondered if this was more like a horse race or an air race, and that second thought reminded him of another anecdote from the test pilot’s book. Leaving that story for another time he just nodded and said “Right?”

“When I picked the right winner I quoted Rainbow Dash’s opinion,” Rarity continued, “then when they asked me who she was I panicked and said she was the Wonderbolts’ trainer.”

“So that’s where that came from…” said Rainbow Dash.

“Why though?” Joe asked. “I mean, no offence to the Wonderbolts, but it would seem the truth is far more impressive…”

“Joe,” protested Rainbow Dash.

“Oh no,” Rarity smiled, “he’s quite right. I don’t know why I didn’t say the truth, maybe I was worried it would be too impressive. If they’d not believe you about Joe and a Diamond Dog then imagine how they’d react if I’d told them the half of what you’ve done.”

“Or the quarter,” muttered Joe to himself, worrying Rainbow Dash. Awesome was good, too awesome to kiss was… not awesome.

“So, Spike,” Rainbow Dash said, deciding to shift the topic, “what did poor Twilight have to say when you asked her about that?”

With a slight look of apology to Joe, and one of embarrassment to Rarity, Spike launched into a rather stumbling explanation, claiming when teased mildly that he was just trying to reproduce the style in which it had been given to him. The other artworks in the room were soon also discussed and Rainbow Dash was pleased to see Joe taking some enthusiasm in talking about colour and form, as much with Rarity and her designer’s eye as with Spike and his knowledge. The latter did seem a little suspicious so as they moved out into the main hall again Rainbow Dash decided to ask.

“Spike?”

“Yeah Rainbow?”

“Why do you know so much about this?”

“Rainbow!” Rarity chided. “What reason does he need to appreciate fine arts?”

“Pretty girls to impress?” suggested Joe.

“Joe…” Rarity began to reproach him.

“And well worth knowing for its own sake,” smiled Joe, as Rarity rose to the bait.

Thankfully the main hall was a lot emptier than before so they could see the sculpture in the centre of it, an abstract affair of intertwining flames reaching up towards the ceiling. They stopped and craned their necks to follow the form of it upwards and Joe tried to decide if it was paint or lighting that caused the colour shift as it tapered.

“Though Joe was more motivated by the first reason he gave,” Spike added after they had looked a while.

“He was?” asked Rarity.

“Don’t want to seem too stupid,” Joe shrugged, “and I do have a disadvantage compared with Spike…”

“Only one?” teased Rainbow Dash. “I am sure Spike could think of a few more.”

“I don’t knock my head on doorframes,” Spike added.

“But you do get to be called ‘short arse’ until you do,” nodded Joe.

“Bah.”

They moved across to a large canvas and Joe decided that was as good an example as any. “This is my disadvantage,” he said, waving at it. “I want to say it looks like it’s by Salvador Dali, because he was the human surrealist painter who did melting clocks and the like.”

“But I know who it is really by,” nodded Spike, “because even if Joe learned as well as I did, which I doubt…”

“Careful there,” Joe smiled, “I’ll say Twilight did a fine job, but a fine line between that and suggesting my parents didn’t.”

“Or that you’re too stupid to learn as well as him?” asked Rainbow Dash, appearing as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

“Or that,” Joe admitted to her, before looking to Spike. “So, tell us.”

Spike obliged and they worked their way around some of the other artworks and towards the far end, noticing things were getting more crowded again both with there being more Ponies already there and that more were re-entering the gallery. It was not too bad yet so they continued to walk and talk and admire and chat until Spike stopped and looked at them.

“I do seem to be doing most of the talking,” Spike complained mildly.

“And we are impressed, aren’t we Rainbow?” smiled Rarity.

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash agreed.

“And I’ll add the ‘non pretty-girl’ vote to that,” nodded Joe. “Can get little things to replay a recorded voice, so you can walk around a gallery with that voice telling you about what you can see, and I think a Dragon is even better and just as knowledgeable.”

“So, Spike has been educated about art here,” Rainbow Dash asked, “and seems to have been studying?”

“I did do some since Rarity invited me,” admitted Spike.

“So, Spike took the time to try to impress Rarity…” Rainbow Dash continued.

“And, as I said, I am impressed,” agreed Rarity.

“…but either Joe hasn’t thought me worth the same effort,” Rainbow Dash smiled, hoping to see Joe squirm, “or he hasn’t been able to learn from his efforts.”

“A fine dilemma you pose him Miss Dash,” agreed Fancy Pants, surprising them with his interjection, “admit indolence or idiocy.”

“I thought it was getting more crowded again,” Joe commented, looking around at the suddenly increased number of Ponies.

“Hrm,” nodded Fancy Pants, not admitting or denying that he had noticed his presence drew Ponies to or from an area. “Though that does not answer the question you have been given.”

“Fortunately I have a third option,” Joe smiled to him, “and though I’d not say there was something more important than trying to impress Miss Dash…”

“I’d hope not,” agreed Fancy Pants.

“Better not,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Indeed,” nodded Rarity.

Spike remained silent as he knew what was coming.

“I did help three fillies with a flying model,” Joe continued, “as did Miss Dash, Miss Rarity, and Mister Spike…”

“How interesting,” said Fancy Pants, not seeing the connection for now.

“The other fillies and colts in their class thought so,” Joe nodded, “and so, while engaged in cultural study with Spike to our mutual benefit…”

“More yours than mine, I already knew most of it,” commented Spike, “and was while I was taking a break.”

“I was approached by Miss Cheerilee, their teacher,” Joe concluded, nodding again to acknowledge the second part of that correction, “to ask if I would speak to her class on the history of human flight. And thanks to her efforts and those of Twilight Sparkle I agreed to do that tomorrow morning.”

“Awfully short notice,” blinked Fancy Pants, or winked rather as a blink would risk his monocle. “If you were only studying after you’d confirmed with Miss Rarity that you and the others could attend.”

“Awfully insistent ladies,” Joe nodded, “an argument that if I was coming here I should not do what I would normally do in the morning, so I could give the talk at the school instead. I think I was fortunate that I managed to delay until tomorrow rather than them expecting me to do the talk earlier today.”

“So, that’s what Zecora meant about it being better to talk to youngsters,” whispered Rainbow Dash to Rarity, getting a nod in reply.

“Besides,” Joe smiled, “hardly want to learn enough to risk overshadowing Spike…” He leaned across into the light. “With knowledge I mean.”

“Watch it!” warned Spike. “Still. Growing.”

“I know, I know, one day I shall pay for that when your vast form rises above me and blots out the Sun… casting the whole of Canterlot, or maybe just Ponyville, into shadow… the only light the gleam from your eyes…”

“Er, Joe,” Rarity said, “that might not be that much exaggeration.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Rarity confirmed. “How big did you think Dragons got, from your mythology and stories?”

“Varies a lot, from ‘single brave hero can defeat’ to ‘did that just eat my entire army, and still have room for dessert?’ to…”

“I don’t think I’d have room for dessert,” Spike mused.

Joe nodded and decided to not mention the very biggest Dragon. “Then I shall shake in fear. Short arse.”

“Grr.”

“All right, no more of that, back to you overshadowing me.”

“With his towering knowledge?” Rainbow Dash suggested.

Joe sighed. “I resisted saying that.”

“And back to circulating for me,” Fancy Pants said, “until later.”

“Farewell.”

The hall almost emptied again as Ponies decided that basking in Fancy Pants’ aura was far more important than appreciating rare and beautiful art. Joe watched them go for a few minutes and then looked down to meet Spike’s eyes.

“Seriously though, my friend,” Joe said, “if I’ve taken the joke too far then I apologise.”

“I started it up by mentioning doorframes,” smiled Spike.

“True.”

Chapter 31

“Look at them,” he hissed, torchlight glinting from his horn, “celebrating without a care in the world.”

“They’ll soon learn,” a sneer came in reply, “and they’ll not soon forget the lesson we’ll teach.”

“When do we teach it?” asked a rougher voice, flapping wings in punctuation. “I’m getting impatient.”

“Wait,” the first voice said, “once Fancy Pants is distracted, then we will act and his reputation will lie in tatters.”

==

The withdrawal of Fancy Pants and his entourage of sycophants had freed things up for Spike to continue impressing with his knowledge of art and admit that Twilight Sparkle had helped drill him and agreed he could leave all but the essential chores until after he’d studied for the event. Though Spike also admitted that second part was a mixed blessing as of the essential chores that couldn’t be left was to rewrite all the checklists to reflect those that could be and to write checklists for the studying. Joe had sympathised and said his plan, if you could call it that, had been to read the basic books and then whatever caught his interest. So they teased him that they hoped he’d be more organised with the talk he had to give.

As Spike finished talking about one particularly fine example of cubism his dissertation had been interrupted by his digestion and that gurgle seemed a fine message that it was time to snack. Rarity repeated her warning about genteel use of the buffet and they had gone out into the garden and begun to make their way towards those tables, not hurrying and taking the time to look at sculptures on the way and for Rarity to smile and greet and exchange words with some of the many Ponies she knew. Progress had been slow enough that Spike had started to hope his stomach was not going to complain again.

“What the…” Joe said, stopping and blinking as the band started on a new tune.

“Oh I like this one,” smiled Rainbow Dash. “I whistle it for rhythm if I fly down Ghastly Gorge.”

“Yeah, er, wha…” Joe replied, his jaw slightly slack.

“I think Joe has gone bye-bye on us,” stage-whispered Spike.

“Is this another strange coincidence, dear?” Rarity asked sympathetically.

“Yes,” Joe said, giving his head a quick shake to clear it. “A tune that sounds the same, as far as I can tell, as a human tune that is part of an Opera based on human mythology.”

“What do you think it’s called then?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Ride of the Valkyries…” Joe paused and looked at her. “Which I suppose is appropriate for you to whistle, in some versions of the myth they rode winged horses, though a different mythology from the one where those were called Pegasi.”

“You look like you need a drink,” commented Rarity.

“I feel like it,” Joe admitted.

Their progress towards the refreshment tables was rather more determined and to Spike’s relief he made it without gurgling. Joe picked up a glass of something that looked promising and slugged half of it back, causing a moue of dismay from Rarity, before he settled to sipping. Spike nibbled on a plate of snacks that he had not piled high as it seemed they would be staying by the table until somepony asked the obvious question.

“So,” Rainbow Dash asked, “who were these Valkyries?”

“The choosers of the slain for the chief god of that pantheon, Odin… which is another strange coincidence.”

Joe drained the rest of the drink and took a second, which to Rarity’s relief he did settle for sipping.

“How so?” Rarity asked.

“It could be translation magic, but if I am hearing and saying the same thing then four of the days of the week here are named after that pantheon. Odin could also be called Wotan or Wodin, hence Wodin’s day.”

Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Spike exchanged glances as Joe drained half his second drink. Leaving aside that this was not very dignified for such a formal event, which Rarity was trying to do, this did not seem like him. None of them thought he was teetotal but he’d seemed happy with tea or coffee and Rarity had not noticed a barrel of cider in Joe’s hut when she had snooped around after his visit to the Everfree with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Stalling for time as she decided what to say Rarity’s horn glowed and she artistically arranged a plate of snacks first for Rainbow Dash and then for herself.

“I’m sorry if the evening has been spoiled…” began Rarity, as Rainbow Dash’s expression showed she would have preferred less artistry and more food.

“No, no, not at all,” Joe reassured her and the others and managing a smile. “And if anything I should be apologising to Spike as I am talking human things again rather than listening to him.”

“This piece is pretty well known,” replied Spike, once he had swallowed, “and it seems your turn again, so don’t worry.”

“Thanks,” Joe nodded, “it’s just… one thing to see artworks in the same style, but hearing something that seemed identical…”

“Why would the Valkyries be choosing the slain anyway?” asked Rainbow Dash, deciding to not pile more on her plate. “Is this more of your meat eating?”

“Oh yuck. Thank you Dash,” Joe replied, shaking his head and smiling more genuinely. “Though I can’t be too offended.”

“Sorry anyway.”

“No worries.”

“So why were they choosing the slain?” Spike asked, noting Joe had only answered the second question, and had not denied it.

“Odin sacrificed an eye for knowledge of the future and saw a great conflict, Ragnarok, the Twilight of the Gods, in which he and most of the other Gods would die,” said Joe, launching into the tale, “and fire and ice and blood consume the nine worlds of that cosmology. So against Ragnarok his Valkyries gathered the Einherjar, the worthy dead, to the great hall of Valhalla. Outside this hall these chosen warriors would battle each day, and each night their wounds, even fatal ones, would heal and they would feast and boast of how they would fight even better in the morn.”

“That sounds rather unpleasant,” Rarity commented between discreet nibbles of her refreshments, “but maybe it’s a human thing.”

Joe chuckled. “I think it’s unpleasant and even a thousand or more years ago when the religion was strongest there were humans in those lands who were not too keen,” he smiled. “This was a fine idea for those who made their living through battle and warfare, that they would be rewarded with more of this and have the chance to take part in the largest and most important battle ever. And that Odin granted or withdrew his luck to suit his own schemes explained why warriors or armies were defeated, your brother wasn’t an idiot… he had become so great a warrior that Odin thought him worthy to be taken to Valhalla.”

“Or he was an idiot,” Rainbow Dash suggested, after swallowing the entire tiny pastry she had got in her mouth.

“True,” nodded Joe, “but they were generally brave idiots as you only get one death and so one chance to impress a Valkyrie.”

“I’d find winning without dying more impressive,” Rainbow Dash snorted.

“There is a saying, you don’t win a war by dying for your country, you win it by making the other poor bastard die for his. Or preferably win by not having to fight it at all.”

“So Odin was gathering the humans who liked to fight,” Spike asked, refilling his plate, “so they could fight for him?”

“Ragnarok was not a war that could be avoided, every attempt to change the course of events simply set them firmer on that path,” Joe nodded again. “What he could do was try to make the battle less even, hope that he could gather enough Einherjar that the mutual destruction would not be so complete. But even with them there would be few survivors, it was a very gloomy myth.”

“I can see why some humans were not so keen,” said Rarity, nibbling and thinking.

“They still believed that there would be Ragnarok,” Joe admitted, “it was the duplicity of Odin they disliked. He might be the Chief God and so the God of Kings and of those who went raiding, but they were farmers and settlers and fighting and scheming was none of their concern. But good weather was so amongst them Odin was secondary, or nearly so, to his son Thor… as in Thor’s day.”

“Huh. Sounds boring…” commented Rainbow Dash, making Rarity wince as her friend spoke with part of her latest snack still in her mouth. And making Joe look at her for a moment in disbelief and then break out into laughter. Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed at this. “What are you laughing at,” she demanded, only making Joe laugh harder at her expression. “If this is the God the peaceful humans liked then…”

“Thor… boring,” Joe managed to choke out. Then he took a few deep breaths and managed to speak. “Saying Thor is boring would be like saying you were boring Dash.”

“What?”

“I know you like Rainbow,” Rarity commented with deliberate understatement, “but are you comparing her to a God?”

“Why not?” asked Joe, bowing to the blue Pegasus in question.

Rainbow Dash was still looking unamused at the laughter. “This had better be good.”

“Thor, son of Odin and Fjorgyn, the Goddess of the Earth. Hot tempered…” Joe winked to Spike and Rarity. “But known for his loyalty and strength. The honest protector rather than the scheming ruler. His was the power of the storm that destroys as well as the gentle rain that nurtures. A fierce and mighty foe to any who would threaten the innocent.”

“Hmm, does sound familiar,” Rarity mused, nibbling with a smile. “I think I know someone who is loyal and strong and has control over the weather.”

“And who commands the very lightning itself?” asked Joe.

“I recall some pranks on Nightmare Night,” Rarity nodded.

Joe nodded back and remembering that Rainbow Dash had once kicked a Dragon and that he’d almost mentioned this ‘Dragon’ in the talk about sizes decided to continue. “At Ragnarok Thor would fight the Midgard Serpent, the snake that was large enough to encircle the human world…”

“Now that sounds like a big Dragon,” Spike commented with satisfaction and a third plate full of food.

“And crush its skull with Mjolinir, his mighty warhammer, before he succumbed to its venom.”

“How brutal…” Rarity winced, but then she realised why Joe had said it and shook her head with a smile. “And I don’t know anyone whose response to a gigantic ‘serpent’ would be to hit it in the head.”

Rainbow Dash grumbled something about snoring and although Joe was puzzled why she’d done that it did remind him of another tale. “Hitting things in the head was one of Thor’s favourite means of solving problems,” Joe continued. “One time he and a pair of human servants were travelling and thought they were sleeping in a great hall. Then they discovered it was actually the glove of a Giant, giant human shaped creature I mean…”

“Must have been quite the difference in size,” said Rarity, nodding sagely as she looked to Spike and Rainbow Dash. “Gloves are clothing for human hands.”

“Riiiight…” Rainbow Dash said sceptically, eating a sliver of cake.

“Some versions say it was only the thumb of the glove,” nodded Joe, holding up his left thumb, “and some illustrations make it the whole glove and only the size of a tent rather than a great hall. But whether the Giant was hundreds or ‘only’ dozens of times as tall as him Thor’s response to it snoring and disturbing him was the same. He went up to it as it slept, and began hitting it in the head with Mjolinir to wake it up and command it to stop.”

“I have no idea who would do such a thing,” Rainbow Dash blushed as she remembered the snoring Dragon she had kicked in the head to tell it to stop and realised Joe either already knew or had heard her mutter.

“Indeed,” agreed Rarity, “seems quite an impulsive act, doesn’t it Rainbow?”

“Though,” a voice commented, “both the tale of Thor and whatever you are thinking of, Rarity my dear, sound like more tales worth telling.”

“Fancy Pants!” Rarity squeaked, hoping he had not noticed the number of snacks the other two had consumed.

They looked around and saw that, as expected, where Fancy Pants went so did several other Ponies. Realising he’d had a small discreet audience, and upsetting Rarity as he did have that audience for his next actions, Joe drained the rest of his second drink. He visibly considered a third before he looked more fully at Fancy Pants and spoke again. As much as he liked this Pony he had hoped to not see him again tonight because of the crowds in his wake.

“My knowledge of the mythology is limited,” Joe said calmly, “and contaminated by the fact that humans have fictional heroes such as Ponyville had in reality with that Mare-do-well. Some fifty or so years ago there was a revival of those stories and having invented what he was promoting as the mightiest mortal of all time a man wondered what next.”

“And, asking to be obliging,” smiled Fancy Pants, “what was next?”

“If he had the mightiest mortal then what about the mightiest immortal?” Joe asked rhetorically. “And since the tales of that pantheon were not as well known as some then why not choose Thor, God of Thunder?”

“Why not indeed,” agreed Fancy Pants, “though you seem to know the tales well enough.”

“Because the side effect of publishing stories,” Joe smiled, “with a few breaks, for more than fifty years about a set of Gods is to make them better known… especially when the writers of those stories draw inspiration from the mythology.”

“Have you considered setting down some of what you know?” asked Fancy Pants.

“Maybe if you had typewriters designed for hands rather than hooves and magic,” Joe replied, seeking a polite excuse as he wriggled the fingers of his left hand and decided to not mention word processors, “but I…”

There was a sudden commotion and Joe broke off what he was saying to look towards this. He could see over some heads and most backs and he put his empty glass down as his eyes narrowed. Rarity and Rainbow Dash had been talking quietly and had established that Rainbow Dash had muttered quite loudly and that Rarity, at least, had not told Joe about the snoring Dragon. Seeing Joe’s reaction and hearing the noise Rainbow Dash unfurled her wings and with an effort managed to take off and hover.

“Rainbow!” Rarity hissed, seeing how the long skirt was creasing and folding and the gem strings clattering together. “Your dress.”

“Never mind that,” replied Rainbow Dash, settling again as that was so awkward.

Spike hopped up onto the table and nodded.

“What is it?” Rarity asked, deciding to concern herself with the commotion rather than the dress.

“Five, what look like…” said Joe.

“Changelings!” Rainbow Dash growled.

“Oh my, arm out please Joe,” requested Rarity, “as if measuring for suit, but angled a little down.”

Joe obliged and Rarity reared up to hook her forehooves over this for balance. To her annoyance they were right and this pleasant evening might have to end with the annoyance of an invasion. The musicians had been displaced from the low stage and on it were what looked like three Changelings with one hovering to either side of them, slightly to their rear. As the central one stepped forward it gave a sweeping look of contempt to the shocked party guests.

“Fools,” the Changeling hissed. “You party and you think you are safe from us. You suffocate each other in your smugness, and none of you love anyone as much as you love yourself. Worse still you think us monsters for wanting to feed on your love, but is that any worse than your host Fancy Pants? Without your adoration he is nothing so he pampers you and panders to your every whim so you do not desert him…”

“What a disagreeable creature,” Fancy Pants said quietly, with studied understatement, to those around him as the Changeling continues to rant.

“I take it this is not part of an act,” checked Joe.

“Certainly not.”

“If there are five here,” Joe mused, “then probably more elsewhere, so the Guards might be busy…”

“Makes sense,” agreed Rainbow Dash, looking around and resisting the temptation to try to take off again.

“Why are they here though?” Joe asked.

“I don’t want to over puff myself,” replied Fancy Pants, “but there are some socially important Ponies here, not that they seemed interested in hostages before.”

“Or infiltration and subversion,” Joe agreed, “other than by their Queen.”

“Most disagreeable Mare,” nodded Fancy Pants. “Good thing for Shining Armour he didn’t anticipate the wedding vows in the days leading up to it, or at least I hope he didn’t…”

“If the Ponies here are important,” Joe continued, “then they’d definitely have arranged to keep the Guards busy. I don’t want to be a hero, but…”

“Yes, you do,” said Rainbow Dash, softening the comment with a fond smile.

“Maybe,” Joe admitted, trying to not show how worried that comment made him.

He’d always hoped he’d have that in him, the willingness to act when something needed to be done but the wisdom to know when your actions would only make things worse. But was he motivated as Rainbow Dash suggested? Was he seeing a situation where he could help or was he trying to find an excuse to be a hero like the other three had long since proven themselves?

“If you can deal with this, or help,” said Fancy Pants, “it would be appreciated.”

Joe nodded and tried to dismiss his doubts at this confirmation that acting might be the right thing to do. “Arm, please, Rarity.”

“Oh, of course,” Rarity smiled, unhooking herself.

Looking around Joe regretted not having his trusty sheath knife but had an idea. “Apologies for this.”

“I wondered what that unsightly bulge was!” Rarity commented as Joe pulled the penknife he had brought on a whim from his boot. “But apology accepted…”

Giving her a glance Joe unfolded the small but razor keen blade and slashed some guy ropes and fabric to free a tent awning pole with a decorative point at top end and the functional ‘into the ground’ point at the other, feeling glad that quarterstaff was one of the demonstrations he had done at the castle.

“And by me as well,” smiled Fancy Pants, knowing who Joe had meant the apology for and knowing that Rarity also knew that.

“If you can distract them Fancy Pants…” Joe said, starting to explain.

The dignified Pony nodded as Joe explained and then, with a sigh at realising he should have done that first, stabbed the tent pole into the ground to free his arms to remove his jacket. Meanwhile Rarity recovered her bag from Joe had put it down when he started drinking and unfolded it to full size again to once more accommodate the extra portions of Rainbow Dash’s dress. As lovely as it looked it would be a shame for it to be damaged and Rainbow Dash had just shown how much it hampered her wings when the extra layer of longer skirt was in place.

==

The Changeling tried to not glance around nervously as he began to run out of words. Their target was Fancy Pants and they were running out of time to achieve their aims. This had taken too much trouble and effort to waste but the longer he spoke the more dangerous things became.

“So where is he now?” the Changeling continued to rant. “He cowers or has fled and left you to face us alone…”

“Actually I am right here,” Fancy Pants contradicted it, looking them up and down through his monocle. “Dreadful choice of outfits, naked with insect wings is not ‘in’ this season.”

Despite the situation there was a ripple of nervous laughter that made the Changeling hiss before it could continue. “You will pay for that insolence, but first you will watch these Ponies suffer.”

“My dear creature,” Fancy Pants scoffed, “whatever makes you think these Ponies are going to be the ones that suffer?”

“You cannot stop us…” the Changeling began to threaten, deciding to risk a few more exchanges.

Then there was a blur of rainbow colours and one of the two hovering Changelings was smashed out of the sky, the thud of hooves on flesh echoed by the thud of the Changeling hitting the ground.

“I can’t, no,” agreed Fancy Pants, stepping back now his part was done.

Rainbow Dash pulled up and around into a tight turn and continued to turn and tighten it to circle around the stage at high speed and begin creating her rainbow tornado. Ponies began staggering back away from this towards relative safety but the other flying Changeling managed to remain in the air and get enough in the way, like Pinkie Pie’s cymbals had done when this was tried against the Parasprites, that Rainbow Dash had to pull out of her turn and climb away. The leftmost of the Changelings on the stage regained its feet and magic started to glow around its horn as it looked towards the ascending Pegasus…

“Hawk-kaaaaaaa!” Joe cried, wondering even as he brought the tent pole down across the back of the Changeling’s head why he’d said that. He had mentioned a feisty deadly girl with wings to Rainbow Dash, and he did like the scene in the cartoon where she was in trouble until gunfire came from off screen, and that was the battlecry of the squadron that had shot the enemy fighters off her six…

Fancy Pants had distracted the Changelings enough they had not noticed Rainbow Dash circling around in the air, and then the abortive rainbow tornado had held their attention long enough for him and Spike and Rarity to get within reach. Now as the Changeling staggered Joe reversed the motion of the tent pole as if backpaddling and brought the lower end into the side of the Changeling’s head as that came down from the previous impact. There was a slight crunch and also a slight temptation to stab, but instead Joe continued the second motion to bring the pole up above his head into almost a high-guard position. Then he brought it straight down onto the back of the Changeling’s head again, taking a moment to ensure he struck where head met neck and that he’d put all the strength he could into this blow. The Changeling’s forelegs collapsed, its chin smacked into the stage, and it stayed down.

Meanwhile Rainbow Dash was whirling in turns and dips and climbs and finding this an annoyingly, and surprisingly, even match. She was still faster and more manoeuvrable but none of the Changelings she’d fought during the invasion had come anywhere close to this level of skill. A wing dip to bank, a quick backflap of the opposite wing to yaw, and she drove a sandal clad forehoof at the side of the Changeling’s face. Rather than try to turn, as Rainbow Dash had anticipated, to meet the blow with its horn the Changeling shied away and this threw off Rainbow Dash’s next manoeuvre. Deciding her foe was tricky as well as skilled she beat her wings to climb vertically while her body remained horizontal.

Joe hopped off the stage to get some more room and then glanced up and got distracted by the display. It seemed peculiar to him that he had managed to defeat a foe, albeit one already staggered by the beginnings of the rainbow tornado, before Rainbow Dash had. Joe wondered if there was any way in which he could help her, but the speed they were moving even if he’d had his bow, or a gun, or a man-portable S.A.M. launcher there would be a severe risk he’d hit Rainbow Dash instead.

Rarity had not found it as easy to get through the crowd as Joe and that he’d suggested she tried to get around to the side had further delayed her. But that when he commented that Ponies kicked backwards so well attacking their rear probably wasn’t so useful he had looked so sweetly uncertain did suggest that it would be more useful against humans. So Rarity was confident Joe was vulnerable rather than having put himself in an attacking position.

“Behind you!” Rarity called.

Joe turned, confirming Rarity’s suspicion that humans had to fight to their fronts, and saw the Changeling leader rearing to trample him. Joe thrust the tent pole out, holding it horizontally across his body, and meeting the Changeling’s chest and forelegs as it started to come down. Joe grunted with the effort but had managed to lock his arms and legs and the Changeling had not built much momentum. Then Joe heaved to his right, a serious sounding creak coming from the tent pole, and staggered the precariously bipedal Changeling off the stage to sprawl on the lawn on its back and side. Joe continued his turn to stamp the heel of his left boot into the Changeling’s gut just behind its ribcage. Against a small enough foe that could rupture something vital but as the breath came from the Changeling’s lungs it did appear only badly winded.

The last Changeling on its hooves, that had been the rightmost, had also hopped down from the stage and had backed off a little to give itself room to accelerate into a charge at Joe. It had also had the wit to move far enough out from the front of the stage that its leader would not be in the way. With the stage at his back and the coughing Changeling leader to his left Joe did not have much room to dodge and although he was reacting this was going to be close and he had no armour to protect him. With a roll of her eyes at this continued incompetence Rarity concentrated and a blue glow appeared around her horn and one of the Changeling’s rear legs.

Its stride thrown off and it slowed by this by the time it reached Joe he’d managed to brace himself again, once more holding the tent pole horizontally across his chest but this time thrusting it out in front of him to meet the top of the Changeling’s muzzle with the length between his hands. This was more to fend off the incoming horn than an attack and Joe found his arms were barely long enough as the pole slide up the muzzle and into the base of the horn. He felt cloth tear over the right side of his ribs and was glad he had the extra layer of the densely woven cloth of the waistcoat on top of his shirt. Joe had intended himself to be staggered back a little, though not towards the tripping hazard of the Changeling leader, rather than try to absorb the full force of the charge. But even with this as the pole met the base of the Changeling’s horn it snapped and the impact on the muzzle was enough to stun the Changeling.

The mane styling that Rarity had tried so hard to get Rainbow Dash to preserve had long since given up the struggle against her slipstream as she pushed herself into even more speed and even tighter turns, neither of which was the Changeling able to match. Pretending a mistake Rainbow Dash side-slipped a little so the Changeling had an apparent chance to strike her in the side. Then as the Changeling was about to drive a forehoof into her ribs from slightly behind her Rainbow Dash slowed and twisted and drove one of her rear hooves into the side of the Changeling’s head, dazing it and sending it in an uncontrolled turn in that direction. Rainbow Dash continued her turn to come around and exploit this.

Joe was down on his right knee after having to hop over one hind leg of the Changeling leader. At the last moment this Changeling’s attempt to breathe had caused that leg to twitch upwards and catch Joe’s heel enough to make the landing awkward. Glancing at the stunned Changeling Joe decided the leader was sufficient barricade to look around and see what else was happening.

To his annoyance he saw that the Changeling that Rainbow Dash had knocked from flying above to sprawling over the rear edge of the stage had managed to take off, though it was still slow and wobbly. It looked as if Rainbow Dash was distracted enough by wanting to finish her other opponent that she hadn’t noticed this, or she thought she had time to deal with one before the other, but it also looked as if the wobbly Changeling was still far enough clear that perhaps Joe could help.

Despite the impact and the awkward hopping he had managed to keep hold of both halves of the tent pole, though he would likely have dropped one rather than try to use them one-up one-down or turn the one in his right hand around one handed and try to at least have them both point-up. Now he did drop the one in his right hand, which had the functional point on it, as although point-down was the right way around for the throwing grip he wanted he was holding it too far back along what was now its shaft. Joe twisted his right wrist so the back of his hand faced him and brought it across to grab the other half of the pole mid way down it.

Bringing his right arm back again and to slightly behind him with the section of tent pole held like a short spear Joe then stood and uncoiled, adding the thrust of his thigh muscle as he came up from his knee to the power of his arm, shoulder, back, and waist. The ‘spear’ left his hand just as Rainbow Dash caught up with her prey and drove a forehoof down into the base of that Changeling’s skull. Half a tent pole with a decorative point on the end was not well balanced but it flew true enough to thunk into the wobbly Changeling’s side and make it fall a moment after the other.

“Good throw,” Rainbow Dash grinned.

“Good moves,” nodded Joe, not quite able to smile back. On a practical level this half tent pole was a small flimsy spear compared with his ‘proper’ one. On an emotional level that had been rather a nauseating sound as the other half struck home, knowing it was flesh it was entering seemed to make a difference even if the sounds were relatively similar. And on a practical level again it seemed a good idea to pick up the other half of the tent pole.

The stunned Changeling had noticed Rarity in the widening clear space around the stage and whether it was befuddled enough to be charging at the first thing it saw or retained enough cleverness to realise it couldn’t charge at Joe while he still had the Changeling leader on the ground between them the result was the same. With a slightly weaving gait it began to charge at her but before it could build much speed there was a flash of purple as Spike pounced onto the back of its neck, near its shoulders. His rear claws dug in for purchase and he leaned forward against that and buried his front claws in either side of the Changeling’s neck. It shrieked and bucked and tossed its head and Spike’s claws tore free as he was flung away.

“Spike!” Rarity cried, unlike the Changeling only almost shrieking.

It had been a bloody distraction, more blood flowing from the intentional wounds on the Changeling’s neck as well as from where Spike had ‘stood’, but it had given her time to turn and position herself. Rarity waited an instant for the right moment and then, with near perfect timing, curled in on herself to straighten and smash both rear hooves into the side of the Changeling’s jaw. There was a distinct crunch that Rarity was kind hearted enough to hope was that jaw rather than the Changeling’s neck, but she was less concerned by that than she was about Spike.

“That was for Spike!” Rarity informed the Changeling as it crumpled. Glancing around for the small Dragon she noticed Joe’s chest. “And for Joe’s outfit!”

“I’m okay!” called Spike from where he was hovering in some magic.

“Glad to be of assistance,” an Old Unicorn Mare said, slowly lowering Spike to the ground and giving the fallen Changelings a look of utter disdain that matched her age and old fashioned style of clothing. After so many years as part of the Canterlot Nobility it took more than these whippersnappers to make her forget her dignity and retreat.

The apparent leader of the Changelings had managed to roll himself onto his front while Joe was circling around in case Rarity had needed help. He rose onto his hooves and coughed a few times. “You… idiots,” he managed to force out before coughing again, “you don’t understand…”

Joe had turned as he heard the movement and nearly matched the Old Unicorn Mare, who reminded him of the image of a Dowager Duchess, in the disdain he bestowed with his expression and words. “Is this where you tell us your victory is certain?” he asked. “Or assure us that though you few might fall your numbers are legion?”

“You…” the Changeling Leader began. Then he looked at the fallen and abandoned words. “Ahhhhhh!”

As the Changeling lunged towards Joe he stepped to one side and brought his arm with the other half of the tent pole back. This was too flimsy to use as a club but although it was short it would be long enough a spear for him to stab into the Changeling’s neck as it passed or into its face if it turned. Though that second option would require some luck as its horn was almost as long as the ‘spear’ and from the way the other Changeling’s horn had cut cloth seemed to be sharper. But as they moved magic crackled from the sky and for a moment Joe though his mockery had been misplaced.

Then he realised the glow that was, somehow, darkness rather than light was holding the Changeling fixed in position as well as him. Joe felt his feet leave the ground and that he was being floated away from the Changeling. There was a brief pause after his boots made contact with the grass again and then the magic released him to finish his aborted movement. Joe regained his balance and looked around and then up, his eyes widening as he saw an Alicorn with grey fur and the colours and stars of the night billowing in her mane and tail looking down at him from where she was hovering.

Every Pony there was prostrating themselves in what looked a rather worshipful manner. Joe was not sure whether this was because they were quadrupeds, so dropping their front ends like that made sense, or because this was the Goddess of the Moon. Either way it seemed he needed to do more than simply bow while on his feet to Princess Luna, so he dropped to his right knee and bent his back to bow his head, rest his left elbow on his left knee, and wait in the sudden silence her arrival had caused.

Chapter 32

“Rise my Ponies…” Princess Luna ordered, adding after a moment, “and others.”

Joe stood, keeping himself at respectful attention as Princess Luna settled to the ground, magic still glowing around her horn and all five of the Changelings hovering in the matching effects of this. With negligent ease she brought them together to float over the stage as she furled her wings. She gave the group of glowing prisoners a slight regal sniff and then looked to Joe.

“We are grateful for thy efforts here,” Princess Luna assured him before continuing, “but this churl was correct that thee did not understand.”

“Then, Your Majesty,” said Joe, deciding another slight bow would not be misplaced and bringing his left arm across his chest, “I would welcome any explanation you would be gracious enough to give.”

“Behold…” Princess Luna replied.

The glow around the five Changelings intensified, and counter-intuitively darkened, for a moment and their shapes wavered to reform into those of three Unicorn and two Pegasi. They had all looked identical but now as well as being of different types of Pony they appeared to be different genders. The one clawed by Spike and their leader Unicorn males, the Pegasus that Rainbow Dash had stunned and Joe had speared a male as well, and the Pegasus that Rainbow Dash had fought out of the sky and the Unicorn that Joe had clubbed down both female.

Rarity gasped. “I know them, I saw them at the party earlier…”

“So we know how these infiltrated here,” nodded Joe as he straightened, “but…” He looked to Princess Luna. “What of the rest of Canterlot?”

“Safe, because you still do not understand,” Princess Luna replied. “This is not the disguises they affected, this is their true form. They are Ponies.”

“What?” asked Joe, in a rather impolite manner, too shocked to say something like ‘if you could explain that, Your Majesty, it would be much appreciated’.

Rainbow Dash blinked and wondered if that explained a couple of puzzles. If the wings were illusory on three and the horns illusory on two then that would explain why that actual-Pegasus had not tried to spear her with her horn and why none of the Changelings on the ground had tried to take off and attack Joe or the others from above.

“Oh my!” Rarity exclaimed. “And I think I broke that one’s jaw!”

Joe felt mildly guilty over clubbing a female into unconsciousness, but only mildly. It did seem there was equality here and it was not his fault she was disguised so he couldn’t indulge in foolish ‘gallantry’ and treat her more gently and less equally than her fellow conspirators. As he stood and watched the medical Ponies begin to arrive Rainbow Dash trotted across to his side, she’d landed to properly bow to Princess Luna, and the smile she gave him helped him to recover from his shock and guilt a little faster. He thought she looked charmingly windswept and she appreciated the mix of civilised suit and uncivilised improvised weapon.

Princess Luna got a nod from the medical Ponies surrounding one glow and lowered and released the Pegasus with the tent pole sticking out of his side to their care. Seeing this the smile Rainbow Dash had brought to his face faded and Joe moved forward a little to look at the Unicorn leader as he still hovered helplessly in mid-air and magic.

“Why would you pretend to be Changelings?” Joe asked, almost growling with the guilt of having speared a Pony.

“I don’t answer to you…” began the Unicorn in whiny defiance.

“But you do answer to me,” Princess Luna interrupted, her eyes flashing a little, “and my question is the same.”

“Yeah!” echoed Rainbow Dash. “What’s going on? Why did you make us hurt you?”

The Unicorn didn’t appear to have even heard Rainbow Dash he was so frightened of Princess Luna. He seemed so scared that he wasn’t even noticing the arrival of more medical Ponies and some of Princess Luna’s Guards. She had noticed this though so, as Rarity and Spike joined Joe and Rainbow Dash, she released the other Pegasus and the two other Unicorns to their care and custody so she was only holding the leader.

“Speak!” ordered Princess Luna, managing barely to refrain from the full Royal Canterlot Voice.

“Is he going to pee?” Spike whispered to Joe, maybe a little loudly as the difference in height meant he couldn’t bring his mouth close to Joe’s ear.

Joe tried to ignore this and hoped that Spike was not presuming too much, just because he had grown up as the ‘little brother’ of Princess Celestia’s personal student and so knew the Sun Goddess well did not mean the Moon Goddess he knew less well would appreciate the comment. From the snort she’d given it seemed Rainbow Dash did though.

“We… it was a prank,” the Unicorn replied, to Princess Luna rather than Spike. “We just wanted to make the party more interesting and show how boring what Fancy Pants had arranged was. Scare a few people, make things memorable, and then reveal ourselves once I'd got a reaction from him...”

“Boring?” sniffed Rarity. “We were having a good time.”

“A prank,” Joe repeated. “How stupid are you?”

“It was going okay until you…”

“Until four partygoers, out of the dozens here,” Joe interrupted, “objected to your threats and rants…”

“Would have been more you know,” commented Fancy Pants from behind him. Joe turned slightly to look and saw that as well as Fancy Pants there were half a dozen stallions ranked there alongside him. “But you seemed to have things under control and be working well together. Didn’t want to crowd you.”

Joe nodded to Fancy Pants and turned back to the Unicorn. “So this is what happened when four objected,” he said, gesturing at the wounded, “and if there had been room you could have been fighting nearly three times that number..."

"We weren't supposed to have to be in the disguises that long!" the unicorn interrupted. "Just long enough to give a quick fright and then... 'poof'... fooled you." The unicorn glared at Joe. "If anypony thought we were still Changelings after that we'd have let ourselves be arrested. We didn't think anyone would be so barbaric as to attack without giving one warning!"

"After the threats you were making?"

"I... I was," the unicorn, very, reluctantly conceded, glancing at Princess Luna, "running out of things to say. I had to keep it going and had to make each taunt worse than the ones before..."

"You're lucky those Guards didn't arrive while you were still free…” interrupted Joe, trying to not remember how stupid people could be as if he did then he'd feel even more in the wrong. Hearing themselves be mentioned the Guards straightened and braced themselves. “With no offence intended to my friends…”

“None taken, I’m sure,” Rarity graciously allowed.

“Or to Fancy Pants or those who would stand with him…”

“Of course,” Fancy Pants agreed with equal grace.

“What we did to you is nothing by comparison. The Guards with their armour and weapons and training… they’d have torn you to shreds in a single charge, and given what you were pretending to be they’d have been justified in doing so.”

Princess Luna remembered Joe’s dream of the Changeling attack on his people’s Royal Wedding and wondered if he was as well. Or if he had not overcome the block she had placed on his memory of that dream then perhaps, at least, some of the feelings might have lingered. He did seem to regarding Changelings as being enemies on a more personal level than simply hearing the accounts would allow for, even allowing for what she had learned about their nature from that dream and the one of the night before.

Meanwhile Rainbow Dash had glanced at Joe as she felt a little insulted that he thought they’d done ‘nothing’. She muttered to herself about the Guards not being that tough and drew a glance from the head Guard Pony. Rather than protest that he decided to speak to Joe and mildly protest the other.

“Ah, sir,” the Guard said, deciding too much respect was better than too little. “We might have tried to take prisoners.”

“My apologies,” Joe nodded, “and you would have been quite right to do so. I meant you could have torn them apart rather than you would.”

“Understood sir, that I won’t argue about.”

“And you’d not argue that a Changeling invasion would be more than five.”

“No sir. So if you are going to say we’d have wanted to deal with them fast so we could fight the others then I’ll not argue with that either,” the Guard agreed before adding. “Nor that though we’d prefer prisoners the safety of the civilians would matter more, which would be another reason to deal with these fast.”

“So thou art lucky, as well as stupid,” said Princess Luna to the still floating Unicorn. “More of thy blood and that of thy friends could be on the ground.”

“A lot more,” Joe sighed before nodding to the Guard again. “My apologies once more for the contraction of speech making it sound like I was suggesting you would be less restrained than I was.”

“No offence taken, sir.”

“Restrained?” protested the Unicorn, trying to squirm in the magical grip. “You bastard, you threw half a tent pole into my friend!”

Joe gestured at the tear in his shirt and waistcoat, beneath which he was starting to feel some pain. “And your other friend was trying to drive their horn into my chest…” He met the Unicorn’s eyes. “You were trying to drive your horn into me or trample me when Princess Luna snagged us!”

“You attacked us!”

“You were pretending to be Changelings and told Fancy Pants he’d see these Ponies suffer!” Joe roared with a mixture of pain and embarrassment and guilt over the tent pole throwing and anger at the hypocrisy and stupidity. “But I was still restrained enough you didn’t get this end of the tent pole…” He waggled the half still in his hand. “…in your guts rather than just the heel of my boot. And that I didn’t stab your other friend rather than hitting them with the side of the pole.”

“ENOUGH!” declared Princess Luna, the Royal Canterlot Voice making its appearance and making Joe’s roar sound like Fluttershy’s merest squeak. There was a brief silence before she continued in a more normal tone. “It is Our Judgement, as Princess and co-ruler of Equestria, that no blame shall attach to these four for their defence of others, but no credit since their actions were hasty. It is also Our Judgement that these five shall face no consequences other than what they have suffered this night and Our Hope that they learn from this the dangers of such ‘pranks’…” She paused to turn her head slightly and look at Joe. “Dost thou intend to keep hold of that all night?”

“Hmm?” Joe asked, then he looked down at his hand. “Oh,” he added with another slight bow, “of course, Your Majesty.”

As Princess Luna looked back more towards the floating Unicorn Joe also looked in that direction and as he met the Unicorn’s eyes he twirled the half tent pole around in his hand, something a lot easier with this than it would be with his stabbing spear, and with a short jerk threw it down into the ground hard enough to stay upright. The magic might have made him stronger, as it the Ponies and other creatures of this world, but soil was just as soft. Princess Luna noticed this byplay and had to suppress a small smile as the Unicorn twitched.

“The events of this night shall not lead to further conflict,” Princess Luna continued. “Our Judgement is clear on that. Any attempt by the four to seek glory from their victory shall draw Our Displeasure and that of Our Sister, any attempt by the five to seek revenge for their defeat shall bring punishment for their crimes…”

“Crimes?” protested the Unicorn before stammering. “Oh, my apologies for interrupting Your Majesty…”

“Crimes,” Princess Luna repeated. “Thou hast posed as enemies of thy country and sought personal gain from that pretence. That thy motives were ‘humorous’ rather than treasonous allows thy punishment to be merely thy injuries. But should thee disdain Our Mercy then thou shalt suffer Our Wrath. Understood?”

“Of… of course Your Majesty.”

“And thee?” Princess Luna asked, looking again to Joe.

Joe glanced to the others, who seemed happy for him to continue to be the focus of Princess Luna’s attention and the one speaking to her. Rarity and Rainbow Dash might two of those that had saved her from being Nightmare Moon, and Rainbow Dash had even been pranked by her one Nightmare Night, but there was a difference between personal and official attention.

“I feel there is no glory in this night…” Joe began to say.

“What?” protested Rainbow Dash. “We kicked…”

“Shush!” Rarity said, while Spike just tried to look innocent and harmless.

“We fought Ponies who were unprepared for any attack,” continued Joe, almost as much to Rainbow Dash as to Princess Luna, “and as stupid as the prank seems it does not seem stupid enough to warrant, as he put it, having half a tent pole thrown into you. So it is an embarrassment best forgotten, or rather best learned from since it could have been so much worse.”

“We still won,” Rainbow Dash grumbled softly, “I’m not embarrassed, outmanoeuvred that one and ‘wham’.”

“Then let it be so,” decreed Princess Luna, giving Rainbow Dash a look that made her stop grumbling and give a slight squeak. “These five shall receive treatment for their wounds and these four… I think it best you depart now.”

“So much for going to Pony Joe’s for Doughnuts,” Spike sighed.

“Though for my part you are still quite welcome,” said Fancy Pants, “and… to make things clear to you, Your Majesty.” He gave Princess Luna a deep nod, dipping his head as much as he could without bending his forelegs. “And to you,” he added, giving the Unicorn a scornful look as he raised his head. “I not only did not object to what these four intended I told them their help would be appreciated, and acted as first diversion for their attack. It was unfortunate their foes were pranksters rather than what they appeared, but they did act with my full approval.”

“So heard,” Princess Luna smiled, not immune to Fancy Pants’ charm, “and thy reputation for honour is proved once more as thee freely volunteer thy part despite the trouble it could cause thee.”

Fancy Pants smiled back to Princess Luna. “Hardly have let them take all the displeasure.” His monocle glinted as he looked again at the Unicorn. “Or let anyone think they could pursue a grudge against them without that involving me.”

The Unicorn ‘eep’-ed slightly at this unsubtle threat. Princess Luna had great power but she was constrained by this and her position and history. For her to take notice and act would be major politics and she might have needed more proof of grudge-following before she charged them with Treason. Fancy Pants on the other hoof had more subtle options available to him as well as more sources and connections throughout society, so he could more easily find proof and act on less. Assuming of course that he would wait for any proof as though Princess Luna had said she did not wish further conflict she had not specifically forbidden Fancy Pants from ruining them socially.

“Nonetheless,” Princess Luna nodded, “the four shall depart now.”

A flying chariot settled in to a landing and Joe felt a bit surprised that the Pegasi Guards pulling it had Bat wings. In some ways that made more sense as horses and bats were both mammals but even if bat wings were quite soft with their fine fur and flexible skin and flight feathers could be quite stiff and harsh he was still glad that Rainbow Dash had the wings she did. Even if she did take advantage of the ticking options they gave, or maybe because she did.

“Farewell to you then, and don’t worry… you’ll not miss much,” said Fancy Pants reassuringly. “Thanks to this fellow and his friends the night has been rather spoilt and I can see people leaving now Princess Luna has passed her judgement.”

“Leaving to gossip no doubt,” Princess Luna sighed, her gaze sweeping across the diminishing crowd.

“No doubt at all Your Majesty,” agreed Fancy Pants. He winked to Rarity with the eye without a monocle. “I’m not sure if this is as spectacular as the Grand Galloping Gala, but I expect Ponies will be all of a tizzy for a while.”

“Wonderful,” Joe grumbled. “And when Rarity invited me to come to your event I’d been worried I’d embarrass her.”

“And when I mentioned the gossip about Ponies being glad something dangerous had not been brought to Canterlot, rather than you, Miss Dash objected. Now I can see why.”

“To be fair if I am dangerous now I was not then,” Joe replied, not sure he liked that judgement. “I’ve had plenty of exercise the last few months and magic to aid my strength and speed to the same degree as you Ponies are born with.”

“Another fine story to be told!” exclaimed Fancy Pants delightedly. “But your chariot awaits.”

“Good to have met you,” Joe smiled, “I hope your next event goes more to plan.”

“As do I,” nodded Fancy Pants, turning away to organise the aftermath.

The quartet started walking towards the chariot and the Old Unicorn Mare took the chance to approach the floating Unicorn and start telling him how his mother would be ashamed of him, though she admitted his great-grandfather on that side might have done the same sort of stupid impulsive thing, he was a wild young Colt with little sense before he learned better…

Amused by this Rarity took a quick diversion to get Joe’s jacket and the bag with the rest of Rainbow Dash’s dress while Joe showed that fingers made a reasonable, if very coarse toothed, comb. Rainbow Dash seemed to appreciate having her mane combed out this way to remove the last remnants of the styling and bring it back to its natural state and to be disappointed when Rarity returned and Joe had to stop so he could carry his jacket and the bag. The quartet boarded the chariot as Princess Luna looked to the medical Ponies.

“Are thee ready?” Princess Luna asked.

What seemed to be the head medic glanced to the others and seeing no objections nodded. “Yes, Your Highness.”

Princess Luna concentrated and the glow that had been surrounding her horn the whole time brightened with the extra effort to envelop not just the other four members of the ‘Changeling’ group, as well as their leader, but the medical teams as well. With a flap of her wings she took off, easily supporting a dozen Ponies in the five separate glows of her magic. The Unicorn seemed glad to be going up and away from the Old Unicorn Mare and her effort to work through every member of his family she had known in her long life and their probable reactions to his deeds of the night. Deprived of her target the Old Unicorn Mare nodded to the four in the chariot and then bustled off to tell her friends all about everything.

“Oh my!” Rarity breathed as Princess Luna rose with her ‘burden’.

“That is impressive,” agreed Joe.

“Sit down back there, please,” one of the bat-winged Guards asked, looking back over his shoulder at the chariot he wanted to get started on pulling.

“Of course,” smiled Rarity.

There were no chairs or benches so Joe sat cross-legged on the chariot floor, his back resting against the side of it, and seeing the lap being provided Rainbow Dash decided to take advantage of this and join the jacket already lying across it. She snuggled her front half onto Joe and rested her head against his chest, the corner of Joe’s eye twitching slightly as she leaned against where his shirt and waistcoat was torn and he felt a twinge. But despite that slight pain, that confirmed he’d been caught by the horn, it was cosier having her there than not so he did not protest.

“Yes, very impressive magic,” Rarity said, continuing the admiration of Princess Luna. “I had enough trouble carrying that many bags at once, was how I met Fancy Pants when I literally walked into him.”

“He seems glad of that,” nodded Joe, “so good thing you didn’t have Luna’s power or a power ring.”

“A what?” Rarity asked.

“Humans can decorate their fingers,” replied Joe, raising his left hand to wiggle the fingers on that rather than the right, since that hand happier where it was on Rainbow Dash’s back, “by sliding jewellery on them.”

“I suppose that makes up, a little,” Rarity mused, “for not having tails to style and decorate. Though this jewellery would have to be quite small?”

“Small, but can be elaborate. Men’s rings more in having the metal be engraved or be more complex a shape than a simple band, Ladies’ rings with different gems and settings.”

“Hmm,” frowned Rarity. “I wish you had mentioned this before.”

“Probably fortunate I didn’t,” Joe smiled, “as you giving me a ring would have been more confusion.”

“Why in Equestria would that matter?”

“It wouldn’t really, I’d have assumed it was a friendly gift, but I would have been tempted to tease you since offering someone a ring is a traditional part of a proposal of marriage.”

“Offering…a… ring,” Spike said, pretending to take notes, “… check!”

“Oh,” blinked Rarity, “but why a ring?”

“Necklace can be under a collar, bracelet inside a sleeve, but hands are generally seen and…” Joe raised his left hand again. “can be shown.”

“Need some way to mark you,” murmured Rainbow Dash. “Maybe a crystal sphere.”

“That sounded threatening,” Joe commented, “and I’ve not noticed any special jewellery on Mr or Mrs Cake.” Rainbow Dash chuckled at his words. “And now I really am scared,” he continued, “throw myself out of the chariot if I had a parachute, and if she couldn’t fly, and if I wasn’t comfy.”

“And, more important, if she wasn’t comfy,” smiled Rarity, Joe nodding at the truth of this. “But, you said a ‘power ring’?”

“One of the heroes I mentioned who is like Mare-do-well…”

“Or Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity, “she can perform much the same deeds as Mare-do-well did in her brief career.”

“So even more like that modern hero version of Thor,” Joe nodded, “but one of the sort of ‘powers’ is to have a magic ring…” He paused as he remembered his earlier battle cry and that the man with that sort of ring and the feisty winged girl had been romantically involved in that cartoon. Perhaps that was what made him think of the rings in connection with Princess Luna’s magic. Deciding that was irrelevant he continued. “And one of the things those can do is envelop things in a glow and carry them. So if debris is falling… snag it all at once. That sort of thing.”

“One of the things?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Well if you can lift something else then you can put a glow around yourself and fly.”

“Twilight can do that,” Spike nodded.

“Landing now,” the bat-winged Guard that had spoken before said, surprising them as it had taken a lot longer on the train.

“Okay,” said Joe, glad for the interruption as he didn’t want to talk about the ways the rings could be used to fight.

But it had been the truth when he’d said he was comfy so he was not glad to be losing Rainbow Dash from his lap and she seemed reluctant to disentangle herself as well. The chariot swooped down to land in a thankfully deserted Ponyville street. It was not that late as the event had been scheduled to allow people to get home, and that it had been less than half over when it was interrupted and the chariot was so fast meant it was even earlier. But the residents of Ponyville seemed to keep country rather than city hours.

Once Rainbow Dash had finally got up the motivation to move they stepped or hopped, in the case of Spike, down from the chariot and Rarity gave the two Guards another smile. “Our thanks to you both.”

“Our pleasure miss,” the other Guard said, breaking his silence. They trotted forward a little to gain some speed as their bat wings beat and then they and the chariot curved up to be lost in the night sky.

“I’d offer to walk you home,” Joe smiled to Rainbow Dash, “but I doubt you are going to walk.”

Rainbow Dash smiled back and then this became a grin as she leapt with a single wing beat up into Joe’s arms to kiss him soundly. He was not as surprised as the first time so despite the bag and jacket he was carrying he caught her better, and the few days to get used to the idea made this feel less strange. But that was different from not feeling strange at all, things were getting towards glowing rather than just smouldering but still not catching fire. Glowing was more than good enough though to keep the kiss going for a while. Rainbow Dash disengaged and flapped back a little to hover and look into Joe’s face, smiling again at what she saw.

“Goodnight Joe, pleasant dreams.”

She winked and streaked back and away into the night sky, as her path curved flying on her back for a moment before she rolled, and managing to leave a rainbow trail even in the moonlight. Joe could feel a distinct prickle on his cheeks and forehead and wondered if he was blushing too noticeably. The kiss would have been enough, the breathy voiced comment even more, and the audience to both an extra bonus.

“Wow. I am impressed,” Spike commented. He turned to Rarity and exaggeratedly puckered up, she chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. “Aw!”

Joe smiled, it was obvious that Spike was not actually disappointed. “Goodnight you two.”

“Wait, I’ll take those for cleaning and storing,” Rarity said, horn glowing and bag and jacket floating away from Joe. “Goodnight Joe”

“Night Joe,” echoed Spike.

Author's Note

Revised 6th July 2013 to make it clear the intent was a jump scare. "Boo! I am a Changeling" ... "EEEK!" ... * changes back * "Hah! Fooled you! Now what will you remember about this party?"

Chapter 33

Princess Celestia entered the Canterlot Castle breakfast room. Before Nightmare Moon she had treasured the transition between night and day, when it was not quite dark and not quite light, and now her sister had returned to her Celestia treasured it again. Soon she would have to finish raising the Sun and Luna lowering the Moon, but first they could eat and talk and look forward to when their roles were reversed at the evening meal.

“Hello, my sister,” Princess Celestia greeted the Alicorn already sitting at the table.

“Tia,” smiled Princess Luna in greeting, “did thee sleep well?”

“As always, knowing our Ponies are under your eye and protection.”

“And since thou art in that sort of mood, I shall return that and say I sleep well during the day when they are under yours.”

Both Alicorns had little need for food or drink or sleep and that little they had was a deliberate link to their former mortality. During the long centuries of Princess Luna’s exile it had been difficult for both of them to keep a sense of time in the same way as their Ponies felt it. Denying herself sleep as she was responsible for raising the Moon as well as the Sun and forgetting to eat Princess Celestia had found days and nights blurring into each other until one day she had realised that what seemed mere weeks, at most, had been decades when the voice of a Pony she thought of as being almost a colt came from the mouth of a wrinkled and venerable stallion.

This same blurring together had been felt even more strongly by Nightmare Moon as the almost unchanging landscape around her of no seasons and no weather deprived her of external clues as well. She was not even measuring out her time in breaths as there was nothing to breathe on the Moon and so her power was sustaining her even in that way. Princess Celestia had tried to ease the loneliness of her sister, corrupted as she was, but it had been almost as much the absence of clues to the passage of time that had let the exile feel as if it had passed with greater speed than it had.

“You are seeming calm and cheerful this morning Luna,” Princess Celestia commented, settling at the table, her long slender horn glowing to pour herself a bowl of cereal. “I take it the night went well?”

“Oh indeed,” replied Princess Luna, with a secret smile. “The dreams of our Ponies were mostly happy ones and where they were not t’was little trouble to divert them to happier courses or ones where a lesson could be learned or insight gained.”

Princess Celestia nodded, reminded again of how the account of her sister’s fall had become confused when somepony ‘corrected’ day for night. As Goddess of Dreams the fact Ponies slept during her night had drawn no resentment, they were simply entering her other domain, but when the Ponies did stay awake during her night and slept into Princess Celestia’s day there had been the friction. It was hard for Princess Luna to act in one aspect without acting in her other so when she tried to enter and guide those dreams the Moon also responded. Princess Celestia had tried to be patient with the problems this caused but as more Ponies worked or played at night and slept during the day and ‘denied’ Princess Luna their dreams they had both become ever more frustrated. Eventually Princess Luna had become so frustrated at trying to prevent the Moon responding and being denied part of her domain that Nightmare Moon had wanted eternal night so all dreams would belong to her, whenever Ponies slept.

“And no trouble in the waking world?” Princess Celestia asked, suspicious of how quiet her sister was being.

“All was calm, Tia.”

“Good,” Princess Celestia nodded, taking a mouthful of cereal.

“Aside from five Ponies pretending to be Changelings to disrupt Fancy Pants’ party, and four of them being hospitalised.”

“What?” spluttered Princess Celestia, a few flakes of cereal escaping.

“What ‘what’?” Princess Luna asked innocently, having hoped for more of an eruption with her timing.

“My sister, I know that twinkle in your eye, what joke are you hiding?”

“Joke? I would hardly tease thee just because I know how well Fancy Pants and a certain tall bipedal matter of concern got on,” smiled Princess Luna. “And how well it seems he and a certain Pegasus are getting on now, judging from what I saw and some of the images of their dreams.”

“Please, I do not wish details of the latter.”

“They were quite innocent dreams, well at least his were. He dreamed of the flying machines of his world and sharing the sky with her, though he knew she was faster and more agile than the ‘plane’ he imagined.” Princess Luna gave her sister a saucy wink. “She was dreaming of him sharing something else.”

“No details, thank you.”

“Even hers were not too explicit,” Princess Luna shrugged, “but t’was interesting to see what image he conjures up rather than the leader of the Wonderbolts when he thinks of a Spitfire. And the emotions attached to that craft, ‘tis near enough one symbol of his nation.”

The silence lengthened as Princess Luna went back to eating and Princess Celestia waited for her to talk. Eventually Princess Celestia went back to eating as well, hoping in part that this would tempt her sister into trying to repeat the same trick of making her spit some out. She had nigh forgotten her sister’s enjoyment of pranks and when those returned to her life she had realised how important it had been to her to be treated as a sister to tease rather than a Goddess to Worship or a Ruler to Obey.

Princess Celestia sighed and gave in. “No details of the dreams,” she said, “but please tell me about how, I assume, Joe and Rainbow Dash managed to hospitalise four of our subjects.”

“Rarity and Spike helped,” replied Princess Luna, “it had been Rarity that Fancy Pants had invited and had told was welcome to bring as many friends as she liked…”

Princess Luna synopsised what she had seen and done and been told, mentioning that once she had taken the Ponies and the attending medics to hospital she had returned to the gallery to speak to Fancy Pants some more in private. Finding that Fancy Pants thought Joe could tell interesting stories and had encouraged him to set them down on paper was not welcome news. Princess Celestia agreed though that her sister’s judgement on the situation had been a fair one and they both agreed that should anypony be imprudent enough to challenge it then the Royal Wrath would not be Princess Luna’s alone. There had been attempts since Princess Luna’s return and resumption of her throne to play one sister off against the other, but if the examples they’d made of those foolish Ponies had not made it clear this was intolerable then more examples could be always be made.

“Hmm,” Princess Celestia mused, after a pleasant few minutes of discussing amusing methods of example making. “At least Joe, I think, can be trusted enough that if he has to write things down and has the time to think then he would write only what he thought suitable.”

“You are still worried he will say too much?” asked Princess Luna.

“Would be fairer to say that I fear that now,” Princess Celestia replied. “He is an… unstable element, something about him made Discord think he would bring chaos and until we know what I would have preferred his former isolation to continue.” She gave her sister a slight smile. “I am genuinely pleased that Twilight and her friends have extended the magic of friendship to him, that he has their friendship and them his, but compassion and calculation do not align here.”

“Then if thee would prefer Joe to be more isolated,” smiled Princess Luna, picking her moment, “thoust would not be pleased to learn that a few hours hence he will be addressing a class of fillies and colts at the Ponyville school?”

“What?” Princess Celestia spluttered, this time making a more satisfying mess as she’d just sipped at her tea.

“In talking to Fancy Pants he mentioned Joe was teased for lack of knowledge of Pony art and, to resolve the question of if he had not taken time to learn or had not the wits, Joe excused himself by saying he’d needed to devote time meant for learning that to instead prepare a talk on the history of human flight.”

“What? That is… what definition of the word ‘cautious’ is he using now?” Princess Celestia asked rhetorically, before sighing and shaking her head as she closed her eyes. “No,” she admitted, “I think I am being unfair.”

“How?”

Princess Celestia opened her eyes to meet her sister’s. “I have said I think Joe worthy of enough trust to only recount what he thinks suitable…”

“When think he can, rather than be drawn into statements rash,” Princess Luna nodded.

“And I also trust Twilight Sparkle’s judgement and that of Fancy Pants,” continued Princess Celestia. “I do not think anyone they like would not be cautious about what they say to children. You say he has prepared for this?”

“Yes. And that he was invited to do this rather than volunteering.”

“Then I shall allow that, although declining would be the greater caution and what I would have preferred,” nodded Princess Celestia in judgement, “he would be cautious in what he has prepared, and doubly cautious as these are fillies and colts. I shall also trust the teacher there to intervene should Joe’s degree of caution not accord with hers.”

“Though would appear thy first reaction was correct, that thy definition of cautious, for him, would be if to say anything,” Princess Luna mused, “while perhaps his, and his thought of what thee meant, was to take care in the details of what he relates and shares.”

“Maybe so,” agreed Princess Celestia, “so one precaution I think I shall take.”

==

Joe lingered near the door to the classroom, subduing the temptation to begin checking over his notes one more time. He’d got up early enough that he could have made it to Zecora’s instead had that plan not been cancelled and had got to bed early enough thanks to the abrupt end to the event, lack of time at Pony Joe’s, and speed of the flying chariot that he would not have been too tired. This had given him the time to make the trip into Ponyville to the Spa and pick up his clothes from yesterday first thing.

Unfortunately doing that had given him some fresh doubts. Last night he had regretted not having his sheath knife but now he was very glad. Joe had realised and been scared at the time that he and the Pegasus had been fortunate that the tent pole cast had not struck anything vital and made them murderer and corpse respectively. But walking back to his hut with his knife safely on his belt he had realised how certain him becoming a murderer would have been if he’d had this weapon last night. There was little you could do with a knife other than cut and stab.

Thinking it through as he walked he decided it would have been certain he’d have killed the first one, stabbing into the back of the head and neck with that initial blow rather than striking across it with a pole. Less certain were the others. He might have dodged their leader when he reared to trample or he might have met the descending chest with his blade and, if his knife had not been stuck in that chest, he’d probably have tried to twist aside from the charge and stab the other one in the neck.

Though as well as depending on if he’d still have had his knife that last would also depend on how well he had managed to avoid the horn and, if he hadn’t, how well he’d have been able to strike back despite the shock of the pain. Joe didn’t think his blood had been running as high as against the Manticore where the pain of being mauled had been subsumed by the overwhelming desire to ‘stab what trying to eat me, stab it good’ but he hadn’t noticed the scratch until they started talking rather than fighting. On the other hand even when it got a Pegasus head laid on it there had still been little pain and it was just a scratch.

Seeing a newspaper lying to one side Joe flicked through it for a distraction and tried to see the funny side and managed a slight smile and chuckle at a small item inside it.

There are unconfirmed reports that gatecrashers at the latest party by Fancy Pants were unfortunate that two of the guests there were Holders of the Elements of Harmony. Even without their Elements they were able to object to the intrusion strongly enough there are suggestions it drew the attention of Princess Celestia herself.

Well, that seemed accurate other than that they were guests rather than gatecrashers and it was Princess Luna, since it was nighttime.

==

The fillies and colts were a little unsettled as normally they would continue after morning break with what they had been doing before it. Today though Miss Cheerilee had concluded that portion of their lessons and told them to get out fresh paper, as if they were going to move onto something new. And now she was moving across to the door.

“I have arranged a special treat for you all,” Cheerilee said, opening the door.

After a moment to notice and react Joe walked in through it, deciding that scratches aside it was a shame about the waistcoat and shirt being torn. Or that his formal trousers were dirty from kneeling, and on both knees as he’d tripped to one and knelt to Princess Luna on the other. Something more formal than his normal clothes, even if they were far better tailored now, might have suited today better. But his normal boots were comfier than the newer formal boots as he had broken them in and he’d have wanted to wear his normal trousers so he could wear a belt and his knife anyway.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders grinned at the sight of him as they’d not had it confirmed when Joe would give his talk. All Big Macintosh had been willing to say was ‘Eee’yup’ that Joe had been found and had agreed to do it. The reaction of the other fillies and colts was rather more neutral and some looked a little unsure. There had been a lot of giggling and gossip about the strange creature living on Sweet Apple Acres and suddenly it was in their classroom and looking a lot taller and scarier than they’d expected.

“What is… ‘that’… doing here?” Diamond Tiara sneered as Joe and Cheerilee reached the front of the classroom and turned.

“Diamond Tiara,” said Cheerilee calmly, but with definite menace.

“Oh,” Diamond Tiara squeaked. “Sorry Miss…” She had to pause to force the rest out as Cheerilee looked expectantly at her. “Sorry Mister Joe.”

“To answer the ‘question’,” said Joe, getting his notes out and putting them down on a rather low desk. One scaled to the fact that even the teacher was only two-thirds his height while she remained on all fours. “I have been asked by Miss Cheerilee to speak on the history and principles of human flight, though I am sure most of the principles will be familiar to you already. Either from your knowledge of Physics or from what Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle have likely shared.”

“Is Rainbow Dash coming?” Scootaloo asked hopefully.

“If she is then would be as much a surprise to me as it seems me being here is to you,” smiled Joe.

“She’s probably sick of his presence after yesterday,” Diamond Tiara leaned across and whispered to Silver Spoon.

“Diamond Tiara!” snapped Cheerilee.

“Sorry Miss,” Diamond Tiara repeated.

After a pause Joe fixed her with a look. “Human ears aren’t that prominent, but I am not deaf.”

“Oh!” Diamond Tiara said, noticing Cheerilee also did not appreciate the incomplete apology. “Sorry Mister Joe.”

“And I am sorry about this as well,” Cheerilee murmured to Joe as he bent to arrange his notes.

“Don’t worry,” Joe murmured back, “when I was conducting castle tours I had to deal with worse, though she does remind me why I was never tempted to train for a teaching career.”

Joe straightened again. “Although they overlap chronologically I’ll first talk about lighter-than-air flight and then heavier-than-air flight, that is craft that float in the air by displacing a greater weight of air than they weigh and those that fly though thrust and aerodynamic lift. More succinctly Balloons or Birds.”

“Or Pegasi,” Scootaloo added happily.

“Or most Pegasi,” sneered Silver Spoon, “except you.”

“Girls!” Cheerilee warned as Scootaloo began turning to the insult.

“With lighter-than-air craft there are two methods for filling the envelope,” Joe continued, “use a gas such as Hydrogen or Helium or use a burner to heat the air inside so that it expands and becomes less dense…”

Sketching on the board as he spoke Joe went through some of the advantages of each method, mentioning that as useful as it was with a Hot Air Balloon to get lift from the contents becoming hotter that this was a problem for Hydrogen or Helium Balloons. As the sun warmed them their gas would expand and they would get extra unwanted lift, or conversely if they went high enough for it to become colder then they would lose lift from their gas contracting as well as the air around it becoming less dense.

Joe talked about ballasting with water or sandbags, the latter as he’d seen on the local balloon, and about being able to travel in different directions by using the winds at different altitudes. Then he moved onto being able to travel in the direction of your choice if rather than a balloon it was an airship, though perhaps not as literal a one as the yachts he’d seen in Canterlot. He gave them a smile and said that to his eye those seemed to have too much ship and not enough gas envelope above it.

A few more sketches dealt with the concept of using a rigid frame and individual gas cells within the outer skin and of having gondolas with people or engines slung beneath it or compartments built along the keel of this frame. And that rather than the wings he’d seen on the Canterlot yachts the engines on these airships would be powering propellers such as the one on the model the Cutie Mark Crusaders had displayed. Since there were the examples of the local Balloon and the Canterlot Yachts Joe had decided to not go into great detail, this part wouldn’t be novel or new, so he was quite soon finished.

“And though airships are still in use, they have the advantage of being able to stay aloft almost indefinitely,” Joe concluded, “and there is balloon racing and recreational flight, these have been almost entirely supplanted by heavier-than-air flight. This again I shall divide into two methods, those that fly through a similar means to Rainbow Dash’s tortoise Tank with his rotating rotor or those that fly like the model with fixed wings…”

Joe quickly sketched the cross-section of an aeroplane wing, pointing out the similarity between that and the curve of natural wings and flight feathers, and then continued by speaking of gliders and how it was simple to at least not go straight down. He dropped a piece of paper to show how it curved down and then folded a quick paper plane. After touching on the nobleman who sent his servant off a hill in a glider and that this idea was more popular with those who did it voluntarily, since the servant had given his resignation as soon as he landed, Joe started on the problem of how to sustain the flight. As he started to talk about how fortunately engines were getting light enough he heard a rather undignified and ill-mannerly snort.

“You have a comment, Diamond Tiara?” Joe asked.

“We’ve all seen the train engine,” sniffed Diamond Tiara, “and perhaps we can, barely, accept that a big enough balloon could lift one. But without magic there is no way one could be lifted by wings.”

“You would be surprised how much weight a large aeroplane can carry,” Joe replied, “but that was actually an insightful comment.”

“It was?” asked Diamond Tiara, before shaking her head and muttering that of course it was, Silver Spoon naturally agreeing.

“Let us digress onto the different sorts of motors and engines you can build,” Joe continued, wiping the board. “The steam locomotive that Diamond Tiara referred to can be called an external-combustion engine as fuel is burnt outside of it…” He sketched the firebox and how multiple flues from that passed through the boiler to produce steam that was fed to the cylinders. “Though,” he admitted as he explained the diagrams, “I’ve not looked inside the local train so I am only assuming it is the same. In any case small engines of this sort were used on early airships, but as Diamond Tiara rightly pointed out their power to weight ratio was not good for heavier than air flight…”

Diamond Tiara looked briefly triumphant, until Joe continued.

“There was some success with very small engines on winged models, but the breakthrough for human carrying flight was the internal-combustion engine…”

Diamond Tiara’s face fell and she remained gloomy as Joe talked about how a mixture of fuel and air was fed into a cylinder, or fuel injected into the air inside it, and how this was then ignited either by a sparkplug or by the heat of compression. Glad that he’d paid attention during ‘motor vehicle studies’ Joe drew the four stroke cycle and how multiple cylinders connected to the same crankshaft and flywheel kept each other going and the power smoother. Admitting that this was the old fashioned method Joe also sketched the camshaft and how it pushed cylinder valves in or let their springs close them.

To everyone’s surprise, even her own, Diamond Tiara raised her hoof rather than just interrupt.

“Yes, Diamond Tiara?” Joe asked.

“What sort of fuel is this?”

“The more volatile parts of Oil.”

“Oh?” Diamond Tiara scoffed, trying to make up for her bout of politeness. “And I suppose you’ll tell us how you’d get only the volatile part?”

“Diamond Tiara,” said Cheerilee warningly.

“Sorry Miss.”

“I note that you are not apologising to me,” Joe commented, “but even if rudely put, and put in the hopes of tripping me up…” He gave the class a smile and wink. “Which is more dangerous when you’re tottering about on only two legs.” There was a slight, very slight, ripple of amusement. “It is a fair question and the answer is fractional distillation.”

Joe made a quick sketch of how that worked, that the parts that were more volatile would boil off sooner and get higher or further along before they condensed again. Then he got back to what he had been saying about flight and that though gliders could be steered by shifting weight that things became more complex as you added the weight of engine and fuel. Scootaloo looked quite smug as she remembered that talk on the way towards Sweet Apple Acres.

“Humans have things called Hang Gliders!” Scootaloo said.

“Yes, we do Scootaloo,” nodded Joe, looking at her.

“Oh… sorry to interrupt, Joe,” Scootaloo blushed.

“As Scootaloo has mentioned it,” smiled Joe, “this is how those are controlled.” Yet another wipe of the board and a sketch of pulling and pushing the control bar to shift the angle while using the weight of the pilot as ballast, going into a little more detail than he’d done in the soil on the walk. “And with what is recognised as the first successful powered flight,” he continued, “they used something called ‘wing-warping’ which, before Scootaloo comments…”

Scootaloo blushed slightly again.

“Is what more modern designs try to avoid,” continued Joe, “as they don’t want the wings, or anything else, bending. Instead they use the control surfaces you saw on the model…”

He mentioned how crude aeroplane wings were compared with bird or, with a nod to Scootaloo, Pegasus wings and tried to not be distracted as he continued by memories of how he had explained some of this to Rainbow Dash. But Joe managed to talk about leading edge slats and flaps without blushing and about how the aeroplane wings had some ability to reshape themselves. Then he moved onto aeroplane construction and how this had shifted from wood covered in fabric to having metal frames to having a metal skin be part of the structural strength rather than just a covering for the frame.

“Yes, Apple Bloom?” Joe said as the Earth Pony filly raised her hoof.

“You mean like what ah did with th’ section of wing on the model?”

“Closer to that than the metal skin on the fuselage as on the central wing it more of a box section and is providing some strength,” Joe nodded, “but, and this is where we are getting towards where my layman’s knowledge ends…” There was a slight stir and Joe wondered if they said ‘laypony’ instead. “I think for proper stressed skin construction the frame and skin are connected so, well, they are already under stress. Like reinforced concrete where the metal bars keep the concrete under compression.”

Joe paused and hoped he hadn’t just said something stupid, either about stressed construction or about if the Ponies had reinforced concrete. The former was the sort of thing where he might have looked it up to be sure and the latter… he thought he had seen construction that would use that but as soon as he used the example he became unsure of it. Dismissing his doubts he moved onto propulsion and how carved wooden propellers had given way to metal ones where the angle of the blades could be adjusted or adjust themselves depending on throttle setting and speed, and how the number of blades had increased and eventually two contra-rotating sets began to be placed on a single shaft.

“But,” Joe said, “the limits began to be reached. You could only spin the propellers so fast and, even with two sets of blades, could only accelerate so much air to that speed with them. These were fast and powerful aeroplanes, but still limited by their piston engines and what they were connected to.” He smiled to the class. “I’m impressed by them at air shows,” he commented, vaguely remembering a dream of one such sort, “but Rainbow Dash would not be.”

“Because she is awesome!” commented Scootaloo, her and the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders watching closely for any reaction from Joe.

“However,” Joe continued, ignoring the interruption, “by that point a different sort of engine had been invented. You’ll be familiar with water turbines since, I assume, those are what are at the hydroelectric plant at your dam. For other sorts of electrical generation, or seagoing ships with their propellers, you can instead have a steam turbine…”

Joe reached a section of notes where he had crossed out a chunk. He wanted to mention the Turbinia but did not want to have to explain what the Spithead Naval Review was, where that boat had shown off her speed and outpaced the ships sent to intercept her. He wanted to mention that although ‘steamship’ gave images of something fairly old-fashioned that some of the most impressive warships ever constructed were still steam powered, but he really did not want to have to describe the nuclear reactors they used to boil the water.

“Same, ah, principle can be applied here as with piston engines, in a way…”

More wiping of the board and more sketching showed how steam, or water, was fed into the turbine to spin it and Joe got the class to agree that if instead the turbine was spun then it would draw the steam, or water, through it instead. That it worked both ways. Then Joe erased part of the turbine and added fuel injectors at a constriction and explained the Jet engine. Air drawn in by the front blades, fuel injected and ignited at the constriction, exhaust out the rear to provide thrust, this air moving a lot faster than a propeller could push or pull it, and passing through the rear blades. Which turned a shaft to turn the front blades to draw in more air. Then Joe modified the diagram twice, first extending the shaft and adding a propeller for a turboprop engine and then erasing that extension and the propeller and the front blades before replacing the front blades with larger ones…

“And as you can see not all the air will go into the engine, but that which doesn’t does provide thrust,” Joe concluded, “and this Turbofan engine is more efficient at lower, sub-sonic, speeds than a pure Turbojet. Are there any more questions on this part of things?”

There was a silence that Joe was not sure whether to regard as encouraging or not. He could hope it was that he’d explained things well but he could fear it was that he’d completely lost them. Diamond Tiara had been rude and had been listening to try to find flaws to expose, but at least she had been listening and understanding well enough that the flaws were problems that had had to be solved.

“Right,” Joe continued, “I explained this far because although the method with rotors did work with piston engines it only really became practical with turbines, and these are more turbines for providing rotation than jet engines for providing thrust…”

Joe moved onto describing helicopters and made a rough sketch of the rotor assembly, admitting he was not clear on how it worked but as it rotated it also tilted the rotor blades so part of the lift was diverted into forward thrust, or could be diverted to rear or sides to move that way instead. Generally though they flew forwards and could dip their nose for more speed. There would be a problem with the helicopter body spinning in the opposite direction to the rotors but that could be solved by using contra-rotating rotors, like the propellers he’d mentioned, or by putting a small rotor on the tail to counter the torque. Joe admitted he wasn’t sure why Rainbow Dash’s tortoise doesn’t spin, so he assumed magic.

Silence returned to the classroom as Joe finished and waited for any comments. As this lengthened he shrugged to Cheerilee and began gathering his notes together. Seeing this she stepped forward.

“Thank you Joe,” Cheerilee said to him, “I am sure we are all grateful for the talk, and that you did it at such short notice.” She looked to her class. “Now,” she added, doing what she thought Joe should have done, again, rather than just wait, “Are there any questions?”

Scootaloo raised a hoof.

“Yes, Scootaloo?” Cheerilee asked.

“How fast can human machines go?”

“Depends what sort,” Joe replied, putting his notes back down. He spoke briefly of maximum speeds, admitting he was not sure of all the reasons why Helicopters could only reach low sub-sonic speeds. Mentioning the fastest petrol engined propeller planes could approach the speed of sound in a dive but more like five-sevenths that in level flight. And that above Mach 3 or 4 Jets began to run into trouble with heating of the airframe and the stress and heating on the jet turbine blades. “However,” he added, turning back to the board, “if you have enough forward speed you don’t need turbine blades…” He sketched a ramjet. “And,” he smiled, “fly fast enough and the heating of the airframe means you don’t need an engine.”

“Come again?” Applejack said at this counter-intuitive statement.

“Rather than compressing the air inside an engine,” replied Joe, vaguely describing a scramjet, “you can design the airframe so that the airflow over it becomes compressed at carefully selected places, and if fuel is injected into those places then you can get thrust.”

“Whoa!”

“No Scootaloo, that is not something we can build.”

“Aw.”

Deciding on politeness now she wasn’t so surprised Apple Bloom raised a hoof.

“Yes Apple Bloom?” Joe asked.

“What can we build?”

“Models, at the moment,” Joe replied. “But if you keep on with the project then the goal would first be something fairly simple.”

Joe erased the crudely remembered drawing of high end aeronautical experimentation and began sketching a Microlight instead. He ran through the decisions they had made about it being a wooden frame with fabric covered wing and tail and a metal skin for extra protection on the fuselage, and then mentioned the decisions they had to make about if extra bracing or a lower semi-wing would be needed. Joe then talked about why they had put the propeller where it was and the advantages and disadvantages of different places, though he admitted he was not sure about Pony Persistence of Vision.

A filly with a frizzy mane and bottle-end glasses raised her hoof and, once he had got over his shock that somepony other than Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, or Diamond Tiara was asking or commenting, Joe nodded to her. “Yes?”

“Persistence of vision?” she asked.

“I am not sure if I used the right term,” replied Joe. “In the case of an animation it would be how many pictures per second would be needed to give the illusion of smooth movement. In this case it would be how fast the propeller would need to be spinning for it to be seen through as a faint blur rather than the blades being visible.”

Scootaloo raised her hoof.

“Scoots, let somepony else ask questions,” Joe smiled, “especially since you can ask me while we are working on things.”

“Sorry Joe,” said Scootaloo, lowering her hoof.

“No, it’s okay,” Joe reassured her, looking to the class. “Anypony else?” He shrugged. “Right then, what was your next question Scootaloo?”

“How high can human flying machines fly?”

“I should have expected that, the motto of the human version of the Equestria Games is something like ‘Higher, faster, stronger’…” Joe smiled again. “Were you going to also ask how much weight they can carry?”

“Er, maybe?”

“As to height that starts getting into the question of what is flight,” Joe said, going back to sketching. “Near the ground you need wings or rotors or balloons but as you get higher the air gets thinner, so those would provide less support. I’m not sure how accurate this is, but…” He drew some rough altitudes for different things. “And like us the engines I have described need to ‘breathe’, so they have a limit on how high they can work, though one advantage of thinner air is that less drag and less heating and stress on the engines and airframe means you can go faster…”

Joe looked at his sketch for a moment and stepped back.

“And,” Joe admitted, turning to face the class, “I’ve been comparing speeds to the speed of sound, when I should have been saying the speed of sound at ground level and the atmospheric pressure there. Sound travels at different speeds depending on how dense the medium of transmission is.”

“Huh,” said one of the fillies or colts.

“Sorry,” Joe nodded. “It travels faster the denser the thing it is travelling though is, so if something is far enough away and loud enough you might feel a vibration through the ground with your feet… hooves, sorry… before you hear it through the air with your ears. Anyway, that is a digression, again.” He pointed at the sketch. “If you are high enough you are not being supported by the air are you really flying?”

“But humans have gone that high or higher?” asked Scootaloo.

To Cheerilee’s surprise, and concern, as she’d thought he was finished and seemed to now be working without notes Joe wiped the board again. He started explaining rockets and how they could be solid or liquid fuelled and mentioned his amusement when there was a modern sleek stylish thing and then a very simple looking cone for the nozzle sticking out the back. Most of these lifted vertically on the thrust of their engines before tilting slightly and gaining some aerodynamic lift despite being cylinders. The alternative was the sleek stylish thing which was carried to relatively high altitude by a parent aeroplane and then its own engine drove it up even higher to where it was flying more in the sense that something flies if you throw it.

Yet again Joe wiped the board and this time he drew a horizontal line across the middle of it and then a series of ballistic arcs. “This is how it would work if the ground was flat,” he explained, “but as it is curved…” He erased the horizontal line, replaced it with a downward curve, and extended the arcs. “Eventually if something gets high enough then it will miss the ground, or at least might take a few trips around the world before it stops missing as the air slows it. But if it is high enough to not be slowed then it might continue missing and going around like…”

Joe suddenly stopped. He was about to explain orbits and use the obvious analogy of saying ‘like the Moon’ but all at once he remembered who he had met the night before and what she was reputed to do and realised he was touching on mythology and cosmology rather than ballistics. He coughed a few times and hoped he had not gone too pale.

“It will keep going round,” Joe weakly concluded, “and if it is going around high enough than the time it takes to do this will match…”

Another thought occurred to Joe of someone he’d met, most recently, ten days ago and what she was reputed to do. And if she really did rather than it being planetary rotation then the concept of geo-stationary orbit was a nonsense.

“Are you alright Joe?” asked Cheerilee as he looked quite so stunned.

“Ah, sorry,” Joe replied, forcing a smile and looking back at the class. “Anyway. If you are high enough that what you are doing is falling towards the ground and missing does that count as flight?”

“Yes,” said a filly.

“No!” another contradicted.

“Yes!” a colt informed them.

“Nooo!” the second filly said, repeating her contradiction.

The fillies and colts started bickering and seeing Joe and his expression Cheerilee decided to end this. “I think that is all we have time for,” she said, “so everypony say thank you.”

“Thank You!” chorused the class before returning to the debate.

“A pleasure,” Joe said, feeling a little shaky as he gathered his notes and left.

Cheerilee watched him go and wondered what that last part was about. She’d been warned by Princess Celestia to keep an eye on Joe as the Princess feared that Joe would mention things that were inappropriate for the audience or inaccurate for this world, so Cheerilee wondered which that had been if not both. Despite Princess Celestia’s qualms and the ones those qualms had awoken in her Cheerilee thought this had gone quite well so she tapped a hoof to regain the attention of her class and end their quarrelling.

“We shall take lunch now,” Cheerilee told them, “and after lunch you have some very special letters to write on what you have learned.”

Chapter 34

Not knowing what else to do other than check and knowing there was no better place or Pony to check with Joe walked towards Ponyville and the Golden Oaks Library. He’d hoped to escape once he’d worked through his notes and was worried that even before he’d stopped himself he’d said too much. Talking about human flight without mentioning how the development of aviation had been sped by two World Wars or that the very fastest piston engined aeroplanes were the last generation of fighters before Jets replaced them had been difficult. He thought he had managed though and although he now wondered if he should have mentioned flying boats he was glad to have not mentioned fighters and bombers and all the other panoply of military types.

Entering the library he was greeted by a rather tired looking Twilight Sparkle. “Hello, did things go well?”

“Very well at first,” Joe replied. “You have a beautiful home city, Spike managed to impress us all with his knowledge of art, and I could see why people like Fancy Pants. Unfortunately things ended with five idiots playing a dangerous prank at the event.”

“Spike mentioned that before I sent him to nap after his morning chores,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, wondering whether to emulate that herself even if she’d not had so late a night.

Joe nodded back. “Things also went fairly well this morning,” he added, both in case that was what Twilight Sparkle had meant and as a prelude to his next words, “though the talk to Miss Cheerilee’s class has given me some questions. I need some basic primers on your cosmology.”

“Sure,” Twilight Sparkle replied, frowning in consideration for an instant before some books floated off a shelf and to them. “Why?”

“Because I nearly touched on cosmology and mythology and…” started Joe, stopping and sighing as he took those books. “Let me explain.”

“Please.”

“At the end of what I was saying Scootaloo asked me how high humans could fly and I digressed onto what flight meant…”

Twilight Sparkle patiently listened as Joe explained orbits and the question of if those were flying. “That makes sense, I suppose,” she admitted, “but I don’t see the connection with what you asked for.”

“As far as I am concerned, with my world, the Moon just orbits the Earth… well, technically they both orbit a common centre of gravity but that is inside the Earth…”

“It just orbits?” Twilight Sparkle interrupted.

“So I nearly said things high enough would keep going around like the Moon…” Joe continued, making Twilight Sparkle blink. “And worse, as far as I am concerned, with my world, it just rotates so the side in sunlight and the side in shadow changes, one rotation being one day, and I nearly mentioned this when I was going to say a satellite high enough would orbit at the same pace as that rotation. So it would remain above the same point on the planet.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Joe in disbelief, then asked, in the tone of one wanting to be sure, “No Goddesses to raise or lower the Sun and the Moon?”

“No Goddesses,” Joe confirmed.

“How would that even work?”

With some disclaimers about his memory Joe began to explain what he knew about the formation and structure of the Solar System. For a moment he had trouble remembering whether Saturn or Jupiter came first and after he’d named a few planets he began digressing onto why they were called that and very briefly onto that pantheon of Gods. Twilight Sparkle was looking more and more incredulous the longer he spoke, especially when he mentioned humans had walked on their Moon so that could be considered as how high humans had flown.

“So,” Twilight Sparkle eventually said, “you think your Sun is just an incredibly vast ball of Gas burning with Nuclear Fusion?”

“Small compared with some stars,” nodded Joe, “but more than 99% of the mass of the Solar System. A little surprised that you know what Nuclear Fusion is.”

“Of course I know what it is,” Twilight Sparkle replied, waving a forehoof in annoyance, “and I know what Comets are even if we don’t call where they come from the Oort cloud.”

“Fair enough.”

“And you think your Moon was created when another planet forming in the same orbit as yours smashed into it?”

“That is the current hypothesis and I think it explains a few things…”

If she had looked incredulous before then Twilight Sparkle managed to surpass this as Joe began talking about his planet’s core and the unusually strong magnetic field this gave his world. He said he didn’t know but he wondered if two cores had combined when the two protoplanets collided. She listened to him talk about how the magnetic field prevented the atmosphere being stripped away by the solar wind, as happened on Mars, and also prevented too much radiation. Then she accepted him saying that the collision theory also explained why their Moon was not as dense as their world since it had been formed by material that had been light enough to be ejected far enough away by the impact to fall together rather than back.

“Wait…” Twilight Sparkle said as Joe droned on.

“Hmm?”

“You say your moon prevents ‘axial wobble’?”

“Keeps things more stable,” nodded Joe.

“And you say your seasons are due to how your planet is tilted on its axis?”

“Pointing towards the sun and get more sunlight, pointing away and get less, and at the Poles you get half a year of day and half a year of night.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Twilight Sparkle protested.

“Sure it does,” replied Joe. “If the axis was vertical then there’d always the same amount of light and heat. But if the axis was horizontal then a yearly ‘day’ as rotation wouldn’t affect that.”

“Yes, I understand that! And if only a little off vertical then the two combine, effects of rotation and of orbit.”

Joe looked at her in puzzlement. “Then…?”

“It… doesn’t… change like that here. The efforts of the Ponies change Winter into Spring in a single day…”

“What?” Joe interrupted.

There was a silence during which all Joe could think was of a television series that ran twice a year at Spring and Autumn and how much they would have to cram into things if it was a single day rather than several programmes over a few weeks. Then he remembered something else.

“No wonder Fluttershy looked so baffled,” Joe said slowly, “when we were talking about Nature.” He shook his head. “I was talking about the climate and how creatures reacted to the shifting seasons and she was thinking ‘but, they all do it in one day’?”

“Probably.”

Joe shifted his grip on the books he was holding as he got an irresistible urge to pinch his nose and rub at his forehead. “I thought I was getting used to this place. Can I have a book on climatology as well please?”

“Here,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Joe a sympathetic look as one floated across.

“Thanks,” nodded Joe, shifting his grip back to holding the books two handed and flat to allow the extra book to settle on top of them. “I just hope I can remember this is true here. Suppress the reaction to think it is mistaken.”

“Why would you have that reaction?” Twilight Sparkle asked, feeling immune to further bafflement after all that had been said.

“Been plenty of creation myths,” said Joe, managing a smile, “and ideas of how things work in human history. Used to think the Sun was pulled across the sky in a chariot, or that the Earth was the centre of the universe and everything orbited it, or… did Dash mention some Eagles I told her about?”

“No, why?”

“A common myth in human cultures are gigantic birds, some ascribed the sound of thunder to the beating of a Thunderbird’s wings, so when people from my country reached some large islands in the southern hemisphere they thought it was just that. Just another similar myth amongst the people who were already living there.”

“I take it that it wasn’t?”

“After a while people from my part of the world found some skeletons and that it was true, not legend or allegory or myth.”

“Why did they only find skeletons?” Twilight Sparkle frowned. “Why not the actual birds?”

“The subject came up when Dash wondered if she could carry me and I mentioned these Eagles and that although they were as tall as me and had twice her wingspan they weren’t strong enough to carry off full grown men, I think.”

“Right?”

“But they could carry off human children,” Joe continued. “From tribes of people that were tough and determined enough they’d crossed vast stretches of ocean in open canoes to reach those islands. Rather than the far larger sailing ships my countrymen used centuries later.”

“And…” asked Twilight Sparkle, before realising Joe had answered the question through strong implication. “Oh.”

“There also games and stories where the setting involves older ideas of cosmology,” Joe added. “So there is the question of whether those ideas are actually true in that world. Would someone applying ‘modern’ knowledge to that setting find themselves in trouble as that knowledge would be as inaccurate there as the older cosmology had been judged in the ‘real’ world where it had been discounted?”

“I understand, I think,” said Twilight Sparkle slowly. “You know how things work for your world…”

“Roughly speaking.”

“And things had seemed the same here with day and night and seasons…”

“And seven days to a week,” Joe nodded, “as that is the length of the phases of the Moon.”

“But you’d not thought about if it worked differently here, despite having met Princess Celestia when you arrived here?”

Joe paused and considered his next words, shifting the books in his hands and from one foot to the other. “Firstly, I was not doubting that Princess Celestia, and her sister Princess Luna, were Goddesses.”

“Granted,” said Twilight Sparkle, deciding to not press Joe about her sister-in-law Princess Cadance.

“However as Princess Celestia was defeated by the Changeling Queen it did not seem…” Joe sighed. “There have been plenty of rulers in human history who have claimed to be Gods, or that on their death they would become Gods, and one of the more immodest claims such made was that they caused the sun to rise and set.”

“Princess Celestia does cause that!” Twilight Sparkle snapped, eyes flashing and a brief glitter of purple magic around her horn at this implied insult to her beloved mentor. “It is not a claim, it is the truth!”

“Grant me that with how powerful, or the opposite, her defeat by the Changeling Queen made her appear that it could feel more likely it was metaphorical.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight Sparkle asked, granting only a glare.

“That she truly is a Goddess of the Sun and embodies it in this world, but that it rose and fell due to the world’s rotation. And that Luna is truly a Goddess of the Moon to embody it and all its aspects, but it orbited.”

“You thought they were more limited?” Twilight Sparkle asked, eyes narrowing in sudden understanding. “That things worked the same here, but with the aid of the Princesses?”

“I mentioned a weather God called Thor to Rainbow Dash and that he was revived as the basis of a hero for stories set in modern times,” nodded Joe. “One difference between mythology and those stories I didn’t mention was that they had not dismissed all of metrology. Those that worshipped him though the weather worked more at his whim, but in the modern stories it is more like he is linked to, and part of, those vast and complex systems. He can influence and shape them, and their strength is his, but they can also be running their course without him needing to direct them.”

“Read the books, Joe,” Twilight Sparkle nodded back, sounding distracted.

As Joe sat and began to obey she considered what she should write to Princess Celestia about this. Or if she should write anything, as Joe had explained why he needed the books rather than just saying he thought he needed to learn more it seemed unfair to repay that by risking her mentor’s wrath on him. But it also seemed unfair to her mentor to not share this new information and insight.

“Thanks for the books, Twilight,” said Joe, glancing up from one as he remembered his manners.

“No trouble.”

==

Spike yawned, and then he yawned again, and then considered and rejected a third as an encore. He’d managed to get up for his morning chores and had done a little more work around the Golden Oaks Library before Twilight Sparkle had smiled and told him to get some more rest, even if he wasn’t such a baby Dragon as a couple of years ago. Spike had given a sleepy smile and obeyed, even if, thanks to the early end to the event, he’d had a couple of hours more sleep than Twilight Sparkle might be assuming. Stretching and giving one itchy patch between some scales a good scratch Spike wandered his way into the main section of the library.

“Going to have to start charging you rent,” Spike commented as he saw Joe sitting and studying at what was becoming his usual table. Then he frowned. “But shouldn’t you be talking at the school?”

“Look again at the time, my friend,” smiled Joe.

Spike looked and nodded. “Ah, napped longer than I thought,” he replied. “How long do humans sleep anyway?”

“Depends on the person and their age, but averages seven or eight hours a night I think.”

Spike nodded again. “Dragons sleep more, explains why you are looking more awake than I feel.”

With that Spike wandered off to get himself a drink and finish waking up. As he was in the kitchen anyway he made and brought Joe a cup of tea.

“Thanks,” Joe said as Spike returned, taking the cuppa and setting it down on the table.

“No trouble” smiled Spike, sitting down and peering at the book open in front of Joe. “What are you reading today?”

“Cosmology and Climatology,” Joe said, returning the smile, but in a more rueful manner. “My talk on flight nearly touched on differences between my world and this, and in talking to Twilight about that I found more.” Then he turned the book around and slid it across so Spike could see it better. “And in reading I just found why the girls gave me, and each other, that look when I talked about Rainbows and why you were arguing…”

Spike looks and nodded as he saw a picture of the ‘fabulous and famous Rainbow Works of Cloudsdale’. “It was still a nice present though,” he admitted, “and it was making a pattern like a rainbow.”

Joe nodded back and sipped some tea, if sip could be defined as a third of the cup. “In some ways this bothers me more than some of the differences that would seem more dramatic. I mean prisms work, and water seems as able to bend light, so raindrops should refract light to the same result…” His voice trailed off as he shook his head. “But instead somewhere along the line that simple physics breaks down and rainbows need to be made.”

“You’re pretty frustrated aren’t you?” asked Spike after a pause and looking at Joe’s expression.

“Pretty much,” Joe admitted. “I’ve met creatures of mythology, one of which just gave me a cup of tea…”

“And one of which kissed you last night.”

“That is some consolation,” Joe smiled, “though also one more thing where I am surprised.” He drank some more tea to pause for thought. “I’d thought things strange, but also thought that was more superficial. That beneath everything lay more similar underlying principles, but seems that is not true and now I worry what else I have taken for granted is wrong.” He chuckled. “Of course I have to be worried about that after I have given a lecture at the school.”

“Twilight did agree with what you remembered about the principles of flight,” argued Spike, “and the model did fly…”

Joe sighed and nodded. “True, seems some of my knowledge can be relied on.”

They continued to drink their drinks and Joe to read. Seeing the occasional twitch of disbelief and wondering if his friend was driving himself into the sort of state as Twilight Sparkle sometimes managed Spike came to a decision. He’d joked about needing to charge Joe rent but over the last few days, more like several, Joe had done a lot of talking and studying with the relaxation of the trip to Canterlot spoilt by the pranksters.

“I should go and get some things,” Spike said, “is Twilight around?”

“She’s doing some writing in the basement,” nodded Joe, looking up from the book, “and finishing analysing the potions she and Zecora made yesterday.”

“Okay, and Owlowiscious is here as well.”

“So number two assistant and temporary number three to cover for you,” smiled Joe. “Though before you go, we made the newspaper, or rather Rarity and Dash did as they only mentioned the ‘Holders of the Elements of Harmony’ rather than the mere bipeds who assisted.”

“Aw.”

“Only ‘aw’ if you want the attention, and I don’t think either of us would have wanted it from stabbing things or if your claws had struck something vital in that idiot-Pony’s neck.”

“I wanted to distract rather than hurt too much,” Spike nodded, as he stood, “but I am glad I didn’t hurt too much by accident, and I think I would still be glad even if they had been Changelings.”

“Hmm… yeah,” mused Joe before nodding back. “I’d not thought about that, been feeling too glad I hadn’t killed any Ponies. I think I’d have still slept well if I’d had to kill that Giant Crocodile or that Manticore but, even if they were invaders and, we’d assume, trying to kill or enslave, I think killing Changelings would have troubled me.”

“I’ll see you later Joe.”

“Happy shopping.”

==

Pluffs of dust sprang up from the Ponyville street with each impact of four hooves together as Pinkie Pie indulged in her unique form of locomotion. She’d made her deliveries and made some Ponies smile… had almost made Cranky Doodle Donkey not frown… so today was a good one. And might be about to get better, she decided, as she saw a small purple shiny thing trotting in the opposite direction towards her.

“Spikey-wikey!” Pinkie Pie grinned, somehow crossing the remaining distance in an eyeblink and rubbing the top of his head.

“Gah!” said Spike.

“What are you doing here?” Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing back a little and tilting her head to give Spike an enquiring look.

“Looking for you, Mr Cake said you were making deliveries so I guessed what route you’d be taking back…”

“And you guessed right!” Pinkie Pie interrupted, sounding delighted.

“Not at first,” admitted Spike, “had hoped to catch up.”

“Ketchup? Why were you hoping for Ketchup…”

“Catch. Up.”

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie giggled.

“Joe has found some more differences between this world and his,” continued Spike, “and seems frustrated by it all, but as you’re all going to the lake today...”

“Say no more!” Pinkie Pie nodded.

When it had seemed that Rarity was not going to attend the event in Canterlot as she didn’t want to go alone, and had been silly in not inviting Spike, they had decided to meet there the day after that. Show that although they didn’t want to go to Canterlot they still wanted to spend time with her doing something they could all enjoy. And when she had stopped being silly and had asked Spike and been able to go to Canterlot with him and Rainbow Dash and Joe they had seen no reason to not go to the lake as well.

“We can invite him,” Pinkie Pie continued, “and make it a ‘Joe-has-a-Marefriend’ party!”

“Or just invite him,” suggested Spike.

“Hmm, Twilight did say a celebration might be premature…”

“I don’t think it’s premature now,” Spike admitted, thinking of the Spa and the kiss, “but if you want him to go then maybe just invite him…”

“Oooooh! I love giving surprises!” bounced Pinkie Pie.

Spike decided to give up on dissuading Pinkie Pie, especially since he still owed Joe, despite the apology, for all the ‘short arse’ comments. “It would have to be a surprise.”

“But can humans swim?” frowned Pinkie Pie, managing to look fractionally less cheerfully ebullient. “Joe mentioned he might try to find that lake and I asked if they did, but you arrived before he answered.”

“Rarity did say Joe had mentioned he’d want to keep his shorts on even if he went swimming, so sounds like they can swim.”

“Okay!”

==

Twilight Sparkle came out of the door from her basement laboratory, glad that nopony had come to find her and discover that she’d actually been napping. As much as she had told Joe off for taking too much joy in keeping secrets there was some fun in maintaining the image, which was almost entirely true, of being so hard working she needed at least two assistants to keep up with her. Thinking of them she looked around and only saw a dozing Owlowiscious rather than Spike at work or chatting to Joe where he was still studying.

“Spike?” Twilight Sparkle asked, approaching the table.

“He said he should go and get some things,” supplied Joe, looking up from the book and around.

“Oh, I wonder what we needed,” Twilight Sparkle mused, before deciding that she’d had enough sleep for a new subject. “Joe, Spike told me about how the event went wrong.”

“You said he’d mentioned it,” nodded Joe, “before I got us onto cosmology and climatology to our mutual bafflement. But was a silly prank by them, silly reaction by me, and both combined could have had worse consequences.”

“He said how you told the leader of that group you could have stabbed them,” Twilight Sparkle agreed.

“Which I have been brooding on a little, when not reading these primers.” Joe paused and clarified. “The stabbing rather than the telling I mean.”

“Would it have been that bad?”

“I don’t want to be a murderer, and I realised I’d have killed at least one of them if I’d had my knife with me and been using that rather than the tent pole. Or using the points of the tent pole rather than the side of it.”

“Oh,” replied Twilight Sparkle, realising it would have been that bad.

Joe gave her a slight smile. “And now I’ve realised that I hope to stop realising that, and not have bad dreams.”

“Maybe Princess Luna could help?”

“She is very intimidating and impressive…” Joe began.

“She can be scary,” agreed Twilight Sparkle.

“All right, scary,” Joe conceded, “but…”

The door opened in a blur of pink before Joe could finish his question about how Princess Luna could help. Realising he had been impolite in not rising when Twilight Sparkle returned from her basement Joe began to gather himself but before he could stand Pinkie Pie had her forehooves propped on the table and was staring him in the face. It seemed ruder to not remain seated so Joe just tried to not flinch or lean back too far despite how sudden this was.

“Joe!” Pinkie Pie demanded. “You know that lake you said you were going to find?”

Joe thought for a moment before he nodded. “Feels like a long time ago I said that, been too busy since then though to explore and find it on the ground rather than the map.”

“We are all going there today, and if you come then we can show you where it is!”

“Thanks,” Joe replied with a slight smile, “but I think I’ll be more useful here helping Owlowiscious keep an eye on the library.”

“Oh, we’re taking the pets,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Hwhooo?” Owlowiscious asked.

“Sorry,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “pets and assistant.”

“Then as you are taking your assistants,” Joe said, deliberately pluralising the word. “I’d definitely be more useful here while you and Owlowiscious and Spike are at the lake.”

“Errrr,” murmured Twilight Sparkle, unsure if Joe had misheard or was making an unsubtle hint.

“Oh! Sorry Spikey!” Pinkie Pie said, grabbing and hugging. “We should have invited you.”

“Don’t worry,” Spike assured her, and the others. “I know it was just going to be a Pony Pet Play Date and some girl-talk, and Twilight needs someone to look after the library for the few hours.”

Joe nodded and decided to not comment. If Spike didn’t mind then he shouldn’t but it seemed unfair. They’d not taken him to the Crystal Empire to help with the Equestria Games business and not invited him to Canterlot or even to the Lake until they were prompted. As glad as Joe was that he had been invited to the latter two it did feel the wrong way round that he was being invited before Spike and Spike only after those prompts were made.

“But as it is going to be the lake rather than just the park,” said Twilight Sparkle, suspecting what Joe had not said, “would you like to come Spike?”

“It would be nice,” Spike admitted, “but I’d not be too disappointed to stay here.”

“If it would be nice then you go and have fun,” nodded Joe. “I’ve got this to do so no hardship to keep an eye on the library while I do.”

“I know when someone is studying too hard and needs a break,” Twilight Sparkle said firmly, “and if Spike wants to go then the Golden Oaks Library can be shut for the few hours instead.”

“And when somepony is feeling down,” added Pinkie Pie, making Spike wince as the root of the problem was that Joe was not a somepony, “having their friends around them can help...” She stopped and shoved her face closer to Joe’s to add in a sing song. “And Dashie’s going to be there…”

“Of course everypony knows why that would be an argument,” Joe said, unable to not smile at the Pinkie Pie antics.

“Not everypony,” corrected Pinkie Pie with an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression, “might be two or three who don’t.”

Joe sighed and shook his head. “I don’t have any swimming shorts or trunks…”

“I don’t mind!”

“I do.”

“Aw, Spikey said you would,” pouted Pinkie Pie, “but still boring.”

“I do have the shorts you wore for the testing, they’ve been laundered,” Twilight Sparkle said, agreeing silently with Pinkie Pie as proportionate testicle size was a useful clue to the degree of sexual activity of a species, and a clue she’d been denied. “I can also lend you a towel.”

“Testing?” gasped Pinkie Pie. “Not… the machines that go ‘ping’?”

“Despite your valiant attempt to warn me I was unable to evade that,” Joe winked to her. Then he sighed and nodded. “I suppose I could do with relaxing from too much thinking, had to talk to an entire class of fillies and colts…”

“Ooooh?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Cheerilee came and…” Twilight Sparkle began.

As his ‘big sister’ continued to explain and Pinkie Pie to marvel and keep Joe distracted Spike slipped back out the door. Once he’d given up on dissuading Pinkie Pie it was only a short step to aiding her and this would give him an excuse to visit Rarity. She greeted him with a smile as he arrived at the Carousel Boutique and then began to giggle and consider colour choices for the fabric and embroidery as he explained.

Chapter 35

The sun was warm on Rainbow Dash’s fur and feathers and her eyes had closed contentedly beneath her sunglasses as she relaxed on the recliner. An occasional ‘wuff’ from Winona, giggle from Pinkie Pie, or remonstrance from Applejack as she tried to get her dog and her friend from over-exciting each other too much were the only real noises. Yesterday had been good, any day in which you were compared with a God and got a chance to show off both your awesome flying skills and an awesome new dress could hardly be anything but. It was a shame the Changelings they’d beaten up had been Ponies but she’d been surprised how much she had enjoyed all the ‘stuffy’ stuff leading up to that fight.

Her warmth was interrupted as a shadow fell across her and for a moment she thought it was Tank getting in the way of her sun again, but the shadow seemed to large and there was no sound of rotors. So Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and looked up, her smile of greeting faltering as she saw the frown on Joe’s backlit face as he looked down at her,

“I am getting fed up with you kissing me…” Joe said harshly.

“Wha…”

Then Joe crouched, cradled Rainbow Dash’s head in one hand, and interrupted whatever protest she was going to make by starting to thoroughly kiss her. She twisted slightly on the recliner and one forehoof came up to keep him there and stroke his neck as his lips worked on hers and his thumb started to draw lazy circles on the back of her head. After a while Joe pulled back and grinned, Rainbow Dash looking at him with her sunglasses askew, and his fingers still happily entangled in her mane.

“Because it’s my turn to kiss you,” Joe winked.

“Whoo-wheee, got a live one!” called Applejack.

“Wuff!” Winona agreed, blue-wing-pony had not snapped her jaws in face of tall-thing so she must approve of what tall-thing had done.

“That looked… nice,” nodded Fluttershy as Angel Bunny looked at her and pulled a face of disgust. “I am happy for you two.”

Rainbow Dash blushed and muttered as she straightened her sunglasses. “He wasn’t even mentioning my name, he said.”

“He found his name had been mentioned by her to all her friends, he says,” Joe muttered back as he gently lowered her head back to the recliner.

Tank stuck his head out from underneath the recliner where he had been in the shade, blinked at the pair of them, and then withdrew again to blink signals to Gummy and discuss the latest antics of these warm blooded creatures. Gummy blinked back about how at least Tank’s pony was not so random.

“Spike!” Rarity called, concentrating from her own recliner, that was more like a Roman couch in its cushioning and ornateness.

A blue glow surrounded Rarity’s horn and some fabric and a pair of poles. Obediently Spike hurried over and the blue glow released one pole into his handpaws so that between his muscle and Rarity’s magic the pair managed to unfurl a banner as wide as Joe was tall. The fabric was the light blue of Rainbow Dash’s fur or feathers and embroidered on it in thread as black as Joe’s hair was the legend ‘Joe has a Marefriend’. As Joe and Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief Pinkie Pie wheeled her party cannon between the poles and fired it to scatter twirls of paper everywhere.

“What… the…” Joe said, distinctly lost for words as Spike and Rarity showed they had planned this well enough there were already holes in the ground for them to slip the ends of the banner poles into.

Rainbow Dash’s blush had deepened. “I’m glad you didn’t know either,” she said, relieved the kiss had been spontaneous rather than part of this plan.

“Celebration!” Pinkie Pie demanded, slipping forward through the aperture created by the side of her party cannon, a pole, the ground, and the bottom edge of the banner. Then she started bouncing in place. “Celebration! Celebration!”

“As you have known her longer,” said Joe as he stood, “it seems that banner should be saying Dash has a… a…”

“Special somehuman?” Twilight Sparkle suggested as Joe struggled for the term.

“Manfriend?” asked Applejack.

“Paramour?” Spike shrugged, making sure the banner was secure.

“Depends if I do,” commented Rainbow Dash from her recliner.

Joe took a breath and decided to stop denying to himself that, as strange as it seemed and her being a Pegasus not being the strangest part, things had reached and gone past that point. He turned slightly and looked down at her again with a smile. “You do, if you want one.”

Rather than reply at once Rainbow Dash took her sunglasses off with a slow deliberate sort of motion and put them to one side. Then she sprang, pushing off with her wings against the recliner rather than flapping them or having to turn to get her hindlegs under her to use those, and Joe staggered back a few strides from the impact of happy kissing Pegasus. His ‘oof’ of surprise and from the impact was swallowed by her lips on his and he had to grab her in a rather more hurried than gentle manner. Realising one hand had ended up near somewhere inappropriate for public holding he shifted his grip as the kiss continued.

“Bravo! Encore!” Rarity called as Rainbow Dash finally pulled her lips away from Joe’s.

Rainbow Dash ignored this. “That answer that question?” she smiled to Joe.

“Yep,” Joe smiled back, “though of course be my turn again now.”

“I don’t mind,” winked Rainbow Dash, wings starting to twitch. Getting the message after previous practice Joe released her and she back-flapped away to settle onto her recliner again.

“Oh bother!” Rarity said, sounding very disappointed at the lack of encore.

Joe glanced at Rarity. “Still, if I am going to swim,” he said, “then I had better retreat back into the bushes to change into those longer shorts…”

“Wuff?” asked Winona, puzzled by what tall-thing had said.

“Yes, it’s a nudity taboo Winona.”

“Arooo?” replied Winona, seeking clarification.

“Generally around dogs as well as other humans, yes.”

“Whruf,” commented Winona, thinking that sounded strange. Even for strange tall-thing.

Applejack blinked at the exchange. “Ah thought you told ponyfolk that humans were the only ones who could talk on your world Joe?”

“I also told ponyfolk how many thousand years humans and dogs had been around each other.”

“Arf,” agreed Winona, thinking it must have been long enough for proper communication.

Opalescence raised her head from where she had been curled up next to her pony, ignoring the conversation and kissing up to this point. She sniffed. “Mrow.”

“Yes, I know that seems silly Opalescence,” Joe admitted, “but until we became farmers, rather than hunter-gatherers, we didn’t have grain stores for elegant and deadly creatures to guard against mice and rats.”

“Mew,” nodded Opalescence, settling back down, as long as thing-with-lap knew it was silly and it was willing to pay compliments that was sufficient.

“I’ll tell you all something,” Joe commented, “cats are more the enforcers of nudity taboos than dogs…”

“Wurruff?” asked Winona, not seeing how.

“Dog seems happy to see you whatever you are wearing,” Joe explained, “but come out of the bathroom naked to go and get dressed in another room and meet the cat?” He paused. “Can be quite crushing to the ego to be looked up and down, sneered at slightly, and then have a shoulder washed in your direction.”

“Meroew,” Opalescence said, sitting up, looking thing-with-lap up and down, sneering slightly, and washing a shoulder at him.

“Yes Opalescence, just like that.”

“Whruff,” Winona said reassuringly, reiterating what tall-thing had said and that she was happy to see him.

“Still, if you ladies and gents will excuse me?”

“Oh, go on Joe,” Rarity said, waving a forehoof in dismissal, “indulge your bizarre taboo.”

Joe retreated, wondering why he’d said gents rather than gent. Still Owlowiscious and Tank did have the air of gentlemen about them and it would have been rude to add ‘…and Angel Bunny’ to the statement even if his gender discounted him from one description and his manners the other. As Joe vanished into the bushes Rainbow Dash stirred on her recliner and seeing this Rarity gave her a warning look.

“Rainbow Da-a-a-ash!”

“I wasn’t going to!” Rainbow Dash protested, her words showing she’d at least thought of it. “I left to let him get out of that bath alone.”

“Bath?” asked Applejack.

“We went to the Spa,” Rarity replied, “don’t Spike scales look lovely and shiny?”

“Yep,” nodded Spike, striking a pose.

“They look very nice,” Fluttershy agreed, as Angel Bunny rolled his eyes.

“Joe kept a towel around him…” said Rainbow Dash.

“Even in th’ bath?” Applejack exclaimed.

“No, but he was careful getting into it,” smiled Rarity. “A quick slide from sitting on the edge with a towel to sitting in without. Though from where I think Rainbow tickled him with a wing, while we were all unclad in that refreshing gel, I think he should have been more careful while he was in it as well.”

“Oh my!” Fluttershy squeaked, blushing and darting a look at her friend.

Rainbow Dash blushed as well. “I have no idea why he suddenly jumped and went ‘yeek’.”

Before they could decide whether to press Rainbow Dash on this Joe returned, a bundle of clothes in the crook of one arm, the towel he could have left behind rather than take into the bushes over his shoulder, and his boots dangling from one hand as that arm hung at his side. The shorts came down to mid-thigh but he was wearing a lot less than most of them had seen him in. The scars along his left side and arm were not unexpected and nor was that his legs were as muscular as the arms and chest they’d seen when Rarity had called him out of his hut midway through changing and that, although they were a lot shorter, that his feet had the same sort of ‘fingers’ as his hands.

It was a little unexpected though that he was pale enough on most of his body that there was a slight contrast with his face and hands. As Joe put his things down by Rainbow Dash’s recliner, and gave her another smile, Rarity saw something else and frowned lightly, frowning heavily might leave lines after all.

“Joe, darling,” Rarity asked, “whatever happened to your right side?”

“Got a scratch,” replied Joe, truthfully if not helpfully.

“Looks nasty,” Applejack commented.

“Hah!” said Rainbow Dash, defending her special somehuman against the idea of being a wimp. “Joe is tough, not as tough as me…”

“Nowhere near as tough as you, but this will soon fade and if I’d been getting more sun would be barely visible now even.”

“What do you mean by…” Twilight Sparkle began to ask.

Joe was feeling uncomfortable with being stared at, so he gestured at the Lake. “Safe to dive? Deep enough and no underwater rocks or obstructions?”

“Yep!” replied Pinkie Pie, then confusing matters by adding. “Nope!”

“Yes, safe. No, no underwater obstacles,” Applejack interpreted.

Joe nodded and broke into a run, toes digging into the soil a little, and jumped and dove with his arms swinging forward for momentum and to form a point. It was quite a clean entry and might have been cleaner if in mid dive he hadn’t suddenly hoped he’d secured the shorts tightly enough they wouldn’t slip or come off and that the fabric wouldn’t be too clinging or transparent when wet. The ripples he’d left faded and were replaced by nothing but the effects of the slight breeze on the water. Then a little more time passed, and a little more, and there was still no sign of him.

“Joe?” Rainbow Dash asked, sitting fully up on her recliner.

She took off and flew out over the lake looking down into the water, joined after a moment by Fluttershy and together the two Pegasi began criss-crossing the lake to search. There was still nothing until they noticed three pale shapes turning along a meandering path beneath the water. Then they realised this was the same shape, but divided by the darker shorts into a pair of legs and the rest of Joe. He seemed to be angling upwards so Rainbow Dash dove, followed slower by Fluttershy.

“Ahhh!” said Joe happily, breaking the surface and taking a deep breath.

“What did you think you were doing?” Rainbow Dash demanded.

“Urk!” Joe jerked in surprise at the voice from just above him, nearly accidentally submerging again, and floated more onto his back to look up. Seeing the glare he was being given he felt his happy mood wilt. “Er, swimming?”

“We were… concerned,” said Fluttershy, taking formation on her friend.

“Oh, er, sorry,” Joe apologised, his hesitation and surprised look showing how little he’d thought he was doing anything that would need apology. “These shorts are the ones Twilight gave me for the testing on the machines that go ‘ping’ so, as I was reminded of testing, I thought I’d see how long I could stay under…”

“And it was a reeeeeally long time!”

Joe turned in the water to the Pink Mare doing the pony-paddle to one side of him, wondering how her mane was still poofed up, and how Gummy was still sitting on her head. “It was?” he asked. “Seemed quite peaceful...”

“Don’t worry me like that again,” Rainbow Dash warned.

“Sorry,” nodded Joe, rejecting the idea of saying that he couldn’t now she knew he could swim underwater for that long. “I’ll try not to.”

“No!” Pinkie Pie protested. “Try again and see if you can do it for even longer!”

“Pinkie!” snapped Rainbow Dash, turning to transfer the glare to her friend.

Seeing this Joe had an idea and a smile came to his face. Catching Fluttershy’s eye as she hovered he brought a hand out of the water to raise a finger to his lips. She looked baffled by this gesture, perhaps because of the lack of Pony fingers, but Joe decided to take the chance that she had got the message and submerged and hoped she’d remain quiet rather than give a warning. A simple ‘dee dum, dee dum’ tune began running through Joe’s mind.

“Not like I’d put him in any danger…” Pinkie Pie argued.

“You took him to the Diamond Dogs!” countered Rainbow Dash.

“He took us…” Pinkie Pie protested, before admitting, “well okay, we took him more… but he took us as well!”

Rainbow Dash was drawing in breath for another volley and wondering why Fluttershy seemed distracted when the water erupted below her. This was not impressive compared with a dolphin or seal that could leave the water entirely but Joe managed to get high enough that his arms swung in, his hands grabbed her rear hooves, and Rainbow Dash got pulled down with him. Whether she was strong enough to support Joe’s weight or not she was surprised enough at the sudden need to that she didn’t.

“Whoa,” Pinkie Pie said. She ducked her face into the water to look, Gummy blinking in unconcern and shifting position on her head to stay dry, and then looked up again at Fluttershy. “Whoa!”

“Erm, Joe did ask me about if Pegasi used legs, wings, or both to swim,” smiled Fluttershy. “I think he is checking my answer.”

Joe broke the surface again a little way away from the pair and started to look around before there was a sudden more impressive eruption of water as Rainbow Dash came up out of it and kept going up and into the air. Rainbow Dash was glad that Pegasus feathers did not get waterlogged, it would make controlling rain or forming those waterspouts far more dangerous and would prevent proper retribution here. Joe waved a cheery hand at her and then ducked back under now he’d taken enough breaths.

“And he mentioned birds called Gannets…” Fluttershy continued.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed and she gained a little more altitude and then dived in pursuit, making a very clean entry as her wings folded back and her forehooves came together as if she was attempting a Sonic Rainboom, but still raising a considerable plume of water with her speed.

“And,” Fluttershy finished, “how they were excellent divers to catch fish and good swimmers as well.”

Pinkie Pie ducked her face again, Gummy still avoiding getting wet, and then grinned to Fluttershy. “Yep!”

From how high she was hovering, and she’d fluttered a little higher in reaction to Joe’s ‘attack’, Fluttershy could see Joe trying to evade the determinedly pursuing Rainbow Dash. She’d either not allowed for the water refraction or she’d aimed away from him so she didn’t drive the breath from him and risk him taking in a lungful of lake. Joe was doing his best but Rainbow Dash was still immensely fast and agile even underwater. Fortunately for him he could hold his breath longer and she had to give up and resurface, again taking to the sky, but circling and positioning herself for a fresh attempt.

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy swam and flew away to get clear of this epic struggle and return to where most of the others were watching from. Another splash came from behind them and just as they were approaching the shore the rain-like noise of more water falling back from a Pegasus regaining the sky. Gummy slid from Pinkie Pie’s head as she got towards the shallows and made the brief swim and slither-walk to next to Tank, they exchanged blinks and opinions before Gummy turned back to continue his observations. Meanwhile Owlowiscious flew out to begin hooting advice to Rainbow Dash about the proper methods of stooping down at one’s prey.

“What in tarnation are they doing?” asked Applejack.

“Joe was seeing how long he could hold his breath,” Pinkie Pie cheerfully synopsised, “I said he should try again, Dashie was scolding me, Joe grabbed her, and now Dashie is pretending he’s a fish and she’s a Gai-nyet.”

“Gannet,” corrected Fluttershy before explaining, “a bird that catches fish by diving.”

“Looks like they are both pretending well,” Applejack nodded as yet another plume of water erupted into the air above the lake.

“Far too energetic,” said Rarity, posing on her recliner.

“Mrow,” Opalescence agreed, going into water was bizarre but going under it or repeatedly in and out of it? Energetic was one word for it.

“But interesting how long he could hold his breath…” mused Twilight Sparkle.

“I know, I know,” came the reply from her assistant, “make a note Spike.”

Eventually Rainbow Dash seemed to say something to Joe and they returned, Owlowiscious flying ahead to perch on Twilight Sparkle’s back. Joe emerged from the lake and showed one advantage of relatively bare skin as though his hair and beard were wet, and he had enough body hair to be damp, the water beaded and ran off him. He brushed some droplets away from his beard around his mouth and then slicked his hair back a little, moving to one side to avoid the water dripping down from Rainbow Dash’s mane and tail that she’d not managed to get off with the quick shake she’d given in flight on the way back.

“Getting tired the pair of you?” Applejack asked.

“She told me if I didn’t stop she’d start trying to grab my shorts,” smiled Joe, trying to look put upon.

“Eee’yup,” Applejack agreed, “ah can see how that would be a threat. Nudity Taboo an’ all.”

Joe paused and then shrugged. “I’m not sure you do see, and certainly I’m not sure I should give Dash another weapon against me…”

“Weapon?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking interested.

“If anything the rear of the waistband being pulled the opposite direction to off would have been worse,” continued Joe, “that would have dragged the crotch of the shorts up between my bum cheeks and squashed parts I prefer unsquashed…”

“Hwhoo-whee, ah can imagine,” Applejack winced. “Ah know ah’ve been having to balance ta work on something, been sitting on a rope a time or two an’ regretted it when ah shifted position incautious like.”

“Right,” said Rainbow Dash, descending and side-slipping to behind Joe, “so grab rear of waistband…”

Joe glanced over his shoulder. “And taking a firm grip lift straight upwards…”

“You don’t trust me,” Rainbow Dash commented, looking to either side of Joe’s hips.

“I don’t know what you mean,” replied Joe, keeping his own firm grip with both hands on the waistband to keep his shorts at his preferred level.

Tank and Gummy blinked their assessment of this manoeuvre and the bluffing to each other while Angel Bunny rested his chin on a paw as if committing this idea to memory and wondering how to apply it.

“Please Rainbow,” Rarity requested from her recliner, “don’t treat such nice shorts so dreadfully…”

“Spoilsport,” muttered Rainbow Dash in mock disappointment, flying back up to slightly above and to one side of Joe again.

“Is there a name for that dreadfulness?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Ah,” blinked Joe, “it wedges the underwear up you so it’s called a ‘wedgie’.”

“Wedgie… check,” Spike nodded.

Joe turned to look at Spike. “Seriously,” he said, “you come to a lake with six lovely mares, one your ‘big sister’ but that made up for by the one reclining with her cat…” Rarity waved languidly to them. “And you are making notes on things like ‘wedgies’?”

“Could be worse,” Spike smiled, “I could be the one risking them.”

Joe paused and nodded. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Never mind those wedgies,” Pinkie Pie declared, boinging across to a hamper, “it’s time for cake wedges!”

The others, except Rarity, followed, and she was not deprived of cake as Spike naturally took her a piece. Opalescence seemed to approve of this service as it was right that her Pony had a servant and she not want her Pony moving and disturbing her. Winona approves more that as well as cake they had remembered the doggy treats, while Owlowiscious looked at Angel Bunny as if considering if he was an Owl treat and Angel Bunny waved the carrot he’d got from Fluttershy at him in an expressive manner. Gummy and Tank watch and comment to each other with blinks, reminding Joe of a pair of old men named after hotels watching a theatre show from a box seat. He smiled as he looked around at the lake and the setting.

“Ah know that twitch,” said Applejack several seconds later.

“Twitch?” Joe asked.

“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash from where she was hovering with a much diminished slice of cake in one hoof, “whenever you think of something you give this little twitch of your shoulders and under one eye.”

“Ah’d not noticed the eye one,” Applejack admitted.

“And if I was still wearing baggy shirts,” chuckled Joe, before adding as he looked at himself, “or any shirt, then might not notice the shoulders.”

“Alas,” Rarity said tragically from her recliner, waving the fork which, as a lady, she was eating the cake from the plate with, “to have to notice the shoulders.”

“Which doesn’t answer what you were thinking of,” commented Twilight Sparkle.

Joe glanced around, Gummy and Tank blinking back at him, and Angel Bunny blowing a raspberry.

“Come on, sugar cube,” Applejack encouraged him, “if you didn’t trust us enough to tell us things we’d not know what th’ twitch means from th’ telling following th’ twitching.”

“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash again, “spill it!”

“Is it too late to change my answer about if I have a marefriend?” Joe asked, looking around at the others in a woebegone way. “Less than an hour and she’s already bullying… ooof!” He rubbed his bare stomach that had just been prodded by a forehoof not holding cake. “And now she is battering me!”

“It would waste the banner, darling,” smiled Rarity.

Angel Bunny looked approving of this means of dealing with things. It was a tried and tested method and he sometimes had to use it on Fluttershy, such as the time when she had dared to make him a wonderful salad without including the cherry on the top. He started to applaud but stopped and looked worried as Owlowiscious gave him a warning look.

“Something embarrassing?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

Joe gave up and ate the last of his slice of cake. “Something where Winona would be even happier.”

“Come again?” said Applejack.

“When humans go to this sort of lake one thing they often do is have a Barbecue, and that is the time we get closest to carnivorous…” Joe paused and looked at Angel Bunny, who seemed less intimidated by this than by Owlowiscious. “In our choice of menu.”

“Wufff!” Winona said, agreeing that she approved.

“Ah can see why that would be popular with the doggyfolk,” nodded Applejack.

“Even more popular because this is not the usual way of cooking and not the usual cook,” Joe added, “and if something gets burnt then the obvious thing to do is see if the Dog wants to eat it.”

“Whuruffffff!” said Winona in more vehement agreement, though she was not sure things had to be burnt.

“And no, Winona, that is not the only bits the Dog gets. Enough puppy eyes and things that have come out more edible can vanish.”

“Whuf,” approved Winona again.

“Why is it not the usual way of cooking or cook?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Pony kitchens are similar with the pots and pans and stoves and ovens to human ones, but a barbecue can be more like a metal dish,” replied Joe, gesturing to show an approximate size, “with charcoal in it and a grill over the top of that. So very direct heat, getting back to doing things over an open flame, and quite easy to burn things.”

“Right…” Twilight Sparkle nodded, “but why not the usual cook?”

Joe chuckled. “Cookery is a lot more unisex among humans these days but more traditionally what the women did.”

“That hardly seems fair,” Rarity commented, considering her Ponycure.

“I hope you are not expecting me to cook,” added Rainbow Dash.

“At least you mi…” Joe stopped and sighed. “Actually, let’s drop that joke. I had fun seeing Spike and Fluttershy react to me saying I’ve been fed kibble, so I was going to say you might know more recipes without that. But humans do have meat substitutes to make it easier to go vegetarian so even if it is kibble…”

“Wuff,” commented Winona.

“And nothing wrong with it, even if it is,” Joe conceded, nodding to the collie, “it’s the same idea for the same purpose. But to continue what I was saying, the usual cook is more often the woman, but the barbecue is getting back to primitive times so…”

Joe suddenly crouched and grunted, Tank and Gummy calmly observing.

“Oh my?” Fluttershy said.

“Me Man! Me go out, hit thing with stick,” said Joe, swinging his arms and beetling his brow at them. “Bring back. Man master of fire, him put thing on fire, make it cook!”

Angel Bunny blew another raspberry at the idea of Joe being quick enough to hit anything with a stick.

“Whuwurff?” Winona asked.

“Yes Winona,” nodded Joe, “Dog go out with Man, track thing so Man can hit with stick, maybe distract with bark…”

“Rahrufff! Raff!”

“Like that so Man get close with stick, that why Dog useful when Man still hunter.”

“Whurf,” Winona said, pleased at the confirmation that tall-things liked Dogs before Cats. She gave a doggy sneer towards Opalescence, who ignored it, just as she had the performance.

Joe stomped around a little and Twilight Sparkle noted the flexing of his feet and ankles. She had seen this on the treadmill, how much that flexing pushed Joe through the initial part of his stride and cushioned the later part, but it was easier to see from a slightly greater distance and with Joe hopping about being an idiot. It was still ungainly looking to be a biped but she was beginning to understand why his rear… lower… limbs were arranged that way.

Rainbow Dash fought down her fit of giggles. “You man, you get on recliner since him skin bare so him dry.”

Joe straightened and then bowed and moved back across to sit on the edge of that.

“Ah think Joe answered our question, don’t you Twi?” Applejack said.

“Erm, yes,” nodded Twilight Sparkle. “Him Man, so him cook at barbecue.”

“Humans like fire, primitive instincts, check,” Spike said, adding to himself “no wonder they invented flamethrowers.”

“Say what?” exclaimed Applejack.

“Nothing,” Spike replied.

Tank took off from beside Gummy to fly across and land next to the recliner and blink at Joe. With a little more grace Rainbow Dash also flew across but rather than blink up at Joe she looked down at him and glowered slightly, waving an imperious forehoof.

“Come on,” Rainbow Dash ordered, “I said get on it.”

Joe shrugged and swung his feet up to recline, Rainbow Dash settling to snuggle against his left side, careful of the scratch on his right. While Tank plodded back underneath the recliner Joe scooted over a little to give Rainbow Dash more room, something she didn’t really want. The recliner was a bit narrow for both of them but that gave more excuse to be closer. She got cosy lying partially on him with her head on his chest and his left arm down her back and felt tempted to unfurl upper wing a little, but with where she was lying that was too crotch level on Joe to do. Or at least to do with their friends there to make it too embarrassing how tickly he might find it, even if she didn’t deliberately tickle. She squirmed slightly and enjoyed the novelty of bare firm flesh against her.

“Talking of ‘hit things with stick’,” Rainbow Dash said, trying not to purr too much, “did you guys hear about the event where Joe got this scratch?”

“And quite ruined his new waistcoat,” added Rarity, keeping her sense of priorities.

“Shirt was torn as well,” Joe said absently.

“Obviously,” nodded Rarity, “now we can see the scratch.”

Twilight Sparkle had settled where she could look at people, but instead she looked down at her plate and the remnants of her slice of cake as she made sure her expression was under control. After what Joe had said about brooding that he had almost become a murderer she hoped Rainbow Dash was not going to go into too much detail. Deciding she was looking calm and pleasant she raised her gaze again.

“Spike told me about how it went wrong…” Twilight Sparkle said, repeating what she had said to Joe and hoping Rainbow Dash would get the message.

“Wrong?” protested Rainbow Dash, too enthusiastic to notice. “It was awesome.”

“Princess Luna didn’t think so,” Rarity pointed out, more sensitive to Twilight Sparkle’s emphasis.

“Princess Luna? Oh my,” added Fluttershy, hiding in her mane.

Applejack nodded from where she had settled with Winona settled against her. “This sounds like a right tale.”

“Tell it! Tell it!” demanded Pinkie Pie.

His feeling of contentedness did not want to leave him but Joe blinked as he belatedly realised what was being said. The feel of Rainbow Dash against him had been more than enough distraction to make him not pay much heed to anything but that. She was nice in his arms when he was dressed and he knew how good her fur and feathers and mane felt on his hands. Having that fur pressed against so much more of his skin, her slightly damp mane against his chest and the scent of it in his nose, and her shifting about as she gestured and talked was enough to make him glad he had a problem. If parts were responding as much as it seemed they should then he might have had to ask her to unfurl a wing and conceal the evidence for modesty’s sake.

“If talking about barbecues was embarrassing,” Joe said, with a wince Rainbow Dash didn’t see with where her head was laid, “then I’m not sure what this would be.”

“Awesome?” asked Rainbow Dash, the side of her muzzle moving against Joe’s chest as she spoke.

“Awesomely Embarrassing…” Joe corrected.

“Ah saw th’ piece in th’ paper,” commented Applejack.

“Oh dear, that was the same event?” Fluttershy twittered.

“What else would it be?” frowned Applejack.

“I thought, maybe, Fancy Pants had held another yesterday. During the Day since the item mentioned Princess Celestia.”

“That’s a right good thought, honey bun, but it did mention Holders of th’ Elements.”

“And I was hoping that whoever wrote it had got confused between two events, Fluttershy argued, as much as she ever did, “and thought Rarity and Rainbow were at the other as well, or instead.”

“Fair point,” nodded Applejack, “and be about th’ same degree of mistake as confusing th’ Princesses.”

“There weren’t gatecrashers,” Joe said, hoping to end the conversation sooner with simply stated facts, “but there were five party guests who thought it would be amusing to disguise themselves and pretend to be Changelings.”

“Ah you sure they weren’t Changelings who’d disguised themselves as th’ party guests?”

“We thought that, Applejack,” Rarity contributed, “when Princess Luna changed their appearances, but she corrected us.”

“What a stinky prank,” commented Pinkie Pie, ignoring Gummy chewing on her tail as she comfortably sprawled.

“They don’t sound like they were being very nice,” Fluttershy agreed.

“As I thought the Guards would be busy,” continued Joe, taking the blame, “since it seemed there would not just be five Changelings invading Canterlot…”

“There were scads and scads and scads of them before,” Pinkie Pie nodded.

“We ended up fighting those five,” concluded Joe.

“With Fancy Pants’ approval,” Rarity reminded him and told the others. “Though it did spoil what had been a lovely evening…”

“Yeah, it had been fun,” admitted Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow…” Applejack smiled, “you liked fancy pictures and music better than some fighting?”

Rainbow Dash raised her head enough to glower at her friend as Rarity continued, “And spoiled what had been a lovely visit to the Spa… though we can always go again?”

“Pass,” Joe said, managing to smile, “and I’ve already gone and picked up the clothes I wore to there.”

“So I could tell, dear,” smiled Rarity, “I didn’t think you had two pairs of boots that were that… comfortable. But I’d only just had my Ponycure and then had to indulge in brute violence…”

Joe gave another slight wince, which Twilight Sparkle noticed, as he thought about how bloody it could have been. “I am sorry for your sacrifice, though not sorry that you saved me from two of them.” He looked to the others. “She called a warning and then snagged one’s leg with her magic, and when that one tried to attack her its… his… face took a lot more damage than it did to her rear hooves.”

“Principle of the thing though, and as for Rainbow’s poor coiffure…” Rarity shook her head in shock. “When we met Twilight on our way to the station I didn’t even want Rainbow to fly ahead when we heard the train whistle, so you can imagine what flying and whirling and turning at high speed did to it.”

“It was a lovely coiffure,” Joe admitted, “but tousled and grinning in triumph has its own appeal.”

“Two of them were disguised Pegasi and I had to beat both of them,” said Rainbow Dash, adding with a proud smile, “with Joe’s help.”

“I… erm,” Fluttershy said, trying to think how to phrase it inoffensively as she looked at Joe and his lack of wings, “I can understand why you, but how could Joe help?”

Angel Bunny raspberried at Joe contemptuously to make it clear what his opinion of what the answer was and Winona gave a slight growl at the rudeness to tall-thing who she liked.

“I didn’t much,” replied Joe, trying to not think about it, “she fought one out of the sky and the other one was still stunned by her first attack…”

“When he threw half a tent pole at him,” Rainbow Dash added, “and into him…”

“Oh my!” said Fluttershy, looking down and letting her mane fall across her face.

Joe sighed as not only was that an unpleasant memory, and would likely have been even had that been a Changeling, but it appeared that mentioning it had made Fluttershy scared of him again. Trying to downplay things he argued, “it was not an impressive throw…”

“Was impressive enough, darling,” Rarity interrupted, trying to pamper his ego.

“Throwing is one of the things humans are good at…” began Rainbow Dash.

“And ah bet you can tell us a few more things Joe is good at,” Applejack winked.

Rainbow Dash blushed and tried to continue. “Joe mentioned humans could throw better than Chimpanzees.”

“I thought you said Chimpanzees were stronger than you?” Fluttershy asked, overcoming her shyness at the talk of nature.

“Which was the point,” nodded Joe, “we were talking about throwing darts and when she said her forelimbs were strong I said arm strength was not the same as arm speed.” He looked down at the head on his chest, not realising how fond a look he was giving her. “Though any throw I can make is very unimpressive compared with Dash’s dive and release of darts against my archery target…”

“Beating five supposed Changelings at a fancy party was awesome,” Rainbow Dash agreed, “but that was pretty awesome as well.”

“If not for my problem,” Joe whispered, “the kiss straight after would have been even more awesome, if only because that wasn’t why I had to order a new archery target.”

“Hwhoo-whee!” exclaimed Applejack, making Joe wonder if he had whispered too loudly.

“Glad you appreciate Ponies,” Rarity commented, seeming to confirm Joe’s whisper had been more generally audible.

“Seems to,” said Applejack, nodding towards the happily settled Rainbow Dash.

“Doesn’t appreciate me,” Rarity pouted, “thought I’d look better as a Dragon!”

“What… I… er… am sure that is not true…” stammered Fluttershy, before blushing slightly as she looked at Spike to assure him, “though Dragons can look… nice.”

“How about it Joe?” Applejack asked.

“What I actually said was she’d make a pretty Dragon…”

“See!” Rarity cried, hamming it up. “Only pretty!”

“Very beautiful…” murmured Spike.

“And now he has Spike imagining it,” Rarity added.

“Imagining it vividly enough he didn’t notice you arriving,” nodded Joe.

“There was that advantage,” Rarity admitted.

Rainbow Dash frowned against Joe’s chest, but decided she was too comfortable to turn and look up at him. “What is it with you and wanting people to be different shapes?”

“First, I did agree with Twilight that wasn’t a good solution for us as I should want you whatever shape you are,” Joe replied, hugging her a little closer and getting more snuggle in return. “And second with what I was saying about Rarity it was a very different reason…”

“Er, yeah,” said Spike as Joe looked to him. He sighed. “Not to be too gloomy, but Dragons live a lot longer than Ponies as well as getting a lot bigger.”

There was a pause and a few nods as they considered that, barring accidents, the only people Spike knew that he was not going to outlive were the Alicorn Princesses. If the choice was death or centuries of extra life as a Dragon then that could be argued as better reason than simply having a ‘problem’. And that if the change was the other way around and Spike was turned into a Pony then he’d be making a far greater sacrifice than Joe would have done.

“And like their gems almost as much as Rarity!” Applejack winked.

“Applejack!” hissed Rarity.

That seemed to break the gloom and divert the serious turn the conversation had taken. They continued to chat about things, content where they were and in each other’s company, and Applejack throwing a ball for Winona who obediently and promptly brought it back. Except for the time when it bounced too close to Gummy and she first had to wait for him to finish chewing it. Joe idly watched this and tried to remember how Crocodile teeth worked, other than ‘very well, thank you’, and if they ever went through teething. Part of his skin was comfortable with who was lying against it and the rest was comfortable in the warmth of the sun, though a smile came to his face as he realised a possible problem.

“If I stay here much longer like this I’ll get a Pegasus outline on me,” Joe commented, a little sleepily.

“What?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Some sun is good for human skin,” Joe explained, “but too much is bad, so to protect itself my skin would turn a little darker. Where there is sunlight rather than Pegasus.”

“Oh…” said Rainbow Dash. Then she giggled and snuggled and whispered. “I said I needed some way to mark you.”

“Er, yeah,” Joe blinked.

Before he could think of anything more insightful to say Pinkie Pie bounced over and peered at him, Gummy blinking at the movement and Opalescence waking and deciding to wash as sunlight on cat fur was also useful, and without the indignity of it altering already perfect colours.

“I don’t see a difference yet,” Pinkie Pie said, sounding disappointed. Then she looked from chest to face and back again. “Though, is that why your face is slightly different than what your clothes normally cover?”

“I’ve not been getting that much sun to make that much difference,” nodded Joe, “or I’d need to follow Applejack’s fine example of a hat, but enough.”

“So, it’s a more gradual change?” Twilight Sparkle asked, interested in getting an accurate idea of the process. “And you were exaggerating to tease Rainbow? And that was why you said the scratch would be less visible? Because the skin would be a little darker?”

“Yes, yes, yes, and yes,” replied Joe.

“I know, make a note Spike,” Spike muttered, “humans go red…”

“More brown,” corrected Joe, “and humans from warmer parts of the world already have browner skin, or even black.”

“You mentioned humans could have skin about the same colour as Daring Do’s fur,” Rainbow Dash nodded against him.

“I’m about as pale as it gets without being an albino,” continued Joe, “and I’ll admit there’s a monkey named by the locals after people from my country because it has a bright red face and if we get too much sun too fast then that can be the result.”

“Erm… nature is fascinating,” Fluttershy commented as Angel Bunny rolled his eyes.

“Aw, and we don’t want you turning red,” said Rainbow Dash teasingly, “maybe I should shade you with my wing?”

She extended her wing briefly over him and deliberately tickled, taking care to ‘only’ make it across his upper thighs rather than into the shorts region, and Joe still only barely managing to avoid an unmanly squeak.

“Ah don’t think that helped with him not turning red, Rainbow,” Applejack commented.

“Er, yes…” choked Joe, “although, as Fluttershy would attest, mother birds do that for their hatchlings there is more of me to cover.”

A wicked glint came to Applejack’s eyes as she saw the opening. “Are you saying you want Rainbow to ‘cover’ you?”

“I… eee.. oh…” sputtered Joe as Rainbow Dash giggled.

“No, Joe,” Twilight Sparkle corrected with a grin. “A, e, i, o, u… not i, e, o.”

Rainbow Dash rolled off Joe and the recliner onto her hooves. “Better let him swim,” she winked, “warm up the lake for the rest of us with that blush.”

“And the lake would boil,” said Joe sitting up and trying to rally, “if you dove in after me with yours.”

==

The latest letter from Twilight Sparkle hovered in the sunshine yellow glow of Princess Celestia’s magic as she read it. There was much she knew Twilight Sparkle was not saying as when she wished it all that occurred under Her Sun was within Her Gaze, as she had shown when her student had become overwrought about not having sent a letter and had rivalled Discord in the chaos she caused trying to cause a problem she could solve. But she would agree with her student that there had no need to include a description of a ‘wedgie’ rather than that being something to share.

As Princess Celestia continued with that letter Princess Luna continued to look through the pile of far shorter letters on the table, next to their evening meals and with the far less precise penmanship of fillies and colts. “Well, my sister,” Princess Luna commented, “does seem thy younger subjects did appreciate Joe’s efforts. Save perhaps this ‘Diamond Tiara’ and ‘Silver Spoon’.”

Looking up from Twilight Sparkle’s letter Princess Celestia nodded. “Their letters did seem to have that undercurrent,” she agreed, “and I do wonder if those were their first attempts.”

“Indeed,” smiled Princess Luna. “They dost have the flavour of thy authors having been told to rewrite them.”

“Here, read this,” Princess Celestia replied as she finished.

Princess Luna looked up from the table, her horn glowing so the yellow of the sun was replaced around the other letter by night time darkness. “Hmm? More from thy student?”

“And more on Joe.”

“Thy time is precious,” Princess Luna gently chided her sister, “and I do not feel this lone human worthy of thy concern.”

“Maybe not, but please read the letter.”

Inclining her head in obedience Princess Luna began to read, making ‘hmm’ noises and nodding to herself as she did, and then chuckling as she finished. “Hah! Another embarrassment to be added to your supposed defeat, that Joe so grievously underestimated you by that. Though Goddesses of great power he still thought we were, even if of great power as part of something rather than as the things entire.”

“The question is whether he thinks my power could be emulated by jewellery.”

“A fair touch, my sister,” Princess Luna smiled, “and now I regret sharing my Guard’s report on the talk of those rings. Perhaps we should ask him?”

“Perhaps,” smiled Princess Celestia in reply.

“I must say that even with what I have seen of his dreams this does surprise me,” Princess Luna admitted after a moment. “They were greatly troubled and uncertain when he arrived but that he accepted things so well when so much is strange…”

“Or did not accept them,” corrected Princess Celestia, “rather he hid from them until now.”

“For which thee, and I, were grateful as we both feared why Discord would think him an amusing tool.”

Princess Luna floated Twilight Sparkle’s letter to one side and they went back to their meals. As mortals they would need these meals more, as Goddesses these meals had ‘somehow’ remained at their perfect temperatures while they dealt with the letters. A minor use of power that made interruptions or delays to the passage of food from kitchen to dining or breakfast room easier to tolerate. Princess Celestia frowned as she finished eating and sipped at her drink.

“This does give me some concern as well as some comfort, even if you think those a waste of my time.”

“Thy time is thine to waste,” Princess Luna replied, “but my words were more to reassure about Joe’s intent, and I trust thy insight if thee think tis worth wasting on him.”

“Thank you,” said Princess Celestia, her frown fading. “I am glad that Joe also had some insight and realised where his talk on flight was leading him...”

“At the last moment,” Princess Luna nodded. “When he had been drawn to talk without notes by a politely asked filly question.”

“Hence my concern as well as comfort,” nodded Princess Celestia back. “comfort that he realised and cared, concern that he could so nearly slip. I also trust your insight and I accept that Joe intends no harm.”

“And I accept that intent and deed do not always align.”

As her sister fell silent and thought Princess Luna stayed quiet to let her have this time undisturbed. After a few minutes Princess Celestia turned worried looking eyes on her sibling.

“I do not know what it is,” Princess Celestia admitted, “we know more about Joe than he perhaps knows about himself. We know that he does not want to disrupt Equestria, that he seeks to avoid that, and we know that even if he began speaking freely that he would be unable to. But as unwilling as he is and as incapable as he is I still mistrust the situation.”

“But not Joe?” asked Princess Luna, trying to help her sister clarify her thoughts.

“I… trust him to be who he is, which is quite different from being a Pony. What seems natural to them is something he does because he accepts moral constraints,” Princess Celestia mused, almost thinking aloud. “He sees they act alike, but only sees that and not the difference it makes that humans need rules and Ponies do not. But the analogy of a dog was well chosen, whatever his inclinations it seems Joe is not a feral one and will obey.”

“Thy plans are well laid, Tia, and we have done all we should.”

“Then it is settled,” Princess Celestia nodded in decision before raising her voice to about half Royal Canterlot levels. “Guard!”

There was a clatter of armoured hooves and a clank of armour as the Guard Pony entered and then bowed. “Ma’am?”

“Have a messenger report to the Starswirl the Bearded Wing of the library, I have a book to dispatch from there.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Author's Note

This note was at the start of the next chapter but as the notes are at the bottom I popped it here instead. This is where I ran out of episodes so I have no idea how horrible the consequences of the next, and for now final, four chapters where Joe messes up the events of Magical Mystery Cure will be. I enjoyed the episode and felt Twilight Sparkle deserved to get wings at the end of it.

On the other hand it had felt the solution of getting her friends to try the jobs they should be doing was obvious. Once she had worked her way through the chain to see which Pony was where the next step seemed to be to drag Rarity in off the street to help Applejack and work back along the chain. So when she didn't do this I assumed the solution must be more complex.

As it turned out that was the solution, but Twilight Sparkle needed a little time to overcome the guilt she had started to feel as she realised it had been her casting the spell that had caused all this trouble. Joe is not as smart or as competent as Twilight Sparkle, he just was not distracted by guilt and where he started the chain it made sense to work in terms of where this Pony should be rather than where the Pony who should be here was.

Or maybe it is just that Joe knows the song “Lily the Pink” and the deliberately uncoordinated dancing that goes along with singing it.

EDIT: Final four chapters.... yeah, then I added eleven more...

Chapter 36

Joe wandered up the path towards Sweet Apple Acres and wondered how much work he’d let himself in for today. He was only obliged to do three mornings a week but this had been an unusual fortnight as normally he might work an hour or two or more into the afternoon to finish things off. But he’d had three days of leaving at close to noon, to see Fluttershy, to help with the model, and because he was going to Canterlot. To make matters worse he’d also had a day where he’d been sent to nap in the barn and had done no chores and the day where he might have made up for that he’d been pet sitting Winona and been sent to check on the Cutie Mark Crusaders. So there could be quite a lot to do today and if he did have to spend the whole day at Sweet Apple Acres then at least he seemed to understand how chores worked and that would be a break from study and finding how much he didn’t understand.

As he got closer he shifted his shoulders and the straps of the backpack. His skin was a bit sensitive today, the swimming had done some good but then he’d overdone the sunbathing a little. When they had returned to sunbathe and dry Rainbow Dash had teased him about if it would be better for her to lie on the scratch or go back to where she had been and risk the Pegasus outline. He’d assured her the scratch wasn’t serious and would soon fade, but that had reminded her of what he’d said about it being less visible if he’d been taking his shirt off more, and that had given her a fine argument for why he should take his shirt off more and to keep him there in the sun a little longer.

So although he was far from sunburnt, and hadn’t peeled in the slightest, he was a little red beneath his shirt, proving Spike was right in thinking that was a colour to note, and when the red faded to a less fresh colour there would be less of a neckline on his chest. Joe looked around and saw Pinkie Pie struggling with something on the barn, though it took a moment to recognise her as even though she was still as pink as ever, and as he’d risked becoming, her mane and tail were hanging straight. This seemed strange, though prettier in some ways, and as Joe started to walk over he wondered why she’d made the change and if it would look nicer if they’d left a bit of the natural curl and bounce rather than making it so dead straight. More important it seemed there was so much work to do today that Applejack had needed to recruit Pinkie Pie.

“Looks like some help would be nice,” Joe commented, stopping below the clambering Mare.

“Joe…” said Pinkie Pie, looking down past her shoulder at him, “help me fix this busted water chute!”

“Sure,” Joe nodded, a little surprised by the tone, “stay where you are.”

He slipped his backpack off and went and fetched a nearby rake. With the length of that and his unusual, for Equestria, height he could reach far enough up to support the end of the water chute in position with the T of the rake head. Pinkie Pie reached out and steered that end into position towards the other as Joe took the weight and followed her steering.

“Thanks,” Pinkie Pie said, getting things almost together, “up a little…”

Joe shifted his grip on the rake shaft to get a little more height. “Surprised to see you here…”

“Why?” Pinkie Pie asked, sounding sarcastically baffled and almost dislodging the end of the water chute again.

“You are right,” admitted Joe, not having thought it was that surprising, he looked up at her. “Applejack is a good friend so…” Pinkie Pie shifted position to make the last little adjustment and it was Joe’s turn to nearly drop things. “What the…”

“Is there is a problem?” Pinkie Pie asked as Joe hurriedly corrected and heaved the rake and water chute back into position.

“What happened to your Cutie Mark?”

“Nothing.”

“Trust me,” Joe replied, “something.”

Pinkie Pie gave him a frown, which was unusual in itself, and then went back to finishing slotting things together. Once she had done that and double checked it was secure she bounced down and looked up at Joe, showing things were very unusual as the puzzled frown had stuck.

“What are you talking about?” Pinkie Pie asked, the usual laughter absent from her voice.

“Yesterday you had balloons on your rear, and were looking happier,” said Joe simply. “Today you have apples, and are frowning at me.”

“This is the Cutie Mark I have always had,” Pinkie Pie replied, actually shifting to annoyance.

“Trust me, I am not joking.” Joe thought for a moment. Different mane and tail, different attitude, different Cutie Mark, but even if she was misremembering the last she remembered him so perhaps not all her memories were affected? “Do you remember when Spike had us go to mine gems for Rarity?”

“Yes,” nodded Pinkie Pie, her tone making it clear she might have added some comment about it not having been that long ago.

“Do you remember why you were at my hut?”

“I was delivering buns…” said Pinkie Pie, sounding a little puzzled.

“Because you wanted me to be happy, balloons, and because you work and live at Sugarcube Corner.”

“Er, no,” Pinkie Pie replied, shaking her head in pity at Joe’s confusion, “that is where Fluttershy works and lives and the balloons are her Cutie Mark. Besides if I’m not supposed to be working and living here then one of the Apple Family would have said something.”

“Something very strange is going on here,” sighed Joe, also shaking his head, “but I promise I am not lying and I am not joking.”

“O-kay,” Pinkie Pie nodded, seeming halfway between believing him and simply humouring him.

==

Princess Celestia looked down from the Castle Balcony towards Ponyville. ‘Oh Twilight, how could you be so silly?’ she thought, not for the first time since last night. She had been sleeping the sort of sleep only Goddesses could. Her sister’s worlds were the inner words of the mind and dream, but when Princess Celestia said all that occurred in the light of Her Sun was within Her Gaze she meant it. It was nigh impossible to extend Her Gaze to its utmost while still retaining mortal perception and eventually that light and the influence of Her Sun faded to interstellar space. But while she ‘slept’ she could release her perceptions and her mental eye could wander to that edge and across all within it.

As she savoured the feeling of dipping in and out of the heliopause like a dolphin in reverse, since was when she let herself fall back rather than when she jumped that she could ‘breathe’, a strange sensation from near her physical body had drawn her back. Princess Celestia’s perception had focussed back to almost mortal limits as she restricted herself to one world and had to use her power to compensate for the lack of her light. Below Canterlot she’d sensed magic was twisting and wrenching at fate to rearrange it, resonating back and forth between the Elements of Harmony and the Ponies linked to them, and with the power of that resonance rippling out through the link to destiny all her little Ponies shared. That certainty in what they were mean to do was now working against them.

Awakening her body Princess Celestia had started towards where her sister would be keeping watch but she’d got no more than two-thirds of the way there before she was met by Princess Luna, who had been drawn out of her dream worlds by the same sensation. They’d returned to Princess Luna’s nighttime station and together they soothed and minimised the effects to prevent the consequences from spreading too far or too deep. To make some things seem normal rather than Ponies waking confused and wondering how and why they had got where they were. Then they’d discussed what could have caused this and Princess Celestia had wondered if they’d finally found the reason for her premonitions.

Princess Luna had not been too convinced and had pointed out that Joe was asleep, and had been when they’d sensed this wrenching, but had agreed they should check to be certain. Even if it was obvious to Princess Celestia that Princess Luna thought this more to discount the possibility so they could seek the truth without her being distracted by it. As they entered Joe’s dreams they took the chance to see what images the gods and heroes he’d mentioned evoked and were mildly appeased that he’d not thought a power ring anywhere near as capable as Princess Luna and that, despite his preference for another hero with a red cape, that the God he’d compared their place and power with was one he considered awe inspiring.

By now they had realised the cause so they checked how Joe could have influenced Twilight Sparkle in that decision and to Princess Celestia’s surprise, as that was not how her feelings were flowing, they found he’d have influenced her the other way than she had gone. He had no skill in magic but he had meagre experience in shaping worlds within ‘computers’ through series of instructions and the importance of ensuring what those would do before you tried. Moreover an image of a book he’d read where someone with skill with those ‘computers’ applied his techniques when taken to a world of magic and nearly caused great destruction as a flaw in his workings built upon itself came vividly to Joe’s sleeping mind.

So Joe would have been cautious and sought to understand before trying, perhaps more because of lingering mistrust in how little he understood magic, and this problem did not seem to be what Princess Celestia had feared he would cause. The lines of Twilight Sparkle’s destiny were still in the same alignment and although she and her sister could sense Joe was connected somehow to this matter he was, so far, innocent of influencing it. Princess Celestia had been tempted to take her body to Ponyville and wake her student but Princess Luna had argued instead that Twilight Sparkle deserved the chance to discover and correct her mistake on her own, if she was not to fail her test.

Princess Celestia had reluctantly agreed to this and they had spent the rest of the night controlling the damage, ignoring their usual breakfast, until Princess Luna had retired to her own rest and Princess Celestia had needed to begin dealing with the daytime affairs of state. Now though as she looked again with more than just her mortal eyes she doubted that decision, though not her faith in her faithful student. With a deep breath she returned inside to let Twilight Sparkle continue to have her chance and let the latest batch of petitioners have audience with her.

==

Half an hour had passed and as they approached Ponyville the bad weather became apparent. It had taken a little talking but Joe had managed to convince Big Macintosh to let Pinkie Pie off her chores for a few hours. Despite what Pinkie Pie had said it had still been a shock to Joe to find that the huge stallion did consider those Pinkie Pie’s and think she lived in the farmhouse. Eventually Joe had resorted to the argument that either he was right and something strange was going on or he was nuts and it would only be kind for Pinkie Pie to escort him into town and have him committed. Big Macintosh had said ‘Eee’yup’ to one of those two options and they had set out.

“Strange,” Joe commented, looking up, “I wonder what’s going wrong for Dash and her weather team today.”

“What’s it got to do with Rainbow Dash?” asked Pinkie Pie.

Joe looked at her for a few moments as they walked. Aside from that being a strange question to ask she’d asked it disdainfully and hadn’t said ‘Dashie’. But then he saw the possible reason for why, if not how, she’d asked it as ahead of them was a white Unicorn, tail and mane slicked down by the torrential rain, and her horn glowing as she sent another burst of magic skywards. A cloud split and rearranged itself but lighting still flashed across one part of the sky and snow seemed to be falling from another and turning back to vapour before it reached previously sun scorched earth.

“Oh, that doesn’t look right…” Rarity said, sounding upset. Then she sniffed and looked around. “Hello you two.”

“Crap,” breathed Joe.

“I… know it could be described as such, but I am doing my best…” Rarity replied, now appearing on the edge of tears at the brutal assessment. Then she stopped as she realised Joe’s gaze was not on the sky, and even as fragile as she was feeling she didn’t think he could be calling that ‘crap’. “Darling, are you staring at my derriere?”

“Cutie Mark,” corrected Joe.

“What about it?” Rarity asked, trusting Joe enough to not dismiss that as a mere excuse as she would with some males.

“You going to tell her she has the wrong one as well?” commented Pinkie Pie, continuing to sound a little sarcastic.

“Yes,” Joe said, noting the lack of cheerfulness, “and tell her as well that she is doing the wrong job. Both are Rainbow Dash’s.”

“I don’t know what has got into everypony today,” said Rarity, “first Twilight seemed surprised and asked where Rainbow was, and now you.”

“Where is she?”

“At her cottage with her animals.”

“I meant Twilight…” said Joe, before sighing and rubbing his forehead. “So Dash is affected too…” He looked to Rarity. “Look, Pegasi normally control the weather, yes?”

“True, but I am not doing so badly…” Rarity began to argue, before she was interrupted by a loud crash of lightning. “Oh bother.”

“Not so badly,” commented Pinkie Pie, with the same unusual sarcasm.

“Think of it this way then,” Joe sighed, searching for a way to be convincing, “lightning can be a symbol of speed and that bolt is multicoloured. Do we know anyone who is incredibly fast and leaves a multicoloured rainbow trail when she dashes? Whether using her legs or wings?”

“I admit it might be an appropriate Cutie Mark for her,” conceded Rarity, “but it is mine.”

Joe nodded. “Where do you live?”

“You know where I live,” Rarity replied in surprise.

“I know where I think you should live, and I can guess where you think you should live.”

“He thinks I live at Sugarcube Corner,” shrugged Pinkie Pie with an eloquent eye roll.

“How impractical,” Rarity frowned, “though the walk to and from Sweet Apple Acres would keep you fit I suppose.”

“Which is the point,” said Joe, wishing he could make some headway, “you are all doing the wrong jobs.”

“Don’t look at me,” Pinkie Pie shrugged again, “I’m just playing along after he got Big Macintosh to give me a few hours off.”

“Okay, two questions,” nodded Joe, focussing on Rarity. “Can you fly and can you walk on clouds?”

“No…” Rarity admitted.

“But if you also have Dash’s house, as well as her Cutie Mark and job, you live in a cloud house with rainbow waterfalls?”

“Yes…but… but… where else would I live?” Rarity asked. “Though I admit it is an unusual choice…” She looked confused “But it is where I live.”

“You should live at the Carousel Boutique,” said Joe firmly, trying to exploit the opening.

“With Applejack?” Rarity frowned. “After the slumber party we had that one time I doubt either of us would have stood it.”

“Crap,” said Joe, repeating his earlier eloquent comment. “Though I should have guessed whose Cutie Mask she has, given that Twilight seems unaffected.”

“Why would I live at a boutique when weather patterns are my passion?”

“Because the same desire for elegant design you are inflicting on these clouds can be better used for dressmaking.”

“Inflicting?… Never mind. You are suggesting my special talent is dressmaking?”

“Actually I am not,” Joe admitted, “or at least that is not what your true Cutie Mark says. According to that your special talent is finding gems but instead you became a very skilled designer and seamstress.”

“I… I don’t know,” sighed Rarity, it didn’t seem like Joe was joking and if he had been it didn’t seem like he’d have added that extra complication. “I feel like I should be doing this.”

“Please,” Joe said, trying to convey his sincerity, “come with us. Take a break.”

“I shouldn't while things are such a mess.”

“Please.”

Rarity sighed. “Oh, fine. I’ll not say I am convinced, but it is not like I was having any luck fixing this.”

“And Pinkie wasn’t having any luck fixing the water chute,” Joe said, seeing another argument, “almost as if neither of you was used to the job.”

Rarity nodded and followed as Pinkie Pie scowled a little about Joe mentioning that. Though Pinkie Pie had to admit to herself that although it felt like she knew what to do and how to do it, and felt like she had been doing it for the years since she got her Cutie Mark, that this was her destiny, that it hadn’t felt like she’d had years of practice. As they reached Sugarcube Corner Joe noticed the glum expressions on the Ponies leaving and the lack of any laughter escaping through the door with them.

Then as they entered he had the surreal sight of Fluttershy with a rubber chicken rather than a real one as she tried to entertain a crowd of incredibly bemused looking Ponies and did not seem to be doing well. Not even the stallions who should appreciate a pretty Mare performing, even if she was not that funny, seemed that happy to be watching, though Joe did remember what Applejack had said about ‘seasons’ and wondered if this was one cultural difference that biological difference had created.

“And she is not doing so well either,” Joe murmured quietly to the other two, “despite her party balloons Cutie Mark.”

“You are making your point, darling,” murmured Rarity back to him. “No need to belabour it.”

“That is what I’m supposed to do?” Pinkie Pie sneered, not so quiet in her surprise.

“With respect for Fluttershy’s efforts, you do it better,” smiled Joe, “so time to help.”

“How…” Pinkie Pie began to ask, before that turned into a ‘yeek’ as Joe grabbed her either side of the barrel, just behind the forelegs, and with a grunt that was a touch unflattering to her weight hiked her up. Then before she could ask what he thought he was doing or protest to be let down he was striding across.

“Okay everypony!” called Joe, holding the glowering Pinkie Pie in front of him. “I am sure we all appreciated the talented and lovely Fluttershy, but time for a change of pace!”

Fluttershy showed her personality had not been as much affected as her friend’s as she squeaked and hid behind her mane. “Change… of… er…”

Hoping his knees and thighs and everything could stand it Joe began bobbing up and down while lifting Pinkie Pie so she went up as he went down. “Itttt’sss Pinkie the Pink the Pink, it’s Pinkie the Pink the Pink, the savoir of, the Pony ra-a-ace, because she invented, various jo-okes, that put a smile, upon your face…”

“It’s Joe, it’s Joe, it’s Joe, who’ll let me go, me go, me go,” Pinkie Pie sang back, catching the tune and some part of her deciding singing was better than just talking, “or he’ll get, a hoof in the face, because I don’t li-ike, being jiggled, while he sta-ands, in place…”

“And Pinkie, she knows it’s kinky, to wave a ma-are aro-o-ound, so I had better, give up and let her, back-a upon the ground…” Joe lowered Pinkie Pie as he kept his knees bent and her rear hooves made contact with the floor. As Joe stood he looked to the audience and waved his hands like a conductor. “All together… It’s Pinkie the Pink the Pink, it’s Pinkie the Pink the Pink….”

The Ponies joined in as Joe led the chorus and Pinkie Pie found herself also singing and that she had started to bob up and down.

“This feels… right…” Pinkie Pie breathed, starting to glow and making Joe lean back as he finished the chorus.

“Whoa…” said Joe as the mane and tail went instantly from straight to full puff.

Pinkie Pie turned and grinned to him before looking back at the other Ponies. “It’s Joe, it’s Joe, it’s Joe, who seemed to know, to know, to know, that things were, rather que-e-eer, so he brought me, to entertain you, as you all gathered here…”

“It’s Pinkie the Pink the Pink…” Joe said, starting the chorus again before he retreated.

The other two Mares were talking quietly as Joe approached them, trying to get over his surprise at both the glowing and instant ‘hairstyling’. Rarity and Fluttershy seemed to have also noticed this Rarity gave him a smile while Fluttershy managed to do more than just peek through her mane.

“I think she can handle it from here,” Joe commented, looking back at Pinkie Pie as she bobbed and made up another new verse.

“I have been explaining your idea to Fluttershy,” nodded Rarity.

“It was… hard… having those ponies looking at me,” Fluttershy admitted, “but I felt like I had to, and I still do.”

“What you find easier and more natural is use your kindness to look after animals,” smiled Joe, trying to reassure her, “and your Cutie Mark should be butterflies to reflect that.”

“Oh no, that is Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy replied, trying to not sound as if she was being too rude in correcting Joe about his own marefriend.

“Who is incredibly fast,” nodded Joe, gesturing at Rarity.

“I did explain your theory that this is actually Rainbow’s Cutie Mark,” Rarity said.

“Thank you both for listening.”

“I am becoming a little more convinced,” Rarity admitted, “though more by Pinkie Pie taking to the performing so well. And then glowing.”

“She’s… doing better than I was,” agreed Fluttershy.

“Because you are sweet and gentle, and shy,” Joe said, getting a slight squeak from her. “I want to head to your cottage next…”

“I don’t have a cottage…”

“He means Rainbow Dash’s,” Rarity told her.

“I mean Fluttershy’s, which you think is Dash’s,” corrected Joe, “but though I want to head there…”

“I wonder why,” Rarity mused, giving Fluttershy a meaningful wink and getting a blush.

“I think we should help Applejack next while we are in Ponyville,” concluded Joe. Then he looked at the pair with a mock glower. “And I’ll say it again… humans are not as bad as Bonobo!”

“Oh… erm…” Fluttershy blushed.

“Darling,” said Rarity, as Joe started for the door, “we have seen the kisses, so however ‘bad’ humans are it’s quite bad enough for interesting results.”

“Oh… erm…” Joe said, echoing Fluttershy’s words and blush.

They left Sugarcube Corner and began walking towards the Carousel Boutique. The streets were quite empty from the incessant rain and those Ponies they saw did not seem pleased to see Rarity. Joe began to get a little irritated and bristle slightly, helped by how his shirt had begun to cling to him to leave no doubt that it was muscles filling it out. Seeing this and upset by the looks they were getting Fluttershy started to withdraw into herself, which only made matters worse as Joe noticed this and blamed only the looks.

“When will it stop raining?” one Pony demanded, putting herself in their path.

“Soon, though I…” Rarity began.

“Soon? I had an appointment at the Spa! I can’t have my Mane styled with this rain!”

“Well, I…”

“Maybe you should spend less time there though and more on your job!”

“But…”

“Don’t but’ me, this is not good enough and…”

“And,” Joe interrupted, leaning forward a little to bring his face closer, “it is not actually her job. Something has affected her Cutie Mark and what she, and it appears you, think her job is though.”

“A poor excuse,” sniffed the Pony, maintaining her sense of outrage.

“But the truth,” Joe replied, “and now if you will excuse us madam we shall continue to try to solve the problem without more delay.”

As they walked off to a spluttering of ‘well, I never’ Fluttershy wilted a little more but after a few seconds managed to look up at Joe. The set of his jaw showed his feelings, but she felt she still had to ask.

“Did you… er… have to be quite so blunt?”

“Rarity has to live and work in town,” Joe said, giving her what he hoped was a reassuring smile, “so better somepony be annoyed with me rather than her.”

“Thank you, darling” smiled Rarity.

“Besides,” Joe admitted, “she was annoying.” He pondered for a moment the tradition of calm acceptance and not making a fuss, then he shook his head. “It is strange though…”

“What?” asked Rarity.

“Strange you are affected, stranger that nobody seems surprised by the change except me.”

“Twilight seemed surprised,” Rarity reminded him.

“Oh,” winced Joe. “You said that, so as this seems like magic we’d better check the library next.”

They diverted and to their disappointment the Golden Oaks library door was locked and there were no lights on inside. Joe knocked and he and Rarity waited a short time while Fluttershy flew up to the balcony to check the doors and look in through the windows there. There was no reply and no sign of anyone inside though so they started walking towards the Carousel Boutique again.

“I wonder where she’s gone,” Joe muttered, “and seems Spike’s with her.”

“He wasn’t when I saw her,” nodded Rarity. “She might have taken him with her to check on Rainbow though.”

“Makes sense,” Joe agreed. “See this problem and that one,” he added nodding at the sky and then pointing towards Rarity’s rear, “and talk to the Pony who should have both.”

“Maybe we should be going to her… my… cottage then?” suggested Fluttershy. “Now rather than after?”

“That would give us more chance of catching up with Twilight…” Joe began, as they turned a corner.

“Not much of one,” interrupted Rarity, “was well before you and Pinkie Pie arrived that I saw her.”

Joe nodded. “So if it is not much chance, and as it will take so long to get there and back…”

“I understand,” interrupted Rarity, again, “help Applejack first.”

“You were both rather frustrated and upset, as was Pinkie Pie,” Joe nodded, again, “so if Applejack is feeling as bad…”

“Might be kinder,” agreed Fluttershy.

“And Twilight might be there anyway,” Rarity suggested, “so we can check before we make a wasted trip.”

When they reached the Carousel Boutique they found no Twilight Sparkle. Just some rather bizarre patchwork garments, some of which made Joe wonder if there were Centaurs here as they seemed to have four legs and two arms, and Applejack mangling some cloth together in an attempt to produce another. She managed a stressed looking smile at the sight of them, one that looked more like a electric probes had been touched to her face muscles and that exposed more teeth than a pony from Joe’s world would have.

“Well, howdy,” Applejack said, a slightly mad look in her eyes. “What can ah do fer you?”

“We came to see how-dy you were getting on,” replied Joe.

“A mite poorly,” Applejack admitted, before pride forced her to add, “but getting there.”

Rarity turned from examining the work. “Darling, a mite is…” She stopped and smiled. “You are doing as poorly with this as I have been with the weather.”

“Ah wouldn’t say ah was doing as bad as that…” Applejack began, with more honesty than politeness. At least her mistakes weren’t affecting everypony else rather than just some cloth. Then she stopped as she realised what she was saying. “Er, ah mean…”

“Long story short,” smiled Joe, interrupting the Earth Pony’s embarrassment, “I think you have the wrong Cutie Marks, are doing the wrong jobs, and living in the wrong places. Despite what everyone seems to be accepting as normal and what you feel.”

“That seems a heap unlikely that you’d be right and everypony else be wrong”, Applejack frowned.

Joe paused and slowly nodded. “Oh…” he breathed, “maybe because it is everypony.”

“Come again?” Applejack asked, then she noticed the emphasis. “Oh! An’ you ain’t a pony?”

“It might be easy to say ‘pony’ in a spell, and that limit it,” mused Joe, “so I wonder if other non-ponyfolk are affected. Not met any Donkeys or Cows, a bit far to go and see Zecora…” He paused and looked to the others. “Though as Twilight’s not at the library she might have gone there rather than to check on Dash, or gone straight there after that?”

Rarity had continued to wince as she examined more of Applejack’s work. “A shame that when I saw Twilight that Spike was not with her.”

“I think check the library again before we head out to check on Dash,” nodded Joe, waiting a moment for any disagreement before continuing, “in any case you seem to be having great trouble Applejack and the same was true of Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. But when Pinkie started trying to entertain people, which I think is her job, she started to do better and then glowed.”

“Glowed?” Applejack repeated, one eye closing a little as she gave Joe a look.

“Quite brightly,” commented Rarity, backing Joe up against the disbelief, “so let’s see if the same is true for me, since apparently this is my job and that is my Cutie Mark, just need to remove these stitches and…”

“Maybe a different pattern?” Fluttershy suggested.

“Maybe,” nodded Rarity.

“Ah remember when… when… oh horsefeathers,” Applejack said, “and ah don’t mean Pegasus wings. Ah was going to say ah remember Fluttershy knew a lot about stitching and helped when we got our dresses for the Grand Galloping Gala, so Rarity knowing might just be the same rather than proof ah was doing her job…”

“And?” prompted Joe, starting to look around a little.

“And now ah don’t know,” Applejack admitted. “Ah don’t recall making the dresses here, but I do recall they were made here, and if ah didn’t make them then that might be arguing the other way.”

“Oh, don’t remind me of those dresses or the Gala…” said Rarity absently as she tried to fix things, then she stopped and her eyes widened. “Wait, I do remember, you all rejected the ones I’d made and then there was a terrible fashion show with the ones I’d made following your instructions.” Then she blinked at what she’d just said. “Wait… I made them…”

“And you are making a nice one now,” Fluttershy assured her.

“Yes darling,” smiled Rarity, “I also remember you saying a dress was nice and then, when I pressed you, going into details of what was wrong with the stitching and the design.”

Fluttershy blushed. “I do mean it is nice this time.”

“Yes!” Joe suddenly exclaimed.

“Say what?” asked Applejack.

“Look!” Joe said, sounding really pleased. “Proof! I am not a nutter.”

“Ah’d not said you were, or at least not about this,” replied Applejack as Joe returned and laid an open magazine where she and Fluttershy could see it. There were pictures of some familiar looking dresses and the accompanying article and the picture captions said those were made by Rarity. Of the Ponyville Carousel Boutique. “Well pinch all four of mah cheeks and make them rosy.”

“Tempting,” Joe said, a little high from finally having tangible evidence, “but I think Dash would break both my hands…” Then he paused as a thought occurred. “Wait, how do you pinch with hooves… both together?”

Fluttershy squeaked and rather than pursue the matter of pinching Joe and Applejack looked where she was looking. There was a rather elegant glow surrounding Rarity as she put a last few touches to a dress, her pointy framed glasses having made an appearance from somewhere. Joe wondered if those glasses were almost as much proof as the glow as they did seem to be for dressmaking rather than general use and were very much not Applejack’s style.

“Finished darlings…” Rarity said, before glancing at herself, “oh my.”

“That was what happened to Pinkie,” Fluttershy confirmed to Applejack.

“Hwhoo-whee,” replied Applejack. “If the fact she whipped up a dress lickety-split, in less time than it took me to replace th’ thread in the machine, or unjam it any of the dozen times in the last hour, weren’t enough that is the cherry on the cake.”

“I think I may be convinced,” Rarity smiled, with slight understatement. “And this does feel right to be doing, though I still want to try to fix the weather.”

“And ah still have a hankering to sew,” added Applejack.

“Can’t help that hankering Applejack,” Joe nodded, “other than by getting you back to what you should be doing, but if we can help Dash get back to that then the weather should be fixed.”

Applejack thought for a moment and then nodded. “That makes some sense, if you are saying that there,” she said, nodding at Rarity, “is her Cutie Mark. Name like rainbow and all.” Then she frowned and looked at the diamonds on her own rear. “Though ah don’t see the connection between these and sewing.”

“Apparently this is not the first time I went against my Cutie Mark,” Rarity explained, nodding back at Applejack, “those reflect a talent for finding gems.”

“These fit that talent, sure,” agreed Applejack.

“And as she uses gems for decoration on her designs,” Joe nodded, “and likes them almost as much as Spike…”

“Are you saying she likes Gems almost as much as Spike does,” teased Applejack, “or she likes Spike almost as much as she likes Gems?”

“Both?”

“Well, in either case ah’m convinced this here Cutie Mark would fit her,” smiled Applejack. “How about you two?”

“Oh, indeed,” Rarity smiled as Fluttershy nodded, “but shoo, see to our friend.”

Chapter 37

Twilight Sparkle sighed to Spike as they approached Ponyville and she saw the strange pattern of clouds still above it and the even stranger weather being suffered by the town below. She had a lot of faith in Rarity but that was in her dressmaking skill and general competence rather than her ability to do Rainbow Dash’s job, and it seemed the concern that she’d not begin to get the hang of it was valid.

“Rarity still isn’t having much luck with the clouds,” Twilight Sparkle commented.

“Maybe you should help her out?” suggested Spike.

“I want to find out what all our friends are doing first, but I could spare some time to try.”

Attempting to ignore the rain and other precipitation, and hoping they could settle this soon as Ponies were already beginning to look depressed, the pair made their way through Ponyville and towards Sugarcube Corner. This had seemed such a nice day when Twilight Sparkle had got up and that lack of anticipation of any problems almost made it worse for her.

“Rainbow said Fluttershy would be here,” Twilight Sparkle said, showing her nerves with the needless reminder.

A waft of laughter came to them from inside as they reached the door, and Spike nodded. “Sounds like she is doing better than Rainbow was with the animals.”

“Which is… surprising,” Twilight Sparkle replied, glancing to Spike in puzzlement as she opened the door.

Inside her puzzlement increased as it changed and became more shared by Spike. She’d been surprised that Fluttershy was doing so well and now they were both surprised as it was Pinkie Pie playing court to an audience. It was quite normal that she was doing that and quite normal that she was succeeding in producing a lot of laughter, but ‘quite normal’ was not what they had expected after finding two of their friends in the wrong job.

“I don’t get it,” Spike commented.

“Wait, look at her rump,” said Twilight Sparkle, her head twitching a little forward, “that’s Applejack’s Cutie Mark.”

Hearing familiar voices Pinkie Pie turned and bounced across, poofy mane and tail jiggling as she grinned. “Hi Twilight! Hi Spikey!”

“Pinkie, what are you doing?” asked Twilight Sparkle slowly.

“What Joe told me was my job, and seems more waaaay fun than trying to fix a water chute.”

“I wasn’t so sure, it did seem it was Fluttershy’s…” Mrs Cake said.

“But then Pinkie here started glowing…” said Mr Cake, continuing his wife’s sentence.

“Glowing?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“And I took a look upstairs,” said Mrs Cake, continuing where she and her husband had left off, “and I must admit the room looks more like Pinkie’s than it would Fluttershy’s…”

“And if I didn’t live here then why would Gummy and his tub and his food be in that room?” Pinkie Pie agreed.

“Wait,” repeated Twilight Sparkle, “glowing?”

“Pinkie here had got a couple of verses into a song when suddenly she lit up,” Mr Cake nodded.

“It was fun!”

“But you still have Applejack’s Cutie Mark,” asked Twilight Sparkle, trying to be sure, “and you still all think this should be Fluttershy’s job?”

“We are convinced something strange is going on and Pinkie should be doing this,” Mrs Cake corrected her, “despite what we thought before she arrived.”

“This is bad, I don’t know how bad, but this is bad,” said Twilight Sparkle, “where is Joe?”

“He left while I was singing,” Pinkie Pie replied, giving a slight pout that he’d not stayed for the whole performance.

Twilight Sparkle scooped Spike up with her head and tossed him up and onto her back. “We’ve got to catch up with him before he reaches Fluttershy’s cottage… but we just came from there, so why didn’t we see him and Fluttershy on the road?”

“I don’t know, dearie,” smiled Mrs Cake encouragingly, “but I hope you catch up with the three of them if it is that important.”

“Thank you Mrs Cake…” Twilight Sparkle said politely, then blinking. “Wait, the three of them?”

“We met Rarity on our way here from Sweet Apple Acres where I’d been…” began Pinkie Pie.

“Oh no!” Twilight Sparkle said, turning and galloping out of the Cake’s shop before Pinkie Pie could say what she had been doing.

Mud splashed from beneath her horns as she continued her gallop all the way to the Carousel Boutique and in through the door, opening it only at the last moment with a quick burst of magic rather than stopping and using a hoof. Rarity blinked at the sudden arrival and at the muddy hoof prints being left as Twilight Sparkle continued on in rather than use the doormat. Dismissing that as unimportant, for now, Rarity smiled as her friend skidded to a stop.

“Darling, darlings… hello! We looked for you.”

“Rarity, you are making dresses…” Twilight Sparkle said, looking at the cloth between her friend’s hooves on the machine and the patterns and tools floating around her.

“Oh I know!” replied Rarity happily, looking over the top of her dressmaking glasses at her friend. “I still have a hankering to shape the weather but cloth seems to work so much better.”

“Joe.”

“I wasn’t convinced, but when Pinkie glowed that seemed to suggest he had some idea. And of course there is that magazine there.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at the magazine, still open at the page with the article about Rarity and her boutique. “Oh no, I could have brought the picture of the six of us to show you had the wrong Cutie Marks…” She paused. “Rarity, have you glowed?”

“No sooner than I had finished the first dress, which helped convince Applejack.”

“But you still think the weather is your job?”

“I still feel that is my job,” Rarity clarified, “but I think this is mine.”

“Mrow!” added Opalescence, agreeing that a job that kept her Pony where she could more adequately serve her was a better one.

“And my beloved Opal being here was proof I do live here, though Joe pointing out the trouble I’d have getting to or walking around a cloud house…”

“Rarity, this is important,” Twilight Sparkle interrupted. “Where did Joe go?”

“Oh, they were going to check the library again but if you weren’t there try to catch up with you…”

“Where!”

“I said I thought you were going to check on Rainbow…”

“Back to Fluttershy’s cottage,” Twilight Sparkle said, whirling and breaking into a gallop again. “Got it.”

“Well, that was sudden,” commented Rarity as her friend disappeared, the door slamming a little in her wake.

“Merow,” Opalescence agreed, far too noisy as well.

==

The Golden Oaks Library had still been closed and after Joe tried knocking and Fluttershy the balcony again they had moved on. It had annoyed Joe a few minutes later when he realised that he hadn’t thought of leaving a note, but he consoled himself that with the wind and rain it would be hard to secure one to the front door or for it to remain legible if they did. As unlikely as it seemed that they would manage to catch up with Twilight Sparkle there seemed no point in dawdling so they had jogged along at an easy pace for the Ponies, Applejack being concerned that it would not be too hard a pace for Joe and Joe having to assure her that he knew he could manage after the treadmill work.

The cottage was far enough outside Ponyville that Joe was breathing a little deeper and the weather had returned to normal by the time they arrived. As they crossed the bridge over the stream Joe nodded downwards.

“Do you remember us talking about fish, after I helped you feed them to creatures here?”

“You said some humans only ate fish for meat…” Fluttershy began, “because… those are not so… but why would you be helping me feed animals here…”

“Never mind that for now, honey bun,” said Applejack, “do you hear that?”

“Oh my!” Fluttershy said, hearing that.

“Sounds like the critters are getting the better of her,” nodded Applejack.

“Which I’m not sure they would be if Dash had Spike and Twilight here as well,” Joe sighed.

He strode ahead and knocked, there was a shout of ‘just a minute’ but when that was followed by a crash he looked to Applejack and Fluttershy. They nodded so he pushed the door open to reveal a scene of chaos. Rainbow Dash was flying back and forth trying to deal with things as animals chased each other and stole each other’s food, or bit or clawed at the furniture, or climbed the shelves and knocked things off them to smash on the floor.

“Oh my!” Fluttershy repeated.

“You think this cottage would have survived if this was normal and every day?” asked Joe, in a low mutter.

“No,” Fluttershy agreed.

Applejack nodded to them and then stepped forward and stamped a hoof. “All right you critters, settle down!”

The animals seemed surprised by the sudden hoof stomp and bellow, as did Rainbow Dash, and they all froze for a moment.

“No need to be angry,” Fluttershy chided, flapping forward, “I am sure they didn’t mean to be naughty.”

“Ah ain’t so sure,” replied Applejack, glowering at a visibly intimidated bear.

“Now let’s all calm down,” Fluttershy continued gently, “you little friends go over there and we’ll see about giving you some nice plump cushions and munchie leaves and veggies…”

“And y’all behave as well,” said Applejack, “and ah’ll see about feeding you.”

“I’ll start sweeping up the debris before anyone steps on it,” Joe shrugged, seeing things under control through the contrasting means.

For a minute or so Rainbow Dash just watched as Applejack and Fluttershy got to work. She wasn’t sure if Applejack declaring her arrival or the fact these creatures were listening to Fluttershy’s quiet requests when they’d not listened to her one little bit was the bigger surprise. Then she flapped across to hover near Joe as he swept things together and occasionally bent and picked up larger fragments of glass or china.

“What… just happened?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“You got helped,” winked Joe.

“Besides that,” Rainbow replied, giving him an unamused look.

Applejack retreated with a final glare at the varmints. “Joe thinks we’ve had our Cutie Marks swapped around, and he’s been two for two. Or, with how the critters are responding to Fluttershy, make that three for three.”

“Finding a magazine with an article on the dresses Rarity designed and made did help convince them.”

“Rarity?” Rainbow Dash asked, landing in a clear spot, “but she is the weather Pony.”

“No, she is the dressmaking Pony,” smiled Joe. “You are the weather Pony.”

“She glowed when she finished making one,” Applejack added.

“As had Pinkie Pie when I got her from Sweet Apple Acres to where she could take over from Fluttershy,” nodded Joe.

“Twilight asked me why Rarity was doing my job,” Rainbow Dash said, confirming they’d missed her there, “but it doesn’t feel like it. Feels like I should be here in my cottage.”

“Here in Fluttershy’s cottage,” Joe smiled, going to get a dustpan and brush. “Your cottage is the one with waterfalls the colours of your mane and tail. And which as a Pegasus you can fly up to and walk on the clouds of, unlike Rarity.” Rainbow Dash nodded slightly to this and Joe continued, “how long ago did Twilight leave?”

“I don’t know, feels like ages with how hassled the animals were making me…” Rainbow Dash stopped and looked to Applejack. “Not that I was losing my cool…”

Joe crouched by the pile of debris, but before getting the brush from the dustpan he draped his arm across Rainbow Dash’s shoulders to hug her in for a quick kiss on the cheek. Then he pulled an exaggerated face and worked his jaw around. “Yike! So cool my lips nearly froze.”

“You saying you should have worried about frostbite rather than sunburn yesterday?” smiled Rainbow Dash.

The noise level had gone right down so as Joe began sweeping things into the dustpan he and the other two looked across at Fluttershy. They could all tell the animals were looking a lot happier and Joe was pleased to see the same was true of Fluttershy compared with at Sugarcube Corner. So any minute now perhaps?

“Oh, you are all very welcome little friends… eeek!”

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash admitted as Fluttershy glowed and reacted to that. “Maybe you are onto something Joe.”

“I still want to make Ponies happy, and feel like I should be,” smiled Fluttershy, turning to look at them, “but I do feel better here.”

“And you are better at it,” Joe said, sweeping the last little bit into the dustpan. “Though you weren’t as bad at the entertaining as Applejack is at making dresses… oof!”

“Hey!” winked Applejack, interrupting with a hoof prod. “That may be true but no need to say it.”

“And you don’t need to say how bad I was doing either,” Rainbow Dash said, adding in a mutter, “I hate failing.”

“I am actually glad you were all doing so badly,” admitted Joe, standing with his full dustpan and looking around for a bin.

“What? Why?” Applejack asked.

With an expression of betrayal Rainbow Dash took off again to hover and glare in Joe’s face. “So you could have a good laugh?”

“No,” Joe replied calmly, not taking offense as he knew she’d had a hard day and meeting her gaze.

“He hasn’t… erm… laughed,” said Fluttershy.

“I was thinking of our two friends here,” Joe continued to Rainbow Dash, still meeting her eyes with his own. “You saw that Applejack could deal with the animals and you know Fluttershy has skill with fashion and sewing. So if Applejack had the butterflies or Fluttershy the Diamonds then they would have been doing better.”

“So?” asked Rainbow Dash, looking less betrayed and more puzzled.

“So ah think, sugar cube,” Applejack said, trying to take some of the heat off Joe, “we’d have been harder to convince.”

Joe nodded to Applejack. “And if Dash had been given your apples rather than Fluttershy’s Butterflies then with her strength and speed she’d have been doing better with chores at Sweet Apple Acres than with the animals here.” He looked back to Rainbow Dash. “So I am glad you were doing poorly so you could be convinced.”

Rainbow Dash nodded to Joe and let him escape to the bin. Applejack shook her head and then looked to her other friend.

“You alright there Fluttershy?” Applejack asked.

“Better than I was,” replied Fluttershy to her, before doing the Mane look, “and thank you Joe.”

“I am glad to have helped,” Joe said, emptying the dustpan and putting it by the bin. “Though we had better get on.”

“What’s the rush?” asked Rainbow Dash as Joe started to leave.

Once they got outside Joe tugged at his beard thoughtfully. “Big Macintosh let Pinkie Pie off ‘her’ chores for a few hours…” he began to muse before he chuckled.

“What?” Applejack asked.

“Sorry, I was just wondering if I had been unkind to him,” replied Joe, dropping his hand and giving her a slight smile. “This morning he had a pretty mare working the farm, and now he’ll have a pretty mare working the farm who is his sister.”

“Sweet talker.”

“But answering Dash’s question,” continued Joe, looking to her as they all walked towards the bridge, “there’s two problems you can help with…”

“Three if you count Joe’s,” Applejack winked.

Joe tried to regain his chain of thought. “Be good to talk to Twilight since she’s been surprised and seems unaffected.”

“Ah suppose we could have missed her on th’ road,” nodded Applejack, “but is only th’ one road.”

“So you want me to look for her?” Rainbow Dash asked, wings spreading a little to prepare to take off.

“As she wasn’t here, or at the Golden Oaks library, or on the road between them I wonder if she is at Zecora’s,” continued Joe, “but you wouldn’t be able to see down through the trees…”

“So you don’t want me to look for her?” Rainbow Dash asked again, her wings relaxing.

“Ah don’t think Joe wants you to look for her in th’ Everfree at least,” said Applejack.

Joe nodded. “Other problem, aside from mine, that a fast and beautiful Pegasus can help with is that Rarity was attempting stylish weather patterns rather than ones that would work, so the Ponyville weather is rather a mess.”

“I still don’t know about this,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “I can accept that animals are not what I am good at but…”

“We have faith in you, honey bun,” smiled Applejack.

“And even if I know why you gave me a strange look when I gave you that pendant…” Joe began, slowing as they approached a fork in the path.

“Pendant?” asked Applejack.

Rainbow Dash blushed slightly. “A crystal sphere on a silver chain, said it reminded him of a raindrop.”

“And then she and Rarity very politely didn’t point out that rainbows are made in Cloudsdale rather than through the refraction of light in raindrops…”

“Spike started arguing though.”

“Anyway,” Joe said, stopping to better look at them, “before I digressed I was going to try saying something sappy like ‘after the rain there should always be a rainbow, and Ponyville has had a lot of rain’.”

“You been drinking too much cider Joe?” asked Applejack, less impressed than Rainbow Dash seemed to be from the return of the slight blush.

Joe nodded to Applejack. “That would be a simpler explanation if Ponies hadn’t been glowing,” he admitted as he looked to Rainbow Dash. “Besides, do you remember the conversation at the event in Canterlot, before those Ponies pretended to be Changelings?”

“Yes?” Rainbow Dash said, puzzled.

“Then you remember me comparing you with Thor Odinson, because he was a God of Thunder and you’re a Goddess of Weather.”

Rainbow Dash winked. “I thought it was because I kicked a sleeping Dragon to make it stop snoring and he hit a sleeping giant-human for the same reason.”

“Oh! I remembered you’d kicked a Dragon but I didn’t know why…” Joe stopped and nodded to himself. “So that was what Rarity was teasing you about, and why you muttered about snoring… hmm, and I could have asked her if she remembered that conversation.”

“She seems convinced about th’ dressmaking now she’s tried it, and glowed in th’ trying,” Applejack reassured him.

“Okay, okay,” smiled Rainbow Dash, “and I’ll give this a try. It does seem strange you’d have compared me with a weather god if that wasn’t my job.”

“I have faith you’ll not just try, you will succeed…” Joe replied, rejecting a quote even if nopony would recognise the cliché.

Rainbow Dash gave them both a grin and, in a cloud of dust from her hooves and the powerful down stroke of her wings, she took off to leave a streak of colour behind her arcing towards Ponyville. Joe coughed a little as he’d still had his mouth open as he was still partway though his sentence, then he closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again and giving Applejack a slightly rueful smile.

“I was going to ask her to check the library,” Joe admitted, “maybe divert first to check Sweet Apple Acres, and then deal with the weather.”

“Ah thought you might be thinking of th’ library,” nodded Applejack, “why ah said not th’ Everfree at least.”

“I don’t want to go into the Everfree without my armour and spear, even with you to protect me…”

“Ah can understand that,” smiled Applejack, “and th’ same is true here, be fairly mutual th’ protecting. Sweet Apple Acres then? Check for Twilight and talk to mah family?”

“Sounds good,” Joe nodded, not sure if Applejack was just being polite to say ‘mutual’. “If Twilight’s not there then hopefully some applebucking or something will get you to glow and, if they need it, that will convince them.”

“Ah surely hope so, and would be nice to feel whatever it is th’ others have felt when that happens,” agreed Applejack, starting down the branch towards her family’s farm. “Rainbow isn’t the only one who’s sure of what she’s not to do but not sure what she should.”

Chapter 38

As Twilight Sparkle cantered along the road she saw the arc reaching its apogee above her and her hooves slid a little as she stopped and waved a forehoof frantically, both the sudden stop and the slight rearing up making Spike nearly fall off her back. He managed to avoid the fall and to avoid grabbing on too hard as he didn’t want to do to Twilight Sparkle’s sides what he’d done to that other Pony’s neck. Twilight Sparkle considered magic and her horn started to glow but this faded as she saw the arc fade and she realised it was too late to signal Rainbow Dash that way.

“Ooooh, I just hope they are still at Fluttershy’s!”

“I don’t understand,” Spike replied, keeping his seat as Twilight Sparkle went straight to a gallop rather than returning to a canter. “Why is everyone acting this way and as if it was normal? Except Joe and us?”

“I… might… know what caused it,” admitted Twilight Sparkle.

“You do?”

“And if it was connected to my magic then that would explain why I was not affected.”

“But what about me and Joe?” Spike asked, trying to match the rhythm of the gallop. “Why us and not everyone else?”

“I don’t know… unless… maybe it is everypony rather than everyone that has been affected? Which explains you and Joe and could explain why Rainbow was having such trouble as well, if the animals knew this was wrong and wanted Fluttershy back…”

“Or Fluttershy could just be that good?” Spike pointed out, remembering even Cerberus had succumbed for tummy loving.

“Or that.”

Twilight Sparkle’s hooves thundered on the bridge across the stream, drawing an indignant chittering at the noise from the hole beneath it, and she threw up more dust as she slowed suddenly again. Spike took the chance to hop off and open the door in what he thought was quite a cool looking dismount and his ‘big sister’ nodded to him as she entered. Things had sounded peaceful and inside they found that was not deceptive as to their mutual happiness Fluttershy took care of the animals. For a moment Twilight Sparkle allowed herself some hope, but then she saw her friend’s Cutie Mark was still balloons.

“Joe, Applejack?” Twilight Sparkle asked tersely.

“They left not long ago with Rainbow…” began Fluttershy.

“Did you glow?”

“Yes…” began Fluttershy again, but Twilight Sparkle was already turning and, snagging Spike in some magic, away out the door again. “Erm, goodbye,” Fluttershy shrugged as she went and closed that behind the vanishing pair.

Galloping back down the short slope and across the bridge, to more indignant chittering, Twilight Sparkle took a chance. They’d not seen them on the road to and from Ponyville and if Joe was taking Ponies back to where he thought they should be then it would make sense that they’d have turned towards Sweet Apple Acres. To her relief as Spike bounced on her back she could see them not too far ahead.

“Joe! Applejack!”

==

“You know,” Joe said, making conversation on the walk and wondering if they should be jogging, “was only when I saw Dash fly away like that I realised there was another similarity with that mythology.”

“How so?” asked Applejack, trying to take an interest.

“The Gods of which Thor was a member had various ways to travel, but their most unique one was the Bifrost… the Rainbow Bridge.”

“Funny coincidence,” nodded Applejack, still trying.

“I know, I know,” Joe smiled, “I’ve gone from not saying much about anything to talking too much. I’ll just say that your family seems to grow better apples than the Golden Apples of Idun.”

“Golden Apples?” asked Applejack, feeling a twinge of interest.

“Unlike most Gods these weren’t immortal, unless they ate that fruit from the tree the Goddess Idun tended. Which caused trouble when Loki stole…”

“Loki?” Applejack interrupted. “As in Okie-dokie-loki?”

“I… don’t know, depends how any of that is spelt, but Loki, with an ‘i’, was the God of Mischief so…” Joe shook his head. “Never mind, he was far crueller than Pinkie Pie so a bad comparison, and one problem at a time.”

“Ah think that sounds a fine idea,” Applejack said, glad that Joe was going to shut up and focus.

As she looked back down the road she didn’t notice the slight betraying twitch, which was a relief to Joe as he didn’t want to explain his thought. But it had occurred to him that not only had Loki not had the same problem as he did with finding a horse ‘compatible’ but as it had been a stallion that Loki was distracting he’d not even had a problem with being a Mare. Saying how those Gods had cheated a Giant by preventing him from meeting what they’d thought an impossible deadline was embarrassing. Saying they had done that by having Loki shapeshift and enflame the Giant’s stallion was more so. Saying how Loki had then demonstrated what a thorough job he’d done was too much.

There was a flash of magic and suddenly there was a purple unicorn with a equally purple, but marginally shinier, Dragon sitting on her ahead of them. Joe blinked a few times from the flash and the surprise of having his thoughts interrupted so dramatically, and Applejack recovered faster since she’d seen this before and hadn’t been thinking of eight-legged foals.

“Whoa! Startled us there Twilight,” Applejack commented.

“Yep,” nodded Joe, moving his hand away from the hilt of his knife and leaning to one side to check. “Glad to see you have the right Cutie Mark, though we thought we had accounted for them all…”

Joe’s voice trailed off at the glare Twilight Sparkle was giving him and continued to give him as Spike hopped down from her back. It took a slight effort to not let his hand go back to his knife again and that was partially possible by reminding himself how little good it would do him if she really was that angry that he’d need to defend himself in that manner.

Deciding Joe was sufficiently intimidated for now Twilight Sparkle looked instead to her friend. “Applejack, have you glowed yet?”

“Not yet, we’re still on…”

“Good,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Joe another glare for good measure. “I might be able to cure you, despite Joe’s efforts.”

“Say again?” asked Applejack.

“Glowing suggests powerful magic is being released,” Twilight Sparkle explained, “which I might have been able to channel into a better cure. One that would mean Pinkie Pie and Rarity and Fluttershy wouldn’t still have each other’s Cutie Marks!”

“Crap,” said Joe. “I’d realised from what Rarity said that you were probably unaffected, but I thought I could help out straighten things out a little…”

“Well you thought wrong! This is powerful magic and your blundering…”

“Steady on there Twi, we were looking for you as well as ‘blund…”

There was a zoom and a trail of dust as Rainbow Dash descended and streaked in low above the road, spreading and angling her wings to slow and happy as her hooves came down just as both her altitude and speed dropped to zero. The disadvantage was the cloud of dust continuing a little ahead of her and that hiding how neat the touchdown was though. Still, next time she’d try a different angle or do it over grass so they could see how light hoofed she had been.

“That was awesome!” Rainbow Dash declared, ignoring how unimpressed Twilight Sparkle looked. “You should have seen me clear those clouds…”

Joe appeared in imminent danger of being kissed in her joy, but then so did she as their eyes met. As much as a happy triumphant person could be inclined to kiss in the moment so could that happiness make them look more kissable and Joe did seem tempted after having been so concerned and now so shocked. It had been an effort to stick to trying to help the others rather than go straight to Fluttershy’s cottage, and now he’d found that spending his time trying to look after the animals with Rainbow Dash would have been time better spent.

“Rainbow!” snapped Twilight Sparkle, breaking the moment. “Did you glow?”

“Oh yeah! I must have looked like a rainbow meteor,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, looking to her friend rather than Joe, “do you think you could make me glow for my next display, it wou…”

“Gaaaah!”

Rainbow Dash blinked and looked back to the others. “What’s her problem?”

“She’s just explained she could have used the magic that glow released to better cure you,” Joe replied, rather gloomily.

“Or maybe used that moment of realisation,” amplified Twilight Sparkle, “built on that sudden feeling that that was what you were meant to be doing…”

“Looked like powerful feelings,” Applejack agreed.

“It was such a rush!” nodded Rainbow Dash.

“At least there is still a chance for Applejack,” Twilight Sparkle muttered, fixing her with her eyes. “Applejack, this is important. Do not try to do chores at Sweet Apple Acres, we can’t risk you glowing until I have managed to do some research.”

“Well, Joe got Pinkie the few hours off,” nodded Applejack, “so ah can wait a while and ah’m sure mah family would understand if I waited longer, but ah do owe them an explanation so ah do want to go there now.”

Twilight Sparkle then gave Joe the best, or worst, example of ‘stink eye’ he’d suffered since his arrival in Equestria, exceeding even her own previous effort after the visit to the Diamond Dogs. “Joe, you are coming with me,” she ordered. “I don’t know what you were thinking…”

“He was thinking that he’d get Ponies back where they belonged,” Applejack interrupted, “while we were checking those places to try ta find you. After they saw Pinkie glow they checked th’ library before they came to th’ Carousel Boutique and…”

“It’s alright Applejack,” said Joe, interrupting the interruption, “I’ve made a mess of things.” He gave Rainbow Dash a sad smile. “I should have done what I was tempted to do when I saw whose Cutie Mark Rarity was wearing and just come straight to help you with the animals.”

“If Pinkie Pie was already with you,” Rainbow Dash reassured him, “and you’d already got her that far from Sweet Apple Acres you couldn’t have just abandoned her.”

“Maybe not,” conceded Twilight Sparkle, “but he should have just tried to find me, not taken Ponies anywhere, once he’d seen Pinkie glow. So he is coming with me now so I know what he’s doing and so he can help Spike carry books.”

“Of course,” Joe nodded, to her and to Spike.

“If it’s okay with you guys I think I’ll head back to Fluttershy,” said Rainbow Dash, accepting that Joe had accepted his fate, “weather is my thing I know, but it feels like I should help her. And clean up the rest of the mess the animals made while I was making a mess of looking after them.”

“As long as you remember weather is your thing and you are only helping her,” Twilight Sparkle warned.

“Sure,” nodded Rainbow Dash, exchanging one last glance with Joe before she took off and flew away, at moderate speed for her and so in a few eye blinks rather than only one.

“Ah’ll see you later,” said Applejack, also nodding. “Good luck with your thinking.”

Applejack trotted off and after watching her for a moment Twilight Sparkle turned back towards Ponyville with a sigh. “Come on Joe.”

==

Fluttershy was making the rounds of the animals she kept outside and the more of them she saw the happier she was. It had seemed natural to be entertaining at Sugarcube Corner, despite how scared facing all those ponies made her feel, but this felt better and she kept on remembering things. If her destiny had been elsewhere then why would the Cutie Mark Crusaders have spent the night here, and in the Everfree when they went after her escaped chicken? If looking after animals was Rainbow Dash’s destiny rather than hers then why would it have been Rainbow Dash who’d come to her when she wanted a pet? There had been too many Ponies, and Joe, who had visited her here for this to not be her home and her vocation.

There was a distinctive swoosh of wind through wing feathers and her oldest friend rejoined her. They’d met at flight school and Fluttershy was very glad that she and Rainbow Dash had both ended up in Ponyville where they could remain close friends and make such wonderful new ones. Though today she had begun considering wasting that incredible good fortune.

“Hello Fluttershy.”

“Rainbow, welcome back,” Fluttershy replied, a look of concern coming to her face. “Did something go wrong? Something more I mean…”

“Clearing the weather went well, but when I got back to Joe and AJ I found Twilight was just telling them how she could have cured us, if not for Joe.”

“If not for Joe?” Fluttershy repeated.

“She could have used that glow somehow.”

“Oh my,” Fluttershy said, moving on towards the next group of ‘little friends’.

“So now Joe is feeling guilty,” nodded Rainbow Dash, giving a few flaps for height and then gliding past her friend.

“Well,” Fluttershy mused, scattering a few treats, “if he did make a mistake then perhaps he should feel guilty…”

“I think he was also feeling guilty he’d let me struggle here,” sighed Rainbow Dash, “so finding he’d have avoided the mistake by doing what he wanted…”

“Hmm. Well he was trying to help us, and I don’t know how much more I could have stood. I’d even considered flying away to a new town.”

“You, flying away to a…” Rainbow Dash began.

“I was going to buy a balloon ticket,” admitted Fluttershy, finishing with the treats here and moving on, to the vocal disappointment of some beasties.

“Oh. Er… no offense?” Fluttershy just smiled back until Rainbow Dash continued. “I wasn’t feeling that bad, but… I know Twi wanted to get on and check on everyone, but she’s so organised it felt like she could have helped…”

“And no offence, in return Rainbow, but organising you could have taken a very long time.”

“Long enough Joe and the others might have caught up?” Rainbow Dash smiled.

“Maybe,” smiled Fluttershy back, “though would already have been too late for Pinkie Pie and Rarity.”

“Still, I’m not sure what to do about Joe,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “AJ defended him to Twi, and it feels like I should have been the one to jump in, but…”

“But she thinks of him like a brother, and she’s used to talking for Big Macintosh,” suggested Fluttershy, “while you think he is a… well, however you want to describe him… but able to defend himself?”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Anyway, even if I’m not sure about Joe I am sure that I need to help clean up the mess and help you.”

“I could do with some help,” Fluttershy smiled, starting to scatter more treats, “since somepony was having a hard time, but the company will be even nicer.”

==

The walk back into town had been uncomfortable. Joe had been brooding on his actions and his guilt and so had Twilight Sparkle. A few times Spike had tried to get a conversation going and they’d made an effort to oblige him but those had soon run down as their thoughts returned to the problem and what extra problems Joe had caused. That they’d both had the same thought about it being only Ponies affected had been interesting and Twilight Sparkle had reluctantly accepted that checking the Golden Oaks Library twice, before and after going to the Carousel Boutique, and hoping to see her at Fluttershy’s had been some effort, even if nowhere near enough.

Rainbow Dash having cleared the weather had brought a few more Ponies onto the streets so Twilight Sparkle found a good spot, remembering times like the snoring Dragon or when she’d been visited by herself from the future that she’d needed to make an announcement. At least what she was about to say was more plausible than the latter.

“Your attention please!” Twilight Sparkle called, making her voice carry. Spike and Joe stopping and standing to either side and behind her as she waited for the Ponies to pay attention. “As you will have noticed from the clear skies and which Pony was responsible today has been a strange one. My fellow Holders of the Elements of Harmony have had their Cutie Marks swapped. Despite what you might remember those they have now are not the right ones. Despite what your wrong memories might be they are now doing the right jobs rather than the wrong ones their wrong Cutie Marks suggest…”

“What makes you think our memories are wrong?” one Pony called.

“The Cakes thought Fluttershy worked for them and lived there,” Twilight Sparkle replied, “and the same was true with the Apples and Pinkie Pie.”

“That wasn’t actually what I meant…” the Pony muttered, he knew what he remembered and he knew that was right.

“Also,” Joe called, drawing on the practice of having to talk to tour parties or audiences at the castle demonstrations, “there were complaints to Rarity and quite a few dirty looks directed her way about the inclement weather, rather than anypony being puzzled why she was attempting to control it… ow!”

That last came as Spike hopped up onto Twilight Sparkle’s back and then from her up onto Joe’s head for a better vantage point to address the crowd from. An interesting expression came to Joe’s face as the Dragon balanced. “And even if you did think it was her job,” Spike said, sounding annoyed and jabbing one handpaw at them, “you could have offered to help… so if you didn’t think it was her job and you still didn’t offer to help then that makes you a bunch of…”

“Spike!” snapped Twilight Sparkle, wondering from his tone what exactly he was going to call them.

“Sorry Twilight,” Spike replied, reversing his route and hopping down.

“I hope to find a way to correct their Cutie Marks,” concluded Twilight Sparkle, “and the memories of us all so we, and they, can better accept they are doing the right jobs. Thank you all for your time.”

The Ponies nodded and murmured and began gossiping and the trio began walking again. As they did Joe ran his fingers over his head and then looked at them with a wince.

“Ouch, please don’t do that unless I am wearing a hat, Spike.”

“Why?” Joe showed him the blood on the fingertips. “Oh! I’m sorry Joe…”

“Ah, don’t worry, a lot of blood vessels in the skin over the human skull, so even scratches bleed a lot. Which these are.”

“I am still sorry.”

“No problem,” Joe nodded, “though I’d better give them a bit of a wash as those are the claws you walk on.”

They continued on to the Golden Oaks Library with Joe having to resist the temptation to keep rubbing at his head. It would be undignified and would upset Spike so he wanted to avoid it. He was also glad his hair was black so any blood would not show up as much and that it was not raining as though he wanted to wash any blood out of his hair he wanted to do that in private. At the library Spike and Twilight Sparkle began collecting books together while Joe excused himself for the ablutions. To his relief a thorough rinse did not produce much red, but enough that he mopped his hair dry with the cloth from his pocket rather than dirty one of their towels.

As Joe returned Twilight Sparkle turned to him from a case she had been looking into. The glare had returned.

“Look!”

“Are those the Elements of Harmony?” Joe asked in interest. He’d been in the library a few times but had always been chatting or studying or working rather than wandering and looking into things. The tiara had been eye catching but although he’d noticed the case and that there was jewellery inside he’d not asked and they’d not shown him before.

“Yes!” said Twilight Sparkle, visibly wondering what else Joe would think they were. “And they’ve changed.”

“That is some powerful magic,” Joe nodded. “Changed how?”

Twilight Sparkle gave Joe a withering look at his lack of attention to detail, one he’d have been insulted by if this wasn’t the first time he’d seen them. “Their colours are different, they used to correspond to their true bearers.”

“But those colours changed to where the Cutie Marks ended up?” Joe asked.

“Which shows the link, and that I might have been able to change them back as well as my friends! Or with that link between the Elements and my friends that might have been how I could changed them both, if the magic had not been wasted.”

Joe paused and looked at Twilight Sparkle. “I am willing to accept a lot of blame,” he said, trying to remain calm, “and I have accepted that I am worthy of that blame as I could have investigated more before acting. Just as my actions in Canterlot were also judged too hasty, so I should have learned from that. But please accept that my motives were good, even if that proves the proverb about the bad places good intentions can take you.”

Spike rested one handpaw on Twilight Sparkle and when, after a moment more glaring at Joe, she looked at him she seemed to read something in his eyes. She nodded slightly and after one last look at Joe she slumped down to sit and look at the floor. Despite how angry she’d been to him Joe still felt instantly sorry for her and took an automatic half step towards her as Spike patted her on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Joe,” said Twilight Sparkle to the floor.

“No need to apologise.”

“No, there is,” Twilight Sparkle contradicted him, looking up to meet his eyes. “I am taking out my guilt on you.”

“Guilt? What do you have to feel guilty about?… oh!” Joe stopped. “You think this was an attack?”

“Attack?” frowned Twilight Sparkle.

“Alter the Elements and their bearers so they can’t be used…” Joe started to say, fading as he saw her expression. “I have the wrong idea again don’t I?”

Twilight Sparkle gave him a sad smile. “Yes. There was no attack.”

“Sorry,” Joe said, wondering what it said about him and what impression it gave of humans that he’d suggest that. “It just seemed that such powerful magic would be rare enough to need some drastic motive, and your guilt might have been for not blocking it.”

“No, my guilt was for casting it.”

“Pardon?” Joe blinked.

“I was hoping there was another explanation,” Twilight Sparkle sighed, “but last night while Spike was taking a bubble bath I got a delivery from Princess Celestia. It was the spellbook of Starswirl the Bearded…”

“Sounds familiar,” said Joe when she paused and looked at him, “I think there was a library wing named after him, or there’s one with a similar name I got told was private and to stay clear of.”

“There is a library wing and it is limited access,” Twilight Sparkle confirmed as she stood and walked to a table, her horn starting to glow as she spoke. “He was the greatest Unicorn wizard ever, and his spellbook had his last and unfinished spell. Princess Celestia’s letter said she thought I might be able to complete this spell so I read it. And I was baffled so I tried casting it.”

Joe moved across and he and Spike looked the book on the table and where it had been opened to. After a moment or several of trying to get the rhythm of the words, as it felt to him that a spell should be part poetry rather than prose, Joe nodded. “That is quite cryptic, but I think I can see how it might apply to Cutie Marks with the talk of signs of destiny.” He sighed. “So you made a mistake and I made it worse, like… I wonder.”

“Wonder what?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“No,” said Joe, shaking his head. “I was going to suggest casting the spell again but that would probably make things worse.”

“I don’t see how that would improve things.”

“I was going to say it was like you’d broken a bone and I’d set it wrong, which led to the thought that the solution there was to break the bone again and set it again it so it would heal right.”

“Except in this case,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, “the spell is too random, so it might break a different bone or break it in a different place.”

“What about the spell you used when Discord affected their memories?” asked Spike.

“That won’t work either,” Twilight Sparkle said, closing the spellbook, “it is not their memories but their true selves that are affected.”

“Are you sure?” asked Joe, tilting his head. “They still seem to have the same talents and personalities, though Pinkie was a little snarkier, ‘just’ to be misremembering what their jobs are.”

“It goes deeper than that, Joe. Trust me.”

“Okay,” Joe nodded, “though that might rule out another solution.” Twilight Sparkle and Spike looked at him. “If the spell to reverse Discord’s influence won’t work then it’s less likely that he could influence them back to normal.”

“Why would he do that?” asked Spike, sounding baffled at the idea of asking Discord to help.

“He did seem genuinely fond of Fluttershy when I met him that one time…”

“Discord is out,” Twilight Sparkle interrupted, “this is my fault and I have to solve it.”

“And it is my fault that you might have more trouble solving it,” added Joe, “so I do owe you and them whatever help I can give.”

“And,” Spike said, “remember the Crystal Heart and…”

“I do remember, and the trouble we had because I thought I had to solve that problem alone,” replied Twilight Sparkle. “I also remember Applejack trying to harvest an entire bumper crop of apples and the problems her sleep-deprivation caused. So if I need help I shall accept it, and I shall ask Zecora and Princess Celestia for advice. It is still my responsibility though.”

Joe and Spike looked to each other and exchanged nods, silently agreeing that her number one assistant and temporary occasional number three would do their best to help her. Spike bore less guilt than Joe, but that was more than made up in the deep love he bore Twilight Sparkle so they were both well motivated.

“The first thing we need to do,” continued Twilight Sparkle, “is try her element on Applejack and see if I can use that to channel the magic and cure her.” She sighed. “But the first thing I need to do is apologise to my friends for the heartache I have caused them.”

“And I should apologise to them for making things worse,” Joe added.

“Cheer up Joe,” said Spike reassuringly, “maybe you haven’t made things worse.”

Joe gave him a smile and a sad chuckle. “In some ways I hope I have as that would be proved by Applejack being cured.”

“Keep looking for related books Spike,” Twilight Sparkle said, crossing to the case, “we’ll be back soon.”

“You can count on me,” nodded Spike as his ‘big sister’ retrieved the Element of Honesty and her own Element of Magic and floated them to Joe.

With Joe carrying the unique and special jewellery they hurried to the Carousel Boutique where they found a few Ponies loitering and gossiping as they watched Rarity work. It seemed they had wanted to witness how much more skilled she was at this than with the weather for themselves, and were very glad of the chance to witness Twilight Sparkle and then Joe explaining and apologising, and these being graciously accepted. A few Ponies left to spread the word and Joe couldn’t help but sigh as he saw this.

“Joe?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Living quietly, then an event and possible gossip in Canterlot,” Joe explained, “but that was in Canterlot, so fine. But now gossip here…” He managed to give her a smile. “Which only adds a little to your legend, but affects me a little more.”

“Not as much as you think,” said Twilight Sparkle, managing a small smile in return. “Before they quietened down the Cutie Mark Crusaders were doing their best to spread stories about you, then you wandered through Ponyville in that suit and in that company, and I expect the parents of every filly and colt in Cheerilee’s class have heard all about your talk.”

“Probably not the last, they seemed pretty bored aside from Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. Diamond Tiara asked a few questions to try to expose flaws in what I was saying, but then she lost interest as well.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded as they approached Sugarcube Corner. She wasn’t going to argue but even if they’d been as bored as Joe had suggested the fillies and colts would still have mentioned the strange looking human and his boring talk rather than him and his interesting one. So it seemed it was too late for Joe to avoid gossip, even if he might be luckier than she was when she’d had to levitate an Ursa Minor out of the middle of town after not even wanting to ‘show off’ at a magic show.

Inside the shop they were both concerned when rather than finding Pinkie Pie they found only Mr and Mrs Cake and the couple told them that Pinkie Pie had left to return to Sweet Apple Acres and had taken Gummy with her. As Joe ran and Twilight Sparkle cantered he commented that as Pinkie Pie had been the first one to glow she hadn’t see it happen to the others and Twilight Sparkle reassured him that Pinkie Pie had still seemed convinced. But then Rainbow Dash had also seemed convinced and had still wanted to return to help Fluttershy, the difference was that Twilight Sparkle had been able to warn her to remember her true job. As the pair approached Sweet Apple Acres they saw Pinkie Pie and Applejack chatting outside.

“Pinkie!” Twilight Sparkle demanded. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hi Twilight! Joe,” replied Pinkie Pie, bouncing over in a reassuringly normal way to where Twilight was standing and Joe was leaning forward and taking deep breaths. Joe took the hand off his knee to wave vaguely in greeting as Pinkie Pie continued. “Mr and Mrs Cake were nice about it and I know that is my room there but I just felt like I’d be more comfortable sleeping here.”

“And ah have a feeling like ah should sleep at the Carousel Boutique,” Applejack added, walking over, “but as this is where ah grew up ah feel comfortable enough here and am willing to share mah room with Pinkie.”

“As long as you do remember it is your room,” cautioned Twilight Sparkle, “which hopefully will be easier soon.”

“Ooooh!” Pinkie Pie squealed in enthusiasm. “Applejack mentioned you might be able to cure her when she glowed!”

“First though, I am sorry girls,” continued Twilight Sparkle. “I think the spell that swapped your Cutie Marks and caused all this trouble was one Princess Celestia asked me to try to complete, which I tried casting to see what it did, and which I think we found out did this.” There was a few seconds silence and as it was so quiet they could hear Joe’s breathing had returned to normal, so he didn’t have that excuse. Twilight decided to prompt him. “Joe… your turn.”

Twilight Sparkle turned to where Joe had straightened up, he was still looking a little flushed but he was also looking worried and at Applejack. “I’m…erm… you both have my apologies for how I may have hampered Twilight in curing you properly…” he said, with more hesitation than embarrassment or the diminished effects of the run would account for, “but… oh no, can you move into the shadow of the barn, please, Applejack?”

“Sure thing sugar-cube,” smiled Applejack, trotting across to the long patch of darkness the low sun was casting.

“Oooh, pretty,” Pinkie Pie breathed as she saw the aura around Applejack become visible as she entered that.

“I told you to not do any chores here!” almost wailed Twilight Sparkle.

“And ah haven’t,” Applejack nodded, “ah’ve just been settled and talking to mah brother and granny and baby sister.”

“And feeling this is where you belong,” suggested Joe, “and this is what you are meant to do, but in a comfortable slow way rather than suddenly.”

“Ah suppose so.”

“There might still be a chance,” Twilight Sparkle said, sounding slightly desperate.

“So ah can finally get ta work?” asked Applejack, fixing on what seemed important to her.

“Please,” Joe nodded.

“Let me help! Let me help!…” cried Pinkie Pie, stopping and giggling as she noticed the looks Joe and Twilight Sparkle were giving her. “And I wouldn’t be so happy about helping if I thought they were my chores rather than being happy to help a friend would I, sillies?”

“I suppose not,” Joe admitted, “your mane and tail are still nice and poofy.”

“Thanks!”

The quartet walked to the nearest orchard where Applejack neatly arranged a tub, turned, and with one precise hoof strike filled the tub with apples. Joe watched as she repeated the process a few more times and tried, once more, to figure out the mechanics. Leaving aside that it felt like you risked bruising the apples with the drop there was that all the apples fell into the tub rather than all around the tree. With a shrug Joe decided, once more, it was magic. After several trees had been cleared Applejack shook her head and mane in satisfaction.

“Hwhoooooo-wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! A lot more mah style than dressmaking!”

“And you have glowed a little brighter,” Joe nodded as he squinted at her.

“This isn’t working,” sighed Twilight Sparkle, “I can barely see the glow and from what I heard it should be obvious.”

“Dash wasn’t wrong when she suggested she might have looked like a rainbow meteor,” Joe nodded again.

“Ah’m not sure realising things suddenly is what ah’d do here,” commented Applejack. “We swapped our Cutie Mark stories, all connected to Rainbow Dash’s first Sonic Rainboom as they were…”

“They were?” Joe asked.

“Tell you another time, if you are interested. Or she can.”

“Sure.”

“And ah got mah Cutie Mark when ah returned home, but only when ah actually arrived,” Applejack continued. “Ah’d thought ah wanted to go live with Uncle and Aunt Orange in Manehatten but ah’d been feeling homesick and ah realised how much ah wanted to go home and back to what ah had been doing since I was an even littler filly. But ah didn’t get mah Cutie Mark there and then, ah only got it after ah’d slept the night and had the whole trip back to accept going to Manehatten had been a mistake and this was where ah was meant to be.”

“That makes a worrying amount of sense,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, “the rest of us it was more sudden…”

“I saw the Sonic Rainboom and it was so colourful it made me so happy I wanted everypony to share that smile!” Pinkie Pie interrupted. “So I organised a party for my family and when they smiled I got my Cutie Mark!”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “And that was within a few hours. Myself I was about to fail my entrance exam, when I got startled by the boom…”

“The way she told it was like a bottle of ketchup,” Applejack interrupted with a grin, “her magic wasn’t flowing, but with that whack it sort of went everywhere.”

“Thank you Applejack.”

“Mah pleasure.”

“But I was going to say that it was only a few minutes later, when Princess Celestia had helped me regain control of that magic…”

“Cleaned up the ketchup,” Applejack whispered to Pinkie Pie, who giggled back.

“And told me she wanted me as her student,” said Twilight Sparkle, trying to ignore this, “that I found I had my Cutie Mark.”

“Is there a different chore that might get more reaction, Applejack?” Joe asked. “That you feel is more you?”

“Nope. Big Macintosh does do some applebucking, but ah’m better at it, don’t have ta be so careful ta not knock th’ tree to splinters, so ah do more of it and he does more of the rest.”

“And you remember enough to know that,” sighed Twilight Sparkle. “But, let’s see if we can do anything.”

Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed purple and she floated the Tiara of the Element of Magic from the crook of Joe’s arm and onto her head. Then as she began to float the necklace across towards Applejack a puzzled expression came to Pinkie Pie’s face.

“Isn’t that mine?” Pinkie Pie asked as the necklace clasp clicked together, then she nodded. “Oh wait…”

“As you said,” nodded Joe back, “when remembering how you got your Cutie Mark, you wanted every Pony to smile so you are the Element of Laughter. The Balloon.”

“And since Applejack was honest with herself she’s the Element of Honesty,” Twilight Sparkle added. “Which as it’s her is an Apple.”

“Hmm,” mused Joe, “sounds like if I’d asked them how they got their Cutie Marks that would have been convincing…”

“Or they’d have been confused and your efforts at least cleared their minds this much,” Twilight Sparkle suggested. “Now quiet, I need to concentrate.”

Magic built around tiara and horn and then surged across into Applejack, her aura becoming visible even in the sunshine and glowing even brighter in unison with Twilight Sparkle’s horn as she put even more effort into this. The colour of the Element of Honesty flickered and pulsed back and forth between how it was and how it should be but every time it looked as if it had stabilised on the latter it reverted again. Eventually Twilight Sparkle had to give up as her magic began to fade and the periods of correctness became fewer and shorter and further apart.

“Ah do feel a little better,” Applejack tried to reassure her as she slumped, her horn glow fading. “Ah still want to sew but not as much.”

“I’m sorry that you don’t feel entirely better,” sighed Joe, “despite Twilight’s very impressive efforts.”

“Don’t you fret none, either of you,” Applejack smiled, “Granny Smith will be pleased ah’m interested in sewing now and to teach me, which if ah’d thought about it the fact ah don’t remember her teaching me much would have tipped me off.”

Twilight Sparkle’s horn briefly glowed again to float the Element of Honesty from around Applejack’s neck and back to Joe. “Did it have any other effect?”

“Ah think ah remember something more now,” Applejack nodded slowly. “How everything seemed perfectly normal even as it changed. Seemed normal when ah woke up here that this was where ah’d slept, but then normal that ah’d have to walk into Ponyville, and by the time ah arrived it seemed normal that ah actually lived at the Carousel Boutique rather than where ah’d woken up, feeling normal, less than an hour before.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded back to this, horn again glowing briefly to float the tiara of the Element of Magic from her to Joe. He settled this back in the crook of his arm as she spoke. “We’d better go see Fluttershy to make our apologies now.”

“Come back any time,” Applejack reassured them, again, before adding, “especially you Joe as we do have today’s chores to catch up on.”

Joe winced at that reminder. “And I’d been concerned we already had enough chores to catch up on that seeing Pinkie I’d first wondered if you’d decided we needed the extra help…”

“What did you second wonder?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Why you’d had your mane and tail straightened,” replied Joe, continuing before she could ask the follow up question. “Then I next wondered about the Cutie Mark… which, as that was the third thing to wonder, at least shows I don’t go around staring at lady’s rears, even if Rarity accused me of such…” Pinkie Pie giggled in memory as Joe looked to Applejack. “Tomorrow is my delayed visit to Zecora, but I might manage to get here that day as well.”

“Hope to see you,” Applejack nodded.

The pairs parted, Applejack asking Pinkie Pie to carry some of the full tubs back to the store while she continued with the orchard and Twilight Sparkle leading Joe away from Sweet Apple Acres and her relative failure. They were both silent for a few minutes as they walked before Joe shook his head with a sigh.

“I’m glad Applejack is a little better, but if she’d not been then at least it wouldn’t have confirmed I’d made things worse.”

“Would that have been any consolation?” Twilight Sparkle asked, a little snippily as that comment seemed self-centred.

“No,” replied Joe, glancing at her, “I far rather that she’s better and you’re right.”

“Sorry Joe, that was…”

“I know. Hopefully the improvement in Applejack will help give a clue for a cure.”

Neither felt much like more conversation so they fell back into silence for the rest of the walk. As they’d half expected when they reached Fluttershy’s cottage they found Rainbow Dash was still there and had made the round trip to fetch Tank. Her reasons were the same as Pinkie Pie’s, except more so as she lived alone and they agreed that friends around you were important when you were not feeling yourself. Twilight Sparkle and Joe made their apologies, with Joe adding to his a large hug for Rainbow Dash when she made the ‘mistake’ of hovering too close to him to look at him in concern.

“It’s okay Joe,” whispered Rainbow Dash as she nuzzled his neck a little. “Twi will find a cure…”

“She has found a cure,” Joe whispered back, “just not one that will work, thanks to me.”

“She’ll find another! And we might have to wait, thanks to you, but we know what we are doing, also thanks to you, so we can wait.”

Joe reluctantly nodded to this, he’d been focussed on what he’d prevented rather than what he’d accomplished. The two factors were still far from cancelling out but if the cure had been less simple or less affected by his actions then at least he’d have made the wait more tolerable, and he still had. As his arms relaxed Rainbow Dash got the message and accepted that this time it was Joe’s turn to end the hug that way rather than hers by starting to flap. Her wings unfurled and she hovered back a little again.

“So,” Joe said, changing the subject a little, “Applejack and Pinkie Pie mentioned how they got their true Cutie Marks…”

“Mine was awesome!” nodded Rainbow Dash. “As I said to you was when I did my first…” She stopped and looked down at her rear, then smiled. “When I did my first Sonic Rainboom, which doesn’t really fit with butterflies.”

“While mine was when Butterflies broke my fall,” Fluttershy smiled shyly, remembering. Then a twinkle came to her eye as she looked at her still hovering friend. “Rainbow had defended me at flight school and challenged the bullies to a race…”

“Was in that race I did the Sonic Rainboom,” nodded Rainbow Dash again.

“And was at the start of the race, when I waved the flag to start it, that she and the others knocked me off the cloud.”

“Yeah,” admitted Rainbow Dash, “there was that part.”

“If Butterflies broke your fall then it does sound like that,” Joe said, gesturing towards Rainbow Dash’s rump, “would better fit on you. I can’t really imagine Dash falling from the sky…” Rainbow Dash preened, metaphorically, at the praise and Joe winked to Fluttershy as he continued. “Or rather I can’t imagine her coming down so slowly that Butterflies would make any difference.”

“Hey!”

Chapter 39

As Joe and Twilight Sparkle approached Ponyville again evening was beginning to fade towards night and they realised what a long day this had been going back and forth between here and Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy’s cottage. They had saved enough time on the one trip to leave Joe puffed out for a minute or two of deep breathing, though he’d have denied he’d actually needed that. Rather that he’d not seen any reason to not do it and recover faster. He might even have admitted that had Rainbow Dash been there then machismo would have given him a reason to stay upright and try to appear entirely unaffected.

At the Golden Oaks Library they found a stack of books and others opened at various points around them on the table and a happy looking Spike. This unfortunately seemed more to do with the presence of Rarity than any progress with his research. Seeing them Rarity trotted over with an apologetic smile.

“I am sorry to impose Twilight, but could I possibly stay here tonight?

“Of course,” Twilight Sparkle replied, “not feeling at home at the Carousel Boutique?”

“How did you guess?” asked Rarity, looking demurely puzzled.

“Pinkie is staying at Sweet Apple Acres and Dash at Fluttershy’s,” Joe commented.

“I don’t blame them,” admitted Rarity. “I know that is my room there and it feels comfortable and as I would want it, but at the same time it feels like any moment Applejack might come in and ask me why I am in her home.”

“As opposed to me coming in and asking why you are here?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“There is a difference, darling. This is your home so you should ask that and I should only feel like a guest. It feels easier to accept spending a night as a guest genuinely than a night feeling like an intruder falsely.”

“Make yourself comfortable then,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “we might be having a late night with the reading.”

“I’ve tried to sort out the books on memories,” added Spike, “and Cutie Marks and compulsions.”

“Thank you Spike,” Twilight Sparkle smiled again.

“I wondered, what about Zecora’s cure for the Cutie Pox?”

“Cutie Pox?” Joe asked.

“Apple Bloom caught it and Cutie Marks began appearing all over her,” explained Spike, “and she had to do whatever talent they suggested.”

“And the cure cleared all those away? That could be…”

“No,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“But…”

“No,” Twilight Sparkle repeated. “I am sure you can make some analogy, but even if they are on the wrong rumps these are genuinely gained Cutie Marks.”

Joe nodded, not sure which computer analogy of resetting thing to default settings he’d have used, whether just turning it off and on again or completely reinstalling something. “So the cure wouldn’t remove them to allow the others to regain their true Cutie Marks?”

“It wouldn’t, and it would be a risk whether they’d get the right ones again.”

Rarity nodded from where she had lingered and was continuing to help Spike. “As you pointed out my talent is gems although my passion is dressmaking, not weather as I have to remind myself, so I might get a sewing machine or scissors or needle and thread or something.”

“Still a good thought though, Spike,” Joe said.

“It did make sense,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, floating a pen and quill to her to begin a new list, “now we have discounted…”

==

Princess Celestia sat in the evening dining room, the colours Her Sun was making as she lowered it and the promise of this special time of day not filling her with the same pleasure as normal. She was more interested in the contents of her cup than with looking out across Her Realm and her perceptions had returned to almost only the mortal senses of a Pony in her form. That was still enough though for her to hear the hooves on tiles and lift her eyes to look and smile to her sister as Princess Luna arrived.

“Thee seem concerned, my sister,” Princess Luna commented, serving herself her own drink. She paused and looked away as this cup, enswirled in nighttime sky, floated across and settled on the table. “And I can sense why.”

“I have felt four ripples,” sighed Princess Celestia, “and one fainter but longer one, but none of those spread further than the Pony creating them.”

“Hmm,” Princess Luna mused as she sat. “We both sensed the role of the Elements of Harmony…”

“Go on, my sister,” encouraged Princess Celestia as Princess Luna trailed off.

“Absent those and would these ‘ripples’ spread?”

“Perhaps not,” Princess Celestia nodded, “though the Elements have changed and Twilight would notice that and the connection.” Her sister nodded back to this, but Princess Celestia went on. “And with Spike to help her she would be sure to use them…”

“Wait,” interrupted Princess Luna, “what did thee say?”

“I said she’d be sure to use them.”

“No, thee said that she would have Spike to help her.”

“Of course,” Princess Celestia replied, sounding surprised that her sister seemed to have not realised that, “the change spread through the web of destiny and friendship all our Ponies share, that allows them such unity and common purpose, but Spike is a Dragon and not part of that, as worthy a friend as he is.”

“My sister,” said Princess Luna slowly, “thou hast been concerned, over-concerned I thought, with someone else who is also not a part of that web. Thee say that Spike is a Dragon, but thee could also say that he is not a Pony and…”

Princess Celestia interrupted with a horrified look. “And neither is Joe… this, no…” She shook her head. “He’d not be stupid enough to act without Twilight.”

“Perhaps, but that is what we both fear. And should he find a friend in distress would he not act? And since he, unlike Spike, lives separately from Twilight and has his own routine might he not find such friend while not in her company and seeing their distress not act at once rather than wait to seek her out?”

“He might,” Princess Celestia nodded, then she corrected herself. “No, he would. Lacking our or Twilight’s insight to magic he’d see only the superficial appearance, as he did the appearance of Changelings…”

“Be fair,” chided Princess Luna, “no Pony there suspected those were false either.”

“I’ll forgive him that much,” Princess Celestia replied, frowning back into her cup, “but will be hard to forgive this if what you suggest is true, my sister.”

==

Hours had passed with plenty of suggestions and ideas, but objections and problems with them all. Rarity had been a lot of help with her elegant penmanship and supplying of tea and coffee, as much as some would scorn ‘just’ being a secretary if the job wasn’t a useful one it would not exist, and with skimming through books that only seemed faintly related in case some phrase would catch her eye. There had been a few cases where though what Rarity found did not seem directly useful it did suggest a different way to apply some other knowledge.

Twilight Sparkle blinked at Joe and he blinked back, equally bleary eyed. Rarity had done a few sketches and retired and Twilight Sparkle had written a report on the day and the direction their research was taking for Spike to send before he also went to bed. With Owlowiscious’ help they’d continued working for a short while longer and it did seem that something was taking shape, or that they were tired enough to be deluding themselves that it was.

“Heath Robinson,” Joe muttered, looking at the notes and diagrams and formulae.

“What?” asked Twilight Sparkle, blinking a few more times for emphasis.

“Human artist,” Joe nodded sleepily, “drew really…” He paused to consider and nodded again. “Really really complex machines, all designed to do a simple task through lots and lots of stages. That does that does that does…”

“Understood,” interrupted Twilight Sparkle. “We can’t do things straight, so need to make something do something do something…”

“Hmm,” Joe nodded again. “Maybe should have said dominos, can’t knock down the end one, have to set up a chain.”

“Maybe,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, with an impressive yawn that showed the difference in dentition between her and Joe and between her and the horses and Ponies back on his world.

“I think we are too tired,” Joe said, mind wandering to if he should be ‘two tyre-d’ and get a bicycle made, “could miss something.”

“I think you are right,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, one nod almost turning into resting her chin on the table.

“Good night,” Joe replied, standing and trying to not wobble.

“Sleep here?”

“Comfier home.”

“Okay. Walk safe.”

“Thank you. Sleep well.”

“You too.”

That exchange of complicated sentences made Joe wandered off, hoping Twilight Sparkle would make it to bed but trusting Owlowiscious would chivvy her or go and get Spike if she didn’t. It was not a cold night but the slight breeze and the walking began to wake Joe up and give him his second, or third, wind as he made his way out of Ponyville and onto the path that led past his hut. The lights of the town faded behind him and as he continued on he thought his eyes were adjusting quite well, and then became puzzled as it seemed they were continuing to adjust. Then he realised it had actually got lighter and that somehow, without him noticing her arrival, Princess Celestia was walking alongside him.

“Either I am tired enough I could have been eaten by a beastie,” Joe commented, “or you are quite sneaky.”

“Or both, though I would prefer ‘subtle’.”

Deciding she really was here Joe managed to remember his manners. “I take it you have read Twilight’s report, Your Majesty?”

“Of course,” Princess Celestia replied, it had not been welcome to find her insight had been accurate but too late. “I know how the test I set for Twilight has gone wrong thanks to you and the damage you caused while searching for her.”

“You risked the happiness of her friends to test her?” blinked Joe.

“She is important enough I would risk their lives to test her. I risked the entire Crystal Empire to test her and they all could have been killed or, like the Crystal Ponies, enslaved. I love my little Ponies but the wellbeing of them all is more important than individuals.”

“As long as the herd survives,” Joe nodded tersely.

Princess Celestia frowned at him and some anger was apparent in her next words. “Do not compare us with the unthinking beasts of your world.”

“I did not mean to cause offence, Your Majesty,” Joe replied, wondering if that was true as he could have phrased that differently. “Bear in mind that humans have studied other apes and monkeys to see what their behaviour can tell us about ourselves.”

“That your people compare yourselves to those,” said Princess Celestia, not sounding mollified, “does not give you the right to compare us to other things.”

“I said I did not mean to cause offence, and if I were drawing comparisons there are many favourable ones.”

“Your manners seem lacking tonight.”

“You just told me you are willing to risk the lives of Ponies I consider friends,” Joe pointed out, “and that today has been as it was because a test you set went wrong. I’m trying to remember that it went wrong because of me and trying to respect that you have to take the broader or longer view, though I could have put that more politely, but the thought does occur that Twilight would not have expected you to send her anything dangerous without warning.”

“Do not presume to judge me,” snapped Princess Celestia, the anger in her voice no longer merely ‘some’ as that thought had occurred to her, several times. “I have shown mercy in allowing you to remain in Equestria, let alone in Ponyville where you might affect plans decades or centuries in the making.”

“That was merciful,” Joe admitted, “and better than a story I recall. There everything was being predicted and analysed, but a human from their past was accidentally brought into that future. And that he was so different made him an unknown variable, one to be ‘removed’ so things could be predicted again.”

“Oh, don’t give Celly too much credit,” a voice from the darkness sneered. “She has considered removing you by making you into statuary, like she did me.”

Discord stepped out into the combined light of Princess Celestia and the Moon and Joe nodded to him. “Which might still be better than turning me into ash.”

“Better for you,” Discord commented, joining them in their walk. “I could have reformed myself from ash… and no, despite the fang I am not a vampire.”

“More like a Chinese Water Deer,” nodded Joe, deciding if he’d annoyed one Deity he might as well spread the annoyance to a second.

“Why are you here, Discord?” Princess Celestia demanded.

“Because we both now know what the chaos I sought was,” Discord paused. “Actually, well done me. I had the instinct that bringing Joe here would cause trouble, but I’d not known what that trouble would be and now I am quite impressed with myself.”

“You are reformed, remember?” commented Joe.

“Which Celestia should be both glad and concerned by,” Discord nodded, giving her a dangerous look, “and she should consider if blaming someone other than herself is the example she wants to give me.”

“I don’t understand,” admitted Joe.

“Neither did I or Celestia,” Discord replied, looking at him. “You have been quite amusing the last fortnight, not because you have done anything interestingly chaotic but simply because as today approached Celestia was giving you more and more thought despite that.” He looked back at the Alicorn. “And there is still some amusement in that, in how concerned you were about the differences between humans and ponies but it was when Joe acted like one of your precious Ponies, seeking nothing more than to help his friends be happy, that was when he made the most trouble.” Discord stopped to give a nasty chuckle and went on even more derisively. “Even last night in your little chit-chat with Luna you only considered how Joe was different and if that would spoil your plans, but then it took her to point out he was different, like little Spikey-Wikey, and might have been unaffected.”

“Do not mock me chaos-spawn” warned Princess Celestia, her anger increasing but now, to his relief, not directed solely at Joe.

“Why not?” Discord shrugged disdainfully. “What hold do you have over me now?”

Princess Celestia’s eyes widened fractionally. “The Elements…”

Joe’s eyes had also widened as he realised that maybe it had been an attack as he’d suggested, but he’d been the unwitting weapon rather than the spell.

“Now she understands,” Discord continued to Joe, his audience. “She risks corrupting the holders of those, my minor influence prevents that from being reversed, and I am free of the threat of those returning me to stone.” Discord sighed. “But a triumph I no longer wished and do regret.” He looked back at Princess Celestia. “Which is why you should be both glad and concerned. Glad that there is still the hold of my friendship with Fluttershy to discourage me from acting in a manner which she would not approve…”

Discord stopped walking and seemed to swell towards the sky, his form looking the same but giving the impression of twisting and bending through more dimensions than could be seen by mortal eyes, his voice taking on undertones of others speaking across each other in a chaotic babble.

“Concerned,” Discord added, “that one of the Ponies you risked is my friend and whether I would avenge her unhappiness despite her disapproval, and if she were to die through your schemes, and I had already lost her friendship, what I would do in my revenge.”

“Do not threaten me,” replied Princess Celestia, also seeming to swell without becoming any larger, but the light around her increasing, “or we shall test if you can reform from ash if that is scattered on the Solar Wind. Don’t you think I also regret how things have gone?”

Discord shrank back into himself at the admission. “And don’t you think that Joe does?” he asked, his voice again normal for him.

“I…” Princess Celestia paused and nodded and also returned to her normal appearance, the light once more fading. “Yes. We all three blame ourselves and are angry with the others, I with you for bringing Joe here and with him for his deeds. Him with me for risking his friends and with you for…”

“I am not angry with Discord,” said Joe, “or not really. I could wish that I’d not been brought here so my friends would be unaffected, but it seems irrational to resent how bringing me here affected friends I’d not have if I’d not been brought here.”

“And I am chaos,” Discord added as Princess Celestia’s eyes flashed at the interruption, “so I do not need to be rational, or even try to attempt it, and Joe doing what seemed right at each moment rather than realise a broader plan is not something I can blame him for.” He closed his eyes for a moment and reluctantly conceded. “Though I can understand, intellectually, why you can.”

“Very well,” said Princess Celestia. “I blame you both as well as myself, and you both blame me as well as yourselves.” She sighed. “And I will admit I was expecting Twilight to analyse the spell rather than cast it…” She gave Joe a look and managed a very slight smile of embarrassment. “Grant me that the last unfinished spell of the greatest Unicorn Wizard ever was not something I thought would be approached with anything but caution.”

Joe took a deep breath. “Of course, Your Majesty.”

“And I shall grant you acted through nothing but friendship,” Princess Celestia continued, “and that the Chaos-Spawn…”

“Chaos-Spawn again,” commented Discord, “hark at her.”

“Does regret what his deeds have wrou…” Princess Celestia stopped and corrected herself. “Does regret what all our deeds have wrought.” She gave Joe a long look. “Twilight was right, had you not intervened, not been the ‘unknown variable’ that Discord brought, then what she attempted with the Element of Honesty on Applejack would have worked there and would have worked with the other Elements on the other Ponies.”

“Is there any way you can help them?” asked Joe. “Or is this still part of the test?”

“No, and yes. My power is vast compared with even Twilight’s great talent, vaster than I let be shown…” Joe nodded to this and wondered if Twilight Sparkle had mentioned the discussion of cosmology. “But that power is of less use than her knowledge of her friends. So although curing her friends is, now, part of the test that is not the reason why I shall not help.”

“I care nothing for the test,” Discord added, “but I cannot help either. Not because I am unable to change minds in a subtle manner but because, by my nature, I am unable to make things more orderly.”

Joe nodded to this as well as Princess Celestia continued. “And though you gradually let our previous conversation be know you will not tell Twilight Sparkle of this one. I shall tell her why the task is hers and that she was right to blame you, or at least correct that what she intended would have worked, and shall apologise to her for not making the danger clearer. If nothing else shall come from this day I shall at least salvage some part of the test.”

“Fair enough,” Joe said, hesitating first though as he noticed there was no mention of apologising to those actually affected.

“Luna shall also ease their suffering,” concluded Princess Celestia, not noticing the gleam in Discord’s eyes. “Her dreams shall aid them their feelings of being misplaced and overcome the urgings of their Cutie Marks.”

“Princess Luna and dreams?” Joe asked, puzzled.

“As Goddess of the Night and Moon,” smiled Discord, “Luna is also Goddess of Dreams.”

“Ah,” Joe breathed, realising why Twilight had said she might be able to help him with bad dreams about accidentally killing Ponies. “Interesting, by a strange coincidence the night after my last conversation with Princess Celestia I had disturbing and disjointed dreams.” He glanced at her. “Almost as if someone was looking through my memories and ideas to test them. The night after was worse, though it had calmed down by the third.”

Princess Celestia nodded. “We have a responsibility to our ponies, so we had to be certain whether you were a threat.”

“Though you were looking for the wrong threat from him,” Discord pointed out happily, “in his knowledge of humanity’s bloody history rather than in his compassion.” He pulled a rather disgusted face. “Or in the case of that Pegasus no com, just passion. Yuck.”

“And, as you said,” sighed Joe, trying to ignore Discord, “you were merciful by wanting to be certain before you’d ask me to leave. So I can’t resent the intrusion, especially not after today.”

“And despite today I am still not certain,” Princess Celestia replied, before going on in a more warning tone. “But mark this well my intent was to give you one final chance and even if my anger with you has diminished my patience with you has not. You may remain for your sake and the chance to atone, but more because as much as Twilight thinks this is her responsibility to solve, and it remains a test of her, I shall not deprive her of your help.”

“Thank you,” said Joe, giving Princess Celestia a deep bow and ignoring Discord’s mutter of disgust.

Author's Note

Trashed Alternate Ending 6th July 2013

Chapter 40

Joe sat on his porch and tried to not brood, he failed but he tried. The night had been a bad one to follow the bad day and this morning he felt like doing nothing. He remembered the daze he’d been in when he arrived in Ponyville and how everything had seemed fuzzy. A spark of humour fizzled out as part of his mind tried to cheer up the rest with the thought that had been because all the Ponies were fuzzy. Joe sighed and let the memories return, as they had for weeks afterwards, though he wondered now if he owed Princess Luna gratitude for preventing them returning every night as nightmares.

“Thank you,” said Joe with a vague smile and nod of his head to the stallholder.

He turned away and towards the path out of Ponyville towards the Everfree and Zecora. It was good to be kind to her. So bring her things from shop. With his placid faintly bucolic smile still on his face Joe kept walking and walking and finally relaxed as he got away from all the Pony eyes. He gave a little chuckle to himself as he wondered if he should spill something on himself next time or do some painting and wear trousers or shirt with flecks of paint. It seemed unlikely he could blame the looks on that but be nice to have an excuse to cling to. At least he could soon go back to his hut, sit and watch the sky, read and pretend the fiction books were extra-fictitious that they featured Ponies.

Around Joe things started to darken as he entered the Everfree and continued to think. Zecora and Twilight Sparkle had warned him this path was dangerous if not careful but everything else was so cute. Well, he admitted to himself, aside from the Griffons and Minotaurs he’d seen being given the same lecture as him on local customs. They were only visiting but it made more sense to combine the courses. Joe took a breath and began looking around and trying to be more paranoid, pretend it was the town centre after the pubs let out, but the dark and calm began to relax him again. A pretty yellow bird flew across the path and Joe looked towards where it had disappeared.

Suddenly the world spun and Joe found himself twisting and flying through the air, agony along the left side of his ribs and hitting the ground hard enough that if he’d any breath left in him it would have been driven from him. A tingle ran up the back of his neck and around to his temples as pain woke anger and he squirmed to see what had attacked him. Something slammed almost into him, paws missing by half a hand’s breadth, and desperately he raised his left arm to protect his face against the flash of teeth he saw. Jaws closed and a broad cat like head wrenched to one side, but the teeth just slid and tore through flesh rather than gripping to break and dislocate bones and joints.

With a mew of frustration the head pulled back and what little breath Joe had been able to regain after the impacts and his gasp of agony was once more driven from him as a paw came down, claws extended, onto the left side of his abdomen to pin him down. The world dimmed as he struggled to breathe and the claws sank in and cut deep gouges. But Joe liked cats, he appreciated cats, and he knew when a cat was looking annoyingly smug. The head descended again and this time Joe deliberately shoved his left arm into the jaws, he could live without one arm, he couldn’t live without a throat. There was another mew of frustration but this one was muffled as Joe tried to keep his arm far enough back into the jaws they couldn’t easily close, though he could feel his strength failing.

So he jabbed the two forefingers of his right hand into the beast’s left eye. A muffled roar of pain from the predator and a shriek from its prey as the predator tossed and twisted its head in pain and Joe’s abused left arm gave way. It sagged nervelessly down, but time seemed to slow as he belatedly remembered his knife and that it would be useful for more than cutting samples or scraping bark. It slid from its scabbard and Joe slashed at the paw still pinning him, a yowl of pain and that withdrew, and then he began flailing his arm in the general direction of the slightly glowing eyes. The blade was sharp and slid in and out of whatever Joe was hitting so easily he was not even sure he was hitting anything. But he kept going until the eyes vanished, hoping as he passed out that they had vanished with the cat’s departure rather than simply with everything else in the dark creeping in from the edges of his vision.

To Joe’s surprise he woke up, and not because something had decided to scavenge him before he was completely dead. He could feel pressure on his left arm and chest and looking down he saw this was because they were tightly wrapped. Strapping holding thicker pads of bandages across his left side and bandages all up the arm. An incautious movement drew a gasp of pain and a lecture from the owner of the hut he’d recognised. Zecora told him how she and Twilight Sparkle had followed the noise and found him, and told him that a fraction lower and the claws would have disembowelled him rather than slicing across the protection of his ribs. That cheery news shared she also informed him he’d been unconscious for almost two days and once he was sufficiently recovered to travel they would take him to the Ponyville Hospital.

When Zecora left Joe took a few deep breaths to see how much that would hurt and then began some somewhat incautious prodding. Though he was sure they’d have dealt with it far better he detested the idea that the pair of them had needed to endanger themselves as whatever had attacked him could have attacked them. As he prodded he wondered what he had been drugged with as everything seemed brighter and clearer despite how dimly lit the hut was. Then his fingers paused and he let his right arm fall back to his side as he realised it was just they didn’t seem as fuzzy.

He might have decided in Canterlot that he wasn’t imaginative enough to be having a dream like this, especially when he was given an entire thick book of history to read, but it seemed he’d needed to be ‘pinched’ to wake up. Or maybe it was just the painkillers, which didn’t seem to be working very well, though with the amount of bandages he’d be approaching an overdose if he wasn’t in pain. Joe lay awake staring at the ceiling for hours and assessing his mistakes and decided this stopped now…

Joe shook his head to dismiss the memories. He had long since decided that whether he’d pulled himself together from the ‘subtle’ lesson of nearly getting eaten or whether it was a by-product of the healing was irrelevant. It was like his improved fitness, whatever the effects of the magic he needed to make the effort as well and he had. He’d even taken some pride, later punctured by Twilight Sparkle, that once he’d realised his ill-preparedness was preventing him from properly repaying the kindness shown to him and, more important, could put others at risk he had worked to correct this.

However he couldn’t help but think that if he’d not corrected this then he’d have put less people at risk. If he’d sunk back into what he had been until the attack then the Cutie Mark Crusaders would not have recruited him or, at least, he’d have not been so prideful as to think he could protect them. So he’d have not put them at risk and would not have then endangered Spike and Pinkie Pie when the former had thought him capable of keeping him safe. These had been bad enough but now he’d had it confirmed that he’d endangered the whole of Equestria. Were it not for the last fortnight, exactly, then he doubted he’d have been able to persuade any Pony to abandon what they thought was their job and Discord’s plan would have failed.

Last night Princess Celestia had looked at Discord until he shrugged and teleported away and then she had taken off and, as before, dwindled faster than her speed. Having been left by the deities Joe had continued back to his hut where he’d gone to bed. However knowing that Princess Luna could see and enter his dreams to influence them had not given him much enthusiasm for sleep and despite how tired he’d been this had taken a long time coming. Instead he’d been lying awake staring at his own ceiling and, unlike in Zecora’s hut, with no pain to distract him from his thoughts.

He was not sure of Discord’s motives in the intervention, it seemed the Chaos God would have drawn more amusement from allowing Princess Celestia to pass judgement and only then argued her into realising that might have been hasty. But Joe was grateful for this timing as he did want to help solve this, and hoped that Discord was right, or not lying, when he said this was the chaos Joe had been brought here for. Because if it was then perhaps nothing else he’d done would cause problems…

With a sigh Joe decided that was a false hope. Even if that were true, and it had been to spoil the cure that he’d been brought here, that did not mean his mistakes would be free of consequence. Either those he had already made or those he was sure to make. Right now it seemed Equestria was better served by him sitting here while he tried to get the motivation to do more than wash and dress and make a cup of tea, even breakfast had seemed too much effort, and by him not getting the motivation to do much more than that. The sun over the hills was a lovely sight but even that just reminded him that it rose through the direct divine intervention of a being who was angry with him so, just as he metaphorically had to other things for months, Joe closed his eyes to it. Time passed with reassuringly normal birdsong and he began to vaguely consider porridge or going for a walk.

“Joe?”

Or maybe doing some drawing or painting. His skills were not great but maybe he could sell them on the same basis as the ones done by Elephants or Chimps?

“Joe!”

Though perhaps all three? Porridge and then a walk to where he could draw or paint?

“Joe!” Rainbow Dash repeated for the third time, leaning forward on three hooves and prodding him with a forehoof.

To her surprise Joe barely reacted to this, she remembered when he’d been distracted by his thoughts on the road and had shoved Twilight Sparkle aside from what he’d thought was an Eagle or something. Rather than jump or grab for his knife, which she noticed he wasn’t wearing, he just rocked slightly with the prod, opened his eyes, and nodded to her. Rather than jump or grab for her either, or offer her his lap, or smile in welcome.

“Hello, Dash.”

“Joe, what are you doing here?”

“Sitting,” Joe replied, finally managing a slight smile. “What are you doing here?”

“Er, Zecora? This is the day you should be visiting her isn’t it? And I did say I’d come with you.” Joe blinked a few times. It was and she had, but despite mentioning it to Applejack yesterday he’d quite forgotten. Seeing this reaction Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed. “Wait, I agreed to keep you company into the Everfree forest and you forget?”

“Yesterday I…” Joe decided to heed Princess Celestia’s warning and not say ‘thought I was going to witness a battle between the Goddess of the Sun and the God of Chaos’ or ‘thought I was going to be exiled or turned to stone’.

“You twitched,” observed Rainbow Dash.

“After yesterday I feel twitchy, but there had been some shocks the day before and the night before that. Which is reason rather than excuse.” With an effort Joe stood and bowed to Rainbow Dash. “My apologies for your very welcome offer and company having slipped my mind.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Joe for a moment and wondered what he wasn’t telling her. She was the one who’d had her Cutie Mark swapped and still felt like she was letting Fluttershy do her job and that, as good as she was at it, that she had just done Rarity’s. So if anyone was entitled to look disorientated it was her, but she was trying to get on with things rather than just sitting. Before Joe could sit again she took off and hovered and prodded him again.

“Hey,” Joe said vaguely, looking at where he’d just been prodded.

“You should already be in armour, I was expecting to have to catch up with you…”

“Not difficult for you.”

“So get dressed, we have a Zebra to visit.”

“I…er,” Joe began, and then nodded. Seemed more effort to argue than obey.

His door was unlocked as he’d been sitting nearby on his porch and Rainbow Dash landed again and followed him inside. Partially to keep him moving and partially because she’d not seen inside Joe’s hut. It showed some signs of bachelor occupation as there were a few messes waiting to become large enough to be worth dealing with but generally it was neat and tidy and reminded her worryingly of the rooms at the Wonderbolts Academy. Rooms intended for temporary occupation rather than having personal touches and knickknacks and things to make them a home.

Rainbow Dash hopped up on the end of the bed, folding her legs under her, and waited. Joe looked at her, blinked a few more times, and after looking rather vague shook his head and tried another smile.

“Ah,” Joe said, trying for a tone of lechery, “a lovely lady, alone and unchaperoned, sitting on my bed…”

“While you get properly dressed for the Everfree,” interrupted Rainbow Dash.

“Yes Ma’am.”

Joe slid the flat wide chest out from under the bed and began sorting his armour out, glad that he put it away organised, and once that was done he took off his shirt to replace it with an undervest. Rainbow Dash watched this for a while as Joe went mechanically through his routine and noted that he was right that he’d more colour in his arms and chest now. The scratch was less visible but the scars seemed to have remained as white and stood out a little more, to her disappointment there was no Pegasus outline, and eventually she decided she’d rather talk than simply watch.

“Joe, you sympathised with me about how hard I took things in the Crystal Empire…”

“I suppose it’s similar,” Joe admitted, buckling a strap, “one mistake by Twilight and then us making things worse. But I know I made things worse while you telling everypony the strange antics were a test probably didn’t make much difference.”

“Which doesn’t really explain why you are taking this that hard?”

Joe stopped and looked at her. “I think you were right when you said I didn’t understand how important it had been to you that the Crystal Empire got the Equestria Games.”

“No!” Rainbow Dash snapped. “I’m not saying that would have mattered as much as this,” she added, nodding to her rear, “but this was Twi’s mistake and I’ve forgiven you and her.”

“Dash, it was her mistake at first but I should have known I was in over my head when Pinkie glowed. She was right I should have stopped trying to help.”

“Well, why didn’t you?” asked Rainbow Dash, hoping to let him work things through. “Why didn’t you know and why didn’t you stop?”

“It’s…” Joe stopped and sighed. “Before the pleasant afternoon and evening at the Lake I’d had that talk at the school and realised a lot of the way things work here are different from my world.” He gave her a rueful smile. “Thanks for not mentioning the Cloudsdale Rainbow Works though.”

“The pendant is lovely,” said Rainbow Dash reassuringly, “but go on.”

“Well, I’d found so much was different so although I’d had that time at the lake and overnight to settle I was still…” Joe waved a hand vaguely. “Still feeling as if nothing would surprise me, that everything was just something to accept.”

“Like Pinkie glowing?”

“And her mane and tail going from straight to puffed like an airbag…”

“Airbag?”

“Crash protection in human vehicles, stored folded and then inflates in an instant to form a cushion.”

“Right. Go on.”

Joe shrugged, and then grabbed as that made a plate slide since he’d not fastened a second strap. “Nopony seemed to take much notice, it was ‘oh, interesting’ rather than ‘what the f... heck’.” Rainbow Dash suppressed a giggle as Joe blushed and dealt with the strap. “And Pinkie and the others had looked so sad that the glowing just didn’t seem as important as getting everypony happier again. A few days ago maybe, but…”

“But you were thinking ‘oh, interesting’ rather than ‘what the f… heck’ because you were surprise-numbed?”

“Trying to not overreact,” Joe corrected, wondering if Rainbow Dash knew the rest of that word, and feeling cheerier for the teasing.

“Surprise-numbed,” said Rainbow Dash, remembering the tactic had worked for Rarity.

“Completely,” Joe admitted, conceding at once and starting to rant a little. “I have a marefriend, which is a surprise in itself, who is a supersonic blue Pegasus with control over the weather. I was looking for a purple Unicorn with vast magical power while in the company of another Pegasus and Unicorn. I had just helped a Pink Pony entertain a crowd and might be about to go help an Orange Pony make dresses… Pink not being a colour ponies come in on my world and hooves not being magical and being able to manipulate cloth. So if I am accepting all that then why not the glowing? Even if I’d not spent half the day before studying and feeling dazed at the differences in cosmology and climatology.”

“You’ll have to tell me about those sometime,” smiled Rainbow Dash encouragingly.

“Maybe, though it boils down to me thinking things worked the same here but with you Ponies, and the Goddesses, helping and steering them. As I said to Twilight, when she was looking almost as baffled as I was, the modern version of Thor can control and shape the weather, but he doesn’t have to for it to continue to work…”

“Are you saying things on your world work like in the Everfree? Work by themselves rather than you humans having to deal with them?”

“There are a lot of humans who say they worked better without us,” Joe admitted, buckling on his belt after attaching his knife to it. “I’m just glad for the local dam and the very extensive Apple family orchards…”

“Pardon?” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Hydroelectric schemes, with flooding valleys and restricting rivers, can come in for criticism of their environmental impact. So can cutting down swathes of forest or even just replacing the plants that were there with a monoculture… with a lot of the same plant rather than a mixture.”

It was Rainbow Dash’s turn to blink. “So your whole world works like the Everfree, and humans worry about making it stop working?”

“There are… quite a lot of us,” Joe said with understatement, buckling his helmet to his belt with its chinstrap.

The way in which he’d said that made Rainbow Dash wonder how many and whether humans not having a season meant they also bred faster. The first seemed something Joe was trying to avoid admitting but the second… A wicked grin came to her face, this might break him out of his funk.

“I suppose if humans can breed any time they must have a lot of foals?”

“They can do,” Joe replied, disappointingly calmly, “but there are means to prevent conception…” Then his thoughts seemed to catch up with him. “Er, I mean yes, though family sizes vary…”

“Have you ever thought about having foals?” asked Rainbow Dash, shifting position while working on the principle of ‘what would Rarity do’. Rather than looking at Joe directly she tilted her head to look up at him through her eyelashes and give a coquettish smile. Rather than keep her legs folded neatly under her she sprawled slightly, turning a little on her side and extending one rear leg to show off the line of it.

“Gek… I…” Joe replied, taking the shift in topic about as well as could be expected.

Leaving aside the fact she was a Pony, which was getting easier to do, and talking about foals rather than babies there was the fact they’d been on only one date and it had only been a couple of days since they’d made it official they were in a relationship. And if he didn’t leave aside she was a Pony there was the origin of the Minotaur of legend, that Poseidon had lent King Minos a white bull and when the King refused to give this back to the God of the Ocean and Earthquakes the deity had chosen a subtler, and very sexist, revenge. Rather than destroy Crete he had instilled a lust in King Minos’ queen for the bull and when that was satiated she had given birth to the half-man half-bull child. So what the hell would they look like, if it was even possible…

Rainbow Dash dissolved into giggles that turned into full-blown laughter as she saw the stunned look on Joe’s face and the seductive pose broke as she curled her leg back towards her and started pounding Joe’s bed with one forehoof in amusement. Joe sighed and shook his head and took the time to put on his canvas armguards, and the metal guard over his right forearm, and fill his water bottle, and fill a second since he was going to have company, and decide on backpack and spade rather than quiver and bow… and finally Rainbow Dash stopped laughing.

“Your! Face!”

Joe smiled to her, a proper genuine one though it faltered slightly as he caught sight of the butterflies still on her rear. “All right, I’ll stop moping about what is adorning your delectable rump,” he said, “if…”

“Delectable? I like that.”

“If,” Joe continued, “you don’t talk about foals. Or babies.”

“Never?” asked Rainbow Dash, taking the chance to flutter her eyelashes and tease Joe some more.

“Maybe not never,” Joe said, rather surprising her with how serious he sounded, “but one step at a time.”

“Oh, er… well you seem to have everything, so your one steps should be out that door.”

“Yes Ma’am,” Joe replied, giving her a nod and taking the time to strap his backpack and shield on over his shoulders and arm and to pick up his spear before he actually started to move.

Whether it was Princess Celestia’s movement of the Sun or the company the day did seem brighter outside and with a lighter heart Joe began to walk towards the Everfree. Rainbow Dash walked a few strides before taking off to fly where she could look more easily into Joe’s face. After a minute or two of enjoying the company, and giving her the occasional smile, he decided he’d better break the comfortable silence.

“Not moping, I promise.”

“Still hiding something though,” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Yes,” Joe sighed.

“But it’s not something you can share?”

Joe thought for a moment and realised a possible loophole. “Technically…”

“Technically?”

“I think I need to go and see Spike,” Joe replied, turning around.

“Er, Joe…”

“What?”

“Armour?”

Joe looked down at himself and blinked. “Ah, right.”

“It’s not any problem watching you dress or undress,” teased Rainbow Dash, hiding her concern that Joe could forget what he was wearing, “but if you like I could go and fetch Spike. Him I can carry.”

“That would be most kind,” Joe replied, dropping his spear and turning to take one of the hovering Rainbow Dash’s forehooves in his hand to kiss it. “Ask him to bring some scrolls and pen and ink, I need to send a letter.”

“A… letter?” asked Rainbow Dash, blinking. “To… er, on it.”

She withdrew her forehoof and arced away, vanishing with her impressive speed and rainbow trail. Joe sighed again and sat down, getting out a pad and pencil to begin roughing out what he needed to say in the few minutes, at most, he expected this would take if Spike wasn’t busy. He’d promised his help to Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia had said she’d not deny her that help or Joe his chance to atone. However it seemed certain that providing that help would lead to Twilight Sparkle also asking what it was he was hiding. Maybe not as instantly now, thanks to Rainbow Dash, he was back more on balance but within minutes rather than hours. So…

The day brightened as if it was suddenly noon and Joe scrambled to his feet and then back down to one knee as Princess Celestia landed. He held the bow for a while until she spoke and ordered him to rise. As Joe stood she looked at him, to his relief not seeming as wrathful as the night before.

“I understand you were going to write to me, Joe?”

“Yes, Your Majesty, though…”

“Though you do not doubt I could be observing you that closely, and I could, you wonder how I knew? The answer is that your marefriend is insightful and sent me a letter of her own.”

With a flicker of Princess Celestia’s horn, and a flash of light in mid air, an unrolled scroll appeared near Joe, staying in a glow of magic, protected against blowing away on the light breeze, until he reached and took it. He smiled as he read the hurried script informing Princess Celestia of his plan to send his own letter, confessing this was because she had already accused him of hiding something, and asking Princess Celestia to not be too upset with him as he was trying to help.

“Dash is insightful, Your Majesty,” Joe replied, “but so are her friends, including your student…”

“And I said you would be allowed to help her,” interrupted Princess Celestia, not seeing any point in wasting time or words. “But she would realise you are hiding something and I also said you could not share our conversation. So you seek to resolve that contradiction.”

“Er, yes, Your Majesty.”

“Then let us resolve it.”

There was another flicker of Princess Celestia’s horn and Joe saw a bright light and then the Golden Oaks Library. He glanced by his foot and realised his spear was still beside the road where he’d dropped it, then turned around to see Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Spike looking at him. Joe looked around, shrugged, and gave them a smile.

“I suppose when you’re an Immortal Goddess of the Sun you don’t really need the help of dragon fire, and I’m no heavier than a scroll.”

“Indeed,” Princess Celestia agreed, speaking from somewhere Joe had just looked and with no sound or light of teleportation to announce her arrival.

The two Ponies and Spike bowed and Joe knelt and bowed again.

“Rise,” Princess Celestia ordered. Once they had she continued. “What Joe was failing to hide from you, Rainbow Dash, and would have failed to hide from you, Twilight, was that last night we spoke. I chided him for his interference, informed him that Twilight’s plan would have worked…”

Rainbow Dash winced. No wonder he’d been so certain that he’d made things worse.

“We learned that disrupting that plan, leaving the Elements of Harmony unusable, was why Discord had brought Joe here…”

This time Rainbow Dash’s wince was joined by that of the others.

“And finally,” Princess Celestia said, for the sake of honesty and seeing a chance to test him, “last night was nearly the last anypony saw of Joe as my patience is not infinite.”

“What?” squeaked Rainbow Dash.

“Technically, as occurred to him he could have shared this with you Rainbow Dash as I only forbade him to share the conversation with Twilight Sparkle. But Joe was bright enough to anticipate how I would react to use of such a technicality.”

“Dash,” Joe said, risking the disrespect of turning slightly away from Princess Celestia, “I’d have deserved to be exiled. If nothing else I was being rude.”

Rainbow Dash sniffed and nodded. “Once you are out of that armour I am going to need a hug.”

“Easily solved,” Princess Celestia said with a slight smile and glow of her horn.

Joe suddenly wobbled as he lost the weight of his shield from his left arm and of his backpack, which he’d been compensating for, along with every piece of his armour down to and including his padded vest. He’d just an instant to be glad his spear might still be beside the road before he had to catch Rainbow Dash, and that instant was not enough to let him regain his balance. The few steps he staggered to thump into a bookcase was enough though to let him realise that even if he’d been on balance that impact would have done this. Rainbow Dash wrapped her forelegs around his neck and unfurled her wings over his arms as she buried her face in his chest.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay,” Joe reassured her as she began hugging hard and he began realising just how strong her forelimbs were. He shifted position slightly and managed to support her with one hand and get his other arm past her wing to begin patting and rubbing her back while he ignored the pain in his neck.

“Good,” said Princess Celestia after silently watching for a minute or so. “Joe, you have earned a small measure more patience.”

“What?” Joe asked, too startled to add the usual honorific.

“What?” echoed Rainbow Dash, glancing over her shoulder.

“This measure is not because I do not wish to upset Rainbow Dash, or your other friends, though I do not.”

“With respect, Your Majesty, I don’t…”

“Where is your armour Joe?”

Joe looked at her for a several seconds while he continued patting Rainbow Dash’s back. “I’ve no idea, hope I get it back but…”

“But you needed to be reminded of it before you began to wonder.”

“I still don’t understand, Your Majesty,” Joe admitted after a moment.

Princess Celestia sighed and smiled at the utter lack of comprehension. Even if he was a Man rather than a Pony she had doubted he was the sort of Man to be considering the loss of his material possessions rather than his more important task. But she needed reason to think well of Joe after all the trouble he had caused and this meagre test had given her some.

“Never mind. I have told you of what Joe was hiding…”

Rainbow Dash quickly turned to look at Joe’s face from the close range the hug gave her. “No eye twitch, and I didn’t feel the shoulder twitch,” she muttered.

“Are you suggesting I might be hiding something, Rainbow Dash?” asked Princess Celestia.

“No, Your Majesty,” Rainbow Dash assured her, disengaging, to the relief of Joe’s neck, and descending to bow.

Princess Celestia smiled broadly, making Joe realise why she was beloved. He’d met her first when dazed, second when being warned, and third when she was very angry. It had been hard to see the silk glove rather than the iron fist.

“I think Twilight wants to say ‘Yes, Your Majesty’,” Princess Celestia teased her student.

“Oh… er…” blushed Twilight Sparkle. “No, Your Majesty.”

“The conversation was lengthier than what I have said,” Princess Celestia continued, “but the rest was private, and you can trust me… and the lack of twitching… that it is nothing that needs to be shared.”

Joe nodded, getting the message. “It was mostly reassuring me that she knew I had acted through friendship and knew I regretted how things had gone.”

He really wasn’t sure how he avoided a twitch at not mentioning the tone of the conversation surrounding those reassurances. That Discord had been there, what his attitude had been, and that it had been from him they’d learned disrupting the cure had been his plan. Nor that it had appeared a fight might have broken out and that he’d found his dreams had been examined. Princess Celestia was sure how he’d avoided it though and was glad she’d watched the party at the lake and learned what human reactions she’d need to suppress to make Joe a better liar.

“Then may your research go well,” Princess Celestia said, swelling into a sphere of light, that dwindled to nothing again.

The three friends looked at that spot for a moment before looking to each other. Spike looked Joe up and down and then grinned.

“I can see why you say humans change colour in the sun.”

“Eh? Oh yes,” Joe replied, “and you can see why I normally wear a shirt.”

“No Pegasus imprint,” stage-whispered Rainbow Dash to Twilight Sparkle.

“Though now Spike’s reminded me of my state of dress,” Joe continued, looking and plucking at his rather well worn vest, “and after Princess Celestia reminded me, but left without telling me where it is or returning it, I do wonder where my armour is. Or my backpack and shovel. Or my belt with my knife…”

“At least she left you your actual clothes,” interrupted Spike.

“But not my shield,” Joe smiled. “Still, I’d better check back at my hut.”

“I can do that if you like Joe,” offered Rainbow Dash. “I mean, no offence, but even if you ran you’d be a lot slower…”

“Dash,” Joe interrupted, “I know it’s no trouble, and with your speed it wouldn’t take long, but I still don’t want to keep sending you back and forth. You did me a favour coming here for Spike and a bigger one with your own letter to Princess Celestia…”

“And that is what friends are for,” interrupted Rainbow Dash back, “even if you don’t get a Cutie Mark you still have your own talents, but speed is much more mine than yours. Despite the butterflies.”

Twilight Sparkle blinked. Something about what Rainbow Dash had said had given her an idea. Joe not getting a Cutie Mark felt important somehow but why would that matter?

“That’s true,” Joe admitted, “and if I tried running at top speed I’d be a lot more out of breath than I’ve ever seen you. Was a challenge keeping pace with Twilight at a Canter from Sugarcube Corner to Sweet Apple Acres.”

“You found it a challenge keeping pace with Twi?” Rainbow Dash asked. Then she blinked and looked at her unamused friend and gave a little smile to her.

“No offence taken,” said Twilight Sparkle reassuringly, her train of thought derailed. “Though as I’m going to Zecora’s as well we could stay together?”

Joe wasn’t sure about that. As much as he liked Twilight Sparkle he’d have liked a chance to talk privately with Rainbow Dash. Last night he’d been tired, guilty, and scared, but it had still felt that losing Rainbow Dash to the distance of exile, or the passing of time while he was a statue, would have been by far the greatest part of the punishment. From her reaction it seemed Rainbow Dash felt the same way so if she needed further reassurance Joe would like to try to provide it.

He glanced at his sweetheart and got a smile that looked strong enough he risked the polite response to Twilight Sparkle. “That would make sense, you’ve warned me to not underestimate that path so three might be better than two.”

“And he was going to go alone,” commented Rainbow Dash.

“I still have a qualm though,” Joe continued, looking down at his bare arms and not completely covered chest.

As he explained the Ponies gave a few giggles and Spike a few snorts, until Rainbow Dash had mercy. “Back soon,” she winked.

Chapter 41

Rarity forced a smile onto her face as she heard the door of the Carousel Boutique open. She would normally be pleased at so many visitors to her shop but normally they’d be there to buy or make orders, not to simply gawp at her. Eventually Twilight would come up with a cure and the other residents of Ponyville would not find it so surprising to not see Applejack here, or perhaps by then they would all have already visited to see her at work. She had genuinely forgiven Twilight for the spell and Joe for the accidental sabotage of the cure but the longer this went on the wobblier that forgiveness became.

Then the professional smile shifted subtly to a genuine one as she saw who was entering. “Rainbow, how delightful to see you. Don’t tell me you need another dress?” Rarity winked. “Or have you come for the outer layers of the other one, and have decided to take the advice of wearing only that?”

“Hah!” Rainbow Dash replied. “I don’t need that help to break Joe out of a mood.”

“I am not sure I want to know the details,” admitted Rarity, “strange as that might seem coming from me.”

“I posed seductively,” Rainbow Dash grinned, “and then, once he’d noticed the pose, I asked if he had thought of having foals.”

“Oh my! That would… get the attention… of most males after a grand total of one date. Though as amusing as it is to imagine the reaction…”

“Or to see it.”

“That doesn’t answer why you are here.”

“I’ve come to pick up one of Joe’s shirts for him…”

“Rainbow!” Rarity exclaimed. “How domestic of you!”

“What? No!”

“You’ve talked about foals,” Rarity continued, turning and walking towards the more private areas of the boutique, “and now he’s sending you to get his clothes for him…”

“I volunteered,” spluttered Rainbow Dash, walking after her, “and he doesn’t like the idea of sending me places…”

“And yet here you are,” Rarity pointed out, turning and giving her friend an arch look. Then she smiled. “But I suppose you’d both rather get chores out of the way as soon as possible so you can do other things?”

“Yes, but it’s not like that.”

“Oh?”

“He was trying to hide the fact that Princess Celestia had spoken to him last night…” Rainbow Dash began, going on to explain how she’d sent a letter rather than return with Spike, how the Princess had teleported Joe to the Golden Oaks Library, what the Princess had said to them there, and how she’d caused Joe’s armour to vanish to make him huggable.

“That does sound more huggable,” agreed Rarity, “though I don’t know why you are here rather than Joe. Teasing about domesticity aside if he’s at the library then that is not a long walk. Or has his skin gone a funny colour? Or is he still trying to hide his shape?”

“That’s what we asked, but… you remember those three stallions in Cloudsdale? That bullied me when they were colts?”

“And who admired my temporary wings, and who you had the pleasure of snubbing. Yes.”

“Seems there are similar human males, and one thing they like is showing off by wearing a vest or no shirt. Joe was quite grumpy about how it was fine to not wear much on the beach, even if that was just a banana hammock…”

“Banana ha… oh my,” Rarity twinkled, connecting shape and the focus of Joe’s strange nudity taboo, “well I suppose that gives you some idea Rainbow.”

“Er, yes,” blushed Rainbow Dash, lightly.

“Or did you already have some idea?”

Rainbow Dash looked at her friend for a moment. “Anyway, Joe admitted it could just be the weather was warm rather than showing off, and claimed it wasn’t that he wanted to avoid showing off, but he’d just rather not wander through town without a shirt…”

“Which is strange.”

“And I am not being domestic.”

“Never thought you were, darling,” Rarity replied, turning away again and entering the backroom.

Rainbow Dash reluctantly followed, looking as if she was expecting ambush, and looked around. Inside were piles of cloth and shelves of thread and at one end of a counter were two neat stacks of folded cloth and a saggy large bag. Noticing that there were some scraps of loose light fabric laid out she considered whether to fly rather than walk to the counter and say ‘oops’ at blowing things awry after the teasing, but did just walk.

“Now as you can see, dear, Joe did carry rather a large bag, and I am sure he’d be happy to show off for you, if not for the rest of Ponyville, if you need something bulky carried…”

“And I can tease him that here he’s the pack horse,” Rainbow Dash grinned.

“But,” continued Rarity, returning a smile, “it is a little bulky for you, so let’s find ourselves a smaller bag and put only two or three shirts and a pair of trousers or two in it.”

“He only needs the one shirt at the moment,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, a little puzzled.

“Oh, I know, but…”

==

Twilight Sparkle paced as she thought. Princess Celestia’s letter had been very useful and, even if she was sure much had been simplified, she had a better idea of why things had spread beyond her friends. Starswirl the Bearded’s intent did seem to be to affect a Pony’s Cutie Mark, perhaps to allow them to choose a different path in life without it feeling wrong, and to only affect that Pony ‘singled out alone fulfilled’. However that wouldn’t work as it would take a lot of magical power and that power would be linked to the destiny of the Unicorn casting it, so you’d be trying to affect destiny with destiny.

Here though the spell had worked through the Elements of Harmony and had drawn tiny fractions of power from all the other Ponies. That had been enough to leave those Ponies subtly affected and, when concentrated in them through their Elements, enough to alter her friends more strongly. However despite that apparent ‘success’ it had still not worked as intended. A sort of ‘tension’ remained between the Element Holders and the other Ponies as they continued to affect each other. The spell had ended when she’d finished casting it but the links still existed.

Which was where Joe had spoiled things. Whoever had reminded them of their destinies and helped them reject the influence of the spell the power concentrated in her friends would have been released. Had their Elements been around their necks though that power would have been released back through those links, reversing the subtle influence on the other Ponies and then rebounding back as the links faded to finish curing her friends. Rather than simply being purged from them and leaving the subtle effects untouched and her friends only partially cured.

Twilight Sparkle glanced at Joe as Spike took advantage of him being there to start on sorting some books from a high shelf. She had something to ask Zecora, once she’d altered the checklist since Spike was doing that job out of order and once Rainbow Dash returned.

==

A streak of colours hurtled low through the Ponyville streets, linking the Carousel Boutique and the Golden Oaks Library for an instant before it faded and Rainbow Dash slipped inside the latter. She’d not wanted anypony to see what she was carrying and had to control a grin of anticipation as Twilight Sparkle stopped pacing and Joe turned and gave her a smile before passing down the last couple of books to Spike. That done he wandered across the library to go down on one knee and give his marefriend a quick kiss between the eyes. Before he could rise Rainbow Dash popped a forehoof onto the knee that was not on the floor and gave him an equally quick kiss on the lips.

“Hey! Watch it,” Spike warned, “Baby Dragons present.”

“And he has been present,” smiled Joe, as Rainbow Dash withdrew her hoof and he could stand, “for three out of the five ‘proper’ kisses.”

“You’re counting them?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking at him askance.

“They’ve been memorable.”

Rainbow Dash left him hanging for a moment before winking. “I suppose so.”

“You were a bit longer than we thought you be…” Twilight Sparkle began, eager to get to Zecora.

“You know how Rarity talks, and she was kind,” interrupted Rainbow Dash, not quite hiding her amusement, “she gave me more than one shirt and lent us a bag for Joe to carry the others and some trousers in.”

With that Rainbow Dash turned and Joe finally saw the details of the bag she was carrying. Like the Mare carrying it this was well shaped and looked strong but, also like her, it was very colourful in places. Carrying a bag with a floral design through Canterlot and hordes of incredibly well-dressed Ponies had been something Joe had managed to cope with. Without either being embarrassed by it or, to his surprise, being tempted to think the incongruity of that bag with that suit was what had drawn eyes to him rather than his shape. This bag would have been far more challenging as gemstones glittered, their multicoloured flashes demanding attention be paid to them and the intricate patterns they’d been attached in.

Hoping his hesitation had not been too noticeable and his expression was not too revealing Joe smiled and bent slightly to slide the strap free and take the bag from Rainbow Dash. “Thank you, dear. I’ll have to thank her as well when I return this bag and pick up the rest.”

“Those aren’t quite ready yet,” Rainbow Dash smoothly fibbed, “but tomorrow morning should be fine.”

“Tomorrow morning then,” nodded Joe.

Rainbow Dash managed to keep the giggles in, though it was hard as she noticed Joe’s wince at the news that he couldn’t just take the bag straight back to Rarity and collect the rest and his own bag. He was going to have to carry it out of Ponyville and then carry it back again the next day.

“So, are we ready to go?” Twilight Sparkle asked, levitating her panniers onto her back. “Once Joe gets his shirt on?”

“Sure,” replied Joe, putting the bag on a table and pulling out a shirt at random.

He shrugged and buttoned this on, leaving it untucked and leaving the vest on, and before Rainbow Dash could remind him had picked up the bag again. They made their farewells to Spike and Owlowiscious and set out. Seeing the pleasant weather Joe wondered if he should say thank you to Rainbow Dash, yesterday had reinforced how much control the Ponies had over this, though he still wasn’t sure how many of the ‘normal’ systems still existed. Everyone else seemed to be taking this pleasantness for granted though, just as they’d been so horrified about the unpleasantness, so it seemed something to not make a big deal of.

Alternatively something that should be made a big deal of. Joe decided that he might have to talk to Pinkie Pie about a party for Rainbow Dash to show appreciation of the good weather and her efforts. Or for her and the rest of the weather team, even if none of her team had stepped up when Rarity was having trouble. There wasn’t much doubt in Joe’s mind that Pinkie Pie would think Rainbow Dash and her team deserved a party, but there was a small chance that good weather was so normal as to be too little excuse even for Pinkie Pie to party. A more important doubt was whether planning a party would be a welcome distraction for Pinkie Pie from the urgings of her Cutie Mark or if it would be better to wait until they were cured.

“There he is snookums!”

“Huh?” Joe wondered looking around.

A slightly familiar looking Mare was waving a forehoof towards him and approaching was a rather angry looking Earth Pony Stallion. Joe had a suspicion what this was about, though Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle seemed puzzled as they’d not been with him at that point yesterday. The suspicion was confirmed as the Stallion stopped, drew himself up to his full quadrupedal height, stuck out his chest and spoke.

“I understand you were rude to my wife yesterday!”

“And your wife was being rude to Rarity,” Joe replied, trying to stay relaxed and non-confrontational. He nodded to the watching Mare. “I hope you managed to get to your Spa appointment?”

“Er… I did.”

“I don’t appreciate rudeness to my wife,” the Stallion said, trying to regain Joe’s full attention.

“And I don’t appreciate rudeness to my friends,” nodded Joe, a thought occurring and having to be suppressed. Laughter would not be appropriate right now. “I will concede that your wife thought the weather was Rarity’s job and that she had a right to complain, but her tone was as unjustifiable as mine.”

“So apologise to her, if it was unjustifiable!”

“Has your wife apologised to Rarity?”

The Stallion looked at Joe for a moment. Why was this ‘human’ not backing down when he was so much smaller and so wobbly with only having two legs? The problem would be to not kill him with the lightest tap of a hoof rather than to be able to beat him up. Rumour had it that humans ate meat, though this one had given it up, but surely that would only be things like mice and rats?

“Snookums, people are looking.”

“You’re the one that…” the Stallion began, glancing back towards his wife.

“I know.”

“Thank you, Madame,” Joe said, taking the possible chance to end this now the Mare seemed to be having second thoughts. “My apologies for my blunt dismissal of you and your complaints yesterday.”

“I… ah… accepted.”

“Ahem?” Rainbow Dash coughed.

The Mare looked across and saw the glares Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were giving her. She took the hint. “Er. Come on snookums, I should visit the Carousel Boutique.”

“What?” the Stallion asked, then he also got the idea that one apology needed another. “Yes, right.”

The couple left and Joe twitched slightly but managed to hold things in until they were out of earshot. Only then did he start laughing. As this continued Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash exchanged puzzled looks until finally Rainbow Dash took off to look Joe in the face and prod him in the shoulder, hard.

“Joe! What are you laughing for? He was about an eyelash from trying to kick you to Canterlot!”

“I know!” Joe agreed, unable to not laugh a little more before he could explain. “And that would have been my first fight since school, leaving aside the Canterlot debacle, and my first fight over saying something rude to someone’s partner.”

“I don’t get it,” admitted Rainbow Dash, exchanging glances with Twilight Sparkle who seemed equally puzzled.

Joe smiled to her. “Sometimes that difference between my world and this one still troubles me, so it just struck me as funny that I nearly had more violence here than I’d had back there.”

“Right,” Rainbow Dash nodded, elongating the word and her eyes narrowing as she wondered if she had an insane special somehuman, or if they were all this bad.

==

From the weight of it Joe could tell what he was going to find but he still slid the low flat chest out from under his bed, on the end of which Rainbow Dash had again arranged herself neatly. Twilight Sparkle meanwhile was taking the opportunity of her first time inside Joe’s hut to snoop and, being the Pony she was, had homed in on the shelf where he kept his sketches and notes. To Joe’s lack of surprise the chest was empty and Rainbow Dash gave him a sympathetic smile as she craned her neck a little to also look down into it.

“Ah well,” Joe commented, shutting the chest, “might be by my spear instead.”

“Where is your spear?” asked Twilight Sparkle, unrolling a map and wincing at it.

“We got a little way towards the Everfree before… you know” Joe said, sliding the chest back under the bed and making a wave with his hand that he hoped would convey ‘all the rest’. “So it might be where I left it when I was sitting and trying to figure out a first draft.”

“Where he dropped it so he could kiss my hoof in worship when I offered to get Spike,” corrected Rainbow Dash.

“Gratitude.”

“Worship.”

“Not working this time, I’ll say affectionate gratitude.”

“Worship.”

Joe smiled to Rainbow Dash and looked at Twilight and the maps and notes surrounding her, and the expression on her face. “And all right Twilight, I know those aren’t very accurate. I was just doing it for fun.”

“How can it be fun to get things wrong?” Twilight Sparkle asked, a look of mild horror on her face.

“It’s not fun to get things wrong, but it’s not fun… for me… to measure the same place a few different ways and several times rather than spend the time on seeing a new place. Those are good enough to keep track of where I’ve been and if I need accuracy I can just use the better maps that already exist.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Joe for a second or three. The idea of deliberately accepting a larger margin of error seemed so strange to her, but she had to admit this was one of the ‘strange’ things about Joe that wasn’t just a human trait. Most Ponies wouldn’t have kept records that were even this accurate. Then again most Ponies wouldn’t have been going into the Everfree for ‘fun’ so if they had gone in they’d have been wanting to make the best measurements and records they could to justify the danger and not have to go back again.

Rainbow Dash sat up, stretched, and shifted position to look at what Twilight Sparkle was holding in her magic. “Hmm,” she commented, a very slight tone of admiration in her voice, “looks like you’ve been to quite a few places.”

“Sometimes a free afternoon on days I do chores at Sweet Apple Acres,” Joe replied as he stood, “and three free days a week even with that and visiting Zecora… which come to think of it we’d better do. I was late when Dash prodded me into motion and we’ve had to jog…” He smiled. “Or canter or fly back from Ponyville so we’re further behind time.”

“Yeah, and we don’t want Twi to think she’s being tardy again,” grinned Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow!”

Joe glanced between the two of them, and decided there was a story there but that he shouldn’t ask. Whatever it was it had been embarrassing enough for Twilight Sparkle to busy herself putting the things back on the shelf rather than meeting his or Rainbow Dash’s eyes. As the purple glow of her magic released the last piece of paper Joe smiled to himself a little, things had been quite organised but now corners were lined up and stacks were completely straight and she’d not just neatened the things she’d looked at.

“Let’s check for my spear then?” Joe asked.

“Sure,” nodded Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle just nodding.

The short walk was peaceful and Joe felt a moment of hope as he saw a lump by the side of the road. Then he realised there was only the lump of his backpack beside his spear with his belt laid neatly beside those, and that everything that had been on his belt was still there except one thing. Joe looked down at these things for a moment before he crouched and began adjusting his backpack straps to fit over a shirt rather than armour.

“I’m not sure how to take this,” Joe admitted, “does look like Her Majesty didn’t just forget to return my armour, she even kept the helmet that had been hanging on that…” He waved at the belt.

“Maybe she thought you shouldn’t be putting yourself in a position where you’d need armour?” suggested Twilight Sparkle.

“Which seems odd. With how little trouble I caused while I was exploring the Everfree alone…”

“You think I’d let you go back to doing that?” Rainbow Dash interrupted.

“I enjoy your company more than I enjoyed the exploring,” replied Joe, swivelling to face her, “but it would be my decision whether to continue the hobby.” He shook his head and looked back at his depleted equipment. “Though the decision seems to have been made…”

“I’m not sure Rainbow meant she was forbidding you to do it,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Rainbow Dash a warning glance before her friend could protest that was exactly what she meant. “More that she didn’t think you should be doing it alone.”

“Didn’t work out so well the first time I had company, and let them pick the place,” chuckled Joe, looking at the belt and starting to unload it. “Though I expect the Crocodile and the Manticore would have regretted it more had Dash been there.”

“Or if the Cutie Mark Crusaders hadn’t been there,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, trying to remind Joe that he might have killed both of the predators if not for the fillies’ help and then their request.

Joe shrugged. “Maybe, but excuse me.”

“Excuse me?” Twilight Sparkle began to ask, but then Joe unbuttoned and dropped his trousers a little. “Oh.”

“Exposing yourself to Mares on an isolated road?” teased Rainbow Dash.

“Ye… ee… yeah,” Joe said, looking embarrassed. “More like wanting to feed this belt through the loops and take the chance to tuck my shirt in.”

“Only more like rather than entirely like?” pressed Rainbow Dash.

“Closer to entirely like than with you and if you were forbidding me the mapping hobby,” Joe winked, finishing with the belt loops. “Ah, what have I got myself into,” he continued with false tragedy, “bullied and battered and now being told I have to give things up… oof.”

“Get dressed,” ordered Rainbow Dash, having taken advantage of Joe’s attention being on the shirt tucking to move a step or two closer and prod.

Joe shrugged again, pulled his trousers up, fastened them and his belt, and started hanging things back on the belt. This felt strange. There had been some good things about the last fortnight, and not just the kissing of the last week, but it did feel like he’d caused enough problems that Princess Celestia would not hamper him from going back to his previous habits. Unless…

“I wonder if I am going to get some new armour,” mused Joe, finishing with his belt and picking up his backpack.

“As you said, seems the decision has been made,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, “if Princess Celestia has taken your armour then buying a new suit would be going against her decision.”

“That much I get,” smiled Joe, shrugging his backpack up and on, “and I’ll not trouble the Ponyville Smith. I was wondering if Her Majesty was going to supply me new and better armour so I don’t have to worry as much about being chewed on while exploring or working for Zecora…”

“Who we still haven’t got to,” Rainbow Dash commented.

“And it’s getting on for late enough in the day I’d have been able to do it a couple of days ago rather than talk at the school…”

“And been able to impress your marefriend with your knowledge the night before?” Rainbow Dash teased.

“Alas,” nodded Joe, giving Twilight Sparkle a smile as he got moving, “a chance to shine and instead I had to join the ladies in admiring the knowledge of a well prepared Dragon.”

==

The walk to Zecora’s hut had been uneventful and once Joe had his list he and Rainbow Dash had left to gather. Now Zecora and Twilight Sparkle looked over the notes they had made, which were extensive, well organised, neat, and almost entirely in the latter’s writing as she had gladly accepted that task rather than the messier ones of nursing

“I think that I begin to see, why you have come to talk to me, there may yet be some source of power, to help you in your need this hour.”

“Maybe not this hour,” Twilight Sparkle corrected, “it will need some more research, can it be channelled and is there enough?”

“Then testing you will have to do, and recheck results anew, seems it does we did fine work, and gave him some extra perk.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “And what we can do once we can do again…”

“Ah,” Zecora interrupted, “a caution I feel that I must say, that replicating the deeds of that day, is something of which we’re unsure, so in that thought there is that flaw. If enough there is to be of use, then also it would be abuse, to not warn friend of the fear, that he’d become more normal here.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded again. She didn’t trust Discord’s claim but there was even a chance that they’d not even be able to repeat their work that well. They might leave their friend normal for where he came from instead of normal for here, so warning him of that was also something to do.

==

The predator slowly descended from the treetops towards her prey, her wings making no sound as she approached and prepared to strike at his undefended back, and then a squeak escaping her as she suddenly had to dodge backwards from the sweep of a razor sharp spearhead.

“Sh…” Joe said, looking up at the equally wide-eyed Rainbow Dash. He’d been crouching and cutting some samples from a bush when he’d felt something approaching and had whirled to strike. “Er, sorry… on edge as I’m only in cloth…”

“You’re not that fast,” winked Rainbow Dash, regaining her composure

Joe looked at her and then nodded and went back to getting the last bits he needed from that bush. Rainbow Dash looked at this and then looked around for any dangers, rotating in the air like a Blue Pegasus version of a Guardian Angel. She’d hoped to cheer Joe up with a sudden tickle but now he seemed to be wishing she’d not been here for him to almost accidentally hurt. There was still something going on with him so best try to find out what.

“You think you should go back to hiding?”

“What?” Joe asked.

“You were surprised that Princess Celestia had taken your armour so you couldn’t go off alone, and you said you thought you’d caused less trouble…”

“Well, I had.”

“There’s more to it though,” Rainbow Dash frowned. “Why are you thinking you need to avoid us?”

“If I’d been exploring in here yesterday,” replied Joe, rising and looking at his annotated ‘shopping’ list, “then Twilight would have cured you.”

“Yes, but that still doesn’t explain it. Why do you keep thinking things would be better without you there?”

Joe sighed and began walking, Rainbow Dash holding position slightly above him while she still had enough airspace. She decided to give him a few moments to make the right decision and reply before she had to prod him with a forehoof and demand. To her pleasure Joe justified that faith and spoke.

“Do you know what my full name is?”

“Full name?” Rainbow Dash asked, puzzled at the relevance. “Do you mean you’re like Pinkie where she’s actually Pinkiemena Diane Pie?”

“Not that bad, though I do have a second name,” smiled Joe, “but ‘Joe’ is the short version of my first, and most humans would assume it’s short for Joseph.”

“So what is it short for then?”

“There was a man, he was told by God to go and preach but was afraid he would be killed by the people of those cities, so he took ship for foreign lands. So God sent a great storm against that ship, which only abated when the man was thrown overboard to be carried by a great sea creature to where he was supposed to be.”

“Weird. And?”

“That man’s name, especially amongst sailors, became one shorthand for someone whose presence brings bad luck,” Joe sighed. “So why my dear old Mum called me that name of Jonah I don’t know. And here I am in a world where people’s names can absolutely reflect their true natures and the roles they play in other’s lives…”

“Ouch.”

==

Twilight Sparkle and Zecora had finished their discussion of business and moved onto more general gossip. As much time as the former spent in the Golden Oaks Library she managed to hear a few things, or hear them via Spike, and after so losing touch with Shining Armour before his wedding she had been as careful to send him a letter a week as she’d used to be with Princess Celestia. It was all very relaxed to sit and have a drink and talk of nothing in particular rather than having to be the wise guru or the representative of the crown.

There were official channels and sometimes Twilight Sparkle wished Ponies would use them instead of asking, always in the nicest possible way, if she would mention something to Princess Celestia. Then again that seemed fair since Princess Celestia had used her to mention things to the people of Ponyville and it seemed her being treated as a conduit did work both ways. It was still nice however to relax for the short time and talk about something she’d noticed before her last visit, but not mentioned with the talk of potions and testing.

“So you think that Cheerilee, in Big Mac something does see, that despite love poison blunder, she and he might still wonder?”

“I’m not sure,” Twilight Sparkle replied, taking another sip before continuing, “they both seem happy as they are…”

“How much was them and how much was it, in those feelings where was the split? Take it calm and take it slow, and see whatever else might grow.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Cheerilee hadn’t been looking for a special somepony, and you know Big Macintosh…”

“Calm he seems upon his farm, though many Mares he could charm, rippling muscles and heart that’s true, I quite like him… don’t you?”

“Er, he’s the brother of one of my best friends, of the first of them I met when I arrived in Ponyville. Discounting Pinkie Pie's gasp and run.”

“And spoken of by Cheerilee, alas that is for you and me…”

To Twilight Sparkle’s relief there was a knock on the door. “Come in!” she called before Zecora could continue.

“Hello you two,” Joe said, stooping slightly to enter, “sorry we were so long, something had eaten all the berries on a bush I went to.”

“Oh was that what caused delay? Why quite slow you were today?” smiled Zecora, nodding slightly to Rainbow Dash as she entered and forcing the next rhyme a touch. “And not delightful company, that slowed your progress on your way?”

“What are you…” Rainbow Dash began.

“The Everfree is not exactly romantic,” shrugged Joe, moving across to the table, “or we might have spent some time acting out the taunt of small children. ‘Someone and Someone sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!’ and been a while longer. Though be easier for Dash to get up and down.”

“How much easier?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“What?” asked Joe. “Oh, er, a lot easier.” Seeing she didn’t seem satisfied with that answer Joe continued. “Can grip with hands, but unlike other Apes can’t grip with feet as they’re for walking. And no prehensile tail like a lot of Monkeys.”

Joe began unloading the various samples and cuttings and pouches of different things. Meanwhile Rainbow Dash wondered if she should have tested Joe’s climbing abilities and seen how the promise of a kiss compared with a charging giant crocodile as motivation. She’d circled up overhead a few times and had seen a few taller trees that could have made safe perches with the scenery of looking down on the Everfree canopy.

“Your debt to me has now been paid, for the potions I have made,” Zecora said, looking as Joe tried to arrange things in an organised manner, “so no more to me you owe, though welcome still of course you’re Joe.”

“What a funny coincidence,” said Joe, turning and looking at her, “I lose my armour and later the same day I finish repaying this.”

“I don’t know why you would suspect, that there is something to connect, armour loss and end of debt, but my words please accept.”

“I think I will,” smiled Joe, “not like I was looking forward to either doing this with no armour or annoying Princess Celestia by getting new stuff, if she doesn’t give my old stuff or a new set back. But if I do get some armour…”

“Then you’d still not be doing it alone,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.

“Yes, dear.”

Chapter 42

To Joe’s discomfiture saying ‘yes, dear’ did not work as well on a Pony as it did on some women, or at least did not work as well with Rainbow Dash. Before they left Zecora’s hut she had extracted a promise that he’d not go exploring the Everfree alone any more. Before they got very far she’d also a second promise that he’d not go into the Everfree alone, even if he had new armour and it wasn’t ‘exploring’ as it was gathering or going back to places he’d already been. This annoyed Joe as he was used to his independence, here or back on his own world, but he found he did not mind as much as he’d have expected. Now he knew things were more dangerous than they’d seemed the exploring felt more foolish, and especially since, even discounting the effects on Rainbow Dash, he didn’t want to cause grief to the friends he’d made.

“I’ve got some research to do,” Twilight Sparkle said as they came out of the Everfree into the daylight. She gave Joe a look and then continued, “but I don’t think it is anything either of you could help with.”

“I should get some lunch and then see what I can help with at Sweet Apple Acres,” nodded Joe, wondering about the look and smiling to Rainbow Dash. “Care to join me for lunch, Dash?”

“I’d love to,” Rainbow Dash smiled back, “as long as it’s you who’s cooking, but…”

“But?” asked Joe as she trailed off and took off.

“But I should be getting back to Fluttershy’s to help her with her lunch and feeding the animals.”

“Rainbow,” Twilight Sparkle said, sounding worried, “that’s not…”

“It’s not what I normally do, and maybe it is, a bit, because of this Cutie Mark,” admitted and interrupted Rainbow Dash. “But if I can spare half-an-hour or an hour here and there to help Fluttershy then it feels I should.”

“Alright,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “I can’t argue with that.”

“Good,” nodded Rainbow Dash. Then she gave Twilight Sparkle a slight but significant head gesture.

“Oh,” Twilight Sparkle huffed, then she raised her voice to a normal level. “I’ll see you two again soon, and can you come to the library early tomorrow please Joe?”

“Will do,” replied Joe, “good luck with your research.”

“Bye Twi.”

“Goodbye,” Twilight Sparkle said, trotting off and not looking back.

“Anyway, I’ll…” began Joe.

Then there were two slight thumps. The first being the impact of Pegasus on Human and the second being spear on ground as Joe dropped it to free that hand and hold Rainbow Dash instead. It was only a relatively brief kiss before she broke it and flapped back, but enough that Joe felt slightly dazed.

“I think I was saying something,” smiled Joe, playing things up and blinking as if confused, “but for some reason I can’t remember what…”

“See you around Joe,” Rainbow Dash grinned, streaking up and away.

Joe waved, even though he knew by the time he reacted she’d already be too far away to see that, and then picked up his spear again. That side of things was going rather well and it was starting to feel more normal. Joe started to walk towards his hut as he continued to think. In some ways, he decided, it was feeling normal enough he wasn’t sure if his lack of ‘response’ was still because she was a Pony or just because they weren’t at that stage of their relationship. There were still the concerns, and those might have slowed things, but it had taken longer than a week and one ‘proper’ date in the past even without those.

The walk was peaceful and Joe took the chance when he arrived at his hut to strip off his top half, freshen up a little, and not put the vest on when he put the shirt back on. He plucked a few weeds as he picked a few vegetables and then returned to his hut to start to cook. It was times like this that he missed having a Microwave Oven and a Freezer and a Ready Meal to give the lazier option, though thinking that he felt a twinge of nausea as he remembered the scandal with horsemeat in various meals. Joe was just glad that nopony had asked what sort of meats he’d eaten or he might have had to admit there was that chance.

Eventually Joe managed to finish cooking all the vegetables that he’d have had potatoes instead of, mashed or chipped or baked, back home and with his ‘kibble’ and some cheese added to complete the recipe settled down on his porch with his plate. He wanted to linger over his meal to avoid having to deal with anything else today and he wanted to eat it as fast as possible to let him get on with things, so it seemed best to just enjoy the food. Concentrate, for now, on the minor personal concern of if he needed to learn a few more recipes and maybe something more fancy.

==

The spectacular view from the Canterlot Castle balcony was almost irrelevant to Princess Celestia. But only almost, here she could appreciate the beauty with the eyes of her physical shell as well as being able to ‘see’ it all with her other perceptions. The joy and harmony of her realm pleased her as much as her mild sunshine pleased her subjects and for a moment she found peace, until that was spoilt in a most unwelcome way.

“Looking at your playthings?” Discord sneered, slithering out of a shadow far too small to have contained him.

“Playthings?” frowned Princess Celestia. “That is how you regarded them, I love and care for them.”

“And whether you nurture or torment them they are still playthings, and still ones that we both care about.”

Princess Celestia snorted and returned her eyes to the view. “You expect me to believe you have any care for them?”

“Where’s the fun in an empty world with no games to play?”

“And everything is a game to you, isn’t it Discord?”

“Of course,” Discord replied, sounding surprised as he rendered himself invisible to all but Celestia and moved to join her. It was doubtful that any of her subjects would disturb her but making it appear she was talking to herself if they did would be amusing.

“And Fluttershy?”

“Ah, a far different game…” Discord chuckled, “I don’t know how you can stand your eternal sameness, always being the protector and guardian.”

“Explain yourself,” said Princess Celestia, turning her gaze back on Discord. “If you are lying to Fluttershy then…”

“Then there is little you can do,” Discord reminded her, “you know the result if we fight and one of us does not cede.”

“And neither of wishes to take it that far, you for your games and me for my love, but you will still explain yourself or we shall see how far we can take it.”

“You know Celly, I think you are serious. But then you always are when you deny yourself my gifts and your own sense of humour.”

“Discord.”

“Very well,” Discord shrugged. “I have always been chaos and always shall be, but I can do whatever good occurs or whatever evil, whatever help or whatever harm, grant random luck or random woe. Or anything between or any combination of anything. Unlike you my nature is to reinvent myself.”

Princess Celestia snorted again. “You have always seemed the same to me.”

“Over the eye blink of time you have known this aspect of me… or did you think I was so young as to have only existed since you first noticed me, or so limited as to only exist here? Rather than chaos being eternal and universal?”

“I…”

“Oh, don’t fret Celly. Your power here in your domain is supreme. And I am chaos so I might simply be lying.” Discord paused, and then gave a nasty smile as he continued. “Though whether I am lying about my true nature or you still being more powerful here than me is another matter, and one that I can sense has awoken delicious uncertainty.”

“And you still have not answered my question about Fluttershy,” Princess Celestia pointed out, rallying.

“Can I act against myself for the fraction of an eye blink that is the life of a single Pony?” asked Discord rhetorically. “Can I win this game with myself and genuinely care and feel friendship for at least that long? Am I so chaotic that I can even encompass Order and Stability?” He paused again. “Playing games against you and your Ponies has been a challenge at times, playing against my own nature… as I said, a far different game.”

“Twilight Sparkle will find the cure,” Princess Celestia promised him, “the Holders of the Elements of Harmony will be restored, and if you betray their friend then…”

“I know, back to stone for me,” interrupted Discord with a serpentine shrug. “Accepting defeat is far less delay than recreating all life on a world twisted by my chaos and rendered molten by your light.”

==

As Joe walked towards Sweet Apple Acres he felt a severe sense of déjà vu from all the times he had come this way over the last few months. The last time of course had only been yesterday so he had a brief hope that he’d not see Pinkie Pie trying to fix the water chute again, and then hoped he would as he might not make the same mistake a second time. Looking around he considered whether to check the barns or the farmhouse first, but then the decision was taken from him as Applejack called to him. Joe waved and started to walk across.

“How are you doing Applejack?”

“Ah’m doing better than ah was with dresses.”

Joe nodded and fell in beside her as Applejack started to walk. “I think Twilight is onto something, she seemed to have a lead after talking to Zecora.”

“That’s fine and dandy news then, ah quite like th’ look of Diamonds but ah do prefer Apples.”

“Seriously though,” Joe repeated, “how are you holding up?”

“Seriously, better than if ah was doing dresses,” replied Applejack. “And as ah expected Granny Smith is right pleased ah’m more interested in sewing now.”

“Fair enough,” Joe nodded, “and as she’s got an interest without it being a destiny it seems a fair hobby.”

“We can have hobbies,” smiled Applejack, “but ah’ll just have to see how ah feel about it once ah have mah proper Cutie Mark back.”

“You love your granny,” Joe smiled back, as they approached the barn, “so you might keep learning.”

“Ah suppose so, can keep mah hooves busy in odd moments…”

==

With a buzz of small Pegasus wings and a trail of dust from six wheels the Cutie Mark Crusaders swept in towards Sweet Apple Acres. School had seemed to drag today with all the sniping from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon about how Apple Bloom’s sister had been doing at Sweetie Belle’s sister’s job. And how poorly Rarity had been doing at Rainbow Dash’s job. And of course the stinger that as poorly as they had been doing at the other Pony’s job that was barely worse than how well the other Pony normally did.

The prestige of the model flying and Joe’s lecture had worn off but the Cutie Mark Crusaders had better and larger plans. So before they did anything else they wanted to check the barn here. As they approached this they noticed some neat piles of things outside it and then Joe emerged carrying more and they realised they’d managed to accomplish two things at once.

“Hi Girls!” Joe waved.

“Hi Joe!” they chorused back, Scootaloo furling her wings and them sliding to a stop.

“Do you think he knows?” Scootaloo whispered as Joe wandered back into the barn and they removed their helmets.

“Only one way ta find out,” shrugged Apple Bloom.

The three fillies walked across from their scooter and wagon and in through the open barn door. Joe was scraping some old hay together and up against one wall to clear more room on the floor. The Cutie Mark Crusaders exchanged glances and then Apple Bloom moved forward a little.

“What are you doing, Joe?”

“Your sister told me the barn needed clearing,” Joe replied, taking the chance to pause and mop his brow a little with the cloth from his belt.

“Did, ah, she say why?”

“No, and I didn’t ask,” Joe admitted, returning the cloth to his belt. “Just wanted to know what rather than why to do.”

“Okay.”

“Why?” Joe asked.

“No reason,” said Scootaloo, moving up alongside Apple Bloom, “just wondering and glad to see you.”

“We were worried about you after the talk at the school,” Sweetie Belle added, “you looked quite faint.”

“Gave myself a bit of a shock,” smiled Joe, “train of thought ran into the buffers of a difference between here and my world.”

“We checked for you at your hut,” Apple Bloom said, “seemed friendly.”

“Thanks Girls, I went to the library after the school to check things and then got invited to the lake. I had a good time there, but I’m sorry to have missed you.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders exchanged glances. “Who was there?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Your sisters,” Joe replied, then nodding to Scootaloo, “your heroine, Twilight and Spike, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and all six of the pets.”

“So, Rainbow Dash was there?” checked Scootaloo.

“Yes, and glad she still seems your heroine with the confusion over if she’s the veterinarian or the head of the weather team, though of course she’s still the fastest flier.”

“Of course she is!” nodded Scootaloo, confirming either or both parts of that sentence.

“Yesterday was rather crazy,” Joe continued. “But Twilight does seem on track of a cure, or another cure after I messed up the first one.”

“Ah heard about that,” nodded Apple Bloom. Seeing Joe’s jaw tense slightly she decided to change the subject. “Though, Joe?”

“Yes?”

“Sweetie Belle found something at the Carousel Boutique.”

“Something interesting I take it?” Joe asked, looking to that Filly.

“I don’t want to spoil a surprise,” said Sweetie Belle, “but did my sister take something to the lake?”

Joe thought for a moment, Rarity had taken many things to the lake but there only seemed one think the Cutie Mark Crusaders would think a surprise. “Ah, a certain banner?”

“Yep,” confirmed Scootaloo.

“With thread like this,” Joe continued, tugging at his hair, “and fabric a distinctive blue?”

“That would be the one,” agreed Apple Bloom.

“No idea what you are talking about then,” Joe smiled.

“Joe!” protested Sweetie Belle.

“Sorry,” Joe chuckled, “what do you want me to say?”

“Not much,” replied Scootaloo, not sounding too interested.

“Just if it’s true,” Apple Bloom added.

“Everything!” protested Sweetie Belle again.

“Hmm,” Joe mused, “even if it’s not a secret it’s still not much business of anypony else…”

“We kept quiet about you and Rainbow Dash going to Canterlot,” said Apple Bloom.

“True,” Joe admitted, “I had assumed Diamond Tiara’s snark about Dash being sick of me was from how eye catching her and Rarity had looked walking from the spa to the railway station.” He shrugged. “But the banner is true.”

“And?” pressed Sweetie Belle when Joe didn’t continue.

“And after your sister and Spike ambushed us with the banner I admitted that truth to myself and Dash and the others.”

Sweetie Belle pouted slightly. “You’re not making this sound very romantic.”

“Ah think it comes back to th’ ‘not much business of anypony else’,” suggested Apple Bloom.

Joe nodded and began scraping straw again. “You got it Apple Bloom.”

“I’m still puzzled why…” Scootaloo began.

“I don’t think you can be puzzled why I’d think Dash was awesome,” smiled Joe, “so I’ll try not be insulted you’re puzzled why Dash thinks it worth giving it a try and seeing where this might go.”

“Actually there is the whole… you know, human an’ pony thing,” Apple Bloom said, adding the reassurance, “ain’t wrong and ain’t that strange, but ain’t exactly usual.”

Joe nodded again and decided to not to comment on how wrong and strange him and a pony would be on his world. “I just hope it doesn’t cause her any trouble.”

“Are you worried that it will?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Truth be told… and this is not for gossip.”

“We promise,” Sweetie Belle assured him, echoed by her friends.

“Now I’m worried. I’d been thinking about why it felt unusual for me, and of all the reasons I am sure Scoots can list for why Dash is too awesome for me…” Scootaloo had the grace to look embarrassed. “…rather than the wider reactions.” Joe paused and winked. “Though Angel Bunny seemed the only one disgusted at the lake… pbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttt!”

==

The scene was a peaceful tranquil one, the buzz of insects around the pile of old hay rotting down to fertiliser, the evening sun beating down, and the annoyed and angry glare being bestowed by an orange Mare as she waved her hooves in mid-air.

“Joe,” Applejack warned, “let me down.”

“But Applejack,” replied Joe innocently, “we agreed I could unload this wagon faster if I tilted it, but you could pull more when you were harnessed into it…”

“Joe!” Applejack warned again, giving her hooves another wave and trying to tip herself back down. It had worked before, but the wagon wasn’t being held steady and upright by a human then.

“I did say I had an idea how to combine both advantages…”

“Joe!”

With a smile Joe gently let the wagon pivot on its single axle and Applejack come slowly back down. He wasn’t sure how she’d retained her hat and he certainly wasn’t sure that it would not have been wiser to run away and let her come down by herself. But he’d been unable to resist when he’d noticed just how much Applejack was pulling and realised the slight dip in the ground they were dumping the hay into would allow him to tip the wagon that far.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders had seemed satisfied with what Joe had said about his relationship with Rainbow Dash, or at least Sweetie Belle had been outvoted 2-1 to talk about something else. Or 3-1 if Joe’s vote counted, which he expected it did not. They’d chatted for a while longer as he worked and he’d sympathised with them about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. There was little advice he could give though as school politics was not something Joe had much memory of as it had been years and he’d been rather blandly inoffensive back then. Scootaloo had commented ‘back then’ and Joe had admitted he still preferred to get along with people, and given her a mock glower as he added ‘until they pushed it too far’.

Once the three fillies had left the barn clearing sped up again and it was only an hour or so before Joe had the floor mostly clear and had needed to find Applejack to check what next. Then another hour as Applejack sorted the things between store and junk and Joe loaded and unloaded a wagon and trundled it back and forth. He was just glad that most Ponies were narrow enough in the body that things were set close enough together he could use their small 2-wheel wagons like a handcart.

Then had come some pleasant bickering about being able to pull more hay in the wagon at a time compared with being able to load it and tip it to unload it more easily. Applejack’s horizontal pulling strength versus Joe’s vertical lifting. They’d agreed that Joe should come along to unload the wagon rather than loading a second wagon while Applejack made the round trip with the greater load using twice as many legs allowed. Joe had mentioned he’d an idea to ‘combine the advantages’… but it had still been a surprise for Applejack when he’d heaved at the wagon and she’d felt her hooves leave the ground.

“Joe…”

“Yes, Applejack.”

“Don’t do that again.”

“Of course not,” Joe replied, looking shocked. “Next time I’d have to make sure somepony else was here so they could tickle you…”

“Joe!”

“I mean, of course not. I would never repeat this dreadful imposition.”

“If that’s fancy talk for knowing if you do it again you get a kick where Rainbow would prefer you didn’t, then yep.”

“I’d prefer I didn’t get a kick there either,” Joe protested mildly, “even at worse they still have sentimental value.”

“Then don’t do that again.”

With Joe adequately reprimanded the rest of the hay was more smoothly transferred and by the time he’d swept out the barn it was getting late enough that Applejack told him he could go. Joe mentioned that Twilight Sparkle had asked him to go to the Golden Oaks Library early tomorrow so he’d not be able to make it to Sweet Apple Acres that morning and Applejack had assured him that was fine. If he could make it a few hours tomorrow then that would help, if he had to leave it until his normal day the day after tomorrow then that was still okay.

On a whim and feeling guilty that he’d let Rainbow Dash cheer him up rather than him asking her how she was holding up, as he had with Applejack, Joe turned onto the path towards Fluttershy’s cottage instead of his own hut. He was a bit sweaty but not too bad. Hopefully Dash would be there helping Fluttershy with the evening routine of the animals, and if she wasn’t then would still be worth the visit to check on Fluttershy. Though Joe’s feelings were rather mixed as he wasn’t sure how much he was going for the hope of seeing Rainbow Dash, how much because he felt guilty, and how much because of friendship.

The cottage looked and sounded peaceful as Joe crossed the bridge. Which was better than last time but what was not was the lack of any reply to his knock on the door. Joe paused, considered, and decided to see if the door was unlocked, and finding that it was he peered around it.

“Hello?”

Still no reply so Joe went in and looked around the neat and tidy interior, and was looked at in his turn by some of Fluttershy’s little friends. To his relief the bear wasn’t present as Joe was not keen on apex predators that were so scary humans traditionally used different names for them rather than say ‘bear’ and risk it coming to its name. Right now, he decided, even a raspberry from Angel Bunny would be welcome. Therefore the question was whether to leave, look around inside, or check out the back.

“Hello?”

Leaving would mean a wasted journey and looking around felt a little intrusive. Crossing straight through the cottage to go out the back door and see if anypony was in the back garden-field seemed fair. Joe was sure there was a path around the cottage but the slopes down from either side of it were quite steep and since Fluttershy was a Pegasus, and wouldn’t want things to escape, she might just fly-hop over a fence rather than have a gate that could be accidentally left open.

“Hello?”

Walking through the cottage and nodding to acknowledge any small critter that looked at him, which only seemed polite given how smart even the small things here seemed to be, Joe approached the back door. He pushed it open and, stooping slightly, went back out into the sunshine. Suddenly pain thumped into one side of the top of his head and he heard a resounding ‘donk’ as he staggered a little, more from surprise than the force of the impact.

“Oh my!” Fluttershy squeaked, the door swinging slightly closed again and revealing her hovering where she’d been concealed by it as it opened.

Joe rubbed at his head, looked at the small squirmy thing his fingers had found in his hair by doing that, and then at the bucket Fluttershy was holding. He smiled and looked down at himself and all the other worms and grubs and similar creatures on him and then began to laugh.

“I’m sorry,” Fluttershy continued as Joe continued to laugh and began to dust some of his passengers off himself. “I didn’t mean to hit you with the edge of the bucket, it’s just you’re taller, and…”

“And I think at least one has gone down my shirt,” interrupted Joe, rolling his shoulders as he felt that, and a strange expression coming to his face.

“So you’d better take it off then,” Rainbow Dash suggested from the doorway.

Joe turned to look at her. “Did you just let me walk into that? I did call ‘hello’ a few times.”

“Maybe,” Rainbow Dash admitted, so Joe plucked a squirmy thing from his hair and flicked it at her. “Hey!”

“I’m glad you are feeling cheery today Fluttershy,” said Joe, turning back to her as she blushed and looked uncertain of what to do with the bucket.

“Yes, I’m sorry, I just…”

“Did something that from Dash’s reaction to one,” Joe grinned, “would have been a great prank with as many as you dumped on me?”

“Erm…” said Fluttershy, then she smiled back. “Yes.”

“If Twilight was here,” Joe commented, picking a caterpillar off one sleeve and looking at it for a moment, “then she’d warn about being influenced by your misplaced Cutie Marks…”

“I’m not worried about that,” admitted Fluttershy, “but when Discord… er…”

“Corrupted you?” Joe suggested.

“Influenced us,” said Fluttershy, ignoring the twitch of both Joe and Rainbow Dash’s expressions. “I did like cruel pranks…”

“This wasn’t cruel though,” Joe smiled, “as unpleasant as it is for these things inside my shirt it’s more pleasant for them than inside a bird.”

“Come on,” said Rainbow Dash at that reminder and with that excuse. “Shirt off.”

Joe shrugged and walked a few steps off to one side of the doorway, removed his shirt, and began brushing himself off. Rainbow Dash winked to Fluttershy who, as she’d not warned her friend at the lake, decided to not warn Joe of the stealthy approach of his marefriend. Balancing on her hind legs Rainbow Dash slowly extended one wing, and then brushed Joe’s bare back with it.

“Yeee!” Joe said, jumping at the surprise tickle. He’d been concentrating on a little grub that seemed particularly determined to stay in a fold of cloth.

“I said at the spa I’d get your back next time,” winked Rainbow Dash, settling back down onto all four hooves as Joe turned.

“And I thank you,” Joe replied, suppressing the temptation to flick another squirmy thing at her.

“So, erm, why are you here Joe?” asked Fluttershy.

“I’d finished at Sweet Apple Acres so I thought I’d see how things were here,” Joe replied, starting to put his shirt back on and ignoring Rainbow Dash’s slight ‘aw’ of disappointment, “rather than go straight back to my hut. You mentioned to Fluttershy that Twilight seems to be onto something for a cure, Dash?”

“Yeah.”

“So how are you two holding up?” Joe continued. “And sorry I didn’t ask earlier, Dash.”

“No problem, I’m fine,” said Rainbow Dash reassuringly. She glanced to Fluttershy and continued. “I’ll admit, again, I feel more like I should help Fluttershy with her animals, but she’s a good friend so I should help.”

“And I’m glad of the help and company, though I can manage so nopony should feel guilty and…” Joe looked at Fluttershy as she started to reassure rather than reply. “And I’m… I never wanted anypony to be unhappy, but it does feel, a little, that I should worry about them as well as making my animals happy.”

“People like you,” Joe reassured her, “so when you are there they are happier.” He finished his shirt buttons and sighed. “Though the Ponies at Sugarcube Corner seemed unappreciative, it was a free show so they were getting more than their money’s worth.”

“Thanks,” said Fluttershy with a slight smile.

“Ah, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to find a bright side but seems that Cutie Mark twitches might be helping,” Joe sighed again. “Applejack said Granny Smith is happy to be teaching her about sewing. Dash has realised she can spare some time. And…” He smiled to Fluttershy. “If it’s bringing out your sense of humour then that might help with people…”

“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash, “a few jokes, a little bit of banter, help you and them relax…”

“I’d rather be hit with a bucket of squirmy things than feel like I’m upsetting you,” Joe nodded.

“Oh,” blushed Fluttershy, wondering when she’d made Joe feel that way.

“Which doesn’t mean I like being hit by a bucket of squirmy things,” Joe added, looking at Rainbow Dash.

“Aw.”

Chapter 43

Last night had been quite pleasant. Joe had been too late to help with the animal feeding but not too late to help with the cooking. Fluttershy had dithered slightly but once she had been able to start advising Joe on the differences between a good meal for him and a good meal for a Pony she had calmed down. It had been interesting to her that Joe had been able to stomach a ‘normal’ meal and she’d been able to give him some advice on other ways than cheese or ‘kibble’ to add extra protein. The advice had been appreciated by Joe, the help by Fluttershy, and that she’d not needed to cook by Rainbow Dash.

Angel Bunny of course had been less appreciative. He’d not thought much of Rainbow Dash being there to distract ‘his’ pony from serving him and to prevent him from motivating her properly with carrot throws and other means. That there was a third guest for dinner, a fourth if you counted Tank, was nigh intolerable. Even more so when he’d thought he’d a chance to strike with a quarter carrot while ‘his’ pony was not watching and this ‘human’ had caught it on the way to his face and thrown it back, hard and accurate.

Declining an invitation to stay and sleep on the sofa Joe had excused himself after dinner to see about his own evening and nightly chores. These had to be slightly modified though as not only was he still waiting for a new archery target he now couldn’t run through drills with his shield and spear and no longer had any armour to don to remain accustomed to its weight in his practice. He’d lingered by his shelf of maps and notes and wondered how long it would be before he’d have a chance to add to those, and if the lack of armour or gaining permission from Rainbow Dash was the larger obstacle. Then he’d slept.

Now trying to ignore the multicoloured splendour of the bag he was carrying Joe continued through the streets of Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle had asked him to be at the Golden Oaks Library early today but with how late the research had gone the day before yesterday it seemed better to deal with this first. Hopefully things were calming down and his altered clothes would be ready and today would be as relatively calm as yesterday. Joe suppressed a chuckle as he realised how blasé that sounded, he’d lost his armour to a Sun Goddess and had to roam the Everfree without it and that was calm?

Joe turned up the street and towards the Carousel Boutique. There were not that many Ponies about at this time of day but to Joe’s surprise a few actually said ‘Good Morning’. Which panicked him slightly as he tried to remember when he’d spoken to them before. He was getting better at telling the difference between Pony faces and the variety of colour of fur helped, but the Cutie Marks were almost useless. Everypony might have their own individual mark that was often a clue to their name, but it would be even more obvious to lean to one side to look at that then it would to look at a human’s name badge on their shirt at an event.

“Joe!” Rarity greeted as he entered her shop. “How have you been?”

“That’s my question,” smiled Joe. “How are you holding up?”

“Doing well, darling. Twilight had some fascinating books on the weather and pictures of different patterns.”

Joe nodded. “So you’re, erm…”

“Erm?”

“Getting the feeling that you like weather, but sort of… translating… that into dresses?”

“Translating is not quite the right word, but letting your sweetheart’s Cutie Mark inspire me a little.”

“Does seem you are all getting inspired,” Joe nodded again, “learning from the strangeness rather than ignoring it. Though hopefully they’ll be back where they belong soon, Twilight seems inspired even without having a misplaced destiny.”

“She did seem to be onto something last night,” agreed Rarity, having spent another night at the library. “But what can I do for you?”

“Come to pick up the rest of my shirts and trousers,” Joe said, holding up the bag, “and to return this, with thanks.”

“Not too colourful for you?” teased Rarity, taking the bag with a glow of blue magic.

“I like colourful things.”

“Like Rainbow?”

“Like rainbows, yes,” Joe replied, deliberately mishearing as Rarity hung her bag on a peg.

“Not what I said, darling, but never mind. Come along.”

Joe came along and followed Rarity into the back room where he saw his bag and the stacks of shirts and trousers. He opened the former and began neatly packing the clothes away into it. As he finished and before he could close the bag up Rarity’s horn glowed again and another garment floated across and almost into Joe’s face. He took it and ‘hmm’ed.

“A new waistcoat?” Joe said, insightfully.

“And I have made you a new formal shirt as well,” nodded Rarity, floating that across to settle on top of Joe’s bag.

“Appreciated, but…”

“But you’ll argue the tear in the old one would be under the waistcoat anyway?”

“No, well actually yes, but I was thinking how the last formal event went. So at least there’d been no rush and at most there’d been no need.”

“I have also cleaned your jacket,” said Rarity, ignoring this statement, “which I am glad you took off before fighting.”

“I might need some new trousers or some help with them,” Joe replied. “I have washed the ones I kept on while fighting but the grass stains on the knees were pretty ground in and they are not as white as they were. Also polished the formal boots but not managed the same lustre.”

“So you are optimistic you’ll need them?”

Joe chuckled. “If I was that optimistic then I’d have tried washing and polishing a few more times rather than leaving them as clean but not that good.”

“Chin up, dear,” Rarity chided good-naturedly. “You made a good impression on Fancy Pants and if Princess Luna had been truly angry with you then you would certainly have known.”

“If she shows her annoyance as clearly as her sister does then I’d say so,” smiled Joe, packing the shirt and waistcoat away. “Though I do wonder if I should buy a hat.”

“A hat?”

“Shade my face and the back of my neck in case Princess Celestia decides I’m still annoying enough to sunburn, even if not to do something more drastic to.”

“Or she could just make you warmer and sweatier and smellier,” twinkled Rarity.

“Hrm,” Joe replied, balancing the pain and itchiness of sunburn against the embarrassment of sweatiness and deciding on the latter. “Still, might still buy a hat and probably make it a slouch hat rather than like Applejack’s. People in the country they wear those call us folks from the mother country ‘Pommies’, so would be fitting as we’re pommies and you’re ponies.”

Rarity giggled demurely. “Maybe one day you’ll meet a pommie pony?”

“With your accent I thought I already had, for a while. But I had best be to the library, once I’ve paid for these.”

“Of course, darling,” nodded Rarity, leading him from the backroom and to her desk with her bills and accounts. “And if you give me a sketch of the hat then I’ll see what I can do.”

“No rush.”

There was not much point in showing Joe his bill as he neither had the knowledge or the inclination to quibble. The cost of the materials, the time the work should take, and what would be a fair hourly rate were things he had only the vaguest knowledge of at best. Moreover since Rarity was a friend he trusted those to be fair and would not want to insult her with mistrust. But Rarity did have customers who needed this sort of detail as without everything being itemised they were inclined to try to haggle and argue about the total.

Having paid the total at the bottom of the bill and thanked Rarity for her excellent work Joe made his sketch, explaining that as well as the pommies / ponies joke he’d been thinking of the practical advantage that as you could fold up the side of the brim of those it wouldn’t get in the way of his bowstring. A quick talk about Velcro and metal poppers and buttons later he left to make his way to the library. As he walked he essayed a few ‘Good Morning’s and although a couple of Ponies seemed startled most returned these, even if they had to blink in surprise first.

The great tree of the Golden Oaks Library soon came into view and Joe involuntarily paused. With the day being so pleasant he wasn’t looking forward to another round of explanations of all the ways in which things were more complex to cure thanks to him, but he set himself back in motion as he did owe the help with that complexity. Swinging his bag down off his shoulder Joe pushed the library door open and entered.

“Hello Spike.”

“Hello Joe,” nodded Spike, a pinny around his waist and a feather duster in his hand.

“Twilight around?” Joe asked, moving towards his usual table and sliding his bag under it.

“Yes,” said Twilight Sparkle. Joe turned and nodded to her, but her eyes were on Spike. “I’ll be in the basement, running tests. Don’t let anyone disturb me.”

“Okay Twilight.”

“Tests on me?” Joe said, looking worried.

“Yes,” replied Twilight Sparkle, her tone and expression not making Joe feel less worried.

They went down into the basement where Twilight Sparkle asked Joe to sit and put his left wrist through in a strap on a table, which she tightened to restrain that hand. Then her horn glowed and a matching purple surrounded Joe’s hand for a moment before that glow ballooned out slightly. It floated away from Joe’s hand and as Twilight released her magical hold Joe thought he saw a blob of something transparent left behind, before that faded as well.

“Ouch,” Joe commented, flexing his hand against the pins-and-needles sensation. That had hurt enough it would have been nice to be warned.

“That looked clear,” said Twilight Sparkle to herself, “and it was clear…”

“Okay…”

Remembering she had an audience rather than a test object Twilight Sparkle looked to Joe and began to explain. “You know the problem is that you released the power that could have been used to cure my friends?”

“Our friends, but yes.”

“Sorry,” Twilight Sparkle blushed. “Well, the obvious thing to try would be to replace that power, but I can’t. Whatever power I or anypony else tries to use is tied to our destiny, which is why the spell never worked for Starswirl the Bearded.”

Joe nodded and decided to risk mentioning something. “Princess Celestia did say that her power would be of less use than your knowledge of our friends.”

“Her power and that of Princess Luna is tied to their nature and destiny as Goddesses,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, “and Princess Celestia did mention that Discord’s power was hampered by him being unable to make things more orderly…” She paused and gave Joe a look. “Though I think you knew that.”

“I’ll admit it would make sense,” Joe said, trying to not confirm or deny, “but what did you mean by clear?”

“Humans do not have the same sort of destiny as Ponies, so any magic inside them is not ‘coloured’ by that.”

“And we don’t normally have magic,” Joe nodded, scratching at his left wrist either side of the strap. “But I think I suspect where this is going.”

“The magic myself and Zecora gave you is not tied to a destiny so it can be used,” confirmed Twilight Sparkle.

“Do Ponies have blood types and transfusions?” Joe asked, making Twilight Sparkle look puzzled at the shift of topic. He shrugged as best he could with one hand restrained. “Never mind, sounds like I’m a universal donor. Which is a relief.”

“A relief?”

“As I said to Dash my full name is Jonah…” said Joe, explaining the story and the connotations.

“There was no sign of that in the magic I extracted,” Twilight Sparkle reassured him as he finished, “so if there is a truth in your fear then it has not affected that, and more likely no truth.”

“Good,” sighed Joe. “So you drain me, which will hurt but that’s fine, and boost our friends?”

“And then with that power I can cure them and the others.”

Joe smiled. “And then you put me on the treadmill and see how well I do without the magic, so you have a baseline for normal human performance…”

“Maybe,” Twilight Sparkle replied, managing a weaker smile in return.

“Then after that I get some more potions, and you can see how much that improves me again.”

“Er… yes,” Twilight Sparkle admitted, “but maybe not to the same extent, or at all.”

“Oh?”

“You were unconscious but we did give you a lot of magic and potions after you were mauled, and those were experimental ones…”

“Right…”

“And even we managed to make the same potions again and gave you those and the same magic they might not affect you the same way,” Twilight Sparkle continued, “as they’d be working on a healthy body rather than one that was reacting to having been mauled…”

“So,” nodded Joe, “I’ll be permanently weakened?”

“And maybe completely,” Twilight Sparkle nodded back. “I can’t even guarantee the treatment we gave you before you were mauled will work again. Ponies can overstrain themselves and it would be more like trying to cure that than what we did…”

“Okay,” interrupted Joe. “When do we start and what do I need to do?”

“Joe…” Twilight Sparkle began, then she sighed at his expression. “Okay, just stay there for now.”

“Not got much choice,” smiled Joe, looking down at his wrist.

“Oh, sorry,” Twilight Sparkle blushed, her horn glowing briefly to unfasten the strap.

Joe rubbed his wrist. “I suppose it would keep me out of trouble if I’m as much weaker as I might be.”

“Mmm-hmm,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, turning away and starting to gather her notes in glows of horn magic.

“Or be a test,” Joe continued, starting to feel nervous now he was committed, “like they keep giving those heroes I keep mentioning…”

“Might need to test you,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, picking up on that word, “make sure enough power inside you.”

“Okay.”

“Right, so if I arrange this…”

“Rather a cliché to take away their powers,” Joe muttered to himself, then he smiled and raised his voice again. “Though at least I have an analogy to cling to.”

Twilight Sparkle sighed and turned. She really did want to concentrate on her work, but if talking made Joe feel better than she should listen a little. “I am sure it is not as close as you think.”

“Maybe not,” Joe shrugged, “even if my arm goes bad I’d not be as badly off as the hero. He was rather a sickly person before, so he had more obstacles to overcome when he lost the effects of his treatment.”

“Hmm,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, turning back away again.

“Though maybe a closer analogy than you think,” Joe continued, to her irritation, “as that treatment was also experimental and hard to duplicate, and does sound similar to that potion Dash stole.”

“What?” snapped Twilight Sparkle, whirling away from her notes and even dropping a couple.

Joe gave her a baffled look, he’d realised he was being tuned out and that he was talking more to himself. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders mentioned a potion you made that enhanced a Pony’s special ability, and I said that sounded similar to the Super Soldier Serum that enhanced this hero…”

“What effects did it have?” Twilight Sparkle asked, floating a pad and pen up to make notes.

“Well, it is fictional,” blinked Joe, “but I think first they just said physical perfection, then in the film they had it enhancing the man’s nature, so was important to choose a good man who would remain good…”

“Right…” Twilight Sparkle frowned, pen jotting on pad, “humans don’t have destinies, but they do have true selves?”

“It might just have been that rather than the treatment actually enhancing it in the film, that the extra strength and ability would cause the person to reveal what they were inside. There is the saying however that you are what you are when you are alone in the dark. When nobody can see you and you can do anything without consequence, that is the test of whether you can hold true to what you believe and what you should be.”

Joe paused as he considered what it said about him that it was a web-video he was remembering first, of a hero making a sacrifice even though nobody would ever know or care, rather than the ancient philosophical conundrum of a ring of invisibility.

“Joe,” Twilight Sparkle said gently, seeing him sag slightly, “I need to run another test.”

“Okay…” nodded Joe, pushing aside memories of sad stories.

There was a large and slightly kinky looking framework with restraints and, declining to comment about the similarity in pose to the drawing by Leonardo da Vinci, Joe pushed his sleeves back so the arm restraints were on flesh rather than loose cloth. The restraints clicked into place around his wrists and boots and Joe tugged a little to make sure they were secure enough he didn’t need to be worried about falling over.

“I hope Dash doesn’t come and tickle me…”

“Sorry Joe.”

“What fo…”

Twilight Sparkle’s horn blazed and threw shadows across the basement, enough of a shock for Joe to stop talking even before the glow surrounded him as well. For a moment he wasn’t sure what was supposed to be happening but then he saw the first hints of transparent energy flowing from him and the first prickles of pain. Then more pain as that energy was reabsorbed into him, and yet more as it began to flow out of and back into other parts of his body. Joe’s breathing became irregular as flashes of agony interrupted him in mid breath and he gasped. Then the glow from Twilight Sparkle’s horn intensified even more…

==

Spike and Owlowiscious looked at each other. Spike blinked and Owlowiscious blinked back and added a hoot. “Hwhoo?”

“Joe, that’s who…”

“Hhhhwhoooo!” Owlowiscious frowned.

“All right, I know what you meant,” admitted Spike, “but I can see why Twilight told me to not let anyone disturb her if she was going to make Joe scream.”

“Hwhooo?” Owlowiscious asked.

“I trust Twilight.”

“Hwheoo,” Owlowiscious agreed.

==

The glow had faded and Joe took several deep breaths, feeling the prickle of sweat on his brow, and then took several more deep breaths. That had been horrible and if Twilight Sparkle wasn’t looking so surprised then he’d be feeling vengeful. Or more vengeful as the pain had awoken the instinct to hurt something back. A few more deep breaths and Joe decided to try to talk.

“Ah… whoa… f…” Joe managed to say before coughing. “Yike,” he added, wiping at his brow. Then he looked at his right hand he had just done that with and then up at the restraint.

“That was unexpected,” admitted Twilight Sparkle.

“The pain or this hand being free?” Joe gasped, starting to feel a burn from the scratches and gouges on his wrist and a twinge in his left shoulder as he almost hung from that arm with how weak his legs felt.

“Both. It hadn’t seemed to hurt you that much before.”

“Didn’t hurt as much when it just a hand, and when the magic wasn’t flowing back into me again. So was unexpected for me as well and I’m glad I didn’t pee myself…” Joe looked at his wrist again and the blood starting to appear. “Got a bandage?”

“Here,” Twilight Sparkle said, floating a bandage across and wrapping it around and over the wounds.

“Thank you…”

“Joe,” Twilight Sparkle said hesitantly, “I’m going to need some blood.”

“You got some,” teased Joe, gesturing with his right hand.

“Sorry… I mean…”

“Ah, go ahead.”

“Thanks,” Twilight Sparkle replied, floating a syringe across. Joe watched this and vaguely wondered as he regained control of his breathing where the tourniquet strap to help make the blood vessels more prominent was. Then the syringe dipped and he felt a sudden pain in the meat of his rear.

“You know,” commented Joe mildly, “when I’ve had a blood test they tend to go for the arm.”

“They do?” Twilight Sparkle asked, hesitating as she floated the syringe full back towards her.

“Never mind,” smiled Joe.

Twilight Sparkle nodded and with a brief horn flash the restraints clanked open, then another brief horn flash steadied Joe when he nearly lost his balance without their support. “If you can wait upstairs, I may be a couple of hours…”

“I’ll wait,” shrugged Joe. “I want to run away, but I’ll wait.”

==

A lot more than a couple of hours had passed. Rainbow Dash had arrived while Joe was helping Spike with a few chores, had left to give her own help to Fluttershy at lunchtime, and had then returned. A brief debate about the origin of clouds had been ended by Spike as Joe argued for a cycle of evaporation, condensation, and precipitation and Rainbow Dash for Pegasus powered waterspouts and production in Cloudsdale. Rainbow Dash and Joe had agreed to differ on this and Spike and Rainbow Dash had agreed on a better use for Joe than helping with more library chores. So now Joe was sitting, hard floorboards against the syringe prick on his rear, and his marefriend happily sprawled across his lap as the conversation moved onto the human version of Daring Do.

“So…” Rainbow Dash asked. “This thing would give great power to an army?”

“Make them invincible,” nodded Joe, fingertips idly rubbing Rainbow Dash between the shoulders.

“But the humans after it were enemies of the humans whose ancestors had used it?”

“So it has been suggested they should have been allowed to have it so they could open it at a big rally with all their leaders present…”

“Joe. Good. You’re still here,” interrupted Twilight Sparkle.

“Hi Twi!” Rainbow Dash greeted, raising her head briefly before settling again.

“Twilight, how did things go?” asked Joe.

“Rainbow, you have a very lucky special somehuman…”

“Of course she does,” Joe commented, “he’s hers.”

“Beat me to it,” muttered Rainbow Dash.

“And it was a good thing you took that potion and the Cutie Mark Crusaders mentioned it to him…”

“I did wonder if was one of the things you’d given him,” Rainbow Dash commented.

“No,” said Twilight Sparkle, “so he is even more fortunate.”

Rainbow Dash turned her head to look up at Joe. “You have any idea what she is talking about? She’s sounding as vague as when you tried to avoid answering questions.”

“I still don’t like to say too much about some things, but…”

“I’ll explain it to all of you at once,” Twilight Sparkle interrupted, again. “Spike, can you go get Rarity. Rainbow, Applejack and Fluttershy. And Joe, you can go and get Pinkie. I have a few last preparations to make.”

“I was comfy,” complained Rainbow Dash as Twilight Sparkle turned and trotted back into the basement.

“I was getting cramp,” Joe admitted.

Rainbow Dash sat up and brushed her lips across Joe’s in a quick light kiss before moving fully off his lap so he could stand and stretch. Then she smiled up at him. “I bet I can get AJ and Fluttershy before you can get Pinkie.”

“I bet you can get to them both before I get to Sugarcube Corner,” Joe replied, “but getting them here first? What do you want to bet?”

“A barrel of Cider, I know Big Macintosh has a stash and he’d share it with you.”

“Okay,” Joe nodded, “what do I get if I win?”

Rainbow Dash grinned and then took off to hover so she could whisper in Joe’s ear. As she spoke Joe started to blush as red as the monkey he’d mentioned and by the time she’d finished his ears were approaching the colour of beetroot. Rainbow Dash pulled back a little, looked at the results of her words, and then swooped up and out of the open balcony doors.

“Joe?” Spike said as he continued to just stand there.

“I… ah…” began Joe before looking to Spike. “Apparently I’d win the effects sharing a barrel of cider would have on her. Whether technically I won or not.”

“And you are still here?”

“Good point. I’m not sure if you are saying I should be trying to win, trying to lose, or trying to flee, but good point.”

==

By the time Joe reached Sugarcube Corner his complexion had dimmed to no longer be as pink as the Mare he was going to fetch. Sounds of happy chatter wafted through the windows and out the door and Joe wondered if he’d been denying himself by treating this place as just a bakery rather than somewhere to sit and spend some time relaxing. Though sitting alone would have not been much fun he knew that, unlike a cafe back on his world, Sugarcube Corner had a Pinkie Pie to make it much more cheerful.

“Hello Joe,” Mr Cake greeted.

“Hello Mr Cake, is Pinkie around?”

“She’s just upstairs, dear,” Mrs Cake supplied.

Joe nodded. “Twilight wants to see her about the cure for having apples rather than balloons.”

“Go on up then…” Mr Cake said.

“And good luck,” finished Mrs Cake.

“Thanks.”

Joe went upstairs and to his relief the door to Pinkie Pie’s room was fairly obvious and he could hear her talking to Gummy. So without getting lost or risking the horror of accidentally waking tiny Cakes he was able to go and knock.

“Come Innnnnn,” Pinkie Pie sang.

After hesitating about if she’d said ‘come in’, so he should enter, or ‘coming’, so he should wait for her to admit him, Joe pushed the door open. Pinkie Pie grinned with her profusion of teeth and Gummy blinked and didn’t show his lack of any.

“Joe-eeey!”

“No, Pinkiemena,” Joe replied, retaliating with her full first name, “not Joey. Jonah. But preferably Joe.”

“Okie-dokie-Loki, Joe,” nodded Pinkie Pie, adding a slight ‘eeey’ to Gummy.

Ignoring this Joe continued. “Twilight wants you at the library, possibly time for the cure.”

“Ooooh! Back to balloons for me…” said Pinkie Pie. Then suddenly she sobered and her grin faded to ‘only’ a smile.

“Pinkie?”

“Joe, do you know I grew up on a rock farm?”

“A rock farm? Sounds, er…”

“Like a contrast with what I do and how I act?”

“I don’t know, I mean… you said you got your Cutie Mark because you wanted to share smiles…”

“And my family did share the smiles,” Pinkie Pie reassured him, “we were more concerned with hard work than parties, but they appreciated the effort.”

“Okay,” nodded Joe. “So a happy childhood?”

“Maybe a little monotonous, but they loved me. And still do.”

“Is there a but?” Joe asked, appreciating that Pinkie Pie trusted him enough to talk to him like he had to her.

“They love me, but I’m not sure they understand me. And in some ways this Cutie Mark suits my upbringing of hard steady work better, they’d be puzzled why I wanted to farm apples rather than rocks but not as puzzled as they are by my parties.”

Joe crouched and patted her shoulder. “With as quickly as the Ponies seemed to get unhappy it seems you cheering them up is a constant effort, which is hard steady work.”

“I know I work hard here,” Pinkie Pie glared, annoyed that Joe thought she needed reassurance about that. “There is a lot of planning and preparation in a proper party.”

“Hey, I wasn’t doubting it,” said Joe, holding up his hands and giving what he hoped was an appeasing smile. “And getting cakes freshly baked means early mornings. You do a fine job and thank you for all the cheering up you have given me.”

Pinkie Pie nodded and restored her normal smile. “I’m just not feeling as sure as I used to.”

“I’m not sure what you are saying Pinkie,” Joe admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “Sounds like more doubts than the others seem to be having, but…”

“I’m not sure either, but… it’s just, does this Cutie Mark make me feel this way or does my real one stop me from feeling that way?”

“I…” Joe began, then he shook his head. “I don’t know, but the other one is, as you say, your real one so maybe better to be cured and then decide if you want to make changes in your life?”

Pinkie Pie nodded. “Tell Twilight I’ll be at the library soon.”

==

Applejack and Rainbow Dash thundered through the streets of Ponyville at a full gallop. The latter was determined to win the bet, even if she’d win either way, so she’d challenged Applejack to a hoof race. Hopefully Joe had stood there looking stunned for a while and she might be able to get Applejack there before Pinkie Pie. And if she did but Fluttershy hadn’t arrived before Pinkie Pie then she planned to argue the bet was a draw and still needed a barrel of cider.

Rainbow Dash started to edge ahead as they came round the final turn. Her wings twitched slightly as she had to control the urge to take off and gain more speed by reminding herself that would be a forfeit. Applejack began to close the gap and though Rainbow Dash was starting to feel the effort in her legs she used the motivation of knowing there was more than this one challenge at stake to help her put on another little extra burst of speed. To the relief of both racers a shape was seen at one window of the library and the door opened ahead of them.

“I win!” Rainbow Dash declared as she surged through the doorway.

“Good race, sugar cube,” agreed Applejack.

“And might win the bet,” Joe nodded, closing the door.

“What bet…” asked Applejack before looking suspiciously at Rainbow Dash. “Wait, is that why you challenged me to a race?”

Rainbow Dash grinned unrepentantly as she noted the lack of pinkness. Either fur and mane or just mane. “Now we have to see if Pinkie or Fluttershy gets here first…”

“Erm… I’m here,” Fluttershy said, “I just got here at the balcony.”

“Then Dash wins twice,” nodded Joe.

“Where is Pinkie Pie,” Twilight Sparkle sighed, tapping one forehoof in impatience and irritation that Joe had returned without her.

“As I said, she said she’d be here soon.”

“I wonder what could be keeping her,” Rarity commented.

“You know Pinkie…” shrugged Spike, metaphorically hovering with a teapot in case Rarity needed a refill.

A few minutes passed, during which Joe made admiring noises as Rainbow Dash described the race and Spike had the honour of topping up Rarity’s teacup, and then Pinkie Pie arrived. She gave them all a smile, but that it was not a grin, and her mane and tail were not at full puff, showed she was not quite on top form.

“Pinkie!” said Twilight Sparkle.

“I’m here,” Pinkie Pie replied, “what’s this about a cure?”

“You feeling okay, honey bun?” frowned Applejack.

“Of course I’m not,” Pinkie Pie replied, with a touch of the sarcasm stress, or Discord, could bring out in her. “I still have your Cutie Mark.”

“Fair enough,” nodded Applejack. She knew Pinkie Pie was likely not saying anything against the Cutie Mark, just its location.

“Now we are all here,” Twilight Sparkle said, drawing the attention of her friends and going on to explain what she’d told Joe about the magic in him being ‘clear’ and useable, and the risk that this magic would not be able to be replaced to the same extent or maybe not at all. To his embarrassment she mentioned he’d volunteered at once anyway.

“Wasn’t a big deal,” Joe shrugged as they looked at him and looked dubious after all the times he’d mentioned the significant effect of the magic on him.

“But I think you remember this…” continued Twilight Sparkle, floating a potion vial into view.

“I do!” Pinkie Pie said, getting closer to her normal bounce in happy memory. “Helped me save Dashie!”

“Helped me need to be saved,” admitted Rainbow Dash.

“I’ve checked with some blood samples,” Twilight Sparkle explained, “and as he’s not been given it before it will boost the magic inside Joe, even if he doesn’t have a destiny.”

“Ah,” Joe nodded, as Rainbow Dash also understood why Twilight Sparkle had said he was even more fortunate, “so more magic in me to drain and perhaps you won’t need to drain it all?”

“Yes, but I don’t know if I will drain just the extra, or more than that, or less than that,” admitted Twilight Sparkle, “and I am not sure what effect the potion will have on you before that extra magic is drained.”

“Okay,” Joe nodded again. “As I said before, when do we start and what do I need to do?”

“Whoa, wait…” interrupted Rainbow Dash, “is this something to do with why he’s got a bandaged wrist?”

“He… er…” Twilight Sparkle began.

Joe gave a quick headshake to her, taking advantage of the fact Rainbow Dash was intent on her rather than him. “I scraped myself earlier during the testing.”

“Ah, yes…” nodded Twilight Sparkle, “when I had the idea about the potion I had to make another check.”

Rainbow Dash turned, took off, and hovered to look Joe in the eyes. “Why did you scrape yourself?”

“I jerked my hand back as it hurt a little.”

“Sugar cube, if it’s going to hurt more than a little then you need to say,” commented Applejack. “So we don’t get worried that things are going wrong.”

“He screamed,” Spike nodded. “Heard it from up here.”

“What?” hissed Rainbow Dash.

“Thank you Spike, you could at least have said ‘bellowed in pain’,” Joe smiled. “But it was more the surprise than anything else, and because the magic was flowing back into me rather than just out.”

“So if you can all come downstairs,” said Twilight Sparkle, “once I have given you your Elements…”

As Twilight Sparkle floated the Tiara onto her own head and began floating the other Elements of Harmony to click around the necks of their rightful Holders Rainbow Dash landed and looked up at Joe. He looked back at her, trying to appear calm and determined rather than scared, and hoping he at least looked scared and determined.

“I know this is mine,” Rarity commented, glancing down at her Element of Generosity, “but doesn’t feel quite right.”

“Mine feels more comfy,” nodded Applejack, “but ah did get that little extra help of some glow.”

Rainbow Dash glanced at her friends as a Butterfly floated to Fluttershy, and then muttered quietly to Joe. “Are you doing something stupid?”

“No,” Joe replied, equally quietly as a gemstone balloon settled around Pinkie Pie’s neck, “maybe something that will hurt, but not stupid.”

“Okay,” said Rainbow Dash, giving a reluctant nod and turning away to make it easier for Twilight Sparkle to give her the Element of Loyalty.

The Elements of Harmony in their places Twilight Sparkle led the way to and down into the basement. Five seats were arranged in a circle and dangling down into the middle of them was a rope with a parachute harness. They descended the stairs and looked at this for a moment before Twilight Sparkle floated the potion vial to Joe.

“Drink this and then get into that harness,” Twilight Sparkle said, sounding as if she was running through things one last time in her mind and adding a little belatedly, “please Joe.”

“Sure,” nodded Joe. He pulled out the stopper and slugged it back, glad that this was not an unpleasant flavour as was traditional for medicine or as might result from his sense of taste being different to Ponies’. Then he waited for any rush of strength and waited a moment more…

“Don’t worry,” Rainbow Dash reassured him, seeing his expression, “I didn’t feel anything until I tried to fly.”

“Ah well,” shrugged Joe, “better not try to find something to lift or throw and waste this on testing myself.”

Joe wandered across to the harness and took a moment to consider how to arrange himself. On a Pony those two straps would come round under the belly but did he want to stick a leg through one to sit on a strap and his arms through the other? It seemed that could be painful as the straps were not that wide and almost all of his weight would be on the one, so instead he stuck one arm through each loop and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Twilight Sparkle’s horn glowed and the rope began to withdraw, the harness straps going taut and digging in a little under Joe’s armpits, and then his feet leaving the floor and him rising to dangle about his own height up.

“Sit down please girls,” Twilight Sparkle asked, moving into the circle to sit beneath Joe.

Trusting their friend they obeyed and each took a seat, Rainbow Dash giving Joe one last worried look as Spike sneaked in to watch what was going to happen from the top of the stairs. Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath and closed her eyes. As she exhaled her horn glowed a bright purple and a column of magic streaked up from it to surround Joe. He started to squirm a little and his jaw clenched as the glow around him built. Then a cone of this purple came back down from him and onto the others, as if Twilight Sparkle’s magic was the jet of a fountain folding back on itself.

For a moment nothing more happened and then Joe twitched as something seemed to fill the inside of the purple glow like water flowing between layers of coloured glass. Around the cone more intense arches of magic began to form and link Joe and the five Ponies on their seats. Joe felt his teeth grinding together and that he was beginning to sweat as more of the potion-boosted power flowed painfully out and down. A pulse of light ran around the base of the cone between the Ponies and the Elements around their necks flashed, then a second pulse and a second flash…

Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes, those glowing white and almost as intensely as her horn as she channelled more of her power into siphoning the energy from Joe. A third pulse of light flashed around the circle of her friends but this time it either continued going or was replaced by another each time it reached the point at which it had begun. This pulse, or pulses, began to accelerate and seeking something to distract him from the pain Joe tried to concentrate on how strange it was that there was no sound from this. It felt like there should be a ‘thrmmmm’ noise with that getting higher pitched as the pulse went faster and faster and that as the pulse began to blur into a single band of light that this should become a whining whistle.

Instead there was silence as the band formed and as the light began to also seep up the arches linking Joe and the others and, to a lesser degree, up the less intense sections of purple between them. On their seats the Ponies began to glow and around their necks the Elements of Harmony flickered towards their true colours, remaining correct longer and longer until it became more they were flickering away from that. Strange shadows were cast from the light of the band and the different coloured glows of the Ponies and their Elements. Then the Ponies eyes went wide and they jerked up on their seats and stared at nothing in sudden shock. There was a final flash and Twilight Sparkle slumped, her eyes closing, her Tiara and horn dimming, and the magic joining them all vanishing as the other five Ponies also slumped in reaction.

For several seconds Joe just dangled there looking down at them, the veins on his neck and forehead gradually becoming less prominent. He’d managed to not scream, this time, but his breathing sounded rather ragged. He tried to concentrate on making this deep and regular and normal sounding as well as on not passing out. The fact the others were so still was worrying so it was a relief when Spike trotted into view, and a great relief when Rainbow Dash stirred and looked up at him with a faint smile.

“Hey…” Joe croaked.

“Hey yourself.”

“Your bum looks nice.”

Rainbow Dash looked around at the part in question. “Yay,” she said, trying for enthusiasm, “right Cutie Mark.”

“That as well,” Joe nodded, attempting a friendly leer.

“Flatterer…”

“Everyone better?” Spike asked, checking Cutie Marks and that everypony was breathing and stirring.

“Looks like it from up here,” Joe nodded, glancing down below his feet, “can you move Twilight so I can get down? She still seems zonked.”

“I’m fine…” said Twilight Sparkle indistinctly, not doing more than move her lips that fraction.

“Ah’ll handle that,” Applejack said, making an effort and standing. “You help yer feller Rainbow.”

Applejack walked slowly over and shifted Twilight Sparkle across a little while Rainbow Dash flapped wearily up to help Joe. With her support he managed to lift himself, reaching above his head with his arms to grab the rope and haul, and get some slack in the harness. Fluttershy joined the effort and moved the loops of the harness from under Joe’s armpits and around the points of his elbows, holding them so Joe’s arms would just slip through. Joe glanced down and seeing floor rather than purple unicorn nodded.

“Okay, look out below.”

Rainbow Dash moved back and Joe let go of the rope and dropped and rather crumpled on landing, making sure he crumpled away from Twilight Sparkle and Applejack. He sat up but remained sitting and Rainbow Dash landed and gave him a kiss on the cheek before sitting down beside him to lean her head companionably against his shoulder.

“Can you tell I’ve never done a parachute jump,” Joe commented, “but have a vague idea you need to roll to absorb the impact?”

“Remind me to never share a tandem harness with you,” smiled Rainbow Dash. “Even if it’s becoming less problem how kinky that sounds.”

“Ah… my plan exposed,” Joe smiled faintly back, “seduce you merely so I can strap you on and fly.”

“You think you are seducing me?”

Twilight Sparkle gave them a tired smile. “Eventually I’d have got you down, just wanted to let Rainbow have a chance to decide whether to tickle or not.”

“Aw, missed a chance,” Rainbow Dash commented.

“Fortunately gravity works,” shrugged Joe, hoping that at least worked the same mysterious way here, “and so does teamwork.”

Twilight Sparkle started to nod and then she blinked and thought. “That’s it!”

“Eh?” Joe asked insightfully.

“Starswirl the Bearded’s spell!” said Twilight Sparkle. “It said ‘From one to another, Another to one…’, which was why I set up pulses going from one Element to another, so each of them could remind and reinforce another.”

Joe and Spike and the other five Ponies looked at each other. So far this seemed understandable but they didn’t see the point.

“Right?” Spike asked, having only watched and so being less weary than the rest.

“But whenever we have achieved the most we have worked together, not alone…” Twilight Sparkle wobbled to her feet like a fawn. “I think I know how to fix and complete the spell.”

“That’s good news, honey bun,” smiled Applejack, “but maybe a…”

Twilight Sparkle almost trotted away and up the stairs in her enthusiasm.

“…rest first,” finished Applejack. She looked to the others. “Ah hope she isn’t making a mistake.”

“Well, come along then dears,” Rarity ordered, sliding and standing off her own seat. “If she is then we can try to save her from it.”

Rainbow Dash stood and without her against his shoulder Joe hauled himself to his feet. Then they looked at the stairs,

“Why did it have to be down and then up?” Rainbow Dash complained. “Other way round and I could have just glided back…” She gave Joe a smile. “Carry a Mare?”

Joe smiled back. “I can try.”

“He looks a bit… erm…” Fluttershy said, searching for a diplomatic term and failing, “wobbly.”

“Darlings,” nodded Rarity, “move.”

With Spike scampering ahead to check on his ‘big sister’ the others wearily followed. The difference between a couple of days ago and now was like the difference between pushing a rock to slide down a mountainside and having had to haul that rock up there first. Perhaps still the same sort of sudden rush but a lot more work first. Upstairs Twilight Sparkle was pacing a little, the thrill of the idea overcoming her fatigue, and Joe settled himself on the edge of the stairs leading up to the upper level.

Twilight Sparkle looked at them and pointed towards the open spellbook. “You see, it’s talking about one and alone…”

The Ponies moved forward a little, although they still couldn’t really read it even being that fraction closer. Joe just nodded, listened, and stayed sitting where he was the other side of the stylised horse head statue. Seeing that Joe had not moved Twilight Sparkle paused, but while her inspiration lasted she wanted to get this done. Then she could confirm he was as well as he appeared, if probably not as well as he was trying to look

“But friends working together is the greatest magic,” Twilight Sparkle continued, turning towards the spellbook as she took a quill in her magic. She dipped this in her inkpot and continued to speak as she wrote. “From all of us together, Together we are friends, With the marks of our destinies made one, There is magic without end…”

As she finished writing her Tiara suddenly glowed and before anyone could react so did the other Elements of Harmony. Beams of light shot from them and in the direction the Ponies had been looking, which was straight at Twilight Sparkle. A glow of white light surrounded her as the colours combined into that and then that glow began to swirl and streak around her into a sphere. Joe lurched to his feet to try to do something, grab one of the other Ponies, grab Twilight Sparkle, or simply try to get in the way and shield one from the other with his body. But then he staggered and barely avoided falling on his face as he tripped over Spike.

“Joe! Stop!”

“What? The Ele...” Joe began, then his mind caught up with his reaction, “trust them?”

“Yes!” snapped Spike.

Joe nodded to this and watched and hoped. The magic continued to flow from the Elements of Harmony into the sphere and then it pulsed and vanished and took Twilight Sparkle with it. Fluttershy squeaked and the others looked horrified.

“Where’d she go?” Applejack asked before she joined the quartet of glares being given to Spike and Joe. “And couldn’t one of you pair have done something?”

“I did say we should try to save her from a mistake,” added Rarity.

“I... I think Spike can say it better,” Joe said, either not brave enough to avoid shifting the blame or not wanting to take the credit, and not sure which it was.

“Spike?” asked Rarity.

“Would any of you ever hurt Twilight?”

“Of course not, darling.”

“Then why would you think you would hurt her now?”

“That... erm... makes sense,” Fluttershy agreed. “I hope.”

“Indeed,” nodded Rarity, then her eye for patterns served her well. “Oh my! Look at the scorch mark.”

“Looks like her Cutie Mark,” Joe said, wandering over and looking. “Thanks for tripping me Spike.”

“Any time,” smiled Spike.

“Any time it's important.”

“Any time,” repeated Spike.

Shaking his head a little and deciding he’d not need much tripping at the moment Joe moved back to slide down and sit on the floor with his back against a bookcase. With the exception of Spike they were all tired enough that sitting or lying seemed a fine idea. Rainbow Dash decided she wanted a proper cushion. So she got into Joe’s lap and snuggled her head against his chest, unfurling a wing to hug him as he rested an arm down her back in return. He kissed her on top of the head and they relaxed. A while passed in silence and recovery.

“So, how we all feeling? Other than like we’ve done the running of the leaves five times in a row…” Applejack began.

“Five times?” interrupted Rainbow Dash, giving a yawn, “I could do it ten times before I got this tired.”

“Ah don’t feel as much like sewing,” Applejack continued, “but ah think ah do like the time spent with Granny Smith…”

“And I still have my ideas for my weather themed collection,” added Rarity, “though I have lost the desire to shape actual weather.”

Rainbow Dash nodded against Joe’s chest. “Not sure how often I’ll help you out now Fluttershy, but stop by a few times a week. Maybe.”

“That would be nice,” Fluttershy smiled.

“Still wanting to do my job at all?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“No,” Fluttershy replied, “but I would like some advice on better jokes.”

“I thought the bucket of squirmy things was funny,” commented Joe with a slight smile. “How about you Pinkie?”

“It does sound funny,” Pinkie Pie said, avoiding the actual question.

“Pinkie…” said Applejack, looking worried.

“I’m feeling better,” Pinkie Pie assured her, “but…” She shook her head and stood. “I’ll go get us some buns.”

“I’ll help,” offered Spike.

Pinkie Pie managed a smile. “Thanks.”

==

Downstairs Spike was continuing his overblown description of how Pinkie Pie and the others had been cured, something that had started as an explanation to Mr and Mrs Cake but which had turned into a performance as he realised how many Ponies were listening. They’d quickly established that although the Ponies remembered misremembering that they did now remember the right Cutie Marks and jobs and Elements of Harmony for their holders.

Upstairs Pinkie Pie was lying on her bed and cuddling Gummy. He’d blinked his suspicion of this unusual calm but seemed to have accepted quiet was no less random than noise and was happy with the piece of mane he was making soggy with his chewing. Pinkie Pie ran one hoof down the thicker scales of her pet’s back and smiled before looking again at the letter she’d found where she’d left it under her pillow.

Dear Me,

I don’t know how this letter will sound to you now we have been cured, but if we still remember writing it then maybe we remember how we felt? I can almost feel myself wincing and wanting to find something more fun to do, and maybe it is just Applejack’s Cutie Mark making me feel this way. But the false memories it gave us do remind me of my real ones and do make me wonder. Living above Sugarcube Corner and working for Mr and Mrs Cake is a good life, but how long should we be content with this?

Now we have our own Cutie Mark back this may all seem silly to worry about, but we owe ourselves the same care with our life as we owe everypony else with how carefully we plan our parties to make sure they all have fun. So please consider what we want.

Yours
Me.

With another stroke down Gummy’s spine Pinkie Pie decided that ‘me’ sounded sad, but not as sad as she’d been when she’d caused trouble by not thinking. It had all worked out with Cranky Doodle Donkey, but she’d been very upset when she realised how her enthusiasm to make him smile had made him feel. And of course her friends would have forgiven her if she’d had to choose one thing to do over another, they’d forgiven her for the greater trouble the mirror-pond clones had caused.

The memories from Applejack’s Cutie Mark had faded when she’d glowed and were all gone now, but ‘me’ was right about them being a reminder. Every day Pinkie Pie had to focus on making somepony smile, as their smiles did fade so fast, and every party needed her to think ahead a week or a month. But as well as day-to-day and week-to-week there was a longer timeframe in farming, even rock farming, and this reminder seemed a lesson she should not completely ignore. The idea of making schedules and checklists like Twilight Sparkle filled her with horror but it might be good to have some goals. It would be nice to have her own home like three of her friends or her own business like Rarity…

But of course it was harder than ‘me’ had thought to plan ahead with Twilight Sparkle having vanished and nopony knowing what had happened to her. Until that was resolved Pinkie Pie was unsure what was going to happen.

==

Rainbow Dash had fallen asleep. Which meant that nobody else could. Joe was glad that he didn’t have any fillings as whenever his marefriend gave a particularly resonant snore at this close range it felt like he’d have risked them being vibrated out of his teeth. The temptation to wriggle his fingers and tickle her had always been present, even if last time she’d been in roughly this position he’d only done that as retaliation for feather tickling. Now he was wondering if he should tickle on the excuse that it would be a heroic deed to save the others from this noise.

Fortunately the library door opened and sensing the arrival of the sort of sugary high-calorie foods she needed to fuel her high-speed life Rainbow Dash gave a little snort and sat up from her slight slump against Joe to look. Pinkie Pie walked in and to their relief, even if she was not stotting, she did have more bounce in her stride again. Spike followed and closed the door behind them before following Pinkie Pie to the table to help her unload the boxes from her panniers.

“Darlings, welcome back,” Rarity smiled.

“Glad you are looking a mite happier Pinkie,” added Applejack. “All go well?”

Spike began handing out buns and cupcakes as Rainbow Dash reluctantly folded the wing she’d had over Joe’s lap and turned to be sitting more upright and only leaning against rather than snuggling against him. Which still only left Joe one hand free as that shift trapped his arm between her back and the bookcase.

“Everypony seems to remember how things should be,” Spike agreed, offering a box of cupcakes to Rarity and getting a slight moue in return. Seeing this he lowered his voice. “I’ll get you a plate.”

“Thank you, dear.”

As Spike passed within range one of Rainbow Dash’s forehooves shot out and snagged the box. Disdaining the prissy manners amongst friends she dipped her other forehoof in, snagged a cupcake, and chomped half of it in one bite. Then she saw that even Pinkie Pie looked a touch surprised and remembered there was a gap between sending Spike to get a plate to catch crumbs and devouring a cupcake like that while actually leaning against your special somehuman.

Joe reached out and took a cupcake of his own, rather less abruptly than Rainbow Dash. “Thanks Spike.”

Spike nodded, grabbed the box, and continued on his way. He soon returned with the plate for Rarity, though there was the slight delay of circling wider of Rainbow Dash and giving her an exaggerated look of fear. Rarity thanked him and began eating her cupcake with delicate jabs of the fork Spike had also provided and the others got a second cupcake from Pinkie Pie before she settled.

“Ah’m right sure, Spike, that you’re right we’d not hurt Twilight,” Applejack said, a third of a way through her second cupcake. “But ah do wonder if we should be informing th’ Princess of what’s happened?”

“I mentioned that you five were cured to Ponies, but not what happened to Twilight.”

“They’d be… concerned,” Fluttershy said. “I am.”

“I am sure Twilight’s fine,” smiled Joe, “but it might be better to find out if we need to do anything but wait…”

“And have a ‘got right Cutie Marks again’ celebration,” Pinkie Pie added.

“Okay,” said Spike, getting himself a scroll and quill and ink. Then he looked at them expectantly.

“Darling, you did get the best view of it all,” Rarity reminded him. “And after the first part and cure we were a touch fatigued.”

“Oh, right,” nodded Spike, starting to write and reading it out as he did. Nobody had any comments so, after looking around at them again, he rolled the scroll up and puffed green fire on it so it burnt away into a rising spiral. But no sooner had it vanished then it appeared again and fell to the floor. “Strange,” he commented, looking down at the scroll, “that should find Princess Celestia wherever she is.”

“Try again later?” Joe suggested.

“Sounds fine to me,” agreed Applejack.

Spike picked the scroll up and put it on the table. Looking at the boxes of buns he nodded again. “I’ll go get some tea to go with those.”

“Thank you darling,” Rarity said, echoed by the others.

“So,” said Applejack, as Spike trotted away, “what was the problem Pinkie?”

“We were… worried,” Fluttershy added. “You didn’t seem as happy to be cured.”

“Just didn’t seem as happy,” nodded Rainbow Dash, weighing comfort against Joe versus the trip to get a bun before Spike returned. “And didn’t get much happier.”

Pinkie Pie glanced at Joe and was glad for the questions as it showed he’d kept their talk discreet. “I’m very happy with my friends and my life,” she said, smiling and deciding to explain, “but I grew up on a farm, so even after I’d entertained at Sugarcube Corner some doubts returned. It felt right to be at Sugarcube Corner but, although I was unhappy, it didn’t feel completely wrong to be at Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Ah think ah can understand,” nodded Applejack. “Ah’ve mentioned mah Cutie Mark tale a time or two and ah can imagine if ah’d stayed in Manehatten and thought ah was happy there, but then gone back to Sweet Apple Acres and then back again to Manehatten. Ah think ah’d wonder between doing what ah thought ah was meant to be doing or doing what ah’d been raised doing.”

“And I’m… unusual,” Fluttershy added, blushing a little and slightly looking through her Mane. “I’d not have been good at it if I’d got Rainbow’s Cutie Mark, but flying more and trying to control the weather would be more Pegasus-like. Looking after my little friends is what I want to do, but it was still… strange for me to decide to live on the ground and do that.”

“Humans don’t have the same certainty,” sighed Joe, “which was fortunate as it turned out with the magic, but can have family traditions and breaking with those can be a tough decision.” He managed a smile as he imagined how many books would be a lot shorter if humans got Cutie Marks so the ‘wastrel’ son could point to it and tell the disapproving father he was meant to be an artist rather than a lawyer. “Have you managed to resolve your doubts Pinkie?”

“I think so,” Pinkie Pie nodded.

“Just don’t think too much,” nodded Joe back, “I think I think too much sometimes…”

“As long as you don’t think you think you think too much,” Fluttershy teased.

“What…” began Joe, then he remembered the apologising for apologising, and apologising for apologising for apologising and chuckled.

Spike returned and began handing out cups and making the rounds with teapot and milk and sugar. Rarity of course got the best china, and what looked like a silver teaspoon, while the others got sturdier mugs. Rainbow Dash washed down a mouthful of bun with a swig of tea and then winked and murmured to Joe.

“Tea isn’t what I was thinking of drinking with you.”

“Tea is probably safer,” Joe murmured back. “If nothing else I think it would kill me, as tired as I am, if you tried half of what you suggested.”

“What about a third?”

“What are you two muttering about?” asked Rarity. “And why are you blushing Joe?”

“Having to admit how tired I am, and how incapable,” Joe replied, “though if it would make some things unsafe at least it makes Pinkie safer.”

“Oh?” frowned Rainbow Dash.

“The way I feel I’m not going to try to pick her up and start dancing.”

Pinkie Pie grinned. “I’m Pinkie the Pink, the Pink, the Pink…”

“It was an… interesting… way to dance,” Rarity agreed.

“It was… nice,” nodded Fluttershy.

“It was also deliberate comedy,” Joe protested mildly.

“I am sure it was darling…” twinkled Rarity, pretending more disbelief than she felt. Then between them she, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie described the dancing and the routine. Joe stoutly maintained throughout that the original was a comedy song with the three men in a line deliberately bobbing up and down out of sync, though he had to admit he wasn’t a good dancer even when trying.

“I suppose once I’ve had some sleep…” Joe began.

“Once all of us have had some sleep,” interrupted Applejack, “which means someplace out of earshot of Rainbow while she has hers.”

“Hey!”

“She’s not that… er… loud,” Fluttershy said, defending her friend but glad Rainbow Dash was probably going to sleep back at her own cottage tonight.

“I can try lifting Pinkie,” continued Joe, “and answer Twilight’s question of if I’m stronger or weaker or the same.”

“I thought you sang that would be kinky?” Pinkie Pie smiled.

“True,” admitted Joe, “so back on the treadmill for me with the machines that go ‘ping’.”

The mention of Twilight Sparkle’s name seemed to have dampened spirits again and Spike picked up the scroll and gave it another puff of fire with the same failure as before. Talking of machines that went ‘ping’ did remind Joe of a comedy group and since he was in a different world quoting them would not be so overdone as it had become back in his own. Of course that was assuming he’d liked them enough to be able to recite entire sketches from memory like some people could. There was a song though that could pass the time and maybe cheer people up.

“Can Ponies whistle…” Joe started to ask, before stopping, “wait of course they can…” He tightened the arm she was leaning against to give Rainbow Dash a quick hug. “Dash mentioned she whistled a tune for rhythm in Ghastly Gorge.”

“And you want ‘ba-ba-bah’,” commented Spike, “because it was the same tune as a human one.”

“True,” Joe admitted, “though now I’m wondering how ghastly this gorge is…”

“Pretty bad,” said Rainbow Dash happily, “but I am awesome.”

“And Tank needed to rescue you,” Applejack winked.

“AJ!”

Joe nodded as he remembered Fluttershy saying that Tank was Rainbow Dash’s pet because he’d helped her when she was stuck. “Maybe I should have said I won’t go in the Everfree alone if you don’t go there alone…”

“You think that would have worked darling?” Rarity asked archly.

“No, and too late now,” shrugged Joe, with his untrapped shoulder. “Already promised my half.”

“So why were you asking about if Ponies could whistle?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Joe gave her a weary smile, took a breath, and started to sing. “Some things are bad, they really make you mad…”

His singing did falter a little as he went on. He didn’t want to swear, had to hurriedly substitute ‘chewing on a thistle’ for ‘chewing on life’s gristle’ to avoid that reference to meat eating, and wasn’t sure of some of the words anyway. Explaining it had come from a film about a man mistaken for a messiah seemed too complicated and he decided to also not mention that it had been sung on sinking warships. Though he did mention it being sung at the Olympics, and hoped he was right about if it had been the opening or closing ceremony.

Then Joe was taught some Pony songs, including some that were rather more ribald than he expected. A few of the tunes of those were familiar but they had very different words and Rarity and Applejack displayed a fine talent in their opposite ways. Rarity used the power of the eyelash flutter to make more explicit lyrics seem, somehow, more innocent and give the impression that she couldn’t really have just sung that? Applejack instead took rather dull lyrics, but made it clear with her tone and a few winks that those were metaphors and what they were metaphors for.

==

A few hours had passed and the singing had wound down. The buns, cupcakes, tea, and rest had done them some good but Fluttershy had begun to become anxious about her animals as well as about Twilight Sparkle. Therefore while Spike and Rarity remained to keep an eye on the Golden Oaks Library the others had gone with Fluttershy to her cottage to help her deal with the evening feed there. The jog, canter, or fly there from Ponyville had been a reasonable test of how they were feeling and Joe was quite pleased that he was feeling tired rather than weak.

When they returned they found that Rarity and Spike had cooked and depleted the library pantry along with a few additions Rarity had fetched from her own and which Spike had been very happy to learn, from her, how to cook with. The company and the meal had been good despite the absence of a sixth Mare and their growing concern for her. Now as they finished eating and settled back it seemed time to return to that problem.

“I’m getting worried,” admitted Spike.

“Don’t worry,” Rarity reassured him, “trust yourself Spike.”

Joe waved in the general direction. “Cutie Mark scorch-mark.”

“I know,” Spike sighed. “Just it’s been hours.”

Through the windows they could see the daylight dimming towards the time of day of their missing friend. Gradually the windows turned black and reflective as the light inside the library remained constant and that outside did not. Then in one direction they cleared again as enough light began to stream through them that the library brightened on that side while remaining dark on the other. They looked to each other and then Applejack stood and trotted to the door as Rainbow Dash took off to arc out the balcony doors and approach whatever this was from the different direction.

Lacking the ability to follow his marefriend Joe instead followed the others outside where they saw what looked like a gigantic version of Twilight Sparkle’s Cutie Mark hanging over Ponyville and giving off the light they’d seen. As this descended towards them Applejack couldn’t help but point, even knowing how noticeable this was, and Rainbow Dash curved down to watch this with the others. Just before it reached the ground the purple stylised star dissolved into a brilliant white light and as this cleared they saw a pony shaped silhouette.

“Twilight?” Applejack asked reasonably. “Is that you?”

The Pony seemed to gather herself and they became less dazzled they could see the purple fur and horn and distinctively patterned mane and tail of their friend. But as Twilight Sparkle stood and took a breath there was a sudden rush of air through feathers as wings unfurled from either side of her body.

“Whoa,” commented Joe, peering through his fingers as the last of the glow faded and realising why Princess Celestia might have been quite so peeved with him, “that was what I nearly messed up?”

Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes and seemed almost as surprised by her new accoutrements as the others. She began flexing and examining a wing and giving it a very puzzled look as her friends walked across to her.

“Ah, ah’ve never seen anything like it,” Applejack commented, discounting having met the various Princesses.

“Twilight’s got wings!” cheered Rainbow Dash, taking off to examine them from a new angle. “Awesome, a new flying buddy!”

“Why, you've become an Alicorn,” Rarity blinked. “I didn't even know that was possible.”

“Alicorn paaarty,” said Pinkie Pie, finding party supplies from somewhere and discerning the important first priority.

“They… erm… suit you,” Joe nodded.

“Looking good Twilight,” agreed Spike.

“Wow,” Fluttershy breathed. “You look just like a Princess.”

Behind them and unnoticed Princess Celestia descended. “That’s because she is a Princess…”

Everyone turned and Joe’s knee twitched before he decided that if nobody else was kneeling then maybe he didn’t have to, yet. In various tones but a remarkably coordinated manner they all looked at the Goddess of the Sun and went ‘huuhhhhh?’ at her. Pinkie Pie of course was the first to recover her wits.

“Hold on a second,” Pinkie Pie requested, then she pulled a full drinking glass out from apparently nowhere, took a deep swig, and then provided the mandatory spit take for the purpose of comedy.

“A... a Princess?” stammered Twilight Sparkle, that being enough shock to break her silence.

“Since you've come to Ponyville you’ve displayed the charity,” Princess Celestia replied, nodding to each of Twilight Sparkle’s friends in turn, “compassion, devotion, integrity, optimism, and of course the leadership of a true Princess.”

Joe tried to look inconspicuous as he stood off to one side and not feel too insulted for Spike. He might not be one of the Holders of the Elements of Harmony but he had known her the longest and was her ‘little brother’ so he seemed to deserve a nod.

“But, does this mean I won’t be your student anymore?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Not in the same way as before,” smiled Princess Celestia. “I’ll still be here to help and guide you, but we’re all your students now too. You are an inspiration,” she added as she bowed, “to us all Twilight.”

Following the Deity and Ruler’s example the others bowed, it rippling down along the line through Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Spike, and then finally Joe. The latter decided to make the head bend not quite as deep as he would for Princess Celestia or Princess Luna, though it was more that he realised he’d not dipped it as far rather than this being a conscious decision.

“But, what do I do now?” Twilight Sparkle said, looking at the bowing people. It would have been nice to have some warning of this or of what she was learning her lessons in Ponyville towards. She fell back on her usual means of understanding something new. “Is there a book about being a Princess I should read?”

“There will be time for all of that later,” chuckled Princess Celestia. She turned and looked at the gathering Ponies. “Announcements will be made, but for now farewell.”

With those parting words a brilliant glow surrounded both Princesses, the Immortal Goddess and the confused new one, and they streaked up in an arch of light that briefly linked Ponyville and Canterlot. Joe blinked and shrugged to Rainbow Dash. This had been a confusing end to the day.

Chapter 44

Twilight Sparkle woke and almost purred in contentment. That had been a very strange dream, but her bed was feeling especially soft and comfortable today so she squirmed slightly and brought a wing up to snuggle her face into it against the pillow. Soon she’d need to get up, but… wait… wing? She gave a slight yelp and jumped out of bed, unfurling and giving a few quick flaps of her wings. That wasn’t a dream, she had wings. Twilight Sparkle looked around herself and recognised the Canterlot Castle bedroom. That wasn’t a dream, she had wings and she was in Canterlot. She trotted across to the nearest mirror and stared at herself and her extra limbs.

This… no, this couldn’t be happening. It was bizarre enough being the Holder of the Element of Magic, though if this was really happening she wasn’t sure if she still was or not. The Tiara had been on her head when the other Elements had discharged but she’d not been wearing it when she reappeared in Ponyville and realised hours had passed and she now had… these. Twilight Sparkle shook her head. Someday, maybe, she would be given an official position rather than the unofficial one she’d gained in Ponyville through her efforts and being Princess Celestia’s student, but that day was still years off. She still had so much to learn so even if she could believe she had wings…

“Thou art not still dreaming,” a voice said, interrupting her thoughts, “and I would know if thee were.”

Twilight Sparkle turned and saw Princess Luna, Goddess of the Moon and of Dreams regarding her with slight amusement. Hurriedly Twilight Sparkle dipped her front half into a bow of greeting.

“The events of yesterday,” Princess Luna continued, “thy talk with my sister and thy being named Princess when thee descended to Ponyville were also not dreams, though the talk did take place more in a realm of the mind than any physical sphere.”

“I… I…” stuttered Twilight Sparkle, looking up, that hope dismissed. Then something occurred to her. “Should I… be bowing to you? If we are both Princesses… though you are still a Goddess, so…”

“There is no need to bow Twilight,” Princess Luna smiled. “But has little to do with thy new status. Thou art dear to Tia and I owe you too much for formality between us.”

“I, yes, Your…”

“Luna. And I am sure my sister will be pleased should you call her Tia.”

“I’m not sure that I can,” Twilight Sparkle admitted, “it will be hard enough to just call her Celestia.”

“Then once she has dealt with dreary mortal affairs of state thee shall have to practice,” Princess Luna nodded, “but for now thou art in my care so I may educate you in the equally dreary formalities of thy position. And begin to detail how thee shall be crowned…”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. Details of the talk she’d had with Princess Celestia after they’d left Ponyville were beginning to come back to her. They’d not talked more than an hour but her mentor, or former mentor, had explained that there would need to be a ceremony. Declaring and displaying that she was a Princess was the first stage and then would come more education in her new duties. There had seemed some hidden amusement in Princess Celestia’s eyes when she said there would be no delay in either and Princess Cadance would play her role in both, so it seemed the coming weeks would be busy.

“…tomorrow,” Princess Luna finished.

“What?” shrieked Twilight Sparkle. “But rehearsals, and organisation, and…”

“And thee have fulfilled my sister’s faith,” Princess Luna interrupted, “this day has been anticipated and she, and I, are confident that you will meet this minor challenge of ceremonial before you also surpass the greater challenges ahead.”

“I… but…”

“Now come Princess Twilight, thee asked my sister if there was a book and she could have replied an entire library. Of dusty tomes of old and new etiquette and recent and outdated styles of formal behaviour. Let us see if my recent education in how ‘polite society’ had changed over a millennia will allow me to similarly educate you in its intricate nonsense.”

==

As the knock on the door of the Carousel Boutique was repeated Rarity sighed and floated a towel to her face to wipe it. Glancing for a moment at the green goo now on the towel, rather than remaining to condition her fur for the extra two minutes she should have allowed, she sent the towel to her laundry hamper and began muttering about inconsideration. The sign clearly gave the opening hours and said her shop was closed and if it was a friend rather than a customer then they knew she preferred to not be visited this early.

Pasting a welcoming smile on her face Rarity opened the door and then let out a slight squeak of surprise when she found three, rather handsome, Unicorns in the armour of the Royal Guard on her doorstep. Seeing them and a few interested Ponies she became very aware of the fact her mane was still gathered up in a towel and that her pink slippers and dressing gown showed she had been caught unawares. She had to resist the temptation to retreat and at least find a mirror long enough to check she’d got all her facial off, the disadvantage of white fur was that so much showed up so well against it.

With a nod the central Unicorn retreated a step and then, to Rarity’s horror as it drew more eyes to them and to her dishabille, the other two began blowing on the trumpets they were carrying. As quick a fanfare as it was it was not short enough for her peace of mind. The central Unicorn bowed as it concluded and then floated and unrolled a scroll to in front of his face and began to read. Declaring in carrying tones that Rarity, Holder of the Element of Generosity, was requested and required to be in Canterlot tomorrow to aid her friend Princess Twilight Sparkle in her Coronation.

Even as her mind began clicking over on dress designs Rarity felt her blush deepening as more Ponies watched and began to excitedly gossip. This was wonderful news but getting it, and the scroll the Guard passed to her as he finished reading it, half-an-hour later would have been less embarrassing.

==

The trio of Royal Guard Pegasi paused outside the door of the cloud house. Despite Princess Celestia having not that long since raised the sun it sounded as if the owner of this cottage was industrious as they could hear what sounded like woodworking. With a nod to his two friends the one that had the job of scroll carrying and reading rather than trumpet blowing knocked on the door. The woodworking sounds stopped and after a few moments a bleary-eyed blue Pegasus with a Rainbow Mane opened her door and peered out at them.

Taking their cue, and causing this Mare’s eyes to widen as she tried to decide if she was dreaming, the two trumpet carriers went through their fanfare and the scroll carrier started to read. By the time he had finished the Holder of the Element of Loyalty was fully awake…

“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash declared, going from standing in her doorway to a multicoloured blur in an instant.

The three Royal Guards had just enough time to wonder where she was going before she curved back and began flying rainbow coloured loops around them until, with a giggle and another declaration of awesomeness, she retreated inside again. Glancing at each other they confirmed their friends were looking just as dazed as they felt. Giving his head a shake to clear it the scroll carrier decided to slip the scroll under the door rather than risk knocking and getting them another dose of such high-speed joy.

==

Heavy hooves thudded in the soil of the road as the three Earth Pony Royal Guards approached the farmhouse. Unicorns had their fancy magic and Pegasi had their wings, but if you wanted to deal with something you needed hooves on the ground. And if you really wanted to deal with it those hooves had to be Earth Pony and have the sheer toughness to stomp anything flat. Not the glamorous part, not the ones to stand around preening, but necessary.

“Can ah help y’all?” a pleasant feminine twang asked from one side.

“Eee’yup,” another voice echoed.

The Guards turned and the first thought of the scroll carrier was that he’d finally met a Pony bigger than him, if only just, as he saw the huge red stallion. But then the friendly welcoming smile from the orange Mare made what they’d intended to do seem a touch silly. Perhaps honesty and running through a formal ceremony were just incompatible? Professional dispassion breaking a little the scroll carrier returned a fraction of a smile.

“Would you be Applejack, holder of the Element of Honesty?”

“That’s me, sugar cube, and this is mah brother Big Macintosh.”

“Howdy,” nodded Big Macintosh.

“Well,” the scroll carrier continued, “I was supposed to knock, you answer the door, they blow the trumpets, and then I read this scroll.” He shrugged and looked to his two friends. “Give them a quick toot.”

The other two nodded and obliged before the scroll carrier read his declaration, in a rather more friendly and normal tone than he’d intended when given this task, and passed the scroll over.

“Well, ain’t that fancy,” Applejack commented, looking at the gilding and intricate multicoloured calligraphy.

“Eee’yup” agreed Big Macintosh.

“Would you boys like some Apple Pie?” Applejack continued.

“Thank you kindly, Ma’am,” nodded the scroll carrier, “but we’ve already bent things enough. Hope you and your friends enjoy things.”

“But Corp,” a trumpet carrier protested, “pie!”

“Shut up,” growled the Corporal, “and if anypony asks we did the full routine. Understood?”

“Yes Corp.”

==

With a deep breath and unaware of the eye roll the other two Pegasi Royal Guards, with their trumpets, gave each other the scroll carrier raised his nose and prepared to knock. At least one member of his family had been in service to the Crown for as far back as there had been a Royal Guard and with those generations of tradition behind him he had to work hard to remember that, for now, he was of only low rank. But even before his Cutie Mark had appeared he had been studying and training towards the position of command he was confident one day would be his.

He knocked and after a moment a rather shy looking Pegasus peeked out at them. With a graciously condescending nod to her the Pegasus Guard signalled his subordinates to begin their part of things. Barely had they begun to blow however then the door flung open and with two swipes and clangs of hoof against metal the Holder of the Element of Kindness had knocked the trumpets aside.

“Stop that noise at once,” Fluttershy glared, “there are baby animals trying to sleep!”

“I, er, I am sorry Ma’am,” stuttered the scroll carrier, as the trumpet carriers enjoyed his discomfort. Arrogant young snot that he was.

Fluttershy focussed her glare on him and although this was nowhere near ‘the stare’ it was enough to make him quail as no challenge had before. He’d tried to imagine his worst fears so he could face them but this was something he’d never anticipated. Clearing his throat he read, in a quiet voice, the declaration as Fluttershy began to blush at her actions and to retreat behind her Mane. Ten minutes later, the scroll given to her, the Pegasi were retreating with none of them sure how they’d gone from ceremonial to carrying some buckets around and helping in apology.

==

He’d been kicked in the head. He’d been spilt from a flying chariot by a rookie Pegasus. He’d gone through a forced march and been one of the last dozen stallions standing out of the entire company. But nothing had made him feel as disorientated as this.

“Do… do I have cake frosting in my armour?” the Earth Pony Royal Guard who had been carrying the scroll asked.

“Never mind that,” one of the other two replied, “I didn’t know my trumpet could make that sound.”

“Well, I read the declaration and passed it over… now let’s get out of here!”

The three Royal Guards managed to avoid a gallop, but were edging closer to a canter than a trot as they gained blessed distance from Sugarcube Corner. They had scarcely begun the ceremony when they’d found themselves suddenly inside the shop. An attempt to return to sounding the fanfare had ended as suddenly a trumpet was in Pinkie Pie’s hooves rather than a Guard’s. And every time the scroll carrier had tried reading out the invitation and declaration it seemed the Holder of the Element of Laughter was somewhere other than the direction he was reading it towards.

At least now this was over and they had managed to give her the invitation.

==

Joe yawned and started the short walk towards Sweet Apple Acres. He was still feeling fine and hoped this would last. Rainbow Dash had mentioned the effects of that potion were temporary so he did wonder how long he would feel normal for. It seemed possible that some of his existing strength had been drained and that was being compensated for until the potion wore off. He was optimistic enough though that, at worst, he’d not become too much weaker that he’d decided to buy some more weights rather than having to continue to swap them between bars. He could also do with some food shopping and if there wasn’t too much to do at Sweet Apple Acres and he had the afternoon free then maybe the walking and sketching in the hills he’d considered a couple of days ago.

==

The trio of Unicorn Royal Guards approached the Golden Oaks Library and the one with the scroll knocked. Then he looked down at the small Purple Dragon that opened it. Unicorn and Dragon eyes met for a moment until the former shrugged.

“Hi Spike.”

“Been a while,” Spike nodded.

“Your big sis is being made a Princess.”

“So Princess Celestia said,” Spike nodded again, adding, “though she also said Twilight already was one.”

“True,” agreed the Unicorn, floating the scroll into view, “but this is the formal notice and invitation to the coronation. You want the trumpets and stentorian voice?”

“Nah.”

“Okay then,” the scroll carrier said, floating the scroll to Spike with another shrug. “I’ll hope to see you in Canterlot tomorrow, though we’ll both be busy with our parts in the coronation. Good luck to you and Twilight, couldn’t happen to a nicer girl.”

“Thanks,” smiled Spike, taking the scroll, “pass my regards to the wife and foals…”

“Will do.”

“And see you in Canterlot, maybe.”

“Until next time,” nodded the Unicorn as Spike retreated inside to read.

==

Seeing her beloved husband working at his desk the pink Alicorn Mare tiptoed towards him. Though technically, when she wasn’t flying, she always tiptoed towards him as you couldn’t get much more the tip of a toe than a hoof. She nuzzled him behind one ear and, silently, cursed his military training as once more he failed to jump and it was clear he’d known she was there and approaching.

“Darling,” Princess Cadance smiled, “you are going to be related to a Princess as well as married to one…”

“What?” interrupted Shining Armour, “that is wonderful news! When did you find out?”

“Well, this morning…” Princess Cadence began, puzzled by the reaction.

“Wow! Yes!” said Shining Armour, jumping up to his hooves. Before his wife could react he’d pressed one ear to her barrel, just behind her wing.

“Darling?”

“Just seeing if I could hear anything!” continued Shining Armour, almost dancing around her. “This is great, what are we going to call her? And how do you know it’s a girl…”

“Oh!” Princess Cadance said. “No…”

“No?”

“No. Despite your efforts… which you know I appreciate… I’m not pregnant.”

“You’re not?” Shining Armour asked, looking baffled and disappointed. “Then what did you mean?”

“Twilight has been made a Princess.”

“Twily? A Princess?”

“And she’s an Alicorn now.”

“Twily… Alicorn?” Shining Armour repeated, losing even more of the power of speech.

With a fond smile Princess Cadance leaned forward, and slightly up, and kissed him until the look of stunned surprise was replaced by the sort of stunned expression she preferred to see on her husband’s face. She let Shining Armour blink a few times and recover a little before she gave him his orders.

“So we need to get packed for a visit to Canterlot tomorrow for her coronation. You can organise the packing… remember this is a state visit and not a transfer between barracks…”

“We still had everything we needed,” Shining Armour protested, remembering how his instinct to travel light had bitten them once.

“And I’ll see about making the announcement to our Crystal Ponies.”

Shining Armour shook his head and followed, then his shock wore off enough he quickly opened a drawer with a flash of his horn and swept the papers into it with another. He wasn’t going to take time to put them away in order but he’d at least dump them away. Then he trotted slightly to catch up and allowed himself the chance to appreciate the rear view of his wife as he did.

==

“Joe.”

“Big Macintosh,” Joe nodded. “What’s planned for today?”

“That’s a mite complicated,” admitted Big Macintosh, “come on inside and we’ll talk to Granny Smith.”

“Sure.”

In the farmhouse on the table Granny Smith had various maps and schedules spread out before her. She gave Joe one of her one-eyed looks and seemed pleased and disappointed that he just nodded politely back. Didn’t want help that quailed too much but did want to be able to intimidate when needed.

“Now you’re finally here,” Granny Smith began, “you can help get things figured out, with all th’ Royal folderol that’s going on.”

Joe didn’t protest the ‘finally’ though, if anything, he was a little earlier than normal. “Royal folderol?”

“Ain’t you heard that Twilight’s become a Princess?” Granny Smith frowned. “And being crowned tomorrow?”

“I was there when Princess Celestia said Twilight was now a Princess, and saw her new wings. But I’d not heard about the crowning.”

“Hrm,” Granny Smith nodded. “Well Applejack had heard, some fancy Guards stopped by with her invitation to it all…”

“They were nice fellers,” commented Big Macintosh, “skipped the ceremonial.”

Granny Smith darted a look at her grandson for the interruption, then continued. “So Applejack will be in Canterlot all day tomorrow. Ah’ll admit that when you started here, Joe, you weren’t doing anything we’d not be able to do ourselves. But you have got to doing enough that with all else that’s been going on we’ve got a bit of a backlog, and now we have to cover for th’ chores mah granddaughter can’t do while she’s in Canterlot. Or while getting ready today.”

“I’m willing to work tomorrow,” Joe nodded, “but there might be a problem.”

“What sort of problem?” asked Granny Smith, nodding as Joe explained what he needed to check. “Right then, fair enough.”

“Maybe I could use the barn I cleared out…” Joe mused.

“Eee’nope,” said Big Macintosh. “Things going on in there.”

“So let’s get today and the day after tomorrow sorted,” Granny Smith said, before Joe could ask about ‘things’, “since those are Joe’s normal days.”

“I note the emphasis on days rather than mornings,” smiled Joe, bending forward to look at the papers.

==

The street corner in Canterlot was unusually decorated today. His fine uniform showing his position and his fine voice showing his training and talent the large Pony drew in a deep breath, again, and bellowed out his announcement, again.

“Hear ye! Hear ye! The Princess Twilight Sparkle shall be crowned tomorrow afternoon! Invitations are being dispatched, and processional routes marked out!”

A stallion sniffed to the mare at his cafe table. “Dreadful noise,” Jet Set commented as the Town Crier drew breath.

“Let celebrations be made on this joyous occasion! Let bunting be erected and your hearts sing!”

“Huh, joyous,” sneered Upper Crust.

“Hear ye! Hear ye! The Princess Twilight Sparkle shall be crowned tomorrow afternoon!…”

“I don’t know what Princess Celestia is thinking about,” Jet Set sniffed again, taking a sip of his frothy coffee.

“Thinking that her beloved student, who has saved us from Nightmare Moon, Discord, and the Changelings, has proven herself worthy?” an unwelcome voice asked. Jet Set almost snorted out his coffee as he wondered how long that stallion had been standing there.

“Ah, erm… Fancy Pants…” Jet Set said, turning to face the arbiter of Canterlot High Society.

“Though of course, if you wish to know what Her Majesty is thinking then you could always ask her,” Fancy Pants continued.

“I… er… don’t think that will be necessary,” commented Upper Crust, getting a nod from her husband.

“And if you don’t wish to join the celebrations then I am sure your invitations can go elsewhere,” Fancy Pants said, “you have been invited, haven’t you?”

“Of, of course we have,” nodded Jet Set, hoping that was true as they’d left their house early enough to have missed the post. So there might be invitations waiting for them at home or there might not be, and even if they decided not to go they needed the invitations as proof they had chosen to not go.

The Town Crier launched into another round of ‘Hear Ye!’s as Fancy Pants nodded and showed their expressions were easy to read. “It would be a shame for those invitations to be wasted,” he commented meaningfully, “and it would take a braver Pony than me to snub such an event and risk Princess Celestia’s displeasure by their absence. Or their attitude.”

==

“Row, row, row your boat…”

“Rarw, rarw, rawr, ra-rawr!”

“Gently down the stream…”

“Rooo rawr rah rah rowr!”

“Merrily, merrily, merrily…”

“Rarow rowr rowr ra rawr!”

“Life is but a dream.”

“Roraroo roo roo rawr!”

Finishing that round of his duet with Winona and reaching for another log Joe positioned it on the chopping block. Between them he, Granny Smith, and Big Macintosh had come up with a schedule and decided which of Applejack’s chores could be most easily deferred. If Joe could work here tomorrow then that would be good but a full day today and a full day the day after tomorrow would help keep things from falling too far behind. Joe swung down the axe he’d needed to jog back to his hut for and split a section off the side of this log to join the others scattered or stacked around him.

“So,” Big Macintosh asked, “is life but a dream?”

“With respect to Princess Luna,” shrugged Joe, putting the log to one side and picking up a section, “I don’t think she could boost my imagination enough to imagine you.”

“Aruff,” Winona nodded, not exactly disputing but thinking a greater argument would be that Joe could not imagine such doggy perfection as her.

Joe shifted his grip on his axe to hold it close to the head and began tapping at the section to sharpen it into a rough stake. It seemed more sensible while talking to do this rather than the larger log splitting movements he’d been using the song to keep rhythm for.

“How do you row a boat anyway?” asked Big Macintosh. “Ah can imagine putting boats in a row, but sounded a mite different.”

“Oh, right,” Joe nodded. “Humans can hold a stick with a broad end…”

“You mean a paddle?”

“Sorry,” Joe smiled, tapping at the section and dropping it as it seemed sharp enough. He picked up another. “I was forgetting ones for butter or cheese. But larger and longer, can be called a paddle or can be called an oar. Have a pivot on the side of the boat and pull back one end of the oar to put the broad end through the water, then swing it up out of the water and bring it back for another stroke. That’s called rowing.”

Big Macintosh frowned. “Shouldn’t you be pushing one end if it’s pivoting? Sounds like you’d be going backwards.”

“Sounds like it because you would be, but enough easier to bend and then straighten to compensate for the disadvantage of having to look over your shoulder or having someone else looking out ahead.”

“You people do some weird things…”

“Wuff,” agreed Winona, such as liking cats.

“Maybe, but if it’s a canal narrowboat then…”

“Let me guess. One of mah cousins has to pull it, ah know that face.”

“Have been superseded by railways, or putting engines in the boats,” Joe nodded, finishing sharpening a stake, “but can pull a lot compared with a wagon with the lack of friction and that water is flat.”

“Maybe so, but ah don’t think ah’ll dig myself a canal for my deliveries.”

==

Dresses. Dresses on Ponies, dresses on dummies, dresses still only on paper. Rarity was feeling more than a tinge of panic and although she had threatened Applejack with dire consequences, such as extra frou-frou on her dress, if she even approached the boutique equipment Rarity had accepted Fluttershy’s offer to do the more routine parts. Cloth and plans swirled around, the former being arranged and pinned and marked, as the challenge of five new dresses for one of the most important events in living memory was met.

“Doesn’t she look lovely Opalescence?” Rarity said, resorting to seeking her cat’s opinion. Opalescence spared a glance and then went back to sleep.

“Ah’m not sure this is really me,” commented Applejack.

“You look… nice,” Fluttershy reassured her.

“Ah can agree this makes me look good,” nodded Applejack, “but what ah was wondering was…”

Rarity and Fluttershy nodded as their friend explained. Applejack had seen enough formal occasions now to have an idea of what would be sensible to suggest and she trusted her friends enough that was only minor things. Some of these slight changes Rarity wasn’t sure about but eventually she agreed to.

“I still don’t think it will look as good with that, darling,” Rarity smiled, “but it would look more personal to you, and that is more important.”

“I think it will look better,” blushed Fluttershy, contradicting her friend in her area of expertise. “If it looks more like Applejack’s dress rather than just a very nice dress then she might wear it better.”

“There is that,” Rarity agreed, “and unusual can be interesting… thinking of which can you see Joe, Rainbow?”

“Er, what?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“I assume that’s why you keep looking out the window, dear.”

“Ah, sorry Rainbow,” Applejack said, “is one of his days to work at Sweet Apple Acres, so likely he’s there.”

“I wasn’t really looking for him,” frowned Rainbow Dash, “just while I am waiting for my turn with fitting and tweaking I get bored.”

“No need to be embarrassed,” Rarity smiled.

“What’s the point in having a special somehuman if you can’t be hoping he’ll arrive?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Yep,” Spike agreed, “I don’t think he’d make as good a pincushion as me.”

“Don’t worry Rainbow, he should be here,” Rarity reassured her.

“Why?” asked Applejack.

“When I gave him his new waistcoat and formal shirt he mentioned he might need some help getting his formal boots and trousers back to as good as they were.”

“Well, assuming he’s going to Canterlot,” Spike commented.

“Why wouldn’t he?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Well he might not have been invited, probably ain’t,” Applejack pointed out. “Us all here are Twilight’s best friends and either th’ other Holders of Elements of Harmony or her, in effect, adoptive brother.”

“He could still go,” argued Rarity, “I’m sure Fancy Pants could get him into some reception, and even if not he’d be able to join whatever crowds there are.”

“I’m not sure he’d like the crowds,” Spike said.

“True, darling,” agreed Rarity, “but for the occasion he might manage.”

“Unless he was feeling unwelcome,” frowned Rainbow Dash, again, “he was nearly exiled.”

Pinkie Pie gasped.

“Oh my,” Fluttershy added.

“What do you mean nearly exiled?” asked Applejack.

“The day before yesterday Rainbow Dash found out Princess Celestia was so annoyed with Joe getting in the way of Twilight’s cure,” Rarity explained, “that she’d nearly put him where he couldn’t get in the way anymore.”

“Princess Celestia visited the library and told us,” added Spike.

“And then Joe lost his armour,” Rainbow Dash smiled, “because I said I’d need a hug as soon as he was out of it, and she made it vanish.”

“Which Joe seemed to think a fair cost for the hug,” winked Spike.

“No wonder you made him promise about th’ Everfree,” commented Applejack, “if he’s no armour and you’d nearly lost him to exile.”

“Well, anyway,” Rarity said, “we’ll just have to see…”

“I could…”

“No Rainbow, we need to keep working on that dress. I don’t doubt you’d find him fast, but I doubt you’d return at once.”

“Er, probably not,” Rainbow Dash blushed slightly.

“And ah don’t want him too distracted from his chores neither,” smiled Applejack.

==

High above the land of Equestria hung the City of Cloudsdale. Most cities and towns had a mixture of the three sorts of ponyfolk, though generally one was a definite majority rather than the split being more even. Here though non-Pegasi were vanishingly rare since, even if they were given cloud-walking magic, the architecture assumed an ability to fly. It needed a very good reason to live somewhere when it could be almost impossible to get between places within it, or to get up and down from the city.

Low above the City of Cloudsdale streaked a formation of Pegasi scattering swirls of coloured paper and leaflets announcing the coronation tomorrow. These leaflets paid particular notice to the idea that for a Unicorn to become a Princess she had needed to grow wings, like a proper Pony should. It was meant in quite a good-hearted manner, but as one Pegasus stallion scattered leaflets his face below his multi-coloured Mane began to grow a frown. He’d heard rumours about something else not being a proper Pony and thought it might be time to travel to Canterlot and then Ponyville.

==

It was quiet in this section of the Canterlot Castle Library, and even quieter due to the discreetly posted Guards warning Ponies that unless they really wanted a book from there they had better not disturb Princess Luna and her lessons. There was a growing stack of thick volumes to one side of Twilight Sparkle and as she read the book in front of her she frowned, her horn glowed and the stack divided partway up, and a second book floated from the middle of it and opened.

Twilight Sparkle looked at one book, then the other, and then back to the first. “Gah!”

“Thy studies frustrate you?” Princess Luna asked, not without sympathy.

“It’s… this one says this and that one says something else,” complained Twilight Sparkle. “And it’s not different times of year or levels of formality, so is it four paces or six?”

“Twilight, thee do not understand, it is both.”

“How can it be both?”

“Because ‘tis a weapon,” Princess Luna smiled. “It can be four or can be six, and should a host wish to embarrass then whichever their guest does can be considered wrong. But is not a weapon against such as you.”

“Why not?” asked Twilight Sparkle, puzzled at Ponies deliberately trying to make other Ponies be wrong when she so loved correctness and precision.

Princess Luna chuckled. “Could thee picture some host choosing four or six rather than whichever of those I had done? Or Tia? Or Cadance?”

“No…”

“Thee already had status Twilight, and Tia would have frowned on anypony setting out to embarrass thee in such a manner. But now thou art a Princess then would take a foolish, in the extreme, Pony to object should you choose four or six… or five or seven or three or whichever number thy fancy alighted on.”

“Three and five and seven sound good,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “always had a fondness for prime numbers.”

“Then mayhap thee shall set a fashion accordingly.”

==

Taking a deep breath Joe hammered another stake flush into the ground. It was not the most sophisticated way to reinforce a steam bank but it was kinder to the creatures along the waterway than some of the alternatives. Like large quantities of concrete slabs and cement. The flooding caused by the Discord influenced Beavers had left this edge weakened and, although a chunk had been undermined enough there was little stopping it from collapsing with the next high water, the Apples didn’t want to lose too much of the margin between stream and orchard.

“Going well Joe?” asked Big Macintosh, nodding towards how empty of stakes the wagon Joe was using as a handcart was becoming.

“Making progress,” Joe replied, straightening. He nodded towards the full wagon Big Macintosh was pulling. “Looks like you managed to get plenty off those trees.”

“Eee’yup. Good section of orchard. Sturdy trees, lots of apples.”

Joe nodded again and lent his hammer against his leg so he could wipe his brow.

“Thirsty work?” Big Macintosh asked, happy for Joe to pause and happy to take the chance to pause himself.

“Continuous, doesn’t take long per stake but it’s one long job… not like the trees with rot where…” Joe stopped as he suddenly remembered something and wondered how he could have forgotten, even with Twilight Sparkle having gained wings and royal status to drive it from his mind.

“Eee’yup,” agreed Big Macintosh, “get one of those on th’ wagon and that’s one part done, or the applebucking, do things one bit of orchard at a time.”

“Though thinking of the trees with rot reminds me, I should have asked you about cider.”

“Oh?”

“I lost a bet, so I need to buy a barrel and your stash was mentioned.”

“Hrm,” nodded Big Macintosh, “ah do keep the good stuff, add the little extra and let it ferment a touch longer and try a thing or two.”

“Very good cider.”

“Eee’yup, don’t travel or store well though, unlike th’ normal stuff. Not that th’ normal stuff needs to go far or don’t get drunk at once with th’ Ponies around here when we have ah cider day.”

“So,” Joe asked, “have you got one of your small barrels you can sell me?”

“Hmm,” mused Big Macintosh again. “Ah don’t have any full barrels. Last couple th’ things didn’t work that well so ah got rid of it so ah could reuse th’ barrels to try again. So ah’ve only got ones ah’ve taken a few mugs from already.”

“Okay.”

“Ah could sell you one as ah do have a few going with a recipe that ah know works, drink rather than trying things,” continued Big Macintosh, “but ah’d rather let them stand a week or so longer rather than them be drunk now.”

“Fair enough,” Joe nodded. “I can wait.”

“Maybe so,” smiled Big Macintosh, “but can Rainbow Dash?”

“Is it that obvious who I’d have had the bet with?” Joe chuckled.

“Eee’yup. Even if she wasn’t as keen on cider as she is.”

“Did your sister mention Dash and myself getting ambushed by a ‘Joe has a marefriend’ banner?”

“Eee’yup.”

“Still a little strange…” Joe began, then he looked at Big Macintosh. “Though not as strange as something else…”

==

A wave of Ponies pranced through the streets of Ponyville singing, some of them playing instruments, and the beating of some drums keeping rhythm as they celebrated. The announcement by the Major had been almost superfluous as a visit and declaration by Princess Celestia would have been enough for the word of what had happened to Twilight Sparkle to spread throughout the town. Having Royal Guards declare there was going to be a coronation when inviting their other local heroes had finished the job.

However the Mayor felt that sometimes she did need to make a speech to compensate for all the paperwork she suffered with her job, and a town meeting was as good a way to start things off as anything. To the annoyance of Rarity this partying had been briefly joined by Pinkie Pie before, protesting that she just wanted to fire one more barrage from her Party Cannon, she was dragged back to the Carousel Boutique for more dress fitting.

==

“So, what you finding strange now Joe?” Big Macintosh asked helpfully.

“That I have a marefriend, and you don’t.”

“Ah’ve never been much of one for dating,” shrugged Big Macintosh. “Keep myself to myself.”

“That was what I was doing,” Joe smiled, “and even if it wasn’t strange because I’m a human it would still be strange because you are you.”

“Ah don’t quite follow?”

“You’re a huge hunk of quiet dependable strength, as the saying goes you have muscles in places most don’t even have places…”

“That sounds a mite bizarre, but ah get what you mean.”

“Of course,” Joe admitted, “you might have a marefriend. I’ve not been so chatty about Dash, and if you’ve had the sense to not get involved with one of your sister’s closest friends then I’d likely have not heard.”

“Hmm, ah might or ah might not. Which ain’t me trying to be vague, just that things are complex.”

“I’ll settle for the maybe, though if you want to talk I can keep things quiet.”

Big Macintosh nodded. “Have you heard of a Love Poison?”

“Spike mentioned a love potion and Twilight corrected him that it was a poison, but heard nothing else.”

“Mah sister, mah littlest one ah mean, and her friends thought that Miss Cheerilee needed a special somepony for Hearts and Hooves Day. And were a mite impatient when they set mahself and Miss Cheerilee up and we didn’t immediately fall ta passion.”

“Ouch,” Joe winced. “But you did when they used this thing on you?”

“Eee’yup, or rather fell ta being rather… gooey. Fortunately it wasn’t an… ah what’s th’ word?”

“Aphrodisiac?”

“Iffen that means summat that makes you want ta find a place ta do more than you’d want ta do in public, then eee’yup. Though when ah remembered the pet names we were calling each other ah wasn’t so sure that th’ other would have been much more embarrassing, though a lot less decent.”

“You and Cheerilee seemed comfortable together at the library?”

“Eee’yup, has been a while since that. Get on fine. But taking things as slow as we’d have done before, or slower. A few dates here and there and see whether want to do more than talk and enjoy th’ company. Not really enough ta say we’re being special someponies, but enough that if either of us found a special somepony then we’d have to stop.”

“While things seem the opposite for me, seeing where things are going but only one date and happening quite fast.”

“Eee’yup.”

==

The Unicorn drew herself up and looked down over the top of her glasses with a sniff. This student displeased her and she was sure she could feel more grey entering her mane the more questions she was asked. It was not important why things were done that way, simply to know that they were and that this was what should be done. Before she could voice her disdain though she was interrupted.

“Thy attitude is unwelcome, thee may depart, and shalt not be called upon again.”

“I…” the Unicorn began, turning to look at Princess Luna and the bun of her mane wobbling a little with the turn. Then she met the eyes of the Goddess of the Moon and wilted. And cringed, and bowed, and retreated from the room with far more haste than dignity as despite all her years of lecturing she forgot the etiquette of a polite departure.

Princess Luna looked to Twilight Sparkle, her gaze instantly softening. “Thy sister in law Cadance has taught you well how thee can remain calm, but on occasion the best way to remain calm is to remove the annoyance.”

“Did you have to scare her though?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Love and compassion is important, as I learned to my cost when I lost sight of those, but feeling compassion for the stupidity of others is not the same as having to tolerate it. Fear is not the same as respect, but if no respect is given then fear may allow a mistake to be realised the sooner.”

“So, what now?”

“Now we let her think about what has transpired. I expect her pride will struggle against apology, but despite her lapse she is a fine tutor and once she appreciates why was inappropriate to treat you like a stupid filly she may regain Our favour. And thine.”

“I wasn’t offended though,” Twilight Sparkle argued.

“And so thee should not have been,” nodded Princess Luna, “but though no personal offence should be taken thy new status is worthy of defence. Thy brother would not have tolerated insubordination as Captain of the Royal Guard and until someone earns the right to treat with thee on a personal level nor should you accept this as a Princess.”

Twilight Sparkle reluctantly nodded. She didn’t want anypony to be scared of her and didn’t want to be set apart from others, especially not her friends, but she had seen the difference between how Princess Celestia acted as a Princess and as ‘just’ herself.

“So, what now?” Twilight Sparkle repeated.

“Now we continue thy tutelage for a space longer, and thence to the depths of the Castle so Tia can show thee something.”

==

Large strange shaped balloons bobbed above the park and more than one Pony in the crowd wondered if that was due to the wind or more likely the hot air rising from the Mayor of Manehatten as he droned through his speech. Most of them were ignoring him as they’d heard the news, and getting snacks and taking the chance to get some flirting and chatting done seemed a far better use of their time. But at least while he was talking they knew they weren’t going to miss anything important. On the stage the fat Pony turned to the next page of his notes and even his advisers and the Ponies they had planted in the front rows of the audience had problems keeping their expressions so any newspaper photographs would show another raptly attended to speech.

==

Winona tugged and weaved and did her best to show that humans were stable enough, even with only two legs, to be able to withstand doggy pulling. Joe gave her lead a bit of a jerk and bestowed a slight frown when Winona looked at him in response, though the puppy eyes were hard to frown at. She seemed to get the message and calmed down a little as they made their way through Ponyville towards the Carousel Boutique. This was not much distance for Winona to walk but she, and Big Macintosh, had seemed happy that she should accompany Joe for that small exercise.

To Joe’s surprise a pair of armoured Pegasi were standing outside Rarity’s shop. Hoping that everything was alright he continued his approach and as he almost reached them and prepared to speak they suddenly unfurled a wing each to form a barrier across the doorway. Joe drew his head back at the suddenness of the motion and Winona tilted hers to one side to assess what shiny-metal-wing-ponies had done.

“Halt,” said one.

“Who goes there?” the other finished.

“I am pretty distinctive around these parts,” smiled Joe.

“Awuff,” Winona agreed, only tall-thing she knew of.

“Has there been a problem?” continued Joe.

“No problem.”

“Go about your business.”

“Glad to, once you get your wings out of the way,” nodded Joe.

“No entry.”

“Then I can’t go about my business,” replied Joe, “since I assume at least Rarity is inside and she’s one person I need to speak to.”

“Not our concern.”

“They are not to be disturbed.”

“What do you think, Winona?” Joe asked, looking at the Collie.

“Arf?” replied Winona, waiting for Joe to be more specific.

“We could argue, we could plead, we can go get a cake each at Sugarcube Corner and write a note…”

“Ah’d rather you didn’t feed mah dog cake,” Applejack interrupted, having opened the door. “And get yer wings out of the way fellers.”

“Yes Ma’am,” nodded one guard, before they both furled their wings again.

“Thank you gentlecolts,” Joe said with a slight head bow to them.

“Grruff,” said Winona, trying to convey the message that even she didn’t herd things that way, as she was Collie not Corgi, their heels had begun to look tasty.

Joe and Winona entered the boutique before the guards changed their mind about admitting them, or Winona changed her mind about biting, and to Joe’s pleasure he could see all six of the people he’d wanted to see. With Winona to track he’d have soon found them but he was concerned now there might be more guards at other places. Seeing his arrival Rainbow Dash gave him a brilliant smile.

“Hold still,” Rarity hissed, “attack the special somehuman later.”

“Humans like attacking from a distance,” Joe said, smiling back to Rainbow Dash and then blowing her a kiss.

“Joe! Joe! Joe!” greeted Pinkie Pie. “And Winona!”

“Arf,” Winona replied, dropping to the floor and rolling to gain immediate Pinkie-love on her tummy.

“Hmm,” said Rarity, looking at Joe now she’d finished some pinning together of things on Rainbow Dash. “A dog but no bag.”

“Bag?” Joe asked.

“You know, a thing you can carry formal trousers and boots in?” smiled Rarity.

“You’re not going to Canterlot tomorrow are you?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking disappointed.

“Well, no, not been invited. And you’d all be busy all morning with rehearsals and all afternoon and evening with the actual ceremony.”

“You’re not still thinking you bring bad luck?” sighed Rainbow Dash.

“Bad luck?” Applejack asked.

“Joe’s name is actually Jonah,” said Pinkie Pie, “which was the name of a man who refused to go and preach, and so a great storm nearly sank a ship, and so name became a term for someone who brings misfortune by their presence.”

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy said sympathetically as she finished a seam.

“What?” asked Joe, looking down at the Pink Mare as she continued rubbing a forehoof across a happy doggy belly. “I mentioned my name was Jonah rather than Joey when you called me the latter, but I didn’t say more than that.”

“Lucky guess,” Pinkie Pie shrugged.

“But, no, it’s not that,” continued Joe, looking back to Rainbow Dash, “you reassured me and I got the extra reassurance from Twilight when she said there wasn’t any hint of that destiny, or any other, in the magic she extracted from me.”

“So, if you are not going to Canterlot though, as I said to the others, I am sure Fancy Pants could get you into a reception,” Rarity asked, “then why are you here to distract Rainbow with your presence and Pinkie with Applejack’s dog?”

“Aruff,” agreed Winona, though she was not sure why it was only Pinkie Pie who was distracted by such a wondrous underside.

“Because as you are all going to Canterlot all day tomorrow I thought I had better check if you needed petsitting. Though I am not sure where I’d look after them, my hut isn’t suitable and I can’t use the barn at Sweet Apple Acres as that’s in use for something.”

“Our friend is being crowned as a Princess and you’re thinking about petsitting?” Rainbow Dash asked in disbelief.

“Less worrying to think about than that I nearly messed up what seems to have been her final test before that. I am very pleased for her but it’s not like I have a place in this, so I may as well be useful.”

“And I can’t petsit as I do have a place in this,” nodded Spike.

“I…erm, have some Ponies who cover for me at my cottage,” Fluttershy said, as quiet as usual, “but if you look after the pets there then you could also look after my animals and then the Ponies can go.”

“Thank you Fluttershy.”

“Why are you thanking her?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You’re doing her the favour.”

“I am thanking her for her trust in me,” smiled Joe.

“I’d still rather you went,” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

“You’d not see any more of me if I did,” shrugged Joe. “And I’d not like the crowds even if I was the same shape as them.”

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash nodded.

“Yay!” said Pinkie Pie, giving Winona’s tummy an extra burst of speed. “Gummy is going to be so happy!”

Joe blinked, in an almost Gummy like manner, as he wondered how you could tell if the small crocodile was happy or sad. “I’ll stop by your cottage this evening Fluttershy,” he said rather than asking about Gummy, “get a list of everything I need to do tomorrow sorted.”

“Checklists,” Spike snorted. “Getting as bad as Twilight.”

“But I’d not make as good a Princess,” nodded Joe, “even if purple wings would suit me as well as they did her or would you.”

==

They had passed three pairs of guards and layers of security but for the last minute had seen nopony else. Princess Luna had exchanged hugs with her sister and then departed to deal with her own concerns so it was just Twilight Sparkle and her mentor walking along this corridor of polished stone, deep underground where no natural light could reach and their way lit only by Princess Celestia’s own radiance. Twilight Sparkle knew they had been walking for a short time but the silence and lack of anything but almost featureless walls and floor and ceiling made it seem far longer.

Eventually Princess Celestia’s horn flared and what had appeared a dead end revealed itself to be a doorway as stone slid back within stone. A faint glow appeared and when they entered Twilight Sparkle saw this was coming from all the surfaces of the room. In the middle was a plinth and on it was a Crown she had never seen before but seemed very familiar.

“H-oh!” Twilight Sparkle breathed. “The Element of Magic.”

“When you completed Starswirl the Bearded’s spell,” explained Princess Celestia, “and the reaffirmation of your link with your friends caused the Elements of Harmony to flare and strike it was not just you that vanished and was affected. Your Element was channelled here and into this raw shell. The glow you see is but the remnants of the magic that surged within this chamber.”

“So… I am still the Holder of the Element of Magic?” Twilight Sparkle asked nervously.

“Of cou… oh Twilight.” Princess Celestia moved closer to her student to press reassuringly against her. “Did you think you were being replaced?”

“I no longer had my Element,” Twilight Sparkle said, looking up at her, “and I did have these wings, and you said I was now a Princess…”

“And your friends’ love for you remains intact, as does mine,” smiled Princess Celestia, “so I am truly sorry that you have been worried.”

“Sorry?”

“I had intended a surprise, but early this morning all your friends were invited to Canterlot to take part in your coronation. As we speak dear Rarity is trying to corral them and ensure they all look fabulous.”

“They are going to be there?”

“Of course, would you be happy otherwise?”

“I am happy now,” Twilight Sparkle said, tears of joy and relief dampening her eyes.

“Then let us leave this place and this crown, until it is time for you to formally receive it.”

==

Once Joe had excused himself from the Carousel Boutique and ordered his extra weights from the smith he had returned to Sweet Apple Acres where Granny Smith had said she’d let Winona bother her for a while. By which she meant enjoy having the company of her elder granddaughter’s dog while she continued with what she was doing. Joe had rolled up his sleeves and was busy with some axle-grease. This came off skin better than it did out of fur and as magical as Pony Hooves were Joe’s fingers were narrower so he could push the grease into tighter crevices. The wagon was up on blocks so the wheel was off the ground and Joe gave it a little spin to spread the grease, listen for the squeak, and see if the rotation hitched at any point.

“Looks fixed,” Big Macintosh commented. “Was pulling a mite on that side.”

“I’ll grease the other wheel as well,” nodded Joe, resisting the temptation to scratch his forehead. “Keep them even.”

“Eee’yup.”

“I said to Granny Smith but I’ll say to you as well, I’m petsitting at Fluttershy’s cottage tomorrow.”

“Eee’yup, makes sense. Job needs doing and she has a mess of critters.”

“Hopefully not a mess,” Joe chuckled. “I’ll have Winona to help keep order, but if she arrives with a frantic sounding note…”

“Then ah’ll be there as soon as ah can.”

“Thanks.”

“And thank you, Joe.”

“What for?” Joe asked, standing and wiping his hands on a greasy cloth.

“For getting Pinkie Pie off this farm and getting mah sister back on it, so both were happier.”

“I’m… not sure that…” Joe began.

“Ah know, th’ wider thing of the Elements of Harmony and all,” interrupted Big Macintosh. “But ah still appreciate what you tried to do for them and th’ others, so ah thank you for it.”

Joe nodded. “That means a lot to me.”

Big Macintosh nodded back and plodded off. Joe stood a moment longer and then moved around to the other side of the wagon with his pot. As he sat and dipped his fingers into the grease he gave a slight smile. It hadn’t seemed like Big Macintosh and Granny Smith had been upset by the delay to the full cure but was still good to know that Big Macintosh was happy enough to thank him.

Joe continued to work and spread the grease and press it around the wheel and axle and as he did he noticed a trio of fillies approaching the barn. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were chatting happily to each other, and didn’t look worried about being seen, so it didn’t appear they were doing anything wrong. Joe shrugged to himself as they entered the barn. It looked as if he’d cleared it for them and, as they had been quite keen to find out if he knew why he’d cleared it, that this might be a secret from him. Suppressing the temptation to go and find out what it was Joe just kept working.

Chapter 45

It was bright and early and Joe checked again that he’d got the extensive notes he’d made last night. Once Fluttershy had begun giving advice it had seemed for a while that she was not going to stop. If all of these little tricks and tips were necessary then it was no wonder that Rainbow Dash had been in such trouble without them. Joe was still very glad though that he’d have Winona to help and that it seemed Owlowiscious was able to subdue Angel Bunny. He just hoped that Opalescence wouldn’t eat any of Fluttershy’s little friends as any cat he’d known would have been very tempted by several of those.

Trusting that Fluttershy would not have suggested her cottage if the latter would be a problem Joe crossed the bridge and climbed the short slope to knock on the door. All seemed quiet but it was early enough that if Fluttershy was running a little late she might… Joe stopped and shook his head. He’d been about to think she might still be getting dressed, when Ponies were always already dressed in fur. However it still seemed better to wait and knock again in a few minutes time than go inside and risk embarrassment or a bucket of something.

Joe knocked again and this time there was a faint reply. “Joe?”

“It’s me,” Joe replied.

“Okay,” said Fluttershy, opening the door, “come on in.”

Joe entered and wondered as Fluttershy looked through her mane whether the bucket would have been better. “Got all my notes,” he said, waving them and trying to break the ice.

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Am I the first to arrive?”

“Yes.”

Joe sat on the floor so his eyes were more level with Fluttershy’s. “Okay,” he said, leaning forward to rest elbows on knees and looking slightly up, “something is wrong and I am willing to listen, if you like. Or willing to not pry, if you prefer.”

“I…” Fluttershy squeaked. “I am so happy for Twilight, but all those Ponies watching us… looking for any mistake we make in the ceremony. Or any flaw in our appearance.”

“Flaw in your appearance?” asked Joe. “When you have Rarity to check you over?” Fluttershy managed a very faint smile. “I don’t know,” Joe sighed after a moment, “I expect that you’d not be having to do anything too complex, since only part of one day to rehearse, so you’d avoid mistakes but I can’t argue there wouldn’t be a lot of eyes on you.”

“Watching and judging,” Fluttershy nodded.

“Have you talked to the others about this?”

“They are all so happy, like I am, but none of them are worried…”

“None of them?”

“Applejack is used to crowds at her rodeos,” Fluttershy explained, “Pinkie Pie thrives on being looked at, Rarity is relishing the chance to show off her new dress designs, and Rainbow the chance to show off.”

“Hmm,” nodded Joe. “it’s not a rodeo for her, she can’t retreat into jokes, she might be worried that other ponies won’t like the dresses, and a formal ceremony is different from doing a new stunt in mid-air. And you didn’t mention Spike.”

“I… yes, but they seem to be handling it.”

“Have you told them how you feel?” Joe asked.

“I don’t want to upset them,” admitted Fluttershy.

“Okay. Well I’m not saying they’d be as worried as you, or even that they are worried, but there is a chance that they’ve some worries they haven’t mentioned for the same reason. And they’d want to give you their support if they knew how you felt.”

“Thanks,” Fluttershy said, managing a slightly less faint smile, “I think I just needed to say it to someone.”

“I suppose I am better than your mirror, since I say a little more,” nodded Joe, “or better than Angel Bunny, since I don’t say ‘ppbbbbtttttt!’”

“Pppbbbbbbbbbbttttttttttttttt!” Angel Bunny replied, hearing his name and taking the challenge.

“Pppppppbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttttttttttttt!” commented Joe.

After a minute or so of that duet and contest Fluttershy seemed a little happier and Joe realised, to his embarrassment, that Spike and Owlowiscious had arrived and were looking at them with matched expressions of bemusement. Owlowiscious looked down at the small Dragon.

“Hwhoo?”

“I’m not sure,” Spike replied, “sounded like two Angel Bunnies.”

“Pppbbbttt!” said Angel Bunny, not wasting a proper long one on them.

“Hello Spike, Owlowiscious,” Joe said, standing. “I hope the day goes well for you both.”

“It will, as even if nothing else goes right it will be good to see Twilight again,” nodded Spike.

“I… erm… very good,” Fluttershy agreed.

The others arrived and to Joe’s surprise he found that the instructions for looking after Opalescence were almost as long as for looking after everything else in Fluttershy’s cottage. Seeing him flip through the list she had given him for her cat Rarity frowned lightly.

“Joe, darling, are you sure about this?”

“No,” Joe replied.

Rarity waited a moment and then nodded. “Right.”

“Got the list Fluttershy helped me make, got Big Macintosh to agree to help if I send Winona with a desperate note, got Winona and Owlowiscious to help…”

“Wuff!” agreed Winona.

“And got time to practice my excuses and apologies if everything goes wrong…”

“Oh my,” sighed Fluttershy.

“But would have to do this a few times before I could be sure.”

There was a sudden commotion outside and Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie zipped across and pressed their faces to the windows.

“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash breathed.

“What is it, honey bun?” asked Applejack.

“Flying Chariots! Flying Chariots! Flying Chariots!” Pinkie Pie sang, before snatching Gummy up and beginning to dance around with him. “Flying Chariots! Flying Chariots…”

“Ssssh!” said Fluttershy, seeing a few of her little friends… well, scared was not the right word but they did seem disturbed by the strangeness.

“Flying Chariots! Flying Chariots!” Pinkie Pie continued to sing, but in a whisper.

“How marvellous,” smiled Rarity, “if they are as fast as the one Princess Luna allowed us then we shall be in Canterlot very soon.”

“But how did they know we’d be here?” Rainbow Dash asked, turning from the window.

Joe considered mentioning what Princess Celestia had said about how closely she could observe him, and he supposed others, but before he could speak Spike had gained a proud smile. “Someone,” Spike said, preening a little, “might just happened to have sent a letter.”

“Oh you are sweet!” said Rarity, she looked to the others. “Isn’t he a sweetheart?” She stopped and frowned. “Though what about our dresses, we left them at the Boutique rather than carry them out here and back.”

“And someone,” Spike added, “might happen to have mentioned in his letter that we’d need to stop by Ponyville on the way.”

“Wonderful!” smiled Rarity.

“Ah’d agree with that,” Applejack nodded, “but ah think one of us should go say howdy to these fellas as well.”

“I’ve something to do first,” smiled Rainbow Dash.

Joe had a premonition what, after past experience, so he wasn’t so staggered and didn’t have to grab as hurriedly when a face that had been pressed against a window was suddenly pressed against his. Their lips met and worked against each other and he felt a definite… something… as they kissed and rather than hug with both forelegs she only held with one so she could run a forehoof up and down the back of his head and neck. It was difficult to break the kiss and when Joe emerged he found that of their friends there was only an amused looking Rarity left in the cottage.

“Enough to tide you both over, darlings?” Rarity smiled.

“Enough that I am tempted to plead that I need her help here, at this cottage, all day,” smiled Joe back.

“But I wasn’t very good with looking after the animals,” Rainbow Dash teased, still happily cradled against Joe and looking through her eyelashes at him, “I don’t know what I’d do here all day.”

“I think Joe is getting more ideas,” winked Rarity, “but a coronation awaits, as do our chariots.”

“Safe travels to you,” Joe said, letting go and letting a rather reluctant Rainbow Dash flap and hover and turn to land facing the door. She glanced over her shoulder and gave a definite twitch of her rump and tail before sashaying out. Joe shook his head and looked to Rarity. “Sweet f… how much advice have you been giving her?”

“Whatever do you mean?” asked Rarity, seeming genuinely surprised.

“The eyelashes and the… whatever that was…”

“She might have learned from my example,” said Rarity, her smile turning to a grin, “but from the look on your face she doesn’t seem to need any advice.”

“Hmm,” Joe blinked. He’d been sure there had been some girly plotting and planning.

“Good luck with the animals,” nodded Rarity, leaving and closing the door in a gentle ladylike manner.

“Yep, going to need it,” Joe mused, turning to look at them.

Angel Bunny looked back at him and then, ignoring Owlowiscious, informed Joe of his opinion. “Pbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttttttttttttt!”

“And ppfffppfpfffffppppppffffffffff to you as well,” Joe agreed. Then he looked at his checklist. “Right… on with things.”

==

Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath and released it in the calming method Princess Cadance had taught her. Despite Princess Celestia’s reassurance she was still nervous as she had barely seen her friends after she’d returned to Ponyville with these wings. She was sure they were still her friends, but what if they were not so sure? What if seeing her here in this, literally, palatial room made them feel as scared as she was? As a filly all she had wanted to do was study magic and to pass her entry examination for the school, so being made Princess Celestia’s personal student had already been beyond her dreams. To make such friends, have such adventures, and now be a Princess? Her childhood self or even her of a few years ago would have been utterly disbelieving.

The door opened and there was a sudden rainbow streak linking corridor to where Twilight Sparkle sat. “Hey!” Rainbow Dash greeted and hugged. “How’s my newest flying buddy? Managed to get some practice in or been busy with the egghead Princess stuff?”

“Ah’m sure Twilight will have practiced, if she could,” said Applejack, entering the room with less speed. “She knows that if you don’t get enough exercise with something then you… er… erm.”

“No offence taken,” Fluttershy smiled as her friend spluttered to a stop. “I was never a strong flier, but I know I could use my wings more.” She gave Twilight Sparkle a serious look. “Even if you don’t spend as much time flying as Rainbow you should get some practice each day.”

“This is going to be great!” grinned Rainbow Dash, releasing Twilight Sparkle and proving Fluttershy’s point by flapping rather than stepping back. “How much flying have you tried? Have you tried cloud walking yet? I know Princess Celestia can cloud walk but I don’t remember seeing Princess Luna or Princess Cadance do it… so did you get that Pegasus ability or just the wings…”

“Darling,” Rarity interrupted, “we are here to see about her coronation, not your curiosity.”

“And we didn’t have the Alicorn Party!” added Pinkie Pie. Twilight Sparkle winced but, to her surprise, there was no explosion. Seeing her expression Pinkie Pie giggled. “Silly, I can’t make your new Guards too grumpy by firing my Party Cannon too often.”

Twilight Sparkle winced again. That was something that hadn’t occurred to her and unlike her sister-in-law she didn’t have someone to take care of it. The return of the Crystal Empire had been a surprise but, by having married Shining Armour, Princess Cadence had ‘stolen’ the Captain of the Royal Guard from that post to apply his skills to commanding her new armies. Twilight Sparkle doubted she’d be given that much responsibility this soon but even if Princess Celestia planned for her to remain in Canterlot, or hopefully Ponyville, both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna had their personal units as well as being who the Loyal Oath of all Equestria’s military was sworn to.

“How y’all holding up, sugar cube?” Applejack asked, noticing the wince. “Ah expect this has been even more a shock to you then us.”

“It felt like a dream when I woke up yesterday,” admitted Twilight Sparkle, then she unfurled a wing with a smile, “though I did find some proof that it hadn’t been. What did happen between when I finished the spell and when I saw you again, anyway?”

“Well, we were very worried… and rather annoyed with Spike and Joe for not stopping it…” Rarity began.

“I had to trip Joe,” said Spike, moving across to admire the wing and taking the chance to give his ‘big sister’ a smile and hug.

“It was scary when you vanished,” Fluttershy agreed, “until we noticed there was a scorch mark in the shape of your Cutie Mark.”

“And then not much happened,” shrugged Applejack. “Spike tried sending word to Princess Celestia, but th’ scroll kept coming back.”

“It didn’t feel like we were talking that long,” Twilight Sparkle nodded, tentatively trying to fold her wing and managing to return Spike’s hug with it. “But we were talking somewhere Princess Luna said was more a place of mind than somewhere physical. Myself and Princess Celestia I mean.”

Spike nodded. “That’s probably why the scroll didn’t work then.”

“So we waited and waited,” complained Rainbow Dash. “Had some cake and buns and a bit of a ‘got right cutie marks’ celebration.”

“Hard to be too enthusiastic though,” Pinkie Pie admitted, “when you were missing. Which was good for Spikey-Wikey as he didn’t have too much tidying to do at the library afterwards.”

“Grr,” commented Spike.

“They all helped me with my animals when it got late,” Fluttershy smiled. “Except Rarity and Spike, they cooked at the library.”

“And then as we finished eating we saw th’ light,” nodded Applejack, “and went outside to see a giant version of your Cutie Mark coming down on Ponyville and when that faded we saw you. And you know th’ rest.”

“So, what was that talk about, dear?” Rarity asked. “And whatever did you mean by a place of mind?”

“I thought you said we were here to see about her coronation, not our curiosity?” teased Rainbow Dash.

“Not yours, darling. Mine is another matter.”

“It was strange,” Twilight Sparkle said, “sort of a road made of stars, and more stars and a nebula surrounding us. I woke up and looked around and nopony was there but as I called I heard Princess Celestia’s voice and she approached out of a blur. She showed me pictures of things we had done together and told me how proud she was of me, and how far I had come… but I don’t feel like a different Pony…”

“And you don’t want to be a different Pony?” asked Applejack.

“I don’t want to lose any of you…” Twilight Sparkle began before she was interrupted by a sudden pink blur and the impact of a full strength Pinkie Pie hug.

“Fine idea,” nodded Rarity, moving with grace to bestow a rather less crushing embrace.

The others joined in and held the hug until there was a muffled comment from within it. “You know,” Spike said, “as much as being inside a pile of Mares might be some people’s ideal you are pushing Twilight’s wing against my nose, and I don’t want to sneeze.”

“Sorry Spike,” replied Applejack, herding the others back and away out of flame range.

“No problem,” Spike said, rubbing his nose.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash exchanged looks and then, to Twilight Sparkle’s shock, it was Fluttershy that extended a wing to give a quick few flicks of the feathers at the tip of it across Spike’s nose. That was too much and with a swirl of green fire the sneeze escaped him. Twilight Sparkle blinked almost as much as Spike did. Someone ticking Spike’s nose was not unexpected, that it hadn’t been Rainbow Dash was.

“I… erm… am trying to use what I learned from having Pinkie’s Cutie Mark,” smiled Fluttershy.

“We all had a mite of thinking,” Applejack nodded, “as sure as we are these are our Cutie Marks and destinies we got a bit more appreciation for that and for what th’ others do.”

“Those are your Cutie Marks and destinies,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, spreading both wings, “but is this mine? Just before I floated up, with magic swirling around my barrel where these have appeared, Princess Celestia said it was time for me to fulfil my destiny. I thought my destiny was to study magic and hopefully write books that would be referred to for years to come.”

“You know all th’ stuff Princess Celestia said about th’ things you’ve shown?” Applejack asked, waiting for Twilight Sparkle to nod. “Well ah’m th’ Element of Honesty, so you can trust me when ah say she was understating how fine a Pony you are and how much you deserve such ah title and what ah fine job we all think you’ll do of it.”

“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash. “You’re still not as awesome as me, but you will make an awesome Princess.”

==

Tank and Gummy were exchanging blinks and witticisms, Owlowiscious was asleep as befitted a nocturnal bird, and Winona could come with him on his rounds. That left Joe ‘only’ the problem of Opalescence and Angel Bunny. He didn’t trust Opalescence with the mice and birds and didn’t trust Angel Bunny at all. It still seemed unfair to single them out for special warning though so Joe instead clapped his hands for attention.

“Hwhooo?” complained Owlowiscious, opening one eye.

“Aruff?” Winona asked, wondering what tall-thing wanted.

“All right everyone,” Joe said, addressing the room in general and feeling a touch foolish. As smart as everything seemed here he was still talking to a bunch of critters as if they were a class of children. “Fluttershy prepared the buckets for the morning feed and I’ll be going in and out of here to deal with it. I hope I can trust you to not cause trouble in my brief absences…”

Angel Bunny sniggered and Owlowiscious gave him a faint hoot and glare.

“Because,” Joe continued, “there are cages and there are collars and leads…”

Mention of those was enough to make Opalescence wake up again and give Joe a look that conveyed her opinion of the threat.

“So you get one chance,” Joe finished, “and then you spend feeding time restrained. Get a second chance and then you spend the rest of the day in a cage or tied up. I’ll treat you like you can behave until you prove otherwise.”

“Pbbbtttttt!” sneered Angel Bunny.

Joe moved fast and Angel Bunny suddenly found himself dangling from his scruff in midair. “You really are a dreadful little brat,” Joe commented, “but at least you’re a reasonably charmingly irrepressible one.”

“Pbbbtt,” agreed Angel Bunny, waving his paws around a bit.

“Do you want to go in the cage now? Or shall we pretend you won’t annoy me twice before the end of the day?”

“Hwhooooo!” said Owlowiscious, commenting that he saw no reason to wait.

Angel Bunny considered things and then nodded. Joe put him back on the floor, alert for retaliation, but rather than try to kick him or blow another raspberry and then flee Angel Bunny just looked at him for a moment, and then hopped across and tapped the checklist. Joe looked at where the paw was tapping and then looked at the rabbit.

“Are you saying that you’ll misbehave, but that will be compensated for by you reminding me of things I forget?”

“Pbbbbtttttttttttttt!” agreed Angel Bunny.

“No deal,” Joe said, ignoring Angel Bunny’s look of shock. “I’d rather forget things. And, rather than have you remind me, I can give myself a better chance of remembering them by putting you in a hutch so I have one less distraction.”

“Hwhoooooooooooooooooo!” agreed Owlowiscious.

The human and the rabbit matched wills until the latter nodded again. He’d learned from when his servant pony had taken assertiveness lessons that there could be limits. If he accepted those then he could get a lot of pampering and if he didn’t then it seemed he was going to get none. It didn’t seem like the human was bluffing, and he even looked as if he’d prefer to just put him in a cage.

“Pbbbt,” Angel Bunny nodded. He was still determined to get some mischief done, but would concede for now.

==

The six friends walked through the great hall of the Castle, sunlight streaming through the vast windows all around them as Ponies bustled about adding more decorations. If Joe had been there he’d have made some inane comment about the advantage of some of them being Pegasi and therefore no scaffolding or ladders being needed for those jobs. The enormity of the event was beginning to trouble Fluttershy again and she couldn’t help but glance around nervously and remember how many Ponies had managed to squeeze inside for the wedding.

“If you could pay attention, Miss Fluttershy,” the Pegasus with a clipboard tucked under one wing snapped, “then we might be able to finish explaining why each part of the ceremony is as it is.”

“Oh, I’m…” Fluttershy began to squeak.

“Your information is welcome,” interrupted Twilight Sparkle, swinging one forehoof up to quiet her friend’s apology. “Your attitude is not. If you cannot dispense of the latter then We shall dispense of your presence.”

“Of course,” the Pegasus said hurriedly, “my apologies Your Majesty, and to your friend.”

“Now,” said Twilight Sparkle, “you were informing Us of the tradition behind that arch of foliage and the bells?”

“Yes, Your Majesty…”

As the Pegasus returned to her lecturing and her eyes became fixed on her clipboard Applejack sidled up to Twilight Sparkle. “Well,” she commented quietly, “ah’m impressed.”

“A tip from Princess Luna,” Twilight Sparkle replied, trying to not spoil the air of command with an embarrassed blush. As long as she pretended she was just playing a role in a play she could keep the regal attitude, but Applejack’s comment had reminded her of how much she was still just her and how wrong it felt to put on such airs.

==

Opalescence crept forward a fraction and then Winona matched the movement. Their eyes locked in contest as they disputed their prize. Once Angel Bunny had been dealt with Joe had spent the time fetching and emptying buckets and had shown he was worthy of some gratitude by chopping and shredding a few fish for the carnivorous pets. He’d pointed out to Owlowiscious that he thought there were some fishing owls, to Opalescence there were certainly fishing cats, and Gummy had needed little persuasion to suck down small enough pieces of fish. Winona had been unsure as this wasn’t her normal tasty kibble but had accepted the idea that tall-thing was trying to be nice.

The cat and dog moved a little closer. Joe was sitting and the way humans sat made good laps. Good enough even for Ponies so marginally acceptable for cats, Opalescence thought, and very good for dogs, in Winona’s opinion. Neither wanted to share and neither wanted the other to get it.

Then the small cat that had used Joe’s trouser leg as a ladder walked between them, ignoring them with head and tail held high, hopped up onto the sofa and straight onto Joe’s lap to settle. Winona and Opalescence sat up to look and, as Joe began rubbing the cat around one ear, it started to purr and gave them both a remarkably supercilious sneer for such a small cute animal.

==

“You wanted to see me, Your Highness?” Spike asked, giving Princess Celestia a bow.

He’d met her within minutes of being hatched and if Twilight Sparkle was his ‘big sister’ then Princess Celestia was close to being the formidable dowager great-aunt that everyone in the family was scared of but respected and loved even more. Who might dismiss formality behind closed doors but demanded proper manners in public. And this did seem ‘in public’ even if the only others present were a pair of Royal Guards.

“Rise,” Princess Celestia said gently, continuing as Spike did, “you have a very important role to play in today’s events.” Her horn flickered and the lid of a closed and armoured box opened. “Do you recognise what this is?”

Spike moved a little closer, leaning back slightly as the two Guards straightened and tensed. “I can guess.”

“At ease gentlecolts,” Princess Celestia ordered before turning her attention back to Spike. “This is the reshaped Element of Magic and it is the Crown that will be symbol of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s office. Your task will be to carry it out so it may be placed on her head.”

“And not drop it,” said Spike, essaying a small joke.

“There is little that would do it harm,” Princess Celestia replied, acknowledging this with an even smaller smile, “but that would do Twilight harm and cause me trouble crushing the gossip.”

“Gossip?”

“There would be those of the aristocracy that would snigger how dropping the crown augured for Twilight’s new role,” Princess Celestia nodded, “would use that embarrassment to try to undercut her. And though Equestria could be well rid of such fools I have tried to be tolerant.”

“Why?” asked Spike, presuming on his relationship with her.

“You know the answer to that,” Princess Celestia smiled, “a thousand years of allowing them to take a greater share of mortal affairs while I was concerned with the minor matter of having to raise the Sun and the Moon is not easily reversed.”

Spike nodded, he’d read some of the surviving histories of before Princess Luna fell to become Nightmare Moon and been surprised how much more directly the sisters had ruled back then. It was a contrast with what he had seen at the modern Court and what he had heard when people failed to watch their words around him, since he was only a ‘baby dragon’.

“Which of course is a lie,” Princess Celestia said, seeing this reaction, her smile broadening and the colours of her aurora mane and tail brightening. “So I tolerate them as should I not then I might prove just how easy it would be to purge all that oppose me and restore the old ways. They survive on my willingness to abstain from their destruction in favour of gentler methods of rule.”

Spike nodded again and smiled. “So definitely don’t drop the crown and risk them being intolerable?”

“That might be better for Equestria,” Princess Celestia winked.

==

Rotor blades beat at the air as Tank twisted and turned in the finest display of unpredictable evasive manoeuvres Fluttershy’s cottage had ever seen. Or perhaps he just didn’t know where he was going or how to aim himself in that direction even if he did. The birds shrieking in protest as they had to flap up from perches or swerve in flight to avoid him seemed to be assuming the latter. Joe wandered across and looked at the Tortoise until he treated Tank the same way as he had Tank’s owner. Except without dragging him down into water and the hands coming in from either side to grab the shell rather than rear hooves.

Carefully shifting his grip Joe managed to bring Tank lower and turn him to face him. Then once he was sure he had a good hold with his left hand he released with his right so he could use that forefinger to give the Tortoise a scratch under the chin and neck and get a sleepy smile in return.

“You know Tank,” Joe said, moving across to the other side of the cottage, “I don’t think they appreciate you as much as Dash does, so maybe fly over here where they can’t crash into you?”

Tank blinked in assent as the birds protested how much it was the other way around. Releasing the Tortoise to do random turns and spirals ‘over here’ rather than ‘over there’ Joe watched him for a minute or so and then headed back to the kitchen and storeroom to go back to preparing the buckets for midday.

==

“Twily,” said Shining Armour, informing his sister of his pet name for her as he gave her a hug.

“It is good to see you again Twilight,” Princess Cadance added, joining the hug. “Who’d have thought where we’d be when I was foalsitting you.”

“I’m so proud,” agreed Shining Armour, continuing to hug as his wife finished and stepped back. “My sister, a Princess and an Alicorn…”

“Yes,” Twilight Sparkle said, sounding slightly muffled.

Princess Cadence watched her husband and her sister-in-law for a while and then sighed. “A good thing she’s not in formal dress yet.”

“Why?” Shining Armour asked.

“Because you have been hugging her, hard, for this long and would have crumpled anything but armour beyond repair.”

“Oh,” Shining Armour said, releasing his sister and stepping back.

“Oooh,” semi-echoed Twilight Sparkle, stretching her new wings as well as everything else in relief. “I’m not sure he wouldn’t have crumpled armour.”

“Erm,” Shining Armour blushed.

“Those look lovely,” said Princess Cadance, having pity on her husband and changing the subject a little. “How has flying been for you?”

“I’ve managed a little, and Rainbow Dash is keen to give me lessons,” Twilight Sparkle smiled.

“Oh dear,” blinked Princess Cadence, “no offence to your friend, but I think I had better give you some as well.”

“Rainbow is the best flier in…” Twilight Sparkle began in defence of her.

“She is very fast, she is very agile, and rumour has it she can outfly others even when wearing a nice dress,” smiled Princess Cadance. “But you’ll need some lessons on dignified slow flying as well, how to descend with grace even if you are wearing enough jewellery and fabric to sink an air yacht.”

==

On his perch Owlowiscious slept peacefully and below him Angel Bunny reversed the natural order, rabbit seeking owl as his prey. Closer Angel Bunny stalked until finally he was almost within range with his tiny rabbit sized cup and the water inside it. Then he heard a slight growl from behind him, he turned and glared at Winona but realised it was too late as Joe had was also looking at him. The human had sat after preparing the buckets to rest until the midday feed was due. Angel Bunny wasn’t sure if the human had already noticed him or if it had been the dog, but assuming the latter he stared straight at Winona.

“Pppppppppppppppppppbbbbbbbbbttttttttttttttttttt!”

“Grrrrr,” Winona replied.

“Angel,” said Joe, a tone of warning in that single word.

Angel Bunny looked at the human, glanced at the owl who was now awake and looking down at him, and then shrugged and drank his water. Which of course had been what he’d intended, had just decided to drink it almost within throwing range of Owlowiscious. Joe shook his head a little.

“Come on, let’s put a carrot in you,” Joe sighed as he stood, “though if you’d thrown that over Owlowiscious I expect he’d have preferred me to push it into the other end of you than your mouth.”

“Pbbbtttttttttttt,” commented Angel Bunny.

==

More Ponies had arrived so the rehearsals were getting more complex. After the last run through though Twilight Sparkle had sought out the Pegasus with the clipboard and had tried to dismiss the explanations of why it would be traditional for those Ponies to follow her from the doors to the other end of the great hall and the waiting dignitaries.

“I’m just not sure about the singing,” Twilight Sparkle argued.

“Yes, Your Highness, but…”

“Everypony will notice the doors open, will be able to see I’ve arrived…”

“True, Your Highness, but…” the Pegasus tried again.

“If they are going to look they are going to look, they don’t need to be told to look in song…”

“It would signal when it is polite to turn, Your Highness, so…”

“I don’t need Ponies following me and singing to look, so maybe just a fanfare when the doors open?” Twilight Sparkle suggested.

“That would announce you, Your Highness, but…”

“Trumpets are fun!” called Pinkie Pie, causing a trio of Royal Guards to shudder.

Unfortunately for them this shudder was violent enough their Sergeant began bawling them out about how when he said stand to attention and be decorative, even if they weren’t fancy Unicorns or Pegasi, he meant stand to attention and be decorative! Not shake like a jelly. The mention of jelly caught Pinkie Pie’s ear and, to the horror of the trio, she bounced over to say hello to them and thank them for delivering the invitation. Fortunately for them twenty years as a N.C.O. had left their Sergeant able to handle even this threat and after he very politely said how he was glad they had done a good job, but right now they needed to be practicing this, Pinkie Pie bounced away again.

==

Joe lobbed a second fish to the Sea Lionand then a third before he glanced to Winona. “I wonder if I should eat some of these myself.”

“Honk,” protested the Sea Lion.

“No, not one of these ones rather than give it to you,” Joe said, throwing a fourth, “one of the fish back in the kitchen.”

“Wuff?” asked Winona as that fish also vanished into the Sea Lion.

“I know, should stick to being vegetarian since I’ve been it for months,” Joe nodded, throwing the fifth fish. “Just feeding fish to other things makes me wonder if I should feed them to myself.”

“Honk?” said the Sea Lion as Joe continued to think for a few moments.

“Oh, right,” Joe said, “here’s number six.” That fish lobbed and devoured Joe started back towards the cottage, Winona continuing to keep him company. “I’m not even sure though if I should have fed fish to you.”

“Aroo?” asked Winona. It had been quite a tasty change so why not.

“Some human vegetarians do feed their pets meat, as the pets are carnivores rather than omnivores,” Joe said, not sure if he was explaining things to the Collie or thinking them through aloud, “which seems Fluttershy’s attitude, judging from the fish.”

“Aruff,” agreed Winona.

“Then again some vegetarians stick to vegetable protein, like our kibble,” Joe continued, “which seems Applejack’s attitude.”

“Rarrummm,” said Winona, seeing where the doubts had come in.

==

Fluttershy sighed in relief as she realised they had practiced everything they were going to do. After all her worrying it had seemed too simple that they would just need to walk out and stand in a line in the great hall, and then follow Twilight Sparkle out of there and walk along the street near her coach. Walking and standing and walking was not too complex to remember, even if there were going to be so many eyes on them. Too many eyes. She suppressed the squeak and the urge to hide and tried to distract herself by wondering how well Joe was doing with her little friends. Though that was not a good distraction as she began worrying about that instead.

==

“Oh, Opalescence!” Joe sighed.

“Mrorow!” replied Opalescence, if he would just go away again for five minutes this problem would vanish. And so would the mouse she’d got cornered.

“No, no, no,” Joe said, crouching and getting ready to grab a handful of cat fur. “Look, I’ll admit most of the mice I saw back on my world were little corpses brought in to show off by a kitty, but Fluttershy would not praise and appreciate and call you a clever brave hunter…”

The mouse squeaked indignantly at this comment. Where was the cleverness or the bravery in this bullying? He’d been minding his own business and suddenly this great fat mass of white fur had descended almost onto him.

“But even there I tended to put the mouse back outside if it was still alive,” Joe continued, “so as Fluttershy would be upset I should also rescue this one.”

“Mworowow!” said Opalescence, trying kitten eyes.

“That didn’t work on me when it was my own cat, so no.”

“Mrow,” sniffed Opalescence, what was the point in bestowing friendship on an omnivore if he didn’t let her be a carnivore.

As Joe picked the mouse up and checked it over for any wounds Opalescence flirted her tail at the pair of them and retreated to snooze on the sofa. If the human was very lucky she might forgive him and allow him the privilege of admiring her rather than the dog or the other cat, but the good will engendered by the fish had now been grievously squandered.

==

The five Mares got dressed, though for a while it was more accurate to say four of them were getting dressed while Rarity spent her time bustling back and forth checking every detail of their appearances. Eventually though she donned her own outfit and the other four had a brief respite from her attentions while she did this and gave herself a checking over. Then Rarity went back to her checking and tweaking and reassuring until even she had to declare ‘perfection’.

It was a nervous several minutes as they waited and heard the noise past the door build. Hoofsteps on the tile floor, a rising murmur of conversation, a few musicians tuning their instruments. All minor noises by themselves but combined they showed that the great hall was filling up and things were about to begin. There was a fanfare and as Ponies stood still and stopped talking silence fell. The doors opened and, taking their cue, the five Holders of the Elements of Harmony paraded out and down between the pones either side of the processional to assume their positions in a line facing the crowd at one side of the stage. Then Princess Cadence, Princess Luna, and finally Princess Celestia entered in their order of precedence along with Spike and the crown.

The light of Her Sun shone down through all the windows surrounding the great hall as Princess Celestia made her speech and the doors at the far end opened again. Princess Twilight Sparkle had lost her argument as rather than being preceded by a simpler fanfare she was trailed as she entered by four blond-maned white-coated Mares, with banners of her Cutie Mark and coat colour, singing about how she cometh. The four grey-coated and golden-armoured unicorns trailing these were also singing and Twilight Sparkle hoped they were not the first of an entire unit to be assigned to her.

Trying to persuade herself this was not the scariest thing she had ever faced, and trying to ignore that most of the other things she could have escaped from or fought with magic rather than simply having to face them, Twilight Sparkle continued towards the stage. There Spike brought her new crown from the opposite side of the stage to where her friends were standing and it was placed upon her head by the magic of Princess Celestia herself. Cheers echoed in the hall and then echoed up to the balcony leading off of it as Twilight Sparkle went out onto it and tentatively waved.

Once her mentor had prompted her into making a speech she returned into the great hall to have her brother claim his tears were liquid pride and be reassured by Pinkie Pie it was the best coronation ever. Fluttershy showed a touch more sensitivity to what doubts Twilight Sparkle was feeling at this change in her life and assured her instead that they all loved her before her coronation dress got a little crumpled by a group hug.

“There are more of them hugging,” Princess Cadance whispered to her still damp-eyed husband, “but still wouldn’t do as much damage as one of yours.”

==

Winona was happy. The small cat had taken itself elsewhere and Opalescence was still in a snit about the mouse and trying to ignore Joe’s presence as she snoozed at the other end of the couch. Which meant tall-thing was hers to put chin on leg of and get scruff of neck ruffled by. Joe was slumped comfortably and Angel Bunny had managed almost the same posture beside him. Whether this was as comfortable for the rabbit or whether he was mocking him Joe wasn’t sure, but he didn’t much care.

“If I’ve got the time right,” Joe commented, drawing a blink from Tank and more studious ignoring from Opalescence, “then Twilight’s been crowned or about to be crowned, and we didn’t get to see it. Or even hear it…”

“Pbbbbttttt!” replied Angel Bunny.

“I think I am almost starting to understand those,” Joe frowned. “But ppppffbbffbbbbtttttttttttttttt to you as well.”

Angel Bunny sniffed and Gummy and Tank had a blink to each other. Joe sat for a few minutes longer before continuing his thought and switching the ruffling of Winona to more around an ear.

“Come to think of it, why didn’t we get to hear it?” Joe pondered. “Plenty of electrical and electronic gubbins in Twilight’s basement.”

“Arf?” asked Winona.

“Ah, doesn’t matter,” Joe shrugged, “probably magic. I remember a story where some humans had psionics, so they hadn’t invented other ways to transmit messages over long distances. But here if Twilight’s not too busy with her new duties, and it doesn’t already exist, she could likely invent radio broadcasting in an afternoon.”

“Hwhooo,” agreed Owlowiscious.

==

Twilight Sparkle and her friends made their way down through the castle, Guards saluting her on the way, and to the chamber where her coach awaited. White Pegasi were already hitched to it and Applejack hoped they were strong as that thing looked heavy. Seemed a mite puzzling to her why they’d used Pegasi anyhow as it didn’t appear to be a flying one, so some proper Earth Pony strength might be handy. And if it had looked like it would help Twilight Sparkle with her nerves for there to be some friendly bickering then Applejack would have voiced that idea and picked the fight with Rainbow Dash.

The doors opened and they could see grey-coated golden-armoured Unicorn Royal Guards lining either side of the avenue to keep the crowds back. With a heave the Pegasi got the ornate coach into motion and the cheers redoubled as Twilight Sparkle began waving and smiling and trying to not hyperventilate. As much as her confidence had grown it was not many years ago that she had fled rather than go on a stage in front of a few dozen people. Being paraded in front of hundreds was a large step up from that.

As the coach passed through the line of her friends Twilight Sparkle decided to trot along with them rather than ride. She would rather share in their joy than remain separated from them so together they danced along the avenue with matching smiles.

==

Winona had napped for all of a minute but had been running for far longer now so Joe was beginning to understand why Applejack had warned that she got a little wild without enough exercise. Every time he spoke her name she stopped, sat, and looked at him, but after a few seconds of happy doggy grin panting she started running again. The other creatures inside the cottage seemed to have marked her path and it was a regular circuit so nothing was in any danger of being stepped on. Joe did hope though that Winona would run out of energy before she wore a groove in the floorboards.

==

They had waited for this moment of triumph, of overconfidence that everything was going to be fine, and now they would strike. Victory would be theirs and nothing any mere ‘Princess’ could do would stop them. It did not matter were they Immortal Goddess or newly crowned, they would fall in defeat and all would be soon achieved. All their goals would now fall within their grasp.

==

Joe grabbed left and with a raspberry Angel Bunny dodged right and zipped past him. Twisting on the knee he was knelt on Joe almost managed to get a handful of rabbit. Enjoying the game, though too tired out from the running to join in, Winona gave an encouraging ‘wuff’ as Joe rose and began to stalk towards his target again.

“Hold still you little bugger!” Joe growled.

“Pppbbttt!” said Angel Bunny, sticking his tongue out for good measure.

“Don’t annoy me too much,” Joe warned, “you get a few more dodges and then I might hurt you as the grabs get less careful.”

Angel Bunny considered this and then dashed forward and between Joe’s legs to blow another raspberry from behind him.

“Like there,” Joe commented as he turned, “I could have done this…” He snapped his heels together. “But might have caught you between them.”

“Ppppffpppppbbbfbbbpppptttttttt,” agreed Angel Bunny. He thought the human was overestimating his own speed but knew the difference between someone trying to catch gently and someone trying to catch at all costs.

“Hwhooo?” Owlowiscious asked.

“If you are offering to help then no thanks,” nodded Joe, turning slightly towards the Owl, “still more fun than otherwise.”

Then Joe turned suddenly back, trying to catch Angel Bunny by surprise but the instincts honed by his species being the favoured food of so many things served the rabbit well. Joe feinted left, grabbed right, and felt only the merest brush of fur against fingertips.

“Right,” Joe said, “I am willing to leave the rollers in your tail, the buckets for the evening routine need to be dealt with…”

“Pbbbbt?” asked Angel Bunny.

“We can play this another minute or so, or you can let me take them out now and have the time to do it more gently, or they can stay in. Your choice.”

Angel Bunny considered and then hopped up onto the sofa to lie on his front. He waved his tail commandingly and, with a shake of his head, Joe carefully unravelled the rollers and gave the tail a few swipes with a soft brush to make sure it was fluffy. Angel Bunny looked at the magnificence adoring his rear and nodded. Then he looked at Joe and waved a forepaw in the direction of the kitchen.

“Pbbbbbbbbbbtttttttttttttttttttttttttbbbbtttttttppppbbbbbbtttttttttttt!” Joe replied, informing him of his opinion of being ordered around by a rabbit.

==

Rainbow Dash evaded another attack. The coronation had been awesome but she was even more awesome. It was just a shame that Joe wasn’t here to see it!

==

After the quick exchange of duelling raspberries Joe had gone and sorted out the food for the evening feeds. Some nuts and greenery for a few of the animals inside the cottage, Angel Bunny of course wanting to steal some of the latter as well as his own while Tank just munched from his own bowl. The buckets filled and then emptied by throwing or scattering their contents. Food for the other four pets, though as at midday Joe stuck to kibble rather than shredding any more fish for them. But now Joe had a problem.

“I can understand this Winona…”

“Wuff?” asked Winona.

“One of the real problems with bird feeders, for humans, is how high to put them,” Joe continued, looking up. “Too low and they become cat feeders as they lure in the birds…”

“Arufff,” agreed Winona, she’d seen Opalescence watching the ones inside the cottage.

“And if you are not careful then they are squirrel feeders…”

“Ruff?”

“Squirrels are born climbers, so they can scale poles, or get down string dangling from branches, or along ropes,” Joe explained, chuckling as he remembered experiments with seeing just how many different obstacles a Squirrel could overcome.

“Afff,” said Winona, understanding.

Joe looked up again at the bird feeders high overhead, within easy reach for a Pegasus but not for a human, which he was supposed to refill. Fluttershy might be a weak flier but she could fly and she had taken advantage of that to help make sure the right ‘little friends’ got the right food. Some of them Joe might be able to reach if Fluttershy had a ladder, which didn’t seem likely as she had wings. Others though were well away from anything a ladder could be lent against or which a Squirrel would be able to climb.

With a shrug and sigh Joe picked the bucket full of seed with a measuring jug back up and went back inside.

==

Princess Celestia looked around at Canterlot and the aftermath of victory. She called out to her subjects to give thanks, once more the Holders of the Elements of Harmony had saved and preserved them. As the cheering echoed off the walls the Goddess of the Sun did wonder how though many times more Twilight Sparkle and her friends would have to play such a crucial role as depending on any set of champions, however stalwart, to save you was unwise.

==

Opalescence purred as she allowed Joe the honour of brushing her and removing the tiny amounts of loose fur that had developed since her Pony had been granted the same honour the day before. He’d annoyed her by brushing the wrong way but she had appreciated that he’d made his mouth noises to explain that was to help anything that was going to come out to come out. Soon her fur had been restored to smoothness and now she was encouraging him to keep going despite the lack of results other than purring.

“Pbbbttttt,” said Angel Bunny.

“What?” Joe asked.

“Pbbbbbtttttbbbbttttttttttttt!” replied Angel Bunny with more emphasis as he hopped up onto the sofa.

“You’re wanting to be brushed as well?” Joe guessed.

“Pppbbppppttt,” nodded Angel Bunny.

“Hrrrsssss,” Opalescence said, this was her slave for now.

Angel Bunny frowned at Opalescence and stuck his tongue out with another raspberry.

“Careful there Angel Bunny,” Joe commented, continuing to brush, “heard a story of a cat, which was a fluffy white Persian, and about the first thing it did when its people moved to the countryside was start killing rabbits and half eating them under a bed.” Opalescence licked her lips at Angel Bunny. “But,” Joe added to her, “I think Fluttershy would be even more upset than if you’d got that mouse.”

Not recognising Joe’s right to advise her and still holding a grudge about being denied that prey and snack Opalescence weighed the continued brushing against that insolence. With the instinct shared by many cats of being willing to put pride and the desire to show annoyance against their best interests Opalescence rose and prowled to the other end of the sofa to show her back to Joe. Then a raspberry sounded behind her as Angel Bunny hopped into the vacated lap and, with a shrug, Joe started brushing the rabbit.

Opalescence glanced and glared as she saw the human hadn’t even taken the trouble to put her brush to one side and pick up Angel Bunny’s instead. She gave a sniff and decided to deny Joe even the right of admiring her back, a tail flirt and nose tilt and she left to find a place to sleep that was less contaminated by rabbit and human.

==

The trio of winged chariots descended towards the cottage, the pairs of Pegasi pulling and steering them feeling a little nervous. This landing had been difficult enough before with how narrow the path was and how high and close the trees around it were but at least last time they weren’t carrying passengers. And not just passengers but newly minted Royalty. Carefully aiming and back-flapping a little to slow the lead chariot touched down, but that pair had the easy job. The second Chariot had a little less room to aim for as they had to pull up short of the first and the third chariot had to pull up short of them both.

“Thank you gentlecolts,” Twilight Sparkle said, stepping down from the lead chariot, Spike hopping down behind her and Rarity descending.

“Ma’am,” nodded the nearer Pegasus, the lead Pony of the lead team, drawing himself to full attention.

He felt honoured and relieved to have been carrying the new Princess as although that meant he and his partner had to fly perfectly it did also spare him the other passengers. While they had been in Canterlot the three teams had chatted and one had mentioned how hard it was to keep the chariot level when a Earth Pony was bouncing around from one side to the other of it. The other had said that at least they weren’t getting a constant stream of comments about their flying from one Pegasus passenger to her shyer friend.

The door of the cottage opened as Joe noticed the arrival. Despite how he filled the doorway there was a streak of white as Angel Bunny zipped past him to complain about how he had been bullied and not given enough carrots or brushing. Joe grabbed and managed to snag Winona’s collar to prevent her following but in stooping to do that he left enough of a gap above him for Tank to helicopter through. Rainbow Dash took off to meet her pet in midair while Fluttershy also took off so she could scoop hers up with her forehooves and tell him how adorable he was.

Twilight Sparkle smiled as she saw Winona surge and Joe nearly lose his balance. As she led her earthbound friends onto the bridge she felt guilty that her relief at seeing her closest friends and ‘baby brother’ and the pressure of the day had let him slip her mind. But the others had reassured her that Joe had seemed nothing more than tired during the time they had waited in the Golden Oaks Library and seemed even better for the night’s sleep. Twilight Sparkle turned to face the three flying chariots. “Thank you all again,” she said, dismissing them, “We hope you have a safe flight back to Canterlot.”

“Thank you Ma’am,” nodded the lead Pegasus again. “Hup!”

With some effort the three teams managed to swing their flying chariots around to take off again in reverse order of landing. Something else that had been easier before as they’d managed to do the first part before their passengers had emerged from that cottage, and so had been able to use more shouting and swearing to coordinate manners. Hooves thudded, wings beat, and they were away.

Joe released Winona, now it was safe, and stood so he could kneel and bow his head as Twilight Sparkle continued her approach. “Your Majesty.”

“Oh,” Twilight Sparkle said, realising Joe was completely serious in this, “erm… rise.”

Joe stood and noticed how tired they all looked. He decided to fall back on the default response of his countrymen to any emergency or crisis. Whatever the situation, however drastic, there was only one solution. “Would you all like some tea?”

“I’d rather have some cider,” Rainbow Dash teased swooping down to land, Tank making a wobblier but determined descent to stay with her.

“I did ask Big Macintosh about that yesterday,” smiled Joe, “but agreed to let the barrels stand a week or so to finish becoming ready.”

“Aw.”

“But, in any case,” Rarity said, “tea does sound lovely after the day we have had.”

“Right then,” nodded Joe, getting out of the way and out of the doorway.

It did not take long for him to boil the kettle and start the pot brewing, though he dithered over if Fluttershy would prefer him to use her normal china or her very best. If this was a few days ago then normal china, if this was any Princess other than Twilight Sparkle then very best. There was a story about a King though who always got cold food as every time he dined as a guest they used their gold plates and those conducted the heat away from the meal. So Joe decided on normal china.

When he returned he found pets and Ponies had found each other and large quantities of fussing of the former was being done by the latter, with the exception of Owlowiscious who was retaining his dignity and Tank who seemed content that his Pony was trying to retain hers. Opalescence was glowering at Angel Bunny as she still bore the grudge over the brushing, but the rabbit was ignoring this as he had the results admired. Gummy seemed as bemused as ever. Winona was sprawled in pure doggy joy.

“It seems it was a rough day?” Joe commented, setting down the tea tray.

“Rough, but awesome!” declared Rainbow Dash.

“Oh?” Joe asked, starting to hand out cups and saucers.

“Yeah…” nodded Rainbow Dash.

With much gesturing of forehooves, and the occasional interruption and correction from the others, Rainbow Dash launched into the story. Joe tried to ask suitable questions as he finished with the crockery and began making the rounds with the teapot and the milk and sugar. It did seem a real contrast though between what he was doing and what his marefriend was describing, so it did also seem that it was fortunate he’d not been in Canterlot as he’d have only got in the way with how skilled the others were. Eventually Rainbow Dash wound down and seemed almost as happy with the very impressed look on Joe’s face as she was with the triumph that had produced that.

“Now Rainbow’s finished tooting her own trumpet…” Applejack began.

“Sounded more like a Flugelhorn,” smiled Rarity.

“Those are even more fun!” Pinkie Pie commented.

“And can be louder and less tuneful,” nodded Rarity.

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash grumbled.

“Ah think it’s about time we all got towards ah own homes,” continued Applejack, ignoring the multiple interruptions, “been a long day.”

“It’s… nice to have you all here,” Fluttershy reassured them, “but, erm, yes.”

Twilight Sparkle stood and then gave them all a weak smile. “I am not looking forward to this.”

“Looking forward to what, honey bun?” Applejack asked.

“Ponyville and people treating you differently?” suggested Fluttershy.

“Sitting having tea here,” Twilight Sparkle said, adding with more of a smile to Joe, “using our human servant…” Joe brought his arm across his chest and gave her a head bow of mock obeisance. “And listening to Rainbow Dash tell a story, it all feels quite normal.”

“You can sleep here if you like,” offered Fluttershy, “though… er…”

“Eee’yup,” Applejack nodded. “Ah could put you up at Sweet Apple Acres, but might be best to face this now sugar cube.”

“Er, yeah,” agreed Rainbow Dash. “Get back into Ponyville and look them in the eye.”

With her instinct for evasions and lies Applejack gave Rainbow Dash a slight look as she noticed the lack of an offer to let Twilight Sparkle sleep at Rainbow Dash’s cottage. After the questions about if she could, like Princess Celestia, cloud walk it seemed like Rainbow Dash might have made the offer and the suggestion that they could find out this way.

“Start as you mean to go on,” Joe said, after rejecting the idea of saying ‘get back on the horse’ or ‘get back in the saddle’, “longer you delay the more your fears might grow.”

“Indeed,” agreed Rarity.

“The people in Ponyville are still your friends Twilight,” Spike added.

“Alright,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “back to Ponyville for me it is then.”

“So, are you going to walk or are you going to fly?” Rainbow Dash asked as they started towards the door.

“Erm,” replied Twilight Sparkle.

“Because flying would be awesome and would give me a chance to give you some more tips.”

“Ah.”

“I think fly,” Spike said.

“Hwhoooo,” agreed Owlowiscious, if you had wings and feathers then walking was idiotic.

“I’m not so sure…” Twilight Sparkle argued as the quartet passed out through the door and the debate faded.

“Oh my,” commented Rarity with a smile to the others. “It does seem Rainbow has a new project.”

“She did give me a lot of help at flight school,” Fluttershy agreed, then she added with a wink, “even when I didn’t want that helping at times.”

“Eee’yup, sounds like Rainbow right enough,” nodded Applejack. “Ah’ll be off as well now though?”

“Me too,” Pinkie Pie said, “thanks for the tea and looking after Gummy, Joe.”

“A pleasure,” nodded Joe.

“I hope Opalescence wasn’t any trouble?” Rarity asked.

“Not really,” shrugged Joe, deciding to not mention the mouse incident.

“Well, I shall take my leave also then,” Rarity nodded.

“Nice to see you all,” smiled Fluttershy.

“I’ll help with the tidying and then go,” Joe said, looking around.

“Oh! Erm… no need,” blinked Fluttershy.

“Oh, there is,” Joe disagreed, “since that will compensate for the fact I can’t fly.”

“Say what?” asked Applejack.

“I couldn’t reach the bird feeders to refill them.”

“Okay, I’ll deal with that,” smiled Fluttershy, “we’ll have to remember that next time.”

“Yay!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “Joe did well enough that he can do it a next time.”

“Come on you two,” said Rarity. “Joe needs to work, and I don’t think success at pet and cottage sitting is enough reason for a party.”

“But everything is a reason for a party,” Pinkie Pie protested as she followed.

“Eee’yup, so you think,” commented Applejack with a roll of her eyes.

With the departure of the three ponies and the three pets Joe went back to making himself useful. He carried the bucket of bird seed outside and Fluttershy began flitting up and down filling and emptying the measuring jug. Joe cleared away the remnants of the tea and cleaned up a few minor messes that he could have dealt with sooner rather than spending time sitting on the sofa. Then he went and got the bucket so Fluttershy could fill the bird feeders outside the front door of the cottage. Once she’d done this and he’d taken the bucket back to her kitchen Joe left for his own hut.

The day had not been a bad one. No disasters at Fluttershy’s cottage and the attempted disaster at Canterlot had been averted.

==

Rainbow Dash slipped in through the door of her cottage and looked lovingly at the tall strong handsome stallion waiting for her there. She’d enjoyed the tea and the chance to give Twilight Sparkle a quick lesson on the way back to Ponyville but she had been eager to return here. The stallion smiled to her as he examined her shelf of trophies and then approached her. Rainbow Dash raised her eyes to his.

“I love you so much.”

“And I love you,” the stallion replied, lowering his lips towards her… to kiss her on top of the head. “Night sweetie.”

“Night Dad,” Rainbow Dash smiled.

Chapter 46

Another evening routine, another peaceful night’s sleep, and another morning routine and Joe was feeling cautiously optimistic. It was just about two and a half weeks since things had started to change with the visit of the Cutie Mark Crusaders but he seemed to have found a new level. No more working for Zecora, but having to work harder at Sweet Apple Acres for a while and having found he was doing more than busywork there. His shock at the cosmology seemed to be wearing off and, despite being confident Twilight Sparkle would have managed without him, it was good to have helped reverse the reason why Discord had brought him here.

There was still the niggle though that he did still want to map and explore the Everfree and did want to remain in practice with shield and armour. Joe didn’t want to kill anything but he did want to keep the skills he’d tried to develop honed so he’d not be too helpless compared with Rainbow Dash. Even if it did seem she was the superheroine and he was the ‘normal’ sidekick and love interest. He smiled to himself as he realised that if that was his role then he definitely had to go exploring the Everfree again so he could get in trouble and have her swoop in to rescue him.

Whether he wrote a letter this evening or not he did know one thing. Today was one of his scheduled days at Sweet Apple Acres and he should get his tools together and his arse in gear unless he wanted to risk a Granny Smith lecture.

==

“Morning Dad,” Rainbow Dash said with a yawn.

“Morning sweetie,” her father replied. “I see you still nap a little late.”

“And I see you don’t,” Rainbow Dash replied, going to get her own bowl of cereal and nodding at the remains of her father’s breakfast.

“Habit,” he shrugged. “If you get there a little earlier than they expect then you get to see more.”

“Funny,” Rainbow Dash smiled, “when you came to inspect the Ponyville weather team you didn’t arrive until mid-morning.”

“Oh, imagine that. Who’d have thought I would get a wing cramp on my way here so my daughter had more time to prepare.”

“Thanks Dad,” Rainbow Dash said, putting her cereal on the table and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Both for the time and the temporary dye job in your Mane and Tail.”

Her father smiled to her. “The dye was for my benefit as well, let me say what I needed to say without worrying about embarrassing you personally. Not that I need to give you much advice…”

Rainbow Dash sat and started on her cereal, and watched her father’s face. She suspected she knew what was coming and would have wagered a few bits on knowing almost the exact words.

“Well,” her father continued, giving a little cough, “not much professional advice about weather or running your team…”

Rainbow Dash nodded. She had been pretty much spot on.

“But I do wonder about your, ahem, love life and what I have heard.”

“Alright Dad,” Rainbow Dash sighed, “what have you heard?”

“That there is a fellow called Joe who’s caught your eye, and not only is he not a Pegasus he’s not even a Pony.”

“And?” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“And don’t take that attitude, young lady,” her father frowned back. “You know I want you to be happy, but you also know as much as we’ve talked about things I’ve assumed you’d go for a Pegasus. Someone who could fly alongside you if you stay a weather pony, or fly with you from show to show if the Wonderbolts have the good sense to let you join them.”

“Sorry Dad, I didn’t mean to suggest…”

“Ah, don’t worry; I suppose it is good that you got so peeved with me when you thought I was saying something against this human. But that he is a human is an extra step for me. A Unicorn or an Earth Pony and I’d have been worried enough, seen some happy relationships where the differences mesh and seen some where they don’t and things go wrong.”

“You don’t need to be a different sort of Pony, or a different sort of person, for that to happen,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“True, but flying is so important to you. So important I’d be concerned even if this Joe was a Pegasus but not a good flier.”

“There is more to me than flying.”

“I know,” her father smiled, “and as proud as I am of your speed and skill I am even more proud of the fine young Mare you have become.”

“Thanks Dad.”

“I’m not explaining this well,” sighed her father, “I’m… look, I was expecting you’d find a Pegasus stallion that might be able to almost keep up with you, I didn’t expect you’d find one that could completely. But I could picture you being happy with an Earth Pony or a Unicorn. I never imagined this, so I’m feeling the need to be reassured you know what you’re doing.”

“As I said,” Rainbow Dash smiled, “what have you heard?”

“I heard he, and you, beat up some idiots in Canterlot. So he seems a bit impulsive and violent, rather than someone who’d… er…”

“Calm me down?”

“I think you are perfect as you are, sweetie,” her father winked, “but I remember how much trouble I used to get into.”

“What else have you heard?”

“That he’s a carnivore…”

“Omnivore by nature, vegetarian since he was brought here.”

“That isn’t so bad,” nodded her father, “though I note only vegetarian since he was brought here.”

“And he didn’t have to be,” Rainbow Dash defended him, “he could have tried hunting, but he respected local custom and ate kibble instead.”

“Kibble?”

“They based the extra protein he needed on what they feed dogs.”

“Hmm,” mused her father, “I’ll think well of him for ‘respecting local custom’ but I’m not sure I think much of taking that as a choice. Are you sure he would have been able to hunt?”

“Very sure,” Rainbow Dash smiled.

Knowing her father needed the reassurance she started from the beginning where a rather dazed and strange creature moved into Ponyville and although he was polite he seemed of little interest. Ignoring her father’s snort at this lack of assertiveness Rainbow Dash moved on through the first month and how, in retrospect, there seemed to have been a subtle change about the time Joe was walking around with an arm in a sling. That he had seemed more alert and spent more time in Ponyville, and met Ponies eyes more, though he was still cautious.

“So why was this ‘arm’ in a sling?” her father asked.

“He got attacked by a Manticore.”

“Idiot, need to keep your eyes open. Surprised he survived such a stupid mistake.”

“Dad!”

“Ah, go on,” her father said, not impressed by anyone that unaware of danger.

Rainbow Dash looked at him before she continued. She skimmed through the weeks between sling and when they’d gone into the Everfree and then talked in more detail about how they had found him fighting the same Manticore again, but this time in armour and with a spear.

“So he killed it?”

“He was trying to drive it away…”

“What? If something is trying to eat you then you kick it in the neck and snap its head off, don’t play nicey-nicey with it.”

This Rainbow Dash silently agreed with, but she just continued the explanation of how Joe had been blackmailed. Her father snorted at that, and when his daughter said how Joe had bluffed rather than fought the Diamond Dogs, and especially when she talked about the fight in Canterlot and how Joe had held back again. His little girl was the most important thing in his life so anyone who’d not be willing to kill to protect her seemed unworthy of her. This human might be an omnivore and be embarrassed, from what his daughter was saying, about how violent his people’s history was compared with Equestria’s but he sounded like a wimp and one that needed testing.

Finally as Rainbow Dash talked about how she had got Joe to promise to not go into the Everfree alone her father’s opinion firmed. He could not object to someone being unable to deny his little girl whatever she wanted, but he’d hoped for someone strong enough to argue more about it. That he did seem boring and reliable, like the Earth Pony he’d sometimes thought his sweetie might find, and had been a comfort to her earned Joe some credit but not enough.

“He sounds… calm and like good company,” Rainbow Dash’s father said, trying to be complimentary.

“He has a good sense of humour, can be brave when he doesn’t let his self doubt in the way, and is patient and helpful with fillies” replied Rainbow Dash. She waited for her father to begin to nod before she added, “and his kisses make my hooves tingle.”

“Well… that is important, the last part especially,” her father managed to smile, “but are you sure this is enough?”

“It is enough for now and to continue and see if there is anything more.”

“Okay sweetie,” her father nodded.

==

The first member of the Apple family that Joe had found at Sweet Apple Acres had been Granny Smith and she’d dispatched him to repaint a section of fence on the basis that it was better for him to get paint on his clothes than for a Pony to get paint on their fur. He and the old Mare had been able to agree though that it would be better still to be a Unicorn and be able to avoid getting paint on anything by floating the brush about from out of splash and drip range. So far Joe had managed to avoid much damage, but not enough that he would wear this shirt and trousers anywhere that Rarity might see what had happened to her work.

“How’s it going there?” Applejack asked.

“Going well,” nodded Joe. “A few more rails and posts and I might get the hang of it.”

“More like a few dozen,” Applejack winced, looking at the results.

“Fortunate then that you have so much fencing.”

“Yeah, not so neat but will protect the wood… what?”

“Sorry, was an advertising campaign for a sort of wood stain and the tagline for that got taken into general use as a way of saying you were being honest.”

“Come again?” Applejack frowned.

Joe explained about how the normal adverts went for praise of how easy their product was or how attractive the results were. But that campaign didn’t try to make it exciting. “So… this is fence paint, it’s paint for fences, it dries in thirty minutes, so in thirty minutes it’s dry… it does exactly what it says on the tin.”

“Eee’yup,” said Applejack, wondering what else something would do.

“Oh well, I’m boring enough to find it funny,” Joe shrugged, moving from post to rail. “Which leaves me less problem than you. Yesterday you were taking part in a Coronation and then saving Equestria again, today you are back on the farm and doing chores, bit of a difference to be going between.”

“Ah manage, though ah can’t disagree.”

“You manage well,” Joe nodded, “shows something about you or Ponies in general; humans can have trouble if they keep going from safety to danger. Found that with pilots flying from safe bases, contrast between life on the ground and the intense danger in the air began to wear on them in a different way than if they were in constant danger.”

Applejack nodded. “Ah do sometimes feel like there is me here on th’ farm and me when ah’m having to do things like go ta Royal Weddings and Coronations or deal with snoring Dragons or escaped Chaos Gods. But ah know that hard work and calm perseverance works for both ‘me’s and that helps them both stay the same me… if that makes sense?”

“Healthier than I was being,” Joe admitted, “having the ‘me’ that I let Ponies see and the ‘me’ that went traipsing through the Everfree.”

“And th’ ‘you’ that you let us see here.”

“Pardon?” Joe asked, brush pausing in surprise.

“You didn’t want th’ ponyfolk in town to realise you’d changed, but you didn’t give us here anything but your best and didn’t hide how that was improving.”

“I don’t think that ever occurred to me,” Joe admitted. “Occurred that if Apple Bloom hadn’t noticed then the last eighteen days would have been as boring as the weeks before, and that the weeks before were boring, but had been thinking your little sister was observant. Not that I should have tried to act weak.”

“And ah’m glad of it, that you were happy enough to relax here and let us see how able you were.”

Joe shrugged. “Don’t make too much of it,” he smiled as he went back to painting, “even I can’t be paranoid all the time about everything.”

==

In the sky above Ponyville a pair of rainbow streaks crisscrossed and wove intricate patterns as one tried to outdo the other, and the other tried to outdo them in their turn. One seemed faster, the other stronger, and both to be able to use their advantage to counter the other. The day’s weather had been nice but as this competition continued it approached perfection.

Rainbow Dash’s father had been surprised when his daughter had asked for help and had wondered if she had seen something in his eyes. He was very happy to be spending time with her, but he had expected her to excuse herself for this task and to have the free time to act on his impulse. Rainbow Dash had given the reason that yesterday she and most of the weather team had been in Canterlot, so together they could clear up any lingering problems a lot faster and then spend more time together not working.

As good though as it had been to get some hooves-on work done, rather than inspections and planning, this had also reinforced some of his doubts. The sheer joy on his daughter’s face as she tested herself against him, one of the few Pegasi in Equestria that was any challenge to her, had made him wish even more that she could find a special somepony she could share this joy with as well. Denying herself this happiness for any land bound creature seemed more unacceptable the longer they flew and the harder the contest had become.

==

Joe wandered back towards the barn and farmhouse. He’d run out of fence posts and rails before he ran out of paint and hoped that showed he hadn’t been using too much paint despite how thick a layer it seemed he’d ended up with sometimes. Or it could just have been a big can. It also seemed that whether Princess Celestia was playing a prank on him or just not preserving him against the general warmth that he should check with Rarity about a hat. Joe doubted she’d have made one with the need for the last-minute coronation dresses but it was worth a visit, once he’d put on clothes without paint on.

“Joe!” called Apple Bloom.

“Hello there,” Joe replied, changing course towards her as she waved from the barn door. “How is whatever you are doing going?”

“What makes you think we’re doing anything?” asked Scootaloo, also appearing at the barn door.

“I was sitting the other side of that wagon greasing the axle the day before yesterday,” Joe said, nodding towards it, “so seemed a fair assumption when I saw you two and Sweetie Belle go in there, and after you’d been keen to ask me if I knew why I’d cleared it.”

The two fillies exchanged looks and Sweetie Belle joined them. “Do you want to know what we are doing?”

“Only if you want to share,” Joe smiled. “I could have peeked.”

“Ah, come on in Joe,” said Apple Bloom, “might have left it a day or two, but ah think we’ve done enough to share.”

Joe shrugged and followed the Cutie Mark Crusaders into the barn. Then he stopped dead. One of the strange things about the cartoon that had inspired him to shout ‘Hawk-kaaaaaaa!’ at the supposed Changelings was that the timeline had not been restored. Normally that was a major plot point but at the end of it one superheroine had met again the special agent she’d met as a younger man. Which could have been ignored as it was part of the same two-part episode but then there was a second episode where the feisty girl with wings had been called by the last surviving member of the squadron she’d flown alongside.

And Joe wasn’t sure if he’d have been any more surprised had the Cutie Mark Crusaders shown him an F-4 Phantom II in this barn, as that old pilot had had in his, rather than the skeleton of a full sized Microlight.

He moved across and touched it with one hand to reassure himself it was real. Then he walked from the nose of fuselage pod and along beside the booms to the framework of the tail. Returning to the fuselage pod he crouched and saw it looked as if they had decided on having the smaller lower wing, though those spars had not been added yet. Turning he saw what looked like an almost complete set of ribs and spars for the main wing. This was all a shock and Joe decided it would not be beneath his dignity to sit down on a handy bale of straw.

“Ah you okay Joe?” asked Apple Bloom in concern. Some human expressions were strange but those had been right strange.

Joe paused and gathered his thoughts. He’d not thought they’d be able to build this much in that short a time, tales of the parade float notwithstanding, but he’d especially not thought he’d have become redundant to their efforts this soon. There had seemed a lot they still had to work out together, more calculations, some experiments with the existing model or making new ones, and discussions rather than them being able to just go ahead with the actual aeroplane.

“I just hadn’t thought you’d got to this stage,” Joe said, managing a smile. “But as you have you can explain it to me, best way to learn something can be to teach it as means you have to know the subject thoroughly. Know everything that works rather than just one method.”

“Erm, okay,” nodded Scootaloo. “As you probably saw when you bent your legs to go down lower we’re having the small wing so we can make sure things are nice and strong…”

Joe nodded and stood and looked as they went through the decisions they had made. A lot of the design was still as they had worked out together but the Cutie Mark Crusaders had anticipated and solved problems that Joe hadn’t. He’d joked that he’d told them as much as he knew that was useful but it was still a surprise to have already been surpassed. And it was a little downheartening that they seemed to think some of the questions he asked were intended to test them on obvious things rather than him genuinely not knowing the answer.

“So this all went fine and dandy,” Apple Bloom continued, “though now things get a mite tougher as we are more used to working in wood rather than metal or fabric, though ah’m sure we’ll manage.”

“I am sure you will,” smiled Joe, remembering something, and that Apple Bloom had said she could probably carve the wood to the fuselage. That he’d partially dismissed at the time as he’d not realised their skills, but now it seemed there was another option. “Though you might not have to as much, since I do have another little snippet of the history of human flight.”

“I thought you had gone through all you could remember?” Scootaloo protested.

“Aside from all the ways they used them to fight,” nodded Apple Bloom, “since he thought that not fit for the ears of fillies and colts.”

“Was it that obvious?” Joe asked.

“It was still a nice talk,” said Sweetie Belle reassuringly.

“Thank you, well… it was mostly wooden frame with fabric going to metal frame with fabric going to metal frame and skin,” Joe said, “but there were some variations, and I’m thinking of one in particular.” He stopped and winked. “And, yes, this was due to one of the wars I’d not mentioned.”

“We’ll keep that part quiet,” said Apple Bloom, echoed by nods from the other two.

“Metal for aircraft production was running low and all the aircraft factories were at full production. At the same time though the war had disrupted everyday life enough that nobody was buying fine furniture, so there were skilled craftsmen with nothing to do and the stockpiles of wood…”

“Are you going where ah think you are going with this?” Apple Bloom asked.

“If you think I am going to say that an aircraft company designed a twin-engine plane that used that wood and those craftsmen, then yes,” winked Joe, getting a nod from Apple Bloom. “A beautiful plane, laminated layers of wood, light and strong and very fast… faster than the smaller single engine planes that were meant to stop planes like that… and aside from the engines very little metal in it.”

“Ah can do that!” Apple Bloom declared.

With that the Cutie Mark Crusaders began discussing woods and glues and how to layer wood together for minimum weight and maximum strength. Two thin layers of the same sort of wood with the grains crossing at right angles could be harder to split than a single thicker layer and if you used different sorts of wood with different degrees of flexibility then the composite could be stronger still. It did seem that it was more Apple Bloom doing the talking while the other two nodded but this was all well past Joe’s knowledge. It felt like he had been right to think he didn’t know much, but had also been right to be careful as they could take as little as he knew and be making so much from it.

The talk seemed to be slowing so Joe cleared his throat. When the fillies looked at him he spoke. “Have you considered instruments?”

“Instruments?” asked Apple Bloom. “For music?”

“I think he meant like Twilight Sparkle’s,” Sweetie Belle corrected. “For measuring things.”

“That would make more sense,” nodded Scootaloo. Then she frowned at Joe. “But why? We’ve measured all the parts.”

“You can feel the wind in your feathers and fur,” Joe replied, “and see and hear and use your own senses. But an aeroplane doesn’t have those and although the pilot should be able to feel how the plane is moving some extra help can be useful.”

“Okay Joe,” smiled Sweetie Belle, pad and pencil making an appearance, “talk.”

“Magical engine, so no fuel gauge, engine temperature, or engine revolutions… or actually, no… would need the last one as it doesn’t seem like the magic makes much sound so wouldn’t be able to listen to the engine tone. You can tell which way you are flying by looking at the Sun, but a compass would be simpler to use. Can tell how high up you are by looking down, but an altimeter would be more precise…”

“Right,” said Sweetie Belle, pencil skipping across pad and both in a delicate glow of magic.

“I don’t know if you’d get disorientated like human pilots, but an artificial horizon in case it gets dark or you fly into fog or cloud and can’t see the real horizon could help…”

“We could tell which way up we were!” protested Scootaloo.

“Probably,” nodded Joe, “but humans can depend a lot on visual cues, we tend to walk in circles when blindfolded, so been a problem for us. And one other thing I’d include would be an airspeed indicator so you can tell exactly how fast you are flying. Would help with takeoff and landing and with being able to tell if there’s a problem in flight so you’re going slower than you should be for as hard as the engine is working.”

“Right,” Sweetie Belle said again. “How?”

“Ah,” said Joe.

He felt like he was foundering again but he did his best. Compass was simple. Altitude could be told by air pressure. And it was a relief when they mentioned the gauge Twilight Sparkle had used to measure wing power as that sort of rotations to a reading on a dial might be useful for the ‘engine’. Or that and the airspeed, depending on whether that was measured by how much pressure the air inside the piton tube was exerting or by letting that rotate a small fan and seeing how fast that rotation was.

This and using the bale of hay to demonstrate how human pilots normally sat and how some designs did have them lying prone instead, which might suit a Pony shape more, took some time and almost an hour had passed before Joe could escape back to his normal chores. The Cutie Mark Crusaders happily discussed where to put rudder pedals and if to use a stick that moved side to side or have a wheel on a stick that only moved front and back. Joe meanwhile ran the gauntlet of a Granny Smith glare as he approached her to ask what to do now he’d dealt with the fence.

==

Two Pegasi with matching rainbow manes and tails walked into Sugarcube Corner and Pinkie Pie gasped. Almost instantly she was over the counter, past Mr and Mrs Cake who had long since got used to that, and was bouncing around Rainbow Dash and a slightly bemused looking stallion. After a few circuits she stopped and looked at her friend.

“Dashie!” Pinkie Pie accused. “The weather team inspector was your Dad?”

“And still is,” smiled Rainbow Dash’s father, extending a forehoof. “I’m…”

“Pleased to meet you, pleased to meet you,” Pinkie Pie squealed, grabbing and shaking vigorously. “Come on, sit down!”

With a shrug he followed his daughter to the table they were being inexorably ushered to. Rainbow Dash gave her father an apologetic smile as Pinkie Pie sat them and hurried away to get cupcakes and coffee and hurried back to stare at him.

“Why have we not seen more of you? Why did you dye your mane and tail? Why are you here…” Pinkie Pie barraged.

“Pinkie,” interrupted Rainbow Dash, “let him answer one question first.”

“I can answer those three,” her father smiled. “My job keeps me busy, inspecting and coordinating weather teams across Equestria, so normally I can only visit for a few hours and it makes more sense for my daughter to fly to meet me. Even half an hour’s flying time each gives us an hour more together. I dyed my mane and tail because I didn’t want anypony here to think I was inventing or ignoring problems because the team here was run by my daughter…”

“And why are you here?” Pinkie Pie asked again, suspicious of the timing of a day short of a week since the ‘Joe has a marefriend’ banner was unrolled.

“I was given the day of the coronation and the next couple of days as holiday time, though I’ll have to leave before mid-afternoon tomorrow to get to my next inspection. Not that my daughter is impressed.” He reached across to ruffle her Mane. “Bigger dreams than being a weather pony.”

“Aw, Dad!” Rainbow Dash blushed, at both the words and the Mane ruffle. “You are hardly ‘a weather pony’…”

“What is he then?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“You know who the Mayor would report to, and has the authority to reprimand her, if we wrapped up winter late? Because wrapping it up late in one place throws off things in another and means every other weather team has to compensate?”

“Yes?”

Rainbow Dash nodded to her father. “Now you have met him.”

==

“That seems to be it,” Joe said, stretching and looking at Big Macintosh.

“Eee’yup.”

“I’d like to freshen up and stop by the Carousel Boutique today…”

“Oh?”

“See about a hat.”

“Eee’yup. Don’t want you going as red as me.”

“See you tomorrow then?” Joe asked.

“Seems fair. Even if you did spend some of th’ chores time today helping mah baby sister instead.”

“Hey!” protested Apple Bloom, family instincts drawing her into range to hear the ‘insult’.

“Farewell until then, then.” Joe nodded, walking off to collect his tools.

“Good luck with the hat,” nodded Big Macintosh back.

==

Fluttershy frowned, as much as she ever could, and with a slight shiver at their dead eyes staring at her she counted the fish again. And got the same result of their being a few less than she’d expected. She’d not forgotten what Joe had said about humans eating fish and some humans regarding eating them as being less wrong than eating other animals. So she did wonder if Joe had eaten those himself or had simply fed more to her little friends.

==

“Joe! Daring.”

“Hello Rarity, how has today been?”

“Oh busy, busy, busy,” Rarity smiled, looking Joe up and down and making him glad he’d changed his clothes. “A shame all the trouble yesterday means I’ll need to fix up the dresses again a little, or I could have had quite the exhibition and even more customers.”

“Another triumph of design for you then?”

“Of course, what else would you expect?” Rarity said, giving a mock frown.

“An outstanding triumph?”

“Naturally,” Rarity nodded. “But as welcome as this praise is I feel I should enquire why you are here. You still don’t have a bag, so still are resisting the idea you will need formal clothing again.”

“And my skin is still resisting the sunshine, but I thought I’d check about a hat…”

“Hat… Oh my!”

“No worries,” Joe reassured her, “you had all the dresses to make lickety-split, and those were the priority…”

“No, I mean yes, but…” said Rarity. “I have been busy, but I… erm.”

Rarity moved across to a side table and her horn glowed. A khaki slouch hat with olive green decor floated up in the middle of her magic as she turned to look at Joe. She gave him a surprisingly apologetic smile.

“Well that looks…” Joe began, then Rarity settled the hat on her own head. The contrast between the style of it and of her was ‘interesting’ but Joe tried to be polite. “Looks like what I sketched, and even it can’t detract from your looks.”

“Yes, darling, but it fits.”

“Fits… wait a minute.”

“I made you it, and then Sweetie Belle commented about when she’d tried on your helmet and how it didn’t fit her.”

“Because I’ve got a funny shaped head,” Joe nodded.

“Well, one that isn’t pony shaped at least,” smiled Rarity, floating the hat away before she could risk seeing herself in a mirror. “So if you could sit down then I can make a cardboard template for my next attempt.”

Joe found himself a spot and sat. “I do appreciate that you got the hat done, even with all else going on.”

“I know you do, dear, and I might be able to sell it to somepony,” Rarity replied, setting to work, “or regard it as practice, you’ll need a few of these in different shades to match your different shirts and trousers…”

“It’s just to keep some sun off,” frowned Joe, “so I only wanted the one.”

“Don’t pout darling, it’s unbecoming.”

After a few minutes of adjusting, cutting, and gluing cardboard strips Rarity had produced a circlet with two bands coming up from it to cross at right angles. She floated this from Joe’s head and muttered that it looked like the hat she’d needed to make from a few pieces of straw at the craft booth at the Crystal Fair. Before Joe could ask she’d trotted away so he stood and waited.

“It will be a couple of days,” Rarity said as she returned.

“Thanks,” nodded Joe. “Good luck with things.”

“And you, dear.”

Joe gave her another nod and retreated. Mention of his helmet had reminded him of the other niggle and so he turned towards the Golden Oaks Library, feeling mildly curious whether the scorch mark was still there. As he approached he was glad there were no Royal Guards outside the door for him to have to try to talk his way past. Though it was also a surprise as he thought Twilight Sparkle deserved them as a Princess. He pushed the door open and entered.

“Hwhoo,” said Owlowiscious.

“Hello,” Joe replied politely.

“Joe,” nodded Spike.

“You seem a bit glum, my friend,” Joe frowned, “and you were so cheery when I saw you last.”

“Not been a good day,” sighed Spike. “Almost every pony in Ponyville has taken some excuse to visit the library and stare at Twilight. They’ve all been as friendly and polite as usual, but after the first few dozen it began to upset her.”

“Ouch,” Joe winced, “lots of little rocks add up to a landslide.”

“Something like that,” nodded Spike, “so she’s in the basement, do you want to go down or me to get her?”

“I’m actually here to see you.”

“Oh?”

“You remember my armour vanished?” Joe asked.

“Yeah, and from what the others have said it wasn’t back at your hut.”

“So I want to send Princess Celestia a letter, a very polite letter, to ask if I can have it or a replacement back or have permission to have a new set made.”

“Sounds a challenge,” said Spike, managing a smile.

“Not as much of a challenge as persuading Dash to let me go back to exploring the Everfree,” Joe smiled back, “but one step at a time.”

==

Twilight Sparkle crept up the stairs and listened at the basement door. She was used enough to her new wings that she could just jump off these and glide back to the floor at a moment’s notice, so she felt the risk of finding out who the voices belonged to was worthwhile. They seemed to be having a conversation rather than one complaining to Spike and asking where she was and if she would be up soon. Some of the Ponies had been quite persistent or had loitered for a long time in the hope she would be stupid enough to emerge.

Soon it would be time for the library to close and she did feel she had seen enough Ponies today. But she’d had enough of a break that she felt she could handle this last half-hour or hour, and felt guilty enough about having left Spike to guard her privacy that she felt she should. As she listened she recognised the second voice and smiled slightly as she realised that even if she’d seen enough Ponies today she could talk to this person. Quietly she opened the door and moved out into the main floor of the Golden Oaks library.

“Okay,” Joe said, standing with his back to her looking at a notepad, “how does this sound…”

Submitted for the gracious attention of Her Majesty, Princess Celestia

Your Highness,

I respectfully request information on the armour which you removed from my person to facilitate hugging of myself by your subject Rainbow Dash, Holder of the Element of Loyalty. My initial assumption was that this armour might be found again at my hut and my hope, when this was not the case, was that it might soon be returned or a suitable replacement supplied. If neither of these is your plan then I humbly ask permission to engage the services of a smith to forge a new suit so I may, once more, be adequately prepared should opportunity to explore the Everfree arise…

“You think Rainbow is going to let such an opportunity arise?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

Joe turned, knelt, and bowed his head. “I think, Your Majesty, that I have more chance of Dash giving permission than of getting armour from your mentor if I put the letter the way I feel like.”

“Gah, don’t do that,” Twilight Sparkle sighed. “Just sit down and tell me what you mean by the way you feel like.”

“Sure,” nodded Joe, shifting from knee to arse and his voice becoming a little more bellicose. “Dear Sunny, give me back my armour, or give me some new armour, or at least tell me I can get some new stuff without you nicking that as well.”

Twilight Sparkle snorted. “Yes, I think your other letter would work better.”

“I respect her, I even like her, or at least see why others do,” Joe shrugged, “but remembering my armour when she’s had the joy of you fulfilling her faith in you and becoming a Princess might be difficult. Though I might wait a few days or a week and keep hoping something will appear.”

“What sort of something?” asked Spike.

“Well, you remember I said my armour was a little light,” Joe nodded, “and I still don’t know if Royal Guard armour is steel or Kevlar or titanium or something else entirely… I don’t think the pair outside the Carousel Boutique the day before yesterday would have appreciated me asking. And definitely not if I’d drawn my knife and started scratching at it to see if I could tell.”

“And there was what you said about magical enchantments on armour,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, getting into the spirit of it. Joe was not a close friend but, after the day she’d had, he was close enough. “Though I had to tell you things didn’t work that way here, unlike in your games.”

“Yep,” Joe nodded, again, “so a suit of heavier gleaming armour, magic cracking around me to enhance my abilities and protect me, and be as invincible as you warned me against being arrogant enough to think I was. Or as powerful as Discord offered… hmm.”

“Hmm?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Hmm, I wonder if the magic inside me would have been tainted by chaos if I’d accepted his offer of great power. Hmm, I wonder if the magic inside me would have become like any other Pony if I had accepted his offer to turn me into one. Hmm, I wonder if in either case I would have been able to mess things up by trying to help our friends, but without being able to act as a power source for the cure you had to resort to.”

“Hmm,” nodded and echoed Twilight Sparkle. “He did say that he’d improved what Zecora and myself had done, but he was only freed and reformed after you’d been attacked and you’d had the extra treatments.”

“So if he did tweak things,” Joe nodded back, “then it might have been before he was freed. Or it wasn’t the effect of the extra treatments and I’d just not noticed until recently… though it didn’t seem like keeping up with Applejack and Big Macintosh got easier suddenly then and hasn’t felt suddenly more difficult now.”

“That is reassuring, that there was no sudden change either time, and it didn’t seem like the magic inside you was chaotic,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, “so he could have been lying.” She paused and thought. “Or maybe compared with a pony it was chaotic, there wasn’t the underlying destiny and order…”

“Seemed to work,” Joe shrugged, “and you’d not be a Princess, and I’d be a statue or exiled, if it hadn’t gone well.”

“Maybe.”

“Still, how are you feeling?” Joe asked. “Spike said things had worn on you today.”

“Sometimes I find the change hard,” sighed Twilight Sparkle, shooting a look at Spike as he appeared about to comment, “and I don’t mean knocking something down when a wing suddenly twitches.”

“Not sure I can even imagine,” Joe nodded, “but it is well deserved.”

“Maybe,” said Twilight Sparkle, pondering for a moment and realising an implication of something Joe had said. He’d mentioned the armour of the Royal Guard and that reminded her that he’d wondered if it was ceremonial, and why. “Joe, your country is a monarchy?”

“Constitutional Monarchy, powers of the Crown are mostly ceremonial.”

“Right,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, “but you still have a monarch, and that monarch is a human…”

“Yes,” Joe nodded back.

“How long do humans live?”

“Get to a hundred and doing very well, die before seventy and regarded as premature.”

“Right, so you get a new monarch fairly regularly?”

Joe smiled. “The present Queen lost her father when she was quite young, so she’s celebrated sixty years. And she got to send her mother, the Queen Mum, the usual message of congratulation for reaching a hundred so she might be around for a good while yet.”

“But she does have children, who are prepared for the throne as she was?”

“She’s a great grandmother, but she does have a son to succeed her, he does have a son to succeed him, and that grandson does have something on the way to make her a great grandmother again…” Joe paused and wondered if he was being accurate. Then he decided not enough time had passed since he was brought here for the ‘something’ to have made its appearance to show if changing the rules of succession had been needed. “Well, actually she has three sons and a daughter and her oldest son who is the next in line has two sons, works on primogeniture.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded. “So when they are born they are raised as Princes and Princesses and the oldest know they will succeed to the throne?”

“Most of the time,” Joe shrugged, “the Queen’s father was a younger son so he wasn’t expecting to become King. But his brother abdicated after some months and so he did, actually took over his brother’s coronation as we take months to organise things.”

“How are your Royals prepared to inherit? For the duties?”

“Well… oh!” Joe stopped. “Now I get why you are asking about this! And the answer is the same way you have been, except maybe less so.”

“What?” asked Twilight Sparkle, that had not been the answer she’d expected.

“Get well educated, go to the best schools and universities, and then do a spell in the Armed Forces to learn about discipline and service,” Joe smiled. “While you got well educated, at the best school and as personal student of a Goddess, then became Holder of the Element of Magic and have learned your lessons through your service as that and alongside your friends. As proud as I am of my country, and its Armed Forces, I would say you’ve faced far greater risks and challenges than we generally allow the heir to go through.”

“What about the ones that aren’t the heir?” asked Spike.

Joe shrugged. He’d been trying more to be reassuring, as much as he thought Twilight Sparkle was a genuine heroine and she had faced more danger he wasn’t sure how much he felt he was being truthful that she was better prepared. Pride in centuries of tradition of military and academic excellence was not easily put aside by mere logic. He decided to answer Spike’s question though.

“Put it this way, the second in line to the throne flies search and rescue helicopters, his younger brother flies attack helicopters on active service. So the younger one has seen as much danger as Twilight, the older one not as much. Like I said, she’s had to face death and lead in life-or-death situations, with the fate of her country in her hooves, as well as being well educated and trained.”

“She is pretty awesome,” Spike agreed.

Twilight Sparkle had developed a faint blush. “Thanks, you two.”

“Is just the truth,” Joe nodded, “when Princess Celestia listed your attributes and we all bowed she was being accurate.”

“So Applejack said,” commented Spike.

“Well, she was being accurate as well then.”

Author's Note

Strange sometimes. I make up a personality and make up a job for somepony, but not a name. And as I wrote he went from “weather team inspector” to “Chief Inspector and Head” and I suggested the idea that the actions of all the weather teams need to be coordinated and to be planned in general in advance. Which does fit with central manufacturing of rainbows and clouds in Cloudsdale.

Chapter 47

It was not one of his normal days at Sweet Apple Acres but Joe had taken the short walk there to offer his services for the morning. Yesterday he’d decided to not send the letter to Princess Celestia as that did seem so unimportant compared with helping Spike reassure Twilight Sparkle that she was well prepared and exceptionally well suited to be Princess Twilight Sparkle. He’d also learned a little more about the actual coronation and the preparations for it rather than just the ‘exciting’ part of the day which Rainbow Dash had concentrated on.

The morning had gone well, some more fence painting and helping with stacking things, and his chores at Sweet Apple Acres complete Joe was walking back to his hut to wash, have some lunch, and decide what to do with the rest of the day. There were places in the hills that would be safe enough to explore without armour. Or he could read. Maybe nap. Or stop by Sugarcube Corner to talk to Pinkie Pie.

As he walked, and it approached its zenith, the sun was just slightly behind Joe and his thoughts were not enough distraction to prevent him from noticing a shadow being cast from midair. Last time he had reacted to a shadow it had been a mistake as it had only been Rainbow Dash but, even if it was her again, the instinct to jump aside was not a good one to lose. Especially since if it was her then making him jump would amuse her.

To Joe’s surprise rather than almost stopping the Pegasus hurtled past, and rather than being graceful and feminine it was a substantially built Stallion. Dust billowed around him as he braked his speed by landing and digging his hooves into the path. The stallion turned and tensed and growled.

“Defend yourself.”

With a flap of his wings and a thrust of his hindquarters the stallion took off again to hurtle at Joe. Unfortunately for the Pegasus being a biped wasn’t very stable and being able to fall in any direction helped humans with moving those ways. Joe had been surprised how bipedal Equestria ponies could be when they wanted forelegs free for something or, as happy as they were, to dance sideways. But humans could also dance sideways, and though many things could whirl around in their own length when your body was arranged vertically that length was rather short.

Working on instinct and wishing the castle’s insurance had stretched to infantry versus cavalry demonstrations rather than his knowledge being theoretical Joe side-stepped at the last moment to pivot on his left foot and try to drive his right fist into the side of the Stallion’s neck as he passed. Then as he felt his punch strike Joe’s air exploded from him from a blow across the right side of his ribs.

Staggering and almost falling to one knee Joe condemned himself as an idiot. That sort of move might work for an infantryman against cavalry or for a matador against a bull, but this Pegasus had a dirty great wing sticking out of his side to sweep through the area Joe had dodged into. Fortunately he was not badly winded and either the punch or the mutual impact of wing and side had thrown off the Pegasus’ flight, so he was now in another cloud of dust he’d raised as he scraped a shallow furrow with his crash.

The Pegasus was trying to get back on his hooves so as his opponent’s rear end came up Joe decided to give that a helping hand. Or rather a ‘helping’ foot as he ran the few strides to close the distance and swung his right boot up under the stallion’s tail. The Pegasus’ rear lifted, his hooves seeming to come up off the ground a fraction and a whinny of pain escaped him as his eyes watered. That blow did suggest the human was right behind him so as his rear hooves settled he thrust them up again to kick backwards.

Joe had kept moving and taken a quick step back and to one side out of the way as soon as he’d landed the kick and his leg had swung back down. Although being a biped made that easier the disadvantage was that he only had two legs to brace himself. But he did have two arms and hands with which to grab one of the stallion’s rear legs as they came out to full extension and hold it for a moment against the withdrawal. This brief grasp was enough to unbalance the stallion a fraction and make his attempt to turn a little less swift and graceful.

The stallion reared up to drive both forehooves forward at him and, with the moment more he’d earned to react, Joe twisted clockwise and leaned a little to avoid those thrusting hooves, then twisted back for a straight-right punch into the Pegasus’ soft nose as he came down. A tingle ran up Joe’s arm from his fist and he had the satisfaction of knowing that was a good solid punch.

It seemed less satisfying for the Pegasus so, trying to press his advantage, Joe twisted again, stepping forward slightly for a left-hook into the Stallion’s right eye. That and the punch in the nose seemed to have distracted his opponent enough Joe took a chance and stepped away, bounced on his toes once, and then swung his right boot up again. The kick up under the other end had worked but Joe was glad he’d toecaps on these boots as his foot met the jaw.

Looking rather dazed but determined the Pegasus lunged again and, knowing how poorly trying to dodge had worked before and expecting his opponent would be alert for that, Joe met the lunge and brought his hands in to grab at either side of the Stallion’s head. His fingers slid across the fine fur of the Pegasus’ face and his thumbs almost slid into the Stallion’s eyes on their way to close around his ears. The Stallion screamed a little as it felt like he was tearing his own ears off with the force of his lunge and pulled back as best he could. Joe let go of the ears and stepped back again while the Stallion was distracted by the pain, then drove the heel of his boot forward in what on a human would be a knee strike.

Here it was more like the wrist, between the elbow near the body and the ‘knuckle’ joint to the single toe whose nail was the hoof. But the blow worked the same way as the foreleg bent slightly in the wrong direction and though it didn’t work as well when it left three legs rather than one the Stallion wobbled and his forequarters dropped a fraction without the full support of that leg. More dust swirled as the Pegasus beat his wings to retain his balance and, fearing his foe would take off, Joe decided to take a risk.

Pouncing forward Joe turned to face the same direction as the Stallion to wrap his right arm around his neck in what he hoped was a good headlock or calf-wrangling grip. The Pegasus struggled and Joe tried to apply as much pressure as he could, digging his heels into the path and bracing his right arm with his left. This did not feel as secure as he had hoped and, as well as almost lifting off the ground as his opponent’s wings and legs combined, Joe could feel a lot of strain in his shoulder. Then through the dust and the haze of exertion Joe noticed something and involuntarily his grip relaxed.

With a wrench that made pain streak down Joe’s arm and up into his torso from his shoulder the Pegasus broke free, flinging Joe to one side to briefly sprawl before, with a cough, he rolled himself to his feet again. The Pegasus had taken off and was slowly circling around, still holding the foreleg Joe had kicked as if he didn’t want to put any weight on it, not even in midair where all his weight was on his wings. Joe sidestepped a little to keep the Pegasus in sight and now there was no dust, and there was a pause, he could confirm what he’d seen between his arm and that Stallion’s neck.

“Wait!” Joe snapped.

“Why?” the Pegasus asked.

“Because if you’re who I think you are from that Mane then your daughter would prefer us to not beat each other into a pulp.”

“You think you could manage?”

“You want another kick in the nuts?”

“Not really,” the rainbow maned and tailed Pegasus smiled, “but…”

Almost faster than Joe could see the slowly circling Pegasus blurred into a rainbow streak that shot past him, and then back past him, and again so a box of rainbow blurs encompassed him and more dust rose in the slipstream. Joe had seen Rainbow Dash do her similar version but he hadn’t realised how impressive it was from the inside. The blurs faded and the Pegasus was back where he had been, almost as if he hadn’t moved at all, the same smile still on his face.

“Impressive,” Joe nodded, “though…” His hand dipped to his belt and a narrow shiner silver blur linked that to a tree as, with a thunk, his knife buried two thirds of its blade into the tough wood. “Would you have liked my knife rather than a fist in your neck, or your eye, or your nose?”

“Point taken,” said the Pegasus, his smile broadening into a grin. “Or rather that point was not taken there.”

With that the Pegasus turned and arched away. Joe stayed standing straight for a few moments and then grabbed at his right side with his left hand.

“Aaahh… f… I think that got closer to breaking those than the bloody Manticore did on the other side,” he commented to himself. After a few deep breaths he began limping across towards his knife. “And I think I strained my foot on his face, or maybe it was on his balls like the Scotsman and the burning terrorist.”

Not noticing the amused eyes above him Joe continued to the innocent bystander tree and winced again as he yanked his knife from it. He rotated his arm a little as he looked at the blade and returned it to its sheath.

“And ooch! My other shoulder didn’t hurt that much after the Manticore, at least not the two days later when I woke up.”

==

Rainbow Dash paced a little in the main room of her cottage. She’d hurried through her midday weather checks so she could get back here to spend more time with her father before he had to go, but he wasn’t here. If he’d needed to leave early he’d have left a note or come to find her so where in the name of Discord’s testicles was he? Rainbow Dash blinked and giggled as she realised what she had just thought and where she had got the phrase from. Fortunately for her father she was still cheered by that when her cottage door opened and he entered.

“Got to go soon sweetie,” he said, “sorry I wasn’t here when you got back, had an errand.”

“What sort of…” Rainbow Dash began. Then she noticed how swollen her father’s left eye was and that he was limping on one foreleg. “Oh, no, no, no…”

“Hang on,” her father replied, turning back to the open door. He reached down and scooped up a couple of hoof-fulls of cloud, which he whipped across to near the sofa. Then he hobbled across and sat with a wince. Using his weather manipulation skills to make the tiny clouds snowy and icy he was tempted to put them in an intimate location but, inhibited by being looked at by his daughter, he stuck to the plan and pressed one to his eye and the other to his leg. “Ahhh, better.”

“Dad, what did you do?”

“Nothing serious.”

“Dad!”

“You realise your friend can fight dirty?”

“Would that account for the wince when you sat?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Who’d have thought he could kick that hard or accurately,” her father asked rhetorically, “or that his boots were that hard.”

“Dad, you can’t beat up everyone I get involved with.”

“Why not?” grinned her father unrepentantly. “What other compensation is there for having such a beautiful daughter?”

“Daaaaddddd!”

“Oh no, I’m fine,” he pretended to grumble, “don’t show any concern for your poor old battered father…”

“I’m sorry Dad,” said Rainbow Dash, “but I am more concerned for Joe and what state you left him in.”

“Not as good a state as he was pretending until he thought I had left, but even then he just grabbed his ribs and started muttering and limping.”

“Limping?”

“I think he hurt himself kicking me…”

“Sorry Dad, but good.”

“Ah, ungrateful brat,” sighed her father, “take the time to visit her and beat up someone she cares for, and does she appreciate the latter? Oh no, she just complains about me hurting him.”

“Dad!” Rainbow Dash giggled.

“I’m still not sure about him,” her father said, face and tone becoming more serious, “but I liked that he wasn’t intimidated when I showed him just how much faster I could have been moving. So as long as he treats you right…”

“If he doesn’t then you’ll respect my right to deal with it myself,” Rainbow Dash replied, equally seriously.

Her father paused and then reluctantly nodded. “Got a hug for your old man?”

“Anytime Dad,” smiled Rainbow Dash, providing such and mischievously squeezing a little harder than normal.

“Ack,” her father said, to her satisfaction, as his daughter managed to find a bruise.

“Sorry Dad.”

“Brat.”

==

Twilight Sparkle was in her basement again but, this time, she had actual work to do rather than this being a retreat. Her intent had been to finish the spell and then assess Joe, as much as she could while they were all still so tired. But instead she’d found herself elsewhere and then a Princess. So the problem now she was back in Ponyville was that seeing how the potion and the draining had affected Joe wasn’t as simple as just putting him on the treadmill. He’d said he’d not noticed a difference so she might be looking for a more subtle difference. Therefore her first priority was to assess herself.

The wings were the obvious difference between a Pegasus, or an Alicorn, and any other pony but she knew enough about comparative biology to know how many less obvious differences there were. In some ways her scientist’s instincts were offended by how this had handled. If Princess Celestia had given her a day’s warning, or a few days, then she’d have been able to go to the Ponyville hospital and have a full series of scans done of how she used to be and have those to compare to scans done of how she was now.

That would only have told her the physical changes though. More important was how her magic had been affected as that was still her special talent, her Cutie Mark hadn’t changed, and until she knew if this was more powerful and, if so, how much by she couldn’t test the same for Joe. If her sensitivity to magic had increased then it might appear that he had more magic rather than the same or the same rather than less.

The door at the head of the stairs opened and with the hopping forced on him by his relatively short legs Spike came down them to look at her in concern as she gave him a smile and continued her tests. She’d taken inspiration from her school days and earlier and the simple repetitive drills she had gone through to check strength, concentration, and focus and how this was improving, or not. Spike watched her for a few moments and then spoke teasingly.

“I know you worried about being sent back to Magic Kindergarten, but you don’t need to send yourself back there. You are still the same Twilight.”

“I’m not so sure Spike,” Twilight Sparkle sighed, “as much as I’d like to in some ways I can’t ignore these.”

As Twilight Sparkle spread her new wings Spike belched, which seemed a strange response to his ‘big sister’ until a scroll flared into existence and showed it was not a reply to her unfurling. With the ease of long practice Spike caught and unrolled the scroll and nodded.

“We might be getting away from Ponyville for a while anyway.”

“Oh?”

==

Joe sat in Sugarcube Corner, rear on one of the low seats and legs crossed in almost a lotus position under the table. He’d been sweaty enough after the chores at Sweet Apple Acres that quite a lot of the dust thrown up by the fight had clung to him and his clothes, but unfortunately not enough for it to simply flake away again. As he limped the rest of the way to his hut Joe had found himself humming and singing the ‘Hippopotamus Song’ though.

A thorough stripping and scrubbing had removed sweat and dust and mud and given Joe the chance to check himself over. His knuckles were a little red from the punching and it looked as if he had just jarred his right foot rather than any serious harm. There was nothing visibly wrong with his right shoulder and he still had a full range of motion, though also a few twinges and he didn’t want to put too much strain on it for a day or two. The most spectacular injury was the first one. Without fur to hide it and with, despite the lake sunbathing, quite pale skin for its colours to show up against Joe knew the bruise that was forming from the wing impact was going to appear rather impressive.

Tempted as he was to hide in his hut Joe had decided he would not allow himself to be discouraged from going into Ponyville. The greater temptation was to take his spear with him and it was only when he shifted it from one hand to the other to open his front door that Joe realised he’d picked it up. After a brief struggle he managed to put it down again and continue on his way without too many regrets, or dwelling too much whether he’d have been tempted to put his armour on if he still had it.

“Right,” Joe said as Pinkie Pie returned with something that looked more like coffee than cream for him and the reverse for her. “So, you think Rarity would not take it amiss? She’d accept it was to celebrate what a good job Dash does, rather than celebrate it wasn’t Rarity trying?”

“Yeppers!” smiled Pinkie Pie. “Though,” she added with a wink, “isn’t it the second as well?”

“I’ll admit that was seeing the contrast that made me consider if a Party was needed…”

“As if a party ever isn’t.”

“Weather team though,” Joe frowned. “I can make absolutely sure with Rarity, will be seeing her tomorrow about a hat, but I can’t ask Dash if her subordinates deserve a Party without spoiling the surprise.”

“Why wouldn’t they deserve it?” asked Pinkie Pie, bemused by someone ever not deserving a party.

“As Spike said, while standing on my head,” Joe smiled, enjoying the slight giggle from Pinkie Pie at that image, “even if they thought it was Rarity’s job they could still have offered to help the Pony they probably thought was their boss. But none of them did, they left her struggling.”

“Ooooh… thinking of weather bosses I met someone yesterday…” began Pinkie Pie, breaking off as she saw the door open. With a bound and blur of pink she was across to greet her friend. “Dashie!”

Joe unfolded his legs and disentangled himself from the table to stand. “Hello Dash.”

“Hi Pinkie, Joe,” Rainbow Dash replied, sounding a little more enthusiastic about the former than the latter. She looked at him and then nodded. “Sit.”

“You see what I mean about her ordering me around?” shrugged Joe to Pinkie Pie.

“Aw, you love it,” Pinkie Pie winked.

Rainbow Dash waited for Joe to obey and then calmly walked across, raised one forehoof, and prodded him hard. Right on the bruise on his side.

“Aaah!” Joe exclaimed, loud enough to draw some Pony eyes. “Dash…”

“What did you do that for?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Joe met my dad earlier.”

“Oooh, I was about to mention he was visiting when Joe talked about weather teams and bosses… wait is that why Joe is limping a little?”

“At least I am walking,” Joe smiled, noting he’d been right about who’d fought him, and rubbing his ribs and looking at his marefriend. “If her father hadn’t held back I’d have to hope he’d at least send somepony to take me to hospital.”

“Story time!” declared Pinkie Pie, pulling a cupcake from somewhere and devouring it in one bite to give her the stamina to listen.

“I’ve heard one version,” Rainbow Dash said, continuing to look less amused, “from my dad before he left…”

“Phew! He left!” nodded Joe with exaggerated relief. “Maybe I can get by without armour…”

His voice trailed off under Rainbow Dash’s frown, but fortunately for Joe that was when Spike arrived.

“Spikey-Wikey!” Pinkie Pie squealed, appearing to almost teleport across to rub the top of his head.

“Spike,” nodded Joe.

“Hi Spike,” Rainbow Dash added.

“Rainbow, good, I can tell you at the same time as I tell Pinkie,” Spike replied.

“Tell us what? Tell us what?” asked Pinkie Pie with a quick series of bounces around the small Dragon.

Spike moved across to the table so he lower his voice for at least a little more privacy, even if everypony in the shop was watching after the Pinkie Pie greeting and, unknown to Spike, after Joe’s prod induced ‘Aaah’. “Twilight’s been invited to some sort of ‘Princess Summit’ in the Crystal Empire, and the invitation includes her friends. I don’t think you have to go, but I do think she’d like you to be there.”

“I should be able to,” Rainbow Dash nodded. “Pinkie?”

“Mr and Mrs Cake?” asked Pinkie Pie, turning towards the counter.

“Depends how long it will be for, dear,” Mrs Cake replied, showing Spike’s efforts at discretion had been wasted.

“Though we should manage a few days,” agreed Mr Cake.

“But much longer than that and we’ll have to ask somepony to come in,” Mrs Cake finished.

Pinkie Pie turned back to Spike and taking his cue he continued. “It could be a few days, maybe more, we’ll have to leave this evening to sleep there overnight and be ready for a full day tomorrow.”

“Ah,” Joe smiled, “advantage and disadvantage of Ponyfolk not wearing as many clothes. Don’t need to worry so much about how much to pack, but also don’t need to be told how long you need to pack for.”

“I’ll get Fluttershy and Applejack,” said Rainbow Dash, managing a smile at the weak witticism, “come along with me Joe?”

“It would be a nice walk,” Joe agreed, “but for now I’d rather walk, and even if I could jog or run I’d still slow you down a lot.”

“Why would he rather walk?” whispered Spike to Pinkie Pie. “I thought he could run that far now?”

“He met Dashie’s Daddy,” Pinkie Pie whispered back, “so he’s limping a little.”

“Be glad you’ve met Rarity’s father in a less… abrupt manner,” winked Joe.

Rainbow Dash sighed and rolled her eyes. “See you guys in a while.”

Then on impulse, and while he was sitting and within easy range, Rainbow Dash darted her lips forward and wrapped one forehoof around the back of Joe’s head to hold him in place for a quick but intense kiss, leaning back before Joe could overcome his surprise. She winked to Joe and left, ignoring the buzz of gossip about how that rumour had been confirmed. Joe looked around with a distinct blush, that had been a little more ‘passionate’ and a little less ‘friendly’ a kiss than he’d expected in public, and then stood. He hoped the blush would fade before they reached the Carousel Boutique and the questions it might raise from Rarity.

==

Twilight Sparkle looked up from her study of the scroll and the few details it had of the Princess Summit. She really hoped the library door was opening to admit one of her friends rather than a gawker. To her pleasure it was two of her friends, Rarity and Pinkie Pie, along with Spike and… Twilight Sparkle’s smile of greeting faded and was replaced by one of embarrassment.

“Joe? I’m sorry but…”

“But I’m not invited?” Joe asked.

“Well, no,” replied Twilight Sparkle, surprised that Spike hadn’t made that clear as he’d read the invitation. “Sorry.”

“What?” Spike frowned, to her further surprise. He walked across to his big sister and looked again at the scroll. “He’s not not invited either. The coronation we got personal invitations, so didn’t know for sure until he was already almost offering to pet sit but…”

“Spike, it’s fine,” Joe smiled. “We all know I’d rather stay out of the way of Princess Celestia. Can I take a look at the invitation though?”

“Okay,” Twilight Sparkle nodded. None of this was a secret so that seemed fair.

Joe joined Twilight Sparkle and Spike and added his own nod. “Hmm, I can see the confusion. But I think ‘whichever of her friends may attend’ is intended to say it’s not compulsory, not that it’s a general invitation. And anyway I’m not here because I thought I was invited…”

“Going to offer to pet sit again, darling?” Rarity asked.

“As perilous as that is, nearly get an embolism trying to match Angel Bunny raspberry for raspberry, it does seem safer than going. Though I don’t have to go to the summit to go to the Crystal Empire, and I should be able to steer clear of it while exploring the rest of the city.”

“You really are scared of Princess Celestia, aren’t you?” Twilight Sparkle marvelled.

“Yes,” said Joe. His first response was to mention the swelling towards the sky, his second was to say he was scared enough he wasn’t going to mention what he’d seen, and simply saying ‘yes’ seemed safer than either of them. “So I’m here to find out what’s going on so I know how and if I can help.”

“Alright,” Twilight Sparkle replied. She considered reassuring Joe that her mentor was, perhaps, more forgiving than he assumed. That Princess Celestia had forgiven Fluttershy for taking Philomena as her intentions had been good, even if mistaken. But it didn’t seem that Princess Celestia had found the same amusement in Joe’s actions as she had in the idea of trying to ‘cure’ a Phoenix that was simply getting towards her time to be reborn in flame.

“Rainbow has gone to get the others,” Spike added as the conversation entered a lull. “She was at Sugarcube Corner when I went to get Pinkie.”

“Right,” nodded Twilight Sparkle again.

It was not long before Rainbow Dash returned and demanded Joe provide the lap to which she had become accustomed. He cheerfully sat and she sprawled across it for the brief wait until Applejack and Fluttershy arrived and things could get underway.

“So, what’s this about ah ‘Princess Summit’?” Applejack asked, getting straight down to business.

“Princess Celestia didn’t give many details,” replied Twilight Sparkle, “but it would be a few days in the Crystal Empire and I would prefer you all…” She gave Joe an apologetic glance. “…to be there.”

“Hmm, ah could have th’ days away from th’ farm,” Applejack nodded. “If it’s important and the Princess an’ all.”

“As I said in Sugarcube Corner I should manage,” added Rainbow Dash, “my weather team could handle things that long…”

“From his twitch I don’t think Joe agrees with you,” Rarity pointed out with a smile.

“They, erm…” said Joe.

“Didn’t help when Rarity was struggling, so although you wondered about a ‘thanks for good weather’ party you weren’t sure if they or only Dashie deserved it as well as not wanting to upset Rarity as it might seem like you were partying to be glad it was Dashie doing it again rather than her.”

“And,” Joe said, looking to Pinkie Pie, “as I said, had intended it as a surprise if I decided to do it.”

“Oops.”

“Thanks for the thought though,” said Rainbow Dash, squirming slightly to get absolutely comfortable.

“I’m not sure about leaving my animals though,” Fluttershy ventured, biting her lower lip a little.

“That’s why I’m here,” nodded Joe. “I’m not invited to the summit, but I could probably find a hotel and it might be nice to do the tourist thing in the Crystal Empire…”

“And ah’m sure you’d not be unwelcome, right Twilight?” Applejack reassured him.

“I think Cadance would find him a room,” agreed Twilight Sparkle, taking the hint, “so there wouldn’t even be a problem with a hotel.”

Joe blinked. That was hardly steering clear of the summit if she meant in the Castle. But if that was what she meant then he was certain it was because she thought it would be fine for him to be that close to the attention of her mentor. Not that she was trying to prevent him going by denying him the relative safety of a hotel. He’d not the same bond with Twilight Sparkle as he’d developed with Applejack and Big Macintosh over the months or with Rainbow Dash over the last couple of weeks, the last week and a half especially, but he did trust her motives.

“So there’s that, or there’s what Applejack and Fluttershy were saying,” Joe continued after his pause. “I can’t help at both places all the time but I could some of the time.”

“It would be… nice to have someone looking after my cottage and my little friends,” admitted Fluttershy.

“It would be nice to have Joe along to entertain me,” Rainbow Dash contradicted her friend. “A summit sounds boring.”

Ignoring this Joe explained. “I was thinking of moving into Fluttershy’s cottage for the few days and taking a few hours here and there, while somepony covered for me, if something at Sweet Apple Acres needed doing that would be simpler for me to do.”

“Makes sense,” Applejack nodded.

“No it doesn’t!” said Rainbow Dash, contradicting a second friend.

“Make more sense to go to the Crystal Empire and us take an hour here and there during breaks in the summit?” Joe asked.

“Yes!”

“Maybe some organisation?” Twilight Sparkle suggested. “The train ride is not that long…”

Despite Rainbow Dash’s disdain for any sort of compromise they managed to agree that Joe would spend at least a couple of nights at Fluttershy’s cottage looking after her animals. Tomorrow was Joe’s normal day for chores at Sweet Apple Acres Fluttershy would talk to some of the Ponies that normally covered for her to see if anypony could take over during the morning. Somepony would certainly have to stop by to deal with the bird feeders. By the end of the first day of the summit tomorrow they’d have a better idea of how busy they’d be in the Crystal Empire, how long they might be there, and so if it would be worth Joe taking a day trip during one of the remaining days. Assuming that anypony could cover for him covering for Fluttershy.

Of course the advantage of a day trip as far as Joe was concerned was that it sidestepped the potential risk of a room at the castle. He trusted Twilight Sparkle’s motives but was less sure he agreed with Applejack about him not being unwelcome. Knowing he’d been discussed by Goddesses gave him even more empathy with how a mouse felt as it huddled and hoped if it stayed still the cat would forget it. Thankfully huddling rather than running about entertainingly seemed more what Princess Celestia wanted, so he’d likely not get a metaphorical paw swat to stir him back into motion.

The group broke up as Fluttershy left to check with the Ponies and Applejack to tell Granny Smith and Big Macintosh of the plans and see about how her chores and Joe’s could be organised. Since it was likely she would bring more outfits than the rest of her friends combined Spike took the chance to go with Rarity and help her pack. Twilight Sparkle looked at the still comfortably sprawled Rainbow Dash and the still trapped Joe and, with a slight shake of her head, went back downstairs to finish what Spike’s belch had interrupted. Pinkie Pie bestowed a giggle on the pair and then bounced away.

A few moments passed of silent companionship and then Rainbow Dash twisted in Joe’s lap to smile up at him. “Fancy that walk now?”

“My foot is feeling better,” Joe nodded.

Rainbow Dash nodded back and rose to her hooves, brushing her lips across Joe’s and stepping back. This encouragement backfired a little as, rather than follow more instantly, Joe spent a moment on surprise that he’d got a light ‘public’ kiss when they were alone and more the opposite when they’d been in a crowded bakery. Then he stood as he wondered if this came back to her wanting a way to mark him. Acting the gentleman he stepped past his marefriend to open the Golden Oaks Library door and hold it for her.

With another smile she trotted past him and Joe followed. They walked a short way from the library before Rainbow Dash frowned at the slight remaining limp and continued their conversation. “So, you hurt your foot when you kicked my Dad under his tail?”

“More likely when I kicked him under the jaw,” Joe replied, wondering how much detail Rainbow Dash’s father had gone into. “The other end was squishier, though I am glad of what it produced.”

“What it produced?” asked Rainbow Dash, giving Joe a very strange look.

“If he didn’t have those then how would he have fathered you?”

Rainbow Dash gave a slightly embarrassed giggle. “Oh.”

After another moment, and turning the corner for the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres, Rainbow Dash demanded that Joe told her all the details of the fight. This was something that Joe was not keen to do. Whatever desire he had to boast of his victory was overshadowed by the feeling that it had been a draw, at best, and that as well as he had done these blows had been landed on someone dear to his marefriend’s heart. He therefore focussed more on the embarrassment of forgetting the wing when he tried to dodge and of not noticing the Mane and Tail with all the dust.

“And of course,” Joe said as he finished his summary and they passed out of Ponyville, “I took a big risk with that knife throw…”

“Because you’d disarmed yourself?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“That too,” Joe nodded, “but I was thinking that, as much as I’ve said humans are good at throwing…”

“And proved it in Canterlot.”

Joe winced at that memory. “Yeah, but I was going to say different things need to be thrown differently. I’ve practiced throwing a spear and that worked with your dart as well, but knife throw is a very different action. Wouldn’t have been very impressive if it had gone wide or struck handle first.”

“Throwing wasn’t the only risk you took with your knife,” Rainbow Dash said, after pondering for a while.

“How so?” asked Joe.

Rainbow Dash stopped and gave him a serious look as he stopped in response. “You took a big risk not using it.”

“Well even before I belatedly recognised your father I didn’t think a pony would kill me,” Joe argued, “and I’d rather lose than kill when it wouldn’t have been to the death.”

“What if you’d had your spear?”

“That could have been messy,” Joe sighed. “I’m not sure I’d have done more than get out of the way, but might have met first swoop with that… and big and obvious enough a weapon that if somepony kept attacking, maybe after a warning, then I’d think… er”

“Think they’d deserve to get stabbed?” asked Rainbow Dash, starting to walk again. Normally by now she’d have started to fly but it took more concentration to fly close to Joe than it did to walk and she wasn’t feeling like the effort when it was just a lazy walk in no particular direction.

“Pretty much. They’d be able to see the danger, so they’d know they were taking that risk. Is the saying ‘you mess with the bull, you get the horns’ so…”

“I get it,” Rainbow Dash said, looking up and giving Joe a brief smile. “pick the wrong fight and what happens is your own fault.”

“Like kicking a Dragon?”

“Watch it,” Rainbow Dash mock-growled to the teasing, “you’ve said where my Dad hit you so I know where to prod.”

“Besides,” admitted Joe, “if I was thinking anything more complex in the heat of the fight than ‘got thing to hit and stab with, so hit and stab with it’, which I doubt I would be, I’d also feel that if they’re willing to risk being killed then they probably intend to kill. So definitely use the spear.”

Rainbow Dash looked worried as a concern that had been growing finally flowered. “Joe, you realise you can’t always assume ponyfolk are nice? You were so surprised that you were nearly having to fight that other stallion and you’ve been so embarrassed about human violence.”

“Hmm,” Joe nodded. “I might have let myself misjudge things by extremes… be embarrassed that humans have done or still do those things rather than remembering they’ve never happened to me or anyone I personally knew. So in terms of day to day life their absence doesn’t make much difference.” He paused and glanced down at Rainbow Dash. “Don’t get me wrong, I still think ponyfolk are nicer than most humans but…”

“But my dad was the first angry father to want to beat you up?”

Joe sighed and nodded again. “Just because Ponies don’t do the dreadful things doesn’t mean they’ll never do the less dreadful ones. The sorts of things that would just be embarrassing and might cause only minor trouble, like punching someone for being rude to your wife.”

They walked a short way on before Joe winced and pinched the brow of his nose.

“Gah, I think I didn’t take as much notice of Twilight’s warning about arrogance as I thought I had.”

“Arrogance?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“She pointed out it was arrogant, or at least over confident, to assume I could fight a Manticore well enough with the blunt end of my spear that I’d have time to switch to using the spearhead if… as it proved… I couldn’t drive it away with clubbing.”

“Well, you were able to fight it well enough,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, “even if that was helped by it being only a small one.”

“True,” agreed Joe. “But there was also assuming I could fight Diamond Dogs well enough to give Pinkie Pie and Spike time to escape. I thought I had listened but then, when we thought we were fighting Changelings, I used a tentpole only as a quarterstaff rather than a spear. And now I’ve assumed I could fight a Pegasus stallion well enough I wouldn’t need to draw my knife to stab rather than punch.”

“Which was better,” Rainbow Dash reassured him, “maybe stupid, but lucky. I don’t think you’re arrogant and, even if my Dad was holding back, you did well enough that you might be able to take a chance to be sure. I just want you to remember that you would be taking a chance.”

Joe slowly nodded. “Afford to be careful, but not too careful. Try not to die surprised.”

“Try not to die at all,” Rainbow Dash frowned.

“That would be preferable.”

The sun was warm enough as they continued their stroll that Joe thought of hats and realised that if Rarity was getting ready today, and would be in the Crystal Empire tomorrow, then he’d have to wait for her return. Still the sun was also bright enough to let him admire the colours of Rainbow Dash’s Mane and Tail and decide they looked far better on her than on her father. As well as beautiful she was looking pensive though.

“You say you don’t think a Pony would kill you,” Rainbow Dash said, returning to her topic, “so you wouldn’t stab it…”

“I might get some broken bones,” nodded Joe, “but, though I’ll try to be more cautious assuming it, I’d think it more likely a fight to defeat rather than death.”

“What would you think would be trying to kill you?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Other than things like the Manticore?”

“Hrm,” said Joe. “This isn’t a very cheery topic. I’ll admit that I don’t think another human would be trying to kill me, maybe hit me on the head and steal my money, but I’d draw my knife to warn them off. Though that would risk escalating it rather than ending it.”

“Voice of experience?”

“Had someone try to mug me once, they punched me, I punched them, we punched each other, they ran off. Not scary at the time but I did realise how lucky I was they didn’t have a knife.”

“So that tells me about your world…”

“Yeah,” Joe winced, wondering if he should have made that sound theoretical.

“But what about here?”

“Well, of things that can talk probably a Minotaur or a Griffon,” Joe mused, then he nodded. “Definitely a Griffon.”

“I can understand that,” smiled Rainbow Dash. “Though I did have a Griffon friend who was a Junior Speedster with me.”

“And when I was going through immigration there were a few, and some Minotaurs, in the classes on local custom. Though they were only visiting.” Joe sighed and continued. “I might be being unfair to the Minotaurs, be too influenced by their bloody place in human mythology… but Griffon? Even discounting every scrap of human mythology and stories they’re still carnivores with razor sharp beaks and talons and claws.”

“Can be bad tempered as well.”

“So now a knife seems even less compensation,” Joe smiled, “though going to warn me the opposite way? That I can’t assume all ponyfolk are nice and I can’t assume all Griffons are not?”

“Eh… not so much,” admitted Rainbow Dash. “If a Griffon attacks you then they might not eat you, but almost certain you’d get some more scars. They are one of the main reasons we have soldiers, despite also having Goddesses as rulers.”

“Certainly seems a good reason.”

“So,” Rainbow Dash asked. “How well would humans do against Griffons?”

“What?”

“You said Ponies could defeat a human army…”

Joe blinked before he remembered the battle he’d mentioned, and he had to chuckle before he could reply. “No… I said you could defeat a human army of more than two thousand years ago.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Griffons might do quite well against them, or could be a real stalemate,” Joe continued, tugging at his beard as he tried to picture it. “It wouldn’t take a very long spear to outrange beak and talon and keep the Griffons away, but would be difficult to hit them with arrows if they’ve got anywhere near Pegasus speed and agility. As one being a 'junior speedster' suggests.”

“And ‘modern’ humans?” asked Rainbow Dash, wondering if Joe would relax enough to answer properly.

“Wouldn’t find it so difficult to hit them. Be smaller targets than aeroplanes or helicopters, but…” Joe shook his head and gave a slightly feral grin.

To Rainbow Dash’s pleasure Joe didn’t seem to be choosing his words with care. He gave the disclaimer he was going on fiction and guesses but rather than try to hide or downplay things he appeared to be talking quite freely and answering the questions she asked in the same way. A story where human Tank crews were pleased that demons were just as crunchy as anything else when they rolled over them didn’t seem like something he’d have mentioned a while ago. Then when she wondered if he was being too confident for his people he actually sounded more proud than embarrassed as he argued the flip side of human history was that if you have that many wars then you tended to stay in practice.

Eventually Joe wound down and looked a little embarrassed. “Oh, and I got trapped into lecturing Twilight and I’ve told you but please don’t tell Pinkie Pie.”

“Tell her what?”

“That when humans had cannons that look like her Party Cannon they were used to fire solid lumps of metal to kill and maim, rather than party streamers and decorations.”

“You got it,” Rainbow Dash smiled, flapping up briefly to hover and snap Joe a salute.

Joe smiled at that. Somehow when he was with her he forgot his troubles, even the one that an Immortal Goddess of the Sun might have been able to watch the entire conversation since she had claimed she could be observing him that closely. So by that token it was a mixed blessing that it didn’t seem he’d ever been able to be as guarded with Rainbow Dash. He’d told her about throwing darts while they were walking back from the hills. Then when she’d brought some he’d happily shared the use and tactics of Plumbata and then onto talking about Ponies versus those humans. Then rather than leave it to just the math of kinetic energy he’d mentioned tanks and armour piercing darts. And all of that before they had kissed, if the last only just before.

“Actually, darling, can you keep most of this… quiet,” Joe asked.

“You’re still worried about things?” asked Rainbow Dash in reply, landing and noticing the endearment.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to talk to you and feel like I can share. You did wince a little at some of the descriptions…”

“You made them quite vivid.”

“It’s just…” Joe stopped walking. “I’ve said more to you than I did to Princess Celestia before she warned me to be cautious, though not as much as I said to Twilight when she ambushed me with her questions…”

“So you still owe me some words?” teased Rainbow Dash.

“Maybe the opposite,” Joe replied, managing a smile. “Was the day we kissed for the first time so I was preoccupied.”

“Er, yeah, and she knew that,” said Rainbow Dash, not very diplomatically. “I’d talked about it with her.”

“Gah, and I’d decided it would be too conceited to assume you were talking about me,” Joe said, giving an exaggerated wince. Then his expression soured as he realised that even if it hadn’t been malicious it had been deliberate.

“Joe?” asked Rainbow Dash, seeing the shift in her special somehuman’s face.

She’d noticed that there still a distance between Joe and Twilight Sparkle. At the lake the latter had seemed more interested in the facts than the banter surrounding them. Twilight Sparkle wasn’t treating Joe in the same way as, rumour had it, she’d treated Pinkie Pie when the mystery of Pinkie-Sense caught her attention, but she seemed to want to assess him physically and mentally and solve his ‘mystery’ before she could relax. So Rainbow Dash didn’t want Joe to also feel he couldn’t relax.

“So, how Pegasi fight Griffons?” Joe asked, trying to change the subject. In hindsight he had regretted answering Twilight Sparkle’s questions so fully but she’d been enough help with the aeronautics and then the cosmology and metrology that it was easy to forgive her seizing the chance of him being confused. Not forget as he did intend to take more care with his words around her, but forgive. “I hope not the same way as you fought the supposed Changeling.”

“Why not?” frowned Rainbow Dash, looking up at Joe as they continued their walk.

“They are partially bird of prey so I’d think they’d want to get to grips. So maybe emulate a shark, they make a pass and a strike and then leave larger prey to bleed and weaken. Which also worked with human aircraft, had faster fighters and nimbler fighters so the former dove through the latter and then climbed to dive in another attack.”

“Which is fine for them,” Rainbow Dash pointed out, “since I suppose they have these ‘guns’. Though if those work for humans then…”

“Hmm,” nodded Joe, “recoil and reloading though. Perhaps we should get back to your throwing darts, be hard to hit with one but I did mention tanks could fire a lot of little ones rather than one big one…”

“So we are actually getting back to your arrows,” Rainbow Dash nodded back. “Drop several from a quiver at once.”

“Maybe a head to head pass, but back-flap and pull up and leave those to continue on… wait…”

“Wait?”

“I’m finding it interesting,” Joe admitted before giving her a dubious look, “but I’m walking along on a lovely day with a lovely lady and this is what I started talking about?”

“Would you rather talk about foals?” winked Rainbow Dash.

“I’d rather not imagine what your father would have done to me if we were at that stage of things.”

“True…” Rainbow Dash giggled.

“At least it means I met him without having to go to Cloudsdale,” sighed Joe.

Rainbow Dash gave him a slight frown. “What’s wrong with Cloudsdale?”

“Nothing, I just can’t fly.”

“You could always ask Twilight for the spell she gave Rarity, I think you’d look cute with butterfly wings.”

“Yeah,” Joe winced, exaggerating his expression, “I think I’d rather ‘borrow’ the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ Microlight.”

“You’d still need a cloud walking spell,” said Rainbow Dash, taking off to look Joe in the face, “but what?”

“The reason I couldn’t use the barn for the petsitting,” Joe smiled, “is they’re already building a full sized one.”

“Whoa,” blinked Rainbow Dash, turning in the air and rising a little in automatic reaction before she settled, “I have got to see this.”

“Okay.”

Pivoting on her wings Rainbow Dash looked at him again. “Not sounding as enthusiastic.”

“Just hadn’t expected them to not need my help this soon,” Joe admitted, “so was a surprise to be shown the skeleton.”

Rainbow Dash nodded to this, though she thought Joe was underestimating the sheer enthusiasm of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He seemed to be assuming the fillies had made a well thought out decision to go ahead without him and that they were right to think they could. Maybe she was biased but she didn’t think her special somehuman was as dispensable as he seemed to feel. She was sure he’d have to step in at some point to help solve some problem. So she had better get him there so she could see this for herself and check if his feelings were right or if, far more likely, he was wrong and she was right.

“Come on then slow-poke,” teased Rainbow Dash. “had enough walking, so now you can test your foot.”

“And you can just as effortlessly keep pace,” Joe smiled back.

Trying to be obliging he sped from a walk to a jog and after several seconds to see if the twinges were too bad he tried speeding up. They’d been taking the path that led past his hut but Rainbow Dash zipped straight past, doing little loops and spirals to waste some time and energy as Joe tried to speed up again. As they passed some scuffmarks Joe nodded to them and commented what had caused them, hooves or crash or wrestling, and Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. Then did a spiralling upward roll to show off, making Joe nearly trip as he watched that rather than where he was going.

Before Joe could get too out of breath or be tempted into trying to sprint they reached Sweet Apple Acres and, with a final flourish of side-slipping back and forth to come down almost vertically like a falling leaf, Rainbow Dash landed lightly next to him. Joe smiled to her and they approached the barn, fortunately managing to get inside without having Granny Smith spot them and demand Joe come and help work out his chores. As the Cutie Mark Crusaders noticed their visitors Scootaloo did her humming bird impression and buzzed over to greet her heroine.

“Rainbow Dash!”

“Hi squirt,” replied Rainbow Dash, giving Scootaloo a quick mane-ruffle that made no difference to the smaller Pegasus’ hairstyle.

“As soon as I mentioned this to Dash she had to come and see,” Joe smiled to the three fillies, “though, alas for Scootaloo, you were denied her arriving five minutes sooner…”

“Ten,” corrected Rainbow Dash.

“I’m not sure I even took that long…” Joe protested, looking at her.

“Okay, nine and a half,” offered Rainbow Dash.

“Thanks to her not flying ahead,” Joe said, looking back at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, “she didn’t arrive an unspecified time sooner.”

“Ten minutes sooner,” nodded Rainbow Dash, going back to her original figure. “Still, as delayed as I was, I’m here now so how about you show off what you’ve done so I can be as impressed as Joe sounded.”

With a vast amount of enthusiasm, and a few corrections from Apple Bloom, Scootaloo launched into it. This chance was not one to be missed and she was really pleased at how much this was seeming to impress Rainbow Dash. A little disappointed that her heroine didn’t ask more questions and give her even more chance to show off, but still really pleased. After a while Scootaloo wound down and Rainbow Dash had long since realised she didn’t know that much about how this thing was supposed to work.

She could give them a lot of advice when they got it flying on how to fly, spotting updrafts and downdrafts, avoiding or using wind shears, how they should try to make it move to avoid stalling or losing control. But as useful as she knew that would be, and as awesome as she expected Scootaloo would think it, that was no help right now. The length of the lecture and how much it seemed the Cutie Mark Crusaders knew hadn’t changed her opinion though that Joe was going to have to do a lot more than he thought.

“You’re going to have to make things filly sized,” Rainbow Dash teased. “I learned about this because Joe threatened to ‘borrow’ it if he was going to visit Cloudsdale.”

“Maybe less embarrassing than butterfly wings,” nodded Joe, “though I would have a problem since when I say I can’t fly I do also mean that I’ve never flown an aeroplane or anything.”

“You could still borrow it if you liked,” Sweetie Belle assured him, wincing slightly as her eye for design saw Joe with those wings.

“Thank you,” nodded Joe.

“Even if you’d already advised us ta arrange the controls in a way much better for us than for you,” Apple Bloom added.

“That would be another problem, filly shaped as well as sized,” smiled Joe. “Be a little cramped for me.”

Joe looked at the Microlight and chuckled.

“What?” Rainbow Dash asked, recognising the signs that her special somehuman was about to go off on a tangent.

“I had a rather vivid dream,” said Joe, giving her a smile, “maybe because was the night before the talk at the school, maybe because I’d seen how magnificent you were fighting that supposed Changeling… and I was flying something faster and more powerful than this.”

“I’d still be flying rings around you,” Rainbow Dash winked.

“Oh yes, you were,” admitted Joe, “and I did say to Scootaloo that we’d not be able to build a scramjet for several times the speed of sound.”

“What were you thinking of then?” Apple Bloom asked.

“You remember I mentioned the last generation of propeller driven fighter planes, though not that they were fighters designed to destroy other planes?”

“Yep!” said Scootaloo, managing almost as much enthusiasm for this as she had for the arrival of Rainbow Dash. “Almost the speed of sound in a dive!”

“There’s one that is rather dear to my nation’s heart, so was one of those I was flying, and having rings flown around me by Dash. Same plane as the test pilot book I mentioned with the prototype and the dried peas.”

“And you’d rather be flying one of those to Cloudsdale?” Rainbow Dash teased.

“No offence to the Microlight,” said Joe, nodding to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Apple Bloom nodded back. “Got to make a good impression on Rainbow Dash’s folks.”

Joe and Rainbow Dash exchanged smiles and he decided he’d rather not say that her father had tried to make an impression on him. It looked like a comment his marefriend might be about to make though so he tried to fill the brief silence.

“Though Dash mentioning Griffons, and thinking of that plane, reminds me of an anecdote from the same book…”

“Which he is telling to avoid saying my dad was visiting Ponyville from after the coronation until earlier today,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, “and so Joe has met him.”

“How did it go?” asked Sweetie Belle, far more interested in this than an anecdote she’d have to politely endure.

“Better than it might have done,” Joe replied.

“By which he means he escaped without broken bones,” grinned Rainbow Dash.

Sweetie Belle gasped as she’d been thinking more of tea and conversation, but Scootaloo just nodded at this news. “Good. Anecdote.”

“The later marks of that aeroplane had a larger engine called the Griffon, which was why I was reminded,” Joe nodded back. “Though I was also reminded in Canterlot when they mentioned a Wonderbolts Derby and I thought of air races.”

“Right,” said Scootaloo encouragingly.

“At that point the production models were still using the smaller engine, but there was very little difference in width or height and with the extra parts to keep performance at higher altitude there was not much difference in length either…”

“But if humans are watching then a race would be close to the ground?” asked Apple Bloom, picking up on what else had reminded Joe.

“Skipping ahead a bit, but yes,” Joe smiled. “They could fit the larger engine into the existing airframe, and had tried it, but to have enough room for the extra parts and take full advantage of the extra power would need a proper redesign. Then one day the test pilot got a message from a friend that there was going to be a race, his plane against two newer ones… one of which had been captured from the enemy… and realised the Spitfire…”

“Spitfire?” repeated Scootaloo, looking puzzled. “Like the leader of the Wonderbolts?”

“Spitfire. Like the Supermarine Spitfire,” Joe replied, a little more firmly than he realised or intended.

“Okay,” said Scootaloo appeasingly. “I think I see where this is going.”

“I did rather give away the ending,” Joe admitted. “Anyway, the Spitfire was going to be the average boring fighter, with the drama being which of the other two would win and how much they would beat it by. Which as the test pilot had been flying them since the very first prototype he felt quite insulted by, insulted enough to ask his boss if he could take the innocent and normal looking prototype with the Griffon engine in it. And his boss was insulted enough to give him permission…”

“How much did he win by?” asked Sweetie Belle, hoping this was as short an anecdote as it seemed.

“Very comfortably,” Joe grinned. Then he looked at the Cutie Mark Crusaders and clapped his hands. “So come on girls!”

“Eh?” asked Scootaloo.

“Now you have to build me a Spitfire so Dash can have another new flying buddy…” Joe replied, starting to pace and gesture, “except out of wood like a De Havilland Mosquito rather than metal.”

“Right,” said Apple Bloom.

“And,” Joe continued, his voice rising slightly with each point, “with a magical engine rather than petrol. And probably with the undercarriage folding in towards the fuselage rather than out towards the wing tips. And unarmed. And maybe hydraulics rather than cables. And enough room that Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle can come along to teach me to fly it…”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders had started to giggle as Joe continued to list and gesture and pace and they realised he was being silly.

“Ah get th’ idea,” smiled Apple Bloom.

“Seriously though,” Joe replied, his voice and expression suiting that opening word, “you have continued to do excellent work and as much as I have a right to be proud of you I am. This does look sturdy and powerful enough to be closer to the stunt plane Scootaloo wanted than the simple Microlight I’d already doubted could be built. I can see why Apple Bloom said you three together were mad geniuses who could build anything.”

“Thanks Joe,” nodded Scootaloo.

“Though ah didn’t say mad,” Apple Bloom corrected him.

“Though you two are,” said Sweetie Belle, correcting her.

They talked with and helped the Cutie Mark Crusaders for half an hour or so, mentioning the Princess Summit and that if Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle wanted to spend some time with their sisters they’d better go and see them soon. Most of Rainbow Dash’s time however was spent encouraging the fillies to make Joe move heavy things from one place to another, and then catcalling him as he had to move and bend and stretch and flex. Though she did restrain herself to comments not unsuitable to be said in front of fillies of that age the flush that appeared on Joe’s cheeks was more embarrassment than exertion.

“Got revenge for your father?” Joe asked as he set down a wing spar, very close to where he had got it from.

“I was just helping you put on a show,” said Rainbow Dash innocently.

“And making me use this shoulder,” Joe smiled, rotating his right shoulder, “and flex the side with the bruise he left, and you prodded.”

“Oh,” replied Rainbow Dash. With as little as he had made of it she’d genuinely forgotten.

“Anyway, if I’m going to be staying at Fluttershy’s cottage…” Joe began.

“You ain’t going?” asked Apple Bloom.

“No, pet sitting and house sitting,” Joe nodded, “but I still have to get some things packed.”

“But the Crystal Empire is so… crystally and romantic,” argued Sweetie Belle. “Don’t you want to spend some time there with Rainbow Dash?”

“Yes,” Joe nodded again, “so if they aren’t going to be too busy I might take a day trip.”

“That isn’t the same,” pouted Sweetie Belle.

“You said it,” Rainbow Dash grumbled, “but I had better get some things packed as well, and go get Tank to take him to Fluttershy’s.”

“See you there?” asked Joe.

“Depends how soon you get there,” Rainbow Dash winked, “I’m not going to wait for you to plod your way there for too long.”

Joe smiled at this and with some farewells to the Cutie Mark Crusaders the pair left the barn. Rainbow Dash took off, hovered for a moment to give Joe a smile, and then arced away towards her cottage. Joe waved to her before jogging into motion towards his hut, he expected she’d wait until all the others had delivered their pets but he didn’t feel like dawdling. And he didn’t notice the faint line of Rainbow Dash changing direction to circle around.

==

Fluttershy smiled as she heard the knock. Knuckles made a subtly different noise on wood than hooves did so she was sure who was on the other side of her door and that when the ‘prank’ was sprung he’d enjoy it. Restoring her face to her usual calm and slight shy smile she fluttered over, she was trying to use her wings a little more, and opened the door.

“Hello Joe.”

“Hello Fluttershy,” Joe replied, shifting his grip on his large saggy bag. “Everything go well with your visits?”

“Oh, yes…”

Fluttershy went through the Ponies she had spoken to and how they could help and Joe made some notes, interrupted only a few times by a raspberry from Angel Bunny and Joe feeling the need to respond in kind. There was not much difference in spending a few days at the cottage rather than one, although Joe was not pleased that, as he’d part suspected, there was a midnight feed for the nocturnal creatures. He commented that some humans did prefer to sleep a few hours, be awake for an hour or two, and then sleep the rest and he and Fluttershy had a brief chat about how that had become unusual rather than normal. She also took the chance to ask Joe about the fish and Joe admitted feeding the pets, why he’d had second thoughts, and agreed to stick to pet food.

Gradually the others arrived with their pets and those were settled. Opalescence found herself the top of some shelves to glare at Rarity despite the Unicorn’s attempts to apologise that she had to go away for a few days. Applejack had shown the foresight to run Winona around until she was ready to snooze, though Joe remembered how brief a nap the Collie had needed to have boundless energy before. Owlowiscious gave a young smaller whippersnapper of an Owl a look and claimed himself a perch. Angel Bunny scowled at all the intruders. And Tank and Gummy found themselves a patch of floorboards to stand and blink at each other and amuse themselves that way.

They chatted for a while to firm their plans and for Rarity to make sure that her precious Opalescence would be pampered as she deserved, an effort that earned her a tiny degree of forgiveness from the white Persian. Then it was time for the Ponies to leave after a final round of pet loving and Applejack and Rainbow Dash telling Winona and Tank to ‘stay’. Although Fluttershy gave Angel Bunny the same instructions Joe decided to scoop him up as the Ponies moved towards the door.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you…” Joe told the rabbit.

“Ppppbbbbbbbttttttttt!” replied Angel Bunny.

“It’s that I don’t trust you,” Joe finished. “And ppppbbttt back.”

As the others left Fluttershy suddenly squeaked as if she had remembered something and turned back to face Joe. “Oh, before you do anything else can you go and see if I left the bird seed bucket out the back?”

“Sure,” Joe nodded.

The door clicked shut behind them and Joe released Angel Bunny. An exchange of mutual raspberries and Joe headed for the back door. Seemed no point in sitting down and getting up again when he could just check now. He went outside, turned to shut the back door behind him, turned back to look for the bucket and suddenly had a face full of Rainbow Dash. Her lips worked on his as he caught her and rather than just cradle her rear he found his fingers moving to squeeze and massage it a little as well. She pulled back and smiled at him.

“I think I prefer this method of attack from something with a rainbow mane,” Joe said, one corner of his mouth quirking.

“Silly!” replied Rainbow Dash, returning to the attack.

As this second kiss went on Joe leaned back so he could slide down the wall and bring his marefriend into his lap. Rainbow Dash twisted as the kiss finished and they settled so she was sitting with her left side against him, his left arm supporting her and unfurling her right wing along that arm as she placed her right foreleg on his left shoulder. Joe took advantage of the profile view to begin trailing kisses down the left side of her neck, from the base of her ear, and his right hand came around to stroke back along her flank and across her hip and Cutie Mark…

Rainbow Dash squirmed with a happy giggle. “I get it!”

“Get what?” Joe asked, reluctantly using his lips to talk.

“You remember after I kissed you the first time?”

“Hard to forget…” Joe replied, nibbling at the base of her left ear a little.

Rainbow Dash’s ear flicked slightly in reaction. “Oooooh.”

“Ow,” Joe protested as her ear whacked him lightly between the eyes. He felt like rubbing there and the bridge of his nose, but he felt far more like leaving his hands where they were on his sweetheart.

“Ooops,” said Rainbow Dash, turning her head to grin at him. “But you remember you said it felt right me being in your lap? But it felt cosy?”

“Yes?” Joe asked, smiling back.

“Well,” replied Rainbow Dash as she moved her lips towards his again, “I get what you mean about it still being cosy, but with a little more passion…”

Joe blinked as his conscious thoughts caught up with his reactions and he realised just how much he’d been working on instinct. And therefore how much his instincts were working. “A litt…”

Rainbow Dash closed the final fraction to end his protest very enjoyably.

Author's Note

Yay. Another fight to keep me from getting bored and compressed down humans vs. Griffons to prevent you getting bored. Important part of the latter was just that Joe talked.

Main reason for note is to say that Joe isn’t going to get a Spitfire, he was just being silly.

Or if he does then not for at least 117 days and this whole story only spans 22. Or 23 since ends on the morning after day 22.

I say 117 because of an anecdote. The British wanted some fighters so they contacted North American Aviation to ask them to build the Curtis Hawk 87 under licence. The response of that company was they could build a better one, the response of us was ‘but you’ve never designed a fighter from scratch before’. But 117 days later the prototype Mustang flew and having proven their claim the Mustang entered service with the R.A.F.

So two points. First that the P-51, one of the most iconic American fighter planes of the Second World War, was first built for the British and first flew for the R.A.F. Second that as much as it seems the Cutie Mark Crusaders can build anything, from the episode with the float, I don’t think I’ll let them beat the time set by North American Aviation.

EDIT: And the map I used for reference was wrong, had the Everfree and thus Sweet Apple Acres to the West (as Lauren Faust had said) rather than South-East. Fortunately I hadn't used ordinal directions so was only here and where the sun would be and the shadows falling that I had to edit. On the other hand I do now have almost 500 instances of Applebloom to change to Apple Bloom now I noticed that as well.

Chapter 48

Joe tried to not yawn as Princess Celestia spoke. He knew it would be because he was tired rather than bored but now things were going so well with Rainbow Dash he had extra reason to want to avoid the risk of the Goddess of the Sun assuming the latter. Last night when they’d finally finished kissing and released each other Rainbow Dash had streaked back up over Fluttershy’s cottage to catch up with the others on their way to the library to meet Spike, where he was waiting with most of their luggage.

After a few moments of sitting and smiling Joe had stood and checked for the birdseed bucket. It seemed more likely that had been an excuse to send him into that pleasant ambush, but there a small chance that it had been less planned and Rainbow Dash had simply taken advantage of the truth. The evening routine at Fluttershy’s cottage had seemed even more boring with that as a precursor and Joe had been glad his sleep had been dreamless until it was time to get out of the bed in the spare room, that he’d brought his own linens for, and deal with the midnight feed.

That far things had been peaceful but he’d not long got back to sleep when he’d been woken by a scroll falling on his face in the early hours of the morning. Owlowiscious had seen the flash and arrive and drop and Joe thanked him for his ‘Hwhooo?’ of concern. As Joe got some light and read the scroll he was glad that Fluttershy had taken so much trouble with making sure he had Ponies to contact in an emergency. It seemed he had an early morning train to catch so Joe wrote a few notes, attached one to Winona’s collar and gave the rest to Owlowiscious and sent them to Sweet Apple Acres and Ponyville respectively. He was glad as he packed that the Crystal Empire was close enough for a round trip in one afternoon and evening, and that they had that early train for those that wanted to arrive early enough to spend the whole day there.

A pleasant surprise was to see Big Macintosh as the note via Winona was only to inform him and Granny Smith that Joe wouldn’t be able to do any chores today rather than asking for help here. The Mares that arrived to take over the animal duties seemed to think the farm stallion’s presence an even more pleasant surprise and to have been well prepared. Almost as if they’d been expecting to have to come to an emergency rather than Joe managing, and he couldn’t blame them for that.

Leaving Big Macintosh to their mercy Joe had jogged into Ponyville to make sure he was in plenty of time for the train and then tried to nap on it. The former had been more successful than the latter, comfortably catching the train but not catching much sleep. At the station for the Crystal Empire he’d been hustled through the streets to the Castle and down into this room, his bag being taken from and him being reassured it would be placed in a room. Now he was listening and trying not to yawn.

To Princess Celestia’s disappointment a former student of hers called Sunset Shimmer had returned covertly as a thief rather than openly to seek guidance. Her talent and skill had proved sufficient for her to steal Twilight Sparkle’s Crown and Element of Magic. Although she had been discovered in the act of replacing it with a fake she had still escaped and passed through the mirror portal in this room. This led to the world in which Sunset Shimmer had been living and only opened every thirty moons.

Joe wondered if it was his imagination or if Princess Celestia really had given him a look, as if to say ‘again’, when she told Twilight Sparkle she must retrieve her crown as without it the other Elements of Harmony had no power. More important was Princess Luna’s warning that the Element of Magic did not belong in that other world and would be used to bring harm to the inhabitants as they would defenceless against it. So it seemed that even if the Element of Magic could be recreated or the other Elements of Harmony empowered by another means there would be an obligation. Though there was the quandary of whether Princess Celestia had been so mistaken in her choice of student that Sunset Shimmer would use it for harm rather than good or whether Princess Luna was mistaken about the danger.

“You understand the importance of your task?” Princess Celestia asked, finishing the briefing and ending Joe’s sleepy musing.

“Of course,” replied Twilight Sparkle, trying to look confident.

“Good, then you must go at once,” Princess Celestia nodded. “You and Joe.”

“With respect, Your Majesty,” said Joe, deciding too much politeness was far better than too little, “why me?”

“You may have some knowledge of this other world that will be useful.”

“I might?” Joe asked, feeling rather surprised, then wondering if there had been a way home all along, but if this was to his world then there was a problem. He glanced at Twilight Sparkle. “If you mean what I think, Your Majesty, then…”

“Do not worry Joe,” said Princess Celestia, managing a slight smile, “there will be no problem with the appearance of either you or Twilight.”

Joe nodded, semi-bowed, as he considered if knowledge meant a human world and no problem meant…

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Rainbow Dash said, dropping down in front of the mirror portal, “they’re going we’re going with them. Right Girls?”

The others agreed unanimously and, from her expression, it seemed this extra support was as welcome to Twilight Sparkle as it was to Joe. He also had extra reason to welcome Rainbow Dash’s company since, as little as it mattered now, he did still have some curiosity this might answer. Unfortunately Princess Celestia’s response was to tell the others she could not let them go as it would upset the balance of the other world, and that havoc could prevent the recovery of the Crown. This made Joe even more puzzled why he could go but not their friends and, apparently, not at least a few of the Castle Guards.

It seemed especially strange with how much it seemed Princess Celestia doubted Joe could be much help and that it would be more Twilight Sparkle’s task with whatever assistance Joe could provide rather than a joint effort. Given the obstacles and threats Twilight Sparkle had overcome Joe wasn’t sure he could take offense at that if he tried. Though he was tempted to try. More he was glad that he was trusted enough to help at all and that he might regain some of the favour he had lost. Princess Luna warned that on the third day when the moon reached its peak the gate would close for thirty moons again so they made their farewells.

As Twilight Sparkle approached the mirror she seemed startled by the wobble and the light from it. She glanced to her mentor and Princess Celestia gave her a reassuring nod. Joe tried to add his own reassurance and smiled as he moved to stand next to her, having delayed a fraction to smile to Rainbow Dash and reluctantly decide the presence of Goddesses precluded goodbye kissing.

“On three?” Joe suggested.

“Three,” said Twilight Sparkle, jumping into the mirror portal at once.

“Hmm,” Joe shrugged, stepping forward and following.

Spike looked at this, looked around, and then with an expression of fear and determination sprinted for the mirror to plunge into it after them.

==

Twilight Sparkle woke up and gradually forced her eyes open. The swirling dizziness of passing through the conduit from the mirror portal to wherever she was now had not been unexpected. That she had passed out had been, as it had not seemed that bad. The first thing she saw was a ladybird or ladybug and as she looked around she saw a dog. A purple dog with strangely shaped green ears. The combination was very recognisable, especially when he spoke.

“Er, Twilight?”

“Spike?” Twilight Sparkle asked before the next thought occurred. “You’re not supposed to…” Then she couldn’t help but ask the question, as obvious as the answer was. “Spike, are you a dog?”

“I… think so,” replied Spike. “But you’re a human…”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh…” Twilight Sparkle screeched as she looked at hands where her beautiful hooves had been.

“Oh, thanks,” a second familiar voice interrupted, “it’s not that bad.” Twilight Sparkle looked and blinked at the speaker as he continued. “I wondered if one of us was going to have our form changed, and since I supposedly have knowledge had wondered if would be you to that.” He shook his head. “I hadn’t expected that we would both change…”

“Joe?” Twilight Sparkle asked, peering at the slightly shaggy mongrel. Its fur was the same colour as Joe’s black hair and it was sitting enough with its left side to her that she could see scars running up that foreleg, though the ones on its side were less visible in the thicker fur of its body.

“I can see why I got asked to help,” Joe continued, then he squinted at Twilight Sparkle, “and thinking of seeing your skin looks a strange colour, though that is probably because I have doggy eyes.” He gave a grin, tongue lolling slightly. “On the other hand, or paw, my hearing and sense of smell is amazing!”

“Twilight,” prompted Spike as she kept staring at Joe, and then him, and then back at what she could see of herself. “You have to get it together.”

“What does the rest of me look like?” Twilight asked.

“Like you, only like Joe…”

“Like me normally,” Joe corrected, “but feminine. Thankfully you gained clothes when I lost mine, and your panniers turned into a backpack.”

Spike glanced at Joe, he could imagine how Rainbow Dash, or Applejack, or Rarity would have seized on that comment. Rainbow Dash and Rarity might have teased Joe about if he was actually thankful that they’d gained clothes while Applejack would probably have teased if Joe was glad Rainbow Dash had. But Twilight Sparkle seemed focussed on the task so it didn’t seem worth pointing this out to Joe.

“Where are we?” asked Spike instead.

“I don’t know,” Twilight Sparkle replied, giving the statue plinth a quick look, “but that must serve as the gateway back to Equestria.”

“I think I can see humans, and a bus just went past,” added Joe. “Beyond that I don’t know either… though…”

“Though?” Twilight Sparkle prompted, her turn to keep thoughts moving.

“Though it doesn’t look foreign, if you know what I mean? If this was my world then I could make a guess at what countries we might be in…”

“Is this your world?”

“Looks more similar, so maybe this,” Joe pondered, looking at himself, “is to disguise me since I am a missing person…” He decided to not add the cynical comment that it would also prevent him deserting Twilight Sparkle if he had to return to Equestria to return to human. Princess Celestia didn’t think much of him but he didn’t think she thought that little of him either. “Still, any leads?”

“I suggest we start searching the Castle first,” said Twilight Sparkle, being polite enough to phrase it as that rather than an order.

“Twilight, I have worked at a Castle and I have studied Castles,” Joe commented, looking at the large building, “and that looks rather too modern and too lacking in walls and arrow slits and the like. Besides I was actually thinking of leash laws, keeping your dog on a lead.”

“You want to be led around by your neck?” asked Spike.

“Less painful than being prodded in various directions by a hoof I expect,” Joe winked. “Hang on…” He concentrated and took a breath. “Wharuff? * Can you understand this Spike? *”

“Wharwhoo? * Yes, what are we saying? *” woofed Spike back.

“It seems we can talk as dogs as well as being talking dogs,” Joe said, switching back to normal speech. “Which could be useful as dogs can’t speak like this, or could be worrying if this is my world and we find we can talk to other dogs the other way.”

“Worrying?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Thousands of years of having dogs and never figuring out they were that smart? Worrying,” Joe nodded, “especially when you start wondering if anything else can talk and your species is omnivorous.”

“Yewwwwwww!” winced Twilight Sparkle.

“Yeah, you’ll have to be careful and remember the vegetarian menu if we are here long enough you need to eat.”

“Which if we chat much longer she might need to,” Spike commented.

Twilight Sparkle nodded to this and tried to stand, wobbling rather so Joe moved across to sit up and brace himself so she could steady herself pushing down on the top of his head. She got to her feet, withdrew her hand, and after a few minor sways steadied.

“I am glad you Ponies do so often go bipedal so you’re reasonably used to it,” Joe nodded, “even humans start by crawling and ‘baby’s first steps’ is a landmark for proud parents to boast about to all their friends.”

“What about you?” asked Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Having to remind myself to not try two legs, feeling weird as I could put my hands and feet on the ground like this as a human but would be a strain…”

“How do humans crawl then?” Twilight Sparkle asked, again, and she took her first steps in her new shape.

“Legs are long enough and arms are short enough that it’s hands and knees,” replied Joe, concentrating, “which I have to also try to avoid…”

Spike trotted along happily as the other two struggled, Joe especially. Twilight Sparkle might be able to walk on two legs but it felt so much more natural to drop to all fours. Joe had the dual problem of walking on all fours rather than walking on two or crawling on four. But Dragons weren’t stupid enough to be limited. Walking on two legs as he normally did or on four as he sometimes did felt just as natural to Spike, so walking on four as a dog was no problem.

A young looking man was walking in the opposite direction on the opposite pavement and, used to Ponyville friendliness, Twilight Sparkle gave him a nod and smile. This he returned in the same way as any young man would when it had come from a pretty girl in a fairly short skirt, but his dog was more interested in keeping going and, unlike Spike and Joe, was on a lead and was able to tug. As that pair got a little further away Joe looked up at Twilight Sparkle.

“It could be my eyes, but that dog looked blue… is Spike the same purple and green as before?”

“Yes, why?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Well, you can dye a dog’s fur blue, or purple and green, but those aren’t natural colours,” explained Joe. “So, like the shape of Spike’s ears, it’s unexpected.”

“What’s wrong with my ears?” Spike frowned.

“Nothing,” replied Joe, “they just still look more Draconic than Doggy.”

Then they reached their greatest obstacle thus far, a flight of at least several stairs. Twilight Sparkle looked them up and down. “At least there aren’t as many as in the Crystal Empire, but I had all four legs there…”

After some more wobbling and clinging to the handrail and encouraging comments from Joe about how difficult humans had found making bipedal walking machines, and how difficult it was for those to then climb stairs, Twilight Sparkle made it up them. She knew Joe was trying to help but she’d have preferred him to shut up and let her concentrate.

“Come on Spike, I do not want to be like this for longer than I have,” Twilight Sparkle muttered, then she realised the tone she’d said it in and looked down to her other side. “No offence Joe.”

“None taken,” replied Joe, deciding to follow the fine example of the mules and asses in Ponyville.

“Look on the bright side,” Spike winked, “you don’t have those pesky wings to worry about any more…”

He faltered at the death glare this comment got from his ‘big sister’ and seemed relieved, as well as sympathetic, when she turned away and demonstrated the doors were not automatic by walking face first into one. Twilight Sparkle frowned at the door. Then looked and sounded briefly constipated as an expression of strain came to her face and a similar noise from her mouth.

Joe was not sure what she was doing. “You can use your hand to open it…”

“My magic,” Twilight Sparkle blinked, her eyes a little wider, “it isn’t working.”

“Makes sense,” said Spike as Joe nodded to himself, he should have recognised she was trying to ‘push’ mentally, “you don’t exactly have your horn…”

“What?” Twilight Sparkle almost screeched again, her hands coming up to her mane… her hair… and exploring her forehead.

“We really need to find a mirror,” sighed Spike, “see for ourselves exactly what we look like.”

“It would be nice to know what breed I am,” Joe agreed.

“Breed?” chuckled Spike. “You look like a mutt.”

“Sir,” Joe replied with mock hauteur, drawing himself up, “do not insult my ancestors.”

Denied her magic, and reminded that if she had manipulating limbs she could use them to manipulate things, Twilight Sparkle opened the door with her hand and they entered the building. Joe looked around at this entrance hall and didn’t see any signs or a reception desk so it didn’t seem like a museum or government office or business place. It was familiar but from pictures or movies rather than personal experience.

Meanwhile Twilight Sparkle’s eye was caught by a large pane of glass set into one wall. Moving across and looking through it she started to comment to Spike about if the trophies were more things Sunset Shimmer had stolen before her attention was drawn to her reflection. She’d thought it strange that Joe had said he’d be able to imagine ponyfolk as human and Spike saying she still looked like her, as well as like Joe, had been even stranger. But as one hand crept up to stroke her fingers against her cheek she thought she understood.

It was hard to tell colours in the reflection of a simple pane of glass but her skin looked a paler purple than her fur normally was. Her hair was the same colour though, with the same streak, and cut in the same way across her forehead as her Mane had been. The shape of her head and so her face was human, and she only had a nose rather than a muzzle, but the way the human features fitted together did give the same impression. And her eyes were very close to being the same, a lot smaller than she was used to but the same colour and much the same shape.

Joe wandered across, claws clicking on the floor, and looked at the trophies before, like Twilight Sparkle, his attention was drawn by his reflection. “Yep,” he commented, “I’m a mutt. I am a scion of many noble breeds, two of which actually might be the same one.”

A bell rang and from being empty the entrance hall suddenly filled with what looked like human teenagers chatting and walking and jostling each other. Spike jumped up into Twilight Sparkle’s arms in surprise as Joe had a sudden fear and suspicion. Twilight Sparkle began edging along the wall to get out of the crowd and, trying to not get too close and trip her, Joe followed. Then there was a thump against his rear and a girl who looked in her very early teens suddenly staggered into Twilight Sparkle. She looked strangely like Diamond Tiara, and her friend like Silver Spoon, and her aggressive words made it seem the likeness was more that physical.

“Can’t you keep your dog out of the way?” the teenager demanded, getting a nod and sniff from her sycophant. “Don’t you know there are no pets allowed on school grounds…”

To Joe’s surprise more than anyone else’s, and before he could suppress the instinct, a deep growl rumbled up from his chest and he felt the fur of his hackles rise as he tensed. This interrupted the teenager’s rant but set her off on a new one as her attention fixed on him instead.

“Eeeek! That huge mutt is growling at me! What if it bites me…”

People were starting to turn and look so Joe took a breath and forced calm and relaxed into a comfortable doggy slouch. Then he tilted his head to one side to try to look quizzical and let his tongue loll and made himself pant a little. He wasn’t sure what he was doing with his ears as being able to move them so much was not something he’d had any practice with as a human but he hoped he had raised one ear a little and let the other one droop. From the expression on the faces of some of the other teenagers as the rant continued, even the one that looked like Silver Spoon, it seemed to Joe that he had achieved the desired effect.

“Yeah, right,” one lad muttered, looking at what seemed the happiest dumbest friendliest dog he’d seen in a long time.

Twilight Sparkle had continued her escape but turned to try to walk backwards, so she could keep an eye on Joe, rather than shuffle sideways. She knew this was something humans could do and even had Joe run backwards on her treadmill to compare the motion with his normal forward run. With Spike still in her arms, and her lack of practice, this proved more difficult than she had assumed and she lost her balance and thumped into a locker to slide down it and sit with an ‘oof’. Then a quite tall human male with spiky blue hair looked down at her in concern and offered her his hand as he asked if she was okay. After a moment of bafflement Twilight Sparkle realised what the gesture probably meant and took the hand in hers so he could help her up.

Joe frowned, as best as a dog could, at this as he extricated himself from the crowd. They had a Crown to find and some local ‘stud’ latching onto the new girl could be a distraction. Discounting the hairstyle he was probably normally a touch taller than this fellow and, especially with the aid of the magic, he was old enough to have filled out and become more heavily built. So as a human he’d have been confident he could intimidate but as a dog he was wanting to seem harmless. Fortunately, although there seemed a worrying degree of instant chemistry, the lad seemed happy to just help Twilight Sparkle up rather than try to chat her up as well and the trio of ‘dogs’ and ‘human’ managed to find themselves a private spot to talk.

“I think Joe was right outside,” Spike commented, “I don’t think this is a Castle.”

“Yes, as that brat was saying, we seem to be in a school,” nodded Joe. “But not one in my country, as much as the children push the rules and customise them we use school uniforms…” He squinted at a few people. “Are some of them green, and blue? Wait, is Twilight purple rather than that being my doggy eyes?”

“Yes, yes, and I am,” Twilight Sparkle confirmed.

“I’m not as colour blind as I thought then,” mused Joe. He knew dogs could see some colour rather than just grey, but he’d not been sure how much or how colours would look to him. It had still felt like it was his ‘mistake’ what he thought Twilight’s skin tone looked like, but it hadn’t been a mistake at all. “And since humans on my world don’t come in those colours, like dogs don’t come in blue or purple, as well as not being in my country we are not on my world.”

“So, what help can you be then?” Twilight Sparkle asked, realising an instant too late how that might be taken as rude rather than a simple request.

“Possibly not as much as I thought,” admitted Joe, “not even as much as when I found I was a dog. I think cute doggy Spike might be okay wandering…”

“Grrrrr,” Spike protested.

“But,” continued Joe to Twilight Sparkle, “would you rather risk the extra attention of having a second dog with you or not? I might be able to warn or guide of some things.”

“Well, Princess Celestia thought you could be of use…” Twilight Sparkle said, wincing as once more she said something that could be interpreted as rude. And she wasn’t sure herself if she meant it that way, so far other than warning her about the vegetarian menu Joe hadn’t been of use. It didn’t matter to her that they were not on his world, just that they were not on hers.

They moved on and began looking around this school. As a trio of young teenagers rushed past them Joe wuffed to Spike about how the one that had tripped on him had looked like Diamond Tiara, but did those look like the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Spike waruffed back that they did and Joe decided this was definitely not his world with this many parallels to Equestria. There did seem one parallel to his own world though so as Twilight Sparkle approached a door Joe got in her way.

“What…” Twilight Sparkle started to ask.

There were too many people around to risk speaking so Joe whuffed softly and pawed at her skirt. Then he moved a few steps, looked at her and whuffed again, and when she followed he nodded his head at a different door.

“Oh!” Twilight Sparkle said, noticing the human figure on the sign on this door had a skirt on. Like the one Joe had just pawed.

Once Twilight Sparkle had visited the ladies loo, Joe remaining outside as it felt wrong to go in even if he was a dog, they continued to explore and Joe tilted his head and with another soft whuff turned towards what he’d heard. Soon all three of them could hear a loud complaining voice and after not too much extra time they could hear the far softer and more familiar voice replying to the complaints. They rounded the corner and found the fillies were not the only ones with parallels here as the pink hair, shy manner, and slightly jaundiced looking yellow of the skin were all quite recognisable.

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward to intervene, gesturing Spike and Joe to retreat back around the corner as she had seen the attention dog growling could bring and even Spike was grumbling in his chest. A few sharp words with the bully and when she left, with threats, and Joe and Spike joined Twilight Sparkle they found that had been Sunset Shimmer. And as the local version of Fluttershy explained why she’d been so angry it became clear that it was the same Sunset Shimmer, probably reshaped by the same magic as had affected the trio, as had stolen the crown.

This Fluttershy had been handing out leaflets for the local animal shelter near the statue when the Crown, bouncing away from the struggle on the other side of the portal, had come through and bounced off her head. Being a sensible girl she had immediately taken it to Principal Celestia so when Sunset Shimmer followed her prize she had found it gone. Joe wasn’t sure why when Sunset Shimmer had said it was hers Fluttershy had said it wasn’t hers yet or why Sunset Shimmer wouldn’t simply have reclaimed it from her Principal, but this did seem a simple matter of collecting it from the lost and found.

As Fluttershy spoke she gave Spike a lot of attention. Joe rolled his eyes as he sat to one side. “Warwhuff wuff. * See, I said you were a cute doggy. *”

“Graruff? * Is that the replacement for calling me short arse? *”

“Whurwhurr. * I am still twice as tall as you, so I don’t need a replacement. *”

“Oh, sometimes don’t you just feel like they are talking,” Fluttershy crooned, “and I didn’t mean to leave you out…” She reached into her backpack to give Joe a doggy treat, though she turned straight back to Spike and gave him one as well. “Wouldn’t you love to know what they are saying?”

Joe’s eyes widened as he crunched the doggy treat and he realised how lucky they were this Fluttershy didn’t have the same understanding of animals as the one back in Equestria, though it seemed she had the same love of them.

“Well, Spike normally just tells me…” Twilight Sparkle began, then she noticed Joe’s expression and interpreting it as a warning and remembering what he’d said about dogs not being able to speak she changed course. “Because they tend to learn ways to make things clear, even if they can’t talk.”

“Oh I know,” nodded Fluttershy, “and it is good to have them with you, but you’ll have to be careful. There are no pets allowed on school grounds and although this little one would fit in your backpack, like I do with my friends…” She unzipped her backpack and Joe had to suppress a strong urge to bark as a cat jumped out almost within sniffing range. “I’m not sure what you could do with your other dog.”

“Thanks,” Twilight Sparkle said as Fluttershy gathered her friends back into concealment. Then after giving directions to the Principal’s office this version of their friend hurried away and they had some privacy. So Joe and Spike could let Twilight Sparkle know exactly what they were saying by saying it.

“That was strange,” commented Joe, then he looked at Twilight Sparkle. “Are you really this young?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Twilight Sparkle admitted.

“I’d thought you’d gone through this stage of education, and the next for a degree, and though you were still a student you were more like a post-grad student working on an advanced degree…” Joe stopped and shook his head. “Never mind.”

“We’ve seen a lot of familiar faces,” commented Spike, more to the point, “so if there are also ones that look like our other friends that might be why they couldn’t come…”

“It would have been strange for Fluttershy to meet Fluttershy,” Joe agreed. “Might be the balance Princess Celestia mentioned, though I think it would need to be two Pinkie Pies meeting for it to be havoc. Interesting that it is safe for you two and that the human looking Sunset Shimmer seems the same as the Pony.”

“She, and we, might have parallels, but them be elsewhere on this world,” suggested Twilight Sparkle. “And, as you’re not from Equestria, if this world is parallel to it then there might not be a parallel of you here at all.”

“Ah, sadly unique in two worlds rather than generic,” Joe sighed. “Still Fluttershy was right on both counts. Spike would fit in that backpack, so he can stay with you, and I definitely would not, so more of a risk. Good job Spike came.”

“If I am going to see the head of this school then too much of a risk,” nodded Twilight Sparkle.

“Agreed.”

“So where will you go?”

“I noticed some bushes near the main entrance, either side of the stairs,” Joe suggested. “I should be able to hide in them. I’ll say the left side.”

“Right.”

==

Twilight Sparkle followed the directions and found Principal Celestia seemed as similarly physically to her mentor as the other human versions of Ponyfolk. That she was only the head of a school rather than a country did suggest she might not be a Goddess of the Sun though. Twilight Sparkle remembered Joe talking of the bizarre way things worked on his world and this world might be similar to his in that respect.

As she spoke to this world’s Celestia, and saw the pictures on the wall of a triumphant Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle realised why Fluttershy had said the crown wasn’t Sunset Shimmer’s yet. It seemed that through good planning or yet another bizarre coincidence the crown that would be given at this school’s Fall Formal dance looked identical to the one created by the reshaping of the Element of Magic. That crown was the one Sunset Shimmer had left and was what Fluttershy had assumed the Element of Magic to be, hence ‘returning’ it to Principal Celestia.

Trying to convince this Principal Celestia that the crown she had was a magical artefact from another world seemed impossible so instead Twilight Sparkle asked about the Fall Formal and how you would go about running for Princess of it. She did wonder though whether if they’d brought the crown that belonged here and Joe had not been turned into a dog if he’d have been able to at least convince this Celestia that they had each other’s. As identical as they looked there were differences in how they were made…

Thanking Principal Celestia for her time, and ignoring how soon the door slammed behind her after being assured the Principal’s door was always open, Twilight Sparkle hurried away a short distance before she let herself giggle. Spike poked his head out of the backpack at this reassuringly normal sound.

“Twilight?”

“Sorry, I was just imagining if we had managed to swap the crowns back.”

“I don’t get it.”

“There would be Sunset Shimmer, she’s stolen the Element of Magic and lost it, she’s had to win the title to try to regain it…”

“Oh!” Spike said, getting it. “And they give her the crown, she takes it, and she realises it’s the wrong one.”

“Technically the right one,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “as it is the one the people here intended her to gain.”

“Is that why you didn’t ask for the crown back?” Spike asked. “Because they think yours is theirs?”

“Can you imagine how insane the truth would sound?”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed. “Though that still leaves you the problem of winning your Crown back…”

Twilight Sparkle sighed and remembered the pictures of Sunset Shimmer’s previous victories, and how little she knew about this world. “There is that.”

==

Joe had managed to reach the safety of the bushes, thankfully the corridors were almost empty while classes were in session and he’d found a door that had been left propped open. Now to his disgust with himself he was brooding. Though it was something better thought through while he had the time. When they arrived he’d thought Twilight Sparkle had looked young, as well as faintly purple. If she was that age rather than an extra layer of disguise then she was younger than he thought. Unfortunately, with how smart she was, Joe realised she could even be this young and working on an advanced degree.

There seemed argument and counter-arguments and the folk here simply being younger and at an earlier stage of their lives seemed the most likely. Or perhaps they were the same age and Ponies just matured faster, Joe knew humans had a very long adolescence. Or they were the same age and didn’t mature any faster but they just got on with things sooner. Whatever the truth it didn’t seem there were any concerns back in Equestria about whatever the age gap between him and Rainbow Dash was so it didn’t seem worth worrying about.

But he’d nothing better to do so he supposed he might as well. Felt a reassuringly normal thing to worry about the first two words of ‘dirty old man’ rather than the last one. Though at the moment he might be an old dog.

==

If she was going to win Princess of the Fall Formal then she needed to know more than the bare minimum that it existed. Since Twilight Sparkle had only met one person here in a friendly manner… two including Principal Celestia or three including that handsome… Her thoughts skidded to a stop. ‘Handsome’? He was a human. But then again so was she now, so it seemed being the same shape as someone did give a different perspective.

For a moment Twilight Sparkle considered Joe with this new perspective and decided that he didn’t have the same charm, but he was better than average thanks to all the magical assistance he’d been given with his physique. Actually, she admitted to herself as she looked around, with the self-confidence he’d gained or regained over the last few weeks added to the physical improvements he was quite a lot better than average compared with these students. Though still nowhere near as charming as the one who’d helped her up.

“Er, Twilight,” Spike said quietly from her backpack into her ear. “Over there?”

“Thanks Spike,” replied Twilight Sparkle.

Before she had distracted herself she’d been thinking her only source of information would be this world’s Fluttershy and, as she and Sunset Shimmer had been arguing, it seemed fair to assume she’d be willing to contribute to Sunset Shimmer’s defeat. Trailing Fluttershy they entered the cafeteria and as Fluttershy selected different things from the counter Twilight Sparkle selected the same things. She remembered the warning from Joe but this Fluttershy had the same love of animals as the one she knew in Equestria so surely she was vegetarian?

Twilight Sparkle blinked as an apple was placed on her tray and she recognised the counterpart to Granny Smith. Then she followed Fluttershy to a table and continued the conversation she’d struck up while they were getting their food. For a moment Twilight Sparkle’s neck tensed as she prepared to chomp down at the very tasty looking apple but then she thought of how much Joe used his hands. That pause was enough to let her notice how Fluttershy was holding an eating implement in one hand to transfer food from bowl to mouth, rather than bringing her mouth to the bowl.

There were also a lot of ponies who’d use the magic on their hooves to pick up an apple, even if that risked dirt as they’d been walking on that same hoof. So using her hand that she had not been walking on for that same task seemed fair. Twilight Sparkle gripped the apple, lifted it, and took a bite. Then she nodded as this was better than she’d intended, much easier to angle an apple in your grip then try to angle your head around it, and it was interesting how much range of motion she had in her wrist and hand.

Dismissing comparative biology for now Twilight Sparkle returned to learning more about the Fall Formal. She was not surprised when Fluttershy said Pinkie Pie was organising this ‘party’ but was very surprised when a warning followed rather than the two of them being friends.

==

It seemed like it was lunchtime from the position of the sun and from the feeling in his belly, especially since breakfast time had been spent trying to nap on a train on another world. Joe had been having a peaceful time of it, staying in the bush mostly and trying to look like someone owned him, rather than being a stray, when he wasn’t. But now he was wondering what to eat and realising he did have more doggy instincts than just ‘growl at rude person’.

There was a flicker of grey and Joe’s eyes and head followed it, hindquarters tensing before his human intellect decided that was too far enough away to be able to reach and his human appetites declining to attempt that snack. It seemed there were problems with simply reclaiming the Crown so he might need to eat and the longer he stayed a dog and the hungrier he got… another flicker of grey and another tensing… the more tempting those Squirrels were looking. Joe settled his head on his paws, closed his eyes, and tried to ignore squirrels and mild hunger.

==

To Twilight Sparkle’s surprise when she found Pinkie Pie putting up decorations in the school Gym she was asked if she had a twin sister who lived in town and who had a dog just like Spike. It seemed the question of if there was a counterpart to her here had been answered. As expected from Fluttershy’s attitude when directing her here Pinkie Pie seemed to think equally little of her in return, though how Fluttershy could seem so similar and yet be described by any Pinkie Pie as a meanie was baffling.

As she explained why she was there Pinkie Pie produced a clipboard with a sign-up sheet and Twilight Sparkle briefly froze. She didn’t have her magic so how would she grip a pen… oh, right. She had hands so she’d do it the same way as she had seen Joe jotting his notes on Zecora’s lists, and in the process find that he had the purest calligraphy compared with what she managed. But, as much as Pinkie Pie marvelled at how bad it was, it seemed to suffice.

This world’s Applejack arrived with fizzy apple cider and more being carried by her Big Macintosh. After what she’d seen and some of the comments Joe had made it was a surprise to Twilight Sparkle that the latter didn’t look like he was suffering from a permanent case of sunburn and more resemble his Equestria counterpart. When Pinkie Pie mentioned Twilight Sparkle was running for Fall Formal Princess this produced a truly impressive spit take from Applejack and then warnings about how much backstabbing there would be if Twilight Sparkle ran.

Then to Twilight Sparkle’s huge surprise after warning her of how bad Sunset Shimmer was Applejack emphasised this by saying about the only girl you could trust less was Rainbow Dash. She’d been able to understand how Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy might not have become friends as they were so dissimilar but finding the same was true of Applejack and Rainbow Dash was more of a shock. Unless, perhaps, one of their competitions had gone bad? The ones in Ponyville had come close to falling out over the Iron Pony contest and subsequent Running of the Leaves so there was that chance.

==

One of Joe’s ears twitched and then the other and then both at once. He’d been able to hear so much around him and had gained a deeper understanding of why having a dog to listen for trouble had been, and still was, such a priority for humans. But the downside was that he didn’t have the practice at ignoring irrelevant noises, and the problem was that this noise did not seem irrelevant to his instincts. It was faint but he thought he could hear a ball and now he had he couldn’t stop hearing it.

Ignoring Squirrels and going back to sleep was hard enough without this extra distraction so Joe decided he wouldn’t be able to rest until he’d at least found out what sort of ball it was and what was going on. Taking a quick look around for anyone he’d not seen, and a quick instinctive sniff for any nearby threats, Joe slipped out from under the bush and began padding around the side of the main building to investigate.

==

It felt like someone was following her so to indulge the sense of melodramatics of whoever it was Twilight Sparkle turned into a short section of lockers. One had been left open and the light, however that was produced, in that dead end was flickering and dim. It was no surprise when she heard a familiar voice and found Sunset Shimmer had arrived. After facing the mockery of Discord the efforts of Princess Celestia’s former student failed to impress or intimidate Twilight Sparkle, but the longer this idiot spoke the more information she might let slip.

Twilight Sparkle silently agreed when Sunset Shimmer said she should have known Princess Celestia would send her prize student. Then when Sunset Shimmer mocked that Twilight Sparkle didn’t know the first thing about this place but she already ruled it Twilight Sparkle wondered what sort of ruler would flee back through a portal and have nobody to keep watch on it against pursuit. Though, of course, that came back to it having been a surprise that when you invaded a castle and stole a magical artefact that was also a royal crown you should have known the owner of that crown would be sent after it.

From what Sunset Shimmer said by asking Twilight Sparkle what happened when you brought an Element of Harmony into an alternate world and then mocking her that she didn’t know it did seem there was a wider and significant plan. Twilight Sparkle considered throwing a rock with a note wrapped around it back through the portal, since inanimate objects like the crown seemed to be able to pass through it alone, or indeed simply returning to Equestria to do some research and sleep there overnight. But now Sunset Shimmer had belatedly realised actions had at least the consequence of pursuit it seemed better to avoid the portal and avoid tempting her into attempting ambush or sabotage on return, especially if she would pass out again.

Twilight Sparkle wondered if that was why Joe was here, a dog guarding this side of the portal might be less obvious and could keep watch from a greater distance with its nose and ears. But that consideration was interrupted as Sunset Shimmer wrapped up her villainous rant with the usual sort of threats, these being directed towards Spike and about how he and Twilight Sparkle would not want people to know they didn’t belong here.

==

Joe let out a joyous bark as he sprang forward again. It was fortunate that the doggy instincts and the desire to speak were so opposed or he wasn’t sure that he’d have avoided saying ‘ball!’. He did prefer Rugby to Association but he admitted that the lack of hands in his present form would hamper him more in playing the former. With a round ball he was managing and after dribbling it a short way against the top of his muzzle he flipped it up and then sprang to meet it with as much forehead as a dog skull provided.

Ball coming down and Joe going up hit each other and he headed it back across the field to its owner, who seemed to be getting happier at sharing her practice now she knew this dog wasn’t going to bite or drool on her ball or on her. With a quick flick of her foot she trapped the incoming ball and did a few tricks before sending it into a blur and into the nearest goal.

“Wuff!” said Joe in appreciation of the skill of this world’s Rainbow Dash.

Though this had been surprising. He was watching a pretty girl performing feats of athletic excellence. One who had let him see his vision of what ‘his’ Rainbow Dash would look like as a human had been quite accurate, and the differences might be down to the possible difference in age. So even if the ball was a great distraction, and he was a dog at the moment, it had seemed like he should care more. That he should have at least wished for an instant that this had been ‘his’ Rainbow Dash and he’d been in his normal human form, rather than noting she was as pretty as he’d expected and then nothing else.

==

Princess Celestia had said that soon she would know more about this place than even she did, but Twilight Sparkle thought it would have been nice if her mentor had known enough to supply some of the local coins. She’d been about to kick a hole in the glass of one when ‘the great and powerful’ Trixie arrived, put a coin in the slot, and got herself some peanut butter crackers. It seemed she needed to do some research so Twilight Sparkle headed to the library.

“Erm, Twilight,” Spike muttered from her backpack. “Before we get to answering questions that way perhaps we should talk to Joe?”

“Why,” asked Twilight Sparkle, still annoyed at how close she had come to the mistake and of owing any version of Trixie any gratitude. “He didn’t bother to warn us what those glass fronted cabinets were.”

“You know that’s unfair,” Spike replied, “he doesn’t know what it is that you don’t know, and you know that if you’d asked he’d have explained and probably added some anecdote or comment.”

Twilight Sparkle sighed and then did the inhale and exhale that Princess Cadance had taught her. The annoyance left her and she nodded. It had made more sense to find out as much as she could and then discuss it with Joe, but she was falling back into old habits. Meeting the counterparts of her friends had reminded her the others were back in Equestria. So it had felt like it was just her and Spike in this world, like it had been in Canterlot, and there she’d have buried herself in the library until she understood the problem.

But it wasn’t just her and Spike. Joe was here as well and, even if she’d have preferred Rarity and her skill with social occasions, she did have a friend here to help rather than ‘just’ her beloved number one assistant. She turned towards the front of the building and went out onto the main steps. There didn’t look to be anyone around so she looked down into the bush.

“Joe,” Twilight Sparkle hissed, glancing around again. There was no response so she wondered if he’d meant the left side as you entered or the left side as you came out. “Joe!”

“Hang on,” said Spike, climbing out of her backpack onto her shoulder. Twilight Sparkle reached up and popped him on the flat at the top of the stairs, and he trotted down the stairs and around. The bush rustled as he vanished into it and for a moment until he emerged and shook his head. Trotting back around and up he let Twilight Sparkle pick him up and put him where he could squirm back into her backpack before he stuck his head out and spoke again. “Smells like he was there, my sense of smell is better though I’m not sure it’s amazing…”

“So that is the right bush,” Twilight Sparkle nodded, “and maybe Dragons have a better sense of smell than humans if being a dog is not so much improvement.”

“Maybe, but his hearing doesn’t seem that bad normally and he also thought that was amazing now, and I’m not having any problem seeing colours.”

“Right,” Twilight Sparkle nodded again, turning to re-enter the school. “So could be his ‘normal’ senses, or could be yours haven’t been affected as much.”

This was interesting but the concern was the Fall Formal and to learn about this world and its history and customs. Unlike Joe when he arrived in Equestria and went through immigration she only had days and didn’t have the advantage of being able to take classes on that. It was only a mild surprise when they entered the library and Twilight Sparkle realised, in part from the floral skirt, that the teacher there was Cheerilee. She’d seen this human while looking through windows in doors but hadn’t paid much attention to her rather than the scene in general.

A far greater surprise was the strange things on the central table. They had what looked like a picture frame and in front of that was a box with many tiny buttons, almost like…

“Oh,” Twilight Sparkle breathed. It looked like a typewriter keyboard but divided into more parts. She glanced at one hand. Like their hands were divided into more parts than a hoof.

Settling herself down she examined the frame and the suspected keyboard and as she did, and talked to herself a little, Cheerilee came over and began to get her started. Though the lesson was very brief as a very familiar tune came from the other side of the table and Twilight Sparkle realised these things could make music as well as pictures. The local Cutie Mark Crusaders were told they should only use these for school related manners and dashed off before Twilight Sparkle could give them the same advice as she had the Equestria versions about comedy.

Then Twilight Sparkle set to work. She didn’t type much back in Equestria, but it could be simpler to hold the papers in your magic and type with your hooves rather than trying to move the typewriter keys with your magic as well. Though it was a good test to be able to do two such different things with your magic at the same time. Briefly she clenched her hands to the right size for Equestria keys and tried a few keystrokes before remembering what she’d thought about the keyboards and hands being divided into more parts.

Remembering how Joe pointed at things Twilight Sparkle tried extending one finger on each hand and found that did work better. Then it worked better still as she thought about, what had Joe called those, her thumbs and realised that those were over the spacebar if she was prodding keys with those two fingers. It was still a relief, however, to take a break from this strange typing and get back to books that, thankfully, did seem the same here. Unfortunately so did Spike’s tendency to drop them and denied her first reaction to catch them with her magic Twilight Sparkle reverted to her second and picked one up with her mouth before she remembered avoiding that mistake in the cafeteria and the gym and hurriedly grabbed it with a hand instead.

As students came in and out of the library she noticed them putting things on a white box and taking paper away that emerged from the side of it. Investigating this she dazzled herself and fell backwards, but when she returned she tried it with the lid down. Some light emerged from under the lid and a plain white piece of paper was dispensed, but this seemed too complex for a mere dispenser. Picking up that plain sheet Twilight Sparkle noticed the other had been marked in some way and, lifting and lowering the lid, tried putting that so the light would pass over it. Then she nodded as another sheet of paper came out and this one had been marked in the same way…

“Er, Twilight,” Spike said, hesitantly.

“Yes Spike?”

“I’m glad you’re figuring things out, and Cheerilee might have objected to him, but er… Joe.”

“What about him?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“We have been in here a while, and if you’d pointed at things and asked him he might have been able to tell you what they were.”

“I’m not so sure Spike, you’ve seen his hut and how simply he lives. I think he’d be more baffled than we are.”

“Maybe,” Spike said, looking dubious.

“Still, we’ll look for him again once we’ve gone through these books and put them away.”

==

Joe blinked as he woke up. His mouth felt like… his mouth felt like it was full of dog teeth, and glancing down he saw a paw. So that much wasn’t a dream and he was in a bush on a different world to the one he’d been born on or the one he’d grown accustomed to. He’d played ball longer than he’d intended, especially since he’d not intended to play it at all, but it looked like the hour was getting late. Twilight Sparkle and Spike should have returned before now so it seemed he’d missed them while he was gone.

It was a risk as there were still people around but as it had been his fault they’d missed him Joe decided to go inside and search. There seemed one obvious place to check, and where he knew you could lose track of time, so Joe decided to begin with the library. He thought he heard paired footsteps as he reached a corner so he paused for those to fade and nodded to himself as he got a whiff of fresh scent

To his lack of surprise he found the other two surrounded by books and notes in an appallingly bad scrawl. They seemed to be alone so Joe risked speech.

“I suppose having to use a hand rather than magic is a better excuse for bad handwriting than being more used to typing,” Joe said, by way of greeting, “though it has been suggested teaching cursive is a waste of time with how little people write longhand rather than use a computer.”

Twilight Sparkle blinked and tried to ignore Spike’s look of victory. “You know what those are?”

“Of course.”

“Joe, do your people have magic?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“No, we have semi-conductors,” Joe said, looking puzzled. “Should be some books on the history of computing around here that could explain it better than me though, I’m a little vague on the gap between basic theory and how the ones I’ve used work.” He looked around. “Maybe this is why I’m a dog…”

“Come again?” asked Spike.

“Make it harder for me to seek out the nearest public library and try to memorise everything like Twilight has in Ponyville. Still, how has the day gone?”

“We saw some glass fronted cabinets,” said Spike, testing Joe, “which you could put coins into to get things out of.”

“You mean vending machines?”

“How long have humans had those?” asked Spike, waiting for the explanation and anecdote.

“Modern ones a century, century and a half… not sure,” Joe ‘explained’ before adding the anecdote. “Archaeologists and historians did find the first one was a couple of millennia ago, weight of the coin dispensed some water and, as they found an improved one also dispensed some soap, seems was for washing.”

Spike looked at Twilight Sparkle who nodded. “You’ve made your point, Spike.”

“Point?” Joe asked.

“Never mind,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, looking and feeling rather embarrassed.

If Princess Celestia had thought Joe had knowledge, and Spike was saying he thought Joe would know things, then she should trust them. It just didn’t fit with her image of Joe working Sweet Apple Acres or roaming the Everfree, spear in hand. Though maybe it did with the discussion of cosmology, even if he had been vague in places and just plain wrong by Equestria standards.

Joe looked at her for a moment and then gave a dog shrug. “Looks like you have done a lot of research.”

“Been working hard,” Twilight Sparkle agreed, “and we did check outside, and were going to again, so where were you?”

“Doggy instincts, I was trying to nap and ignore the urge to chase Squirrels when I heard a ball and had to investigate.” Joe shook his head. “Seems either my mind has been altered or I was right to think it would be affected by my body.”

“I still feel the same,” Twilight Sparkle frowned, ignoring the small voice that added ‘aside from thinking that handsome boy was handsome’.

“Hmm,” nodded Joe. “Maybe humans are more similar to Equestria Ponies than dogs after all.” He decided to not add the thought that maybe Princess Celestia had thought it worth shielding her student against being affected by the change in form so she would not be distracted, but not worth shielding him. “But sorry I was away from the bush for so long.”

“And sorry we didn’t check again sooner,” Twilight Sparkle replied, “but we got going and…”

“I know, easily done. Pick up a book and suddenly it’s morning.”

Twilight Sparkle looked embarrassed again. “I’m not being very nice to you, am I?”

“How do you mean?” Joe asked. He’d have appreciated them checking again sooner but he’d done worse things. Though on reflection maybe he hadn’t…

“You come along to help, and I leave you in a bush,” Twilight Sparkle smiled apologetically.

“Well, you can’t give me credit for coming along, that was an order from Princess Celestia,” admitted Joe. “But apology accepted, and I hope you’ll accept mine in return for the concern I caused.”

“Concern?” Twilight Sparkle blinked.

Joe blinked back. He’d been thinking of how late he’d sometimes been when he lost track of time in a library, but the thought had occurred was that he was a dog. So there was a difference between them not checking on him sooner and him being that late getting to someone’s home or a pub. The people he was meeting would be safe and comfortable and, even if he’d his mobile phone switched off, it would take longer than that before they had to worry about him.

But he’d expected some concern here that doggy him had been found and taken to the local pound or the animal shelter Fluttershy had mentioned. If nothing else it might have been difficult for an apparent high schooler to reclaim her dog when she had no contact details and no money to pay the fine. So discounting any concern for him personally there might have been concern for how that would affect their task.

“Look, I know I am pretty self-sufficient,” Joe said, sounding weary, “I proved that in my months in a hut and proved it when I left rather than let you and Zecora take me to the Ponyville hospital, and I am glad neither of you came and bothered me about that decision. It would be nice sometimes though, now we have become friends, to think you had wondered if I was okay before deciding I was.”

“We’d have been worried if you were missing in the Everfree, or somewhere dangerous…” began Spike.

“Ah, right,” Joe interrupted. Realising this was not so much lack of concern as they were judging things by Equestria standards. “Well, you didn’t know what had happened to me, so you might have been worried,” he continued, not realising how dubious he sounded that they would. “And if I had been taken away by an animal control officer it would have been harder for you to get me back than if we were in Ponyville and you just had to visit Fluttershy’s cottage.”

“Oh, sorry,” blushed Twilight Sparkle, noting his tone. “I hadn’t realised you’d be in more danger here, so I wasn’t worried as I didn’t know I should be.”

“Hrm,” Joe growled, managing to not make it too literal, “I suppose that’s the sort of thing I’m supposed to be warning you of. But it could have been awkward, and worth concern, so I apologise even if none was felt. And I’ll also say that if I am not at the front doors I might be at the sports field or possibly outside the cafeteria doing some scavenging. Though Squirrel might be tastier than the last option there.”

Spike noted that Joe’s temptation to chase Squirrels seemed to be for more than fun, but decided to not tease him as he also noted that Joe’s hackles had gone up a little along with the fur along the back of his neck. He remembered when Joe had thought he was lying to him about near the Diamond Dogs having been the only place for gems and knew his friend did have a temper, which the growl at this world’s Diamond Tiara might show was less under control.

“Oh! Sorry again, here,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, reaching into her backpack for a literal doggy bag.

When she tore the paper of the bag open to lay it flat on the library floor Joe gave it a dubious look. It was cold, it was congealed, and it looked as if it had been rather squashed. Probably by a purple dog arse. But as dubious as it looked it smelt wonderful to a doggy nose.

“Thank you,” Joe said. An instant later and the food was gone and a comment that though he’d just broken his streak of vegetarianism at least it wasn’t his own kill hung on Joe’s lips. Then he thought and looked to Spike. “Aruoufffff… ru… aruff? * Does she know this is… was… meat? *”

“Arrr! Rworffff! * No! She got the same things as Fluttershy! *” replied Spike.

“Pardon?” Twilight Sparkle frowned.

“Er…” said Joe, looking to her and back to Spike.

“Twilight,” Spike began, “please don’t feel too ill, but…”

“That was meat, wasn’t it?” sighed Twilight Sparkle.

“Yes,” Joe nodded.

“Okay, as long as you don’t tell me what from I should be able to keep it down,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, her skin attaining a faint tinge of green to add to the usual purple. “And I’ll be more careful tomorrow.”

“Learned anything useful?” Joe asked, unable in his mood to stop himself from adding. “Other than Fluttershy here isn’t vegetarian?”

“Urp,” said Twilight Sparkle. She gave Joe an unamused look and then began to explain.

Joe nodded to the news of the comment about a twin sister with dog like Spike and that he and Twilight Sparkle might have counterparts here. He had to agree that they would have to work within the system with the logic Twilight Sparkle had followed, though he also had to admit that what he knew about high school politics was minimal. As Spike excused himself Joe explained that this wasn’t his country, or even a close parallel to it, and it had been long enough since he was at the equivalent stage of his education that he’d be a teacher here rather than a student. So his memory of even his country’s schools was not that fresh.

Twilight Sparkle nodded to this as she realised why Joe had been asking if she was as young as she looked here, especially as Joe made a suggestion that her apparent age had been reduced and commented that he might be less obtrusive as a dog than a man of his age. If he was that old and thought she, and more importantly one of her friends, was older and closer in age to him then he might have some worries. As if he didn’t have enough worries already.

Spike returned and they put the books away before following him upstairs to find he’d been busy making a dusty looking bed out of books in a secluded portion of the library. Joe had some doubts about this but it seemed better to remain in the library as it closed than try to smuggle mats from the Gym for extra comfort. There they looked at a yearbook and pictures of even younger looking counterparts of their friends. Spike seemed especially interested in the idea of another Rarity from the way his tail began wagging.

Twilight Sparkle was just glad that she hadn’t voiced her thought about her being the difference in them making friends. It seemed from the picture they had become friends without her, though not maintained it. When she blamed Sunset Shimmer for this and Spike agreed Joe wondered what he was missing. They seemed to think she’d have good reason, other than being a dreadful brat, but… something about how the school was split into factions. Joe’s vague thoughts were interrupted as Spike pointed out that Sunset Shimmer wanted the crown for something even worse, so they had to worry about that and the competition rather than how these reminded them of their Ponyville friends. This led them to recount the threat and taunts of Sunset Shimmer’s rant.

“You are doing very well,” Joe reassured Twilight Sparkle, abandoning the effort to figure out what he was missing, “I remember I didn’t meet anypony’s eye for weeks after I was brought to Equestria.”

“You were worse than Fluttershy,” commented Spike.

“You were standing out more,” Twilight Sparkle reassured Joe, appreciating the effort, “and it had been a surprise for you.”

“Maybe so,” nodded Joe, hoping he’d not been sent here so Twilight Sparkle had a reminder of an example of what not to do, “but it shows your steel that you are keeping your chin up, meeting people, and even running as a pageant princess.”

“And she didn’t freak out when she heard the Cutie Mark Crusaders here playing the same music,” Spike added, trying to keep the lighter mood going.

“This seems a lot stranger for her than anything was for me,” nodded Joe again. “So many personal parallels.”

“I wonder how tomorrow will go,” Twilight Sparkle said sleepily, lying back on her book bed.

Spike hauled up the covers he’d found somewhere and then hopped up to settle near his ‘big sister’ while Joe settled down on the floor. There was a lot of reading he wanted to do but first he had to wait for the other two to fall asleep. Wait just a few moments longer. Not so easy to tell if they are asleep as with Rainbow Dash. So wait a few moments longer. A few moments. A few. A second variety of dog snores was added to the first and whatever noises a transformed Alicorn Pony Princess made.

Chapter 49

The night had passed without them being discovered and Twilight Sparkle had made a quick trip to and from the nearest ladies loo to freshen up a little. They had agreed that if Sunset Shimmer knew Joe was here then she’d have made some sort of threat to or taunt about him. Joe had commented that even if she did know he was here she’d probably be expecting him as he normally looked so it was unlikely she’d connect him and a black dog being seen. It was not clear what advantage there’d be in Joe being kept a surprise but now Twilight Sparkle knew there was a danger in Joe being in the bushes and they had found the library was a good place to lair she had ‘suggested’ he remained here.

It had been quite a productive morning as students came in and out and Twilight Sparkle tried to not make it too obvious that she was only working in the library rather than attending classes. Fortunately nobody challenged her as she made her quick trips down into the main part of the library to snag a book and retreat to where her number one assistant and number three temporary assistant could help. Joe had managed to make a few useful suggestions and the list of talking points Twilight Sparkle was working on had grown to quite impressive lengths. He and Spike drilled her on these and made sure they included cultural references, though Joe had to suppress a wince. Something about humans exchanging catchphrases triggered a memory he couldn’t quite get back and he had the feeling it was part of one of the dreams Princess Luna had examined.

All this work done it was nearly lunchtime and Twilight Sparkle’s chance to put some of this into practice. Joe agreed to stay in the library as he could not be any help with this part of things, and was quite pleased at this as he’d not managed to get his reading done the previous night.

Unfortunately as Twilight Sparkle emerged into the hall with Spike, and before she could say anything, they noticed how people were looking at her funny. Beginning to doubt her own plan Twilight Sparkle continued down the hall towards the cafeteria until she was suddenly dragged into a side room and Spike got to finally see what this world’s Rarity looked like at the same age as the others. Ignoring Twilight Sparkle’s protests Rarity quickly checked her measurements and then swept a disguise onto her before attending to the far more important matter, as far as he was concerned, of calling Spike adorable.

That had more effect on him than the disguise had on Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy when they arrived and recognised Twilight Sparkle immediately. A little sniping by Rarity at Pinkie Pie about her not appreciating her efforts later and the girls realised that Twilight Sparkle had no idea why people had been looking at her strangely. So with Pinkie Pie’s laptop they showed her and she saw all the mistakes she’d made in the library yesterday had been recorded and edited together for everyone in the school to see.

==

Joe had a problem. He was sure he could pull a book down but he didn’t want to damage them with his teeth and claws or with the drop onto the floor, and was worried the thud might draw attention. Spike managing to get all those books together and arrange them into a bed had been a surprise to him last night but as Joe struggled with his lack of hands it was becoming a mystery. This was so frustrating the computers on the lower floor were becoming tempting. His eyes were not so good for seeing the colours on the screens and he wasn’t sure if he could type with paws but he was beginning to feel like trying.

Sitting up a little Joe tried tapping his forepaws down in a test. It felt like if he angled them right then he could catch a key with just one claw and only catch that key. He’d be reassured by memories of Skippy the Kangaroo and all the things he’d done with his paws if he’d not seen a documentary about that series and not known it was a taxidermied Kangaroo arm rather than a well trained Kangaroo and the benefit of many takes.

Returning to all fours, which was feeling more natural, Joe padded across to look down at the computers. While classes were in session some students might be sent here for study sessions… maybe… he really was not sure. There had been a few in and out at least. But would it be safer or more dangerous at lunchtime to venture down onto the main floor? None would be being sent here but some students might prefer to spend lunchtime here in peace and quiet. With a nod to himself Joe decided that with his doggy sense of hearing he’d be able to hear anyone coming.

And he still remembered how sceptical Twilight Sparkle had looked while he was talking about Tanks and if this world had a particular heavy metal band and video for one song he could show her. Though maybe that would not be so wise, it was a rather triumphant song and possibly a good example of something he’d share with ‘his’ Rainbow Dash rather than anypony else. And he wasn’t even sure he’d share it with her, lines like ‘rivers of blood in our treads’ might make her wince like she had in their chat about humans versus Griffons.

==

Spike retreated into Twilight Sparkle’s backpack as the arguing went on. It had seemed to be going well as these versions of their friends rallied around Twilight Sparkle, but then Fluttershy had accused Pinkie Pie of not taking anything seriously and Rarity had added that Pinkie Pie was no better than Fluttershy. Now Applejack had joined the bickering from the teacher’s table she was sitting on and they were arguing how Rainbow Dash had promised the softball team would make an appearance at a bake sale, and had made Applejack a liar when none showed. Applejack hadn’t taken kindly to that and wasn’t taking kindly to the suggestion that this wasn’t different than the problems the others had with each other.

Twilight Sparkle sat in the middle of all this and asked them to stop. Seeing a chance to be helpful and make more room in the backpack for him to keep hiding Spike passed up the yearbook with the sort of manual dexterity of his paw that Joe had found he lacked. Twilight Sparkle showed them the picture of them as friends and suggested it was Sunset Shimmer that had separated them. To her, and Spike’s surprise, Rarity immediately scorned this as a ‘nice theory’ and Fluttershy said it was Pinkie Pie that had ruined a silent auction for an animal shelter with fireworks and noisemakers.

This brought an immediate protest from Pinkie Pie and as they talked they began wondering who had sent a text saying Fluttershy wanted a big party. Or who was e-mailing Rarity to say Pinkie Pie had plenty of volunteers, only for Rarity to take that as scornful rejection when she found Pinkie Pie was having to do everything herself. Applejack then wondered if this could be why Rainbow Dash hadn’t shown up, and sheepishly admitted she’d never asked her as she’d stopped talking to her after that.

==

Cheerilee turned her head as she got close enough to the library to faintly hear some music coming from it. She’d chided the girls yesterday for watching their own song so, even if it was lunchtime, she could hardly treat whoever this was differently. Especially since heavy metal was even less appropriate for a school library. Wanting to catch the culprit in the act Cheerilee crept forward and eased the library door open, drawing in a breath to tell the student off. Then she saw a dog, and it was nodding along to something, and it was singing… with words… Cheerilee released her breath in a gasp and the dog looked at her with a remarkably guilty expression.

As she watched, and approached, the dog turned back to the screen and donked at the mouse with one paw to send the cursor to the upper right of the screen and then tapped that paw down, carefully hitting with one claw on the button, to click the mouse and close the window. Silence returned to the library as the dog turned towards her again. They stared at each other for a moment.

“Err…” Joe said, he’d decided against the one song but after the talk with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in Ponyville he’d been unable to resist another. He might never be an ace, he didn’t want to shoot five things down, but he might be considered in exile. “You are hallucinating.”

Cheerilee blinked at him.

“Yes,” Joe continued, giving a nod, “working far too hard obviously, after all there is no such thing as a talking dog. Especially not one that can use a computer, so… ah… my warning about overwork given I shall now return to… erm… the realm of the imagination from whence I came... Farewell!”

With that he jumped down from the chair and buggered off with all due speed. There were too many students towards the front doors so he turned away from those, and then turned again, trying to keep his speed low and casual and forcing a benign doggy grin. Another turn and another and he was heading the right way after going the wrong way at first. And ahead of him the doors were open and he could hear… involuntarily his steps sped up.

==

Applejack had decided that if something strange had been going on with the others it would be best to swallow her pride and talk to Rainbow Dash. But better still to have some moral support so the others had gone with her to the sports field. When they said that was where Rainbow Dash could almost invariably be found this gave Twilight Sparkle a horrible suspicion. Then as they came into sight she saw she had been correct. Rainbow Dash kicked the ball, it streaked towards the small goal, and a black mutt acting as goalkeeper dove to one side and managed to deflect it with his forepaws.

“Joe!” Twilight Sparkle screeched.

“Aruff? * What? *” asked Joe. That reaction seemed a bit extreme, he’d said one place he might be was here, so how she’d react when he admitted why he’d had to leave the library barely bore thinking about.

“This totally awesome dog is yours?” Rainbow Dash called, jogging over to where the ball had stopped and flipping it up with one flick of her foot to catch it and cradle it in her arm. Then as she started to approach Twilight Sparkle and the others, Joe padding behind her, she paused and frowned at Applejack. “What is she doing here?”

“Ah, we need ta talk…” replied Applejack, moving to meet her.

Joe continued past them as they started to talk and seeing that Twilight Sparkle was glaring at him he tried puppy eyes. Those having little effect he just went and sat next to Spike, who was a better friend anyway… even when not inexplicably angry. Or maybe not completely inexplicably, as much as Twilight Sparkle was allowed to go and talk to the counterparts of all their friends perhaps she thought he was not allowed to play football against the counterpart of his marefriend. Joe tried to focus on the positive that Twilight Sparkle was concerned for Rainbow Dash, perhaps both versions, but it was hard to not feel insulted at this apparent mistrust.

“Arufff… rrr? * Heard a ball... again? *” Spike asked.

“Arrryurp… rhurrr… rhowlrrrrr. * Got seen by the local Cheerilee... bluffed I was a hallucination... she caught me using one of the computers. *”

“Arraarrr! * Whoa! *”

“Gru, rummrumm? * Though, I thought you were going to focus on votes rather than helping these five? *” Joe asked.

“Rumrum. * Been some trouble. *,” nodded Spike.

“Arufrrr, Rurafrr… * It’s good to see them together, and this might be better anyway… *”

“Rhurur? * Better? *” Spike asked.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash hugged as they finished talking, then they returned. Applejack explained that someone had told Rainbow Dash the bake sale was on a different day and so when she showed up with the entire softball team she’d thought Applejack had cancelled on her. Looking at Twilight Sparkle a challenging light came into Rainbow Dash’s eyes and she said she’d help out if Twilight Sparkle won a game of 1-on-1, the first to five goals. This challenge reluctantly accepted it went almost at once to three-nil in Rainbow Dash’s favour. A goal at once, another when Twilight Sparkle ducked, and a third when she dropped the ball at Twilight Sparkle’s feet for a kick off, and then took it and flicked it up behind her own body over both their heads into the goal.

“Arrror… rrroowwwrrrrr! * I don’t think I could beat this Rainbow Dash if I was human… heck I don't think I could beat her if I was human with all the magic and she was human without! *” Joe commented, after seeing this, as he watched Twilight Sparkle making her way down the field.

“Grrerrr! * Have faith in Twilight! *” said Spike, almost snarling back.

“Rarrrfffff! * I do! *” Joe replied, not very truthfully. Despite the stakes, and that this was not ‘his’ Rainbow Dash, the glares from Twilight Sparkle had eased him towards rooting against her.

With casual ease Rainbow Dash took the ball and scored to make it four-nil.

“Rarroww. * Okay. *” Spike sighed.

They watched as with far greater determination than skill or speed Twilight Sparkle began the run towards Rainbow Dash’s goal again. For a moment it seemed as if Rainbow Dash was having mercy and allowing her opponent at least one goal. But when Twilight Sparkle miskicked the ball and it dribbled to Rainbow Dash’s feet as she stood on her own goal line she gave it her own kick to score the fifth and final goal along the full length of the field. Twilight Sparkle didn’t seem to think it worth moving after that.

“Rrr… hhmmmrrr? * Hmm, maybe we should have faith? *” Joe commented.

“Rarr? * What? *”

They trotted across to join the others where Twilight Sparkle had collapsed. Proving that even in this world she was more Generous than Honest it was Rarity who was the first to speak as they looked down at her and she fought for breath.

“I really thought you were going to pull it off in the end,” Rarity reassured her.

“So, what’s the plan?” asked Rainbow Dash. “How can I help you be Princess rather than Sunset Shimmer?”

“But I lost…” Twilight Sparkle protested.

“Aruff! * Aha! *” said Spike, understanding Joe’s comment.

“Of course you lost, I’m awesome,” Rainbow Dash replied, stating what seemed the simple truth to her, “but I’m not going to help just anybody beat Sunset Shimmer, the Fall Formal Princess has to have heart and determination, you proved that you got them both. And an awesome dog.”

“Two awesome dogs,” said Rarity, correcting Rainbow Dash and fussing Spike. “Isn’t he just adorable?”

“Ruff… * Yes… *” Joe nodded, as deadpan as a dog could be.

Twilight Sparkle managed to raise her head enough to give Joe another look and he bestowed another burst of puppy eyes on her. Then he turned his head and loped to near the steps to begin sniffing around. Making an immense sacrifice, as he was halfway through a head rub, Spike trotted away from Rarity to join Joe as he continued to sniff.

“Rrrr? * Joe? *”

“Grrarrr rarhrumm rrrrrarr… * I thought I heard something, and something smells fresh, and the same as outside the library doors yesterday… *” Joe replied before giving an impressive sneeze. “Rroorrrrffff… * But I have no idea how to track... *”

The others had joined them so Rainbow Dash decided to ask a question that had been bothering her since the day before. “So how did he get his scars?”

“Er…” Twilight Sparkle said, wondering what story would fit a dog on this world, and deciding on the truth. “He was straying in the woods and he got attacked by a really big cat?”

“Ah, poor puppy,” said Rainbow Dash, ruffling the top of Joe’s head. “But he’s still good at soccer.”

“F…ruff,” Joe started to reply, choking slightly as he had to cut off the automatic urge to ‘correct’ and say ‘Football’.

==

They had talked a little while longer at the sports field, and arranged to meet up to go to the local Coffee Shop after school, before lunchtime ended and the afternoon lessons began. Twilight Sparkle had decided to leave talking to Joe about Rainbow Dash until other things were settled and suggested they returned to the library, as that had worked all morning. Which made it even more embarrassing for Joe to explain why he’d had to leave the library as after all Twilight Sparkle’s success he’d got himself spotted almost at once.

Twilight Sparkle had given him a truly withering look and told him he’d better not return there for a while. They parted and Joe decided that although he didn’t know what she and Spike were going to eat he was going to seek his own food today. He circled the building to approach the area outside the kitchens to sit and considered the bins and bags. As hungry as he was, and as much as his doggy nose found the scents appealing, it seemed unfair to make too much mess.

Then something whizzed towards him, and jumping and turning he saw an old lady with her hair in a bun in the door of the kitchen. It was hard to tell with doggy eyes but he had the impression her skin was green and with the clue of the hairstyle he suspected this was the counterpart of Granny Smith. Glancing at the projectile he saw it was still slightly warm sausage and he felt a considerable quantity of drool begin to form. But as doggy as it would be to pounce and devour and look for more he decided he was not that much of a dog, yet.

Remembering how Ponies bowed Joe emulated this, and his good hearing caught a slight ‘my my’ of delight from Granny Smith at this apparently well-trained dog. Then Joe neatly snagged the sausage in his jaws and trotted off to find somewhere nice and private to savour it and further deny the instinct to devour, though that became harder the further he carried food in his mouth.

==

The afternoon had passed for Twilight Sparkle and Spike in the library, the other girls in their lessons, and Joe back under a bush asleep. Twilight Sparkle had sounded quite annoyed when she realised Rarity was quite so keen to see Spike again, and even more annoyed when Rainbow Dash asked where ‘the awesome dog was’. Joe had emerged from his bush on cue and they had made their way to the coffee shop.

There they found the counterparts were not limited to those that attended or worked at the school, plus those of Twilight Sparkle and Spike, as if that was not Mr and Mrs Cake then it was a fine impression of them. Joe did wonder where this version Pinkie Pie lived. She seemed a bit young to have moved away from home, but if the Cakes were related to the Pies or friends of the family then this was a convenient place to live and she could work a few hours after school or at weekends.

Spike and Joe had taken the chance for a little privacy to ‘talk’ and settled down beside the end of the sofa, at the opposite end to Rainbow Dash and the same end as Rarity. Though, to Joe at least, that they were between the sofa and the counter and out of sight was more important than the latter. Joe nodded to Spike as his friend explained how they had come to be at the sports field.

“Grrurrr, rrrm, * That might explain the fresh scent outside the library, and mean the same scent at the sports field could be trouble, *” Joe mused, “rrrrrm, arrahhrrrrr, rrrrrr * though if Twilight’s counterpart sees the video, and wonders who this identical person is, that could also be trouble. *”

“Rarrrr? * How would she see it? *” asked Spike.

“Grrurrrurrm. * If this works the same way as on my world then it is a worldwide network of computers. *”

“Yipe! * Yipe! *” Spike exclaimed. “Awwowowow… arrwwaarrrrrrr. * And Twilight was upset enough to think everyone in the school had seen it… though not as upset as she seems that you were playing ball with Rainbow Dash here. *”

“Grrfffffrr, * Not like I was humping her leg, *” snorted Joe.

“Arrwwr? * What? *”

“Grrumrrumm * You really aren’t getting the doggy instincts are you, *” said Joe, shaking his head a little, “Grumrumgrrrfffffr * aside from the growl and that could have been Draconic. *”

“Where is that darling little dog?” Rarity complained.

Instantly Spike trotted around the corner and into the offered lap. Joe sat up a little to look around the same corner and then retreated.

“Rgrrmmrrr, * Sure, he can sit on a lap, *” Joe commented to himself with an eyeroll. “Rarahrrrrr * But I can’t play ball. *”

Joe settled his chin on his forepaw then, as he heard a familiar voice, he raised his head and shook it at the interplay before settling back again. He listened as Rarity warned Twilight Sparkle that this ‘Flash Sentry’ was Sunset Shimmer’s ex-boyfriend and Fluttershy added the comment that she couldn’t believe Sunset Shimmer hadn’t done anything awful to him. Showing good sense Flash Sentry gave the group of pretty girls, and it seemed Twilight Sparkle in particular, a Fonzie smile before he continued on his way.

This seemed mildly puzzling to Joe. This fellow did seem nice, rather than it being, well, all flash and no substance, but to be Sunset Shimmer’s ex-boyfriend meant he’d had to consider her as girlfriend material at least for a short time. But he didn’t much care about the puzzle, though Twilight Sparkle was looking worried as she commented that maybe she was waiting until she could do something really awful.

The Applejack here proved to have the same ability to corral a discussion as her Equestria counterpart had with everything else as well. Getting them back to business she pointed out the dance was tomorrow night and although they had done their best during the afternoon to tell people otherwise it would need something special to balance out that video. Most people only knew Twilight Sparkle from the video, so they needed to show them differently.

Joe started to think but found himself distracted whether there was a Winona here, as customary as it would be he didn’t want to risk having his rear sniffed and have to return the favour. It would be embarrassing in itself and give Twilight Sparkle more excuse for death glares.

Rarity screamed and stood “I’ve got it!”

Joe sat up to look at her as Spike plopped to the sofa beside her. Everyone else was also looking and a blush came to Rarity’s cheeks as she continued and said it might seem preposterous and moved to her bag. From this she removed some horse ears and tails and as she spoke of how they’d all worn those as a sign of unity and of school spirit Joe nodded to himself. That had been the idea hovering the previous night about why Twilight Sparkle and Spike might have thought it worth Sunset Shimmer taking the time to split these counterparts of their friends.

It had come more into focus when he’d seen them together again at the sports field and had belatedly connected what he’d been told of the school being split into factions with the fact that this group of friends represented every faction. Twilight Sparkle and Spike had shown fine insight in recognising this at once and realising that these five becoming friends again would cross the barriers between the different cliques. Rarity finished handing out the false ears, all but Rainbow Dash managing a smile, as she spoke of how Sunset Shimmer had divided them and Twilight Sparkle had united them.

As unneeded as it seemed Joe sat up and gave a “Wuff” of support and assent before the group headed back towards the school and the Gym.

==

It had been impressive over the last few hours how fast Twilight Sparkle learned the words and choreography to let her perform with the others and how fast they managed to get back into sync with each other after the time they had been split. Joe had watched with interest and had then fallen asleep once it seemed things were going well. He was not so much older than them that he’d not notice they were pretty, though old enough that he’d think almost at once ‘a bit young’, but he’d realised he was feeling the same lack of desire rather than appreciation. Although there was perhaps a twinge more appreciation of Rainbow Dash than the others it was making him miss ‘his’ Rainbow Dash rather than desire this one.

As much work as they had done this morning Joe wondered if he’d have been of more use at Fluttershy’s cottage. And as much fun as it had been playing ball with this world’s Rainbow Dash he’d rather be doing the tourist thing with his own. Similarities in personality notwithstanding they were not the same person and, if nothing else, he’d at least settled some doubts about how much he cared what shape was wrapped around his sweetheart’s soul.

Thankfully after they had seen the others off the corridors were deserted enough that they could reach the library. To their relief the book bed had not been disturbed so it did seem it would be safe to spend another night here. Joe remembered the sausage and decided to ask, though all he’d be able to do was sympathise as he doubted he’d be able to hunt and doubted even more that offer would be acceptable to Twilight Sparkle.

“I got thrown a sausage,” Joe admitted, “I hope you two managed to find something to eat.”

“Applejack saw us in the library…” began Spike.

“Which is better than Cheerilee seeing you,” Twilight Sparkle grumbled.

“For which I have apologised,” nodded Joe.

“…and when she checked and found we had missed lunch she went and got us a packed lunch,” Spike finished, “and made it vegetarian.”

“Excellent news,” nodded Joe, again. “As I think it was the local Granny Smith that provided the sausage that means the Apple family have fed us all.”

“What about tomorrow?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“You and Spike split the lunch, I’ll find something,” suggested Joe, “though I might test doggy-digestion rather than risk presuming on Granny Smith twice.”

“Okay,” Twilight Sparkle nodded.

Silence fell in the library and Joe considered whether dogs should sleep as much as he was doing. It hadn’t seemed in Equestria that Winona was that inclined and it didn’t look like the others were going to go to sleep yet, so it might be rude to just nap again.

“I thought your plan was a good one Twilight,” Joe said, head on paws and trying to make conversation, “but it had occurred at the footie field that these parallels of our friends were from each faction.”

“Yes,” Twilight Sparkle replied, trying to not sound dubious that it had occurred to Joe.

“You mentioned it might be better just before the 1-on-1,” nodded Spike, catching his ‘big sister’s’ tone.

Twilight Sparkle inhaled and exhaled. She was annoyed with Joe about this and annoyed with him about being seen with Cheerilee. It did seem he was continuing to make mistakes that added almost as many problems as he solved or averted.

“At the ‘footie field’,” Twilight Sparkle said, detonating the conversational landmine Joe had stepped on, “where we found you with Rainbow Dash.”

“This Rainbow Dash thinks I am a pretty awesome dog,” nodded Joe, “but I think Dash is an awesome Pony.” Then he winked to Spike. “And I’m not the one sitting on laps.”

“But you are the one who asked about shape changing magic,” Twilight Sparkle pointed out, her annoyance increasing as it seemed Joe wasn’t taking this seriously, “and you’ve said you’re old enough to be a teacher here...”

“A rather young teacher, not long out of training,” interrupted Joe, his tone hardening as his head and hackles rose, “but are you asking if I’d be tempted to stay here if I was human and young enough to be a student?”

“Er,” Twilight Sparkle said, not sure if it was better now Joe was taking it seriously. “Maybe.”

“Which is pretty damned insulting,” replied Joe, his lip curling slightly back from one fang. “That you think I’d treat them both that way. Abandon Dash and treat this Rainbow Dash as a substitute rather than someone worthy in their own right.”

“Okay,” Twilight Sparkle nodded, unsure whether Joe had a worse temper as a dog or if he was just less practiced at hiding his feelings, “that wasn’t really what I meant, it’s just you asked about the magic and…”

“And you care enough about Dash that you want to be sure,” sighed Joe, not a sad sigh, more just the release of breath before a strike. Seeming to realise how he was sounding Joe closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, his lip uncurling and his hackles flattening. When he opened his eyes again they looked calmer. “Especially after the conversation we on magic had eleven days ago,” he continued in more his normal tones, “though when we had that conversation I still had doubts as it had only been three days since Dash first kissed me, rather than a full fortnight.”

Not sure if she wanted to continue this conversation, but taking some heart from the fact that… as usual… Joe seemed to be assuming the best motives of her Twilight Sparkle decided to ask. “Are you saying you have no doubts now?”

“I am saying that I care enough about Dash that I’d rather be a Pony in Equestria with her than a human with Rainbow Dash here,” Joe replied bluntly, “even though we have proved with the ‘doggy instincts’ that I’d stop being entirely me in the former case. So I’d rather be a human in Equestria until and unless that becomes unfair on Dash.”

“But is it fair on Rainbow, if you can’t… well… without magic.”

“Hah!” Joe almost literally barked, realising Twilight Sparkle hadn’t noticed how much things had progressed. “That magic might still be fun with Dash, though it’s got to the point where it would be for variety rather than necessity…”

“It… has?” blinked Twilight Sparkle.

“Alright. It’s not quite got to that point, or not been put to the test at least.”

“Oh!” Twilight Sparkle blushed.

“Thank you though.”

“What for?”

“Meeting this counterpart had answered a few more qualms of mine,” Joe admitted, “but thinking about how I’d have reacted… say ten days ago, the day after our conversation on the magic has let me realise how much my feelings have grown for Dash. Ten days ago I’d have still missed Dash, but I might have convinced myself it was better to end it, or been scared enough to flee rather than struggle against the problem.” He gave Twilight Sparkle a flat look. “Though even then I’d have been insulted at the suggestion I’d use the Rainbow Dash here as a substitute…”

Something told Twilight Sparkle that whether it was the effects of being a dog, the stress of this situation, or how much busier the last three weeks had been for Joe than the months before she was close to losing one friend, even as she reunited five others. And she did value Joe for his own sake as well as because of his friendships with her friends in Equestria.

“I said I didn’t mean it that way,” protested Twilight Sparkle. “I’ve been worried how much my feelings are for these girls and how much because they are the counterparts of our friends.”

“Which is a fair concern,” Joe admitted, “but I think we can tell the difference.”

“Still friends?” asked Twilight Sparkle a little hesitantly.

“Of course,” Joe reassured her. “If we weren’t friends my reaction would be more pithy rather than answering your questions.”

“Maybe we should all get some sleep?” suggested Spike, noticing the lingering tension.

“Or change topics at least,” Joe said, as he thought of a possible revenge that was not beyond friendship. “I am wondering how old the Ponyfolk are, we’ve seen the local versions of the Cutie Mark Crusaders and I had the idea the ones in Equestria were about as old as Spike…”

“Right?” said Spike.

Joe wasn’t sure if that was a ‘correct’ or a ‘go on’, but he went on. “So, since you were hatched the day Twilight got her Cutie Mark and Ponyfolk get their Cutie Marks about the same age that would seem to make Twilight, and the others, about twice the age of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“That makes sense, as far as you know,” Spike nodded, relieved they seemed to be talking about something less fraught.

“Letting me argue myself into a corner?” asked Joe, tilting his head and giving a doggy smile.

“Maybe,” Spike admitted.

“Does this matter?” asked Twilight Sparkle, annoying Spike as she derailed the conversation. “It does seem the ages here are all shifted around, and there’s no real relevance to the ages of people back in Equestria.”

Joe took a breath and then nodded to her. “You’re right, as usual, best to concentrate on getting the crown.”

“It is interesting what is parallel and what is not,” Twilight Sparkle smiled, “but, as Spike suggested, we should sleep since the crown is our concern.”

Joe nodded again, though the last part of that sentence tested his control. She’d warned him about Rainbow Dash so the thought had occurred to warn her about Flash Sentry. If he took the Cutie Mark Crusaders as being the same age or equivalent in both worlds, as it seemed, then Rarity being about twice her sister’s age would fit better with her having her own boutique. But here Twilight Sparkle looked more like half again as old as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, rather than double, and looked the same age as Flash Sentry.

So Joe had considered pointing this out. The ages might all be shifted around but Twilight Sparkle’s true age had not changed and so that was relevant to the age of Flash Sentry here. But this ‘warning’ would serve nothing but the revenge. All it would do was possibly spoil her final day and tinge the memories she’d of this fellow. And, as annoyed as Joe was, he was reconsidering if that would not be beyond friendship.

“To return your relationship advice,” Joe said, settling for a slight tease, “I thought your concern was how nice a smile that Flash Sentry fellow had.”

“Er… he’s…”

“Congratulations, he seems nice,” Joe nodded. “And to have better taste in smiling at you than he did in being Sunset Shimmer’s boyfriend.”

“Thanks,” replied Twilight Sparkle, with a slight blush.

“Rreerrr? * Why are you congratulating her? *” asked Spike. “Areuff. * We are leaving here tomorrow. *”

“Rhruff… rararra, aarrff * Yes… so I’m not going to spoil it, let her have the time. *”

“Arururhhh? * Is it kinder to not remind her though? *”

“Rffrrfffff, * I don’t know, *” Joe admitted, “arrurrrffrr, rrggrrrrrff. * seems she’d regret pulling back, seems she’d regret if something developed because she didn’t pull back. *”

“Mmrrr, rahafff, * True, and I don't know either, *” nodded Spike.

“What are you two talking about?” Twilight Sparkle asked, looking between them.

“Your love life of course,” winked Joe. “In excruciating and quite perverse detail. Quite surprised at some of what Spike has said.”

“Oh, very funny,” Twilight Sparkle smiled. “You don’t have to tell me then.”

“Actually it was Spike’s love life…”

“I said you don’t have to tell me.”

“Okay.”

Author's Note

Modified things slightly more than I wanted. My impression of the timeline was that Twilight Sparkle emerged from the library first thing in the morning and the classrooms they used were empty because it was still before class, which means that as the coffee shop scenes would be after school they skipped an entire day of lessons and lunchtime. This is not bad except for Applejack saying at the coffee shop that all people know of Twilight Sparkle is the video. So either they did nothing all day or I need to tweak.

So I tweaked. Made it lunchtime when Twilight Sparkle emerges. This gives more preparation time for Twilight Sparkle, more time for the students to see the video, lunchtime can be why the classrooms are empty, and if they spent lunchtime at the sports field then that explains why they didn’t spend it schmoozing in the cafeteria and only gives an afternoon for them to be saying to their other friends “Hey, that Twilight Sparkle isn’t so bad.”

Chapter 1

“Ahm sorry Apple Bloom, you know ah need to deal with this today.”

“Oh, but Applejaaaack,” the smaller Pony whined, her eyes going even larger and more appealing as she tried to quiver her lower lip.

Applejack looked down at her sister and at the other Cutie Mark Crusaders as they took the cue to also adopt the pleading expression. She’d told Apple Bloom at breakfast that she was going to be busy, and been assured that was okay as Apple Bloom was meeting up with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. So even three sets of filly eyes were not enough to make her change her mind. She frowned at them to emphasise her words.

“Apple Bloom, you and your friends will just have to do something different,” Applejack told them firmly.

“But…”

“No buts,” Applejack interrupted. “Unless you can find a responsible adult to take care of you I want you to stay on the farm or go straight back to Ponyville.”

Apple Bloom looked at her big sister for a few moments before reluctantly nodding. “Okay.”

“Good,” Applejack nodded back, “now ah shouldn’t be more than a few hours, and if you do go back to Ponyville leave a note so ah don’t get worried.”

“Okay,” repeated Apple Bloom.

Giving the three Fillies, who had switched from pleading looks to those of absolute desolation, another look Applejack turned and trotted off. The Cutie Mark Crusaders watched the Orange Mare go until they thought she was out of hearing range. Then the Pegasus of the trio turned to her friends.

“What now?” Scootaloo asked. “We’ve tried most things on Sweet Apple Acres and none of them gave us our Cutie Marks.”

“Our clubhouse is still on the farm,” said Sweetie Belle, “so we could go there?”

“Boring,” Scootaloo grumbled.

“Ah do have an idea,” admitted Apple Bloom.

“Aha!” Scootaloo grinned. “I thought you gave in too easy.” A silence lengthened until Scootaloo gave up and asked. “What idea?”

“Joe.”

“Joe?” Sweetie Belle repeated, the light reflecting off her horn as her head came back in surprise.

“Well… I suppose he’s an adult,” said Scootaloo, giving Apple Bloom a strange look, “but I don’t want to be stopping every five minutes for a rest.”

“Ah’ve seen him doing chores,” Apple Bloom replied, “and you both might be surprised.”

“Okay, fine,” nodded Scootaloo, mounting her scooter, “Cutie Mark Crusader Joe-getters.”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hopped into the small wagon attached to the scooter and, once helmets had been donned, there was a sound like a swarm of bees as Scootaloo’s wings blurred to propel the scooter and wagon and trio at impressive speed. In less than five minutes they had crossed the fifteen minute walk between the farmyard and a hut just outside the orchards, but still technically on the farm as it was on land leased from the Apple family. As Scootaloo got off her scooter and they all took their helmets off again she decided to give it another try.

“Are you sure about this?” Scootaloo asked again.

“You’ll see,” said Apple Bloom with some smugness.

“Let’s hope so,” Scootaloo replied.

Ignoring the byplay Sweetie Belle trotted over to the strangely tall door and tapped her horn on it. There was no reply for a moment but then a voice called out to hold on and the door opened to reveal a very strange figure. His black mane seemed to be his only fur, though most of his body was concealed by clothes, and that his mane also came down around his jaw did not compensate for the unhealthy looking baldness of his skin. Though at least that was not as pallid looking as it had been. He was standing on two legs and without being sensible enough, like Spike, to have a tail to help his balance. Rather than hooves he had what looked more like Spike’s handpaws on his upper limbs and possibly the same on his lower limbs, though they couldn’t be sure as he was wearing boots despite the lack of rain or snow.

Sweetie Belle frowned a little as her sister’s lessons let her notice the clothes looked rather ill fitting and loose. When Joe had arrived in Ponyville from Canterlot her sister had been away arranging an important fashion show or she’d have joined the general helpfulness. Pinkie Pie had given the usual welcome, Twilight Sparkle had helped with the paperwork for leasing a freehold on this land from the Apples, and Applejack and Big Macintosh had done most of the work in building the hut for a fair amount of extra bits. Then offered to let Joe do chores to earn some of those bits back. Other Ponies had also helped and Sweetie Bell was sure Rarity would have been willing to make new clothes for a reasonable payment and the challenge of the different body shape.

“Joe!” Apple Bloom called, walking up to join Sweetie Belle.

“Hello Apple Bloom,” nodded Joe, looking down at them, his accent a little like the one Rarity had assumed. “What can I do for you?”

“Mah sister said we needed a responsible adult. So ah thought of you.”

Joe chuckled. “Or,” he smiled, keeping it close-mouthed rather than show off the difference in his teeth. Not that they were as different as he’d thought they’d be as these Ponies seemed to have more than just cropping teeth like the horses and ponies of his world. “You couldn’t think of anyone else. How was I described, eh? An apple with four toothpicks sticking out of it?”

“That wasn’t the one I heard,” said Scootaloo undiplomatically.

“Cut it out Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom glared, before turning the glare from her friend to the tall, if narrow, figure of Joe. “And you cut it out as well. Ah’ve seen you splitting logs and ah know you don’t need to take a break no more, unlike when you first got given that errand a few months back.”

“True enough,” admitted Joe, turning and going back into his hut, leaving the door open so the Cutie Mark Crusaders could follow. He sat down on his bed, his lower limbs bending in a way that looked even stranger than when Lyra did it. “I’ve been getting more exercise, and Twilight Sparkle and Zecora were helpful with this.”

“Helpful how?” Sweetie Belle asked, as Scootaloo began looking around.

“Humans don’t have inherent magic,” replied Joe, gesturing to them each in turn, “not like your horn, or Scootaloo’s wings and cloudwalking, or Apple Bloom’s extra strength and stamina…”

“So they helped you with that?” Apple Bloom guessed.

“Sometimes a colt or filly is born with their magic not properly working,” nodded Joe, “and they need a little push to get it going. So they combined that spell with the potions some Zebras take to enhance their magic to see if that would get me closer to being as strong as I should be, by Equestria standards. ”

“And did it?” Scootaloo asked, nosing at the short bar with weights either end she’d found in a corner next to another and a longer bar with weights.

“I’m not sure,” shrugged Joe. “I’m suspicious of how fast the exercise has worked, but I have been keeping to a routine and it would be nice to think it was more my hard work rather than someone else’s magic.”

“Either way,” Scootaloo grunted, managing to get the bar balanced on her muzzle. “This…” With a struggle she lifted it. “Isn’t. That. Heavy.”

“True,” smiled Joe, looking at the quiver in the filly’s neck and forelegs as she took the strain. “Though if you pass it here, please.”

Scootaloo took one step, and then gave up and let the bar and weights down. She nudged it with her muzzle and it rolled across, with a rumble on the floorboards, to rest against Joe’s boot. He leaned down, gripped it with one hand, and straightened without visible effort. Resting his elbow on his knee he began to let his forearm drop slowly to parallel to the floor and then back up through ninety degrees.

“It gets heavier as you keep doing this,” Joe said, continuing to do it and winking to Scootaloo as he did.

“Point taken.”

“So,” Joe said, putting the bar and weights beside him on the bed. “What was it you needed a ‘responsible adult’ for?”

“We wanted to explore part of the Everfree Forest,” Apple Bloom replied.

“And map it,” added Sweetie Belle, as she saw Joe’s look of disbelief.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Map Makers!” Scootaloo declared.

“More like Cutie Mark Crusader Cartographers,” said Joe, rubbing his beard. He looked at them intently. “What part of the Everfree?”

Apple Bloom twisted her head around to the bag slung across her back and pulled out a scroll. Joe reached out a hand and took it from her mouth, and then used both hands to unroll it. Encouraged by being asked the question rather than being denied instantly Apple Bloom hopped up onto the bed to point at the scroll with one hoof. “About there,” she said.

“Not a part of the Everfree I’ve ever been in,” Joe muttered.

“Are you saying you’ve been in other parts?” asked Apple Bloom.

Joe hesitated and then nodded. “Yes.”

“Then will you take us there?” said Apple Bloom, trying the pleading eyes and hoping it would work better than it had on her sister.

“Please?” echoed Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

Joe looked at them and then stood, again squicking them out a little as legs bending like that looked so weird. He reached across and pushed his loose left sleeve up with his right hand. The three Fillies saw that he was not completely furless, though it was only thin and they could see the skin of his forearm through the hairs. They could also see some thick scars snaking across the skin and making parts of it completely hairless.

“Eww,” Sweetie Belle commented kindly.

“Indeed,” said Joe, letting the sleeve drop back down. “It was most unpleasant.”

“Is that why you had that leg in a sling for a while?” Apple Bloom asked sympathetically.

“Arm, but yes,” replied Joe. He sighed before continuing. “Thanks to the smith in Ponyville I am better equipped, and thanks to the experience I am more alert and have been practicing. But that doesn’t mean I want to risk your lives rather than just my own.”

“We’ll be careful,” Scootaloo assured him.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders gazed up at the human and he felt a dreadful inevitability. He raised his hands to press the heels of them into his eyes as he groaned to himself before he could speak. “Fine,” he said, uncovering his eyes. “But you need to make two promises.”

After exchanging glances with her two friends from where she was still sitting on the bed Apple Bloom looked to Joe. “Name them,” she said.

“The first, and most important, is to do what I say,” replied Joe, “so if I say to run then you run, and all in the same direction away from the danger. If I say to stop then you stop so I can try to figure out if it’s safe to go on. Understand?”

“Got ya,” Scootaloo reassured him, echoed by the others.

“Good,” said Joe, not sure he believed them. “Second, I said thanks to the smith I am better equipped, but I don’t want you girls telling anyone what I’ll be wearing or carrying.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each other, even Sweetie Belle with all her exposure to fashion and clothing was puzzled why it would be important what Joe was wearing. But as it didn’t seem like it could be important the promise seemed easy to make.

“We promise,” Sweetie Belle assured him, echoed by the others again.

Joe nodded and crouched to slide a flat wide chest from under the bed. Apple Bloom peered around the lid as he raised it and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo craned their necks to also look. Then Sweetie Belle breathed “oooh, shiny” as Joe drew out a glittering mass. He glanced at her before he continued to sort the contents of the chest and then to change his shirt.

Author's Note

I had the idea that a human is not that interesting a creature, just a hairless Minotaur with no horns and funny legs, and that when you already have talking Cows, Sheep, Diamond Dogs, Zebras, Dragons, River Serpents, Buffalo, and Minotaurs that one more talking thing is rather unimpressive. And if they think he is boring then why not just keep your head down and try to fit in as best you can and be glad you’re not an object of curiosity?

But the story drifted. Initial concessions of allowing him to have some skills he’d practised the rust off of during those months and to have been given some magic to, at least, narrow the gap between him and the Ponies’ magically enhanced strength and stamina made him a little less boring. Allowing the boringness to be partially a counter-ploy and partially sheer shock as well as any conscious decision to keep his head down helped it drift further.

However what I’d written was too much to waste and even if it was drifting towards him being semi-heroic and having some problems it seemed to be drifting in a fun way. So I decided to finish, and found that filling in the days to the planned ending rather than skipping them made this ‘quick for fun’ story into the second longest story I have ever written. Especially with having suffered a touch of the Herman Mellville’s in the amount of lecturing.

Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 4

“Again!” Rainbow Dash demanded. “And I bet you can’t hit the middle this time.”

Joe didn’t reply verbally, just nocking an arrow and smiling as he released it and it thunked neatly into the centre of the target next to some of the others.

“Nuts,” Rainbow Dash said, flying over to the target. She landed and tugged at an arrow, then tugged a little harder before commenting. “Those are well wedged in, could stop a Griffon with how hard they hit.”

“I… am not sure I could,” replied Joe, unhooking the bowstring now Rainbow Dash seemed satisfied.

“Oh, your aim is not that bad,” Rainbow Dash said reassuringly, turning to look at Joe. “Sure a few hit near the edges, so sure it was a lucky shot to win the bet…”

“Ah don’t think that was what Joe meant,” interrupted Applejack. “He said he was not sure he could.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Joe’s expression. “Oh,” she said.

“Yeah,” Joe sighed, returning the bowstring to his belt pouch with the spares.

“You still dwelling on being called a predator?” asked Applejack as Joe started to walk towards the target.

Joe nodded slowly as he walked and slid the bow back through the canvas strap on his back. He reached the target and started to pull the arrows free, distracted by his thoughts and not noticing Rainbow Dash and Applejack exchanging glances at how easy he made this look. The Cutie Mark Crusaders also watched and looked to each other.

“There’s no need to be sad,” Sweetie Belle reassured Joe. “I’m sure Fluttershy doesn’t want you to be unhappy.”

“Thank you Sweetie Belle,” said Joe, turning to give her a quick nod and smile, “and she is kind hearted.” Joe pulled a few more arrows free before he spoke again, Rainbow Dash had not been easily satisfied so there were quite a lot to remove from the target. “There are people though… humans I mean… who enjoy hunting. Some prefer to hunt with a camera but…” Joe shrugged. “Even those that act the predator would, generally, find it harder to kill something that could talk. Something that is another person, as Griffons are here… unlike in human mythology.”

“So you are not sure you could?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I am sure I don’t want to find out,” said Joe, shrugging and putting the arrows away. “But I am not sure if it speaks well of humans that soldiers freezing is a problem that has to be trained out of them, and the training doesn’t always work, or poorly of us that we do try to train it out so they can kill if needed.”

“Ah suggest you talk to Twilight,” Applejack suggested, “her brother used to be Captain of the Royal Guard…”

“Until he went off to play snoo-snoo with Princess Cadance in the Crystal Empire,” interrupted Rainbow Dash.

“I heard about the wedding, and the Changelings,” Joe nodded, moving back away from the target.

“And if Twilight can’t help you compare human and Pony military training,” finished Applejack, “then she’d likely know somepony that can.”

Joe nodded again, picked up his spear, and started towards his hut. “I suppose I should find out if humans are as psychotic as Fluttershy, now, seems to think.”

“What’s sci-cot-ick mean?” asked Apple Bloom, trotting a little to get to Joe’s side.

“It means something not right in the way they think,” Joe replied, slowing as he spoke, “though normally used to mean someone who wants to hurt people or doesn’t care about hurting them.”

“But you didn’t want to hurt the crocodile,” said Sweetie Belle, trying again to reassure Joe.

“But I was willing to,” Joe pointed out, “which someone as gentle and sweet as Fluttershy would find abhorrent… nasty.”

“I know what abhorrent means,” nodded Sweetie Belle, “I’ve heard Rarity use it about some dress designs.”

“What about the Manticore?” Scootaloo asked, having also taken position on Joe.

“To be honest,” admitted Joe, before smiling and giving Applejack a nod-bow, “as Apple Bloom’s sister would prefer…”

“Ah would.”

“There was a temptation,” continued Joe. “At the time I was concerned for the safety of you three, and looking back I am glad to have not killed it, but…” He paused for a few moments and strides. “I was in a lot of pain after it mauled me and even with how fast I healed, thanks to Zecora and Twilight, I was still in a lot of pain for weeks after. So seeing it was not dead, as I’d thought, did tempt me to correct that.”

“Ah, ponies get that feeling too,” Applejack reassured him, “though I ain’t right certain if they get it as strongly or about killing. But that don’t matter much as y’all controlled it, and did what these idjits wanted, and gave the Manticore another chance.”

That last comment was, perhaps, badly timed as they had just come within earshot of where Rarity and Fluttershy were setting things out. Fluttershy glanced up from her work and gave Applejack a look of sufficient intensity that the orange mare replied with a nervous grin. This byplay went unnoticed by Joe as his eyes were on what the pair had done. “I can see why you two are known for your sense of style,” he said admiringly. “I recognise the plates and the contents but somehow you have made it look elegant.”

“Why, thank you,” Rarity replied, giving Joe a quick dose of eyelashes. “I hope you don’t mind we also brought some apple juice out for the Fillies?”

“Of course not,” Joe reassured her, before brushing his forehead and looking at the finger he’d taken off gripping his spear. “I’ll be back out in a few minutes, perspiration evaporating away is an efficient way to lose heat compared with panting like a dog,” he said, nodding to Applejack, “or licking damp onto fur like a cat,” he added, with a nod to Rarity, “but it can soak into clothes and be damp and smelly.”

“Joe drips water from all over himself,” nodded Scootaloo, taking another chance to show off what she’d learned.

“Not drip,” Joe protested, though he admitted to himself that if he was working hard enough or the air was humid enough then maybe.

“Darling,” said Rarity, frowning in a dignified manner at Joe, “how do you know so much about cats and dogs?”

“Humans domesticated dogs so long ago,” Joe replied, tapping his nose, “it’s been suggested that is why we have a bad sense of smell. And cats, I think, domesticated us.” He gave the ponies a smile. “Which would explain why a few thousand years ago they were worshipped as Gods. Still, if you’ll excuse me?”

“Of course, go ahead,” agreed Rarity, “shoo, shoo.” Joe nodded to her and went inside his hut, Rarity waiting until the door closed again to turn to Applejack and question her. “When you suggested running I was a little surprised,” she admitted, “but you didn’t seem surprised Joe could manage.”

“He’s been working around Sweet Apple Acres,” Applejack replied, “so been getting a mite fitter.”

“And he wasn’t as ungainly when he ran as you’d think from something so awkward looking,” nodded Rarity, sipping her tea.

“Ah wasn’t expecting him to have quite such a stride,” Applejack admitted, reaching for a bun, “didn’t think only two legs would let him move different than walking. Though ah still think he’s only got a walk and a run rather than a walk and a trot and a canter and a gallop. Or those and a hop if you count Pinkie.”

Rarity nodded as she took another sip of tea. After a pause and a little more tea and buns for her and the others she gave a slight smile. “Thinking of awkward looking,” she said, eyes twinkling a little, “I think I have given him enough time.” Before the others could decide what she meant by this Rarity raised her voice. “Oh Joe, Joeeeeeee!”

The others looked at her as some muffled noises came from within the hut, then the door opened and Joe stepped into the doorway, a towel in one hand. He glanced around for why he had been called and seeing nothing looked to Rarity. “What’s the problem?” he asked.

“Can you be a dear, and bring some more hot water out to top up the pot,” Rarity replied, “when you are dressed?”

There was enough commonality between human and Pony body language and expression for them to see Joe was wondering why that request was urgent enough to have not waited until he was dressed. But he just nodded and said ‘okay’ before retreating back inside and shutting the door again.

“Did you just call him so you could see him without a shirt on?” Applejack asked, giving Rarity a suspicious look.

“Of course not,” said Rarity, in mock offence.

“So we could see him?” Applejack pressed.

“Maybe,” winked Rarity, sipping her tea again. “Only seemed generous.”

“Not bad,” Rainbow Dash mused, “not built as bulky as a Minotaur, and definitely not as much fur, or enough, but even if he’s weird looking he’s weird looking in a way that looks right for him.”

“I can see why he’d not want to get hurt like that again,” squeaked Fluttershy, finding her teacup utterly fascinating rather than meet the eyes of the others.

“Yep,” Applejack agreed, “those are some nasty scars. Nastier than the Manticore had ah think.”

Fluttershy just squeaked again instead of saying anything more and they went back to tea and buns, Rarity and Fluttershy taking less than their share of the latter and Rainbow Dash taking the chance to fuel herself for her next amazing feat. There was a noise from inside the hut and Rarity quickly snagged the teapot with her magic, whipping it several feet away from where they were sitting to pour most of the remaining contents out. The teapot settled again and Joe emerged just too late to see the blue glow fading from around it. He’d his kettle in one hand, his tea caddy in the crook of his other arm, and was dressed more as they’d expected before today, his scars and his muscles hidden by his loose shirt.

“You don’t seem to have used much milk and sugar for that much tea,” Joe commented, checking the tea grounds and hoping they’d be fine if he just refilled the pot with water.

“I am sure you would say we are sweet enough already,” smiled Rarity, diverting the conversation.

Joe nodded to her with a slight smile in return. “I am just glad you do get milk from cows,” he replied.

“Where else would we get it from?” asked Rarity in surprise.

“Are a few other animals,” Joe said, shrugging and pouring the hot water into the pot. “But I was thinking more that there are peo… humans who don’t drink milk where I come from despite cows not being able to talk there. So I am glad you don’t share their attitude towards milk, and eggs, and other things. Would have been harder to go Vegan rather than Vegetarian.”

“Are those the Jains you mentioned?” said Rarity, topping up her teacup as soon as Joe was finished with the teapot.

“They are even stricter,” Joe replied, sitting cross-legged.

“See honey,” Applejack said, giving Fluttershy a nudge, “some of them ain’t so bad.”

“Though some of them are,” shrugged Joe.

Applejack gave Joe a slightly disgusted look. She’d been trying to reassure her friend and having that spoiled by what, even to her, seemed excessive honesty was not helpful. There was only so much you could do if someone was determined to make a bad impression though so she concentrated on making sure Apple Bloom didn’t eat too many buns too fast and make herself ill. Time passed peacefully until Applejack noticed the time.

“Ah, heck,” Applejack said, “we were going to meet Twilight and Pinkie at the station.”

“I’m on it!” said Rainbow Dash, taking off in a streak of colour and bun crumbs before anyone else could react.

“Seems like we’re going to get the Fillies home without Rainbow after all,” Applejack commented.

“Indeed,” agreed Rarity, setting her teacup down gently. “Thank you for the tea and buns Joe.”

“Safe travels to you all,” Joe said, rising and starting to clear things away as Applejack added her own thanks, Fluttershy agreed it was nice, and, after being prodded by her sister, Apple Bloom also said thank you, which prompted Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle towards this. Then the six ponies left and Joe began to realise just how many buns had been eaten and that he might have to visit Sugarcube Corner sooner rather than later. But although he was a little embarrassed and worried it had still been a pleasant end to the day.

==

Twilight Sparkle stood, trying to ignore Pinkie Pie as she bounced around her chattering away. Today had not been a bad one but, more than once, Twilight Sparkle had wished she’d not been asked to go to Canterlot as well. As wonderful a friend as Pinkie Pie was she was easier to deal with in smaller doses or with the others there. An entire day of dealing with Pinkie Pie alone and having to work with her to plan a party that was both fun and had all the traditional elements it needed had left her wanting to get back to her bed and peace and quiet rather than waiting at the station.

A blur and, before even Pinkie Pie could do more than draw in breath to say ‘look’, Rainbow Dash had landed. The small cloud of dust her hooves had thrown up began to settle as she neatly folded her wings along her flanks. “Sorry Twi,” she said, “we got distracted.”

“Distracted by what?” Twilight Sparkle asked, her horn glowing and her bags levitating to follow as they started to walk.

“Joe was fighting a Manticore, in armour!”

“What?” Twilight Sparkle blinked, nearly losing her telekinetic hold on her things.

“There was a Manticore in armour?” gasped Pinkie Pie in mid-hop.

“No,” Rainbow Dash said, giving her friend a surprised look, “Joe was the one wearing armour.”

“That makes more sense,” admitted Pinkie Pie, “wait…” Then she gasped again, even more dramatically. “Joe was wearing armour?”

“I think you had better explain,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“Well, I was at Fluttershy’s cottage when Applejack came by to check if the Cutie Mark Crusaders were there…” said Rainbow Dash, launching into the tale and how she had been awesome in flying to Ponyville to check with Rarity. And then flying all sorts of other places to look for the Cutie Mark Crusaders while Rarity met up with Fluttershy and Applejack.

This tale of impressive speed took long enough for the trio of ponies to arrive at the Golden Oaks Library. As they entered Spike looked up from the dusting he’d started doing when he heard the train whistle, and which he’d been doing for longer than he’d expected. He trotted across to give Twilight Sparkle a quick hug of welcome and then looked at Rainbow Dash as he realised she was telling them about something.

“…so we went to his hut, and found a note and a map there…” Rainbow Dash was saying.

“Whose hut?” asked Spike.

“Oh! Oh! Tell Spike! Tell Spike!” Pinkie Pie demanded, grabbing and shaking Rainbow Dash a little.

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes as Rainbow Dash happily went back to the start of her story and the part where she’d been awesome. While Pinkie Pie listened to this for the second time and Spike made appropriately admiring noises Twilight Sparkle took the chance to put her things away. And to take a few minutes to just sit quietly and look out the window and enjoy those moments of peace before returning to having to deal with Pinkie Pie. She wondered if she had sat longer than she’d realised when she came down the stairs and saw the others had arrived after returning the Fillies to their homes.

“Joe’s a Grizzly,” squeaked Fluttershy as she saw Twilight Sparkle.

“Rather than a Panda,” Rarity explained, not really enlightening Twilight Sparkle or the others. Seeing their puzzlement she continued. “He can fight and could hunt, if he wanted, rather than his nature being to sit around and eat plants despite his dentition and digestion.”

“Ah think he might be more like a Dog,” mused Applejack. “Winona is a right nice gentle pup, but if she wanted to protect me, or us, then she’s got the teeth fer it.”

“Would Joe’s leg go like this,” Pinkie Pie asked, flopping down and demonstrating, “if you tickled his tummy?”

Fluttershy blushed. “We, er… we did… er….”

Although ignoring Pinkie Pie with the ease of long practice Twilight Sparkle also looked embarrassed. “What Fluttershy is trying to say is we realised Joe needed something as well as vegetables,” she admitted, “and she and I based it on the sort of food Applejack feeds Winona.” The others looked at her and she gave them a smile. “Please don’t tell him that.”

“Leaving whether he’s been fed kibble aside,” Rarity said, “I do think he is more dog than cat. As much as I dearly love Opalescence she does seem… determined to be a predator. Even if she is well fed and doesn’t need to hunt.”

“Thinking of cats and hunting,” frowned Applejack, looking at Twilight Sparkle, “how come you didn’t mention how badly Joe got hurt by that Manticore? I’d have gone easier on him with errands iffen I’d known.”

“When Joe was hurt that was by a Manticore?” Pinkie Pie gasped.

“The scars are quite nasty,” said Fluttershy through her mane.

“I didn’t think to,” Twilight Sparkle admitted.

“You ‘didn’t think to’?” Applejack repeated.

“Fair is fair,” said Rarity, defending Twilight Sparkle, “you didn’t think to mention Joe was getting fit with all the errands and extra exercise.”

Pinkie Pie gasped again and Rainbow Dash turned to her. “Okay Pinkie, it’s not that dramatic!”

“Only because you haven’t got to the fighting a Manticore part!” Pinkie Pie complained.

“What about the being chased by a Giant Crocodile part?” asked Applejack. “One that did have teeth and twern’t as nice as Gummy.”

“Maybe you should just continue from finding the note at Joe’s hut,” Twilight Sparkle suggested as Pinkie Pie gave another, more justifiable, gasp. “Since Rainbow has told her version of what led to that. Twice. Already.”

“Well, we all found the note and saw the route Joe had sketched out,” said Applejack, “and I was right glad we had Fluttershy along to talk to things…”

As the story went on Pinkie Pie settled back to listen and pulled some popcorn from somewhere to munch on. Twilight Sparkle spared this no more than a brief glance as she’d long since given up on investigating and trying to define the magic Pinkie Pie showed. Investigating Joe might actually give results, though as Rarity confessed to the snooping in closets Twilight Sparkle hoped she could be more subtle than that. And Spike noticed the look in Twilight Sparkle’s eyes and started to wonder if he should be feeling sorry for Joe.

Chapter 17

“Strip.”

“Hello to you as well Rarity,” Joe said.

The white Unicorn looked unamused. “Strip, though I suppose you want the privacy screens?”

“I want to know why I should strip.”

“You are here for your altered clothes aren’t you? And you’d not continue to commit the crime against fashion of continuing to wear what you are when there is that alternative.”

“I’m here to find out how long it would take you to alter the rest of the clothes,” Joe replied. “I’ve done my laundry so if the weather stays good I’d be bringing them in tomorrow, but I don’t want to run out of clean clothes while most of mine are here.”

Rarity nodded to this and Joe wondered if this visit had been a good idea. He and Rainbow Dash had sat for several minutes and Joe had started to regret not checking the ground more carefully before he obeyed the order to sit. Whether what he was sitting on was a twig or part of what had been his archery target it had begun to dig into his rear, especially with the extra weight of the Pegasus in his lap. He’d been concerned that she might have fallen asleep with her chin on his knee while they were sitting on his porch and that concern had returned by the time she stirred and pulled away to sit more beside him.

Instead of putting the dart back into the bag he’d taken it from Joe had put the dart into the pannier bag Rainbow Dash had taken the two from so the panniers were balanced two and two rather than three and one. Then he’d helped her with putting those panniers on and had watched the sky for a few moments after she had taken off and left. The walk back to his hut was short but had given him time to think about the unforeseen turn to a day he’d intended to spend on reading and errands and laundry. Joe was not sure if it was more unexpected being kissed or that he’d felt something, but he was sure that it was more unexpected that he’d been tempted to kiss Rainbow Dash goodbye. That temptation he had suppressed though as it seemed unfair to do something where he felt incapable of feeling as much or continuing as far as he should.

There was also the question of how far would be too far for him as before today he’d assumed a kiss would be too far, but since he’d been wrong about that it seemed pointless to speculate. Of course deciding that and stopping himself from speculating were two different things, as much as he thought he would just have to see what felt right at the time and in that situation it was something else he knew he’d worry about along with Princess Celestia’s warning. On reflection the ruler of Equestria had not told him she’d appreciate him being cautious with his words, she’d just said caution would be welcome and Joe had taken that as being on the subject of weapons as they had just discussed.

Taking two of her subjects to visit the Diamond Dogs, or at least not preventing them, was the sort of deed that didn’t seem cautious and in a different way neither did kissing one of her subjects. Even if deeds did not count Joe was concerned that he had been saying too much. He’d not been talking about weapons the Ponies did not have but he had discussed human flying machines with Rainbow Dash and the Cutie Mark Crusaders and, even if it had been fought two millennia ago, he’d talked today about a battle and the equipment and tactics of the two armies. He’d just been very fortunate that in making it clear his estimate of the impact was more than theoretical that Rainbow Dash hadn’t asked how the solid metal darts were propelled or for more details of the armoured vehicles they were intended to pierce.

Joe had picked up his mattock and shovel from his hut and started back for where he could no longer practice archery. As he made this return trip he had begun to wonder if it would be better to just leave, it was pessimistic to think he needed to jump before he was pushed but the way things were going it seemed Ponies were asking questions that he could not cautiously reply to. He’d tried to not be too isolated, despite the temptation to be the hermit that Rainbow Dash had jokingly accused him of being and to stay inside his hut and pretend everything was normal outside, but as blasé as the Ponies seemed he’d still felt too self-conscious to socialise much.

Going into the Everfree with the Cutie Mark Crusaders seemed to have changed this, or, Joe had admitted to himself, allowed him to realise there had been a change in him as well. A month or a month and a half ago he’d been physically less capable and it would have been unlikely Apple Bloom would have even asked for his help, let alone that he’d have felt able to give it. That change was something Joe had worked for and knew. But he’d realised that the same sort of time ago he’d have been just as unable to deal with the attention that trip had brought. His nerves had not overcome him as they would have done before, not even when Granny Smith was lecturing him or he was talking to Princess Celestia herself.

Now Ponies knew they could talk to him and he knew he could talk to them it seemed too constraining to try to retreat again, even if the Ponies would let him rather than just keep visiting and expecting visits in return. If he stayed then he knew he’d keep being asked questions and keep slipping and saying more than Princess Celestia might prefer. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle were right that it was arrogant of him to think he knew, or could do, anything significant but a warning from a sun-goddess was not easy to forget. So it might be better to find somewhere to exile himself rather than wait for Princess Celestia to be annoyed enough to choose a place for him.

Reaching the wreckage of his target and going behind it to the holes Joe had dug trenches to follow the line of the tunnels the darts had carved. These had collapsed in on themselves as they got deeper but the soil still looked disturbed enough to be visibly different. Eventually he had managed to find the dart heads with small fragments of wood still sticking out their rears where the shafts had shattered with the impact. The metal was not unscathed either, and Joe was not sure whether the points and edges could be hammered back into shape or they would need to be melted down and reforged.

He’d returned to his hut and made and eaten his lunch before doing his laundry. The trousers he was wearing had been a little muddy after the sitting on the ground and the digging and the shirt a little sweaty, so he’d put on clean and dumped those in with the rest to be washed. It was when he was hanging things on the line that he’d wondered how long it would take Rarity to alter them. He’d have three sets of shirt and trousers with what he’d be wearing when he delivered the others, the new set, and the set Rarity had altered so that did seem enough, but perhaps better to check.

Before that trip into Ponyville he’d sat down though and returned to what he’d intended for the day. Finishing his book while enjoying the early afternoon and having a breather after the lifting and stretching and water carrying of laundry day. He’d also washed the dart heads and popped them in a pocket of a bag in case he saw Rainbow Dash while he was about things. The book had continued exciting and the walk into town had been pleasant, and then he’d had the surprise of being told to strip.

“Strip,” Rarity said, repeating herself, again.

“I said I wasn’t here for the altered clothes.”

“And I said it would be a crime against fashion to let you continue wearing those, so I’ll get the screens and your altered clothes and you can change and I can make a start on those.”

“That would only leave me with two sets of shirt and trousers,” Joe mused, “but that should be fine and I can always come back to pick some up once they are done rather than waiting until they are all done.”

“There!” nodded Rarity. “A fine reason for you to visit me more often, though I am disappointed you think you need a reason.”

“I’d not want to presume on my welcome…” Joe said, pausing and winking before adding, “with Opalescence.”

“I am sure we can both tolerate you, a little more at least.”

“But you can tolerate me better in different clothes.”

“Or none,” Rarity winked.

Deciding to not touch that comment with a bargepole Joe remained silent as he helped arrange the screens. He hesitated long enough before undressing that Rarity returned, some clothes floating beside her, before he had done more than unlace and remove his boots. Which he thought fortunate as she brought them in rather than floating them in from outside.

Rarity looked him up and down and smiled as the pile of cloth settled. “Still committing the crime?”

“Wanting something to put on before taking much off.”

“Oh darling, I saw quite enough of your broad chest and muscular thighs last time,” Rarity replied. Joe had told her what human fashions were designed to compliment so she knew what parts to compliment to tease him.

Joe tried to rally. “Then I shall let you go outside the screens before I change, in fact I shall insist on it rather than inflict any sights upon you.”

“So brave, so self-sacrificing,” Rarity said, raising one forehoof in a mock swoon.

Then to Joe’s relief she left and a screen glowed slightly to close the gap she’d left through. Remembering last time Joe took the things out of his pockets and removed his belt and knife before he stripped, but then he frowned as he examined what Rarity had left. There seemed a lot more cloth than he’d expected and as he unfolded it he realised why. Joe closed his eyes for a moment.

“Rarity.”

“Yes Joe?”

“This seems to be trousers, waistcoat, shirt, and neckcloth. Not just trousers and shirt.”

“Well hurry up and put them on so I can give you the jacket and the formal boots.”

“I don’t want to be wearing a suit around Ponyville.”

“And I don’t want you to be wearing it there, but it does seem more sensible for you to only change twice.”

Joe had to admit the truth in that and even if he’d not been convinced he didn’t have any choice. Rarity had realised from the question that he might have undressed and Joe caught a glimpse of his unaltered clothes flying away in a blue glow of magic. The trousers and shirt were no trouble but then Joe ran into problems as he realised he wasn’t sure about the neckcloth. Pictures were one thing but actually tying and making the elegant folds was another.

“Rarity,” said Joe reluctantly, “help.”

“Oh, of course,” Rarity replied.

The screen slid aside again and the white Unicorn returned. Magic enveloped the neckcloth and like stop motion footage of origami it wrapped itself around Joe’s neck and began intricately folding itself.

“There,” Rarity nodded with one last tweak.

“Thank you.”

“No trouble, waistcoat now.”

“I can manage that.”

“Of course, I’d not doubt your ability with simpler things.”

With that parting sally Rarity retreated. Joe shrugged and put on the last of the clothes within the screen. Then he wandered out from his refuge and towards the waiting Rarity. She gave him another look up and down and he felt a tug at the waistcoat as she straightened it.

“I’ve put hidden fasteners in these boots,” said Rarity, “that way they appear solid but you can get them on and off without so much trouble.” She fluttered her eyelashes slightly. “Not that I expect you’d have too much trouble finding someone to help you get your boots off.”

“I… ah,” Joe sputtered, after earlier today he wondered if Rarity might actually be right. He forced a normal tone and a smile. “I am sure that says at least as much, if not more, about your tailoring as anything else.”

“Naturally,” replied Rarity, a slight gleam of speculation coming into her eyes at Joe’s reaction.

Trying to ignore that gleam Joe picked up a boot to examine it. These did look good but he hoped the hidden fasteners would not be as fussy as the hidden zips on a science fiction show, though Rarity was probably working to a higher budget and had been concerned with fashion rather than making things look futuristic. Continuing to not look at Rarity while he made sure his expression was politely appreciative Joe put the boots on.

“Mirror time!” Rarity said happily.

“The jacket?”

“See how it looks without that,” Rarity said, adding a moment later, “with the jacket on you won’t be able to see the shirt other than the cuffs.”

Joe nodded, the waistcoat was covering most of his torso and the neckcloth the area within the waistcoat’s neckline. He doubted he’d be taking off his jacket if he was at a formal enough occasion to warrant a suit but taking a look now made sense. Rarity had remembered to adjust the mirror for Joe being half again as tall as her usual Mare customers and Joe remembered he had to stand a little further back from it.

“Once more you have surpassed my high expectations,” Joe said, looking at himself and smiling and giving Rarity a slight bow, the suit having the effect of making him feel more courtly manners were appropriate.

The only problem Joe could see, turning back to the mirror, was that this was going to be so high maintenance. The boots gleamed with the sort of deep shine that would take hours of polishing to regain after the slightest scuff. The trousers were well tailored to him without being too tight, but their pristine whiteness would be hard to restore and so would that of the shirt. The neckcloth was a deep wine red that Joe would not have chosen but he had to admit looked good, and would look good again if he ever figured out how to tie it anywhere near as well as Rarity had. At least the waistcoat had been easy to put on and the stormy-sky blue would not be horrendously sensitive like the pure white was.

Rarity had not lingered to watch Joe admiring himself once she had seen the effect without the jacket. She had been confident in the fit and that her sense of colour and shade would not have deserted her but things could appear different on the dummy than on the person. Normally she could allow for this but Joe not being pony-shaped made this harder, especially since the dummy was likely less accurate as well. So she was impatient to see how the complete ensemble looked and when Joe turned from the mirror it was to find the jacket hovering next to him.

“Thank you,” Joe said, taking it and shrugging it on.

Before he could turn back to the mirror and adjust it himself he felt another tug to make sure the jacket sat evenly on his shoulders. Joe gave Rarity another slight bow and then got a shock as he saw himself. He’d only mentioned the romances rather than the military fiction set in that time period and certainly had not mentioned the days of sail and muzzle loading cannon. But through coincidence or insight Rarity had chosen a dark Navy Blue and a cut that blended the civilian fashions he’d described with a little extra practicality, just as the uniforms had to let the officers move about ship. Thinking it almost looked bare without epaulettes was conceited though as that assumed he’d be worthy of a high enough rank.

“This colour works well with the waistcoat and neckcloth,” Joe said, when he trusted himself to speak. Though saying that made him wonder what Ponies called the colour as since he’d seen little sign of ships and boats, and they were so peaceful, he doubted they had a Navy for a blue. “And I do like the cut.”

“You seemed surprised.”

“I am not surprised that you did such excellent work and made me look so fine,” Joe assured her, “just that I looked so similar to pictures I had seen.”

Rarity slowly nodded. She wasn’t sure that was all there was to it but she was satisfied with what she had achieved and that Joe was satisfied with it. There was maybe one flaw though.

“Have you been cutting your own mane?”

“Hair. And yes, been keeping it and my beard trimmed. Off the ears and collar with the former and about a finger width of length for the latter.”

“Hold still then,” Rarity commanded.

“What?” asked Joe, then a large towel settled across his shoulders and wrapped around him like a shawl. Various scissors and clippers floated into view where he could see them or see them in the mirror. “Er.”

“At least you have kept it clean,” Rarity tsked.

Then without further ado the tools swooped and began evening up and shaping Joe’s hair and beard. He wanted to protest but he was not a ventriloquist and moving his jaw or lips could cause his beard to be mis-trimmed. It only took a couple of minutes but it seemed longer to Joe as he was used to human barbers and only one pair of scissors working at a time.

“And at least that wasn’t as much trouble as Princess Cadance,” Joe finally said as things swooped away from him again and the towel carefully unwound to take the clippings away.

“What do you know about that, darling?” asked Rarity, making a brush float in and dust Joe off.

“I know they only had one hairdresser as skilled as you, and she had flu,” Joe replied, looking at the results in the mirror. The change was subtle but it was like between a Cat who had been comfortable and one that had got damp or ruffled and not managed to quite restore its sleekness. “So rather than one of the Crystal Ponies being able to produce the ceremonial headdress you had to learn to do it.”

“It was difficult,” admitted Rarity, “the list was long and though some of the steps didn’t seem to make sense they had effects several steps down the line.”

“But you succeeded, and had the games inspector not been early you’d have succeeded with hours to go.”

“Unfortunately she was early.”

“Which does not detract from your success.”

“I suppose not, and Princess Cadance did look spectacular with the gems woven into her mane and the way her mane was gathered and built and braided.”

“Then I shall hope to see pictures of that, perhaps of the announcement.”

“It was a fine day’s work,” Rarity smiled, “and I tried to not point out to the others, too much, that I had been diligently working while they gave the tour to the wrong Pony. I’d made some mistakes but had salvaged them through my own efforts rather than through a stroke of luck.”

“From what Applejack said when she invited me to the Apple family dinner last night,” nodded Joe, on an impulse not mentioning that it was also from what Rainbow Dash had said this morning, “I’d been looking after Winona and doing chores at Sweet Apple Acres yesterday, I think they were well aware of how lucky they’d been.”

“And from what Sweetie Belle said you’d also been helping to look after the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”

“I checked on them, but didn’t do much more than that.”

“Of course not,” Rarity smiled, not sure if Joe was downplaying things or just underestimating the worth of his company.

Joe looked at Rarity for a moment, puzzled by the smile and her tone, and then glanced back at himself in the mirror. “Anyway,” he said, “this is very fine work and I shall treasure it for a suitable occasion…”

“You might not have to treasure if for long,” Rarity interrupted.

“I did wonder. When you said I needed a suit.”

“Yes,” Rarity said, annoyed she had been even that transparent. The only time she’d liked people finding her transparent had been when the Crystal Heart was restored and she’d temporarily looked like a Crystal Pony. “There is an event in four days time in Canterlot and Fancy Pants, one of Equestria’s most socially elite, told me he would be happy if I could attend, and that if I wanted to bring my friends I could.”

“I expect he was thinking of the other holders of the Elements of Harmony.”

“Perhaps so, but he was not specific and he is a fine stallion. One I am sure would be glad to make your acquaintance and who you would enjoy meeting.”

“Perhaps so,” Joe echoed, “but…” He pinched the brow of his nose and closed his eyes for a moment. “I am doing better than I was,” he admitted, looking again to Rarity, “but I’d be reluctant even if I wasn’t going to be the only human there.”

“What difference does that make?”

“If everyone was human then I’d be able to just make a few quiet comments, reply politely to questions and mind my manners, be happy that I was there with a lovely lady, and fade into the background while she sparkled. But here I am unusual so more eyes would be on me even without how flattering this suit is and more questions would be directed my way. So I’d have far more chance of making a mistake and embarrassing myself, and you.”

“There are Ponies who try to achieve petty victories in social warfare,” Rarity admitted, “but Fancy Pants is not one of them and does not approve of people being made to feel unwelcome or embarrassed. And if your manners are good enough to survive a dinner at Granny Smith’s table then they are good enough for this relatively informal event.”

“Relatively,” smiled Joe.

“Yes. It is a combination of garden party and art exhibition. Some new artworks and some that are rarely shown will be on display at a gallery, but Ponies… people… can circulate between those or out into the sculpture garden…”

Rarity paused and decided to not mention her embarrassment of more than a year ago where she had tried too hard to circulate between inside and outside as she’d wanted to attend Twilight Sparkle’s birthday party and the elite social occasion of the Canterlot Garden Party. Her friends had gone outside when they realised that she’d been wanting to mingle there as well and had caused havoc. She’d defended her friends and the two worst snobs, Jet Set and Upper Crust, had scoffed at them as ruffians.

But that had almost been worth it when Fancy Pants had said he thought they were charming and asked her to introduce them. Finding Fancy Pants approved of them was bad enough for Jet Set and Upper Crust but discovering one of those ‘ruffians’ was Princess Celestia’s personal student and high enough in her esteem to have been given use of the Castle Ballroom for her party made it even worse. Then finding that they were all known to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna as they were the holders of the Elements of Harmony, and that Fancy Pants had recognised them and had asked for introductions only to observe the formalities, had made their defeat entire.

“… where there will be refreshments and classical music will be being played.”

“Hrm,” said Joe. “I don’t know that much about art or classical music, and what I do know is of the human version so I can’t say something reminds me of something or have a chance of recognising the more famous pieces.”

“With the music you’d just have to listen,” Rarity reassured him, “and with the art I expect you could make sensible comments on colour and form and the effect it seems you think the artist was striving for.”

“Maybe, and four days would allow some study time,” nodded Joe.

“So you will attend?”

Joe sighed. “I doubt it, more important problems than what the event is. One is that I think you should invite Spike, not me.”

“I’d be happy for Spike to go, either with us or instead of you, but the soiree is late in the evening and into the night and, as well as it being late for him, I don’t think Spike would be interested.”

“I think Spike is interested in anything if you are.”

“I know,” Rarity admitted, “but I try to not abuse that, or let it put Spike in a position where he might be embarrassed. I’d rather he did something he’d enjoy.”

“You might be underestimating his manners, or overestimating mine, if you think he’s more likely to be embarrassed than me.”

“Oh no, his manners are good while he is awake,” Rarity explained, “but I remember when we were all watching a meteor shower late one night and he fell asleep in the Punch Bowl.”

Joe nodded, that could be more embarrassing at a formal occasion than amongst friends. “There is the other problem though,” he said reluctantly, “which is there might be someone I should invite, or who might feel hurt if I go with you.”

“What? Who?” Rarity asked, wondering if that ‘someone’ might also help with Joe’s boots. “Do tell!”

“No,” said Joe flatly. “I don’t know what the situation is with her…”

“Which is why you said ‘might’?”

“She might want to remain the friends that we are, or she might want to add romance, or she might be as confused as I am…” Joe shook his head. “Or confused at least, not sure she can be as confused as I am. But until things are settled I’m not talking.”

“Spoilsport.”

“And until then I don’t know if I should invite her,” Joe continued. “It could feel like I was trying to push her decision if she took it as a date rather than just a friendly invitation.”

“Hmm,” mused Rarity, “which begs the question, how are you taking my inviting you? As if I was trying to push you?”

“I was taking it as friendly, especially since you said Spike was welcome, but if you had meant it romantically…”

“I hadn’t,” said Rarity, not sure if that was entirely the truth. There were certainly worse males around than Joe and if he got on well with Fancy Pants and at the formal occasion then he’d seem even better. Though she doubted he’d seem enough better that her feelings for him would change.

“Good,” Joe replied. Then he sighed. “Which sounds a bit blunt, but I’d had one surprise where I found I had misjudged or missed things…”

“I understand, darling, you’re just relieved that I made things clear.”

“There’s that and… before the surprise I’d have assumed it was friendly,” Joe admitted, “but now I’m less sure of my judgement and, since I do have the unsettled situation, I also have more reason to try to avoid another surprise.”

“So,” said Rarity, “you were saying that if I had meant it romantically?”

“Oh yes, if you had, which you hadn’t, then I’d have not taken it as pushing. Or not in the same way as all it would be pushing would be the feelings to see what they are.”

Rarity nodded and then looked at Joe. “I respect that you are not wanting to pressure your ‘someone’,” she said, “and that both of you might need time to talk things through, or think your own feelings through, but I will need to know by the day before the event so I can tell Fancy Pants how many to expect.”

“Yourself and Spike certainly, if you and he would enjoy it,” Joe replied, “no need for my uncertainty to prevent you going…”

“It would be nicer with you there… I do want to show off that suit after all.”

“Understandable as it is such exquisite work, and I will try to let you know by the end of the day before tomorrow, a couple of days before the event.”

“Thank you Joe.”

“Now,” Joe sighed, “I’d better get changed out of the exquisite work, may I leave this here until tomorrow or the day after when I bring the other clothes in?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you. Depends how well the clothes have dried on the line…”

“And if you’ve been able to speak to your ‘someone’?” Rarity teased.

“Even though you and Opalescence would tolerate the extra visit I’d rather be able to let you know next time I see you.”

Chapter 23

“Helmets!”

“Check!”

“Check!”

“Brace!”

“Check!”

“Check!”

“And, away!”

With that Scootaloo’s wings began to blur and dust billowed behind her and across the other two Cutie Mark Crusaders. She kept pushing for a few seconds but the dust was the only result and the buzzing faded as she gave up and turned to look at her friends, sitting in the wagon attached to her scooter.

“Pteuio!” Sweetie Belle complained.

“That ain’t right,” agreed Apple Bloom. “We ain’t movin’ and we are right dusty.”

Scootaloo hopped off her scooter and looked under the wagon. “Hey! Somepony has put wedged rocks under all four wheels!”

“And somepony has scattered a mite of loose dirt around it,” Apple Bloom added, reaching a hoof down to feel what should be quite hard packed road.

“Oh dear!” tittered Diamond Tiara from a safe distance. “I can’t imagine anypony doing that. Can you Silver Spoon?”

“Of course not,” Silver Spoon agreed, being a toad eater despite also being a herbivore, “though it’s hard to imagine anypony wanting to sit in a wagon either.”

Cheerilee started forward to break up what looked like it was going to be a fight. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had sniffed and begun to walk away but she knew how fast the Cutie Mark Crusaders could move and the other two had provided ammunition. She doubted any of the Cutie Mark Crusaders would throw the rocks from beneath the wagon but a hoof-full of loose dirt could be quickly formed into a dirtball. Then to her surprise she saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders were showing no interest in retribution. Instead they were just calmly unhitching the scooter from the wagon.

As Cheerilee stopped and watched the Cutie Mark Crusaders used their combined strength to tip the wagon to shake out the dirt and then moved it across to one side away from the loose dirt and the stones. Then they picked up the stones and put them where somepony wouldn’t risk stepping on them and getting them wedged in their hoof. And after re-hitching the scooter to the wagon they just left, and not in the direction Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had gone. This was very worrying as what scheme they could have that would keep them from revenging that prank neatly boggled her imagination.

==

Rainbow Dash was finally winding down with only the odd giggle escaping her at Joe’s expression and the novelty of prodding him having apparently worn off. Then a few giggles more broke free as Joe rubbed his chest with an exaggerated wince. “Note to self,” he muttered, pretending to be talking to himself, “if there is a danger of making Rainbow Dash laugh then ensure you are wearing a padded vest.”

“That sounds like less fun,” Rainbow Dash protested, swallowing another giggle.

“And if rumour is right I’d need enough padding I’d look as round as I did when I got here,” nodded Joe, puffing out his cheeks.

“That would be a shame.”

Joe released the air from his mouth and looked a moment at Rainbow Dash. He didn’t want to spoil the happy mood but he did want an answer to his question, even if come to think of it he’d simply made a statement that he’d be happy if she went to Canterlot with him rather than actually asking if she would. Seeing his smile fade slightly Rainbow Dash rolled back more onto her front and more onto his lap, and was happy when Joe shifted position to accommodate her and automatically wriggled the fingers of his right hand into her mane, near where her head joined her neck. She squirmed slightly to make herself comfortable and waited for Joe to speak again, or to get on with giving another neck rub.

“I can understand if you’d rather not go to a ‘stuffy’ occasion,” Joe began, disappointing Rainbow Dash that it was not the neck rub. “But Rarity did say she thought it would be fine and that none of us would embarrass ourselves or the others.”

“Who is ‘us’?” asked Rainbow Dash, already knowing the answer.

“Rarity of course, I suggested that she should invite Spike and they should go even if we don’t, and you and I.”

“And you have talked about this with her?”

“I didn’t mention your name, but I did say I would let her know if I would attend once I had asked someone I thought I should. After I had said I thought Spike was the someone rather than me I thought she should.” Joe pinched the brow of his nose with his free left hand. “Not that I have actually asked yet.”

Rainbow Dash nodded, enjoying how that moved the muscles of her neck against Joe’s fingers. “You’ve said you’d be happy if I went for friendship or romance and you’ve said we won’t be embarrassed.”

“Said Rarity thinks we won’t be embarrassed,” Joe corrected, “though I do trust her judgement.”

“Right, so how about it?”

“How ab… oh,” Joe nodded and cleared his throat. “Miss Rainbow Dash, would you do me the privilege of accompanying me to an exhibit of new and rare artworks and where we may also listen to classical music and take our ease and refreshments in the gallery’s sculpture gardens?”

“Oooh, I can see why she thinks your manners will be fine,” chuckled Rainbow Dash, “let’s see now, how would Rarity put it… It would be my pleasure to attend such an event, though I feel I must ask what your intentions towards my person might be, sir?”

“My intentions are purely honourable…” Joe began, trying to match the tone he’d set.

“Shame,” interrupted Rainbow Dash, “though you’re saying that after what you did to my wing? I mean I admit I hinted for the neck rub but the wing was all your idea.”

“I… er… ah,” Joe blushed before saying the only thing that came to mind. “It’s a lovely wing.”

“But you’d rather it was attached to a human?”

“It’s not that, Dash. There’s… erm…” Joe floundered some more and gave the brow of his nose a harder squeeze, as if applying pressure to his sinuses could also squeeze some thought out. “There are things I can do where it is still my mind and my emotions being happy that I am making you happy, and under different circumstances they could become foreplay. But I…” He sighed and shook his head. “But I am not feeling the… urge… and though those things and this snuggling feel right I think doing something… ah… sexual rather than just pleasurable…”

“Joe, I get the picture,” interrupted Rainbow Dash again, sounding irritated. But it was not so much with Joe as that it seemed Applejack had been right to think a human needed a combination of mental and physical. Or at least that Joe did. “Your ‘parts’ aren’t convinced.”

“And the rest of me is confused,” Joe said apologetically, hearing the irritation, “but happy in your company.”

“So if I went as a friend you be happy, and if I went as a date you’d be happy. Which would you prefer?”

“I… don’t know. I am a little scared if I can be what you need and friends is safer,” Joe admitted, risking anger now rather than dishonesty and perhaps greater anger later. “But I am thinking of this as a double date with us and Rarity and Spike. The sort of date though where you see how things go rather than enter it with passionate expectations. Allow yourself to explore your feelings and find out what they actually are.”

“So you’d be open to romance?”

“I think so,” Joe nodded, “but I don’t know how open, and it would have to be mutual, and you’ve not said which you’d prefer.”

“No, I haven’t,” replied Rainbow Dash, turning her head enough to give Joe a wink, “have I?”

Joe smiled and shrugged to this. If he was so uncertain and unable to give a definite answer then it seemed fair that she couldn’t either. So far he had not cocked things up, though as he thought that he realised that was the problem, he couldn’t cock things up and thinking that gave a tingle of unease rather than one of anticipation. Though at least it was only unease rather than the near nausea he expected he’d have felt months ago and still felt when even vaguely thinking about actual bestiality, with something that could not think, or talk, or give true consent.

The quiet of the scene was broken by an ever increasing buzzing and recognising this Rainbow Dash sat up and moved herself out of Joe’s lap and away from his idly stroking fingers. He looked a little puzzled but then tilted his head and quickly picked up his narrow shaping saw and the rectangle of wood that had been waiting ever since he’d finished the previous one and dusted the shavings off Rainbow Dash’s mane. Joe had managed to get a few pieces cut away and the rectangle slightly towards being an aerofoil shape by the time a scooter towing a wagon turned, the wagon temporarily emulating the scooter in being on only two wheels, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders skidded to a stop.

“Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo greeted, bounding off her scooter and giving her hero a dusty hug.

“Hey, watch it squirt,” protested Rainbow Dash mildly, “Careful of the helmet… besides I don’t want Sweetie Belle’s sister to have to drag me back to the Spa that soon!”

“Sorry.”

“You three are looking a bit dusty,” Joe agreed, dropping saw and wood into his lap, “roads needing a touch of rain to settle them?”

“Would get you wet as well Joe, but if you want?” winked Rainbow Dash, crouching as if to spring for the sky and the nearest cloud.

“I’ll pass on the offer, thanks.”

“Ah, was Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon,” Applejack said, putting her helmet in the wagon to join Sweetie Belle’s. “They dumped some dirt around th’ wagon and scooter and wedged rocks around th’ wagon wheels so we weren’t going nowhere.”

Joe considered correcting the double-negative, but that would be rude rather than instructive and nearly as patronising as saying ‘charmingly rustic’. “Then we can make them your ground crew,” he said instead, “make them hold ropes attached to wooden chocks and pull them away from the wheels once your preflight tests are complete.”

Sweetie Belle giggled at the image of those two taking their orders but Scootaloo frowned. “Wouldn’t we have brakes on our wheels?”

“Probably,” Joe nodded, “and as this will be tricycle undercarriage there’d not be the problem tail-sitters have. If they brake too hard on their main wheels then they can have their tail come up and their nose come down and sometimes it comes down far enough they end up being nose-sitters. Even so you wouldn’t be stopping as suddenly as your scooter and wagon.”

“Why not?” asked Apple Bloom.

“To stop that suddenly with wheel brakes would need big wheels with big brakes, which would be heavy. Might be possible to add a braking parachute and that would probably be lighter, but you’d have to be careful about stressing the airframe…”

“What about just puttin’ th’ engine in reverse?”

“Two problems. First I don’t think aeroplane propellers work well in reverse, their thrust is due a lot to their blades being aerofoil shaped…”

“You can switch a fan on backwards,” Scootaloo argued, her helmet now hanging from her scooter’s crossbar.

“And a ship propeller,” nodded Joe, “but they move air or water more through being like sections of a screw, which is true of an aeroplane propeller… can call them airscrews… as well, but they are more like wings…”

“I remember when Tank’s rotor went wrong,” Rainbow Dash commented, “and it was spinning in reverse, gave some breeze but not as much as it should be when it was working properly.”

“Which confirms the first problem and answers the second,” smiled Joe. “Which was that the sort of engines I was thinking of don’t go in reverse, you have to use gears to reverse the power coming out of them, but I did wonder if the magic could be reversed.”

“Which it can,” Apple Bloom nodded.

“Hmm,” said Joe, “I was also thinking of a carved wooden propeller, all one piece like those on earlier planes, as that would work well enough. But more modern propellers do have links at the base of the blades so you can vary their pitch… the angle they are set at…”

“Turn them right around?” Scootaloo asked. “So you’ve reversed them as well as the engine?”

Joe nodded. “But honestly, I think just finding a big enough field to slow more gradually would be simpler.”

“For this one!” Scootaloo said.

“She really does wish I was an aeronautical engineer,” sighed Joe, turning a woebegone look on the others. “Or one of the scientists or engineers in a story who could design and build something super-advanced in their basement workshop, probably while cackling the whole time.”

“You mean you aren’t?” Sweetie Belle giggled.

“He can cackle,” agreed Rainbow Dash, remembering the fingers along her ribs.

“Fortunately though ah don’t cackle ah am one of them,” Apple Bloom nodded, “with th’ aid of the other Crusaders at least. Y’all remember how lickety split we built ahselves a new parade float after mah cousin broke th’ one we’d built…”

“What a…” Joe began to comment.

“Before you finish that ah’d say we forgave her when we knew she was only acting up because she’d been bullied,” interrupted Apple Bloom diplomatically.

“And after we’d rigged the new float to go out of control with her at the wheel,” Scootaloo added.

“Scootaloo!”

“What? I was sorry we’d done it when we found out she’d been being bullied, but doing it did make it easier to forgive her.”

“Your cousin had been nasty,” Sweetie Belle added, “even if we forgave her enough to make her a Cutie Mark Crusader.”

Joe shook his head in some disbelief. Unless Apple Bloom’s cousin was a lot older than them, but still hadn’t got her Cutie Mark, not only were these fillies building floats they were driving them and being able to sabotage whatever lorry they’d built the float onto. Though… he hadn’t seen any lorries. But surely they didn’t mean they’d built a self-propelled vehicle? Within the space of a visit by a cousin and before the parade the first one was going to be used for?

“Model first, Microlight later, advanced vertical-take-off supersonic…” Joe stopped and nodded to Rainbow Dash. “I was going to say never, but I think I should say sitting over there.” She nodded back, while wondering if Joe had underestimated her by saying supersonic rather than hypersonic.

“Why are you sitting over there?” Scootaloo asked, belatedly wondering about this.

“She’s been helping me with the model making,” said Joe, deciding that was a better answer than ‘because she isn’t in my lap’.

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Right.”

“You did,” disagreed Joe. “We talked through the designs and then…”

“Then I took a nap while you, mere male and minion to these Fillies, got to work.”

“Is this as much as you’ve done?” Apple Bloom asked, trying to not sound unappreciative. “Ah mean, no offence, but ah was expecting a few more.”

“I did spend quite a lot of time on the drawings,” replied Joe, trying to not sound defensive even as he remembered how much time he had spent on the wing massage and neck rub and just chatting, “although those are for a full size Microlight rather than the model.”

“And we are very grateful,” Sweetie Belle said, smoothing things over.

Joe shrugged. “Apple Bloom is right though,” he admitted, guilt over if they were too grateful unlocking that admission, “I could have worked a little faster but Dash needs her sleep to be quite so awesome, and when she started making a noise a little like my saw…”

“Hey!”

“I tried to work quietly enough to not disturb her,” Joe concluded.

“What about her disturbing you?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Er… ah… yeah… what?” Joe asked, wondering what Apple Bloom meant.

“Ah’ve been on a camping trip with her and ah recall being a mite glad ah was sharing a tent with mah sister.”

“Rainbow Dash doesn’t snore that badly!” Scootaloo said, springing to her defence.

“No I don’t!” agreed Rainbow Dash. Then she looked at Joe. “Do I?”

“Er…” Joe said, still glad that Apple Bloom had only meant disturb by snoring.

“Careful with your answer Joe,” added Rainbow Dash, her eyes narrowing at the lack of instant reassurances from him. “Or you’ll have to go to Canterlot with just Spike and Rarity.”

“Eeeeeeeeee!” Sweetie Belle squealed, hitting a note that would make dogs howl and which Joe wasn’t sure Ponies could hear. Not even younger Ponies if, like humans, they could hear higher frequencies than adults. “It’s you! It’s you!”

“What… is?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“My sister said Joe’s new suit might be getting some use, if he decided to go to that! And that’s why he hadn’t been able to tell her, he needed to ask Rainbow Dash to go!”

“Why would he do that?” Scootaloo asked, getting a bit of a frown from Rainbow Dash.

“Can you think of a more awesome person to ask?” said Joe.

“No,” Scootaloo admitted, clearing her hero’s frown.

“So, are you two going on a date? Or what?” asked Apple Bloom, getting to the nub of the matter.

“We don’t have to be,” Joe temporised, “are Spike and Rarity going on a date?”

“Maybe,” nodded Apple Bloom, turning the question around, “are you saying you like Rainbow Dash as much as Spike likes Rarity?”

Three pairs of Filly eyes fixed on him along with a pair of Mare eyes that Joe was relieved to see were amused at his predicament rather than anxious for his answer. “Maybe,” Joe nodded, repeating Apple Bloom’s word and gesture, “that is one reason to go to an occasion together, to relax and have fun in a social setting and see how you feel.”

“So, is it a date?” asked Apple Bloom again.

“If I was applying as much pressure to you as you are trying to apply to me,” Joe commented, “then we would have to call you Ciderbloom. But yes, I am thinking of it as a date, of a getting to know each other sort. Dash though hasn’t said if she wants it to be a date, or what.” He looked to the Blue Pegasus. “So, how about it?”

“You said you wanted to figure things out at the time,” replied Rainbow Dash, springing into the air and hovering level with the treehouse, “so I’ll be kind and let you figure everything out then.”

With that parting shot and in a blur of colour Rainbow Dash streaked away, leaving Joe still with his own questions and to face those of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He looked at the Fillies, who looked at him. After a few moments of this mutual contemplation Joe shook his head.

“Let that be a lesson to you girls,” Joe said, “Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle… if you get someone who can fly then you need to train them to not do that. Scootaloo… if you get someone who can’t fly then there’s a good chance you’ll always get the last word.”

The three Fillies laughed at this, but then Apple Bloom gave Joe a serious look. “You think you can train Rainbow Dash to not do that?”

“Fffft… No,” Joe replied. “No chance. But I’m assuming you three will end up liking Colts and Stallions, and it seems universal between humans and Ponies that the female trains the male to not do something, like you and Sweetie Belle would, while the female gets to do it, like Scootaloo would.”

“So…” asked Scootaloo. “What has Rainbow Dash trained you to not do?”

“To not make too much noise when making models,” Joe replied. He picked up a rib and pointed at the diagram for the model. “As you can see there will be holes added here and here, and the spars coming thorough should fix these together sturdily enough…”

“But, what about Rainbow Dash?” said Sweetie Belle. “How did you decide she was your special somepony?”

“I think the ribs will be spaced far enough apart for the wing to not be too heavy,” Joe continued, “but closely enough for the fabric skin to not be extending too far unsupported…”

“Are you going ta get her a present?” asked Apple Bloom. “Scootaloo said she thought you should when ah asked if you were fixing to do that.”

“Oh!” Scootaloo said. “We still haven’t gone and see what’s left of Joe’s archery target!”

“Struts for supporting the wing and for the rear wheels will form a bent Y,” Joe said, ignoring the questions, “be three sections of wood in the model and probably in the full size Microlight, but if we have suitable materials I’d want to make them single piece…”

“Awww,” whined Sweetie Belle. Aeroplanes were boring compared with romance.

“There’s fabric on the wings and tail,” Scootaloo commented, romance was boring compared with aeroplanes so she was glad Joe was staying focussed, “but what about on the fuselage?”

“There I was thinking of using thin metal, it won’t be much protection but more than fabric…”

==

The Carousel Boutique had its second unusual visitor of the day as Rainbow Dash tried to mix creeping in so nopony could see her with simply darting into the building before anyone noticed. Fortunately for her this combination resulted in her entering fairly normally and that drew far less attention than had she chosen one or other of her methods to avoid it. Inside Rarity was humming and working on a small jacket. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled as she saw her nervous friend looking around as if she was scared of ambush by hordes of ravening dress patterns.

“Rainbow, darling!”

“Rarity,” Rainbow Dash replied, then she squinted.

“Don’t do that, dear, you’ll get lines,” chided Rarity. “It’s bad enough you have to squint flying in all weathers without you making a habit of it.”

“Is that Spike’s jacket?” Rainbow Dash asked suspiciously.

“Of course it is, you know I was going to ask him anyway,” replied Rarity, not mentioning that she’d had the extra warning from Applejack. “And even if Dragons don’t mature fast it’s been long enough since he had to wear it that it need some minor adjustments.”

“What about Joe’s new suit?”

“However do you know about that?”

“Your sister mentioned it,” Rainbow Dash said, “when she started screaming about how I was the reason Joe hadn’t been able to tell you if he was going to go to Canterlot or not.”

“Oh dear, my sympathies. Sweetie Belle had helped with the measurements and some of the design and tailoring, so when she admired that I said it might get some use if he went to the event in Canterlot. But that was all I said.”

“So what does it look like?”

“It looks good,” Rarity smiled, “and even better on him, so I’d ask you to wait and see it when we get ready to go to Canterlot.”

“How do you know I’m going to Canterlot?”

“You are here for a dress, aren’t you? And if Sweetie Belle started screaming it sounds like Joe must have asked you, though I thought he had more discretion than to ask you in front of her.”

“He does,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “but the Cutie Mark Crusaders were there when I teased Joe that if he wasn’t careful he’d have to go to Canterlot with just you and Spike.”

“Oh my, and you have left Joe to face them alone?”

“Er.”

“Though if you were threatening that then, unless Joe hasn’t been careful, it does seem you are coming to Canterlot?”

“Yes, and I do need a dress. Something not to froo-froo though.”

“Come over here Rainbow, darling,” Rarity instructed, crossing to one of her drawing boards. Rainbow Dash followed and obediently looked as Rarity flipped through some sheets until with an ‘aha’ she showed the design to her. “What do you think?”

“I like it, though the colour is a little dark,” admitted Rainbow Dash, reluctant to say more the fashion show debacle felt as if it had been two days rather than two years ago. “But although it seems like me it does seem a little simple. Not as simple as the dress Twilight wore to that Garden Party…” Rainbow Dash stopped as she reminded herself of the question she had for Rarity.

“Oh, I know, but take a look at this one,” said Rarity, not noticing her friend had broken off in the middle of a sentence. With an air of pride she flipped the next sheet over and on top of the fairly simple dress.

“That looks… that looks more fancy and more like what you and the other Ponies were wearing to that Garden Party,” Rainbow Dash said, giving Rarity a sideways look. “Funny how the dress you were wearing to look after a sick cat just happened to fit in so well there.”

“I don’t… I… fine,” sighed Rarity, “that was why I didn’t come back to Ponyville. I was packed and leaving when the invitation arrived.”

“So you decided to go to that instead?”

“You are my friends and nothing will change that, so there would be another party with you, there would be chances to work off the guilt I felt, the guilt which made me give an excuse rather than the truth. But this was the premier social occasion of the Canterlot Calendar and I thought it would be my only chance to attend one of those.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. She didn’t understand why that had been so important to Rarity but she could imagine how she’d feel if she’d a chance at something as important to her. It had been selfish but Rainbow Dash knew that the way she’d treated her friends while she was in hospital was just as bad. If anything it seemed worse as attending the Canterlot Garden Party couldn’t be delayed but she could have delayed going back to her book and taken the time to appreciate the visits rather than hurrying them away.

“What… what made you think about what I was wearing then?” Rarity asked as Rainbow Dash remained silent.

“When I told Joe about what happened in Canterlot that time he thought ‘charmingly rustic’ sounded patronising,” replied Rainbow Dash, “especially since he thought we must all have been dressed fancy if what you were wearing had worked for both parties.”

“Oh. Well I hope you did not tell him too many horror stories and managed to persuade him of Fancy Pants’ good intentions?”

“Not sure about the good intentions,” Rainbow Dash admitted, “and he didn’t seem too horrified at the story of the other party.”

“Or he’d not have asked you to this one.”

“And I’d not need a dress,” Rainbow Dash nodded, looking back at the sketch. “Hmm, I don’t know Rarity. That does look more froo-froo enough but it does look rather fiddly to move about in.”

“Fortunately for you, darling, I not only anticipated your need I anticipated your reaction.”

“Huh?”

Rarity’s horn glowed and a matching blue surrounded the two sheets of paper. These detached from the others at the table and Rainbow Dash followed curiously as her friend walked with these to near a window. “Now you see this,” Rarity said, holding one sheet up so the light came through it. “Now you see that,” she added, holding up the second behind it so the light came through both and you could see both drawings. “And now you see my idea,” she concluded, sliding the sheets against each other so the two drawings coincided.

“They…” asked Rainbow Dash, a little uncertain, “they are the same dress?”

“It’s a dreadful way of putting it,” Rarity smiled, sliding the sheets apart and turning them so the light was coming onto rather than through them, “but a lot of the ‘froo-froo’ you object to is decoration and trim and layers. So if you look here…” A pencil floated across to point at the places on the two drawings. “This skirt is attractive enough to wear as it is and short and light enough to be practical, but if I add this extra layer of drape then it also forms a fine underskirt…”

Rainbow Dash nodded as Rarity went through the rest of the designs and how the simpler dress could be built up with extra layers and strands of trim or jewellery. What Rarity did not say was where some small part of her inspiration had come from. If she mentioned Joe’s suit where shirt and trousers was practical, adding the waistcoat made it still practical but more formal, and adding the jacket made it more formal still then Rainbow Dash might demand to see this. If she mentioned that the dress Twilight Sparkle had liked was just the very simplest base layer of what Rarity had designed then she’d have to admit both that she’d done so little work on that dress and that she had misjudged her friend so badly as to think she’d have wanted all the extra ornateness.

“So,” Rarity concluded, “most of this will still be visible and where it is partially covered it will act as a backdrop for jewellery or another colour combining with that of the thin fabrics on top of it, either through the gaps or because some will be a little translucent. That’s why, as you put it, it is a little dark as it would have the brighter decor on top.”

“I’m not sure about how much you’re putting on top,” frowned Rainbow Dash, “does it really need all that?”

Rarity opened her mouth to assure her friend that of course it did and then she thought again. “Hmm,” she replied instead, returning to her drawing board and followed again by Rainbow Dash. She thought a moment as she looked at the hovering sketches and then began a new one. “It was quite a challenge figuring out how to fasten things on without needing to damage the lower dress with pins,” she admitted, “or making it obvious the lower dress was designed to have things fastened to it, and risk you looking as if you’d not finished dressing.”

“Right, which for the party I hadn’t.”

“But for… shall we say casual-formal rather than formal-formal, you had.”

“I gotcha.”

“So,” Rarity said with a final flourish of her pencil, “I fear, darling, that I got interested in the challenge. Whether I could add something more rather than whether I should. So to answer you, no I don’t think it needed ‘all that’. Not for you at least.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the new sketch and smiled, Rarity had not removed much but it looked less cluttered to her. “I like it,” she said, “I don’t just like it more… I like it!”

“Excellent,” said Rarity. Then she added with a wink. “Though if you still want to wear less I suppose we could try securing things so you can wear only the ‘extra’ layers and the jewellery, leave the lower dress off and use yourself as a backdrop.”

“I…” Rainbow Dash blushed.

“And that might work on Joe,” added Rarity, deepening her friend’s blush, “I did quiz him on human fashions and he mentioned that simple nudity could be less erotic than hints and sheer fabrics. Something I have to agree with, especially since we don’t normally wear clothes so wearing nothing is decent but wearing just enough to tantalise with…”

“All right!” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “I think I’ll wear the lower dress. Thank you!”

“Of course, darling, certainly in public,” winked Rarity, achieving an extra layer of blush from Rainbow Dash. “You are just fortunate I trapped Joe inside the privacy screens and didn’t give him his new shirt and trousers until after he’d answered enough questions, and that he didn’t want to walk out of here in just his boots and socks and shorts.”

“I’m not feeling very fortunate,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“No, you are feeling embarrassed. But quizzing Joe on human fashions means I do know how their females dress, and what to emphasise about you.”

“I don’t know, I mean, he… I don’t look anything like them.”

“You might be surprised, after all he does like something about you,” Rarity reassured her, “though with humans there is a strange fixation by their males on breasts, apparently human females retain large ones on their upper chests all the time…”

“Weird,” agreed Rainbow Dash, wondering if she did whether that ‘lack’ was one reason for Joe’s ‘problem’.

Rarity shrugged. “Maybe they just need a less subtle clue to tell each other apart, since they do wear so many clothes,” she suggested, “though Joe did admit that wasn’t always the case and still isn’t in hotter parts of his world. In any case he does seem able to recognise our clues and appreciate you, so we can emphasise your grace of motion, the line of your neck, your lovely eyes and smile. We can’t make you look human but…”

The blush that had begun to fade had returned to Rainbow Dash with a vengeance and seeing this Rarity stopped talking. As fun as it was to tease her friend and appreciate her having a problem that couldn’t be solved by flying fast she did not want to upset her. Then a suspicion grew about if it had been the compliments that had cause the blush or the last thing she’d said, especially since Rainbow Dash had spoken first to another of their friends about this situation.

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity demanded, “was that why you talked to Twilight Sparkle?”

“Was what?”

“Making you look human.”

“Er… yes?” Rainbow Dash admitted, adding in a rush. “But we agreed it would be a bad idea, or at least not yet and not until Joe’s feelings were clear…”

“And that was before you knew he might be a Bonobo and how they resolve things,” smiled Rarity. Rainbow Dash squeaked a little, almost emulating Fluttershy, as she remembered how Joe had resolved explaining human aeroplane wings and then resolved the crick in her neck. “But he did invite you,” Rarity added, noting the squeak, “so are his feelings more clear?”

“He’s… clear that he knows he wants to explore his feelings, and going on this date is a good way to do this…”

“He called it a date? How wonderful.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, not sounding as convinced, “but he’s not sure what he will find when he does explore his feelings.”

Rarity nodded in decision. “Then let’s make a dress to help him find something marvellous!”

Chapter 50

Joe raised his head and peered out of one of the bushes outside the cafeteria windows. They’d slept quite well but rather than spend the morning in the library they had left it. Twilight Sparkle thought she had done enough research for now and knowing what was planned for lunchtime had given her enough confidence to walk the halls as if she was visiting Royalty, which was nothing more or less than the truth. This, of course, Joe had been told by Spike when they briefly met up again as he was unable to accompany the other two. The no pets on school grounds rule would have been enough problem but there was also Cheerilee to avoid.

And avoiding Cheerilee was why Joe had reluctantly agreed to go outside rather than try to hide in the library. He’d argued that he’d stay amongst the book stacks but Twilight Sparkle had reassured him, faintly insincerely, that it wasn’t that she thought he’d fail to stay hidden, this time, but that she wanted him able to roam and keep eyes, ears, and nose on things. Which meant spending another morning in his usual bush and napping until it was time to transfer himself to these bushes.

Joe had thought he was moving quite cautiously but as he loped past the kitchens on his way he’d heard a piercing whistle. Looking around to that he’d seen Granny Smith and as she threw something underarm to him Joe had leapt and snapped and come back down with a sausage in his mouth. Hoping it was held at a jaunty angle Joe had given Granny Smith another bow and continued on his way. For now he was defying his instincts and still had half the sausage left. He’d not denied those instincts well enough to still have two-thirds.

==

The school cafeteria was beginning to fill up with lunchtime and on one table Flash Sentry was sitting and strumming his guitar. Rarity approached a different table to join the more fashionable students, though she was looking less fashionable today as she had donned a blue jersey with a horseshoe. Then she looked even less so as she slipped on the pony ears that had drawn admiration from Spike. This cue was followed by Rainbow Dash and then Pinkie Pie at the counter, who also began drumming with a tray.

Rarity picked up the rhythm with heel stomps and clapping and then the similarly attired Fluttershy with a pair of glasses. Applejack had not been parted from her hat but had at least pushed it back so her fake ears could be seen and finally Spike reached out of the backpack to start the music. All five of the girls jumped up and began the well-coordinated routine they had rehearsed the previous night. A few students seemed to be enjoying the singing and dancing while most seemed to need to finish being surprised first.

==

Joe had settled back down and begun to hope Twilight Sparkle would manage to avoid classes this afternoon. So far she had so it would be annoying if she was snagged in the final session. This could be awkward if she ran into one of the differences between here and Equestria, or even if she just showed how much greater her knowledge of some things was than high school level. The latter would be more reassuring about her actual age if she wasn’t a genius.

Then Joe heard the music and singing start and hoped this went as well as the ladies had thought it might. Even with dog ears it was hard to hear too much detail from outside but Joe remembered as much of the rehearsal as he’d not napped through, and they had been through the routine a few times by then. The basic thrust seemed to be the magic of friendship, how it crossed differences, and how despite being dissimilar they could work together to help Twilight win the crown since she had helped them see this.

As more music kicked in Joe took a chance of being seen and moved out of the bush to leap straight up. This got him high enough for a look through the window and as he landed and returned to the bush where he’d left his half sausage he sighed. Of course Flash Sentry would play the electric guitar like the charmer he was, but then of course he would be playing it to support Twilight Sparkle like the good bloke he also seemed.

Joe picked up his half sausage, managing to resist eating it rather than just picking it up with his mouth, and began moving around the building, staying close to the walls. As people wandered in and out he heard snatches of conversation and to his surprise he saw a few of them were wearing ears and tails rather than it having just been the girls performing in them, or people having taken them off again after the performance. This seemed to have gone well.

==

Twilight Sparkle and the others walked down the corridor, aside from Spike who continued to have the chance to compare riding in a backpack with riding on the back of a purple unicorn. Ahead of them they saw a happy looking Sunset Shimmer being trailed by the local versions of Snips and Snails. They were annoying in Ponyville but here they seemed to be living down to the ditty Joe had shared, with a threatening look at Spike’s rear, about what little boys were made of.

More relevant in Twilight Sparkle’s opinion had been the information that Joe had heard two sets of footsteps outside the library door and then smelt the same pair of scents there and at the sports field. It seemed fair to assume the feet and smells might have belonged to whoever had taken the video and therefore to Sunset Shimmer’s two cronies. As the others speculated on why Sunset Shimmer was looking so happy when she must know she’d lost Twilight Sparkle smiled at a sudden thought.

She was getting her eye in at telling differences between humans and that these were not fully adult humans. The contrast between Sunset Shimmer, as she assumed an air of tragedy, and Vice Principal Luna, as she was told something terrible had happened, was notable. But even if Joe had had his age reduced as a less drastic way of making him less obtrusive and had, unlike some of the ‘jocks’, become less muscular as well as younger she thought he’d still manage to be more intimidating than Snips and Snails combined.

Though, Twilight Sparkle admitted to herself, even if that would have been useful she was glad he was a dog instead. Some people here she definitely did not want to intimidate and they might have assumed the ‘new girl’ and the ‘new boy’ were together rather than just friends.

==

The school day was winding down and though it had seemed a peaceful afternoon Joe had become rather worried. Twilight Sparkle had not been with the others when they left and the temptation to say more than ‘arf?’ had been great. As Rainbow Dash gave him a quick head rub Fluttershy showed that even here she talked to animals and had explained the situation in simple soothing words. Which made the temptation to speak immense rather than merely great as Joe wanted to ask why Twilight Sparkle needed to go see Vice Principal Luna, and where they were going to meet later and why.

Once the five had left Joe retreated back into his bush and decided an entire afternoon was long enough to leave a half-sausage. That having vanished he began circling the building again, trying to keep to shadows rather than looking like one against the lighter walls. As a pair of students passed him and failed to notice the doggy eyes observing from a bush Joe had to suppress a sigh. It was good to learn what had happened because it was being discussed, it was bad that it had been that major that it was being discussed.

One fear had been that the school authorities had finally noticed the extra student they had wandering about and running for Princess wasn’t actually on the school rolls or attending any classes, and not being enrolled here was a good reason to disbar Twilight Sparkle from her entry. That the decorations for the Fall Formal had been trashed and Twilight Sparkle had been accused seemed less serious, but worth investigating in case a black dog could ‘accidentally stumble’ on some clue to direct the blame the right way.

Joe sped up a little and soon reached the open doors linking the sports field and gymnasium. A listen and a sniff and he slipped inside and had to pause to paw at his nose. If he had smelt this outside the library and at the steps at the footie field then it reeked of it in here. The fresh air blowing in through the doors seemed to have barely diminished the stench, presumably, Snips and Snails had left as they worked up a sweat in their destruction. Though Joe did hope it was that they had left more stench rather than that his nose was becoming more sensitive as he got used to this form. Only a few hours to go though… Joe winced as his thoughts turned from clearing Twilight Sparkle to whether the dance could go ahead tonight. This was impressively thorough vandalism.

He didn’t want to miss Twilight Sparkle at the main entrance so Joe retreated and had barely settled back in ‘his’ bush again when Twilight Sparkle rushed out and away. She seemed very upset, and was moving fast, so Joe loped into motion and tried to look as if he was following rather than chasing. He didn’t want some well meaning passerby to try to save the girl from the dog.

As he should have expected with there being a dance, hopefully, tonight the girls meeting point was the local boutique. Twilight Sparkle rushed past them as well and into the changing room, Joe resisting the temptation to nod to the others and say ‘ladies’ as he followed. Twilight Sparkle looked down at Joe and frowned slightly, but before she could speak Rarity’s voice came from outside the curtain.

“Yes,” Twilight Sparkle called, before she lowered her voice to continue. “Only it’s not okay, if we don’t get the crown tonight then we won’t be able to go back to Equestria for another thirty moons.”

Joe nodded. “I’ve seen the Gym, had just returned from that when had to follow you…”

“Oh, sorry!” Twilight Sparkle said. “I thought you’d have gone ahead here with the others.”

“Gambolling along like a puppy at the heels of this Rainbow Dash you mean?” asked Joe, winking and making it clear he was teasing.

“Maybe,” Twilight Sparkle said, cheering a tiny fraction. Then she sank down. “What are we going to do?”

“Hmm, we tell them the truth,” suggested Spike, “let them know what’s really at stake if you don’t get the crown tonight, they’ll help us figure something out…”

“I… am not that sure,” Joe admitted, “two talking dogs that are a Dragon and a human from a different world and a human that’s really an Alicorn.”

“You said at the sports field we should have faith in them,” said Spike.

Joe considered protesting that he’d actually meant faith that this world’s Rainbow Dash would still help, but that was irrelevant as Spike was right.

“And so we should,” Joe nodded. “These are not the same people as we know on Equestria, and they are not identical, but they are good people and they will help us.”

“But what if they won’t?” worried Twilight Sparkle, turning to look at herself in the mirror and how she looked here. “What if they find out how different I really am?”

“Twilight, these girls rallied around you because they saw what was in your heart,” Spike assured her, “they aren’t going to think differently of you when they find out you are a Pony Princess in Equestria.”

“I’m glad you followed me here Spike,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, turning and giving him a pat.

“Me too,” Spike replied, adding in a teasingly worried tone, “unless of course we get stuck here for another thirty moons.”

“Which would make me very doggy,” shrugged Joe. “Though at least there is one advantage. As if we couldn’t guess without the confirmation the same scent was around the wrecked decorations in the Gym as was near the stairs near the sports field and near the library.”

“More work from Snips and Snails,” Twilight Sparkle grumbled. “And the stairs must be where they took the pictures that they combined with the ones of them wrecking things.”

“Gah, I wondered what evidence there could be against you,” winced Joe. “Little Sons of Bi… actually that isn’t so good an insult since, for now, I literally am one of those.”

“But Flash saved me,” Twilight Sparkle added, her tone changing and her eyes going a little dreamy.

“He found the pictures in the library paper bin with Twilight cut out of them,” explained Spike when Twilight Sparkle didn’t continue and Joe looked to him.

Twilight Sparkle rose to cross to the curtain and Spike and Joe also stood, the latter a little puzzled that their foes had taken ‘cut and paste’ literally and that this had fooled anyone. At least if they’d combined the pictures in a computer they could have adjusted the lighting on Twilight Sparkle from being outside to being inside, and they’d enough skill with computers to produce the video that Joe had resigned himself to never seeing.

As Twilight Sparkle swept the curtain back and stepped out Applejack immediately asked if she was okay. Interrupted slightly by two exclamations of ‘what’ from Pinkie Pie Twilight Sparkle explained that the Fall Formal wasn’t happening tonight because Sunset Shimmer had had Snips and Snails ruin all of Pinkie Pie’s decorations. When she said it had to happen tonight Applejack swept a hand across to Pinkie Pie’s mouth to muffle a third ‘what’.

Twilight Sparkle gathered her courage. “You see…”

“You’re from an alternate world and you're a Pony Princess there and the crown actually has a magical element embedded in it that helps power up other magical elements and without it they won't work anymore and you need them to help protect your magical world and if you don't get the crown tonight you’ll be stuck in this world and won't be able to get back for like a really really long time.”

With each part of the incredible run on sentence from Pinkie Pie the jaws of Twilight Sparkle, Joe, and Spike slackened further. Rainbow Dash seemed to recover faster and, with a slight eye roll, commented that she was pretty sure that wasn’t the reason. But Spike shrugged and replied that Pinkie Pie was pretty much spot on. Him being able to talk seemed much more popular with Fluttershy than with Rarity. The latter clasped her fists to her temples while, when Spike boasted that he was actually a Dragon, the former shoved her face into his to demand he tell her what he was thinking.

Seeing the rather creepy expression on Fluttershy’s face Joe knew what he’d have been thinking. And what he was thinking was that he was glad he’d been considered boring in Equestria and had not drawn that level of attention. Even when the Fluttershy there had decided she should find out more about humans it had been in a rather quiet pleasant way.

Escaping Fluttershy, and further disturbing Rarity, Spike’s reply was to saunter over to Rarity and say he’d love a scratch behind the old ears. When all she did was stare at him and say ‘gaaaahaahhh’ Spike commented maybe later. Looking at this Joe gave a doggy grin.

“Wait,” commented Joe, breaking his silence, “he can sit on laps and ask for ear scritching, but I get death-glares for playing football?”

“Socc…er,” Rainbow Dash corrected, her eyes narrowing suspiciously as the last part of the word became an ‘er’ in itself. “You can talk as well? So I suppose you’re not a dog either then, so what are you?”

“Still taller than Spike.”

“Hey!” Spike protested.

“Arurr, rahrrahhhah. * Sorry, diverting question. *”

“Grrr,” Spike replied with untranslatable expletives. But despite his annoyance he knew why Joe would be embarrassed. His friend had taken weeks to get over the shock of Equestria and even after living there for months he’d had his problem with the idea of romance with a Pony. So judging from that, and how shocked Rarity here was that he could even speak, it seemed these girls would regard Joe being a human involved with a Pony as rather… weird.

“You are talking when you do that as well!” accused Fluttershy.

“Yes, but sorry Fluttershy,” Joe said, getting a disappointed nod from her as he continued. “We’ve not tried talking to other dogs and are pretty sure it’s just us and not really being dogs.”

“Which doesn’t answer what you really are,” grumbled Rainbow Dash.

Twilight Sparkle had watched the byplay as she recovered. Having Pinkie Pie interrupt like that had been like being halfway through a sneeze, you had prepared and tensed and expected the release but then been denied the last. She looked at the pink haired girl in disbelief for a moment more before she managed to ask how she’d known all that. A reply that it was just a hunch did not do more than suggest that even if Twilight Sparkle had been denied her magic this Pinkie Pie had not been denied the same inexplicable powers and ‘Pinkie Sense’ as her Equestria counterpart.

“Wait a minute,” Applejack asked, focussing on what seemed important to her, “let me get this straight, you’re a Pony?”

“You’re a Princess?” asked Rarity, doing the same.

“You’re from another world?” Fluttershy asked, glancing at Spike who still seemed more fascinating.

“A very nice one,” nodded Joe.

Twilight Sparkle blushed. “Uh-huh.”

“That is…” Rainbow Dash said, staring at her until she suddenly grinned, “awesome!”

The five girls descended on their new, Pony, friend and began to happily chatter to each other as they hugged. Sitting off to one side the two sorta-dogs looked at each other.

“See, told you,” commented Spike.

“Never doubted it for a moment,” Joe nodded, then deliberately rubbing his muzzle with a paw and saying ‘ahem’ to show he was lying.

==

The walk back to the school and the Gym was filled by more light conversation, which ended as they saw the results of Snips and Snails’ efforts. Even Joe, who’d seen it before, thought it looked worse now he was looking at how much work would need to be done rather than for clues. They moved in and started looking around and Joe had to restrain a comment about how Fluttershy’s cottage had looked after Rainbow Dash was petsitting. He knew, and had said, these weren’t the same people as the ponyfolk but listening to their voices and banter it was easy to slip and refer to something from Equestria.

Rarity drew herself up. “I simply cannot believe they did all this...”

“If I only had some sort of Party Cannon,” Pinkie Pie mused, surprising the off-world trio again, “that could decorate everything superfast.”

“I know it seems impossible,” admitted Twilight Sparkle, “but maybe if we all work together?”

“Now that's the sort of can do spirit that ah’m looking for in a Fall Formal Princess,” Applejack agreed. “Let's do it y’all.”

The five agreed and brought their hands together and after a moment of nerves, or to understand the gesture, Twilight Sparkle brought her hand to join those of her new friends. Then mutual affirmation over she went to get some cleaning supplies, a bundle of brooms for her and a bucket each for Spike and Joe to carry in their contrasting styles. Spike had gone bipedal to wrap his forelegs around his while Joe feeing doggy enough, and was large enough, that he was holding the handle of his in his jaws.

There was even more contrast in how the five girls accepted their brooms. Rainbow Dash took the chance to twirl it and make Joe feel unimpressed by his own quarterstaff skills. Applejack just caught hers. Rarity caught and then looked disgusted as she realised the prospect of dirt. Pinkie Pie showed her enthusiasm with a little hop after catching hers. And Fluttershy didn’t catch hers at all, she turned away from it and let the handle bounce off her head. Which looked painful as well as not very helpful.

As they tided and swept up debris Spike began following Rarity about. Joe shook his head at this and gave Twilight Sparkle a ‘you warned me?’ look before seeing just how well suited a dog shape was to tidying. He was glad that he was a ‘proper’ dog but at the moment it seemed that being one of the long furred and short legged breeds unkindly called ‘dust mops’ might have allowed him to test the truth of that nickname. As Twilight Sparkle struggled to move a table a pair of lads noticed her effort through the open door. Taking the sensible chance to help a pretty girl and, especially in the case of the large jock, flex their muscles they came in to assist. Unfortunately for them their display of strength, one at each end of the table, was undercut when Applejack wandered past carrying the same sort of table comfortably under one arm.

Time passed and more students noticed what was going on and joined in the redecorating. With the extra eyes Joe and Spike had to be careful to not look too smart, or in Spike’s case too adorable as they wanted the girls working rather than cooing over him. Though Spike might not have minded much as he was learning the advantage of being a ‘cute doggy’.

The faction lines seemed to have split as each group used their own skills to support the others in mutual teamwork. While trying to figure out what he could do and how that differed from what he could be seen to do Joe noticed Twilight Sparkle and Flash Sentry bump into each other again, and the extra bout of mutual chemistry and blushes and smiles. On reflection he did seem well named as you saw the Flash part first and then there was also the solid reliable protective elements of a Sentry.

“This looks soooo gooood!” Pinkie Pie declared, surveying the results.

Principal Celestia clapped for attention and as students turned, and Joe tried to stay low, she spoke. “All right everyone, Fall Formal is back on for this evening.” After a pause for the cheering she continued. “So you had better get out of here and start getting ready, and don't forget to cast your ballots for Fall Formal Princess on your way out.”

Although he was hanging well back the sensitivity of his doggy ears let Joe hear various students saying that Twilight Sparkle had their vote. It would have been nice to not immediately wonder what was going to go wrong now, but it was still nice that Joe didn’t think he could think of anything. The Gym was redecorated and wouldn’t be so easily vandalised a second time and it seemed the votes were going the way they’d hope. Fluttershy said she couldn’t believe they’d managed, to which Rainbow Dash reminded her they were awesome. Then Rarity got down to business and that they needed to look fabulous.

==

With the satisfaction of what they achieved rather than the fears they’d all felt, except probably Rainbow Dash, about if they would manage the return trip to the boutique was an even happier one. Inside Joe and Spike settled themselves in the main room while the five locals began dressing and being chivvied into shape by Rarity. As Spike began trying some fake moustaches, and admiring the different results, Joe raised his head from his paws to give him a doggy grin.

“I miss my beard,” Joe admitted, “even if dog whiskers seem more useful. And the magic could at least have made me a bearded collie rather than a mutt so I could have both.”

“What?” asked Rainbow Dash, pausing as she walked past.

Joe transferred the doggy grin to her. He was starting to like this Rainbow Dash but in the same way as he’d like a younger sister of ‘his’. Partially in her own right and partially because she shared things he liked about her older sibling. Although it had been done to swap sisters the more Joe liked this Rainbow Dash the more he detested the idea of treating her as a substitute, and the firmer his conviction that he didn’t want a substitute.

“Nothing,” Joe replied, getting a slight frown and nod from Rainbow Dash.

Rarity had some jewellery that resembled the Elements of Harmony and, even with all the parallels here and those being reasonably normal shapes, this was another mild surprise. A more important task for the off-world trio was compliment the others, Spike and Joe making polite comments while Twilight Sparkle applauded. Then the latter was snagged and subjected to the sort of full beautification that Rarity in any world was happy to provide. Spike and Joe added their compliments to the others and then they all went outside for a limo ride back to the school.

As they got out of the limousine Joe tapped Twilight Sparkle’s leg, very lightly, so she paused a moment as they hung back nearer the car and the others went ahead. “I’m going to try to stay out of sight,” Joe said, getting a nod, “avoid Cheerilee seeing me, again.”

Twilight Sparkle began up the stairs with a lot more grace than her first attempt on her first day and Joe padded away into the nighttime shadows. He paused though as he heard the engine of a sports car and, when he turned and saw the lightning bolts along either side, he was not surprised when Flash Sentry got out. It would have been more surprise had he arrived in something smaller and cheaper to insure. Joe watched as Flash Sentry bounded up the steps, talked to Twilight Sparkle, and then Joe smiled as she slammed him into the closed door when they went arm in arm and she entered the open one. He’d nothing against the fellow, and they owed him for the help with the pictures, but it was still funny and was good to see that sudden pain didn’t dent his charm.

==

As the Fall Formal got into full swing Joe wasn’t sure it was particularly formal. If the Garden Party or the Grand Galloping Gala back in Canterlot had been this much of a party then he also wasn’t sure what his friends could have done to disrupt them. Taking advantage of the doors outside having been left open for more air Joe had slipped inside to position himself near the stage and he thought he’d caught glimpses through the dancing legs of Spike in the little top hat and jacket they’d crammed him into in the limo. That it had been Rarity cramming had made Spike’s resistance minimal.

Now, although he was sure it was perfectly nice music, Joe had decided to put his paws over his ears. These were more sensitive now and this was a lot louder than he’d been playing music in the library. And even at the volume in the library and with music he’d chosen he’d had a few problems enjoying it as he could hear sounds above and below what he was supposed to.

The music stopped and Joe pulled back further into the shadows near the steps up onto the stage, then resorted to puppy eyes when Principal Celestia noticed him anyway. She gave a little headshake and continued onto the stage where she said how wonderful everything looked and what a magnificent job they had done after earlier. Joe had to resist the temptation to peek as Principal Celestia continued and announced Twilight Sparkle was the Princess and congratulated her. It seemed they had won but then Joe heard a voice he didn’t expect to hear in public here.

“Twilight, help!” Spike called.

“Spike?” asked Twilight Sparkle, looking and seeing her ‘little brother’ struggling with Snips and Snails as they dognapped him. “They’ve got Spike!”

Twilight Sparkle and the others dashed off in pursuit and Joe also chased, but he went back out the doors onto the sports field. That was less distance to try to weave between legs across and meant no doors in the way. But as he began to circle the building he wasn’t sure if it was thought or instinct guiding him. He could feel wolf instincts to rend and tear rising, and did wonder if he should have stayed with the others, but it right to go round to the side, like the out runner of the pack. To take advantage of being a black dog in the night, even if this was well moonlit.

As Joe closed in on the front of the building he realised his doggy ears could hear snatches of words and that the others had caught up enough to be talking to Sunset Shimmer. Part of him wondered if that showed Sunset Shimmer had wanted them to catch up and had lured them into a trap, which made his indirect route the better one. Most of him said that he was taking too long and he forced more effort and more speed from himself. The harder his breath came and the closer he crept and had to concentrate on not growling, as he skirted patches of light to circle around to the rear of the enemy pack, the harder understand words become, is enemy, so must bite, so not talk, bite…

Cannot get pack leader. Packmates in way and would warn if try to go other side round thing in way. Pack leader talking and threaten portal with thing in hands. Pack leader say not all night, that portal close in less than hour. That enough time to bite her. Pack leader demand answer from own pack leader, or at least alpha-female. Own leader looking scorn.

==

“No,” Twilight Sparkle said.

“What?” asked Sunset Shimmer in disbelief as she waggled her sledgehammer. “Equestria, your friends, lost to you forever, don’t you see what I'm about to do to the portal?”

“Yes, but I’ve also seen what you've been able to do here without magic,” Twilight Sparkle replied. “Equestria will find a way to survive without my Element of Harmony, this place might not if I allow it to fall into your hands.”

A bloodcurdling and rippling snarl came from behind Snips and Snails, who turned to see a medium sized black dog with all its fur on end and froth around its muzzle and bared teeth. Joe snarled again to intimidate the enemy pack subordinates and regained enough control to form words and thoughts.

“I… agree,” Joe breathed, snarling again before he could continue. “Deny. Her.”

“What the…” Snips said, looking to Snails and being very glad that was not the dog they’d needed to snatch.

Sunset Shimmer glanced between Twilight Sparkle and this unexpected new arrival. There had been rumours of a black dog around the school over the last few days, padding its way back and forth or napping not quite as well concealed in a bush as it might think. But that it was, barely, talking suggested its arrival and that of Twilight Sparkle was not coincidence. She failed to prevent the thought occurring that if she did smash the portal, which would be a stupid thing to do anyway, there would be nothing to discourage this dog from trying to tear her throat out.

“So go ahead,” Twilight Sparkle continued, “destroy the Portal, you are not getting this crown.”

“Fine, you win,” shrugged Sunset Shimmer, giving up on her bluff and on her sledgehammer. With the dog there she’d feel more secure with it still in her hands but if she was going to reverse the apparent defeat she needed to look defeated and harmless. Snips and Snails dodged as the sledgehammer almost hit them, but returned their attention to the ravening mutt and whether it had crept a little closer.

Portal not in danger, can now bite. Portal not in danger, not need to bite. But do need to bite. But don’t have to bite as pack leader… Joe took a breath. As Sunset Shimmer doesn’t have the crown, or Spike, or her sledgehammer. Instincts say need to bite, some intellect says be a good thing to end the threat, most of mind says enemy defeated so can relax. Maybe too easy after all problems. Others can judge better. Joe sank down, his chin going on his paws and his eyes closing, to concentrate on his breathing and try to reduce the pounding in his ears. His own temper had resonated with the wolf instincts so he needed to be calm, hold onto his sanity and force those instincts down, and remember who he was and that this would soon be over. A few farewells and then into the portal even, though he expected it would take longer.

The local girls started to congratulate Twilight Sparkle on being awesome and how they couldn’t believe she was going to do that for them. Twilight Sparkle glanced across at Joe, who looked to have settled like Winona did between commands from Applejack when herding sheep, and felt guilty. They didn’t seem to realise how much they should be praising him as he’d just agreed to accept, almost certainly, becoming a dog in mind as well as body. He looked fine for now though, and to check on him or go and praise him would need them to get past Sunset Shimmer and Snips and Snails.

Distracted by her thoughts and her guilt Twilight Sparkle barely heard Sunset Shimmer’s sneer about her being so very special so the attack was a surprise. As much as she had become used to walking on two legs she felt herself falling and the crown falling from her head as the other Equestrian sprang forward to take by force what trickery and threats had not gained her. Working on the basis that other humans were probably some of the things human hands were meant to hold Twilight Sparkle grabbed and wrestled.

Reacting fast Spike dashed towards the crown and, with an uncharitable hope that he’d make Sunset Shimmer’s scalp bleed like he had Joe’s by standing on it as a Dragon, he jumped on her head to use it as a springboard while Twilight Sparkle hang onto one leg to prevent her reaching the crown. Spike’s jaws closed and his short legs sped him on his way and, seeing her prize escaping from almost close enough to have brushed it with her fingertips, Sunset Shimmer twisted in Twilight Sparkle’s grasp to call to her minions.

“Grab him, you fools!”

This call and the stupid noises of acknowledgement Snips and Snails made as they turned their attention to the small purple dog rather than the, seemingly quiescent, larger black one were enough to pierce Joe’s haze. He opened his eyes and raised his head a fraction. There were those two running that way, there was Sunset Shimmer, and there was Spike fleeing with the crown. For a moment Joe almost closed his eyes again as he had faith in the others. It was six versus three, still six versus three if he discounted Fluttershy and included Spike, and with the strength and speed Applejack and Rainbow Dash had shown he’d back them against Snips and Snails any day.

But the two boys did seem vicious little thugs and… Joe tried to take some humour that he was about to think ‘it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog’ when he’d proven it. Seemed like Spike had more fight in his smaller form than he had in his larger one so, with a slight lurch, Joe rose to his paws and set off in chase of the foe as they chased his ally. Ahead of him Spike seemed to have decided inside was safer but had forgotten the problem he’d have with doors.

Spike gave the door another quick scrabble at and then seeing how close Snips and Snails were getting, and remembering how easily they’d dealt with him, he threw the crown to Rainbow Dash. The two boys turned in pursuit and, proving her strength and speed, she briefly wrestled them away to give herself time to throw the crown on to Fluttershy, who turned and let it bounce off her head but managed to turn back in time to catch it anyway. As Rainbow Dash held Snails off there was a sudden black blur and Snails crumpled around the impact of black furred dog skull in his side.

Joe managed to stay on top of Snails as the boy went to the ground and, planting his paws on the boy’s chest and a little dazed by the impact, bared his teeth as he looked down and their eyes met. “I’m going to bite your face off, nobody touches her.”

As Snips and Sunset Shimmer ignored their friend or minion’s plight and dashed towards the now fear-frozen Fluttershy Rainbow Dash took a chance of being snapped at and grabbed two handfuls of slightly shaggy dog scruff to haul Joe away. He struggled a little, and when he looked at her his eyes were wild, but then he blinked and they became more normal. He nodded to her.

“Nobody touches her?” Rainbow Dash asked, releasing Joe. “There something you want to tell me?”

“Not really,” replied Joe, taking a deep breath and glowering at the retreating Snails, “but worlds can have parallels, and you are lovely in any world.”

“Er, thanks.”

“And thank you,” nodded Joe. “I nearly lost myself to instinct.”

Rainbow Dash decided to not ask if that was dog instinct or ‘get away from my girl’ instinct. Hearing the snarl Joe had announced his presence with here had been almost as much of a shock as hearing the friendly, rather soppy looking, dog begin speaking in quite a posh accent back at the boutique. Instead she began running after Snails as he tried to catch up with his allies, and as Fluttershy continued to just stand there. Joe hesitated and then followed, he’d surprised himself as he’d not thought he’d hit his head that hard and had thought he’d got himself more back under control.

A rope settled around Fluttershy as Applejack lassoed her but, as she was pulled clear, she lost her grip on the crown and Snips managed to catch it. The pudgier minion raised it in triumph and Pinkie Pie appeared from somewhere to take it and hand it to Applejack, who transferred it to Rarity, who threw it to Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately when Snips and Snails charged at her and she threw the crown this accidentally went to Sunset Shimmer. Joe let out a small whine at this as it seemed to him that if they were going to play any game it should be full contact rather than touch. And as little stirred as he had been by them it would be a more attractive pile if Twilight Sparkle had dropped and her friends had ‘bound on’ than when large quantities of Rugby players piled on top of the man with the ball.

“I’ll take that, at last!” Sunset Shimmer crowed. Twilight Sparkle gathered Spike up in her arms and Joe reluctantly obeyed as Rainbow Dash waved him back, though he wondered if this obedience was just as much transferred feelings as the earlier battle rage. “More power than I could ever imagine.”

Sunset Shimmer crowned herself and rings of aqua coloured magical power began rippling down around her before a column of white light flared up around her and she began to lift from the ground. Flames of aqua erupted around the base of this column and more aqua light pulsed at the top of it as it vanished. Sunset Shimmer convulsed in a patch of shadow within the column, whirling as she transformed and grew to two or three times her previous height. The size change was only a small part of it though.

It was hard to see until the magic faded but as it did it became apparent that her skin had shaded to red, the whites of her eyes had turned black, and bat wings had sprouted from her back. Her ears had extended into the sort of horizontal pointy ones some artists gave Elves but they appeared tattered and as she smiled in triumph she showed her teeth had become even pointier than her ears.

The change in her outfit and hairstyle seemed minor, though Joe was glad that her outfit had changed with her rather than tearing away from her as he had no interest in seeing her bits. She was now wearing a flame coloured dress with a jagged flame coloured thing that Joe wasn’t sure whether was a horsetail or a decoration from the belt. To complete the theme of flames her hair was now sweeping straight up into a flame shape and had also gained those colours.

Joe had heard a quote ‘chap with wings, five rounds rapid’ and he’d read an adaptation ‘big red thing, five rounds rapid’ so he supposed combining the two into ‘big red thing with wings, ten rounds rapid’ would be a fair plan, if he had any soldiers. Then he’d just enough time to decide that doggy instincts were easier to control, or maybe the doggy desire to put your belly to the ground and whimper was easier than the one to tear out throats, before the crown and Sunset Shimmer’s hands glowed with more aqua power. This streaked across and into Snips and Snails who underwent a briefer transformation though barely less thorough as they also assumed a more demonic form.

Like their mistress their hair became pointy and vertical and they had gained bat wings. Their clothes had turned into simple black suits that left their shoulders bare, accented in orange for Snips and blue for Snails, and though their ears had become pointy they were not extending horizontally and did not seem ragged. Their grins of triumph hinted that they now had forked tongues to complete their transformation.

“This is going to be so cool,” Snails declared.

Snips looked at Joe. “You said you were going to bite my face off?”

“Grrr,” Joe replied, though he’d prefer his spear and the hands to hold it his teeth were still bigger, “still might.”

Snips and Snails began to advance and the girls and Joe and Spike to retreat, Spike having no choice in the matter until he managed to get down from Twilight Sparkle’s arms. Cries of surprise from the school entrance distracted Sunset Shimmer and, rather than attack, Snips and Snails just moved to join her. She began ranting as she landed about the trouble she’d been through to get this crown, then a glow surrounded her hand and the front of the school and as she clasped her fist the latter collapsed as it was crushed in her magical grasp. Sunset Shimmer waved her hand and the debris she’d created went off to one side as she told the students they would be loyal to her.

“I was going to ask if anyone had a tank,” Joe commented, thinking partially of the story he’d mentioned to ‘his’ Rainbow Dash and partially of tabletop wargaming, “but I think she could flip one…”

“A rocket launcher worked against one demon,” suggested Rainbow Dash.

“No weapon forged by man,” Joe nodded, hoping he was remembering the right thing, “and that wasn’t forged.”

Rainbow Dash blinked. Someone from an alternate world of talking ponies referring to a tank was bizarre enough, but him getting a pop culture reference?

“Darlings, this is all very interesting,” Rarity chided them gently, “but we don’t have a tank and we don’t have any sort of firearms…”

The sound of screaming reached them as Sunset Shimmer flapped in through the newly enlarged entrance and they saw the students’ attempts to flee ended as aqua rings formed and fell on their heads. Their eyes also glowed aqua as they went slack jawed and drooling and began to wobble on their feet.

“Round them up and bring them to the portal back,” Sunset Shimmer ordered then, as Snips and Snails moved to obey, she turned her attention back to Twilight Sparkle. “Spoiler alert,” she sneered, “I was bluffing when I said I was going to destroy the portal. I don't want to rule this pathetic little High School, I want Equestria and with my own little teenage army behind me…” She gestured to them with Snips and Snails hovering above. “I’m going to get it!”

“She thinks she’s going to conquer Equestria with Zombies?” blinked Joe. They might only have Party Cannons rather than Cannon but they had spears and armour and living Goddesses and…

“She’s killed them?” Fluttershy gasped.

“Sorry,” said Joe, trying to be reassuring, “I was thinking more the sense of a living person confused and enslaved.” He sniffed and decided there wasn’t any hint of excrement as there would be if the bowels had released in death, but also decided to not say what he had sniffed for. “They still smell the same, though it is difficult to smell anything over Sunset Shimmer.”

“Which ain’t a new thing, honey bun,” Applejack commented. “Even when she weren’t all demon-like she was a mite heavy on the perfume.”

Joe nodded and as he felt his shock wearing off and the aggressive instincts returning he tried to distract himself by thinking more clinically. And tried to concentrate on that rather than wishing he was talking rather than thinking and was talking with ‘his’ Rainbow Dash as he had when considering Ponies versus something or humans versus something before. Equestria ponies were magically strong, but were these humans? Applejack was strong carrying that table… Joe took another deep breath… and Flash Sentry jumped those steps. But… enemy there, bite it… might be just them. Mirror portal closing soon so… portal is too small for… Joe gave up and concentrated on breathing and listening.

Twilight Sparkle’s eyes widened as she caught sight of the zombiefied Flash Sentry. “You’ll not get Equestria!” she shouted, squaring up.

“Oh please,” Sunset Shimmer mocked, “what exactly do you think you’re going to do to stop me? I have magic and you have nothing!”

“She has us!” declared Rainbow Dash as she and the other girls rushed forward to join their friend.

Joe glanced to Spike as they padded forward to join the six ladies. “Aruuuuu… * Been nice knowing you Spike… *”

“Grrrar… * Not dead yet… *”

“Grruff, rrggrhff… * I notice you said yet, but let's die well… *” Joe replied, baring his teeth in a snarl and smile. “Grarrrfffrr. * Valhalla and all that. *”

“See, the gang really is all back together again,” chuckled Sunset Shimmer, gathering her magic. Her hair seemed to become literal flame as it flickered and the colours began to play up it, and energy crackled from her hands in streams to gather in a ball between them. “Now, step aside… Twilight has tried to interfere with my plans one too many times already…” The ball of magic had grown huge. “She needs to be dealt with.”

Sunset Shimmer released the magic ball and the five girls flung themselves in to hug Twilight Sparkle. Joe and Spike had been moving up on one flank, and been a little further back, so as they lunged in to add themselves to the human shield the magic ball struck and the concussion flung them away again. Once he’d finished bouncing and rolling Joe wobbly raised his head. Then he blinked.

Sunset Shimmers evil cackling broke off as she did a double take. “What?”

“Glowy sparkles?” Joe commented insightfully, shaking his head a little. “Well, I am sure that is a nice colour, if not for doggy eyes…”

The purple glow continued to surround Twilight Sparkle as she stood and pointed at the shocked Sunset Shimmer. “The magic contained in my Element was able to unite with those that helped create it.”

As Twilight Sparkle spoke the crown glowed purple rather than aqua and Sunset Shimmer’s eyes crossed as she tried to look up at the centre of her own forehead at the wobbly purple line of magic that had begun flowing from the crown.

Staggering slightly Joe got himself across to Spike who’d been a little closer, or a little quicker to react. “Hup, my friend.”

“Ow, careful of the teeth,” Spike complained as he was lifted by the scruff, “and we’ve got to help Twilight.”

“Getting beyond us,” replied Joe in a rather muffled manner, since he had a smaller dog in his mouth, “duel of mages.”

As Joe moved there was a large pulse of white light and Twilight Sparkle continued to speak.

“Honesty, Kindness…” Twilight Sparkle began, and as she continued through laughter, generosity, and loyalty each of her friends acquired Pony-like ears, their hair lengthened to flow far enough down past their rears to look almost like tails, and Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash gained their feathered wings.

“Yeee…” Joe commented.

“Ow,” said Spike, being dropped.

“Sorry,” Joe said, picking him up and muffling his words again, “I couldn’t help but go slack jawed.”

“…Magic,” continued Twilight Sparkle, gaining her own wings. “Together with the crown they create a power beyond anything you could imagine. But it is a power you don't have the ability to control...”

Joe angled his course to the side, trying to get a better view as well as out of the line of fire. He could see the magic was continuing to flow into the ladies and could see Sunset Shimmer trying to break the flow as she shook her head around and clasped her hands to it. This had been a surprising reversal and almost made up for being a dog, and unable to have simply punched Snips and Snails and kept them from the crown that way.

“The Crown may be upon your head Sunset Shimmer, but you cannot wield it,” explained Twilight Sparkle, “because you do not possess the most powerful magic of all… the magic of friendship”

Twilight Sparkle linked hands into a heart shape and began to float up into the air with a white aura around them.

“Yelp!”

“Sorry,” Joe apologised again, sounding muffled before he put Spike down. “I tried to not let my jaw slack, and went the other way…”

“Ssssshhhh!” replied Spike, eyes glinting in anticipation. “Watch this!”

A rainbow double helix streaked up from the ladies so the two spirals linked together into a single brilliant white glow. Then from that glow a rainbow curved down at Sunset Shimmer as she spluttered and protested this turn of events. Rather than strike her directly, as Spike expected from his experience witnessing the Elements of Harmony, it ended below her to form another white glow. From this sprouted a single rainbow spiral that began to wrap itself around Sunset Shimmer in the same way as Joe had seen ‘his’ Rainbow Dash do to the supposed-Changelings or as ‘his’ Rainbow Dash’s father had shown he’d have been able to do to him.

“What… is… happening?” Sunset Shimmer managed to ask before she was completely engulfed. A glow formed in the mouth of the rainbow tornado and fireworks to streak from it.

“Here, and in Equestria,” concluded Twilight Sparkle, “it is the only magic that can truly unite us all.”

A single rainbow column formed from the united friends, Twilight Sparkle having assumed a position in front of them with the others in a line across behind her. A straight rainbow beam linked them to Flash Sentry, and this ping-ponged off and past him as his eyes cleared and he turned. Their eyes following this beam Joe and Spike had the impression that two more rainbow tornadoes had formed around Snips and Snails to give them the same treatment as whatever it was that Sunset Shimmer was, hopefully, suffering.

Light flared to brilliant white and when this cleared the freed students began to emerge. Joe and Spike could see their friends were unconscious and still had the pony ears and longer hair and Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash still had wings. The two sorta-dogs trotted over and Spike began licking Twilight Sparkle’s face to wake her up. Resisting that doggy instinct Joe started to work his way around the others to plant a paw on their shoulder and shake them lightly. This seemed to work as well and he wasn’t even tempted to ‘slip’ when it came to Rainbow Dash.

As Twilight Sparkle hugged Spike and the others began to sit up Joe looked to where Sunset Shimmer had been. “Now that is a big crater.”

This Rainbow Dash seemed just as keen, now she had wings and the ability to fly, as ‘his’ to stay in the air so Joe moved across to the crater. He didn’t want to risk looking up her skirt and he especially didn’t want Twilight Sparkle to accuse him of doing that. The strain of being on this other world seemed to have made her alert for his mistakes, and in return had made him less tolerant of her pointing them out. Looking down into the crater Joe saw that Sunset Shimmer had reverted to her human form, though not past that to her pony form, and was in the middle of a rising column of smoke.

“You will never rule Equestria,” Twilight Sparkle said, also crossing to the crater’s edge to look down. “Any power you may have had in this world is gone! Tonight you showed everyone who you really are!”

Joe glanced at her and decided to not comment that Twilight Sparkle still had pony ears and wings, so she’d got closer towards showing everyone here who she really was as well. It seemed like Twilight Sparkle was on a roll so it was better to stay quiet.

“You’ve shown them what is in your heart.”

Sunset Shimmer sat up, covered in grazes and scrapes and tears filling her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she wailed, “I didn't know there was another way.”

Frowning at this Joe stayed tense and quiet. It was quite a turn around and the last time Sunset Shimmer had seemed to be accepting defeat she had then jumped Twilight Sparkle. Sometimes you could scare yourself though, like when you threatened to bite someone’s face off, and having those dark instincts exposed might lead to self-knowledge. But he was still ready to spring and bite if there was a trick as Sunset Shimmer began climbing out of the crater and Twilight Sparkle continued to speak.

“The magic of friendship doesn't just exist in Equestria, it’s everywhere…” Twilight Sparkle said, glancing to the other five, “you can seek it out, or you can forever be alone. The choice is yours.”

“But all I’ve ever done since being here is drive everyone apart,” replied Sunset Shimmer as she reached the top of the crater slope. “I don’t know the first thing about friendship…”

“At least you didn't nearly leave the Elements of Harmony unusable,” Joe commented, feeling the need to speak even if he didn’t feel much need to reassure this girl, “after spending months hiding in a hut.”

Twilight Sparkle helped Sunset Shimmer up and gave a slight nod and smile towards her new friends. “I bet they can teach you.”

“Their counterparts did me,” Joe commented again.

“Grarrh! grrrffrrffrgg, * Shut up! This is Twilight’s conversation, *” said Spike as he joined them.

“Arooggrrfff, grrfgg, * Talking to her reminds me of my mind, eases the urge to bite her, *” Joe replied.

“Aggggrrr! * Still shut up! *” grumbled Spike.

When Joe nodded in agreement Spike moved away again and stood on his hind legs to clap. “Those are my girls, whoohoo!”

“Wait,” one student said, having noticed the brief exchange, “were those dogs just talking? Whoa, weird!”

“Seriously?” commented Spike. “Talking dogs are the weird thing about all this?”

“I for one think you are adorable!” Rarity declared, scooping him up.

“Oh yeah!” said Spike, enjoying the attention and giving Joe a grin.

Joe rolled his eyes at Spike, but he understood why Twilight Sparkle trusted Spike this far and had been concerned about him. Aside from the conversation of eleven days ago, and that she seemed to still be judging things by that standard, there was the fact that Spike was her ‘little brother’ that she’d hatched and raised and who was worthy of her most implicit trust.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Principal Celestia said as she arrived, holding the crown. “A true Princess in any world leads not by forcing others to bow before her…” Twilight Sparkle decided to bow to the counterpart of her mentor anyway. Even if this one was a Principal rather than a Princess it felt right to emulate the way she’d seen Joe bowing back in Equestria. “But by inspiring others to stand with her. We have all seen that you are capable of just that. I hope you see it too, Princess Twilight.”

“I do,” replied Twilight Sparkle.

Briefly she wondered at her reaction of bowing and at Principal Celestia’s words. That rather than demand to know what was going on she had given such reassurances and referred to ‘any world’. However as students cheered, and Spike remained in Rarity’s arms enjoying attention from Fluttershy as well, Twilight Sparkle decided that if Pinkie Pie could have ‘Pinkie Sense’ here then the counterpart of a Goddess could also have extra insight and wisdom. Though maybe not the degree of omniscience that had allowed Princess Celestia to show her scenes from her own life on the star road.

Her thoughts were interrupted as she noticed a very welcome arrival.

“Now,” Flash Sentry said, a touch of uncertainty that Twilight Sparkle found utterly endearing in his voice, “would be a completely awkward time to ask you for that dance…”

Despite her immediate reaction of joy, and relief that even when he’d seen her do such strange things and when she still had the ears and wings of her true form he still wanted to dance with her, Twilight Sparkle didn’t take the offered hand at once. She thought it would have taken her a moment to overcome that joy and relief and surprise anyway but there was something else to consider. She glanced to Joe who was sitting quietly to one side, as usual.

“I know the doggy instincts are…” began Twilight Sparkle.

“Go for it,” Joe assured her, noting how instantly she took the hand as soon as he said that. Although the rest seemed unneeded he continued. “Some more peace and quiet to get myself back together before we return might be better for me, and I’ve an apology to make.”

Twilight Sparkle nodded to this as she took Flash Sentry’s arm and he led her back towards the Gym. The other five and a still contented Spike followed as other students began to cluster around them and marvel at their ears and wings, and ask the simple question of what had just happened. Pinkie Pie launched into the same explanation as before and everyone seemed satisfied enough with this, and that the girls they had known for years were still the same girls, that they went back to partying. And as the local Scootaloo did the chicken dance she was delighted when Rainbow Dash took advantage of her wings to scoop her up for a flight around above the heads of everyone else.

==

Joe had not followed everyone else at once. He was tired of being a dog and wanted to return but he was glad that here, unlike Equestria, he could be more unobtrusive. The students had spent most of the final confrontation in their Sunset Shimmer induced haze and when this had lifted their attention had been on Twilight Sparkle and the other ladies, and then on Spike as he played court from Rarity’s arms. So Joe had been able to slip away into the dark and find a comfortable bush to breathe and think under.

He wasn’t sure how long he spent there and was sufficiently unsure that it was a relief when he finally continued to the Gym, in through the doors to the sports field, and saw Twilight Sparkle. It seemed unlikely that he’d been calming himself long enough to have missed the time to leave and unlikely that he’d have not noticed if she had called for him but two unlikelihoods did not make an impossibility. Joe wandered a little until he saw the floral skirt he was hoping for.

“My apologies Madame,” said Joe, surprising a few people as he spoke and bowed his head, “for attempting to make you doubt your sanity. I panicked as the cause was important…”

“You didn’t clear the browser history,” Cheerilee interrupted.

“Eh?” asked Joe.

“I had the proof of your browsing,” Cheerilee smiled, “and a video with Polish subtitles of a song by a Swedish Heavy Metal band about the Battle of Britain does not seem like something one of my students would be looking at. So that it was being looked at by a dog was not the strangest thing about it.”

“Well they bloody well should do,” replied Joe, a little nettled that his taste in music was being considered stranger than a talking dog.

“Besides,” Cheerilee continued, “it takes more than a polite talking dog to make me insane after years of dealing with students. Especially when the dog is large enough and shaggy enough it could have had a mobile phone concealed on it to provide the speech.”

“Nonetheless I apologise,” bowed Joe again, trying to not be distracted as he saw Twilight Sparkle had begun pony style dancing.

“Accepted.”

As Joe moved away from Cheerilee he saw also that Flash Sentry had joined in with the pony style. This continued kindness and adaptability made Joe wonder if he should have a conversation. He wasn’t sure how well any lad would take being given advice by a dog and even if he’d been in his normal form there was a chance it could go wrong. But when Flash Sentry moved away from the girls and they started to leave Joe summoned his courage, subdued his concern that he was about to be patronising, and moved in for the talk.

“You’ve been good to her, so I don’t have to bite you.”

“What?” Flash Sentry said, tearing his gaze away from the departing Twilight Sparkle and down to the black dog that had appeared at his side.

“I’m no relation to her, but I’m sure you’ve encountered actual big brothers and protective streaks.”

“And what do you mean by that?” asked Flash Sentry, eyes narrowing a fraction.

“You’re a tall handsome bloke who’s charming, plays guitar in a band, and has a sports car,” Joe replied, wishing he had his usual height so he wasn’t being looked down on and his usual fingers to tick points off on. “The sort of boy that makes girls swoon and fathers and brothers wonder if their daughter or sister needs protecting.”

“So you’d have ‘protected’ her from me?”

“I knew how off-balance she was, and I don’t mean having to use two legs rather than four, so I might have let the superficial things fool me. Probably a good thing I got turned into a dog… so thanks for all your help.”

Flash Sentry began to look vaguely baffled. Not only was he having this talk with a dog but he wasn’t sure why the dog couldn’t have just said ‘thank you’ rather than talking about not having to bite him. “She was worth it.”

“And you treated her well enough that not only am I not going to bite you I’m going to warn you.”

“Of?”

“Did she say the portal will be shut for thirty moons?” Joe asked.

“Yeah,” sighed Flash Sentry, sagging slightly, “I’m not going to see her again, or not until then.”

“Not going to see her,” Joe replied, “but from what Pinkie Pie has said there might be a counterpart of Twilight here.”

“But she won’t be the same Twilight as the one I’ve met.”

“Which is why I’m warning you,” Joe nodded. “So you are not surprised if you do see her.”

“Thanks,” nodded Flash Sentry. “It could have been… awkward.”

“Twilight has lectured me about getting confused between counterparts,” Joe continued and admitted, “and I am just as satisfied that you’d not do that as I am that I was not. So I think you’d treat the local Twilight right, as herself, but there is one other thing I like you well enough to warn of…”

“Which is?”

“Back home,” Joe said, pausing as he realised he’d said ‘home’ rather than ‘in Equestria’, “ah, Twilight has a brother. If the parallels hold then so would the one here, and we’d not have seen him as he’s her older brother who’d not be hanging around a high school. And if the parallels continue to hold then he’d be the local equivalent of the former Captain of the Royal Guard.”

Flash Sentry managed a smile. “Be careful or get my legs broken by an ex-military big brother?”

“I don’t think you’d need that motivation,” Joe replied, giving a doggy grin back, “or I’d have let that part be a surprise. But I’d better catch up…”

==

Although the front doors had been ‘removed’ there was still the door into the rest of the building from the Gym and still the problem of having to get between all those dancing legs. So Joe had gone back out around the building again and as he reached the front and saw Sunset Shimmer peeking around the edge of the shattered wall he decided that had been a good choice. Although it felt like he’d filled his quota of advice and threats for the day he wasn’t sure if he could have passed without some comment.

The girls were locked in another group hug and as Joe approached and heard Twilight Sparkle confirming that they would look out for Sunset Shimmer he silently agreed that they should, though he felt more in the way you looked out for a bus when crossing the road.

“Of course we will,” Rarity agreed, adding, “although I do expect some sort of apology for last spring’s debacle.”

Twilight Sparkle glanced across to the shattered entrance as Vice Principal Luna handed Sunset Shimmer a trowel and Snips and Snails arrived with a load of bricks. “I have a feeling she’ll be handing out a lot of apologies.”

“We’d better get going,” Spike added, “now Joe is here.”

“I know we’ve only been friends for a short time,” smiled Twilight Sparkle to the others, “but I’m going to miss all of you so much.”

Then Twilight Sparkle began towards the plinth and portal, Spike immediately following, and Joe giving them a pony style bow first. Then after a few steps following Twilight Sparkle the bowing reminded him of something, and he stopped and turned back.

“Applejack, if that is your Grandmother who works in the kitchens…”

“It is,” Applejack confirmed.

“Then please thank her for giving sausages to a hungry mutt. Both of them were appreciated.”

“Will do, sugar cube.”

Joe nodded, turned, and trotted to catch up with the other two.

“That crown really does suit you, Princess Twilight,” Spike said, as Joe fell in on the other side of her.

“You know what Spike,” admitted Twilight Sparkle, “I am starting to feel a little more comfortable wearing it.”

“And the wings?” Spike asked.

“I’ve been walking on two legs and picking things up with these...” began Twilight Sparkle, before she glanced at Joe as she gestured with a hand. She was making it sound as if wings were not as bad as being what Joe was normally, which was true for her but sounded impolite.

“And I’ve not been,” Joe said with a doggy shrug. “Depends what you're used to.”

“And I am used to the other,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, mildly relieved he understood, “so I’m thrilled that wings are all I'll be dealing with back in Equestria.”

They entered the portal and unseen by them behind them the moon of the other world briefly pulsed with extra light as the portal closed and the five girls lost their pony like properties. This was disappointing for Pinkie Pie and a little painful for Rainbow Dash as she was in mid air when her wings vanished.

==

The world swirled and as it reformed Twilight Sparkle was glad. Glad she’d not passed out on the return trip. Glad that her friends were there waiting for her. And very glad that she was suddenly wobblier on her back legs and that as she came down she landed on hooves. As they greeted her Joe came through the portal on all fours and had a similar problem of suddenly mismatched limbs and posture. His hand slipped on the smooth stone and he rolled down the step from the mirror with a thump.

“Ow,” Joe commented as he looked at himself. Rainbow Dash was also looking at him so he gave her a smile, which she returned, to reassure her that he was okay and to show how glad he was to see her again.

“Sunset Shimmer,” asked Princess Celestia, “is she alright?”

“I think she’s going to be fine,” Twilight Sparkle smiled. “I left her in good hands...”

“Hands?” asked Rainbow Dash, exchanging a glance with Rarity. “Like Joe’s?”

“Not like mine while I was there…” Joe began, but that was when Spike arrived. Twilight Sparkle had dodged slightly to one side at Joe’s arrival so the, now-restored, Dragon continued on to hit Joe between the shoulder blades. “Ooooffff!”

“What do you mean not like yours while you were there?” asked Rainbow Dash as Joe coughed a few times.

“With respect, Your Majesty,” Joe said, answering his marefriend indirectly as he looked at Princess Celestia, “you could have mentioned I was going to get turned into a dog and Twilight a purple skinned human.”

Princess Celestia blinked very slightly before she restored her regal calm. “Would it have made any difference had you been warned, or had you remained human while you were there?”

“I’d have still gone,” Joe shrugged, “I’d have still come back, and I’m not sure it affected how much help I could be. Though it did affect what sort of help I could provide.”

Rainbow Dash was still looking at Joe. Talk of Twilight Sparkle being turned into a human and that Joe could have remained one was worrying. He’d said he would still have come back but she had to wonder if being turned into a dog had forced him to pass up a chance to return home. And what if she had followed Spike’s example and joined him and been turned into a human like Twilight Sparkle had? Everything had seemed to be working between them at Fluttershy’s cottage, and she wouldn’t have wanted to move to his world, but would he have been happier living there with her like that?

Seeing how worried Rainbow Dash was looking Spike tried to advise Joe of this, but he forgot he was back to being a dragon. “Aruff….”

“Spike, darling,” Rarity asked as the advice turned into a bout of coughing, “did you just try to bark?”

“He was a dog there as well,” smiled Joe, looking to her as Spike recovered, “and we found we could bark to each other as well as talk.”

“I hoped that would be useful,” Princess Celestia commented. Everyone blinked at her and she smiled. “Oh, come now… you don’t think Spike’s dash for the mirror was a surprise, or that I could not have stopped him?”

“Oh…” said Spike.

“But be at ease Spike,” Princess Celestia said, before turning to the worried blue Pegasus, “and you as well Rainbow Dash, I would have had to stop you so I am pleased you trusted my judgement.” She looked back to Spike. “But I am not insulted or displeased by Spike’s actions.”

“As he was, and is, cuter and smaller,” said Joe, a little belatedly giving his sweetheart another, hopefully, reassuring smile, “he could stay with Twilight…”

With Twilight Sparkle mostly taking over, so Joe and Spike were only commenting on her retelling, the tale of where they had been was told. How Twilight Sparkle had been turned into a schoolgirl and had needed to run for Princess of the Fall Formal to win back the Crown. How Sunset Shimmer as another schoolgirl had tried to prevent this. How Spike had spent his time in Twilight Sparkle’s backpack and Joe spent most of his time napping in bushes. And of all the strange strong parallels to Equestria and that these extended to there even being human counterparts of ponyfolk.

Listening to this Rainbow Dash realised that it had not been Joe’s home world, so that concern eased a fraction. But it was replaced by concern about this other ‘Rainbow Dash’ whose natural shape was the one Joe would have been able to react to without needing to adjust. She reminded herself again that judging from Fluttershy’s cottage he had adjusted but there was still that doubt. In some ways she was feeling the same self-doubt as when the others had created Mare do Well and, although it had taken their combined efforts, she’d been unable to compete.

As she looked at the floor she suddenly felt strong arms wrap around her neck and shoulders, and snuggled gratefully into the hug, extending one wing to put it on his knee as Joe knelt in front of her. He kissed her on top of the head and then whispered to her. She nodded as he suggested they talked later and then blushed a little as he said he wasn’t going to do more than whisper in her ear in front of Royalty, especially after the whack on the nose from her ear flick last time.

“We hoped you’d all be back sooner,” Rarity smiled, her horn glowing as Joe pulled back from Rainbow Dash a fraction and she floated something across to settle on his head, “but at least it gave me time for this.”

Joe took one hand off Rainbow Dash to feel his head. “Hat?”

“We had to do something while we were waiting,” Rarity nodded, as he looked to her, “we all took it in turns to be here, though as it got closer to the portal closing we all congregated.”

“And now I feel guilty,” sighed Joe, taking the slouch hat off and looking at it. “Never occurred to me to bring something back for any of you.”

“I don’t think that would have worked Joe,” Twilight Sparkle reassured him, “or I’d have come back laden with books.”

“Or we might have been able to snag a laptop,” chuckled Joe, deciding it was a shame that world had been so advanced. There had been several years between encyclopaedias being on paper and online, and if that world had been in that interim period they might have been able to snag a CD-ROM encyclopaedia as well. “Still feels like a shame, but this hat looks good and felt to fit well.”

“And now my little ponies,” Princess Celestia said, adding with a smile to the other two, “and Dragon and human, it is time for rest. We have all had a long day and it would take hours for all our questions to be answered.”

“But I will answer them,” whispered Joe to Rainbow Dash, getting a nod against his chest.

With some expressions of disappointment they agreed to leave most of their questions for the morning, though that didn’t stop them from starting to ask some of them as Princess Cadance ushered them from the room. She’d been tempted to use her power of love on Joe and Rainbow Dash but though the human had taken a little long to notice he had not disappointed her with his actions when he had. It was not limited to human males, or even limited to males, to find it harder to show affection in public but that hug seemed to have sufficed.

Princess Celestia watched them go and realised there was a simple solution to her puzzlement. She’d not lied when she’d said Spike’s actions were no surprise, that she could have stopped him, and she’d hoped the ability to speak in barks would be useful. But she hadn’t expected Spike would be using that magic to speak to Joe, and Joe using it to speak to him, as she hadn’t expected Joe to be changed and thus also have the benefit of that aspect of that magic. She swung around and stared intently at a seemingly empty corner.

“Discord.”

“Yes Celly?” Discord asked, from one side of Princess Celestia.

She turned and looked at him, not fooled and not amused. Her perceptions were keen enough that she could tell he had moved in an instant from where she was looking to where he’d appeared. It might amuse the Chaos God to try to make her think she had been looking in the wrong place but it did not her.

“That was your doing, wasn’t it?”

“Of course.”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“Discord,” Princess Celestia warned.

“You are allowed to use sentences with more than one word you know…”

“Explain yourself.”

“Two words, getting back to normal.”

“Discord!”

“Or not,” Discord shrugged. “What answer do you expect, other than it was another game?”

“Your ‘games’ can be complex, so explain yourself.”

“Very well,” Discord chuckled. “It is so dreary and orderly to repay a debt, and so lovely and chaotic to ignore all obligations, but I won my game against myself and managed the former. And might manage it again or I might not, depends how the whim takes me.”

“Debt?”

“Oh, back to single words,” Discord sighed. “But if you need it explained in simple terms than I shall. My actions affected your previous test of your precious student, so I repaid the debt to you and her by correcting your mistake…”

“Mistake?”

“And,” Discord continued, “repaid the debt to Joe for bringing him to this world and earning him your disfavour, though that debt was minor as I had already repaid it in part by deflecting your… oh so righteous… anger from him.”

“Never mind that,” snapped Princess Celestia, taking a step closer to Discord, “what mistake?”

“When you look at Joe you see a mere human don’t you, Celly?”

“Of course,” Princess Celestia replied, sounding puzzled. That was what Joe was.

“Have you considered what a human might see looking at him?” asked Discord. “As strange as he found that world, which was somehow so perfect a test for your newly fledged Princess, he did have the knowledge you sent him there to use. He’d have not wandered watching and wondering, he’d have gone straight to your… sorry Principal Celestia’s… office to ask if a Crown had been found.”

“You are saying that he would have tried to solve the problem himself? Like he did with the misplaced Cutie Marks?

“No, and you really are being remarkably obtuse tonight Celly, even for you. I am saying that rather than the path your student took, that through a vast coincidence was one that taught her exactly the lessons you wanted her to learn, he would have suggested a different one. Simply because rather than the schoolgirl you made Twilight Sparkle appear he is an adult man, so that would be the perspective he’d approach the problem from. And those would be the options he’d have and could offer, in assistance, to your student.”

Princess Celestia nodded. With the immensity of her lifespan a scant apparent several years had seemed utterly insignificant to her. But Twilight Sparkle had gone from shy recluse to Princess in about half that time. So it was likely that Joe would have been approaching this as a matter between him and Twilight Sparkle and the school authorities rather than something to be dealt with within the school. She wasn’t sure what Joe would have done and didn’t think Discord knew either, but it would have been likely to be well-intentioned, make perfect sense in the narrow context, and be utterly disruptive to what she’d intended.

“How,” Princess Celestia demanded, the thought occurring, “do you know all this?”

“I said chaos was eternal and universal,” smiled Discord, “and whether that was another world in this universe or a world in another makes no difference to me when I choose to peek in on matters. Or choose to bestow minor extra insight for my own amusement.”

“Your own amusement?”

“It was funny, and it will be funny,” chuckled Discord. “Though not as funny as Joe barking, reminds me of a doctor not noticing she’d been turned into a red furred dog… and continuing to lecture an aspect of Me.”

“So,” accused Princess Celestia, “that was why you turned him into a dog? Amusement?”

“Not entirely, I’ll just not deny the amusement in it just as I’d not have denied your student his advice. And had I simply made him younger to alter his perspective then, as she realised, your student would have had a bodyguard and minion rather than that role being filled by the analogies of her friends and this… ‘Flash Sentry’.”

“And you ensured he’d return here,” Princess Celestia accused, “rather than remain on that other world.”

“Have you managed to get your mane over both your eyes Celestia?” asked Discord, his normal scorn absent as he sounded simply disbelieving. “You think there was any chance he’d not return? That was no more his world than here.”

“Yes, but there he could have the things he missed but also close parallels to the things… or people… he’d miss from here…”

“And you thought he would sacrifice the friendships he had made here for mere parallels?”

“Maybe, such was the test of him as well,” Princess Celestia said, raising her nose and sniffing regally. “Should he make that choice then he would be no further concern of mine, both because he would no longer be here and because he would have proved himself unworthy of my concern.”

“Believe me Celly,” said Discord, regaining his scorn, “with as much amusement, exceeded only by the nausea, he and that Pegasus have given me as they fumble towards a relationship, and with each other, that was never a choice.”

“But you thought you’d make sure.”

“He’s not as amusing as he used to be, but he can be entertaining. So either I was making sure or by making him a dog… and not shielding him from the effects of that body… I showed he was right what would happen if he became a Pony. But was I repaying more debt with that knowledge, or was I discouraging him from the choice because he’s marginally more amusing as a human?”

“Or both.”

“Or neither. Or any combination.”

==

As Princess Cadance guided them down the corridor Twilight Sparkle began to feel a little harassed from the continuing barrage of questions. Joe meanwhile was feeling quite happy as it seemed Rainbow Dash had cheered up as she joined in this cross-examination. The ladies might have had more luck in getting actual answers if they’d let their friend answer before asking another question and some of them Joe could answer. But he didn’t feel any need until he heard Rainbow Dash ask if the other Rainbow Dash had been as awesome as her.

“No,” Joe said, getting a grin from his sweetheart at this immediate and unqualified response.

“I want to tell you everything, I do,” sighed Twilight Sparkle, “but I’m just so exhausted from all the dancing.”

“Dancing?” chorused the others. They’d realised the Fall Formal had probably been a dance, but not that their friend would have done so much that this was why she was so tired.

Twilight Sparkle staggered ahead as the others paused to exchange looks, but she found her progress halted as she bumped into a yellow furred and golden armoured Pegasus. Rather than give immediate apologies, and take all the blame for getting in the way of her Royal personage, he gave a familiar looking smile and spoke in a familiar sounding voice.

“We’ve got to stop bumping into each other like this.”

Twilight Sparkle blushed as the Guard continued on his way. Seeing the blush combined with the smile and the voice Joe had a suspicion, and crouched to share and discuss it with Spike.

“That smile,” Joe muttered, “and it sounded like…”

“Yes,” muttered Spike back, “and she bumped into this one before as well, when we arrived.”

Spike and Joe exchanged looks as Princess Cadence answered Twilight Sparkle’s question and they found this Pegasus was a new member of the Castle Guard and had it confirmed his name was Flash Sentry. When Twilight Sparkle’s friends began teasing her about having a crush on the new guy Joe pinched the brow of his nose, feeling happy to have fingers to do that with an a nose to do it to. Then he nodded slightly to himself.

As young as humans could join the army it did seem less likely there was an age gap between them here. And it seemed an utter certainty that if the one here did something inappropriate then his commanding officer, the Unicorn married to his head of state, would break all four of his legs and both his wings. So this Flash Sentry had three times the motivation to not annoy the Shining Armour here as his two legged counterpart had with his counterpart.

“Do you think we should flee?” Joe muttered again, the thought occurring that the longer Twilight Sparkle denied things the more likely it was that the ladies would turn to them as a source of information.

“Might be wiser…” began Spike, before Pinkie Pie interrupted the latest denials and him.

“Totally reminds you of a guy you met in the other world who played guitar within a band and helped prove you didn't destroy all the decorations for a big dance so you could still run for Princess of the big dance and then asked you to dance at that dance?” Pinkie Pie said, with not quite a run on sentence as her counterpart and not quite managing to make Twilight Sparkle, Joe, and Spike as slack jawed. She took a breath. “Right?”

“How did you know that?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Just a hunch,” Pinkie Pie replied before bouncing away.

The others looked at Twilight Sparkle and then, to their fear, back at the conferring Joe and Spike. Under the gaze of so many eyes it was hard to think but Joe decided to allow himself a small revenge for all the death glares.

“Ah, universal constants,” Joe marvelled, “trans-universal constants even, if there is a Pinkie Pie then she knows what Twilight is hiding.”

“But you didn’t have to confirm it!” snapped Twilight Sparkle as the others looked back at her with interest.

“And you didn’t have to confirm it by saying I’d confirmed it,” Joe smiled.

“Gah!”

==

Joe laid in the moonlight on top of the covers of the bed in his assigned room. He wasn’t sure how far away this was from the others but it didn’t seem they were in the same corridor. As they reached a corridor junction Princess Cadance had told him which door was his before leading the rest of the group on. So how much further and where in the Castle she had taken them Joe didn’t know. While considering things he’d taken the chance to freshen up, even if he’d been a dog for those days and had avoided rolling in anything it still felt right to clean his human body. So he had stripped to give himself a once over and don a fresh pair of shorts.

That other world had been so strange that he felt like he needed more peace while not distracted by doggy instincts. It was so similar to here rather than the world he’d known and yet had so many elements of where he’d come from. As he lay atop the covers and pondered he recovered what he’d been thinking when they were confronted by Sunset Shimmer’s ‘army’ and realised something else peculiar. He’d wondered about the lack of supply lines with the portal being due to close so soon and the lack of deadliness of unarmed zombie teenagers.

But it hadn’t occurred to him to wonder where the Police were. With spectacular rainbows and columns of white light, and what looked like houses nearby it seemed someone should have noticed and called them. Even if they assumed a hoax call, at first, when they got the same report from other places they might have responded and the dancing had taken long enough for them to arrive. Though it was probably a good thing they hadn’t as they might have just fallen under Sunset Shimmer’s control and become part of a better army, especially if actual troops had arrived in response to what was going on…

Joe’s thoughts broke off as the door opened and he smiled and sat up as he saw it was Rainbow Dash.

“A few more minutes and I’d have got dressed and started searching,” Joe called as she shut the door behind her, “though I didn’t know where you were.”

“Well, I’m glad I got here before you got dressed then,” grinned Rainbow Dash, flying across to settle against him as he scooted up a little to lean against the headboard and be sitting up slightly.

For a while they just enjoyed the feel of each other. His right arm down her back to rest that hand near where back turned into rump. Her head on his chest and shoulder and her right wing unfurled slightly across his bare belly. Neither wanted to spoil this but they both knew they were going to have to talk. Rainbow Dash got a moment’s warning as against her cheek she felt Joe take a deep breath before he spoke.

“Twilight was concerned about you, about us, when she found me playing football against your counterpart. She didn’t seem to realise how much has changed between us since I spoke to her about magic to help my ‘problem’.”

“And how much has changed?” Rainbow Dash teased, tilting her head up on his chest so their eyes met.

Joe squeezed her tighter against him with his right arm and hand while he craned his neck down, his left hand coming across to cradle her cheek and hold her gently in position as he gave her a long lingering and passionate kiss. Rainbow Dash squirmed slightly against him and, as his thumb began to stroke her cheek, she ran feathers of her right wing lightly down across his belly and upper thighs and the area between. To her satisfaction she felt a definite twitch of interest.

“Good answer,” purred Rainbow Dash as Joe finally pulled back.

“You do deserve words as well though,” Joe smiled.

“I do?” said Rainbow Dash, assuming a mock pout of disappointment.

Unable to resist this Joe gave her another kiss, and though he managed to make it briefer that was not saying much.

“I know what worries I had that I have lost,” Joe said, making an effort to talk rather than kiss, “but what is worrying you? You seemed very unhappy back in the other room.”

Rainbow Dash looked pensive and studied the centre of Joe’s chest for a few moments before she met his eyes again. “Would you have been happier on the other world if you’d not been turned into a dog?”

“Happier to stay there than return here, you mean?” Joe asked, getting a nod against him in reply. “No. It did not feel like home and one of the worries I lost is realising how much I now think of Equestria as home. I could have been happy on that world with you, I could be happy on the world I came from with you, but I am happier to be here with you where we have our friends and we can both be our own shapes.”

“But could you have been happy there with the other Rainbow Dash?”

“I…” Joe began in instant denial, then he paused and decided on honesty. “That is part of how things have changed, we’ve got closer emotionally as well as me being able to respond. Or I’m able to respond because of that and without that fear blinding me I can see how much it is you I love rather than caring what shape you are in…”

“Love?” squeaked Rainbow Dash.

“Crap,” Joe replied, thinking aloud. “I did say that didn’t I, surprised myself again…”

Rainbow Dash’s powerful left hindleg pushed and like a seal flopping up a beach she plopped herself further up her special somehuman. His words were first lost to the impact of so suddenly having more weight on top of him and then to the kiss she gave him. He trailed his fingers through her Mane, and up and down the back of her neck, as she kept him pinned down until she was happy to pull her lips away.

“Actually I do care what shape you are in,” Joe smiled, “because I find you beautiful rather than not caring. I am attracted to you rather than your shape being something to ignore and not care about. But I do care more about who you are. Days ago, when I spoke to Twilight Sparkle, I might have been tempted by the other Rainbow Dash, but not so much because she is a pretty girl as because I was so unsure I could be what you needed. So worried about if I could adjust and give us what we both wanted.”

“And now?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“I do seem to have adjust…”

“No. And now how tempted were you?”

“Ah, yet another surprise and a worry laid to rest,” Joe nodded. “I had been wondering. I was feeling this more, and I was feeling it a lot, but I still wondered if I’d feel even more. Then I saw this lovely lithe lissom human version of you, who’ll I admit looked young but old enough for me to notice and then shake my head at myself, and although I did notice her I felt nothing but some appreciation.”

Rainbow Dash frowned. In some ways she’d have preferred him to have not ‘noticed’ and not praise the other Rainbow Dash’s appearance that highly. “Are you sure it wasn’t just because you were a dog?”

“Well, Spike had no trouble being enraptured by the Rarity there,” Joe smiled, “and I did say I had noticed rather than the admiration being completely platonic. I seem to have adjusted to see the attraction of a lovely Mare like you as well as a pretty human girl rather than instead, and I could give your counterpart paeans of praise, but could say almost as much about the counterparts of the others.”

“Only almost?” asked Rainbow Dash, picking up on that.

“There are many things I like about you,” Joe replied, “and those are things I liked about her, and so I noticed them. But I decided it felt as if you had a sister, the same things to admire in both of you but I prefer them in you. Or as if you’d the same seed, but as fine as it had grown there, and would continue to grow, I prefer you and how your life has shaped you.”

“So… you are sure of things now?” said Rainbow Dash, not hiding her concern as some of this sounded a bit rehearsed. She did trust Joe though that he’d have thought things through and rehearsed the truth through in his mind rather than rehearsing how to better lie.

“Very sure,” Joe nodded. “A month ago, before I got dragged from my hut by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, I’d have had no hesitation moving to that other world. A fortnight ago, the day after you kissed me… or two days since it’s after midnight, I would have missed you but I was still scared. And now I am not scared and this feels like home. I’m not sure you can know how much you no longer want something until it is offered.”

“Good enough,” Rainbow Dash nodded back. She’d been confident that Joe wasn’t lying to her, but now she was more convinced he wasn’t lying to himself and thought he was telling her the truth.

Rainbow Dash slid down off Joe again and back to snuggling against his side. Which was a relief to him since as pleasant as it had been having her lying on top of him one of her elbows had been digging in a little and it was easier to breathe without so much of her weight on his belly. Joe laid there and wondered about suggesting they got under the covers but he was comfy and so was she and the room was warm enough. Gradually her breathing became slow and regular and Joe felt his also slowing as he relaxed. He was just drifting off to sleep when he had to control the urge to jump at the sudden noise instead.

As his beloved gave another of her impressive snores Joe smiled. He could let her sleep or… gently he began to stroke her right wing as it sprawled across him and she stirred a little with a sleepy protest. Then she woke a fraction more as Joe shifted position so he could begin lightly kissing her and start tracing patterns with his other hand across her back. Realising she was being kissed, and what Joe’s hands were doing, Rainbow Dash woke up even more to properly enjoy his efforts. Joe pulled back from the kiss and Rainbow Dash smiled as she saw the look in his eyes.

“Are you trying the Bonobo sol…”

Joe kissed her again and enjoyed the feel of her muffled giggle against his lips…

==

After the incident with the Crown and everything that Shining Armour had had to say about it the Unicorn Guard was trying to stay very alert. The Guards having not prevented the theft of such an important thing would have been cause for anger from any commander. That the crown had belonged to the commander’s younger sister would have been cause for even more. That his younger sister was having to go to another world to retrieve it had left Shining Armour wanting to assign every Guard that had been on duty to guard some distant rocky outcrop instead. Or count pebbles. Or… it had been impressive just how many ideas Shining Armour had come up with for better places than the Castle to assign Ponies who had shown such incompetence.

His ear and head twitched as he heard a noise. Despite this only being the third night the Holders of the Elements of Harmony had stayed in the Castle the snore of one of them had already become notorious, but that was not the right room or even the right corridor. This still seemed no matter of real concern until it cut off in mid ‘srrrrggrrrrrrrr’. Dimming the light he’d been projecting from his horn the Unicorn Guard tried to balance speed and stealth as he moved across to the door this had seemed to be coming from.

The Unicorn Guard listened a moment and then pressed his ear against the door. He could hear a faint murmur of two voices, then what sounded like a giggle, and then more murmuring and giggling and… a squeal? One that sounded more of pleasure or delight than of pain? He removed his ear from the door, fast, as he realised what might be going on and retreated to continue his patrol, hoping he wouldn’t meet another Guard until he’d finished blushing. And until he’d figured out a way to make it sound like a stallion-to-stallion warning rather than an embarrassed one when he warned other Guards against the same mistake.

==

…

“Hmm.”

“Hmm.”

…

…

“Tickle Tickle.”

“That’s nice, but it’s not going to work that soon.”

“Nearly worked in the spa bath. Tickle Tickle.”

“True.”

“Worked even better tonight when you showed me how things had changed. Tickle Tickle.”

“I do need some recovery time.”

“Tickle Tickle.”

“It’s working?”

…

…

…

“Oh, tasty…”

“I may have worked up a light sweat, but I’m not a salt lick…”

“Mmm. Getting tastier…”

“Yike!”

“Well, that got a result…”

…

…

…

…

“Hrm… nice… but, I’m not going to get any sleep tonight am I?”

“Was that why you woke me up? So you could sleep?”

“Well there is the snori… yeek!”

“Apologise.”

“Well, deeds speak louder than words…”

“Mmhmmm!”

…

…

…

…

…

“Dawn?”

“At least you’re an early riser… after a nap at least…”

“What?”

“And I see why Applejack talks about how good it is to wake with the cock’s crow…”

“Whoa! I was right. Cider would have fatal results if this is what happens without it…”

“Hush.”

“I’d say ‘your dad is going to kill me’ but looks like his daughter is going to save him the job…”

“I said hush. Better things to do with your mouth than talk.”

“Right…”

“Oooooh! Like that.”

…

…

…

…

…

…

“Hehe…”

“You were accusing me of the Bonobo solution?… Mercy.”

“Never!”

Author's Note

And so it finishes. A ‘quick for fun’ story that I decided to do as something new before starting a much delayed and heavily planned out sequel. Where I surprised myself with how much I had written, decided that was too much and should finish it off, ended up twice as long as estimated, and then took a gamble to extend the timespan and got closer to thrice as long as estimated.

I don’t know if I’ll rewrite sections if the gamble doesn’t pay off.

I don’t know if I’ll do a sequel. I’d go to a more normal pattern of not making it day-to-day so time would pass faster. The question would be if Joe would do anything that would put a different angle on events. He’d be there for his special somepony so any episodes where Rainbow Dash is the focus might change significantly. Like if Joe had been around at the time then he’d have asked Rainbow Dash if she was getting too full of herself as Ponyville’s hero and, his efforts having failed, when Mare do Well appeared she’d have been competing against Rainbow Dash and the ‘amazing’ Sidekick-Man…

Slower than a speeding Pony!
Less powerful than one as well!
Able to leap model buildings in a single bound!
Look, there on the ground…
Is it a Chimp? Is it a Bonobo? No, it’s Sidekick-Man…
Strange visitor from another world with powers and abilities beyond those of not very much!

…but there’s no point in retelling episodes without significant change and where a side-story can’t be invented. And there is only so often Joe can do petsitting (and as he gets better at that and I run out of ideas for problems for him that gets even more boring).

If I get an idea for a non-Joe story, other than the grimdark of Sunset Shimmer versus the human world (*), and it would be shorter than ‘Yeek! I typed that much?’ then I might do it. But for now I am out of pony words.

(* = Soldiers killing mind controlled comrades and civilians, spreading blight of her influence, her getting better at mind control so her slaves can do more than drool and are more slave than zombie, probably a stalemate after she manages to whammy people with control of nukes, millions dead… whee, cheerful.)