The Writer

by GrouchoMarxDisciple

First published November 19th, 2013 11:00

A brony finds his way into Equestria, after being pulled through the plane by Pinkie Pie. He tries to adjust to Equestrian life, and find friendship, blah blah blah.

Oh, and by the way, anything he writes miraculously comes true. Like, Shazam! He writes the sky falls, and Skyfall. However, some things are not exactly what they seem...

A rather silly fic, to offset the seriousness of my other works. NOT MY MAIN. This, I think, will be more fun to write than fun to read, but I still hope you enjoy it!

Chapters

The Beginning
A dream

The Beginning
View Online

The Writer

The Beginning

Alright, I'm almost done. Just a few more words and my masterpiece will be complete. I can do this. I can do this. It's 3:00 A.M., but that doesn't mean I can't finish my story.

"Twilight, you can't just 'break the fourth wall!' It doesn't work like that. You have to look beyond the veil, and see everything outside of it. It's not like smashing a window, it's more like looking through fogged glass." Pinkie said, hopping up and down.

Hmm... That sounded nothing like Pinkie. Oh well, I'll fix it later.

The purple unicorn looked at her friend quizzically. "I'm afraid I don't understand, Pinkie. Could you show me?"

"Sure! You just focus, and try to see beyond the veil like this..." Pinkie squinted a bit, gazing intently off into space. "Just a bit closer... THERE IT IS!"

"There what is, Pinkie?" Twilight said, confused.

Alright, I think that's enough for tonight. I'll finish it tomorro-

"I see it, Twilight! The other side! And OOH! There's a big ape-thing on the other side of the wall, Twilight! He looks tired! And maybe even a little pale." Pinkie said excitedly.

Uhh... I didn't write that.

"I'm gonna go say hi to him! He looks like he needs some cheering up anyway" Pinkie smiled, then stuck her head forward, as if through a wall of Jell-o. To Twilight, however, it appeared that her head was completely off her body, and it seemed to disappear.

This is trippy. I am watching this story write itself, before my very eyes? What the he-

Wait a minute. Is that...

"HIIIIII! How are you? My name is Pinkie Pie!"

"Blaaargh!" I respond intelligently. Well, as intelligently as I can when a pony head pops out of nowhere and yells at me.

"Oh, I scared you huh? That's not good. I remember once Rainbow Dash scared me, and it was suuuper-not fun. But, here I am, and I guess it's too late to just pull back now."

It is at about this point I regret that last piece of Anchovy-Salami pizza.

"Oh, I almost forgot, Twilight!" Pinkie says, and before I can get in a word she pops back into the screen, and I am left alone.

Okay, that was trippy. I think I just saw Pinkie Pie, come from my own story, and...

No, no way, no how did I just see that. I must be dreaming. Only explanation. Let me get to pinching myself...

Twilight stared, horrified, at the body of her friend, that now (to her mortal eyes) did not appear have a head. She yelled, franticly: "Pinkie! Pinkie! Where are you? Pinkie?" Her tone got more and more pleading as she continued.

With a loud POP!, Pinkie Pie bounced backwards, now with her head attached. "Ooh, that was fuuuun..." Pinkie Pie smiled. "I haven't broken through the wall in a looong time, and boy did it feel good. It's like finally taking your socks of after a long day, and just relaxing. Except breaking the fourth wall isn't really relaxing, it's more exciting. So it's like relaxing, at an amusement park!" She said, gigging. "I think I scared the monkey on the other side, though."

"... Monkey... on the other side... Pinkie, what are you saying?" Twilight was exasperated.

"Well, what I'm saying is..." She paused. "Actually, I'll just show you! Give me one second!" And with that, she walked back to the place she was standing previously, a determined look on her face.

Okay, let's recap, from the beginning. I was writing, and then I got to where I was going to stop for the night, and then the story kept writing itself, and then Pinkie...

"HI AGAIN!"

This time, instead of intelligently yelling something like "BLARGH", I think it sounded more like "YEIH!". Either way, it didn't sound English. Maybe it was Yiddish, or Klingon, but not anything I could see.

"Sooo, my friend Twilight wants to see you really really really bad because she thinks that you aren't real but I mean you are right there so of course you are real, I mean, duh! But I guess she can't see you because she doesn't believe in the 'fourth wall' and every time I try to tell her there is no spoon she just says something about materialism, or something. Anyway she doesn't believe me, and so if you will come with me for one second I will show you to her and then I'll bring you right back! Pinkie Promise!" She says, and I think I did not count one pause for breath in that entire string.

"...Wha" Before you judge me for my rather intelligent response when faced with every brony's dream, may I remind you that it is 2 AM. I had a friggin' math final today for Pete's sake!

"GREAT! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! I promise we'll be right back!" Pinkie Pie says, disregarding my dazed and slightly nauseous expression. I think it is at this point I realize I just accidentally agreed to hop planes with a character I had thought to be fictional just five minutes before, but I don't have time to say anything as while this dawns on me she sticks her hoof out of my screen (which isn't a 3D screen, either) and everything goes white.

Her re-entry is much more graceful than mine. Her head and left hoof pop back into existence, slamming her rump into the ground from the force. Well, I land with the same force, but... let's just say much less gracefully. Hey, at least I break the fall with my face, protecting my writing arm. I mean, give me some credit.

Alright. I was dazed, I fell, and got a mouthful of dirt. How can you blame me when I had just been yanked through the fabric of reality? What's that about any landing you walk away from ?

As I try to sit up and get a grip, I hear a voice behind me.

"Pinkie Pie, what in the name of Celestia is that?!"

"Oh, that's the monkey I told you about." Pinkie Pie says, not missing a beat. "I think he is a little confused, like I was when I first hopped planes!"

"Pinkie! Do you realize-"

Unfortunately, a lack of sleep combined with a moment of extreme shock are enough to snatch consciousness from my grasp, and I miss the last of her statement.

I hope this is a nightmare. If the HiE fics I read are to be believed, I'm in for a bumpy ride.

Author's Note

This is a fun story I decided to write to offset the seriousness of my other two. Expect lots of random sillyness.

A dream
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The Writer

A dream

Alright. So if all this pony crap isn't crazy enough, I'm pretty sure I had my DREAMS invaded. Just when you think I could be safe in the solitude of my own mind for one measly dream, perhaps with a pretty lady or my TF2 stats, I get my mind read. I'm just glad this dream was... tame.

So I was lying in a field of flowers, like at the end of Metal Gear Solid 3 (I'm even wearing Snake's white camo) when the sky goes dark. I looked up to find that the moon had risen, much earlier than anticipated. It was kinda creepy, to be honest. I'm pretty sure there was a theremin playing in the background, but it was like a dubstep theremin. So like, if the Twilight Zone was a JRPG, this sounded like the last bosses theme.

But then, the unexpected happened. I could see a shadow descend from the moon, at first looking like a meteor. I squinted a bit to find that the falling thing had wings, and was slightly blue. I started thinking through my list of video game characters, but nothing fit.

Now, I know what all you genre-savvy readers are thinking. It's Luna, Princess of the night and Dream Realm! You're in Equestria now! Luna can see into your mind! LUNA CAN SEE INTO YOUR SOOOOUUUUL! Well, to that reader I would respond that I was FRIGGIN DREAMING, and this wasn't no lucid dream crap either. No, this was a full-on "I don't remember why I thought this" dream.

So it should not be surprising that when she landed, I was shocked to see Luna. I thought she was going to invade Russia, but instead she just kinda talked to me.

"Good Sir, we wish to request that you give us your name. You are a human, correct?" She said, in a voice that seemed ancient and powerful.

I was still dreaming, though, and my mind dropped into RP mode. So of course, my initial response was "I am Snake, student of the Boss and American covert-ops agent." Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"And Sir... Snake, are you aware of where you are?" She said, cocking her head.

"I'm waiting for extraction from Northern Russia. I just completed my mission." I said, trying to put on my best war face. I'm sure this confused her even more.

The all-knowing Princess continued "I am unfamiliar with any place called "Rusha" in Equestria. Perhaps you are lost?"

"No, I'm certain that's where I am right now. So a better question, what are you doing here, Princess Luna? To start a New Lunar Republic? The U.L.S.R.? Hmm?"

I think this surprised her. "Thou knoweth my name? And... How did you..." She shook her head, like in those cartoons when Tom gets hit in the head with a frying pan, and just shakes it of. "Tell me how you came to this information, Sir Snake."

"Oh? Is that a threat?"

"What? No, we would never..."

"I'm afraid my intel sources are classified. Even from the Princess of the Night." I replied.

"So, you won't tell me a thing?"

I shook my head.

Luna looked at me for a long minute, and then closed her eyes. "I will go report back to my sister now." And with that, she phased out.

I went on to have a really good dream. It was like Metal Gear Solid 4, but with Pokemon and Samus. It was when I woke up that all Tartarus broke loose.

Author's Note

A fun little chapter.

Any screw-ups with the Metal Gear cannon were done on purpose. :)