Displeasure Cruise
Note: The song is called Zwitter by Rammstein. Seriously, it's a badass song!
The character of Sunset Splash is from my good friend, who has asked for anonymity for personal reasons.
It was a calm summer day in Ponyville. The clouds were in perfect alignment, the sky was a perfect shade of blue, pegasi were scouring the skies for anything impeding the perfect view of the picturesque background to the town's landscape....
And for a fun-loving pegasus like Rainbow Dash..... ABSOLUTE BOREDOM!
Sipping from a couple of shakes with Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner, the rainbow-maned pegasus found herself with one heck of a case of Summer boredom.
"Pinkie Pie, tell me something....", she asked lazily as she looked around at all the ponies going about their business, "How do we SURVIVE in Ponyville??"
Giggling as she slurped up the excess chocolately goodness from her upper lip, the party pony tilted her head curiously. "What do you mean, Dashie? I didn't think anything was wrong!"
"No, no, I don't mean health-wise... I mean it's just..... BORING! I mean we're just in a small suburb of Equestria."
"Well, aren't our pranks enough fun?", she asked pouting a little.
"They're fun, don't get me wrong!", Rainbow Dash asserted, inwardly giggling at what they had done to Cheerilee's school in putting those drawings of her falling on banana peels and getting stuck in the toilet on the chalkboard, "But... it'd just be nice to DO something... something interesting that DOESN'T involve dragons or chaotic spirits.."
At this, Pinkie Pie had to admit that would be nice to try getting out of Ponyville for a bit, maybe get a chance to par-tay somewhere new! "Yeah, but where would we go and how would we afford it???", she asked.
A little surprised at the earth pony's unusually level-headed question, Rainbow Dash sighed... at least until a posh voice rang in her ears.
"Girls! Girls! Guess what??"
As they looked at the doorway to Sugarcube Corner, both equines found themselves looking at the excited face of their fashionestra Unicorn friend.
"Rarity??", Rainbow Dash muttered, "If this is about some new design for Sapphire Shores, I'm not really interested..." She knew that ever since the incident with the Diamond Dogs, the pop star pony had been commissioning her for outfit after outfit... AND RARITY WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
"Hmph!", Rarity pouted haughtily, "Just because you're not into my career doesn't mean you have to be quick to dismiss my excitement!"
"Wait.. you mean it's NOT about Sapphire Shores?", she asked in surprise, her attention somewhat piqued.
"Oh it's about her, but still you didn't need to dismiss my cheers!"
At this, Rainbow Dash just let her head fall to the table as Pinkie Pie giggled and turned back to Rarity. "So what's got you so happy?"
"Well..", Rarity sighed, "Guess who just got an invite to deliver an outfit to Sapphire Shores personally all the way in the Caribbean?"
"Oh! Don't tell me!", Pinkie Pie chirped in excitement, "I love these guessing games! Um, Hoity Toity! No, Photo Finish! Oh! Oh! Dr. Whooves!!!"
Rarity just gave the pink pony a look of disbelief. "No, Pinkie... ME! I just got a call from her manager... she wants me to bring her a special outfit and to go with it to make sure it gets there in one piece!"
"Woo!! That's fantastic!", Pinkie Pie cheered.
"Yeah, yeah, woo." Rainbow Dash muttered half-heartedly, "I'm so excited I may just wet myself."
"But you didn't hear the best part!", Rarity pouted at Dash's sarcasm, "She's paying for me to get there on a luxury cruise! All expenses paid!"
Hearing this, Rainbow Dash's attention was actually brought back to her. "A luxury cruise??? Just for your designs?"
"That's right!"
"Hmph...", Rainbow Dash puffed, "Figures that when something exciting does come along, the second most BORING pony gets to enjoy it. You might as well have given Twilight Sparkle tickets to a Wonderbolts convention!"
This remark made Pinkie Pie laugh so hard she nearly inhaled the straw of the shake she had been slurping, much to Rarity's annoyance.
"You know, if you're going to act so rude, maybe it's better I don't invite you two along on the cruise!"
"Yeah, maybe it's be--", Rainbow Dash started to mutter before her eyes widened, "Wait, WHAT?!"
"It was my condition for personally delivering the outfit, that I could bring my friends! You didn't think I would leave my best friends behind, did you??"
At this, all Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie could do was look at each other in delight before letting out a squeal.
"VACATION TIME! WOO!!!!!!"
Giving the two a half-smile, Rarity turned to trot out of the sweetshop. "If you two are coming, you better get ready.... my boat leaves in 1 hour."
"An HOUR?!?", Dash and Pinkie said in shock.
"Yes, they want the dress as soon as possible. I'm going to be doing most of the work on the boat... not to say I won't be getting a beauty tan in the process, hee hee! The others are already getting ready to head to the Canterlot Docks, we're just waiting for you two! Ta-ta!"
With that the unicorn left Sugarcube Corner, leaving behind two very excited equines!
"I've never BEEN on a boat before! This is going to be so awesome!", Rainbow Dash squealed.
"Oh trust me, it's LOTS of fun!", Pinkie Pie giggled, "Free food, games, music! It'll be TOTALLY fun!!!"
"Well what are we waiting for??? I'll meet ya at the docks!!! WOO-HOO!!!", Rainbow Dash cheered before speeding out of the bakery and leaving the party pony behind. But if she'd stayed a few seconds longer, she'd have seen the sly grin on Pinkemena Diane Pie's face.
"There's one other great part about cruises, Dashie.... lots of potentional for laughter... even if it's at others expense, hee hee."
"Woah..."
"Wow!!"
"Ya'll SURE this is the right boat, Rarity?"
It had taken all of a little less than an hour for all 6 of the ponies to pack their bags and make it to the docks and right now, they were all standing in amazement at the gigantic floating vessel ahead of them. From the size alone, it looked like it was capable of housing the entire population of Canterlot 5 times over and it was nothing to say of what they imagined the inside to look like.
"I'm sure indeed, girls! I double and triple-checked all the boarding information to make sure!", Rarity asserted her friends
"I gotta admit, in nearly every novel I've read with a scenario like this... the boat ends up being nothing more than a ratty fishing ship!", Twilight Sparkle admitted.
"Twilight, honey... I think that kind of thing could only happen in the cartoons Sweetie Belle watches!", Rarity grinned, "Well shall we get on board? They're supposed to depart any minute!"
"Then what are we waiting for?", Fluttershy added softly, "We don't want to miss the ship, do we?"
"That we don't! C'mon!", Twilight remarked as she led Fluttershy up the walkway.
"Well..", Applejack muttered before taking her stetson off and pulling out a small pill bottle, "Looks like it's time ta make sure this here trip goes nice and smooth."
Without hesitation, the cowpony popped open the bottle and poured out a small white capsule, which she popped down her throat, much to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash's confusion.
"What're those??", the pegasus asked curiously.
"Oh! Oh! Are those candy-pills?? I've had those before! They taste all minty!", Pinkie Pie chirped in, getting a look of bewilderment from Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
"No.... These here are anti-seasickness pills. I've neva' been on a boat before and I don't wanna take chances on my stomach coming up.", she explained before offering the pills to her friends. With a shrug, Pinkie took one of them, but the pegasus steadfastly refused.
"Nah-uh, I don't need no stomach pills!", she boasted as she patted her slightly pudgy tummy, "My belly is used to fast motion!"
Shrugging, Applejack put the pill bottle back into her hat and repositioned it upon her head before starting up the walkway, Pinkie and Dash following right behind her.
An excitement that intensified in all 6 equines upon seeing the interior of the cruise ship. It looked equivalent to that of the lobby of a 5-star hotel; giant elevators, a waiting area with cozy couches, a convienience store, even a directory listing all of the features of the vessel. As they all gazed upon the directory, each of them found something to pique their interest.
"A giant arcade with a bucking bronco! ", Applejack marveled, "I can use my strength ta win my sister sometin' nice!"
"A world-class library!", Twilight whispered in delight, "Imagine the kinds of books!"
"A world-class spa....", Fluttershy whispered with a soft smile, "It'd be nice to get a little relaxation from taking care of my animal friends.... not to say I don't like doing it..."
"A dance floor!! WOOO!!! I can bust my moves!!!", Pinkie Pie cheered.
"Aw yeah! Check out the buffet!"
At hearing this from Rainbow Dash, all 5 of the others couldn't help but look at her in surprise, an act Rainbow Dash was fully aware of.
"Dash, there's a gym with trampolines and cargo nets, a skate park with mile-high ramps... and yer lookin' at the buffet?!", Applejack remarked in shock, "I'd think you'd wanna practice more of yer fancy moves!"
"Nah, the point of a vacation is to relax!", Rainbow Dash scoffed, "Besides, I've heard the food on cruise ships is world-class! When else am I gonna get to try exotic dishes??"
At this, Pinkie Pie couldn't help but give herself a mental grin. All the time they'd spent pranking and hanging out was starting to merge their personalities as one. "She's got a point you know!"
"What about you, Rarity?", Twilight asked as she turned to her fellow unicorn, "You going to join Fluttershy at the spa?"
"Nah, I'm just gonna get work done on my outfit.. maybe get in some sunbathing. I can always relax on the way back!"
"Um... Rarity... how long IS it before we reach the Caribbean?", Fluttershy couldn't help but ask.
"It should be by nightfall, then we'll stay the night on the ship and come back in the morning.", she replied, "For now though... why don't you all go enjoy yourselves! I've got some work to do, but let's meet back at the Silver Saddle restaurant for dinner at 7! It'll be my treat!"
"Sounds good to me!", Twilight agreed, "But for now, I've got some books to hit!"
"Why not just read them?", Pinkie Pie immediately quipped, getting a groan from the brainy unicorn.
"Ugh... Pinkie Pie, I swear one of these days we need to get Dr. Whooves to make sure your brain isn't damaged!!!"
At this, the others couldn't help but share a laugh before they all took off for their own special pleasures on the ship, hoping this was the beginning to a nice relaxing vacation.
*90 minutes later at GigaByte's Arcade*
"C'mon, c'mon! Pesky zombies! COME GET SOME OF THIS COWPONY!"
With a few more shots, Applejack blew the digitized heads off of the undead creatures on the screen in front of her, clearing the way for her character on Isle of the Undead to finally reach the copter leading to safety, and tossed her hat into the air with a whoop of victory.
"WOOOO!!! YA'LL SEE THAT? NOT EVEN THE UNDEAD CAN BEAT ME!! WOO!!"
As she listened to the equine crowd around her whoop, Applejack couldn't resist posing a little. The other ponies didn't know it but, after a hard day of kicking apple trees and taking care of the farm, she liked to kick back with a good old-fashioned video game. She told Apple Bloom and Big Mac it was to help her reflexes and hoof-eye coordination and in reality it DID do a lot to help her out... plus it was one heck of a way to relieve stress! Thanks to all that playing, she'd gone through nearly every game in the arcade in a record amount of time and considering the size of the fun area, that was no small feat.
It was roughly the size of a football field and rife with arcade games, VR machines, ticket games, prize games, even a giant bucking bronco! It would have made any filly, foal, or techno-geek start drooling like a hungry man at a pie-eating contest and now nearly the whole crowd in the massive arcade had crowded around her and cheered for the cowponys prowess.
A yawn escaped from the cowponys lips and she bid the crowd good day as she prepared to head out of the arcade back to their room to get in a small rest...
And then she spotted it.... resting in one of the claw games....
A giant stuffed plush pony...perfect for her sister, Apple Bloom, to be able to cuddle up with at night.
"I.. GOTTA get that fer her!!!!", she whispered, her gaze almost hypnotically fixed on the toy as she walked over to the machine and, reaching into her saddlebag, pulled out a bit and put it into the device before taking control of the claw.
"C'mon... c'mon...", she muttered as she tried to position the claw in just the right spot before pushing down on the red button on top of the lever and watching it descend. Sadly her aim was a little off and the claw bounced off the toys head before ascending back up empty. Undeterred, she fetched out another coin and repeated the process, this time coming up a little short on the left side of its belly.
"Urgh... c'mon... it can't be that hard... just one more try..."
*10 minutes later*
The cowpony was EXHAUSTED, she had spent nearly every bit she had trying to get that blasted toy. But, as she picked up her last coin, she had the feeling she knew exactly WHERE to drop the claw to gain her cushy loot.
"I... AM GETTING.. YOU... THIS TIME!!!", she growled as she put the coin in through the slot and maneuvered the claw with the precision of a surgeon.
Sweat poured down her face and her teeth gnashed together as she put all of her focus on making sure the claw was in pinpoint perfection to nab her well-deserved reward.
"Come on... come to Applejack...", she seethed as she pressed the button and watched the claw descend... directly onto the toy.
"Yes!! Yee-haw!!", she cheered as she watched the claw pick up the toy firmly in its grasp.... only to have it open back up and drop it back into the pile...
and that was when she lost it....
"YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!!!", she screamed, pounding on the glass window with her hoof as saliva sprayed from her mouth, "HOW COULD YOU LET IT GO! YOU HAD IT!!!! YOU HAD IT!!!!!!!"
At the prize counter, the two ponies in charge of watching the arcade could see the cowpony getting pissed and they were quick to trot over to her.
"Excuse me?", one of them, a silver-colored unicorn with the cutie mark of a roll of tickets, asked nervously, "Are you ok??"
"AM I OK!?", Applejack spat, turning to the unicorn, "I JUST SPENT ALL MY MONEY TRYING TO GET A DANG TOY AND WHEN I FINALLY GET IT...... THE CLAW OPENS BACK UP AND DROPS IT!!! TELL ME HOW THAT WORKS!!!"
The other pony, a red-colored earth pony with the mark of a grin on his flank, just gave the pony a click of his tongue before he spoke, his voice dripping with a slimy demeanor suited to that of a sleazy carny. "I'm sorry, but we're not responsible if you're unable to win at this... why not get some more money and try again... we're always looking for more suckers--- er, ah, players!"
But his slip had not gone unnoticed by the cowpony and it was then she figured it out...
"This.... THIS THING'S RIGGED!!!", she gasped as she turned and watched another young colt put a coin in and go through the same proccess she had... the claw picking up a stuffed bear and then opening up to drop it back down.
"Heh heh... Like I said, it's not our fault if you're unable to win.... better luck next time!", the red pony sneered.
Applejacks response was swift. She calmly trotted over to the machine, motioned for the other colt to stand aside, reared her forehoof back, and thrust it THROUGH the window of the machine, shattering it and breaking the barrier between her and the pile of toys, much to the horror of the two workers. As she reached in and started sweeping up the goods, the unicorn reached into his shirts pocket and pulled out a walkie-talkie before speaking into it.
"Wrencher, we have another one..."
At the same time as Applejack was being approached by a burly unicorn with the intention of showing her the door, a different purple unicorn was busy sitting in the cruise library, poring over book after book, a cup of hot coffee resting on the small table next to her chair. For Twilight Sparkle, this was true relaxation. Just being able to fill her head with tome after tome of knowledge. She'd already gone through a couple thick encyclopedias describing the history of Equestria and she was already on her 4th volume.
"A nice seat... a good cup of hot coffee... and a nice fat book...", Twilight Sparkle sighed happily, "This is what it's all about... Volume 4: The Middle Ages of Equestria and the war between pony magic and pony witchcraft... I've been dying to read this for ages..."
"Uh.. ahem.. excuse me.."
Hearing a throat clearing behind her, the studious unicorn turned and found herself looking into the kindly gaze of an elderly unicorn. His mane was gray, but shined with a sense of importance and a pair of half-moons adorned his wizened face. He looked almost like a wizard from one of Twilight's books and as she looked to his side, she could see he had a cart of books already.
"May I help you?", she asked the elder equine.
"I noticed you're into the history of Equestria, is that right?", he asked.
"That's right! My name's Twilight Sparkle.", she beamed offering her hoof out.
"Nomres.", the elder replied, returning the hoofshake, "You know Equestria's a pretty interesting place."
"Are you kidding? I could read about Equestria's legends and past forever!" Everything about it is so enthralling!"
"Huh.. even all the stories about magic and disease?", he asked in bewilderment, "You aren't disturbed by them?"
"They're a little graphic at times, yes.", Twilight admitted, "But it all helps to shed light on some of the big struggles Celestia had to go through in order to make Equestria the beautiful land it is!"
"Yes, I suppose..... Um.... is it alright if I see that tome a second?", Nomres asked.
"Sure! Just give it back when you're done! I'm eager to read it!", the unicorn smiled, handing the thick leatherbound book to him and watching as he took it gently before reaching into the bag on his side.
"I'm afraid that will be quite impossible...", he calmly replied as he took a lighter out from his satchel and, flicking it on, placed it against the pages of the book. The look on Twilight's face as the flame caught hold of the paper and began to burn it to cinders turned from one of fascination to sheer horror.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", she gasped in shock as she looked at her precious book burn.
"Just purifying some of the filth in this library.", Nomres calmly replied as he held the book out and let the flames slowly disintegrate the pages within, "All this nasty talk of witches, war, and disease... it could scare young impressionable minds. This way, no harm can come from these inappropriate reading materials."
Twilight found her breath failing her as she looked at the book in Nomres' hoof slowly turn into nothing but a big pile of ashes. "You... destroyed it...."
"It had to be done...", the elder pony sighed as he dropped the now empty book cover onto the ground and stomped the remaining flames out with his hoof, "But it was a pleasure meeting you, Twilight Sparkle.. If you know where else I can get my hooves on more of these materials, the Protect Our Colts Innocence Club would be ever so grateful. As soon as all of these dirty, dirty books are destroyed we can start writing our own more "age-appropriate" material..."
The purple unicorn's mind blanked out and her heart took over. Before she knew what she was doing, she had leapt off the chair and tackled the elder pony, trying to take the cart full of books away from him now knowing what he intended to do with them.
"I WON'T LET YOU DEPRIVE CURIOUS MINDS! I WON'T!!!", she bellowed much to the shock of the other readers in the vast library.
While Twilight Sparkle and Nomres were busy fighting in the ships library, a timid little yellow pegasus named Fluttershy was relaxing in the Easy Breeze Spa. It had so far been nothing short of peaceful; a massage on her back, a nice relaxing mudbath, even a pedicure on her nails.... all while the sweet sounds of birds chirping and frogs croaking ringing in her ears and letting her tension dissolve into the drips of sweat now pouring from her as she sat in the comfort of the sauna. She was the only one in the massive steam room, just how she liked it.
"Aahhhhhh...", she sighed in bliss, letting her rosy mane hang in front of her closed eyes, "Peace... Serenity.. Heaven.... A chance for me to be alone with the thoughts of the world... pondering about lifes great mysteries..."
As much as she loved her animal friends, Fluttershy couldn't help but be envious of her studious friend Twilight. She longed for a day or two where all the animals could take care of themselves even just for a few hours so she could borrow a good book from the unicorns library, make herself a cup of hot jasmine, and just sit back, left not just with a tome, but a chance to think.
But now she had such a time, Spike watching over her animals while they were on the boat, just left alone in the sanctity of her mind... and the thoughts in her head came out plentiful and rich.
"What truly comes at the end of a rainbow? What is our purpose here? What is life's great reward?"
All these thoughts were pouring through the pegasus's head so deeply she barely heard the sauna door open and it was only the sound of another voice that broke her from her trance.
"Hey! Excuse me!", a loud voice rang out, "Room for one more here??"
"Uh... um..", Fluttershy struggled to speak before she got a look at the equine in front of her. It was a gray-colored black-maned pony, a pair of spectacles laying on her snout and the image of a suitcase representing her cutie mark, "Um... sure..."
Without a word, the pony took a seat across from her and not a minute had passed before a loud ring broke Fluttershy from her thoughts again, followed by the boisterous sound of the pony opening up a cell-phone and gabbing loudly on it.
"Yeah, HI! It's Touchtone here! How you doing??? Yeah, I'm just in a spa with some scrawny yellow pegasus!"
A little hurt by the insult, but determined to stay in her contemplative nirvana, Fluttershy just shut her eyes and tried to refocus on the mysteries of nature.
"Oh yeah, me and Preston! I dumped him like a bad plate of spaghetti! The nerve of that unicorn, only having a SILVER carriage. As if I would be caught dead in anything so tacky! I know I could always go out with James again, but he's got that problem with his mom... I mean does he need to read to her every single day?? Seems all the good-looking ponies have other commitments... how selfish can one pony be?!"
Getting a little bit frustrated by Touchtone's incessant gabbing, Fluttershy finally broke herself from her thoughts and looked at the pony across from her. "Um... excuse me... could you keep it down?", she asked.
"Hold on..", the pony muttered before turning to Fluttershy, "I'm ON THE PHONE!! JEEZ!"
"Um... sorry...", she quivered, shirking back as the pony resumed her conversation.
"Sorry, that pegasus across from me was being rude! The nerve! But go on, what did Bartleby get you?? No way! A diamond necklace??? Honey, dump him! Everyone knows platinum ones are all the rage nowadays! I mean come on, he's a doctor AND a lawyer pony! You'd think he'd have more than enough to splurge on you! An operation for his sister?? Pul-eeze! It's just a kidney, she's got two! I mean come on!"
The more Fluttershy listened to Touchtone's conversation, the angrier she began to feel inside. This was possibly the RUDEST and most inconsiderate pony she'd ever met!
"Um... excuse me.... could you please keep it d---"
"I SAID I'M ON THE PHONE!", Touchtone interrupted her again before turning back to her phone call, "Sorry Janice, that pegasus is still being noisy! Can't she see I'm on an important call?? But getting back to Bartleby, honey you can do so much better than him! I know a pegasus in Manehattan who makes 8 figures and has 4 platinum limos and 2 giant mansions in Cloud Hills! I know, right! I heard he just dumped his girlfriend, something about her not getting a promotion at work! I would have done the same thing!"
As Fluttershy looked on at the pony, her vision began to turn red the more and more she heard.
"Come on! Really? She expected him to wait 2 months??? That dork??"
Her teeth began to grind as an angry sweat began to form.
"Excuse me....", she whispered a little louder, "I'm trying to relax h---"
"Interrupt me again and I'm complaining to the manager!", Touchtone snapped before turning back to her call, "What a rude little bitch! I'm trying to make a call and she can't shut her yap! I know, right?? It's just like with my cat... she wouldn't stop meowing when I was trying to sleep! Luckily I dumped that whiny runt outside town, she won't be pestering me again, ha ha!!!"
That was all Fluttershy could handle and, before she knew what she was doing, the normal timid and reserved pegasus had grabbed the phone out of Touchtone's hooves, thrown it to the ground, and smashed it beneath her hoof!
"FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE, WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!?!?", she bellowed with her face contorted into an angry growl as steam shot out her snout.
"My phone!!", Touchtone gasped before growling back at Fluttershy, "How dare you! I come in here to try and have a peaceful conversation with my frien---"
"OH JUST SHUT UP ALREADY! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO RELAX AND SINCE YOU CAME IN HERE YOU'RE JUST GABBING AND ACTING LIKE A SNOB!!!", Fluttershy spat. She didn't know where this anger was coming from, but it felt so damn good! "Talking about dumping someone for not the right color of carriage?? Criticizing someone for reading to their mother??? ABANDONING A PET JUST FOR DISRUPTING YOUR SLEEP?! My god, I've seen kiddy pools deeper than you!!!!"
"How DARE you talk to me like that!!!", Touchtone spat back, getting up and shoving Fluttershy back down onto the bench, "I am Touchtone Jackson, one of the premiere phone suppliers in ALL of Equestria! It is of no business of yours how I run my life!!! If I want to throw away a worthless animal or suggest my friend dump a zero, it is to do as I please!!! So why don't you take your weak little butterfly mark and get out of here so I can use my SPARE phone to continue my call!!!!"
What happened next became a blank for Fluttershy. The last thing she could remember was rearing her hoof back and getting ready to bring it forward into Touchtone's chest...
As Fluttershy had a "talk" with her fellow spa-mate. Rainbow Dash was busy leaving Mr. Heavyweight's Gym on the boat, having used its massive flight room to get in some aerobatic practice for the Wonderbolts. While relaxing was good and all, she wanted to make sure she was still at the top of her game in case one of the Wonderbolts happened to be on board as well. But that practice had worked up one heck of an appetite!
"Nothing like a nice meal after a good fly-by to whet ones appetite!", she grinned as she looked around for a place to get some grub, "Now to find somewhere to fill my tummy."
One other passion Rainbow Dash had besides flying and training for the wonderbolts was eating. She loved to be able to consume all sorts of exotic and yummy foods and, as a member of the cloud patrol, she made sure to take plenty of time to stop in at other parts of Equestria to fill her stomach. Her stomach had gotten used to flying after a meal, but she still made sure to only eat enough to satisfy her so she'd be able to fly back to work and back home at the end of the day. Althought there HAD been a few times she'd eaten a bit much and camped out at Twilights to let all the food digest.
"On a cruise this big, there's gotta be somewhere good to chow down!", she muttered as she looked at all the other ponies walking around and enjoying the scenery. But it was then that a delectable scent hit her straight in the snout.
"Mmmm... something smells good!", she said to herself as she lifted her snout in the air and took a giant sniff, letting her nostrils widen to take in whatever that aroma was and letting it lead her. She followed the scent for a few minutes before reaching its destination and what she saw made her start salivating in hunger.
"Sweet... Celestia's... crown...", she murmured as she looked up at the sign above her head.
BIG BEN'S BUFFET - SPECIAL FOR ALL GUESTS - ONLY 15 BITS FOR ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT!
It was then the pegasus was glad that Rarity had given them all a big amount of bits to spend as they saw fit... and she knew exactly what she was gonna use hers on. Without wasting a second, she flew into the restaurant ahead of her and went up to the hostess podium, where a sky-blue pegasus with a coat a little lighter than her own cyan body stood.. or rather flew, a black and red hostess uniform covering her body and obscuring her cutie mark.
"Welcome to Big Ben's buffet, home of the endless dessert bar and 40 different types of salad! I'm Skyla! May I help you?", she asked with a smile.
Immediately, Rainbow Dash reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a big pile of bits, plunking them down on the podium in front of her. "One please, and make it a BIG booth. This pegasus is STARVING!", she remarked with a grin.
Looking at the pile of at least 20 bits ahead of her, Skyla whistled and wasted no time in leading Dash to a big booth. As she was led, Rainbow Dash couldn't help but marvel at not just the size of the buffet area, but how packed the restaurant looked!
"Looks like everyone's here for the special!", Rainbow Dash remarked to Skyla, getting a nod from her.
"Yeah, our boss knew what he was doing when he set up that deal! It took us all of 2 hours to make profit!", Skyla replied as she sat Rainbow Dash at a booth holding a napkin holder and an array of sauce bottles and motioned to the buffet, "As you can see, it's a serve-yourself style buffet! Unlimited trips, free drinks, all the good stuff! Silverware and plates are available at the entree section! Today's specials are Dandelion Spring Salad, Rump Roast fresh from Neigh York City, Octo-cheese pizza----" It was then she noticed the cyan pegasus had a river of drool streaming down her chin at hearing all those delicious foods. "Um... you're drooling on the table..."
Immediately, Rainbow Dash took a napkin and wiped off the table sheepishly, giving Skyla an embarrassed chuckle. "Heh heh.. sorry about that."
The sky-blue unicorn laughed it off. "You're not the first to do that. I'll let you get to your meal!".
Skyla hadn't taken flown more than a few feet away from the table before Dash had sped over to where other equines were filling their plates and bowls with soups, steaks, salads, sweets, and everything in between. All the smells mixed as one and made Rainbow Dash's stomach rumble in hunger. The pegasus didn't know where to start first and as she took a plate... she knew she was gonna be eating plenty!
"Let's see..", she quipped to herself as she reached into the sides table and began piling edibles onto her plate, "I'll take these, these, some of those, a WHOLE lot of these..."
*30 minutes later*
The once cleared table in front of Rainbow Dash was now covered empty stained plates, bowls, cups, bottle, even mugs from when she'd chugged down pint after pint of the famous Apple Family Cider. She was impressed they even HAD that! But as she patted her bloated bulge of a belly, she calmly twirled a toothpick inbetween her teeth and sat back in bliss. Not only had she been able to consume as much food as she pleased, but she hadn't gotten as much as a glare with all her trips back to the buffet. In fact, she'd actually gotten a few looks of impression at how much the young pegasus was able to pack away.
"Aahhhh.. Urp!... 20 bits well spent!", she sighed to herself, letting out a modest burp and slowly made her way out of the booth. She knew she was two heavy to fly out, so she settled on a calm trot. As she made her way out onto the main deck, she took a seat on one of the stray deck chairs and laid back, resting her forehooves behind her head. But as she looked in front of her at the waves of the ocean, she couldn't help but notice the waves were getting a little bit choppy.
"Huh...", she remarked idly, "Seas looking a little rough. Heh, it's nothing to a pony who can fly like me!"
As she looked on defiantly at the waves sloshing and splashing, she couldn't help but start to feel a little woozy. She hadn't taken into account the massive pudge she now had in her stomach not being fully-digested yet and it was starting to spin a little on her insides. Rubbing her eyes, she shook her head and laid back on the chair, turning her head to try to get in some rest to let her meal completely sink into the comfort of her belly. But whether it was seeing a young filly playing with a loopty-hoop or another using a slinky toy on the nearby steps leading up to the pool, her vision was constantly bombarded with the unpleasant shaking and soon, the poor pegasus began to feel a little seasick.
"Urp.. Ugh... that didn't taste well...", she grimaced, smacking her lips to get the urpy taste of the bean and cheese burritos she'd eaten out of her mouth, "C'mon stomach... don't do this... we're stronger than that..."
But as the queasy Rainbow Dash looked on at the sloshing and churning of the waves of the sea in front of her, she could feel her tummy starting to quiver as well. It was as if she was being spun around on a tilt-a-whirl or twirled by Trixie's magic...
"A... a little sea air...", she quivered with sweat pouring down her head, "I just need a smell of the sea air to calm me... Twilight always said the scent of the sea could soothe..."
With that, she raised her head up and took a big whiff of the aroma of the warm breeze and sea air. But for some reason, the smell didn't do anything to help her nausea... except make it worse! She had gotten it mixed up.... the smell wasn't supposed to suprress nausea... it was supposed to enhance it!
"Blurg..." she swallowed, tasting a few of the acidy chunks beginning to rise in her throat. She had the feeling her lunch wouldn't be in her stomach for long and she knew she had to get to the rail so when the inevitable happened, she could pour her lunch into the water. Slowly getting to her hooves, she began to stagger over to the railing.
"Look out.. Ulp!... ocean, you've got incoming..."
It was then the one voice she DIDN'T want to hear right then echoed loud and clear in her ear.
"Hey Dash! What's up!"
Shakily turning around, the cyan pegasus found herself looking in the face of one of her idols. Spitfire, the leader of the Wonderbolts troop, was standing right there!
"S-spitfire?", she gagged and swallowed, thinking to herself. "Why now... of all times?!?"
"Hey Dash, I was just wanted to say I saw your moves in the gym! Those were some pretty sleek flips!"
"Y-yeah..", Rainbow Dash nodded softly, having to take a big gulp to calm herself, "I-it was p-p-pretty good, wasn't it?"
Spitfire nodded and put her hoof on Rainbow Dash's shoulder, an action that at any other time would have made her beam with pride. But right now, she just wanted to get over the rail to wait for her stomach to either settle itself or start sending up what she ate.
"You know, I was thinking...", Spitfire continued, "Maybe we COULD use some of your moves in our routine."
"R-really?", Rainbow Dash quivered, her stomach churning even more, "T-that's.. Urp.. g-great!"
"Heh, Soarin and I still remember how you saved us back at that competition.. if it wasn't for you, we'd both be nothing more than splatters on the ground!"
The thought of such a gruesome image made some of the nausea in her stomach come up her throat and she had to turn her head so Spitfire wouldn't see her cheeks bulge until she could swallow and stick her tongue out at the horrible taste before looking back at her idol.
"Y-yeah... it w-wasn't anything... Just glad to help!", she quivered. She knew it wouldn't be long before she spewed and she wanted to get to safety as soon as possible.
"C'mon, Dash... what do ya say we symbolize our partnership with a nice big hug!"
"..."
As she felt Spitfire approach her and wrap her forehooves around her quaking body, the compression from the Wonderbolt's hug was the last catalyst her stomach needed and before she knew it, her tummy was sending up all she'd eaten at the buffet. It was only by clenching her mouth shut she managed not to lose it all over Spitfire. But the way she was patting her on the back made her feel like she had to get away from her now! It was finally then that Spitfire could hear the quaking in her tummy and immediately she broke the hug and saw her friends face bulging. Her cheeks were as full as watermelons and the pressure was flaring her nostrils as she felt herself being to lose her battle.
"Rainbow Dash...", Spitfire gulped.
Frantically, Rainbow Dash pushed Spitfire away, ran over to the railing, and....
BBBBLLLLLLLEEAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Rainbow Dash barfed into the ocean, her mouth opening up and releasing a thick chunky torrent of multicolored bile and vomit into the clear blue of the sea. She'd barely been able to gasp before she heaved again and sent another wave barreling out of her stomach, out her mouth, and into the crisp ocean water. It didn't taste nearly as good coming out as it did going in and now there were colors in her mane that were never meant to be.
"Uh... um... heh heh..", Spitfire grimaced as she looked at the pegasus blowing chow into the water, "I'll... just see you later then... when you get done vomiting..."
Slowly, the Wonderbolt backed up and tiptoed as quietly she could away from Dash.
The poor pegasus felt awful and she heard Spitfire leaving, tears and mucus streaming down her face as she retched.
"Spitfire... no....", she whimpered before nausea overtook her again and she prepared to eject more of her big meal into the sea below.
At the same time Rainbow Dash was barfing over the side of the ship, in the cruises dance hall; R.C. Saddlesores, a pink party pony was shaking and grooving much to the delight of the onlooking crowd. Her moves were earning claps from every pony in the room and Pinkemena Diane Pie was relishing every bit of it!
"Yeah!! Woo!!! WOOOO!!", she yelled, breakdancing and busting moves like nobody's business.
"PINKIE! PINKIE! PINKIE! PINKIE!", the crowd cheered enthusiastically.
"TAKE YOUR TOP OFF!", one of them, a black earth pony with a light brown mane, the cutie mark of a horseshoe, and a shirt displaying a giant profanity, cheered only to be clocked in the back of the head by another earth pony.
"Idiot, she's not WEARING a top! Gosh!", the tan pony beside him groaned.
But finally, even Pinkie Pie had to stop and take a breath, letting herself collapse onto the lighted dance floor, laying spread-eagled and gasping happily.
"This... is... soooooo.... fun!!!!", she panted as she slowly got to her hooves and trotted over to the drink bar, reaching to her saddlebag to get some bits to give to the bartender, a hot pink-colored pegasus with an indigo-sky blue mane with a shaker cutie mark, but the pegasus put her hoof up.
"I saw your moves, VERY impressive. This drink's on me. What would you like?", she replied with a smile.
"Nothing fancy, just a pink cannonball lemonade!", Pinkie said, watching as the pegasus got to work mixing up the drink at the same time another pony ordered up a drink for themselves, "This place is so cool!"
"Thank you kindly.", the bartender replied, "The name's Sunset Splash. So what brings you here Pinkie?"
"Call me Pinkie Pie!", she giggled, "I'm just here with my friends. One of us is delivering a dress to Sapphire Shores and her company paid for us to go on this cruise!"
"That sounds pretty cool!", Sunset Splash admitted as she added the touch of cream to Pinkies drink and the lime to the other ponies, "So you and her friends are just relaxing on the way?"
"That's about it, yup!", Pinkie Pie smiled as she watched Sunset finish the drinks and set them on the counter, the other pony paying her and taking one of the glasses at the same time Pinkie took hers, "Well... back to the dance floor!"
With a nod to her new friend, Pinkie Pie went back to the dance area at the same time the other pony came back to the bar and slammed their cup down.
"Hey Sunset! This ain't my drink!"
"That's impossible, Switchblader, I made it just like I usually do! 3 shots of vodka, 2 gin, shot of lime...", she started to say. But it was then the pony, a rugged looking tan earth pony with the mark of a swiss army knife, something that sent a wave of horror through her.
"Are you kidding? This tastes like pink lemonade!!!"
Slowly, Sunset Splash looked over at Pinkie Pie about to drink up and she screamed out...
"PINKIE PIE! DON'T!!!"
But it was too late and the drink slowly went down her throat as Sunset Splash looked on in horror. She'd had made the drinks correctly... but the problem was the color of all the alcohols mixed made the drinks look nearly exactly alike... only instead of lemonade, cream, sugar, and grape juice... Pinkie Pie had just consumed a Rockstar Crash; pure vodka, whiskey, lime, cider, and even a touch of tequila.
"Pinkie?", Sunset asked, slowly coming out from behind the bar, "Are you ok??"
But Pinkie Pie couldn't hear her... she couldn't hear or see anything..... the second the drink had entered her bloodstream, her pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks as her vision turned into a cacophony of colors, a heavy metal beat seeming to echo in her brain as her naturally energized body seemed to go into hyperdrive... It was as if she wasn't in control of her body anymore... and as she felt her body move on its own, she swore she could hear someone singing in a language she'd never heard before.
Zwitter, Zwitter
Zwitter, Zwitter
Zwitter, Zwitter
Zwitter, Zwitter
As Sunset Splash looked in pure shock, Pinkie Pie rolled into a ball and rolled right out the double doors before springing to her hooves and rushing out of sight on her hindlegs. As she watched the pony disappear, Sunset Splash gave Switchblader a dark look before pulling out a walkie-talkie from underneath the bar and speaking into it.
"Reggie, Caden. There's been a mistake... if you see a pink pony with poofy hair acting erratic... It's not her fault. Just make sure she doesn't hurt herself..."
Ich hab ihr einen Kuss gestohlen
sie wollte sich ihn wiederholen
ich hab sie nicht mehr losgelassen
verschmolzen so zu einer Masse
so ist es mir nur allzurecht
ich bin ein schönes Zweigeschlecht
zwei Seelen unter meiner Brust
zwei Geschlechter eine Lust
As Rainbow Dash hung over the railing, her head was throbbing after she'd vomited most of her meal into the sloshing waves below.
"Ugh...", she groaned as she rubbed her head, "I don't think there's anything left in me that I can puke..."
But as she turned around, she saw Pinkie Pie whirling like a dervish and before she could defend herself, Pinkies hoof caught her straight in her nauseated stomach, sending what was still resting in her stomach shooting straight up her throat. Covering her bulging mouth and struggling not to barf on Pinkie Pie, she turned and vomited back over the railing, some of it even landing on the deck this time.
All the while, Pinkie Pie just kept spinning, oblivious to anything but the beat in her head.
Zwitter, Zwitter
Zwitter, Zwitter
Ich gehe anders durch den Tag
ich bin der schönste Mensch von allen
ich sehe wunderbare Dinge
die sind mir vorher gar nicht aufgefallen
ich kann mich jeden Tag beglücken
ich kann mir selber Rosen schicken
da ist kein zweiter und kein dritter
eins und eins das ist gleich
As Fluttershy and Touchtone struggled over her spare phone, a dark red hoofmark now on the latter's front, they were both so caught up in their fight neither of them heard Pinkie Pie approaching the sauna door in a whirl.
"LET GO OF MY PHONE YOU WEAK LITTLE RUNT!!"
"I'LL SHOVE THIS PHONE RIGHT UP YOUR FLANK YOU WICKED LITTLE C--"
"Click!"
As the two ponies looked at the sauna door, they realized it had gotten shut and as Touchtone soon found out... it wouldn't open from the inside!
"SHIT!!! SOMEONE!!!", she banged frantically, Fluttershy quickly joining her....
"Someone... please... help us!!!"
But by then Pinkie had left, completely out of control of her own body.
Zwitter
ich bin so verliebt
Zwitter
ich bin in mich verliebt
Eins für mich
eins für dich
gibt es nicht
für mich
Eins für mich
eins für dich
eins und eins
das bin ich
As her drunken dance continued, she found herself backflipping all over the ship, going into the library and doing a somersault straight into a shelf of romance books much to the amusement of the other readers inside... at least until she hit the shelf with enough force to knock it over and starting a chain reaction knocking over two other shelves going into the encyclopedia section... where another fight was going underway
"I MUST DO THIS! THESE BOOKS NEED TO BE ERASED!!!", Nomres screamed as he tugged at the last copy of Volume 6: The Beginning of the 100-Year War Between Dark and Light Unicorns, Twilight Sparkle refusing to relinquish her hold even for a second.
"I won't let you destroy these! I won't let you deprive minds of learning!!!!"
"I MUST DO THIS!! THESE BOOKS ARE PURE FILTH AN----"
That was as far as Nomres got before the shelf collapsed on top of both ponies, burying them in a pile of wood and books, knocked over by the chain set in motion by Pinkie's drunken moves
[i[Ich bin alleine doch nicht allein
ich kann mit mir zusammen sein
ich küsse früh mein Spiegelbild
und schlafe abends mit mir ein
wenn die anderen Mädchen suchten
konnt ich mich schon selbst befruchten
so bin ich dann auch nicht verzagt
wenn einer zu mir "Fick dich" sagt
"YA'LL CAN'T DO THIS TA ME!", Applejack screamed as a big burly gray earth pony held her over his back and led her out of the arcade.
"Da boss says to Wrencher youse gotta go.", Wrencher replied in a tone that made it clear he'd been dropped a few times, "So youse gots go!"
"BUT I WAS RIGHT!! THAT GUY'S RIPPING PONIES OFF!", the cowpony yelled, thrashing against the bouncer, "HOW CAN YOU BE PART OF SUCH A SCAM!!"
"Alls wrencher cares bout is that hes get paid.", he replied tonelessly as he approached the doors.
But before he could open the doors to throw Applejack out, a spinning pink tornado threw the doors open and knocked them back into Wrencher, sending him stumbling backwards, losing his grip on Applejack in the proccess, and causing him to fall into a nearby pinball machine, breaking through the glass and making it collapse on top of him. Applejack didn't waste any time making her escape to the room while she still could as Pinkie's whirlwind continued through the massive arcade.
Zwitter
ich bin so verliebt
Zwitter
ich bin in mich verliebt
Eins für mich
eins für dich
gibt es nicht
für mich
Eins für mich
eins für dich
eins und eins
das bin ich
Finally, as she spun out of the arcade, two red unicorns with matching outfits and matching blonde manes managed to tackle the crazy pony and pin her to the ground, Pinkie Pie laughing all the while... and as she finally heard the last few strands of the music play, silence finally filling the air again, Pinkie Pie at last began to regain her senses as her laughter slowly dissolved into a weak chuckle and then just a soft guffaw as the unicorns led her back to the room, Sunset Splash looking in dismay at what she'd just seen and angry at Switchblader for not testing the drink at the bar FIRST!
"Next time you come into Saddlesores... I AIN'T SERVING YOU...", she muttered to herself in annoyance as the 3 ponies left her sight.
*3 hours later*
As the 5 ponies finally met up in their shared suite's bedroom as the boat landed at St. BarnAbys and allowed Rarity to take her completed dress off the ship for delivery, they were nearly all left groaning and grumbling. Twilight Sparkle now had a set of bandages covering her chest and forehooves and a jagged burn mark on her flank, Fluttershys coat and mane looked shriveled and disheveled, as well as having a bruise on her cheek and the imprint of a cellphone on her foreleg, Rainbow Dash was resting on one side of the bed, holding her stomach gingerly and letting her forehoof dangle off the side towards the bucket resting nearby, and Pinkie Pie was resting on the other with an ice pack on her head, trying to subdue the massive hangover she now nursed. Applejack looked the least banged up out of any of them, only sporting a bandage around her forehoof to cover a cut from when she broke the glass.
"What a day...", Twilight groaned as she sat in one of the armchairs in the room, "I've never been burned by an elderly pony before.... I don't know what came over me..."
"I think I lost about 10 pounds in sweat alone..", Fluttershy muttered, downing another glass of water from the jug that she'd gotten after being trapped in that hot sauna for over an hour. When Pinkie Pie had knocked it, she'd broken the lock to the door and caused Touchtone and Fluttershy to have to be freed by them prying the door open with a crowbar.
"Urp.. Ugh...", Rainbow Dash groaned as she let out an ugly belch, "I think I lost double that off the side of the ship... But at least I gave the sea a different color... Oogh.. Right in front of Spitfire..."
"Yeah, thanks for that there image, Dash. Really wanted to have the thought of you puking in the ocean in my mind.", Applejack groused sarcastically before turning to Twilight Sparkle, "I still can't believe they'd set up machines to rip off poor ponies.... those damn scoundrels!"
"Ugh... could you all keep it down....", Pinkie Pie groaned as she held the icepack firmly against her skull, "It feels like there's a swarm of parasprites gnawing at my brain... and I don't even have a tuba to defend myself!"
"Even when she's hung over, Pinkie's STILL random!", Rainbow Dash remarked, rubbing her stomach gingerly, "You know I THOUGHT vacations were supposed to be relaxing!"
"Yeah..", Fluttershy agreed with her fellow pegasus, "I thought it would be all about tranquility and peace... not about getting in a fight with a snobbish celebrity and being trapped in a sauna.."
"Heh, neva' took you fer a fighter, Fluttershy!", Applejack quipped.
"Please don't tell anyone, Applejack... it was a moment of weakness..."
"Yeah, same as me busting open that prize machine... but at least the kid got her teddy bear and I managed to sneak out that pony fer Applebloom..."
"Ugh.. girls, can we all make a promise...", Twilight asked as she sat up, "After we get back to Ponyville... NONE of us ever mentions this trip AGAIN!"
"Couldn't agree more!", Applejack agreed
"You said it!", Rainbow Dash added
"Sure...", Fluttershy muttered
"Yeah yeah... urgh...", Pinkie Pie threw in.
Twilight Sparkle started to smile, but then a knock rang out on the bedroom door. "Come in!"
Immediately, their friend Rarity came in with a big smile.. one that disappeared as soon as she saw the state of her friends.
"Oh my gosh, Darlings! What happened to you??"
"WE DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!", all 5 said in unison.
"So how'd she like the outfit?", Applejack asked.
"Oh she loved it!!!", Rarity crowed, squealing happily.
"That's great, Rarity..", Fluttershy smiled in spite of her exhaustion. Seeing Rarity so happy and excited almost made her dehydration worth it.
"Yeah, we're really happy for you!", Twilight added.
"I'm so glad to hear you say that!", Rarity beamed, "And I've got great news!"
"What's that?", Applejack asked, tilting her head curiously.
"Her manager was so impressed with the design and the care that it got that he's paying for a week-long cruise all around the Caribbean next week!! All for us!!!"
A dead silence filled the room as Rarity found herself looking at five very angry, very pissed off faces... all belonging to ponies slowly approaching her...
"Um... girls... is something wrong?? Girls?? Girls?!"
As Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Twilight Sparkle slept, Rainbow Dash sat up on the bed, writing out a scroll to Princess Celestia. They'd all drawn straws to see who'd write the letter and the cyan pegasus had drawn the long straw. The smile on her face was small, but noticeable... she did still feel seasick, but at least she'd gotten most of her lunch out of her system... and writing the letter was a form of catharsis to her.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Hi! It's me, Rainbow Dash. The others are all asleep right now, but believe me we learned a LOT today.
Applejack learned sometimes you have to take matters into your own hooves, even if it's not exactly in a legal way.
Twilight Sparkle learned that not all elderly people are full of wisdom. Some of them are just flat-out nuts!
Fluttershy learned that it's ok to defend yourself, especially when the other pony is a huge stuck-up jerk!
Pinkie Pie learned that it's better to double-check what you're consuming... otherwise you don't know WHAT'S going into your system.
I learned that if you're going on a boat for the first time and you're offered seasickness pills..... FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS AWESOME, TAKE THEM! There are few things more unpleasant than watching your lunch plummet into the ocean!
And Rarity...
It was then she paused and grinned as she remembered where the sixth member of their party was and she calmly hopped off the bed and went out of the suite towards the deck. Handcuffed and tied to the railing and wearing a bucket on her head was one weak and bald white unicorn, a victim of the anger of 5 ponies.
"Ugh... Rainbow Dash... it's not funny anymore... can you please uncuff and untie me from this railing? It's freezing!", Rarity moaned.
"Heh heh... Maybe in another hour...", the pegasus replied before closing the door and writing one last bit to her letter.
Rarity learned that payback.... can be a real bitch!
With a chuckle Rainbow Dash set the scroll on the table and walked back into the bedroom, climbing onto the bed and resting her forehooves behind her head, staring at the ceiling thinking about Ponyville...
"You know...", she said to herself, "Maybe Ponyville isn't so boring after all...."
