The wheel in the sky keeps turning. I would imagine you would have no idea how many times you've seen the sun rise and set in your life. But, if you took it to paper and use a little math, you could figure it out by counting how many days you've been alive. So, realistically, you could know how many days you've been alive. Although, that doesn't really answer me, does it? That's how many you've lived through, not how many you've seen. Perhaps, though, that's not important to you. If I sound a little crass about the subject, I apologize. You see, sunrise and sunset are very important to me.
When the sun rises, so do I. My wings absorb the first glimmers of the morning heat and set my body ablaze. I burst from my cage and chase the sun with a trail of fire hanging against my burning plumes. With the igniting and raising of the sun, my spirit and body soar into the heavens! She gives me flight!
When the sun sets, so do I. The sky darkens and my wings lock the heat of the day against me, warming me through the darkness. My feathers still flicker and glow a hushed light that could easily serve as any young pony's nightlight if they pricked one of my feathers off. I wouldn't mind at all, I enjoy giving heat to others. It's the least I can do. My feathers keep me safe in the night. He keeps me safe.
So, maybe you can see why sunrise and sunset are important to me. To me, they're the only thing that has never changed. It's the last thing I can rely on to not stop happening. Maybe you think a phoenix doesn't really have these feelings? That I don't understand your world? Maybe I don't... Maybe you don't know mine as well as you think you do either.
Do you know what unrequited is? I don't, honestly. But, Celestia brought it up once when she was going through some of her old books. "Star Swirl had such a deep devotion to knowledge and the pursuit of the unknown. Heh, I suppose with how he left this world, someone could say it was an unrequited devotion that knowledge had for him in return." I don't understand that word, really. But, if I had to guess, I think it means something along the lines of 'not the same'. If that's what it is, I think my life is a little unrequited.
What do you see in me, I wonder? A bird? A force of fire? An unkillable beast? I would accept all of these answers. I've lived a great many, many years and have had only two owners. They can't outlast me... Even if I want them to. When my rebirthing cycle comes and I turn to ash, that's the most beautiful time of my life. I feel so cold... I feel finally at peace. I feel like my dream can finally come true.
Yes, I have a dream. Would you like to know what it is? No, it's not to finally die. I'm actually really afraid of death. It's also not to see those I've outlived again; but that would be really nice. No. My one wish... The wish I want more than anything... Is to lose my wings. To not have my feathers any more. To live on the ground. What I want... is to be one of them. One of the mares.
But not because I want to live with them. It's because, well... I knew this stallion once. He was a strong, brave, and giving soul. His heart was filled with good will and love for all races. However, he always felt somehow alone... Except when I was with him. He told me -a bird- his feelings and secrets. He treated me as his equal -one that couldn't even answer him in words. He was truly a great stallion...
...Which is why... Why I so... so... so... very much wanted to be like them. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to protect him like he protected me. To treat him how he treated me. Maybe it was a bit strange for me to dream it and still dream it to this day... Yet I long for it. I desire nothing more than to have my wings taken from me!
...But... It wouldn't matter now... Fenix has long since passed away. Leaving this world, these ponies... and leaving me.
Maybe in some way, that's what unrequited is. Remembering someone who will never remember you... And what they do remember, they remember only as an equal friend.
It's almost funny, isn't it? I loved to pick at Celestia when she was younger. Pull at her hair, make a mess of her mane. Why? Because Fenix paid a great deal of attention to her. I was what you would call a 'ruffled raven'. Heh... Among my species, that is a funny name... Anyway, I despised Celestia to no end in those days. Now? I serve along side her as her faithful companion.
If only she knew... She had what I always wanted more than anything. Not only to be free of my feathers and wings... But to have had that voice. That voice that could be understood. A voice that... Fenix...
We... all have to learn to move on, to keep going to the wind and letting the gusts take you where they will. I speak from experience, we're just ashes in the wind. The only difference is that when I turn to ashes, I'll come back. Everyone else I know won't. That's why I value Celestia... Someone who doesn't age like anyone else. She won't know the pain of death like me, or the sorrow of never being understood fully. But there is one pain we both share...
Long ago, we lost the stallion we loved... One loved him like a father; the other... like only unrequited love can give.
