Hey, hey, hey...yeah, you, the guy at your computing device, whatever you humans call those.
Yes, it's me. The now reformed spirit of chaos and disharmony himself. For someone that valued chaos so dearly before he realized that friends didn't get in the way of everything...and could show me the right road...I have to say, you humans really don't need my help being chaotic.
How do I know all this? Of the things I can do in my statue, peering into other worlds is one of them. However, using magic to trick ponies is not among my powers. For the love of chocolate milk clouds, I'm in a sealed state. I can't believe you humans would think I could memory wipe ponies, let alone ones as powerful as the alicorns from a sealed state. If I could, my second defeat would not have happened.
On the subject, while I can float the Elements at my will, save for the Element of Magic (believe me, I did try that but it didn't work; it's the "Master Element" and hidden for a reason, you know!)...I can't affect them. Again, if I could, say, booby trap them so the bearers would act stupid, don't you think I'd have done that? I tried that too! Couldn't even get them to respond until they were being worn anyway.
Oh, and making the ponies fight to the death with creatures from another world? First of all, sealed or not, I can't physically force ponies into other worlds. This world I'm in is my sole jurisdiction. What do you think this is, that Star Trek that seems to come up in some places where I'm mentioned? Side note: if I met Q, I'd probably like him...
I lost the second time because I was too arrogant. The first time, too. Why is it so hard for you to accept that? I've peered into your world, and I have to say...you all take me too seriously. Some of you want to stick a knife in my back and destroy me (fat chance of that happening; the Elements couldn't do more than seal me; it'd take a lot more than that to take me out permanently!), but the grand majority of you can't seem to grasp a cartoon aimed for kids.
Yes, humans, I can bend the fourth wall to my will, but given all the other stuff you saw me do, it shouldn't be so surprising. Though I am honestly flattered you think I'm hilarious even when I'm torturing innocent ponies...killing them? Really? What do you take me for?
When I was still evil, I had a saying: "what good is chaos if nopony's around to experience it?" And even though I intend to use my powers for good unless a really good prank opportunity comes out (Celly called me mischievious, not "deadly"...even though I was more of a tyrant than she ever could be; seriously, I was bested by her and you don't hear me calling her a tyrant!)...I still stand by that! I prefer having a live audience, thank you very much!
I've heard so many of you cry deus ex machina at both my second defeat and my reformation. Again, I was careless...I didn't think their friendship would hold up so well with all the stuff I put them through! I was bitter about that defeat, and was plotting my revenge while Fluttershy had tried to reform me by showing me genuine friendship and kindness...truth be told, when she openly called me her friend in the face of her five other, more long-standing friends, I sort of regretted doing what I did to her back in the hedgemaze. But it had to be done at the time...I was free for the first time in centuries, I wasn't about to let it get away if I could help it!
Of course, I abandoned my revenge afterward. There's a lot of stuff that happened offscreen, but I'm not telling you what it was. You wanna know why? Because you chaotic humans don't need my help to come up with the chaos!
Seriously, why are you doing this thing called "shipping"? Why do you think I'd be a good match for any of the ponies? I'm still earning their trust! While I'm on the subject...raping them? Really? I never had an interest in carnal knowledge! Even I have standards, you know!
About that whole "cartoon aimed for kids" thing...yeah, sometimes the writing has lapses in it (some far bigger than others), but you know, you can't have this "grimdark" manure in a cartoon aimed for kids. I'm not some evil mass murderer nor some reality-bending rapist. When I was evil, I was a mere creature who sought to amuse only himself through...mostly harmless pranks cranked to twelve. Now...I aim to amuse my newly formed friends...most of the time.
Yeah, I never thought I'd call those ponies my friends. I'm just as surprised as you probably were at my sudden turn...Oh, wait, it wasn't that sudden from my side of the aisle. You ain't gettin' that info, though. Don't want to give you lot any ideas now.
Being a goody-two-shoes wasn't on my life goals, but I'm sure you might still see me up to my antics...just toned down a little. I'd rather keep my friends legitimately.
Yet...I'm strangely happy to have it that way thanks to you.
You humans are all sociopaths that make me at my worst look tame by comparison! You can crank the chaos up as high as you want! By all means, use me as a catalyst if you really have to! It doesn't change the truth!
I know not what drives you to maim, kill, humiliate, or whatever, the ponies you claim to appreciate so much, "bronies". I just know I'm not into any of it. Except maybe the humiliation, but that was when I was evil, so not so much that anymore. I'm pretty sure you guys call yourselves that, but really, from what I've seen, it should be "People who appreciate the chaotic side of things way, way too much."
I honestly never thought I'd even see creatures who legitimately enjoyed my chaos (Pinkie Pie doesn't count; she was just in it for the milk and cotton candy clouds...). Why do you find me when I was evil so good! I mean, yeah, sure, I put the ponies in their place for a few hours, I gave them a run for the money. But I lost fair and square due to my own arrogance! And now that I've seen what drove them to be able to defeat me like that, I have to accept it, as much as it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
You might be wondering why I'm turning on you, the people that got me my third episode to begin with. Well, it's simple. You guys asked for way, way too much, and because you didn't get "classic Discord" and got "Princess Twilight" instead, you all went into an uproar. Really, she's not that different! She still has her moments...
Anyway, I've spent too much time communicating with you lot. I'd offer you some of my chaos, but I'm convinced you don't need my help, not with all the stuff I've seen on your "Internet". You guys manage just fine on your own.
P.S. Seriously, I don't understand you lot at all.
P.P.S. No, I'm not taking any of this back. If I could directly affect your world, I still wouldn't. You guys have shown me you need more harmony than anything...ugh, admitting that is still not easy.
P.S.S.S. That's right, I have three "S"s on this one instead of three "P"s...Because what fun is there in making sense?
Yeah, I'm out. You might not see me again, but that's why I'm in some of these "fics" of yours, right? So you can see all the me you want doing whatever you want. ...Even if even I find it questionable from time to time...
Author's Note
I really had to vent my rage in a more symbolic way than my blog. Yeah, I'm referencing fics on this site. Really, I was this fed up with those kinds of fics I had to do this. So yeah, railroad this fic if you want, I don't really care. I've made my voice heard using the pen and not the metaphorical sword.
To the Humans I Wrote Last Time:
I am stunned. Honestly, I am stunned.
At the time, I didn’t know what was worse. The fact I had fallen into the same trapping I had lead my...my friends, into all that time ago, or the fact I had betrayed them and gotten nothing out of it. Either way, at the time that Tirek backstabbed me, I really began to reflect. And by the time Twilight willfully relinquished her magic to let her friends--and to my shock, even me--go, I realized what it was. I’m sure you all heard it, but let me add something else to the mix.
You can’t find friends looking into hate and havoc. You’ll either make people fear you, or hate you forever. As it stands, I think I’m lucky to be getting my third chance, especially after selling the other ponies out. Yes, I was genuinely betraying them all...I didn’t know what comradery was until it hit me like a wayward pie to the face. Now that I know what friendship means for sure, I have a few more words for you all. But first, a simple question:
Are you all migrating to Tirek’s camp now since he beat me? What do you humans call that anyway…”prison rules”, was it? If so, have fun. I’ll be sure to enjoy appearing in all the various dark fics you write...even if I’m not on his side in them. As I said before, you humans generally tend to enjoy the dark and the chaotic…
However, before I said it was just too much for my liking. Now, I genuinely feel it is far too much for my liking. How long it is before you write stories where he’s also seeking carnal knowledge? Actually, don’t answer that, I think I have several sources telling me some are on the way. Oh, joy…
I do wonder though. Way back when I pretended to be sick with “blue flu” and made Twilight and her sister-in-law drag me across the land to get a flower they didn’t even need just to get in their way...if, for some reason, that worm had gotten to them instead...would it have still been funny? If your answer to this question is yes, you might be gazing into our world for the wrong reasons. If you really think the show needs to be like that, this is not for you. I’m looking at you, the maker of that comic where Fluttershy got eaten by a dragon!
Hey, she was the first one that actually treated me well despite my limitations. I actually confess I saw that one before recent events...even then it irritated me. You, who watch this universe that is clearly fantastical, want things to go that darkly. Even at my worst I refrained from outright killing creatures--it would have spoiled my fun at the time.
But now that I’ve fully opened my eyes to things, I guess I’ll just leave you humans to do...whatever, with this new information. What’s a dragonequus to do with his time now…?
Hmm...I hear that “shipping” thing is still very popular...Ooh, and you guys have this weird stuff called “anime”...Hm. Maybe I should look into doing that.
Changed for the better,
Discord
P.P.S.S. Ha, still doing it!
Author's Note
Written purely because a friend asked me to. I didn't know what else to put in there that wasn't already said, so here's Discord making some more references to real-world stuff. This'll be the last I do with the character alone.
What do I think of him after today's episodes? He's improved his image by eating that humble pie Tirek shoved in his face. Plus, him getting a small taste of what he did in Season 2 is always a plus.