Pinkie Pie: Party of Chickun

by ArtichokeLust

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 3495

Pinkie Pie discovers a new delicacy

After drinking a beverage known as coffee, eating thirty cupcakes, and feeling the excitement of new party ideas, pinkie starts shaking. She shakes so much, in fact, that she vibrates above the limits of the uncertainty principle, giving the universe a headache trying to figure out where she's going. So instead of trying to figure that out like a good universe, it bribes her to get her to stop.

Her first request was, "Ooh! Gimme one of the most eaten, delicious foods in the whole wide universe!", and so it gave her a food scientifically made to be both delicious and cheep: Kentucky Fried Chickun.

Before she realizes what she's doing, Pinkie Pie develops a taste for meat.

(Set any time after "Baby Cakes")

(Pinkie Pie part of image found at http://jj-bb.deviantart.com/art/Done-Nothing-Productive-All-Day-373291761 . I couldn't find the Scootaloo KFC image anywhere on the internet.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-05 21:32:52 UTC

Prologue i: A new flavor!?

Pinkie woke up early in the morning for the first time in a long, long while. The smell of something strange had awoken her, and it was like nothing she had ever sniffed before...

Pinkie's eyes shot open instantaneously, they were bloodshot, and since she was just in REM-sleep, they were at odd angles. But they quickly corrected themselves, sliding back into a normal stare a few soft squishing noises as she sat up. She looked around, seeing her familiar, completely disorganized, pink room. If Pinkie Pie ever threw up something pink, it would probably remind her of her room.

"Ugh..." Pinkie moaned and held a hoof to her head for a second before her 50% sugar/blood mix healed whatever headache she could have felt and cured her blood-shot eyes, making her feel fit as a fiddle. But it was still early in the morning, so she yawned.

Now... pinkie thought as she pulled off her covers and hopped out of bed. What could that smell be?

She walked over to her closet and opened it to find a pile of freshly killed fish mixed with ice. She picked one up in her mouth, closed the door, and headed over to the bird-cage containing gummy.

Could it be a new flavor of cake? She thought as she tossed the fish into the cage.

Or, Pinkie gasped as Gummy caught the fish in his mouth and struggled to swallow it whole. Maybe it's an *entirely new** kind of treat!*

Pinkie stood up and opened the bird cage to give gummy his morning nuzzle and pat on the head. He mindlessly tried to eat her face, but his teeth hadn't grown in yet. Whatever it is, I've *got** to find out what that treat is...*

Pinkie closed the cage and headed out her door into the upstairs hallway, ...it smells like some weird form of chocolate...

She bounced downstairs, turned her head into the kitchen and gasped! Mr cake was drinking some new type of beverage! So she rushed over, eager to find out what it was.

*GASP* Pinkie started, "What is that?" She rose from below the coffee cup and eyed it curiously, "-Is it a new type of liquid?"

Mr. Cake moved the beverage away before Pinkie could poke it with her hoof, "It's brown." She stated as she fell back on all fours, thinking for a second. Mr. Cake walked away to the giant cake he would have to carry soon.

Somehow her eyes went even wider as she looked up and gasped again, "Is it a new type of hot chocolate!?"

She started to hop. Oh god, she hopped, "You have to tell me... What is that drink!"

"What's in that drink!?" She hopped again.

"What is it made of!?"  She bounced even higher.

"At least, what do you think!?" A soon as she hit the ground she sped over to where he had headed.

"Pinkie..." Mr. Cake said, holding his hoof to the bridge of his muzzle.

"Oh," She stopped, smiling sheepishly.

Mr. Cake sighed, "It's a beverage meant to wake ponies up early in the morning when they have work to do," He explained. "Right now me and Mrs. Cake have to deliver this cake-" Pinkie Pie looked over to the red and white behemoth standing behind Mr. Cake, her eyes and mouth started watering. "- to some very important ponies."

He stopped there for a second, Pinkie Pie looked between him and the cake, but she would make sure to contain herself and not eat it, "I'm glad you're awake though," He said, "now I can ask you to take care of the babies while were gone. Sorry I forgot to ask you earlier."

"No problem!" Pinkie sat back and held her hoof to her head and giggled. Then she heard a flushing sound.

"Sorry about that," Mrs. Cake walked around the corner into the kitchen, "Oh, Pinkie, you're awake!"

"And she's going to watch over the babies!" Mr. Cake said happily.

Mrs. Cake smiled, "Oh, how wonderful! Thanks Pinkie," She walked closer to Pinkie, "You didn't have to."

Pinkie smiled and hopped gleefully, "What are friends for?"

"Oh and you're such a good friend!" Mrs. Cake walked over and hugged Pinkie, then walked back and stood over by the cake.

"Now, we shouldn't keep them waiting." Mrs. Cake said with with a bit of nervousness in her voice.

"Oh, of course not!" Mr. Cake replied just as nervously as they both moved their bodies under the platform holding the cake, lifting it off its four legs, which all fell outwards and away from them.

"Goodbye!" They both said at once as they headed out the door.

"Bye!" Pinkie animatedly waved a hoof goodbye.

Once they were gone, she sat down, sighing to herself. Then, she remembered something.

Slowly, she turned her head over to that strange new smell. On the counter, there was a new machine, with instructions left right beside it.

"Oh no!" Mr. Cake realized something, "I forgot to tell Pinkie not to try the coffee!"

"Should we go back?" Mrs. Cake asked, worried.

They slowed down a bit, causing the cake to sway back and forth above them.

"Nah," Mr. Cake smiled, "I think she'll be fine..."

Prologue ii: Mr. Coffee

Pinkie Pie walked over to the manual and started reading out loud.

"Mr. Coffee, five cup Coffeemaker" She said as she read the front cover which had a picture of the coffee machine on it. Shrugging, she turned the next page.

"Safety..." She said as she skipped the pages titled "IMPORTANT SAFEGUARDS"

"More safety..." She said as she noticed several caution symbols on the next two pages, which she immediately skipped.

"Troubleshooting..." She said as she looked at the left page, then to the right, "Using Mr. Co- Oh, cleaning, never mind" She skipped the next page.

Annoyed that the book didn't have an index, she started turning pages faster, "Warranty, Precautiones... Wait-a-minute!" She paused slamming a hoof down, "Now it's in Spanish!"

Then she looked at the coffee diagram on the next page, and something hit her. She flipped back several paged to the English version where it said, "SAVE THESE INSTRUCTIONS" Which she thought were more safeguards because of the caution symbols.

"Ah," She said, "Operation and use" She had the instructions...

Pinkie Pie followed the instructions, pouring the water in and turning the machine on, then she waited. She watched as the machine slowly heated up and poured her coffee out... drip, by drip, by drip...

"Aaargh!" She huffed and threw her arms up, "Can't you go an faster!?" She said to the machine. In response, it slowed down its dripping. She narrowed her eyes at it, until she heard-

"WHAAAA!" The babies had woken up...

Pinkie pie rushed upstairs and over to the babies rooms. But she opened the doors slowly so she didn't scare the them.

"Hey," She asked nervously, "What's wrong?" She knew what these things were capable of.

She got the hint as pound cake tried to shove a stuffed animal further and further into his mouth. She ran over and grabbed the milk bottles, giving it to the babies, who, after a few drinks, fell right back to sleep.

"Whew," She wiped some nervous sweat drops off of her. she was glad they weren't awake yet, she still had to try that new beverage!

Pinkie Pie raced back downstairs, back to the coffee machine.

"One cup!" She looked at the machine, sad that she would have to wait for four more to be poured... then she thought of something, "Good enough!"

Pinkie Pie ran over to a cabinet, opened it, grabbed a cup, and placed it under the machine, replacing the original thing which she now held in her hoof. Slowly she tilted the thing back, hoping the babies wouldn't interrupt her. They didn't.

"Hot!" She stammered, "And bitter!"

She puckered a bit, setting the coffee container down on the counter. It needed something...

"Milk!" She shouted and sped over to the fridge. She grabbed a carton and ran back, then spilled a whole cup of milk into the coffee thing, making it half-coffee, half-milk.

She took a sip... it still needed...

"Sugar!" Pinkie gasped and ran over to the cabinet, pulling out a bag of sugar as large as herself. She opened, grabbed a tablespoon, and put two tablespoons of sugar into the drink. Then she chugged.

She slammed the drink down on the counter. She suddenly seemed more awake somehow...

She looked back to the coffee machine. The coffee cup she had placed under it was almost completely filled, and that just wouldn't do...

She grabbed another coffee cup, took the old cup out, and replaced it with the original coffee pourer. Then she split the coffee between the two coffee cups, added half milk, two tablespoons sugar, and drank...

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie felt more awake than an other moment in her life.

Chapter 1: Overload

Deep beneath the folds of Pinkie Pie's brain, chemicals started to mix together. The fats, sugars, caffeine and adrenaline mixed and burned, firing neurons at a rate approaching some theoretical limit. Perception can be bent and folded on the edge of these limits, but in a world with magic, reality sometimes follows perception.

Pinkie Pie sat the last cup of coffee back down on the counter. From its perch, it stared back at her.

On the side of the teal cup opposite the handle, a yellow smiley face moved its eyes. Pinkie Pie tried to ignore it, but there was something wrong with it. It... It couldn't be looking at her.

Suddenly two beige folds of flesh poured out the sides of the cup, spilling onto the counter. Pinkie Pie slowly backed away, a little concerned. The folds of skin morphed and wiggled, slowly coalescing into two full sized male arms, seemingly too large to fit.

The cup-beast grabbed the counter and lifted itself, leering at Pinkie Pie.

"L... Lyra?" Pinkie took a step back.

"Do not fear my child, we do not mean you harm," The cup said with a voice like church bells. This somehow did not calm Pinkie Pie.

"We come with one request, please help to make us warm... again," The cup leered forward even more. It was becoming obvious how powerful those arms were.

"When you took of us your hold, you quickly drank us cold," The cup launched itself forward at Pinkie Pie, who deftly dodged out of the way. But now the cup was between her and the exit.

"Once more we must feel full, so please bring to us... one. more. foal." The cup grinned even wider, turning the innocent smiley face into something much, much creepier.

Without hesitation, Pinkie Pie grabbed the frying pan and smashed the cup into shards, then smashed those shards into dust.

"Whew," Pinkie wiped her brow, "That could've been a nightmare"

Pinkie Pie sat back, calming her self down and making sure the cup never came back. Once she was certain it wouldn't she started to think of other things.

The baby Cakes won't really be awake for a few more hours... and I think I deserve a treat for having to go through that... Pinkie thought, then smiled, Cupcake time!!!

After baking thirty cupcakes and laying them on the counter, Pinkie Pie decided she would eat a cupcake every time she did a chore. First, cleaning up that coffee cup and its arms.

Pinkie Pie picked up a cupcake, took a bite out of it, and trotted over to the... thing, Then quickly swept it up and threw it away.

29 cupcakes left.

"WAAAAAAAAA!" Pinkie Pie heard one of the babies scream from upstairs and cringed. She had barely just finished her cupcake.

She ran upstairs, dodging several toys that had been thrown out of the room and had landed on the stairwell, creating an obstacle course.

Can they already be awake? She thought to herself as she dodged through the obstacle course. This thought was only met by the cry of the other baby.

"W-What do you want?" Pinkie Pie tried to sound calm and collected after dashing into the room, she didn't succeed. In truth, she was still somewhat scared of the babies after her last attempt at foalsitting.

Pinkie Dashed around the room, worried. But this only caused the babies to cry even more.

She darted around the room looking for different items. First, she grabbed a stuffed animal and placed it in the crying baby's crib. As she did this, she noticed the actual reason Pound Cake was crying... he needed his diaper changed...

Pinkie grabbed the stuffed animal out of the crib with her mouth and threw it back to hell. Then she bent down and took off the stinky diaper... This was her least favorite part of foalsitting...

With the diaper in the trash, she ran back and found a new one. Then she raced back and put it on Pound Cake.

Anyway, with that done, now maybe she could try and see if she could find something fun to play with Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake once they woke up. Sure they were picky last time, but there had to be something they enjoyed other than seeing their foalsitter covered in powder... the little sadists.

Pinkie sat down and rested a hoof on her chin... thinking. They had enjoyed bath time before she overdid it... but that was a once daily thing... Maybe they could play with blo-

*Snore*

an unnatural sound came from behind Pinkie. She was sure babies couldn't snore...

Slowly, she turned around...

As she laid her eyes upon the foreign image, her mind went blank. In the crib was a fully grown Pound Cake with a five-o-clock shadow, still in his diaper, whispering "Pinkie Pie..." in his sleep.

She turned around slowly, hoping Pumpkin Cake wouldn't be like this too...

no... She thought as she saw the full grown foal in his diaper and crib.

She slowly turned back to Pound Cake. Well... She thought I just have to make the best of...

Pound Cake was back to being a foal.

Pinkie Pie slowly backed out of the room , keeping her eyes on the two foals...

After exiting, she slowly turned around and made her way down the stairs, gathering the toys on her back with her front hooves and piling them into the corner once she reached the bottom.

"Okay Pinkie" Pinkie said to herself, shivering slightly. Something was very, very wrong.

"You're not crazy," She laughed as she made her way back to the kitchen, "You're just under some stress..."

"Yeah," She reassured herself in a somewhat creepy voice, "You've just got to calm down and remember that these are just cute, adorable foals. Foals that enjoy you foalsitting them."

She turned into the kitchen, slowly walking towards the cupcakes. "Then all these hallucinations will go away."

...And I definitely deserve 29 more cupcakes for whatever that was, Pinkie thought to herself as she grabbed the tray and flipped it, spilling all the cupcakes into her muzzle.

0 cupcakes left.

Pinkie sat on a chair in the living room doing breathing exercises to calm herself down. It didn't work, and for the life of her she couldn't figure out why.

Whatever. If it didn't work, it didn't work. She just had to try something new.

Why don't I just think of future parties? She asked herself, then giggled. She spent all her energy worrying about why she was worrying, when she could spend it on something useful like planning parties!

Oh Pinkie you silly filly! She giggled some more.

Pinkie sat and held a hoof to her chin, now in planning mode, Now lets see... Rainbow Dash's birthday is coming up in a few months, and- Ooh! Pinkie jumped up and breathed in. She just had the best idea ever!

Instead of celebrating elsewhere since her house is made of clouds or exhausting Twilight so she falls asleep at the party. I could use my flying machines! Pinkie Pie dashed back into her room and checked under her bed. Underneath were the remains of several party related inventions, including an old flying machine and shriveled balloons.

As she grabbed the shattered planks and shriveled balloons an idea popped into her head. What if she combined them!?

You could sit up in the air without doing anything, and when you wanted to move you just peddled! And that was just one idea, maybe later she could ask Twilight about magic and see if she could just make shoes that allowed ponies to walk on clouds!

To an outsider. Seeing Pinkie in the middle of her pink room, surrounded by a tornado of pink that had somehow grabbed someponies deck and some balloons, while also randomly gasping for air and fidgeting with her head, could be a little unnerving. Actually, it would probably be unnerving to anyone, especially when she started to shake violently when she got excited at her better and better ideas.

"Ohmygoshthisisamazing!" Pinkie squealed as she held her head, keeping the torrent of ideas from spilling out.

"My parties are going to be amazing!" She grinned.

That was it, she started shaking up and down with all the happy energy she had. She couldn't help it, she was going to sque-

Suddenly, everything stopped.

Noticing the strange chill around her, Pinkie Pie calmed herself.

-sigh- "Not another one..." A voice trailed from behind Pinkie to the right of her, changing from a young colt to an adult mare as it did so.

Then she heard a mix between Rainbow Dash and Nightmare moon slowly turn into Fluttershy, "I don't feel like sorting out another one of these things... can't we just... parley?"

Pinkie was confused. Normally strange voices don't just appear out of nowhere and start talking. But for some reason she wasn't scared, just curious. Maybe it had to do with recent events, or maybe the lack of fear was artificial...

"Normally I'd disagree" This one sounded exactly like Cherilee! "But in this case... go ahead..." Unfortunately, it slowly morphed into King Sombra.

"Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie jumped. Now it was a voice she didn't recognize at all, and almost immediately it switched to a silky, calm voice that she just knew she could trust, "I'll give you no less than three wishes if you stop shaking like you have, and stay content with your previous position."

Pinkie Pie had no idea why she wouldn't be content with her previous position, and now she got three wishes too!

"Okie-dokie!" Pinkie smiled innocently.

"What is your first wish?" The silky voice asked.

"Ooh! Gimme one of the most eaten, delicious foods in the whole wide universe!" Pinkie sat up and held out her front hooves, her mouth watering at the thought, though she wasn't hungry.

There was a pause, then something that sounded almost like stifled laughter. Pinkie swore she could hear a "Oh no, you're not going to..." in the distance.

Pinkie tilted her head and squinted, "What's going on ove-" But before she could finish her question, a bucket containing food popped up next to her. Weird, it was like nothing she had ever seen or smelled before. It did smell kinda good though.

"Your wish-" the voice paused for a second, as if to catch its breath "-has been granted."

Suddenly, pinkie heard her doorbell ring.

"Now, for your second wish?" The voice continued.

"Actually," Pinkie held a hoof up to the voice and looked back to where she heard her door-bell, "I'll save the other two wishes for later."

"Very well," The voice said and returned the universe back to its normal state, but Pinkie was already bouncing downstairs.

"Hello!" Pinkie beamed as she opened the door. Moments ago she would have screamed "HI!" in a distressed voice, but now she had just received what was apparently the bestest food ever.

"Hi," Scootaloo replied, "I was by Fluttershy's a while ago, and she was worrying about one of her chickens going missing, but she had other problems..." Scootaloo scuffed the ground, obviously embarrassed about something, "Well, Last time we tried searching for her chickens it didn't go so well, so I thought it might be better to ask for help."

"Well," Pinkie shrugged, "I can't search with you since I'm babysitting, but maybe somepony else could help... hmm..." Once again she went back to thinking mode.

Pinkie noticed Scootaloo was still standing at the door, and she still didn't have a good answer yet, "Oh! Come in."

Pinkie opened the door and let Scootaloo in, then closed the door behind her.

"I thi-" Scootaloo started, but Pinkie had already ran off, "Pinkie?"

...Scootaloo was alone and a little creeped out now, "...Pinkie?" She repeated.

Suddenly, she heard the sound of a baby crying above her... then another... and another.