I, Sweetie

by Anonymoose

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sweetie Belle, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1859

Twilight Sparkle is concerned for her friend and assistant Sweetie Belle. After all it must be hard, being the only AI in all of Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle is concerned for her friend and assistant Sweetie Belle. After all it must be hard, being the only AI in all of Equestria.

Warning: contains Sweetie Bot!

Cover art by 1APEEPA.

Edited and added a new chapter.

Published 2013-07-04 07:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-29 15:04:16 UTC

Happy Birthday (rewrite)

“Sweetie Belle, can you come in here for a minute?”

I trotted into the laboratory when I’d heard Twilight Sparkle call my name.

The room was vast; filled with hanging wires, monitors and all sorts of scientific apparatuses. I’d only seen Twilight Sparkles basement once, and that was what she was able to do with a measly librarians salary. Now she had a royal stipend to work with, and an entire wing of Canterlot Castle.

Most of the citizenry of Canterlot, and indeed Equestria, were used to seeing their princess in her royal accoutrements. I was one of the few privileged with knowing how much she disliked the pomp, and prefered a nice white lab coat… much like she was wearing now.

Technically I was her research assistant (Cutie Mark Crusader Research Assistants, yay!), though truth be told, I was more a research specimen. Not that I particularly minded. No other specimen in all of Equestria was given a hefty allowance and are allowed to come and go from the castle as they pleased. Oh, and get to be the close friend of the princesses.

So really… I can’t complain.

“Yes, Professor Princess?” I can’t help but laugh as I enter the lab. That earned a playful scowl from Twilight.

“I’m not interrupting your work, am I?” Twilight asked.

Had she interrupted my work? No, not really: I’d been idly playing around with some of Twilights lasers. I’d been reading about Tom Foals experiment on the wave nature of light. I’d also been wondering what ideas Scootaloo and Apple Bloom might have come up with had they access to lasers while the three of us were crusading… so nothing important.

“Actually, I was in the middle of something very important; I was working on a new thought experiment. I thought it might show some promising insights into Chaos Theory.”

Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Oooooh! A new thought experiment?”

Twilight Sparkle: Princess. Distinguished Professor of the Royal Canterlot University. Element of Magic. Saviour of Equestria!

Twilight Sparkle: dancing around me like an excited school filly.

“What is it? You have to tell me!”

Oh, Twilight, you make this too easy!

“I was contemplating the application of lasers, and what potential benefits they could have had to our old Cutie Mark Crusader quests.” I casually lift a hoof to inspect it. Nonchalance, at it’s finest.

My thought experiment has the desired effect. Twilight’s ears flick about, her eyes twitch and that nervous tic appears. I laugh at the things I am able to see that most ponies can’t. A minor jump in temperature; a mere zero-point-eight degrees celsius. Increased heart rate to fifty-six bpm. Respiration now averaging thirty-two breaths per minute.

Tic frequency increasing. Heart rate escalating. Temperature rising forty-seven-point-nine-two degrees.

Oh buck! Twilight’s going critical.

I look nervously around at the very expensive, very fragile, very flammable equipment around us. Time to insert some control rods. “It was a joke, Twilight. Just a joke.”

Core temperature dropping. Tic subsiding. Breath and heart rate returning to normal levels. Scowl on face. Thank Celestia!

“Sweetie Belle!” Twilight shouted over my laughter. “You should never joke about that.” I can’t help but continue to laugh at the expression on Twilight’s face. “Never…” she whispers under her breath.

Twilight shook her head with a wry smile. “If you are done joking around, I was hoping we could do a little more diagnostics today.”

“Let me guess, you want to cut my hair again?” I can’t help but laugh. In a nanosecond I adjust my vocal synthesizer to mimic my sisters voice. “Well, I expect an elegant coiffure. One befitting a lady.” I flick my mane for effect.

“A coiffure… for science.” Twilight finally joined in the laughter.

Once the giggles had subsided, Twilight continued. “No, Sweetie Belle. I have a little surprise for you. Please, follow me.”

~

Twilight led me towards her special lab. The secret lab. The lab that nopony… not myself, not even Celestia Luna… were allowed to enter. The three of us had joked about what Twilight might have been hiding in there. Princess Luna and I had a bet going as to what was in there. I thought it was some kind of revolutionary power source.

Princess Luna is convinced it's a secret lover.

If I won, Luna would name the next comet after me. If she won, I had to fess up the details of my failed date with Spike. Princess Celestia had opted to stay out of the bet.

Please don’t be a secret lover!

~

I was not prepared for what I saw. I really hoped I didn’t have to share the story of my failed date with Luna, because if I did, what I was seeing now would give me so much more to talk about with Doctor Calvin.

“Is that… me?” I had to ask.

“No, of course not,” Twilight giggled. “Well, I based her design pretty much entirely on yours. It was frustrating, let me tell you. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t actually improve on your function. It’s been infuriating!”

I looked over the machine in front of me; we have the same glowing-green eyes. The same hydraulics in her legs. Same white casing across her barrel and flank. Same horn shaped antenna. Of course, I'm wearing my synthetic skin right now, and she is naked… well, more naked than most other ponies, at the very least.

But she was an exact replica of me.

“T-Twilight?” Part of me registers the saline lubricants building in my optic sockets. “Y-You’re replacing me? Did I do something wrong? Was I not good enough?”

“Nonononononononononono!” Panic spreads across Twilight’s face. “No, Sweetie Belle, no! I am not replacing you. I…” Twilights expression fell. “We all know I won’t always be around; even alicorns don’t live forever. We have no way of knowing how long you will live. I think so long as the sun continues to shine… well.”

“I don’t want you to be alone.” She turned towards the robotic filly on the table. “I won’t always be here. Celestia, Luna, none of us are eternal.”

“I could never replace you.” Twilight pulled me into a gentle hug. “Never! You are my friend; and my number one assistant!”

“Only because your last 'number one assistant' got too grabby with those synthesised crystals you were working on.”

This allows both of us to laugh.

“You sure you aren’t trying to replace me?”

“Never!”

Twilight let go of the hug, and moved back into serious scientist mode. “I’ve not been able to change the coloring of the synthetic skin: white seems to be the only color that doesn’t break down the self-reparative functionality. So once again, I’ve had to copy yours.” Twilight huffed as she looked towards the vexing cover.

“So… are you ready?” Twilight looked at me with a warming smile. “Ready to meet your new sister?”

~

Twilight touched her horn to the forehead of the robot. Small clicks and whirs, flashing LEDs, and she was on. My new little sister.

“Hi, my name’s Sweetie Belle,” I introduce myself to the newly awoken filly.

“Hi, my name’s Sweetie Belle,” the filly answered.

As a synthetic intelligence, I should not be subject to the same temporal lobe epilepsy that causes déjà vu; but bright green eyes, something stirs deep within old memories. Were they green? No, weren’t they pale magenta‽

“Hmm… something’s not right,” Twilight mused, chewing on her lip. “She shouldn’t be using a name until we have assigned one.”

“But you already have,” Princess Celestia giggled as she walked through the doors, accompanied by Princess Luna. Celestia lifted the robotic foal into her forearms and cradled her. “Hello Sweetie Belle, it's good to meet you.” She cooed as she slipped the ‘new-born’ foal into the synthetic skin. “Are you ready to go and meet your new family, little one? Magnum and Pearl will make great parents. And I know Rarity will love your cooking!”

Celestia disappeared in a flash of bright magic. Princess Luna laughed, levitating a small, colourful box to the now vacated table.

“But… what… how? What?” Twilight had started to twitch again. Elevated heart rate. Rapid breathing. Core temperature rising. I backed away from my friend, and moved towards the table, eyeing small decorated box, bearing the label of Sugarcube Corner.

Celestia reappeared next to me. “Happy Birthday, Sweetie Belle. Now… who would like a slice of birthday cake?”

Stable Timeloops with a side of Cake

"HOW‽"

Twilight Sparkle seethed as Celestia, Luna and I ate the cake. Banana-cream, one of Celestia's favorites.

"How lovely is this cake?" Celestia asked, turning to her sister. Magenta eyes. Her eyes. Those old memories stir.

"Quite lovely!" Luna agreed.

"Where did you put my robot?" I flinched as Twilight screamed; both in shock at her volume, and a little hurt at being reduced to somepony's 'robot'.

Celestia raised an eyebrow, and pointed directly at me. "Why, she's right there… I thought that was rather obvious, actually."

"Ummm, yes. Yes… We found it perfectly… understandable," Luna agreed, unconvincingly; I would have to challenge her to a game of poker later.

"Well, she is here now, but I gave her to Pearl and Magnum about… one hundred-and-thirty-two years ago?" Celestia explained.

"WHAT‽"

"You don't think you were the only pony who ever meddled with time-travel, do you Twilight?" Twilight, Luna and myself spun around, looking in shock, as Celestia stepped through the door way, in complete disregard of the Celestia still sitting at the table. Celestia, the new Celestia (as my neural network labeled her) sat next to old Celestia (I made a mental note to never mention to either Celestia one of them were designated 'old') and levitated a plate of cake.

"You see, my faithful student… oh, how long has it been since I have been able to say that?" old Celestia asked.

Luna and Twilight both sat, rather dumbfounded, their cakes forgotten.

"Far too long," new Celestia replied.

"You see… you always were Sweetie Belle's creator. You just were a little late, so I—"

"We!" new Celestia interrupted.

"Sorry, we, had to tweak time a little to fix that."

"IDEAS! IMPROVEMENTS! NOTES!" Twilight jumped up from her seat, and screamed. "SPIKE! wait, no… SWEETIE BELLE, WHERE'S MY CHECKLIST‽"

"Ahh yes, that would be the temporal paradox you are no longer under the threat of," new Celestia chuckled, as old Celestia finished off her slice of cake.

"If you'll excuse me, I have somewhen to be! I'll see you all soon." Old Celestia lit up her horn and disappeared.

"And I believe it is time for me to depart too," the only Celestia said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. "I have things to do, places not-to-be." With another flash of her horn, Celestia was gone.

Twilight was furiously writing notes down on a scrap of parchment; the quill nearly on fire.

"Sh-she ate my cake…" Luna sniffled, as she looked down at her empty plate.

"Wait!" Twilight exclaimed, dropping her quill and spilling ink across the page. "SO THAT'S HOW SHE'S ALWAYS BEATEN ME IN CHESS!"