My Life as a pony and how stupid it is

by AJTheMightyGamer

Rating: teen
Tags: Octavia, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other
Length: 2752

A guy who hates ponies finds himself in equestria... How original....

Note: Ok... I normally don't ever go on here, but I am bored and I feel like attempting to write some stuff. This is a story that my school friends and I made up one day about what would happen if my non brony friend (we shall call him simply Alex) went to equestria and lived with the ponies. Me and my friend (We shall call him simply Dante) Loved the idea... Alex, not so much. The first chapter will be in the real world and the rest will be in teh magical pony land... and yes, this is supposed to be silly/stupid/weird. Will there be an end to it? I don't even know, whatever comes to mind when I write it. Cover image may or may not be relevant to the story... Also, While there may be inside jokes from my friends, This is generally a "non brony goes to pony ville" story, there is only so much inside jokes i can put in.

Published 2013-07-07 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-06 17:35:14 UTC

Chapter 1: Make Friends, Throw Friends

"And so this is why the mongols were the exception..."

Mr. Earwood continued to drag on his world history lesson, the bell for the end of 3rd period was 10 minuets away, but for our 3 main characters, it might as well been 10 hours.

"psst, Dante!" A.J. Whispered.

He was sitting in front of him, turning around and deciding to spark up a chat about My Little Pony and what not. He was a short light skinned Mexican, short black hair and some signs of a potential super mustache.
Dante looked up from his desk, He was dark skinned with short dread locks, he was shorter then A.J. believe it or not. Dante was drawing in his journal as usual, currently drawing his pony OC flying with Rainbow Dash.

"yeah, what's up?"

"So, have you heard about that Equestria Girls movie? Looks decent." A.J. had been wanting to ask about that for a while, and when he finished his question, he had a huge sigh of relief.

"Oh yeah, I saw the trailer, it looks nice." Dante replied.

He normally doesn't talk much, but deep down inside, he was about to burst with excitement!

"What are you guys talking about?" Alex suddenly asked.

Sitting next to A.J, Alex usually keeps to himself, working on music or listening to music, but feels more sociable when around friends. Slightly long black hair, covering his left eye. He wore glasses that usually pushes back the bangs that cover his face. slightly shorter then A.J. (We are all short)

"We were talking about the new MLP movie" Answered Dante in a goofy tone.

"There's a damn movie about this shit?" Alex grew annoyed. While he did not care if he had friends who were bronies, He just never wanted to hear about it.

"I hear talking. please keep it down class, we have 5 minutes."

All 3 of them jumped with a start from the sudden voice of their teacher.

A.J. checked his watch and gave a sigh. "You know... What would happen if Alex was in Equestria? Just a little curious..." Asked A.J. He was somewhat serious about this question because he never thought of Alex being in Equestria.

"I would probably kill all the ponies." Replied Alex bluntly.

Hearing this, Dante's face grew a big grin. "I would like to see you try. You wouldn't have the guts to harm anything this cute."

Dante then pulled out his phone and on the screen was a filly applejack hugging an apple.

"Da fuck is this shit?" asked Alex harshly.

A.J. face palmed at this, causing him pain due to the ring he was wearing. "ouch... shit..."

RIIIIIIIIIIING As the bell rang, all the students sprang up from their chair and piled up at the door, slowly going through like a funnel. The 3 amigos said their good byes, represented by a "catch ya later" followed by a slapping of hands, and continued on with their school day. Alex shrugged off all that pony talk, He could care less... But, little did Alex know, that the thing he hated the most would soon be a huge earthquake in his life...

"Hurry up Twilight, We're going to be late for brunch!" Shouted Rainbow Dash from the air.

She had been flying with Twilight all morning helping her with weird flying/magic combos. Fluttershy invited them along with the other ponies to brunch at her cottage. Rainbow Dash normally wouldn't jump through hoops for this kind of thing, but she was invited and she felt like taking it easy today... If Twilight could fly strait!

"Wait up Rainbow... *pant* Magic and flying is surprisingly hard work... I don't think I can make it..." Twilight managed to get the words out of her mouth.

Magic and flying mixed together did not seem hard, but boy was she wrong!

"Do you need me to carry you?" Dash asked. She hoped that Twilight would say no but she knew the answer already.

"Yes please... GAHH!" As she said this, A sudden magic surge flowed from twilight's horn. Deep dark purple sparkles sparked off and flew everywhere. A black orb appeared in front of her horn, Rainbow was frightened and was very worried of what was happening to Twilight, but there was nothing she could do. Twilight was at the mercy of this strange magic.

Suddenly, as fast as the surge came, it disappeared just as quick! Twilight flopped to the ground, Rainbow Dash made a bee line to her, embracing her.

"Twilight! Are you okay? Oh my goodness!" Rainbow Dash was quivering with fear, she thought that she worked Twilight too hard.

"I'm fine.... wow, I feel.... relieved! that was strange."
Twilight was feeling her horn and looking all around. Everything seemed normal, although there was no way she would go without some medical attention.

Dash carried her to the hospital and contacted her friends to tell them what happened.

Oddly enough, There was nothing wrong with her. She checked out the same day and was acting like nothing happened... What was even more odd was that the magic surge caused nothing around her... At least, that she knew of. Some where in the Everfree forest, A warp hole just so happened to open up, and it conveniently managed to find a way to get to Earth. And it is somehow going to find a way to get a human to Equestria.

Alex got home feeling exhausted. Math homework, chemistry, and a film project due in 3 weeks, it was going to be a long night. He finished his math which was surprisingly easy, but he might have done it wrong... He moved on to chemistry which was impossible.

"Fuck that shit, I'm sure Dante knows how to do this." Alex grumbled to himself.

That left the film script, which was due in 3 weeks. "I have time." He thought to himself, and went over the day in his mind.

Feeling pretty confident that there was no more homework that he knew of, he got on his computer and booted up Minecraft. As the game started up, the screen started to flicker, the lights started to dim, Alex looked around his room and saw that his shelves were shaking.

"What the hell..." Suddenly, A loud thunder crack pierced his ears, dark fog rose from the floor.

Alex sprang from his chair and ran to the door, but the door instantly de-materialized when he got close to it. The fog was forming a circle around him, slowly getting closer and closer.

"Help! Anybody! Mom! Dad!" Alex was screaming, kicking at walls, anything to... some how get out of this situation.

Suddenly, The fog closed in with frighting speed! Swallowing Alex in its seemingly bottomless pit of a mouth. Alex passed out from sheer fright and the force of the fog, falling into a world of chaos and despair. Was he dead? Was he dreaming? Or was this some kind cruel joke played by some outer worldly being?
One thing was certain, he was fucked....

Author's Note

okay, I did my best to edit a tiny bit and try to take out the massive wall of text. hopefully this will be slightly better then my previous edit.

Chapter 2: A medical miracle

Chapter 2: A medical miracle

When Alex woke up, his whole body was aching and he couldn't even move his fingers let alone any part of his body. He tried to say something just to be sure that he was alive but it was no use. He was fully paralyzed and his vision grew dim. He had reached the end of this crazy ass roller coaster that was his life. Before Alex's eyes closed, he could see some odd shapes around him. They were mumbling something that he couldn't make out....

He then fell unconscious.......

Nurse Redheart was busy with paper work left from an accident involving a young colt, a frog, and a taco. (Don't ask) When the hospital doors were suddenly smashed through as if they were mere pieces of paper. She jumped up from her chair and nearly had to put herself in a room due to a hard landing. She peeped over from her desk and saw that 6 ponies all rolled into one ball of colorful pony... ness. These 6 ponies happened to be the mane 6. There was Twilight.... (Forget it, you should know their names by now silly.)

"What in the name of Celestia of you 6 doing?!" She exclaimed.

"Nurse Redheart, we found this pony nearly dead near the Everfree forest. We need to help him!" Twilight explained in a worried voice. She carefully levitated the pony into the air and placed it onto a stretcher.

Nurse Redheart pushed the stretcher into an operation room. She then trotted over to a large office and then trotted back out with a rather tall light skinned unicorn pony wearing small glasses. He was wearing a coat and had what looked like a weird beam gun contraption on his back.

"Let's have a look see here..." He spoke to himself softly. He had a somewhat heavy German accent and at times his voice would sound like it was trying to hold back some kind of maniacal tone.

The unicorn levitated Alex and at the same time pushed a button which turned on a rather large machine in the room. The doctor always hated giving ponies cat scans. He found the machine too loud and wished he could use his new medi gun and call it a day... But unfortunately, all of his past experiments failed horribly. That poor filly would never sit again...

"Doctor?"

The doctor suddenly looked up and turned to find the origin of the voice. It was Nurse Redheart...

"You kinda spaced out there... We still have a patient." A worried look formed on Redheart's face. She was certain that the doctor was starting to lose it. But then she remembered that time where they first met... Something about lack of license or something...

The doctor then stared at the unconscious pony in front of him, then with an evil looking grin he grabbed his beam looking thing and flipped a switch on it. It hummed to life; The inside of the nozzle glowed red and small red crosses floated out from it. The doctor aimed the contraption at Alex, and with low chuckle pulled the trigger.

Nurse Redheart watched this in awe, she was informed that if the doctor ever pulled this kind of crazy stuff to stop him... but she couldn't help but observe.
The gun released a beam that looked almost like a gas or fog machine. As it reached Alex's body, the beam became a bit more straighter and more brighter. A small, red glow surrounded him. This went on for a few minutes then suddenly the gun produced red sparks at the opening.

"Doctor... What is happening?" Asked Redheart in a somewhat frightened tone.

"I am going to finish ze procedure!" The doctor said aloud. A crazed look in his eyes and a maniacal grin across his face gave Nurse Redheart a chill down her spine.

"A-Are you s-s-sure this will... work?" She was quivering as she asked this, suddenly worried that he might have gone mad...

He chuckled at this. "I HAVE NO IDEA!" As he yelled that out, he pushed another small trigger on the gun, blasting a bright red beam of light into Alex, causing Alex's body to be covered in bright red energy.

Nurse Redheart ran to a corner of the room and covered her head. I knew I should have gone into acting. She thought to herself.

Eventually the glow faded away, the doctor started to put up his equipment and then proceeded to check on the patient. He started lightly slapping Alex's face and then poor cold water on him, which immediately got a movement out him.

Alex started to twitch his body, then slowly moved his arms. His eyes struggled to open, he felt light headed and his heart was beating at an odd rate. He struggled to get up, yet he felt someone helping him sit up. As he slowly regained his consciousnesses, Alex could start to be aware of his surroundings. The two figures in front of him started to take a solid shape... they looked odd... That's when it hit him...

"... y-yo-you .... wh-what... I...but..... wha... oh nonononnoonnonononono oh no!"
Alex started to panic, his body spazzing out. He was lashing out with his fist... or what looked like his fist at the ponies around him. The doctor stepped back and grabbed a small gun that looked like it had needles inside. He aimed and shot a needle into Alex's ass, causing him to immediately black out again.

Nurse Redheart slowly got up from the corner she was in.
"What.... was that? What just happened? Just whaaa-"

She was stopped mid sentience by the doctor who put a hoof to her mouth.

"That vas my latest creation in ze field of medicine. The Medi Gun, able to heal any injuries big and small and potentially make them gods!"

He lifted his hoof from her mouth and then looked back at the unconscious pony laying on the bed. The doctor levitated the body up from the bed and out the door. Twilight then took over for carrying the body, thanked the doctor, and walked out with her friends back to her house.

"Thanks for coming and getting us Fluttershy, if you hadn't... then this poor pony would have died." Twilight said to her shy friend. She could see Fluttershy blushing at this and hiding her face with her mane.

"Oh.... it was the right thing to do... I just had to help him, the poor thing." Fluttershy was stroking the pony's mane. She occasionally checked his pulse to make sure he was still alive.

The 6 ponies surrounding the motionless body were all feeling a bit uneasy.

Suddenly, the pony started to twitch. His eyes were slow to open, then opened wide in a flash. He sat up quickly and leaned his head forward to relive the head throbbing. The mane 6 all silently backed up a bit to give him room, trying to keep him as calm as possible. The lone pony started to raise his head up and groaned.

"ugh.... mhh.... ow.. AJ... if this is one of your jokes, its not funny..." He managed to speak in a low tone. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. It was somewhat spacious with shelves of books everywhere. Like a library, but this one one seemed.... stranger. It was really colorful and bright, straight out of a cartoon. He turned his head right and saw a stairway.
So this place has two stories

He thought to himself. He turned his head left and saw more books, a desk, quills, and what looked like six colorful.... things
He couldn't make them out too good, then realizing he did not have his glasses. He was about to panic until his glasses somehow levitated on his face. He shook his head and then looked back at the colorful blobs. They started to become more clear in his eyes.... What he saw made his blood turn ice cold. Six.... small colorful horses, all staring at him with looks of curiosity.

"I don't believe it.... this is just a bad dream.... it.... no... No! NONONONONONONONONONO!" He said this while clutching his head, but something felt off.... He looked at his hands.... hooves?!

"Oh God NO!" He jumped off the floor and tripped over his 4 legs. He crawled all the way to a mirror and wanted to cry.

The six other ponies could only watch in fear and confusion.

The crazed pony stared at the reflection in the mirror, he bit himself... nope, not a dream. He eyed a weird looking thing on his head, and touched it with his hoof. it felt sensitive like a........ Oh shit.... He thought. It was a dark red color, like his whole body. Hair was similar to his old hair, still black and covering his left eye. His eyes were red instead of brown, and he had a weird picture on his flank. it looked like his logo for his DJ name...

He could not take it anymore. Where the fuck am I? Why the fuck am I here? How the fuck did I get here?

"...... FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!"