The Misadventures of Scotch, Blitz and Jack

by articunos bitch

Rating: teen
Tags: Fluttershy, Cheerilee, Random, Slice of Life, Applejack, Cloudkicker, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 14311

Three of our Main characters are stallions. What sort of shenanigans do they get themselves into?

Stallions Applejack, Rainbow Blitz and Butterscotch live in this crazy town of Ponyville. And they have to deal with neighbors harassing them, old enemies stopping by, chasing girls and more.

Published 2013-07-04 20:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-15 11:50:53 UTC

Butter-rape

Butterscotch opened the door to see Lyra Heartstrings looking tearful and heart broken. She threw herself at him, wrapping her front hooves around his withers and started wailing. “Why me!? Why-y-y meee?”

Butterscotch instinctively reeled back dragging her with him and tried to pull her off. She stood on her own hinds but kept her head next to his as he guided her to the couch. Lyra threw herself down and screamed into the pillow flaying her hooves wildly. Butterscotch thinking she just needed some time asked if she needed anything. “Tea, coffee?” He whispered, “Whiskey?”

“Ohhh, just hold me.” She jumped from his couch and wrapped herself around him again this time nearly cutting off his breath. “Of all the worst possible things… I can’t go on Butterscotch! Maybe I should kill myself. Or more likely just quit my job and stay home eating cake and watching my fat ass grow. How could this happen to me Butterscotch!? How? Ho-o-o-www…”

Cradling her head in his hooves he spoke softly. “Oh Lyra. You’re an absolute wreck. Now just sit down and calmly tell me what happened? Take your time.” He guided her back to sit upright on the couch, or rather before she fell to her side staring at him in desperation.

She blurted out, “I didn’t get any action during estruses. And now…I need it. Help me Butterscotch. Please. Whaaa. You’re the only one I can turn to. I have no-pony at all.”

Butterscotch flustered, looked around for an escape and nervously tapped his hooves. “Um, I’m not entirely I understand what you want…”

“Butterscotch, you are a stallion. I am a mare. I want you to rut me.” She calmed down and spoke softly. “You can do this, and a big part of you wants to. You’ll just be doing a favor for a friend. And I promise to make it worth your time. Now and again later. Many times.” She gave him a look he only saw couples give each other before they ran off.

“Um, you want me to…With you? I can’t Lyra. I-“ He was cut off by her hoof in his mouth as she jumped from the couch and lay kisses on his neck. As he tried backing away again she held onto him.

“C’mon Butterscotch,” her voice now playful and her hooves dancing over the floor as if to herd him. He backed into the wall but she moved to his side guiding him up the stairs.
“I don’t bite too hard... And as a mare, if I don’t get this…I am going to be a horrible pony until it happens... You know what it’s like.” He words were punctuated by her unwanted kisses. He tried to talk back but couldn’t process everything at once. He felt himself falling backwards, onto his bed?

“LYRA!” She jumped back from his sudden outburst. Then looked down to see himself fully exposed to her advances before he twisting around and righting his body.

“What has gotten into you? I barely know you, and this would be my first time-“

“Hoorah! I can teach you!”

“And I don’t even look at you that way.”

“I can blindfold you if that’s what you want,” she suggested pulling the case off one of his pillows.

“Get out Lyra. I’m not going to do that with you. Not today.”

“Fine. I’ll be back tomorrow. But before I go, would you do Bon-Bon if she was here?” She asked turning around and stepping down the stairs. Butterscotch climbed off his bed and went to follow her, noticing how she swung her hips as she walked.

“What does Bon-Bon have to do with this?”

Another voice spoke out as he came into sight of the living room. “Because I said she couldn’t do it. And I was right.”

“For now.” Lyra teased.

“Bon-Bon!?” Butterscotch shouted. She was sitting on the couch with her legs crossed. She must have been hiding outside the whole time. (this is how burglaries work) “What are YOU doing in my house? And what do you mean she couldn't do it?”

“I bet she couldn't seduce you. And I was right. You’re the one stallion too timid for her. Next time she’ll be much more patient.” His mouth dropped open.

“Nope. I just won’t give him the opportunity to say no next time. And close your mouth Scotch. Only mare’s can have it hanging open like that and make it sexy. And guess what Bony? It would have been his first time.” Bon-Bon dropped to the floor in a fit of giggles.

Butterscotch was flabbergasted at Lyra’s crude speech and Bon-Bon’s joy at his…choice to be a faithful mate bothered him.

“Oh, you poor thing.” She managed to say between chuckles. “Just think of all the mares missing out on you. You’re a horrible pony if you think about it like that. I call dibs on your first!”

“You are horrible ponies! How can you live with your selves?”

Lyra answered, “It’s not too hard. Unlike you.” Scotch became aware that she wasn’t looking him in the eye and was gazing elsewhere on his body. A whimper escaped him as he lay flat on the ground again. “And you’re right. We’re trying to seduce you for our own gain when we never considered what you need. So we should be punished! How are you going to punish us?“

“Out! Both of you out! This talk is over!”

Lyra opened the door and both mares walked out each giving him a sultry look. Scotch slammed the door behind them and slumped down on the couch.

(terrific. now two of the most socially active mares in town are trying to seduce me for a bet! now every-one is going to know i won't touch them, or worse that i did)

He couldn't even find the humor to feel flattered. He did have a special some-pony in mind, but he couldn’t approach her just yet. He needed the courage, or kick in the plot from Rainbow Blitz. (fat chance). Blitz would laugh at his crush. Blitz would drop hints when the two of them were near each other. Blitz might have already moved on her, otherwise Scotch might have already spoken to her.

Putting a pot of tea onto the stove he thought this would be a funny story to tell her and start a conversation. (maybe some good could come out of this) he chuckled to himself.

Author's Note

Constructive critsism is welcome. Also if any-one has a picture of just these three as ponies feel free to drop it in the comments section.

Forever

It was nearly nine o’clock and Applejack had just started putting the dinner dishes away when a knock came from the counter top behind him. Pinkie Pie was behind him holding a jug of chocolate milk.

“Hi Applejack. Rarity and I just got back.”

“Hiya Pinkie. Look, Ah wanted to say again Ah’m sorry for how Ah acted in Dodge Junction.” He knew she would bring it up sooner or later.

“Oh don’t fret about it silly. Rarity’s chased Rainbow Blitz away but I got the scoop from Butters and Twilight. Can you grab a few glasses? There’s something I want to talk about.” She mozzied over to the family table and took a seat placing her jug in the middle.

Applejack set a glass for her and on for himself and filled them up before Pinkie spoke again. “I know you didn’t technically break your promise and I know you must still be feeling really bad about it. I also know why you did it and I forgive you. You were so silly, thinking we cared about money like that much. If you didn’t do as well as you said you would you certainly did your best and that’s all we wanted from you; to make us and your town proud of you. But there’s something else I need to tell you. Alone.”

“Wait Pinkie.” Granny and Applebloom were in bed while Big Mac was working on the cider press in the barn. This is normally the kind of “alone” when Pinkie flirted with him shamelessly. “Is this gonna end with me walkin’ away with you checkin’ out my flanks?”

She giggled her normal, certainly cute snort-giggle. “No silly.” Her smiled dropped. “No, this is the story of why I am so serious about Promises. I’m going to tell you but can you not tell any-pony else?” He nodded.

“A day doesn’t go by when I don’t think of her. Let’s call her Sugar okay? Sugar was my best friend in high school. We shared classes, did each other’s homework, laughed, played, and pulled pranks. We were supposed to be Best Friends Forever. Then one day she asked me to keep a secret and I said I wouldn’t tell any-pony. Sugar told me she liked mares and didn’t know what to do with herself. I told her I still loved her no matter who or what she liked and it was okay. We hugged.

“That weekend we were at a party together and I was being myself: being silly, having fun, talking a mile a minute, not thinking. I accidently told a bunch of ponies that Sugar likes other girls. The whole town found out in a day.

“She got bullied and beat up. The very next school day she had to go to the nurse’s office. Later, her parents disowned her and made her move out of their home. I told her she could live with me and my family on the rock farm but she yelled at me saying I ruined her life.

Applejack forgot about the milk they were drinking and sat listening to Pinkie. He never would have guessed a word of this could happen to her.

“I tried to tell her I was sorry. I didn’t mean to. All I ever wanted to do was makes ponies smile and I never wanted to hurt her. I was so sorry and would never, ever, ever do something like that again. I told her I still loved her and always would and asked her to forgive me. I tried everything: talking to her parents, the kids at school, saying I like mares too, but no-one believes me. Nothing made anything better for her. A few days later I try to find Sugar to apologize again and find out she hanged herself.”

Pinkie’s not looking at Applejack any-more. She’s staring at the wall behind him, or rather the door frame behind him as her eyes glazed over. He brought his hooves to his head and sighed.

“I know I’m not the only one to blame. If she wasn’t bullied at school, or if her parents didn’t kick her out and disown her, or maybe one other friend who didn’t abandon her. Or maybe if I kept my mouth shut. She did it to herself but if somepony had treated her differently she might be here now. I said I think about her every day, and it’s really sad every time.

“Applejack, since then I have taken promises very seriously. Because losing a friends trust is the fastest way to lose a friend. Forever.

Applejack was silent for a minute. He noticed that her hair was much less springy that normal. “Wow. Pinkie, Ah, Ah never…”

“Please don’t tell any-pony. I’ve never told any-one before.”

“Ah won’t.”

“I know you won’t. I do trust you Applejack. You are the most trust worthy pony I know. And I know why you broke the spirit of your promise. But please don’t do that again. You were being silly and too proud for your own good. But remember not every-one knows you like I do. You can’t lose a friends trust like that. You don’t know what will happen.”

“Uh, Ah wish I could do somethin’ to make it up t’ ya.”

“Just learn from my mistake and you will do more than enough. I should be leaving now. Bye Applejack. See you soon. Keep the milk.” She gave him a big friendly hug and with that she walked out the door, leaving Applejack with his thoughts.

Growing Up

Rainbow Blitz lay on his cloud above the market. He could hear the hustle and bustle of merchants, clients, the orator calling out advertisements and news; it was a really surprisingly calming sound to nap to. The clouds were busted, fluffed, moved around, and he would awaken just in time to start the afternoon shower the town had planned over the park.

“Rainbow Blitz! Yoo-hoo! Rainbow? It’s Ms. Cherilee!”

He turned over and realized just how relaxed he was as he sat on his belly and peeked over the clouds’ edge. “Oh, hey Cheers! How’s it hangin’?” Seeing her didn’t help the whole hangin’ or relaxed issue.

“I wanted to ask you a few things about being a pegasis.”

“The doctors finally approved the operation?”

She tittered and giggled at the question. Her laughs were so lovely. “No. It’s about Scootaloo. Can you come down here? I don’t want the whole town knowing.”

(okay, just relax. you’re both adults) Jumping the ten meters from his perch to the ground and landing softly with one wing stroke, Rainbow Blitz stood slightly taller than Cherilee with a more angled build. He trained for speed, duration and maneuverability and his body needed minimal wind resistance and weight. He was a lightweight for a pegasis, but no-one who knew him called him that. He preferred the term “beast.”

“What’s up with Squirt?”

She started walking towards a more secluded and quiet area of the marketplace. “You see, she’s growing up and I’m going to give her The Talk soon. What anything about being a pegasis that I should tell her? Preening her wings, um, maybe molting? Are her wings going to affect her hormones differently? Should I ask a mare about this?”

Blitz had never been in this situation before and felt slightly awkward. “Well, uh, you see…Preening waterproofs and insulates her wings. It would make flying a pain in the flank if your wings are cold. It removes parasites and lice that ruin feathers and carry disease. So she has to preen EVERY DAY. It’s like just like bathing.

“Birds have oil glands above their tails to help them preen. Ponies can’t reach that far so we don’t. Um, saliva used to make a good substitute for preen oil, but then they came out with shampoo that works much better. Combs work wonders too. It makes her wings looking healthier and that’s something stallions look at. Speaking of which, uh, when she does get a coltfriend, mutual preening makes a very good bonding event so don’t let her do it unless they are super serious. Touching a pegasi’s wings without they permission is one step above molesting them. I hope you’ve taught her that.”

“Yes. I’ve taught her about that. Should I be worried if she shows them off?”

“No. We like to show them off. It’s our way of getting the other sex interested in us. Look, but don’t touch. Ya know. But sometimes, and I’ve noticed this happens a lot with Scoots, her wings will flap outwards without her making it happen. This is when she’s very relaxed or…Okay, this isn’t something we discuss with non-winged ponies, griffons or whatever. When we get…sexually excited our wings flap out. And, don’t laugh!”

Ms. Cherilee covered her mouth and stifled her amusement. “Just like what happens to guys?”

Rainbow facehoofed. “Yes. Only it happens to both sexes.”

Cherilee fell to the ground and rolled to her side in a not-so-silent fit of giggles.

“This is why we don’t tell others.” He was upset but kept his cool. “Look, you can’t tell any-one except Scoots. ‘Kay?”
“Hehehe, okay. I promise. I’m-hehe-I’m good now.” Cherilee picked herself up but kept her adorkable grin on her muzzle.

“So moulting. It usually happens after eustress, sometime in May or June. Her old feathers will fall off and new ones will grow in their place. Preening at this time helps remove dead feathers and the ‘wax’ around new ones. Not much to that.
“And I can’t think of her wings would affect her hormones differently from other ponies, still ask her doctor. Yeah, I think that’s about it.”

“Thank you Rainbow Blitz. You’ve been very helpful. Is there anything else?”

“Not about Scoots. But I just happen to know you have a suitor. One of my friends actually…”

Cheerilee gasped and smiled again. “Really?” She asked and blushed. “And just who is it?”

(ye-up, she was interested) “I can’t tell you. But he’s gonna go for it soon if I have anything to say about it.”
She blinked and her smile dropped a little. “He?” Her smile perked up again, but it wasn't as real as the one she wore a minute ago. “Okay. Sounds good. I’ll keep my schedule open. Bye Blitz!”

She walked off and Rainbow Blitz breathed a sigh of relive. He did it, Scoots is growing up and he did a small part to raise her. Far from being parent material today but, it feels good he thought as he took off into the sky.

Being a father’s gonna be great, if only I can find the right mare.

Invitations and Shipping!

Butterscotch skipped out of the forest with his saddle-pack full of fungi and herbs and his mouth full of song. His early morning treks into the forest often yielded ingredients to Zecora’s brews and commodities to merchants around the market, and today he cleaned up. This was a weeks’ worth of expanses weighing him down, and soon he would be able to take his special somepony somewhere really special. Maybe she would enjoy a trip to one of Manehatten’s famous libraries. Twilight said Las Pegasus had a beautiful history museum; maybe he could invite her to see the new wing opening in a month.

Butterscotch smiled thinking of his special somepony; Cheerilee was sweet and kind to him, but she also seemed to drop her social mask around him. He caught her cussing whenever her germane shepherd Rusty misbehaved on his bi-annual visits, and she even insulted her students under her breath a few times when they meet up around town. She seemed comfortable with him but he wanted to let her know how special he thought she was. It takes a special gal to become a foster mother so young.
“Yo, Scotch! Got something for ya!”

Rainbow Blitz bellowed and swooped out of the sky next to him and rustled through his own saddle pack. Drawing out a book he raised his eye brows in a knowing fashion that Butterscotch missed entirely.

“Hol ou your hooh.”

Sighing he did as he was told and took the book while reading the title on the spine. “Daring Do and the Chase through the Centuries. Um, thank you but I don’t really follow Daring Do.”

“You do now.” Blitz countered as if it was the way things worked.

Remembering to be assertive but not a jerk he pushed the subject. “Why am I going to become a Daring Do fan just because you say so?”

“So you can have something to talk about at the Library. ‘Kay, here’s the deal. The new book’s coming out in a few days and there’s going to be a Group Reading at the library. Now Cheerilee’s going to be there so you should be too and this book will give you something to talk about. You with me so far?”

“Oh, um, is this the newest book?”

“Nope, it’s the shortest. Back to the plan: the library closes at six that night so me, Twi, her, Scoots and now you are gonna sit around taking turns reading a page at a time for two or three hours. You’re gonna need to talk to her before we start ‘cause Scoots is gonna be late for bed as it is and she gonna hustle themselves outta there. And I know she’s gonna show up early, so take this chance and talk to her.”

Butterscotch tensed up at the thought, but seeing her smile would be worth breaking out of his shell for. “Okay, so it’s going to be Tuesday night? At Six?”

“Yeah. So read up. Kicker’s invited too. And don’t worry, I’ll watch your back.” He leaped up and took off again disappearing into the low morning clouds.

** ** **

Blitz landed at the front door of the library and knocked. He could have gone right in but it wasn’t open to the public yet and he had a big favor to ask. Twilight opened the door and invited him in.

“Good morning Blitz. Day off?”

“Actually I need to take care of some things before work. Tell me, do you have plans for Tuesday night?”

“Why yes.” She played with her mane and her eyes light up. “I have a date with the ravishing Daring Do. I really like her. Like-like more than a friend.” She let loose a goofy laugh while Blitz smirked at what she was implying.

“I was hoping we could read it together. Like you, me, other ponies who might like her.”

“Wait, like a book club? Or family reading time?”

“Uhh yeah. Like that-“ He was cut off by her hooves wrapping around his withers.

“That’s a great idea! I always horded Daring Do but sharing her adventure would be more fun. Oh but we will have to start late so we don’t have close the doors. What about-”

“I have an idea.” Rainbow took his turn to interrupt her. “How about we start at six on the dot and go until eight or nine.”

“Yes! Have you done this before? Planned something like this?”

“No,” it was true, but he did put a lot of thought into this before he arrived. “We should have snacks and drinks before we start and, we can work out details later. So here, Tuesday at six, we all read Daring Do and her new adventure. Right?”

“Yes. Don’t be late.”

“Well I gotta get goin’ now, so I’ll see you later.” But before he flew out his Egghead Senses went off.

“Wait! Why the sudden interest in a book club? Normally we go to Canterlot for the midnight release. Are we still on for that?” She sounded eager, she introduced him to midnight book releases and he showed her the joys of waiting for a new movie at midnight.

“Well, yeah. Canterlot book store at midnight, but I’m kinda doing a favor for Butterscotch and I thought a group reading would work.”

“What are you planning Blitz? And don’t lie to me.” As she closed the distance between them his breathing picked up it’s pace.

“Well, you see…” Damn, how could such one little dorky filly like her be so intimidating? “I already told Scotch about this-“

“Before you even asked me if you could use the library,” Twilight interrupted.

“Yes, hehe. I told him that Cheerilee would be here-“

“Did you invite her before asking me?”

“Not yet-“

“How do you know she’ll be here?”

“Because she likes Daring Do and would enjoy some company with the new book.” Lying was easy if you were protecting some-one; the truth will set you free but gossiping about this is just wrong. “And yes Twilight, this IS just a way to get him to talk to her. I’ll nudge him to do what he already wants, I’m not forcing this onto anypony. Stop looking at me like that!”

Twilight’s face was suspicious before but now she looked downright accusatory. Her head tilted to the side and daggers looking like purple eyes.

“Look! It’s for Butterscotch, okay! And you said it was a good idea. So…we good?” He might tell Scoots the bravest thing he ever had to do was overcome his pride on so many occasions, but standing still with Twilight Sparkle nearly snorting at him was far more frightening.

She lifted a hoof to tap his chest. “This better work. You got your heart in the right place but…You shouldn’t be manipulating ponies like this. And I won’t be a middle stallion next time. Got it?” She walked away leaving her question unanswered. He took to the sky and darted out the window to start his day of busting clouds. He could talk to Cheerilee during lunch break.

** ** **

Conveniently he could schedule his break around the schools recess, which he did now and then to pull off a trick or two and wow the children. But today he was Cupid, and he had a target to line up for his archer.
Taking the front entrance to avoid attention from the kids, he knocked and gently opened the door to see Cheerilee grading papers and humming a Happy Working Song. “S’cuse me, Cheers?”

“Rainbow Blitz, hello.” She looked up with a small smile on her face. “I want you to know that I spoke to Scootaloo and she took it well. I think she knew most of it but I’m still glad.”

“That’s great. I stopped by ‘cause I wanted to invite you to a Daring Do reading club Tuesday night at the library. How’s that sound to ya?”

She was not expecting that; her eyes lit up. “A reading club? At the library? That sounds fun and you can count me in. Is Scoots invited too or is it just for adults?”

“Bring Squirt along.”

“What’s the new book going to be about?”

“Did you read the first chapter in the last three books? This one is gonna be huge! I heard rumors they hire a mercenary team to watch them on a dig and things go haywire!” Blitz was clearly excited for Daring Do’s newest adventure and stalked every magazine interview she did to find nuggets of story.

“I know of the mercs, but why? She’s always kept herself safe. Maybe she has a grad student following her everywhere?”

“Pfft. Any grad student of hers can take care of themselves. That’s what Oakl-“

“Hi Rainbow Blitz!” a squeaky filly’s voice cut him off. (i’m getting interrupted a lot today) Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were standing by the side entrance door eager to talk to him.

“Hey girls.”

“Hi RB. What’cha doin’?” Applebloom’s drawl always made her pleasant to listen to.

“Inviting Cheerilee to read the new Daring Do book with me. And Scoots is coming to. I doubt you girls want to join us?”

“Daring Do’s cool, but I said I would read her with my parents, and I don’t wanna jump ahead.”

“That’s fine. I gotta get goin’.” He turned to Cheerilee and said “It’s at six and is gonna run for two or three hours so…”

“We’ll show up early. Tell Twilight we’re RSVPing. And thank you Blitz!” He turned around and took off out of the school.

** ** **

“Man! Why did I have to be in the can while Rainbow blitz was here? Why didn’t you come get me?” Scootaloo looked to the ground out of frustration.

“We barely spoke to him as it was.” Sweetie Belle answered.

“An’ ‘sides, he wasn’t too polite, lying like he was.”

“’Lying?’” Applebloom’s friends asked in unison.

“Girls, Ah’m an Apple. Ah know a lie when Ah see one. An’ he wasn’t tellin’ us sumtin. But what could it be?”

“Welll,” Sweetie Belle reasoned, “he was talking to a mare alone. And he did invite her somewhere to do something...”

“Sweetie Belle, what could Rainbow Blitz see in Cheerilee to make him woo her?”

“Uh, ‘woo’? Don’t you mean ‘wow’?”

“It means ‘date’.” Unicorn and earth pony snapped.

“Oh. Well what he see in Cheerilee? I mean she’s not as nice as we thought she was.” They saw her leaning against the door frame as she often does before calling them back to class.

“Just ‘cause she makes ya eat ya alfalfa.”

“And look at her; she smiling like Rarity does when Applejack comes over.”

Applebloom nudged her knowingly. “An’ if things work out, Rainbow Blitz could be somethin’ like a daddy…”

Scootaloo huffed at the idea. “We’ll see.” The bell rang calling the back to class.

Lots of Shipping! And reading

It was late Tuesday afternoon and Butterscotch held his head down as he made his way through the market, vendors called out to him trying to sell their last wares of the day but his mind was far away. He was going to ask out Cheerilee tonight. (just talk to her, you’ve done it before. and she’ll like the new museum wing in Pegasis) And Rainbow said he would look out for him as always, that includes being a renegade and threats to embarrass him. Getting him to come to this wasn’t anything new, and Daring Do was fun to read, he wasn’t as into it as Blitz was though. Maybe it had something to do with a kickplot pegasis gal?

(why do she have to be so pretty? i wouldn’t freeze up like that whenever i’m about to go beyond friendship. i never wanted to hurt my friendship with her, but is it too much to ask for more? a special pony for me? a swee- there she is!)

Cheerilee was trotting with Scootaloo in the direction of the Ponyville Library; she seemed very excited about something. Scootaloo had no trouble keeping up and buzzed her wings wildly. They were both avid Doers as their fandoms called themselves; Scoots had gotten interested when Blitz told her, and Cheerilee told Scotch she used to long for a life of adventure. Fortunately this mad town had enough adventure for her. ‘Still, it’s nice to dream,’ were her exact words. Maybe he could show her even more adventure someday?

** ** **

Spike was setting out snacks and drinks while Twilight was reminding several patrons that they would be closing soon but were free to stick around for the club meeting. Big Macintosh and Applebloom came into the entrance room.

“Good evening Big Mac. I had no idea you were a Daring Do fan.”

“Eeyup. Read the first one the month it came out. Got myself lost in the woods fer an hour lookin’ for an ancient ruin. Hehe. Granny started teaching me ‘bout local history that evenin’. I laughed so hard when Ah heard you found the Princesses old castle in the Everfree. Exactly what Ah was lookin’ fer but wrong side of town. Hehehe.”

“What do you know? We still have about fifteen minutes before we start so…make yourself at home.” There was a crash behind her suggesting his sister had done just that.

“Sorry Twilight. I am getting better at that turn.” Blitz said as he pulled himself to his hooves, flicked his wings and started putting books back at random.

She ran over to help him. “Oh let me. Don’t worry, these are for RIF at the school house next week. They’re old, worn, some are out of date text books…”

“Thanks. Hey, I was just up at Cloudsdale Library and saw something you would get a kick out of.” Reaching into his saddle pack he withdrew a small booklet and lay it in her hoof. “It about the Dewey Decimal System. It’s how they organize their library.”

She didn’t notice his smirk as she leafed through the pages. “I think I see, instead of assigning a category to a book, they have categories already made and every book fits into one. Actually, this could work out. Thanks Blitz!” Throwing her forehooves around him and patting his back.

“I meant it as a joke but okay!” He chuckled.

Cheerilee took this moment to walk in and saw the two of them hugging, causing her smile to drop to a scowl. Realizing it would be rude she smiled again and strut up to Twilight clearing her throat. Applebloom and Scootaloo both saw this and ran to each other to discuss this new development.

“Twilight, hi!”

“Hi Cheerilee. Is your sister joining us?”

“She figured staring at the wall would be better when I told her it would be a dry event.”

This caused all four adults to laugh while the two filly’s conspired.

“Ya see that?” Applebloom asked.

“Yeah. She doesn’t like Twilight’s hooves on her stallion.”

“Now, what do we do ‘bout it?”

Looking around Scootaloo sparked an idea. “Watch this, I’m gonna get Blitz and Cheerilee together agreeing on something.” She dashed up to the second floor landing and called out, “Rainbow Blitz! Watch me stick this landing!”

Scoots leaped the three meters to the first floor buzzing her wings all the while. She trained hard for flight and made leaps like this all the time on her own, there was no real danger. But nopony else knew that. She hardly lost her upwards momentum before Blitz zoomed over and caught her before her chance to land safely. Those few seconds of soaring were always the best of her life. The wind, the freedom, the slight tingle as her body’s magic made her nearly weightless; then it ends. Normally face down in the dirt or in someponies hooves, like now.

Blitz set her down and sighed. It was nothing he never did when he was young, and if she did hit the ground she would be fine, but Cheerilee had some words for her.

Twilight turned away as Scootaloo was being chewed out with Blitz and Cheerilee looking sternly at her, but her tail kept swishing back and forth like she was happy. Applebloom looked happy about something too. She turned to Big Mac.

“Anything new on the farm?”

“Granny sat my brother an’ Ah down this morning and told us she’s getting’ old and wants to meet her great-grand children.”

“Oh no! Is she sick!?”

“Hehehe Nnope. She might not be young as you but she’s strong as an ox. Her doctor says that new hip gave her her life back and she expects her t’ live long, good and active now. She’ll see her great-grand children. An’ she knows Applejack an’ Ah’ve been seeing our own gals. Just her way of sayin’ ‘let me meet ‘em already!’ Ah ain’t worried too much ‘bout the two them meetin’. Granny might embarrass her, me, herself, but she’ll approve of my girl. Applejack’s too, but she’ll be much harder on Rarity.”

“And just who IS this mystery mare I’ve heard of?” Twilight battered her eyes.

“You wish you knew. Soon ‘nugh Twilight.”

Shrugging she thought about ushering the remaining visitors out the door when Butterscotch peeked his head in.

“Butterscotch! Hi, are you here for the reading club too?”

“Umm, yes. Did I come at a bad time?” He saw Scootaloo still be lectured.

“No. Kids being kids is all.” Rainbow trotted over to greet him with a hoofbump. “Hey bro. I thought I told you to come early.”

“I still have five minutes,” he stated.

“Get over there and do it!” Blitz snarled and pointed a wing at Cheerilee.

“So, is this working out as you planned,” she teased.

“About as well as I should expect. My whole plan depends on Butters taking charge. Have I learned nothing!?”

“What did you say earlier?” She tried to calm him down. “This is what he wants and you’re doing this for him. There’s nothing more you can do unless you try this again another way. Kay big guy?”

Blitz sighed. “I know, but…I know.”

Cheerilee finished her tirade towards Scootaloo and turned to Twilight. “So, when do we start reading the book?”
Twilight motioned for Spike to herd the last patrons out. “Actually now. We have cushions set out so everypony can take a seat. Does everyone have a copy of Daring Do and the Endless Wastes?”

“Um, I don’t. Cheerilee? May I borrow your copy when it’s my turn?”

“Of course Butterscotch. Sit next to me.”

Setting themselves gently on their seats forming a circle Twilight sat down first and Cheerilee next to her with Butterscotch next to her. Applebloom was flanked by her brother and Scootaloo who had Blitz on her other side.

“Is everypony here? Well let’s dec-“

She was cut off by the front door slamming open. The pegasis mare gently shut it behind her and took a seat with a cushion separating her from Butterscotch and Big Mac looking flustered as she spat her book out of her mouth. “I know I said I would be here on time, I’m sorry. Did I miss anything?” She asked Butterscotch.

“Cloudkicker, how would you like to open to the Prolouge and be our first reader?”

“I would love to Twilight!”

** ** **

Like all Daring Do books, Endless Wastes started off with Daring making a heroic find, rescue or escape. This one featured a find involving a temple worshipping bananas, an ancient Alicorn statue and a hidden hole at its back. Nearly traumatized by the experience she was bitten by a snake and had to race to the hospital with its lifeless body in her mouth, it’s what she got for not brining a bite kit along.

The next chapter jumped months ahead to a dig site in the cold deserts of the farthest East. This had always been a dangerous part of the world and Daring was not pleased with the mercenaries Professor Ash hired to protect the archeology team.

Big Mac never said too much in public but he had a wide range of Voices to separate each characters’ lines. “I get it. Lots and lots of bugs, but a flamethrower is too far!”

“It can get burn out their tunnels entirely Professor Do. I’m not letting someone get hurt because we’re afraid of fire. He’s a professional, he knows what he’s doing.”

“He never takes off his suit, even his mask. I never see him eat, I’m not even sure it IS a him. And that explosives ‘expert’ is always drinking!

“He’s gets nervous when he’s bored. He’ll be fine under pressure.”

“Ash; drink, explosives, and preservation of antique items don’t mix. You need to lose one! This is a-“

“Do. Relax. They can handle things.”

“Thank you Big Mac. Applebloom, I believe it’s your turn. Applebloom?”

“Wha! Whad’ja say Miss Twilight?” She stuttered blinking herself awake.

Scootaloo had been slouching for the past thirty minutes and drooling for five. “I think you and Scootaloo have had enough. Don’t you think so?” she asked her brother and Cheerilee.

“Yes, indeed. Thank you Twilight for a wonderful evening. Come along, Scootaloo.” She hefted the sleepy filly onto her back and slowly made her way for the door. Cloudkicker opened it for her and Cheerilee turned and gave a sultry look to her host before turning around and putting more sway into her hips than normal.

Big Mac bit onto his sisters neck and tossed her onto his back as she let out a yawn. Grabbing his and her own copy of Daring Do he also thanked Twilight and left.

Twilight turned around and spoke. “Okay boys and girls. I was going to suggest we keep reading but does anyone want to stop?”

“I should be going Twi. Sorry again for being late, but I had a good time.” Cloudkicker said.

“Wait Kicker.” She dropped her voice to show her concern. “I know what Scotch has been telling us but, how are you doing?”

Cloudkicker dropped her head in shame. “I’m surviving. I wish I could say it’s over but…”

“I understand.” She nuzzled her. “I’m so glad.”

“See you tomorrow Twilight,” she said while turning around.

“Hey, Scotch. You’re still holding Cheerilee’s book aren’t you?” Blitz asked as Cloudkicker trotted out the door.

“Oh yeah. I should probably go retu-“

“Yes you should. Tomorrow!”

Scotch stuttered out “B-But she just left-“

“After a day of work and a sleepy filly on her back. Look, I’ll walk you through what to say.” Blitz tried to explain as he guided Scotch to the door.

“Wait wait wait!” Twilight blocked their path. “Rainbow, I need you to help me reorganize the library!”

His shock showed clearly on his face. “Whaaat!? Now? Why?”

“I want to give Dewey a chance! And you know it better than me. And Spike went to bed already. C’mon Blitz, I don’t wanna do this myself. Please?”

“Oh alright. Butters, I’ll get to you before school gets out tomorrow. You’re gonna give her book back tomorrow afternoon and she’s gonna give you a date. Now get hustle home and get a good night sleep solider!”
“Yes Rainbow Blitz.” Scotch trotted outside into the night with Twilight closing the door behind him.

“Okay Twilight. Where do we start?”

“First, we should take each book off the shelf and find its category. Let’s start on this shelf.” She magically dropped every book off the shelf into a pile.

It was slow, tedious, boring work in Blitz’s opinion. He kept the guide booklet next to him since every title brought out new questions.

“Twilight, why do we have a book about libraries in a library?”

“Because Blitz,” he turned to look her in the eye. “Where else are you going to keep a book about libraries?”

“Of course,” he muttered as he went back to work. “Hey, you dumped a whole encyclopedia set on the ground! It’s a set; they’re supposed to go together.” He looked at her again and saw her pile of sorted books, or lack of a pile.

“How many have you gone through?”

“Umm, none. Hehe…” She was blushing furiously.

“I don’t care how adorkable you are; I’m not doing this whole library. You wanted me to help you, so help me.”

“I’m sorry, I just…You were so sweet doing this for me and I want to thank you but I can’t think of how.” She pawed the floor in indecision, still flustered.

“Twi, I didn’t take it seriously and I didn’t expect you to either. But you said the words.” He stepped over to her and lifted her head to look him in the eye. “And that’s good enough for me.” He started to turn away but she turned his head back to face her again. He could feel her breath on his muzzle a second before her lips collided with his.

(holy Lord! her kiss is sweet) He savored the tough of her lips with his eyes gracefully closed, before they shot open as the shock registered. Pulling back his wings fluttered to attention and he gasped for breath and stepped back. Twilight meanwhile gasped as well throwing her hooves over her mouth, blushing more than ever. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” she stammered with her eyes full of tears.

“Hey, hey..” he leaped to her side and enveloped her in his wing and cradling her head. “Shhhhh. It’s okay.” His head was spinning too; her kisses were indeed sweet to taste.

“No it’s not.” Twilight squeaked out. “That was my first kiss and-“

“It wasn’t bad,” he whispered kissing her on the head.

She looked up to face him again questionably.

“You mean, lips are sensitive and any contact you’re okay with is going to be good?”

“I mean I liked it. It was a good kiss.” He stared at her as she enveloped his face with her hooves and pulled him in for round two.

Rainbow Blitz pushed her onto her back and drove his tongue into her mouth causing her to squeal in surprise and approval. Wings flared every direction, hooves ran across bellies and flanks, both ponies unlocked carnal parts of their minds kept shut and forgotten.

** ** **

Spike was awoken by a BANG that shook the whole home. His legs and tail shot out to make himself more intimidating to a predator but there was none. Looking around for the canon he instead saw a blue blur crash into Twilight’s bed. Picking up his blanket her recognized both shapes and what they were preparing for, and that was his cue.

“GoingtospendthenightatPinkie’sbye!” Dashing out to the main library and taking the steps three by three he turned off the light before running out his special made door. Slamming it shut he breathed in the warm night air, grateful to be away from Blitz and Twilight doing…causing trouble.

(later)

Twilight asked Spike to leave her alone for the night before, she might have been working on something and didn’t want him distracting her. On such nights he was welcome to Pinkie’s apartment above SugarCube Corner, climbing the fire escape of course. Rarity was the only other one who lived close enough and he did not want to risk waking her up explaining the situation, and Pinkie was always excited and only asked one question.

He poked her shoulder whispering. “Pinkie Pie? Can I sleep with you tonight?”

She didn’t move but answered without hesitation very clearly, “Sounds great! But shouldn’t you buy me dinner first?”

He climbed into her bed and felt her hooves wrap around him. “Push over. Little more. Thanks Pinkie.”

“What’s Twilight doing?”

“Pfft, Rainbow Blitz.”

Pinkie let out her copy written gasp and squeezed Spike tighter. “Aww, that’s sweet.”

“Yeah, you weren’t woken up by them.”

“I know who I’m throwing a party for in the morning! Good night Spike.”

“Night Pinkie.”

A song and Dance for Breakfast

Spike found himself woken up at sunrise as Pinkie Pie’s cuddle buddy; held very tightly. Under her soft pelt, skin and layer of fat she was rippled with muscles developed from working a rock farm for her childhood. It always felt like being wrapped in a blanket that never wanted to let go.

“Pinkie, can you let me up?”

“No.” She answered as clearly as she did last night then went back to snoring.

“Pinkie, I gotta get home before Blitz sneaks out on Twilight.”

He blinked and she was standing in front of him, eyes wide open and smiling, mane properly coifed. “Silly, he’s not going anywhere.”

Rolling off the bed Spike bumped his head and asked how she knew while rubbing his forehead.

“He knows if he abandoned Twilight she would tell me. And where could Rainbow Blitz hide from Pinkemena Diane Pie?” She gave a smirk that always freaked him out.

Remembering Blitz’s stories of trying to escape from Pinkie before, Spike untangled himself from the bed covers and started his walk to the library, a bouncing Earth Pony at his side.

** ** **

The water splashed on his coat as he poured oatmeal into Twilight’s pan, he should have learned by now to be more gentle with food. Sighing he stirred it a few times and went to set the table. The door opened and he heard Spike cry out, “Twilight, I’m sorry I wasn’t here on…time”

“Hey Spike! Fancy seeing you here!” He balanced a glass on his nose while fluttering over to the table and softly laying it down.

“Hi Blitz!” Pinkie kept springing in place, grinning like an idiot.

“Hey Pinks. I guess you know already?” A knowing smile crept to his face.

“Yeah. And you didn’t choose me. You better make her happy happy mister!” She bounded over and leaned her face right into his scowling.

“Ah, Pinkie Pie, she and I already talked about it. We are happy. Breakfast is to be our first real date, and I doubt she would have much problem with you joining us.” His voice sounded far more relaxed and inviting than normal. If Twilight was this happy…

“Well, as long as breakfast doesn't become your regular chore,” Spike dipped a finger into the pan and licked it clean. His face and voice brightened up at once, “Actually, as long as breakfast does become your regular chore!”

“No, no. She and I are taking things much slower after this. And we’re hoping to keep last night quite. Amongst us seven. Okay?”

Both of them nodded. He felt hooves wrap themselves around his withers and his head was pulled to his left followed by a smooch on his cheek. “Good morning beautiful.”

“Good morning handsome. Thank you for not bragging,” Twilight told him turning around and tracing a hoof down his back. Three chairs magically pulled away from the table so she and the new arrivals could take their seats.

“Pinkie, we would love to have breakfast with us. Spike, I’m sorry. We didn’t think about you last night-“

“I should hope not!”

All three ponies giggled at his outburst.

Blitz tried apologizing himself, “I’m sorry we didn’t consider you being so close when we…uh, started.”

“So, what were your plans for today Blitz?” Twilight asked him.

“I was going to go home and clop to Daring Do all day.”

“YOUR plans, not my own.” Twilight snapped, Pinkie and Spike giggled again.

“But normally I take the whole day off and do read. You wanna join me?”

“No I can’t. I just received word from the Princess, she wants me to escort a package from Oatslando to Canterlot so I’m going to leave right after breakfast.”

“Okay then. Foods getting there.”

“Soo Twilight, how did it happen?” Pinkie asked.

“How did what happen?”

“How did you two get together? This,” pointing between the two of them. “This wasn’t here yesterday. So what happened last night?”

“Uhh, well, Twilight? What made you do it?”

“Me! What did I do?”

“You kissed me. Twice!”

Twilight looked down. “Well, yeah. You see, you’ve always been so nice to me, so loyal, you always challenge me to do my best. But last night you gave me something and it just…showed how much you care.” Looking back to him, her eyes glistened. “I never looked at you that way before, and I love you.”

"I got you a book about organization, and you came onto me. You are such a nerd." He laughed while he embraced her and she returned it. Pinkie let loose a d’aww and Spike turned away from the display of affection in childlike disgust.

A short silence was interrupted by Twilight. “Sing a song for me Rainbow,”

“Did your parents or brother sing to you when making breakfast?”

“No. Why?”

Rainbow Blitz started singing the most fun song he could think of:

This is your time to pay,
This is your judgment day,

Twilight and Pinkie joined in on the third line knowing it just as well as him. Twilight suggested since all six of them knew it they use it as a code phrase in case any of them were suspected of being a Changeling. And Pinkie Pie introduced them all to the song.

We’ve made the sacrifice,
And now we get to take your life.
We shoot without a gun,
We take on any-one,
It’s really nothing new,
It’s just the thing we like to do!

Pinkie had so much fun teaching her friends how to bake, (except Applejack of course) she just burst into random song. Blitz had the hardest time being impatient, so she taught him this number. As he memorized the song his baking skills improved until he could make puff pastries with his own two hooves. She was so proud of him.

You better get ready to die,
You better get ready to kill,
You better get ready to run,
Cause here we come,
You better get ready to die!

D
uring the first instrumental Twilight and Pinkie stood on their hinds and started dancing around. It wasn’t much more than throwing their hooves back and forth but Spike and Blitz smiled at how cute they looked.

Your life is over now,
Your life is running out,
When your time is at an end,
Then it's time to kill again,
We cut without a knife,
We live in black and white,
You’re just a parasite,
Now close your eyes and say good-night.

You better get ready to die,
You better get ready to kill,
You better get ready to run,
Cause here we come,
You better get ready to die!
Get ready to die!
Get ready to die!

With his oatmeal bubbling he took if off the stove and started splitting it among four bowls he set out and sprinkled brown sugar over them.

Been a long time comin,
Now you better get running,
And you better get ready to die!

Three ponies and a dragon took their seats and dug into breakfast.

Author's Note

Alright, one internet point to whoever can point out a reference in this chapter and the others before it.

A few Quick Visits

Applejack pushed the door open hearing the delightful jingle of the bell atop the entrance. Looking around he heard the songlike voice he was looking for.

“Welcome to Carousel Boutique. Where everything is chic, unique, and magnifque.” Spotting him she smiled even brighter. “And pleased to have such wonderful company. What can I do for you dearest Applejack?” She battered her eyelashes for effect.

“Ah just stopped by t’ admire a few gemstones. You got a trio of diamonds by any chance?”

“I have diamonds in my workroom.” She turned around towards the back.

“Hold it missy! That’s exactly what Ah’m lookin’ fer!” He leaped to her side and lay his hoof on her left flank.

She blushed. “Darling, I’m flattered, but the shop’s still open.”

“And Ah should be getting’ back to the farm. What’s yer point?”

“Applejack, your either pulling us away from our responsibilities or teasing me. Neither is a proper way to treat a lady.” She scolded him, but her smile told him the opposite.

“Na you just calm down my lady,” he walked around her, dragging his tail across her nose. “I’m gonna take my time and make yer real happy Ah stopped by.”

Rarity felt his teeth nibble on her earlobe, her eyes slammed shut and her knees gave way. They had not crossed that line yet, not that they hadn’t talked and dreamed about it.

“Applejack,” she said but did not hear the light jingle of the bell announcing a patron. “I’ve got you now!”

She wrapped him in a field of magic and slammed him against the floor. Pouncing with her front hooves beside his head she leaned to give him a deep aggressive kiss. For some reason he tasted like cinnamon. She ground her needy hips into his to “wake the giant.”

(this is what life is made for. Kissing, caressing, holding a lover in your hooves-)

Her thoughts were derailed by a squeal. Rarity looked to the door and saw Butterscotch, Applebloom and her own sister staring at the two of them in disbelief.

“Hi girls. What can we do for you?” She stood still and unknowingly used her sultry seductive Voice to confuse the filly’s even more.

“Please get this crazy mare off me. She’s trying t’ kill me!”

Rarity backpedaled until she nearly knocked over a ponyquien. “Wh-what? That’s not true!”

He rolled over and climbed to his feet. “Ah came stopped by fer a quick visit. An’ you think I’m just here fer ya body. Rares, you got a lot of growin’ up to do.” He adjusted his hat, walked past their on-lookers and out the door.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle turned to Rarity in utter confusion, while Butterscotch looked in disbelief. He could only imagine how Applejack would pay for that, maybe he would just take the fall next time. Rarity stared after her boyfriend in embarrassment.

“Um, well, girls-“

“By the way Rarity, I want to invite you to dinner at the farm Friday night. Mac’s finally gonna let everyone else meet his mystery girl.” Applejack peeked his head back inside the shop for his announcement and left again.

“Yes Applejack. I would love to meet his mystery girl,” she muttered to herself. “Um, how was school Sweetie? Applebloom?”

“It was swell. We get to work together on a science project and Mr. Butterscotch offered to walk us home.” Applebloom explained.

“We’re going up to the guest room to ‘scheme’ what we’re doing.” Sweetie Belle ran past her sister and up the stairs with Applebloom hot on her heels.

“Those girls do too much scheming if you ask me. How have you been Butterscotch. How was the reading club last night?”

Looking her straight in the eye and raised his voice, “You know what Rarity, this town gets stranger EVERY day. I’m starting to think Twilight was right; everypony in this town is ca-razy! You could build a barbed wire fence around city limits, call it an asylum and no-one would know!”

He left for home leaving a bamboozled Rarity to wonder why he would say that. (didn’t the four ponies who were just here prove his point?)

“Yes, but I am not crazy. Am I?”

“Sis, who are you talking to?” Sweetie Belle called from upstairs.

“Um, nobody dear.”

** ** **

(earlier)

Butterscotch held Cherrilee’s copy of Daring Do and the Endless Wastes on his lap as he sat with his back against the wall of the school house. Tapping his hooves he waited nervously for the last bell of the day to ring thinking.

(scootaloo, why did you have to act out yesterday? i could have asked her out if she didn’t spend so much time lecturing you. but you’re a kid i guess and boys will be boys. or girls in this case)

He wasn’t really upset, besides he got another chance to see her now. He jumped when he heard the bell ring and a dozen children rang past him; home, to the playground, anywhere to get away from class. Standing up and straightening his mane out he walked through the open door to see Cheerilee talking to two of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“No girls. Fission reactions are not appropriate for your age group. Neither is Agent Orange.” Sweetie Belle and Applebloom bowed their heads. “Most children your age would get excited about something simpler for a science fair. Try something with magnets.”

Both girls were silent for a second. “Okay Cheerilee. We’ll think of sumptin’.”

“You girls are very creative. I have faith in you.”

They turned around and galloped out the door, saying hi to him along the way.

“Hello Butterscotch. Oh, you do have it!” She reached out and took her book from him. “Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Really I do.”

Cheers could be heard coming from the schoolyard. “Um, thank you. Say, Cheerilee, I was wondering-“

“Oh and don’t bother closing the door on your way out. I’m leaving in a few anyway. Scootaloo is going to the dentist and she’s afraid she may need braces. She hated hearing that.”

“Oh I know. I needed them on my top teeth for three years. As if being a weak flier wasn’t bad enough I got picked on for that too.”

“I hope her mother can talk her into accepting it. She is beautiful now but can be so much more.”

“Uh-hu. Cheerilee, did you hear about the new museum wing opening in Las Pegasis next month?”

“Yes. Do you know what it will be about?” she asked politely.

“Um, I hear buffalo tribes were consulted about it. Maybe it will have south-eastern history.”

“That sounds fun.” Her eyes glazed over. “When do you plan on seeing it?”

(this is it! don’t blow it)“I was hoping to go opening day. Would you like to join me?” His knees knocked together in anticipation, one way or another this would be over soon.

“I would love to go with you!” She said brightly. “Who else is joining us?” The cheering in the yard grew louder.

“Uhh, uhhh,” (think, think, think, think! that’s it!) “Twilight might want to join us…”

“Lovely. It’s a date. I look forward… Just what are those kids so loud about?” Stepping from her cushion she and Butterscotch walked outside to see a gaggle of foals surrounding something by the edge of the trees. “I swear if there’s a fight…”

Butterscotch took off and glided over the school children. They were crowding a pair of grey rabbits and yelling at them. Swooping down into the middle of them he stretched his wings to give the animals their space. Looking around he saw the kids back away but kept their eye near his feet. (oh my…)

The doe was resting on her belly while the buck had his front legs around her haunches and was making an unmistakable humping motion. He couldn’t help but stare at them for a second before turning on the children and shooing them away and saw Cheerilee approaching the crowd as well.

“What’s going on here? Twist, what happened?”

“Um…”

Scotch shooed the rabbits into the forest where they would not be interrupted anymore. His face was flustered and he turned around seeing at least the Cutie Mark Crusaders avoided the whole scene, but they were coming over to ask questions.

He fluttered to Cheerilee, “How would you feel if I walked the Crusaders home? I could stop them from investigating for a while…”

“Butterscotch, that would be wonderful. Scootaloo is already on her way home, so thank you.” She turned back to the voyeurs and continued calming them down while Scotch guided her most curious students away.

“We’re going to my sisters’ house until my mom and dad get home from work.” Sweetie Belles told him.
“Wha’ was that about Mr. Butterscotch?” Applebloom asked.

“Oh nothing too important. So tell me about this science fair.”

“Scootaloo didn’t want to join us, but it’s gonna be great!” Sweetie Bell squeaked. “We wanted to do something big but everything we come up with is ‘too controversial’. That’s what Ms. Cheerilee said.”

“She’s only watching out for you. She doesn’t want you to be exposed to something you not ready for.”

Applebloom suddenly gasped, the way her hinds and volume jumped reminded Butterscotch of Pinkie Pie.

“Ah just had the best idea ever! A mass driver!”

Sweetie Bell might have paused for dramatic effect, or just to process what she said. “What’s a ‘mass driver’?” Butterscotch heard the phrase from Rainbow a few months ago and had a sinking feeling what was coming next.

“Scoots told me ‘bout it a while ago. It uses magnets to push masses down a track and when they come out the end-“ she clapped her hooves together in a sliding motion. “It can go hundreds of meters a second. We could even build a small one for the fair!”

Sweetie Belle squeaked again. “That IS a good idea!” The two of them took off for Carousel Boutique leaving Butterscotch to sigh. (there is NO way this can end well)

** ** **

Finally getting home Butterscotch opened the door to see he had been burglarized, again. A certain cream colored earth pony who took a fancy to breaking into his home was lying on his living room floor with a pair of fake wings wrapped around her. What’s more she wasn’t cream colored anymore but now she was khaki and had various shades of grey in her mane.

“Hey Big Boy. I hear you like reading Daring Do.” She stood up and turned away from him, just noticeably bending over. “So maybe you have a thing for middle aged archeology professors. Hmm?” Bending her head further down she pulled her tail up exposing herself to him.

“Out! Get out of my house! You too Lyra! Wherever you are!”

A pink coated, blue maned “alicorn” walk out from his bed room and gave him a sultry smile. She looked a lot more like Rainbow Blitz’s mother than he wanted to admit. “Maybe you just have a thing for middle aged pegasi? I saw a mirror, I think I do too. Hehe.” She stood on her hinds, taking her turn exposing herself to him.

“Both of you, get out of my home! Now.” He pointed a hoof at the door and tapped another while his suitors walked past, both brushing their tails against his face.

“Before we go Scotch, what’s this I hear about a special mare of yours?” Bon-Bon asked.

(oh no. i know blitz wouldn’t tell, but am i so obvious they know too?) “What special mare?”

“Tell us about this young, what’s her name? Cloudkicker?”

Butterscotch’s stress level spiked with her last word. “What?” He asked without shyness, humor and with a good deal of suppressed anger.

Lyra filled him in, “I heard you have a house guest who has been sleeping in your bed. She skipped town for two months and left Blossomforth with the rent which she couldn’t pay on her own. Blossomforth moved in with her boyfriend Thunderlane, and you got Cloudkicker. And I was just in that bedroom. No-one’s had sex there, ever. I should know. So what gives?”

“SHUT UP!” During Lyra’s speech infuriated Butterscotch, he simply exploded. Not in impatience like he was famous in Canterlot for, and not out of the wounded pride he laid onto Rarity and Pinkie after learning to be assertive. This was more akin to the righteous anger he felt when some dragon hurt his friends and he needed to stand up for them. Only this time he would have more than happy to start throwing punches and kicks and storm off.

“Both of you just shut the hell up! You don’t know ANYTHING that’s going on! Don’t pretend you know Cloudkicker, you don’t! You can harass me all you want and I’ll turn the other cheek, but the moment you drag her into this I will knock half your teeth out, each. I never want either of you to bother her,” grabbing both their manes he pulled their faces towards his. “Do you understand me?” His voice dripped with venom.

“Yes!” they answered. “Yeah.”

Butterscotch released them both, they stumbled backwards and shook their manes, looking at him with confusion and fear.

“What are you waiting for? Get outta here!” They ran pell-mell back their own home and he went upstairs to draw a bath. With vanilla scented bubbles, he and Kicker both liked vanilla. He cancelled his massage at the spa with Rarity that morning to return Cheerilee’s book, but he really needed to relax anyway. Grabbing a towel he was about to drop his hoof into the tub when he heard a board creak downstairs.

Looking over than banister he saw a purple coat and blonde mane looking to the floor. She must have just gotten back from work. “You okay?” he called.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She looked to him smiling but he knew her body language too well. And her eyes were bloodshot. Pulling the towel over his shoulder he tossed it down to her.

“I drew you a bath.”

“Oh, no. I can’t. I can’t…” even though she picked the towel off the ground.

“Sweet Apple Acres makes you work up a sweat, especially running on that cider press all day. Go on. I’ll scrub your back if you want.”

“Okay. ”

Cloudkicker walked up the stairs, climbed into the bath on her back and let the bubbles wash over her. Sighing contently she stretched her wings and rolled onto her belly.

“How much did you hear?” he asked soaping up the wash cloth.

“Mainly voices. My name came up a few times, and you threatened to knock their teeth out.” she recited slowly while adjusting her wings to give him better access to under her wings.

“That was no threat.”

“You scared me a bit.”

“I scared myself too. But we’ve been scared worse, right?” He gave her the cloth again and motioned that he was leaving.

“I guess we have.” She gave a melancholy sigh and closed her eyes. Rebuilding her life has been far from easy, but she knew she was blessed to have a friend as kind as Butterscotch by her side.

Author's Note

I have found myself with a lot of time unexpectedly and figured this would be more productive than playing Mass Effect 2 again.
It's pretty weird how I can plan something for a week and it doesn't work the way I expected, but I write something because of a whim and the whole turns out just the way I wanted.
So, who can guess where each story is going? Every-one is has made their plans known, so what's going to happen?
Who is Big Mac's mystery girl? (...who is still a mystery, no foreshadowing there.) What's going to happen at dinner at Sweet Apple Acres? What will happen to Butterscotch? What happened to Cloudkicker? Are rumors that Spike ate Tom true? Is Celestia or Luna more lonely?
Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel!

Tonight's Dinner will be Apples, Marshmallow and Spaghetti

[A:N] The following takes place between 18:31, and 21:06. Events do not occur in real time.

It was late Friday afternoon and Rarity was finishing her hair when the doorbell rang announcing her darling Applejack had come to pick her up for dinner at the farm.

“Applejack my dear.” She opened the door and nuzzled him. “I know you are punctual but you are nearly twenty minutes early.”

He tipped his hat as he always does when greeting her. “Nah, Ah’m actually late. Granny sent me out early to invite you’s to sleep at the farm house tonight. And she won’t take ‘No’ for an answer. And tomorrow she wants to have a ‘girls day out’ too.”

“Well of course I can stay over for the night. Though I was planning on getting to work on a new order tomorrow afternoon but I suppose we can make a whole day of it. All in all it sounds lovely. Now, if you allow me to first retrieve my dessert and bit purse and I will be with you shortly.”

Applejack stared out to the street looking for his brother. The big guy could keep a secret as well as Pinkie Pie and he still had no earthly idea who his date was. They walked together until AJ stopped here and Mac turned down Seymour Court, but any number of mares could live down there. Mac also could have been messing with him for the last half hour until the truth came out and she could live anywhere.

Rarity opened the door levitating a pie box smelling of cranberries and strawberries which he took in his mouth as she fumbled with the door.

“Well, off we go. And you’re so sweet but I shall take that dear," taking the pie from him.

Applejack leaned in close and sniffed her neck. “Ah know that scent!”

“What scent? I-I didn’t put any on? Did I?”

“Ha. You ain’t got perfume. Good fer you. Now let me see…” He stopped walking and held her face in his hooves. “No makeup, and no fancy dress. Good job. Granny will think you tryin’ to impress her even though she knows you already. Being honest is the best way to win Granny’s respect.” They continued walking east.

“Have I been less than honest Applejack?”

“She might see it that way.”

“I am certain I will live up to her expectations dear.”

“Heh. Not tonight. If Ah know Granny, she’ll spend all night pickin’ on ya. Not even to see how you react, it’ll be fun for her. If he had a legit problem with ya, you’ld know by know.”

“Hmm. I suppose I will have to put up with her. This should be an interesting night.”

** ** **

“Granny? We’re here.” Applejack called out as he and Rarity stepped into the hall and wiped their hooves on the carpet. Taking seats on opposite sides of the couch in the living room Applebloom came in from the dining room.

“Oh ma gosh!? Applejack, you’re seeing Rarity? Ah never would have guessed!” Her voice dripped with so much sarcasm it puddled on the floor.

“Alright AB. You’re having yer fun, so I guess you an Granny have finished dinner?”

“Eeyup. An’ once Big Mac gets here we’ll be sittin’ down. But she made me set up four extra chairs, what’s up with that?”

“If I may, what is for dinner darling?” Rarity asked without hearing the door opening behind her.

“Can’t tell!”

“Mr. Big Mac said there would be lots of spaghetti everywhere!” The squeaky voice of a young filly called out from the mud room.

Applejack and Rarity turned to see Sparkler and Dinky Hooves join them in the living room.

“I think he was speaking metaphorically Dinks.” Sparkler explained to her sister.

“Nuh-ha! I think he meant we’re gonna have a food fight!”

Rarity whispered to Applejack, “Does this mean-“

“Dinky, if you start a food fight I’ll make sure you won’t sit down for a week.” Derpy Hooves trotted up and stood in front of her daughter trying to look stern but she had usual goofy smile on.

“Derpy!” Applejack stood up in shock and vigorously shook her hoof. “You’re my brother’s secret gal? Now HOW in tarnation did this happen? And how did your kids keep it quiet? Or you for that matter?”

“It’s a story for maybe another time little brother. Or maybe we’ll tell ya when we sit down. And yes Dinky, Ah was speaking metaphorically when Ah said spaghetti.”

Granny Smith slowly stepped slowly into the living room to look as old and hobbled as she claimed to be. “Thank you Applejack fer bringing fer Rarity dinner. Applebloom and I got the chocolate and graham crackers ready, if ya’ll follow me…” She turned backwards and led them to the dinner table.

Rarity looked to her date with a pout, making him laugh.

“I warned ya.”

Granny sat at the head of the table with her grandsons on both sides, and their dates next to them. Sparkler and Applebloom took their seats on the far end while Dinky giddily sat at the other head. Applebloom and Dinky were classmates but never really spoke too much, and the first topic they settled on was, “Hey, if my brother and your mom get married, why, I would be your ant!”

“Wow! I’ld like that ‘Ant’ Applebloom!” The two of them giggled leaving Sparkler felling out of place.

“Mom, are you hearing this?” she whispered.

“Oh let them have their fun dear.” Derpy told her.

Rarity and Applejack were the last to sit and she whispered to him, “I have a feeling there ARE graham crackers and chocolate somewhere.”

“We’re saving those fer desert deary.” Granny Smith could hear as well as an eagle saw. How her grandchildren got away with half the shenanigans they did was a testament to Granny’s patience.

“Fer dinner we got Vegetable Lo Mein, steamed broccoli, cheese sauce, and soybean salad fer the younins. Derpy, Rarity, Applejack, Macintosh, none of you is allowed to touch the soybean salad. The boys know why. Now before we eat let us pray. Hold hooves.”

Every-one grabbed the hooves of the pony next to them and they bowed their heads while Granny Smith said the words. “Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Chutulu. Sewnmouthsecret. Mershlcumbum. So be it. Alright, dig in!”

Applejack would have broken his nose had he facehoofed as hard as he wanted. But he did warn Rarity this was her night to make fun of them. “Granny, Rarity brought her famous pie to share tonight.” (uh-oh! words come back to my mouth-)

“I would hope you’re the only one she shares her pie with. That’s not to say Ah wouldn’t mind a piece…” Rarity’s caught her eyes following the curves from her neck to her flanks. Suddenly the lo mein was very interesting, she shoveled a pile onto her plate and whoofed it down.

“So Mrs. Granny Smith, why can’t the four of them eat the soybean salad?” Sparkler asked genuinely curious pointing to the adults.

“Same reason yer mother wants you to eat it. It’s healthy fer kids.”

Big Mac shook his head and smiled at Derpy when Sparkler turned away. He already told her why soybeans are not allowed anywhere near Sweet Apple Acres; soybeans drop testosterone levels, dropping sexual desires. Since that day Derpy had been carefully sneaking her elder daughter soy, warding off one less problem from her hormonally charged teenager.

Derpy was pouring cheese sauce over her lo mein when Dinky spoke up. “Mom, can I go crusading with Applebloom and her friends tomorrow?”

“I think that sounds lovely Derpy.” Rarity said. She always wondered why her sister never spent time with Dinky.

“Didn’t Mrs. Smith have a day planned for us girls?” Derpy looked to Granny.

“Go ahead. We don’t need to go chasing the pair of filly’s around all day. Just stay outta trouble. Ya hear. Ah’m talking t’ you Applebloom.”

“Yes ma’am. Dinky, I’ll take ya to the tree house first thing in the mornin’!”

Derpy changed the subject. “So Rarity, tell the girls about your career.”

“Certainly,” Rarity lightened up. “Simply put I make clothing. Everything from winter to formal wear. I can fix holes in socks and design a dress for the Grand Galloping Gala in the same hour.”

“An’ giant hats!” Applebloom interjected.

“And hats too, yes.” Rarity replied with impatience. Someone had to put her up to that line.

“How do you find the time to work so hard with so many guys chasin’ after ya?” Big Mac inquired.

“I picked the absolute best stallion, so now they don’t bother chasing me.” She leaned into nuzzle Applejack who kissed the top of her head.

“Ya ended ya last relationship quiet quick. Just kicked him out the door, not even a goodbye. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am.” Big Mac reminded her. Applejack caught on to where he was going and smirked at Rarity.

“Uh, Macintosh, your brother is the first serious relationship I have had. I’m not sure what you are talking about…”

“He was a big fella. You met him in Canterlot, introduced him to ya friends, yous was jealous for him. Wouldn’t let no-one near him. Then ya brought him to ya home, kicked him out later that day. Love ‘em an’ leave em. What was his name? Tom?”

Rarity blinked then lost her magic hold on her fork which clattered to the floor. There was another clunk by her seat.

"Rarity, Ah think ya dropped sumtin'" Applejack told her.

Looking down she levitated a can of spaghetti for the whole table to see. All the adults stifled their laughter while Sparkler, Dinky and Applebloom rolled in aisles.

“Who’s idea was this? You Sparkler? Derpy? Granny?” All the Apples started to whistle a merry tune (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC4Vk6kisY) while the Hooves looked elsewhere.

Rarity sighed.

** ** **

After dessert and a series of child-hostile pie related puns from Granny Smith, all eight ponies gathered in the living room to relax and talk about their plans for tomorrow.

“Boys, I’m taking your dates for Girls Day Out. What are yous doin?”

“Ah’m thinkin’ ‘bout taking Guys Day Out and goin’ to Canterlot with Blitz and Butters. Mac, ya wanna join us?”

“Can’t. Ah’m a gonna fix up ma barn a bit. Could use a few shingles an’ a new hinge.” Big Mac answered casually.

“Sounds like a plan you two. Now Sparkler, Rarity Bubble Butt an Ah are gonna head to the market fer most the mornin’ then the spa, and maybe the market again. We’ll see when we’re there.”

“Granny Smith, why do call you call mommy ‘Bubble Butt’? It’s not nice.” Dinky looked awfully confused to see such a sweet, kind lady make fun of her mom who got enough grief already.

“Dinky, why don’cha sit on ma lap?” Dinky crawled up and did just that. “Now, do you think Ah mean to upset ya momma when Ah say that?”

Dinky shook her head.

“Course not. She an’ Ah know each other, and we know what we’re made of. Now she’s a tough cookie, and it takes more than a joke ‘bout her Cutie Mark to get t’ her. Don’t you joke with ya friends ‘bout sumitn different ‘bout them?”

“Um, yeah,” she whispered so her mother would not hear her.

“She an’ Ah and all our friends do too. We know what we can and can’t say to one another. And makin’ fun of Cutie Marks is sumtin’ we do. Ah call the whole Apple family Apple Butt. Ms. Twilight Sparkle is Purple Smart, The Doctor is called Time Turner, why even Princess Celestia herself is Machiavellian Sunbutt. And once Applebloom an’ you get your Cutie Marks, yous are getting’ new names too. That make sense to you?”

“Um, I think so. But it should be with ponies I know?”

“Eeyup.”

She giggled. “Okay. Um, do YOU know Princess Celestia? I remember you said your family met her but that was a long time ago.”

“Well, Pinkie Pie learned a lot ‘bout prankin’ and jokes from me, an’ who do you think Ah learned it from?”
Dinky paused in thought trying to process the impossible possibility. “Y-you mean-“

“Ssshhh. Hhhgg, time t’ get off ma lap.” Dinky did as she was told. “Kay kiddos. Time fer bed. Hop to it.”

“Ms. Granny? Where will we be sleeping tonight?” Sparkler asked.

“Oh, silly me. Ah didn’t think that through did I?” She winked at Applebloom. “Now let’s see…Applebloom, Dinky, you gals feel like campin’ here in the livin’ room if ya stay quiet?”

“Yeah!” They shouted in unison.

“Ya off t’ a good start. Sparkler, ya mind takin’ Applebloom’s room? She cleaned it up just this afternoon. That’s convenient ain’t it?”

“That, that works for me.” She smiled.

“Well if that’s it-“

“But Granny, what about Derpy and I?” Rarity asked.

“Do Ah look like Ah care? Leave me alone, Ah’m late fer bed. Applebloom, get some blankets from the cupboard and use the pillows from the couch. Ms. Sparkler needs yours.” She trotted out of the living room faster than she moved all evening.

“Come on Sparkler, Ah’ll show ya to my room!” Applebloom dashed up the stairs with Sparkler behind her. Derpy kissed Big Mac on the cheek, wrapped her wing around him and they glided upstairs too. While Dinky built a fort of couch cushions Rarity looked at Applejack in confusion.

“Dear, I KNOW you grandmother didn’t tell us to sleep together!”

“Ah think she said ya sleepin’ in my room an’ that’s it.”

“But-she was implying…”

“Yes she was. An’ we can discuss that when we get there. Now come on up to bed. Oh, that felt good t’ say.” He guided her up to his bed room.

** ** **

Later that night, Granny Smith heard noises coming from Big Mac’s room, but no matter how long she kneeled next to Applejack’s door all she heard was snoring. Smiling that she was right again she limped back to her bed and laid herself to sleep.

Author's Note

For the record, I use the word 'aunt' but the noble Apple family is more sophisticated than that.
Yes, Granny Smith is a sweet perverted little old lady. Since her hip surgery she has a new vigor for life and does what she wants, I dare you to stop her.
I have not done a lot of work with the Hooves family, how did I do?

Alternate Song

[A/N: Another song Blitz could sing to Twilight, with another outcome.

La la la la labia baby you got something for me (in your wizard's sleeve)

Blitz took the main vocals while Twilight did backup voices.

La la la la labia baby you got something for me (some sweet PT)
Hoochie coochie gitchy gitchy yeah yeah yeah
Gotta snatcha gonna catcha yatcha yeah yeah yeah
Binja minja bearded clam
Furry burger smiley sam

La la la la labia baby you got something for me (Oh yes siree!)
Fluffy muffy stuffy in the yeah yeah yeah
I gotta fever for the beaver weaver yeah yeah yeah
Honey pot peachie pie (Take it to the Y-clef)

La la la la labia baby you got something for me (in your wizard's sleeve)
Bushy bushy fishy squishy yeah yeah yeah
Smelly jelly underbelly yeah yeah yeah
La la la la labia baby you got something for me (some sweet PT)
Cookie nookie slitty kitty yeah yeah yeah
I diggy giggy murky wiggy yeah yeah yeah
La la la la labia baby you got something for me (in your wizard's sleeve)
La la la la labia baby you got something for me (some sweet PT)

“Wow.” Pinkie said, her eyes full of wonder. “Who taught you that kind of trash Blitzy?”

“It’s a little number from one of Sparkbutt’s past lives.” Twilight giggled her approval at her new nickname.

“I was Sweetie Belle in a past life.” Pinkie declared.

Spikes hand slammed into her face with enough force to draw blood. Everyone was looking to her with revulsion and hatred.

“Pinkie Pie! We told you before, that is the single most horrifying thing we ever heard in our lives!” Blitz bellowed at her.

“We told you to NEVER to speak of that again!” Twilight’s mane burst into flames.

“Ooh, you mad!” Pinkie grinned like it was a silly joke, which to her it was. Her cheek started swelling up and a droplet of blood dripped to the floor.

The oatmeal started to bubble and Blitz huffed while pouring it into three bowls and adding brown sugar to them. Placing them on the table he looked to Pinkie. “Get it yourself. I don’t have time after hearing that. Twilight, where’s the memory bleach?”

Author's Note

More internet points to whoever finds the references in this chapter too. Including the previous chapters as well.