How could something go so wrong? Months of wanting, weeks of planning, days of squirming at the very thought of the very attempt. It just wasn’t fair. Hearts weren't supposed to feel this way. Souls were not meant to be stacked up to the moon then crushed underhoof like a particularly crunchy maple leaf.
How could she have said no?
Rainbow Dash swallowed the rising lump in her throat as she shoved through the door into her cloud home. She didn’t bother with lights, and it was only by instinct that she drug the door closed behind her with her prismatic tail. The latch clicked softly throughout the space as Rainbow stopped just inside the entryway, alone.
She hadn’t planned on being alone for this part.
When she had played it over in her head, the chance that Twilight would deny had never crossed her mind. Not once had the very idea that Twilight wouldn’t want...
“Rainbow... h-honestly I don’t know what to say!” Twilight’s voice played quietly in Rainbow’s head as she plodded down the hallway, wingtips brushing softly across the floor. “This... well this is, was... unexpected!”
Rainbow Dash nudged open her bedroom door and trudged inside, the light of the moon shining down upon her fluffy bed of clouds. “So, what do you think!?” Rainbow recapped her own words. They had been so joyful, so bodaciously confident and full of vigor that the very world could have rested upon them.
“Um... well.” Rainbow Dash flopped down on her bed. She clenched her teeth and pressed her ears flat to her head with both forehooves. It was impossible to block out the voices, specifically Twilight’s. Her very brain was punishing itself for being so naive, playing the same scene over and over again in her conscious. It was more pristine than a laminate picture; Twilight had flushed, then crossed one forehoof before the other where she stood. “Rainbow, I’m flattered... I really am, but... this. Well. I just can’t.”
Nothing made any sense. The words had been wrong, confusing. Twilight must have misspoken, or Rainbow misheard.
She grasped a pillow and clasped it over her head, fighting back the tears. She was Rainbow Dash; Rainbow Dash didn’t cry. “W-what was that, Twilight?”
“...I mean, no, Rainbow.” The confusion was gone, and then it had turned to annoyance, but annoyance at what? “No, Rainbow. I-I can’t accept this. This is too much, and you and I... just no, okay. I’m sorry.”
It was like getting slapped in the face with a shark. First came confusion, then came the mind boggling few seconds afterwards where her brain struggled for purchase on such an unbelievable prospect. Twilight couldn’t deny her. There was no way under Celestia’s sun and Luna’s moon above that Twilight could have even hesitated on the question, let alone make a denial.
No.
One. Single. Word.
A single, two letter word had just changed the course of her destiny, crushed her happiness, and obliterated her soaring self-confidence. One word had sent her crashing back to earth at Rainboom speeds. One word...
One word and Twilight would never look at her the same way again.
Rainbow screamed into her pillow, shaking her head. What was love? Love was flight, soaring through the stratosphere, heart thudding in her chest as her lungs screamed for breath. It was the most amazing high in the world! And it’s all great and grand until that moment comes around when one realizes that it is love they can not have.
That’s when the world stops. That’s when her world stopped.
“It’s not fair,” Rainbow whispered, tossing the pillow aside. She fixed her eyes on the roof and swallowed her heart back into her chest, wincing as the lump rolled down her throat.
She’d searched and searched and searched some more for love. And she’d found it in the shape of a purple unicorn. A purple unicorn with an amazing heart, the most amazing face, and eyes, and a personality more perfect than that of a mare’s she had ever seen. Twilight was everything to wish for, everything to dream for! Love wasn’t just a word. It was life!
And life wasn’t fair.
Rainbow Dash glared at the ceiling, panting heavily through her nose as she clenched her teeth. She would not cry. She was stronger than that. If she cried then Celestia damn her and send to her the moon! Wonderbolts didn’t cry, so why should she just because her hopes were dashed upon the rocks? Spitfire had probably been through worse, and Spitfire was one step down from goddess.
“But we can still be friends, Rainbow.”
“Friends isn’t good enough!” she hollered at the ceiling, smashing the lamp off the nightstand with a flung forehoof. Letting out a strangled sound, she screamed under her breath and held her head in her forehooves, trying to steady herself. “...I wanted to be so much more.”
The lamp rolled across the floor, crushed lampshade discarded, bulb shattered. It was the Wonderbolts lamp her father had given her, magically enchanted so that little figurines of the expert fliers flew around it in circles whenever one turned it on.
Her heart caught in her throat and she rolled to the edge of the bed to scoop it up off the floor and set it as gingerly as possible back on the nightstand. Two of the little Wonderbolts were still there, but the little figuring of a trainee Spitfire was gone. Without leaving the bed it was a reach to grab the crushed lampshade and return it to the bracket. She tried to straighten it as much as possible, though the light blue fabric painted with clouds and soaring pegasi would never quite retain the same shape again.
Rainbow dropped from the bed and scanned the floor for Spitfire. Her gaze tracked lower, and her body sunk until she was on her belly, peering under the bed. There she was, the small ceramic figure of an idol so large. With as much care as a mother with a newborn, she scooped up the little figurine and set it on the nightstand.
Spitfire looked back at her with a cocky smile from within her training uniform.
“Thanks for stickin’ around,” Rainbow muttered to Spitfire with a dry smile. “You’re the best.”
She slumped back to the bed, her frame going limp. What was another night alone? And another after that? And possibly for the rest of her life? She’d been doing it all her life so far; continuing wouldn’t be that hard. One had to know endearment to miss it after all.
She’d never find it again, love, that is. There were other ponies out there, millions of them, but none like Twilight. Twilight was special, unique in every way. And there was no point in trying for anypony else knowing that Twilight was out there, knowing she was better. Without Twilight, happiness was simply a word and an emotion to never be felt.
Maybe ponies would say she was overreacting, but they didn’t know. They would never knew how it felt, how badly it hurt, because they weren’t her.
Loyalty: that was her element; it was what she stood for—loyalty until the very end. With love comes loyalty, forever intertwining the two in fate. One cannot exist without the other. She was loyalty, which, by sour luck it seemed, manifested most strongly in the form of the latter.
But... Spitfire didn’t have a special somepony, and she seemed happy.
Her eyes drifted back to the golden figurine. “How’d you do it?”
Spitfire had never planned on being a Wonderbolt all her life. She’d even said so in interviews. But things had changed, plans had rearranged. And now the amazing flier was who she was, and she was happy with it.
Rainbow sniffled. Plans changed, they always did. The future wasn’t predictable, not at all. Twilight was out of reach, and she always would be. But the future wasn’t; her idol had proved that.
She was able to lay back and take a breath. Slowly, a smile crept onto her face, one of the sad sort. She took another deep breath, one that strained her diaphragm, then let it out in a huff. Of course it wasn’t fair, but the hurt wouldn’t last forever. It wouldn’t stick to the pot and broil to the day she died. Sure it would hurt, sure it would sting. Sure she would look back upon this day and always be hit with the thought of “what if?”. But it wasn’t the end.
With a soft sniffle, she rolled over and looked at the Wonderbolts lamp. Love was a light. It was easily broken, but all you needed was a new bulb to let it shine.
Rainbow closed her eyes and shivered, tears trailing softly down both cheeks. It was only after a few moments could she bring herself to open them, and there they found the figurine of Spitfire through the haze of tears. A slow, accepting smile crept onto her face and she reached out a hoof to the figurine. “Thanks.”
Spitfire only smiled.
Author's Note
This was originally written for a small contest with RavensDagger that we were supposed to have. It is no longer such, considering RavensDagger went and posted his own side on his account and smeared me in doing so; considering the fact that the authors were supposed to remain anonymous so as to avoid a fan dickwaving contest, there is no point in holding this story in competition.
If you enjoyed it, I am quite glad to know that something useful came from it apart from burnt bridges.
