I hate mondays

by DerpinDirty

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Queen Chrysalis, Other, Adventure
Length: 3558

One Monday. One Man. One Transformation. [s]And a Whole Lot Of [s]Whatever The F**k I Want.[/s] Magic. Join This Teen On The [s] Magical, Mystery, Tour That is Draco Wrath[/s] Ride Of A Lifetime.

One Monday. One Man. One Transformation. And a Whole Lot Of Whatever The F**k I Want. Magic. Join This Man On The Magical, Mystery, Tour That is Draco Wrath Ride Of A Lifetime.

(If you can guess I'm bored out of my mind. Also whoever gets the description reference gets a cookie.)

Published 2013-07-06 23:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-26 09:58:17 UTC

Another Terrible Monday

Damn Mondays. I hate Mondays. My alarm clock was broken and it would wake me up 3 hours early. You'd think I would get it fixed but I'm a lazy prick. Plus it's nice to get an early start. And by that I mean I can play some really shit dub step to piss off the neighbors. Don't get me wrong, I hate most dub step. But it's always fun to watch the neighbors run out of their house shouting death threats.

As I sat up, I decided against pissing off my neighbors and instead I found my way from my bedroom to the bathroom downstairs. I may have a big house, but every now and then I can't help to feel like it's too empty. As I got into the bathroom I strode across the room to take a shower for work was in six hours.

Well, apparently my shower hates me, because I spent five minutes in it and got out to be greeted with a wet floor. I slipped and landed on my ass, sliding around. It was fun for a while but it made me realize I would have to call a damn plumber to fix the leak. That and I felt like a five year old child.

I was far from five. In fact, I would be twenty seven in a month and a half. I really needed more of a social life. I have friends, but most of my time is preoccupied with landscaping work. It's hard and tiring but the pay makes up for it. Sure it wasn't great and gas for the equipment took a chunk out of my savings. It was enough, however to get by and live with some luxuries.

As I walked downstairs after getting changed, I heard the distinct voice of Cartman saying 'I do what I want!'. I may be twenty six, but I'm still partially a teen at heart. I walked through to the living room and picked up my phone. My friend James was calling. "This early? Ugh..." I said aloud.

I answered the phone. "Yo Trevor what up?" James said in a very nonchalant tone. "What do you want, It's..." I checked the time," three-twenty seven." I said, a little annoyed.

"Yo I'm havin' a party at my place on Thursday, you in?" He asked.

"One. You called me this early for a party? What the Fuck!" I said, a little more annoyed this time.

"Ehh... sorry?" He said, not remotely sounding sorry.

"Yeah whatever. And Two, Thursday I have five accounts to do. I can't go Cause I'll be sleeping."

"Alright, whatever. Call you later... prick."

"Cyaa asshole."

And with that the call was over. I put my phone on the stand thing (twenty six and I still don't know that thing's name. huh.) and went to go get some breakfast. Monday was an easy day, which is why I start it at nine o'clock. I only have two accounts and then I'm done. Thing is, something always goes wrong on my Monday accounts. Whether it be irrigation problems or the dogs the owners well, own bite me, something goes awry.

***3 Hours later, Celestia's Study***
"Sister, you're fretting over nothing." Luna said, watching her sister's frantic studying.
"Luna, you know the prophecy. Great disaster could be on the way in just a few weeks." Celestia said in a slightly worried tone.
"That prophecy is nothing but folk lore meant to scare children. Seriously, you're almost as bad as Twilight."
"Luna. It is imperative that we prepare for the worst. Just trust me."
"But... *sigh* fine..."
"No can you please leave me to my studies, dear sister?"

***5 hours later, Truck Ride to Trevor's next account***
Well, I was right. Something did go wrong. The dog missed my leg and bit through my mower bag. Even when I'm mowing, they can't keep their dog under control. I'm surprised the dog came anywhere near me considering most dogs register machines their size making loud noises to be scary. Then again, 'Princess' as the dog is called is probably half retarded, considering she jumped through the second story window just to pounce on me.

Well, I'm just glad that's over. Just one more to go and I should be good for the rest of the day. Maybe I could go get pizza, or plot against that dog and drown it or something. Either way, here I am.

As I got out to unload the equipment, I saw but one thing before hearing all of my bones break and feeling pain so immense, that even if you got ripped apart from the inside, this would look like a luxury. That last thing I saw was my friend James, drinking Coors Light and texting with one foot out the window.

And with that, everything started to fade. Reminds me of MW2's ending. I was half expecting captain Price to walk up and load me in a heli. As everything started to get fuzzy and I could no longer see I muttered some incomprehensible words that had to do with James being the biggest motherfucking asshole on my shit list.

***Unknown place, Unknown time***

Floating. Floating in a dark abyss. So this is what the inside of my soul looks like. Huh.

"This isn't your soul. This is limbo." an unknown voice said.

"Dafuq?" I couldn't comprehend what was going on. I mean I died a little while ago, heard a voice, and now I know I'm in limbo. dammit.

"I am sure you have many questions. They will be answered in time. But for now I have a task for you."

"I hope its not a fetch quest. Those are annoying."

"All I need you to do is live a second life."

"That's it?" I raise one eyebrow.

"Well... I kinda need you to maybe reform an entire evil race in a different universe and then bring balance to that world."

"Fuck n-"

"Yes?OkGoodLuckgottagobye!"

And with that the voice was gone and I could once again feel everything getting fuzzy. Like I said...

I Hate Mondays.

Author's Note

I got bored. so yeah. also, this was my inspiration

Now that I think of it, that has nothing to do with this story. Its still awesome though.

It Isn't Monday But It Still Sucks

Bullshit! I call bullshit! If I get my hands on that damned voice... Wait, why am I complaining? I got a second chance! Fuck yeah! I just hope I'm not a baby when I wake up. Speaking of which, when do I wake up?

Ugh, I think I have to try and wake up. But I don't want to try! Well this is getting boring anyways. Fine you win. But on one condition. I better not be a baby dammit.

Alright...

3...

2...

1...
As I opened my eyes, I saw some weird stuff. First off, I was in some hive. It was really black and had all these cocoons that were green. There were many bug like horse things that I kind o-

Oh ho ho fuck you voice.

Changelings...

Well at least i was a hu-

AHAWGHAGESGDSSDFHSADSFFFFFFSGDBHFGDSFGD!!!!!!

Well now that that's out of my system, I'm gonna go slam my head into a wall.
Yeah, I watched some mlp, so what? I got bored. It was kinda cool. Yeah whatever I'm leaving.

I got up to leave, but then I realized that I only have hooves. Which means I can't just walk on two feet. Whatever. Walking on all fours can't be that hard can it?

I got up with some difficulty and tried walking around. Yeah, not hard at all. I don't know how I was supposed to grab things but oh well. We'll burn that bridge when we cross it. As I scanned the room looking for an exit, I failed to notice the queen emerge from one entrance on an elevated platform.

"My changeling subjects!" I almost shit my metaphorical pants when she said that. Still can't believe I'm taking this so well.

"Our time is now! We will charge Canterlot and rip it to pieces! We will drain all of their love! We will siege the castle and take it as our own! And most importantly, We will take down Celestia and make sure she burns!"

Cheers in the form of buzzing erupted all around. After the cheers were over, Chrysalis spoke.
"Prepare to move! In three days, the siege begins! I have already found a place in their defenses. At noon on Thursday we reveal ourselves and take our kingdom that is rightfully ours!" More cheers, "Now go! Await my signal!"

Well joy, looks like I'm going to be in an episode. Ugh...

***Three Days Later***

So I'm going to summarize the last three days. I practiced my fighting moves, learned how to fly and transform, and stole a book on changelings. Turns out, Changelings are a result of black magic made by nightmare moon's creation. The only way to dispel that black magic is for the queen to find why she succumbed to the curse in the first place. Also, most changelings have a hive mind. I don't.

Also I decided to confront Chrysalis in the Throne room. Cause why not? Worst case scenario is I die. Best case is I solve the changeling queen's curse and get rewarded handsomely as well as get a hilltop mansion. Most likely I'm going to die.

Well now, lets cut back to the present!
I saw the shield waver, then break. I waited a few minutes and then headed towards the throne room, passing high above the mane six on my way. I found a good spot to hide and disguised myself as an injured Pegasus guard and looked in

I must have taken a while because the mane six were carried in right as I... well looked in. Although instead of what the episode portrayed, Shining Armor wasn't just standing to the side. No, he was in his own cocoon on the roof. time passed as the changelings put the mane six in their own cocoons.

Something is wrong here...
I got closer so I could hear the voices.
"Well then Celestia, it looks like I win."
"You'll pay for what you've done."
"My loyal subjects! As a first order of business, bring Celestia into the center for an execution"
WHAT!? Yeah... something is definitely wrong here.

I have a plan... maybe... I think... not really... I hope this works.

I flew to the doors and burst through them, reverting to my changeling form. Just in time too. Chrysalis stopped charging her spell and looked at me with a glare "Why do you interrupt at such a time like this?" The queen said, letting the hate flow through her words.

In changeling hive speak, I told her something along the lines of people fought back and we let some escape.
"WHAT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN NOW! THE PLAN's RUINED!" The queen shouted. She calmed down a little and said "Guards, grab the failure and bring him here. He goes first.

Well great. Now I'm gonna die. JOY. Ugh.
As I was dragged to the queen, I was brought right up to the queens face. I guess she wanted me to be terrified when I died.

"For interrupting an execution and failure to capture all ponies, I deem your charge execution. Do you have any last words?"
"Yeah! Fuck You!" and with that I headbutted the queen and shook off the changelings on my back. The changelings charged and I bashed both of them in the throat. They died instantly, as I focused my transformation magic into my ha-err hooves to strengthen them.

I turned to see the whole room shocked to see I was capable of sentient thought.
Now, Queen Chrysalis. For crimes against equestria that include leading an army to siege, kidnapping, murder, assault, and attempted murder of the princess, I command you to leave now or face death."

The shock that existed on her face was replaced with anger "Who are you to tell me, YOUR queen, what to do!"
"Names Trevor Bachs. Remember it." She charged and fired a spell which I had to roll away from. Charging forward, I dodged a multitude of spells and had to take evasive measures as to not get hit by trap spells she had lain down. She had had enough and charged at me. The rest of the room could only watch as our hooves connected with the other's faces.

We both recoiled from the blow and charged again. This time, I sidestepped and kicked her into the left wall with my back legs. Chrysalis collided with the wall. she already looked tired, not only because her victims were too shocked at what happened to fill her need for love, but because I had managed to actually punch a hole in her side. I had not gone unscathed myself. I didn't know it was that bad until the pool of blood I saw i was standing in.

I looked back up to see chrysalis had ripped my wings clean off, using my own attack against me. As the adrenaline faded, I felt the pain and immediately collapsed.

"Mwahaha, did you really think you could win?" The queen said triumphantly. Then I realized something. The energy I used to punch her with is magic. Which means... either A. changelings can use other magic or the more unlikely B. Changelings have well developed chakra systems. I tried focusing my energy into an attack like the one she did but it didn't work. All the while she was getting closer. As she closed the distance by half, I managed to get up. " I still have one trick up my metaphorical sleeve queen."

"Oh? And what would that be?" She said with growing anger and joy as she got closer. I focused energy into my hooves and hoped it would give me the speed I need. I could feel the energy too. I raised my right hoof and focused the energy into a ball. Number 1 is form. I have that. Number 2 is speed. It's growing with every minute. Number 3 is concentration and containment. I gotta use this fast because my concentration is fading , as is my power.

Again, I gained the shocked expressions of the room as I charged with speed faster than Rainbow Dash's flying. I caught the princess with the rasengan right in the chest and she went flying. Her men followed suit, leaving all the citizens and guards alone in cocoons.

I struggled to speak and had to sit down. " I can't believe I couldn't stop her before the attack. so many dead... Dammit!" I shouted. I turned to see I was surrounded by the mane six, the princesses, and Guard Captain Shining Armor. I stood up and thought of all the things that could happen to me. Fortunatley those theories were wrong.

Instead of speaking or doing anything, they bowed.

Author's Note

I forgotteted an authors note here. derp. Now watch as I as wage your anger with a derp face

Hating Monday Hurts Right Now

At first, it was just the princesses bowing. Slowly the others followed, staring at me all the while. Wait, They're staring where my wings should be. I followed their gaze to see a pair of glowing blue transparent wings. I would have tried moving them, but I felt my vision start to fade for the third time in less than a week now. And with that I slipped into unconsciousness.

As I comprehended what was going on I realized something.
1. I am a national hero.
2. I have a fully developed chakra system.
and
3. I have magic ghost wings.

While I am an all powerful hero, saving the nation as a changeling could cause political troubles and widespread panic. I wouldn't be surprised if I wake up in the forest. Wait, even if I am saved, Changeling anatomy and needs differ from ponies. Meaning either I wake up in a deadly forest, I wake up in incredible amounts of pain, or I never wake up at all.

I don't know which three I like better

Well here goes nothing. I opened my eyes to see a bare hospital room. I immediately take notice that there is no pain at all. I see that there's nobody in the room with me, just an empty room. Its not even light out right now. I read a digital clock that said Friday, 3:02 AM. No wonder. Everyone must be asleep. Well, no sense in keeping myself in bed anymore.

I got out on two hooves before realizing I was a changeling. With a sigh, I detached the heart monitor after turning it off and made my way to the door. Half way through my attempt, I tripped and fell.

As I got up, I felt no pain in my skull face thing. Yeah... probably should have read the changeling anatomy book. Well, no sense in caring right now. I really hope I had been asleep enough to heal. 'cause if not, there is going to be A LOT of pain everywhere soon.

I continued my adventure to the door, ignoring whatever red button I hit. As I got to the door, It opened up in my face. A medical cart with a nurse pushing it entered my hospital room.

That's when the pain returned and I blacked out again. Four times in one week ought to be bad for your health.*cough* That's what she said *cough*
***************six hours later******************

I awoke from my strange dream consisting of Trilby from the Chzo mythos games and Luna in a french maid costume fighting Lady Chiyo and Tyrant from The Void. What is wrong with me?

Anyways, I woke up in my hospital room to see the princesses and the mane six. The mane six were Idly chatting while Luna and Celestia were in a heated debate over something. 'Guardian' and 'Prophecy' were used often. "Isn't it beautiful?" a voice said." In here." I definitely heard that. " I intended that. I believe I haven't properly introduced myself." In my mind, I said "I don't believe we have. Care to enlighten me?"

"My name is Life. I am the one who sent you here. I was created to make and preserve life. However, In the MANY years I have been alive, I have grown emotionally unstable."

"Your point?"

"My point is that I brought you here to be the guardian the prophecies I made up spoke of." Life said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"...oh... This is quite the pill to swallow y'know?"

"Just try not to break down in front of the nice people, ok?"

"...Fine."

"Ok! See you later!" Life said in an energetic tone, rivaling that of the pink pony currently bouncing in my view.
Well, time to make my awaken state known.

And what better way to do that then to detach the heart monitor. Should I? I don't know... nah. How 'bout I just shout yo what's up? Hrm.............................

Oh! I got i-

"HI!"

"AHH!" I screamed. In the manliest way possible of course. Dammit Pinkie... Thwartin' my plans.
Everyone looked over with a mix of shock and confusion at to what was going on.
"Pinkie!" Twilight said in a rather annoyed tone.
"What? I was just saying hi!"
Celestia cleared her throat, and pointed to the door. All of the ponies besides the princesses left. After that, Celestia cast a spell on the door.

"Now that we have some privacy..." Celestia turned to looked at me. "The way I see it... Trevor I believe?" I nodded. "Anyways, the way I see it is that you have three options, and we have to hurry. The delegates will be here soon." still listening I nodded for her to continue. " Either we bring you before the delegates to see what they think..." yeah... fuck that " We hide you and pin this on a guard, although thats probably going to be the hardest option. The rumor is already spreading like wildfire..." ugh... let me guess mind. the third option is "...or the least desirable option is we kill you."

Called IT! Suck it brain! "Well princess, option two and three are dangerous and less desirable than the first. The first is definitely not going to be a cakewalk, but I have an idea..." and if it doesn't work you could be putting the country in political turmoil... Oh well, Fuck it. " ...Why don't you all convene and decide on a task that is both dangerous and only someone who would be either extremely loyal or brave..." Stupid or insane more like " And thus proving my worth!"

"That is... incredibly stupid..." Luna spoke " But it just might work."

" I will alert the delegates of the idea and return for you shortly Trevor. Come Luna."

"Thank you princess Celestia." I said

"Please, just call me Celestia."
And that's how I ended up here, an hour later in front of some ancient tomb to go look for some kind of sun diamond.
... Time to get my Skyrim on