Desires and Expectations: Unreachable Dreams and Heavy Duties.

Two days before…

Day 1 (evening)

“Twilight!” pouted my dragon assistant, Spike “at least drink some hot chocolate! You’ll catch a cold!” I ignored him. I knew he meant well but right now I just needed to cry it all out into my pillow “at least dry yourself!”

“Spike, please… just... leave me alone” the pillow covering my head muffled my words, but I spoke loud enough for Spike to understand.

“Ahh… Okay Twilight…” I could hear the sound of glass being laid on the wooden night table next to the bed and the sound of his footsteps leaving the room. Then, I heard the door closing. There was complete silence in the room, asides from the strong rain outside.

Luna…

That’s the only thing I could think about. At the time, I hated and loved that name; I was really angry. Ever since that ‘Golden Passion’ appeared, my possibilities with Luna had vanished, it was all her fault! But I couldn’t believe I attacked her earlier. Attacking ponies wasn’t very… me.

I knew from the very beginning that it would be difficult for Luna to have interest in somepony like me, even if I had saved her from Nightmare Moon, or taught her the magic of friendship. But even if I neglected the possibilities, I was happy, happy because it was easier to fall in love with a friend, than to fall for your own mentor and motherly figure.

I admitted it. I had at least felt a certain attraction for the Goddess of the Sun and Princess of Equestria since I was a young filly, and those feelings tortured me. So I was happy; I felt Luna had freed me from that torture. Yes, it still hurt, but at least a little less.

A couple of days before, I had spoken about the matter with Rarity. Of how much I wanted to hang out with Luna, of how much I wanted to ask her about her constellations (yes, studying is romantic for me), to watch her smile, to hear her voice, to believe there was a possibility for us to be together…

But what Rarity told me… hadn’t left my mind.

“Darling… are you sure? Are you sure your feelings for Princess Luna are real? Are you sure you are not trying to… let us say… ‘mask’ your feelings towards Princess Celestia? Because I haven’t met anypony yet who one day says they love somepony and the next say they love another and isn’t lying…

And you, my dear Twilight, are a terrible liar…”

I am a terrible liar… Maybe she’s right. Maybe. But then... I’ve been lying to myself this whole time? Well, only I would believe my own lies, right? Wait, that doesn’t make any sense at all! I’m supposed to know I’m lying to lie!

Stupid Twilight! Jumping from one princess to another? Seriously? Not even your own shadow would believe that! And what's the difference?! They're both untouchable!

What am I doing?! I really need to talk to Silver right now...

I had blamed my problems on that pony, Golden Passion, when the only responsible for them was me, me and myself, for building up fantasies to ‘protect’ myself and Celestia from my unrequited feelings, when the only thing they did was to cause more harm. At least it only harmed me… and at least that was what I thought.

I had decided I needed to recover, to unmask all lies, and to live the truth, no matter how painful it could be. Maybe something good would happen the next day? That’s what I hoped. I lifted my head from the moist pillow and saw a small baby dragon happily snoring in his nest.

He probably didn’t want to disturb me… so he sneaked into his bed… Oh, the poor guy…

I rose up from my bed to give Spike a motherly kiss on his forehead and returned. I lifted the covers over my body and slowly drifted to sleep with a small smile in my face.

Day 2 (morning)

Last night I was completely determinate to change, forget that drama with Princess Luna, find Golden Passion, apologize, and be happy.

But that was last night.

I couldn’t have felt worse that morning. For some reason, my head hurt as if manticore had been shaking me up and down the whole night. My eyes were still puffy and they hurt also. I didn’t dare to move an inch from my bed. And also, Spike was right, added to my headache, there was a cold. I was facing the wall hugging a pillow. When I turned around I saw Spike giving me an ‘I told ya’ look.

"Spike, stop- you're not helping!" I tried scolding him, but my headache only allowed me to whisper. I tried relieving the frustration by squeezing the pillow harder.

"Whatever" he rolled her eyes, arms crossed "want me to bring you some medicine?"

"Please. And also a hay sandwich" Spike nodded and started making his way towards the exit. I sighed and then, right before he left, an idea popped into my head. "Then you can go to Rarity's if you want."

"Wait, What?! Who's going to take care of-"

"I'll close it down. Don't worry" I stood up, grabbing a hoofkerchief with my magic and cleaning my nose with it.

"W-well, whatever you say Twilight!" Spike tried to feign disappointment in his voice and suppress the smile that threatened to creep up his face, failing miserably "Be right back!"

"But before! You must do me another small favor"

"W-what else?" Spike turned with a fearful look and a nervous smile. I knew he was afraid I had changed my mind, but I really just wanted a small favor.

"Could you please go fetch Silver for me?"

"So... what's wrong Twilight? Why was Spike in such a hurry?" A lilac coated, black maned unicorn mare asked me after our quick greeting.

“Oh. You know. Rarity” I rolled my eyes, making way for Silver to enter the library.

“And… are you sick or something? No need for me to take you to the hospital?” Silver asked, concerned. My annoying physical state must have been noticeable in my features. I motioned her to sit in the kitchen. Then, she prepared them both some tea.

“No, it’s just a cold. Anyway, I want to talk to you about something…”

After my deep chat with Silver I was starting to think she was some sort of sage or genius. The idea she had given me was just a pure manifestation of intelligence and cleverness, yet also of obviousness and stupidity from my part. I still wanted to crush my head in frustration against my desk asking myself ‘Why in the name of all holy things didn’t I think of this before?!’ Because, of course the princess of love herself would be able to help me!

The best foalsitter in the history of foalsitters, the princess of the Crystal Kingdom, and my sister in law, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza! Cadence! Of course she’d help me. All I had to do was to send her a letter!

Hm… I can be honest with her… but I don’t think it will be safe to talk about it via letters… after all, Spike isn’t connected with Cadence yet, which means I would have to send it through mail, which also means I would have to take the risk of somepony reading the letter out of curiosity, which means that it will create the biggest scandal in Equestria! I could pay a visit, but it would be a really long trip to the Crystal Kingdom, but I don’t have to tell Cadence that the two ponies involved here are the Princesses…

I wanted to tell Cadence the whole truth, she was somepony I really trusted and that I knew that would understand me and help me. She was an expert in relationships, and one of the reasons I wasn’t good at lying was because I couldn’t bear that guilt. And that meant having that weird and horrible pain in my chest that would cause me sleepless nights. I decided to use code stallion names, so she could at least take the hint.

Day 3 (morning)

It was the next day that I decided to be happy and forget my dilemma while waiting for Cadence’s response. I could understand the amount of time it took, since mail isn’t as fast as having Spike sending the letters with his flames, and the Crystal Kingdom was a little far away from Ponyville and to that, adding that Cadence now had a kingdom and my brother to take care of…

Take care… of my brother?

D-dirty thoughts go away!

That morning, I had the marvelous idea of trying to cook for once. I had avoided cooking or anything related to it since the last time I did it… and ended blowing up the whole kitchen at Canterlot Castle. I had asked Spike for some lessons, and expected his reaction.

“Who are you and what did you do with Twilight?!” he demanded defiantly, pointing a finger at me. I just stood there, confused.

“Spike, it’s me, and I’m being serious here” I answered with a stern tone, but it seemed that it was not going to be easy to get through my assistant.

“Prove that you’re not a changeling or something” Spike challenged with his eyes looking at me defiantly.

“Alright, what do I have to do?” I returned the glare, expecting some personal question to come out of him.

“Who gave you and when was your first kiss?!”

“…I… never had one?” it was more like a question than a statement. I was absolutely confused at Spike’s ‘test’, and also a little flustered. My cheeks were burning, since the fact was almost embarrassing. Most mares had already had their first kiss a long time before.

“Okay, it’s you” and he went back to normal, I sighted in relief, I had no plans of continuing such a pointless discussion “so, what do you wanna learn?”

“Um… anything simple for breakfast” I had no idea of what to begin with. I was really nervous at the idea of cooking after the disaster at Canterlot Castle, and I felt it was going to be a little more risky since I was going to cook inside a… giant tree.

“…Hm…” Spike scratched his chin in thought. It was a kind of adorable sight “some eggs and hay bacon won’t hurt…”

“Hey, it isn’t bad at all!” Spike complemented the final results of my cooking, and it seemed to be surprisingly good, since he was wolfing down the whole plate “great! Now I don’t have to wake up early to make breakfast!”

“But I still need a bit of practice… and you are the best cook here after all! We could take turns”

“Deal!” Spike kept eating as I watched him with a huge grin plastered on my face. I was really relieved and happy it turned out to be a success, and part of it was thanks to my assistant; my number one assistant. But then I heard a crash outside and went to check. I opened the door to find a slightly dizzy Ditzy Doo; though everypony knew her with her nickname: Derpy Hooves.

“OH, HI!” Derpy greeted while picking up some scattered letters.

“H-hi, Derpy” I answered a little nervous and worried. The crash seemed harsh and some of the letters were scattered in places I wasn’t sure she would find them. I was relieved that Ditzy didn't seem to have suffered any damage.

“I have some mail for you, Miss Sparkle! Here!” she handed over a letter that was between the few that had stayed safely in her saddlebag. I picked it up with my magic.

“Thanks, Derpy! And I suggest you look between the bushes over there”

“O-oh! Thank you, Miss Twilight! Well, see ya!” and she stormed off to the bushes I had signaled her. I closed the door behind me and opened the letter.

Cadence!

"Dear Twiley

I report to Miss Sparkle that I have successfully understood the code names!

And this is quite the dilemma you’ve got on your hooves... it could clearly make quite the scandal… I don’t think we can discuss such things via mail so I have attached a spell that will help you. Sorry, Twiley. I cannot leave the kingdom so, could you use that spell to come?

Oh, and the spell includes some materials. Don’t worry about getting them; I’m pretty sure your friend Rarity has some.

Your friend,

Cadence"

A crystal-projected spell?! This is so great!

Noon.

“Spikegoingtocrystalkingdomberightback!” I couldn’t care less if Spike had understood or not. I was and always had been happy to visit Cadence. She was one of the most fun mares to be around with! along with Pinkie Pie, of course! Even though things could get out of control sometimes and understanding her was nearly impossible.

I leaped into the portal projected by a sapphire I had gotten from Rarity, and it was sure easier and less consuming spell than teleporting since the gem amplified the magic used, meaning I needed to use a smaller amount.

“Twilight!” a familiar voice called my name, and when I opened my eyes I immediately knew who it was.

“Cadence!” I ran to her hooves and shared a brief embrace. Then, we proceeded to do our unique hoof-shake.

“Sunshine, sunshine. Ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake!” we sang in unison as we danced. I felt how the old memories came back to my mind. We laughed just like the old days when I was a filly and she was my foalsitter.

I finally decided to take a look at my surroundings and noticed I did not recognize them at all. It looked like a bedroom designed for somepony very important. My brain put the pieces together in a matter of seconds. This was Cadence and my brother’s bedroom. Cadence seemed to have noticed my thoughtful look as my eyes darted around the place.

“I thought we could use a little… privacy for such a discussion.” Cadence said, walking towards one of the windows and closing its curtains with her magic. “So I thought my sound-proof chambers could be a good choice. I still can imagine the sort of scandal that would happen if this conversation were to be heard by any... undesirable audiences.”

A sound-proof spell?! I really have to ask her about these spells later!

“Ha, ha, ha, ha… Y-yes…” I agreed nervously, sweat began to form in my forehead. Regret began to invade me; maybe it was a bad idea to even begin to consider something so delicate?

“Don’t worry Twilight. You are with a friend here. I would never judge you.” Cadence reassured me and then walked towards her makeup vanity, then motioned me to sit in front of it. “Come! A little makeover will help calm your nerves!” I hesitantly did as my old foalsitter had told me; how could some makeup and a brush help me talk about not knowing which of the two princesses of Equestria I was in love with? It didn’t make sense, but once again, this was Cadence we were talking about; she knew what she was doing and I trusted her.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and felt how the different brushes ran through my face and mane. I began talking with a lot of stuttering and hesitation, but with details. Tears escaped my eyes, ruining the makeup Cadence had applied, but she didn’t mind in the least. She calmly wiped them away and trapped me in a motherly hug, which was more than welcome.

“I’m awful, Cadence! Awful!” I kept sobbing like a little heartbroken filly that was being slowly calmed down by her foalsitter’s caressing hoof.

“No, Twilight. This is normal. Believe it or not a lot of ponies have lived the same thing, but… not with the princesses. I think” suddenly, and for some reason, Cadence’s caresses stopped, the hoof she previously used to stroke my mane now scratched her chin in thought.

Then, her eyes sparkled just as my friend Rarity’s would when a new idea for a dress ‘descended upon her from the heavens’, as she liked to put it. This hopeful shine in Cadence’s eyes considerably helped calm my nerves!

“Alright, Twilight. I’ve got a wonderful idea!” Cadence suddenly exclaimed, standing up and wiping my face from the ruined makeup she had applied.

“Really?” my voice was being muffled by the towel , but I paid it no mind “What is it?”

“Don’t worry about it!” Cadence said with a grin that began to actually worry me. She put the towel aside, activated the portal again, and began pushing me towards it “Just be patient and relax, dear!”

And with a goodbye and a flash, I was back at my library. As expected, Spike stood there with a blank expression which reflected all the questions he wanted to ask, but before he could stress me even further, I walked towards my bedroom with a look which said…

‘Not now’

I rolled my eyes when I realized I had forgotten to ask Cadence about the spells. Could I honestly be anymore stupid?

Right after Twilight left, Cadence levitated a quill and a scroll and began writing…

"Dear Auntie Luna"

Evening.

Passion had a huge smile plastered on her face as she walked through the afternoon streets of Canterlot. It was very interesting when she heard the sleepless city was just as, or even more active than in daytime. Quickly her thoughts drifted to Luna, her Princess of the Night. It seemed like the situation that happened a thousand years ago wouldn’t repeat since now she wasn’t the only pony admiring the grandness of Luna’s beautiful night.

Ponies in fancy outfits shot glances at the foreign mare of unkempt mane and disgustingly short tail (which wasn’t THAT short but wasn’t long enough to touch the ground), but said mare paid them no mind. She was there to explore the city just like Princess Luna had told her to do, not to get into trouble by initiating meaningless arguments with the snooty and arrogant rich ponies. They weren’t worth it.

Suddenly, a particular scent caught Passion’s nostrils. She looked in the direction the scent seemed to be coming from and saw…

“’Doughnut Joe’s’” Passion read aloud, and then, she already knew what to do for the evening.

She entered the establishment and the scent got stronger. A cream coated, brown maned stallion stood behind the counter. He gave Passion a gentle smile.

“Welcome to Doughnut Joe’s! I haven’t seen your face around before. Are you new?” the stallion asked and Passion stood there awkwardly without knowing what to say.

“W-well… yes. Kind of.”

“Well, miss, what are you doing? Come on! Take a seat!” the relaxed pony urged the nervous Passion, and she did as she was told. She hesitantly sat in front of the bar. “My name is Joe and as you must’ve already guessed but I’m the owner of this nice humble place.” He began cleaning the counter “And you?”

“I’m Passion. Golden Passion. Pleasant to meet you.” She answered, her face still neutral and her movements insecure.

“The pleasure is all mine, beautiful young lady” the complement made Passion uncomfortable, but at least Joe didn’t seem to have any bad intentions “You have an order?” he pointed at the menus over the counter with his muzzle. Passion took one with her golden magical grip and began reading, skipping through this and that image of a delicious and elegant looking dessert. The names looked pretty sweet and tasty too.

“Um… yes. I would like a… chocolate doughnut.” Passion ordered awkwardly, feeling like she had ordered the most simple of things out of such a fancy menu.

But I don’t think I am capable of eating that ‘Donutopia’…

“Extra sprinkles?”

“No, thank you.” Silence followed afterwards. Passion’s gaze skipped through the empty establishment “Is it usually this empty?”

“In the evenings, yes. At day is when I get most of my business since most of my frequent customers are from Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. At this hour they could be enjoying their free time or doing homework or… who knows?” Joe finished with a brief mischievous grin and gave Passion her doughnut.

“Thank you.” Passion took the first curious bite into the delicious looking doughnut. She hummed when she felt the familiar and comforting taste of chocolate over her tongue and the soft texture of the dough. Quickly, her bites grew in size.

“He, he. I’m glad you like it” Joe said proudly, familiar with the language ponies normally use when their mouths are completely stuffed, or their concentration completely immersed in what they are eating. “So, I take it you prefer chocolate?” Passion hummed in affirmation “Good. I’ll keep it in mind next time you come around.” At this statement, Passion swallowed.

“I am not quite sure if I’ll be able to come again anytime soon…” she muttered melancholically.

“Oh, so you’re a busy mare. That’s cool, that’s cool.” Joe noticed Passion’s expression and quickly knew what she needed. He prepared a cup of milk and put it on the counter in front of the cloyed mare. Passion gave Joe a thankful look “What matters is that you’ll come here sooner or later. Say, if you manage to answer me this question perhaps I might give you a special discount next time I see you around.”

“Go ahead” Passion said after a giving her cup of milk a gulp.

“Do you perhaps know who ‘Twilight Sparkle’ is?” as soon as he finished his question Passion knew she was getting her discount.

“Yes, I do. She is a lavender unicorn mare with a pink streak across her mane. Personal protégé of Princess Celestia” Passion answered confidently, almost as if she had gotten the answer from some sort of book, but then she shied away “…I-if I am not mistaken”

“No, no!” Joe suddenly seemed even more cheery “You are one hundred percent correct there! As I promised you’ll get your discount, but I’d be very thankful if you could do me a small favor.” Passion nodded, indicating she was willing to help him out “next time you see her, could you bring her here? It’s been a long time since we’ve last seen each other and last time she dropped something. Also, there’s another important thing I’d like to tell her.” Joe was now ranting desperately, but Passion was still going to help him happily.

“It’s fine. I’ll do it” she answered gently and with determination. Joe beamed at her.

“Hey! Thanks! You are a very interesting and kind mare, you know?” Joe prepared another chocolate doughnut and offered it “Want another one? It’s on the house!” Passion briefly thought on refusing, but… it was chocolate… and it was free…

“Alright. Thank you again” more silence came afterwards until Joe spoke up again.

“By the way, how did you two meet? You and Twilight” he asked curiously, but Passion cringed at the question.

“It was a rather… interesting meeting. I’d prefer not to talk about it” Passion muttered, her eyes fixed on the bitten doughnut.

“Oh, I see. Sorry ‘bout that” he apologized and silence ensued once again. “Hey, now that I think about it, you have a very interesting accent there.”

“Hm?”

“It reminds me of Her Majesty, Princess Luna. Sort of. It’s almost as if you were in the process of adapting yourself to modern speech…” He muttered thoughtfully, but Passion decided to ignore this.

“…It’s getting late” Passion muttered, eating the rest of the doughnut in one bite “It was nice meeting you. I’ll bring you Twilight if I can” she already had the idea of asking Celestia to invite her to Canterlot; whatever Joe had to show her seemed very important and could be enough reason to bring her here… probably.

“Thanks again, Golden Passion! See you soon!”

Passion left the doughnut shop just as two ponies entered. She looked up at the sky and saw the moon was high up, indicating it was around eight. She began walking towards the castle, and found that what she heard was true; this city was sleepless. However, as she approached the castle the streets began to be more and more isolated, and Passion could feel the uncomfortable sensation of somepony following her. Her steps remained calm, as if she hadn’t noticed anything at all. She was really tired at the moment; there would be time to pry further into this matter later.

When she returned to Princess Luna’s chambers, in which she was staying in for the time being, she found Luna sleeping soundly. Passion chuckled; she seemed to be very tired after her first day in court after a thousand years. Probably the most annoying nobles out there had decided to show up just to torture her princess.

She levitated the necklace she had around her neck which camouflaged her wings and put it on a nearby night stand. Her wings fluttered and stretched and then she walked towards her beloved’s sleeping form.

Passion’s lips pressed against the tired mare’s forehead, her body laid on the same bed and pressed against Luna’s, her wing wrapped around her indigo coat.

And, soon enough, the golden coated mare fell into the abyss of sweet chocolaty dreams along with her beloved princess.